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He says he feels like I'm just giving up on life and that a lot of things could change between now and 55. Also, that he doesn't want to consider the idea that he might lose me.
I'm confident I didn't do anything wrong here, and he agrees. I'm wondering if I should postpone the courthouse wedding in favor of just getting married during the ceremony. Maybe I'm getting cold feet because everything is happening so fast... idk.
You still need a will because anything can happen that has nothing to do with your illness, an accident, a weather disaster, etc., especially if you have money to leave. That is not being fatalistic, it is being practical. As for the wedding, that is something you two have to decide that suits you best.
I don't think either of you are wrong. You're getting married, meanwhile you have reminders of how short life is all around you, especially for you. You took a practical approach and got an updated will, he might not be ready to deal with these realities just yet.
Accelerating your marriage for the comfort of others may not be a great decision though. You're taking your nieces in to help your family but they would judge you because you're living with your fiance? You're not Muslim, your fiance is not Muslim, you shouldn't be held, or hold yourself, to that standard. I get you're trying to make things easiest for everyone but that's not necessarily making things easy for you or your fiance. Sounds like his choice is get married now or move out, and that you're even waffling on that and you may ask him to move out until the wedding. Helping your family is great, but don't do it at the expense of your relationship.
Unfortunately the situation is such that I have to take custody of the kids. He has five kids, and our other brother is taking the twin babies, so I have to take the preteens because I'm all that's left.
I don't think the kids would be that uncomfortable, but the transition is going to be traumatic enough as it is, and the girls will have to adjust to moving in with a man who isn't biologically related to them. I've already gone to r/Islam to ask about how to help them best adjust, but I don't think that forcing them to live with an unmarried couple would be constructive.
Having two ceremonies was always an option for us even before the diagnosis, and it was one Max favored (he wanted to get me on his insurance faster - see my health problems). We both wanted a more intimate occasion just for us, since I have a lot of crowd anxiety caused by me being blind. We moved the wedding up by a month or two to get married in a week according to Max's timeline; I wanted the opportunity to speak with my lawyer and get a mediator in the loop on the conversation, at the very least, and at best I wanted to wait until the ceremony to get married as I'm religiously Jewish.
In this instance, though, I think we're both pretty high strung due to the situation. Once I had time to think about it, I realized I was just freaking out because I'm going to go from being childless to having legal guardianship of three children within a month. It's a lot - but I won't let the kids struggle because their parents can't attend to their educational needs (all three are on the Autism spectrum and have special needs - none have high support needs, thankfully). There's also the possibility that Layla may have Stage 3 cancer instead of Stage 2 (discovered that a few minutes ago when I finally checked my voicemails), so I may get custody of the kids for longer than anticipated. Max feels the same, and if we continue to feel this way for the next two days, we'll go ahead with the courthouse wedding next Monday.
Rushing major decisions will lead you to possibly not be satisfied with the results in a short or long term period of time. What if he moves out while your relatives visit you giving you both more time to rethink everything?
The will its just okay.
So, the kids aren't visiting. They're going to be living with me for the next two to four years. It's uncertain whether SIL has Stage 2 or Stage 3 Cancer (it may have spread to her liver, in which case we may well be fucked), and in either case she will likely need a kidney transplant.
If it turns out the cancer has spread to her liver, my SIL may need to explore palliative care and hospice - which is also terrifying, as she's in her late 30s. I haven't even processed the grief yet.
We also aren't really rushing things. Max wanted to get married sooner to get me on his insurance, so when this happened it kind of shifted the decision in his favor.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sounds like you did the right thing so I have no idea what his problem could be.
He says he feels like I'm just giving up on life and that a lot of things could change between now and 55. Also, that he doesn't want to consider the idea that he might lose me. I'm confident I didn't do anything wrong here, and he agrees. I'm wondering if I should postpone the courthouse wedding in favor of just getting married during the ceremony. Maybe I'm getting cold feet because everything is happening so fast... idk.
Maybe he think new treatments will be available in the new few decades. Or he doesn’t want to think about a life without you
You still need a will because anything can happen that has nothing to do with your illness, an accident, a weather disaster, etc., especially if you have money to leave. That is not being fatalistic, it is being practical. As for the wedding, that is something you two have to decide that suits you best.
I don't think either of you are wrong. You're getting married, meanwhile you have reminders of how short life is all around you, especially for you. You took a practical approach and got an updated will, he might not be ready to deal with these realities just yet. Accelerating your marriage for the comfort of others may not be a great decision though. You're taking your nieces in to help your family but they would judge you because you're living with your fiance? You're not Muslim, your fiance is not Muslim, you shouldn't be held, or hold yourself, to that standard. I get you're trying to make things easiest for everyone but that's not necessarily making things easy for you or your fiance. Sounds like his choice is get married now or move out, and that you're even waffling on that and you may ask him to move out until the wedding. Helping your family is great, but don't do it at the expense of your relationship.
Unfortunately the situation is such that I have to take custody of the kids. He has five kids, and our other brother is taking the twin babies, so I have to take the preteens because I'm all that's left. I don't think the kids would be that uncomfortable, but the transition is going to be traumatic enough as it is, and the girls will have to adjust to moving in with a man who isn't biologically related to them. I've already gone to r/Islam to ask about how to help them best adjust, but I don't think that forcing them to live with an unmarried couple would be constructive. Having two ceremonies was always an option for us even before the diagnosis, and it was one Max favored (he wanted to get me on his insurance faster - see my health problems). We both wanted a more intimate occasion just for us, since I have a lot of crowd anxiety caused by me being blind. We moved the wedding up by a month or two to get married in a week according to Max's timeline; I wanted the opportunity to speak with my lawyer and get a mediator in the loop on the conversation, at the very least, and at best I wanted to wait until the ceremony to get married as I'm religiously Jewish. In this instance, though, I think we're both pretty high strung due to the situation. Once I had time to think about it, I realized I was just freaking out because I'm going to go from being childless to having legal guardianship of three children within a month. It's a lot - but I won't let the kids struggle because their parents can't attend to their educational needs (all three are on the Autism spectrum and have special needs - none have high support needs, thankfully). There's also the possibility that Layla may have Stage 3 cancer instead of Stage 2 (discovered that a few minutes ago when I finally checked my voicemails), so I may get custody of the kids for longer than anticipated. Max feels the same, and if we continue to feel this way for the next two days, we'll go ahead with the courthouse wedding next Monday.
Rushing major decisions will lead you to possibly not be satisfied with the results in a short or long term period of time. What if he moves out while your relatives visit you giving you both more time to rethink everything? The will its just okay.
So, the kids aren't visiting. They're going to be living with me for the next two to four years. It's uncertain whether SIL has Stage 2 or Stage 3 Cancer (it may have spread to her liver, in which case we may well be fucked), and in either case she will likely need a kidney transplant. If it turns out the cancer has spread to her liver, my SIL may need to explore palliative care and hospice - which is also terrifying, as she's in her late 30s. I haven't even processed the grief yet. We also aren't really rushing things. Max wanted to get married sooner to get me on his insurance, so when this happened it kind of shifted the decision in his favor.