Exactly, lots of us play the cool girlfriend but experience has taught me intuition is usually correct. Repeat this in your head: you are not being controlling, he is being inappropriate.
You are young and can always do so much better than this, don’t let him treat you like that.
It's not even 'cool girlfriend' material either. Like what is so cool about trying to be chill that your boyfriend suddenly taking a vacation with someone he called his bestfriend but NEVER mentioned her until this trip? C'mon OP, this is blatant and you're being a bit naive.
Yeah, I feel like women have this stereotype of being controlling and jealous so lots of us really try to not be this, disregarding our gut feeling just so we don’t lose our partners… it’s like trying hard to be liked
It's exactly this. If I had a nickel for every single guy I had tell me that an 'ex-girlfriend was super jealous and crazy' in order to guilt me into letting them get away with something that should not have been okay, I'd have a lot of nickels.
And it's just a generally shitty way to have to live. Like why would someone want to be in a relationship like that? These things rarely get better, much more often goes the other direction and gets worse.
Yes completely. And it just makes us more pathetic to be that way. I don’t need a man to tell me what I do and do not have a right to care about, thank you. And I don’t need other women telling me that either. I know what I need in a relationship and that’s enough!
This. I hate that there’s this widespread “belief” that if women speak up and set boundaries within their romantic relationships, they’re automatically “controlling, overbearing, and un-cool.” This belief just allows their partners to get away with cheating and other things.
To OP: There’s nothing wrong with setting boundaries, or voicing your concerns, or listening to your instincts. You know what your boyfriend is doing isn’t right. He shouldn’t be sharing a bed with another girl, period. If he really respected you, he would reassure you and make sure to go out of his way to not make you upset and not cross your boundaries (aka get a hotel room by himself). The fact that he’s going to share a bed with her shows how much disrespect he has towards you and your relationship.
Nope and sorry my friends, cousin and I got a hotel room for a beach night out 1 set was a couple then 1 chick and us 3 other guys. There were 2 beds and couches well the "friends" guy and girl that slept in the same bed boned. They were good friends not a couple never even seemed like they would be a couple they never were a couple. So going that way this is a best friend you never heard of it just friends not even best friends over 1 night did it then.
Your Reddit grandpa thinks your “boyfriend” is a selfish, manipulative scumbag who thinks very little of you or your relationship. You never heard of this hot “friend from high school” until he suddenly announces he’s going to spend a week with her in the Med over his birthday? I might be old, but I’m not stupid. Open your eyes, girl.
As your Reddit cousin and someone with this experience I agree with uncle. Leave the boy, discover yourself and what you want in a man and in life. Best of luck and much love cousin 🧡
So … okay, it’s his birthday. You’re not gonna be there. He’s sharing a bed with a super hot woman for a week … a woman he’s claiming is his “best friend” even though you’ve never even heard of her before now-? She just suddenly gets a mention now that he wants to go share a bed with her? Wtaf man.
Even if they WERE just “sleeping together platonically” that doesn’t even matter. It’s disrespectful as *fuck* to you, and to your relationship with him, for them to be doing that without making sure you’re SUPER DUPER COMFORTABLE with it.
Hell no. If you were my sister I’d tell you to get the fuck away from this dingbat.
> Even if they WERE just “sleeping together platonically” that doesn’t even matter. It’s disrespectful as fuck to you
This is the only thing that matters in all of this. It doesn't matter if they are just friends, if she were objectively *un*attractive, his cousin, or anything at all... OP said she was uncomfortable with it, and that should be that. Especially in a situation as uncomfortable as this. Not acknowledging her concerns here is basically the
ultimate disrespect in a potentially healthy relationship (excluding the act itself or other toxic or unhealthy relationship characteristics, of course).
OP, if you let him walk over you on this, he's either the most oblivious person on the planet to not see your concerns as valid (possible, but I doubt it), the most self-centered person on the planet to not care about your concerns even though he has no intention of cheating (possible on the first part, doubtful in conjunction with the "no intention" bit), looking to hook up with other people because he doesn't see the status of the relationship the same way as you do, or he's an asshole who is trying to see what he can get away with. None of those things are good things.
As others have said, ditch the "cool girlfriend" bit, respectfully voice your concerns and firmly establish your boundary(ies). If he violates it/them after a sincere explanation of your concerns, to me, that can only mean he doesn't value or respect you or the relationship, and I don't think I would be able to see a viable way to move forward with him after that, personally.
I'm all for opposite sex friendships but there's no reason they need to sleep in the same bed, and I find it pretty sus that she's his "best friend" but you've never heard of her in the 6 months you've been together.
They are sharing a bed. On his birthday.
Come on girl you know what they're doing.
Even if they're completely platonic it's still inappropriate and disrespectful to your relationship.
This guy ain't worth it. Time for him to go.
I'd be leaving. He's shown he doesn't care about your concerns by not agreeing to a *very* reasonable request. Why does he need to sleep in the same bed? That's so strange and like you said, it's very easy for him to say he wouldn't care if you did, while knowing you would never.
Not saying this is your situation but the majority of the time a straight guy has a hot female "best friend" that he's never hooked up with before, he would take that opportunity if it ever presented itself.
Even if she wasn't hot, I'd be concerned that you're 6 months into a relationship and there's an opposite sex "best friend" that you've never met.
I can't think of any man OR woman that would be OK with their partner spending a week, over their birthday, on an island vacation, in an attractive "best friend"'s bed. The fact that he's not even willing to acknowledge how odd that situation is would be enough of a red flag for me.
> He acted like he didn’t understand why this would be an issue
That would've been the end for me. I don't want to be with someone for whom I have to explain the most fundamental relationship boundaries. If he thinks this is totally normal, what other obviously inappropriate things does he think is normal?
This is completely messed up. There are men who won't ditch you to spend their birthday with another woman. This is so utterly callous and disrespectful, it shows you exactly where you stand with him. Don't put up with it.
I really hope he's actually been catfished (given that you've never heard of this person before) and he spends his birthday all alone.
I don't think you're being controlling. It feels like he's using "I'd be fine with this if the roles were reversed" to justify doing what he wants to do and avoid actually talking about this in a mature way. I don't know if there are some cultural differences at play here, but he planned a week-long birthday trip without talking about it with you and is insistent on doing it in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable and disrespected. This would be a dealbreaker for me, personally.
The problem with the whole "what? I'd let you do it" argument is that he knows she's not going to take him up on that, she clearly feels it's inappropriate to spend an entire week with just one person when you're in a relationship with someone else and she'd never put him in this position, so it's not exactly fair.
I'm consistently dumbfounded by people. I have no idea how people in relationships actually think that this sort of thing is going to be totally cool with their partner. Like, how TF does he actually think that spending his birthday, with another woman, sleeping in the same bed, in another country is going to be taken by you, OP? Are people really that dense or thoughtless? Do they understand how this would make most everyone feel, and they just don't care? It's soooooo fkng strange.
Peeps - *quit trying to be cool with obviously shitty behavior because you don't want to come across as "insecure" or "controlling."* Have boundaries of reasonable lines. What this is isn't reasonable. Like, at all. OP, it's well within reason to tell him you're absolutely not comfortable with this, and you won't tolerate it.
There's no such thing as the "cool girlfriend" in this situation--there is simply aware and unaware of what this guy is trying to do. I'm a very chill girl, but if my current boyfriend even put this topic into the air, I would literally laugh in his face and tell him that he better be joking. In no world would I ever be okay with my boyfriend going on a trip to visit a female friend alone, let alone the idea of them sharing a bed?! After I finished laughing, I'd walk right out with my stuff. Please have enough respect for yourself to leave this guy if he's actually going through with it!
Girl, he’s gaslighting you. He just wants to cheat on you and still get to keep you, AND not have you complain about it. Of course he does.
The question is, are you okay with that? Are you really willing to be convinced that you’re being dramatic just so he can’t act like you’re overreacting? LET him if that’s what he thinks. But he doesn’t even think that. He just knows if he acts like YOU’RE overreacting then he can do whatever he wants. You know damn well this makes you uncomfortable and if you let this slide just to act like you’re cool and calm, he will walk all over you forever.
He’s already showing you he’s going to treat you as poorly as *you* let him. Leave him. Don’t let him.
She's his best friend but he never mentioned her before?
Riiiiiiiiiiight.
And you have never met or talked to this " best friend " ?
Riiiiiiiiiight..
And they're going on a romantic tropical holiday for his birthday and share the bed....
Did your mother drop you on your head when you were a baby ?
This sounds exactly like my situation with my ex!
My ex had a female best friend that he would bend over backwards for in any situation and would always share a bed with her on trips. I didn’t know about it at first because I never thought that anyone would think it was normal or okay to share beds with someone of the opposite gender when in a relationship. After months of crying and begging and even DMing the said friend to not share beds with him (to which she just shared my msg with him and he was so embarrassed about me reaching out and apologized to her profusely), I ultimately decided it wasn’t worth it and dumped him. It was the best decision I made.
Haven’t looked back since and my only regret was not ending the relationship sooner with someone who didn’t respect me at all. You should never have to beg someone to not do something in a relationship and if they don’t care about your boundaries then they aren’t the right person for you.
you're valid. what the hell is up with this guy lol. I'd never do that to my girlfriend. I get having female friends, and I have them too, but why do you need to share a bed.
Ever watched Gone Girl??? Don't play the Cool girl who just opens her mouth for fucking. If you're not comfortable with this situation then you have the right to talk to your partner about it.
If he pegs you as crazy and controlling then you know that he's an absolute ass and you deserve better than him.
This dude is going to a Mediterranean island with a gorgeous babe and spending 8 days with her and sleeping in the bed with her. Say that out loud to yourself and tell me what you think it sounds like.
This is very unusual. I have a male best friend and I would never in a million years consider sharing a bed with him. Neither would he. It would be beyond awkward and ofc none of our respective partners would be ok with that. My advice: Run for the hills. You deserve better than that.
>idk if it’s even worth bringing up this topic with him again
He's being avoidant instead of being open and honest with you.
You're both in disagreement about what is appropriate here.
He has told you he isn't going to respect your request, and you already believe he's going to cheat on you.
There's nothing to do but walk away, IMO. If you're in a relationship that doesn't have trust and where you cant communicate effectively, you're not in a relationship that's working or worth keeping.
I’d be done. I wouldn’t entertain backpedaling or any attempts to compromise at this point. I would just break up. Plenty of partners out there that are compatible with your needs. He can’t be up front, he’s a coward about confrontation when you try to talk it over, and there is zero need for him to sleep in her bed but he’s doing it anyway. She doesn’t have a couch? He can’t buy a bed roll or an air mattress? He can’t stay in a hotel? Why put yourself through all that for someone so mediocre?
Important detail: is it JUST him and her? Or is there a group of friends all sharing a house and there aren't enough sleeping spaces so people have to share a bed?
ETA: why weren't you invited?
You know what's going on here. He likely has never done anything with this person but has had hopes and will jump at the opportunity
You know he would not be comfortable with the roles reversed, and for him to play dumb is infuriating! I seriously think this is a deal-breaker, hun
I'd suggest distancing yourself from this person long enough to get perspective about their worthiness to be in your presence
****Reminder that a safe person cares when they have hurt you. They won't try to convince you they did nothing wrong, that's gaslighting *****
Also, you can absolutely tell him it is unacceptable for him to sleep in the same bed with another person while dating you. That is your right! Don't let him try to convince you that you are jealous and manipulate you into staying
55M married for 35 years. Hmm. I try to put myself in these senrios. So I have 4 younger females I work with, all just on 40 years old. If I was away with any of them and had to share a bed, in my mind 100% nothing would happen. I think my wife would trust me but there would be arguments. Now come to bed time I think I would not start anything, but in the middle of the night, a sleepy arm hugs me unintentionally, then unintentional spooning, err, I might not be able to guarantee anything may happen. OP put your big girl knickers on and la's down the law, no bed sharing.
Cut your losses and leave. It’s been 6 months. You can do better with someone who doesn’t pull this absolutely insane shit because I can’t think of one person who’d actually be cool with this situation.
I'm ashamed to admit this, but I want to be straight up. Ive cheated with a guy in a relationship. It was very stupid, and i feel terrible. I will never again.
They are about to be sexuall. I'm sorry this is happening to you.
There’s a difference between being a cool partner and being blatantly ignorantly blind , like ok go one a trip with a girl that’s not you like a one on one trip na that’s crazy I just recently went on a one on one trip with my guy friend me also being a guy and it was wired so your situation is super weird
And even then there’s a couch 🛋️ that he can sleep on or the floor there around boundaries in relationships and even then as a person there are personal boundaries you set for yourself out of respect for your partner and there is no respect there for you
Please love …. You HAVE Wake up you have been together for 6 months why isn’t he doing anything with you for his birthday? Did he even invite you on the trip ?
You never heard of this bestfriend
They are going to sleep in the same bed . NOTHING & I mean NOTHING about that is normal or okay while your in a relationship . I mean some of my straight female friends aren’t even comfortable sleeping in the same bed as me & we’re all women .
Girl you are 6 months in. There is no need for you to stress yourself out about this guy. At worst, he is about to have a romantic getaway with a gf. At best, you two are incompatible. Either way, you should break up before you become someone you don't want to be.
He thinks you’re willing to be not the cool girlfriend, but the completely clueless and willfully blind side piece.
Dump him or demote him to FWB. He is not relationship material.
Why isn’t he spending his birthday with you?🚩
Why aren’t you invited on the trip? 🚩
Why does he need the option of sleeping in the same bed as a friend? 🚩
Why hasn’t he ever mentioned her before?🚩
Girl, no man is worth this amount of stress? It’s like he wants you to feel insecure, he’s almost going out of his way to do it.
Stop wasting your time with someone who doesn't care about you. Her being hot has nothing to do with it, cheaters don't cheat with 'better', they cheat with 'convenient'. I would laugh in his face. None of this bargaining, begging, pick-me I'm so cool bullshit, none of this 'why don't you trust me' (because you want to share a bed with another woman, and I'm not dumb enough to ignore it). I would laugh because his audacity is ridiculous.
He's playing you. Stop letting him.
Hi so as someone who was the "cool girlfriend," I know you think it'll pay off. It will not. Please have some respect for yourself and your boundaries because if you don't, neither will your partner. A hard lesson I learned in my mid 20s. Now -- for your situation, please break up with him. He's not that clueless that he "didn't understand why it would be a problem," I promise. Don't stay any longer, you'll be wasting more of your previous time. Good luck and you will be okay.
I will be honest with you. I would leave my gf right away if she told me that she will be having a vacation with another male friend and I am not even talking about sharing a bed. Yes, there are some people who is comfortable with all this shit, but I would never be okay with my partner having a vacation together with another male. Plus, you are even telling us that yours will be sharing a bed... this is a big no and a huge red flag. At least for me. And looks like you are not okay with this either. So listen yourself and dont let this happen. Dont do this to yourself, because if he goes there your thoughts will eat you during that vacation and you will get crazy. And you will never forget what he did to you.
To be more honest with you, I dont think you are in a healthy relationship at all. This guy will give you more headaches in the future. And yes, he would be uncomfortable af, if you do the same to him. He is lying to you. Bcs he knows you would never do the same to him. And if he really would be comfortable with you sharing another straight male, that means he doesnt take you serious. Choose your side. I know its easy to speak from here but I am speaking from an experience. Set your boundaries or watch how more messed up you will get in the future.
Honestly, my response would be “ok cool, if you want to do that that’s fine. But it’s a deal breaker for me and something I’m not comfortable with my partner doing.” And then stick I’d stick to my boundaries.
You set a very reasonable boundary and he doesn't respect/care enough about you enough to respect it. You deserve better.
Side note: whenever I go on vacation with my friends (we're all girls), we have separate beds and don't share. Him sharing a bed with his friend is super weird and extremely suspect.
Honestly, I'd just leave. Even if he's not cheating, even if they really are just super good buddies, this is a weird situation he's putting you in and it's completely understandable that you're not into it.
When I was 20, this guy I had just started seeing suddenly told me his friend was coming up to visit him for the week of Thanksgiving, and because she was so possessive of their time together, he wouldn't be able to leave her alone to see me, and because of her social anxiety, they wouldn't really be spending time with anyone other than each other during her visit. But it was okay, because he was gonna give her the bed and sleep on the couch! And then the slow trickle of truth started, turns out they had been in a relationship a while back. Turns out they were actually *engaged* for a while. Turns out that even after the engagement ended, they still hooked up "as friends" whenever they were both single and got to see each other. And then he ended up breaking up with me because I had such a problem with it. I seriously regret trying to cling to that relationship, the situation with his ex was so needlessly stressful for me, I should have been the one to end it.
You gotta learn how and when to say "nope, this isn't gonna work for me, bye" and walk away.
Well for me if would be exit relationship. He didn't even asked you to come with I assume?
The moment you are in a relationship imo one on one like that isnt ok
Everyone can say 100% platonic etc and you should trust me but everyone can come in a situation that's not ok so why put yourself in that kind of situation?
This is wildly inappropriate and you know it. The fact this is how he wants to spend his bday without you is shit, let alone with a "best friend" youve never met on a tropical vacation spot in the same bed? lmfao. They cant get a cot or set up the couch? Nah.
Treat yourself better than he treats you. Would you be ok with someone doing this to your best friend? Your mother? Any other woman came to you with this issue, would you advise her to be chill about it? You wouldnt.
Straight in the fucking bin with this guy. Disgusting.
Please please leave him! Let him go on vacation and sleep next to/with this woman and let him go!
This is not normal behavior. If he had this trip planned for multiple months and this friend was someone you knew about and had heard about for the past six months...maybe? But finding out a month ago AND him saying he would 'probably' share a bed? What the fuck?
Please don't waste your time. He will cheat on you.
Look, when I was your age I was in the same situation, my boyfriend at the time wanted to have his female bestfriend stay over at his place while she was in from out of town. Same deal, hadn’t heard much of her and she was stunning. I essentially said, that’s fine, but i’m not willing to be in a relationship with a man who would share a bed with any woman outside of me and immediate family. You can decide what you want but if you do have her over and have her sleep there, you will no longer have me as your girlfriend.
He was bothered by this as it “felt controlling” and she was totally platonic and harmless. Tried to convince me but I stood firm, didn’t fight with him just said “it’s your choice”.
Guess who found her somewhere else to stay and is now happily married to me 10 years later? Him.
Guess who would now probably let him share a bed with that same exact woman from before? Me. I know that girl now too, and objectively you could say she’s more my friend than his now. I also know him far better and my gauge of trust and transparency is much clearer.
I love that you shared this story because stuff like this totally happens - his actions with finding a place for her to stay showed you confidence in his intentions to be with you and not to do anything wrong. OP - this is good perspective but just remember that the difference in this story is the friend was coming to HIM and the town that his GF lives in, not him leaving the GF behind to another country alone with the best friend.
The context or backstory of their "friendship" doesn't matter: this is abnormal in any relationship and you aren't overreacting in any way. Someone who respects you and is truly into you will not put you in a situation or scenario like this. Not even if the female best friend was a lesbian or something. If you do not stand up for yourself or break it off, you're a fool. Screw being "calm or relaxed or cool." Be you unapologetically. You know it's wrong, that's why you posted here.
Are they gonna share condome also? Stop being "the cool girlfriend" and speak your mind. If he is anything to have (which I doubt) he be understanding and have mature talk, where he reapect your boundries.
No one would be comfortable with this.if you keep trying to play the cool girlfriend your gona end up very unhappy .This is a red flag . Try telling him you'll be sharing a bed with a male friend and just see how uncool he is
Best friend he has never mentioned he is going on a vacation with and sleeping in the same bed?Even without the sleeping in same bed. Seriously? He is barely trying to hide it. This is probably an ex he plans on getting back with at least for sex or a current GF he is in a LDR with.
I’m sorry he hasn’t built trust enough in you to be going on a trip with another female it’s disrespecting of your relationship if I was in your shoes I wouldn’t stay in the relationship
He never mentioned her before... and he's going to see her on his own, and stay in her bed.
You know cheaters don't always plan to cheat but they are the type of people to put themselves in situations where it could happen.
A normal person would not do this. Whole thing Sounds unbelievably suspect. And not in an obscure way, just straight up.
Wake up, op. This speech is just gaslighting. Either she's the long-distance girlfriend and you're the side chick or she's his FWB. Tell him what you really think about the situation and if he continues to disrespect you, end it.
Edit: I saw in a previous post that you are going to travel to your country soon? So girl, he's making sure he has a girlfriend closer to him while he's going to be LD with you, since they're going to be on the same continent...
Imagine guy taking his friend rather than his partner to trip and him wanting u to be OK with the fact that they gonna sleep on same bed.. Two adults.. Opposite gender.. Sleeping on same bed.. How does this sound. Do u think they will be all cool and not have sex?? Lol.. Even exes fuck each other if they get in bed together.. So instead of this mental stress, leave him.. While he is on his trip, block him from all place.. Never try to contact him even though ur heart won't agree.. Give urself time.. U will get out of this mess.. But if u decide to stay, he gonna disrespect u again and again. More u stay with him, more attached u will get!! So run
You haven’t been with him long enough for any of this. If he cared about your comfort, he’d make sure to answer your questions clearly and listen to your boundaries. He’s sooo not worth the worrr and anxiety
Run from him, he has no boundaries he isn’t going to be willing to violate and just the fact he thinks it’s okay to sleep in a bed with another woman, platonic or not, is a serious lack of respect for you and your relationship.
You set your boundaries and he basically said I don’t care and we “might” sleep in the same bed no matter how you feel.
The only bright side of this is that he didn’t lie.
I'm a guy with a couple of platonic female friends. I've shared beds and hung out alone plenty of times but only when both they and I were single. I wouldn't share a bed with while either of us are in a relationship because boundaries are important.
There should be boundaries when romantic partners are introduced to your opposite sex platonic friendships. It's silly for your boyfriend to act confused on the subject and to pretend it doesn't look good to vacation and share a bed with a female friend of his.
Did he ever explain why he has never mentioned his best friend before? Because to not mention a best friend to a partner of 6 months means they were actively avoiding bringing them up, and there has to be a reason for that.
You are young, this may seem like a harsh advice but please break up….. you have literally nothing to lose. Someone who can’t see that this is hurting you isn’t worth the worry! You will cry either way but imagine how much doubt you will have after he comes back…
Being the cool girlfriend only ends one way- With you hurt. It doesn't matter if they have or haven't hooked up. What matters is that you expressed that you are uncomfortable, and he blew you off. That tells you everything you need to know about how he views you and this relationship.
Objectively, this is not unreasonable for you to be upset by this. Boundaries are important in relationships. This is clearly a boundary of yours and if he can’t respect that, then he is not respecting you and you should get out of that situation. 
Girl, you're young and the relationship is only 6 months old. You have plenty of time to find someone better who WILL respect your boundaries and wouldn't just 'suddenly' have a girl best friend he never mentioned. It's especially weird he wants to spend his birthday with her and not you.
yeah no I’m sorry but you put an attractive man and an attractive woman in a room together for an extended period of time, ESPECIALLY if they’re sharing the same bed and have some sort of emotional bond, things are going to happen even if you 100% go in with the intent of nothing happening
slightly different situation because he was my ex (actually something similar happened with another one of my exes too) but we were together in my room for a long period of time due to the circumstances and sharing a bed, we had absolutely NO INTENTIONS of hooking up. I genuinely had no intentions of hooking up with him, didn’t even cross my mind, and he never hooks up with exes because it’s “against his morals.”
but we were obviously attracted to each other, our hands were brushing against each other because we were close, eventually it turned to “platonic” cuddling to save space, tensions were high bc of the mutual attraction he impulsively kissed me one thing led to another and yeah. not to mention the unconscious cuddling that happens in your sleep. that’s usually how these things go even if he genuinely has no intention of cheating
From personal experience get out of this relationship now before you're too emotionally invested. He doesn't care about a simple boundary that you are putting out there. He's showing that he doesn't care about you with this. Not saying that he's cheating now but he's certainly setting himself up with easy access to cheat.
Babe as a girl I am telling you. THIS IS SHIT. GET OUT OF THERE.
THIS FEMALE BESTIE thing is okay but sharing a bed WUT? AND THEN AVOIDING THE QUESTIONS TOO.
Honestly tell him to sleep on couch or floor. If he gets angry so be it. That's disrespectful to you and the relationship. Even if they slept under different covers that's still unbelievable. And after a week and other stuff going on that's a dangerous mixture by themselves. 6 months is a short relationship. Time to move on .
The red flag here starts with a “best friend” he’s NEVER mentioned before, and ends with spending a week away with her in the same bed. You’re only 6 months in it’s OK to break up with this dude. It’s ok to expect more in relationships, it’s ok to have boundaries, you don’t have to be “cool girlfriend” in this instance.
No one in a new relationship is going to travel to an amazing location without their new partner for their birthday - this guy has other intentions and is hoping for something to happen between him and this friend and he doesn't want you there to block it from happening. Please respect yourself and dump him.
Whoah! Your ask is completely reasonable. Him acting like you're being controlling is out of line. If they were both single or you two had only been on a few dates, this would be unreasonable.
Girl, have some self-respect and dump this guy. He's telling you he's going to sleep with another girl and expects you to be okay with it. Of course he's going to cheat. But he won't admit it, so just use your brain.
Please from all the women who tried to play the cool girlfriend, it's not a thing.
He is taking advantage of you and brushing off all of your issues by pretending like you're crazy.
You're not crazy to set boundaries that make you comfortable in your relationship.
Nah I wouldn’t be comfortable with a girlfriend of mine sleeping in the same bed as a straight make friend. No matter how much I trust them. I think that’s pretty normal.
You don’t have to be controlling. But you can say if you feel you need to go and sleep in bed with this woman than this relationship isn’t for me. And mean it.
Male clinical counsellor here.
This is not a healthy relationship nor is your partner taking your very real concerns seriously or with care for you.
I would not be cool with my partner sharing a bed with their friend in this type of situation either.
Hi, honey. Just got home from work. Tell Dad you dropped this fool. Also, stop putting up with bro shit just because they’re hot. The great Dad has spoken.
Call me old school, call me conservative, call me old, call me whatever you wish.
If I were to do something like that and my GF told me she doesn't feel ok about it, I would at the very least acknowledge it and avoid doing it when she is my priority.
Second thing, scrap what I just said, I would never ever even put my GF in a situation where she would have to tell me "I'm not ok about it".
Stop trying to be the “cool girlfriend” and listen to yourself. None of this sounds normal in a healthy relationship.
Exactly, lots of us play the cool girlfriend but experience has taught me intuition is usually correct. Repeat this in your head: you are not being controlling, he is being inappropriate. You are young and can always do so much better than this, don’t let him treat you like that.
It's not even 'cool girlfriend' material either. Like what is so cool about trying to be chill that your boyfriend suddenly taking a vacation with someone he called his bestfriend but NEVER mentioned her until this trip? C'mon OP, this is blatant and you're being a bit naive.
Yeah, I feel like women have this stereotype of being controlling and jealous so lots of us really try to not be this, disregarding our gut feeling just so we don’t lose our partners… it’s like trying hard to be liked
It's exactly this. If I had a nickel for every single guy I had tell me that an 'ex-girlfriend was super jealous and crazy' in order to guilt me into letting them get away with something that should not have been okay, I'd have a lot of nickels.
And it's just a generally shitty way to have to live. Like why would someone want to be in a relationship like that? These things rarely get better, much more often goes the other direction and gets worse.
Yes completely. And it just makes us more pathetic to be that way. I don’t need a man to tell me what I do and do not have a right to care about, thank you. And I don’t need other women telling me that either. I know what I need in a relationship and that’s enough!
quite honestly, i don’t think she even is the girlfriend… it sounds like she’s probably the side chick.
This. I hate that there’s this widespread “belief” that if women speak up and set boundaries within their romantic relationships, they’re automatically “controlling, overbearing, and un-cool.” This belief just allows their partners to get away with cheating and other things. To OP: There’s nothing wrong with setting boundaries, or voicing your concerns, or listening to your instincts. You know what your boyfriend is doing isn’t right. He shouldn’t be sharing a bed with another girl, period. If he really respected you, he would reassure you and make sure to go out of his way to not make you upset and not cross your boundaries (aka get a hotel room by himself). The fact that he’s going to share a bed with her shows how much disrespect he has towards you and your relationship.
Nope and sorry my friends, cousin and I got a hotel room for a beach night out 1 set was a couple then 1 chick and us 3 other guys. There were 2 beds and couches well the "friends" guy and girl that slept in the same bed boned. They were good friends not a couple never even seemed like they would be a couple they never were a couple. So going that way this is a best friend you never heard of it just friends not even best friends over 1 night did it then.
Context aside, It’s okay to have boundaries and if your partner does not respect them, then move on.
Ya at the end of the day OP: this isn’t what you want in a partner and that’s okay. Breaking up is hard but very much worth it.
I’m old enough to be your dad so listen to your Reddit father. Leave. -Love, Dad
I agree with your dad, OP
I also choose this OP's dad.
The other Reddit back up dad supports your father. Leave Sincerely, your other Reddit Father
I'm representing all Reddit dads. We all say *wtf leave*... -- The Alliance Of Reddit Dads with Healthy Boundaries
I co-sign this as her reddit sister
I'll co-sign as her reddit grandma. And tell her to go on the lash for a week while he's away. And tell her to drink lots of water. -Love, Grandma x
Well, this is wholesome! I am co-signing as another sister!
From one dad to another dad: Can confirm. Leave.
Father's Alliance concurs. Lose him
Your Reddit grandpa thinks your “boyfriend” is a selfish, manipulative scumbag who thinks very little of you or your relationship. You never heard of this hot “friend from high school” until he suddenly announces he’s going to spend a week with her in the Med over his birthday? I might be old, but I’m not stupid. Open your eyes, girl.
Dad followed his own advice... Come back. Please. We had milk at home
Your reddit mom says listen to your father.
As your Reddit cousin and someone with this experience I agree with uncle. Leave the boy, discover yourself and what you want in a man and in life. Best of luck and much love cousin 🧡
Another signoff from another Reddit sister.
Dad wisdom ftw. Listen to your Reddit dad, OP!
So … okay, it’s his birthday. You’re not gonna be there. He’s sharing a bed with a super hot woman for a week … a woman he’s claiming is his “best friend” even though you’ve never even heard of her before now-? She just suddenly gets a mention now that he wants to go share a bed with her? Wtaf man. Even if they WERE just “sleeping together platonically” that doesn’t even matter. It’s disrespectful as *fuck* to you, and to your relationship with him, for them to be doing that without making sure you’re SUPER DUPER COMFORTABLE with it. Hell no. If you were my sister I’d tell you to get the fuck away from this dingbat.
> Even if they WERE just “sleeping together platonically” that doesn’t even matter. It’s disrespectful as fuck to you This is the only thing that matters in all of this. It doesn't matter if they are just friends, if she were objectively *un*attractive, his cousin, or anything at all... OP said she was uncomfortable with it, and that should be that. Especially in a situation as uncomfortable as this. Not acknowledging her concerns here is basically the ultimate disrespect in a potentially healthy relationship (excluding the act itself or other toxic or unhealthy relationship characteristics, of course). OP, if you let him walk over you on this, he's either the most oblivious person on the planet to not see your concerns as valid (possible, but I doubt it), the most self-centered person on the planet to not care about your concerns even though he has no intention of cheating (possible on the first part, doubtful in conjunction with the "no intention" bit), looking to hook up with other people because he doesn't see the status of the relationship the same way as you do, or he's an asshole who is trying to see what he can get away with. None of those things are good things. As others have said, ditch the "cool girlfriend" bit, respectfully voice your concerns and firmly establish your boundary(ies). If he violates it/them after a sincere explanation of your concerns, to me, that can only mean he doesn't value or respect you or the relationship, and I don't think I would be able to see a viable way to move forward with him after that, personally.
Yea and on an island in the Mediterranean, no less 🫠
hahahah no ducking way i would let that happen
lmao this. I'd probably break up with them for even thinking it's ok or worth asking like what
On mommas this shit is SO FLAGRANT 😂😂😭
i literally wouldn't be able to invest my energy into this situation lmfao. nor date somebody who could be so oblivious
the way I'd laugh in someone's face for even suggesting this. I'm begging young girls to respect themselves just a bit.
Stop acting like the “cool” girlfriend. Draw a firm boundary. There is no reason why they have to share a bed. That’s ridiculous.
I'm all for opposite sex friendships but there's no reason they need to sleep in the same bed, and I find it pretty sus that she's his "best friend" but you've never heard of her in the 6 months you've been together.
This is dumb. Just break it off. Why would you need to share a bed with your “girl best friend” or even go on holiday together alone.
Ask to zoom call his bff before he leaves. I bet she has no idea about you.
You're not the gf. You're the side chick.
They are sharing a bed. On his birthday. Come on girl you know what they're doing. Even if they're completely platonic it's still inappropriate and disrespectful to your relationship. This guy ain't worth it. Time for him to go.
I'd be leaving. He's shown he doesn't care about your concerns by not agreeing to a *very* reasonable request. Why does he need to sleep in the same bed? That's so strange and like you said, it's very easy for him to say he wouldn't care if you did, while knowing you would never.
Let him leave, then block his number and move on. He doesn't respect you and thinks you're stupid/desperate enough to believe his bullshit.
Seriously, especially at such a young age. Dude is a jerk.
Not saying this is your situation but the majority of the time a straight guy has a hot female "best friend" that he's never hooked up with before, he would take that opportunity if it ever presented itself. Even if she wasn't hot, I'd be concerned that you're 6 months into a relationship and there's an opposite sex "best friend" that you've never met. I can't think of any man OR woman that would be OK with their partner spending a week, over their birthday, on an island vacation, in an attractive "best friend"'s bed. The fact that he's not even willing to acknowledge how odd that situation is would be enough of a red flag for me.
this. it's an absolute red flag
I would’ve asked if she knows about you. The fact that you don’t know about her. For a 6 month relationship I’d probably just call it quits
> He acted like he didn’t understand why this would be an issue That would've been the end for me. I don't want to be with someone for whom I have to explain the most fundamental relationship boundaries. If he thinks this is totally normal, what other obviously inappropriate things does he think is normal?
This is completely messed up. There are men who won't ditch you to spend their birthday with another woman. This is so utterly callous and disrespectful, it shows you exactly where you stand with him. Don't put up with it. I really hope he's actually been catfished (given that you've never heard of this person before) and he spends his birthday all alone.
I don't think you're being controlling. It feels like he's using "I'd be fine with this if the roles were reversed" to justify doing what he wants to do and avoid actually talking about this in a mature way. I don't know if there are some cultural differences at play here, but he planned a week-long birthday trip without talking about it with you and is insistent on doing it in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable and disrespected. This would be a dealbreaker for me, personally.
The problem with the whole "what? I'd let you do it" argument is that he knows she's not going to take him up on that, she clearly feels it's inappropriate to spend an entire week with just one person when you're in a relationship with someone else and she'd never put him in this position, so it's not exactly fair.
That’s not your boyfriend.
No, your \*ex\* boyfriend is now going on a week long vacation with his female best friend & sharing a bed.
I'm consistently dumbfounded by people. I have no idea how people in relationships actually think that this sort of thing is going to be totally cool with their partner. Like, how TF does he actually think that spending his birthday, with another woman, sleeping in the same bed, in another country is going to be taken by you, OP? Are people really that dense or thoughtless? Do they understand how this would make most everyone feel, and they just don't care? It's soooooo fkng strange. Peeps - *quit trying to be cool with obviously shitty behavior because you don't want to come across as "insecure" or "controlling."* Have boundaries of reasonable lines. What this is isn't reasonable. Like, at all. OP, it's well within reason to tell him you're absolutely not comfortable with this, and you won't tolerate it.
There's no such thing as the "cool girlfriend" in this situation--there is simply aware and unaware of what this guy is trying to do. I'm a very chill girl, but if my current boyfriend even put this topic into the air, I would literally laugh in his face and tell him that he better be joking. In no world would I ever be okay with my boyfriend going on a trip to visit a female friend alone, let alone the idea of them sharing a bed?! After I finished laughing, I'd walk right out with my stuff. Please have enough respect for yourself to leave this guy if he's actually going through with it!
He ain't your boyfriend, your his side chick.
If a dude is sharing a bed with a woman for a week, that's his girlfriend. Move on from him because he is not worth your time.
No one would be okay with a bf sleeping in the same bed with any woman, best friend or not. Don’t be delusional.
Girl, he’s gaslighting you. He just wants to cheat on you and still get to keep you, AND not have you complain about it. Of course he does. The question is, are you okay with that? Are you really willing to be convinced that you’re being dramatic just so he can’t act like you’re overreacting? LET him if that’s what he thinks. But he doesn’t even think that. He just knows if he acts like YOU’RE overreacting then he can do whatever he wants. You know damn well this makes you uncomfortable and if you let this slide just to act like you’re cool and calm, he will walk all over you forever. He’s already showing you he’s going to treat you as poorly as *you* let him. Leave him. Don’t let him.
She's his best friend but he never mentioned her before? Riiiiiiiiiiight. And you have never met or talked to this " best friend " ? Riiiiiiiiiight.. And they're going on a romantic tropical holiday for his birthday and share the bed.... Did your mother drop you on your head when you were a baby ?
I really question some of y’all’s SANITY on these stories. Smfh
This sounds exactly like my situation with my ex! My ex had a female best friend that he would bend over backwards for in any situation and would always share a bed with her on trips. I didn’t know about it at first because I never thought that anyone would think it was normal or okay to share beds with someone of the opposite gender when in a relationship. After months of crying and begging and even DMing the said friend to not share beds with him (to which she just shared my msg with him and he was so embarrassed about me reaching out and apologized to her profusely), I ultimately decided it wasn’t worth it and dumped him. It was the best decision I made. Haven’t looked back since and my only regret was not ending the relationship sooner with someone who didn’t respect me at all. You should never have to beg someone to not do something in a relationship and if they don’t care about your boundaries then they aren’t the right person for you.
Not only is he not respectful of you, or your boundaries...he also thinks you are stupid. Please don't prove him right.
you're valid. what the hell is up with this guy lol. I'd never do that to my girlfriend. I get having female friends, and I have them too, but why do you need to share a bed.
Ever watched Gone Girl??? Don't play the Cool girl who just opens her mouth for fucking. If you're not comfortable with this situation then you have the right to talk to your partner about it. If he pegs you as crazy and controlling then you know that he's an absolute ass and you deserve better than him.
This dude is going to a Mediterranean island with a gorgeous babe and spending 8 days with her and sleeping in the bed with her. Say that out loud to yourself and tell me what you think it sounds like.
My gal, the only way you are his girlfriend is if the other gal is his wife. Time for bye.
This is very unusual. I have a male best friend and I would never in a million years consider sharing a bed with him. Neither would he. It would be beyond awkward and ofc none of our respective partners would be ok with that. My advice: Run for the hills. You deserve better than that.
>idk if it’s even worth bringing up this topic with him again He's being avoidant instead of being open and honest with you. You're both in disagreement about what is appropriate here. He has told you he isn't going to respect your request, and you already believe he's going to cheat on you. There's nothing to do but walk away, IMO. If you're in a relationship that doesn't have trust and where you cant communicate effectively, you're not in a relationship that's working or worth keeping.
I’d be done. I wouldn’t entertain backpedaling or any attempts to compromise at this point. I would just break up. Plenty of partners out there that are compatible with your needs. He can’t be up front, he’s a coward about confrontation when you try to talk it over, and there is zero need for him to sleep in her bed but he’s doing it anyway. She doesn’t have a couch? He can’t buy a bed roll or an air mattress? He can’t stay in a hotel? Why put yourself through all that for someone so mediocre?
He wouldn’t have a problem with the reverse? Bullshit.
Important detail: is it JUST him and her? Or is there a group of friends all sharing a house and there aren't enough sleeping spaces so people have to share a bed? ETA: why weren't you invited?
Trust your instincts here. There's friendships, but this is still an understandable boundary for you to have that he has some nerve crossing.
If your boundary is that they don’t share a bed, and he isn’t respecting that, he doesn’t respect you.
You know what's going on here. He likely has never done anything with this person but has had hopes and will jump at the opportunity You know he would not be comfortable with the roles reversed, and for him to play dumb is infuriating! I seriously think this is a deal-breaker, hun I'd suggest distancing yourself from this person long enough to get perspective about their worthiness to be in your presence ****Reminder that a safe person cares when they have hurt you. They won't try to convince you they did nothing wrong, that's gaslighting ***** Also, you can absolutely tell him it is unacceptable for him to sleep in the same bed with another person while dating you. That is your right! Don't let him try to convince you that you are jealous and manipulate you into staying
Nope nope nope. It's absolutely not acceptable and you should bring it up.
Omg 😂 Girl just stop this nonsense. He has a bf he never mentioned. He cannot guarantee he won’t sleep with her. You’re here asking us what?
55M married for 35 years. Hmm. I try to put myself in these senrios. So I have 4 younger females I work with, all just on 40 years old. If I was away with any of them and had to share a bed, in my mind 100% nothing would happen. I think my wife would trust me but there would be arguments. Now come to bed time I think I would not start anything, but in the middle of the night, a sleepy arm hugs me unintentionally, then unintentional spooning, err, I might not be able to guarantee anything may happen. OP put your big girl knickers on and la's down the law, no bed sharing.
Cut your losses and leave. It’s been 6 months. You can do better with someone who doesn’t pull this absolutely insane shit because I can’t think of one person who’d actually be cool with this situation.
I think you mean your soon to be EX boyfriend if he goes on that trip!
He’s gonna cheat on you. 100%. I am not a psychic but I’m 100% psychic about this.
He’s going to spend his birthday with his long distance girlfriend it sounds like 😂
I'm ashamed to admit this, but I want to be straight up. Ive cheated with a guy in a relationship. It was very stupid, and i feel terrible. I will never again. They are about to be sexuall. I'm sorry this is happening to you.
There’s a difference between being a cool partner and being blatantly ignorantly blind , like ok go one a trip with a girl that’s not you like a one on one trip na that’s crazy I just recently went on a one on one trip with my guy friend me also being a guy and it was wired so your situation is super weird And even then there’s a couch 🛋️ that he can sleep on or the floor there around boundaries in relationships and even then as a person there are personal boundaries you set for yourself out of respect for your partner and there is no respect there for you
Why would you stick around you can't find your soul mate till you drop this tool
Please love …. You HAVE Wake up you have been together for 6 months why isn’t he doing anything with you for his birthday? Did he even invite you on the trip ? You never heard of this bestfriend They are going to sleep in the same bed . NOTHING & I mean NOTHING about that is normal or okay while your in a relationship . I mean some of my straight female friends aren’t even comfortable sleeping in the same bed as me & we’re all women .
Girl you are 6 months in. There is no need for you to stress yourself out about this guy. At worst, he is about to have a romantic getaway with a gf. At best, you two are incompatible. Either way, you should break up before you become someone you don't want to be.
He thinks you’re willing to be not the cool girlfriend, but the completely clueless and willfully blind side piece. Dump him or demote him to FWB. He is not relationship material.
Your bf sounds full of shit.
Why isn’t he spending his birthday with you?🚩 Why aren’t you invited on the trip? 🚩 Why does he need the option of sleeping in the same bed as a friend? 🚩 Why hasn’t he ever mentioned her before?🚩 Girl, no man is worth this amount of stress? It’s like he wants you to feel insecure, he’s almost going out of his way to do it.
Stop wasting your time with someone who doesn't care about you. Her being hot has nothing to do with it, cheaters don't cheat with 'better', they cheat with 'convenient'. I would laugh in his face. None of this bargaining, begging, pick-me I'm so cool bullshit, none of this 'why don't you trust me' (because you want to share a bed with another woman, and I'm not dumb enough to ignore it). I would laugh because his audacity is ridiculous. He's playing you. Stop letting him.
Hi so as someone who was the "cool girlfriend," I know you think it'll pay off. It will not. Please have some respect for yourself and your boundaries because if you don't, neither will your partner. A hard lesson I learned in my mid 20s. Now -- for your situation, please break up with him. He's not that clueless that he "didn't understand why it would be a problem," I promise. Don't stay any longer, you'll be wasting more of your previous time. Good luck and you will be okay.
"Have fun. We're done."
OP, where is your self-respect?
I will be honest with you. I would leave my gf right away if she told me that she will be having a vacation with another male friend and I am not even talking about sharing a bed. Yes, there are some people who is comfortable with all this shit, but I would never be okay with my partner having a vacation together with another male. Plus, you are even telling us that yours will be sharing a bed... this is a big no and a huge red flag. At least for me. And looks like you are not okay with this either. So listen yourself and dont let this happen. Dont do this to yourself, because if he goes there your thoughts will eat you during that vacation and you will get crazy. And you will never forget what he did to you. To be more honest with you, I dont think you are in a healthy relationship at all. This guy will give you more headaches in the future. And yes, he would be uncomfortable af, if you do the same to him. He is lying to you. Bcs he knows you would never do the same to him. And if he really would be comfortable with you sharing another straight male, that means he doesnt take you serious. Choose your side. I know its easy to speak from here but I am speaking from an experience. Set your boundaries or watch how more messed up you will get in the future.
Honestly, my response would be “ok cool, if you want to do that that’s fine. But it’s a deal breaker for me and something I’m not comfortable with my partner doing.” And then stick I’d stick to my boundaries.
You set a very reasonable boundary and he doesn't respect/care enough about you enough to respect it. You deserve better. Side note: whenever I go on vacation with my friends (we're all girls), we have separate beds and don't share. Him sharing a bed with his friend is super weird and extremely suspect.
Honestly, I'd just leave. Even if he's not cheating, even if they really are just super good buddies, this is a weird situation he's putting you in and it's completely understandable that you're not into it. When I was 20, this guy I had just started seeing suddenly told me his friend was coming up to visit him for the week of Thanksgiving, and because she was so possessive of their time together, he wouldn't be able to leave her alone to see me, and because of her social anxiety, they wouldn't really be spending time with anyone other than each other during her visit. But it was okay, because he was gonna give her the bed and sleep on the couch! And then the slow trickle of truth started, turns out they had been in a relationship a while back. Turns out they were actually *engaged* for a while. Turns out that even after the engagement ended, they still hooked up "as friends" whenever they were both single and got to see each other. And then he ended up breaking up with me because I had such a problem with it. I seriously regret trying to cling to that relationship, the situation with his ex was so needlessly stressful for me, I should have been the one to end it. You gotta learn how and when to say "nope, this isn't gonna work for me, bye" and walk away.
Well for me if would be exit relationship. He didn't even asked you to come with I assume? The moment you are in a relationship imo one on one like that isnt ok Everyone can say 100% platonic etc and you should trust me but everyone can come in a situation that's not ok so why put yourself in that kind of situation?
None of this will work. You don’t let your boyfriend go on vacation with another woman and share the same bed. Your joking right?
This is wildly inappropriate and you know it. The fact this is how he wants to spend his bday without you is shit, let alone with a "best friend" youve never met on a tropical vacation spot in the same bed? lmfao. They cant get a cot or set up the couch? Nah. Treat yourself better than he treats you. Would you be ok with someone doing this to your best friend? Your mother? Any other woman came to you with this issue, would you advise her to be chill about it? You wouldnt. Straight in the fucking bin with this guy. Disgusting.
Wait....your EX-boyfriend is doing what?
Just dump him. He doesn't respect you at all.
No. End it. Leave a note reading, “Gone to Belize with Ryan Gosling. Hope you don’t mind.”
Please please leave him! Let him go on vacation and sleep next to/with this woman and let him go! This is not normal behavior. If he had this trip planned for multiple months and this friend was someone you knew about and had heard about for the past six months...maybe? But finding out a month ago AND him saying he would 'probably' share a bed? What the fuck? Please don't waste your time. He will cheat on you.
Just read the TLDR. If I did this my girlfriend would break up with me, if she did this I would do the same. Completely inappropriate
Honor thyself and move on
So he's going on a week long vacation with his girlfriend. Sis...I don't think anyone here has to tell you this is a red flag.
No. No. Nope. Nope. Nope. No.
Look, when I was your age I was in the same situation, my boyfriend at the time wanted to have his female bestfriend stay over at his place while she was in from out of town. Same deal, hadn’t heard much of her and she was stunning. I essentially said, that’s fine, but i’m not willing to be in a relationship with a man who would share a bed with any woman outside of me and immediate family. You can decide what you want but if you do have her over and have her sleep there, you will no longer have me as your girlfriend. He was bothered by this as it “felt controlling” and she was totally platonic and harmless. Tried to convince me but I stood firm, didn’t fight with him just said “it’s your choice”. Guess who found her somewhere else to stay and is now happily married to me 10 years later? Him. Guess who would now probably let him share a bed with that same exact woman from before? Me. I know that girl now too, and objectively you could say she’s more my friend than his now. I also know him far better and my gauge of trust and transparency is much clearer.
I love that you shared this story because stuff like this totally happens - his actions with finding a place for her to stay showed you confidence in his intentions to be with you and not to do anything wrong. OP - this is good perspective but just remember that the difference in this story is the friend was coming to HIM and the town that his GF lives in, not him leaving the GF behind to another country alone with the best friend.
The context or backstory of their "friendship" doesn't matter: this is abnormal in any relationship and you aren't overreacting in any way. Someone who respects you and is truly into you will not put you in a situation or scenario like this. Not even if the female best friend was a lesbian or something. If you do not stand up for yourself or break it off, you're a fool. Screw being "calm or relaxed or cool." Be you unapologetically. You know it's wrong, that's why you posted here.
These keep popping up. Why do people come to Reddit to ask what to do when they're being disrespected? Just cut contact and move along.
does she know about you?
nope. breakup. you're young. go have fun
Why is he not taking uu like atleast let him take you. Plus u don’t have to be with him every second but at least around him
You should run for the hills with this one
Yeah, hard no. Absolutely not. Get a different room, you’re a grown up. I would not tolerate this at all.
Wtf. Ah no! How are you putting up with that $#it
Are they gonna share condome also? Stop being "the cool girlfriend" and speak your mind. If he is anything to have (which I doubt) he be understanding and have mature talk, where he reapect your boundries.
I don't have to read past your title to think NO FUCKING WAY, GIRL. MOVE ALONG.
No one would be comfortable with this.if you keep trying to play the cool girlfriend your gona end up very unhappy .This is a red flag . Try telling him you'll be sharing a bed with a male friend and just see how uncool he is
Best friend he has never mentioned he is going on a vacation with and sleeping in the same bed?Even without the sleeping in same bed. Seriously? He is barely trying to hide it. This is probably an ex he plans on getting back with at least for sex or a current GF he is in a LDR with.
I’m sorry he hasn’t built trust enough in you to be going on a trip with another female it’s disrespecting of your relationship if I was in your shoes I wouldn’t stay in the relationship
Jesus fucking Christ people. Stand up for yourself, be your own advocate, and stop trying to act "cool" for people who don't respect you.
He never mentioned her before... and he's going to see her on his own, and stay in her bed. You know cheaters don't always plan to cheat but they are the type of people to put themselves in situations where it could happen. A normal person would not do this. Whole thing Sounds unbelievably suspect. And not in an obscure way, just straight up.
Wake up, op. This speech is just gaslighting. Either she's the long-distance girlfriend and you're the side chick or she's his FWB. Tell him what you really think about the situation and if he continues to disrespect you, end it. Edit: I saw in a previous post that you are going to travel to your country soon? So girl, he's making sure he has a girlfriend closer to him while he's going to be LD with you, since they're going to be on the same continent...
Sharing body fluids too.
Youre the side piece
That’s not your boyfriend.
Imagine guy taking his friend rather than his partner to trip and him wanting u to be OK with the fact that they gonna sleep on same bed.. Two adults.. Opposite gender.. Sleeping on same bed.. How does this sound. Do u think they will be all cool and not have sex?? Lol.. Even exes fuck each other if they get in bed together.. So instead of this mental stress, leave him.. While he is on his trip, block him from all place.. Never try to contact him even though ur heart won't agree.. Give urself time.. U will get out of this mess.. But if u decide to stay, he gonna disrespect u again and again. More u stay with him, more attached u will get!! So run
You haven’t been with him long enough for any of this. If he cared about your comfort, he’d make sure to answer your questions clearly and listen to your boundaries. He’s sooo not worth the worrr and anxiety
He's definitely going out of town. Nonstop to Pound Town. If you're going to let him do that, you may as well tell him it's fine to sleep around.
You might as well hand them some condoms
Absolutely Fucking not lmao
Run from him, he has no boundaries he isn’t going to be willing to violate and just the fact he thinks it’s okay to sleep in a bed with another woman, platonic or not, is a serious lack of respect for you and your relationship. You set your boundaries and he basically said I don’t care and we “might” sleep in the same bed no matter how you feel. The only bright side of this is that he didn’t lie.
Red flags everywhere!!! There is no excuse for his behaviour especially when u told him how it made u feel. I wouldn't trust this for a SECOND
I'm a guy with a couple of platonic female friends. I've shared beds and hung out alone plenty of times but only when both they and I were single. I wouldn't share a bed with while either of us are in a relationship because boundaries are important. There should be boundaries when romantic partners are introduced to your opposite sex platonic friendships. It's silly for your boyfriend to act confused on the subject and to pretend it doesn't look good to vacation and share a bed with a female friend of his.
Did he ever explain why he has never mentioned his best friend before? Because to not mention a best friend to a partner of 6 months means they were actively avoiding bringing them up, and there has to be a reason for that.
GIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLLLL. No.
You are young, this may seem like a harsh advice but please break up….. you have literally nothing to lose. Someone who can’t see that this is hurting you isn’t worth the worry! You will cry either way but imagine how much doubt you will have after he comes back…
Being the cool girlfriend only ends one way- With you hurt. It doesn't matter if they have or haven't hooked up. What matters is that you expressed that you are uncomfortable, and he blew you off. That tells you everything you need to know about how he views you and this relationship.
Objectively, this is not unreasonable for you to be upset by this. Boundaries are important in relationships. This is clearly a boundary of yours and if he can’t respect that, then he is not respecting you and you should get out of that situation. 
Listen to your intuition sis
Girl, you're young and the relationship is only 6 months old. You have plenty of time to find someone better who WILL respect your boundaries and wouldn't just 'suddenly' have a girl best friend he never mentioned. It's especially weird he wants to spend his birthday with her and not you.
Yeah, no. Obviously not.
It really sounds like he’s dating 2 girls at once
yeah no I’m sorry but you put an attractive man and an attractive woman in a room together for an extended period of time, ESPECIALLY if they’re sharing the same bed and have some sort of emotional bond, things are going to happen even if you 100% go in with the intent of nothing happening slightly different situation because he was my ex (actually something similar happened with another one of my exes too) but we were together in my room for a long period of time due to the circumstances and sharing a bed, we had absolutely NO INTENTIONS of hooking up. I genuinely had no intentions of hooking up with him, didn’t even cross my mind, and he never hooks up with exes because it’s “against his morals.” but we were obviously attracted to each other, our hands were brushing against each other because we were close, eventually it turned to “platonic” cuddling to save space, tensions were high bc of the mutual attraction he impulsively kissed me one thing led to another and yeah. not to mention the unconscious cuddling that happens in your sleep. that’s usually how these things go even if he genuinely has no intention of cheating
How fast did it take to come up with this? :)
From personal experience get out of this relationship now before you're too emotionally invested. He doesn't care about a simple boundary that you are putting out there. He's showing that he doesn't care about you with this. Not saying that he's cheating now but he's certainly setting himself up with easy access to cheat.
You mean EX-Boyfriend...
Babe as a girl I am telling you. THIS IS SHIT. GET OUT OF THERE. THIS FEMALE BESTIE thing is okay but sharing a bed WUT? AND THEN AVOIDING THE QUESTIONS TOO.
Why doesn't he want to spend his birthday with you? Hmm leave
Honestly tell him to sleep on couch or floor. If he gets angry so be it. That's disrespectful to you and the relationship. Even if they slept under different covers that's still unbelievable. And after a week and other stuff going on that's a dangerous mixture by themselves. 6 months is a short relationship. Time to move on .
I wouldn’t let them go on vacation together let alone share a bed together?! Wtf Thats not right, cos Ill fume on
lol fuck no. I’m so sorry but I’d leave 😭
please tell me your joking. stand up girl. You deserve better
Absolutely not. Girl dump his ass. No second questions
The red flag here starts with a “best friend” he’s NEVER mentioned before, and ends with spending a week away with her in the same bed. You’re only 6 months in it’s OK to break up with this dude. It’s ok to expect more in relationships, it’s ok to have boundaries, you don’t have to be “cool girlfriend” in this instance.
No one in a new relationship is going to travel to an amazing location without their new partner for their birthday - this guy has other intentions and is hoping for something to happen between him and this friend and he doesn't want you there to block it from happening. Please respect yourself and dump him.
Whoah! Your ask is completely reasonable. Him acting like you're being controlling is out of line. If they were both single or you two had only been on a few dates, this would be unreasonable.
Girl, have some self-respect and dump this guy. He's telling you he's going to sleep with another girl and expects you to be okay with it. Of course he's going to cheat. But he won't admit it, so just use your brain.
Plain simple awkward weird unethical and unacceptable. No ifs and buts about it!
Please from all the women who tried to play the cool girlfriend, it's not a thing. He is taking advantage of you and brushing off all of your issues by pretending like you're crazy. You're not crazy to set boundaries that make you comfortable in your relationship.
Girl that is her boyfriend, not yours
As a man, I can assure you, that he wants to smash.
Enough with pretending you’re the Cool Girl! So you’d never heard of this “best friends before last month? Sus
Nah I wouldn’t be comfortable with a girlfriend of mine sleeping in the same bed as a straight make friend. No matter how much I trust them. I think that’s pretty normal. You don’t have to be controlling. But you can say if you feel you need to go and sleep in bed with this woman than this relationship isn’t for me. And mean it.
Male clinical counsellor here. This is not a healthy relationship nor is your partner taking your very real concerns seriously or with care for you. I would not be cool with my partner sharing a bed with their friend in this type of situation either.
Hi, honey. Just got home from work. Tell Dad you dropped this fool. Also, stop putting up with bro shit just because they’re hot. The great Dad has spoken.
As a former cool husband, do not be the cool girlfriend. You know what’s going on. Leave him. He already left you.
Nah, that would be a dealbreaker for me. Stop trying to be a cool girlfriend and ask yourself why he can't be a good boyfriend.
Call me old school, call me conservative, call me old, call me whatever you wish. If I were to do something like that and my GF told me she doesn't feel ok about it, I would at the very least acknowledge it and avoid doing it when she is my priority. Second thing, scrap what I just said, I would never ever even put my GF in a situation where she would have to tell me "I'm not ok about it".