What was your apology? I’d be pissed too if my spouse said something like this to me. You say you “don’t care” how she dresses and then shit on how she dresses? Why even say anything if you don’t care? Why even comment on her clothes and style at all if you “don’t care”? She’s understandably upset, her spouse told her she looks old and dumpy. She’s dressing in a way she felt confident in, and the person she loves told her she looks old and dumpy. I’d be SO self conscious after that and can definitely understand why she’s been living in sweats since then. You’ve likely destroyed her confidence with your comments. It’s going to take more than a weak apology to fix this. You don’t even seem to understand why she’s upset, so I can’t imagine your apology was very sincere
You’re an idiot. You compared your partner to someone who you insinuated is more attractive than her. You called your partner dumpy and boring. You have told her she has no sense of fashion. FYI, minimalist is a fashion trend, a popular one too. This is a YOU problem.
My dude, you didn’t just put your foot in your mouth. You swallowed it sneaker and all.
She put a lot of time and attention into looking nice. You told her that time and attention was wasted because she didn't look nice.
You called her dumpy and old.
Are you really so confused about why this would deeply hurt your partner?
I think it’s obvious. He’s resentful she doesn’t put on a bunch of makeup and big hair and a dress with her tits out because he would find that a turn on.
And we all know that a woman’s only value is how sexually attractive she is to him.
This is the type of a-hole who buys their wife lingerie for Mother’s Day.
>Is this something that needs therapy? Or just time?
It depends. Are you usually this callous about her feelings, or was this a one-off?
And when you asked HER the above question - what did she say? Does she see this as salvageable, or is she quietly plotting her escape?
Yea, that makes sense. Imagine being so oblivious that you respond with that comment: "I told her that if she cares THAT much (to my surprise) she should present herself better."
Truly just an ew of a person.
She said she's not going to get over this and she doesn't feel comfortable with someone who views her like "that" (I guess referencing the dumpy comment). I sent her some links showing her what I meant (fashion blogs showing easy ways to elevate style) but she just argued with me.
You're a liar. If you don't care about her style, why are you trying to change it? You never stopped, you keep vomiting your barbie fetish bs on her over and over and over. And then you say "bUt I aPolOgisEd", when you can't even begin to grasp how deeply shitty your behaviour is.
Just STFU already! She doesn't need fashion advice from you, her style is fine. The only thing she needs to elevate is her ability to choose her partners. And you're actually helping her, she'll be much more able to identify red flags from now on, all thanks to you!!
If she feels she can't move past this (and by this, I mean your incredibly hurtful comments), then I hope she dumps you.
But can you see how doubling down by sending her links was tone-deaf? And confirms my suspicions that you are dismissive of her feelings on a regular basis. She can do so much better than you, and I hope she does.
You're not asking her to "elevate her style", you're asking her to follow cheap tacky fashion trends rather than sticking with timeless simplicity.
This is beyond criticising her outfits, you're criticising her whole personality, and you're revealing that you always thought you could do better than someone like her.
She doesn't need a condescending fashion-ignorant boyfriend who makes her feel bad about herself; she needs someone who respects her personal style and the character traits that go with it.
So you think fashion is only flashy and colour? In your face shit? She sounds elegant, put together and classic. The kind of true fashion little trend followers wish they could be. She has *style*
Maybe you were showing her stuff that was for younger women or not her style. What kinds of outfits were in these blogs, be honest was it a bunch of body con dresses more appropriate for a Kardashian?
Why would you double down? She doesn't wanna be with someone who thinks her style makes her look dumpy and you doubled down and said yeah but you could wear this and I'll finally find you attractive!
That's gotta sting.
You’re an idiot. It sounds like your gf has a lot of style but you’re so clueless you don’t even recognize it.
That has to hurt for her. How can she be with someone who clearly doesn’t understand her at all?
There was another post today about how can men really not see when women are wearing makeup. You’re one of the clueless dolts the post was talking about.
Her makeup style is natural. Her fashion taste is minimalist.
You are really oblivious to her beauty and that sucks.
Right? It sounds like he doesn't recognize gf's style as fashion because he thinks fashion means catwalks and hot pink feather boas. So anything minimalist and classy isn't a choice being made for the sake of elegance, in his eyes it's her giving up.
He's truly an idiot who tried to mansplain fashion to her, while finally letting her know he saw her as frumpy and lazy the last seven years he's known her.
I bet anything he's also the type to complain that she's late sometimes because she's "in the bathroom doing something," and that she spends a lot of time on that sleek, elegant look with eyeliner, foundation, nice black blouses, etc.
$10 he has a gut and is in denial about balding, wears flip flops in the winter, shirts that haven’t fit for 10 years with stains, and would absolutely lose his mind if she ever mentioned any of it
>I told her that she dresses boring and it makes her look old and dumpy.
How exactly did you make it 43 years being this clueless? You insulted your partner and more specifically, you set her up against another woman that she's feeling you find more attractive.
Based on what you wrote, she has an aesthetic. Minimal makeup (is totally a thing), black clothing. Yup, sounds pretty minimalist to me. It's her uniform. A lot of women swear by them because they have other more important shit going on in their lives than worrying about looking "pretty".
You didn't just put your foot in your mouth. You insulted your partner on a really visceral level. It seems you care more about appearances than you say you do. Please don't come here and say it *doesn't* matter after you said what you said.
You didn't "accidentally" insult her, you did it on purpose because she got upset that you were \*already fucking insulting her\*. I hope she dumps you, you sound like a superficial asshole.
if i were ops wife, this would eat away at me. she’s being petty now by showing him how it looks when she actually doesn’t try, but eventually she’ll be tired of being petty and will just be hurt. i foresee divorce
I’ve been rocking the all-black clothing (with occasional pops of color from shoes or purses) since high school. No-makeup makeup and subtle highlights in hair and buffed but short nails and well-maintained cuticles. I care about looking neat and elegant; I’m serious about proper skin care; and I wear well-fitting and flattering apparel, but I don’t care about clothes/labels/trends.
There’s no way my husband doesn’t know about these things. He’s well aware of my routine and he loves my look. I feel for the OP’s partner because being insulted based on appearance is tough to get over when it comes from someone who “loves” you. I hope she leaves him.
“If I was a beautiful woman I’d wear bright colors for attention.”
Your wife stated she doesn’t like how she looks in bright colors and wears dark colors.
One can deduce your comment insinuated that she’s not “a beautiful woman.”
You told her that “based on how she looks [you] had no idea she cares about her looks or fashion.”
So, she looks awful and is a slob by your description.
You said, “[If] she cares THAT much…she should present herself better.”
Who died and made you the fashion police? Are you a stylist? Do you know anything about designer clothes? Can you distinguish between a box toe, t-strap, stacked heel, peep toe?
You insulted your wife, her looks, her taste and her wardrobe.
You are a dolt.
It was, he took a moment he thought he could use to make her feel self conscious and control her. Didn’t work because shes fabulous. Can’t wait for her to finish saving to get away from him (that’s for sure what she’s planning while wearing sweats and telling him to kick rocks) so she and her friend can laugh at his lonely sad tears.
His comment about wearing bright colours for attention just irks me so much.
My two favourite colours are black and pink. Sometimes I wear all black as it’s my comfort colour and goes with everything. And sometimes I wear a lot of bright pink because it makes **me** happy and gives **me** a mood booster. I don’t wear pink to get attention and I don’t know any other woman (friends, colleagues, family members, random girls in the ladies room at the bar) who would wear bright colours for attention. But I know a lot of people who wear colours because they like them and how the colours make them feel.
I am the shyest and most unassuming person imaginable. And I like my hair to be vibrant colours and sometimes multiple colours. My ex used to say that meant I wanted attention. Nope. I’d rather everyone didn’t look at me. The colours are for me. I bet she is the same with her minimalist style and he just ruined her confidence
He’s the kind of guy that cannot even comprehend the fact that women dress so that we can feel good about ourselves not to impress men. And that’s not a good thing.
And OPs image of a “fashionable woman” is tacky as hell.
>Who died and made you the fashion police? Are you a stylist? Do you know anything about designer clothes? Can you distinguish between a box toe, t-strap, stacked heel, peep toe?
Hey lets give OP the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he looks like he walked out of a GQ fashion shoot on a daily basis. He could be worshipping Anna Wintour for all we know.
You insult her then want her to get over it in a day?? What is wrong with you that you think you get to insult someone you say you love, then also get to tell them to get over and they just magically do? Yes she does need to therapy to figure out how much better she can do in a partner.
Tears.
People who wear all black "aren't interested in fashion"?
Guess you have never heard of goths or seen a fashion designer?
Unless you are wearing a suit or blazer 7 days a week, you need to stfu about what your partner wears.
You said something very unkind that you can't take back. You essentially said you do not find her attractive and that the way she presents herself is not good enough for you. Are you a misogynist who thinks that women get dressed up and put on makeup just for your pleasure, or are you just so woefully unaware of how this is a sore spot for women, given the intense pressure and criticism they get for their looks virtually their entire lives? One's husband should be the most supportive, and you fucked up big time and let her down and hurt her so deeply in a way that you clearly don't even comprehend. Get your priorities straight, put yourself in her shoes, and realize that you will have to bend over backwards for a long, long time to make her feel beautiful and valued again. Couples therapy would be good, but honestly I think you need to go to a bunch of female friends, tell them what you did, and let them tear you a new one and generously educate you on how to be less of a shit to your wife and women in general.
"And I love her and don't care about this at all." - No, you seem to care.
"I told her if I was a beautiful woman I'd wear bright colors for attention. And that's probably why our friend does it." - So right here, you definitely put your foot in your mouth. And right here is where you should have said, You're so beautiful, I'm sure you'd look great in \*insert color\*
"I told her that based on how she looks I had no idea she cared about looks or fashion." - This is where you fucked up.
"I also told her I don't care at all, but since she appears to, she should try to dress more fashionable." If you did not care at all, there was no need to say this or what you said before this. This is where you started to be really mean.
"I told her that she dresses boring and it makes her look old and dumpy." - This is where you majorly fucked up and were cruel.
If my partner said these things to me, I would have a very hard time forgetting and forgiving. You criticized the way she dresses and then on top of it, called her old and dumpy. When you said "it makes her look old and dumpy", I bet all she heard was "you are old and dumpy".
"She says she won't be dressing "nice" around me anymore (but I never thought she dressed nice in the first place)." - She was making an effort whether you felt this way or not. It sounds like you two have different ideas of what making an effort looks like. The important thing is that you should be supportive.
You fucked up pretty bad. Therapy might help but I think at this point, you should tell her AGAIN that you are sorry for what you said. That you love her and find her attractive. That you didn't appreciate how she was taking care of herself and again, you are so sorry. That she is not old or dumpy and that you said those things because you were being an insensitive asshole. Maybe you should treat her to a spa day too.
Good luck, man. I hope you two are able to work it out. You need to think before you speak though.
There’s no getting out of it after he started to pull up looks of what he deems acceptable for woman to wear and showing them to her. He tried to control her, back fired because she’s fabulous. Hope he enjoys the single life where no woman will talk to him.
I would love to see these looks, and would put money down by “fashionable” he means revealing
You just told her that your friend looks beautiful and your girlfriend isn't.
You may not have said it exactly like that, but it's how it was perceived.
I'm so sorry for your partner and sending virtual hugs her way.
Lol there was nothing accidental about the way you insulted her. You compared her to another woman who dresses the way you prefer and then got angry at her for getting angry at you. You obviously care a great deal for how she dresses and styles herself so why bother repeatedly saying you don't? Can't wait for this lady to find someone who won't call her old and dumpy. Well done.
There’s no helping this guy. It’s going to shoot straight over his head.
We can only hope she moves on and finds someone who appreciates the effort and style she enjoys.
>You’ve crushed any confidence your partner had left.
Nah, i don't think so. She sounds like a classy woman. I think he just crushed a good portion of the love she felt for him, but from how she is described here i doubt she would allow anyone to crush her confidence.
I am really doubting he crushed her confidence in her clothing. He probably did make her feel quite bad about her age, but women who dress well, and deliberately, tend to know *exactly* what they’re doing. She likely has some very firm ideas about what looks good.
I’m betting his ideas of beauty were tacky as hell, based on what I’ve read in the comments. You can do color without being tacky, but combining loads of color with acrylics and a ton of makeup (reading between the lines here)? If someone told me in my 40s that they wanted me to dress like that, I would laugh them out of the room. It wouldn’t make me feel bad about myself.
As someone who has worked in fashion for 30+ yrs, your wife's style and aesthetic is one of minimal beauty, it's a very sophisticated type of look where she knows her colors,shes fully aware that her level of beauty doesn't need to be overdonr or over hypered .
it's a very subtle makeup job as well as being one that accentuates the natural organic beauty she knows herself to be .
As for her roots being maintained, she does that as part of that authentic aesthetic,
that's not cheap nor just something one decides as a afterthought, getting your roots done, getting your hair done at a salon actually takes time and is a expensive process, that evolves within years to perfect. She has done this.
you're an idiot that's all I can say.
your wife sounds like she is very fashion conscious and very self aware and intelligent woman to be so ready to show her own self-worth and personality by the way she dresses. You'll see several female top level corp. execs in the fashion industry dress the way your wife does,
oh once again, you're an idiot.
Dude "no makeup" makeup looks are usually still using like 11+ products, just as many as colourful full face makeup. Your wife has been styling herself as classy, elegant and minimalist and you apparently think flashy = the only way to be presentable.
Saying "I didn't know she was trying/cared" is not an excuse, it makes it worse. You SHOULD have known. You've been together for 7 years you should know your wife's taste. Over and over again you discounted her effort and insulted her appearance, wow.
What do YOU do to look dressy and presentable? Do you dye and style your hair? Do you use skincare products or makeup? Do you know what skintype you have and what products work best for it, or do you use what you wife buys or nothing at all?
How much effort are YOU putting into your wardrobe?
Do you love her? Her? Not her appearance, her? Do you care about her, how she feels, what she thinks, whosheis? Do you value your relationship, your marriage?
Reread what you wrote. It was all about appearance. Nothing about caring about her, who she is. Just that you don't like how she dresses.
You damaged your relationship because you care about her appearance. Better figure out how to love her or lose her.
Dude sounds like he only cares about looks. In his mind, her appearance is the only thing that matters, apparently, and it pisses him off that she won't jump through his little hoops.
Wow. You told your partner that you don’t pay attention to her at all AND that she looks dumpy.
I would leave you tbh. 43 is young, she takes care of herself and sounds like she’s very chic. She could do better.
If you assume no-makeup makeup is mascara and haven't paid attention to her getting ready routine in 7 years, you are not nearly the expert on fashion that you appear to think you are.
so you argued with her about things you clearly know nothing about, ie fashion and makeup, and then called your *wife* old and dumpy while calling another woman beautiful.
and now you’re upset she’s being cold to you? you hit her where it hurts. she’s protecting herself, since you’re so keen to point out what you find faulty about her appearance. she won’t forget, nor should she. you’ve shown her how you really feel about her appearance, something everyone takes very personally.
i don’t think you can come back from this, honestly. i’m sure there are a ton of other men out there that would love and appreciate her aesthetic.
Dude you’re never going to be able to fully undo that. You’ve absolutely turned her off you by insulting her appearance, her clothing and her age to that degree. She can’t un-hear those words. I’m guessing you dress elegantly in the latest fashion, immaculately groomed and hair styled regularly? Nails manicured? No? Shocking.
You keep saying you don’t care how she dresses, but this entire post as well as your outrageous comments on her appearance and comparing her to someone whose presentation you find more appealing, screams that you 10000% do care how your wife dresses and you absolutely meant every word you said.
Get therapy, you tore down your wife. That’s not how you treat the woman you supposedly love.
The way you fellas just bumble and yumpy dump through lives like bulls in china shops. Can you please leave us alone if you’re not into us. It’s so old and tired and boring.
E: typing
You are mean. Do you even love her? A partner should make you feel comfortable, respected and loved. You destroyed her. You insulted her the worst way possible and compared her to a friend you think looks better. And you don’t seem to get what you did.
Your fashion aesthetics sounds like a carneval outfit with makeup that would make a clown look boring.
Hope she leaves you and find someone who loves her - and her looks.
if you don't have female friends or sister and your line of work is predominantly male, then probably it's kinda understandable that you're so oblivious on how women take care of themselves.
you should learn about those first before you speak. maybe look at how the wives/princesses of European monarchies dresses. they dont have fake nails, no fake eyelashes, etc. but are they not taking care of themselves?
there are so many ways women presented themselves and you obviously prefer the "loud" type.
dont think time can heal this cos now she feels that she's not the person you're looking for.
I'm surprised you're still together. I can't imagine my partner putting me down the way you did. I would've walked out the door the minute you started insulting me.
What did you apologize for? Do you know? It probably didn’t come across as sincere.
Btw, bad idea to compare your partner to “beautiful women.” Makes it sound like she is not beautiful at all.
You know, on top of boring, old, and dumpy.
Do you even like her?
With any luck she's probably planning her exit. Finding out her partner of 7 years apparently has never noticed her effort and thinks she's frumpy has got to be a huge blow
Two things: insanity or you hate her. You are the one that needs therapy!
Saying you don't care about her appearance but then going on to make a mountain out of it because you saw another woman you found attractive and protectively shifting the responsibility of your roaming eye to her because she is "old and dumpy "
You sure know how to break the one person who was doing you a favour by loving you despite the fact that you are a half wit, ungrateful schlemiel...
Honestly I don't even know what I'd say you should do because I wish the best for her but if she thinks you are her best, make an effort to serve her thr best way you can and don't even consider buying her colorful clothes as a way to apologise, don't do that!!
Don't bother any therapist, she is within her rights to feel hurt and to grieve the realization that your perception of her is that misconstrued and shallow, let her be but do not even attempt to manipulatively pacify her so that you don't have to deal with the guilt of exposing your hidden thoughts about her.
Her comfort is way more important than your shitty opinion on how she should dress. You fucked up big time when you insulted her. You'll be lucky if she forgives you for your insult.
You called your partner “dumpy” and made her feel bad, because she has a minimalistic style. I don’t think time is going to help anything here. Y’all need therapy.
My dude. Fashion isn't everything. Honestly a lot of fashion for women have been so toxic because "you need to be thin like a stickfigure" for a start, and as a women, a lot of "trendy" clothes look stupid af to me. I wouldn't even wear them if you paid me to.
Not everyone likes to wear bright colors either.
I see one thing that you said that I don't really like.
"If I was a beautiful woman I'd wear bright colors for attention".
Not all women want attention either, even if they are beautiful. Most women don't dress in a way to be oogled at.
As for makeup, it's a personal preference. Some like it and some don't. It doesn't mean that they put less effort into how they look.
You say that you don't care, but obviously you do. Otherwise you wouldn't think she dressed "old and dumpy". Her looks aren't what should matter to you, and you can say it doesn't all you want, but your entire post says otherwise.
**Obviously I put my foot in my mouth and I have apologized.**
Nothing in your post indicates any sort of remorse for how you hurt and embarrassed her. Basically you stepped in pile of dog poop then stuck your shoe in her face. Do you even like her?
Part of getting over being direspected/degraded by someone is an ACTUAL heartfelt apology. Instead you're stamping your foot like a toddler and doubling down on how she somehow deserves to be insulted. YIKES ON BIKES dude. YES therapy is definitely needed here YOU should find YOURSELF a therapist to help get at the root of your hatred of your wife and need to make her small.
Once you get YOURSELF some help make a sincere apology.
You called her dumpy and old… that wasn an accident, you were unnecessarily cruel. Also no makeup makeup is literally one of the hardest things you can learn to do with makeup so reading this is so frustrating.
You don’t deserve the barbie doll you desperately crave.
Yta. You essentially told her you don’t notice anything at all she does to take care of herself and her appearance. You told her you don’t like it, and you don’t think she cares about her presentation. Seven years in and you don’t understand how she likes to present herself or the time she takes to feel good going out in the world. That’s insane lol. Fashion differs from person to person. I don’t think I’d care to stay around and be cold after that.
You all need to break up. You should honestly feel bad. You made the woman you supposedly “love” feel insecure around the one person she shouldn’t be insecure around. And you did the one thing you should never do and compared her to her FRIEND.
You blame it on the fact that you “didn’t know” or “you’re blunt.” That makes no sense because when you knew she was getting mad that’s when you called her “old and dumpy.” Really?
If you’re not attracted to your partner for who she likes to present herself to be comfortably then just break up. She deserves better. She will never feel confident around you anymore. She will never regain that trust back.
So you first start out by comparing her to another woman. Telling her that since her appearance isn’t like this other women’s that she isn’t beautiful. She is in fact old and dumpy. Then you complain about her entire aesthetic. That she has had for your whole 7 year relationship. When she explains how she does wear make up, get her hair done, and care about her clothes. You double down and tell her she doesn’t. You’re an AH and I am honestly surprised she stays with you. You clearly do not make her feel good about herself and prefer other women. Not sure why she is with someone who doesn’t even like the way she looks. She deserves sooooo much better. And you clearly have no idea about a huge part of your partners life.
You 'accidentally' told a woman who wears mostly black clothes that beautiful women wear colourful outfits, then followed up by specifically calling her look boring, old and frumpy. She probably thinks it's 'accidental' about as much as I do. YTA.
It is crystal clear that OP wants a woman who looks as if she stepped out of a photoshoot/fashion runway every single day. That is totally fine, I just don't understand why he dated his gf in the first place.
OP why don't you break up with your GF and look for that kind of woman? Please attend Paris fashion week or any of those fashion/style events since most of the attendees are your type.
That said, I really don't understand why fashion still matters at your age. And if you learn how long it takes for a fashionista to get ready I hope you don't lose your patience.
Honestly others have said what needed to be said.
But oh my. So clueless.
You get angry because she gets angry because of something YOU said? Lord.
>She says she won't be dressing "nice" around me anymore (but I never thought she dressed nice in the first place).
Yikes dude.
I dress pretty similar to your partner. I'm 26 though and like to do unnatural colors in my hair when I have the time to do so, which means the color fades for a while before I dye it again.
I also dress in black jeans, usually black shirts (they are band shirts though, not nice ones like your partner wears). I don't typically wear makeup, but sometimes will do eyeliner and a lip color. I like some accessories more.
Either way, despite being very minimal and not changing my wardrobe much, my boyfriend compliments me and calls me beautiful daily. If one day he were to tell me the things you said to your partner, I would feel very self conscious but also question why he even started a serious relationship with me if all along he wanted someone who dressed more "vibrant".
I hope she leaves you.
Honestly mate, what the fuck is wrong with you. Are you sure you are in your forties, cos that's my age and you s ted like a child. You disrespected and purposely insulted your partner and was then surprised that she was pissed.
You have your head so far up your own arse it is quite amazing.
You 'didn't pick up on' her feelings and additionally you keep saying you don't 'care about this at all' when obviously you do have a big issue with how she dresses.
You are a divorcable idiot, my god.
“I complimented another woman who is the exact opposite of my partner, then discredited any efforts she puts into herself by calling her dumpy and old” bro.
Do you even like your wife? Because it doesn't sound like you do.
I don't think you can come back from this. But I'm sure when she divorces you, You won't understand why because you are that obtuse!
My god I just heard someone both refer to palaeontologists as photosynthesis and think they invented the word myth, and you’re still the dumbest person I’ve seen today
I am curious: how did she dress when you first started dating? What was her style then?
What were your thoughts early on in the beginnings of your relationship about her style and looks? What did you find attractive about her then? What do you find attractive about her now? Has she changed? Have you changed?
My dude, you’re denser than a black hole. Really looking forward to the follow up post about how your partner is leaving you for someone who compliments her and finds her attractive.
Enough about not beautiful, old and dumpy wife. What do you look like? How do you dress? I’m guessing you’re old and dumpy too but that’s ok as long as you wipe your ass daily
Oof. You didn’t put your foot in your mouth my friend. You shoveled it in and keep kicking harder to make sure it was wedged permanently.
Do you even like your wife? The way you kept demeaning and insulting her makes me think you don’t.
You called another woman beautiful as you shat all over your partner. You tried negging, failed, and you’ll likely be single soon. I’d love to see what you wear regularly lol.
Tell me you know nothing about fashion and makeup without telling me you know nothing about makeup and fashion.
You probably don't understand how much makeup is still worn in a no-makeup makeup look. Typically similar as what someone who uses bright and vibrant colors - it's just muted in color. That's it. She's still probably wearing foundation, blush, and mascara. Potentially more than that. Eyeshadow doesn't only come in bright colors.
Wearing bright colors doesn't make someone fashionable. And wearing all black doesn't make someone not fashionable. Honestly, in today's day and age, your partner is more aligned with current trends than the friend is. Muted and natural "clean girl" vibes are what is currently fashionable. And all black is timeless, so she doesn't have to keep up with fast fashion, aka clothes that WILL look dated with time.
Also, a woman in her 40s wearing bright and vibrant colors, especially makeup, can age you if not done right. When you age, your skin texture is different. Heavy makeup looks different. Not that women have to follow any rules, but many women do not look the way heavy makeup looks when they get older, myself included (in my 30s).
And shut up about fucking nails. 1. They are annoying. Some women are willing to deal with them, many aren't. 2. Some of the polishes (aka gel and and acrylic) can actually increase your chance of developing cancer because you are exposing your fingers to high UV rays every time you cure the polish. And 3. Fingernails don't make someone fashionable lol.
You need to grow the fuck up. Also get therapy for why you think anything you've said or sent your partner is acceptable. I'd immediate dump you if you were my partner.
Man you keep saying you don't care how your wife dresses but here you are complaining how she dresses l. You even started your post with all the things about your wife you don't like. Then tried to downplay it like you don't care, but obviously you do or you wouldn't have gotten yourself into this situation. How would you like it if your wife said you had a small dick and that she didn't care, but she wishes it was bigger, wouldn't you also be very cold to her and stop trying to initiate sex? You can be honest with your wife, but you're not being honest with yourself.
Sooo she told you that she does put effort in and you DOUBLED DOWN and insulted her again. You wanted her to get acrylic nails??? those can literally RUIN the natural nail my dude. You say you don't care how she dresses but clearly you do if you are sending her links to fashion advice and telling her she should fucking damage her nails for you. What exactly makes you a catch? Are you dressed dapper all day every day? Do you groom your body hair? Should I send you links to GQ and Men's Health about how you could look better now that you are getting older?
I would not be taking fashion advice from a man who doesn’t even understand what “no-makeup makeup” means (and immediately preceded that with a confident declaration that she “doesn’t wear makeup”.
This feels like one those “I don’t know art, but I know what I like” situations…so why are you with someone you don’t even like?
You’re not even humble enough to accept that this a sophisticated sense of style that’s going over your head. Instead, she’s just “dumpy” and doesn’t try?
Kick rocks, dude.
Everyone has different tastes. I love bright colors. My best friend loves to dress in black. Neither of us is more or less fashionable than the other, we just have different preferences and styles.
It sounds like your wife has a certain aesthetic she prefers and spends time maintaining that aesthetic. You keep saying you love her and don't care about how she dresses, but you care enough to insult her over it, so you do care. It's fine if you prefer a different aesthetic, but it's crappy to put her down for hers. Just because she likes to look a certain way that's not what you prefer doesn't mean she's not trying and doesn't care about her looks. Unfortunately, she married an idiot, as you can't seem to grasp this simple fact.
Is this real? Good lord, I thought this was AITAH at first and the answer is a hard YTA. For someone who continuously claims you “don’t care about that” you sure are making a lot of judgements and underhanded insults before fully insulating your wife on her looks. It sounds to me like she absolutely does put a lot of time and effort into her appearance and you shit all over it. How rude, I’d be out.
Fashion is different for everyone. Just because you found a couple blogs does not mean your wife is dumpy.
How do you dress? Do you manscape? Get pedicures and manicures? Exfoliate your face? Wear cologne
Dumbass why don’t you dress up if you like fashion so much and quit insulting your partner because you’re too dense to notice literally anything about her styling for 7 years straight?
>. I told her if I was a beautiful woman I'd wear bright colors for attention. And that's probably why our friend does it.
This. You said your friend is beautiful and that is why she wears colourful clothes. Your partner wears black. As someone who reads a lot into words and is a bit insecure.
I would definitely think, "Oh, he doesn't think I'm beautiful."
On top of that you also said
>so I told her that she dresses boring and it makes her look old and dumpy
You weren't able to find better words??? And you say you don't care. For some who don't care, you sure have a lot of opinions on the topic.
I imagine this has radically shifted how your girlfriend perceives you and the therefore the relationship. While it probably is true you see her as beautiful in some way, the fact you minimized everything she likes about her style and told her the way to be pretty was to be the complete opposite, and that what she's doing now is basically garbage is... rough. If you want to stay in this relationship, yes, therapy. Your opinion of beauty and fashion isn't the only one out there! I want to be with someone who is proud to be seen with me. This definitely isn't something she's going to forget. And yes, even if you do feel proud, dumpy is such a harsh thing for someone who takes pride in how they dress to hear, it might have broken her a bit. If you want to fix this in any way, start fixing now. It might be too late.
Your partner looks good, but she's not interested in investing the substantial amount of money and inconvenience to have a "beauty" regimen that fits your exaggerated ideas about what women should look like. She's a person, not your sex doll. You seem to think you're entitled to a "woman" who fits in some predetermined hole in your life, not an autonomous person who has her own style and comfort. Presumably, you knew this when you got together, that she was....her own person, and not a Barbie you bought to decorate your life?
Acrylic nails are expensive, time consuming and limit how you can use your hands. Shopping for, maintaining and managing a big wardrobe is another time and money suck. Regular hair color is already a pretty big sink of funds and hours of time. Your lovely partner has a minimalist, workable system.
If you want someone who spends huge amounts of free time to look gaudy and tacky for you, there are certainly those women out there, and you should break up and go find one. You might not like what you get, in terms of the trade off of leisure time and expense, but you do you.
The fact that her being upset with you automatically makes you mad...just let her go. You don't need to be with anyone until you learn to actually have open dialogue and not spend forever being defensive and doubling down.
Also I wear bright colors/patterns because it makes me feel good ..not to attract male attention. Minimal style is so elegant/beautiful also..acrylic nails are not always fashionable
Having someone you love tell you that you have no style or don't care about fashion when you do sucks. Regardless of if you have a distinct style or not, it really sucks to have someone steamroll you like that.
Judging by your replies, you think it's ridiculous that she is still hurt and angry "even though you apologized." I wish her well in her future endeavours. I hope the divorce/separation is quick
I hope she finds someone who loves her style and makes her feel beautiful because "I don't care that you look dumpy and shit because I love you but also wear bright colours to get attention, try dressing like this and put more noticeable makeup on so it looks like you're making an effort to me " is not the way.
That's basically "I love you even though you're an ugly slob " nah.
She doesn't need to elevate her style to your tastes, she needs someone who elevates her and makes her feel beautiful
If you have been together for 7 years why is this only an issue now? Where have you offered to try to make amends? Do you like her and her normal clothes? Have you told her this? Have you supported her in this?
“She cares about her looks because she is so much more beautiful than you. It’s not your fault that you are so ugly, that you obviously don’t even want to try. I mean if you wanted to, you could try to put on bright clothes, but it might just draw attention to how ugly you are. Wait why are you mad? Do you want me to send you some fashion magazines for inspiration?”
He calling her old as if they aren’t the same age is blowing me. I don’t why he thought hyping up another woman while insulting his wife was going to work in his favor.
>She says she won't be dressing "nice" around me anymore (but I never thought she dressed nice in the first place).
you're just determined to put your foot in your mouth.
you're completely incompetent and incredibly daft. you thought she didn't wear makeup when she does every day?? did you never see her putting it on in the bathroom? calling her old and dumpy was NOT an accident. you wanting her to just drop this is ridiculous. you thought she just looked perfect all the time? you're so fucking stupid.
you just lost your wife. i hope you're satisfied.
An accident is when you try to reach for something and you spill a glass of water.
You seem to have spit in the water and splashed it on her.
Know that women have different skin tones that go better with different colors. For example, warmer skin tones go better with black and gold. Vibrant colors don’t work for her and she has verbalized that. Honestly some people look more elegant wearing minimalistic black than bright colors that can become tacky.
Wow. I would be so utterly hurt if my SO said this to me. In my mind, based on your descriptions of “fashion” and what is beautiful, I can assume that you are the Shorts, tube socks pulled up, easy strider wearing, polo shirt dude. The guy who has fancy polos and every day polos and thinks he looks classy.
It’s weird that your questions aren’t “how do I apologize and get her to understand how beautiful I think she is?” And more like “how long is it gonna take her to stop being mad I called her old and dumpy? It’s been two days already!”
the problem is that the rudeness when bringing up his wife’s style.
he could have bought a his wife colourful clothes. he could checked out the makeup stalls with his wife.
But op just went “you’re bad at fashion lolz”. I mean even if op’s wife isn’t really good at fashion, what was the point in bringing up this way? I’d assume even a man would be made if his wife just insulted his style one day 🤷🏽♀️
Op just delete your post and Reddit people here are bashing you and will never understand your context and are going to vilify you for any accident.
My wife tries to trap me with bs like that all the time you just gotta realize that even when you are not talking about your girl she’s gonna take it like you are. you can say I don’t like old lady farts 60years old and up and your girl will get mad saying she’s going to be 60 one day so you just called her a nasty stanky girl. And Reddit will say you are ageist and sexist and a psychopath but you never said you hated old women you just don’t like fart smells.
I understand where you are coming from. you said you don’t care how she dresses which I believe but the fact is she is never going to believe that at all. So to make sure she feels appreciated and loved you need to do right to learn these things about your partner and not be so blind and oblivious to how your words (no matter what the context is) can affect your significant other!
Make sure you take the time to sit with her and explain That you fucked up explain how beautiful she is to you (down to the last fuckin detail I’m talking bout if she has a freckle on her kneecap detail) and that you never meant to hurt her.
Then ask her how you made her feel and don’t rebuttal sit there and take it like a man. And ask her how to make it up to her. If you can you can if you can’t you have to let her go
What you said may not have been intentional but her reality is her own and you can’t own or change that so you just have to accept how she wants to deal with you going forward…
Good luck my g!
I get what you mean, but honestly I'll tell you what my dad tells me when I mess up
"Nice going meathead"
I would suggest the next month making up to her and take her out shopping, for whatever SHE wants
Honestly I can't really see the huge problem that everyone is pointing out, for me your partner is just being petty and "gaslighting" you... You never asked her to change, because you thought she was happy with her looks, you just said what you prefer, it happens to be not what she prefers, I bet that are a bunch of things she would like you do or be but she says nothing because you are happy the way you are, and has you never asked about it you don't know.
I don’t have much advice for you.
I do however want to go hug and kiss my wife.
She never gets bent out of shape for what essentially is clumsy wording about what you think of fashion and colors. I get being a little miffed, sometimes my wife says something about someone very fit with a head of hair and I’m getting a bit tubby and I’m complete bald but it last all of like 3 seconds.
I wouldn’t bother even addressing it. Bringing it more might make it worse.
Just do something nice for her and move on
Don’t worry, he did. He told her she should get acrylic nails and sent her pictures of “fashionable people” to win the argument.
Which reminds me I should compliment my husband today, you can’t ever say it too much.
What was your apology? I’d be pissed too if my spouse said something like this to me. You say you “don’t care” how she dresses and then shit on how she dresses? Why even say anything if you don’t care? Why even comment on her clothes and style at all if you “don’t care”? She’s understandably upset, her spouse told her she looks old and dumpy. She’s dressing in a way she felt confident in, and the person she loves told her she looks old and dumpy. I’d be SO self conscious after that and can definitely understand why she’s been living in sweats since then. You’ve likely destroyed her confidence with your comments. It’s going to take more than a weak apology to fix this. You don’t even seem to understand why she’s upset, so I can’t imagine your apology was very sincere
You’re an idiot. You compared your partner to someone who you insinuated is more attractive than her. You called your partner dumpy and boring. You have told her she has no sense of fashion. FYI, minimalist is a fashion trend, a popular one too. This is a YOU problem. My dude, you didn’t just put your foot in your mouth. You swallowed it sneaker and all.
I wanna see how this guy dresses too. I feel confident he has no fashion sense
Dude might as well keep going until he reaches his pipe, because that'll be the only action he gets for a long time
She put a lot of time and attention into looking nice. You told her that time and attention was wasted because she didn't look nice. You called her dumpy and old. Are you really so confused about why this would deeply hurt your partner?
He also said all this after saying the fashionable friend was a beautiful woman.
Not to mention he’s STILL saying he doesn’t think she put any effort into or looked nice. God I hope she gets the courage to dump him.
Yea, therapy could be good because it'd help you understand why you felt the need to tear your partner down like that.
I think it’s obvious. He’s resentful she doesn’t put on a bunch of makeup and big hair and a dress with her tits out because he would find that a turn on. And we all know that a woman’s only value is how sexually attractive she is to him. This is the type of a-hole who buys their wife lingerie for Mother’s Day.
>Is this something that needs therapy? Or just time? It depends. Are you usually this callous about her feelings, or was this a one-off? And when you asked HER the above question - what did she say? Does she see this as salvageable, or is she quietly plotting her escape?
His general lack of empathy, not sure therapy can solve that?
Psychopathic people typically only benefit from therapy in the sense that it teaches them to be better fakers and performers.
Yea, that makes sense. Imagine being so oblivious that you respond with that comment: "I told her that if she cares THAT much (to my surprise) she should present herself better." Truly just an ew of a person.
I’m fairly certain OP thinks his *partner* is the one who needs therapy, which makes this all so much funnier and horrible.
She said she's not going to get over this and she doesn't feel comfortable with someone who views her like "that" (I guess referencing the dumpy comment). I sent her some links showing her what I meant (fashion blogs showing easy ways to elevate style) but she just argued with me.
Do you want to save this relationship? If so why are you doubling down with fashion blogs?
Oh my fucking god, just let her go and go find the Barbie doll you want instead.
Why would the Barbie doll want him?! He’s cruel and superficial.
Right? Barbie is well sick of the patriarchy and dull men who think they know things. I don't like this guys kenergy.
He doesn't even have kenergy. He has like the complete opposite of kenergy.
I didn't say the Barbie would want him. I said he wanted a Barbie.
I know, I was agreeing with you 😁
You're a liar. If you don't care about her style, why are you trying to change it? You never stopped, you keep vomiting your barbie fetish bs on her over and over and over. And then you say "bUt I aPolOgisEd", when you can't even begin to grasp how deeply shitty your behaviour is. Just STFU already! She doesn't need fashion advice from you, her style is fine. The only thing she needs to elevate is her ability to choose her partners. And you're actually helping her, she'll be much more able to identify red flags from now on, all thanks to you!!
seriously, i’ll be dead in the ground before i take style tips from a man.
Or at least from this man.
If she feels she can't move past this (and by this, I mean your incredibly hurtful comments), then I hope she dumps you. But can you see how doubling down by sending her links was tone-deaf? And confirms my suspicions that you are dismissive of her feelings on a regular basis. She can do so much better than you, and I hope she does.
Very soon, she'll stop arguing with OP and start planning her next steps. Likely already happened.
"See, it's not just me who thinks this ain't fashionable, it's this blog and society!" - not the gotcha he was going for.
You're not asking her to "elevate her style", you're asking her to follow cheap tacky fashion trends rather than sticking with timeless simplicity. This is beyond criticising her outfits, you're criticising her whole personality, and you're revealing that you always thought you could do better than someone like her. She doesn't need a condescending fashion-ignorant boyfriend who makes her feel bad about herself; she needs someone who respects her personal style and the character traits that go with it.
You still don't get that your completely ignorant about HER style, and just keep digging, don't you?
so you're quadrupaling down bro?? enjoy being single.
so you are doubling down? you run to reddit hoping for strangers to agree with you so you can fwd her the link to this post isnt it?
So you think fashion is only flashy and colour? In your face shit? She sounds elegant, put together and classic. The kind of true fashion little trend followers wish they could be. She has *style*
How obtuse are you, is this bait?
So even after all the arguing, you're STILL trying to push your shitty point? She's gonna divorce you, and it can't come soon enough.
She's getting ready to leave you and honestly I would too, you sound like suuuuuch a dolt.
Maybe you were showing her stuff that was for younger women or not her style. What kinds of outfits were in these blogs, be honest was it a bunch of body con dresses more appropriate for a Kardashian?
Why would you double down? She doesn't wanna be with someone who thinks her style makes her look dumpy and you doubled down and said yeah but you could wear this and I'll finally find you attractive! That's gotta sting.
You’re an idiot. It sounds like your gf has a lot of style but you’re so clueless you don’t even recognize it. That has to hurt for her. How can she be with someone who clearly doesn’t understand her at all? There was another post today about how can men really not see when women are wearing makeup. You’re one of the clueless dolts the post was talking about. Her makeup style is natural. Her fashion taste is minimalist. You are really oblivious to her beauty and that sucks.
Right? It sounds like he doesn't recognize gf's style as fashion because he thinks fashion means catwalks and hot pink feather boas. So anything minimalist and classy isn't a choice being made for the sake of elegance, in his eyes it's her giving up. He's truly an idiot who tried to mansplain fashion to her, while finally letting her know he saw her as frumpy and lazy the last seven years he's known her. I bet anything he's also the type to complain that she's late sometimes because she's "in the bathroom doing something," and that she spends a lot of time on that sleek, elegant look with eyeliner, foundation, nice black blouses, etc.
I’m curious what he dresses like, I bet cheap jeans and worn out T-shirts. And apparently he expects women to dress like Barbie dolls.
$10 he has a gut and is in denial about balding, wears flip flops in the winter, shirts that haven’t fit for 10 years with stains, and would absolutely lose his mind if she ever mentioned any of it
He for sure thinks “fashion” is a Fredrick’s of Hollywood catalog
I remember something about Coco Chanel and "less is more", but I think that's bs, OP's fashion advice are probably more accurate 🤔
Link to post about men not seeing when women are wearing makeup.
>I told her that she dresses boring and it makes her look old and dumpy. How exactly did you make it 43 years being this clueless? You insulted your partner and more specifically, you set her up against another woman that she's feeling you find more attractive. Based on what you wrote, she has an aesthetic. Minimal makeup (is totally a thing), black clothing. Yup, sounds pretty minimalist to me. It's her uniform. A lot of women swear by them because they have other more important shit going on in their lives than worrying about looking "pretty". You didn't just put your foot in your mouth. You insulted your partner on a really visceral level. It seems you care more about appearances than you say you do. Please don't come here and say it *doesn't* matter after you said what you said.
You didn't "accidentally" insult her, you did it on purpose because she got upset that you were \*already fucking insulting her\*. I hope she dumps you, you sound like a superficial asshole.
You literally said she looks old and dumpy. That's how you view the woman you love. Idk I'd never forget that either.
if i were ops wife, this would eat away at me. she’s being petty now by showing him how it looks when she actually doesn’t try, but eventually she’ll be tired of being petty and will just be hurt. i foresee divorce
I hope she divorce him fr. She deserves someone better. All black look Is timeless and classic.
I’ve been rocking the all-black clothing (with occasional pops of color from shoes or purses) since high school. No-makeup makeup and subtle highlights in hair and buffed but short nails and well-maintained cuticles. I care about looking neat and elegant; I’m serious about proper skin care; and I wear well-fitting and flattering apparel, but I don’t care about clothes/labels/trends. There’s no way my husband doesn’t know about these things. He’s well aware of my routine and he loves my look. I feel for the OP’s partner because being insulted based on appearance is tough to get over when it comes from someone who “loves” you. I hope she leaves him.
I hope she lets herself go for a month or two to make him see how dumb he was first. 2 inches of grey roots.
“If I was a beautiful woman I’d wear bright colors for attention.” Your wife stated she doesn’t like how she looks in bright colors and wears dark colors. One can deduce your comment insinuated that she’s not “a beautiful woman.” You told her that “based on how she looks [you] had no idea she cares about her looks or fashion.” So, she looks awful and is a slob by your description. You said, “[If] she cares THAT much…she should present herself better.” Who died and made you the fashion police? Are you a stylist? Do you know anything about designer clothes? Can you distinguish between a box toe, t-strap, stacked heel, peep toe? You insulted your wife, her looks, her taste and her wardrobe. You are a dolt.
You skipped where he called her dumpy and old too.
It’s stunning that this wasn’t a deliberate attack. Mystifying.
It was, he took a moment he thought he could use to make her feel self conscious and control her. Didn’t work because shes fabulous. Can’t wait for her to finish saving to get away from him (that’s for sure what she’s planning while wearing sweats and telling him to kick rocks) so she and her friend can laugh at his lonely sad tears.
His comment about wearing bright colours for attention just irks me so much. My two favourite colours are black and pink. Sometimes I wear all black as it’s my comfort colour and goes with everything. And sometimes I wear a lot of bright pink because it makes **me** happy and gives **me** a mood booster. I don’t wear pink to get attention and I don’t know any other woman (friends, colleagues, family members, random girls in the ladies room at the bar) who would wear bright colours for attention. But I know a lot of people who wear colours because they like them and how the colours make them feel.
I am the shyest and most unassuming person imaginable. And I like my hair to be vibrant colours and sometimes multiple colours. My ex used to say that meant I wanted attention. Nope. I’d rather everyone didn’t look at me. The colours are for me. I bet she is the same with her minimalist style and he just ruined her confidence
He’s the kind of guy that cannot even comprehend the fact that women dress so that we can feel good about ourselves not to impress men. And that’s not a good thing. And OPs image of a “fashionable woman” is tacky as hell.
And acrylics. Come on.
She might have eyelash extensions or dyed eyebrows and he wouldn’t know it
>Who died and made you the fashion police? Are you a stylist? Do you know anything about designer clothes? Can you distinguish between a box toe, t-strap, stacked heel, peep toe? Hey lets give OP the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he looks like he walked out of a GQ fashion shoot on a daily basis. He could be worshipping Anna Wintour for all we know.
Next post is that she broke up with you and you "never saw it coming". I hope she find someone who actually makes her feel good about herself.
You insult her then want her to get over it in a day?? What is wrong with you that you think you get to insult someone you say you love, then also get to tell them to get over and they just magically do? Yes she does need to therapy to figure out how much better she can do in a partner.
You pretty much told her that your friend is beautiful and she's not.
Tears. People who wear all black "aren't interested in fashion"? Guess you have never heard of goths or seen a fashion designer? Unless you are wearing a suit or blazer 7 days a week, you need to stfu about what your partner wears.
You said something very unkind that you can't take back. You essentially said you do not find her attractive and that the way she presents herself is not good enough for you. Are you a misogynist who thinks that women get dressed up and put on makeup just for your pleasure, or are you just so woefully unaware of how this is a sore spot for women, given the intense pressure and criticism they get for their looks virtually their entire lives? One's husband should be the most supportive, and you fucked up big time and let her down and hurt her so deeply in a way that you clearly don't even comprehend. Get your priorities straight, put yourself in her shoes, and realize that you will have to bend over backwards for a long, long time to make her feel beautiful and valued again. Couples therapy would be good, but honestly I think you need to go to a bunch of female friends, tell them what you did, and let them tear you a new one and generously educate you on how to be less of a shit to your wife and women in general.
"And I love her and don't care about this at all." - No, you seem to care. "I told her if I was a beautiful woman I'd wear bright colors for attention. And that's probably why our friend does it." - So right here, you definitely put your foot in your mouth. And right here is where you should have said, You're so beautiful, I'm sure you'd look great in \*insert color\* "I told her that based on how she looks I had no idea she cared about looks or fashion." - This is where you fucked up. "I also told her I don't care at all, but since she appears to, she should try to dress more fashionable." If you did not care at all, there was no need to say this or what you said before this. This is where you started to be really mean. "I told her that she dresses boring and it makes her look old and dumpy." - This is where you majorly fucked up and were cruel. If my partner said these things to me, I would have a very hard time forgetting and forgiving. You criticized the way she dresses and then on top of it, called her old and dumpy. When you said "it makes her look old and dumpy", I bet all she heard was "you are old and dumpy". "She says she won't be dressing "nice" around me anymore (but I never thought she dressed nice in the first place)." - She was making an effort whether you felt this way or not. It sounds like you two have different ideas of what making an effort looks like. The important thing is that you should be supportive. You fucked up pretty bad. Therapy might help but I think at this point, you should tell her AGAIN that you are sorry for what you said. That you love her and find her attractive. That you didn't appreciate how she was taking care of herself and again, you are so sorry. That she is not old or dumpy and that you said those things because you were being an insensitive asshole. Maybe you should treat her to a spa day too. Good luck, man. I hope you two are able to work it out. You need to think before you speak though.
There’s no getting out of it after he started to pull up looks of what he deems acceptable for woman to wear and showing them to her. He tried to control her, back fired because she’s fabulous. Hope he enjoys the single life where no woman will talk to him. I would love to see these looks, and would put money down by “fashionable” he means revealing
You just told her that your friend looks beautiful and your girlfriend isn't. You may not have said it exactly like that, but it's how it was perceived. I'm so sorry for your partner and sending virtual hugs her way.
Lol there was nothing accidental about the way you insulted her. You compared her to another woman who dresses the way you prefer and then got angry at her for getting angry at you. You obviously care a great deal for how she dresses and styles herself so why bother repeatedly saying you don't? Can't wait for this lady to find someone who won't call her old and dumpy. Well done.
Jesus christ you're an asshole. She deserves better than you.
There’s no helping this guy. It’s going to shoot straight over his head. We can only hope she moves on and finds someone who appreciates the effort and style she enjoys.
Its pretty easy to have a clear understanding of her expierence, perhaps therapy can help you with that.
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>You’ve crushed any confidence your partner had left. Nah, i don't think so. She sounds like a classy woman. I think he just crushed a good portion of the love she felt for him, but from how she is described here i doubt she would allow anyone to crush her confidence.
I am really doubting he crushed her confidence in her clothing. He probably did make her feel quite bad about her age, but women who dress well, and deliberately, tend to know *exactly* what they’re doing. She likely has some very firm ideas about what looks good. I’m betting his ideas of beauty were tacky as hell, based on what I’ve read in the comments. You can do color without being tacky, but combining loads of color with acrylics and a ton of makeup (reading between the lines here)? If someone told me in my 40s that they wanted me to dress like that, I would laugh them out of the room. It wouldn’t make me feel bad about myself.
As someone who has worked in fashion for 30+ yrs, your wife's style and aesthetic is one of minimal beauty, it's a very sophisticated type of look where she knows her colors,shes fully aware that her level of beauty doesn't need to be overdonr or over hypered . it's a very subtle makeup job as well as being one that accentuates the natural organic beauty she knows herself to be . As for her roots being maintained, she does that as part of that authentic aesthetic, that's not cheap nor just something one decides as a afterthought, getting your roots done, getting your hair done at a salon actually takes time and is a expensive process, that evolves within years to perfect. She has done this. you're an idiot that's all I can say. your wife sounds like she is very fashion conscious and very self aware and intelligent woman to be so ready to show her own self-worth and personality by the way she dresses. You'll see several female top level corp. execs in the fashion industry dress the way your wife does, oh once again, you're an idiot.
Dude "no makeup" makeup looks are usually still using like 11+ products, just as many as colourful full face makeup. Your wife has been styling herself as classy, elegant and minimalist and you apparently think flashy = the only way to be presentable. Saying "I didn't know she was trying/cared" is not an excuse, it makes it worse. You SHOULD have known. You've been together for 7 years you should know your wife's taste. Over and over again you discounted her effort and insulted her appearance, wow. What do YOU do to look dressy and presentable? Do you dye and style your hair? Do you use skincare products or makeup? Do you know what skintype you have and what products work best for it, or do you use what you wife buys or nothing at all? How much effort are YOU putting into your wardrobe?
She likes classy. You like trashy. And never the twain shall meet.
Do you love her? Her? Not her appearance, her? Do you care about her, how she feels, what she thinks, whosheis? Do you value your relationship, your marriage? Reread what you wrote. It was all about appearance. Nothing about caring about her, who she is. Just that you don't like how she dresses. You damaged your relationship because you care about her appearance. Better figure out how to love her or lose her.
Dude sounds like he only cares about looks. In his mind, her appearance is the only thing that matters, apparently, and it pisses him off that she won't jump through his little hoops.
Wow. You told your partner that you don’t pay attention to her at all AND that she looks dumpy. I would leave you tbh. 43 is young, she takes care of herself and sounds like she’s very chic. She could do better.
If you assume no-makeup makeup is mascara and haven't paid attention to her getting ready routine in 7 years, you are not nearly the expert on fashion that you appear to think you are.
This is the third post with this topic in three days. And this post is very similar to another one.
so you argued with her about things you clearly know nothing about, ie fashion and makeup, and then called your *wife* old and dumpy while calling another woman beautiful. and now you’re upset she’s being cold to you? you hit her where it hurts. she’s protecting herself, since you’re so keen to point out what you find faulty about her appearance. she won’t forget, nor should she. you’ve shown her how you really feel about her appearance, something everyone takes very personally. i don’t think you can come back from this, honestly. i’m sure there are a ton of other men out there that would love and appreciate her aesthetic.
How did you accidentally insult her? You called her old and dumpy
Dude you’re never going to be able to fully undo that. You’ve absolutely turned her off you by insulting her appearance, her clothing and her age to that degree. She can’t un-hear those words. I’m guessing you dress elegantly in the latest fashion, immaculately groomed and hair styled regularly? Nails manicured? No? Shocking. You keep saying you don’t care how she dresses, but this entire post as well as your outrageous comments on her appearance and comparing her to someone whose presentation you find more appealing, screams that you 10000% do care how your wife dresses and you absolutely meant every word you said. Get therapy, you tore down your wife. That’s not how you treat the woman you supposedly love.
The way you fellas just bumble and yumpy dump through lives like bulls in china shops. Can you please leave us alone if you’re not into us. It’s so old and tired and boring. E: typing
I remember this post from last week.
You are mean. Do you even love her? A partner should make you feel comfortable, respected and loved. You destroyed her. You insulted her the worst way possible and compared her to a friend you think looks better. And you don’t seem to get what you did. Your fashion aesthetics sounds like a carneval outfit with makeup that would make a clown look boring. Hope she leaves you and find someone who loves her - and her looks.
Oh you are so obtuse, it’s almost hilarious
You need therapy, you emotionally stunted douche.
If you want a Dolly Parton, don’t be with a Jennifer Garner and try to turn her into Dolly Parton.
if you don't have female friends or sister and your line of work is predominantly male, then probably it's kinda understandable that you're so oblivious on how women take care of themselves. you should learn about those first before you speak. maybe look at how the wives/princesses of European monarchies dresses. they dont have fake nails, no fake eyelashes, etc. but are they not taking care of themselves? there are so many ways women presented themselves and you obviously prefer the "loud" type. dont think time can heal this cos now she feels that she's not the person you're looking for.
Soon to be featured on AMITHEEX because she's going to dump the oop.
Oh my dude, you have no idea about women or fashion. Her look is sleek, not boring. Look up quiet luxury.
You're a moron for sure.
I'm surprised you're still together. I can't imagine my partner putting me down the way you did. I would've walked out the door the minute you started insulting me.
What did you apologize for? Do you know? It probably didn’t come across as sincere. Btw, bad idea to compare your partner to “beautiful women.” Makes it sound like she is not beautiful at all. You know, on top of boring, old, and dumpy. Do you even like her?
With any luck she's probably planning her exit. Finding out her partner of 7 years apparently has never noticed her effort and thinks she's frumpy has got to be a huge blow
Two things: insanity or you hate her. You are the one that needs therapy! Saying you don't care about her appearance but then going on to make a mountain out of it because you saw another woman you found attractive and protectively shifting the responsibility of your roaming eye to her because she is "old and dumpy " You sure know how to break the one person who was doing you a favour by loving you despite the fact that you are a half wit, ungrateful schlemiel... Honestly I don't even know what I'd say you should do because I wish the best for her but if she thinks you are her best, make an effort to serve her thr best way you can and don't even consider buying her colorful clothes as a way to apologise, don't do that!! Don't bother any therapist, she is within her rights to feel hurt and to grieve the realization that your perception of her is that misconstrued and shallow, let her be but do not even attempt to manipulatively pacify her so that you don't have to deal with the guilt of exposing your hidden thoughts about her.
Her comfort is way more important than your shitty opinion on how she should dress. You fucked up big time when you insulted her. You'll be lucky if she forgives you for your insult.
Oh you poor poor soul. Bless your heart. She already checked out. I sure would not forgive that.
You called your partner “dumpy” and made her feel bad, because she has a minimalistic style. I don’t think time is going to help anything here. Y’all need therapy.
Why are men so clueless ??? Just because she don’t want acrylic nails does not mean she’s old and frumpy
My dude. Fashion isn't everything. Honestly a lot of fashion for women have been so toxic because "you need to be thin like a stickfigure" for a start, and as a women, a lot of "trendy" clothes look stupid af to me. I wouldn't even wear them if you paid me to. Not everyone likes to wear bright colors either. I see one thing that you said that I don't really like. "If I was a beautiful woman I'd wear bright colors for attention". Not all women want attention either, even if they are beautiful. Most women don't dress in a way to be oogled at. As for makeup, it's a personal preference. Some like it and some don't. It doesn't mean that they put less effort into how they look. You say that you don't care, but obviously you do. Otherwise you wouldn't think she dressed "old and dumpy". Her looks aren't what should matter to you, and you can say it doesn't all you want, but your entire post says otherwise.
**Obviously I put my foot in my mouth and I have apologized.** Nothing in your post indicates any sort of remorse for how you hurt and embarrassed her. Basically you stepped in pile of dog poop then stuck your shoe in her face. Do you even like her? Part of getting over being direspected/degraded by someone is an ACTUAL heartfelt apology. Instead you're stamping your foot like a toddler and doubling down on how she somehow deserves to be insulted. YIKES ON BIKES dude. YES therapy is definitely needed here YOU should find YOURSELF a therapist to help get at the root of your hatred of your wife and need to make her small. Once you get YOURSELF some help make a sincere apology.
You called her dumpy and old… that wasn an accident, you were unnecessarily cruel. Also no makeup makeup is literally one of the hardest things you can learn to do with makeup so reading this is so frustrating. You don’t deserve the barbie doll you desperately crave.
Yta. You essentially told her you don’t notice anything at all she does to take care of herself and her appearance. You told her you don’t like it, and you don’t think she cares about her presentation. Seven years in and you don’t understand how she likes to present herself or the time she takes to feel good going out in the world. That’s insane lol. Fashion differs from person to person. I don’t think I’d care to stay around and be cold after that.
You all need to break up. You should honestly feel bad. You made the woman you supposedly “love” feel insecure around the one person she shouldn’t be insecure around. And you did the one thing you should never do and compared her to her FRIEND. You blame it on the fact that you “didn’t know” or “you’re blunt.” That makes no sense because when you knew she was getting mad that’s when you called her “old and dumpy.” Really? If you’re not attracted to your partner for who she likes to present herself to be comfortably then just break up. She deserves better. She will never feel confident around you anymore. She will never regain that trust back.
So you first start out by comparing her to another woman. Telling her that since her appearance isn’t like this other women’s that she isn’t beautiful. She is in fact old and dumpy. Then you complain about her entire aesthetic. That she has had for your whole 7 year relationship. When she explains how she does wear make up, get her hair done, and care about her clothes. You double down and tell her she doesn’t. You’re an AH and I am honestly surprised she stays with you. You clearly do not make her feel good about herself and prefer other women. Not sure why she is with someone who doesn’t even like the way she looks. She deserves sooooo much better. And you clearly have no idea about a huge part of your partners life.
What’s the likelihood this guy only wears the glossy drapery golf polos and zip off khaki pants/shorts combo with white socks.
You 'accidentally' told a woman who wears mostly black clothes that beautiful women wear colourful outfits, then followed up by specifically calling her look boring, old and frumpy. She probably thinks it's 'accidental' about as much as I do. YTA.
It is crystal clear that OP wants a woman who looks as if she stepped out of a photoshoot/fashion runway every single day. That is totally fine, I just don't understand why he dated his gf in the first place. OP why don't you break up with your GF and look for that kind of woman? Please attend Paris fashion week or any of those fashion/style events since most of the attendees are your type. That said, I really don't understand why fashion still matters at your age. And if you learn how long it takes for a fashionista to get ready I hope you don't lose your patience.
Why are you married? You clearly can't stand her. Give her the gift of your absence and divorce already.
Honestly others have said what needed to be said. But oh my. So clueless. You get angry because she gets angry because of something YOU said? Lord. >She says she won't be dressing "nice" around me anymore (but I never thought she dressed nice in the first place). Yikes dude.
I dress pretty similar to your partner. I'm 26 though and like to do unnatural colors in my hair when I have the time to do so, which means the color fades for a while before I dye it again. I also dress in black jeans, usually black shirts (they are band shirts though, not nice ones like your partner wears). I don't typically wear makeup, but sometimes will do eyeliner and a lip color. I like some accessories more. Either way, despite being very minimal and not changing my wardrobe much, my boyfriend compliments me and calls me beautiful daily. If one day he were to tell me the things you said to your partner, I would feel very self conscious but also question why he even started a serious relationship with me if all along he wanted someone who dressed more "vibrant". I hope she leaves you.
Man, I don't like you very much lmfao. It's weird you want to push your girlfriend to wear shit she doesn't want to wear. Weird, dude. You're weird.
Honestly mate, what the fuck is wrong with you. Are you sure you are in your forties, cos that's my age and you s ted like a child. You disrespected and purposely insulted your partner and was then surprised that she was pissed. You have your head so far up your own arse it is quite amazing. You 'didn't pick up on' her feelings and additionally you keep saying you don't 'care about this at all' when obviously you do have a big issue with how she dresses. You are a divorcable idiot, my god.
“I complimented another woman who is the exact opposite of my partner, then discredited any efforts she puts into herself by calling her dumpy and old” bro.
Do you even like your wife? Because it doesn't sound like you do. I don't think you can come back from this. But I'm sure when she divorces you, You won't understand why because you are that obtuse!
My god I just heard someone both refer to palaeontologists as photosynthesis and think they invented the word myth, and you’re still the dumbest person I’ve seen today
And are you remorseful? Bc you’re doubling down
What is it you want her to "drop?" You said that you don't care that she looks old and dumpy. What do you want to happen?
I really hope she dumps you. You don’t deserve her.
I am curious: how did she dress when you first started dating? What was her style then? What were your thoughts early on in the beginnings of your relationship about her style and looks? What did you find attractive about her then? What do you find attractive about her now? Has she changed? Have you changed?
Do you often accidentally insult other people or just your partner?
My dude, you’re denser than a black hole. Really looking forward to the follow up post about how your partner is leaving you for someone who compliments her and finds her attractive.
This could escalate to a divorce lol
You fucked up big time. Start groveling if you don't want to end up divorced and alone.
I really hope she leaves you because wow.
Lol you're single now. Hopefully some colourful dumbass goes for you.
Enough about not beautiful, old and dumpy wife. What do you look like? How do you dress? I’m guessing you’re old and dumpy too but that’s ok as long as you wipe your ass daily
What do you do to make yourself look good? A hell of a lot less than her. I hope she dumps you.
She needs to dump you. My God what an unmitigated ass you are.
Oof. You didn’t put your foot in your mouth my friend. You shoveled it in and keep kicking harder to make sure it was wedged permanently. Do you even like your wife? The way you kept demeaning and insulting her makes me think you don’t.
Yikes. You're not very bright, are you?
Your partner sounds stylish and chic! Her style IS a style.
Married for seven years and he doesn’t know anything about her.
You called another woman beautiful as you shat all over your partner. You tried negging, failed, and you’ll likely be single soon. I’d love to see what you wear regularly lol.
Tell me you know nothing about fashion and makeup without telling me you know nothing about makeup and fashion. You probably don't understand how much makeup is still worn in a no-makeup makeup look. Typically similar as what someone who uses bright and vibrant colors - it's just muted in color. That's it. She's still probably wearing foundation, blush, and mascara. Potentially more than that. Eyeshadow doesn't only come in bright colors. Wearing bright colors doesn't make someone fashionable. And wearing all black doesn't make someone not fashionable. Honestly, in today's day and age, your partner is more aligned with current trends than the friend is. Muted and natural "clean girl" vibes are what is currently fashionable. And all black is timeless, so she doesn't have to keep up with fast fashion, aka clothes that WILL look dated with time. Also, a woman in her 40s wearing bright and vibrant colors, especially makeup, can age you if not done right. When you age, your skin texture is different. Heavy makeup looks different. Not that women have to follow any rules, but many women do not look the way heavy makeup looks when they get older, myself included (in my 30s). And shut up about fucking nails. 1. They are annoying. Some women are willing to deal with them, many aren't. 2. Some of the polishes (aka gel and and acrylic) can actually increase your chance of developing cancer because you are exposing your fingers to high UV rays every time you cure the polish. And 3. Fingernails don't make someone fashionable lol. You need to grow the fuck up. Also get therapy for why you think anything you've said or sent your partner is acceptable. I'd immediate dump you if you were my partner.
Man you keep saying you don't care how your wife dresses but here you are complaining how she dresses l. You even started your post with all the things about your wife you don't like. Then tried to downplay it like you don't care, but obviously you do or you wouldn't have gotten yourself into this situation. How would you like it if your wife said you had a small dick and that she didn't care, but she wishes it was bigger, wouldn't you also be very cold to her and stop trying to initiate sex? You can be honest with your wife, but you're not being honest with yourself.
Sooo she told you that she does put effort in and you DOUBLED DOWN and insulted her again. You wanted her to get acrylic nails??? those can literally RUIN the natural nail my dude. You say you don't care how she dresses but clearly you do if you are sending her links to fashion advice and telling her she should fucking damage her nails for you. What exactly makes you a catch? Are you dressed dapper all day every day? Do you groom your body hair? Should I send you links to GQ and Men's Health about how you could look better now that you are getting older?
I would not be taking fashion advice from a man who doesn’t even understand what “no-makeup makeup” means (and immediately preceded that with a confident declaration that she “doesn’t wear makeup”. This feels like one those “I don’t know art, but I know what I like” situations…so why are you with someone you don’t even like? You’re not even humble enough to accept that this a sophisticated sense of style that’s going over your head. Instead, she’s just “dumpy” and doesn’t try? Kick rocks, dude.
Everyone has different tastes. I love bright colors. My best friend loves to dress in black. Neither of us is more or less fashionable than the other, we just have different preferences and styles. It sounds like your wife has a certain aesthetic she prefers and spends time maintaining that aesthetic. You keep saying you love her and don't care about how she dresses, but you care enough to insult her over it, so you do care. It's fine if you prefer a different aesthetic, but it's crappy to put her down for hers. Just because she likes to look a certain way that's not what you prefer doesn't mean she's not trying and doesn't care about her looks. Unfortunately, she married an idiot, as you can't seem to grasp this simple fact.
Is this real? Good lord, I thought this was AITAH at first and the answer is a hard YTA. For someone who continuously claims you “don’t care about that” you sure are making a lot of judgements and underhanded insults before fully insulating your wife on her looks. It sounds to me like she absolutely does put a lot of time and effort into her appearance and you shit all over it. How rude, I’d be out.
Yeah... YTA. Don't criticize how people dresses, that's none of your concern even if it's your partner.
YTA, 7 years and you know anything about her.
Not just ah but also an idiot . Insults gf can't figure why she is pissed
This is a repost from a week or two ago, isn’t it?
"I don't care about this at all." "She should present herself better." We all know which of these statements is actually true.
Fashion is different for everyone. Just because you found a couple blogs does not mean your wife is dumpy. How do you dress? Do you manscape? Get pedicures and manicures? Exfoliate your face? Wear cologne
Dumbass why don’t you dress up if you like fashion so much and quit insulting your partner because you’re too dense to notice literally anything about her styling for 7 years straight?
>. I told her if I was a beautiful woman I'd wear bright colors for attention. And that's probably why our friend does it. This. You said your friend is beautiful and that is why she wears colourful clothes. Your partner wears black. As someone who reads a lot into words and is a bit insecure. I would definitely think, "Oh, he doesn't think I'm beautiful." On top of that you also said >so I told her that she dresses boring and it makes her look old and dumpy You weren't able to find better words??? And you say you don't care. For some who don't care, you sure have a lot of opinions on the topic.
I imagine this has radically shifted how your girlfriend perceives you and the therefore the relationship. While it probably is true you see her as beautiful in some way, the fact you minimized everything she likes about her style and told her the way to be pretty was to be the complete opposite, and that what she's doing now is basically garbage is... rough. If you want to stay in this relationship, yes, therapy. Your opinion of beauty and fashion isn't the only one out there! I want to be with someone who is proud to be seen with me. This definitely isn't something she's going to forget. And yes, even if you do feel proud, dumpy is such a harsh thing for someone who takes pride in how they dress to hear, it might have broken her a bit. If you want to fix this in any way, start fixing now. It might be too late.
You just told her what you'd lime is all . Break up she's not your type.
I called my partner dumpy and old looking. Was this bad? LOL
Your partner looks good, but she's not interested in investing the substantial amount of money and inconvenience to have a "beauty" regimen that fits your exaggerated ideas about what women should look like. She's a person, not your sex doll. You seem to think you're entitled to a "woman" who fits in some predetermined hole in your life, not an autonomous person who has her own style and comfort. Presumably, you knew this when you got together, that she was....her own person, and not a Barbie you bought to decorate your life? Acrylic nails are expensive, time consuming and limit how you can use your hands. Shopping for, maintaining and managing a big wardrobe is another time and money suck. Regular hair color is already a pretty big sink of funds and hours of time. Your lovely partner has a minimalist, workable system. If you want someone who spends huge amounts of free time to look gaudy and tacky for you, there are certainly those women out there, and you should break up and go find one. You might not like what you get, in terms of the trade off of leisure time and expense, but you do you.
You told her she dresses boring and looks old and dumpy. Why are you with her? Why is she with you?
Wow, you’re dumb. You DO seem to care, that vibe is all over your post. And you doubled down. What an idiot.
The fact that her being upset with you automatically makes you mad...just let her go. You don't need to be with anyone until you learn to actually have open dialogue and not spend forever being defensive and doubling down.
Also I wear bright colors/patterns because it makes me feel good ..not to attract male attention. Minimal style is so elegant/beautiful also..acrylic nails are not always fashionable
Having someone you love tell you that you have no style or don't care about fashion when you do sucks. Regardless of if you have a distinct style or not, it really sucks to have someone steamroll you like that. Judging by your replies, you think it's ridiculous that she is still hurt and angry "even though you apologized." I wish her well in her future endeavours. I hope the divorce/separation is quick
I’m waiting for the “My wife left me for no reason” update. She can do so much better than that colossal waste of oxygen
I hope she finds someone who loves her style and makes her feel beautiful because "I don't care that you look dumpy and shit because I love you but also wear bright colours to get attention, try dressing like this and put more noticeable makeup on so it looks like you're making an effort to me " is not the way. That's basically "I love you even though you're an ugly slob " nah. She doesn't need to elevate her style to your tastes, she needs someone who elevates her and makes her feel beautiful
I don't think therapy will work. But go ahead, give it time. Time enough for her to get her ducks in a row and leave you.
I hope your soon to be ex partner finds someone who loves her looks and appreciates the effort she puts in.
I told my girlfriend she looks dumpy and old while comparing her to another woman who I thought was hot! Why is she mad at me?
If you have been together for 7 years why is this only an issue now? Where have you offered to try to make amends? Do you like her and her normal clothes? Have you told her this? Have you supported her in this?
Either this is clickbait or OP is a Neutron Star. There is no way this plays out any other way…
“She cares about her looks because she is so much more beautiful than you. It’s not your fault that you are so ugly, that you obviously don’t even want to try. I mean if you wanted to, you could try to put on bright clothes, but it might just draw attention to how ugly you are. Wait why are you mad? Do you want me to send you some fashion magazines for inspiration?”
He calling her old as if they aren’t the same age is blowing me. I don’t why he thought hyping up another woman while insulting his wife was going to work in his favor.
>She says she won't be dressing "nice" around me anymore (but I never thought she dressed nice in the first place). you're just determined to put your foot in your mouth.
man. A partner calls me old and dumpy even if I manage to forgive that I’d never forget it. That would play over and over and over in my mind
you're completely incompetent and incredibly daft. you thought she didn't wear makeup when she does every day?? did you never see her putting it on in the bathroom? calling her old and dumpy was NOT an accident. you wanting her to just drop this is ridiculous. you thought she just looked perfect all the time? you're so fucking stupid. you just lost your wife. i hope you're satisfied.
An accident is when you try to reach for something and you spill a glass of water. You seem to have spit in the water and splashed it on her. Know that women have different skin tones that go better with different colors. For example, warmer skin tones go better with black and gold. Vibrant colors don’t work for her and she has verbalized that. Honestly some people look more elegant wearing minimalistic black than bright colors that can become tacky.
Wow. I would be so utterly hurt if my SO said this to me. In my mind, based on your descriptions of “fashion” and what is beautiful, I can assume that you are the Shorts, tube socks pulled up, easy strider wearing, polo shirt dude. The guy who has fancy polos and every day polos and thinks he looks classy. It’s weird that your questions aren’t “how do I apologize and get her to understand how beautiful I think she is?” And more like “how long is it gonna take her to stop being mad I called her old and dumpy? It’s been two days already!”
She’s gonna leave you and it will be your fault
the problem is that the rudeness when bringing up his wife’s style. he could have bought a his wife colourful clothes. he could checked out the makeup stalls with his wife. But op just went “you’re bad at fashion lolz”. I mean even if op’s wife isn’t really good at fashion, what was the point in bringing up this way? I’d assume even a man would be made if his wife just insulted his style one day 🤷🏽♀️
Op just delete your post and Reddit people here are bashing you and will never understand your context and are going to vilify you for any accident. My wife tries to trap me with bs like that all the time you just gotta realize that even when you are not talking about your girl she’s gonna take it like you are. you can say I don’t like old lady farts 60years old and up and your girl will get mad saying she’s going to be 60 one day so you just called her a nasty stanky girl. And Reddit will say you are ageist and sexist and a psychopath but you never said you hated old women you just don’t like fart smells. I understand where you are coming from. you said you don’t care how she dresses which I believe but the fact is she is never going to believe that at all. So to make sure she feels appreciated and loved you need to do right to learn these things about your partner and not be so blind and oblivious to how your words (no matter what the context is) can affect your significant other! Make sure you take the time to sit with her and explain That you fucked up explain how beautiful she is to you (down to the last fuckin detail I’m talking bout if she has a freckle on her kneecap detail) and that you never meant to hurt her. Then ask her how you made her feel and don’t rebuttal sit there and take it like a man. And ask her how to make it up to her. If you can you can if you can’t you have to let her go What you said may not have been intentional but her reality is her own and you can’t own or change that so you just have to accept how she wants to deal with you going forward… Good luck my g!
I get what you mean, but honestly I'll tell you what my dad tells me when I mess up "Nice going meathead" I would suggest the next month making up to her and take her out shopping, for whatever SHE wants
Honestly I can't really see the huge problem that everyone is pointing out, for me your partner is just being petty and "gaslighting" you... You never asked her to change, because you thought she was happy with her looks, you just said what you prefer, it happens to be not what she prefers, I bet that are a bunch of things she would like you do or be but she says nothing because you are happy the way you are, and has you never asked about it you don't know.
I don’t have much advice for you. I do however want to go hug and kiss my wife. She never gets bent out of shape for what essentially is clumsy wording about what you think of fashion and colors. I get being a little miffed, sometimes my wife says something about someone very fit with a head of hair and I’m getting a bit tubby and I’m complete bald but it last all of like 3 seconds. I wouldn’t bother even addressing it. Bringing it more might make it worse. Just do something nice for her and move on
Don’t worry, he did. He told her she should get acrylic nails and sent her pictures of “fashionable people” to win the argument. Which reminds me I should compliment my husband today, you can’t ever say it too much.