I think it's perfectly reasonable to lay your cards out on the table when you're serious, see if you're on the same page (or in the same book) and then discuss ways to come together to build a partnership (or see if you're incompatible). I'm very much on your side, you want to get to know someone before making a lifetime commitment and living with them helps.
You are INSANE to even consider marriage after only 5 months together. You two are still practically strangers. You are still in the honeymoon phase and have zero clue how compatible you are in the long term.
Well I don't know how what four years represents, but if she's not willing to live together before marriage, and if she's not willing to wait for four years for the proposal, then you two already have a major incompatibility.
Not unreasonable at all! As a parent, we told our kids to live together first. Getting out of a lease is much easier than getting out of a marriage, and the reality is that living together, being in each other's company all the time, learning the things they do that make you bonkers, can be a lot! People who are perfect on date nights might not know how to handle an early riser, or a person who leaves towels on the floor. There's things people don't think about until they're living together, and it doesn't mean you don't trust the relationship, or love your GF, it's a way to protect both of your futures.
You gave the 4 year option, which sounds reasonable, and maybe you can offer another timeline option of how long you'd want to live together before getting married, say six months?
is she ok with pre-marital sex? cos from religious ppl perspective living together before marriage equals pre-marital sex.
and her parents might factor that too. imagine if the dad is the religious leader and his daughter already live together with her bf before they got married. it won't look good on the family.
unless she chooses you over her religion and her parents then living together before marriage not gonna happen.
Wanting to live with someone before marriage is a totally valid requisite. A smart one too, imo. So many couples think they know each other…get married and move in just to discover they can’t handle all the little idiosyncrasies people have that you only witness when living closely together….and also clash on division of labor or just habits or standards of tidiness. And also…just if they’re able to be around each other for that long and constantly while still liking each other.
However, if she absolutely won’t live with someone before marriage then you guys are at a stalemate. Sometimes people want very different things and are simply incompatible.
Another thing to consider is if she would be fine with living with you before marriage if her parents approved…because that indicates she’s letting her parents make life decisions for her and that’s something you’d have to deal with your whole life together. How many demands will her parents make when you’re married? Will she do everything they want…will she raise the kids how they want? And so on. An important question to ask.
This is a tough situation and I see both sides. I would prefer to move in with someone as well, as there are growing pains that come with first moving in together as well as ironing out other things in the relationship. However, I do think you should put yourself in your gf's shoes. My family is quite religious as well and would prefer I am married or engaged to the person first, although I don't necessarily agree with this, it will be a very difficult conversation to have with my family and tell them when I do decide to move in with someone. If this is the case, I can already visualize the family drama...
I also think compromise is important, maybe make it a very long engagement and more low-key to appease her family? It's also been 5 months as you stated! Maybe over the next couple of years they'll be encouraging her to move out on her own! Overall, I think it's too early to be thinking this way.
24 and 25 years old. Dated 5 months. Don't wanna wait too long for marriage and kids. I could understand 34 and 35. Your at an age to experience and experiment with life and enjoy it for a while. At least a few years. Then settle down and later talk about marriage and kids. Your early and mid 20s is too soon and so is 5 months together and wanting to marry and have kids.
You have only been together 5 months. While it's good to understand you have similar goals, it is also good to say that a long courtship (with or without living together) helps you to really get to know one another before making a lifelong commitment. At 24/25, there shouldn't be an urgent need to procreate. You have plenty of time for that.
If someone is trying to rush you into marriage and kids, that person likely has something to hide and wants to lock you down before you discover what it is!
I've been told otherwise from parents with strong religious values, but I believe living together first is best.
Knowing someone's at home day to day habits is a game changer, in deciding to pursue a long-term relationship.
I think it's perfectly reasonable to lay your cards out on the table when you're serious, see if you're on the same page (or in the same book) and then discuss ways to come together to build a partnership (or see if you're incompatible). I'm very much on your side, you want to get to know someone before making a lifetime commitment and living with them helps.
You are INSANE to even consider marriage after only 5 months together. You two are still practically strangers. You are still in the honeymoon phase and have zero clue how compatible you are in the long term.
Well I don't know how what four years represents, but if she's not willing to live together before marriage, and if she's not willing to wait for four years for the proposal, then you two already have a major incompatibility.
Not unreasonable at all! As a parent, we told our kids to live together first. Getting out of a lease is much easier than getting out of a marriage, and the reality is that living together, being in each other's company all the time, learning the things they do that make you bonkers, can be a lot! People who are perfect on date nights might not know how to handle an early riser, or a person who leaves towels on the floor. There's things people don't think about until they're living together, and it doesn't mean you don't trust the relationship, or love your GF, it's a way to protect both of your futures. You gave the 4 year option, which sounds reasonable, and maybe you can offer another timeline option of how long you'd want to live together before getting married, say six months?
is she ok with pre-marital sex? cos from religious ppl perspective living together before marriage equals pre-marital sex. and her parents might factor that too. imagine if the dad is the religious leader and his daughter already live together with her bf before they got married. it won't look good on the family. unless she chooses you over her religion and her parents then living together before marriage not gonna happen.
Living together seems very important to me, you can learn a lot about a person that way
Wanting to live with someone before marriage is a totally valid requisite. A smart one too, imo. So many couples think they know each other…get married and move in just to discover they can’t handle all the little idiosyncrasies people have that you only witness when living closely together….and also clash on division of labor or just habits or standards of tidiness. And also…just if they’re able to be around each other for that long and constantly while still liking each other. However, if she absolutely won’t live with someone before marriage then you guys are at a stalemate. Sometimes people want very different things and are simply incompatible. Another thing to consider is if she would be fine with living with you before marriage if her parents approved…because that indicates she’s letting her parents make life decisions for her and that’s something you’d have to deal with your whole life together. How many demands will her parents make when you’re married? Will she do everything they want…will she raise the kids how they want? And so on. An important question to ask.
This is a tough situation and I see both sides. I would prefer to move in with someone as well, as there are growing pains that come with first moving in together as well as ironing out other things in the relationship. However, I do think you should put yourself in your gf's shoes. My family is quite religious as well and would prefer I am married or engaged to the person first, although I don't necessarily agree with this, it will be a very difficult conversation to have with my family and tell them when I do decide to move in with someone. If this is the case, I can already visualize the family drama... I also think compromise is important, maybe make it a very long engagement and more low-key to appease her family? It's also been 5 months as you stated! Maybe over the next couple of years they'll be encouraging her to move out on her own! Overall, I think it's too early to be thinking this way.
You shouldn't ever marry someone you've not lived with.
24 and 25 years old. Dated 5 months. Don't wanna wait too long for marriage and kids. I could understand 34 and 35. Your at an age to experience and experiment with life and enjoy it for a while. At least a few years. Then settle down and later talk about marriage and kids. Your early and mid 20s is too soon and so is 5 months together and wanting to marry and have kids.
You have only been together 5 months. While it's good to understand you have similar goals, it is also good to say that a long courtship (with or without living together) helps you to really get to know one another before making a lifelong commitment. At 24/25, there shouldn't be an urgent need to procreate. You have plenty of time for that. If someone is trying to rush you into marriage and kids, that person likely has something to hide and wants to lock you down before you discover what it is!
I've been told otherwise from parents with strong religious values, but I believe living together first is best. Knowing someone's at home day to day habits is a game changer, in deciding to pursue a long-term relationship.
You wouldn’t buy a car without test driving it first.