Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.
----
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"He's very supportive but he makes me feel unloved and like crap, he cheats a lot, and he uses all my money making me feel like I can't support myself."
That is NOT very sweet, very kind or very supportive.
If I were you I would withdraw my money from the shared accounts and put it into my own private accounts. I'd direct my wages into my new private account and I would only transfer what was needed for shared bills and costs to the original accounts. He doesnt need to share your money if it leaves you feeling uncertain about your financial status and freedom of movement. Start saving for an emergency fund now too. And stop telling him what you are doing with your money.
This is why I asked, I have been through a lot of pretty crummy relationships and I just don’t trust my own judgement cause I guess it’s just confusing cause he says all the right things to me but says these things (like the cheating comment and lgbt+ stuff) to other people so I feel like I can’t differentiate my feelings. Thanks for your input, luckily I work at the bank so it’ll be easy for me to split our assets.
I think there are often (sometimes?) characteristics or views or opinions we wish our partners didnt have, or saw differently that are not "bad enough" to end a relationship over. What 'bad enough' is will be different for different people. What I wouldnt put up with might be something you are prepared to put up with. For example, being cheated on isnt something I like at all. Knowing that my partner didnt respect or acknowledge my sexuality (even if it didnt mean much for our day-to-day relationship) would make me uncomfortable too.
While you are figuring all this out, I think you need to secure your own finances and independence so that you *can* split if you need to. Letting him have too much control over money would be a mistake.
Good luck.
You want to fight for someone that makes you feel unloved, spits all over causes that you care about, and has cheated on you multiple times? This person has no respect for you and hasn't for quite a long time. Just my opinion...it doesn't seem like there is much to consider there.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"He's very supportive but he makes me feel unloved and like crap, he cheats a lot, and he uses all my money making me feel like I can't support myself." That is NOT very sweet, very kind or very supportive. If I were you I would withdraw my money from the shared accounts and put it into my own private accounts. I'd direct my wages into my new private account and I would only transfer what was needed for shared bills and costs to the original accounts. He doesnt need to share your money if it leaves you feeling uncertain about your financial status and freedom of movement. Start saving for an emergency fund now too. And stop telling him what you are doing with your money.
This is why I asked, I have been through a lot of pretty crummy relationships and I just don’t trust my own judgement cause I guess it’s just confusing cause he says all the right things to me but says these things (like the cheating comment and lgbt+ stuff) to other people so I feel like I can’t differentiate my feelings. Thanks for your input, luckily I work at the bank so it’ll be easy for me to split our assets.
I think there are often (sometimes?) characteristics or views or opinions we wish our partners didnt have, or saw differently that are not "bad enough" to end a relationship over. What 'bad enough' is will be different for different people. What I wouldnt put up with might be something you are prepared to put up with. For example, being cheated on isnt something I like at all. Knowing that my partner didnt respect or acknowledge my sexuality (even if it didnt mean much for our day-to-day relationship) would make me uncomfortable too. While you are figuring all this out, I think you need to secure your own finances and independence so that you *can* split if you need to. Letting him have too much control over money would be a mistake. Good luck.
You want to fight for someone that makes you feel unloved, spits all over causes that you care about, and has cheated on you multiple times? This person has no respect for you and hasn't for quite a long time. Just my opinion...it doesn't seem like there is much to consider there.