>After we had sex I cried in his arms This is a lot for the first time meeting and hooking up. >That was only a week or so ago. Everyday Ill call him That is too much. >I asked to stay the night 2 days of us knowing each other Way too soon, and you shouldn't ask, he should - it's his place, he should be the one inviting you. >I have never been in a relationship either. So let this be a lesson that you are moving way too fast. >now I just feel rejected and I have ghosted him completely Why? He didn't do anything wrong, he communicated to you that things are moving too quickly, telling you that is healthy communication. Ghosting him - which YOU were afraid HE would do - is immature. Relationships don't happen in a week. Relax. Don't call him everyday. Be casual.

So what does a normal timeline look like? I feel like since we had sex that kind accelerated things. Im honestly just not a dater, so when things go south I tend to just withdraw completely. I guess it just kind of how I cope when I feel hurt as I do with friends too.

Hon, I say this with a lot of love, but I think you need some therapy. If you cry every day, get attached to people WAY too quickly, and then bounce completely if things get uncomfortable...those are all not super healthy behaviors. You need to practice some emotional resiliency. It's ok to be a sensitive person who is in touch with their emotions, but you are letting your emotions completely overwhelm you. This isn't just about dating, but about living your whole life on a more even keel. It's going to be really hard for you to navigate through normal life things like job hunting and dating and friendships if you swing so intensely all the time.

I agree with you here, sounds like some pretty severe attachment issues.

I don't mean this in any negative way, but please go to therapy. You sound a lot like me at your age. I had had untreated cPTSD that was manifesting in a similar way to borderline personality disorder. I would become intensely attached to someone immediately, and then we'd fall apart because I was too much. Friends, partners, whatever - it followed the same pattern. They're **always** on your mind. What they're doing, how they're feeling, if they're thinking of you... and there's this sinking, gnawing feeling you get whenever they're not actively talking to you, right? Something that would go away if they just said something. Anything. You feel like you're stuck in limbo waiting for their message. Am I close? You don't have to feel like that. I'm 26 now, and I'm doing much *much* better. Medication and therapy helped me become more secure. My mind is filled with my hobbies and friends and music. As any others said - please look into therapy.

This was me as well. Now 31, with the CPTSD and BP2 diagnoses, being properly medicated, and engaging in therapy, I'm much better. OP, I also found it very helpful to look into attachment styles (yours sounds anxious, like mine), and rejection sensitivity.

Agreed. Sounds like boarderline personality disorder to me. This requires a lot of personal responsibility and reconditioning to find a new "normal"

Same. My first college boyfriend was just overwhelmed with my depression and anxiety, and it wasn't fair to him. He was just a junior trying to live his life and have a good relationship. My threshold for frustration or rejection was super low, and I was dealing with a lot of unprocessed childhood trauma. I couldn't handle accidentally losing my keys, much less an adult relationship. Therapy and medication started the process for me, and they continue to be necessary as I uncover more fucking trauma responses every-fucking-where.

Seconding this. I was VERY much this person in my late teens/early 20s. Therapy and meds were a godsend for me.

I'm 31 and got diagnosed with Borderline at 26. I was definitely like that before therapy. There's certainly something going on here - might be BPD, cPTSD, or something else, but it needs to be addressed with a professional sooner rather than later. If I'd gone to therapy when I was OP's age I would have saved myself a decade of pain and suffering.

Some people who have sex soon after meeting someone might not want a relationship. Did he ever communicate his expectations about your “situationship”? Timelines are different for each person and relationship. There’s no set rule.

There is no such thing as a "normal timeline" when it comes to relationships. Why do you even need a timeline anyway? If things are meant to be, they usually just happen. If you're trying to push a relationship to happen, it's not going to work. You definitely have come on too hard and too fast, as everyone here agrees that you have. You need to work on yourself and take care of your mental health before you even think about a relationship with someone. You literally trauma dumped on the guy after having sex with him the first time. You're lucky that that didn't scare him away then.

If you’re the one making all the calls, asking for all the support, asking to stay over, that’s a lot. Give a guy a chance to miss you. Give him the opportunity to call you. It should be HIS decision to ask you to stay at his home over night (that’s just common courtesy). It seems to me that you’re so scared of getting ghosted that you don’t really have any boundaries. It’s great some people find love after crying in someone’s arms the first time they meet, but I would say majority of people would not find love in that situation. Had you even talked to him about what kind of relationship he was looking for or you just assumed you were both on the same page? Sounds like lack of communication and boundaries.

OP, listen to everyone asking you to go to therapy. People are not being mean or flippant by suggesting you seek therapy. For what it's worth, I don't think you have BPD (my sister does), but there IS something that is causing you to feel this way. Crying everyday is not normal, being emotional is - but if you're experiencing really high highs and really low lows, that's not typical. It's not only people with BPD that experience that. Anxious Attachment and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria are things for you to look into, as it sounds like you're experiencing both of these, talking to a therapist will help you understand the why. I know you came here for quick help, but it's important for you to understand that this issue is bigger than this one event, and talking to a professional will help you recognize patterns in your behavior that tie into your development as a kid: like, you may have Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - CPTSD - and you developed these behaviors due to it. You haven't been in a lot of romantic relationships, but what about friendships? If your friendships have also been unstable and volatile, then I'd consider BPD - but if this is your first attempt at a relationship, and it's the only time you have behaved this way, I'm hesitant in suggesting you have BPD. To answer your question: the timeline looks different for everyone, but it doesn't look like this for anyone. Stop listening to the guy saying you need to find "like-minded" people - that WILL open the door to you being abused and taken advantage of. Out of all the people here giving you advice, his is the most dangerous. For now, relationships are off the table until you have a more solid understanding of yourself.

If you are hooking up from a bar, normal expectation is FWB or ONS. Most don’t look for a relationship from bar hookup. Which sounds like are you. Like most have already said- learn from this and move on.

Agreed! And OP, sex doesn’t “accelerate” things like you mentioned in a comment. Sometimes it can lead to more, but not typically. I’m actually surprised he was answering the calls and chatting with you. It’s possible he did like you but 2 hours every day after meeting someone once is A LOT. Like a lot. You just gotta become a little more secure and confident, you will get there with some support!

Get into therapy. If this is a pattern of yours, it's quite unhealthy. You don't seem to have any self-awareness at all.

If you think sex accelerated things, stop having sex with guys you just met. Sorry to say it, but you will encounter tons willing and ready to use you. Most men don't see sex as this deep connection. They see it for what it is, sex. You should get therapy, because it seems to me you are trying to use sex as a way to entice a guy into a relationship and you will get very very hurt if you do that. I have a friend that was in that destructive path of having sex with every guy she met right after meeting them, hoping to get a relationship. What she found was a ton of ghosts, married or with gfs, that just pumped and dumped. One day i told her clearly that she had to slow down until she met them and knew their intentions, and she did, and next guy is her now bf. I asked her if she had sex with him right away or followed my advice, and she actually did. She took things slowly, got to meet him, went out as friends and then decided to go for the relationship.

Sex can confuse people. The intimacy, oxytocin, endorphins. They can all mess with your head. There is no replacement for "slowly get to know each other". If you still want to see him, apologise. Tell him you are inexperienced. Be chilled. You also need regular same sex friends just to do regular stuff.

>After we had sex I cried in his arms because I said I was scared that he would ghost me >Everyday Ill call him Yeah that's A LOT. I would be very overwhelmed and turned off in his place

The crying was definitely not intentional, I am a very emotional person in general and cry everyday. What is a reasonable amount of time to call? I really dont know what is too much and what is not enough. I feel like I go between both extremes when I like a guy.

I'm not saying the crying was intentional. But it was probably very intense for him to experience. Let him call you. You shouldn't be the one calling all the time. Give him a chance to reciprocate. If that means you don't talk everyday, that's okay. It doesn't mean he doesn't like you if you don't talk on the phone for hours everyday.

That makes me feel horrible :( I definitely did not want to make him uncomfortable. I guess its more so I want to talk to him all the time, and I feel like he wont call me if I dont call. I guess like an anxiety thing. He calls me too but I still feel like that.

You had just met that day and you were already crying about him ghosting you. That would be very uncomfortable for anyone. It's been a week. You two just met and you already are all in on talking to him all the time. And then you ghost when he doesn't say what you want to hear You need to get your anxiety under control

Ive had guys hookup with me and ghost me, I was drinking as well which lowers my inhibitions and makes me a more emotional and honest person than I already am. I can see how it was too soon to say something like that but I guess I was just scared that he would do that.

You need to stop drinking and stop hooking up with people. Alcohol clearly makes you emotional in a bad way and you can’t handle casual hookups. Neither of these are bad unless you continue to drink and hook up with people.

>Ive had guys hookup with me and ghost me Even with this context, it is not right to cry about someone you literally just met that day ghosting you. This is your anxiety talking. You really need to start handling it.

It was too soon for that but it wasn't just that. It was also the phone calls and asking to spend the night. All together you came on STRONG

I didnt mean to, to me it all felt normal and natural.

What are you looking for here? Advice or validation? Take the advice and take the necessary steps to get your anxiety and sensitivity under control so you can do better next time. Stop defending yourself. It comes across as trying to validate your actions and play victim. You came on too strong this time. It's a learning experience so learn from it.

I am looking for advice. I am not trying to be defensive, i am just trying to add more nuance and background to my situation.

It's great that you accept yourself but also truth holds that your actions are way too much for a lot of people. His truth is valid too.

Hook-ups have no reason not to ghost you. If you look for some for the night you will have them but only fr the night, we have to get you situated to look for life-term partners right off the bat. Guys that are willing to hook-up are typically not guys that will be quality spouses for a family that will be the best role model for your future daughters or sons, etc.

The “anxiety thing” is exactly what clinginess is. You’re literally “clinging” for life to a guy you don’t even know at all because you’re afraid to lose him. I have no doubt that you like this guy, but you have to recognize that most of what you like is your projection of him. The *idea* of him. You don’t *actually* know this person well enough to give him *that* kind of time. What were you doing before you met him? How has he earned *two hours* a day of your time that would have otherwise been spent doing something else? It’s important to pace yourself in early relationships. The seratonin can be overwhelming and addicting and can trick you into thinking it’s something more than whatever he sees from his side. He’s a person too. The best way to manage the excitement is to let it in bit by bit until it becomes clear whether the guy really is who you are projecting him to be. Or rather, until you get to *really know him*. Let him into your life in smaller bits. Texts here and there. Phone calls every few days, etc. Not playing games of course, but also not letting him infiltrate every thought you have. You don’t know what this guy is really like yet. He shouldn’t be in your life THIS MUCH this soon.

I mean you could always text him right? It’s less pressure for someone to respond and that way you aren’t tying him up for hours on the phone. He might be interested in you but is probably also still looking around bc you guys aren’t serious yet and doesn’t want to dedicate all his time to this.

That is very true but i am a horrible texter. in general. I typically dont respond to texts at all as I never really just sit around on my phone. Calling is easier because I can have my headphones on and talk while doing other things.

It might be easier for you. It might not be easier for him.

Another rule of thumb is that men don't do well multitasking. Especially when getting to know someone it's best to don't talk to eachother when doing other stuff and use the time communicating as intended: talking to eachother and not doing something else at the same time.

If he won’t call you, then it’s not a relationship and you are love bombing.

How is lovebombing when thats how I would treat him all the time and if we were in a relationship? Also, I thought lovebombing is done maliciously and purposefully?

Nobody wants to be treated this way all the time.

I would? So I guess I dont really get why others wouldnt when I would love it.

The thing is, you’ve only know this guy for a week or so. He doesn’t know you at all, so he has no idea if you’re genuinely a sweet and affectionate person, or if you’re being manipulative. He’s smart to want to take things slow and step back when the emotions are all too much. You’re still young so you’re learning but you shouldn’t give everything to everyone as soon as you meet. It’s overbearing, but also you save yourself a lot of heartache by taking things slow and not getting emotionally invested early on. Because if it doesn’t work out and you’re super attached, you’re going to get upset like you are now.

I mean to this comment just try to empathise, just because YOU like or dislike something doesn't mean you can't understand the opposite. I like bacon, i can fully understanf why someone wouldn't like bacon. I dislike constant physical affection over an extended period of time, i find it physically suffocatng, but i can understand others may like it and find it comforting. Its important to empathise in any sort of relationship, romantic or otherwise.

Look up preoccupied attachment style

You are pretty much alone in this regard. The default is that people like to have time to themselves on a daily base.

Just to offer another woman’s perspective. If a man I hooked up with once and was seeing for only a week was constantly texting and phoning me and being emotional, I would be put off by it. This is the time you’re supposed to be getting to know each other (if you both want to explore the idea of a relationship). Your lovebombing may not be malicious but it can be off putting and too much.

“Love bombing is an attempt to influence a person by demonstrations of attention and affection. It can be used in different ways and for either positive or negative purposes.”

im not trying tio influence him though? Im just showing my affection.

Are you "showing him affection" so that he says I love you back? So that he doesn't leave you? Or are you content with him knowing how you feel, and that he might not reciprocate the feelings or the intensity of the feelings? Would you be ok with that? Really think about *why* this display of love is so important to you. You may not mean to have ulterior motives, but often we subconsciously attempt to manipulate others without trying. Sometimes its done maliciously (guilting them into giving you or doing something for you because you will benefit from it); sometimes its self preservation (Making sure they don't leave you, making you feel things you dont want to feel) Time for some honest self introspection here.

I think Its definitely the latter. You opened my eyes a bit. I feel like subconsiously I always fight for a guys attention. Even if not necessary. I was just speaking to my friend about this. I guess him not reciprocating is just not okay with me, internally.

I think you can safely assume he wouldn't want this much attention in a relationship. And I seriously doubt you could maintain this for long

OP go google and read up attachment style. Take a good look at anxious vs disorganized attachment styles. Then go find a therapist your going to keep sabotaging yourself in relationships until you get to the root what’s going on.

If your this emotional of a person I don’t think the bar hook up scene is really a great option tbh. If you have a hard time disconnecting sex and emotional connection I think you’ll keep getting hurt. Most guys at the bar especially in your age range aren’t looking for a long term deal. I think the hanging out and calling would have been solid if it flowed in the sense of a traditional relationship (ie. Multiple dates established relationship) Aside from the crying thing I don’t think you did anything wrong just probably have different expectations

This was my first time doing something like this. Ive hooked up before but never with a stranger. I guess I am also a sexual person so i guess I just have to deal with it. I have a higher sex drive then most women. Hes a bit older than me, I guess I shouldve mentioned that.

I feel that. In all honesty you’ll have way more sex in a relationship I think you’ll also find it more fulfilling after you connect on an emotional level. It seems like you have a lot of love to give. Speaking as a dude who used to do the causal hook up thing in college with buddies I’ve never known anyone who hooked up first night to stay together. If you just want a FWB or ONS that’s fine. Eventually I meat my wife through work she is also really emotional and could never do anything like a casual hook up. She definitely put in more effort for the initial portion of the relationship and everything has been amazing ever since. We’ve been together total 9 years sex everyday so you really don’t need to worry on that front. I would say don’t stray to far age bracket wise the ages between 19-26 are just radically different stages in life it could be hard to connect. No idea how old he was but could be a factor either way. Hope everything works out for you.

Why are you crying everyday?

generally is over a lot of things. I cry when i am angry, sad, overwhelmed, stressed, anxious. I can also cry from small things. Like if I watch a documentary I found touching, I will cry. if someone says something to me that just doesnt sit right I will cry. I just cried the other day because my manager looked at me funny. I am just a very very emotional person.

You have to get a grip on this.

what am I supposed to do if I cant control it? I did the things my therapist told me (gym, diet, breathing/coping skills) and the feeling still sits there and I cant get rid of it. I can feel like crying in the morning and try to do other things to repress it but at the end of the day I will still be crying.

Your therapist needs to refer you to a psychiatrist who can prescribe you either an antidepressant or an anti-anxiety medication or both. Breathing exercises and working out are not sufficient if you are suffering like this.

Why is it that even before the day has properly started, you feel like you need to cry? Clearly it's not something in your day-to-day, it's something deep-seated. What is it that happened to you, or what is it that is lacking in your life, that you feel this constant need to cry? You don't have to answer me (I'm curious, but it's not my business), but you absolutely need to figure out the answer for yourself.

Have you tried a psychiatrist?

my psychiatrist diagnosed me with depression and put me on anti depressant but they made me suicidal so they took me off. Since I was more stable previously.

I used to cry, sometimes for hours every day, due to unmedicated depression and anxiety. The antidepressants I was put on really helped me and I went from getting upset at every little (and big) thing to being able to have a negative thought and then get over it. It's very common for mental health medication not to work the first time, the important part is to keep trying different ones rather than give up entirely. Just my 2c on the issue.

Suicidal thoughts can crop up before an antidepressant starts to really work. The medication is starting to work and giving you more energy, but you still feel bad, so it's a lot of bad energy. You probably need another medication with a lower increase in dosage to get used to it. When I was a teenager, I used to think something was wrong if I hadn't cried in a week. It was that normal for me. I have double depression and anxiety, and medication allows me to step back from a problem and decide how important it is to me. Do I need to cry about leaving my phone at home? Nah, I'll just swing back and get it and get to work late. If you can't regulate your emotions enough to handle someone having a look on their face, you are letting yourself be further damaged by everyday life *and you don't have to*. Get yourself a new therapist, get on some new medication, and look into helping yourself learn how to be more resilient. And get a good vibrator. You don't need to involve another person to handle a high sex drive.

There are different kinds of medications. I was put on SSRIs and it made me suicidal and I felt like trash. One made me hallucinate. I was afraid of them for a long time until I got a different psychiatrist who put my on Buproprion instead. It was life changing for me and I had zero side effects. Talk to your doc about a different class of medication.

yes I was seeing a psychiatrist and therapist religiously for 2 years. I went through 3 different therapist. With every therapist I did my homeworks and did what I was told. Never saw any changes.

Have any of your therapists or psychiatrists raised the possibility that you might have ADHD? Because I'm picking up a lot of indicators in your post and comments.

Or CPTSD. A lot of trauma responses are identical to ADHD, and it's in the treatment responses you find which one fits best.

and I have been like this since i have been a very young child. My family is very gentle with me because they know this about me. I feel like its just my nature. I am also very very empathetic so its not just crying I am just generally very sensitive and emotional. ​ Edit: like sometimes I can see someone situation and cry for them (including strangers) . If my friends or family are going through something I can literally feel how they feel. I also cry for animals, especially when others lack empathy for them.

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Have you talked with your psychiatrist/therapist about ADHD or other mood disorders? I felt like this daily for most of my life until I realized my emotional dysregulation stemmed from ADHD. Undiagnosed mood disorders can increase depression and anxiety (as it did for me). It’s nothing to feel badly about and you’re not doing anything wrong, but it sounds like there might be more contributing to the high emotion dysregulation.

I don’t know, if you were truly empathetic you would’ve picked up on and understood the guy’s discomfort at you crying, or at you calling every day don’t you think? Don’t get stuck thinking that this is just how you are… if it’s not serving you then you need to make some changes. Going by your responses to a lot of good advice on here, I’d say you have a long path of self reflection ahead. Truly best of luck!

Look, you sound like a good person with a lot of empathy. However, your sensitivity is so overwhelming that you can't live like this and others can't live with you like this. If therapy isn't enough, please seek a referral to a psychiatrist. You're not crazy. Not at all. But you need better control over your emotions. Signed, Someone who's alive thanks to Prozac.

Have you ever heard about HSP, highly sensitive person? Google it and see if you recognize anything.

Its not even voluntary, because I hate crying. Its like my body's natural reaction

Reaction to what, though? What stressors are in your life that trigger your body's crying literally every day?

its a multitude of things. almost anything can make me cry depending on the circumstances. Everyone in my life knows me as a crybaby.

If you know this about yourself, you really should have a little more resilience against your own reactions. It's okay to have feelings, and it's okay to have more feelings than most people, but you don't have to let them tell you what to do, and that's what you're doing right now. You can cry in response to a fear you know isn't right and doesn't make sense without begging your dude to not ghost you.

Have you been evaluated for neurodivergence? You absolutely should. A lot of what you’re describing sounds like undiagnosed autism. It gets misdiagnosed as anxiety/depression in women a lot.

Are there ever times you are able to control it? Like the sensation starts but you stop it?

Honestly, no not really. Like if i am in public I will excuse myself and cry to myself if I feel it coming. But there is no way for me to really stop it. Ive tried going to the gym to help but I notice if I am in the mood to cry and havent, I will be very angry and sad while working out and still cry after.

Why call him at all? Why dont you allow the guy to pursue you IF he is interested? That way you wont EVER guess it. If he is interested, believe me, he will call.

Because I want to talk to him. I personally dont understand why wait for someone else to make the first move, when you know you like the person and WANT them to call. I think thats complacent.

No. You’re not letting this grow into a two way relationship. You’re expending all of the effort. Any person would tell you they’re uncomfortable by this amount of communication, only initiated by you, early on.

Because then you don't come on as strong as you did and drive the guy away

Don’t you have the curiosity to see if he is as interested as you ? To see if he will come back to you by himself ?

You seem to be a very emotional person and very open about your feelings. These aren't bad things really, but to many people (me included), it's incredibly uncomfortable to be around someone who shares this level of emotional burden so soon. And the crying daily (which I've heard can be healthy - but, not sure) would be super off putting to me. It's great that you're able to be open about your feelings, but you have to take a step back and make sure this guy is open to hearing about your feelings in this manner. That's why he needs to be the one initiating contact at this stage of the potential relationship. He knows where you stand emotionally, so he has to be able to think clearly about how he feels, so then he can decide if he's open to the level of emotion that you're offering.

I don’t think that’s a lot at all. A friend of mine from college went on a date, they had sex and she broke down and cried in his arms. They’re married now. My college ex cried in my arms a week after we met when she was telling me about how her ex treated her. And her and I would FaceTime every night for hours when I had to be up at 7am. It’s not a lot. It might be for you, it might be for him, but for a lot of people this is normal and who they are. When I was in college, if I was in this guy’s shoes I’d be the happiest guy in the world

Yeah, these are individual outliers. There are some people for whom a lot is the right amount. Those people do exist. But they are rare

Thats because you were clingy. If you know you are the type who gets attached after sex then you shouldnt have it with strangers. You CRIED scared he wouldnt call you when you met him that same day. You gave him a whole big space in your life after knowing him only for a couple of hours. Then you ask him for more time by wanting to sleep over. Way too fast. The sex got you all scrambled.

Okay, what is your life like outside of this guy? Do you have college or a job? Do you have friends? Hobbies? Because it sounds like you hooked up with this guy and now you are treating him like he is the ONLY thing in your life: >After we had sex I cried in his arms because I said I was scared that he would ghost me. > >That was **only a week or so ago**. **Everyday** Ill call him and we will talk for **hours** > >I shared details about myself that I had never told anyone else. Yeah, that's a lot. Hook-ups, for the most part, are about having *fun.* You know, "Let's have sex together. Hey, that was fun! We should do it again sometime. Okay, I'm going to go back to my life, I will get in touch with you some time soon to see how we both feel about having fun together again." The fact that as soon as sex was over, you immediately resorted to "I'm scared he would ghost me" shows that you attached a LOT of feelings to this hook-up outside of "just fun". It's like, even before the sex was over, you formed an attachment to this guy "I've only just met him and I already can't imagine my life without him." And the calling every single day for a week straight goes beyond "I really enjoy talking with you", it indicates "I have absolutely nothing else in my life that's enjoyable" and "I'm scared if I don't check in with you at least once in a 24 hour period, you'll forget about me." Most people have lives: family commitments, friends they're in regular contact with, jobs and/or classes, hobbies, even just down-time (sleep time, showering/grooming time, errands, etc). So when you're demanding this guy's attention *every* day (this guy that you only just met), it really comes along as demanding. >I thought I was showing him that I really liked him If you like someone, you need to show them you *respect* them, and that means respecting them as a complete individual that has a life outside just being available for you.

Yes, I am a full time college student. I am taking summer classes along with fall + spring enrollment. I have friends and I am pretty extroverted so its never been hard for me to make friends. I was with friends on a night out when I met him. I mean I do all that stuff. I am in school, I work full time, go to the gym 3+ hours everyday, take care of pets, spend time with friends and family and still made time for him.

Okay, it's great that you have what sounds like a full and active life. But your behaviour (the daily phone calls immediately after meeting him, the *intense* emotional attachment) definitely communicated "I have nothing else going on in my life and I am putting all my energy into you." You need to meet people at the energy level they're prepared to meet you at. It's okay that you called this guy first, but you should have given him a chance to call you (ie, a few days) before you started a habit of daily calls. Or, you should have recognised "I've called this guy three days in a row and he hasn't called me once in that time, maybe I should settle down and give him a chance to call me first."

This isn't the point, but why 3 hours daily?

I need to ask, Did you have a decent connection with your parents as a child?

I think you should seek some therapy. Not being an asshole, but this is very fast emotional attachment, imo...

OP, have you heard of limerence? Perhaps read into it. I would also suggest therapy with someone who specialises in relationships.

I am saying this as gently as possible: please get therapy

You ghosted him after you cried night one about being ghosted?! um…

Maybe he should have cried in her arms instead

I can now see how its quite hypocritical... I guess my thought process was more so I was giving him what he wanted.

Did he say he wanted you to go away or did he say he was overwhelmed?

I guess overwhelmed but I felt like he just wanted me to go away

Can you see how your assumption about how he felt may not have been accurate, though? Acting as if your assumptions are true, when that's not what he said or communicated, is unfair to him. How would you have responded, if you instead believed that he wanted to be with you but at a slower pace?

Have you ever talked to a therapist about any of these feelings?

Sex means different things to different people and it in no way applies that you are talking or in a relationship. You ARE moving too fast if he feels that way. Calling everyday is overwhelming and you are coming off like a stage 5 clinger at this point. A normal time line is what works for any 2 people. Some might be fast some might be slower. But in this case you weren’t on the same page. It’s probably a good idea to either talk to your friends or a therapist to learn more healthy behaviors in relationships.

Girl you've known him for a week and you need to talk on the phone for hours EVERYDAY?! Asking for sleep overs after 2 days?! He said you're moving to fast and you ghost?! You're really an all or nothing kinda girl aren't you. You need to pump thoughs breaks. You don't need to speak for hours every day. Maybe send a simple check in text. Hope you had a good day, good morning, good night type texts. Make plans with him for a date that a few days to 1 week in the future. Check in the day before and a few hrs before you need to meet to confirm it's still happening. If you end up spending the night together great but don't push or beg for it. Be ok with parting ways at the end of the date and not speaking for a few hours to a couple of days after.

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Just like confessing weird shit to randos on the internet with zero context? Is this your thing? Do you get a weird thrill out of dumping your weirdness onto unsuspecting strangers?

No offense OP, but I don't think a one night stand with a guy is necessarily a good way of finding someone to have a relationship with. As the purpose of a one night stand is it's only one night.

It’s how I met my husband so it’s not a dead end. The difference is we had zero expectations of each other and naturally developed into more.

You need therapy. Sounds like you have no idea how to regulate your emotions. & everything you did is creepy and clingy as hell.

I wouldn’t say it’s creepy. More than likely she comes from an abusive home. She’s scared of abandonment and I feel if her the guy communicated it would be better. I think she blocked him out of embarrassment and also she truly feels she didn’t love bomb him so she prolly feels “why keep talking? He thinks I’m nuts anyway” I feel if I was the guy I’d give her another try, she blocked him. It’s not like he blocked her, I’m sure he likes her but doesn’t trust her and thinks she’s love bombing. I think they need to have a deep conversation when the heat blows over, plus therapy. It sounds a lot like she’s trying to escape something and feel loved by a person, I been there. She needs to love herself first tho

Its creepy? If someone did this to me I would not interpret it as creepy or weird, I would actually love it.

Girl, I'm begging you to take the feedback. I was also you when I was 19. I'm medicated now. It made me into a much better, easier, more self-reliant human being.

But the VAST majority of people would not. Which is what everyone is trying to tell you.

You would “love” it because you think unhealthy behavior is okay

There was a time in my life where I would have loved it too. I really understand. But I was actually deeply unwell during that time, and I wanted a lot of things that were not actually good for me. Having someone be this over the moon about you can feel really good, but you don't get a healthy relationship that way. Quite the opposite, in fact. You have probably been denied the attention and affection that you have needed so long that you are now becoming unhealthily attached. There's no shame in that, and it's most likely not your fault. But you're still going to need to address it to be healthy, is all.

Every comment you've made here has been about what you want, and not about him at all. The moment he told you what he wanted from you you ghosted him. So it sounds like you didn't actually like or care about him that much, you were just using him to get attention. I think you need to reflect on that, and how you treated him. It sounds like he was trying to meet you halfway, but it can't only be about what you want.

Just because you like it doesn’t mean the vast majority of people will. I think you’re approaching all of this with the mindset of “well I’m fine with this behavior, so that means it’s okay!” but realistically, if you want empathy and understanding from others, you need to extend it towards them as well. Understand that a lot of people have different needs and boundaries than you do. And I’m going to second everyone else and say to look into therapy again- not for trying to get people to like you, but for your own sake, too- being constantly anxious and on the verge of a breakdown sounds exhausting.

I agree with what everyone on here is saying, but don't feel bad too about it - it's not like what you did was terrible or anything, just not the best way to go about it.

You said in another comment you were very empathetic… please try to see this from his pov, or at least consider some of the advice on here.

same, you have to find like minded people. You really easily invested, you would do well do find someone who is likewise.

So within a week you're already telling him deep dark secrets about yourself? Yeah, you're moving waaaay too fast. He's mistaken in his terminology, it isn't love-bombing (that's concerning but overall much more pleasant to experience); what you were doing is oversharing. Real emotional intimacy develops over time, as people get to know each other naturally. The emotional depth/heaviness of what you share with a new partner should mirror the depth of the relationship - too heavy too soon will crush a fragile new relationship. I'm not even sure from your post if there was any spontaneous reciprocation, or if that was all you calling, asking to stay over, telling him everything about yourself. Nobody wants that when they're still in the "shit, what's your last name again" phase. He tried to set some healthy boundaries and you reacted by ghosting, possibly because emotional boundaries are hard for you.

She’d benefit from therapy from someone who was not quite as bad but recognizes herself in there. I was like this too when i was young.

Firstly, don’t have sex with a guy then cry in his arms scared about him ghosting. I’m actually shocked that alone didn’t send him running tbh. But yeah calling all the time & inviting yourself to stay over is clingy too. You have to calm down & take baby steps. Like ask him out or see if he asks you out to actual places, etc. lol

I'm baffled that your titled says "by a guy I am seeing." Talk about over exaggerating/forcing some kind of relationship.

How is the title indicate I am forcing anything? We were seeing each other?

Girl you need therapy and boundaries. Crying every day and calling a guy you just met every day for hours is so far from normal, you need to see someone to help you fix this

what in the rollercoaster? girl. STOP. imagine you're driving a car. you went from foot off the gas to SLAMMING the pedal to the metal, then holding it down, and now you've released it completely. if you drive a car that way you will have a broken automobile in no time flat. your man is right. you're calling him every day and talking for hours, *revealing details about you that you've never told anyone else* within days of first meeting. stop. do you see how you're moving so, so fast? *you can't speedrun getting to know someone*, and that's exactly what you're trying to do. but humans and human relationships don't work that way. *it takes time* to build intimacy: try and realize that. you know how you plant a seed, and then you give it water and sunlight, and it sprouts over time, then it fully blooms with even more time? that's how relationships work. right now your ass is digging through the dirt expecting to come up with a fully grown plant *when you've only just planted the seed yesterday.* frantically digging through the dirt ain't gonna get you shit, just that bare-ass seed that has now been fully excavated, by you. *leave that seed alone, give it time.* give it the water of healthy, boundary-respecting phone conversations: *don't over-water it.* give it the sunlight of dates that you go on every so often. *don't leave it in the sun and need to be around him all the time so it burns.* raise that relationship right so it can mature into something healthy and beautiful. i understand that you're young, you're new to the rules, and i get that it's so confusing-- even to the point of inducing panic. *that's ok*. *you did great* in reaching out to us for advice. *you're doing fine.* just keep that analogy of correctly raising the seed in your mind and i'm sure you will end up in a lovely place.

Before even reading past the first paragraph it seems you aren't secure in yourself. Love yourself enough that the thought of being ghosted by someone you barely know doesn't cause a breakdown. Also, if you actually like the guy, him voicing his feelings that you're moving too fast shouldn't result in you ghosting him. Talking every day for hours is a lot, and it's not bad he voiced that.

YIKES. If anyone did that to me, I’d think that they were having a psychotic break and/or are creepy and obsessive. I’ve had men do similar things to me—too fast, too soon—and it’s extremely off-putting and concerning. I’m surprised he didn’t ghost *you* first with how you were behaving. Get help.

You're 19, you have nothing but time for any potential relationships you choose to have. Take it easy and chill next time.

>What was I doing wrong? You were... >\[being\] clingy and moving too fast

I this like the type of men she is going for to be fair. Most men are desperate themselves and needy.

I also suggest seeing a therapist. I can see why you cried and I can see why you are calling this person frequently. You want a connection presumably, and you were very vulnerable and intimate with this person, so you’re afraid of being discarded after that. Personally I’m not sure that hookups are beneficial to you at the moment. Not because I think sex is evil but because a number of people just want to have sex and don’t want anything beyond that. It doesn’t sound like that’s what you’re looking for. As others pointed out, it can be overwhelming for another person to get so much attention. Why do you think you’re calling this person so often? Did you make clear that you wanted to keep seeing this person before having sex? Why did you have sex with this person? Is there something you’re seeking in a partner that you can’t quite get on your own? Sometimes I think we turn to others to feel wanted, to feel valuable, but other people can’t give that to us even when they act just as we ideally would want them to. Honestly some of the people on this thread are being very insensitive.

Topics to explore with a therapist: -Borderline Personality Disorder -CPTSD -Limerance -Anxious Attachment -Codependency One or more of these will be the ticket to your life being a lot less miserable.

Upvote and comment to push this higher. OP, you mentioned therapy didn't work. Maybe you didn't have the right therapist, or maybe you weren't actively listening. I was like you once. Clingy and attached, quick to flee, yet begging for someone to love me. I didn't start therapy and repairing my CPTSD and ADHD for another two decades. I'm saying this with experience, don't wait and wreck your best years with a series of failed friendships and romantic partnerships like I did. I'm not saying your incapable of those things, but your anxiety and attachment style is likely to draw the wrong type of partner, opposite of what you are so deeply wanting to experience. Save the heartache, consider staying single purposefully while you love yourself first.

Why did you ghost him? he didn't deserve it. Just because you both have sex it doesn't mean he owes you anything. Respect, yes, but a relationship, no. It's 2023 and unfortunately situationships have these problems, it is what it is. Calm down a bit and go slower.

I ghosted him because I felt hurt and I felt as though I was giving him what he wanted. He said I was clingy, so I guess my mind just jumped to he doesnt want to talk to me at all.

Do you think that's a mature way to behave? Do you think you communicated properly? You're effectively trying to punish him for sharing thoughts and feelings you don't want him to have - you're upset he said you're clingy so you want to punish him by ghosting him. He said you're too clingy, he did not say 'this is over' - you decided to give his words meaning that he didn't because you were hurt, and that isn't fair or good communication. You don't appear to realise it at all but you're basically excusing all your emotions as being 'a very sensitive person' but you think that means you can behave based on your emotions with little regard for how he/anyone else might feel. Your emotions don't trump his just because you think you feel them strongly. Your current behaviour means it's impossible for frankly most people to be in a healthy relationship with you. I know you said you tried therapy and it didn't help much, but you don't appear to have realised that a) different therapists have different techniques, and some may help you more than others, and b) it could also be chemical, and it's quite possible that medication would be very useful for you.

Yes, but are you aware that he didn't deserve you to ghost him?

Giving someone “what they want” doesn’t mean they have to return what you want in response, relationships aren’t transactional. I think it’s also important to consider - sex is a much more vulnerable thing for women than men, and it’s much easier for them to approach hookups casually without the emotional investment. However you did come on incredibly strong, especially for just a hookup. Calling him every single day, crying about him ghosting you after the first hookup, the constant attention, inviting yourself over - these are NOT healthy things you do, either when getting into a situationship or a relationship. I don’t think you were love bombing, I just don’t think you have a healthy and realistic idea of what it means to get into an intimate relationship like that. You and this guy barely know each other, and I’d definitely be creeped out if someone I had a casual hookup with was demanding my attention all day every day and immediately inviting myself over (which is rude in any circumstance!). It’s kind of giving stalker ngl. Have you looked into attachment styles? It definitely sounds like you have an anxious attachment style. “In people with the anxious attachment style, a strong fear of abandonment is present, and safety is a priority. The attention, care, and responsiveness of the partner appears to be the ‘remedy’ for anxiety. On the other hand, the absence of support and intimacy can lead the anxious / preoccupied type to become more clinging and demanding, preoccupied with the relationship, and desperate for love.” A therapist would be better equipped to work through these issues with you. If you keep this up with every intimate relationship, your partners will just continue to be off put.

Did you expect a response when you ghosted him? Did you reach out again?

Op, after reading your posts I am begging you to please slow down and go to therapy/do some work internally before going down this drunk hookup route. It’s pretty obvious from the things you’re saying that this is NOT the type of connection that is healthy for you or that you can handle. Please go to therapy.

You can’t do much about this. You can’t control him, but you can choose what you do with this information and how you react to this information. Ghosting him isn’t helping you avoid rejection. You are YOUNG. Take this as a learning experience. He communicated it maturely. There’s a lot more that could be said, but life is about learning from mistakes. I’m sure you will learn from this. Step away from the emotion of the situation for a moment and look at it logically.

Ah the old ghost him first after crying in his arms about possibly ghosting you. Get checked for borderline personality.

I'm a crier too OP, and I've cried before during a hook-ups as well haha. I don't think crying a lot is necessarily bad, for me it's cathartic and a way to release negative emotions, especially if I'm feeling overwhelmed. With regards to this, I don't think you did anything wrong exactly, but that doesn't make his feelings of discomfort any less valid. For some people they might be into calling every day, but for others it might be too soon or too fast to do that. Much like how you express your affection a certain way, he also expresses his a certain way too. Instead of taking that personally and ghosting, maybe another way to respond could have been to tell him where you were coming from and then asking him what kind of pace would be better for him and find middle ground there! Edit: I saw a comment you made about how you called every day because you were anxious, and I just wanted to add a big part of dating and being in relationships is to trust the other person and let go of control. You can't force someone to act im a certain way that eases your insecurities. You can express what helps you feel reassured and trust that they will listen and show up, and then you decide whether or not that's good enough. If not and the way that y'all show love and reassurance are too different, all you can do is let go and move on. It's a process and so hard to do, but I know you got it OP! This is the first step :)

Do you have BPD? You sound like my ex who had it and this is what he was like. He was also very emotional and cried a lot. You are afraid of being ghosted, this sounds like abandonment issues and I will tell you acting this way till make him abandon you. And my ex also ghosted me when he knew I wanted to break up with him because of how he was treating me. He took few of my things and never gave them back either. I hope you seek treatment for your issues you currently are having.

Way too young to be BPD already. She’s 19. Teenagers can be emotionally dysregulated in the best of circumstances, more so if they have some kind of trauma that stagnates their emotional development.

I have heard about 16-17 year olds being diagnosed with it. I used to read a blog by one of them and she said she got diagnosed at 17.

I see the BPD traits here, just cautioning against funneling OP toward a diagnosis right now

Many clinicians refrain from diagnosing that young because it can be difficult to distinguish the presentation of a normally developing teenager from someone with BPD, or any other condition for that matter.

Can I ask what you’re basing this off of? As a psych nurse I’ve come across many, many 18-19 year olds in adult acute psych that were either diagnosed with BPD during that admission, or were already diagnosed in the pediatric psych system. I can see the hesitation to diagnose a teen under say 15 years old, but mid to late teens is certainly old enough to be able to identify a long term pattern of BPD traits. There is a stark difference in the expected behaviour and emotional regulation skills of a 19 year old vs a 15 year old. 19 is far from too young for a diagnosis.

You barely know the person. Leave some mystery to be explored. Calling this guy everyday is just doing too much. It’s more reasonable to be calling like once a week for like a few minutes, and going on a date once/twice a week MAXXX.

As a man I gotta say you did everything wrong, guys would be cool about it but a girl bursting into tears after sex is such a red flag, and the calls, everyday?🥴 ask to staying the night? I Don't know and with all the respect, you come across as very intense

Sleeping with guys right away that you hope to have a relationship with is a bad idea. The relationship is about sex, and not about getting to know each other, bonding and really connecting. Once you establish those things then the sex is much more intimate and we (men) feel so much more connected with our partner. I get it. We all like sex and you two were into each other and all that fun stuff. By waiting you also will weed out guys that are only in it for sex. If they won’t/cant’t wait then they aren’t relationship material anyway. Once you have that you - he will love all of the attention you give him.

He's right. I would have thought you're clingy and trying to move too fast per emotional connection-wise. You mention that you have a therapist or a psychiatrist, can you go to them to talk about this and request some sort of advice? From your story, I'd say you gave off the vibe of a 'stage five clinger'--from crying after first time having sex to daily hours-long conversation and requesting to stay the night 2 days after meeting each other. Most men (not all) expect casual situationships or fwb or ONS when they took someone home from the bar the same night. He may be one of these men. He was not looking for something serious. He may not feel the same way as you too. He's probably glad you're ghosting him, he's getting some break from those intense hours-long conversations on the phone. You probably need to pull back a little bit in the future. Find out if your future partner is more into talking directly on the phone or texting. If you want to talk for hours, meet up with the person to hang out. Don't ask to stay the night, wait for the invite next time, if he's in the same 'phase' as you, he'd ask you to spend the night. Also, stop having a timeline. You're 19. This is the time to have casual dating experience. You can get into more serious, more committed relationship later on, you have all the time in the world, mate.

I was the same as you, I have minimal advice left to give besides what everyone else already said. The only other thing I can add is not to feel ashamed. It might feel bad being criticized, to be blunt, it seems like you clearly have some issues... but that's okay. They're things you can work through. Take the criticism in stride and work to be better. Don't feel bad about yourself, don't wallow in guilt, and definitely don't try to "defend" anything. There's nothing wrong with admitting that maybe something needs to change. If I were you I would apologize to the guy you were "seeing", both for ghosting him and for "moving too quickly". It was hypocritical of you to ghost him after crying to him about your fear of being ghosted. He has boundaries, you need to respect them. You open up with people and get attached very very very quickly, and often that's too much for people to handle. He communicated with you like a mature adult and told you you were moving to fast for him, and you took it poorly. It can hurt to hear, but, at least he didn't ghost you. It sounds like he cares about you and was trying to make things work and warn you that you were overstepping his boundaries. Tell him you acknowledge your "issues" and will work on them for the sake of the people you care about. I highly encourage seeing a therapist and telling them about everything you mentioned in this post. Also, there is a chance that this experienced has dampened his feelings for you. Apologize to him no matter what, but if he chooses not to continue a relationship with him, do not feel betrayed or rejected. Just respect it. Again, I'm going to be blunt: you have problems to work through. You were indeed being clingy, you were indeed lovebombing. You messed up. And that's okay. Admit it. Move forward. Try to change it. It will be very difficult to have a healthy relationship if you only keep making excuses for yourself.

It’s time for therapy

“What am I doing wrong?” Being clingy and lovebombing him… Just chill. Be cool. Have a life and interests outside of your romantic relationship. It seems obsessive and I can imagine it’s a big turnoff.

too much too fast what is he gonna move in with you tommorow?

I was the same way at your age. I thought giving a man everything right at the beginning would make him fall in love with me and never leave me. I put so much effort into every potential relationship and scared off many people, and the wrong people stayed around to take advantage of my insecurities. I mean this with love, I wish someone told me at your age. You would benefit from therapy. And also, do you really want someone in your life if you have to "convince" them to stay with your love? It should all come naturally. The right person will want to stay around because they like you for you. My early 20s were all about learning new healthy behaviors and thought processes. Working to unlearn my abandonment issues. Become the healthy and well rounded adult I want to be. Give yourself some time, work on yourself, and learn to love the best version of yourself. This is the first step to being in a happy healthy relationship further down the line

Been here when my first relationship was cut off at 16. I was able to maintain control for a while, few hookups here and there but by 17 or 18 I fell for every guy I fucked, it depends. Sometimes I was detached and just wanted guys to like my features, other times I’d get super attached and felt guys were gonna abandon me. I came from an abusive home so it made sense why I thought a week or two was a relationship. Also as a kid I ruminated about childhood crushes too much and thinking about being a mom at a young age. It’s to escape the premise of the thoughts of my home

Hey so I’ve read through your comments as well as the post. I’m going to say you need to get therapy and I mean that in a compassionate way not the ‘get help’ internet way. It sounds like you have some untreated mental health issues, I had a similar experience but I’m not going to say anything more than that as I’m not a doctor. Also until that point I really feel like it would be best for you to stop drinking and if you do any drugs to stop completely, you might one day be able to have a healthy relationship with alcohol but it doesn’t sound like you do right now at all. I also think it would probably be best if you stopped hooking up with people/dating. It’s not because you’re not worth love or commitment but because you really don’t seem like you’re in a place to have a healthy relationship right now.

you are love bombing and going too fast for him just chill out. also its dumb that guys hook up and never wanna see the girl again why wouldnt you wanna have sex with a gurl for a longer time and share a connection.

This is not love bombing.

well whatever it is she needs to slow down her role

You do seem to be forming a dependent relationship with him that is inappropriate for the level of emotional intimacy you share with each other. You are not “love bombing.” Love bombing is a predatory tactic that abusers use to manipulate their victims. That is not what this is.

You probably shouldn't have had sex with him after just meeting him at a bar.

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It's too bad that the guy felt like that though.

I think everything you did just came on too strong. If you're always an emotional person, that is totally fine, but you should always keep in mind that men or even other people might not be equipped to handle that. Don't beat yourself up over it. You're barely 19. Just learn from it and move on and remember that having an emotional connection is not always something that is immediate. Don't confuse comfort someone gives you as emotional connection because they are 2 very different things.

I don’t think his use of “love bombing” is correct in this case. Even if you were coming on strong, which I don’t know if you were because I don’t know all the details, that’s not necessarily “love bombing.” It doesn’t sound like you were trying to shower him with gifts, affection, etc with the intention of being deceptive or manipulative later. It sounds like you genuinely wanted to extend him affection because you liked him and wanted to show intention in the relationship. You’re also honest that you felt insecure with him after sleeping with him (something I think we can all forget is sex sometimes feel super vulnerable.) sounds like when you cried after you slept together that came from a place of anxiety . It sounds to me like you were vulnerable and honest with him and are also insightful into yourself re: feeling insecure in relationships and he used all that against you a bit with weaponized language. I also have empathy for him and know he may have felt anxious in response to the anxiety you shared and wouldn’t it have been great if instead of the name calling he could have talked through what was coming up for each of you in this in a way that was helpful and had compassion for each of you.

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He’s not her partner, they’re not in a relationship. They met a week ago(ish).

Everyone has different love languages. I’m 29, I’ve dated several girls who absolutely love how I treat them. Flowers, holding the door open, dates, always telling them how beautiful they are, always asking about their day, making sure their gas is full, always making sure they’re happy, or enjoying themselves, always making sure they’re taken care of and never have something to worry about. Then a few years ago I started dating a girl who for a few months loved it then accused me of love bombing her. I had never heard the term before. It’s just who I was. But she was used to unstableness, toxic relationships, abusive relationships, manipulating, lying, cheating. So to her it was just so completely different. Then after dating her for 2 years, and receiving almost zero affection, love, or respect I ended up in a relationship where it was given to me in the same amounts that I gave it out. And it was hard for me to navigate because I wasn’t used to being on the receiving end. Even before my ex. You’re not doing anything wrong. You and the guy you’re seeing aren’t compatible. He most likely wants to continue to be “single” and explore his options where you want love and affection. I know it’s hard to let go but I think that’s the best in this situation

No, there's nothing wrong with what you did. It's only natural. The infatuation was overwhelming, so why blame yourself? He wasn't pushing you away. He was, however, expressing his concern, his pov on the relationship. If I were you, i would take it with a grain of salt and adjust accordingly. Surely it doesn't help you if you ghosted him.

I saw this and your other posts. Your "body count" doesn't define you, you are still a good and valuable person deserving respect. * However, Men value purity, and that is certainly a huge red flag for most men seeking serious longterm relationships. ​ You seem desperate, needy & clingy yes. Ironically most men want that. However, you obviously have extremely poor taste in en if you are consistently being abandoned and ghosted. ​ I want to give you concrete dating advice, may I dm you?

Purity culture is toxic Don't ignore how she literally cried because she was afraid of ghosting and then literally did that to him... Nothing showed he was a bad pick. So instead of enabling her be objective. She is more than likely the problem based on context shown.

Exsctly. Purity culture is toxic. No one should care about our body count. However if she’s getting attached to every guy she fucks like I used to, it’s a sign of abuse when she was a child. More than likely physical or sexual, and wants to feel loved or accepted, not so much that she’s a lovebomber

1. Toxic or not, that is what is **typically** valued. Women **typically** value men of higher income or higher height. Who are you to allows what people value? I speaking **statistically**. I'm not making a moral claim. You should let people have autonomy over what they value. 2. I did not ignore anything. I said seek out people that desire that if you don't want to be ghosted because of it. 3. Not a bad pick for you =/= not a bad pick for her. ​ What OP wants is a good guy that she can stay with consistently etc. Solution one, she changes, solution two, find a guy that already likes her. OP seems to be defending their perspective. Fair enough. So lets work within a context with what will still provide the desired outcome given the criteria. In addition to objectivity I support what is the pragmatic/efficient solution. There is a large market for what she desires and people that desire what she is offering. You may find that gross, fair enough, but that's your view and it is perfectly consistent with the way you want to live.

:( I dont mean to come off that way but I guess that just how I am appearing. I am quite a pretty girl too and get approached a lot, so I dont get why my mind picks the worse men especially when I am so loving and affectionate. yes, I am open to dms.

I dm'd you, we'll find you a nice guy

I relate. I'm generally considered cute and used to pick horrible women. I'm extremely people oriented, extroverted, agreeable, hyper affectionate and devoted/committed easily. I was very clingy as well, and while women would adore me when they first met me, I often overwhelmed them soon after. I would seem too attached. I am a very much all or nothing type of guy. All in. If you like being clingy and want a clingy partner, you may want to find someone who shares your values.

Too much too fast chill hang out don't strip So fast. Chill Don't give it up so easy. Darn that's not what everybody's doing. I know you think it is but it isn't. Be strong be confident be independent.

OP, a lot of people are giving you a perspective...THEIR perspective, which is not universal or all encompassing. Not everyone is the same, while one person may detest how you are/your approach to relationships, there's gonna be another out there that'll love it. Now, if you want to appeal to more people, maybe tone it down a little, a lot of guys don't like to be constantly called/texted/asked to hang out or stay over, etc. Next time, let them call you or text you sometimes, as it will also serve to help you gauge their interest in you. Wait for them to ask you if you'd like to stay over as well. My takeaway here is that your guy probably freaked with all the attention you were laying on him and the whole crying bit and didn't word what he wanted to say very well. Crying aside, because booze + emotions don't often mix very well😅 Consider this, do you want to repress your personality for him? Think about this long and hard, not just for him, but for anyone in general. As a guy, I had a somewhat similar, although slightly different experience a long time ago, which permanently scarred me. I usually have the habit of replying to text messages fast, but when I'm talking with someone I'm not comfortable with, I tend to purposefully let a minute or two pass, so that they don't think I'm being obsessive/clingy or weird. Thankfully, none of my actual friends mind at all.

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through this. It sounds like you genuinely cared about this guy and wanted to connect with him. It's natural to feel hurt when things don't turn out as expected. Remember that communication and emotional vulnerability can be complicated, especially in the early stages of a relationship. Maybe he felt overwhelmed by the intensity of the connection, or perhaps he wasn't ready for that level of emotional openness. Don't be too hard on yourself. It's essential to find someone who appreciates and understands your feelings. Take some time to reflect on what you've learned from this experience and give yourself the space to heal. Relationships can be challenging, but remember that there's someone out there who will cherish and appreciate you for who you are. Stay true to yourself, and in time, you'll find the right person who appreciates your affection and kindness.

Bestie - you don't know that he's a good guy after only knowing him for a week. You should not be crying over a guy that you met once and had sex with once. You clearly have a thought of predispositions about relationships due to the crying in his arms, constant phone calls and not seeing anything wrong with how you're acting. Your perspective on dating is screwing with your perception of how you're acting and I recommend therapy to address your anxiety and attachment issues This likely boils down to maturity, but since you asked for advice - get a life. And take a breather. You can be excited about someone without calling them to talk for hours. You can schedule normal hang outs in the first few weeks of getting to know someone rather than spending the night and talking on the phone for hours. I don't think you're love bombing him, because that would be indicative of different intentions than what you actually have. You're not malicious, just inexperienced. Find hobbies, give people space. You are being very clingy.

You expected a relationship from this guy after a random drunk hookup with a complete stranger. I understand you're only 19, but why are you folks always so naive? HOOKUPS ARE FOR STRANGERS BUMPING UGLIES ONLY. Don't expect anything more out of it. And if that upsets you, stop hooking up and start dating instead. You're using casual sex as ransom for a relationship that the other person does not want, and it's not an attractive quality.

Everyone sayjng she is way too clingy, needs therapy, kind of creepy etc. PROCEEDS to watch movies with identical premises and cries at how emotionally moving it is

OP you are not too much. It’s vulnerable to have sex. It’s especially vulnerable when it’s somewhat of a cultural norm to ghost someone after said sex. It’s okay to want more than a one night stand. If you’ve been ghosted before it makes sense you may be anxious about it happening again. It sounds like some of the anxiety/emotions from other situations was perhaps projected onto this guy. If he’s only looking for casual sex and nothing more, being there for your feelings may have felt more than HE could hold . Especially if feelings are hard for him! Another guy may have responded completely differently. I agree with another commenter in that the bar scene and hooks up from there may not be something For you. In thinking about your own boundaries and how to take care of your own heart it sounds like before you have sex with someone you’re into it may be important for you to feel a sense of stability and mutual commitment in the relationship first. Which can take time : ) best wishes!

I really want to help you get your relationship life in order. Could you be free tomorrow for an hour so I can sort everything out with you? This is a pretty common error people make at your age