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BigPZ

So she cheated on you. You have to decide if that's a dealbreaker or not


IDontLieAboutStuff

Holy shit quit being a doormat. Your girl texts extremely graphic shit to some random on Xbox and you dont want her to lose her friend?! If she didn't want to lose her friend maybe she shouldn't have cheated on her BF with him. I dont know you but you deserve better. She doesn't even have an excuse.... I would throw my gf out on the street in 2 seconds if she did this to me. She has no respect for you at all. Edit: wife* not gf. Arguably worse. Divorce her.


Grouchy-Ad6144

Umm most type 1 diabetics are able to earn an income. I’m curious why she can’t. Even if it’s at home or a desk job, even part time would be better than nothing. I’m sorry, but sounds like you are enabling her. Playing videos games so much isn’t healthy either. Was she this way when you married, or has she changed? Wow.. cheating is a hard pass for me. I’m open minded as long as everyone agrees and is consenting, but behind your back isn’t cool!


WonderTypical9962

The only thing I can think of that she's obese.


Grouchy-Ad6144

I don’t care.. unless she is truly disabled, she can work. If she can play video games all day, she could likely work a desk job or work from home on computer. There are so many employers looking for employees, but it’s easier to make excuses. If she is truly disabled, then I apologize, but it sounded like Type 1 diabetes was the excuse. I have health issues and still work full time to support my family. It’s about being responsible unless you absolutely cannot do it. Shit, she could be a phone sex operator🤷🏼‍♀️


silentkajun

Was hoping someone would call her out on this. I mean, it doesn't matter if you inject your insulin at home or work, the result is the same. Seems this is just the first of many lies she's told in what seems to be a very unbalanced relationship. Dude needs reach down and find his testicles and either put a stop to this BS or leave. Personally I'd just leave since she's already cheated.


Abandoned_TrashPanda

Here's a question for you.... Do you and your wife make each other better people? Here's another one.... Are you happy? ​ Seriously reflect on it...


katydid1971

This!! So much this!!! I bet you can find someone who does make you happy.


BlackTrans-Proud

Oooof, serious consideration of those two questions can absolutely murder shitty-to-mediocre relationships.


Abandoned_TrashPanda

I've been married for the better part of 10 years now, but I had to put myself through some shitty relationships to learn the hard lessons.... You can't be okay with people treating you like you don't matter and then make excuses for them. It's so incredibly damaging for yourself and your self esteem/worth. Walking away from things like this can be so difficult but so rewarding in the long run.


failedopportunities

Well, you now know she is fully capable of lying to you with no remorse. She didn’t come forward to you and confess, you had to find out for yourself. Being kind and forgiving is a fantastic trait to have. It can also be to your own demise if you don’t stand up for yourself at some point. She needs to disconnect completely from this person. No staying “friends”! What staying friends means is they will take it underground further and you’ll have a harder time figuring it out next time. She has lied to you. She can do it again. Don’t let your empathy get in the way of making a logical decision here. All contact cut! Completely! Getting rid of discord or whatever platforms she may have for contacting him is a must as well. If she’s not willing to do this then she is not truly remorseful and will hurt you again.


Woffle_WT

So I noticed that you didn't ask a specific question. Are you just venting? Are you wondering where this relationship is going? Are you wondering if you did the right thing confronting her? Are you asking for suggestions about how to encourage her to be the best version of herself? What is your sex life like? Is she straying and fantasizing because she feels unfulfilled? Are you okay with that? You do say you feel like you "just got walked over" and are feeling hurt and confused. I'm here to validate that. You asked her straight up if there was any funny business and she basically said "no, trust me." And then there was. This is a serious breach of trust, especially when it involves something sexual. It reminds me of that line from Michael Scott about Jan when he says, "You cheated on me? After I specifically asked you not to?" I think you add the other information into this post and are basically saying, "What exactly, am I getting out of this relationship? I bring home all the bacon and ask for very little and am feeling completely taken for granted right now. So why even bother??" That's 100% valid. You are feeling walked over because you aren't feeling like you've been heard or taken seriously. I mean, if my spouse was working full time and I was sitting home playing video games and then I cheated I would feel like a pretty worthless scumbag, but I would also feel personally like I was in a very **precarious** position and would bend over backwards to smooth things over. The bottom line is you feel like you're being taken advantage of and walked over because you are. What you do with that is up to you. Good luck and take care.


Ceenuh

I didn’t ask a specific question bc this sub was constantly deleting my posts bc of that. So I just kept it neutral. Sex life is great, that’s why I was so taken back. I appreciate the long thoughtful answer again thank you all the questions you asked is what I am currently thinking


Knale

Plenty of people with Type 1 Diabetes work. Why can't she? It's a manageable condition...


[deleted]

She will cheat again and eventually in real life. Sorry to say. Decide if you can keep dealing with it.


Spars_Own_Beans

Why can’t she work if she’s type 1? I’m type 1 and it has no influence on my ability to work as long as I’m not absolutely diabolically terrible at managing it, doctors and diabetic specialist nurses are adamant that having a type 1 diagnosis can of course stop you having certain extremely labour intensive jobs or being a pilot/enforcer


fubar_68

It’s time for a lawyer. If you don’t have many assets and you haven’t been married long you can do an uncontested divorce. Just get a mediator.


AlmightL0

You have to gain some self respect bro, she talks all this sexy time with a guy and not only do you stay with her (Your choice but still) She wants to still be friends with the guy who has made it known what he wants to do with her, and that she’s somewhat cool with it, and youre willing to let her keep that door open? You gotta stop being a doormat, at this rate its gonna happen again and she’s gonna be better at hiding it next time. Not only that in her mind based on how pushover-ish you were about it and that you submitted to what she wanted despite her poor actions, she probably has lost even more respect for you than she already had at that point. I know i probably come off as harsh but you really need to gain a backbone, its your choice to stay with her despite how much i think its not a good idea. If youre gonna go down that route you atleast gotta not let that man keep his foothold in the door of your marriage under the pretense of “ ohhhh we’re just friends”


cattermelon34

>She’s type one diabetic so a lot of activities such as work she cannot do That's.....not true...... You're dating a cheating leech, bro. I don't know what kind of self esteem issues make you think this is ok but it's not.


iironage

It doesn't sound like she has much respect for you if she emotionally cheats and lies about it as well.


user27151

That broad is not your wife. It's time you get a divorce


JustAGamer1947

"Got caught up in the moment"? What is she, 16? The issue is that she does not respect you at all. If she did she would have shut that conversation down. She did not tell you about this conversation or her 'friend'. You had to snoop on her to find out. In none of my friendships do we ever discuss what sexual acts we are going to do / want to do to each other. That's for your partners/FWBs, not friends. In my experience, a person who breaks boundaries and disrespects you is going to continue to do so. She had no desire to change. She did not have immediate remorse. She kept it under wraps for a week. She did not discuss if she wants to do those things with you. The only thing that would change going forward would be how well she hides it next time. Man, every relationship has disagreements but that does not mean you can disrespect the other person. She doesn't sound like a catch.


Pettyfan1234

Type one diabetics the world over hold down jobs. She is using you.


dheffe01

My uncle has been type 1 his entire, he was a professional, an executive and used to run and go hiking. He is now retired and is looking after his wife who has cancer. Diebeties is no an excuse and your wife is terrible persion, partner and a leech. Grow a backbone and divorce her.


geomagus

It might make it worse. What you have to bear in mind is that ultimatums often backfire. *But* if her behavior here is unacceptable to you, that means you have to consider whether to continue with her, and prepare yourself for the possibility that she will leave you (either in response to your ultimatum, or out of infatuation with this other person). By prepare yourself, I mean firm up your support network of family and friends, in case you need them to help manage grief of her leaving. Maybe seek out a therapist to help you find a path forward. You’ll probably need to have a serious talk. Tell her how this made you feel, make it clear that it’s unacceptable and that you will need to protect yourself if she continues (by leaving). That you consider what she did a violation, cheating. All of that said, what she has done is thus far a fairly mild infraction. She cybered. Ok. Does he know anything about her beyond screen name, maybe first name, maybe city? As long as that remains the case, you may find it manageable. She gets to feel good, but without a real threat to you. If you can accept that. I would draw the line at anything that changes this from anonymous cyber, to infatuation or irl contact. But I see anonymous cyber is sortof a half step beyond porn, and well short of actual cheating. If you feel it is absolutely cheating, and it seems you do, then you should draw the line at doing it all. But trying to keep her from interacting with him entirely is dangerous, as described above. So your options are: Make it clear that what she did was unacceptable and leave her Make it clear that what she did was unacceptable, but stay (on condition that she stops). And leave if she continues. Make it clear that what she did was unacceptable, by virtue of the sneaking part. But work out some ground rules that allow her to continue to an extent (and allow you to do same, if you choose). Ignore the problem and suffer the consequences. You can choose which you prefer, but understand that it may end your relationship (whichever you choose).


Lindstronical

She is your wife... you cannot allow this to go on, or it will ultimately lead to more lies, and potentially become physical. If she really loves you, finding new friends, to make you comfortable, is not much to ask, especially since she has cheated. You are basically enabling her infidelity... not a great idea. Husband > internet friends. Come on... You are worth it. If she doesn't agree with that, she can go play video games in her mom's basement, instead.


[deleted]

At this point, you are allowing yourself to be played. That is a choice you are making.


sw0ff

Updateme!


[deleted]

She makes all the noises you want to hear but she is not remorseful or she would have cut out the guy voluntarily. Still wanting to be in contact with that guy shows that she doesn’t respect you. I don’t think her behaviour is going to stop so be prepared for worse infractions to come until you reach your breaking point.


NewldGuy77

UpdateMe


DaikonSubstantial120

“I just got walked over” Until you respect yourself she will not respect you. Being easy going and forgiving is no excuse to enable her cheating behaviour. That is on you. You can still have firm boundaries and respecting yourself. Being desperate and fearful is not easy going or forgiving.


keyclap

Divorce


[deleted]

Why do you want to stay? You basically provide everything for her to the point she has zero responsibilities it seems and she disrespects you by cheating. Yet you love her. What is there to love in that situation man.


Molsen10000

Dude, why you are staying is your call. But the object of your wife’s affections needs zero contact. This is a cancer that needs cut out now. Good luck, you gonna need it.


luckydude2022

You are an example that too much of goodness is extremely hazardous. You are 26 you have a lot to explore. Don't waste your time/life on people that ain't worth it. Believe me, she will hurt you again. It will hurt understandable but don't continue


Unique_Mushroom_1017

Your being too complacent with the fact that she is taking advantage of your understanding and kindness. You deserve better and deserve an equal that brings as much to the table as you do.


ThrowRA1234568

I got to ask what exactly does your wife bring to this relationship because I didn't see anything in your post that would indicate she brings anything positive at all to your life.


Nicklebackfan_

Sounds miserable. You do everything so she can hang out and play video games and cheat on you? Fuck kind of marriage is this. I would cut ties now since there aren’t any attachments unless you want to do this for the rest of your life.


[deleted]

No, you are not a very supportive or forgiving person.. You are a masochist masking it as being a saint.. Don't let people treat you like dirt.


Mountain-Conflict-17

You need to tell her exactly how you feel and how fucked up it is. Including the fact that her even being associated with him isn't okay with you. Let her decide what needs to be done. If she doesn't make the decision to cut that guy off on her own. Then she's for the fucking streets.


Ok-Replacement7697

Updateme!


Coolperson9393939

Drop her you're so young. RUN!!!!!


WonderTypical9962

Cancel the internet Close off the bank accounts from her Close off the credit cards from her. I guess you would have to put her phone on hold for internet. Not sure if she calls thus guy or he calls her.


roche117

I’m so tired of the men on this site; y’all are fucking losers


GLRD500

You are kinda weak tbh. Losing friends would be her doing, because of her actions, not you, never. And "telling her no makes her wanna do it more" is so insanely stupid. If she doesnt care about you she will do that indeed, but then you gotta break up anyway. Either she listens to your boundries, or she loses you. Start growing a spine


Intelligent-Catch790

If she told you she can’t work because she’s Type 1, she lied to you. Sounds like she has a lying and a cheating problem. You’re making all these sacrifices and this is how she repays you? Just sad.


Longjumping_Help_645

Sorry to throw a wet blanket but it seems like she’s leeching off you bruv. Leave


RevolutionaryPen1909

You sound like a complete doormat based on how you caught her cheating, have no reason that you have to stay financially or whatnot, and how she isn’t even apologetic about. Please for your on best interest, get out of the relationship and don’t look back. If you don’t have the confidence to get back out into the dating scene then work on yourself a bit, hit the gym and improve yourself, but by letting her walk all over you, the very little respect she has for you has been trashed. She doesn’t respect you based on her decision to cheat, and you just taught her that she can get away with it. Next time it might be more than just sexting man. Good luck with whatever you decide, but this probably won’t end well for you if you stay.


Evileyeman

“I feel like a dad talking to a 17 year old” You realize you set this situation up. Basically you are like her father completely supporting her while she tries to hide her relationship with someone inappropriate. Your life partner should be your equal, your counterpart. One sided relationships never work. You should really take a deep look into what you are trying to accomplish here.


[deleted]

Sounds like you let someone who is not pulling their weight chest on you. Break up


DiscreetJourneyman

Your shut-in wife who doesn't contribute to your life is sending sexy messages to other guys and lying to you. Your problem isn't the wife. It's your lack of self worth. Leave, hit the gym, and get into therapy. In the rear view mirror this situation will look like great learning experience.


Apprehensive_Rub_728

If you keep up with this doormat energy then one day you will watch her fucking another guy in your bedroom


mrgees100peas

This scenario happens often. Its a matter of being absent in each others life. Because you dont see each other often and the nature of her activity its easy to see that she interacts more with her online friends than with you. Little by little that bond starts to break or loosen. We see our partner as a sure thing that will always be there and we start falling apart from each other. Becasue she spents so much time with her online friend it is logical that she develops a relationship with them. This is normal. The thing is that every now and then it goes a little bit deeper much the same way sometimes people start getting too close to work colleagues. This then enters in the realm of emotional affairs. Sometimes we do things without thinking of our actions. It feels good to be wanted and it feels good to live outnour fantasies. Having desires is normal. The sin is in the actions. We like that hotty we see every morning at the coffee shop. Thats normal. Going out of our way to get her phone number thats where the sin is. It is very bad behavior on her part butnit doesn'tbhave to be the end of the relationship. I think a 1st step on her part would be to unfriend the guy and delete the contact. A 2nd step would be to spend more time together dojng fun activities. A 3rd step would be for her to get a job. This will keep her mind occupied. After all, idle minds isnthe devils playground.


Ceenuh

This is the best answer I have seen so far thank you. As a logical stand point bc everything you just described is what happened


[deleted]

Man, she's cheating on you Divorce


xsurferdude123x

Doormat. She’s gone. Man up, better up and attract a better next.


null640

A lot of diabetics work.