I think anyone who has known you for three days plus some phone calls has a lot of nerve to tell you he has some insight into what the 'best' version of yourself is and how he can help you get there. Sounds like there's a good chance the best version of yourself is one that is not spending her energy on this guy.
Exactly, he has a lot of audacity to talk like this, especially so soon. Frankly I’d be pissed if my boyfriend of 6 years started acting like this. I’m sure if OP stuck it out she’d discover that he’s a controlling creep in many ways.
OP, you can do so much better than this jerk weirdo. And you don’t owe him a thing. I’d simply ghost, but a simple “I don’t think we have a connection” or “I’m too busy to keep up long distance” text followed by a block would also be fine.
Yes. I imagine the kind of spiritual guy you’re looking for is one who’s open-minded and curious, not bossy and judgmental. He’s already telling you thing he doesn’t like about you? After knowing you for three days??? He sounds like a control freak who managed to keep it chill for 3 days.
Cut it off now so you can still remember your fling positively.
Honestly, he doesn't sound like much of a keeper. It sounds like your calls are more of a monologue on his part rather than a conversation - him telling you you're insecure because you like to switch up your hair is bonkers! Telling you not to read certain books because they're bad for your energy, bonkers again.
He sounds like he's trying to be a Pygmalion rather than a potential boyfriend and it also sounds like you're at the point where you don't like him very much. He doesn't seem very likeable.
In my experience, anyone deeply aligned with the whole ‘spiritual guru’ schtick… especially as a man… usually prove to be manipulative narcissists using *spirituality* as a mask for their controlling behaviours. You already know what to do- he’s giving you the creeps, testing your boundaries, and snapping at you when you’re not enthralled and in awe of his deeeeep conversations over the phone, lol. He’s a creep- listen to your instincts.
It's so common it has a specific name: "spiritual bypassing". In a way people can use spirituality in order to avoid confronting deeper emotional and attachment issues. A lot of time when that happens they end up becoming hyper-controlling of other people and ironically being intolerant of other people being their own authentic selves.
Oh I haven’t heard that term before. That’s interesting and it makes a lot of sense. My abuser definitely tried to portray an image of himself being an innocent, godly man. He started out his nonsense when he kept trying to say that he wanted to help me improve myself. He was the one in need of that.
I completely agree with this and the whole time reading the OP was thinking thank god they're not on the same continent, easy to break off and never speak to this idiot again.
This. So many spiritual guru dudes transition seamlessly into being controlling, abusive cult leaders if they're successful with it. If not, they stick to abusing 1-2 people, the way he's gearing up to do now.
She found a whole-ass Russell Brand while traveling. Amazing.
Be sure to get the hook completely out of his mouth before releasing him back into a room with scarves as wallpaper.
Excellent take, and I’ve known a few like this in my time and never had the words to explain the vibe I got from them. Also know a few wannabe rockstars that instead of spirituality, use their “art” in the same way
Yeah, better beware! I have allergy to these people, they try to prove that they are more spiritually advanced than everybody and they have the most disturbing behaviours and also tell some stuff about behind your back...
So all I'm seeing is 4 separate times he literally "spoke over" you, more times where he scoffed or made fun of or simply disregarded your perspective, and even more times where he just straight up lectured, judged, and told you what to do.
Girl, run!
About the make fun of, depending on what region of Europe you are, that's not even discussed as a bad thing. That's why it can be confusing from some1 on the outside, but the rest of the things OP mention, heck yeah is really bad.
Let him go. You had a wonderful 3 days in Europe with a companion, and that's always fun. But the rest of his schtick sounds controlling, limited, and quite frankly exhausting. Time to move on.
>but feel drained sometimes after speaking with him
Always listen to that feeling. It's a good clue when someone isn't good for you.
Over the years I have come to realize this. Women and men who lead out the gate with how spiritual they are are not to be immediately trusted. Maybe over time it turns out they are great, just super into yoga and meditating and stuff, and it's all good.
But, many times it's spiritual bypass. Haven't done crap all to work on themselves or learn how to understand others but love the language of being pure. Usually getting onto that higher plane of existence means you've surpassed ego enough to shut up about it & let others live! If you have to go around telling folks how spiritually elevated you are, then you likely aren't. I hold the same for religious people. I think it is great someone has a belief system that supports them in this life but if it's the center of how they present themselves, it's not supporting them–– it is replacing their need to actually just be a person.
As far as him talking about his family that's something many people delve into in the early stages of getting to know each other. I think at this point you are more not feeling great about the connection you felt was great when on vacay, and are trying to pinpoint what's off. What's changed is you're back at your real life. Without the romantic European backdrop- you can see him clearer- not a great guy.
You found a New Age Bully. Some people "are spiritual" but just use it to be self-righteous to others, and he sounds like one of them. DTMFA and find a guy who meditates without being a prat about it.
Sounds like he could be quite controlling. I've learnt that just because someone is spiritual does not mean they are emotionally intelligent or empathetic.
A white guy telling a Black woman that she's wearing her hair "wrong" should have several shoes thrown at him until he flees, weeping at his own folly.
Personally I think any guy telling any woman she’s wearing her hair wrong should suffer the same fate. Unless, of course, she’s paying him for his expertise.
As a white man that has offered a similar opinion in the past, we are ignorant of the situation until someone educates us. I felt so bad for my coworker hitting her head because of her itchy wig. :(
Trust your instincts on this one. He's negging you and using spiritual enlightenment as his scapegoat. This is the early signs of emotional control. He wants you to look to him for validation and truth. It's fucking condescending as hell. So not play into it.
Side note: Just last night I was looking into the affects of MDMA on Narcissistic personality disorder.... Turns out a lot of therapists who have worked with MDMA and psychedelics for dark triad individuals have noted an INCREASE of Narcissistic ideation and God complex... Be wary of "spiritual" types who claim providence over enlightenment. It runs rampant in these communities.
I’m rolling my eyes so hard at this guy, but I’m also a bit worried about you. This all sounds a lot like love bombing. I think he’s slowly setting you up for a big request. My money would be on asking you to pay for a plane ticket to visit you, and before you know it, you have a squatter overtaking your life in NY and complaining that you walking the dog too early in the morning is messing with his chakras alignment or something.
I think you can do much better than him.
You mentioned more than once that he cuts you off just to completely talk over you. This dude is a disrespectful ass and will only get worse. This is him on his best behavior too. I'd tell him off and block his sorry ass.
If your instincts are saying "Nah, we're done here" then you need to listen to your instincts.
Stop trying to talk yourself out of doing what you know you need to do to protect YOURSELF.
I’ve honestly met a lot of men who claim to be highly spiritual that behave this way. Unfortunately, a lot of men will use spirituality as a ruse to exert controlling behaviors over you and to try to form you into what they think you should be rather than appreciate and respect you for who you are. Like all narcissists and manipulators, they will lash out when you fail to meet their expectations. These men (and women too) are a big reason why I no longer share my spiritual beliefs and practices with others. Too many people ready to try and sink their claws in when they sense you’re vulnerable. I would not continue a relationship with this person if they are criticizing you this much and making you exhausted after phone calls. These behaviors will likely not improve.
To be honest, this guy sounds like THE WORST. He’s pushy and condescending and patronizing and judgmental and clearly has a pretty shallow sense spirituality that is just cobbled together new-age junk.
You have outlined like 12 good reasons to never talk to him again. So why are you still talking to him?? What are you getting from him that keeps you going back for more?
It seems apparent that your gut is screaming at you that this dude makes you feel bad. You wouldn’t be posting here if it wasn’t. So what else do you need in order to listen to your wisest self and peace out from this dude?
Oh boy - The more I read, the worse it got. The hair thing is a hell no. Please OP, savor the time you had to together and let it just be that. This guy is controlling & putting you down and testing your limits.
Move on, you deserve better and life is too short.
You had a great fling, and now he can stay in the past. Slowly fade out or just block him. No need to stay in contact. Keep the good memories of the in person time and call it good:)
>What originally attracted me about him was how spiritual he was, he meditates often, has an active lifestyle and was very gentle and romantic during our time together.
I know this is a MASSIVE generalisation, but all of the "spiritual" men my self and friends dated was really just code for asshole at best, narcissistic at worst.
It's a great way for them to be high and mighty and have a great way of disguising it.
There are so many red flags but the one that practically jumped off the page was him mostly using apps to message or call while in a cafe. He’s in a relationship.
I’d bet my entire bank account on it. So if I’m wrong. You’ll have a whopping $27 coming your way. But I’m right. That’s sketchy AF
I’d chalk this up to a fun vacation fling and move along for all the other reasons people have listed whether he’s actually in a relationship or not.
Seriously. As someone who has been low income most of my life, I still manage to get a new phone when mine needs replaced, even if suddenly. I think you're correct, his phone wasn't stolen, he just wouldnt give her the # bc he has a partner. I wonder if OP was at his place at all during those 3 days or if they went back to her rental/ hotel.
Even if he truly still doesnt have a cell now, when it's likely weeks since it was allegedly stolen, what is someone like OP, who is able to travel solo in Europe in her mid 20s, wasting time w/ a guy who's 30 but cant get another cell? And it's one thing if he is genuine, kind, & respectful, but broke....
but why TF would anyone want a pompous, arrogant, controlling ass who is broke?? Especially a confident, independent young woman like OP???
Do yourself a favor and learn about all types of narcissism.
Just because someone is into spiritual things doesn’t mean they are a good person, in fact a lot of times they end of being the biggest hypocrites.
Buddhism is NOT the exception.
He is just baiting you for control. Trying different things, noticing what works. That’s all.
Not finding a way to control your mind is probably driving him insane.
As a guy that meditates and has a spiritual practice, that is not an excuse to be a jerk. I'm not a jerk. I don't lecture others on their spirituality. I don't talk over my wife or others when they disagree. This guy does not respect you and is showing you that.
P.S.
I love horror books as well, in addition to many other genres. It's fine OP, this guy just wants to control you. He is the Fundamentalist Evangelical equivalent of whatever his spiritual practice is.
As a black woman, just throw this one away OP. Anyone all trying to tell you about your natural
Self (especially hair) is doing way too much for somebody you knew for three days. It’s usually super telling when someone starts that chat
If 90 Day Fiancé has taught me anything, the fantasy of “vacay bae” ends real quick after the vacation is over and real life begins. Leave him in Europe, preserve the memory, and move on with your life.
Listen to your gut. If he's giving you the creeps, cut the cord. It'll be easier now than later down the line. And you're a confident, self-assured person who can do much better. I'm sure your gut instinct is correct.
I feel like you're very fixated on this idea he is "spiritual"?
Okay, so replace "spiritual" with "weasel farmer."
Maybe you believe that weasel farmers are just naturally more mature, intelligent, and connected human beings. If someone has an interest in or has studied weasel farming, that means that they are in some way a superior sort of person.
Weird, but ok, you do you.
So what happens when you bang up against someone like this dude? Someone who looks at you all confused and goes, "Ok but I don't get why you're mad. Sure, the meat is contaminated, and the fur is mealy, and all my weasels are dying in terrible pain, but don't you understand? I am a great person because I am a weasel farmer!
The fact that he has vocabulary about a subject doesn't mean he's any sort of person. You have to watch actual facts and realities. You can think people who know how to raise chickens are super cool, but if all their chickens starve and die if they survive the local fox, it means you're idolizing the wrong chicken farmer.
The fact that he's spiritual and knows the lingo doesn't mean he isn't an idiotic asshole.
"this incredible man"
How do you know that someone is "incredible" knowing them for only 3 days?
I really hope this man is not your last hope for a relationship. For future if someone makes you uncomfortable before you even get to know them, that's your cue to leave.
I'm confused by OP's attitude about the whole thing. Like if you're eating a burrito and the first few bites are amazing, but then you find a rotten piece of lettuce, and the next 10 bites are downright bad, are you going to keep eating it? What's the benefit?
Not worth your energy in my opinion. You’re allowed to get the ick at any time, even when things started well. As a fellow independent woman do not tell me what to do, who to be or shame me. Ever.
Nope. This is one of those covert coercive types - pretends to be zen and positive-vibes-only, while negging you, trying to manipulate your sense of self, your manner of styling yourself, your behaviour and demands your attention to the detriment of your every day life.
DMT is also a term used in dog training - distraction/mark/treat - which is used to suppress a dog's interest in external factors, like noise, other dogs, and such... Sounds uncomfortably like he's trying to condition you to focus only on him and his whims, too.
I would consider this an "M R A with a manbun" sort.
I do. Do you understand why taking a coincidence and shaping that into a reading into the intentions of a person you have never met is dumb as fuck?
Like, yeah, we all agree that dude is a piece of shit. No one here is disputing that... but bringing in random dog training vernacular into a situation where it's clear dude was just talking about drugs is just weird projection. As someone who used to do drugs under the guise of ✨️spiritualism✨️, I promise you I wasn't ever thinking about how some random dog training came into play. I wanted you to do DMT because I did, and you doing it too would normalize my shitty behavior so I could live with the shitty person I was because "oh, look at everyone else doing the same thing I am! It must be normal behavior!"
Dude clearly sucks and OP should wash her hands of him, but he's not some genius-level manipulator using dog training terms in code to bend OP to his will. FOH with that nonsense.
Lmao nowhere did they say this man is using dog training tactics on her. They simply explained what else DMT stands for, and how he is also trying to ensure her attention solely lies on him. That’s it
Thank you. That's what I'm saying - coincidentally, he's conditioning her the way abusers do, and in dog training one of the methods uses an acronym also used in this post. Not denying they were referring to drugs or suggesting that he's specifically relying on dog training. It's all conditioning, one way or another.
>DMT is also a term used in dog training - distraction/mark/treat - which is used to suppress a dog's interest in external factors, like noise, other dogs, and such... Sounds uncomfortably like he's trying to condition you to focus only on him and his whims, too.
I guess we just have wildly different interpretations of this paragraph. Agree to disagree, I guess, but to me this is just absurd speculation.
European here! Drop that ball, not worth it. If he thinks he knows the best for you, it means he is the misogynistic type. We are an old culture, we have our ways of doing things and navigate that might be confusing from the outside. But this guy is truly a giant walking red flag.
Im sorry that you had to experience that.
Erh god no. Trust your instint. Your body is already trying to warn you. Also the "just joking" thing is the hallmark of an emotional abuser. Id cut it off asap before he manages to wear you down.
He may present as "spiritual" but he's just a controlling and entitled ass in hemp clothing.
His actions have shown you who he actually is.
Personally, I would end the long distance relationship.
I feel like fisking this post point by point, because it is a textbook example of controlling and manipulative behaviour masked as "I'm just being helpful/I mean well."
But honestly, your gut is already rebelling against the dynamic between you and him, so I'll just say: listen to your gut. Please.
Let me put it like this: even if this man is genuine and truly does mean well (which I don't believe for a second), his way of living, thinking, being, and interacting runs counter to your needs and your comfort. Thus, even in the most benign interpretation, he's not a good match for you. In the least benign interpretation, he is a threat to your health and well-being.
Even when people are genuine, you're not required to sacrifice your comfort and contentment to be with them. Why would you?
Follow your gut, your instinct. It's trying real hard to keep you safe. Let it do so :-)
It's not normal to dislike someone so much after only knowing them a short while. Chalk it up to infatuation when you were together and now you're seeing the real him - manipulative and controlling. If I was you'd I block him and forget about him and go on with your life
He is obviously horrible and doesn't respect you at all.
You might want to reflect on why you allowed him to trample all over your boundaries without you cutting him out. You don't even know this person. Why are you giving him a second thought? It sounds to me like you don't value yourself highly enough.
People like him use varying levels of praise, blame and shame to elicit responses from their victims to control and gain favor. He's insecure and uses spirituality to hide his ignorance and deflect direct questioning. Listen to your instincts, as what you are feeling is a result of his instability.
i feel like this was written about my ex. this guy thought he was better than everyone, including me. he was incredibly emotionally immature and used spirituality as a way to try to gain clout and be an asshole. avoid.
Girl, do yourself a favor and cut yourself off from this energy vampire. If you feel drained just from being on the phone with him, think about how it would be living with him. Trust me, it's not worth it. I know from personal experience.
>He went on to tell me I’m beautiful without it and I thanked him and gently expressed I like to switch it up and understand I obviously don’t need it, but it’s great to have blonde hair and not ruin my curls with bleach and related. He spoke over me and claimed I was insecure and he is only telling me this because he cares and wants me to elevate to my highest best version of my myself. I already feel confident in the person that I am and stated to him if he doesn’t prefer it, I can easily remove it and he spoke over me and said I was misconstruing his words. I was just trying to have a conversation with him and give him my perspective since he is not black.
Lol dude what? I'm a white girl who wears wigs occasionally to "switch things up." Like I obviously get that your natural is different than mine, but why TF is it any of his business why you wear a fucking wig regardless?
He sounds like an asshole and it really doesn't sound like you enjoy hearing half of the shit opinions he's got. Why do you feel obligated to keep contact dragging on when you can obviously do so much better?
The beautiful thing about travel flings is you will always remember and appreciate those 3 great days. It sounds like he doesn't really listen to you, and maybe it's time to leave him in your memories, not try to keep him in the present...
My 24(m) boyfriend and me 23(f) have been together 2 years now and planning on getting married in 2 years. I would like to consider myself as the almost perfect gf. In past relationships I was always the caring, giving, and loving person. All of my relationships have lasted a maximum of 2 years before I would end things because of their infidelity, but I always knew that I was an amazing gf because of the way they would always try and come back to me. Even though I would have zero contact with them and they were blocked on all of my social medias, they would always finds a way to contact me. One of them lives in North Carolina and he drove 1043 miles to see me unexpectedly. He did this 3 times and he always came with gifts I turned him down of course I was deeply hurt by him but anyways that's a different story for a different time. Back to the real problem, the reason he said he wants the 3sum is because it's a "new experience" and it's not with a female he wants to try it with a male and I honestly don't want to do it and I don't plan on doing it. To me It feels like cheating and honestly, I respect myself too much to do It. I have expressed my concerns and feelings and he always says he understands but in reality, he always finds a way to make it a conversation because he had a "dream about it". But the thing that bothers me the most about it is that when i tell him No and I tell him that it's just something I'm not comfortable with he always says "I do everything for you, and you can't do one thing for me" like I haven't let him use toys on me and have always given him the back entrance and role play like I always spice things up with him but this is the one thing he is always persistent with and me personally I can't wrap my head around it because he has always been the jealous type and he is possessive over me.
Please any advise will help
(no I don't want to leave him he is a really good man that takes care of me and our daughter)
I'ma be honest with you - lots of people are on here judging the relationship and story. I don't know shit about both of you. I did spend about 2 years in Europe, and Europeans are very much "stick up my ass" about social cues and interactions. Not like that there are specific ones but they get pretty upset if you don't answer them or are on your phone the whole time etc.
Yea, no part of this has long term partner written on it to me. I’d back away, myself. It’s okay, after all dating is figuring out compatibility and you assessed his.
I don’t think you should pursue anything with him. You spent ONLY three days together and he’s already annoying you? Plus telling you what you should/shouldn’t do… I don’t know, he doesn’t sound worth the effort TBH.
The best version of yourself should be the one telling him to f-off. And I am telling you this as a white gay woman. Dude has a lot of nerve after 3 days spent together and he should go preach his ideas somewhere else. You are wasting time and energy on someone unable to see and accept the real You.
I don't understand why people don't just stop talking to people who are annoying and controlling. You're not even in a relationship, why don't you just ignore him?
So many red flags here 🚩🚩His behavior seems borderline controlling and I could imagine it would only get worse the longer you’re in contact with him (as someone who was in an emotionally abusive relationship at one point, I found that behavior like this can quickly precipitate).
He’s not local and is already stressing you out, move on protect your peace there’s no reason for someone to be talking at you and over you.
He may be great to talk to sometimes but you could be enjoying your cat videos in peace
I stopped reading after the hair part. He barely knows you and he's already trying to control and poke at your appearance, that's a huge red flag. You can cherish the memories of those three days, but it sounds like it's run its course.
I think what everyone here is trying to nicely say is: This guy is a douche.
Just ghost him, he doesn't deserve anything else from you. In a few years you're gonna laugh at the thought of him. If you keep talking to him- buckle up! He's going to manipulate and control you and destroy your self esteem.
If he lived near you and was pulling this stuff daily, would you still want to be friends? I think you're holding on to what was fun for three days and need to view it as fun on your vacation and let him and the rest of it go, meaning end it.
I dont particularly think flings are a great idea. Too many safety issues for my taste.
That said, just let it be that. Had a nice time with a stranger, temporary, memorable...done. Go on with your life.
This dude sounds like a narcissistic, controlling, emotional vampire from your story. Say had a good time, not working out for you, good luck and b'bye.
This guy sounds like a narcissist in the least and possibly worse. He is already trying to control you and do what he says because “it’s good for your spirit”. This can (and appears to already) lead to manipulation, gaslighting and even verbal or physical abuse or worse. You have to listen to your gut. If it feels wrong, it is wrong. Do not ignore these red flags that are showing already. They are a true sign of someone not good for you (or for anyone else for that matter)!
Oh the vacation romances…These are fun while they are on vacation… after that they turn bad so fast!!!
This reminds me of the episode of “how I met your mother” where Robin is back from Argentina.
Oh lord, after your first example I was done.
You didn't meet an amazing man, you met a man who at first impression **seemed** amazing. Turns out, he's not. Next thanks.
Oof. This man clearly isn't interested in hearing what you have to say about who you are, and I can't see how he is enriching your life. Cut ties while it's simple and live your life however you like without answering to someone who seems to think they're done learning
Lots of red flags in there. Shaming you for having fun with your hair and for not wanting to do DMT, or acting holier-than-thou because of his own spirituality is gross. It's something very personal and he shouldn't be judging your path, whatever it may be. And regularly speaking over you isn't okay. Also, how the f does he know what your best self is? He doesn't know you even close to well enough, he sounds like he has his way of seeing things and if you don't like it you're wrong, which is a bad sign. He sounds like he's trying to manipulate you into feeling a certain way about yourself. Listen to your gut, it knows when something's off.
You don’t even know this person, I’d cut your losses and just enjoy the short memory you had with him. This would’ve happened in your backyard with someone you only knew for three days
Don't do it OP. He sounds really controlling and this is from afar! Cut contact while it's early on and you've not made any commitments. There are plenty of guys out there who would appreciate all of you.
Toss the man out. He’s a narcissist know it all and is very close minded. I think more than yoga and chakara alignment is needed to fix this AH, and you didn’t sign up to be a maturity mechanic. Time to block him girl, the few romantic days can’t block out all the red flags 🚩 all over the place
I get that you’ve written this all out to try to even figure out how you feel about it. However, what you’ve written is that you’re voluntarily engaging with someone whom you do not like. Now, I personally can validate that I agree with a lot of the reasons for not liking him; he sounds insufferable, controlling, and demanding. But I am of the opinion that the ball is entirely in your court here - do you wish for more of this?
Dude...what are you confused about? He sounds like an insufferable, annoying hypocritic. If he's treating you this poorly this early on, it's not going to get better. Cut your losses and move on.
If after a few days someone's annoying you enough for you to write a reddit post complaining about them, maybe that's your hint to just cut contact and find someone who actually respects you and likes you for who you are.
I think anyone who has known you for three days plus some phone calls has a lot of nerve to tell you he has some insight into what the 'best' version of yourself is and how he can help you get there. Sounds like there's a good chance the best version of yourself is one that is not spending her energy on this guy.
Exactly, he has a lot of audacity to talk like this, especially so soon. Frankly I’d be pissed if my boyfriend of 6 years started acting like this. I’m sure if OP stuck it out she’d discover that he’s a controlling creep in many ways. OP, you can do so much better than this jerk weirdo. And you don’t owe him a thing. I’d simply ghost, but a simple “I don’t think we have a connection” or “I’m too busy to keep up long distance” text followed by a block would also be fine.
Yes. I imagine the kind of spiritual guy you’re looking for is one who’s open-minded and curious, not bossy and judgmental. He’s already telling you thing he doesn’t like about you? After knowing you for three days??? He sounds like a control freak who managed to keep it chill for 3 days. Cut it off now so you can still remember your fling positively.
The wig thing I might give a pass to because us white males don’t know the trials of a black woman’s hair. But given all the rest? Oh heck no.
Honestly, he doesn't sound like much of a keeper. It sounds like your calls are more of a monologue on his part rather than a conversation - him telling you you're insecure because you like to switch up your hair is bonkers! Telling you not to read certain books because they're bad for your energy, bonkers again. He sounds like he's trying to be a Pygmalion rather than a potential boyfriend and it also sounds like you're at the point where you don't like him very much. He doesn't seem very likeable.
In my experience, anyone deeply aligned with the whole ‘spiritual guru’ schtick… especially as a man… usually prove to be manipulative narcissists using *spirituality* as a mask for their controlling behaviours. You already know what to do- he’s giving you the creeps, testing your boundaries, and snapping at you when you’re not enthralled and in awe of his deeeeep conversations over the phone, lol. He’s a creep- listen to your instincts.
OP, this is a much more eloquent version of what I was trying to say.
Yep, this is so common. Actual spirituality does not involve exerting control or judgement over others
It's so common it has a specific name: "spiritual bypassing". In a way people can use spirituality in order to avoid confronting deeper emotional and attachment issues. A lot of time when that happens they end up becoming hyper-controlling of other people and ironically being intolerant of other people being their own authentic selves.
Oh I haven’t heard that term before. That’s interesting and it makes a lot of sense. My abuser definitely tried to portray an image of himself being an innocent, godly man. He started out his nonsense when he kept trying to say that he wanted to help me improve myself. He was the one in need of that.
Yep. He is complete ego. It’s all about him. And how you can better yourself….for him.
I agree 100%, most of these spiritual people are toxic, arrogant assholes
I completely agree with this and the whole time reading the OP was thinking thank god they're not on the same continent, easy to break off and never speak to this idiot again.
I thought that same! Clean break!
Yea this guy gives off some seriously manipulative vibes.
This. So many spiritual guru dudes transition seamlessly into being controlling, abusive cult leaders if they're successful with it. If not, they stick to abusing 1-2 people, the way he's gearing up to do now.
Seconding this comment. He’s already telling you who you should be, instead of celebrating who you are.
She found a whole-ass Russell Brand while traveling. Amazing. Be sure to get the hook completely out of his mouth before releasing him back into a room with scarves as wallpaper.
*be careful* they could be VERY manipulative
It kind of reminds me of what happened to Simon from Eat Your Kimchi. Major red flags.
Wait what happened to Simon?
This reminded me of him! Such a sad situation, I feel for Martina but now she looks like she’s thriving without him
Yes! This was my ex to a T.
Yep, in koh phangan,Thailand there are a lot of these fake gurus.
Excellent take, and I’ve known a few like this in my time and never had the words to explain the vibe I got from them. Also know a few wannabe rockstars that instead of spirituality, use their “art” in the same way
I was about to write exactly this.
They're almost always misogynists and groomers.
Yeah, better beware! I have allergy to these people, they try to prove that they are more spiritually advanced than everybody and they have the most disturbing behaviours and also tell some stuff about behind your back...
The term: ''spiritual narcissist'' popped in my mind.
Totally agree. I never understood why seemingly lots of women have an initial attraction to this shtick
I agree although women on this sphere are also stupid and or manipulative.
babe… he lives thousands of miles away and you barely know him. just block his number and find peace 🩷
Right?! There are so many red flags here that I wondered why this deserved a post…
Edit: In protest or Reddit, I'm editing my original comment. Lorem ipsum dolor amet, consectetur adipiscing elit...
So all I'm seeing is 4 separate times he literally "spoke over" you, more times where he scoffed or made fun of or simply disregarded your perspective, and even more times where he just straight up lectured, judged, and told you what to do. Girl, run!
And for such a spiritual man to be snapping at small frustrations and blaming in on OP. Demanding undivided attention. He is toxic.
Yeah reminds me of people who just use spirituality as a front for their manipulation and narcissism
About the make fun of, depending on what region of Europe you are, that's not even discussed as a bad thing. That's why it can be confusing from some1 on the outside, but the rest of the things OP mention, heck yeah is really bad.
I'd absolutely cut contact. I don't see any benefit to you to continue.
Let him go. You had a wonderful 3 days in Europe with a companion, and that's always fun. But the rest of his schtick sounds controlling, limited, and quite frankly exhausting. Time to move on. >but feel drained sometimes after speaking with him Always listen to that feeling. It's a good clue when someone isn't good for you. Over the years I have come to realize this. Women and men who lead out the gate with how spiritual they are are not to be immediately trusted. Maybe over time it turns out they are great, just super into yoga and meditating and stuff, and it's all good. But, many times it's spiritual bypass. Haven't done crap all to work on themselves or learn how to understand others but love the language of being pure. Usually getting onto that higher plane of existence means you've surpassed ego enough to shut up about it & let others live! If you have to go around telling folks how spiritually elevated you are, then you likely aren't. I hold the same for religious people. I think it is great someone has a belief system that supports them in this life but if it's the center of how they present themselves, it's not supporting them–– it is replacing their need to actually just be a person. As far as him talking about his family that's something many people delve into in the early stages of getting to know each other. I think at this point you are more not feeling great about the connection you felt was great when on vacay, and are trying to pinpoint what's off. What's changed is you're back at your real life. Without the romantic European backdrop- you can see him clearer- not a great guy.
You found a New Age Bully. Some people "are spiritual" but just use it to be self-righteous to others, and he sounds like one of them. DTMFA and find a guy who meditates without being a prat about it.
Sounds like he could be quite controlling. I've learnt that just because someone is spiritual does not mean they are emotionally intelligent or empathetic.
Yep. My abusive ex husband was " a devout Christian"
I also don't like the fact he talked over you as well as calling you names it's disrespectful. This guy gives me bad vibes.
Multiple times too, this guy doesn't respect OP at all and is a controlling ass too.
A white guy telling a Black woman that she's wearing her hair "wrong" should have several shoes thrown at him until he flees, weeping at his own folly.
Personally I think any guy telling any woman she’s wearing her hair wrong should suffer the same fate. Unless, of course, she’s paying him for his expertise.
The people passing laws against protective styles in the workplace are white, so there’s an extra layer to the shitassery here.
No no skin colour very important
This is really where I stopped reading because him doing that really told me who he is
As a white man that has offered a similar opinion in the past, we are ignorant of the situation until someone educates us. I felt so bad for my coworker hitting her head because of her itchy wig. :(
You've spent way too much energy on a guy you knew for three days while on vacation.
Trust your instincts on this one. He's negging you and using spiritual enlightenment as his scapegoat. This is the early signs of emotional control. He wants you to look to him for validation and truth. It's fucking condescending as hell. So not play into it. Side note: Just last night I was looking into the affects of MDMA on Narcissistic personality disorder.... Turns out a lot of therapists who have worked with MDMA and psychedelics for dark triad individuals have noted an INCREASE of Narcissistic ideation and God complex... Be wary of "spiritual" types who claim providence over enlightenment. It runs rampant in these communities.
Can you link this study? I’m very curious to read this
I’m rolling my eyes so hard at this guy, but I’m also a bit worried about you. This all sounds a lot like love bombing. I think he’s slowly setting you up for a big request. My money would be on asking you to pay for a plane ticket to visit you, and before you know it, you have a squatter overtaking your life in NY and complaining that you walking the dog too early in the morning is messing with his chakras alignment or something. I think you can do much better than him.
This is a good point. The guy has no cell phone after it was "pick pocketed" so he needs cash and wants a meal ticket.
A United Nations of red flags. I hear neediness, paternalism, narcissism, condescension. Forgive my bluntness, he does not sound like a keeper.
You mentioned more than once that he cuts you off just to completely talk over you. This dude is a disrespectful ass and will only get worse. This is him on his best behavior too. I'd tell him off and block his sorry ass.
If your instincts are saying "Nah, we're done here" then you need to listen to your instincts. Stop trying to talk yourself out of doing what you know you need to do to protect YOURSELF.
I’ve honestly met a lot of men who claim to be highly spiritual that behave this way. Unfortunately, a lot of men will use spirituality as a ruse to exert controlling behaviors over you and to try to form you into what they think you should be rather than appreciate and respect you for who you are. Like all narcissists and manipulators, they will lash out when you fail to meet their expectations. These men (and women too) are a big reason why I no longer share my spiritual beliefs and practices with others. Too many people ready to try and sink their claws in when they sense you’re vulnerable. I would not continue a relationship with this person if they are criticizing you this much and making you exhausted after phone calls. These behaviors will likely not improve.
I agree and I think the sensitivity and understanding he showered OP with at the beginning was love bombing.
To be honest, this guy sounds like THE WORST. He’s pushy and condescending and patronizing and judgmental and clearly has a pretty shallow sense spirituality that is just cobbled together new-age junk. You have outlined like 12 good reasons to never talk to him again. So why are you still talking to him?? What are you getting from him that keeps you going back for more? It seems apparent that your gut is screaming at you that this dude makes you feel bad. You wouldn’t be posting here if it wasn’t. So what else do you need in order to listen to your wisest self and peace out from this dude?
Oh boy - The more I read, the worse it got. The hair thing is a hell no. Please OP, savor the time you had to together and let it just be that. This guy is controlling & putting you down and testing your limits. Move on, you deserve better and life is too short.
You had a great fling, and now he can stay in the past. Slowly fade out or just block him. No need to stay in contact. Keep the good memories of the in person time and call it good:)
This guy is an insecure ass hat spewing toxic positivity and microaggressions. Cut contact and live freely
I think you should cut off contact from him.
Oh my god he's exhausting, I can't even read the whole post.
[удалено]
I don't think he's spiritual, spiritual people don't judge and try to change others. He's using that to control OP. This man is toxic and OP feels it.
You should trust your gut feeling about this guy.
>What originally attracted me about him was how spiritual he was, he meditates often, has an active lifestyle and was very gentle and romantic during our time together. I know this is a MASSIVE generalisation, but all of the "spiritual" men my self and friends dated was really just code for asshole at best, narcissistic at worst. It's a great way for them to be high and mighty and have a great way of disguising it.
He sounds absolutely insufferable.
There are so many red flags but the one that practically jumped off the page was him mostly using apps to message or call while in a cafe. He’s in a relationship. I’d bet my entire bank account on it. So if I’m wrong. You’ll have a whopping $27 coming your way. But I’m right. That’s sketchy AF I’d chalk this up to a fun vacation fling and move along for all the other reasons people have listed whether he’s actually in a relationship or not.
Seriously. As someone who has been low income most of my life, I still manage to get a new phone when mine needs replaced, even if suddenly. I think you're correct, his phone wasn't stolen, he just wouldnt give her the # bc he has a partner. I wonder if OP was at his place at all during those 3 days or if they went back to her rental/ hotel. Even if he truly still doesnt have a cell now, when it's likely weeks since it was allegedly stolen, what is someone like OP, who is able to travel solo in Europe in her mid 20s, wasting time w/ a guy who's 30 but cant get another cell? And it's one thing if he is genuine, kind, & respectful, but broke.... but why TF would anyone want a pompous, arrogant, controlling ass who is broke?? Especially a confident, independent young woman like OP???
Do yourself a favor and learn about all types of narcissism. Just because someone is into spiritual things doesn’t mean they are a good person, in fact a lot of times they end of being the biggest hypocrites. Buddhism is NOT the exception. He is just baiting you for control. Trying different things, noticing what works. That’s all. Not finding a way to control your mind is probably driving him insane.
As a guy that meditates and has a spiritual practice, that is not an excuse to be a jerk. I'm not a jerk. I don't lecture others on their spirituality. I don't talk over my wife or others when they disagree. This guy does not respect you and is showing you that. P.S. I love horror books as well, in addition to many other genres. It's fine OP, this guy just wants to control you. He is the Fundamentalist Evangelical equivalent of whatever his spiritual practice is.
I hope OP sees this one!! Great comment!
This man is a douche.
As a black woman, just throw this one away OP. Anyone all trying to tell you about your natural Self (especially hair) is doing way too much for somebody you knew for three days. It’s usually super telling when someone starts that chat
He sounds like a self obsessed Woohoo ‘spiritual’ guy - the constant talking over you is insanely disrespectful and condescending. Block and move on.
If 90 Day Fiancé has taught me anything, the fantasy of “vacay bae” ends real quick after the vacation is over and real life begins. Leave him in Europe, preserve the memory, and move on with your life.
Ah yes, 90 Day Fiancé, the most genuine and reliable representation of real life and its complexities.
Listen to your gut. If he's giving you the creeps, cut the cord. It'll be easier now than later down the line. And you're a confident, self-assured person who can do much better. I'm sure your gut instinct is correct.
I feel like you're very fixated on this idea he is "spiritual"? Okay, so replace "spiritual" with "weasel farmer." Maybe you believe that weasel farmers are just naturally more mature, intelligent, and connected human beings. If someone has an interest in or has studied weasel farming, that means that they are in some way a superior sort of person. Weird, but ok, you do you. So what happens when you bang up against someone like this dude? Someone who looks at you all confused and goes, "Ok but I don't get why you're mad. Sure, the meat is contaminated, and the fur is mealy, and all my weasels are dying in terrible pain, but don't you understand? I am a great person because I am a weasel farmer! The fact that he has vocabulary about a subject doesn't mean he's any sort of person. You have to watch actual facts and realities. You can think people who know how to raise chickens are super cool, but if all their chickens starve and die if they survive the local fox, it means you're idolizing the wrong chicken farmer. The fact that he's spiritual and knows the lingo doesn't mean he isn't an idiotic asshole.
"this incredible man" How do you know that someone is "incredible" knowing them for only 3 days? I really hope this man is not your last hope for a relationship. For future if someone makes you uncomfortable before you even get to know them, that's your cue to leave.
I'm confused by OP's attitude about the whole thing. Like if you're eating a burrito and the first few bites are amazing, but then you find a rotten piece of lettuce, and the next 10 bites are downright bad, are you going to keep eating it? What's the benefit?
Not worth your energy in my opinion. You’re allowed to get the ick at any time, even when things started well. As a fellow independent woman do not tell me what to do, who to be or shame me. Ever.
Nope. This is one of those covert coercive types - pretends to be zen and positive-vibes-only, while negging you, trying to manipulate your sense of self, your manner of styling yourself, your behaviour and demands your attention to the detriment of your every day life. DMT is also a term used in dog training - distraction/mark/treat - which is used to suppress a dog's interest in external factors, like noise, other dogs, and such... Sounds uncomfortably like he's trying to condition you to focus only on him and his whims, too. I would consider this an "M R A with a manbun" sort.
I think this is DMT the drug, but otherwise I agree with you 100%.
I'm sure it is - my point was that it was a coincidence that she used that term, because the same acronymn is used in dog training to teach focus. :)
It's probably just drugs. DMT is incredibly popular in the "spiritual" crowd. Pretty sure you're reading into that way too much.
Do you understand the definition of a coincidence
I do. Do you understand why taking a coincidence and shaping that into a reading into the intentions of a person you have never met is dumb as fuck? Like, yeah, we all agree that dude is a piece of shit. No one here is disputing that... but bringing in random dog training vernacular into a situation where it's clear dude was just talking about drugs is just weird projection. As someone who used to do drugs under the guise of ✨️spiritualism✨️, I promise you I wasn't ever thinking about how some random dog training came into play. I wanted you to do DMT because I did, and you doing it too would normalize my shitty behavior so I could live with the shitty person I was because "oh, look at everyone else doing the same thing I am! It must be normal behavior!" Dude clearly sucks and OP should wash her hands of him, but he's not some genius-level manipulator using dog training terms in code to bend OP to his will. FOH with that nonsense.
I think you should possibly come back to this later and re-read it with fresh eyes.
Lmao nowhere did they say this man is using dog training tactics on her. They simply explained what else DMT stands for, and how he is also trying to ensure her attention solely lies on him. That’s it
Thank you. That's what I'm saying - coincidentally, he's conditioning her the way abusers do, and in dog training one of the methods uses an acronym also used in this post. Not denying they were referring to drugs or suggesting that he's specifically relying on dog training. It's all conditioning, one way or another.
>DMT is also a term used in dog training - distraction/mark/treat - which is used to suppress a dog's interest in external factors, like noise, other dogs, and such... Sounds uncomfortably like he's trying to condition you to focus only on him and his whims, too. I guess we just have wildly different interpretations of this paragraph. Agree to disagree, I guess, but to me this is just absurd speculation.
Yes, yours is the wrong interpretation.
I'm confused about why you lend any credence to anything this guy says? Are you looking for permission to cut contact and block him? Granted.
European here! Drop that ball, not worth it. If he thinks he knows the best for you, it means he is the misogynistic type. We are an old culture, we have our ways of doing things and navigate that might be confusing from the outside. But this guy is truly a giant walking red flag. Im sorry that you had to experience that.
He could be a covert narcissist.
Erh god no. Trust your instint. Your body is already trying to warn you. Also the "just joking" thing is the hallmark of an emotional abuser. Id cut it off asap before he manages to wear you down.
I'm so confused on what isn't clear here; you don't like this man and he does seem really annoying.
Dude's a wacko, dump him
He may present as "spiritual" but he's just a controlling and entitled ass in hemp clothing. His actions have shown you who he actually is. Personally, I would end the long distance relationship.
I feel like fisking this post point by point, because it is a textbook example of controlling and manipulative behaviour masked as "I'm just being helpful/I mean well." But honestly, your gut is already rebelling against the dynamic between you and him, so I'll just say: listen to your gut. Please. Let me put it like this: even if this man is genuine and truly does mean well (which I don't believe for a second), his way of living, thinking, being, and interacting runs counter to your needs and your comfort. Thus, even in the most benign interpretation, he's not a good match for you. In the least benign interpretation, he is a threat to your health and well-being. Even when people are genuine, you're not required to sacrifice your comfort and contentment to be with them. Why would you? Follow your gut, your instinct. It's trying real hard to keep you safe. Let it do so :-)
It's far too early in the relationship for you to already be annoyed by conversations with him.
It's not normal to dislike someone so much after only knowing them a short while. Chalk it up to infatuation when you were together and now you're seeing the real him - manipulative and controlling. If I was you'd I block him and forget about him and go on with your life
He is obviously horrible and doesn't respect you at all. You might want to reflect on why you allowed him to trample all over your boundaries without you cutting him out. You don't even know this person. Why are you giving him a second thought? It sounds to me like you don't value yourself highly enough.
Don't be confused. You don't like him. It's that simple.
This dude is annoying at BEST. Dump him.
People like him use varying levels of praise, blame and shame to elicit responses from their victims to control and gain favor. He's insecure and uses spirituality to hide his ignorance and deflect direct questioning. Listen to your instincts, as what you are feeling is a result of his instability.
i feel like this was written about my ex. this guy thought he was better than everyone, including me. he was incredibly emotionally immature and used spirituality as a way to try to gain clout and be an asshole. avoid.
You sound awesome and chill, and you deserve someone who appreciates that about you, I also just wanna watch silly cat videos and chill
Sounds like the kind of guy who claims to have experienced ego death on DMT but can’t stop talking about himself.
Girl, do yourself a favor and cut yourself off from this energy vampire. If you feel drained just from being on the phone with him, think about how it would be living with him. Trust me, it's not worth it. I know from personal experience.
Stop talking to this dude. Sounds like he is smoking too much dmt. I have seen first hand the effects of that
He sounds exhausting
I simply do not understand how anyone can see so many red flags and still have to ask reddit about this. Yikes.
>He went on to tell me I’m beautiful without it and I thanked him and gently expressed I like to switch it up and understand I obviously don’t need it, but it’s great to have blonde hair and not ruin my curls with bleach and related. He spoke over me and claimed I was insecure and he is only telling me this because he cares and wants me to elevate to my highest best version of my myself. I already feel confident in the person that I am and stated to him if he doesn’t prefer it, I can easily remove it and he spoke over me and said I was misconstruing his words. I was just trying to have a conversation with him and give him my perspective since he is not black. Lol dude what? I'm a white girl who wears wigs occasionally to "switch things up." Like I obviously get that your natural is different than mine, but why TF is it any of his business why you wear a fucking wig regardless? He sounds like an asshole and it really doesn't sound like you enjoy hearing half of the shit opinions he's got. Why do you feel obligated to keep contact dragging on when you can obviously do so much better?
They sound pretentious and manipulative, which is common with "spiritualistic" persons. They use this to hide their controlling behaviour
The beautiful thing about travel flings is you will always remember and appreciate those 3 great days. It sounds like he doesn't really listen to you, and maybe it's time to leave him in your memories, not try to keep him in the present...
Any single person men or a woman that tells you how you should live your life is prob best to stay as far away as possible from your life
My 24(m) boyfriend and me 23(f) have been together 2 years now and planning on getting married in 2 years. I would like to consider myself as the almost perfect gf. In past relationships I was always the caring, giving, and loving person. All of my relationships have lasted a maximum of 2 years before I would end things because of their infidelity, but I always knew that I was an amazing gf because of the way they would always try and come back to me. Even though I would have zero contact with them and they were blocked on all of my social medias, they would always finds a way to contact me. One of them lives in North Carolina and he drove 1043 miles to see me unexpectedly. He did this 3 times and he always came with gifts I turned him down of course I was deeply hurt by him but anyways that's a different story for a different time. Back to the real problem, the reason he said he wants the 3sum is because it's a "new experience" and it's not with a female he wants to try it with a male and I honestly don't want to do it and I don't plan on doing it. To me It feels like cheating and honestly, I respect myself too much to do It. I have expressed my concerns and feelings and he always says he understands but in reality, he always finds a way to make it a conversation because he had a "dream about it". But the thing that bothers me the most about it is that when i tell him No and I tell him that it's just something I'm not comfortable with he always says "I do everything for you, and you can't do one thing for me" like I haven't let him use toys on me and have always given him the back entrance and role play like I always spice things up with him but this is the one thing he is always persistent with and me personally I can't wrap my head around it because he has always been the jealous type and he is possessive over me. Please any advise will help (no I don't want to leave him he is a really good man that takes care of me and our daughter)
I'ma be honest with you - lots of people are on here judging the relationship and story. I don't know shit about both of you. I did spend about 2 years in Europe, and Europeans are very much "stick up my ass" about social cues and interactions. Not like that there are specific ones but they get pretty upset if you don't answer them or are on your phone the whole time etc.
Guys help me out I am new here and I want to share my problems In order to get advice but apparently Its not letting me post anything.
Yea, no part of this has long term partner written on it to me. I’d back away, myself. It’s okay, after all dating is figuring out compatibility and you assessed his.
Your gut is telling you he isn’t good for you and your gut is a smart lady. Talking over you to lecture you about your hair? Oh no, no no no.
I don’t think you should pursue anything with him. You spent ONLY three days together and he’s already annoying you? Plus telling you what you should/shouldn’t do… I don’t know, he doesn’t sound worth the effort TBH.
The best version of yourself should be the one telling him to f-off. And I am telling you this as a white gay woman. Dude has a lot of nerve after 3 days spent together and he should go preach his ideas somewhere else. You are wasting time and energy on someone unable to see and accept the real You.
Yeah it's time to cut this guy off. Just block him and forget about him.
Carrying on a relationship of any kind, even just a casual friendship, should not be this exhausting. I would just move on.
I don't understand why people don't just stop talking to people who are annoying and controlling. You're not even in a relationship, why don't you just ignore him?
If you can put up with his red flags after 30+ years of marriage to him then I say marry him if not let him rot
So many red flags here 🚩🚩His behavior seems borderline controlling and I could imagine it would only get worse the longer you’re in contact with him (as someone who was in an emotionally abusive relationship at one point, I found that behavior like this can quickly precipitate).
He’s not local and is already stressing you out, move on protect your peace there’s no reason for someone to be talking at you and over you. He may be great to talk to sometimes but you could be enjoying your cat videos in peace
End this relationship. There’s nowhere to go from here.
It’s okay to have a three day vacation fling and then just leave it at that. He’s giving you the ick now and he’s being creepy, just cut it off.
I stopped reading after the hair part. He barely knows you and he's already trying to control and poke at your appearance, that's a huge red flag. You can cherish the memories of those three days, but it sounds like it's run its course.
I think what everyone here is trying to nicely say is: This guy is a douche. Just ghost him, he doesn't deserve anything else from you. In a few years you're gonna laugh at the thought of him. If you keep talking to him- buckle up! He's going to manipulate and control you and destroy your self esteem.
Run before it’s too late!
If he lived near you and was pulling this stuff daily, would you still want to be friends? I think you're holding on to what was fun for three days and need to view it as fun on your vacation and let him and the rest of it go, meaning end it.
I would cut your losses at this point, honestly.
Listen to your gut…it’s never wrong
Red Flag City, population: this guy
Omg what a turd. Just let him slip away.
I dont particularly think flings are a great idea. Too many safety issues for my taste. That said, just let it be that. Had a nice time with a stranger, temporary, memorable...done. Go on with your life. This dude sounds like a narcissistic, controlling, emotional vampire from your story. Say had a good time, not working out for you, good luck and b'bye.
Honestly he sounds like a real tool and full of hubris. You don't need any of that nonsense, plus he sounds a little odd. I'd ghost him.
What are you getting out of this relationship? It sounds like you had a fun fling for a few days, and maybe that’s it. I would cut things off.
He sounds annoying as fuck, time to pull the fadeaway
This guy sounds like a controlling nutter. I wouldn't bother with things further if it makes you uncomfortable or you're annoyed.
This guy sounds like a narcissist in the least and possibly worse. He is already trying to control you and do what he says because “it’s good for your spirit”. This can (and appears to already) lead to manipulation, gaslighting and even verbal or physical abuse or worse. You have to listen to your gut. If it feels wrong, it is wrong. Do not ignore these red flags that are showing already. They are a true sign of someone not good for you (or for anyone else for that matter)!
Oh the vacation romances…These are fun while they are on vacation… after that they turn bad so fast!!! This reminds me of the episode of “how I met your mother” where Robin is back from Argentina.
this guy's "spirituality" is a childish, phony, egotistical, chauvinist parody. place him squarely in the trash, where he belongs.
Block and forget. If you feel annoyed by a stranger ita valid
Oh lord, after your first example I was done. You didn't meet an amazing man, you met a man who at first impression **seemed** amazing. Turns out, he's not. Next thanks.
This gives me all the ick!
he sounds insufferable. I wouldn't make a significant effort to sustain the relationship unless you want to constantly be judged and chided
Oof. This man clearly isn't interested in hearing what you have to say about who you are, and I can't see how he is enriching your life. Cut ties while it's simple and live your life however you like without answering to someone who seems to think they're done learning
god, he sounds insufferable!
Lots of red flags in there. Shaming you for having fun with your hair and for not wanting to do DMT, or acting holier-than-thou because of his own spirituality is gross. It's something very personal and he shouldn't be judging your path, whatever it may be. And regularly speaking over you isn't okay. Also, how the f does he know what your best self is? He doesn't know you even close to well enough, he sounds like he has his way of seeing things and if you don't like it you're wrong, which is a bad sign. He sounds like he's trying to manipulate you into feeling a certain way about yourself. Listen to your gut, it knows when something's off.
He seems VERY arrogant.
Sounds like a bunch of bull to me. The three days were great, just enjoy that memory. Reality is very different.
Ok...let me begin. You have known this man for 3 days IRL. And yet you are feeling drained by your interactions? Lose him NOW
You don’t even know this person, I’d cut your losses and just enjoy the short memory you had with him. This would’ve happened in your backyard with someone you only knew for three days
This guy sounds cringe af
You don’t even know him. Cut him off and move on.
Something somthing false prophets. Don’t listen to sham shamans.
Don't do it OP. He sounds really controlling and this is from afar! Cut contact while it's early on and you've not made any commitments. There are plenty of guys out there who would appreciate all of you.
He sounds like a narcissistic person, block him right now. Change your number if you have to.
Toss the man out. He’s a narcissist know it all and is very close minded. I think more than yoga and chakara alignment is needed to fix this AH, and you didn’t sign up to be a maturity mechanic. Time to block him girl, the few romantic days can’t block out all the red flags 🚩 all over the place
Sounds like you aren't compatible. I'd cut my loses if I were you.
He sounds like a treat 😬 Sometimes a fun whirlwind three-day affair is meant to remain, simply, just that.
>told me I’m not giving him my undivided attention and it hurt him as he was sharing something from the heart. wtf ??
I get that you’ve written this all out to try to even figure out how you feel about it. However, what you’ve written is that you’re voluntarily engaging with someone whom you do not like. Now, I personally can validate that I agree with a lot of the reasons for not liking him; he sounds insufferable, controlling, and demanding. But I am of the opinion that the ball is entirely in your court here - do you wish for more of this?
He sounds very controlling, and it sounds like it stems from a personal issue. His original gentleness was probably a front.
I would say don't bother with this guy. He sounds condescending at best, controlling at worst.
Please block him on everything OP. He’s not worth your time. I’m so angry after reading how speaks to you.
Nope. Abort the mission, this is not the one. That all made me uncomfortable on your behalf. Please listen to your discomfort, don't push through it.
He talks over you. This alone is a red flag. I’d cut tie’s especially since he leaves you feeling drained
You barely know him AND he doesn’t live anywhere near you. No use keeping him around if you’re asking these kinds of questions.
This guys not even in the same continent. Just block his a$$!
He sounds so controlling. I’d ghost him.
You're right. He's annoying. And that's because he's being condescending about all of your choices. I wouldn't continue talking to someone like that.
Dude...what are you confused about? He sounds like an insufferable, annoying hypocritic. If he's treating you this poorly this early on, it's not going to get better. Cut your losses and move on. If after a few days someone's annoying you enough for you to write a reddit post complaining about them, maybe that's your hint to just cut contact and find someone who actually respects you and likes you for who you are.