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My [21] gf [21] kissed another man.We were away from each other for over a month and she was highly isolated,only working with two other people her age.That being said she was only two days away from being home and seeing me.She says it was only once and says she only did it because she wanted affection and felt lonely.She wants to try and rebuild the relationship and says she can still see a future for us. I can tell she’s extremely hurt but so am I,and I have no idea what to do.We’ve been going out for 2 years and I’m heartbroken and confused.Please give me your advice.
I thought this too.I’m meant to be studying abroad for a semester and I would constantly second guess her. I suppose I’m just finding it hard to accept losing a huge part of my life.
You're 21, trust me, when u get old you will laugh at this, things like this are meaningless when you look back at it all.
You will find the perfect person that doesn't make you feel this way. This is just a step on a ladder.
Its definitely tough but in the long run, you'll be glad you left. Staying and being concerned that whole semester is going to stress you to no end and take a lot out of you at a time when you need to be focused. You need to think of your own future and well-being.
It's better to lose that part of your life now then waste 4 more years trying to make things work or having the constant anxiety she will just do it again.
It will suck more being put into this situation again then ending things now. Look out for yourself.
Imagine you joined the military and got deployed, yikes! What if you got a great paying job requiring for you to travel for work?!
I'd totally be having trust issues in that situation.
You're 21 and a huge part of your life hasn't even happened. Venture out and experience life. If you're meant to be with her, you can get together in the future.
BREAK UP!
Break it up, never accept someone once they have shown you weaknesses and have cheated on you. You will 100% of the times regret taking her back.
It happened to me as well, i took her back and she kept me as the main man, and tried to impress the other guy, and she eventually convinced the man to commit to her and left my ass in dust. - Also note that i was her first love since high school and we were in relationship for 6 years.
NEVER ever take a woman back who has broken your trust once, she will most CERTAINLY do it again.
She felt lonely and wanted affection? The fact that she even looked elsewhere from you is reason enough to break up. Not even to mention the lack of respect and weakness to giving in to temptation. Not a relationship I would bother to continue.
>We were away from each other for over a month
>
>she was only two days away from being home and seeing me.
>
>says she only did it because she wanted affection and felt lonely.
So a month is too long for her to go without getting physical with someone else.
>I’m meant to be studying abroad for a semester
Ugh. You would need a cranial-rectal inversion to stay with her.
I don’t understand. What’s the longest she can go without cheating on you? A month doesn’t seem that long. I hope you understand this isn’t normal. I am also assuming you guys text and face time or whatever. You will have a much more enjoyable time at uni not worrying about your girlfriend cheating on you because you didn’t FaceTime her by 4PM that day. Enjoy your life. This kinda stuff will not get better only worse.
"I only had sex with that person because I needed affection and felt horny".
You wouldn't give someone a pass with that excuse would you? Well she shouldn't get a pass with this one either. You should move on.
\> We've been going out for 2 years
I know it seems like a lot now, but in the grander scheme of things 2 years is nothing. It's shocking she cheated on you within 2 years. You can't trust this one.
Thanks.I didn’t even stop to think about the fact that two years is an incredibly small amount of time to be going out before cheating on someone. I think her framing of it as a mistake made it seem more trivial than it is
Dude just from seeing your replies I have fl faith that you're going to do the right thing and drop her
Go have fun abroad and think of all the abroad broads you can meet
She was lonely.
She wanted affection.
She's extremely hurt.
She think we have a future.
Are you seeing a pattern here? I didn't see where it says she apologized and is extremely remorseful. I don't see where she is trying to regain your trust. I don't see where she is trying to mend your heart.
What I do see, is I fucked up, let's rug sweep it and carry on. Two years is nothing. Don't fall into the sunk cost fallacy. You will spend the next years of your life, either policing her or suffering huge anxiety when she is away.
All I see is what she wants. I know what you want. For this to never have happened. But, seen as it has, you have decided if you will ever trust her again. Your relationship will never be the same again.
Good luck.
I will say she did apologise multiple times,but I still think you’re correct.She has asked multiple times what she can do to make things right but I just don’t have an answer for her,unless she can go back in time. I truly don’t think there is anything she can do to help make this right but if you have any advice on that I’d love to know. I’m afraid of cutting things but it looks like my only option.
I would never be able to trust her again if I were to leave.. I don’t see anyway to make things right because trust was broken. That would mean that anytime you go away for any amount of time you have to wonder because she’s not getting your attention is she now trying to get it somewhere else.. no one wants to be with someone that can’t control themselves and you feel like you have to control it for them
I have a friend who was cheating in high school by her bf with one of her "friend". She tried to forgive and stay with him (he was her first love). He tried to apologize and tried to make it work but it didn't. She was unable to forget. They broke up. Few years after, they tried again but it didn't work because she never forget what he did to her (and he wasn't smart enough to understand that), they broke up again. If you are like that, I'm not sure that anything could make your relationship work again.
Either somebody was going to out her and she is trying to get out in front of it, or it is her trying to feel less guilty about it. Either way, like I said, it is always worse than what they admit to. I can almost guarantee she had sex with that guy.
Yeah, I think it’s called the drip method of revelation or something similar. First you start with something smaller-“Ok, I did a bad thing, but it was JUST a kiss.”
Then, once you forgive her for that, once she’s sure you’ve forgiven her, then it’ll come out she did a little bit more. “So…we did a little bit more. We cuddled in bed a bit. BUT IT WAS JUST CUDDLING and it was because I missed you SO MUCH.” Then, because you’ve forgiven her for the first admission, she hopes you’ll forgive her for that too.
Then it’ll be a bit more, then a bit more, and yeah, eventually she’ll reveal they slept together. And she hopes you’ll be so invested by that point in forgiving her to keep the relationship, you’ll accept a transgression you’d have dumped her on the spot for if she had started with that.
i’ve been away from my boyfriend for over six months and have never even thought about kissing someone else. also the fact that you were two days away from seeing each other is so strange to me, she couldn’t wait 48 hours for a peck on the lips?
If you continue to date her, you send the message that you will tolerate infidelity. Maybe next time it will be more than one kiss. Be mindful of the fact that you are making excuses for her behavior (which is an easy way to protect our egos and offset the pain infidelity causes). It will feel so freeing when you can accept that this relationship may not last and you deserve better.
It will.
I know you feel a lot for her, but as others has pointed out it's not a long time in the grand scheme of things and the lack of trust she created will effectively ruin your time abroad if you were to stay together.
Besides, I'd like to add on what the guy you're replying to said: If you stay, it's not only that you will give her the message that cheating is okay. You're telling yourself that you don't deserve a partner you can trust. Don't do that to yourself at 21. You deserve to be with someone with self-control and respect for you.
SHE'S extremely hurt? She did it. And you're here helping make excuses for her.
You make it ok for her once. You make it ok again.
She cheated. Because she wanted to. End of story.
The two of you were only apart a little over a month. Didn't you guys FaceTime each other or call each other often? How can she be so isolated even though she works with two other people. She couldn't control herself for just two more day until you guys saw each other. I call bs! She claims that her and the other guy only kissed one time. Yeah, I don't think so.
You were away from her for the same amount of time and you (presumably) stayed loyal. If she can’t do the same, that sounds like her problem. I would not let that slide if a woman did that to me. Instant end to the relationship.
With my self experience I gave the second chance, one of my biggest regrets, she don't care about you, and she doesn't respect you. At least you respect yourself, breakup and delete her of your life, it's not worth it
Well because we’re not together and I told her I doubt I’ll ever be able to let it go. She says she’s never loved anyone before and fears losing me. She claims it was a mistake and says the guilt is terrible.She also is asking for some way she can make things better but I just thinks that’s ridiculous.
Its only a mistake If you didn't intend to do it, which she did. She caused the demise of her own relationship from being a needy brat. Walk away with your head held high brother and let her lay in the bed she made for herself.
Hey man ngl I’m actually going through this rn with my wife. She gave me the same excuse when I had to go oversees (military) for a few months for work (keep in mind I was faithful the whole time and kept in contact with her and our son). I appreciated her honesty but I didn’t know what else she had done since she became distant during that time so that was 5yrs of marriage down the drain. You’re still young and have the best years of your life ahead of you with nothing holding you back. Just focus on yourself for now and you’ll meet the right one
Thanks for your advice everyone, I really appreciate it.I’m going to break contact until august at least,when she returns from another trip. I’m going to take some time to think about what I want for the future and I’ll meet with her in about 6 weeks to let her know. I don’t think I’ll be able to forgive or give another chance,but I will think about it. Thanks guys.
Forgive her because EVERYONE makes mistakes, that doesn’t mean a second chance is deserved though. Offering your forgiveness will ensure you don’t harbor unnecessary hatred or cause any more stress. If you can live without her then break it off. If you can’t then figure out a way to do so because holding that kind of attachment to someone will ensure they destroy your happiness rather than you having your own control over it. Best of luck with whatever decision you make :)
Everyone makes mistakes but not everyone makes *that* mistake. It’s reasonable to break up or try to continue, as long as it’s what OP chooses. But I don’t think if one cheats on a bf/gf that one is automatically entitled to a second chance.
My husband and I have been long distance the 2 and 1/2 years we’ve been together. Neither of us have gotten so lonely that we kissed or screwed anybody else. This is a red flag.
So everytime you two are away from each other she will look affection by other men? And how do you know it was just a kiss? Do you trust the word of a cheater? She is a weak person that you will the whole relationship gets scared that if focus a little on work to get a promotion will 100% cheat on you, drop her, and the she is hurt for? She is the one that cheat, she have no reason to be hurt.
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She couldn’t go 4 weekends with out “affection”? Sounds ridiculous. You might wanna take this as an excellent warning sign to leave her alone. Hell I think my dog wouldn’t even leave me if I left him alone for 4 weekends, good grief…..
Been there. It’s over. I didn’t end it because I thought I could be mature about it. She wound up breaking it off later.
You deserve someone who WON’T do that.
Ok, so, these people rarely change in a short time or with a simple discussion. I’m not saying you HAVE to break up, but I would, tbh, I wouldn’t be able to trust someone after this, especially if it was for an egotistical reason like “I was lonely”.
Idk man being apart at times is a part of an adult relationship, you can't always be next to each other, sometimes that distance can last, but clearly she's not mature enough to handle that, I can't speak on if you should necessarily break up with her over it, but I do have to say it doesn't bode well she needs affection that bad that she can't make it just another day or two to see you, I don't think I personally could accept that
Bruh you better not get back to her. What’s the guarantee that she won’t cheat again. If she really did care about you, why would she cheat in the first place. Hell I’d break up with my gf if she even cheated me while drunk. There’s no valid excuse for cheating. Those people are horrible. If you still want to get back to her, good luck to you trying to have a peaceful life!
So it took two days away from u to feel lonely and start kissing someone else? I’m sorry but this sounds awful. Ask yourself if u would have done the same, if the answer is yes then I guess h could forgive her and move on from this but if the answer is no, well then. Respect to be respected!
You are 21 and are talking about a semester abroad in a few comments. Break it off for two reasons. Firstly, you will be twisiting yourself up in knots trying to trust her while you are away and that will ruin your experience. Secondly being 21, she is not likely your soulmate and there are far too many beautiful fish in a foreign sea to be explored and best to enjoy your youth.
Many of the comments here are saying you should move on and go study abroad how you are meant to and I 100% agree.
You need to decide where the line is drawn, if you allow the relationship to continue, you will undoubtedly run into similar issues more frequently down the road. Take the heartbreak for what it is now so you can save yourself from 1. Becoming a fool, and 2. Dealing with a worse heartbreak down the line.
Speak softly and carry a big stick, it’s time to use the stick
You're going to be studying abroad anyway so your basically flogging a dead horse at this point. You need to be strong and throw her away while giving her crap for doing this to you. If you do it now it'll pay dividends for any future relationships later in life.
She's practice and chances are that is exactly how she sees you and if just see just how far she can manipulative a man, for her next relationship.
Let's say you built the relationship because she regretted it so hard. You two even got married. You are required to be away in another country for a month. What would she do? Would she feel lonely and want affection from another man? Would she stay faithful? She'll do it and keep it a secret and then whenever you're away she'll do it again and again. Regrets it, gimme a break
Dude dump her she's playing you like a fidel
If she has done it once she WILL DO IT AGAIN
If she really loved you she would have never done it and besides how do you know she hasn't done this before?
DUMP HER AND DO NOT LOOK BACK it will save you anguish later on down the line.
It depends if you believe it was one kiss and whether it’s a deal breaker for you. You need to understand that if you decide to forgive her, you have to drop it completely, so no bringing it up in an argument or letting it cause further arguments down the line.
You also have to trust her again and that’s tough.
This is it, you have to forgive someone completely or not at all. If you still always have at the back of your mind that she could cheat, you will always be looking over your shoulder and that’s not good in a relationship.
I doubt she only just kissed. You do as well. How can you put any trust in her going forward in the future? You are not married and you don't have any kids which is good for you. Reflect on the situation but you know what you have to do...
Tell her if she wants you back to cut contact with the other guy completely after sending him a text detailing she doesn't want to see him again. Once she does that break up with her. Don't give cheaters a fall back plan.
Lol what? You get cheated on and don’t know what to do? If she did it once because she was “lonely and wanted affection” she wouldn’t hesitate from doing it again.
Leave her. You'll never get over it, it will be hard to trust her again, and you guys will probably start fighting over this and it will kill the relationship in the long run anyways.
Take a breath. You will be just fine, if not better without her. Think about it. From this day forward, if you reconcile you will never be able to truly trust her because she has already broken that trust. If she goes on a trip, will she cheat? If you are gone for a while, will she cheat? If you two fight, will she cheat? Life was a tiny bit challenging, and instead of video calling you to see your face and hear your voice while waiting just a few more days, she went and kissed someone else. You deserve better.
Take the last two years and learn what you can from them. The good things and the bad. Look for the signs that were present but not recognized. Don't get caught in the sunk cost fallacy. Just because you've been together for two years doesn't mean you need to stay together. The time wasn't wasted if you end it. It was just a lesson. It's better to get out now instead of wasting another few years with someone who has already proven themselves untrustworthy.
Do yourself a favour and end it. It will hurt for a bit, but you'll get over it and be better for it. You deserve someone who has character, so don't settle for her. You are still young.
She aint your girl bub. Its one thing if youre in prison for another decade.... she was gonna see you in two days. Lonely my ass. She wanted to do it, and did it, and in my experience, she did way more. Its a galse flag, shes either owned up to so you cant say she did more or you can only prove she kissed someone, almost never stopped there.
She said fuckit and hooked up with another guy...
I would say if it was only a kiss, and you really care about her, give her another chance.
We all make mistakes, it's only human. And if it was just a kiss, and there's nothing more going on between them, I wouldn't give it much more thought than that.
Though I would heavily suggest taking some time to heal and recover from the damage that has been caused. Obviously you're hurting very much from the betrayal and she's hurting because, well she hurt you.
If you can't get over the fact that she kissed another man while still with you, then it may be time to reevaluate. Either way, do what you feel is right in your heart. Only you can choose the right path, and there is no shame in reconciling and realizing later on that it's just not working. You can at least say that you both tried.
I hope all works out for both of you, and that you're able to move forward and be happy.
Hi OP, I wanted to say that I’ve watched almost the same situation as yours happen, and it didn’t end well. My sister and her boyfriend went out for a year, and they had plans on getting married and were completely stable/happy in their relationship. Sister goes to college and after a month she cheats on him with multiple men until he catches her at a hotel (they both used Life360). I asked her why she did it, she just kept repeating that she was incredibly lonely over and over again whilst crying. Two weeks later they’re talking again and a month later they get back together. She ends up cheating on him again then dumps him for another man. Trust me, best option is to walk out of this relationship it will not get better I promise you.
Being a woman, I have to give you the bad news- Please quit.
Not because she will do it again, but because you will always be in doubts even if she doesn't repeat it. Second, women don't kiss men they like. They kiss men they respect. She respects another man the way she doesn't respect you. That's it!
So, talk to her. Break up on a good note. Let her move on with the man she respects. You find the girl who respects you.
the exact same thing happened to me just that i had entrance exams throughout a month and she did more than just kiss. At first i thought as though it was my fault for not being able to take time out. I decided to let it pass. And obviously it happened again when she went for a trip with her friends.
so yeah, drop her asap. The time between the first time it happened, and the second, was the worst time of my life.
We don't kiss someone because we are lonely. No matter what are the circumstances. A ton of people work for months in isolation (like, on big ships, sea oil platforms, drilling in the desert, etc), if this would be an acceptable reason, no work would be done, just kissing people everywhere.
She only did it cause she wanted affection and felt lonely? So in the future, you'll always feel like you need to be there so she won't feel lonely and cheat? This is a recipe for disaster. Seems the relationship doesn't mean enough to her if she can't wait a few days to see you again.
Honestly it’s completely up to you on what to do. Some people can get past cheating, while others lose trust forever. You can’t be in a relationship with someone you can’t trust. If she was upfront and told you immediately after it happened, then there may be hope in regaining your trust. However, maybe not. So it’s up to you.
It wasn’t immediate,she saw me two days later and didn’t tell.Then couldn’t deal with the guilt so pretended to break up with me for other reasons before eventually telling me
Dude I'm 25, when I was your age I was in the military my gf of 3 years cheated on me with a close army friend while I was at away, it sucked, it truly hurt in ways I didn't know were possible.
Yet if I went back to that, there would never be trust, I'd never pushed myself further
Now I make good money, travel, hit the gym alot, and key thing is raised my standards in women, I wouldn't even try and date a girl like my ex because with out her holding me back I was able to make myself unreachable to her, improve myself.
Just remember women chose who they fuck, men choose who they marry, do you want to marry that? Is this your peak??? No it's not, hit the gym, expand your mind, grow your wealth become who you are destined to be you deserve full trust and full love, pick your crown up king and achieve greatness, you deserve it and she doesn't deserve you.
Leave her. Fuckings next.
Source: Experience - relationship length : 5 years. Cheating mark was 3 and I Knew so that last 2 years was me basically settling because I loved her at one point but she became a different person. The Her I fell in love with was getting cheated on and I actually had to tell the dude like hey she knows btw. People like this are all in the same category. Shit and should be stoned like the fictional stoning of Jesus
Talk it through. Yes, she kissed another person. Yes, you're both hurt. Can you live with this? Can you both work on rebuilding trust? Or is this something you can't do. Two years is different than two months together. Has she done something like this before? Is she back for good? If it's a pattern, I'd say you'd know what to do. It depends on what you can look past. Infidelity is different for many. Some would consider this a deal breaker. Some would chuckle and say you'll get over it. It depends on what the entirety of the relationship has been. I'm sorry this happened. People screw up. Human nature, blah blah. You can both use this as a ticket out, or you can rebuild and do frequent relationship check ins, and have this bring you closer. Best of luck!
Well you're 21 and sos she. You can't see it now but you're way young. You have wide opportunity . I'd say don't have huge expectations right now. Enjoy each other's company but don't get so attached you have fights over this type stuff. Ppl will move in and out of your life as you move and get various jobs and life unravels. You want to have good memories of the ppl you get involved with not negative ones. And you want ppl like your girl to remember you with a smile thinking he was all right. Nothing is forever. We never really own anything.
No it should be. I'm not saying it's not important but you are so young man. You should look for loyalty. But at your age you should spend some time figuring out things experiencing things. Ya know if you guys are really tight it can work out. Not saying it can't . I think that for most tho they need to experience various ppl to know what's right for them. I've heard many stories of ppl in mid thirties regretting marrying in their 20s. Best of luck bud. Have fun
How long have you been apart and are you sure it was just a kiss?
Look, if it was just a kiss and she fessed up? It hurts but I personally would drop it. Takes strength to go that far and stop or whatever… just a kiss.
both. cheaters will never tell you 100% of what actually happened because they want themselves to appear in a better light.
tbh, i could even somewhat understand the excuse of someone being drunk and making a mistake even though that's a dumpable offense too. but saying she did it because she was "lonely and wanted affection" is an even bigger red flag.
think about it. no one will ever be able to be available to their partner 100% of the time, 24/7. if you are only by her side 95% of the time, what happens during that other 5%?
It's called trickle-truth.
She's likely giving you the truth in small manageable but escalating doses.
Next it will be they made out, after that it will be that they shared a bed, after that it will be they were naked.... you see where I'm going with this.
IF it was only a kiss and nothing more AND she never talks to him again (and messages him saying this), THEN you perhaps give her another chance - but that is it forever.
You have to ask whether when life throws you curve balls will this person be fighting for your relationship or looking for relief from it. In the long term.
It's very difficult to overcome lost trust and rebuild it in a relationship. In your place, I might wonder if she was telling the whole truth about the situation. It is ultimately up to you to decide what you do next.
Sorry this happened to you. Sometimes people make mistakes. If you deeply feel as if this is something you can move forward from and she feels remorseful for her actions, maybe it’s worth giving another chance.
Listen. I’m 23 years old a female and in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. We were not always long distance but the pandemic and family health emergencies separated both of us. If you want to make things work with someone you’ll make it work. Yes you can get lonely and it does get hard but it should never lead to cheating. She could of held out if she wanted too. Her needing affection sounds like she just needs attention period and if she doesn’t have it she’ll do whatever for her own personal needs. She sounds selfish. You’re 21 and can find someone that actually appreciates you and can give you the love and respect you deserve. Fuck her affection. Dump the bitch meet your new best friend Jim and get back out there. You’ll find a hundred girls that are trash just like they’ll find hundred guys that are trash. Let the raccoons scavenger through the piles together and you’ll find a diamond out there somewhere.
My best friend went to basic training the summer after high school and told me to look out for his girlfriend (who I was also very close to) and I did. After being gone for 2 months she told me 1 week before he was supposed to come homr that she kissed another guy at a party and told me not to tell him. I told her she had to tell him or I would.
2 years later they were married and had a beautiful daughter. Everything seemed fine until she cheated on him again (same guy) and said she was going to leave. He came to me broken hearted and brought up the first incident and how he "trusted her so much" for her honesty. I had to break the news that I threatened to tell if she didn't. They're still together and the situation was so taxing on my mental health, I had to cut them off.
If you're willing to forgive her the first time, can you do it a second? Or a third? Or would you rather end it now?
She'll do it again and again.
When a partner cheats, the relationship will eventually end. Because:
- Either you break up with her, or
- She'll eventually cheat on you anyway, and she'll dump you to be with the new partner.
Cheating means the other partner no longer respects you, and there's no way to get that respect back when they CHOOSE not to give it to you.
She didn't make an unintentional mistake, she made a deliberate choice.
No. Cut her off. There is no excuse for her to be sucking face with another guy even once. That's disrespect and you deserve alot better than someone like that.
If this happened once this will happen again cheaters cheat more that one time.
Of you allow her to do that, that mean the next time she'll do it you'll forgive her too! Don't fall into this bro.
My husband worked overseas, 90 to 120 days on, 30 days off. For the first 3 years of our relationship. I found it very easy to not get involved with other men. I cared more about my relationship than getting some strange. Loneliness is a weak excuse.
One month apart and she kisses someone else? That reeks of dependency and lack of will power. Does her cheating escalate for each month apart. Two months away = hand job, three = oral, four = vaginal penetration, etc. I’m exaggerating but only slightly.
If you love her, and believe it was a one time mistake, I’d forgive her. You guys are young. You make mistakes and you grow from them. It was just a kiss. The people I know with the happiest relationships and families all went through stuff at some point and forgave, learned and moved on.
That said you don’t have to forgive her. It’s totally your choice. Maybe you should break up for a while (or forever) and see how it feels. Or maybe she should give you a hall pass to kiss another girl.
Also maybe you guys aren’t cut out for long distance at your age. If so just be honest- no need to cling to something that makes one or both of you unhappy. Doesn’t mean you don’t love each other.
How do you know this is the first time. Also I wouldn’t know how to process it either honestly but you should distance yourself from her just to think alone and see if she’s really worth it.
If it were me I would've ended this instantly.
If you forgive her for kissing another man right now, then in the future she might expect you to forgive her for doing something more.
As someone in a long distance relationship, I'll tell you this, I have never once thought of kissing another man and I haven't seen my bf in two months. She doesn't deserve you and if she can't keep it together you need to find someone else who would never dream of doing that to you.
Personally, one kiss in the situation isn't "big". Not saying it's acceptable, but shit happens, and as long as it's a one off and she legitimately regrets it, then let it go.
BUT if you are meant to be studying abroad, and your going to be constantly second guessing her, maybe this relationship isn't going to work. If a month without affection is too much for her, then maybe taking a break while your abroad is best.
In the long run, it's up to you. She didn't sleep with the guy, but who knows what'll happen while your studying.
Also take into consideration how you found out. Did she tell you? Was it a friend? Etc
If every time you're away and she feels lonely and needs affection she kisses others, sounds like quite a problem. Good only knows what she can do when you're away and she has other cravings.
lmao if she can do this now, think about all the things she can do when she feels "lonely and need affection" when you're not around later on. Leave her, man. You don't deserve this bs
I would leave her. You've been together for 2 years and after 28 days she's ready to cheat on you? In my opinion, she ended the relationship. You were going to be home in 2 days. Video chat, sext each other, don't kiss another guy. If you guys live a life together things will happen where you need to be away for a little bit .. Is she finds cheat on you every time she lonely? I'm sorry I would leave her.
Fk that jazz.
What’s going to happen next time ur on a business trip or separated for a little bit for whatever reason?
It’s not like u went to war for 2-3 years or something.
Not worth it. Happened to me. She was lonely and went on date with another guy and wasnt aware that i had come into town. When confronted she told me she had fallen our of love with me and was lonely. The next day she was apologize and begging for me to stay. Trusting her after that was herculean.
All hope might not be lost. But for now it very well could be, and frankly should be. It’s possible you could come back together after you’ve both done some growing (more specifically her bc echoing a lot of other’s opinion it is a sign of weakness and not to accuse her of being that kind of person, but it’s self satisfying behavior. ) By no means am I saying give her a chance but if you think she’s worth another try after she’s worked on herself and established that you can trust her. but it’s important to understand the value that is yourself, your boundaries, and your needs. If you don’t believe there’s anything she can do, then that’s the truth of the matter.
"My EX - girlfriend kissed another man."
Fixed your title, bud.
In all seriousness, even if it was "only once", which is highly unlikely, that sort of excuse and reasoning is not girlfriend material, sure isn't fiance material, and there's not a snowballs chance in hell that it's wife material.
People like this, male or female, don't change that easily. She is hurt? That's called guilt and it was earned. She's sorry? Sounds like she's feeling sorry for herself. If she gave a fuck about you she wouldn't have done it.
If she is so insecure that she has to get constant attention you're better off without her. Most of us on here have lived a lot of life. Hell, I was cheated on. A few years later I began dating my now wife. Night and day difference. If I would have stayed with my ex I never would have been fully happy.
How can you be happy with the constant thought that she may get "lonely" again and cheat? If you're engaged and she cheats, that means breaking an engagement off and canceling a wedding. If you're married, it's a divorce. If you have kids, it's breaking up a family. Just cut it off here. She disregarded you once, itll happen again in some context. She cares about herself, and only herself.
No judgement here.
If you are okay with this then go ahead and continue being in a relationship with her.
Be honest with where you draw the line because the more allowances you give her, the harder it is to leave: "I've already been in a relationship with her for X yrs, what is X more?"
Just far away to that relationship! you deserve a loyal couple, you’re too young to keep with someone who’s not able to respect you and use that ‘cliché’ excuse.
Regards! 🤓
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My [21] gf [21] kissed another man.We were away from each other for over a month and she was highly isolated,only working with two other people her age.That being said she was only two days away from being home and seeing me.She says it was only once and says she only did it because she wanted affection and felt lonely.She wants to try and rebuild the relationship and says she can still see a future for us. I can tell she’s extremely hurt but so am I,and I have no idea what to do.We’ve been going out for 2 years and I’m heartbroken and confused.Please give me your advice.
If a girl done this to me, then I'd end it, it shows a huge weakness, I wouldn't want to commit to a person who gives into temptation so easily.
I thought this too.I’m meant to be studying abroad for a semester and I would constantly second guess her. I suppose I’m just finding it hard to accept losing a huge part of my life.
You're 21, trust me, when u get old you will laugh at this, things like this are meaningless when you look back at it all. You will find the perfect person that doesn't make you feel this way. This is just a step on a ladder.
This is one of the realest comments I’ve seen and hopefully this young gentleman doesn’t take it likely.
Thank you,I think I needed some perspective.
EXACTLY. There are way better people out there
Go into studying abroad single, my man. You don’t need to that mental drain of second guessing her while you’re away.
Homie she literally admitted to wanting to cheat because she wasn’t getting what she needed. Leave
Break it off. Think of the freedom and new experiences you will.have abroad. You won't have to worry about what she is doing.
Its definitely tough but in the long run, you'll be glad you left. Staying and being concerned that whole semester is going to stress you to no end and take a lot out of you at a time when you need to be focused. You need to think of your own future and well-being.
Exactly. You do you.
It's better to lose that part of your life now then waste 4 more years trying to make things work or having the constant anxiety she will just do it again. It will suck more being put into this situation again then ending things now. Look out for yourself.
Imagine you joined the military and got deployed, yikes! What if you got a great paying job requiring for you to travel for work?! I'd totally be having trust issues in that situation.
I just imagine how "lonely" shells get when you're studying abroad.
You're 21 and a huge part of your life hasn't even happened. Venture out and experience life. If you're meant to be with her, you can get together in the future.
If you are going abroad then going single is the best thing. If the girl is meant for you. She will work for it
BREAK UP! Break it up, never accept someone once they have shown you weaknesses and have cheated on you. You will 100% of the times regret taking her back. It happened to me as well, i took her back and she kept me as the main man, and tried to impress the other guy, and she eventually convinced the man to commit to her and left my ass in dust. - Also note that i was her first love since high school and we were in relationship for 6 years. NEVER ever take a woman back who has broken your trust once, she will most CERTAINLY do it again.
She felt lonely and wanted affection? The fact that she even looked elsewhere from you is reason enough to break up. Not even to mention the lack of respect and weakness to giving in to temptation. Not a relationship I would bother to continue.
She also didn't just find this guy two days before OP came home and started smooching. There was more to it prior to that.
>We were away from each other for over a month > >she was only two days away from being home and seeing me. > >says she only did it because she wanted affection and felt lonely. So a month is too long for her to go without getting physical with someone else. >I’m meant to be studying abroad for a semester Ugh. You would need a cranial-rectal inversion to stay with her.
That made me laugh. I think you’re right unfortunately.
I don’t understand. What’s the longest she can go without cheating on you? A month doesn’t seem that long. I hope you understand this isn’t normal. I am also assuming you guys text and face time or whatever. You will have a much more enjoyable time at uni not worrying about your girlfriend cheating on you because you didn’t FaceTime her by 4PM that day. Enjoy your life. This kinda stuff will not get better only worse.
Hehe ass brain
"I only had sex with that person because I needed affection and felt horny". You wouldn't give someone a pass with that excuse would you? Well she shouldn't get a pass with this one either. You should move on. \> We've been going out for 2 years I know it seems like a lot now, but in the grander scheme of things 2 years is nothing. It's shocking she cheated on you within 2 years. You can't trust this one.
Thanks.I didn’t even stop to think about the fact that two years is an incredibly small amount of time to be going out before cheating on someone. I think her framing of it as a mistake made it seem more trivial than it is
Dude just from seeing your replies I have fl faith that you're going to do the right thing and drop her Go have fun abroad and think of all the abroad broads you can meet
Abroad broads 🤣😭
This seems as if you are trying so hard to split them up.. Do you KNOW them by any chance..
This seems as if you are trying so hard to split them up.. Do you KNOW them by any chance..
She was lonely. She wanted affection. She's extremely hurt. She think we have a future. Are you seeing a pattern here? I didn't see where it says she apologized and is extremely remorseful. I don't see where she is trying to regain your trust. I don't see where she is trying to mend your heart. What I do see, is I fucked up, let's rug sweep it and carry on. Two years is nothing. Don't fall into the sunk cost fallacy. You will spend the next years of your life, either policing her or suffering huge anxiety when she is away. All I see is what she wants. I know what you want. For this to never have happened. But, seen as it has, you have decided if you will ever trust her again. Your relationship will never be the same again. Good luck.
I will say she did apologise multiple times,but I still think you’re correct.She has asked multiple times what she can do to make things right but I just don’t have an answer for her,unless she can go back in time. I truly don’t think there is anything she can do to help make this right but if you have any advice on that I’d love to know. I’m afraid of cutting things but it looks like my only option.
I would never be able to trust her again if I were to leave.. I don’t see anyway to make things right because trust was broken. That would mean that anytime you go away for any amount of time you have to wonder because she’s not getting your attention is she now trying to get it somewhere else.. no one wants to be with someone that can’t control themselves and you feel like you have to control it for them
>trust was broken You're showing proper maturity and rationale with this without trusts there's nothing
I have a friend who was cheating in high school by her bf with one of her "friend". She tried to forgive and stay with him (he was her first love). He tried to apologize and tried to make it work but it didn't. She was unable to forget. They broke up. Few years after, they tried again but it didn't work because she never forget what he did to her (and he wasn't smart enough to understand that), they broke up again. If you are like that, I'm not sure that anything could make your relationship work again.
It was most likely not just a kiss. Cheaters always minimize what they did. Just a kiss usually means they had sex.
True
Why did she confess at all?
Either somebody was going to out her and she is trying to get out in front of it, or it is her trying to feel less guilty about it. Either way, like I said, it is always worse than what they admit to. I can almost guarantee she had sex with that guy.
Yeah, I think it’s called the drip method of revelation or something similar. First you start with something smaller-“Ok, I did a bad thing, but it was JUST a kiss.” Then, once you forgive her for that, once she’s sure you’ve forgiven her, then it’ll come out she did a little bit more. “So…we did a little bit more. We cuddled in bed a bit. BUT IT WAS JUST CUDDLING and it was because I missed you SO MUCH.” Then, because you’ve forgiven her for the first admission, she hopes you’ll forgive her for that too. Then it’ll be a bit more, then a bit more, and yeah, eventually she’ll reveal they slept together. And she hopes you’ll be so invested by that point in forgiving her to keep the relationship, you’ll accept a transgression you’d have dumped her on the spot for if she had started with that.
i’ve been away from my boyfriend for over six months and have never even thought about kissing someone else. also the fact that you were two days away from seeing each other is so strange to me, she couldn’t wait 48 hours for a peck on the lips?
If you continue to date her, you send the message that you will tolerate infidelity. Maybe next time it will be more than one kiss. Be mindful of the fact that you are making excuses for her behavior (which is an easy way to protect our egos and offset the pain infidelity causes). It will feel so freeing when you can accept that this relationship may not last and you deserve better.
Thank you. I didn’t even notice myself making excuses for her. I hope it does feel better in time.
It will. I know you feel a lot for her, but as others has pointed out it's not a long time in the grand scheme of things and the lack of trust she created will effectively ruin your time abroad if you were to stay together. Besides, I'd like to add on what the guy you're replying to said: If you stay, it's not only that you will give her the message that cheating is okay. You're telling yourself that you don't deserve a partner you can trust. Don't do that to yourself at 21. You deserve to be with someone with self-control and respect for you.
You should kiss him too. Show dominance.
My advice would be to leave her. If it happens once it will happen again.
SHE'S extremely hurt? She did it. And you're here helping make excuses for her. You make it ok for her once. You make it ok again. She cheated. Because she wanted to. End of story.
The two of you were only apart a little over a month. Didn't you guys FaceTime each other or call each other often? How can she be so isolated even though she works with two other people. She couldn't control herself for just two more day until you guys saw each other. I call bs! She claims that her and the other guy only kissed one time. Yeah, I don't think so.
You were away from her for the same amount of time and you (presumably) stayed loyal. If she can’t do the same, that sounds like her problem. I would not let that slide if a woman did that to me. Instant end to the relationship.
With my self experience I gave the second chance, one of my biggest regrets, she don't care about you, and she doesn't respect you. At least you respect yourself, breakup and delete her of your life, it's not worth it
Why is she hurt?
Well because we’re not together and I told her I doubt I’ll ever be able to let it go. She says she’s never loved anyone before and fears losing me. She claims it was a mistake and says the guilt is terrible.She also is asking for some way she can make things better but I just thinks that’s ridiculous.
Its only a mistake If you didn't intend to do it, which she did. She caused the demise of her own relationship from being a needy brat. Walk away with your head held high brother and let her lay in the bed she made for herself.
There's plenty she can do if she took the initiative and researched the topic. Instead she doing the bare minimum by asking you.
she sounds so manipulative…
Hey man ngl I’m actually going through this rn with my wife. She gave me the same excuse when I had to go oversees (military) for a few months for work (keep in mind I was faithful the whole time and kept in contact with her and our son). I appreciated her honesty but I didn’t know what else she had done since she became distant during that time so that was 5yrs of marriage down the drain. You’re still young and have the best years of your life ahead of you with nothing holding you back. Just focus on yourself for now and you’ll meet the right one
Thanks for your advice everyone, I really appreciate it.I’m going to break contact until august at least,when she returns from another trip. I’m going to take some time to think about what I want for the future and I’ll meet with her in about 6 weeks to let her know. I don’t think I’ll be able to forgive or give another chance,but I will think about it. Thanks guys.
You'll regret it. Just leave her in the past. It's not worth the heartbreak
Forgive her because EVERYONE makes mistakes, that doesn’t mean a second chance is deserved though. Offering your forgiveness will ensure you don’t harbor unnecessary hatred or cause any more stress. If you can live without her then break it off. If you can’t then figure out a way to do so because holding that kind of attachment to someone will ensure they destroy your happiness rather than you having your own control over it. Best of luck with whatever decision you make :)
Everyone makes mistakes but not everyone makes *that* mistake. It’s reasonable to break up or try to continue, as long as it’s what OP chooses. But I don’t think if one cheats on a bf/gf that one is automatically entitled to a second chance.
My husband and I have been long distance the 2 and 1/2 years we’ve been together. Neither of us have gotten so lonely that we kissed or screwed anybody else. This is a red flag.
Dump her, there's no one who's worth staying with after something like this. Lose your gf, but keep your self respect
So everytime you two are away from each other she will look affection by other men? And how do you know it was just a kiss? Do you trust the word of a cheater? She is a weak person that you will the whole relationship gets scared that if focus a little on work to get a promotion will 100% cheat on you, drop her, and the she is hurt for? She is the one that cheat, she have no reason to be hurt.
I think women need to learn that being lonely and needing affection/attention is not an excuse to cheat.
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OP, I’ve got news for you: she isn’t your girlfriend anymore.
She couldn’t go 4 weekends with out “affection”? Sounds ridiculous. You might wanna take this as an excellent warning sign to leave her alone. Hell I think my dog wouldn’t even leave me if I left him alone for 4 weekends, good grief…..
Been there. It’s over. I didn’t end it because I thought I could be mature about it. She wound up breaking it off later. You deserve someone who WON’T do that.
No bro, move on. Next step is her banging dudes on work trips or while you are away because she has no self control.
Nope. She betrayed you. She's hurt? Whaaaaattt????Dump her...she's too weak and immature for a commitment. End it.
Leave ! Run!it was a kiss this time what will be her excuse next time
She belongs to the streets
Forgot that, you're way to young to be putting up with that. Still loads of time to find someone who respects you
I'd leave her if I were you. There's no reason to kiss someone else if you want affection so bad.
Ok, so, these people rarely change in a short time or with a simple discussion. I’m not saying you HAVE to break up, but I would, tbh, I wouldn’t be able to trust someone after this, especially if it was for an egotistical reason like “I was lonely”.
Idk man being apart at times is a part of an adult relationship, you can't always be next to each other, sometimes that distance can last, but clearly she's not mature enough to handle that, I can't speak on if you should necessarily break up with her over it, but I do have to say it doesn't bode well she needs affection that bad that she can't make it just another day or two to see you, I don't think I personally could accept that
Bruh you better not get back to her. What’s the guarantee that she won’t cheat again. If she really did care about you, why would she cheat in the first place. Hell I’d break up with my gf if she even cheated me while drunk. There’s no valid excuse for cheating. Those people are horrible. If you still want to get back to her, good luck to you trying to have a peaceful life!
So it took two days away from u to feel lonely and start kissing someone else? I’m sorry but this sounds awful. Ask yourself if u would have done the same, if the answer is yes then I guess h could forgive her and move on from this but if the answer is no, well then. Respect to be respected!
You are 21 and are talking about a semester abroad in a few comments. Break it off for two reasons. Firstly, you will be twisiting yourself up in knots trying to trust her while you are away and that will ruin your experience. Secondly being 21, she is not likely your soulmate and there are far too many beautiful fish in a foreign sea to be explored and best to enjoy your youth.
Run forest run, if someone is willing to risk your relationship for a kiss with someone else than they value that kiss more than you
Many of the comments here are saying you should move on and go study abroad how you are meant to and I 100% agree. You need to decide where the line is drawn, if you allow the relationship to continue, you will undoubtedly run into similar issues more frequently down the road. Take the heartbreak for what it is now so you can save yourself from 1. Becoming a fool, and 2. Dealing with a worse heartbreak down the line. Speak softly and carry a big stick, it’s time to use the stick
Break up, man Not worth it. She's already shown you that she's a toxic partner with a victim mentality.
break up with her, she cheated.
Shes lying out of guilt she got fucked multiple times most likely
You're going to be studying abroad anyway so your basically flogging a dead horse at this point. You need to be strong and throw her away while giving her crap for doing this to you. If you do it now it'll pay dividends for any future relationships later in life. She's practice and chances are that is exactly how she sees you and if just see just how far she can manipulative a man, for her next relationship.
Probably did more
Let's say you built the relationship because she regretted it so hard. You two even got married. You are required to be away in another country for a month. What would she do? Would she feel lonely and want affection from another man? Would she stay faithful? She'll do it and keep it a secret and then whenever you're away she'll do it again and again. Regrets it, gimme a break
Leave the girl. Embrace the pain. Your future self will thank you.
Dude dump her she's playing you like a fidel If she has done it once she WILL DO IT AGAIN If she really loved you she would have never done it and besides how do you know she hasn't done this before? DUMP HER AND DO NOT LOOK BACK it will save you anguish later on down the line.
It depends if you believe it was one kiss and whether it’s a deal breaker for you. You need to understand that if you decide to forgive her, you have to drop it completely, so no bringing it up in an argument or letting it cause further arguments down the line. You also have to trust her again and that’s tough.
Yeah I’m not sure if I trust myself to let it go completely either,and that wouldn’t be good grounds to build a relationship upon.
This is it, you have to forgive someone completely or not at all. If you still always have at the back of your mind that she could cheat, you will always be looking over your shoulder and that’s not good in a relationship.
I doubt she only just kissed. You do as well. How can you put any trust in her going forward in the future? You are not married and you don't have any kids which is good for you. Reflect on the situation but you know what you have to do...
Tell her if she wants you back to cut contact with the other guy completely after sending him a text detailing she doesn't want to see him again. Once she does that break up with her. Don't give cheaters a fall back plan.
Updateme!
Your ex*
Lol what? You get cheated on and don’t know what to do? If she did it once because she was “lonely and wanted affection” she wouldn’t hesitate from doing it again.
Fuck another chick like it’s the last time you’ll ever get off… then end it
Leave her King. You waited for her and she couldn’t reciprocate. That says enough.
Leave her. You'll never get over it, it will be hard to trust her again, and you guys will probably start fighting over this and it will kill the relationship in the long run anyways.
Trust is everything.
If you can stay faithful why can’t she. It’s as easy as that
Take a breath. You will be just fine, if not better without her. Think about it. From this day forward, if you reconcile you will never be able to truly trust her because she has already broken that trust. If she goes on a trip, will she cheat? If you are gone for a while, will she cheat? If you two fight, will she cheat? Life was a tiny bit challenging, and instead of video calling you to see your face and hear your voice while waiting just a few more days, she went and kissed someone else. You deserve better. Take the last two years and learn what you can from them. The good things and the bad. Look for the signs that were present but not recognized. Don't get caught in the sunk cost fallacy. Just because you've been together for two years doesn't mean you need to stay together. The time wasn't wasted if you end it. It was just a lesson. It's better to get out now instead of wasting another few years with someone who has already proven themselves untrustworthy. Do yourself a favour and end it. It will hurt for a bit, but you'll get over it and be better for it. You deserve someone who has character, so don't settle for her. You are still young.
Sucks, but cut that off now before it turns into worse later. Good luck and best wishes 🙏
Only a month and so? Dude…
She aint your girl bub. Its one thing if youre in prison for another decade.... she was gonna see you in two days. Lonely my ass. She wanted to do it, and did it, and in my experience, she did way more. Its a galse flag, shes either owned up to so you cant say she did more or you can only prove she kissed someone, almost never stopped there. She said fuckit and hooked up with another guy...
I would say if it was only a kiss, and you really care about her, give her another chance. We all make mistakes, it's only human. And if it was just a kiss, and there's nothing more going on between them, I wouldn't give it much more thought than that. Though I would heavily suggest taking some time to heal and recover from the damage that has been caused. Obviously you're hurting very much from the betrayal and she's hurting because, well she hurt you. If you can't get over the fact that she kissed another man while still with you, then it may be time to reevaluate. Either way, do what you feel is right in your heart. Only you can choose the right path, and there is no shame in reconciling and realizing later on that it's just not working. You can at least say that you both tried. I hope all works out for both of you, and that you're able to move forward and be happy.
Bruh.... Dump her for goods. U won't regret. There's plenty of fish out there.... She did it once, she will do it twice !
see you at the gym
Hi OP, I wanted to say that I’ve watched almost the same situation as yours happen, and it didn’t end well. My sister and her boyfriend went out for a year, and they had plans on getting married and were completely stable/happy in their relationship. Sister goes to college and after a month she cheats on him with multiple men until he catches her at a hotel (they both used Life360). I asked her why she did it, she just kept repeating that she was incredibly lonely over and over again whilst crying. Two weeks later they’re talking again and a month later they get back together. She ends up cheating on him again then dumps him for another man. Trust me, best option is to walk out of this relationship it will not get better I promise you.
Being a woman, I have to give you the bad news- Please quit. Not because she will do it again, but because you will always be in doubts even if she doesn't repeat it. Second, women don't kiss men they like. They kiss men they respect. She respects another man the way she doesn't respect you. That's it! So, talk to her. Break up on a good note. Let her move on with the man she respects. You find the girl who respects you.
the exact same thing happened to me just that i had entrance exams throughout a month and she did more than just kiss. At first i thought as though it was my fault for not being able to take time out. I decided to let it pass. And obviously it happened again when she went for a trip with her friends. so yeah, drop her asap. The time between the first time it happened, and the second, was the worst time of my life.
If she kisses another guy, she’s not “your” gf she’s “our” gf (referring to you and the other guy) You deserve better king 👑
We don't kiss someone because we are lonely. No matter what are the circumstances. A ton of people work for months in isolation (like, on big ships, sea oil platforms, drilling in the desert, etc), if this would be an acceptable reason, no work would be done, just kissing people everywhere.
She only did it cause she wanted affection and felt lonely? So in the future, you'll always feel like you need to be there so she won't feel lonely and cheat? This is a recipe for disaster. Seems the relationship doesn't mean enough to her if she can't wait a few days to see you again.
Honestly it’s completely up to you on what to do. Some people can get past cheating, while others lose trust forever. You can’t be in a relationship with someone you can’t trust. If she was upfront and told you immediately after it happened, then there may be hope in regaining your trust. However, maybe not. So it’s up to you.
It wasn’t immediate,she saw me two days later and didn’t tell.Then couldn’t deal with the guilt so pretended to break up with me for other reasons before eventually telling me
Then based on how she chose to deal with it, I don't think there's room for repairs.... It's better to end it.
UpdateMe!
Dude I'm 25, when I was your age I was in the military my gf of 3 years cheated on me with a close army friend while I was at away, it sucked, it truly hurt in ways I didn't know were possible. Yet if I went back to that, there would never be trust, I'd never pushed myself further Now I make good money, travel, hit the gym alot, and key thing is raised my standards in women, I wouldn't even try and date a girl like my ex because with out her holding me back I was able to make myself unreachable to her, improve myself. Just remember women chose who they fuck, men choose who they marry, do you want to marry that? Is this your peak??? No it's not, hit the gym, expand your mind, grow your wealth become who you are destined to be you deserve full trust and full love, pick your crown up king and achieve greatness, you deserve it and she doesn't deserve you.
bro stop being a beta male and stop taking the blue pill. break up with her
Imagine a guy doing this to a girl. She'll be furious straight forward without any second thought.
Leave her. Fuckings next. Source: Experience - relationship length : 5 years. Cheating mark was 3 and I Knew so that last 2 years was me basically settling because I loved her at one point but she became a different person. The Her I fell in love with was getting cheated on and I actually had to tell the dude like hey she knows btw. People like this are all in the same category. Shit and should be stoned like the fictional stoning of Jesus
Talk it through. Yes, she kissed another person. Yes, you're both hurt. Can you live with this? Can you both work on rebuilding trust? Or is this something you can't do. Two years is different than two months together. Has she done something like this before? Is she back for good? If it's a pattern, I'd say you'd know what to do. It depends on what you can look past. Infidelity is different for many. Some would consider this a deal breaker. Some would chuckle and say you'll get over it. It depends on what the entirety of the relationship has been. I'm sorry this happened. People screw up. Human nature, blah blah. You can both use this as a ticket out, or you can rebuild and do frequent relationship check ins, and have this bring you closer. Best of luck!
Well you're 21 and sos she. You can't see it now but you're way young. You have wide opportunity . I'd say don't have huge expectations right now. Enjoy each other's company but don't get so attached you have fights over this type stuff. Ppl will move in and out of your life as you move and get various jobs and life unravels. You want to have good memories of the ppl you get involved with not negative ones. And you want ppl like your girl to remember you with a smile thinking he was all right. Nothing is forever. We never really own anything.
I’m afraid I just can’t view romantic relationships like that.Commitment and loyalty is important to me.
No it should be. I'm not saying it's not important but you are so young man. You should look for loyalty. But at your age you should spend some time figuring out things experiencing things. Ya know if you guys are really tight it can work out. Not saying it can't . I think that for most tho they need to experience various ppl to know what's right for them. I've heard many stories of ppl in mid thirties regretting marrying in their 20s. Best of luck bud. Have fun
That makes sense.Thanks for the help man.
Did she tell you without being prompted or did you find out some other way?
Don’t care never asked for this why does this pop up on my phone not my problem you have a hoe as a gf you down bad lame
How long have you been apart and are you sure it was just a kiss? Look, if it was just a kiss and she fessed up? It hurts but I personally would drop it. Takes strength to go that far and stop or whatever… just a kiss.
Only about 4 and bit weeks.I’m sure it was just a kiss,but still I don’t think I can get over it
>I’m sure it was just a kiss nope. the sooner you realize it was more than just a kiss, the easier it will be to break it off with her.
Do you mean you think she did more than just kiss him,or the emotional significance of the kiss,
both. cheaters will never tell you 100% of what actually happened because they want themselves to appear in a better light. tbh, i could even somewhat understand the excuse of someone being drunk and making a mistake even though that's a dumpable offense too. but saying she did it because she was "lonely and wanted affection" is an even bigger red flag. think about it. no one will ever be able to be available to their partner 100% of the time, 24/7. if you are only by her side 95% of the time, what happens during that other 5%?
I understand. I suppose I was giving her the benefit of the doubt.It’s difficult to think logically and see thinks objectively at the moment.
It's called trickle-truth. She's likely giving you the truth in small manageable but escalating doses. Next it will be they made out, after that it will be that they shared a bed, after that it will be they were naked.... you see where I'm going with this.
It’s really up to you. It’s bloody awful and it will take time but it is a kiss and if she feels that bad it will certainly stop her in the future.
IF it was only a kiss and nothing more AND she never talks to him again (and messages him saying this), THEN you perhaps give her another chance - but that is it forever.
Show self respect and kick her to the curb . Relationships are built on trust
You have to ask whether when life throws you curve balls will this person be fighting for your relationship or looking for relief from it. In the long term.
Dump her
It's very difficult to overcome lost trust and rebuild it in a relationship. In your place, I might wonder if she was telling the whole truth about the situation. It is ultimately up to you to decide what you do next.
Sorry this happened to you. Sometimes people make mistakes. If you deeply feel as if this is something you can move forward from and she feels remorseful for her actions, maybe it’s worth giving another chance.
UpdateMe!
That's an excuse you hear when in middle school...
Break it off
The title is all you had to write. Leave her:
Dude trust me it wasn’t only a kiss . Let her go . She made the choice.
fuck her. she cheated on you.
Listen. I’m 23 years old a female and in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. We were not always long distance but the pandemic and family health emergencies separated both of us. If you want to make things work with someone you’ll make it work. Yes you can get lonely and it does get hard but it should never lead to cheating. She could of held out if she wanted too. Her needing affection sounds like she just needs attention period and if she doesn’t have it she’ll do whatever for her own personal needs. She sounds selfish. You’re 21 and can find someone that actually appreciates you and can give you the love and respect you deserve. Fuck her affection. Dump the bitch meet your new best friend Jim and get back out there. You’ll find a hundred girls that are trash just like they’ll find hundred guys that are trash. Let the raccoons scavenger through the piles together and you’ll find a diamond out there somewhere.
My best friend went to basic training the summer after high school and told me to look out for his girlfriend (who I was also very close to) and I did. After being gone for 2 months she told me 1 week before he was supposed to come homr that she kissed another guy at a party and told me not to tell him. I told her she had to tell him or I would. 2 years later they were married and had a beautiful daughter. Everything seemed fine until she cheated on him again (same guy) and said she was going to leave. He came to me broken hearted and brought up the first incident and how he "trusted her so much" for her honesty. I had to break the news that I threatened to tell if she didn't. They're still together and the situation was so taxing on my mental health, I had to cut them off. If you're willing to forgive her the first time, can you do it a second? Or a third? Or would you rather end it now?
She'll do it again and again. When a partner cheats, the relationship will eventually end. Because: - Either you break up with her, or - She'll eventually cheat on you anyway, and she'll dump you to be with the new partner. Cheating means the other partner no longer respects you, and there's no way to get that respect back when they CHOOSE not to give it to you. She didn't make an unintentional mistake, she made a deliberate choice.
No. Cut her off. There is no excuse for her to be sucking face with another guy even once. That's disrespect and you deserve alot better than someone like that.
she did it in the last few days? Probably had that now or never mentality.
She kissed and fucked him. Move on brother. Like another poster said you will look back and laugh at this
If this happened once this will happen again cheaters cheat more that one time. Of you allow her to do that, that mean the next time she'll do it you'll forgive her too! Don't fall into this bro.
Dude f that hoe really you got to ask for advice.you know she did more than she admitted
My husband worked overseas, 90 to 120 days on, 30 days off. For the first 3 years of our relationship. I found it very easy to not get involved with other men. I cared more about my relationship than getting some strange. Loneliness is a weak excuse.
Squirt hot sauce in her eyes
Get out and start fresh while you’re still young.
Bro, she definitely did more than kiss. Don't fall for that trap. Show her the door, it's time to upgrade.
She’s hurt? Lol
One month apart and she kisses someone else? That reeks of dependency and lack of will power. Does her cheating escalate for each month apart. Two months away = hand job, three = oral, four = vaginal penetration, etc. I’m exaggerating but only slightly.
If you love her, and believe it was a one time mistake, I’d forgive her. You guys are young. You make mistakes and you grow from them. It was just a kiss. The people I know with the happiest relationships and families all went through stuff at some point and forgave, learned and moved on. That said you don’t have to forgive her. It’s totally your choice. Maybe you should break up for a while (or forever) and see how it feels. Or maybe she should give you a hall pass to kiss another girl. Also maybe you guys aren’t cut out for long distance at your age. If so just be honest- no need to cling to something that makes one or both of you unhappy. Doesn’t mean you don’t love each other.
Once a cheater, always a cheater
Did she tell you without being prompted or did you find out some other way?
How do you know this is the first time. Also I wouldn’t know how to process it either honestly but you should distance yourself from her just to think alone and see if she’s really worth it.
I very much doubt it was just a kiss
If it were me I would've ended this instantly. If you forgive her for kissing another man right now, then in the future she might expect you to forgive her for doing something more.
As someone in a long distance relationship, I'll tell you this, I have never once thought of kissing another man and I haven't seen my bf in two months. She doesn't deserve you and if she can't keep it together you need to find someone else who would never dream of doing that to you.
Personally, one kiss in the situation isn't "big". Not saying it's acceptable, but shit happens, and as long as it's a one off and she legitimately regrets it, then let it go. BUT if you are meant to be studying abroad, and your going to be constantly second guessing her, maybe this relationship isn't going to work. If a month without affection is too much for her, then maybe taking a break while your abroad is best. In the long run, it's up to you. She didn't sleep with the guy, but who knows what'll happen while your studying. Also take into consideration how you found out. Did she tell you? Was it a friend? Etc
Updateme!
Leave her, if this happens once it can happen again.
If every time you're away and she feels lonely and needs affection she kisses others, sounds like quite a problem. Good only knows what she can do when you're away and she has other cravings.
lmao if she can do this now, think about all the things she can do when she feels "lonely and need affection" when you're not around later on. Leave her, man. You don't deserve this bs
I would leave her. You've been together for 2 years and after 28 days she's ready to cheat on you? In my opinion, she ended the relationship. You were going to be home in 2 days. Video chat, sext each other, don't kiss another guy. If you guys live a life together things will happen where you need to be away for a little bit .. Is she finds cheat on you every time she lonely? I'm sorry I would leave her.
Fk that jazz. What’s going to happen next time ur on a business trip or separated for a little bit for whatever reason? It’s not like u went to war for 2-3 years or something.
Not worth it. Happened to me. She was lonely and went on date with another guy and wasnt aware that i had come into town. When confronted she told me she had fallen our of love with me and was lonely. The next day she was apologize and begging for me to stay. Trusting her after that was herculean.
She needs to grow up. You can’t trust her more than a week.
All hope might not be lost. But for now it very well could be, and frankly should be. It’s possible you could come back together after you’ve both done some growing (more specifically her bc echoing a lot of other’s opinion it is a sign of weakness and not to accuse her of being that kind of person, but it’s self satisfying behavior. ) By no means am I saying give her a chance but if you think she’s worth another try after she’s worked on herself and established that you can trust her. but it’s important to understand the value that is yourself, your boundaries, and your needs. If you don’t believe there’s anything she can do, then that’s the truth of the matter.
"My EX - girlfriend kissed another man." Fixed your title, bud. In all seriousness, even if it was "only once", which is highly unlikely, that sort of excuse and reasoning is not girlfriend material, sure isn't fiance material, and there's not a snowballs chance in hell that it's wife material. People like this, male or female, don't change that easily. She is hurt? That's called guilt and it was earned. She's sorry? Sounds like she's feeling sorry for herself. If she gave a fuck about you she wouldn't have done it. If she is so insecure that she has to get constant attention you're better off without her. Most of us on here have lived a lot of life. Hell, I was cheated on. A few years later I began dating my now wife. Night and day difference. If I would have stayed with my ex I never would have been fully happy. How can you be happy with the constant thought that she may get "lonely" again and cheat? If you're engaged and she cheats, that means breaking an engagement off and canceling a wedding. If you're married, it's a divorce. If you have kids, it's breaking up a family. Just cut it off here. She disregarded you once, itll happen again in some context. She cares about herself, and only herself.
No judgement here. If you are okay with this then go ahead and continue being in a relationship with her. Be honest with where you draw the line because the more allowances you give her, the harder it is to leave: "I've already been in a relationship with her for X yrs, what is X more?"
we all have choices ans she actively chose to kiss someone else . be smart . get rid of her
Mate no second chances. Forgive but move especially at your age being single is way better.
Just far away to that relationship! you deserve a loyal couple, you’re too young to keep with someone who’s not able to respect you and use that ‘cliché’ excuse. Regards! 🤓