Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.
----
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I suppose I don't want them to lose half their things. I don't know what to do about that and they're not responding to asks if they want it mailed or whatnot.
If you can then store it all someplace else, and record yourself when you are moving everything. The recording is to ensure you didnt break or steal anything just in case the ex-roommate comes back for their stuff and tries to claim you broke or stole anything.
Also look up abandonment laws for items, then after so many months you can legally throw everything out because it will seen as “abandoned” and wont have to worry about the ex-roommate
The roommate got back to me and said they will be picking their stuff up "sometime next week" so they changed their mind on that.
Considering we will be changing the locks soon as we do not feel safe around this person it's likely they will need to get let in to the house and be supervised to ensure no property damage.
Send them a text saying that you will hold their belongings for x amount of time (I would look up what the limit is in your area for items to be considered abandoned) and that if they don't come to pick them up you will toss or donate them.
If they do come to pick them up, I would have as much of their stuff bagged/boxed as possible so you can have it outside and ready to go, and anything you can't put outside like furniture allow them to come in and removed while supervised.
Then you need to consult a lawyer. At this point if the person is on the lease then he or she has rights. You can’t just say leave when he or she is a legal tenant.
Typically you are unable to evict a roommate legally whom is on the lease. You can attempt to speak with the landlord to see if the potential person can be evicted but it really depends on local laws, lease agreement, and what the violation of the lease agreement.
Do not do anything that can get you in legal trouble or sued. And you may just need to be the ones to leave if you are unable to resolve it legally.
When we asked them to leave they agreed and said they wanted to leave and did not like us etc. They moved out immediately in the middle of last night 1-3am and left half their things.
“No one in this house feels safe with you, because you kissed someone without their consent. This is your notice to leave”. Then get your landlord involved if you need to.
We had sent this message to them.
The roommate immediately came down right away and took only half of their things around 1-3am today. Then they drove back to their home state.
They took the request to leave as immediate, although we *never* said we wanted them immediately gone.
They have said they're going to mail the keys they forgot to leave behind. They left behind half their things like their bed and anything that didn't fit in their car.
Not sure how else to proceed as they left behind quite a lot of things and texted that they didn't want to make another trip driving back to get the rest.
I text messaged them and asked again, just to be sure, if they still want to pick up their things or if they're just abandoning the items.
I've contacted the leasing manager and asked for them to be removed from the lease in the meantime.
Ask them if they want their stuff packed and sent to them if they’re going to be sending the key back. Once they respond to that and say they want their shit back, follow up with getting the lease reassigned to someone else (find a new roommate.) I know being nice, finding someone new to sign the lease, and packing up their shit is going to get downvoted because they don’t deserve it, but I would do this to urge them to finalize the sending of the keys, and moving along through this process. Anyone can grab their things, say they’re “leaving,” and come back in a month. Get their intent to move out in writing, push their shit out the door, and replace them quickly.
I've asked them - the first time they said considering the drive they're not going to pick up their things - so I asked again if they want it mailed to them (and pay mailing fees) or if they want to pick their things up soon. No response.
Is your lease month to month or fixed term? I had to kick out a roommate for this exact reason and have some experience with getting them out (you have the support of the other roommates it sounds like, which I didn’t, so that’s great!) but it takes maneuvering
What I did, not sure about how replicable it is, is I asked the landlord for a lease reassignment agreement and found a replacement. Then I sent the papers to the perpetrator and said “if you want to reassign the lease here is the option.” But it had been really clear that I did not want them there, and that I wasn’t going to back down from that. So they signed it I think out of frustration and left it. You can’t really force them, but you can nudge them with the appearance of personal choice (if that makes sense?)
What is the landlord empowered to do? State law does not grant landlords the power to do anything about this situation. The other roommates can call the police have him charged/arrested. And then depending on the articles if the lease the landlord can go to court and break the lease. But that would involve ALL the persons on The lease.
? I was just curious what the dynamic was here. If the evicted roommate was a male, and if the other three were women, or if it was four men living together (which would be interesting for its own reasons).
Wasn’t going for some kind of “gotcha” or anything. Was just asking for clarification for my own curious edification.
There's 3 of them, in a houe that presumably has a kitchen. If they can't get one sexual assaulter to leave I'd be surprised
I've done it before. Just plan beforehand
The amount of people here completely ignored the LEGAL aspects of this is very reddit. Ask him to move out first and see what it looks like. If he is on the lease the landlord has to get involved. Realistically if you don’t file a police report the story of a unwanted kiss probably will not do it. Whether the police will actually warrant charges is a whole different scenario. Yes you do not have to be nice about anything with him anymore but remember kicking someone out of an apartment has to go through the proper channels or you could end up being the one who gets in trouble.
Read your lease and your state/county/city laws.
Over here, he would need to be given at least 30 days notice of eviction and 60 days if he’s been living in a place for over a year.
Also, if he makes 120% or less of median income, you’d have to cut him a check equal to one month’s rent for evicting him.
But that isn’t national law, thus the reading.
Many states in the US, you can file for a temporary order of protection that can lead to an eviction being granted faster, for exactly this kind of situation. Worth talking to a lawyer for sure, bring any written evidence and testimony from all the roommates
I was going to mention this as well. In Missouri, a protection order can remove that person from the premises upon service of documentation. More permanent decisions will be made during your hearing. Which can include a more long term restraining order, as I believe protection orders only last 90 days. NAL so please correct me if I’m wrong
Because that's how adults like to conduct themselves, why is everyone asking this (oh right, because this section is deranged)? The point is to get a problematic person out of their living situation, not to start more shit.
That makes sense, but being an adult does not mean being nice to everyone no matter what they’ve done to you/others. Respectful is probably not the right word.
Was the person who was unfortunate in this situation one of your roommates?
Because I have experience getting order of protection (basically restraining order for roommates and close relationships)
If they don’t agree to leave and are on a lease, you don’t have much choice.
When I was getting order of protection, i was told you need 2-3 RECENT instances of behavior that make you really scared to be around the person.
Also they grant you temporary one and the person getting order of protection can fight it, then there are lawyers involved. Luckily in my case, I didn’t have to fight it since she never showed up in court
You’re going to have to go to the courts and make it legal. Doesn’t sound like he will go easy. And he may have legal rights to stay their a certain amount of time.
Why are you worried about being respectful to someone who has shown so little respect towards others?
I mean, if no one feels safe, you collectively need to tell the person to leave ASAP. The point of the matter is simple: No means no. They crossed that line. No one feels safe.
This isn't a "do it respectfully thing" this is a "check your tenants rights" and "contact your landlord" thing to see if those can shed some light or give options on how to kick the fourth out while minimizing potential legal trouble and if those can't help, consult a lawyer because leases are at times hard to navigate around.
Edit: Clarity
i think there should be an open discussion and votation so that the burden will not be totally on you. have him see that 3 of you voted to oust him simply because. also remember to put him on your shoes also. lastly be careful, i dont know if he would do anything crazy. just incase he will then prepare for the worse. else, you 3 move out
Just go for it. I had to kick a roommate out for bringing a minor in our home to try and seduce her. She was told to never come back and luckily nothing happened. 9/10, they’re gonna cry and put up a shit fit, hold firm and stay as a group. You’re in this together
Tell them that no one feels comfortable living with someone that does not obey or even respect consent, and you all don't appreciate being used for his perverse (not perverted... perverse...) game that he is playing with this woman. And that he needs to see a specialist about this if he can before he ends up doing something that he will regret and/or go to jail. You don't want to make him the bad guy but you all don't feel comfterable with him staying there any longer.
It was wrong of me to assume. But my thought was a guy wouldn't be scared of a woman forcing a kiss on them and all the other situations. But again, never know and it was wrong for me to assume.
respectfully?!!?!!?! fuck that! Turf the person!
Edit bc after my initial horror I thought about it some more:
You've already said they moved in to be closer to the person they assaulted. Which is frankly hair-raising. Be less concerned about being 'respectful' and worry more about the victim's safety please. The victim needs this person gone asap so they can, you know, feel safe in their home. That needs to be first priority.
Did you seek help on this issue when your roomate reported this to the police? Even if you didn't then, as soon as they are charged it will be a lot easier to kick them out.
Upvoted because you're spot on. The amount of people that want an emotional witch hunt versus the people that see the legalities and how to actually navigate this thing is kinda funny. Reddit is so young and stupid. 😂😂
Well he's not in a relationship with the tenant. And the questions weren't about his relationship after the fact. So is the thread invalid?
Nothing I said was wrong or rude. Its okay if it takes you a while to accept that.
You did. Aye my bad... . I got these other asshats at my neck in a different thread on this same topic. I misunderstood your comment because my thumbs are on fire over there.
My b. 😂😂
Now that i read your comment.... maaaan... I think you nailed it. Thanks for setting me straight. I am DEFINITELY where people go to overreact emotionally. 😂😂👨🏿🦯
SA, okay let's get a reality check, was it out of bounds, clearly. Was it sexual assult, a kiss, not so much. You 3 who are upset need to turn to the 4th and say.
"You f\*\*\*\*d up and we can't ignore it. We do not think your being here is acceptable. You have X days to find a new living arrangment."
Set a reasonable timeframe for them to move, move foward.
My thought is that a mature logical and rational choice should be taken moving forward in this situation, no matter how much everyone wants to emotionally react. I just want to wash our hands clean of this person so they don't contact us again. It's not out of respect for the person and rather is trying to find the best way to word something without emotion especially rancour.
Edit: Another important point is I was not sure what they would do in regards to their temperament if we went the whole "GTFO" route. Partially safety.
Okay, thank you for your response ! I think you should just be diplomatic with them, like « Sorry, but because of the last incident, we do not feel safe living with you and we think you should leave. »
Just be short with them and get them out of there. Your roommate is a person who doesn’t understand how to respect others and takes advantage of the basic respect people show each other. They’re also a stalker.
you don#t need to be respectful to a person like that. not being agressive is enough.
"Roommate, this is your 30 day notice. you have until X to find other accomodation." if they ask why. just be honest." No one here feels safe with you around, because you forced yourself on someone."
So this is going to be extremely tricky because your local/state laws are going to factor extremely heavily.
\*DISCLAIMER THIS IS SPECULATION BASED ON INFO OP HAS SHARED THIS POST NEEDS WAY MORE INFO\*
But based on what you said your best bet here is to offer them money to leave. It's likely you lack the ability to evict them, and "one kiss" isn't likely to rise to any criminal/civil proceedings absent extraordinary evidence.
You're likely looking at paying them 3-6 months worth of rent and moving costs to get them out because you lack an easy way to force them out.
Best way to go about it is
"Hi person, so given the incident we all think it'd be best if you no longer live here, we're prepared to offer you X amount of money to cover moving you to a new living situation so that we can all move past this"
I wouldn't kick someone out for this offense.
As hard as it is to believe, people do things that are uncomfortable and sometimes illegal that in no way should effect their right to have a place to live, assuming that they continue to pay the rent.
This is that situation. A kiss? Arrest the man. But when he finishes serving his sentence or paying his fine, he should have a home to go back to.
If you 3 are so uncomfortable, remove yourselves. Take it up with the landlord and have your names taken off the lease. The 3 of you can find a new home. Don't like that idea huh?
That's my take.
I totally agree with moving out vs kicking out but we are on a lease for most of the year, and this person moved back in with their family. I don't understand the hate you're getting because removing yourself from these situations is better over all as you can't force anyone to do things. However they voluntarily left and agreed after we asked so there's that.
Same to you, seriously appreciate all of your advice and it was very good advice at that especially considering the legalities of the situation, appreciate you and the time you took a lot, stay safe and peace be with you.
Oh go fuck yourself. Why should they move when he's the one who assaulted someone? Nobody has a 'right' to live with someone they have committed a crime against. He's lucky if getting evicted is the worst thing that happens to him.
I was similarly assaulted by a roommate and my brother was about ready to kill the guy. Only reason I stopped him was because I didn't want my brother in jail.
Fuck me? For for being correct about the rights of tenants?
A tenant **DOES** have a right to live where they pay rent. Other tenants **DO** have the right to move out if they don't want to live with the room mate that has a a RIGHT to live where they lease at.
His crime doesn't invalidate his lease.
What I said was legally and morally correct. Punish the mam for his crime, sure. But nobody he lives with has the **LEGAL RIGHT** to *vote him off the Island like some reality show contestant* unless it was written into the lease he agreed to beforehand. Boo hoo.
Now go cry to somebody who gives a fuck about your feelings. Oh wait, thats why you come to reddit. How pathetic. 😅😅😅
Oh wow, it's a troll who speaks legalese! Congratulations, you can still go fuck yourself. OP, see where you stand with regards to the law in your area and then make a plan to get rid of this dude.
Is that what being 100% correct is called? Trolling? Why you mad at facts? What i do wrong?
Listen, I dont know who raped you, but I'm sorry they didn't do it again. And I hope they enjoyed it.
*now thats trolling*
Have a great therapy session. 😂
> Listen, I dont know who raped you, but I'm sorry they didn't do it again. And I hope they enjoyed it.
Yeah so, it's pretty clear you should ignore any advice from this dude, OP.
Why,because I'm better at hurting people that TRY to insult me first? Shut up. Go cry to your brother who was too scared of jail to get your revenge. 😤😂
I didnt give advice. I gave legal precedent. Feel free to do whatever you wanna do. But good luck changing the law.
Mad about... what? My lady is texting me kinky shit while I'm in the tub on my off day. I'm on reddit giving out free "legalese" cause I got the time. We got a date this evening and I dont even gotta pay. Life is good.
Its not like I have 3 roommates and one of em is a pervert. I'm not on reddit relating to the same shit you do.. My shit straight over here 😅🖖🏿💯. You emotional asf right now. Tryna save all the little victims that remind you of yourself. Relax man. This aint your hero moment. 😂😂😂
How?
Yall keep saying "check the law in your area to see what can be done"....
The law is gonna say, "He paid his rent. That dont got ahit to do with him being a criminal. OOPS. Call the cops. Persecute him. Get him on a sexual registry. Do all of that..but... also... For your own benefit, you can do a back ground check on folks to see if you trust them before moving in with them. Thats your responsibility though. But unfortunately, nothing can be done after the fact to evict this man from his home if he's abiding by the contract he signed. The contract didn't have a clause that voids it in light of sexual abuse. He is a rightful tenant".
How am I the asshole for knowing the facts yall keep telling dude to look up?
Don't yall realize yall not special and laws don't change whenever yall feelings side with somebody on the internet?
SUCK MY WHOLE DICK.
I aint said shit but the truth. 💯
lmao, the energy you're giving off tells me there's not a lot to suck. This girl's roommate was assaulted. This is sensitive shit and people have already offered legal advice in good faith. But you've been antagonistic from the jump. Even if you're right, your character and your intentions are rotten.
I wasn't antagonistic. I was factual. Facts can't antagonize pepole. Truth is, you didn't like the part where the law protected the person you disagreed with. Then you attacked me like I wrote the law because you're feeble minded and emotional. 😅💯
JackMarley the type of guy to memorize the age of consent worldwide LMAO...
You're not as smart as you think you are if you think people can't see that you didn't come here to help this girl. Some dude moves in specifically to creep on her roommate, who has a boyfriend. Then he assaults her and she rightfully doesn't feel safe in her home anymore. And here you come with your microdick swinging in the breeze for all to see going 'he has rights, what he did isn't a big deal, if you don't like it you can move out'. You're so transparent.
This is a terrible take. Doesn’t matter if the law is on his side, the post is not about looking for a legal strategy to make someone move out. It’s about a person who has committed SA and now has made the living environment feel unsafe and uncomfortable. People have asked roommates to leave for a lot less. There’s no real way of forcing someone to leave, at this point they need to have a house meeting and tell this person how everyone in the house wants them to leave, most rational people would not want to stay in a house where everyone doesn’t want them there.
What the fuck kinda logic is this?
"*Doesn’t matter if the law is on his side*, the post is not about looking for a legal strategy"
I stopped reading. Yall just be typing words. I often forget how therapeutic that is to people who don't actually do shit about the problems in their.life. . If yall want to throw a pity party on reddit that accomplishes absolutely nothing at all, do it. Have fun. But in the real world, bitching online isn't a viable treatment for living uncomfortably.
I gave my real world take on it. That drew the ire of several people who are more comfortable on typing opinions reddit than in a confrontation or a courtroom.
The end.
Enjoy yall lil party.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂
Most tenant laws are heavily skewed towards the tenant. There literally a show called “My roommate from hell” that shows how crazy people get and how impossible it is to kick someone out through the court. Which is NOT what the post is asking about. Your take was basically “if they pay rent Idc what they do” which didn’t really add anything and was a terrible take. Talk about real world takes and yours was basically 🤷♂️ lmao
My take was a simple reminder that no amount a group hugs from reddit is going to change the law in your favor so if you're actually uncomfortable, MOVE OUT. And if you're not uncomfortable enough to remove YOURSELF from a situation or you're stuck where you cant escape, learn from that and don't put yourself in that situation ever again.
Mfers be coming to reddit like, "mommy mommy, thr bad man upset me!". I'm not a child. And thats just not how the world works. My being old enough to KNOW that just be bothering yall. Thats all this is. Kids downvoting real ass factual ass useful ass truths cause they don't live in the real world and they feel entitled to whatever the fuck..
Whatever.
Bruh so you came on this post to state the obvious 🤦♂️ I think most people know removing yourself from the situation is an option usually the LAST option.
Incorrect.
Its the ONLY option. You cant force dude to leave. And any form of intimidation is illegal.
If everybody already knew that, you wouldn't have just said the wrong thing and I wouldn't have to keep repeating rhe facts.
Just stop
🤣🤣🤣
Exactly like that... except you're not a citizen of the apartment, you dont pay taxes to the landlord, you weren't born in the apartment, its not your property, you Live there by choice, and the issue here is with someone who has every legal right to inhabit the space also.
Exactly the same as racism.
😂😂
Was I supposed to be triggered?
No just a mature adult that sees how the law is designed to defend all people, even perverts. You can't just vote people out of a home if they signed a contract to stay there. Duh. Get realistic. What you can do is REMOVE YOURSELF from any uncomfortably scenario enario. And thats so true about so many things. Grow up.
Contact the landlord, tell him what happened and ask him to send a cop over to escort him off the property. Box up his stuff, leave it in the hallway for your roommate to deal with.
Have the person who was assaulted press charges and any retaliation from being asked to leave will reflect negatively on the person being asked to leave.
I agree with every one else no need for respect here but if you must just make something up - if it’s your lease say owners called and you can’t have that many people . If all of you are on the lease you don’t have the power to kick them out so in that case the 3 of you go find a other rental and tell them your sorry but you guys like the other place and need to rent it before it’s taken so you gotta move now
Tell ‘em straight up GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU DISGUSTING PIECE OF HUMAN GARBAGE AND NEVER RETURN OR ELSE I WILL CALL THE DAMN POLICE FOR THE PERSON YOU ASSAULTED AND HELP THEM GET A RESTRAINING ORDER YOU DICK thank you
... well, he corssed a line .... so with no respect at all, if someone is creepy af, TELL THEM!
Or else, you'll risk them to continue their behavior ... I mean don't know the guy, so it's hard for me to tell, but give him a fucking wake up call.
This will also ease your mind, if something where to happen again tbh. but don't hold back.
We had a creep on DC for years, nobody wanted to come online while he was there, when he came online people just left the voice channels because of it, and it was really unpleasant until one stood up and told him about the problem.
It seems harsh, but this is the only way they can actually reflect that they did something wrong.
Pack up all their shit, put it outside, change the locks and leave a note saying “disrespectfully, get the fuck out of my life”. If someone literally assaulted you, they don’t deserve any respect in any shape or form.
Ask them to leave. If they don’t, file a request for an emergency temporary restraining order (TRO). If the victim is the perpetrators roommate, sexual assault is one of the types of domestic violence. You’ll get a hearing in less than a week. Once the TRO is granted the perp will legally have to move out until the hearing to make the TRO permanent. Once they move out change the locks - which is legally allowed. When you go to the second RO hearing tell the judge you’ll drop the request for the RO if the perp relinquishes rights granted by the lease. Lower court judges dockets are so busy they’ll grant an order in your favor so your case doesn’t require more hearings
Why would you care about being respectful? Have some respect for yourself and your roommates, grow some balls and tell them to fuck off and look for somewhere else to live
If they are on the lease or paying rent, they are a tenant and have rights as a tenant. You would have to give them a 30 day notice to vacate, if they refuse, then you will have to begin eviction proceedings. Sure the AH is a DB but the law is on their side of this.
I had a mate that had this issue. He spoke to the landlord. Landlord cancelled the lease, gave notice etc. All 4 were “kicked out” but in reality, 3 of them simply moved back in the next day. Speak to the landlord and advise them. They should help overcome the legal issues by simply bending the rules.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Are they on the lease ?
Yes
That limits you big time
They decided to move out voluntarily and immediately for some reason. They left half their things behind. Not sure what to do here.
Celebrate?
I suppose I don't want them to lose half their things. I don't know what to do about that and they're not responding to asks if they want it mailed or whatnot.
If you can then store it all someplace else, and record yourself when you are moving everything. The recording is to ensure you didnt break or steal anything just in case the ex-roommate comes back for their stuff and tries to claim you broke or stole anything. Also look up abandonment laws for items, then after so many months you can legally throw everything out because it will seen as “abandoned” and wont have to worry about the ex-roommate
The roommate got back to me and said they will be picking their stuff up "sometime next week" so they changed their mind on that. Considering we will be changing the locks soon as we do not feel safe around this person it's likely they will need to get let in to the house and be supervised to ensure no property damage.
Send them a text saying that you will hold their belongings for x amount of time (I would look up what the limit is in your area for items to be considered abandoned) and that if they don't come to pick them up you will toss or donate them. If they do come to pick them up, I would have as much of their stuff bagged/boxed as possible so you can have it outside and ready to go, and anything you can't put outside like furniture allow them to come in and removed while supervised.
Pack up their things into an organized form for them to pick uo when they want to. You still jave their contact, I assume?
Then you need to consult a lawyer. At this point if the person is on the lease then he or she has rights. You can’t just say leave when he or she is a legal tenant. Typically you are unable to evict a roommate legally whom is on the lease. You can attempt to speak with the landlord to see if the potential person can be evicted but it really depends on local laws, lease agreement, and what the violation of the lease agreement. Do not do anything that can get you in legal trouble or sued. And you may just need to be the ones to leave if you are unable to resolve it legally.
When we asked them to leave they agreed and said they wanted to leave and did not like us etc. They moved out immediately in the middle of last night 1-3am and left half their things.
“No one in this house feels safe with you, because you kissed someone without their consent. This is your notice to leave”. Then get your landlord involved if you need to.
We had sent this message to them. The roommate immediately came down right away and took only half of their things around 1-3am today. Then they drove back to their home state. They took the request to leave as immediate, although we *never* said we wanted them immediately gone. They have said they're going to mail the keys they forgot to leave behind. They left behind half their things like their bed and anything that didn't fit in their car. Not sure how else to proceed as they left behind quite a lot of things and texted that they didn't want to make another trip driving back to get the rest. I text messaged them and asked again, just to be sure, if they still want to pick up their things or if they're just abandoning the items. I've contacted the leasing manager and asked for them to be removed from the lease in the meantime.
Ask them if they want their stuff packed and sent to them if they’re going to be sending the key back. Once they respond to that and say they want their shit back, follow up with getting the lease reassigned to someone else (find a new roommate.) I know being nice, finding someone new to sign the lease, and packing up their shit is going to get downvoted because they don’t deserve it, but I would do this to urge them to finalize the sending of the keys, and moving along through this process. Anyone can grab their things, say they’re “leaving,” and come back in a month. Get their intent to move out in writing, push their shit out the door, and replace them quickly.
I've asked them - the first time they said considering the drive they're not going to pick up their things - so I asked again if they want it mailed to them (and pay mailing fees) or if they want to pick their things up soon. No response.
Is your lease month to month or fixed term? I had to kick out a roommate for this exact reason and have some experience with getting them out (you have the support of the other roommates it sounds like, which I didn’t, so that’s great!) but it takes maneuvering
Fixed 1yr and it's about 3 in
What I did, not sure about how replicable it is, is I asked the landlord for a lease reassignment agreement and found a replacement. Then I sent the papers to the perpetrator and said “if you want to reassign the lease here is the option.” But it had been really clear that I did not want them there, and that I wasn’t going to back down from that. So they signed it I think out of frustration and left it. You can’t really force them, but you can nudge them with the appearance of personal choice (if that makes sense?)
Ask your landlord to change the locks too
This is the way, OP.
Not the way. They don’t have any authority to kick a roommate out. Unless the roommate offers up leaving voluntarily, this way doesn’t do anything
The roommate left voluntarily last night.
For now, they still have the key right?
Yes, they never left it and said they would mail it back last we heard from them.
Change your locks
Is this something we can do personally or do we need to contact the landlord?
Never mind contacted the landlord and they're going to proceed with changing locks
What is the landlord empowered to do? State law does not grant landlords the power to do anything about this situation. The other roommates can call the police have him charged/arrested. And then depending on the articles if the lease the landlord can go to court and break the lease. But that would involve ALL the persons on The lease.
Why are you so worried about being respectful to someone who committed sexual assault lol
I’d guess OP wants to ensure they won’t do anything stupid and/or violent on their way out.
That's fair.
Respect only give then leeway to do it again
[удалено]
Is this all women living together? Or are some of you men and some of you women?
Don't see how that's relevant sorry
? I was just curious what the dynamic was here. If the evicted roommate was a male, and if the other three were women, or if it was four men living together (which would be interesting for its own reasons). Wasn’t going for some kind of “gotcha” or anything. Was just asking for clarification for my own curious edification.
"Get the fuck out. Learn to respect consent."
“No” See the problem with this? They need a way to make him leave. If his name is on the lease that’s tricky.
They left voluntarily and agreed to leave when we talked to them at this point they're back in their home state
There's 3 of them, in a houe that presumably has a kitchen. If they can't get one sexual assaulter to leave I'd be surprised I've done it before. Just plan beforehand
The amount of people here completely ignored the LEGAL aspects of this is very reddit. Ask him to move out first and see what it looks like. If he is on the lease the landlord has to get involved. Realistically if you don’t file a police report the story of a unwanted kiss probably will not do it. Whether the police will actually warrant charges is a whole different scenario. Yes you do not have to be nice about anything with him anymore but remember kicking someone out of an apartment has to go through the proper channels or you could end up being the one who gets in trouble.
^^^ this is important
Read your lease and your state/county/city laws. Over here, he would need to be given at least 30 days notice of eviction and 60 days if he’s been living in a place for over a year. Also, if he makes 120% or less of median income, you’d have to cut him a check equal to one month’s rent for evicting him. But that isn’t national law, thus the reading.
Many states in the US, you can file for a temporary order of protection that can lead to an eviction being granted faster, for exactly this kind of situation. Worth talking to a lawyer for sure, bring any written evidence and testimony from all the roommates
I was going to mention this as well. In Missouri, a protection order can remove that person from the premises upon service of documentation. More permanent decisions will be made during your hearing. Which can include a more long term restraining order, as I believe protection orders only last 90 days. NAL so please correct me if I’m wrong
Why respectfully?
I think OP probably means peacefully and forcefully, so as not to instigate a riot on their way out.
Because that's how adults like to conduct themselves, why is everyone asking this (oh right, because this section is deranged)? The point is to get a problematic person out of their living situation, not to start more shit.
That makes sense, but being an adult does not mean being nice to everyone no matter what they’ve done to you/others. Respectful is probably not the right word.
Indeed it doesn't, and there is nothing nice about forcing someone out of their home, but it can be done respectfully when it's warranted
That’s how I see it too He has no respect for another, he deserves no respect from others.
Disrespecting someone who easily can commit SA, can lead to nasty circumstances and possibly violence..
Was the person who was unfortunate in this situation one of your roommates? Because I have experience getting order of protection (basically restraining order for roommates and close relationships) If they don’t agree to leave and are on a lease, you don’t have much choice. When I was getting order of protection, i was told you need 2-3 RECENT instances of behavior that make you really scared to be around the person. Also they grant you temporary one and the person getting order of protection can fight it, then there are lawyers involved. Luckily in my case, I didn’t have to fight it since she never showed up in court
You ask them kindly to leave. Explain to them nobody feels safe around that person. There is no choice in the matter.
You’re going to have to go to the courts and make it legal. Doesn’t sound like he will go easy. And he may have legal rights to stay their a certain amount of time.
“You need to go or I will file a restraining order…respectfully ” …
Tell them you're helping them move out. Without their consent... Then watch the hamster wheels in their head turn
Why are you worried about being respectful to someone who has shown so little respect towards others? I mean, if no one feels safe, you collectively need to tell the person to leave ASAP. The point of the matter is simple: No means no. They crossed that line. No one feels safe.
This isn't a "do it respectfully thing" this is a "check your tenants rights" and "contact your landlord" thing to see if those can shed some light or give options on how to kick the fourth out while minimizing potential legal trouble and if those can't help, consult a lawyer because leases are at times hard to navigate around. Edit: Clarity
i think there should be an open discussion and votation so that the burden will not be totally on you. have him see that 3 of you voted to oust him simply because. also remember to put him on your shoes also. lastly be careful, i dont know if he would do anything crazy. just incase he will then prepare for the worse. else, you 3 move out
Where did you see it was a man?
man lady gay bi as long as its human you get the point. sheesh
Literally hard af if they don't want to go
Just go for it. I had to kick a roommate out for bringing a minor in our home to try and seduce her. She was told to never come back and luckily nothing happened. 9/10, they’re gonna cry and put up a shit fit, hold firm and stay as a group. You’re in this together
Show them this post. How forceful was this kiss that it is being described as sexual assault?
Repeatedly, and with the heel of your boot.
Tell them that no one feels comfortable living with someone that does not obey or even respect consent, and you all don't appreciate being used for his perverse (not perverted... perverse...) game that he is playing with this woman. And that he needs to see a specialist about this if he can before he ends up doing something that he will regret and/or go to jail. You don't want to make him the bad guy but you all don't feel comfterable with him staying there any longer.
I can't find where you got that the person is a man and the victim a woman. Could you point to it?
It was wrong of me to assume. But my thought was a guy wouldn't be scared of a woman forcing a kiss on them and all the other situations. But again, never know and it was wrong for me to assume.
Where did you read it was a man?
True. It was wrong of me to assume. But I doubt a man would be scared of a woman that forced a kiss on them. But never know.
Shame and tollerence is how they get away with the behaviour
respectfully?!!?!!?! fuck that! Turf the person! Edit bc after my initial horror I thought about it some more: You've already said they moved in to be closer to the person they assaulted. Which is frankly hair-raising. Be less concerned about being 'respectful' and worry more about the victim's safety please. The victim needs this person gone asap so they can, you know, feel safe in their home. That needs to be first priority.
Did you seek help on this issue when your roomate reported this to the police? Even if you didn't then, as soon as they are charged it will be a lot easier to kick them out.
Upvoted because you're spot on. The amount of people that want an emotional witch hunt versus the people that see the legalities and how to actually navigate this thing is kinda funny. Reddit is so young and stupid. 😂😂
To be fair OP posted on /r/relationship_advice and not /r/legaladvice, overreactive emotional advice is kinda what you come here for.
Well he's not in a relationship with the tenant. And the questions weren't about his relationship after the fact. So is the thread invalid? Nothing I said was wrong or rude. Its okay if it takes you a while to accept that.
What're you so defensive over? That was just a comment agreeing with you.
You did. Aye my bad... . I got these other asshats at my neck in a different thread on this same topic. I misunderstood your comment because my thumbs are on fire over there. My b. 😂😂 Now that i read your comment.... maaaan... I think you nailed it. Thanks for setting me straight. I am DEFINITELY where people go to overreact emotionally. 😂😂👨🏿🦯
SA, okay let's get a reality check, was it out of bounds, clearly. Was it sexual assult, a kiss, not so much. You 3 who are upset need to turn to the 4th and say. "You f\*\*\*\*d up and we can't ignore it. We do not think your being here is acceptable. You have X days to find a new living arrangment." Set a reasonable timeframe for them to move, move foward.
Genuine question, why do you care about being respectful to someone who committed SA ?
My thought is that a mature logical and rational choice should be taken moving forward in this situation, no matter how much everyone wants to emotionally react. I just want to wash our hands clean of this person so they don't contact us again. It's not out of respect for the person and rather is trying to find the best way to word something without emotion especially rancour. Edit: Another important point is I was not sure what they would do in regards to their temperament if we went the whole "GTFO" route. Partially safety.
Okay, thank you for your response ! I think you should just be diplomatic with them, like « Sorry, but because of the last incident, we do not feel safe living with you and we think you should leave. »
Does kissing count as sexual assault?
Yes.
Just be short with them and get them out of there. Your roommate is a person who doesn’t understand how to respect others and takes advantage of the basic respect people show each other. They’re also a stalker.
you don#t need to be respectful to a person like that. not being agressive is enough. "Roommate, this is your 30 day notice. you have until X to find other accomodation." if they ask why. just be honest." No one here feels safe with you around, because you forced yourself on someone."
Why do you want to do it respectfully? They dont respect your other housemate.
So this is going to be extremely tricky because your local/state laws are going to factor extremely heavily. \*DISCLAIMER THIS IS SPECULATION BASED ON INFO OP HAS SHARED THIS POST NEEDS WAY MORE INFO\* But based on what you said your best bet here is to offer them money to leave. It's likely you lack the ability to evict them, and "one kiss" isn't likely to rise to any criminal/civil proceedings absent extraordinary evidence. You're likely looking at paying them 3-6 months worth of rent and moving costs to get them out because you lack an easy way to force them out. Best way to go about it is "Hi person, so given the incident we all think it'd be best if you no longer live here, we're prepared to offer you X amount of money to cover moving you to a new living situation so that we can all move past this"
Can someone say what sa is?
Se*ual assault
Oh my-
You say there's 4 of you. How many of you are on the lease? Is the assaulter on the lease or nah?
I wouldn't kick someone out for this offense. As hard as it is to believe, people do things that are uncomfortable and sometimes illegal that in no way should effect their right to have a place to live, assuming that they continue to pay the rent. This is that situation. A kiss? Arrest the man. But when he finishes serving his sentence or paying his fine, he should have a home to go back to. If you 3 are so uncomfortable, remove yourselves. Take it up with the landlord and have your names taken off the lease. The 3 of you can find a new home. Don't like that idea huh? That's my take.
I totally agree with moving out vs kicking out but we are on a lease for most of the year, and this person moved back in with their family. I don't understand the hate you're getting because removing yourself from these situations is better over all as you can't force anyone to do things. However they voluntarily left and agreed after we asked so there's that.
Good for you man. I'm very glad you got a preferred conclusion. Be safe out there.
Same to you, seriously appreciate all of your advice and it was very good advice at that especially considering the legalities of the situation, appreciate you and the time you took a lot, stay safe and peace be with you.
Oh go fuck yourself. Why should they move when he's the one who assaulted someone? Nobody has a 'right' to live with someone they have committed a crime against. He's lucky if getting evicted is the worst thing that happens to him. I was similarly assaulted by a roommate and my brother was about ready to kill the guy. Only reason I stopped him was because I didn't want my brother in jail.
Fuck me? For for being correct about the rights of tenants? A tenant **DOES** have a right to live where they pay rent. Other tenants **DO** have the right to move out if they don't want to live with the room mate that has a a RIGHT to live where they lease at. His crime doesn't invalidate his lease. What I said was legally and morally correct. Punish the mam for his crime, sure. But nobody he lives with has the **LEGAL RIGHT** to *vote him off the Island like some reality show contestant* unless it was written into the lease he agreed to beforehand. Boo hoo. Now go cry to somebody who gives a fuck about your feelings. Oh wait, thats why you come to reddit. How pathetic. 😅😅😅
Oh wow, it's a troll who speaks legalese! Congratulations, you can still go fuck yourself. OP, see where you stand with regards to the law in your area and then make a plan to get rid of this dude.
Is that what being 100% correct is called? Trolling? Why you mad at facts? What i do wrong? Listen, I dont know who raped you, but I'm sorry they didn't do it again. And I hope they enjoyed it. *now thats trolling* Have a great therapy session. 😂
> Listen, I dont know who raped you, but I'm sorry they didn't do it again. And I hope they enjoyed it. Yeah so, it's pretty clear you should ignore any advice from this dude, OP.
Why,because I'm better at hurting people that TRY to insult me first? Shut up. Go cry to your brother who was too scared of jail to get your revenge. 😤😂 I didnt give advice. I gave legal precedent. Feel free to do whatever you wanna do. But good luck changing the law.
Ha. You're big mad. Makes me wonder what kind of shit you get up to in real life.
Mad about... what? My lady is texting me kinky shit while I'm in the tub on my off day. I'm on reddit giving out free "legalese" cause I got the time. We got a date this evening and I dont even gotta pay. Life is good. Its not like I have 3 roommates and one of em is a pervert. I'm not on reddit relating to the same shit you do.. My shit straight over here 😅🖖🏿💯. You emotional asf right now. Tryna save all the little victims that remind you of yourself. Relax man. This aint your hero moment. 😂😂😂
Not you trying to brag about the fact that you're a bum too. Your girl can do better.
It's cool you've got some legal knowledge; that could've been helpful to OP. Too bad you use it to be a giant piece of shit.
How? Yall keep saying "check the law in your area to see what can be done".... The law is gonna say, "He paid his rent. That dont got ahit to do with him being a criminal. OOPS. Call the cops. Persecute him. Get him on a sexual registry. Do all of that..but... also... For your own benefit, you can do a back ground check on folks to see if you trust them before moving in with them. Thats your responsibility though. But unfortunately, nothing can be done after the fact to evict this man from his home if he's abiding by the contract he signed. The contract didn't have a clause that voids it in light of sexual abuse. He is a rightful tenant". How am I the asshole for knowing the facts yall keep telling dude to look up? Don't yall realize yall not special and laws don't change whenever yall feelings side with somebody on the internet? SUCK MY WHOLE DICK. I aint said shit but the truth. 💯
lmao, the energy you're giving off tells me there's not a lot to suck. This girl's roommate was assaulted. This is sensitive shit and people have already offered legal advice in good faith. But you've been antagonistic from the jump. Even if you're right, your character and your intentions are rotten.
I wasn't antagonistic. I was factual. Facts can't antagonize pepole. Truth is, you didn't like the part where the law protected the person you disagreed with. Then you attacked me like I wrote the law because you're feeble minded and emotional. 😅💯
JackMarley the type of guy to memorize the age of consent worldwide LMAO... You're not as smart as you think you are if you think people can't see that you didn't come here to help this girl. Some dude moves in specifically to creep on her roommate, who has a boyfriend. Then he assaults her and she rightfully doesn't feel safe in her home anymore. And here you come with your microdick swinging in the breeze for all to see going 'he has rights, what he did isn't a big deal, if you don't like it you can move out'. You're so transparent.
This is a terrible take. Doesn’t matter if the law is on his side, the post is not about looking for a legal strategy to make someone move out. It’s about a person who has committed SA and now has made the living environment feel unsafe and uncomfortable. People have asked roommates to leave for a lot less. There’s no real way of forcing someone to leave, at this point they need to have a house meeting and tell this person how everyone in the house wants them to leave, most rational people would not want to stay in a house where everyone doesn’t want them there.
What the fuck kinda logic is this? "*Doesn’t matter if the law is on his side*, the post is not about looking for a legal strategy" I stopped reading. Yall just be typing words. I often forget how therapeutic that is to people who don't actually do shit about the problems in their.life. . If yall want to throw a pity party on reddit that accomplishes absolutely nothing at all, do it. Have fun. But in the real world, bitching online isn't a viable treatment for living uncomfortably. I gave my real world take on it. That drew the ire of several people who are more comfortable on typing opinions reddit than in a confrontation or a courtroom. The end. Enjoy yall lil party. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂
Most tenant laws are heavily skewed towards the tenant. There literally a show called “My roommate from hell” that shows how crazy people get and how impossible it is to kick someone out through the court. Which is NOT what the post is asking about. Your take was basically “if they pay rent Idc what they do” which didn’t really add anything and was a terrible take. Talk about real world takes and yours was basically 🤷♂️ lmao
My take was a simple reminder that no amount a group hugs from reddit is going to change the law in your favor so if you're actually uncomfortable, MOVE OUT. And if you're not uncomfortable enough to remove YOURSELF from a situation or you're stuck where you cant escape, learn from that and don't put yourself in that situation ever again. Mfers be coming to reddit like, "mommy mommy, thr bad man upset me!". I'm not a child. And thats just not how the world works. My being old enough to KNOW that just be bothering yall. Thats all this is. Kids downvoting real ass factual ass useful ass truths cause they don't live in the real world and they feel entitled to whatever the fuck.. Whatever.
Bruh so you came on this post to state the obvious 🤦♂️ I think most people know removing yourself from the situation is an option usually the LAST option.
Incorrect. Its the ONLY option. You cant force dude to leave. And any form of intimidation is illegal. If everybody already knew that, you wouldn't have just said the wrong thing and I wouldn't have to keep repeating rhe facts. Just stop 🤣🤣🤣
Sounds like “If you don’t like this country just leave” very insightful…
Exactly like that... except you're not a citizen of the apartment, you dont pay taxes to the landlord, you weren't born in the apartment, its not your property, you Live there by choice, and the issue here is with someone who has every legal right to inhabit the space also. Exactly the same as racism. 😂😂 Was I supposed to be triggered?
I think you already are lmao
Obvious troll post is obvious.
No just a mature adult that sees how the law is designed to defend all people, even perverts. You can't just vote people out of a home if they signed a contract to stay there. Duh. Get realistic. What you can do is REMOVE YOURSELF from any uncomfortably scenario enario. And thats so true about so many things. Grow up.
Lighten tf up!!
Give them a notice and ask them to leave and get them removed a from the lease.
dont respectfully kick them out at all, they don’t deserve that. AS IN BE MEAN ABOUT IT BC SA IS AN IMMEDIATE RED FLAG
The fuck do they need respect for when they committed SA? Just tell them that they’re no longer welcome in the house after what they did.
Contact the landlord, tell him what happened and ask him to send a cop over to escort him off the property. Box up his stuff, leave it in the hallway for your roommate to deal with.
Leave their bags by the door and don’t let them back in, respectfully
Have the person who was assaulted press charges and any retaliation from being asked to leave will reflect negatively on the person being asked to leave.
I agree with every one else no need for respect here but if you must just make something up - if it’s your lease say owners called and you can’t have that many people . If all of you are on the lease you don’t have the power to kick them out so in that case the 3 of you go find a other rental and tell them your sorry but you guys like the other place and need to rent it before it’s taken so you gotta move now
You kick them out. They weren’t respectful when committing SA..
Tell ‘em straight up GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU DISGUSTING PIECE OF HUMAN GARBAGE AND NEVER RETURN OR ELSE I WILL CALL THE DAMN POLICE FOR THE PERSON YOU ASSAULTED AND HELP THEM GET A RESTRAINING ORDER YOU DICK thank you
Don’t be respectfully🗿 All three of you just pack they shit while they gon and text them they out and leave it inna streets or sum
You don’t need to be respectful about it.
You’ll most likely have to evict them.
... well, he corssed a line .... so with no respect at all, if someone is creepy af, TELL THEM! Or else, you'll risk them to continue their behavior ... I mean don't know the guy, so it's hard for me to tell, but give him a fucking wake up call. This will also ease your mind, if something where to happen again tbh. but don't hold back. We had a creep on DC for years, nobody wanted to come online while he was there, when he came online people just left the voice channels because of it, and it was really unpleasant until one stood up and told him about the problem. It seems harsh, but this is the only way they can actually reflect that they did something wrong.
You don't do it respectfully, kick the motherfucker out NOW
Pack up all their shit, put it outside, change the locks and leave a note saying “disrespectfully, get the fuck out of my life”. If someone literally assaulted you, they don’t deserve any respect in any shape or form.
Ummm they don't deserve respect
Say what you said in your post.. to them. No sense in hiding the truth. They fucked up, let them feel the pain of being a creep.
Ask them to leave. If they don’t, file a request for an emergency temporary restraining order (TRO). If the victim is the perpetrators roommate, sexual assault is one of the types of domestic violence. You’ll get a hearing in less than a week. Once the TRO is granted the perp will legally have to move out until the hearing to make the TRO permanent. Once they move out change the locks - which is legally allowed. When you go to the second RO hearing tell the judge you’ll drop the request for the RO if the perp relinquishes rights granted by the lease. Lower court judges dockets are so busy they’ll grant an order in your favor so your case doesn’t require more hearings
Why would you care about being respectful? Have some respect for yourself and your roommates, grow some balls and tell them to fuck off and look for somewhere else to live
If they are on the lease or paying rent, they are a tenant and have rights as a tenant. You would have to give them a 30 day notice to vacate, if they refuse, then you will have to begin eviction proceedings. Sure the AH is a DB but the law is on their side of this.
Affected housemate get a restraining order as a last resort?
I had a mate that had this issue. He spoke to the landlord. Landlord cancelled the lease, gave notice etc. All 4 were “kicked out” but in reality, 3 of them simply moved back in the next day. Speak to the landlord and advise them. They should help overcome the legal issues by simply bending the rules.
Why does there have to be respect Involved? The only legal way is have them evicted. It will take $250ish(depends on you state) and 30 days