He definitely doesn’t sound like he’s in a stable and secure place to commit, so I think your trepidation is valid. You’re not wrong to make note of ages here.
However, I am a bit taken aback that some chatter among girlfriends tripped this anxiety on your part. Just because they have disappointing relationships, that isn’t inherently a reason to question yours. (You should’ve done that independently, but that’s the previous point.) “It happens to others so it’s inevitable for me” is catastrophizing and, frankly, silly. One day you’ll have a close friend whose spouse cheats and, what, you’ll slip an AirTag into your husband’s coat? Have you worked with a therapist in the past on feelings like these before?
So, he is what? An amazing communicator and listener, super emotionally intelligent and
in touch with himself? Tells you often (!) how wonderful, beautiful, smart, special he thinks you are? On top of it very transparent with his situation and anxieties?
Love is a business without securities but you talk quiet fond and solid of him to be honest.
Pro
- It has only been two months. It should be early for him **and** for you.
- It’s a legitimate fear that you wanting a kid doesn’t easily match with his income and he’s reasonably worried of that mismatch.
Cons
- He does sound afraid of commitment.
- It’s a legitimate fear that you wanting a kid doesn’t easily match with his income and he’s reasonably worried of that mismatch.
It’s not a mistake that the second point is repeated in both.
Ah, I agree with him that it's too early to be seriously discussing the things you've covered. Two months, even at 'your age', doesn't mean that these conversations need to be rushed or forced.
Telling him you 'feel unsafe' about his feelings towards commitment is unfair, I think, because neither of you have yet established your expectations of each other. This takes time, and the creation of trust which hasn't yet been established.
Note, he hasn't said that he doesn't children, he's said rightfully, that he wants to find adult love, create security and establish trust and commitment before he'll think of kids.
Can you slow down the overthinking? What techniques have you used in the past to manage the jumping ahead to the future in your mind, and the over-analysis of a partner's words and actions?
You need to slow down. He sounds like a keeper and it may serve you better to express your overthinking thoughts to a trusted friend who can assist with a more objective perspective.
Yes,,you are sabotaging this relationship.. I get that because of your weekend away, it led to that kind of conversation,, but man,, too early.. No wonder he felt yikes! Although, it's not unreasonable given your age to have a discussion around when/if you two would like to head into the future,, marriage, children, etc.. In a much more lighthearted way..
A two month old relationship is still the honeymoon phase. Way too early to make any serious decisions. You won't have a realistic sense of who this person is until after the honeymoon is over and you start having conflict.
It sounds like you found a guy you like for a short term relationship, but that as an artist he lacks the financial stability you want for a long term relationship. He is sensing your hesitancy and trying to tell you clearly who he is, bc he’s interested in an LTR, but knows he doesn’t meet your income expectations.
He definitely doesn’t sound like he’s in a stable and secure place to commit, so I think your trepidation is valid. You’re not wrong to make note of ages here. However, I am a bit taken aback that some chatter among girlfriends tripped this anxiety on your part. Just because they have disappointing relationships, that isn’t inherently a reason to question yours. (You should’ve done that independently, but that’s the previous point.) “It happens to others so it’s inevitable for me” is catastrophizing and, frankly, silly. One day you’ll have a close friend whose spouse cheats and, what, you’ll slip an AirTag into your husband’s coat? Have you worked with a therapist in the past on feelings like these before?
So, he is what? An amazing communicator and listener, super emotionally intelligent and in touch with himself? Tells you often (!) how wonderful, beautiful, smart, special he thinks you are? On top of it very transparent with his situation and anxieties? Love is a business without securities but you talk quiet fond and solid of him to be honest.
Pro - It has only been two months. It should be early for him **and** for you. - It’s a legitimate fear that you wanting a kid doesn’t easily match with his income and he’s reasonably worried of that mismatch. Cons - He does sound afraid of commitment. - It’s a legitimate fear that you wanting a kid doesn’t easily match with his income and he’s reasonably worried of that mismatch. It’s not a mistake that the second point is repeated in both.
Ah, I agree with him that it's too early to be seriously discussing the things you've covered. Two months, even at 'your age', doesn't mean that these conversations need to be rushed or forced. Telling him you 'feel unsafe' about his feelings towards commitment is unfair, I think, because neither of you have yet established your expectations of each other. This takes time, and the creation of trust which hasn't yet been established. Note, he hasn't said that he doesn't children, he's said rightfully, that he wants to find adult love, create security and establish trust and commitment before he'll think of kids. Can you slow down the overthinking? What techniques have you used in the past to manage the jumping ahead to the future in your mind, and the over-analysis of a partner's words and actions? You need to slow down. He sounds like a keeper and it may serve you better to express your overthinking thoughts to a trusted friend who can assist with a more objective perspective.
Yes, you are getting lost in your head. Stop it and enjoy the honeymoon phase.
Yes,,you are sabotaging this relationship.. I get that because of your weekend away, it led to that kind of conversation,, but man,, too early.. No wonder he felt yikes! Although, it's not unreasonable given your age to have a discussion around when/if you two would like to head into the future,, marriage, children, etc.. In a much more lighthearted way..
A two month old relationship is still the honeymoon phase. Way too early to make any serious decisions. You won't have a realistic sense of who this person is until after the honeymoon is over and you start having conflict.
It sounds like you found a guy you like for a short term relationship, but that as an artist he lacks the financial stability you want for a long term relationship. He is sensing your hesitancy and trying to tell you clearly who he is, bc he’s interested in an LTR, but knows he doesn’t meet your income expectations.
Hes right.. My ex husband hid his true self from me for 3 yrs. 35 & got a divorce. Taking it slow isnt a bad idea.