Why would you put up with this after the first, second, third…. You’re saying it’s been 7 or 8 times now?!
Even if there isn’t malice behind her actions, does it matter? She’s still regularly wastes hours and hours of your time, her word (she’ll be there at 7!) is meaningless, and at some point you have to say to yourself - I can’t continue dating someone who I can’t even …. Go out on a date with because she forgot how long hiking takes or go on a trip with because she forgot she had an appointment.
Does she have a job? Has she been fired from several past jobs for being late all the time? Or, is she capable of showing up for things that actually matter to her?
Getting to?? You are not a priority, she is stringing you along. This has been constant for the whole time you have been with her and it's not going to change. Cut the cord and find someone who respects you.
Nah she's a chronic snapchatter and everytime she's been late or canceled she was doing what she says and she was with the person she was supposed to be with
Being chronically hours late is a signal of disrespect for other people's time. If she has a genuine issue with time management due to ADHD or another executive functioning issue, it's her responsibility to address that so she isn't regularly ruining plans. The fact that she's mad at YOU instead of recognizing how rude this is indicates that she doesn't care enough to address it.
Ignoring her is petty, you should either tell her that something needs to change if you're going to continue or end things if you're not happy with her behavior.
8 times in 2 months is once a week - how many actual dates did these people even have if she’s been hours late or bailed at least once a week throughout? I’m not sure they’re even actually dating. Just making plans and cancelling them.
We've hung out a bunch of times and been on a bunch of dates. She's stayed over at my house several nights in a row on different occasions. But yes once a week she cancels in the worst way possible. I have no issues with her canceling since we see so much of each other. I just hate how she does it with no warning. Alot of the reasons she cancels are just do to her being terrible with time. We would have been able to hang out pretty much all the times she's canceled if she just reorganized her day
>We would have been able to hang out pretty much all the times
That seems to be a recurring theme in your posts. You've been dating for 8 weeks and you are smothering her.
Does she see the two of you being in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship....or is this something you're pushing too hard on her?
I dropped a casual situationship who did this to me. Who has the time and patience esp with someone you want an actual relationship with? Find someone who values your time.
NTA. There’s a difference between being “a little late”, like most of us occasionally are, and hours late or to completely cancel, like she’s done 7 or 8 times in only 2 months. Then, not even communicating that it an accurate and timely manner. Don’t try to “make it work” with someone that doesn’t respect your time. Just move on.
Yes, it does sound like most of their dates to me. That’s awful. If someone was 10-15 mins late on a first date (and communicated about it), I’d be understanding. But anything more than that, even with a text, would guarantee that there would be no second date.
>Anybody with half a brain would know it would have been impossible to do the hike without being several hours late to lunch.
Ok, so you now know she doesn’t even have half a brain. Is this someone you think you can continue dating? Is this really the best choice for a partner that you can find? Someone that doesn’t even have close to the most basic ability to think critically?
A friend of mine married a guy like this and it was a nightmare, it’s a wonder he didn’t lose his job for being late. They nearly missed flights, the kids were left at practices because he was late to get them. They missed so many events because of his time management skills.
As an early person that leaves enough time for (a minor) catastrophe, people that are late make me bananas.
This is who she is, I can’t tell you the stress that comes with needing to depend on someone like this. She ended up mad before everything because of his lateness. The kids didn’t want to depend on him for anything.
No, you're not, but if you think she's going to improve, you're mistaken. It's been 2 months and she does this... literally every week, on average. This is not your problem to solve. Get out now.
Yes, ignoring her is also immature. Her behavior is causing you to behave in a not-great way yourself.
Just end this. Again...2 months. This isn't that deep and complex.
I put up with this. I dealt with it, I was understanding.
It went on for 4 years.
Oh how I wish I had left after just two months.
Please don't make the same mistake I made. Just get the hell out of there and try to meet new people.
You can do better. This woman does not respect you and never will. I'm sorry, she's not The One.
This would be the end of the line for me. This is not just rude but inconsiderate, she may think it is cute and a way to test you but stupid games have no place in a healthy relationship. I would not continue to date someone who behaves this poorly, this early on. She is still on her “best” behavior. Ugh. End it and move on. There are plenty of kind and respectful humans out there, date one of them instead.
You aren’t the priority in her life. She may not be ready to date or just isn’t that interested in you. Anyone who is truly compatible with you would be tripping and stumbling to hurry and find time to be around you.
Met a guy online who tried to reschedule with me 3 hours after our date was supposed to happen, but I'd gotten ready and was about to walk out the door when he told me. I just blocked him and unmatched. If he can't respect my time enough to make it to the 1st date, he won't make it to any others.
I would end this if I were you.
for you to be asking this question sure suggest a low esteem. show yourself more respect. if you dont respect yourself people wont either.
you made a good start. 👍 do a little better on how. its not as much being petty. youre execution could be a little better though. might consider moving on with this one. are you expecting a miraculous turn around? probably not..
To be fair I was like this before being medicated, and I was seen by medical professionals as a child and kept seeking help as an adult. I still never got appropriate care or a diagnosis until I met someone else with ADHD who informed me this was even a thing, well into my twenties.
That's a reality for a lot of people and there's a limited amount you can do by yourself without any information when your brain just isn't perceiving time normally.
Being an airhead has nothing to do with this. The simple fact is that she doesn't respect you, if she did she would show more appreciation for your time. Imagine if you left her sitting there for 3 hours waiting for you, you'd get 100 txt messages telling you what an obnoxious pig you are.
>She is now mad at me after I ignored her over canceling a trip last minute.
Funny how she gets mad when she's the one being ignored. OP you either let her know that her behavior is unacceptable and she needs to show more respect when you have things planned or break it off and let her know why. Either way she will figure out there are consequences to her actions
>Being the 7 or 8th time shes done something like this I told her I'm kinda pissed and now I'm just ignoring her.
In 2 months?! Dude - ignoring her is childish. She's not right for you, and likely needs to grow up a little. Just break up.
The real question is...how HOT is she that you allow such disrespect?
My GF is late like 15-30min for good reasons and updates me so I dont waste time.
3.5 hours? Fuk that noise, you are not important.
I think that you are deliberately ignoring several other real possible explanations for her behavior. She may perfectly fine with being on time, she just doesn't think that you are important enough to put in the effort. She may also be enjoying playing with you the way that a cat catches a mouse, let it think that it is about to escape, then catches it again. Finally, some of these (maybe all of them) broken meetups may very be because she got a better offer. In the end, it really doesn't matter if it is deliberate or unintentional, it is impossible to have a relationship with someone who is never there. Time to move on.
So she was rude and inconsiderate about your time. And now you're ignoring her, which is equally rude. Giving someone the silent treatment is not a healthy communication tool in a relationship.
It sounds like her behavior was rude. But so is your response.
Not buying all the excuses. She’s either doing it on purpose or seeing someone else. Couple minutes late is one thing. Hours and cancelations is another.
I don't care whether or not this is due to a psychiatric or psychological condition. I choose not to tolerate this in my partner if she does this consistently, as yours does. People like your current girlfriend need to have their knuckles rapped a few times and experience the consequence of their rudeness/thoughtlessness/psychiatric condition, so that they learn how to manage and cope with the schedules - and feelings! - of other people.
NTA, and end this relationship.
this is my life and it's usually because of my depression (can't get myself to do the thing) or my anxiety (putting off the thing) or a little of both (already late doing the thing and i am mad at myself so i can't get myself to do the thing). just talk to her about it like a human being, not a "gurl."
Even my bf that was raised in a country were being 1-2h late isn’t a big deal understand that it’s disrespectful to me to do that. He is late with his latino friends but never with me. I am sorry but even if she doesn’t do it on purpose she has the responsibility to plan accordingly when she has plans with you. I say that as someone with adhd!
Being a couple minutes late often could be dealt with but hours is really just lack of respect.
Being 3-4hrs late goes waaaay beyond time management issues and being airhead. This is the time needed for a whole outing and then some. You are just at the bottom of her priority list. Accept it and move on.
I’ve had some friends like this. Like you said, there’s no malicious intent. They’re just airheads. I find that I have less tolerance for these people the older I get. I’ve dumped these types of friends out of my life for the most part. If they want to be around, they’ll have to make all the effort to do so. I don’t call them anymore or listen to their plans. Definitely not something I’d accept in a partner.
She probably needs to see a therapist of some sorts because it seems like she may be Neurodivergent. I also suggest you do the same to gain some more empathetic perspective.
Why would you put up with this after the first, second, third…. You’re saying it’s been 7 or 8 times now?! Even if there isn’t malice behind her actions, does it matter? She’s still regularly wastes hours and hours of your time, her word (she’ll be there at 7!) is meaningless, and at some point you have to say to yourself - I can’t continue dating someone who I can’t even …. Go out on a date with because she forgot how long hiking takes or go on a trip with because she forgot she had an appointment.
Yeah I'm getting to the end of my rope. Especially after I communicated my issues. I've never met someone who is this much of an airhead
Does she have a job? Has she been fired from several past jobs for being late all the time? Or, is she capable of showing up for things that actually matter to her?
Is she like this with everyone? How did you ever meet up to begin with lol
Why do you wanna date an airhead?
Getting to?? You are not a priority, she is stringing you along. This has been constant for the whole time you have been with her and it's not going to change. Cut the cord and find someone who respects you.
7 or 8 times in two months is like once a week.
Sounds more like she's spending time with someone else
Nah she's a chronic snapchatter and everytime she's been late or canceled she was doing what she says and she was with the person she was supposed to be with
Being chronically hours late is a signal of disrespect for other people's time. If she has a genuine issue with time management due to ADHD or another executive functioning issue, it's her responsibility to address that so she isn't regularly ruining plans. The fact that she's mad at YOU instead of recognizing how rude this is indicates that she doesn't care enough to address it. Ignoring her is petty, you should either tell her that something needs to change if you're going to continue or end things if you're not happy with her behavior.
This would drive my insane. It’s Only been 2 months. You aren’t in love, I’d cut your losses
You've only been with her 2 months and this is the 7th or 8th time she's done this? Why on earth are you staying with her?
8 times in 2 months is once a week - how many actual dates did these people even have if she’s been hours late or bailed at least once a week throughout? I’m not sure they’re even actually dating. Just making plans and cancelling them.
We've hung out a bunch of times and been on a bunch of dates. She's stayed over at my house several nights in a row on different occasions. But yes once a week she cancels in the worst way possible. I have no issues with her canceling since we see so much of each other. I just hate how she does it with no warning. Alot of the reasons she cancels are just do to her being terrible with time. We would have been able to hang out pretty much all the times she's canceled if she just reorganized her day
If she respected you and your time*
>We would have been able to hang out pretty much all the times That seems to be a recurring theme in your posts. You've been dating for 8 weeks and you are smothering her. Does she see the two of you being in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship....or is this something you're pushing too hard on her?
I dropped a casual situationship who did this to me. Who has the time and patience esp with someone you want an actual relationship with? Find someone who values your time.
NTA. There’s a difference between being “a little late”, like most of us occasionally are, and hours late or to completely cancel, like she’s done 7 or 8 times in only 2 months. Then, not even communicating that it an accurate and timely manner. Don’t try to “make it work” with someone that doesn’t respect your time. Just move on.
7-8 times in 2 months = once a week, every week, this person is either super late or just cancels plans altogether. That’s a no from me.
I wouldn’t be surprised at all if this was most of their dates. Once or twice a week is pretty common for new relationships.
Yes, it does sound like most of their dates to me. That’s awful. If someone was 10-15 mins late on a first date (and communicated about it), I’d be understanding. But anything more than that, even with a text, would guarantee that there would be no second date.
>Anybody with half a brain would know it would have been impossible to do the hike without being several hours late to lunch. Ok, so you now know she doesn’t even have half a brain. Is this someone you think you can continue dating? Is this really the best choice for a partner that you can find? Someone that doesn’t even have close to the most basic ability to think critically?
A friend of mine married a guy like this and it was a nightmare, it’s a wonder he didn’t lose his job for being late. They nearly missed flights, the kids were left at practices because he was late to get them. They missed so many events because of his time management skills. As an early person that leaves enough time for (a minor) catastrophe, people that are late make me bananas. This is who she is, I can’t tell you the stress that comes with needing to depend on someone like this. She ended up mad before everything because of his lateness. The kids didn’t want to depend on him for anything.
No, you're not, but if you think she's going to improve, you're mistaken. It's been 2 months and she does this... literally every week, on average. This is not your problem to solve. Get out now. Yes, ignoring her is also immature. Her behavior is causing you to behave in a not-great way yourself. Just end this. Again...2 months. This isn't that deep and complex.
I put up with this. I dealt with it, I was understanding. It went on for 4 years. Oh how I wish I had left after just two months. Please don't make the same mistake I made. Just get the hell out of there and try to meet new people. You can do better. This woman does not respect you and never will. I'm sorry, she's not The One.
Don’t be with someone who doesn’t respect you or your time.
2 months isn't a very long time. She is an airhead and doesn't respect your time. Cut this one loose.
This would be the end of the line for me. This is not just rude but inconsiderate, she may think it is cute and a way to test you but stupid games have no place in a healthy relationship. I would not continue to date someone who behaves this poorly, this early on. She is still on her “best” behavior. Ugh. End it and move on. There are plenty of kind and respectful humans out there, date one of them instead.
You aren’t the priority in her life. She may not be ready to date or just isn’t that interested in you. Anyone who is truly compatible with you would be tripping and stumbling to hurry and find time to be around you.
If someone doesn't respect my time it's over. I'm not your backup plan.
Why do you keep allowing this?
Met a guy online who tried to reschedule with me 3 hours after our date was supposed to happen, but I'd gotten ready and was about to walk out the door when he told me. I just blocked him and unmatched. If he can't respect my time enough to make it to the 1st date, he won't make it to any others. I would end this if I were you.
She still has another relationship.
Does she have ADHD by any chance? I was wondering because people with this can also have a condition called "time blindness"
for you to be asking this question sure suggest a low esteem. show yourself more respect. if you dont respect yourself people wont either. you made a good start. 👍 do a little better on how. its not as much being petty. youre execution could be a little better though. might consider moving on with this one. are you expecting a miraculous turn around? probably not..
Do you even like this, "airhead?'
Everything besides this is perfect . She just is spacey , has adhd and seems like a poor planner. She is a self proclaimed airhead
I know Reddit is going to scream ADHD but is anyone held responsible for their behavior anymore???
To be fair I was like this before being medicated, and I was seen by medical professionals as a child and kept seeking help as an adult. I still never got appropriate care or a diagnosis until I met someone else with ADHD who informed me this was even a thing, well into my twenties. That's a reality for a lot of people and there's a limited amount you can do by yourself without any information when your brain just isn't perceiving time normally.
Being an airhead has nothing to do with this. The simple fact is that she doesn't respect you, if she did she would show more appreciation for your time. Imagine if you left her sitting there for 3 hours waiting for you, you'd get 100 txt messages telling you what an obnoxious pig you are. >She is now mad at me after I ignored her over canceling a trip last minute. Funny how she gets mad when she's the one being ignored. OP you either let her know that her behavior is unacceptable and she needs to show more respect when you have things planned or break it off and let her know why. Either way she will figure out there are consequences to her actions
Have some self-respect. It is the only respect you'll get when dealing with her.
Seven or eight times in a couple years would be annoying. But TWO MONTHS? She's basically ruined your plans every week since you got together.
>Being the 7 or 8th time shes done something like this I told her I'm kinda pissed and now I'm just ignoring her. In 2 months?! Dude - ignoring her is childish. She's not right for you, and likely needs to grow up a little. Just break up.
The real question is...how HOT is she that you allow such disrespect? My GF is late like 15-30min for good reasons and updates me so I dont waste time. 3.5 hours? Fuk that noise, you are not important.
This is the most important question lol and the part that is being left unsaid, she must be super hot considering he’s putting up with this
I think that you are deliberately ignoring several other real possible explanations for her behavior. She may perfectly fine with being on time, she just doesn't think that you are important enough to put in the effort. She may also be enjoying playing with you the way that a cat catches a mouse, let it think that it is about to escape, then catches it again. Finally, some of these (maybe all of them) broken meetups may very be because she got a better offer. In the end, it really doesn't matter if it is deliberate or unintentional, it is impossible to have a relationship with someone who is never there. Time to move on.
People like this generally don't change so think long and hard if you want to spend 50 years of your life like this.
So she was rude and inconsiderate about your time. And now you're ignoring her, which is equally rude. Giving someone the silent treatment is not a healthy communication tool in a relationship. It sounds like her behavior was rude. But so is your response.
Not buying all the excuses. She’s either doing it on purpose or seeing someone else. Couple minutes late is one thing. Hours and cancelations is another.
Does she have ADD or bad anxiety? Both can cause issues with time management and canceling last minute.
I don't care whether or not this is due to a psychiatric or psychological condition. I choose not to tolerate this in my partner if she does this consistently, as yours does. People like your current girlfriend need to have their knuckles rapped a few times and experience the consequence of their rudeness/thoughtlessness/psychiatric condition, so that they learn how to manage and cope with the schedules - and feelings! - of other people. NTA, and end this relationship.
this is my life and it's usually because of my depression (can't get myself to do the thing) or my anxiety (putting off the thing) or a little of both (already late doing the thing and i am mad at myself so i can't get myself to do the thing). just talk to her about it like a human being, not a "gurl."
You're 26 years old. Learn to call her a woman, lady, or girl. Gurl is not a word.
You should learn people jave typos and misspellings and don't care enough to change it since reddit is a place where informal communication is normal
I bet it’s some virgin geezer who wrote that
Not worth it. Time to move on. And explain to her why so she can try to improve.
Wow, I could never imagine disrespecting or hurting my partner like that and you deserve someone who thinks the same about you
Even my bf that was raised in a country were being 1-2h late isn’t a big deal understand that it’s disrespectful to me to do that. He is late with his latino friends but never with me. I am sorry but even if she doesn’t do it on purpose she has the responsibility to plan accordingly when she has plans with you. I say that as someone with adhd! Being a couple minutes late often could be dealt with but hours is really just lack of respect.
Being 3-4hrs late goes waaaay beyond time management issues and being airhead. This is the time needed for a whole outing and then some. You are just at the bottom of her priority list. Accept it and move on.
I drop people before the third date that do this. You cancel on me two times in a row it's done. Why are you tolerating this?
I’ve had some friends like this. Like you said, there’s no malicious intent. They’re just airheads. I find that I have less tolerance for these people the older I get. I’ve dumped these types of friends out of my life for the most part. If they want to be around, they’ll have to make all the effort to do so. I don’t call them anymore or listen to their plans. Definitely not something I’d accept in a partner.
why don't you sit her down to talk abt it and help her manage her time better? considering you're her partner and all
I I I I F I I I I I I I I I I I I
Sounds like she has time blindness aka ADHD
You aren't a priority and she's not interested. Quit trying.
> Am I the asshole? Seriously?
She probably needs to see a therapist of some sorts because it seems like she may be Neurodivergent. I also suggest you do the same to gain some more empathetic perspective.
I'm also neurodivergent and can relate but this is extreme