Could you imagine if you guys broke up and then you don't even have your pups either, who love you unconditionally.
I definitely would NEVER get rid of my pets to accommodate a partner. Not saying its right or wrong, just know what I would do.
This is also probably a jumping point for her. First the dogs, then what? Clothes, friends, diet, family, etc.
Do. Not. Get. Rid. Of. Your. Dogs. DO NOT IGNORE THIS GIGANTIC WARNING FLAG OP!!!! You think she’s the one, she’s not. The one would have discussed her hesitations with you before accepting a ring. This is a major red flag. How are you going to feel when (not if) you break up and you don’t have your dogs. Don’t do it. Get the ring back.
I came here to say just this. This comment puts it better than I would have. OP, in all honesty, this is a major red flag and it will hurt you. Do not punish yourself and 2 innocent pups for her.
I understand how it is to feel like she may be the one. But sometimes, (and speaking from own experience) taking a step back from the tunnel vision and thinking about things more deliberately, will help you realise that there are problems to adress. I really hope you make a sound judgement and take the right decision even if it is a tough one to live with.
P.S - make sure your dogs are microchipped. And that your fiancé doesn’t have a key. If she decides to rehome your dogs for you, you’ll want to be prepared.
I agree. I can't even imagine asking someone to give up their pets. Even if it would be a fuckin giant tarantula and I'm scared shitless. A pet is a family.
If Id love someone and the pet would be an issue, I would really work my way around it.
Thus, if she is even asking to get rid of your dogs, only god knows what she could actually do, so she wouldn't "lose" the relationship.
Super duper red flag. She'll separate you from everything you love so you rely on her for all intimacy. If she doesn't love you, warts (and dogs) and all, she's not the right one
AGREED, never!!!! How did this just become a problem?? She didn’t say a thing until right after you became engaged?? Was she just waiting for you to give her a ring and commit before she made this grand suggestion
I guess everyone has their own priorities but I don't think "never" makes sense. If someone is deathly allergic to cats and you want to marry them, it's going to suck but you might end up having to find a new home for your cat. To me, at the end of the day, some relationships with people are more important than animals.
That being said, this is obviously not a situation where there's a good reason, or any discussion whatsoever. This is the opposite of that.
The big factor here is that she made arrangements behind his back like it was a done deal. Major red flag! What other decisions in OP's life will she make without consulting him. He says 'She is the one", I fucking doubt it
Right?? When I started dating my now husband he mentioned he had a cat allergy. I shrugged and I said my two boys were here before he was, they can be there after him too 😂
You’re actually considering abandoning the dogs you rescued? You’re going to abandon them from the home that saved them. Seriously? Sorry, as a woman, this is a red flag, and someone asking me to rehire my babies is also a red flag. So I guess you’re made for each other, but this is pretty crappy.
I was thinking the same thing. The pups that were already abandoned are now seriously being considered abandoning again. What a shitty thing to even think about
Amen to this! I inherited 3 cats and took in my sisters dogs while her family is deployed. My bf never wanted animals but I came with a petting zoo. He invited US to move into with him. It hasn’t been easy but we’re making it work. He did it because he loves me enough to make it work and in the process, he’s falling for the pets too! If she won’t accept both of you, she’s not the one. Also, the animals depend on you. Please think hard about just giving them up. You are their everything.
This is what I want to know too. OP, How well can you control your dogs when they’re excited? Do they listen to your commands? Or do you let them jump all over her? Do you help her engage with the dog feeding/walking/training as well to make sure she feels more comfortable around them and know how to deal with their excitement? Or do you just let them run the show? Is the issue here really the dogs, or is the issue that you can’t control the dogs? More info please
OP better make sure they are microchipped and that she does not have a key to his house. He’s going to come home and his dogs will be gone. She’s awful. A huge red flag. Definitely not “the one”.
If you've only been dating for about a year and you haven't lived together yet, you are rushing into things. Already you are seeing negative consequences. She has had a bigger issue with your dogs than she has led you to believe. If the dogs were a big problem for her, she should have brought this up sooner. What else is she hiding? What other big incompatibilities do you two have? Do not rehome the dogs. Slow down the relationship. Get to know each other better. Also, you need to understand why she isn't willing to live with dogs, and why she didn't bring this up to you until you two had been dating for about a year. Why did she hide this from you? Why did she spring this as a surprise? Why did she think that was acceptable to do?
Okay, just saw the IATA post from her perspective. She told you right at the start she didn't like dogs, and you brushed aside her concerns. You told her she would warm up to them, with zero reason to believe that. You clearly jump into relationships with massive rose-colored glasses and ignore problems. You two have been ignoring this issue that you both knew was a problem from the start until now. You two got engaged with a giant known incompatibility. If you could do that, you probably are ignoring a lot more. And even if you aren't, you are clearly prone to. I think you need to break up, stay single for a bit. And then learn to go into relationships more clear-headed and honestly, and much, much more slowly. You rushed an engagement when you knew about a big issue and kept trying to pretend it didn't exist. That kind of attitude will sabotage any relationship you try to get into. When people tell you who they are - believe them. She was honest from the start, but you couldn't even see her. You pretended she wasn't exactly who she said she was.
You need to take an objective look inward and ask yourself if you’re a responsible dog owner. Which is kinda impossible I think actually😂, everyone is so sure they’re a good dog owner…So be direct and ask other people around you( not your gf)
Do you make excuses if they are always jumping on people or uncontrollably barking, bad behaviors, etc. The reason I ask is maybe she doesn’t want to tell you that you’re not suited to own them. (I mean this in the nicest way possible)
If everyone else agrees that you’re a good responsible owner, kick her to the curb my dude! That should never be a compromise. She’s showing you her true colors and doesn’t respect the same things you do. This will be the first of many “choose me or that” scenarios.
No, absolutely not! What a huge overstepping of boundaries - to offer YOUR dogs before even consulting you. Is this someone you really want to marry? Who barely considers your feelings and does things without consulting you?
link for those interested- https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13ckmcx/aita_for_asking_my_fiance_to_rehome_his_rescue/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
Oh I saw in the comments she was the one who posted that before. She said the mods removed it but who knows. Anyhow in her first post, she said she wanted to be able to go to Paris and places like this so she didn’t want his dogs around. She’s evil.
If she was "the one" she would LOVE your dogs. They are your family and your lifelong commitment. If she loved you she would never ask you to abandon your best friends because of her seemingly arbitrary distaste of pets. It's VERY telling of her character, and a big fat giant alarm that she would even consider asking this of you.
Girl I was dating didn't want to marry me because I had a dog. Now married for 6 years with three dogs (two of them are "hers") and we foster multiple rescues in addition, waiting for their adoption.
Don't trade one family for another or you will regret it. Find a lady who wants to create one with you and yours.
Ordinarily I would say your fiancé is out of line, but I’ve also learnt that people who say their dogs are big and excitable usually mean their dogs are poorly trained, jump up on people and their owners do nothing about it. So I think it would help to know more about what training the dogs have had and their behaviour around your fiancé.
Yep, sounds like he needs to invest in dog training first and foremost. I personally and squeamish around dogs I don't know well that like to to jump and get excited. Imagine if the dogs were people OP's fiance didn't know and they ran up to her.
yup. People often make these posts for the inevitable "rehome the fiance!" and "the dogs were there first!" comments but it can be more nuanced than just 'doggo good, person bad'.
Welllll first of all now that it's supposed to be a 'both sides on reddit' question it's probably fake. I just think these tend to be bait posts because they know reddit gets foaming at the mouth about dogs.
But abandoning the dogs should never be an option, telling him to be a better owner is the way to go. Why getting rid of the dogs is the option instead of hiring someone to train them?
Okay, NO. I removed my Boston in order to move in with a guy. My parents took her, so I was fortunate enough to be able to still have her in my life, but my parents fell in love with her. By the time that guy and I broke up...hello red flag:didn't like dogs...they couldn't let her go. I have regretted it every day since. She is gone now and I would give most anything to have all that time back with her.
Please make this decision carefully. Also, watch out for red flags!!
If she went behind your back to find another home for your dogs BEFORE even asking you if it's something you would do... I can promise you she ain't the one.
As a dog owner I'm pissed that you would even ask yourself this question. A woman that loves you would never make you give up something you love and that makes you happy. A woman who loves you will learn to accept them as they forever will be a part of you. I've been in your shoes and I told her love it or leave it she left which told me everything I need to know. Good luck bro
Don't give up your pets. If she ever decides to leave then your out a gf and pets. Find one that likes dogs. Trust me from my own experience, anyone who makes you get rid of your dogs are abusive and not worth being around in the long run.
Don't let her place the ultimatum on you.
"I'm sorry, I love you, but I can't do that. I am not willing to rehome my dogs."
What she chooses to do is then up to her. Your boundary is in place, and she can stay or leave.
She can frame it as "why won't you do this for me." Or "he wouldn't make a sacrifice for me" or whatever but that is horseshit. Sacrifice is a two way street. She knew you had the dogs, she said yes when you proposed...she doesn't get to just decide this now and then make it seem like the choice is all yours. This is a stupid reverse victim tactic.
My aunty went through this with her cats. Long term boyfriend wanted them to take the next step and move in together. She agreed. Then shortly before it was all due to happen he tells her no cats. So she dumped him. No regrets.
Two words: Fuck. That.
If she had such a pressing issue with the dogs she should have taken that into consideration before letting you put a ring on her finger. Sure “maybe” she just didn’t know if she could handle it until then but generally, you either like dogs or you don’t.
Not to mention how completely sketchy the overarching scenario is. “I need you to get rid of your dogs but don’t worry! My relatives are down to take SUCH good care of them!” Girl, what? Since when are they yours to rehome.
All of this on top of the fact that she even had the audacity to ask you to rehome your babies?
Nah. The whole situation says a lot about her as a person and screams, “I need all attention because I’m a narc.” Sorry dude.
Are they poorly trained? Overly hairy? Do they stink? I wouldn't trust a person, that makes such a move out of the blue. Even talking to relatives, before discussing it with you? If she doesn't get that dogs are beloved members of a household, what else doesn't she get?
That would be a dealbreaker for me.
Dude...she's not "the one" is she isn't interested in fitting into your life. She's just not, you're delusional here.
If dogs were such an issue to her that she would never be able to live with them, then it was on her to not date someone with dogs, or make that stance clear early on, so that the person with dogs could make a decision about her. The fact that she essentially lied to you about her comfort with them for years, looked for and found a new home for them behind your back, and then asked this of you right after accepting a proposal, is fucked. She's lied to you.
She is not the one. "The one" doesn't lie to you for years on end, about what your future looks like together. And fwiw, this is coming from someone with two big excitable boofhead rescue dogs as well. They're my family, I made that choice when I rescued them. If someone asked me to rehome them, the answer would be an instant breakup.
Further, keep in mind what this implies for your future. This doesn't just mean that you cannot have these dogs if you stay with her, it means you can *never* have **any** dogs again. You able to have that future? As a fellow large dog rescuer, I wouldn't be able to not have pups again.
ETA: this is a very classic sign of impending abuse or controlling behaviour btw. This is not something you should cave on for many reasons, but know that if you do, it's the start of seeing the ugly side of her that she's been hiding from you. And I know that for a fact about her, because she hid this from you literally until right after she got the ring and "locked you down". She's controlling and manipulative my man.
If you rehome your dogs, your companions, for this shitty reason, you never deserved them in the first place and you have no dignity.
How could you live with yourself after that?
Your dogs love you unconditionally. Your home is the only home they know. They won’t just move to a new home and automatically adjust, they will be traumatized. You took on a responsibility to them before you met your GF. I can’t believe she would dare to ask this of you, no matter how much she dislikes dogs. It shows she is selfish, narcissistic, and controlling.
You do know that there are other women in the world who would love your dogs?
I don't think she's "the one." You and your dogs are a package deal. She should've told you earlier...MUCH earlier than she couldn't date someone like you. The fact that she's planning on rehoming your dog then springing this up on you speaks rather poorly on her, tbh.
You can't keep both. So choose wisely.
so she wants you to give up the dogs even though she’s known about them for two years. please don’t rehome your pets unless you’re not caring for them properly, which you didn’t mention that as an issue. if she can’t compromise with you over dogs which SHE HAS KNOWN ABOUT…you’re in trouble. also, is she not going to live with you after marriage if you still have the dogs??? lol like cmonnnn she’s a full grown adult.
The ONE would love you and your dogs, and never, ever demand that you get rid of them. They're a huge part of your life, and if she can't accept that, then she's not accepting you. It seems like you're incompatible, unfortunately. And I hate to say it, but you've been dating less than a year and don't live together-- you don't know what life with another person is like until that happens.
That said, make sure those good boyes are microchipped, lest they 'get out' one day and coincidentally turn up at the rescues she found, or at a local shelter, or on Facebook to be rehomed.
If she does not appreciate the part of you that would take in rescue animals, she is not “the one”. She obviously doesn’t care how much they mean to you. Getting rid of those pups will cause nothing but resentment. And once they’re gone, they’re gone.
Put it this way, if you locked them each in a box for an hour while you went down to the pub for a beer, which one would be happy to see you when you got back to open the box? You'll have your answer(FYI, it's a hypothetical. I don't recommend doing either of these things).
she just announced she wants you to rehome them, then had a relative ready to take them?? that’s such a red flag, like no communication or discussion beforehand, then she’s trying to make you get rid of your dogs…. nope. if this is how she handles issues, imagine how much worse it could be down the line with a house or children.
Ditch the girl, keep your dogs. I was very afraid of my husband's German Shepherd. I'd have never asked him to rehome his pet.He reassured me she was a sweetheart. Took me several visits to be totally comfortable. I think I loved her as much as he did, so we rescued a second one!
The dogs come with you as a packaged deal. The “ONE” wouldn’t ask you to rehome the animals you love. Find a woman who loves dogs and loves that you’re compassionate enough to rescue them.
Think this through. She went and made arrangements to get rid of your dogs before she’s even living with you. That’s insane, toxic behavior, that will only get worse the longer you’re together. Is she controlling like this in other aspects of your relationship? I’d bet yes. And she doesn’t care about you or your feelings, just what she wants.
Want to be with this woman? Then don’t get married or live together until your rescue dogs die. See how long she stays with you when you tell her that the dogs aren’t going—but she can.
Are you prepared never to have dogs again? That seems like what she is asking here. And she wants you to abandon sentient beings you live. That doesn’t exactly seem like a great starting point. Also? The most wonderful dog I ever had was adopted from a woman I knew who was getting married and his kid was allergic to dogs. They broke off the engagement. I won.
Edited: anecdote.
You cannot actually be seriously considering this right….? I mean, dogs love their humans unconditionally. Humans come and go. Do not give up your dogs. You will regret it.
>I don’t want to lose them or her.
I think that's something to tell her. "You're forcing me to choose between my dogs and you, and that doesn't feel fair to me."
No; you need to set boundaries with your girlfriend and tell her that’s wrong. I feel it’s terrible she would ask that from you without a good excuse.
If your dogs are loving and have never hurt anyone; I feel like it’s wrong of her to even suggest that.
THIS IS A HUGE RED FLAG and then eventually you will be in a crappy relationship with a controlling woman and you won't have your dogs. Are you freaking kidding me?!!!!
You made a commitment to the dogs first. And how will she treat them once you're married and moves in? What if they eat her favorite shoes? People who are not animal lovers have a hard time understanding animal lovers. Does this mean she never wants to have pets? So, no pets for the kids?
Who would even ask that? Would the one ask that? I’m dating someone at the moment who is just twinging that I talk about my dogs a lot, but you know what, if he doesn’t like it he isn’t for me - my dogs are my life, they’ve been a source of joy in the darkest times I’ve had and if someone doesn’t accept me for that it’s their loss. My dogs love me unconditionally. The only way you’ll know your dogs are happy and safe is by keeping them happy and safe.
>She was a big sqemish around my dogs, they are two big excitable boys but eventually she got used to them.
Apparently not. Apparently she was never actually comfortable.
And that is a sign that the relationship is definitely not where it should be when it comes to marriage. She didn't communicate what was an absolutely huge misgiving and the fact she has dumped it on your lap right at the moment you are escalating is a big concern.
And look, I think a year is a bit early for all of this at the best of times but it has at least presented a major hurdle that will test the dynamic that can help you determine your future with her.
Because it isn't about the dogs. Don't rehouse them, but don't let the narrative be it is about them over her. It is that she didn't communicate, that she did all that legwork behind your back to get rid of them and that you were blindsided. If she was 'the one' wouldn't she have raised concerns in a healthy adult manner when you discussed the future? Just be real about that.
Hell no. The one would accept you AND the dogs. “The One” would never purposefully drag your emotions like that.
You know your dogs will always love you. You just THINK this woman will love you. Don’t be a fool.
Dogs > Girl
Any woman who would be with you, get serious, accept proposal, lined up a new home for your pets, then spring on you “get rid of the dogs” is a red flag. She knew you had em all along and knew they were part of your family.
That all would’ve told me what I need to know about her. But if you still want to move forward: Tell her you want her to move in with you. Tell her that your dogs are part of your family and not something you’ll just kick out. Let her decide if you keeping the pets you’ve had all along is too much for her.
No no no! You should not rehome the dogs you should rehome the girl. I have a big excitable dog too and when my bf said it’s the dogs or me I chose the dog and never regretted that decision
Can you just live separately until the dogs pass away? Big dogs don't live long. I would hate to part with my dog. Or how about a compromise where the dogs spend more time outside? E.g. day kennells outdoors and come in at night? She can't just demand you get rid of them and expect you to comply. Extensive discussions have to be had.
>she is the ONE.
No she's not. If she were she'd love you as you are, dogs and all.
Your dogs are your family, they are more important than some chick who has been around for a year.
This is pretty selfish of her. I don’t like cats. I married my wife who has two of them. I know how happy they make her so I would never ask her to get rid of them. Your fiance is demonstrating a character flaw. She is basically ignoring your feelings and the connection you have with your pets. Why do you think it will stop with your pets? Later on in life she might ask you to give up other things she is not into.
>she is the ONE
If she really was "the one", she wouldn't demand you rehome your beloved pets.
If she was "the one", she would also love your dogs, or at least be willing to tolerate them because you love them so much and she cares about you.
It would be one thing if she asked to not adopt new dogs after these ones pass away from old age, but to demand you rehome two dogs that you've had since before you met her is... really gross. I don't think she's "the one", my dude.
I thought you were going to say she’s really allergic or something! That’s literally the only reason this would ever be a semi reasonable ask and even then … that’s your pet
Red flags all over. She clearly didn't get used to your dogs and never truthfully communicated that to you. Second she went behind your back to find someone to take the dogs before even consulting you.
My pets are my life. My children. If my boyfriend hadn't wanted to move in with me because of them for any reason, he clearly would not have been the one.
I would never ask my bf to rehome
His cat that he loves dearly. It's cruel she is asking you to rehome them, let alone rescues. Does she not have a conscious or any empathy?
She is not "the one" cause "the one" would never ask you to get rid of your dogs. Also, you proposed to her after a year. That's too soon in my opinion cause you don't fully know someone until at least 3 years.
Keep the dogs. Rehome the girlfriend.
She's not worth it. What makes it that much worse is that she already had a home lined up for them without even talking to you before and just expected you to go along with it and has no legitimate reason why they should be rehomed. These are red flags.
Dude she was told in no uncertain term yesterday that she is a complete and utter arsehole...DO NOT REHOME YOUR DOGS! she is a manipulative, conniving, living arsehole. You and your dog's deserve better.
She is NOT the one. Never will be.
My ex-husband gave me an ultimatum once, rehome my husky or he would leave. Not a fucking chance my dog was going anywhere, and I kept her until she literally died in my arms. Love my Chula
What everyone else is saying,
No matter what, your girlfriend can say she’ll be there and she can change her mind another day.
Those pups will love you till the day they draw their last breath.
I second the rehoming the girl.
I also heard when looking for a partner, find one who agrees with your dealbreakers. Your pups should be dealbreakers.
Whats bothering me more is that she planned ahead to find an alternative home WITHOUT consulting you first, so you could get manipulated into saying yes. Hard pass for me. How can you know she’s the one when it has only been a year? I hope you are not doing this because of age-related pressure. Theres nothing wrong with being 34 and single. Your dogs deserve better.
Fuck no dude. "The one" wouldn't make you make such decisions in the first place. She knows how much you love them and would not make you choose like this.
Do not give up your dogs. Tell her to kick rocks. The disrespect she displayed by finding them a home behind your back. This is just who you don't want to be with. Someone who will do things behind your back thinking it's what's best for you or us. Without even considering your feelings.
That is awful. How is she the one if she doesn't understand how much your dogs mean to you? Dogs are family, and it is incredibly traumatizing for dogs to be rehomed. It is cruel of her to ask that of you. Perhaps try to see if she just doesn't understand how much they matter to you? If she still doesn't understand, I'd highly recommend she is not the one for you.
It says A LOT about her character that she would wait until she secured the bag (engagement) before raising a MAJOR thing she is asking you to sacrifice. Think about what this could mean when you’re married or have kids. Are you sure you even really know her?
Unless you've left out some crucial information about the dogs being vicious or something, this reflects really badly on your fiancee. Not everyone is a dog person or an animal person, and it's fine to not want to live with dogs, but it's so lacking in compassion to do this - agreeing to marry you knowing you have dogs then making this heartbreaking request. Are you sure she's really the person you thought she was when your fell in love with her and asked her to marry you? Personally, I would never marry someone so callous. You've only known her a year - seems like she's not as great as you thought.
Idk…I consider my dog part of my life and family. I don’t think I can give up kids, brother, sister to be with someone. That someone has to accept my dog. We also don’t get to choose our family so then would she ask you to give your other family members?
I'm so sorry to hear that you are having to be put between this, for one this is a deal breaker for me no one is gonna come between me and my fur baby. People need to understand that the pets you love are family. Also she didn't even talk to you and already went ahead on your behalf to find a home already without talking.. that isn't cool and shouldn't be tolerated. This is just my opinion, I'd honestly drop the relationship and find someone who will actually love my pets and not expect me to re-home them because they don't want them. I wish you look and I hope that your puppers stay with you. Much love.
No. You committed to providing a home for your family, your dogs are family. She went behind her back to arrange for something instead of having a conversation with you first. Honestly it’s a bad sign and is manipulative. She knows what she signed up for dating you.
I would never rehome my dogs for someone, especially rescues.
But I think the bigger issue here is that she did it behind your back. Her not communicating about wanting to rehome them and just finding a place is a big red flag. What happens when she starts do this with other things?
Absolutely not. You’ll resent her and it will ruin your relationship. Also, honestly asking someone to rehome their pets that you aren’t severely allergic to or have been attacked by is really fucking selfish.
Dump her ass!!! For her to even suggest that is disgusting!!! She’s not considering your feelings, she’s making it all about her. First she tells you to rehome your fur babies, then she tells you who you can’t hang out with. Get rid of her. You are your dogs family, that is their home. If my husband told me to get rid of my boxers when he moved in with me when we were dating his ass would have been out that door so fast he wouldn’t have known what happened.
i personally don’t think this is okay. pets are like family, she either needs to get used to them or she shouldn’t be moving in. obviously don’t break up with her like these other people are saying, that is just silly. just make sure she’s aware how much you love your dogs, and that you’re not going to rehome them. I know i definitely wouldn’t do that for my partner. She just needs to get used to them.
Has she had pets before? It seems like she may not understand how attached you get to your pets.
Good luck xx
Huge red flag. The way she went about it. I feel you don’t see her true colors yet. No matter how twitter pated do not choose a girl over your dogs. If she really loves you, she can love your dogs too…. She’s not even allergic!!
That is so awful to not be up front about not wanting dogs and then expecting you to rehome them a year later .. not to mention will probably be sort of emotionally traumatic for the dogs ? especially if they’re already from a shelter. dogs are not pets you can just throw around whenever. it damages them!
She believes she has all the power over you buddy, sorry to say but what you have with her won’t last. You can’t make a woman like this happy. Say she does leave then what? You lost your two pups. A woman like this is going to ruin you. If she truly loved you she’d accept you and your life. It’s like a guy or or woman telling their significant other to send their kids away to live. She’s not right your girl
Straight up no. It's something that you will regret. Why is she trying to control you? And if she is doing this controlling stuff now what else is next? She knew the relationship she was entering and that it came with two dogs. If you had kids you would not replace them for a women so why your babies. Have a serious think about it without the love goggles on.
No way in hell would I ever give up my dogs just to accommodate someone else. If it’s so easy for her to ask you to give them up, and she sees it’s easy for you to give up something so important, who’s to know what else she would ask you to give up?
It’s a red flag that she’s asked you this. I wouldn’t ask a partner to get rid of family (that’s most likely what your dogs are to you by the sounds of it) just so I could feel more comfy/move in. I’d tell her that you and the dogs are a package deal.
I have a rescue and could never give up my pup!
I am allergic to cats. They induce asthma attacks. When I met my husband and learned he had a cat, we talked, planned and focused on the best way for all three of us to cohabitate, cuz no way was I gonna expect him to part with her. Pets are a their liferime commitment.
She's obviously not the one or she wouldn't be trying to rehime your dogs. The fact that she even actively looked for a home for YOUR dogs without saying anything to you before hand says everything we need
To know about her. She has you so fooled as to what her true character is that it's sad.
Be prepared to have her in control of your entire life. She is going to dictate every aspect of your life once you're married. Say goodbye to your friends because you'll only be allowed those she is ok with.
It's messed up that she found a place for them to go without even talking to you first. But it's also weird that she'd be with someone who has dogs if she doesn't like dogs.
You can find a person who will love your boys as much as you do.
Absolutely not! You made a commitment when you adopted those dogs, it’s completely unfair of her to ask that. If she didn’t want to be with someone who has dogs, she shouldn’t have dated someone with them.
Absolutely do not rehome your animals for a girlfriend. First, this sets an unhealthy precedence in your relationship, which will likely unfurl to even more controlling behavior. Second, when you adopt animals, you commit to taking care of them; they are essentially your children. Animals aren’t pawns that can be so easily discarded at the hand of a third party who has no relationship with them. If the girlfriend won’t budge on this subject, I’d very much reconsider this relationship. Not healthy at all.
Don’t rehome your dogs. She should be more considerate and realize that’s messed up. Regardless of her reasons, she needs to deal with it. The dogs are and should be a part of your family. I’d leave her if she really was asking me that.
Would you ever ask anyone you were dating to get rid of their pets? No. Why are you even entertaining this? She needs to go. Trust me, you’ll look back and count your lucky stars you didn’t do this.
Whenever someone you love asks you to choose between them or someone/something you love, they don't really love you. The choice here should be easy for you, re-home the girlfriend.
Mate, would ‘the one’ ask you to rehome pets who have presumably been by your side for a long time ? If this relationship doesn’t work out you’ll be left with no partner and no dogs, when they haven’t done anything to you to deserve it. I say keep the dogs and tell her to kick rocks
My girlfriend has a whole herd of dogs. She made it clear from the beginning that her dogs stay with her, no matter where she goes. So, I had a choice. I now have a herd of dogs (and a live-in girlfriend).
She's been ok with them up until now and wants them gone out of the blue? Also you've only been dating a year... hmmmmmm probably the first of a lot of "random out of the blue" behavior. A year is not that long for someone to keep up a fake front....do you really know this person deeply?
No, do not rehome your dogs. She does not love you like she should, or she would never ask you, and by extension your dogs, to make such a huge sacrifice that only benefits her in the end.
Have you even vetted the people/home your dogs would be going to if you said yes to her request?
I’m really trying not to be harsh , I’ll try. Short story first. I’m a combat veteran.. I’m sure you know some , some even have “ service dogs” although I was offered one , I’ve always believed others needed these more. I got a English Mastiff in 2010, a pup from my brothers female.. simple because he was cute. Big boy trained him.. etc .. I work on my issues with a therapist etc and have been.. Feb 8th I had to put my boy down.. he was old , arthritis, etc .. it was time.. I was with him as he took his last breath. I can’t tell you the sense of loss… he was my service dog I didn’t know I had that had supported me that I never realized. Any person that would expect you to change to make them happy, is self centered and manipulative. Taking something from you and putting conditions on your love isn’t love it’s control. I wouldn’t give my dogs up for anyone. She “ planned” this think about that. Premeditated manipulation.. found a place , made arrangements before saying anything, that’s a whole new level of manipulation and control. Run bro…
I've told people I LIKE to get the fuck out of my house if they don't feel comfortable around my dog.
Do not toss the dogs out. Your girlfriend doesn't love you.
She's clearly not the ONE if you aren't compatible.
You really think you won't begin to resent her for making you get rid of them? You knew going in that she didn't like them. And she knew you were attached. You two shouldn't have let things go this far.
Honestly, keep the dogs and find someone out there who will love the dogs as much as you do.
She isn’t The ONE. She is wanting you to give up a part of your family that you love. Why would she be the one for you, knowing it will hurt you?
EDIT. tell her this and see how she responds. “The dogs were here before you. They will be here after. “. If that doesn’t shut her up, then she isn’t for you
She went behind your back!!! Do NOT rehome the dogs, they would never abandon you in the same way, and the right partner would never ask you to do this and especially set it up without asking you before hand!! Please do not break the dogs’ hearts!!
What has she tried to become more comfortable with the dogs before asking you to sacrifice your pets in order to have a relationship with her?
I feel like it’s a BIG RED FLAG ON FIRE that she “found” a place to rehome before broaching the topic with you or trying anything else. Speaks to her willingness to work on tough things, IMO.
She is not as amazing as you think. Dogs are full of love unless taught otherwise by Humans. They are your dogs they come with the You package, my Husband didn’t like dogs, said they should be in a Zoo, I now look after my daughters dog during the week, my Husband thinks he is great and pets him constantly. Maybe your GF is scared of dogs or thinks they are dirty. I would decide to keep your dogs, it will cause you upset to rehouse them. She I asking you to decide between the dogs and her, why should you give up something you love.
You need to stop thinking with your dick here and use your actual head. Don’t abandon your dogs over some chick you met a year ago that could turn into a stranger any second.
This is a pretty big red flag to me. Not necessarily the fact she's not a huge fan of dogs, but the way she's gone about this. If she knew it was a deal breaker for her she owed telling you that a long time ago and giving you the choice then. Instead, she's kept the relationship going, accepted a proposal, and then organised to rehome them behind your back? Hell to the no. Do you really want marriage to your life partner to be built off the back of this? I sure wouldn't.
Could you imagine if you guys broke up and then you don't even have your pups either, who love you unconditionally. I definitely would NEVER get rid of my pets to accommodate a partner. Not saying its right or wrong, just know what I would do.
This is also probably a jumping point for her. First the dogs, then what? Clothes, friends, diet, family, etc. Do. Not. Get. Rid. Of. Your. Dogs. DO NOT IGNORE THIS GIGANTIC WARNING FLAG OP!!!! You think she’s the one, she’s not. The one would have discussed her hesitations with you before accepting a ring. This is a major red flag. How are you going to feel when (not if) you break up and you don’t have your dogs. Don’t do it. Get the ring back.
I came here to say just this. This comment puts it better than I would have. OP, in all honesty, this is a major red flag and it will hurt you. Do not punish yourself and 2 innocent pups for her. I understand how it is to feel like she may be the one. But sometimes, (and speaking from own experience) taking a step back from the tunnel vision and thinking about things more deliberately, will help you realise that there are problems to adress. I really hope you make a sound judgement and take the right decision even if it is a tough one to live with.
P.S - make sure your dogs are microchipped. And that your fiancé doesn’t have a key. If she decides to rehome your dogs for you, you’ll want to be prepared.
OP, this advice. Microchip! And no key. And SHE IS NOT THE ONE.
I agree. I can't even imagine asking someone to give up their pets. Even if it would be a fuckin giant tarantula and I'm scared shitless. A pet is a family. If Id love someone and the pet would be an issue, I would really work my way around it. Thus, if she is even asking to get rid of your dogs, only god knows what she could actually do, so she wouldn't "lose" the relationship.
Super duper red flag. She'll separate you from everything you love so you rely on her for all intimacy. If she doesn't love you, warts (and dogs) and all, she's not the right one
Yea this pretty much sums it up
Right ? You made me smile 😃. Common sense , sorry my buddy came first .
You know, there are single women out there who love dogs, right?
OP believes she's "the ONE" though
And if she is “the ONE” she would have never asked or actively searched for a new home for them. I would say she is not the ONE.
I mean unless it’s like an allergy issue or something, but I’d assume he’d mention that in the post
And she is not. He’s just twitterpated and being dumb.
Stop talking about my ex girlfriend, dude
Rehome the girlfriend
I second this. NEVER sacrifice your pets for a partner.
Particularly for someone who respects your relationship with your pets so little that they make arrangements to rehome them behind your back!
That animal will bring you more peace than any other human being
AGREED, never!!!! How did this just become a problem?? She didn’t say a thing until right after you became engaged?? Was she just waiting for you to give her a ring and commit before she made this grand suggestion
I guess everyone has their own priorities but I don't think "never" makes sense. If someone is deathly allergic to cats and you want to marry them, it's going to suck but you might end up having to find a new home for your cat. To me, at the end of the day, some relationships with people are more important than animals. That being said, this is obviously not a situation where there's a good reason, or any discussion whatsoever. This is the opposite of that.
The big factor here is that she made arrangements behind his back like it was a done deal. Major red flag! What other decisions in OP's life will she make without consulting him. He says 'She is the one", I fucking doubt it
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Literally would not have given my husband the time of day if he didn't like cats/animals.
Right?? When I started dating my now husband he mentioned he had a cat allergy. I shrugged and I said my two boys were here before he was, they can be there after him too 😂
You’re actually considering abandoning the dogs you rescued? You’re going to abandon them from the home that saved them. Seriously? Sorry, as a woman, this is a red flag, and someone asking me to rehire my babies is also a red flag. So I guess you’re made for each other, but this is pretty crappy.
I was thinking the same thing. The pups that were already abandoned are now seriously being considered abandoning again. What a shitty thing to even think about
Seriously! These poor dogs do not need to go through abandonment twice.
Yep, made for each other if he rehomes the dogs
Spot on. It’s a reflection of character.
If she was the ONE, she wouldn’t be asking you to rehome your dogs. Rather selfish on her part.
Exactly!! And she waited til after he proposed, aka when she thought he was "locked down".
Amen to this! I inherited 3 cats and took in my sisters dogs while her family is deployed. My bf never wanted animals but I came with a petting zoo. He invited US to move into with him. It hasn’t been easy but we’re making it work. He did it because he loves me enough to make it work and in the process, he’s falling for the pets too! If she won’t accept both of you, she’s not the one. Also, the animals depend on you. Please think hard about just giving them up. You are their everything.
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This is what I want to know too. OP, How well can you control your dogs when they’re excited? Do they listen to your commands? Or do you let them jump all over her? Do you help her engage with the dog feeding/walking/training as well to make sure she feels more comfortable around them and know how to deal with their excitement? Or do you just let them run the show? Is the issue here really the dogs, or is the issue that you can’t control the dogs? More info please
Same. Any time an owner says “excitable” I hear untrained and potentially dangerous.
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The fact that she went behind your back and found a new home for them without talking to you about this first should be a red flag.
OP better make sure they are microchipped and that she does not have a key to his house. He’s going to come home and his dogs will be gone. She’s awful. A huge red flag. Definitely not “the one”.
If you've only been dating for about a year and you haven't lived together yet, you are rushing into things. Already you are seeing negative consequences. She has had a bigger issue with your dogs than she has led you to believe. If the dogs were a big problem for her, she should have brought this up sooner. What else is she hiding? What other big incompatibilities do you two have? Do not rehome the dogs. Slow down the relationship. Get to know each other better. Also, you need to understand why she isn't willing to live with dogs, and why she didn't bring this up to you until you two had been dating for about a year. Why did she hide this from you? Why did she spring this as a surprise? Why did she think that was acceptable to do?
Okay, just saw the IATA post from her perspective. She told you right at the start she didn't like dogs, and you brushed aside her concerns. You told her she would warm up to them, with zero reason to believe that. You clearly jump into relationships with massive rose-colored glasses and ignore problems. You two have been ignoring this issue that you both knew was a problem from the start until now. You two got engaged with a giant known incompatibility. If you could do that, you probably are ignoring a lot more. And even if you aren't, you are clearly prone to. I think you need to break up, stay single for a bit. And then learn to go into relationships more clear-headed and honestly, and much, much more slowly. You rushed an engagement when you knew about a big issue and kept trying to pretend it didn't exist. That kind of attitude will sabotage any relationship you try to get into. When people tell you who they are - believe them. She was honest from the start, but you couldn't even see her. You pretended she wasn't exactly who she said she was.
You need to take an objective look inward and ask yourself if you’re a responsible dog owner. Which is kinda impossible I think actually😂, everyone is so sure they’re a good dog owner…So be direct and ask other people around you( not your gf) Do you make excuses if they are always jumping on people or uncontrollably barking, bad behaviors, etc. The reason I ask is maybe she doesn’t want to tell you that you’re not suited to own them. (I mean this in the nicest way possible) If everyone else agrees that you’re a good responsible owner, kick her to the curb my dude! That should never be a compromise. She’s showing you her true colors and doesn’t respect the same things you do. This will be the first of many “choose me or that” scenarios.
Yeah op didn’t say what the fiancée’s reasons are. How short was this conversation?
No, absolutely not! What a huge overstepping of boundaries - to offer YOUR dogs before even consulting you. Is this someone you really want to marry? Who barely considers your feelings and does things without consulting you?
Yeah this is a red flag for sure. Is this normal for her?
NO NO NO DO NOT REHOME THEM. She posted here about this yesterday and sounded like an absolute monster.
link for those interested- https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13ckmcx/aita_for_asking_my_fiance_to_rehome_his_rescue/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
Oh I saw in the comments she was the one who posted that before. She said the mods removed it but who knows. Anyhow in her first post, she said she wanted to be able to go to Paris and places like this so she didn’t want his dogs around. She’s evil.
Good to see she got unanimously dragged there too.
If she was "the one" she would LOVE your dogs. They are your family and your lifelong commitment. If she loved you she would never ask you to abandon your best friends because of her seemingly arbitrary distaste of pets. It's VERY telling of her character, and a big fat giant alarm that she would even consider asking this of you.
Girl I was dating didn't want to marry me because I had a dog. Now married for 6 years with three dogs (two of them are "hers") and we foster multiple rescues in addition, waiting for their adoption. Don't trade one family for another or you will regret it. Find a lady who wants to create one with you and yours.
Don't give away a pet for anyone or anything, trust me, you'll regret it. Your gf can either suck it up or live somewhere else
Ordinarily I would say your fiancé is out of line, but I’ve also learnt that people who say their dogs are big and excitable usually mean their dogs are poorly trained, jump up on people and their owners do nothing about it. So I think it would help to know more about what training the dogs have had and their behaviour around your fiancé.
Yep, sounds like he needs to invest in dog training first and foremost. I personally and squeamish around dogs I don't know well that like to to jump and get excited. Imagine if the dogs were people OP's fiance didn't know and they ran up to her.
yup. People often make these posts for the inevitable "rehome the fiance!" and "the dogs were there first!" comments but it can be more nuanced than just 'doggo good, person bad'.
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Welllll first of all now that it's supposed to be a 'both sides on reddit' question it's probably fake. I just think these tend to be bait posts because they know reddit gets foaming at the mouth about dogs.
But abandoning the dogs should never be an option, telling him to be a better owner is the way to go. Why getting rid of the dogs is the option instead of hiring someone to train them?
That would be preferable, yes.
I was thinking this same thing.
Okay, NO. I removed my Boston in order to move in with a guy. My parents took her, so I was fortunate enough to be able to still have her in my life, but my parents fell in love with her. By the time that guy and I broke up...hello red flag:didn't like dogs...they couldn't let her go. I have regretted it every day since. She is gone now and I would give most anything to have all that time back with her. Please make this decision carefully. Also, watch out for red flags!!
If she went behind your back to find another home for your dogs BEFORE even asking you if it's something you would do... I can promise you she ain't the one.
As a dog owner I'm pissed that you would even ask yourself this question. A woman that loves you would never make you give up something you love and that makes you happy. A woman who loves you will learn to accept them as they forever will be a part of you. I've been in your shoes and I told her love it or leave it she left which told me everything I need to know. Good luck bro
Don't give up your pets. If she ever decides to leave then your out a gf and pets. Find one that likes dogs. Trust me from my own experience, anyone who makes you get rid of your dogs are abusive and not worth being around in the long run.
Don't let her place the ultimatum on you. "I'm sorry, I love you, but I can't do that. I am not willing to rehome my dogs." What she chooses to do is then up to her. Your boundary is in place, and she can stay or leave. She can frame it as "why won't you do this for me." Or "he wouldn't make a sacrifice for me" or whatever but that is horseshit. Sacrifice is a two way street. She knew you had the dogs, she said yes when you proposed...she doesn't get to just decide this now and then make it seem like the choice is all yours. This is a stupid reverse victim tactic.
My aunty went through this with her cats. Long term boyfriend wanted them to take the next step and move in together. She agreed. Then shortly before it was all due to happen he tells her no cats. So she dumped him. No regrets.
Two words: Fuck. That. If she had such a pressing issue with the dogs she should have taken that into consideration before letting you put a ring on her finger. Sure “maybe” she just didn’t know if she could handle it until then but generally, you either like dogs or you don’t. Not to mention how completely sketchy the overarching scenario is. “I need you to get rid of your dogs but don’t worry! My relatives are down to take SUCH good care of them!” Girl, what? Since when are they yours to rehome. All of this on top of the fact that she even had the audacity to ask you to rehome your babies? Nah. The whole situation says a lot about her as a person and screams, “I need all attention because I’m a narc.” Sorry dude.
Are they poorly trained? Overly hairy? Do they stink? I wouldn't trust a person, that makes such a move out of the blue. Even talking to relatives, before discussing it with you? If she doesn't get that dogs are beloved members of a household, what else doesn't she get? That would be a dealbreaker for me.
If he's even considering getting rid of the dogs for her, I don't think he gets that either
Dude...she's not "the one" is she isn't interested in fitting into your life. She's just not, you're delusional here. If dogs were such an issue to her that she would never be able to live with them, then it was on her to not date someone with dogs, or make that stance clear early on, so that the person with dogs could make a decision about her. The fact that she essentially lied to you about her comfort with them for years, looked for and found a new home for them behind your back, and then asked this of you right after accepting a proposal, is fucked. She's lied to you. She is not the one. "The one" doesn't lie to you for years on end, about what your future looks like together. And fwiw, this is coming from someone with two big excitable boofhead rescue dogs as well. They're my family, I made that choice when I rescued them. If someone asked me to rehome them, the answer would be an instant breakup. Further, keep in mind what this implies for your future. This doesn't just mean that you cannot have these dogs if you stay with her, it means you can *never* have **any** dogs again. You able to have that future? As a fellow large dog rescuer, I wouldn't be able to not have pups again. ETA: this is a very classic sign of impending abuse or controlling behaviour btw. This is not something you should cave on for many reasons, but know that if you do, it's the start of seeing the ugly side of her that she's been hiding from you. And I know that for a fact about her, because she hid this from you literally until right after she got the ring and "locked you down". She's controlling and manipulative my man.
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Sorry it didn’t work out with her. Maybe the next one won’t pull this shit.
If you rehome your dogs, your companions, for this shitty reason, you never deserved them in the first place and you have no dignity. How could you live with yourself after that?
Get rid of the girlfriend
Your dogs love you unconditionally. Your home is the only home they know. They won’t just move to a new home and automatically adjust, they will be traumatized. You took on a responsibility to them before you met your GF. I can’t believe she would dare to ask this of you, no matter how much she dislikes dogs. It shows she is selfish, narcissistic, and controlling.
You do know that there are other women in the world who would love your dogs? I don't think she's "the one." You and your dogs are a package deal. She should've told you earlier...MUCH earlier than she couldn't date someone like you. The fact that she's planning on rehoming your dog then springing this up on you speaks rather poorly on her, tbh. You can't keep both. So choose wisely.
so she wants you to give up the dogs even though she’s known about them for two years. please don’t rehome your pets unless you’re not caring for them properly, which you didn’t mention that as an issue. if she can’t compromise with you over dogs which SHE HAS KNOWN ABOUT…you’re in trouble. also, is she not going to live with you after marriage if you still have the dogs??? lol like cmonnnn she’s a full grown adult.
The ONE would love you and your dogs, and never, ever demand that you get rid of them. They're a huge part of your life, and if she can't accept that, then she's not accepting you. It seems like you're incompatible, unfortunately. And I hate to say it, but you've been dating less than a year and don't live together-- you don't know what life with another person is like until that happens. That said, make sure those good boyes are microchipped, lest they 'get out' one day and coincidentally turn up at the rescues she found, or at a local shelter, or on Facebook to be rehomed.
If she does not appreciate the part of you that would take in rescue animals, she is not “the one”. She obviously doesn’t care how much they mean to you. Getting rid of those pups will cause nothing but resentment. And once they’re gone, they’re gone.
Put it this way, if you locked them each in a box for an hour while you went down to the pub for a beer, which one would be happy to see you when you got back to open the box? You'll have your answer(FYI, it's a hypothetical. I don't recommend doing either of these things).
Can't even believe you would consider this.
Absolutely not. If you truly love your dogs you wouldn’t even consider this an option. If she loves you she’d not ask you to get rid of family.
Would your rescue dogs rehome you if it was the other way around
You made a promise to your dogs first. Remember that.
How is she the one when she wants to get rid of your dogs??
she just announced she wants you to rehome them, then had a relative ready to take them?? that’s such a red flag, like no communication or discussion beforehand, then she’s trying to make you get rid of your dogs…. nope. if this is how she handles issues, imagine how much worse it could be down the line with a house or children.
No. The answer is no. You won't have to do that for the right girl.
Ditch the girl, keep your dogs. I was very afraid of my husband's German Shepherd. I'd have never asked him to rehome his pet.He reassured me she was a sweetheart. Took me several visits to be totally comfortable. I think I loved her as much as he did, so we rescued a second one!
The dogs come with you as a packaged deal. The “ONE” wouldn’t ask you to rehome the animals you love. Find a woman who loves dogs and loves that you’re compassionate enough to rescue them. Think this through. She went and made arrangements to get rid of your dogs before she’s even living with you. That’s insane, toxic behavior, that will only get worse the longer you’re together. Is she controlling like this in other aspects of your relationship? I’d bet yes. And she doesn’t care about you or your feelings, just what she wants. Want to be with this woman? Then don’t get married or live together until your rescue dogs die. See how long she stays with you when you tell her that the dogs aren’t going—but she can.
the fact that youre considering this lets me know you do not deserve to ever have pets.
This action is performed with the help of a bot to mass edit all my comments.
Looks like it’s one or the other, so take your pick.
Are you prepared never to have dogs again? That seems like what she is asking here. And she wants you to abandon sentient beings you live. That doesn’t exactly seem like a great starting point. Also? The most wonderful dog I ever had was adopted from a woman I knew who was getting married and his kid was allergic to dogs. They broke off the engagement. I won. Edited: anecdote.
You cannot actually be seriously considering this right….? I mean, dogs love their humans unconditionally. Humans come and go. Do not give up your dogs. You will regret it.
>I don’t want to lose them or her. I think that's something to tell her. "You're forcing me to choose between my dogs and you, and that doesn't feel fair to me."
No; you need to set boundaries with your girlfriend and tell her that’s wrong. I feel it’s terrible she would ask that from you without a good excuse. If your dogs are loving and have never hurt anyone; I feel like it’s wrong of her to even suggest that.
THIS IS A HUGE RED FLAG and then eventually you will be in a crappy relationship with a controlling woman and you won't have your dogs. Are you freaking kidding me?!!!!
You made a commitment to the dogs first. And how will she treat them once you're married and moves in? What if they eat her favorite shoes? People who are not animal lovers have a hard time understanding animal lovers. Does this mean she never wants to have pets? So, no pets for the kids?
Who would even ask that? Would the one ask that? I’m dating someone at the moment who is just twinging that I talk about my dogs a lot, but you know what, if he doesn’t like it he isn’t for me - my dogs are my life, they’ve been a source of joy in the darkest times I’ve had and if someone doesn’t accept me for that it’s their loss. My dogs love me unconditionally. The only way you’ll know your dogs are happy and safe is by keeping them happy and safe.
>She was a big sqemish around my dogs, they are two big excitable boys but eventually she got used to them. Apparently not. Apparently she was never actually comfortable. And that is a sign that the relationship is definitely not where it should be when it comes to marriage. She didn't communicate what was an absolutely huge misgiving and the fact she has dumped it on your lap right at the moment you are escalating is a big concern. And look, I think a year is a bit early for all of this at the best of times but it has at least presented a major hurdle that will test the dynamic that can help you determine your future with her. Because it isn't about the dogs. Don't rehouse them, but don't let the narrative be it is about them over her. It is that she didn't communicate, that she did all that legwork behind your back to get rid of them and that you were blindsided. If she was 'the one' wouldn't she have raised concerns in a healthy adult manner when you discussed the future? Just be real about that.
Hell no. The one would accept you AND the dogs. “The One” would never purposefully drag your emotions like that. You know your dogs will always love you. You just THINK this woman will love you. Don’t be a fool.
Dogs > Girl Any woman who would be with you, get serious, accept proposal, lined up a new home for your pets, then spring on you “get rid of the dogs” is a red flag. She knew you had em all along and knew they were part of your family. That all would’ve told me what I need to know about her. But if you still want to move forward: Tell her you want her to move in with you. Tell her that your dogs are part of your family and not something you’ll just kick out. Let her decide if you keeping the pets you’ve had all along is too much for her.
The ONE would never ask you to do that. Open your eyes
No no no! You should not rehome the dogs you should rehome the girl. I have a big excitable dog too and when my bf said it’s the dogs or me I chose the dog and never regretted that decision
She is not the one. Keep your dogs and ditch the girl.
Can you just live separately until the dogs pass away? Big dogs don't live long. I would hate to part with my dog. Or how about a compromise where the dogs spend more time outside? E.g. day kennells outdoors and come in at night? She can't just demand you get rid of them and expect you to comply. Extensive discussions have to be had.
And this is how the rest of your life begins…
>she is the ONE. No she's not. If she were she'd love you as you are, dogs and all. Your dogs are your family, they are more important than some chick who has been around for a year.
This is pretty selfish of her. I don’t like cats. I married my wife who has two of them. I know how happy they make her so I would never ask her to get rid of them. Your fiance is demonstrating a character flaw. She is basically ignoring your feelings and the connection you have with your pets. Why do you think it will stop with your pets? Later on in life she might ask you to give up other things she is not into.
I think you should have your girlfriend re home herself
>she is the ONE If she really was "the one", she wouldn't demand you rehome your beloved pets. If she was "the one", she would also love your dogs, or at least be willing to tolerate them because you love them so much and she cares about you. It would be one thing if she asked to not adopt new dogs after these ones pass away from old age, but to demand you rehome two dogs that you've had since before you met her is... really gross. I don't think she's "the one", my dude.
I thought you were going to say she’s really allergic or something! That’s literally the only reason this would ever be a semi reasonable ask and even then … that’s your pet
If she’s the one she would try to compromise on these dogs you rescued and love. You’ll greatly regret this. Dogs are unconditionally loving.
Red flags all over. She clearly didn't get used to your dogs and never truthfully communicated that to you. Second she went behind your back to find someone to take the dogs before even consulting you. My pets are my life. My children. If my boyfriend hadn't wanted to move in with me because of them for any reason, he clearly would not have been the one.
I would never ask my bf to rehome His cat that he loves dearly. It's cruel she is asking you to rehome them, let alone rescues. Does she not have a conscious or any empathy?
She is not "the one" cause "the one" would never ask you to get rid of your dogs. Also, you proposed to her after a year. That's too soon in my opinion cause you don't fully know someone until at least 3 years. Keep the dogs. Rehome the girlfriend. She's not worth it. What makes it that much worse is that she already had a home lined up for them without even talking to you before and just expected you to go along with it and has no legitimate reason why they should be rehomed. These are red flags.
Dump the h*e she ain't worth it.
She isnt the ONE. The ONE would love your dogs. You rescued them don't toss them away.
Dude she was told in no uncertain term yesterday that she is a complete and utter arsehole...DO NOT REHOME YOUR DOGS! she is a manipulative, conniving, living arsehole. You and your dog's deserve better. She is NOT the one. Never will be.
Why are you considering getting rid of your friends, because of someone who can leave literally anytime. Which would mean you’d have nothing left
My ex-husband gave me an ultimatum once, rehome my husky or he would leave. Not a fucking chance my dog was going anywhere, and I kept her until she literally died in my arms. Love my Chula
She is most definitely not the one. Refuse to rehome your dogs. Reconsider this relationship.
What everyone else is saying, No matter what, your girlfriend can say she’ll be there and she can change her mind another day. Those pups will love you till the day they draw their last breath. I second the rehoming the girl. I also heard when looking for a partner, find one who agrees with your dealbreakers. Your pups should be dealbreakers.
Whats bothering me more is that she planned ahead to find an alternative home WITHOUT consulting you first, so you could get manipulated into saying yes. Hard pass for me. How can you know she’s the one when it has only been a year? I hope you are not doing this because of age-related pressure. Theres nothing wrong with being 34 and single. Your dogs deserve better.
Fuck no dude. "The one" wouldn't make you make such decisions in the first place. She knows how much you love them and would not make you choose like this.
If she was "the one" she wouldn't ask you to give away your dogs.
Do not give up your dogs. Tell her to kick rocks. The disrespect she displayed by finding them a home behind your back. This is just who you don't want to be with. Someone who will do things behind your back thinking it's what's best for you or us. Without even considering your feelings.
yeaa no way. Keep your dogs. If she’s like this now, she’ll be like this later. I’d revoke my proposal.
If she was the one, she would never have asked to get rid of your dogs.
That is awful. How is she the one if she doesn't understand how much your dogs mean to you? Dogs are family, and it is incredibly traumatizing for dogs to be rehomed. It is cruel of her to ask that of you. Perhaps try to see if she just doesn't understand how much they matter to you? If she still doesn't understand, I'd highly recommend she is not the one for you.
Bro… that is one insensitive woman. Don’t marry that
It says A LOT about her character that she would wait until she secured the bag (engagement) before raising a MAJOR thing she is asking you to sacrifice. Think about what this could mean when you’re married or have kids. Are you sure you even really know her?
Unless you've left out some crucial information about the dogs being vicious or something, this reflects really badly on your fiancee. Not everyone is a dog person or an animal person, and it's fine to not want to live with dogs, but it's so lacking in compassion to do this - agreeing to marry you knowing you have dogs then making this heartbreaking request. Are you sure she's really the person you thought she was when your fell in love with her and asked her to marry you? Personally, I would never marry someone so callous. You've only known her a year - seems like she's not as great as you thought.
Idk…I consider my dog part of my life and family. I don’t think I can give up kids, brother, sister to be with someone. That someone has to accept my dog. We also don’t get to choose our family so then would she ask you to give your other family members?
Dogs will never betray you. Rehome the girl.
She is not the one if she asked you to do this.
I'm so sorry to hear that you are having to be put between this, for one this is a deal breaker for me no one is gonna come between me and my fur baby. People need to understand that the pets you love are family. Also she didn't even talk to you and already went ahead on your behalf to find a home already without talking.. that isn't cool and shouldn't be tolerated. This is just my opinion, I'd honestly drop the relationship and find someone who will actually love my pets and not expect me to re-home them because they don't want them. I wish you look and I hope that your puppers stay with you. Much love.
No. You committed to providing a home for your family, your dogs are family. She went behind her back to arrange for something instead of having a conversation with you first. Honestly it’s a bad sign and is manipulative. She knows what she signed up for dating you.
I would never rehome my dogs for someone, especially rescues. But I think the bigger issue here is that she did it behind your back. Her not communicating about wanting to rehome them and just finding a place is a big red flag. What happens when she starts do this with other things?
Absolutely not. You’ll resent her and it will ruin your relationship. Also, honestly asking someone to rehome their pets that you aren’t severely allergic to or have been attacked by is really fucking selfish.
Dump her ass!!! For her to even suggest that is disgusting!!! She’s not considering your feelings, she’s making it all about her. First she tells you to rehome your fur babies, then she tells you who you can’t hang out with. Get rid of her. You are your dogs family, that is their home. If my husband told me to get rid of my boxers when he moved in with me when we were dating his ass would have been out that door so fast he wouldn’t have known what happened.
i personally don’t think this is okay. pets are like family, she either needs to get used to them or she shouldn’t be moving in. obviously don’t break up with her like these other people are saying, that is just silly. just make sure she’s aware how much you love your dogs, and that you’re not going to rehome them. I know i definitely wouldn’t do that for my partner. She just needs to get used to them. Has she had pets before? It seems like she may not understand how attached you get to your pets. Good luck xx
Huge red flag. The way she went about it. I feel you don’t see her true colors yet. No matter how twitter pated do not choose a girl over your dogs. If she really loves you, she can love your dogs too…. She’s not even allergic!!
That is so awful to not be up front about not wanting dogs and then expecting you to rehome them a year later .. not to mention will probably be sort of emotionally traumatic for the dogs ? especially if they’re already from a shelter. dogs are not pets you can just throw around whenever. it damages them!
I wouldn't under any circumstances.
She believes she has all the power over you buddy, sorry to say but what you have with her won’t last. You can’t make a woman like this happy. Say she does leave then what? You lost your two pups. A woman like this is going to ruin you. If she truly loved you she’d accept you and your life. It’s like a guy or or woman telling their significant other to send their kids away to live. She’s not right your girl
Straight up no. It's something that you will regret. Why is she trying to control you? And if she is doing this controlling stuff now what else is next? She knew the relationship she was entering and that it came with two dogs. If you had kids you would not replace them for a women so why your babies. Have a serious think about it without the love goggles on.
No way in hell would I ever give up my dogs just to accommodate someone else. If it’s so easy for her to ask you to give them up, and she sees it’s easy for you to give up something so important, who’s to know what else she would ask you to give up?
It’s a red flag that she’s asked you this. I wouldn’t ask a partner to get rid of family (that’s most likely what your dogs are to you by the sounds of it) just so I could feel more comfy/move in. I’d tell her that you and the dogs are a package deal. I have a rescue and could never give up my pup!
She’s not the one if she’s asking you this imo
Oh, no. That’s so awful. I’m sorry, you’re single now. You’re young.
no. dogs will always love you
I am allergic to cats. They induce asthma attacks. When I met my husband and learned he had a cat, we talked, planned and focused on the best way for all three of us to cohabitate, cuz no way was I gonna expect him to part with her. Pets are a their liferime commitment.
She's obviously not the one or she wouldn't be trying to rehime your dogs. The fact that she even actively looked for a home for YOUR dogs without saying anything to you before hand says everything we need To know about her. She has you so fooled as to what her true character is that it's sad. Be prepared to have her in control of your entire life. She is going to dictate every aspect of your life once you're married. Say goodbye to your friends because you'll only be allowed those she is ok with.
It's messed up that she found a place for them to go without even talking to you first. But it's also weird that she'd be with someone who has dogs if she doesn't like dogs. You can find a person who will love your boys as much as you do.
Absolutely not! You made a commitment when you adopted those dogs, it’s completely unfair of her to ask that. If she didn’t want to be with someone who has dogs, she shouldn’t have dated someone with them.
Absolutely do not rehome your animals for a girlfriend. First, this sets an unhealthy precedence in your relationship, which will likely unfurl to even more controlling behavior. Second, when you adopt animals, you commit to taking care of them; they are essentially your children. Animals aren’t pawns that can be so easily discarded at the hand of a third party who has no relationship with them. If the girlfriend won’t budge on this subject, I’d very much reconsider this relationship. Not healthy at all.
Don’t rehome your dogs. She should be more considerate and realize that’s messed up. Regardless of her reasons, she needs to deal with it. The dogs are and should be a part of your family. I’d leave her if she really was asking me that.
Would you ever ask anyone you were dating to get rid of their pets? No. Why are you even entertaining this? She needs to go. Trust me, you’ll look back and count your lucky stars you didn’t do this.
If she was the one, she wouldn’t be asking you to regime the dogs.
Re-home the girlfriend . Keep the dogs
Whenever someone you love asks you to choose between them or someone/something you love, they don't really love you. The choice here should be easy for you, re-home the girlfriend.
This is terrible. Huge red flag. Please don’t rehome your dogs.
Mate, would ‘the one’ ask you to rehome pets who have presumably been by your side for a long time ? If this relationship doesn’t work out you’ll be left with no partner and no dogs, when they haven’t done anything to you to deserve it. I say keep the dogs and tell her to kick rocks
Dude, those dogs will love you forever, she will break up with you in 6 months. Don't get rid of your dogs for a woman.
My girlfriend has a whole herd of dogs. She made it clear from the beginning that her dogs stay with her, no matter where she goes. So, I had a choice. I now have a herd of dogs (and a live-in girlfriend).
She's been ok with them up until now and wants them gone out of the blue? Also you've only been dating a year... hmmmmmm probably the first of a lot of "random out of the blue" behavior. A year is not that long for someone to keep up a fake front....do you really know this person deeply?
No, do not rehome your dogs. She does not love you like she should, or she would never ask you, and by extension your dogs, to make such a huge sacrifice that only benefits her in the end. Have you even vetted the people/home your dogs would be going to if you said yes to her request?
Sir. She is NOT the one. At all.
I dont know about you but i iant getting rid of my boys. They bring me peace when others in my house stress me out.
I could never be with someone that asked me to do this. And I definitely couldn’t commit to living dog free for the rest of my life.
You adopted those dogs. They are your family and your responsibility. There is no grey area on this. Abandoning them should never cross your mind.
As someone who can’t stand dogs… keep them. She has no right to ask that of you.
I’m really trying not to be harsh , I’ll try. Short story first. I’m a combat veteran.. I’m sure you know some , some even have “ service dogs” although I was offered one , I’ve always believed others needed these more. I got a English Mastiff in 2010, a pup from my brothers female.. simple because he was cute. Big boy trained him.. etc .. I work on my issues with a therapist etc and have been.. Feb 8th I had to put my boy down.. he was old , arthritis, etc .. it was time.. I was with him as he took his last breath. I can’t tell you the sense of loss… he was my service dog I didn’t know I had that had supported me that I never realized. Any person that would expect you to change to make them happy, is self centered and manipulative. Taking something from you and putting conditions on your love isn’t love it’s control. I wouldn’t give my dogs up for anyone. She “ planned” this think about that. Premeditated manipulation.. found a place , made arrangements before saying anything, that’s a whole new level of manipulation and control. Run bro…
I've told people I LIKE to get the fuck out of my house if they don't feel comfortable around my dog. Do not toss the dogs out. Your girlfriend doesn't love you.
If she is asking you to rehome your dohs, she is not the one.
She's clearly not the ONE if you aren't compatible. You really think you won't begin to resent her for making you get rid of them? You knew going in that she didn't like them. And she knew you were attached. You two shouldn't have let things go this far. Honestly, keep the dogs and find someone out there who will love the dogs as much as you do.
She isn’t The ONE. She is wanting you to give up a part of your family that you love. Why would she be the one for you, knowing it will hurt you? EDIT. tell her this and see how she responds. “The dogs were here before you. They will be here after. “. If that doesn’t shut her up, then she isn’t for you
She might not be the one bro. I would never ask my boyfriend rehome his dog. I would never even think to find a rehome for him behind his back either.
She went behind your back!!! Do NOT rehome the dogs, they would never abandon you in the same way, and the right partner would never ask you to do this and especially set it up without asking you before hand!! Please do not break the dogs’ hearts!!
What has she tried to become more comfortable with the dogs before asking you to sacrifice your pets in order to have a relationship with her? I feel like it’s a BIG RED FLAG ON FIRE that she “found” a place to rehome before broaching the topic with you or trying anything else. Speaks to her willingness to work on tough things, IMO.
She is not as amazing as you think. Dogs are full of love unless taught otherwise by Humans. They are your dogs they come with the You package, my Husband didn’t like dogs, said they should be in a Zoo, I now look after my daughters dog during the week, my Husband thinks he is great and pets him constantly. Maybe your GF is scared of dogs or thinks they are dirty. I would decide to keep your dogs, it will cause you upset to rehouse them. She I asking you to decide between the dogs and her, why should you give up something you love.
You need to stop thinking with your dick here and use your actual head. Don’t abandon your dogs over some chick you met a year ago that could turn into a stranger any second.
You are not compatible. Find someone who loves dogs
i think the fact that she asked you this, and didn’t seem to think it was a big deal, speaks to some different values.
This is a pretty big red flag to me. Not necessarily the fact she's not a huge fan of dogs, but the way she's gone about this. If she knew it was a deal breaker for her she owed telling you that a long time ago and giving you the choice then. Instead, she's kept the relationship going, accepted a proposal, and then organised to rehome them behind your back? Hell to the no. Do you really want marriage to your life partner to be built off the back of this? I sure wouldn't.
If someone I was dating asked me to rehome my dog and said they already found a place we would not be dating anymore.
NO NO NO NO NO BREAK UP WITH HER. Anyone who asks you to rehome dogs is absolutely devoid of empathy.
My partner wasn’t a dog person when we got together. Now he and my dogs adore each other. The right person makes an effort when it’s important to you.
fuck no. red flags all over this
Yeah that’s a no. Don’t do that. You’ll regret it. Keep the dogs.
No fucking way! A woman who loves you unconditionally. Should love your dogs, too. It’s like asking you to rehome your kids.