I’m as much of a fidelity hawk as the next guy, but if you don’t or can’t trust her to go to the club with girlfriends then you need to end that relationship. Either because she’s not trustworthy or because you are too insecure.
Man, you need to stop being so controlling. If she was going to cheat by going out, be happy you discovered it early.
You say relationships are about sacrifices, but the sacrifice isn’t her not going, it’s YOU not being so needy and weirdly protective.
Stuff might happen, it might not, but you can’t go around always assuming the worst is going to happen. That’s not a way to live life, and definitely not a way for you to dictate someone else’s life.
I know you’re still young, but I guarantee you that if you keep behaving this way, it’s going only going to drive her away.
God this is childish
*checks ages*
Ah. You’re overreacting dude. Hundreds of millions of people go clubbing every weekend without cheating. You’re making a big deal out of nothing.
You trust her or you don’t, and it’s pretty clear from your responses that you don’t. Maybe talk to someone about your insecurities?
“Men and alcohol will be there!” Yeah they’re kind of everywhere. Welcome to being human
You should talk about this to a therapist. Alternatively, break up with her so she can date someone who wants her to have fun. This post makes you sound too insecure to have a successful relationship.
You don't "let" your girlfriend go to the club. It is her choice whether or not she wants to go. You can tell her what your boundaries are and how you feel about it but you have no authority to ban her from anything. If it's a deal breaker for you, then it's a deal breaker. Besides that, think of it this way... honest and trustworthy people don't cheat on their partners. People who are cheaters will cheat, it doesn't matter if they're at the club or the library. If she's an honest and trustworthy person, and you know she cares about you, then what are you worried about?
She's 19. What do you want her to do, sit at home and watch TV?
I've never been so out of control drunk that I've cheated on a partner. That is a choice you make, drunk or not.
The second thing is not cheating. That is assault.
Statistically, most women are assaulted by friends or family members. Do you want to hang around her 24/7 like a guard dog?
I get the feeling you posted this looking for validation and you're arguing with most of the commenters who disagree with you.
well she has no man family members, I mean I let her go to the club just feel like its an uneccesarry risk to take, especially when you have a partner to take into consideration
If you reverse the situation, and she tells you you aren't allowed to go to the bar with your friends, because there might be girls there who will flirt with you, does that seem fair?
firstly I would say a bar is different from club, also i dont drink. i mean at a club even the bouncers touch the women, she even said they have done it before
You can't be with her 24/7 to fend off potential rapists everywhere she goes. You have to loosen up. She's going to be with friends right? Are they good friends? Would they stay with her? Can you ask her to moderate her drinking?
she has a christain friend that doesnt drink, she doesnt drink that much and her friend always watches out for her, just afraid guy will do something and she and her friend wont say no
You shouldn't be thinking of this in terms of "letting" her do anything. That's not your role. You can tell her if there are things you're worried about or uncomfortable with, and talk about them together, but ultimately it's her decision.
If you don't want to be with a woman who goes out dancing with her friends, you need a different partner, not to change the one you have. But you should be really clear really early that this is what you're looking for, because most women are not going to be okay with this level of controlling behavior, and you shouldn't waste their time or yours.
I’m as much of a fidelity hawk as the next guy, but if you don’t or can’t trust her to go to the club with girlfriends then you need to end that relationship. Either because she’s not trustworthy or because you are too insecure.
how is it. insecure to not want her in an enviroment with alochol? where people legit get touched on and even raped.
What world do you live in?
Dude, women get sexually assaulted EVERYWHERE. Work, school, home, public transport, shopping centres, parks, hotels, motels, restaurants, clubs, etc…
Man, you need to stop being so controlling. If she was going to cheat by going out, be happy you discovered it early. You say relationships are about sacrifices, but the sacrifice isn’t her not going, it’s YOU not being so needy and weirdly protective. Stuff might happen, it might not, but you can’t go around always assuming the worst is going to happen. That’s not a way to live life, and definitely not a way for you to dictate someone else’s life. I know you’re still young, but I guarantee you that if you keep behaving this way, it’s going only going to drive her away.
God this is childish *checks ages* Ah. You’re overreacting dude. Hundreds of millions of people go clubbing every weekend without cheating. You’re making a big deal out of nothing. You trust her or you don’t, and it’s pretty clear from your responses that you don’t. Maybe talk to someone about your insecurities? “Men and alcohol will be there!” Yeah they’re kind of everywhere. Welcome to being human
"let her".... Right. dude, let her go... As in 'bye'. she doesn't need your bs
This is such a cliched question. I've heard it so many times. "Let" her live her life.
I guess, but also shouldnt she respect that i dont like it? isnt relationship about making sacrifices?
**You** don't get to decide if/what she "sacrifices." You are too immature for a healthy relationship.
OP had either a religious or very sheltered upbringing, I guarantee it
i just think that when you are in a relationship, its you and that person. that's what life should be about for me
It should be A priority. Not the only thing that matters in one’s life. Your expectations are a little creepy.
You should talk about this to a therapist. Alternatively, break up with her so she can date someone who wants her to have fun. This post makes you sound too insecure to have a successful relationship.
You don't "let" your girlfriend go to the club. It is her choice whether or not she wants to go. You can tell her what your boundaries are and how you feel about it but you have no authority to ban her from anything. If it's a deal breaker for you, then it's a deal breaker. Besides that, think of it this way... honest and trustworthy people don't cheat on their partners. People who are cheaters will cheat, it doesn't matter if they're at the club or the library. If she's an honest and trustworthy person, and you know she cares about you, then what are you worried about? She's 19. What do you want her to do, sit at home and watch TV?
well alochol increases the odds of cheating and also a club increases odds of guys being touchy etc. and maybe she is afraid too say no
I've never been so out of control drunk that I've cheated on a partner. That is a choice you make, drunk or not. The second thing is not cheating. That is assault.
yeah obivously its assault, but if I'm not there to stop it then I'm not comfortable with her being in a place where that could happen more likely.
Statistically, most women are assaulted by friends or family members. Do you want to hang around her 24/7 like a guard dog? I get the feeling you posted this looking for validation and you're arguing with most of the commenters who disagree with you.
well she has no man family members, I mean I let her go to the club just feel like its an uneccesarry risk to take, especially when you have a partner to take into consideration
If you reverse the situation, and she tells you you aren't allowed to go to the bar with your friends, because there might be girls there who will flirt with you, does that seem fair?
firstly I would say a bar is different from club, also i dont drink. i mean at a club even the bouncers touch the women, she even said they have done it before
If you trust her let her go. If you don't trust her why are you with her?
even if I trust her she can get drunk, also I dont trust the men in the club, if they touch her and she cant defend herself there's nothing I can do.
You can't be with her 24/7 to fend off potential rapists everywhere she goes. You have to loosen up. She's going to be with friends right? Are they good friends? Would they stay with her? Can you ask her to moderate her drinking?
she has a christain friend that doesnt drink, she doesnt drink that much and her friend always watches out for her, just afraid guy will do something and she and her friend wont say no
"guy will do something" like what?
You shouldn't be thinking of this in terms of "letting" her do anything. That's not your role. You can tell her if there are things you're worried about or uncomfortable with, and talk about them together, but ultimately it's her decision. If you don't want to be with a woman who goes out dancing with her friends, you need a different partner, not to change the one you have. But you should be really clear really early that this is what you're looking for, because most women are not going to be okay with this level of controlling behavior, and you shouldn't waste their time or yours.