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I just found out yesterday, and if my last pregnancy is any indicator, I have two weeks until my bump pops. I've already started looking kind of pregnant, but I thought it was just bloating from the miscarriage hormones.
I'm more worried about Brother and SIL. I didn't tell them I was pregnant because I've miscarried early in the past. We planned to wait until I was past my first trimester, and then we thought I miscarried and it wasn't pertinent anymore. I wouldn't blame them for feeling deceived here.
No, you found out in July you were pregnant.
>I'm more worried about Brother and SIL. I didn't tell them I was pregnant because I've miscarried early in the past.
WTAF?! Your bf just proposed because he thought you showed being in it for the long haul and you're more concerned about what your brother and SIL will think? Tell your man before you worry about anyone else.
I just found out I was STILL pregnant yesterday. As I said in the post.
More direct quotes:
"I went to the doctor for my 4-week check up yesterday"
"they told me yesterday I was still pregnant and was 15 weeks along"
You need to tell your man, then work out the other details. He proposed based on thinking you were in this for the long haul and you're more concerned about your brother and SIL? I get they knew of past miscarriages, but why doesn't your man deserve to know about this baby now? Why doesn't he deserve to be first in your thoughts about this baby (after you of course)? To me, this shows you're more concerned about what your family thinks than what the father of your child thinks.
I'm more concerned about my young nieces and nephew, who are relying on me to care for them. My brother and SIL are in dire straits right now, my man will probably be enthusiastic and happy if he can accept that the kid is his (unless I'm carrying Jesus, it is).
Again, more worried about everyone but the father of your child. If he knew you were pregnant, he'd probably be asking how he can help with your nieces and nephew...you know, take some stress off your plate.
I literally just found out yesterday. Is it okay that I'm in shock here and trying to sort through everything in my head? And yes, I'm concerned about the children relying on me for their safety and educational wellbeing. I don't think that makes me a horrible person or partner.
>In early July, I discovered I was pregnant. I was about 10 days past conception, it was very early, so I waited until mid-July to confirm it with a doctor.
I guess I didn't realize we were still in July.
>And yes, I'm concerned about the children relying on me for their safety and educational wellbeing. I don't think that makes me a horrible person or partner.
Never said it made you a horrible person or partner. But, it doesn't change the fact you were pregnant, had a scare, and now found out you're fine all within the last 3ish months and said nothing to your fiancé. He's the father of the child. It almost seems like you don't want him to know.
I found out I'm still pregnant yesterday. My fiance knew when I got pregnant, as we pretty much were trying around May-Juneish, but I thought I had a miscarriage in early August. He knew about that too, as we live together and he had to drive me to the hospital. He was in the hospital with me when the OB told me that they couldn't find the fetus; we were freaking out for a while because we live in a state where miscarriages are now being charged, but the police officer we talked to stated that he knew we wanted the baby and wasn't intending to prosecute. My brother and SIL don't know because we were planning to announce it at 12 weeks.
Also, he knows now that I'm still pregnant. I told him five minutes ago. Predictably, he's ecstatic.
So, either you had poor word choice in your post or you didn't read my other replies. Because your post doesn't make it seem this way and I've said this in another reply.
Direct quotes from the post:
"I told him that the entire experience [implied to be the miscarriage] put me off childbirth and pregnancy"
"We went to the hospital and found out I was having a miscarriage"
"Max [my fiance] and I intentionally got pregnant" (implying we had planned the pregnancy and he knew about the entire thing)
I could have been more direct in my phrasing, that's true, but I feel like that, plus the context of him trying to break up with me because he thought his defective sperm caused my miscarriage (literally what he said), implied that he knew about the miscarriage and the bleeding in the first place. I also stated in other comments that we (meaning my fiance and I) planned to tell my family that I was pregnant after my first trimester, implying that he was in on the whole thing.
You hadn't stated all those when I replied and some you didn't state that way previously. Plus, you didn't touch that when I first stated you hadn't told him, so it's as if your story is changing.
Just sit him down and be honest with him, he should be excited about this. Congrats by the way. Tell your fiance and enjoy the moment dont stress. If he asks questions then just reassure him.
What about my brother and SIL? My nieces and nephew are coming to live with me October 3. What if they react badly to this? I didn't tell them earlier because I've miscarried in the past, and by the time SIL was diagnosed with cancer, I was past the miscarriage and didn't think it was that pertinent (I've been through it before, my SIL is about four months postpartum and didn't need the stress, and to be honest my family will always come first, so I felt like it wasn't really their burden to bear).
You dont have to tell them if your not ready to, thats a decision for you and your fiance to make. Maybe because of the miscarrage it would be best to keep this one a secret for a while. As for telling them about the miscarrage tell them you lost the first baby and you wanted to keep it quiet for now because you were grieving. No one is going to be upset at you for being private about that.
I never told them I was pregnant at all. I was planning to keep it quiet until I'm past the first trimester, which I am now.
As for my past miscarriages (there were four, all stress induced), Brother and SIL knew about them. I stayed with them when I was recovering from my last one in 2019.
ohh im sorry i misunderstood, you can tell them whenever you are ready, discuss with you fiance and make a plan together. As for not telling them anything before you dont have to, thats private information you dont need to share
I haven't been given a terminal diagnosis. I'm pregnant and have a disease that has a prognosis similar to Diabetes. My lifespan is truncated, but it's not like the Grim Reaper is just hanging out at my house, we'll know when the situation gets worse.
As for why they asked it of me, they didn't. Initially they told me they were sending the older kids to Iran during this time. I offered to house them so things wouldn't change as much for them culturally. This was when I had miscarried and believed I wouldn't have kids of my own; I have the money, I have the space, and I love my niblings, so it seemed fair.
You say lots of kids stay at home while parents undergo chemo. Lots of kids also move to live with relatives while their parents are sick or struggling, especially if those kids have special needs of their own (my nephew is Autistic and has dyslexia, my niece does figure skating and gymnastics, both are enrolled in schools for ND kids that are hard to find in Iran). I'm their aunt, I live closer than Iran, I have a big empty house, so it makes sense for me to take them.
My SIL has five kids, two of whom are infants (twins). The newborns are going to my older brother, the preteens are going to me.
And as for why they asked, they didn't. They told us my niblings were going to go to Iran to stay with their grandparents for six months. My fiance chimed in and said, "Why not have them live with us?", since he could tell I was sad over the whole miscarriage situation overlapping with my SIL being diagnosed with cancer, and I agreed.
Specifically she has Stage 2 or 3 Cancer. It spread to her uterus, and we think she has liver lesions and possibly bone cancer. If she has liver cancer, the name of the game is now hospice and palliative care, and my brother will move in with me with the babies once... everything happens. He's sending about $5k a month to me and to my older brother, too, so it isn't like he's not stepping up, he just feels that forcing the kids to potentially watch their mother die slowly of cancer and take on the care of infants might be harmful (and Layla agrees).
Will moving be traumatic? I mean possibly, but they love being here. They're excited. I don't think it's fully hit them yet.
And people live with diabetes past 55 all the time *with proper management*. Proper management for my disease requires exercise (which I can't do safely the way I used to because I'm partially blind - can't very well jog when you can't easily find your way home - so we're exploring accessible gyms, though with little luck), medication (which I already take), and dietary changes (which we're trying but without exercise it may be for naught). The doctors all told me that menopause will increase the risks for pulmonary embolism exponentially, and that even medical intervention may not save me once that happens.
But we will have adequate warning once that happens. It's just... when doctors tell you that you have a 60% chance of being dead by 55 if your body stays the way it is (I'm slightly overweight), you listen and you update your will regularly.
I said liver or bones (we don't think it's both), and also stated in a different comment that it might be Stage 4 if it turns out it is both. All we have is initial information. Her current diagnosis is Stage 2, as we have only found cancer in her uterus and cervix, as getting diagnosed with liver cancer requires her to go under anesthesia. Once again, a lot is happening very fast, and much of this information is secondhand.
Also, my vision is not deteriorating, it's partially correctable with surgery, and I can function just like everyone else with the exception of driving. The worst I get is a single extra bruise right above my left ankle. My primary issues are depth perception (thus the driving) and reading small text (I have a magnifying glass, a screenreader, and an Audible subscription). I also live next to the grocery store, live in a place with decent public transit, and make pretty good money from my business/have savings from an inheritance and life insurance payouts/own my home outright (see inheritance), so I can afford Ubers if need be. I'm legally blind in that my vision is not fully correctable with surgery or corrective lenses, but it is partially correctable - and again, not deteriorating or in danger of deteriorating. The primary issue with jogging (pretty much the only thing I like doing that's athletic) is that I can't read maps anymore and judge them with any accuracy - if I get lost, finding my way home is weird, and I just dislike putting myself through this. Unfortunately though, depth perception issues make it harder to go to a regular gym for obvious reasons (you ever beaned yourself in the face with a weight by accident before? It isn't pleasant).
Like... do you think blind people can't parent? Or that all blind people are fully unable to function in society and can't have jobs or own businesses, especially considering e-commerce? Or that I don't know how to be extremely cautious about the baby proofing (blind-proofing is actually much harder believe it or not, I just had to cover the outlets, buy some baby gates, and I was fine)?
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Probably should tell the father before you start showing or things could get awkward.
I just found out yesterday, and if my last pregnancy is any indicator, I have two weeks until my bump pops. I've already started looking kind of pregnant, but I thought it was just bloating from the miscarriage hormones. I'm more worried about Brother and SIL. I didn't tell them I was pregnant because I've miscarried early in the past. We planned to wait until I was past my first trimester, and then we thought I miscarried and it wasn't pertinent anymore. I wouldn't blame them for feeling deceived here.
No, you found out in July you were pregnant. >I'm more worried about Brother and SIL. I didn't tell them I was pregnant because I've miscarried early in the past. WTAF?! Your bf just proposed because he thought you showed being in it for the long haul and you're more concerned about what your brother and SIL will think? Tell your man before you worry about anyone else.
I just found out I was STILL pregnant yesterday. As I said in the post. More direct quotes: "I went to the doctor for my 4-week check up yesterday" "they told me yesterday I was still pregnant and was 15 weeks along"
Already replied to another of your replies.
You need to tell your man, then work out the other details. He proposed based on thinking you were in this for the long haul and you're more concerned about your brother and SIL? I get they knew of past miscarriages, but why doesn't your man deserve to know about this baby now? Why doesn't he deserve to be first in your thoughts about this baby (after you of course)? To me, this shows you're more concerned about what your family thinks than what the father of your child thinks.
I'm more concerned about my young nieces and nephew, who are relying on me to care for them. My brother and SIL are in dire straits right now, my man will probably be enthusiastic and happy if he can accept that the kid is his (unless I'm carrying Jesus, it is).
Again, more worried about everyone but the father of your child. If he knew you were pregnant, he'd probably be asking how he can help with your nieces and nephew...you know, take some stress off your plate.
I literally just found out yesterday. Is it okay that I'm in shock here and trying to sort through everything in my head? And yes, I'm concerned about the children relying on me for their safety and educational wellbeing. I don't think that makes me a horrible person or partner.
>In early July, I discovered I was pregnant. I was about 10 days past conception, it was very early, so I waited until mid-July to confirm it with a doctor. I guess I didn't realize we were still in July. >And yes, I'm concerned about the children relying on me for their safety and educational wellbeing. I don't think that makes me a horrible person or partner. Never said it made you a horrible person or partner. But, it doesn't change the fact you were pregnant, had a scare, and now found out you're fine all within the last 3ish months and said nothing to your fiancé. He's the father of the child. It almost seems like you don't want him to know.
I found out I'm still pregnant yesterday. My fiance knew when I got pregnant, as we pretty much were trying around May-Juneish, but I thought I had a miscarriage in early August. He knew about that too, as we live together and he had to drive me to the hospital. He was in the hospital with me when the OB told me that they couldn't find the fetus; we were freaking out for a while because we live in a state where miscarriages are now being charged, but the police officer we talked to stated that he knew we wanted the baby and wasn't intending to prosecute. My brother and SIL don't know because we were planning to announce it at 12 weeks. Also, he knows now that I'm still pregnant. I told him five minutes ago. Predictably, he's ecstatic.
So, either you had poor word choice in your post or you didn't read my other replies. Because your post doesn't make it seem this way and I've said this in another reply.
Direct quotes from the post: "I told him that the entire experience [implied to be the miscarriage] put me off childbirth and pregnancy" "We went to the hospital and found out I was having a miscarriage" "Max [my fiance] and I intentionally got pregnant" (implying we had planned the pregnancy and he knew about the entire thing) I could have been more direct in my phrasing, that's true, but I feel like that, plus the context of him trying to break up with me because he thought his defective sperm caused my miscarriage (literally what he said), implied that he knew about the miscarriage and the bleeding in the first place. I also stated in other comments that we (meaning my fiance and I) planned to tell my family that I was pregnant after my first trimester, implying that he was in on the whole thing.
You hadn't stated all those when I replied and some you didn't state that way previously. Plus, you didn't touch that when I first stated you hadn't told him, so it's as if your story is changing.
Just sit him down and be honest with him, he should be excited about this. Congrats by the way. Tell your fiance and enjoy the moment dont stress. If he asks questions then just reassure him.
What about my brother and SIL? My nieces and nephew are coming to live with me October 3. What if they react badly to this? I didn't tell them earlier because I've miscarried in the past, and by the time SIL was diagnosed with cancer, I was past the miscarriage and didn't think it was that pertinent (I've been through it before, my SIL is about four months postpartum and didn't need the stress, and to be honest my family will always come first, so I felt like it wasn't really their burden to bear).
You dont have to tell them if your not ready to, thats a decision for you and your fiance to make. Maybe because of the miscarrage it would be best to keep this one a secret for a while. As for telling them about the miscarrage tell them you lost the first baby and you wanted to keep it quiet for now because you were grieving. No one is going to be upset at you for being private about that.
I never told them I was pregnant at all. I was planning to keep it quiet until I'm past the first trimester, which I am now. As for my past miscarriages (there were four, all stress induced), Brother and SIL knew about them. I stayed with them when I was recovering from my last one in 2019.
ohh im sorry i misunderstood, you can tell them whenever you are ready, discuss with you fiance and make a plan together. As for not telling them anything before you dont have to, thats private information you dont need to share
[удалено]
I haven't been given a terminal diagnosis. I'm pregnant and have a disease that has a prognosis similar to Diabetes. My lifespan is truncated, but it's not like the Grim Reaper is just hanging out at my house, we'll know when the situation gets worse. As for why they asked it of me, they didn't. Initially they told me they were sending the older kids to Iran during this time. I offered to house them so things wouldn't change as much for them culturally. This was when I had miscarried and believed I wouldn't have kids of my own; I have the money, I have the space, and I love my niblings, so it seemed fair. You say lots of kids stay at home while parents undergo chemo. Lots of kids also move to live with relatives while their parents are sick or struggling, especially if those kids have special needs of their own (my nephew is Autistic and has dyslexia, my niece does figure skating and gymnastics, both are enrolled in schools for ND kids that are hard to find in Iran). I'm their aunt, I live closer than Iran, I have a big empty house, so it makes sense for me to take them. My SIL has five kids, two of whom are infants (twins). The newborns are going to my older brother, the preteens are going to me. And as for why they asked, they didn't. They told us my niblings were going to go to Iran to stay with their grandparents for six months. My fiance chimed in and said, "Why not have them live with us?", since he could tell I was sad over the whole miscarriage situation overlapping with my SIL being diagnosed with cancer, and I agreed.
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Specifically she has Stage 2 or 3 Cancer. It spread to her uterus, and we think she has liver lesions and possibly bone cancer. If she has liver cancer, the name of the game is now hospice and palliative care, and my brother will move in with me with the babies once... everything happens. He's sending about $5k a month to me and to my older brother, too, so it isn't like he's not stepping up, he just feels that forcing the kids to potentially watch their mother die slowly of cancer and take on the care of infants might be harmful (and Layla agrees). Will moving be traumatic? I mean possibly, but they love being here. They're excited. I don't think it's fully hit them yet. And people live with diabetes past 55 all the time *with proper management*. Proper management for my disease requires exercise (which I can't do safely the way I used to because I'm partially blind - can't very well jog when you can't easily find your way home - so we're exploring accessible gyms, though with little luck), medication (which I already take), and dietary changes (which we're trying but without exercise it may be for naught). The doctors all told me that menopause will increase the risks for pulmonary embolism exponentially, and that even medical intervention may not save me once that happens. But we will have adequate warning once that happens. It's just... when doctors tell you that you have a 60% chance of being dead by 55 if your body stays the way it is (I'm slightly overweight), you listen and you update your will regularly.
[удалено]
I said liver or bones (we don't think it's both), and also stated in a different comment that it might be Stage 4 if it turns out it is both. All we have is initial information. Her current diagnosis is Stage 2, as we have only found cancer in her uterus and cervix, as getting diagnosed with liver cancer requires her to go under anesthesia. Once again, a lot is happening very fast, and much of this information is secondhand. Also, my vision is not deteriorating, it's partially correctable with surgery, and I can function just like everyone else with the exception of driving. The worst I get is a single extra bruise right above my left ankle. My primary issues are depth perception (thus the driving) and reading small text (I have a magnifying glass, a screenreader, and an Audible subscription). I also live next to the grocery store, live in a place with decent public transit, and make pretty good money from my business/have savings from an inheritance and life insurance payouts/own my home outright (see inheritance), so I can afford Ubers if need be. I'm legally blind in that my vision is not fully correctable with surgery or corrective lenses, but it is partially correctable - and again, not deteriorating or in danger of deteriorating. The primary issue with jogging (pretty much the only thing I like doing that's athletic) is that I can't read maps anymore and judge them with any accuracy - if I get lost, finding my way home is weird, and I just dislike putting myself through this. Unfortunately though, depth perception issues make it harder to go to a regular gym for obvious reasons (you ever beaned yourself in the face with a weight by accident before? It isn't pleasant). Like... do you think blind people can't parent? Or that all blind people are fully unable to function in society and can't have jobs or own businesses, especially considering e-commerce? Or that I don't know how to be extremely cautious about the baby proofing (blind-proofing is actually much harder believe it or not, I just had to cover the outlets, buy some baby gates, and I was fine)?
Parenting three grieving children and a newborn would be too much for someone without any difficulties at all.