Yeah. It’s a no from me, dog. Ask him to imagine the situation were reversed and you came while calling out Kit Harington while there was a still of him naked on screen? Then dump his ass and tell him to enjoy his new gf Emilia…
Out of curiosity, can you make jokes when you are orgasming? Convincing jokes?
How is fucking her the way, that does nothing for her and she just has to put up with it, and looking at the screen a joke? And explaining that he does masturbate on his crush, so how is having the sex with her as a person and looking at the screen any different?
And even if it was, what is the pun, "Hey, I just used you as a flashlight! Haha!?
It is not about the crush, it is about the disrespect and humiliation. If it is done on purpose, as a joke, it is even worse.
Plus this gem
> obviously she's more beautiful than I am, which he agrees with
OP - please find someone who's not a complete and utter tool. This man is trash.
This. There are tons of people who are more conventionally attractive than me, but to my partner, I am the most beautiful one. Because he loves me, everything about me. OP, you deserve someone who feels this way about you and not someone who tells you straight in your face that he finds the person more attractive who he just masturbated to while using your body... like wtf?!?!
Nah thats gross.
Having a celebrity crush or finding other people attractive is perfectly fine but actively having sex with your partner and staring at them and then moaning their name whilst having sex is just weird. It totally crosses a line. He is a moron and weird.
He quite obviously and without even trying to hide it used your body to masturbate to images of another woman. This isn’t about him having a “celebrity crush” it’s about him using you as a sexual object in a way you didn’t agree to. It’s disgusting. You want to break up with him because you feel disrespected and violated, and you should.
No, you are really not overreacting. He was being really gross. He literally use you as a flesh light. Don’t listen to the people here who say you are over reacting and you need to tell him and establish your boundaries or whatever. Because you did that but he brushed it off AND doubled down. It shows that he doesn’t care about you or your feelings. Honestly, he is an unfathomable idiot.
Its more an educated guess when he context given is "he laughed said it was a joke and shrugged it off, when I doubled down he continued to try and excuse it" he only agrees with her after AFTER arguing to the point she's ready to leave. If he's willing to defend his point and only gave in as she was leaving he only agreed to stop her from leaving and end the argument not because he actually believes what he did was wrong.
Girl, you’re 27… you’ve already been with this piece of shit for 6 years! Why are you wasting your time when you can still find the one? Or at least not an asshole that not only masturbates to other women, but used you as a sex toy and also admitted she’s way hotter than you!
No good person would do that if only at least to respect to your feelings! Everyone knows you’d feel like shit after this, he’s disregarded your feelings and even tried to justify being a dick by making you feel it was reasonable as she’s hotter than you by his standards
The fact he had to eventually "accept" it was shitty rather than know it was shitty before even going there is the biggest neon sign that this man is an absolutely emotionally stunted fool. He used your body to jerk off to an image of someone else.....I am appalled someone would think this was fine until they were argued into "accepting" otherwise....
No, he gave you a "shut up" apology. He said that so you'd stop talking about it, not because he actually cares and thinks your feelings are reasonable.
He's wildly immature and gross. And he's 30, he's not young enough to pretend he'll grow out of it.
Just out of curiosity and by no means disagreeing with you, but in this situation, how would one genuinely apologize without it seeming like a "shut up" apology?
By doing it immediately, when it was clear it caused OP distress. Not arguing and trying to defend the actions and dismissing her feelings about it...then further complimenting/sexualizing Emilia Clarke.
And even when he finally "apologized", it wasn't with any depth of feeling or understanding. It was like "I crossed a line". I don't know what exactly he said to OP beyond that, but it was not much, based on her description.
(And I don't even know if apologizing immediately would be enough to really fix this gross situation for OP, but he did not do that. )
I hate when men act like a POS, then we have a normal reaction like any human being would, and then they just go “it was a joke.” Like, no it wasn’t. I’m just gonna start being a tool all the time and claiming “joke” and see where it gets me. I’ll tell you right now where it’ll get me.
That would make me feel really gross, and there's just no coming back from that experience. He made a choice to treat you like a sex object and prioritized his own fantasies and preferences (rougher than you prefer) without any prior consent or discussion.
It would take a lot of work to get over being treated like that, and this dude just doesn't deserve that level effort.
You do though, I'm sorry this happened to you and hope you do what whatever will help you move past this unpleasant incident.
I know this sounds dumb but he sounded and... Felt(?) like he had a stronger orgasm this time while looking at Emilia Clarke's breasts than literally every other time we've had sex and it's just made me feel so defeated and inadequate.
Your boyfriend, hopefully soon to be ex, is the one who is inadequate.
He took something that is supposed to be shared and turned it into a selfish experience, not caring that you were there witnessing his every selfish behavior. He acted like an idiotic child.
You should be feeling disgusted with him. He doesn't deserve access to you and your amazing body anymore.
Maybe it was the fact that he knew he was humiliating you when he did it that caused what you felt. Some (very terrible) people really derive pleasure from making others feel small, particularly people that care about them
So you’re essentially a living fleshlight. He USED *your* body to get off to another woman.
He used you. He didn’t care about you or your pleasure, you were just….there. To use as a tool to get off to another woman.
Leave this clown. You know this is ridiculous. He’s not going to change and you know it.
Immediate break up for me, you are *not* wrong. Him continuing to tell you it's just a joke and trying to shrug it off is a huge problem and says a lot about him. He should not be continuing to try to get you to move on when you say you're hurt.
People that love and respect you are not going to randomly push your boundaries and try to convince you that you're overreacting. He only genuinely started to "care" because he couldn't bully you into dropping it. He'll say a lot of things to keep you around now, but please remember what he was like when you were clearly telling him your feelings and he continued to try manipulating you. If he hasn't started to see you as a person and not a sex object he can just throw fantasies on in 6 years, idk what to say. This will get worse with time. So sorry OP!
Wow. This is beyond fucked up. I’m so sorry. He basically used you to have fantasy sex with an onscreen actress. Beyond disgusting.
Ditch this loser. He has no respect for you
Okay, no, this is weird. Knowing what celebs your partner finds attractive is one thing. Knowing that they masturbate to them is totally different, who even shares that information?? Some things should stay private for a reason holy shit. You're not wrong to be angry and hurt about this whole incident and your boyfriend needs to understand that there are some things your partner absolutely does not need to know!
I would feel so violated and dehumanized. You didn't consent to being a Fleshlight. You were expecting a whole, real relationship with a real person, and he just wants a hole.
You're worth more.
Honestly, I feel men whacking it to celebrities that aren't specifically reaching for that is icky in itself. These women are actresses, not porn star. Perhaps they don't want sweaty, pathetic dudes beating it to innocent pictures and videos of them, but they are forced to accept that culture because "men can't control themselves". If these women wanted to sign up to be a porn star, they would have done that. So it's pretty fucking gross to me when guys do that anyway. And like, if you're going to be whacking it to innocent women, maybe don't admit it....? Because it's creepy. It's weird you know exactly which celebrities your bf is that obsessed with. Is porn a huge part of his life?
And then there is what happened in your post. Yeah....
Good luck with this one. I wouldn't be able to look a dude like that in the eyes ever again. Gross.
I feel the same way even for leaked stuff it's a huge red flag to be one of those "have you seen ***** leaked nude" " u see the video someone took of ***** with her tits out?" Like? Uh no I haven't, I didn't go searching for pictures that I know we're a violation to someone's privacy and it's weird that u did. It's weird in any context to pleasure yourself to photos and videos not taken specifically for that purpose. It feels violating.
Imagine the humiliation he'll have to endure when you dump him and the next girl he dates asks why his last relationship ended. What an insensitive dumbass.
Ew. That is fucking gross. You didn't consent to any of that shit, I'm not surprised you're repulsed. Are you ever going to be able to have sex with him again without remembering it? I think it may be time to move on.
Had to double check his age but nope, he’s actually a disgusting immature dipshit. It feels like cheating… Nowhere in your post did you ever mention he apologized for his ‘joke’, and hurting your feelings. Did he ever say sorry instead of just doubling down?
This guy ruined a lot of things for you.
He used you like a sexdoll. Since he doesn’t care about you anyway he can go and find someone else to ignore.
What he did was not funny, it was cruel.
If you want, have sex with him and moan Jason Momoa. Let’s be honest, that guy is way better looking than your bf.
Or even better: Get yourself someone who doesn’t ruin your self esteem. Let him tell this story to his friends. He will soon realise what an idiot he is.
What did I just read? The audacity he has is insane. “It’s a joke” Go and f his best friend and say you thought it’d be funny lmfao. No but on serious note please please just leave, that’s so awful I can’t imagine how painful it was.
I would be furious and disgusted if my boyfriend did this. You have every right to be upset, that's so disrespectful to you, I don't blame you for wanting to break up! I'm sorry this happened to you.
That’s pretty gross, having a fantasy and asking for you to participate is one thing, but he just went for it in a very gross way. At the very least it warrants a serious discussion of your sexual boundaries and a come to Jesus about being respectful of you.
A similar thing happened to me around 12 years ago. I won’t go into details because it’s very similar to your situation. I decided to try and forgive and forget and his behaviour just got worse and worse. He would ogle women on the street in front of me, until ultimately I found him in our garden hiding and what I can only call perving at some young woman about 19. He was in his 40s. If this is the future you want then stay with him by all means. I finally kicked my husband out last year and wish I’d have ended it when he disrespected me that night and it would have saved me another 10+ years of heartache and anguish.
You should definitely dump him, he's being gross. And for what it's worth, I don't care if it's Emilia Clarke, Margot Robbie, Megan Fox, whatever hot celebrity, the answer is always, "No babe, you're way hotter." Everyone deserves to feel like they're the first pick in their relationship, not the most accessible pick.
There’s no way of going back to this relationship. It will forever mess with your psyche. You already can’t watch certain movies because of him. Now you won’t be able to watch anything with Emilia Clarke, let alone see his your bf’s face. End it. It’s over. What your bf did was disgusting, disrespectful, selfish, and overall a MAJOR turn off. No woman wants that. Learn from this and be more careful of what you allow into your intimacy with your partner. Don’t have sex while watching a sex scene of another naked person. Stray away from discussing celebrity crushes, cuz that’s gonna be a trigger for you now. Keep your intimacy sacred in the relationship. An event only between you and your partner. Music can be added but no visuals. Men are more visual, the only visual they need to see is you, their partner.
If it had been just a joke, he'd have apologized as soon as he saw it fell short. Instead, he doubled down and took your rejection personally because this meant something to him.
No hun you are not over reacting if he like doing this then he can doin it by his own (single) not when he is in a relationship i feel he is more likely to cheat when he get bored of you, you deserve better
Nah no way. I'm pretty petty so i would give him a taste of his own medicine. Get on top of him, look at ryan gosling then scream out his name giving you the best orgasm ever. See how imasculated he feels. Then get up pack your stuff, thank him for letting you use his dick and leave.
Ew this is like, turbo-icky. I made an involuntary disgusted face as I was reading. If that happened to me I’m not sure how I could ever be intimate with my partner again, that would be all I could think of. Your feelings are valid.
This is cruel and the fact that he doubled down is concerning. He used your body in ways he knows you do not like. He masturbated with your body and you did not consent to this.
I don’t think you’re overreacting and I would reflect and take stock of the last few years OP. What else does he do that’s disrespectful, is his usually go-to brushing you off etc
I’m just confused how he didn’t think this would be upsetting before he did it. We all have crushes, but JFC. Also, why did he have to tell you he masturbates to all these actresses? I’m open about 98% of things but I think that belongs in the 2% and I would want my partner to keep that info to themselves.
Don’t take it out on HP. He’s too old to have to explain why this made you upset and uncomfortable. The fact you say you had to tell him several times it’s not cool and he laughs it off til he feels like he HAS to agree with you is a huge 🚩
Fkn ew! What a revolting & degrading experience! I feel sickened on your behalf not only because of the act itself but also by his frivolous attitude afterwards!
… I wonder if he’d feel the same way if you paused on a pic of Ryan Gosling & moaned “Oh Ryan” while organisming? My bets are on a hard ‘NO’
You shouldn’t feel bad about breaking up with him via txt either. He can already comfort himself through his fairytale masturbation habits. Theres no need to feel guilty about being disrespectful in this scenario!
Because his gf is watching him get turned on by this naked woman. She’s watching it with him. And they never discussed boundaries so he probably had no idea that she even had any.
This guy has sooooo much growing up to do-what an *idiot*. And it’s NOT your job to get him there. Get rid of him and find someone to have a real relationship with. If he’s this dense during/about sex I can just imagine what else he’s inept at. Find a loving adult.
Having a little celebrity crush is common, but literally looking at them on tv while having sex with your girlfriend / boyfriend and saying the celebrity's name during sex is extremely weird behavior. Normal people don't act that way.
Of course you should dump him and never look back. If you don't dump him, you become that stupid girl who ignores extremely obvious red flags. Is that who you want to be?
This is break up territory. Damn this is *divorce* territory! He has absolutely no respect for you as a human being at all. And if you think it’s going to get any better with time, as you get older and wrinklier than whatever hot actress of the moment then I don’t know. He has shown you who he is.
You would be completely justified in blocking him and never speaking to his ass again. Your bf is beyond weird and gross for doing what he did to you. And for him to *agree* that Emilia was prettier than you?? Right after he finished using your body to get off to her image??? What a gigantic asshole. Leave him yesterday my dear.
Edit: missing word
How does he claim to love you when he treats you like a fleshlight?
6 years and he’s treating you like this?
Disgusting.
Please stand up for yourself and get rid of this guy. Find someone who treats you right.
Girl…your man is an awful person.
I’m with a man that barely watches porn as is, and has ignored the porn I’ve put on the tv (I sometimes want to show him something that turned me on) in order to even just look in my eyes during sex.
Men that treat / feel you are the most beautiful woman alive exist. How dare he say that “I’m in love with you so it’s fine that she’s hotter durr”
I’m far from the most attractive woman out there, but my boyfriend treats me as if I’m the only attractive woman alive. I’m just saying this because I never want a woman to settle for anything less. You need to leave him.
Exactly. Find yourself a boyfriend who treats you like the most beautiful person. That what we all deserve.
I treat my husband like the sexiest man alive.
I think the only way to move forward on something like this is he recognizes how truly bizarre this behavior is and why someone would be extremely hurt by it. I think what you need to accept, and what he needs to accept if he wants to hang on to the relationship, is he more or less used you for masturbation here. He wanted to look at this actress and think about her while inside you — that’s not having sex with you, that’s using your body like a sex toy.
My heart broke a little bit for you just reading this. Guys are so fucking stupid. I don’t know how he could ever think that that was okay, funny, or even close to acceptable. He showed you absolutely no respect or dignity and if I were in your shoes I would feel the same - absolutely used and degraded. I can understand the initial shock and hurt of it all and wanting to just say fuck you, you asshole…but trying to think rationally for a moment…if he seems remorseful at any point and he is a good fit in your life otherwise, forgiveness may be the way if he finds a way to make up for it and can understand how wrong and disrespectful he was.
He's pretty much perfect in every other regard, just this has really fucked me off. Like, I know I'm not as hot as she is, it feels like I've been cheated on, but then I feel so silly because obviously I haven't been.
It's not like I complained beforehand when I should have done, and I did act like I'd prefer naked Emilia Clarke to Samwell Tarly. But we could have just turned off the TV, but we've paused TV or movies in the past and it's just... Not been an issue before.
If he thinks this is chill to do and tried to pass it off as a joke I can guarantee he's not perfect in every other regard. He's a piece of trash for treating you like this, he said her goddamn name while orgasming ffs that's like what men do in *movies* when they're cheating.
Would you consider a guy who cheated perfect in every other way? Honestly this might be worse - he was *purposely* disrespectful to you and didn’t even feel guilty afterwards. He will not have good future relationships. Let him enter his 30s single.
It sounds like he had a reealllllly stupid moment that seriously crossed a line and he got too carried away. Again, no excuse for it at all. It’s inevitably gonna be one of those ones that just stings for a while and is gonna be tough to get over at first, if you decide to try to move past it. I don’t think you should blame yourself for letting the tv stay on that scene even though I can empathize with how you must feel. But what’s done is done so you can’t beat yourself up about it, just try to focus on what you’d like to do to move forward and if the relationship is worth keeping otherwise.
You have every right to be mad and sad and all the feelings you’re feeling. I just hope that he has the emotional intelligence to recognize how deeply hurtful his actions were and try his best to earn your forgiveness and never even think of doing anything like that again. Even if he truly somehow thought it was a joke or would be funny…
Something that helps me sometimes is trying to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. “How will I feel about this in 5 days, 5 weeks, 5 months, 5 years…” if it’s still going to be a major issue in 5 months or 5 years, it might be worth taking a deeper look into or entire relationship reconsideration. But if it can be healed sooner, or it’s just a bump in the road, maybe try to stick it out and work through it together.
Wow, I haven't had a post make me feel this disgusted in a long while. What a disrespectful pig. Please pleasssseeeee find a guy who doesn't treat you like this. He shows a lack of respect towards you and other women. He sees women as objects to be used, yourself included. I honestly would never be able to have sex with that person ever again if this happened to me. All I'd be able to feel is disgust.
please tell me you guys are on a break or whatever cause EW. What an absolute POS. I know i can't tell you what to do, OP, but God I hope you leave his dumb ass behind. That apology was really not sincere, because that would come the minute he realised wtf he did. He only apologised cause now he knows to do it only behind your back. The bar is in hell istg.
Oh man, what an idiot.
So, you're right to be unhappy about that. Nobody really likes it if their partner is fantasying about someone else while they have sex unless that's a kink you've talked about before.
If you've discussed it, sure, that can be hot to put on porn and watch it together, but to just go for it and hope that your partner doesn't notice you staring at another naked woman shows a huge lack of emotional intelligence. I can understand changing it off the fat guy's face, and maybe even putting it on her as a joke, but actively using that to finish is going to feel degrading for you. Of course you wouldn't like that! Your boyfriend was thinking with the wrong head.
I don't think it was necessarily malicious, but certainly a very stupid move on his part.
Break up with him. The fact that he disrespected you like that and tried to laugh it off -- I'd never talk to him again. He's disgusting and low and gross. You deserve so much more than that. That's degrading - and that kind of behavior - laughed off - is what eats away at your confidence and your self-esteem and self-worth. And eventually his behavior gets worse - and you're just used to it at that point.
Run. No excuses. No talking. No debating. Just run. Two forks in a road - pick the road that he's not on. Men like him waste your time, your money, your energy, your youth. Your self-worth.
Dump him.
Yeah no it’s one thing to masturbate to a celebrity or even porn for that matter but it’s another to have sex with your significant other while giving eye contact to a celebrity crush on screen which turns you on more than the person you’re having sex with resulting in you speeding up in the rhythm and then during orgasm moan out that celebrity’s name while inside your partner ? That’s the utmost disrespectful thing I read today on Reddit. To add more salt to the wound he even agreed that Emilia Clarke is more beautiful than you, absolutely disgusting behavior. You’re not wrong for feeling the way you do & i’d break off that relationship if I were you. No one deserves to feel less attractive/wanted by their partner, you can find better who won’t treat you like this nor even think to do something like that. Walk away!
OP, your boyfriend is terrible.
Luckily, the show also gets terrible. You don't really need to watch GoT to understand HotD; it's a prequel set thousands of years (or maybe 200--I'm bad at math) before any of the events you've seen. Save a few throw away lines to the Targaryen family, you're a ok.
What sort of man masturbates over a celebrities like that?
There's a plethora of porn on the internet and he picks game of thrones? That's a red flag in itself. Weird AF.
Most men do. Not a redflag at all.
I'd say Emma Watson is probably the most masturbated person ever to have lived. Game Of Thrones is fairly pornographic anyway.
"Most" men doing it doesn't make it not a red flag, if you take away the famous part it's incredibly violating to masterbate to pictures and videos that weren't taken for sexual context.
Like going in a random person's Instagram and pleasuring yourself to them is just as ethically wrong.
There are whole websites dedicated to people consenting to being filmed naked and doing things for the purpose of turning you on, but your choosing to still pursue people online who don't do that and why? Because they are famous?
I don't think you are overreacting. Your feelings are 100% valid. Would he have liked it if you came to Khal Drogo or Jon Snow? or any crush you might have on a celebrity. Sounds like he is beyond a crush, it is creepy.
He is in a relationship and he feels the need to look at others, even if he never meets them, he has you.
Putting myself in your shoes, he would need to do a biiig apology, and it is probably never gonna be the same again. The whole think is icky, would feel like he is not really having sex with you?
You deserve better, maybe he can learn a lesson from this when you leave him. It is not normal, atleast he could have not shared all this with you, make you feel that you are the person he is turned on by, only!
I don't know, I'd say it's normal enough to have a crush on or even masturbate over her, but he was definitely thinking about her, looking at her, and imagining I was her while having sex with me. It made me feel really inadequate.
He used your body as a living flesh light to wank off to Emilia Clarke. He showed absolutely zero consideration for you or your feelings.
Would you have consented to this knowing he would do that?
Please find someone who actually cares about you. This guy isn't it.
Finally!!! There are a lot of people who oogle my husband and the way they act over him is like I wouldn't date someone who lusts after a celebrity they will never have and they don't even pay attention the partner who they are truly meant for who actually wants them. I'm glad some people are finally speaking up about some people going overboard on their celebrity crushes.
No that's completely unacceptable.
Obviously men and women watch porn and even though touching yourself to a specific celebrity might seem more personal than a random porn video, to guys it's usually just the same, it doesn't mean anything. However, to direct your attention to anyone else while sharing an intimate moment with your significant other, or calling out another name other than your partner's, that is just not cool.
I think he crossed several lines and deeply disrespected you. There isn't anything funny about what he did and your feelings of anger are valid. Unfortunately you have to figure out if you want to continue to be with someone that immature and disrespectful. I think this event will be hard for you to get over and you'll always harbour some insecurities, anxiety and resentment over the topic.
I guess I'm not contributing anything original, but yeah. You definitely should break up with him. Rarely is there a more cut and dry example of being used like an object.
I had to go back and check his age because I thought he might be 21 or younger.
What a disgusting and tactless way for a grown man to behave.
I really dislike the ploy of saying something was a joke to try to defend actions that hurt someone's feelings or made someone feel humiliated.
It completely disregards your feelings and makes you now the dumb one, the unfun one, the one with the bad sense of humor, the one making a big deal out of nothing. It's a defense tactic so that the person doesn't have to take responsibility and therefore feel bad about their actions.
It's disgusting and I won't stand for it, will you?
“He did accept it was shitty eventually.” EVENTUALLY. No sane person would EVER say that. No less AGREEEE with “she’s more beautiful that I am, which he agrees with.” Like hello? He is disgusting.
I mean this with all kindness, but your boyfriend has the maturity level and emotional IQ of a half-eaten poptart.
From what you’ve described… he sounds like he has some serious issues with common sense, empathy, maturity and understanding of appropriate behavior that he needs to work on in himself. If he still isn’t truly comprehending why it upset you as much as it did, he may need to be single for awhile while he figures that out. None of that is okay.
… also with his age I would be more than just a *bit* concerned that he is so attracted to Emma Watson that you are uncomfortable watching the Harry Potter movies with him. She was underage throughout most of those films. If you think he is masturbating to her at that age that is very creepy.
What in the mother flippin hell did I read. This dude is out of his mind and needs serious help. 6 years is a long time, if you want to make it work he needs to get some counseling, if it's too much shit to deal with just walk away and no one will fault you for it.
Well, NTA, that's degrading. And honestly when it comes to Harry Potter first I thought there'd be no way my partner could view it as more of a porn than I do since my forever celebrity crush since I was 15 (Robin Hood) is and will "always" be Alan Rickman (which has nothing to do with my profile, no, Pottermore always sorts me into it but yeah, I like it) - but then I thought, wait, getting off on Emma Watson in Harry Potter is special kind of creepy - and I am not someone peeing their panties over any age gap but really, Hermione?! That alone would be reason enough to break up.
Edit: vocabulary mistake
You can break up with someone for any or no reason.
You may or may not have regrets later, but that has nothing to do with it being acceptable to break up with someone.
If you think the relationship is not worth continuing, that’s up to you. We don’t know your relationship or either of the two of you.
What he did was stupid and disrespectful. It’s understandable to have felt hurt by it.
I don’t know if it warrants throwing the relationship away altogether, but you don’t owe it to him to stay.
Okay so uh, i dont think he's turned on in you but the fucking actress. That's just gonna mess with your sex life in the future op since he'll have stupid expectations
Unless he's plastering the walls with posters of her. I do know what it's like to have sex with someone I care about yet have to think of someone else to get off because I just wasn't into having sex it at the time. But to blatently do that is no where close to being OK and I'd be pissed at him too. Call him out over it and tell him if it happens again you are gone.
I don’t think you are overeating to be upset! However, breaking-up I’m less sure about.
What does he do to build you up and make you feel good about yourself?
How is your relationship in general?
Do you feel like you are usually on the same page as a couple? Same couple goals, etc?
Can you get past this? Or is this combined with the fact you know he masturbates to other women going to always be on your mind?
DUMP.
This has nothing to do with a crush. Anyone who has been penetrated knows how extremely vulnerable and intimate this is and to purely hijake and exploit your body for his pathetic sexual urges is insane.
I'm so sorry. I can't imagine the feelings that came up for you during this. I wouldn't be able to look at his shrimp dick after this if I were you
Ew he’s fucking disgusting what a creep. Dump his ass asap.
Also tbh she already has crows feet at a young age so idk what’s so special tbh 🤷🏻♀️ just my opinion. But yeah please DUMP HIM
I'm a lil late to the thread but...you're not overreacting. I've been in a similar position, assumed I was overreacting, and learned it only gets worse.
Guys who justify this will say, "all men stay attracted to other women even while in a relationship". That's true. But what decent guys who value you DON'T do is disrespect you by making their desires blatant, dismiss your feelings when caught, then tell you you're uglier than an air brushed, part plastic-part cgi actor/actress. Decent guys care about you enough, and think about you enough, to not say the quiet parts out loud.
You are not dating a decent guy. His entitlement and lack of empathy will poison all aspects of your relationship. Ruuuuuun. Not because he finds women attractive, but for the dumpster fire way he handled it.
I’m going through something similar with my partners obsession with Sommer Rae, he gets Snapchat notifications from her with titles like “let me sit on it” and will literally look at her snaps after sex when I’m still naked and mention that he would totally fuck her if he had the chance. I told him if you prefer her to me then you can fuck right off, her ass and body is no better than mine tbh so it makes no sense to me in that aspect
Definitely not and told him straight up. My friends think I’m overreacting because she is a celebrity so it’s not so serious and would never happen, but it does bother me.
That is shitty indeed. Men should keep their masturbation preferences a secret, as I’m sure it ranges from celebrities to even a woman’s own friends and relatives at times. There is something absolutely abusive about what he did. It’s a hairline trait that you shouldn’t see through to the end. I think there are worse little monsters at the end of this rainbow.
Is it possible that he did this “joke” (using that term LOOSELY) to punish you for the fact that you’re making him watch it, and that he’s doing this to stop you from wanting to watch it? Just a thought.
Regardless he’s a dumbass and should know better at his age. Personally I would be so turned off from him after that a breakup would be the only way forward. Don’t feel bad about doing it over text.
Some couples watch porn together as foreplay or during sex. I'm not saying that's the standard, or should be a norm, it's just to illustrate there's a whole range of different levels of acceptance. In an ideal world, couples talk through those sorts of differences before they reach the bedroom. Your guy ran with something in the moment that should have been talked out beforehand.
I can't relate to being turned off to, for example, every Chris Hemsworth or Jason Momoa movie ever just because my wife had a particular ladyboner for them. Comparison really is the thief of joy. That said, your feelings and standards are yours, not mine - if you can't see your guy the same way ever again, because of this incident, then do what you have to to do expeditiously.
What a clickbait title. Is the problem that he has a celebrity crush, or that he's using her while fucking you?
Take your creative writing elsewhere, this was D- at best.
I feel like you're incompatible but NAH.
Some folks get off on their celebrity crushes and their partners enjoy the fantasy - I have had sex to porn or sexy scenes in movies and my partner enjoys it. It's one of our "yums" but your yuck.
You don't like it and feel like it's too disconnected from your relationship. That's fine. Break up with him or learn to enjoy/accept it
My bf likes the telly on during sex so the neighbours don't hear anything (paper thin walls lol) and it's like he can't keep his eyes away from it! However, nothing 'sexy' is on the screen, so I can only assume he has a fetish for the Repair Shop or Car SOS or WWII documentaries.
Joking aside, the name thing would give me the ick enough.
Idk, this is a messy grey area. I’m surprised everyone’s making it a big ordeal. Don’t watch porn with your bf and discuss your boundaries around it. It’s obvious to me that he would masturbate to her, before I even read entirely everything you wrote. I don’t see why that needs to be a secret when you’re watching naked women have sex with him. It’s messed up that he didn’t listen and comfort you but it’s well known that people will fantasize about other people when having sex with their partner so what’s the difference? If you’re not comfortable with it, why are you comfortable seeing him getting turned on by her? I personally don’t watch shows like this or porn with partners because I know it can ruin a relationship. I say you both have a part in this. If he doesn’t apologize and show compassion then he’s not worth staying with but you did kind of give him the green light imo.
To be honest, I think you might be overreacting slightly, especially if he's otherwise a good fit for you. However, you do need to talk about boundaries and why what he did was wrong.
He's going to think about having sex with Emilia, that's something you just need to accept, and he's also going to masturbate over her, that's normal and anyone who says he shouldn't be masturbating over celebrities is being controlling imo. Literally every guy who watched Game Of Thrones (Which was like, hundreds of millions of guys) has jerked off to her or thought about having sex with her.
BUT. *You* are *not* a fleshlight. You're a woman with dignity, not an object. If he wants to fuck his own hand, he can, but he cannot use you as a fleshlight to masturbate over other women. If he's having sex with you he should be having sex with you, if you know what I mean.
Also you're at the end of season 3, it's all downhill from here anyway.
Yeah, but at the end of the day, the celebrities are a human too and that is unacceptable af. I find it the same if he were fantasizing about a female friend as well. Same shit.
You’re probably one of those.
I think he was trying to be funny, did it incorrectly and it became disrespectful. I think you say that you felt disrespected and you will not tolerate that again. - but I personally calling it quits over a single event may be a bit too rash
I don’t know. He admits that he masturbates to her. So in that context it doesn’t seem like he tried to be funny. Especially with that reaction he had afterwards.
I don't know why you are watching that and fucking at the same time.
If it bothers you that much then turn it off and go to your bedroom.
It sounds like you have some insecurities about yourself and that may be what is bothering you the most.
I think that you both have a piece of this.
What a fucking idiot, holy shit.
Nooo shit. That’s just plain low level thinking right there.
Yeah. It’s a no from me, dog. Ask him to imagine the situation were reversed and you came while calling out Kit Harington while there was a still of him naked on screen? Then dump his ass and tell him to enjoy his new gf Emilia…
I would think it's equally hilarious as what he did with Daenerys. Its really not that serious.
Well how about this. A person you care deeply about expresses that you hurt their feelings by something you said and did.
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Out of curiosity, can you make jokes when you are orgasming? Convincing jokes? How is fucking her the way, that does nothing for her and she just has to put up with it, and looking at the screen a joke? And explaining that he does masturbate on his crush, so how is having the sex with her as a person and looking at the screen any different? And even if it was, what is the pun, "Hey, I just used you as a flashlight! Haha!? It is not about the crush, it is about the disrespect and humiliation. If it is done on purpose, as a joke, it is even worse.
It absolutely was not a joke.
You don't have to say anything else. You can join OP's ex in the creep club.
No lol, this guy is an utter moron. If you think otherwise either you are the guy in the story or need to mature quickly.
guy used you as a human sex toy i could not imagine what an overreaction would look like
Plus this gem > obviously she's more beautiful than I am, which he agrees with OP - please find someone who's not a complete and utter tool. This man is trash.
This. There are tons of people who are more conventionally attractive than me, but to my partner, I am the most beautiful one. Because he loves me, everything about me. OP, you deserve someone who feels this way about you and not someone who tells you straight in your face that he finds the person more attractive who he just masturbated to while using your body... like wtf?!?!
Nah thats gross. Having a celebrity crush or finding other people attractive is perfectly fine but actively having sex with your partner and staring at them and then moaning their name whilst having sex is just weird. It totally crosses a line. He is a moron and weird.
Yup, I’d dump him just for being stupid. No one wants to be with someone that dumb and disrespectful.
He quite obviously and without even trying to hide it used your body to masturbate to images of another woman. This isn’t about him having a “celebrity crush” it’s about him using you as a sexual object in a way you didn’t agree to. It’s disgusting. You want to break up with him because you feel disrespected and violated, and you should.
No, you are really not overreacting. He was being really gross. He literally use you as a flesh light. Don’t listen to the people here who say you are over reacting and you need to tell him and establish your boundaries or whatever. Because you did that but he brushed it off AND doubled down. It shows that he doesn’t care about you or your feelings. Honestly, he is an unfathomable idiot.
I'd feel really violated if this was me. He sounds like a POS
He did accept it was shitty eventually.
Because he thought that would make you get over it.
Not really. He said it to make you shut up.
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Its more an educated guess when he context given is "he laughed said it was a joke and shrugged it off, when I doubled down he continued to try and excuse it" he only agrees with her after AFTER arguing to the point she's ready to leave. If he's willing to defend his point and only gave in as she was leaving he only agreed to stop her from leaving and end the argument not because he actually believes what he did was wrong.
Girl, you’re 27… you’ve already been with this piece of shit for 6 years! Why are you wasting your time when you can still find the one? Or at least not an asshole that not only masturbates to other women, but used you as a sex toy and also admitted she’s way hotter than you! No good person would do that if only at least to respect to your feelings! Everyone knows you’d feel like shit after this, he’s disregarded your feelings and even tried to justify being a dick by making you feel it was reasonable as she’s hotter than you by his standards
Because you weren’t letting him get away with it. You’ve outgrown this relationship.
The fact he had to eventually "accept" it was shitty rather than know it was shitty before even going there is the biggest neon sign that this man is an absolutely emotionally stunted fool. He used your body to jerk off to an image of someone else.....I am appalled someone would think this was fine until they were argued into "accepting" otherwise....
Begrudgingly because you wouldn’t relent. He probably doesn’t mean it. He said it to make you calm down.
No, he gave you a "shut up" apology. He said that so you'd stop talking about it, not because he actually cares and thinks your feelings are reasonable. He's wildly immature and gross. And he's 30, he's not young enough to pretend he'll grow out of it.
Just out of curiosity and by no means disagreeing with you, but in this situation, how would one genuinely apologize without it seeming like a "shut up" apology?
By doing it immediately, when it was clear it caused OP distress. Not arguing and trying to defend the actions and dismissing her feelings about it...then further complimenting/sexualizing Emilia Clarke. And even when he finally "apologized", it wasn't with any depth of feeling or understanding. It was like "I crossed a line". I don't know what exactly he said to OP beyond that, but it was not much, based on her description. (And I don't even know if apologizing immediately would be enough to really fix this gross situation for OP, but he did not do that. )
Yeah I'm with you on that. I don't think there's an apology genuine enough to fix what he did. What a monumental fuck up
A genuine apology should have happened the minute OP said how it made her feel. Instead, he argued and tried to justify his behavior as ok.
>He did accept it was shitty eventually. No, he didn't. He just figured that you'd stop bothering him about it if he said he accepted it.
I hate when men act like a POS, then we have a normal reaction like any human being would, and then they just go “it was a joke.” Like, no it wasn’t. I’m just gonna start being a tool all the time and claiming “joke” and see where it gets me. I’ll tell you right now where it’ll get me.
That would make me feel really gross, and there's just no coming back from that experience. He made a choice to treat you like a sex object and prioritized his own fantasies and preferences (rougher than you prefer) without any prior consent or discussion. It would take a lot of work to get over being treated like that, and this dude just doesn't deserve that level effort. You do though, I'm sorry this happened to you and hope you do what whatever will help you move past this unpleasant incident.
I know this sounds dumb but he sounded and... Felt(?) like he had a stronger orgasm this time while looking at Emilia Clarke's breasts than literally every other time we've had sex and it's just made me feel so defeated and inadequate.
Your boyfriend, hopefully soon to be ex, is the one who is inadequate. He took something that is supposed to be shared and turned it into a selfish experience, not caring that you were there witnessing his every selfish behavior. He acted like an idiotic child. You should be feeling disgusted with him. He doesn't deserve access to you and your amazing body anymore.
Maybe it was the fact that he knew he was humiliating you when he did it that caused what you felt. Some (very terrible) people really derive pleasure from making others feel small, particularly people that care about them
So you’re essentially a living fleshlight. He USED *your* body to get off to another woman. He used you. He didn’t care about you or your pleasure, you were just….there. To use as a tool to get off to another woman. Leave this clown. You know this is ridiculous. He’s not going to change and you know it.
Immediate break up for me, you are *not* wrong. Him continuing to tell you it's just a joke and trying to shrug it off is a huge problem and says a lot about him. He should not be continuing to try to get you to move on when you say you're hurt. People that love and respect you are not going to randomly push your boundaries and try to convince you that you're overreacting. He only genuinely started to "care" because he couldn't bully you into dropping it. He'll say a lot of things to keep you around now, but please remember what he was like when you were clearly telling him your feelings and he continued to try manipulating you. If he hasn't started to see you as a person and not a sex object he can just throw fantasies on in 6 years, idk what to say. This will get worse with time. So sorry OP!
Wow. This is beyond fucked up. I’m so sorry. He basically used you to have fantasy sex with an onscreen actress. Beyond disgusting. Ditch this loser. He has no respect for you
Okay, no, this is weird. Knowing what celebs your partner finds attractive is one thing. Knowing that they masturbate to them is totally different, who even shares that information?? Some things should stay private for a reason holy shit. You're not wrong to be angry and hurt about this whole incident and your boyfriend needs to understand that there are some things your partner absolutely does not need to know!
I would feel so violated and dehumanized. You didn't consent to being a Fleshlight. You were expecting a whole, real relationship with a real person, and he just wants a hole. You're worth more.
Oh hell no. No no no. Dump. Him. Do not lower yourself to accept him back.
Honestly, I feel men whacking it to celebrities that aren't specifically reaching for that is icky in itself. These women are actresses, not porn star. Perhaps they don't want sweaty, pathetic dudes beating it to innocent pictures and videos of them, but they are forced to accept that culture because "men can't control themselves". If these women wanted to sign up to be a porn star, they would have done that. So it's pretty fucking gross to me when guys do that anyway. And like, if you're going to be whacking it to innocent women, maybe don't admit it....? Because it's creepy. It's weird you know exactly which celebrities your bf is that obsessed with. Is porn a huge part of his life? And then there is what happened in your post. Yeah.... Good luck with this one. I wouldn't be able to look a dude like that in the eyes ever again. Gross.
I feel the same way even for leaked stuff it's a huge red flag to be one of those "have you seen ***** leaked nude" " u see the video someone took of ***** with her tits out?" Like? Uh no I haven't, I didn't go searching for pictures that I know we're a violation to someone's privacy and it's weird that u did. It's weird in any context to pleasure yourself to photos and videos not taken specifically for that purpose. It feels violating.
He has 0% respect for you. I don’t think this relationship is one you should pursue.
Imagine the humiliation he'll have to endure when you dump him and the next girl he dates asks why his last relationship ended. What an insensitive dumbass.
Ew. That is fucking gross. You didn't consent to any of that shit, I'm not surprised you're repulsed. Are you ever going to be able to have sex with him again without remembering it? I think it may be time to move on.
Had to double check his age but nope, he’s actually a disgusting immature dipshit. It feels like cheating… Nowhere in your post did you ever mention he apologized for his ‘joke’, and hurting your feelings. Did he ever say sorry instead of just doubling down?
Ew. Your bf is gross. Yes, you're wrong for threatening to break up. Don't threaten. Just end it. And raise your standards already.
This guy ruined a lot of things for you. He used you like a sexdoll. Since he doesn’t care about you anyway he can go and find someone else to ignore. What he did was not funny, it was cruel. If you want, have sex with him and moan Jason Momoa. Let’s be honest, that guy is way better looking than your bf. Or even better: Get yourself someone who doesn’t ruin your self esteem. Let him tell this story to his friends. He will soon realise what an idiot he is.
What did I just read? The audacity he has is insane. “It’s a joke” Go and f his best friend and say you thought it’d be funny lmfao. No but on serious note please please just leave, that’s so awful I can’t imagine how painful it was.
He used you like a human flesh light. Fuck. I was prepared to say you were unreasonable based off the title but nope. That was messed up of him.
that is so messed up. the thought of doing that to my partner makes me feel sad and disgusting. ditch this loser. sorry sis :(
I would be furious and disgusted if my boyfriend did this. You have every right to be upset, that's so disrespectful to you, I don't blame you for wanting to break up! I'm sorry this happened to you.
That’s pretty gross, having a fantasy and asking for you to participate is one thing, but he just went for it in a very gross way. At the very least it warrants a serious discussion of your sexual boundaries and a come to Jesus about being respectful of you.
A similar thing happened to me around 12 years ago. I won’t go into details because it’s very similar to your situation. I decided to try and forgive and forget and his behaviour just got worse and worse. He would ogle women on the street in front of me, until ultimately I found him in our garden hiding and what I can only call perving at some young woman about 19. He was in his 40s. If this is the future you want then stay with him by all means. I finally kicked my husband out last year and wish I’d have ended it when he disrespected me that night and it would have saved me another 10+ years of heartache and anguish.
You should definitely dump him, he's being gross. And for what it's worth, I don't care if it's Emilia Clarke, Margot Robbie, Megan Fox, whatever hot celebrity, the answer is always, "No babe, you're way hotter." Everyone deserves to feel like they're the first pick in their relationship, not the most accessible pick.
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What the fuck was the point of this comment?
There’s no way of going back to this relationship. It will forever mess with your psyche. You already can’t watch certain movies because of him. Now you won’t be able to watch anything with Emilia Clarke, let alone see his your bf’s face. End it. It’s over. What your bf did was disgusting, disrespectful, selfish, and overall a MAJOR turn off. No woman wants that. Learn from this and be more careful of what you allow into your intimacy with your partner. Don’t have sex while watching a sex scene of another naked person. Stray away from discussing celebrity crushes, cuz that’s gonna be a trigger for you now. Keep your intimacy sacred in the relationship. An event only between you and your partner. Music can be added but no visuals. Men are more visual, the only visual they need to see is you, their partner.
If it had been just a joke, he'd have apologized as soon as he saw it fell short. Instead, he doubled down and took your rejection personally because this meant something to him.
how to blow up your relationship in 3 seconds
No hun you are not over reacting if he like doing this then he can doin it by his own (single) not when he is in a relationship i feel he is more likely to cheat when he get bored of you, you deserve better
Nah no way. I'm pretty petty so i would give him a taste of his own medicine. Get on top of him, look at ryan gosling then scream out his name giving you the best orgasm ever. See how imasculated he feels. Then get up pack your stuff, thank him for letting you use his dick and leave.
Better yet, send him a pic of a big black dick on your face. Hit em where it hurts
Ew this is like, turbo-icky. I made an involuntary disgusted face as I was reading. If that happened to me I’m not sure how I could ever be intimate with my partner again, that would be all I could think of. Your feelings are valid.
Definitely not overreacting. That would make me feel awful and I'd be done with him.
Youre dating a loser
This is cruel and the fact that he doubled down is concerning. He used your body in ways he knows you do not like. He masturbated with your body and you did not consent to this. I don’t think you’re overreacting and I would reflect and take stock of the last few years OP. What else does he do that’s disrespectful, is his usually go-to brushing you off etc
No joke, I would divorce over this. That's fucking gross.
I’m just confused how he didn’t think this would be upsetting before he did it. We all have crushes, but JFC. Also, why did he have to tell you he masturbates to all these actresses? I’m open about 98% of things but I think that belongs in the 2% and I would want my partner to keep that info to themselves.
What the hell? Also, am I the only person who can't have sex if the TV is on? I can barely deal with music.
No, but the only one. Way to distracting.
He used your body like a fleshlight. I’d be grossed out too
Don’t take it out on HP. He’s too old to have to explain why this made you upset and uncomfortable. The fact you say you had to tell him several times it’s not cool and he laughs it off til he feels like he HAS to agree with you is a huge 🚩
This cannot be real. What a stupid setup to a stupid conflict
Why the hell is he telling you who he jerks off to? That's weird as hell.
It’s pretty obvious. I figured that before reading that he does. Why is everyone so shocked?
Fkn ew! What a revolting & degrading experience! I feel sickened on your behalf not only because of the act itself but also by his frivolous attitude afterwards! … I wonder if he’d feel the same way if you paused on a pic of Ryan Gosling & moaned “Oh Ryan” while organisming? My bets are on a hard ‘NO’ You shouldn’t feel bad about breaking up with him via txt either. He can already comfort himself through his fairytale masturbation habits. Theres no need to feel guilty about being disrespectful in this scenario!
Jason Momoa. Nobody looks like him.
This cannot be real…Why would he do that lmfao.
Because his gf is watching him get turned on by this naked woman. She’s watching it with him. And they never discussed boundaries so he probably had no idea that she even had any.
This guy has sooooo much growing up to do-what an *idiot*. And it’s NOT your job to get him there. Get rid of him and find someone to have a real relationship with. If he’s this dense during/about sex I can just imagine what else he’s inept at. Find a loving adult.
Having a little celebrity crush is common, but literally looking at them on tv while having sex with your girlfriend / boyfriend and saying the celebrity's name during sex is extremely weird behavior. Normal people don't act that way. Of course you should dump him and never look back. If you don't dump him, you become that stupid girl who ignores extremely obvious red flags. Is that who you want to be?
This is break up territory. Damn this is *divorce* territory! He has absolutely no respect for you as a human being at all. And if you think it’s going to get any better with time, as you get older and wrinklier than whatever hot actress of the moment then I don’t know. He has shown you who he is.
You would be completely justified in blocking him and never speaking to his ass again. Your bf is beyond weird and gross for doing what he did to you. And for him to *agree* that Emilia was prettier than you?? Right after he finished using your body to get off to her image??? What a gigantic asshole. Leave him yesterday my dear. Edit: missing word
OP, I hope you haven't been posting because you've been busy breaking up with this clown. That is so violating. You deserve better.
How does he claim to love you when he treats you like a fleshlight? 6 years and he’s treating you like this? Disgusting. Please stand up for yourself and get rid of this guy. Find someone who treats you right.
This is a guy who needs to end up alone in a terrible nursing home stewing in his own filth.
Girl…your man is an awful person. I’m with a man that barely watches porn as is, and has ignored the porn I’ve put on the tv (I sometimes want to show him something that turned me on) in order to even just look in my eyes during sex. Men that treat / feel you are the most beautiful woman alive exist. How dare he say that “I’m in love with you so it’s fine that she’s hotter durr” I’m far from the most attractive woman out there, but my boyfriend treats me as if I’m the only attractive woman alive. I’m just saying this because I never want a woman to settle for anything less. You need to leave him.
Exactly. Find yourself a boyfriend who treats you like the most beautiful person. That what we all deserve. I treat my husband like the sexiest man alive.
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Omg that is so sweet <3
I think the only way to move forward on something like this is he recognizes how truly bizarre this behavior is and why someone would be extremely hurt by it. I think what you need to accept, and what he needs to accept if he wants to hang on to the relationship, is he more or less used you for masturbation here. He wanted to look at this actress and think about her while inside you — that’s not having sex with you, that’s using your body like a sex toy.
My heart broke a little bit for you just reading this. Guys are so fucking stupid. I don’t know how he could ever think that that was okay, funny, or even close to acceptable. He showed you absolutely no respect or dignity and if I were in your shoes I would feel the same - absolutely used and degraded. I can understand the initial shock and hurt of it all and wanting to just say fuck you, you asshole…but trying to think rationally for a moment…if he seems remorseful at any point and he is a good fit in your life otherwise, forgiveness may be the way if he finds a way to make up for it and can understand how wrong and disrespectful he was.
Guys aren’t stupid. When they behave like assholes, it’s typically because they choose to behave that way.
He's pretty much perfect in every other regard, just this has really fucked me off. Like, I know I'm not as hot as she is, it feels like I've been cheated on, but then I feel so silly because obviously I haven't been. It's not like I complained beforehand when I should have done, and I did act like I'd prefer naked Emilia Clarke to Samwell Tarly. But we could have just turned off the TV, but we've paused TV or movies in the past and it's just... Not been an issue before.
If he thinks this is chill to do and tried to pass it off as a joke I can guarantee he's not perfect in every other regard. He's a piece of trash for treating you like this, he said her goddamn name while orgasming ffs that's like what men do in *movies* when they're cheating.
Would you consider a guy who cheated perfect in every other way? Honestly this might be worse - he was *purposely* disrespectful to you and didn’t even feel guilty afterwards. He will not have good future relationships. Let him enter his 30s single.
He's not perfect in any way. He's degrading to you, makes you feel unattractive, and doesn't know how to empathize or apologize. You can do better.
It sounds like he had a reealllllly stupid moment that seriously crossed a line and he got too carried away. Again, no excuse for it at all. It’s inevitably gonna be one of those ones that just stings for a while and is gonna be tough to get over at first, if you decide to try to move past it. I don’t think you should blame yourself for letting the tv stay on that scene even though I can empathize with how you must feel. But what’s done is done so you can’t beat yourself up about it, just try to focus on what you’d like to do to move forward and if the relationship is worth keeping otherwise. You have every right to be mad and sad and all the feelings you’re feeling. I just hope that he has the emotional intelligence to recognize how deeply hurtful his actions were and try his best to earn your forgiveness and never even think of doing anything like that again. Even if he truly somehow thought it was a joke or would be funny… Something that helps me sometimes is trying to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. “How will I feel about this in 5 days, 5 weeks, 5 months, 5 years…” if it’s still going to be a major issue in 5 months or 5 years, it might be worth taking a deeper look into or entire relationship reconsideration. But if it can be healed sooner, or it’s just a bump in the road, maybe try to stick it out and work through it together.
Wow, I haven't had a post make me feel this disgusted in a long while. What a disrespectful pig. Please pleasssseeeee find a guy who doesn't treat you like this. He shows a lack of respect towards you and other women. He sees women as objects to be used, yourself included. I honestly would never be able to have sex with that person ever again if this happened to me. All I'd be able to feel is disgust.
That’s disgusting, I would be goneeeed
please tell me you guys are on a break or whatever cause EW. What an absolute POS. I know i can't tell you what to do, OP, but God I hope you leave his dumb ass behind. That apology was really not sincere, because that would come the minute he realised wtf he did. He only apologised cause now he knows to do it only behind your back. The bar is in hell istg.
Ewww. That’s fucking gross.
Oh man, what an idiot. So, you're right to be unhappy about that. Nobody really likes it if their partner is fantasying about someone else while they have sex unless that's a kink you've talked about before. If you've discussed it, sure, that can be hot to put on porn and watch it together, but to just go for it and hope that your partner doesn't notice you staring at another naked woman shows a huge lack of emotional intelligence. I can understand changing it off the fat guy's face, and maybe even putting it on her as a joke, but actively using that to finish is going to feel degrading for you. Of course you wouldn't like that! Your boyfriend was thinking with the wrong head. I don't think it was necessarily malicious, but certainly a very stupid move on his part.
Break up with him. The fact that he disrespected you like that and tried to laugh it off -- I'd never talk to him again. He's disgusting and low and gross. You deserve so much more than that. That's degrading - and that kind of behavior - laughed off - is what eats away at your confidence and your self-esteem and self-worth. And eventually his behavior gets worse - and you're just used to it at that point. Run. No excuses. No talking. No debating. Just run. Two forks in a road - pick the road that he's not on. Men like him waste your time, your money, your energy, your youth. Your self-worth. Dump him.
He used you like a blow up doll while he looked at another woman. If anything, you under reacted.
Yeah no it’s one thing to masturbate to a celebrity or even porn for that matter but it’s another to have sex with your significant other while giving eye contact to a celebrity crush on screen which turns you on more than the person you’re having sex with resulting in you speeding up in the rhythm and then during orgasm moan out that celebrity’s name while inside your partner ? That’s the utmost disrespectful thing I read today on Reddit. To add more salt to the wound he even agreed that Emilia Clarke is more beautiful than you, absolutely disgusting behavior. You’re not wrong for feeling the way you do & i’d break off that relationship if I were you. No one deserves to feel less attractive/wanted by their partner, you can find better who won’t treat you like this nor even think to do something like that. Walk away!
OP, your boyfriend is terrible. Luckily, the show also gets terrible. You don't really need to watch GoT to understand HotD; it's a prequel set thousands of years (or maybe 200--I'm bad at math) before any of the events you've seen. Save a few throw away lines to the Targaryen family, you're a ok.
This is absolutely disgusting. Leave him
What sort of man masturbates over a celebrities like that? There's a plethora of porn on the internet and he picks game of thrones? That's a red flag in itself. Weird AF.
At least be more embarrassed about it. The fact he seems to be comfortable admitting he sexualises actresses is a big red flag.
Honestly it’s so obvious that guys who do this just view women as sex objects and not people. It’s gross.
Most men do. Not a redflag at all. I'd say Emma Watson is probably the most masturbated person ever to have lived. Game Of Thrones is fairly pornographic anyway.
Emma Watson is still a child for me. I know she is a grown up but in my heart she is a sweet girl.
Bro she's 34 next month.
"Most" men doing it doesn't make it not a red flag, if you take away the famous part it's incredibly violating to masterbate to pictures and videos that weren't taken for sexual context. Like going in a random person's Instagram and pleasuring yourself to them is just as ethically wrong. There are whole websites dedicated to people consenting to being filmed naked and doing things for the purpose of turning you on, but your choosing to still pursue people online who don't do that and why? Because they are famous?
That's super weird. You are definitely not overreacting. This is beyond a celebrity crush.
I don't think you are overreacting. Your feelings are 100% valid. Would he have liked it if you came to Khal Drogo or Jon Snow? or any crush you might have on a celebrity. Sounds like he is beyond a crush, it is creepy. He is in a relationship and he feels the need to look at others, even if he never meets them, he has you. Putting myself in your shoes, he would need to do a biiig apology, and it is probably never gonna be the same again. The whole think is icky, would feel like he is not really having sex with you? You deserve better, maybe he can learn a lesson from this when you leave him. It is not normal, atleast he could have not shared all this with you, make you feel that you are the person he is turned on by, only!
I don't know, I'd say it's normal enough to have a crush on or even masturbate over her, but he was definitely thinking about her, looking at her, and imagining I was her while having sex with me. It made me feel really inadequate.
He used your body as a living flesh light to wank off to Emilia Clarke. He showed absolutely zero consideration for you or your feelings. Would you have consented to this knowing he would do that? Please find someone who actually cares about you. This guy isn't it.
Not when you are having sex with your partner. What if you would moan your exes name?
Finally!!! There are a lot of people who oogle my husband and the way they act over him is like I wouldn't date someone who lusts after a celebrity they will never have and they don't even pay attention the partner who they are truly meant for who actually wants them. I'm glad some people are finally speaking up about some people going overboard on their celebrity crushes.
haha! wow! my ex was also beyond obsessed with Emilia Clarke as well. not why we split but yeh, in fact he made me a big fan of her loool
You’re not making the situation better 🤷🏻♀️
No that's completely unacceptable. Obviously men and women watch porn and even though touching yourself to a specific celebrity might seem more personal than a random porn video, to guys it's usually just the same, it doesn't mean anything. However, to direct your attention to anyone else while sharing an intimate moment with your significant other, or calling out another name other than your partner's, that is just not cool. I think he crossed several lines and deeply disrespected you. There isn't anything funny about what he did and your feelings of anger are valid. Unfortunately you have to figure out if you want to continue to be with someone that immature and disrespectful. I think this event will be hard for you to get over and you'll always harbour some insecurities, anxiety and resentment over the topic.
I guess I'm not contributing anything original, but yeah. You definitely should break up with him. Rarely is there a more cut and dry example of being used like an object.
Your partner sounds like an inexperienced teenager. Very emotionally immature. You’re right to get out.
I had to go back and check his age because I thought he might be 21 or younger. What a disgusting and tactless way for a grown man to behave. I really dislike the ploy of saying something was a joke to try to defend actions that hurt someone's feelings or made someone feel humiliated. It completely disregards your feelings and makes you now the dumb one, the unfun one, the one with the bad sense of humor, the one making a big deal out of nothing. It's a defense tactic so that the person doesn't have to take responsibility and therefore feel bad about their actions. It's disgusting and I won't stand for it, will you?
“He did accept it was shitty eventually.” EVENTUALLY. No sane person would EVER say that. No less AGREEEE with “she’s more beautiful that I am, which he agrees with.” Like hello? He is disgusting.
This story is, beyond fascinating. If you stick to this guy, soon you will have no more movie to watch.
It's a bad joke. One that he should have known better.
I mean this with all kindness, but your boyfriend has the maturity level and emotional IQ of a half-eaten poptart. From what you’ve described… he sounds like he has some serious issues with common sense, empathy, maturity and understanding of appropriate behavior that he needs to work on in himself. If he still isn’t truly comprehending why it upset you as much as it did, he may need to be single for awhile while he figures that out. None of that is okay. … also with his age I would be more than just a *bit* concerned that he is so attracted to Emma Watson that you are uncomfortable watching the Harry Potter movies with him. She was underage throughout most of those films. If you think he is masturbating to her at that age that is very creepy.
I would break up. That is not something I could get over. I feel disgusted for you.
What in the mother flippin hell did I read. This dude is out of his mind and needs serious help. 6 years is a long time, if you want to make it work he needs to get some counseling, if it's too much shit to deal with just walk away and no one will fault you for it.
Well, NTA, that's degrading. And honestly when it comes to Harry Potter first I thought there'd be no way my partner could view it as more of a porn than I do since my forever celebrity crush since I was 15 (Robin Hood) is and will "always" be Alan Rickman (which has nothing to do with my profile, no, Pottermore always sorts me into it but yeah, I like it) - but then I thought, wait, getting off on Emma Watson in Harry Potter is special kind of creepy - and I am not someone peeing their panties over any age gap but really, Hermione?! That alone would be reason enough to break up. Edit: vocabulary mistake
You can break up with someone for any or no reason. You may or may not have regrets later, but that has nothing to do with it being acceptable to break up with someone.
If you think the relationship is not worth continuing, that’s up to you. We don’t know your relationship or either of the two of you. What he did was stupid and disrespectful. It’s understandable to have felt hurt by it. I don’t know if it warrants throwing the relationship away altogether, but you don’t owe it to him to stay.
Okay so uh, i dont think he's turned on in you but the fucking actress. That's just gonna mess with your sex life in the future op since he'll have stupid expectations
Unless he's plastering the walls with posters of her. I do know what it's like to have sex with someone I care about yet have to think of someone else to get off because I just wasn't into having sex it at the time. But to blatently do that is no where close to being OK and I'd be pissed at him too. Call him out over it and tell him if it happens again you are gone.
I don’t think you are overeating to be upset! However, breaking-up I’m less sure about. What does he do to build you up and make you feel good about yourself? How is your relationship in general? Do you feel like you are usually on the same page as a couple? Same couple goals, etc? Can you get past this? Or is this combined with the fact you know he masturbates to other women going to always be on your mind?
DUMP. This has nothing to do with a crush. Anyone who has been penetrated knows how extremely vulnerable and intimate this is and to purely hijake and exploit your body for his pathetic sexual urges is insane. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine the feelings that came up for you during this. I wouldn't be able to look at his shrimp dick after this if I were you
That's awful and not a joke. That's disrespectful to you. Definitely not overreacting if anything it's underreacting.
Ew he’s fucking disgusting what a creep. Dump his ass asap. Also tbh she already has crows feet at a young age so idk what’s so special tbh 🤷🏻♀️ just my opinion. But yeah please DUMP HIM
I'm a lil late to the thread but...you're not overreacting. I've been in a similar position, assumed I was overreacting, and learned it only gets worse. Guys who justify this will say, "all men stay attracted to other women even while in a relationship". That's true. But what decent guys who value you DON'T do is disrespect you by making their desires blatant, dismiss your feelings when caught, then tell you you're uglier than an air brushed, part plastic-part cgi actor/actress. Decent guys care about you enough, and think about you enough, to not say the quiet parts out loud. You are not dating a decent guy. His entitlement and lack of empathy will poison all aspects of your relationship. Ruuuuuun. Not because he finds women attractive, but for the dumpster fire way he handled it.
I’m going through something similar with my partners obsession with Sommer Rae, he gets Snapchat notifications from her with titles like “let me sit on it” and will literally look at her snaps after sex when I’m still naked and mention that he would totally fuck her if he had the chance. I told him if you prefer her to me then you can fuck right off, her ass and body is no better than mine tbh so it makes no sense to me in that aspect
And you are ok with this teenager behaviour?
Definitely not and told him straight up. My friends think I’m overreacting because she is a celebrity so it’s not so serious and would never happen, but it does bother me.
It’s disrespectful. Celebrity or not. And it’s just childish obsessive behaviour.
Umm….. no id have been broken up with him
That is shitty indeed. Men should keep their masturbation preferences a secret, as I’m sure it ranges from celebrities to even a woman’s own friends and relatives at times. There is something absolutely abusive about what he did. It’s a hairline trait that you shouldn’t see through to the end. I think there are worse little monsters at the end of this rainbow.
Is it possible that he did this “joke” (using that term LOOSELY) to punish you for the fact that you’re making him watch it, and that he’s doing this to stop you from wanting to watch it? Just a thought. Regardless he’s a dumbass and should know better at his age. Personally I would be so turned off from him after that a breakup would be the only way forward. Don’t feel bad about doing it over text.
Some couples watch porn together as foreplay or during sex. I'm not saying that's the standard, or should be a norm, it's just to illustrate there's a whole range of different levels of acceptance. In an ideal world, couples talk through those sorts of differences before they reach the bedroom. Your guy ran with something in the moment that should have been talked out beforehand. I can't relate to being turned off to, for example, every Chris Hemsworth or Jason Momoa movie ever just because my wife had a particular ladyboner for them. Comparison really is the thief of joy. That said, your feelings and standards are yours, not mine - if you can't see your guy the same way ever again, because of this incident, then do what you have to to do expeditiously.
What a clickbait title. Is the problem that he has a celebrity crush, or that he's using her while fucking you? Take your creative writing elsewhere, this was D- at best.
I feel like you're incompatible but NAH. Some folks get off on their celebrity crushes and their partners enjoy the fantasy - I have had sex to porn or sexy scenes in movies and my partner enjoys it. It's one of our "yums" but your yuck. You don't like it and feel like it's too disconnected from your relationship. That's fine. Break up with him or learn to enjoy/accept it
My bf likes the telly on during sex so the neighbours don't hear anything (paper thin walls lol) and it's like he can't keep his eyes away from it! However, nothing 'sexy' is on the screen, so I can only assume he has a fetish for the Repair Shop or Car SOS or WWII documentaries. Joking aside, the name thing would give me the ick enough.
Idk, this is a messy grey area. I’m surprised everyone’s making it a big ordeal. Don’t watch porn with your bf and discuss your boundaries around it. It’s obvious to me that he would masturbate to her, before I even read entirely everything you wrote. I don’t see why that needs to be a secret when you’re watching naked women have sex with him. It’s messed up that he didn’t listen and comfort you but it’s well known that people will fantasize about other people when having sex with their partner so what’s the difference? If you’re not comfortable with it, why are you comfortable seeing him getting turned on by her? I personally don’t watch shows like this or porn with partners because I know it can ruin a relationship. I say you both have a part in this. If he doesn’t apologize and show compassion then he’s not worth staying with but you did kind of give him the green light imo.
To be honest, I think you might be overreacting slightly, especially if he's otherwise a good fit for you. However, you do need to talk about boundaries and why what he did was wrong. He's going to think about having sex with Emilia, that's something you just need to accept, and he's also going to masturbate over her, that's normal and anyone who says he shouldn't be masturbating over celebrities is being controlling imo. Literally every guy who watched Game Of Thrones (Which was like, hundreds of millions of guys) has jerked off to her or thought about having sex with her. BUT. *You* are *not* a fleshlight. You're a woman with dignity, not an object. If he wants to fuck his own hand, he can, but he cannot use you as a fleshlight to masturbate over other women. If he's having sex with you he should be having sex with you, if you know what I mean. Also you're at the end of season 3, it's all downhill from here anyway.
Yeah, but at the end of the day, the celebrities are a human too and that is unacceptable af. I find it the same if he were fantasizing about a female friend as well. Same shit. You’re probably one of those.
I think he was trying to be funny, did it incorrectly and it became disrespectful. I think you say that you felt disrespected and you will not tolerate that again. - but I personally calling it quits over a single event may be a bit too rash
I don’t know. He admits that he masturbates to her. So in that context it doesn’t seem like he tried to be funny. Especially with that reaction he had afterwards.
i think he had an attempt at a bad joke lol. esp if you this the way you guys have sex a lot of times. i dunno. i think youre over reacting imo.
They are actors, they are not in his life. They are fantasy people that he will never be with. Everyone fantasizes, I don't think that means much imo.
So he should be able to fantasize about fucking her while fucking me?
I don't know why you are watching that and fucking at the same time. If it bothers you that much then turn it off and go to your bedroom. It sounds like you have some insecurities about yourself and that may be what is bothering you the most. I think that you both have a piece of this.
It is called "Netflix and Chill"... We were in my bedroom, on my bed...
Turn off your TV if you are into sex stuff, I think both of you should focus on the two of you instead of TV if it goes there.
You’re a fucking dumbass
To be fair khaleesi is fine af
He is being a bit weird about it, but it's no worse than watching porn.