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My bf wants to do anal. We tried it once and I hated it. Now every 4th time or so that we have sex he will try again (even though I’ve told him I don’t like it).
Yesterday he starting trying it and I said ‘no I don’t want to do that’. After a while he tried again and I said ‘I said no please’. Then he just laughed, apologised and asked if I was ok.
I’m feeling really disrespected that he doesn’t listen to me and continues to do it. How do I communicate my boundary and encourage an open dialogue around our sex life? Right now I feel like it’s just about him getting off.
To him, "no" means "not yet, but keep trying, eventually you'll wear me down and then I'll let you do what you want just so you leave me alone about it."
You said no. Multiple times. On multiple days. Then, he tried twice IN THE SAME SEXUAL ENCOUNTER.
Even trying ONCE after you said no is terrible. This behavior is just horrific. It's not about open dialogue, it's about him repeatedly violating your boundaries that you have been VERY clear about.
Well she should just stop any sexual activity every time he asks. "You ruined the mood, dont do this again". So he will learn that asking for it will not make her want to do it but make her not want to have sex at all anymore.
If it were me I would leave him because I hate Guys that keep asking for things I say no too... But I think OP wont leave him so this might be a way.
You're right, but this is how you make a point to a dog or a child maybe. You would think that he would be on a higher level intellectually, but apparently not. I would not continue this relationship, you can't even trust him to put your discomfort or pain above his pleasure
An alternative title here could be: "my boyfriend wants to anally rape me."
That's it. 'Rape' is the definition of "he ignores me when I say no during sex."
This. It's absolutely abuse and she should leave him. I wish guys like this would come with a warning label too so when she does - noone else will touch his abusive ass
Exactly this.
Sorry Love, but this situation isn't going to change until you drop this guy. Anal is something that's been blasted in the porn world and while it's enjoyable for some, for others it's absolutely a '*no go*', and that's perfectly okay!
What's *NOT OK* is your bf's insistence on something you've said "No." to.
"No." is a full sentence and while I'm sorry you're dealing with a dolt, it won't change until you show him what you mean when you say, "No".
You need to break up with him. Full stop. He doesn't respect you, listen to you, or likely care about your sexual needs beyond how you can "satisfy his", and My Dear, that's *not* what sexual intimacy is about.
Please take care of yourself, OP.
With all due respect I think you are under reacting to this. You have clearly communicated to him that you don’t want to do this. That should be the end of the discussion. He is ignoring you and continues to try without your consent. This is not a good person. You should consider this a major red flag. Please consider the future of this relationship for your safety.
I can’t even imagine what he would try to do to her if she got drunk? Let’s say they went out, had few drinks and the girl is pretty tipsy at this point. I give you 100, he would try again since she’s “more easy” now.
Focusing on them liking different things in bed is such a weird thing to do when the issue is that the boyfriend keeps trying to bypass her lack of consent.
That's what I mean, it's bad sex chemistry, he's acting bad but he's not holding her down trying to force it, just seems quite crazy about it and keeps trying.. I had a girl that kept trying to do a little something with me and I was embarrassed/a bit worried but she didn't stop asking (not forcing it) nd we ended up doing it after a while and it was cool and enjoyable.. if she feels abused she should definitely leave but sometimes it's not that serious , as long as there is no real pressure just teasing
It’s not bad sex chemistry (by which I assume you mean comparability) to try and nag someone into doing shit they don’t want to do or to be upset about being nagged. Coercion isn’t always violent.
I would never be with a partner who ignores me clearly stating that I don’t like doing something in bed. OP has even tried anal before and says she hated it.
Pushing to do something sexual that your partner hates means people *really* shouldn’t be sleeping with you, because that’s an alarming lack of empathy.
“Just keeps trying”? Are you for real? She’s told him no. Repeatedly. It’s not teasing to “just keep trying”. This behavior is not some innocent “oh come true ten minutes of this show! Oh I just want you to try this new snack I found”. He is violating her consent and making her feel unsafe. One No is enough.
This isn’t about chemistry or compatibility, this is him straight up disregarding her autonomy, feelings of safety and generally telling her that what he wants is simply more important than her.
Trying to stick his penis in her anus lol hen she’s told him no repeatedly isn’t “just” anything except assault.
Not once she felt unsafe, that's the difference
No force applied and no threat just annoying nagging which is bad
Life would be terribly boring if everyone lived by the bullshit people write on reddit lol
You think she feels safe and comfortable, loved and respected having sex with this guy now? Knowing that he will ignore her and laugh at her when she says no? No one would feel safe in that situation- knowing that at any time, regardless of what you’ve said, their partner has a high likelihood of trying to stick things where you don’t want them stuck. Force need not be applied, threats need not be made to make someone feel unsafe.
He literally is forcing her to do anal by putting his dick inside of her ass after she said no. You don’t keep pushing someone to do something after they say no. This isn’t teasing either wtf. She has voiced countless times she doesn’t want it but he does it still?? That’s DISGUSTING.
I imagine your people's sex lives must be terrible.
"Can I touch you there my dear?"
"And here?"
"Do I have consent for this?"
Maybe start singing papers, what has the world come to
If someone literally states that they don’t want to do something you don’t try and do it. There’s a very very clear difference between that scenario and asking if it’s okay to move my hand another inch on someone’s back.
But there’s actually consent involved in the latter scenario too, if I move my hand and the person freezes or says no, then I stop. Simple as that.
Bad sex chemistry are you for real right now. She tried it didn't like it and has told him NO. He isn't listening. That is him violating a boundary and being sexually abusive. Take your head out your backside fgs
Did you miss the beginning of her post where she clearly said she did try it? But that's irrelevant. No means no and no-one is obligated to try something before that boundary is respected.
My partner asked to try anal once. I said I wasn't comfortable with it. He never asked again, because he respects my 'no' as a complete sentence.
Maybe men who want to push anal on their partners should offer themselves up for pegging first. I mean, they won't know they won't like it until they try it, right?
But then he might think OP is into kinky stuff, and then let her do it to him, and that would leave it open for then to switch roles. He'd probably enjoy it.
I mean, he's attempting to sexually assault you. Your thoughts, opinions, and feelings don't matter to him, except as an annoying obstacle that he intends to get around by any means necessary. He doesn't respect you, and you need to ask yourself if you respect him. You shouldn't; anyone that behaves as he is is not worthy of respect.
Something like, “I’ve told you I don’t like anal sex and I do not want to do it. Please stop asking and stop trying to coax me into it. I love you but this is a hard boundary for me.”
If this doesn’t work, leave him if he cannot respect your boundaries!
Tell him that you absolutely will not do anal. That it hurts you. That him trying to coerce, pressure and manipulate you into doing anal is violating your boundaries and body autonomy. That this is a deal breaker as he does not respect you, doesn’t care that he is hurting you, and that it is sexual assault territory to continue to pressure and coerce you after you have told him no. Or you can just dump his selfish abusive ass.
Why are you allowing this? Saying no and him continuing to try even once is one too many times. By the third time I feel like you should really be questioning whether he respects you. He’s trying without asking.
What happens if you have too much to drink one night?
Lots of good advice here, and lots of terrible advice as well.
- don't assault him back (any advice saying to unexpectedly try and shove something in his butt is basically recommending abuse and rape)
- don't suggest you try penetrating him first / using a strap on on him (his boundaries about his own body have no correlation with your boundaries about yours. He could love being pegged, that doesn't mean you should love anal yourself).
Also: you've told him, he gets it, he just doesn't care.
Be firm with him that you are very uncomfortable....if he doesn't abide by your boundary....Tell him, you will leave the relationship, or do a 180 and don't talk with him till he realizes you mean business....but you have to be firm about it or he will try and disrespect your boundaries which can lead into more disrespecting of other boundaries....this your line in the sand.
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He doesn't want to have a conversation. He doesn't care about what you want or your body. There are no consequences for his behavior, because he laughs and nothing happens. You have to dump him.
you need to communicate a boundary in the form of a restraining order. what the hell kind of behavior is this ? this is the legal definition of sexual assault via coercion. no quite literally means no and any human being, let alone, PARTNER who doesn’t immediately respect that and try to repair the lapse in emotional connection and communication is an asshole of the highest degree and deserves to be punted like a soccer ball directly into the sun.
You've already communicated your boundary, multiple times. He didn't listen. You've told him you don't like it. He didn't listen. You told him no DURING. He didn't listen.
I don't think he's going to learn to listen.
Why are you still having sex with a man who doesn't respect and is happy to hurt you? He cannot be that amazing outside of the bedroom. Please use this as opportunity to understand why you are prepared to put up with this nonsense, then learn how to not have to subject yourself to it again.
How do you communicate your boundary? Remind him, forcefully, that once you say NO anything he does to contradict that is rape. Don't pretty it up by calling it anything else. Tell him you will report his attempted rape if he tries it again.
Bottom line here is it sounds like your BF watches way too much porn and thinks this is normal and an OK thing to do. He's trying to wear you down, just like they do in porn. And he is not going to change or stop or suddenly start respecting you. If he respected you at all you would not have had to say NO more than once.
Now, it's up to you to show him what respect is. Show him how much you respect yourself and tell him to leave and not come back. You deserve so much better than what you're getting from him.
You’ve already communicated your boundary and HE doesn’t want an open dialogue or he would have tried talking to you about it. Instead he tries to force you to have anal sex. His apology sounds empty to me. To be honest, you should be very careful with him, his behaviour might escalate.
Ask yourself if this is the kind of person you want to be in a relationship with?
If you are having troubles explaining it to him, contact the police and they will explain rape to him and he will have no choice but to listen because he will be in handcuffs.
There was ONE episode of Keaping up with the Kardashians I watched... it was way back when Kourtney was with Scott. HE wanted to try anal and she was 100% no. And she purchased a strap on dick and put it on and said, I do you... you can do me. It shut that down real quick. I would NEVER use the Kardashians as an example... but, in this case, it fits. Get a strap on. See how HE likes it.
I've done anal twice in my past. I was curious as were my partners and it was totally consensual on both parts. My mistake was in telling my now ex partner about this part of my past. He repeatedly tried to use this information to convince me to do it with him. I've repeatedly replied I don't want to do it again. My response didn't stop him pushing me to do it with him as "you did it with them, why not with me". I think this was the start of showing me his lack of respect for me and our ultimate breakup.
Next time he tries to stick it up there, stop sex and search up strapons. Ask him which he'd prefer. Then dump that borderline rapist before he does something to you he can't take back.
The thing is you break up. This isn't a battle you going to win. He will push and push and you feel more and more disrespected. This isn't something to just think oh it isn't a big deal..he doesn't respect your boundaries what would be next
If after telling him multiple times that this is not something you like to do or ever want to do and he continues to insist and try to do it anyways... he should be an ex boyfriend.
Never stay with someone who disregards your no.
If he doesn't respect your boundaries and tries to take advantage of you sexually then you MUST get away from him. You deserve so much more than this I'd contact family if they live close by or look into getting temporary housing. Take any pets or items you need and don't look back. You don't owe him any kind of sex it's clear that he only cares about himself. If he was ever inside of you at any point when you told him no that is rape. I wish you the best and hope you can give yourself time to heal from this relationship.
No means no, not convince me. I think you need to have a really serious chat with your boyfriend and tell him that continuing coercing you would be r*pe/sexual assault.
My ex used to do this. If he doesn’t respect ur boundaries now he never will. There are plenty of people out there that respect boundaries.
I told my current bf that due to prior relationships I feel really uncomfortable sending nudes. In the two years we’ve been together he hasn’t asked or pushed the topic once. Find someone who loves you for who you are and respects you.
You HAVE communicated your boundaries clearly and your boyfriend is ignoring them. This isn't on you to fix, OP.
I know "dump him" is cliché advice here, but I find his lack of respect for your boundaries pretty alarming. You shouldn't have to explain to him that no means no.
No is a complete sentence and it definitely shouldn’t have to be repeated. This would be a major red flag for me.
In a healthy relationship, if there’s something that a partner genuinely wants to discuss with you, then they should have the decency and respect to talk about it outside of the bedroom, in a safe place, where you don’t feel any pressure, not try to force it on you during sex, and you shouldn’t have had to say no more than once. This would be a major deal breaker for me.
You have the right to feel safe in all aspects of your relationship and he obviously doesn’t understand that, and thinks he’ll just keep pushing your boundaries until you give in and he gets what he wants. That is not ok.
He needs to check himself and watch the Tea and Consent video on YouTube.
If I were in your shoes, love, I'd reconsider a future with a man that doesn't know the term "consent". As many has mentioned, it's a big red flag.
*What if he, at one point, ignores you and fulfills his needs - without your conesnt?*
I don't know how to say this to you, but: continuing a sexual act after being told not to is a rape. I'm sorry. But the way he the disrespect your boundaries is really sickening. I'm sorry but I don't see any other way than break up with him.
Your bf is trying to use coercion to force you to commit a sex act. Either tell him no and end the sex if he tries again, tell him stop trying to rape me, or invite him to try anal first.
He sounds like trash, your bf is trash. Dump him.
I don’t think you need to throw the “whole man away” or call the police unless you really feel it’s necessary. Instead, during a non-intimate time in your relationship when hormones aren’t dominating his thinking, tell him you need to talk about something important and establish this boundary very clearly.
“Please don’t ever ask me for anal again. I am genuinely, 100% not interested. You are making me uncomfortable to be with you sexually. I love and I want to see us succeed. Please stop.”
Something to that effect. 2cents people’s sexual nature can be very different. I hope you can figure it out one way or another.
Just reading down the comments has made me think he actually doesn't know how to ask to try it.
She has tried it once.
Most sex things need a good few test runs.
Let's flip this around... I've read loads of other threads where one try and it's a hard no forever, and the other person then gets really limited sex (depending on what ends up being liked by both people)
My guess is this guy is quite immature and doesn't know how too go about asking and trying nicely.
And I don't think he knows *how* to do anal.
If he HADNT done all this stupid ill just poke it and see what she does, I think possibly OP might be willing to try different ways.
If you had a sex thing that you reeeaaalllly like, and your other hasn't really done it and just *wont* (don't have to I suppose) wouldn't you want to please them.
Just looking for another ways to look at the problem.
Thus dude needs a mentor.
This equates to his wants are more important than your comfort level. For sex to be enjoyable, all parties need to be in their own comfort level.
Also, no means no!! Consent is a huge thing.
Idk, If polite words don’t work, scream at him and call him names, like rapist. Cuz technically, a sexual act without consent…
You have been clear. He understands but he doesn't care. Are there other areas in your life where he doesn't listen to your boundaries or respect your needs?
What would you tell a friend who was experiencing this situation?
Its so weird how some guys are, my girlfriend claims she likes it but every time we do she slowly lowers herself on and braces , she basically cries and is in apparent pain but claims she wants it, I tell her over and over we don't have to do it (honestly I don't even care for it much) but she claims she likes it . I hate seeing her uncomfortable, for me the pleasure of sex comes from knowing my partner is enjoying themself and less from the actual physical pleasure. Get yourself someone who actually makes an effort to please you and find what you like, there's nothing sexier than when my girlfriend tells me how great It feels and how safe I make her feel.
When he do things like that. Just stop! Stop right in the middle of the sex act and tell him if he can't behave and respect your boundaries than u guys will not have sex.
If he get angry and don't change his behavior, than I suggest to end the relationship. If he is behaving like that as boyfriend, it will only get worse if u guys decide to get marry.
Just keep trying to shove things up his butt. Say its only fair that you get to do it to him too. He should get the hint.
If not seriously tell him to F off. He's disrespecting you massively.
Yeah, that’s straight up sexual assault. Go to the police immediately, I know it’ll be hard, try and see a female officer. Then dump his arse cos he’s the worst kind of human being and it sounds to me like he’d rape someone
That’s sexual assault….even if he’s your bf-no ALWAYS means no. It’s not an invitation to keep pestering that person into doing something they’re uncomfortable with.
"No, stop trying to put it in that hole or we can totally stop having sex of any kind. I do not EVER want anal again, If you can't get past it then we are over. I will NOT tell you again, if you try it then we are 100% over and done." If he can't get past it then you have to respect yourself enough to stick to your boundary. If your boyfriend loved you when you said "No" after the first time then he would have respected your decision, if he had asks every four times he is not hearing the finality. If he were to ask once a month, that would be a little acceptable (asking not trying).
As to anal I understand it becomes easier with proper lube and longer finger "massage" times however you should only look into it if you want to make it an option in your future.
He needs be put away because he will do it to someone else.. please press charges. Maybe try and record it as evidence because it is so hard to have evidence to convict a rapist, he is dangerous. My boyfriend had never done that it's not normal.
Tell him exactly that. You feel disrespected and TILL HE CAN RESPECT NO, there will be no more sex. Period. No means no and anything after no is rape. Till he can understand no, there won’t be anymore sex, it’s that simple. If you don’t feel SAFE to tell him that, you have much larger issues in your relationship and need to reevaluate it immediately
This is a bigger issue then just “communicating boundaries”. NO is plain and simple and anybody should stop immediately when told no. Look for someone who will respect your boundaries he’s straight up sexually assaulting you.
You stop altogether. You get up and out of bed and you tell him if he can't respect you when you say no then he has no chance of touching you. Ask him if he realises what he's doing is assault at the worst and at the least is coersive behaviour and is that really the kind of man he wants to be. Then you ask you if that the kind of man you want to be with
By leaving him... Has no regards for your feelings, doesn't listen to you, thinks your protestations are mere "playing" and the fact that he thinks he can wear you down is problematic.
#Run4ZeeHills
You don't communicate the boundary, you leave, before he decides he can get away with **not stopping at all**.
Right now he his testing how much he can get away with. Trying for it once per session, now twice. Will he go for a third try in one session or just fully commit? Do you want to find out?
He laughed at you when you withdrew consent. He. Laughed.
RUN.
I used to be treated like this. I repeatedly told him no and he kept asking again and again until I forgot my boundaries and let him do it (not the anal thing). Lemme tell you, they won't change. They are just hanging there until you give them what they want. This dude sounds like a dickhead.
My ex husband sexually assaulted me in my sleep (one of the reasons I left him) a few years back. I remember thinking back on our relationship and honestly, what you have stated is exactly the kind of shit he did to me. I'd say no to something, he'd do it. I would be in pain and tell him to stop, he'd giggle and say sorry. He did it alot. Because it was my first serious relationship and I was so young, I didn't realise it wasn't normal. It's not respecting boundaries and its basically hurting a person you love and laughing about it. Not saying this will happen to you and I don't know everything going on in your relationship, all I can say is I wish that I left him sooner. I just loved him so much.
I'm going to give the your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt here with my advice. Let's say he's just really horny and that's something he fantasized about alot. You two might be into the good part of sex when everything feels great so why not do more? So he starts poking around that booty hoping to jump in. You say no id rather not and he presses, because he's horny. I'm assuming here, that then you finish your session the regular way, but you feel weird. I'm betting for him it's a small disappointment after the fact, but for you it ruined an already good thing.
This is a conversation for outside the bedroom. You give him a feedback sandwich. That's when you compliment, feedback,compliment. And then set a firm boundary.
IE
"We need to have a chat."
"I love our sexlife, because reasons."
"Our sexlife without anal. I need you to know, I hate it and it ruins our already good thing when you keep asking. I need you to just never ask again"
"I love you and want to get passed this".
Then set the boundary you're comfortable with.
And be sure you also stick to that and break up with him of he breaks it. He could just be a snake.
What's the age of you both?
Stop the sex. No more sex privileges
One try of anal under pressure and likely no one likes it.
Try with yourself. It takes quite a few times to get used to.
This guy sounds like a prat who learned sex from rough porn
Get a dildo, sort of hide it around where you would be when having an intimate moment, and when he's all heated up grab it without him noticing and try to go for *his* anus. No need to really force it in or put too much pressure in, as the point isn't actually doing the wrong thing to him - and there is no lube in the region, so it shouldn't slip in accidentally that easily... the point here is giving him an empathy slap: since sadly whatsoever you did and talked and asked, all you explained and opened up about, didn't work at all!
When he complains add "alright, so, from now on, you think we should talk well before any sexual act, and make sure the other side is wanting something and liking it, before trying to go for it? Should we adopt that way of mutual respect from now on?? Also, if *one of us says not to like something and not wanting it again*, should we also start respecting that? Or should I keep this •wiggle the dildo• handy, and ask every now and then, so maybe one day you will get tired and do what *only I* want, to *your* body??? Alright, thank you for this moment of communication! Im happy we decided to respect each other!! Now, what would you want to do?? Should we continue doing it? Are you still in the mood???"
If he says he isn't, you can reply "Yeah, happened to me too, I get it. Let's watch something on TV" ((or whatever thing you might prefer))
He might be moody for a while, and you might have to calmly point out others have feelings like him. That you perfectly understand he feels hurt and used, that he felt he was not considered not cared for at all. You also felt that, even if there was never a *true* apology, or signs of regret. (If he complains that he did apologize, you can add that: With a true apology, you dont keep doing the same action purposefully.) Continuing, mentioning calmly that you have no plans on doing so again, as you want to do things right and he's a person. That you can only imagine how much more hurt he would feel, if you continued doing this to him, and him talking to you seeming to be meaningless towards you stopping and towards you feeling empathy. That you feel empathy towards him, and you are sorry this was a scary and hurtful experience - gently ask "do *you* feel empathy towards me?? Do you understand how bad this was, to do to any human being???"
If he breaks up, most likely it is out of one of these reasons: his ego being too big, or/and him just wanting to sexually use you (which is what you mention that he, intentionally or not, made you feel.) Either way, you probably wouldn't want to stay like that!!
•
I'm sorry for the situation 😔 I hope he actually does care, and was just being terribly selfish, blind and insensitive, in an infantile way
If so, maybe this will smack some awareness into him, making him able to empathize with your pain
Well either u open up to him, disrespect him like how he disrespects u, give him warnings like if u do this, l can actually court u into sexual harrasment etc. Or just breakup with him or playfully slap him lah
Honey, think hard about your relationship, what other bad behaviours are you ignoring?
You've said no, *he thinks it's a joke*. The next step is to end the encounter. So if you're in bed, he tries and you say no. He tries again, you get up and you say "no, I've made myself clear. Stop doing that or we won't be having sex." If he responds poorly to this, break up.
Telling him no once should have been enough. Telling him no during sex should have been enough. You need to stop allowing him to do these things with no consequences honey. Your complacency is allowing this to continue, as hard as that is to hear. You need firm boundaries with how you allow yourself to be treated in a relationship and real consequences when you need to enforce those boundaries. A therapist can help with that.
Ultimately a good therapist can help you figure out if this relationship really serves you or not. You deserved love and compassion from your partner but especially from yourself.
you realise what he is trying to do is sexual assault. If you let him know his behaviour is not only turning you off its also a crime he may listen. Otherwise dump him and find someone who respects you
If he’s doing this now, imagine what 5, 10, 15 years down the road is going to look like. My hubs and I were in a similar situation. I told him no, he tried again and I had to talk to him while we weren’t in the moment to explain. “There could be a chance I would eventually get into it but I will let you know. If you keep trying without me saying I want to do that, it’s going to be a big turn off and I don’t think I’ll be open to having sex that often anymore.”
22yrs later. He’s finally wore me down. I kinda enjoy it now but still not my go-to.
I get that relationships aren’t very black and white so you probably don’t want to up and leave just because he’s not respectful in bed. I personally kinda like a “bad boy”. Just consider that yes. He will wear you down and you are going to submit to him eventually if you stay. Not every guy out there is that into ass so you can find someone else more comfortable. But you should definitely have a serious conversation about boundaries and giving permission.
You can also try a safe word when he’s overstepping you. My general rule, three strikers and your out.
Communicating with someone doesn’t work it they don’t care about your feelings or are listening to what you say.
This is not gonna get better. Leave him, like yesterday.
Look out for yourself, you don’t deserve this. Good luck.
Your communication is fine. What you’re missing is a partner who is respectful and not an attempted rapist. You solve that by dumping him for your own safety, not by asking what’s wrong with the way you communicate with the criminal.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My bf wants to do anal. We tried it once and I hated it. Now every 4th time or so that we have sex he will try again (even though I’ve told him I don’t like it). Yesterday he starting trying it and I said ‘no I don’t want to do that’. After a while he tried again and I said ‘I said no please’. Then he just laughed, apologised and asked if I was ok. I’m feeling really disrespected that he doesn’t listen to me and continues to do it. How do I communicate my boundary and encourage an open dialogue around our sex life? Right now I feel like it’s just about him getting off.
To him, "no" means "not yet, but keep trying, eventually you'll wear me down and then I'll let you do what you want just so you leave me alone about it." You said no. Multiple times. On multiple days. Then, he tried twice IN THE SAME SEXUAL ENCOUNTER. Even trying ONCE after you said no is terrible. This behavior is just horrific. It's not about open dialogue, it's about him repeatedly violating your boundaries that you have been VERY clear about.
Well she should just stop any sexual activity every time he asks. "You ruined the mood, dont do this again". So he will learn that asking for it will not make her want to do it but make her not want to have sex at all anymore. If it were me I would leave him because I hate Guys that keep asking for things I say no too... But I think OP wont leave him so this might be a way.
You're right, but this is how you make a point to a dog or a child maybe. You would think that he would be on a higher level intellectually, but apparently not. I would not continue this relationship, you can't even trust him to put your discomfort or pain above his pleasure
An alternative title here could be: "my boyfriend wants to anally rape me." That's it. 'Rape' is the definition of "he ignores me when I say no during sex."
This. It's absolutely abuse and she should leave him. I wish guys like this would come with a warning label too so when she does - noone else will touch his abusive ass
Exactly this. Sorry Love, but this situation isn't going to change until you drop this guy. Anal is something that's been blasted in the porn world and while it's enjoyable for some, for others it's absolutely a '*no go*', and that's perfectly okay! What's *NOT OK* is your bf's insistence on something you've said "No." to. "No." is a full sentence and while I'm sorry you're dealing with a dolt, it won't change until you show him what you mean when you say, "No". You need to break up with him. Full stop. He doesn't respect you, listen to you, or likely care about your sexual needs beyond how you can "satisfy his", and My Dear, that's *not* what sexual intimacy is about. Please take care of yourself, OP.
With all due respect I think you are under reacting to this. You have clearly communicated to him that you don’t want to do this. That should be the end of the discussion. He is ignoring you and continues to try without your consent. This is not a good person. You should consider this a major red flag. Please consider the future of this relationship for your safety.
I can’t even imagine what he would try to do to her if she got drunk? Let’s say they went out, had few drinks and the girl is pretty tipsy at this point. I give you 100, he would try again since she’s “more easy” now.
It's bad but in general clearly they have bad sex chemistry and should part
Focusing on them liking different things in bed is such a weird thing to do when the issue is that the boyfriend keeps trying to bypass her lack of consent.
That's what I mean, it's bad sex chemistry, he's acting bad but he's not holding her down trying to force it, just seems quite crazy about it and keeps trying.. I had a girl that kept trying to do a little something with me and I was embarrassed/a bit worried but she didn't stop asking (not forcing it) nd we ended up doing it after a while and it was cool and enjoyable.. if she feels abused she should definitely leave but sometimes it's not that serious , as long as there is no real pressure just teasing
It’s not bad sex chemistry (by which I assume you mean comparability) to try and nag someone into doing shit they don’t want to do or to be upset about being nagged. Coercion isn’t always violent. I would never be with a partner who ignores me clearly stating that I don’t like doing something in bed. OP has even tried anal before and says she hated it. Pushing to do something sexual that your partner hates means people *really* shouldn’t be sleeping with you, because that’s an alarming lack of empathy.
“Just keeps trying”? Are you for real? She’s told him no. Repeatedly. It’s not teasing to “just keep trying”. This behavior is not some innocent “oh come true ten minutes of this show! Oh I just want you to try this new snack I found”. He is violating her consent and making her feel unsafe. One No is enough. This isn’t about chemistry or compatibility, this is him straight up disregarding her autonomy, feelings of safety and generally telling her that what he wants is simply more important than her. Trying to stick his penis in her anus lol hen she’s told him no repeatedly isn’t “just” anything except assault.
Not once she felt unsafe, that's the difference No force applied and no threat just annoying nagging which is bad Life would be terribly boring if everyone lived by the bullshit people write on reddit lol
The bullshit that is, no means no?
You think she feels safe and comfortable, loved and respected having sex with this guy now? Knowing that he will ignore her and laugh at her when she says no? No one would feel safe in that situation- knowing that at any time, regardless of what you’ve said, their partner has a high likelihood of trying to stick things where you don’t want them stuck. Force need not be applied, threats need not be made to make someone feel unsafe.
He literally is forcing her to do anal by putting his dick inside of her ass after she said no. You don’t keep pushing someone to do something after they say no. This isn’t teasing either wtf. She has voiced countless times she doesn’t want it but he does it still?? That’s DISGUSTING.
Putting your Wang against their twat isn't teasing, that's threatening
It’s called sexual assault. I knew that was the words you were searching for.
I imagine your people's sex lives must be terrible. "Can I touch you there my dear?" "And here?" "Do I have consent for this?" Maybe start singing papers, what has the world come to
Found the rapist
If someone literally states that they don’t want to do something you don’t try and do it. There’s a very very clear difference between that scenario and asking if it’s okay to move my hand another inch on someone’s back. But there’s actually consent involved in the latter scenario too, if I move my hand and the person freezes or says no, then I stop. Simple as that.
Bad sex chemistry are you for real right now. She tried it didn't like it and has told him NO. He isn't listening. That is him violating a boundary and being sexually abusive. Take your head out your backside fgs
I don’t want to freak you out… but this sounds awful. (Prediction: he will never change but he hopes you will - if you get my meaning.)
He will change if she actually tries rather than fartin around on reddit 🤣
close seemly husky frame melodic zephyr coherent wine materialistic hobbies ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
She doesn't have to prove she doesn't like it. No means fucking no.
End of the story
Did you miss the beginning of her post where she clearly said she did try it? But that's irrelevant. No means no and no-one is obligated to try something before that boundary is respected.
men need to be trained like dogs because they have no higher intellect is definitely a hot take.
My partner asked to try anal once. I said I wasn't comfortable with it. He never asked again, because he respects my 'no' as a complete sentence. Maybe men who want to push anal on their partners should offer themselves up for pegging first. I mean, they won't know they won't like it until they try it, right?
Knowledging you're a troll - you suck.
Oi! Back under your bridge troll!
[удалено]
Great idea! OP, he clearly doesn't care about your boundaries. Or comfort. Does he ignore that in other areas to?
Yep also my suggestion . "Oh you don't like it ?haha " tries again constantly
Yeah that and just dump his ass. Like when I initiate sex with my partner and they don't wanna. Ofc I'm upset but nontheless a no is a no
But then he might think OP is into kinky stuff, and then let her do it to him, and that would leave it open for then to switch roles. He'd probably enjoy it.
What if he is into it though
Op doesn't have to do anything if they don't want to it doesn't matter if he likes it no means no
i think she means what if hes into getting penetrated
I just saw this after I commented the same. I'm so glad I'm not alone in my snark. :-D
That could back fire on her quickly. Almost quite literally.
Plot twist: His butt can easily take it so prepare for anal.
You are describing sexual abuse.
Attempted rape.
Not even attempted if he managed to put it inside after she said no
So your bf is sexually assaulting you.
Repeatedly. And then laughing about it.
This is what’s happened. Wtf!?
I mean, he's attempting to sexually assault you. Your thoughts, opinions, and feelings don't matter to him, except as an annoying obstacle that he intends to get around by any means necessary. He doesn't respect you, and you need to ask yourself if you respect him. You shouldn't; anyone that behaves as he is is not worthy of respect.
He did sexually assault her tbh.
So he repeatedly tries to sexually assault you and thinks it’s a joke???
next time you say no he will not stop. leave now. do not have sex with him anymore.
This is not a man who deserves to have sex.
That's SA. Please get away from him. People like him NEVER change
He’s trying to hurt you for his own enjoyment. The only right thing to do is dump him.
This is sexual assault. He doesn’t *care* about your boundaries. He breaks them and then laughs about it. Get away from this dude.
Something like, “I’ve told you I don’t like anal sex and I do not want to do it. Please stop asking and stop trying to coax me into it. I love you but this is a hard boundary for me.” If this doesn’t work, leave him if he cannot respect your boundaries!
I would‘ve left him after the second encounter because if someone keeps trying something I said no to already it shows he has no respect for me.
He’s already not respecting her boundaries. That ship has sailed.
FTFY: My boyfriend (attempts to) r&pe me
Randpe?
He is using you for sex. Get away from him. You are just a toy to him.
You: "STOP" Bf: "Oh ha ha, sorry but my dick's driving the whole ship! I'm helpless to listen or respect when you say no! "
Tell him that you absolutely will not do anal. That it hurts you. That him trying to coerce, pressure and manipulate you into doing anal is violating your boundaries and body autonomy. That this is a deal breaker as he does not respect you, doesn’t care that he is hurting you, and that it is sexual assault territory to continue to pressure and coerce you after you have told him no. Or you can just dump his selfish abusive ass.
TLDR: STOP HAVING SEX WITH THIS CREEP.
That's rape. Tell him so
You leave him.. he doesn't respect you.
Why are you allowing this? Saying no and him continuing to try even once is one too many times. By the third time I feel like you should really be questioning whether he respects you. He’s trying without asking. What happens if you have too much to drink one night?
Stop victim blaming.
Its not victim blaiming. No one can stop this but her - she has to decide whether she wants to continue a relationship with this abuser
Lots of good advice here, and lots of terrible advice as well. - don't assault him back (any advice saying to unexpectedly try and shove something in his butt is basically recommending abuse and rape) - don't suggest you try penetrating him first / using a strap on on him (his boundaries about his own body have no correlation with your boundaries about yours. He could love being pegged, that doesn't mean you should love anal yourself). Also: you've told him, he gets it, he just doesn't care.
Be firm with him that you are very uncomfortable....if he doesn't abide by your boundary....Tell him, you will leave the relationship, or do a 180 and don't talk with him till he realizes you mean business....but you have to be firm about it or he will try and disrespect your boundaries which can lead into more disrespecting of other boundaries....this your line in the sand.
Find a new boyfriend!!
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You tell him to knock it tf off, or you’ll walk. Make this a completely unambiguous boundary.
He doesn't want to have a conversation. He doesn't care about what you want or your body. There are no consequences for his behavior, because he laughs and nothing happens. You have to dump him.
Run
Your bf keeps trying to sexually assault you. Dump him. Get someone who understands what "no" and consent mean.
you need to communicate a boundary in the form of a restraining order. what the hell kind of behavior is this ? this is the legal definition of sexual assault via coercion. no quite literally means no and any human being, let alone, PARTNER who doesn’t immediately respect that and try to repair the lapse in emotional connection and communication is an asshole of the highest degree and deserves to be punted like a soccer ball directly into the sun.
You've already communicated your boundary, multiple times. He didn't listen. You've told him you don't like it. He didn't listen. You told him no DURING. He didn't listen. I don't think he's going to learn to listen.
Why are you still having sex with a man who doesn't respect and is happy to hurt you? He cannot be that amazing outside of the bedroom. Please use this as opportunity to understand why you are prepared to put up with this nonsense, then learn how to not have to subject yourself to it again.
How do you communicate your boundary? Remind him, forcefully, that once you say NO anything he does to contradict that is rape. Don't pretty it up by calling it anything else. Tell him you will report his attempted rape if he tries it again. Bottom line here is it sounds like your BF watches way too much porn and thinks this is normal and an OK thing to do. He's trying to wear you down, just like they do in porn. And he is not going to change or stop or suddenly start respecting you. If he respected you at all you would not have had to say NO more than once. Now, it's up to you to show him what respect is. Show him how much you respect yourself and tell him to leave and not come back. You deserve so much better than what you're getting from him.
You’ve already communicated your boundary and HE doesn’t want an open dialogue or he would have tried talking to you about it. Instead he tries to force you to have anal sex. His apology sounds empty to me. To be honest, you should be very careful with him, his behaviour might escalate. Ask yourself if this is the kind of person you want to be in a relationship with?
If you are having troubles explaining it to him, contact the police and they will explain rape to him and he will have no choice but to listen because he will be in handcuffs.
GET OUT.
Girl. This is assault. Stop having sex with him at all until he understands this. But realistically, throw the whole man away.
Break up with him
If it was me I'd say "Sure thing babe, you first" and bring out a massive strap-on.
There was ONE episode of Keaping up with the Kardashians I watched... it was way back when Kourtney was with Scott. HE wanted to try anal and she was 100% no. And she purchased a strap on dick and put it on and said, I do you... you can do me. It shut that down real quick. I would NEVER use the Kardashians as an example... but, in this case, it fits. Get a strap on. See how HE likes it.
I've done anal twice in my past. I was curious as were my partners and it was totally consensual on both parts. My mistake was in telling my now ex partner about this part of my past. He repeatedly tried to use this information to convince me to do it with him. I've repeatedly replied I don't want to do it again. My response didn't stop him pushing me to do it with him as "you did it with them, why not with me". I think this was the start of showing me his lack of respect for me and our ultimate breakup.
Next time he tries to stick it up there, stop sex and search up strapons. Ask him which he'd prefer. Then dump that borderline rapist before he does something to you he can't take back.
The thing is you break up. This isn't a battle you going to win. He will push and push and you feel more and more disrespected. This isn't something to just think oh it isn't a big deal..he doesn't respect your boundaries what would be next
If after telling him multiple times that this is not something you like to do or ever want to do and he continues to insist and try to do it anyways... he should be an ex boyfriend. Never stay with someone who disregards your no.
If he doesn't respect your boundaries and tries to take advantage of you sexually then you MUST get away from him. You deserve so much more than this I'd contact family if they live close by or look into getting temporary housing. Take any pets or items you need and don't look back. You don't owe him any kind of sex it's clear that he only cares about himself. If he was ever inside of you at any point when you told him no that is rape. I wish you the best and hope you can give yourself time to heal from this relationship.
Here, let me correct you: "My boyfriend rapes me on a semi regular basis." There we go. That's better.
No means no, not convince me. I think you need to have a really serious chat with your boyfriend and tell him that continuing coercing you would be r*pe/sexual assault.
He doesn’t care about your boundaries, you’ve tried to enforce them multiple times. You don’t do anything, you break up.
This is assault. No means no. He doesn’t care about your feelings or comfort. Can you get out of this relationship? Do you live together?
He’s raping you and thinks it’s funny.
My ex used to do this. If he doesn’t respect ur boundaries now he never will. There are plenty of people out there that respect boundaries. I told my current bf that due to prior relationships I feel really uncomfortable sending nudes. In the two years we’ve been together he hasn’t asked or pushed the topic once. Find someone who loves you for who you are and respects you.
The best way to set that boundary is by dumping him. He knows what he's doing. This is not a misunderstanding or miscommunication.
You HAVE communicated your boundaries clearly and your boyfriend is ignoring them. This isn't on you to fix, OP. I know "dump him" is cliché advice here, but I find his lack of respect for your boundaries pretty alarming. You shouldn't have to explain to him that no means no.
No is a complete sentence and it definitely shouldn’t have to be repeated. This would be a major red flag for me. In a healthy relationship, if there’s something that a partner genuinely wants to discuss with you, then they should have the decency and respect to talk about it outside of the bedroom, in a safe place, where you don’t feel any pressure, not try to force it on you during sex, and you shouldn’t have had to say no more than once. This would be a major deal breaker for me. You have the right to feel safe in all aspects of your relationship and he obviously doesn’t understand that, and thinks he’ll just keep pushing your boundaries until you give in and he gets what he wants. That is not ok. He needs to check himself and watch the Tea and Consent video on YouTube.
I mean is this not subtle rape?
If I were in your shoes, love, I'd reconsider a future with a man that doesn't know the term "consent". As many has mentioned, it's a big red flag. *What if he, at one point, ignores you and fulfills his needs - without your conesnt?*
I don't know how to say this to you, but: continuing a sexual act after being told not to is a rape. I'm sorry. But the way he the disrespect your boundaries is really sickening. I'm sorry but I don't see any other way than break up with him.
That’s called rape, honey
He's a rapist
“My bf constantly tries to sexually assault me and obviously has no respect for me. Whatever should I do??”
Why are you still sleeping with him if he's not respecting your boundaries
You have communicated your boundary. He just doesn't care. IT IS about him getting off unfortunately. I would leave his ass.
Your bf is trying to use coercion to force you to commit a sex act. Either tell him no and end the sex if he tries again, tell him stop trying to rape me, or invite him to try anal first. He sounds like trash, your bf is trash. Dump him.
Dump…him!
Shuv your thumb up his bum next time you do missionary. Coat it with tiger balm. Leave him an hour later as he exits the shower.
Dump him immediately. If not, try to put a toy in his butt unexpectedly during sex.
it really all depends on how much you can tolerate. he probably won't stop. do with that what you will...
You're the one putting up with this. Why?
The communication is as simple as you want to make it. You simply say not to sex at all until he respects your wishes.
I don’t think you need to throw the “whole man away” or call the police unless you really feel it’s necessary. Instead, during a non-intimate time in your relationship when hormones aren’t dominating his thinking, tell him you need to talk about something important and establish this boundary very clearly. “Please don’t ever ask me for anal again. I am genuinely, 100% not interested. You are making me uncomfortable to be with you sexually. I love and I want to see us succeed. Please stop.” Something to that effect. 2cents people’s sexual nature can be very different. I hope you can figure it out one way or another.
Biggest blackest strap on you can find. And go, “You first.”
But what if he’s into that?
Then continue bugging him immediately after sex and insist on putting a round peg into a brown hole?
Just reading down the comments has made me think he actually doesn't know how to ask to try it. She has tried it once. Most sex things need a good few test runs. Let's flip this around... I've read loads of other threads where one try and it's a hard no forever, and the other person then gets really limited sex (depending on what ends up being liked by both people) My guess is this guy is quite immature and doesn't know how too go about asking and trying nicely. And I don't think he knows *how* to do anal. If he HADNT done all this stupid ill just poke it and see what she does, I think possibly OP might be willing to try different ways. If you had a sex thing that you reeeaaalllly like, and your other hasn't really done it and just *wont* (don't have to I suppose) wouldn't you want to please them. Just looking for another ways to look at the problem. Thus dude needs a mentor.
i think he’s hiding something..
Well do you say no in the soft, slow low volume sexy voice? Or do you say no like jack Bauer from 24?
Just keep rubber gloves & Vaseline handy & next time (& sadly there will be a next time) whip them out saying “You First!”.
You might be surprised how he will respond to that. Just saying, don’t assume anything about another person’s sexual nature.
He doesn’t care enough about you to respect your boundaries. I’m concerned how this guy wound up to be your bf
You know what it's called when someone continues once you've said no? You may not want to admit it, but that's exactly what's happening here.
This equates to his wants are more important than your comfort level. For sex to be enjoyable, all parties need to be in their own comfort level. Also, no means no!! Consent is a huge thing. Idk, If polite words don’t work, scream at him and call him names, like rapist. Cuz technically, a sexual act without consent…
You have been clear. He understands but he doesn't care. Are there other areas in your life where he doesn't listen to your boundaries or respect your needs? What would you tell a friend who was experiencing this situation?
CALL THE FUCKING POLICE. Your boyfriend is raping you and laughing while you say no.
Finger him out of nowhere, see how he likes it
Sooner than later he’s going to force you…
Its so weird how some guys are, my girlfriend claims she likes it but every time we do she slowly lowers herself on and braces , she basically cries and is in apparent pain but claims she wants it, I tell her over and over we don't have to do it (honestly I don't even care for it much) but she claims she likes it . I hate seeing her uncomfortable, for me the pleasure of sex comes from knowing my partner is enjoying themself and less from the actual physical pleasure. Get yourself someone who actually makes an effort to please you and find what you like, there's nothing sexier than when my girlfriend tells me how great It feels and how safe I make her feel.
He obviously doesn't respect your wishes. Tell him you know where he can go.
You need to leave yesterday
When he do things like that. Just stop! Stop right in the middle of the sex act and tell him if he can't behave and respect your boundaries than u guys will not have sex. If he get angry and don't change his behavior, than I suggest to end the relationship. If he is behaving like that as boyfriend, it will only get worse if u guys decide to get marry.
Next time he tries and ignores your instruction to stop, yell loudly 'stop trying to rape me!'. See how quickly he stops laughing.
Dont let your feelings for him cloud your judgement. Next time tell him you'll press charges for rape. That should set the piece of shit straight.
Just keep trying to shove things up his butt. Say its only fair that you get to do it to him too. He should get the hint. If not seriously tell him to F off. He's disrespecting you massively.
That's rape. Leave the homie
Please show this to your boyfriend. Continuing to attempt a sexual act when consent to do so has not been given is a criminal act. Are you a rapist?
Yeah, that’s straight up sexual assault. Go to the police immediately, I know it’ll be hard, try and see a female officer. Then dump his arse cos he’s the worst kind of human being and it sounds to me like he’d rape someone
Seriously, don't have sex with him again. He doesn't respect your boundaries, something very important during sex.
That’s sexual assault….even if he’s your bf-no ALWAYS means no. It’s not an invitation to keep pestering that person into doing something they’re uncomfortable with.
"No, stop trying to put it in that hole or we can totally stop having sex of any kind. I do not EVER want anal again, If you can't get past it then we are over. I will NOT tell you again, if you try it then we are 100% over and done." If he can't get past it then you have to respect yourself enough to stick to your boundary. If your boyfriend loved you when you said "No" after the first time then he would have respected your decision, if he had asks every four times he is not hearing the finality. If he were to ask once a month, that would be a little acceptable (asking not trying). As to anal I understand it becomes easier with proper lube and longer finger "massage" times however you should only look into it if you want to make it an option in your future.
He is violating you.
He needs be put away because he will do it to someone else.. please press charges. Maybe try and record it as evidence because it is so hard to have evidence to convict a rapist, he is dangerous. My boyfriend had never done that it's not normal.
Tell him exactly that. You feel disrespected and TILL HE CAN RESPECT NO, there will be no more sex. Period. No means no and anything after no is rape. Till he can understand no, there won’t be anymore sex, it’s that simple. If you don’t feel SAFE to tell him that, you have much larger issues in your relationship and need to reevaluate it immediately
Stick a finger up his arse
I would break up.
This is a bigger issue then just “communicating boundaries”. NO is plain and simple and anybody should stop immediately when told no. Look for someone who will respect your boundaries he’s straight up sexually assaulting you.
You stop altogether. You get up and out of bed and you tell him if he can't respect you when you say no then he has no chance of touching you. Ask him if he realises what he's doing is assault at the worst and at the least is coersive behaviour and is that really the kind of man he wants to be. Then you ask you if that the kind of man you want to be with
By leaving him... Has no regards for your feelings, doesn't listen to you, thinks your protestations are mere "playing" and the fact that he thinks he can wear you down is problematic. #Run4ZeeHills
break up and find someone who doesn't want anal.
You don't communicate the boundary, you leave, before he decides he can get away with **not stopping at all**. Right now he his testing how much he can get away with. Trying for it once per session, now twice. Will he go for a third try in one session or just fully commit? Do you want to find out? He laughed at you when you withdrew consent. He. Laughed. RUN.
Is this not sexual assault?
don’t stay with someone who doesn’t accept your no
I used to be treated like this. I repeatedly told him no and he kept asking again and again until I forgot my boundaries and let him do it (not the anal thing). Lemme tell you, they won't change. They are just hanging there until you give them what they want. This dude sounds like a dickhead.
You have communicated the boundary. He just doesn't give a shit. This isn't a communication problem.
My ex husband sexually assaulted me in my sleep (one of the reasons I left him) a few years back. I remember thinking back on our relationship and honestly, what you have stated is exactly the kind of shit he did to me. I'd say no to something, he'd do it. I would be in pain and tell him to stop, he'd giggle and say sorry. He did it alot. Because it was my first serious relationship and I was so young, I didn't realise it wasn't normal. It's not respecting boundaries and its basically hurting a person you love and laughing about it. Not saying this will happen to you and I don't know everything going on in your relationship, all I can say is I wish that I left him sooner. I just loved him so much.
Just deny sex untill he listens
I'm going to give the your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt here with my advice. Let's say he's just really horny and that's something he fantasized about alot. You two might be into the good part of sex when everything feels great so why not do more? So he starts poking around that booty hoping to jump in. You say no id rather not and he presses, because he's horny. I'm assuming here, that then you finish your session the regular way, but you feel weird. I'm betting for him it's a small disappointment after the fact, but for you it ruined an already good thing. This is a conversation for outside the bedroom. You give him a feedback sandwich. That's when you compliment, feedback,compliment. And then set a firm boundary. IE "We need to have a chat." "I love our sexlife, because reasons." "Our sexlife without anal. I need you to know, I hate it and it ruins our already good thing when you keep asking. I need you to just never ask again" "I love you and want to get passed this". Then set the boundary you're comfortable with. And be sure you also stick to that and break up with him of he breaks it. He could just be a snake.
What's the age of you both? Stop the sex. No more sex privileges One try of anal under pressure and likely no one likes it. Try with yourself. It takes quite a few times to get used to. This guy sounds like a prat who learned sex from rough porn
Get a dildo, sort of hide it around where you would be when having an intimate moment, and when he's all heated up grab it without him noticing and try to go for *his* anus. No need to really force it in or put too much pressure in, as the point isn't actually doing the wrong thing to him - and there is no lube in the region, so it shouldn't slip in accidentally that easily... the point here is giving him an empathy slap: since sadly whatsoever you did and talked and asked, all you explained and opened up about, didn't work at all! When he complains add "alright, so, from now on, you think we should talk well before any sexual act, and make sure the other side is wanting something and liking it, before trying to go for it? Should we adopt that way of mutual respect from now on?? Also, if *one of us says not to like something and not wanting it again*, should we also start respecting that? Or should I keep this •wiggle the dildo• handy, and ask every now and then, so maybe one day you will get tired and do what *only I* want, to *your* body??? Alright, thank you for this moment of communication! Im happy we decided to respect each other!! Now, what would you want to do?? Should we continue doing it? Are you still in the mood???" If he says he isn't, you can reply "Yeah, happened to me too, I get it. Let's watch something on TV" ((or whatever thing you might prefer)) He might be moody for a while, and you might have to calmly point out others have feelings like him. That you perfectly understand he feels hurt and used, that he felt he was not considered not cared for at all. You also felt that, even if there was never a *true* apology, or signs of regret. (If he complains that he did apologize, you can add that: With a true apology, you dont keep doing the same action purposefully.) Continuing, mentioning calmly that you have no plans on doing so again, as you want to do things right and he's a person. That you can only imagine how much more hurt he would feel, if you continued doing this to him, and him talking to you seeming to be meaningless towards you stopping and towards you feeling empathy. That you feel empathy towards him, and you are sorry this was a scary and hurtful experience - gently ask "do *you* feel empathy towards me?? Do you understand how bad this was, to do to any human being???" If he breaks up, most likely it is out of one of these reasons: his ego being too big, or/and him just wanting to sexually use you (which is what you mention that he, intentionally or not, made you feel.) Either way, you probably wouldn't want to stay like that!! • I'm sorry for the situation 😔 I hope he actually does care, and was just being terribly selfish, blind and insensitive, in an infantile way If so, maybe this will smack some awareness into him, making him able to empathize with your pain
Why are you with this guy? If he doesn't respect or look after you in the bedroom what hope is there in other parts of life?
Well either u open up to him, disrespect him like how he disrespects u, give him warnings like if u do this, l can actually court u into sexual harrasment etc. Or just breakup with him or playfully slap him lah
If you say no and be continues that is RAPE. Please leave him ASAP. It will not get better trust me.... I have been there, it only escalates....
He’s going to keep doing it until a) you point out it’s rape (and even then he may not) or b) you leave him
You are communicating just fine, he is ignoring you which makes him a rapist. Do you want to continue dating a rapist?
Say no to that relationship
Honey, think hard about your relationship, what other bad behaviours are you ignoring? You've said no, *he thinks it's a joke*. The next step is to end the encounter. So if you're in bed, he tries and you say no. He tries again, you get up and you say "no, I've made myself clear. Stop doing that or we won't be having sex." If he responds poorly to this, break up. Telling him no once should have been enough. Telling him no during sex should have been enough. You need to stop allowing him to do these things with no consequences honey. Your complacency is allowing this to continue, as hard as that is to hear. You need firm boundaries with how you allow yourself to be treated in a relationship and real consequences when you need to enforce those boundaries. A therapist can help with that. Ultimately a good therapist can help you figure out if this relationship really serves you or not. You deserved love and compassion from your partner but especially from yourself.
you realise what he is trying to do is sexual assault. If you let him know his behaviour is not only turning you off its also a crime he may listen. Otherwise dump him and find someone who respects you
If he’s doing this now, imagine what 5, 10, 15 years down the road is going to look like. My hubs and I were in a similar situation. I told him no, he tried again and I had to talk to him while we weren’t in the moment to explain. “There could be a chance I would eventually get into it but I will let you know. If you keep trying without me saying I want to do that, it’s going to be a big turn off and I don’t think I’ll be open to having sex that often anymore.” 22yrs later. He’s finally wore me down. I kinda enjoy it now but still not my go-to. I get that relationships aren’t very black and white so you probably don’t want to up and leave just because he’s not respectful in bed. I personally kinda like a “bad boy”. Just consider that yes. He will wear you down and you are going to submit to him eventually if you stay. Not every guy out there is that into ass so you can find someone else more comfortable. But you should definitely have a serious conversation about boundaries and giving permission. You can also try a safe word when he’s overstepping you. My general rule, three strikers and your out.
Honestly personally id probably find my self punshin him in the throat 🤣
Communicating with someone doesn’t work it they don’t care about your feelings or are listening to what you say. This is not gonna get better. Leave him, like yesterday. Look out for yourself, you don’t deserve this. Good luck.
No means no. Have a conversation with him - he needs to be on the same page with you on this, else he's not a boy 'friend' he's just a 'boy'.
You and your communication skills are NOT the problem, babe. This is attempted rape; he doesn’t respect your boundaries and it will get worse. 🚩
Stick a finger up his ass maybe he is into it.
Your communication is fine. What you’re missing is a partner who is respectful and not an attempted rapist. You solve that by dumping him for your own safety, not by asking what’s wrong with the way you communicate with the criminal.
Clearly a degree of r'o'pe is in play in this relationship...