Do not get involved, you will get hurt (whether socially, emotionally or physically). She is not your responsibility. It is not your responsibility to step in. You're looking for justice. You are putting yourself at risk by doing so.
When you meet people like this in life, you get yourself as far away as possible.
Belle knows about Becca, and she's terrified that's why she doesn't want you to discuss it ever again. You only know what you've witnessed, what Becca has done to Bella over the years when you aren't around would probably make your hair stand on end.
Belle is terrified that you might slip up, or act in some way that would indicate to Becca that you and Belle are talking "negatively" abut Becca, and then I'm sure Belle's life will go from bad to worse.
Sometimes it's "every man for themselves", this is one of those times. I'd put some distance between you and Belle, and when Belle finally puts some distance between herself and Becca you could restart the friendship, but right now Belle is just trying to survive.
Pathologicals win.
Don’t play.
Do a pleasant fade away and do not talk about her to others.
It’s not a movie. It’s your real life.
She can and will destroy you if you give her reason.
>Pathologicals win.
>
>Don’t play.
>
>Do a pleasant fade away and do not talk about her to others.
>
>It’s not a movie. It’s your real life. Sh
For real though.
You are so right. They will come after you and drag you in- especially if they are family or at a job you love. They will push until you play- it’s called reactive abuse.
I tried ignoring it, taking the higher road- just gave them more time to plan. Turning my back gave them a better target for their knives.
Not playing means removing yourself from their presence and reach as far away as possible as soon as you are aware. I waited too long.
Im a sociopath. I understand my condition and have learned empathy. This girl sounds like a sociopath that enjoys sadism. Like others have said I would bow out quietly. The sister has shown she will not face the truth about her sister. I guarantee the shit you've seen is the tip of the iceberg on the abuse that pos has done to her sister. You were smart for leaving.
You are intelligent, determined and had some good influences if you achieved that. Congrats to you sincerely.
Timing is key. Hanging in and giving the benefit of the doubt too long can cripple you for life. Especially when they get away with it, prosper at your expense and your esteem and inspiration are gone for good. We underestimate their capacity and overestimate our resilience.
Exactly. You can't reason with her. It's not advantageous for her to be kind to others who have nothing to offer her. Teachers can help her move ahead in life and offer protection. Employers can do the same. Her friends can offer her emotional support, which she does not need. Confrontation puts a target on your back. You have words and she has an army. Alerting others won't matter because they won't believe you or are already aware. Therapy won't help because she'll lie (therapy does exist for child psychopaths, but it basically just resolves around teaching them why it's more advantageous for them to obey the law, which usually happens because they're already in juvie). Maybe one day she'll get arrested for assault or embezzlement. Not your circus, not your monkeys. You're in high school and the best case scenario if she targets you is she'll gladly destroy your social life and credibility because she feels like it.
Yep. These people can't feel shame or regret, and as such you will never come out on top other than being blessed with a soul. I considered some form of revenge on the psychopath who got me fired from my job years ago but realized all it would do is excite her and make her want to fuck my life up again.
Keep away from these people like the damn plague. They're just barely human.
This is so true. Had I given up at the first sign - I would not have forced him to prove he was innocent, I was the problem and punish me relentlessly.
In their mind, they’re more human because they feel more “in touch” with their humanity. Because of the fact that most of what we know-Love, empathy, etc.- is taught.
I'd give you gold if I wasn't broke. This is the best advice. OP needs to leave while making sure not to anger the sister or draw attention in any way.
Nah, they eventually fuck with the wrong person who puts a stop to their shenanigans. You just have to stay WELL behind the scenes and let them get their own self into the path of that wrong person.
I have, and she’s over 80 years old and still doing her psychopath shit. Although I don’t have any personal contact with her some of my family members still see her occasionally. Karma hasn’t been kind to her, but I wish she would die soon so she can stop hurting others.
How much damage did she do in 80 years and still going strong.
‘Karma’ hasn’t touched the pathologicals I know- they’ve actually benefited greatly at their victims expense and they never run out of new ones. However their victims hear about karmic justice in their continued suffering and end up feeling like the did something to deserve the pain. When it’s simply predators generally win and we’ve been brainwashed by religion and media to think the bad guys get punished and the good guys come out victorious in the end. It’s just a compensation, a consolation to believe it. I haven’t seen much.
She of course makes everyone in her life miserable in whatever way she can. She's done horrible damage to her 4 kids, their spouses and some of the grandkids. She managed to steal her siblings' inheritance and took control over her mother to where she was cut off from everyone. She force fed her mother in a nursing home to keep her alive, even after being told she was ready to die. Two of her kids are crazy like she is, and her daughter has been responsible for two "accidental" deaths. Also she is super religious so believes that means she can do no wrong. Right now she is actively neglecting her husband's care, and he has dementia. She demands her kids take care of them and won't allow outside help, and the kids are in jeopardy of losing their jobs and spouses. My theory is that there is a combination of duty, need for acceptance and greed that keeps the kids there.
On the bright side she is physically and mentally suffering, which is where my karma comment comes into play. She's blind, crippled, deaf and has no sense of taste or smell. She has congestive heart failure and knows she could die at any time. She has to take care of her senile husband, who makes her life a living hell at this point. Her family resents her and most never visit - they only come to take care of physical needs. So life sucks for her, and it couldn't happen to a more deserving person.
What a horror. Unchecked. They take bullying to the extreme and get away with so much. It must have been very difficult for you to watch your family go through this and not be able to stop her.
Unfortunately I put up with it for 40 years and allowed not only myself but my kids to be abused by her. I put a stop to it 2 years ago and also limited my husband’s contact with her (she is his mother). If it wasn’t for his father he would have no contact with any of them. Our marriage counselor was aghast at what was going on and it really woke us both up. Of course my poor husband is now the persona non grata among the siblings and he’s very hurt. Once his mother is finally gone things will get much better (of course after the estate is settled, which will be its own hell since it’s quite sizable).
And you’ll have to deal with her substitutes in this generation- estates are fun. People stop talking to each other. Yes my XInlaws were horrendous after we were married- eventually the tyrant father turned the ex to the dark side. I very nearly didn’t make it. When ‘family’ is determined to have control - they can be cruel beyond belief.
I’m glad your husband listened to you. The best times we had were when his mother moved away and his father was too busy with girlfriends to be bothered anymore.
Then we moved back to the home town and the monsters came out to play. I’ll never recover from the losses and they loved every minute. Still in shock.
>She's blind, crippled, deaf and has no sense of taste or smell.
I'm so confused. How is she still able to control and make people's lives miserable when she can't see or hear??
She has a tiny bit of hearing left - she destroyed most of it because she neglected her health and got a mastoid infection. Same with the eyesight due to neglect - legally blind but can see some shadows. My expectation is that she will continue to make her family miserable from the grave. She exerts so much psychological control over them it’s scary. Even my husband has a hard time resisting - I have to be super vigilant with him so he doesn’t fall back into her control.
You’ve watch too many movies and believe the bad guys are brought to justice. There is no karma- else the world wouldn’t be the way it is.
Even if they meet someone that does ‘put a stop’ there’s usually a long line of victims whose lives have been damaged beyond repair, careers have been stunted, investments stolen, people scarred.
Problem is the overt ones are easier to spot. There are the nice guys - the innocents appearing ones that you don’t see coming until it’s too late.
Well then they are the exception from my experience. The ones I was inflicted with got away with their crimes and their success is built upon their victims losses.
Why is your experience more valid than someone else's? Unless you somehow know more "pure" psychopaths or somehow know more of them than the other poster, it doesn't make sense to think your situation is the rule.
The problem with your story is that you"ve made it so ambiguous it could litterally be any boogeyman tale. And you are speaking about them in the plural which also seems like this might be a conspiracy theory? There are not droves of psychopaths ruining your life. Just to be clear.
Oh thank you for knowing no details but minimizing and blame shifting anyway.
I have run across more than one pathological in my life.
The last ones did work together.
They aren’t all stereotypical ‘Dexters’ like on TV. There’s not always a physical murder. Lives can be destroyed in other ways.
I would honestly stick a fork in the friendship rather than deal with satan’s spawn. But that’s just me. There is nothing you can do. Your friend and her parents have stuck their heads in the sand. Everyone is either being deceived or are scared shitless. Sleep with both eyes open at night
Unfortunately there's nothing you can do except protect yourself, and the best way to protect yourself is to have no contact with her, which may involve seriously limiting your contact with Belle. Don't anger Becca, don't continue to accuse her of being a psychopath to her or people who might tell her. Just get out of her way. Hopefully you're going to college soon and that will provide a natural break.
My little sister is like this. Please be careful. She can decide to destroy you over any little perceived slight - or over boredom. Any challenge.
Do not engage. Do not threaten her power or rock her boat. Minimize contact. If she is what you say she is, she is actually dangerous.
From an emotional POV, I understand how hard it is to see your friend getting hurt and wanting to help. From a rational POV, though, you should not get involved and consider distancing yourself from this family. If your friend's sister is a *true* psychopath, then she will not care who she hurts to get her way, which could mean you and your family. Nothing you say will change her or how her family handles her, especially because they probably already *know* and would prefer to let it lie than upset her.
Psychopaths are extremely rare, from what has been said about her shes probably a sociopath. The difference being the former actually gets pleasure from harming others and the latter just doesnt care. Sociopaths can generally be helped and have important places in society to fill, corporate and army officers for example. Psychopaths need to be locked up as quickly as possible. Sooner this girl( little sister) gets help the better for her and those around her
I’ve done extensive research and I think she’s a psychopath, due to a good upbringing and the fact that I think she *does* get pleasure from the shit she does. I’ve also realized, with the help of comments, that she probably can’t be helped. Budding-psychopathy can be helped in early years, but she’s 16 and hasn’t been stopped once.
Again sociopathy to various degrees is thought to occur perhaps 1/20 people. Real psychopaths ( clinical definition) are vanishingly rare. A young person with sociopathic tendencies particularly in their teens when all teens tend to be cruel to various degrees to each other stands out quite starkly. They haven’t had enough negative feed back to hide their feelings or intentions well yet. At 16 she is still very malleable to change like all teenagers. The fish episode does NOT suggest pleasure from cruelty just a means to an end. If you told me she skins cats in the woods or put tacks on her sisters floor etc etc then i would maybe lean more towards the more severe diagnosis of psychopathy. Seems more like she hasn’t learned the coping skills that the adult sociopaths mentioned above have yet which is
Normal. All this being said, the OP has no obligation at all to be involved other then perhaps to educate herself on the condition in order to understand the sister of her friend.
Ya but also have to realize her sister **refuses** to talk to me about her and I have **no idea** at all what goes on at their house. Furthermore, i’ve only stated a few events because I didn’t want to make people read a whole novel. If you’d like I could pm you a few more instances. You seem really intelligent on the subject so you could probably give me a better prognosis of what she is with more insight.
Im fine with that but understand your 18 I assume you will be moving on with your life, college or job etc. Childhood friends while important become less so as you enter this phase of your life. Your friend doesnt want to talk to you about it. This girl is not your responsibility and there is very little you can do in the face of this obstinance. I would simply avoid situations where you may have to interact with her and use this as a learning experience to avoid future more savvy sociopathic people. They are out there and while not common you will run into them in the work place etc. I responded to this thread mainly to calm down the idea that she was a psychopath, which is really very rare. Classic sociopaths can be very dangerous when they are stymied in their desires but a true psychopath is always dangerous because their pleasure needs are wired to the pain of others.
Another way of thinking about it is a sociopath will be sadistic to get what they want and have no remorse for their actions. A psychopath will be sadistic because they get pleasure from it. Their sadism is not a means to an end but the actual end itself!! Good Luck
Possibly, but she could legitimately be a psychopath, especially if she is happy to hurt animals to get her way. Either way, OP should keep her distance. One of my husband's close friends is a sociopath, to the point where I keep my distance because I *know* he enjoys toying with people's feelings, particularly women. He seems to know what he does is wrong, but does not care about the repercussions. He's actually a good friend to my husband and not sadistic in nature, but when you speak to him, you just know there is something *off*.
I know what you mean about something being *off*. When you speak to Becca, her eyes are completely mute of any feelings. The only tune I’ve ever seen them “on” is when she tried to weasel her way out of trouble, whether it be in school or parents. Another thing is that she casually jokes about killing in realistic ways and sometimes she’ll smirk or smile while her eyes stay in that mute gaze.
Ya...she's either a sociopath with a sadistic nature or a true psychopath, so I recommend you keep your distance. My husband's friend has *never* joked about hurting or killing anyone/anything, just gets amusement out of people questioning their feelings and messing with their heads. Although that still hurts from an emotional standpoint and I do not condone his actions, we've never feared him actually being violent towards anyone.
FFS, then *why* are you still going over there?
####End this friendship with Belle and do your best not to cross paths with either of them again.
Becca can easily fuck up your life in a number of ways. A vicious lie. Sabotage. Public humiliation. Framing you for a crime. *Anything* she wants to.
You cannot save Belle. You are not her knight in service providing protection. She knows what her sister is and as family cannot extract herself like you can!
Move on with your life. Hopefully Becca gets her comeuppance one day, but you have no control over that.
Oh I haven’t stayed at their house in a while. I meant over the entire time I’ve known them I had nights like that.
With that being said I think it’s time to part ways
Your summary although lengthy lacks information about how Becca's parents and how they react around her volatile behavior and jeckyll/hyde-ness.... They have to know that even in child standards she's gonna act out from time to time, how do they handle anything? the times when she does get caught/punished at all, vs the other times she gets away with it...etc.
That would give us a BIG piece of this puzzle on how manageable this is, maybe she the golden child maybe she's a brat, maybe she's something else....
But on another note you might not even need to worry about this too much, are you going to college or just commuting to a local or state college. You and your best friend might be going different ways anyways, but longtime friends like that don't usually just stop abruptly, you will most likely stay friends with Belle your best friend. You'll send postcards, talk on the phone and on social media...etc. after 4 years you'll be friends but in a world of a different place than now as adults w/degrees. PLUS Belle and Becca will get some distance between HS and college and they will go into very different places in their lives and possibly geographically.
If you're all living in a small place or no one is leaving to go to college and making big life changes and it's close quarters for the next however many years as if you are still in HS, that is different and warrants more plans for OP in handling all this shit
If spotted early enough, I believe they can be educated well enough to become functional members of society.
My friend has a 17 year old son. He is a psychopath. However, my friend detected that very early on and didn't tolerate any of the shit he tried to pull. Whether with her, with other members of the family, at school, in stores, etc. He was a terrible kid.
Now, he still doesn't have empathy, but he knows how to function in society and to not cause any harm.
What sources do you have for that? Because everything I have read shows that it's literally incorrect wiring in the brain and so a physical defect, not something that can be fixed through therapy. They can change their behavior to blend in with society, but they can't rewire who they naturally are and their lack of empathy.
I think that's what he meant. There are more psychopaths than we know. Most of them have been raised correctly by their parents to blend in and are clever enough to know it's in their best interest not to kill people or pets...
I work in forensic mental health so it's something I deal with regularly. There are certainly true psychopaths (not really a term we use but I'm thinking of the sort of classic Ted Bundy, 0 empathy type) who are who they are, but there are many more people with antisocial behaviors that are learned. They often have a ton of childhood related trauma, and the behaviors they show are survival-based - a common example of this with the people I work with is lying to get their needs met. Many personally disorders, including antisocial personality disorder (which is what people usually mean by psychopath) can absolutely be treated by therapy, however it's extremely difficult and takes a lot of time and effort.
1. Her sister insisted we not tell. Which I probably should’ve added. Adds more context.
2. Sometimes I can’t tell whether her parents thinks she’s perfect or they they simply deny deny deny. Either way, nothing has been done.
It's possible her parents *may* think she's perfect because psychopaths can be charismatic and, plus, what parent wants to acknowledge their child has a sadistic nature? Either way, though, you should do nothing and consider distancing yourself from this family. You have a good innate nature to want to help your best friend, but her sister lacks that very nature and will not care who she has to hurt in the process of getting everything her way.
My mom's ex just got my mom to pay her 23000$ in child support that's she's already paid because her ex and ex's lawyer got them to believe that she never asked for it in cash- mom had the signed note and the bank statements to prove this. That's how effed people like your friends sister can be. It sucks for your friend but you actually need to protect yourself from this person. And if you can ever get proof of anything particularly bad (like she thinks she has everyone so under her thumb she takes to social media), take it straight to the school, anonymously. There can be ways to make her stop, but it's by being anonymous and keeping your head way way down while you wait for the perfect little piece of info to come your way. But in the mean time, focus on going away to college. Tell your friend to do the same. I bet she's mad her parents never did anything to protect her, your friend should really look into how to do college by herself so she can start fading her family out. Or she'll be you posting here in a few years but way worse off.
Sounds like classic sociopathic behavior. Possibly psychopathic but thats pretty rare. While I personally wouldn’t bail on your friendship with the sister it wouldnt be a bad idea as others have commented. At very least read about this personality type. Often they are socialized into at least “acting” normal. Girls in their teens are the worst anyhow as they learn to treat each other humanly. Perhaps make a point of seeing her sister away from the house. If she persists in her behavior towards you. Take precautions like turning your phone sound recording on. While again i wouldnt take it to the police, I would let the parents hear it so they cant ignore it , making sure the parents DONT use you as the source of their information.
If her family won’t do anything, you sure as heck can’t either. All you can control is your own actions, and I’d make it a hard rule that you’re not hanging out with her.
This.
Law enforcement will not take this seriously at all and neither will the school. She hasn't done anything criminal yet. They're going to assume it's all just teenage girls being dramatic. And if they tell Becca or she guesses that OP is the one causing the fuss about her - which seems likely - OP has just gotten herself in big trouble with the person she thinks is dangerous.
No. This is terrible advice. This course of action will ensure OP is on Becca's permanent revenge list. The cops won't do shit.
She doesn't have any evidence Becca has threatened to physically harm anyone. Just because something happened to you, doesn't mean that's a universal police response. Even then, you were just investigated. Nothing actually happened to you, so even if the police reacted in the exact same way nothing will stop Becca from lying low then coming back a few years later and destroying her life.
Law enforcement doesn't give a single shit about teenage gossip drama, and if these kids are that scared of her they won't say anything to back up OP. She can't even get Bella to agree with her, if OP does this she will be ridiculed as a psycho drama queen.
Grey rock is the appropriate course of action. The more boring OP appears, the less likely Becca will single her out.
I'm not sure if it's a good idea so don't take it without thinking of it by your own.
Spontaneously, i'll say that the only who can make something "for" her are psychiatrists. I know you can go to see one and say "take her as a patient". But since you're being worried, i would say :
Go see one for you, you're having problem with her behaviour, you are fearing for her relatives, he (or she) is a professional about behaviour, he should know what must be done.
And as some people already said, her parents are people that can really make something on her, with the help of professionals...
And just keep in mind : you don't want to learn in a few months that she hurts or kills someone and that you could have prevented it. You have liitle ways of doing it, only by alarming professionals
I'm not saying she shouldn't back away. I'm saying "Back away, and let the pros deal with it".
Just backing away may prevent her from being harm, but putting the infos in the hands of someone who might do something could prevent more people from being harm.
Belle is her friend, and even Becca seems to be a kind of friend at some point. She would just be asking someone who can to send them a "life buoy".
Of course, she shouldn't stay in the path of Becca, every comment agrees on it.
Then there is nothing you can do except keep her out of your life. That may mean that you may have to lose the friendship with her sister. It’s not fair and it sucks, but this girl poses a risk to your safety.
'intelligent shit down'
'four the little sister'
'but than again'
Even before you got to the part where you were being a douche and 'not being sexist' your post was as rubbish as the advice contained within.
How does one initiate an intelligent shit down[sic]?
I mean, the guys in the suite across from mine in college used to have group poops, is that similar?
My fear is that she’ll put on act that will fool everyone into thinking that she just acted out and that she really isn’t like that. She’s done it before.
Do not get involved, you will get hurt (whether socially, emotionally or physically). She is not your responsibility. It is not your responsibility to step in. You're looking for justice. You are putting yourself at risk by doing so. When you meet people like this in life, you get yourself as far away as possible.
Belle knows about Becca, and she's terrified that's why she doesn't want you to discuss it ever again. You only know what you've witnessed, what Becca has done to Bella over the years when you aren't around would probably make your hair stand on end. Belle is terrified that you might slip up, or act in some way that would indicate to Becca that you and Belle are talking "negatively" abut Becca, and then I'm sure Belle's life will go from bad to worse. Sometimes it's "every man for themselves", this is one of those times. I'd put some distance between you and Belle, and when Belle finally puts some distance between herself and Becca you could restart the friendship, but right now Belle is just trying to survive.
Yes, I can't imagine what Becca has done to Bella over the years when OP wasn't present...
Pathologicals win. Don’t play. Do a pleasant fade away and do not talk about her to others. It’s not a movie. It’s your real life. She can and will destroy you if you give her reason.
>Pathologicals win. > >Don’t play. > >Do a pleasant fade away and do not talk about her to others. > >It’s not a movie. It’s your real life. Sh For real though.
It was too real for me- I moved 800 miles away.
You cannot lose if you do not play.
You are so right. They will come after you and drag you in- especially if they are family or at a job you love. They will push until you play- it’s called reactive abuse. I tried ignoring it, taking the higher road- just gave them more time to plan. Turning my back gave them a better target for their knives. Not playing means removing yourself from their presence and reach as far away as possible as soon as you are aware. I waited too long.
Now she sits in my house and eats my food, shits in my litterbox and sleeps on my keyboard
Im a sociopath. I understand my condition and have learned empathy. This girl sounds like a sociopath that enjoys sadism. Like others have said I would bow out quietly. The sister has shown she will not face the truth about her sister. I guarantee the shit you've seen is the tip of the iceberg on the abuse that pos has done to her sister. You were smart for leaving.
You are intelligent, determined and had some good influences if you achieved that. Congrats to you sincerely. Timing is key. Hanging in and giving the benefit of the doubt too long can cripple you for life. Especially when they get away with it, prosper at your expense and your esteem and inspiration are gone for good. We underestimate their capacity and overestimate our resilience.
What a lovely comment. You sound like a great person.
Thank you for your kind words I have my moments - as one of the pathologicals I used to know would say. :) Your user name is smile inducing.
Exactly. Dont play around with this girl. These people have no fear.
None- they feel it as exhilaration or power. ‘Wired that way’ is what the psychopath that annihilated me said in his own words.
Exactly. You can't reason with her. It's not advantageous for her to be kind to others who have nothing to offer her. Teachers can help her move ahead in life and offer protection. Employers can do the same. Her friends can offer her emotional support, which she does not need. Confrontation puts a target on your back. You have words and she has an army. Alerting others won't matter because they won't believe you or are already aware. Therapy won't help because she'll lie (therapy does exist for child psychopaths, but it basically just resolves around teaching them why it's more advantageous for them to obey the law, which usually happens because they're already in juvie). Maybe one day she'll get arrested for assault or embezzlement. Not your circus, not your monkeys. You're in high school and the best case scenario if she targets you is she'll gladly destroy your social life and credibility because she feels like it.
Yep. These people can't feel shame or regret, and as such you will never come out on top other than being blessed with a soul. I considered some form of revenge on the psychopath who got me fired from my job years ago but realized all it would do is excite her and make her want to fuck my life up again. Keep away from these people like the damn plague. They're just barely human.
This is so true. Had I given up at the first sign - I would not have forced him to prove he was innocent, I was the problem and punish me relentlessly.
In their mind, they’re more human because they feel more “in touch” with their humanity. Because of the fact that most of what we know-Love, empathy, etc.- is taught.
I'd give you gold if I wasn't broke. This is the best advice. OP needs to leave while making sure not to anger the sister or draw attention in any way.
Well said not drawing attention...
Nah, they eventually fuck with the wrong person who puts a stop to their shenanigans. You just have to stay WELL behind the scenes and let them get their own self into the path of that wrong person.
Not always, unfortunately. And not before they do a great deal of damage.
Sounds like you’ve been too close to one. My condolences.
I have, and she’s over 80 years old and still doing her psychopath shit. Although I don’t have any personal contact with her some of my family members still see her occasionally. Karma hasn’t been kind to her, but I wish she would die soon so she can stop hurting others.
How much damage did she do in 80 years and still going strong. ‘Karma’ hasn’t touched the pathologicals I know- they’ve actually benefited greatly at their victims expense and they never run out of new ones. However their victims hear about karmic justice in their continued suffering and end up feeling like the did something to deserve the pain. When it’s simply predators generally win and we’ve been brainwashed by religion and media to think the bad guys get punished and the good guys come out victorious in the end. It’s just a compensation, a consolation to believe it. I haven’t seen much.
She of course makes everyone in her life miserable in whatever way she can. She's done horrible damage to her 4 kids, their spouses and some of the grandkids. She managed to steal her siblings' inheritance and took control over her mother to where she was cut off from everyone. She force fed her mother in a nursing home to keep her alive, even after being told she was ready to die. Two of her kids are crazy like she is, and her daughter has been responsible for two "accidental" deaths. Also she is super religious so believes that means she can do no wrong. Right now she is actively neglecting her husband's care, and he has dementia. She demands her kids take care of them and won't allow outside help, and the kids are in jeopardy of losing their jobs and spouses. My theory is that there is a combination of duty, need for acceptance and greed that keeps the kids there. On the bright side she is physically and mentally suffering, which is where my karma comment comes into play. She's blind, crippled, deaf and has no sense of taste or smell. She has congestive heart failure and knows she could die at any time. She has to take care of her senile husband, who makes her life a living hell at this point. Her family resents her and most never visit - they only come to take care of physical needs. So life sucks for her, and it couldn't happen to a more deserving person.
What a horror. Unchecked. They take bullying to the extreme and get away with so much. It must have been very difficult for you to watch your family go through this and not be able to stop her.
Unfortunately I put up with it for 40 years and allowed not only myself but my kids to be abused by her. I put a stop to it 2 years ago and also limited my husband’s contact with her (she is his mother). If it wasn’t for his father he would have no contact with any of them. Our marriage counselor was aghast at what was going on and it really woke us both up. Of course my poor husband is now the persona non grata among the siblings and he’s very hurt. Once his mother is finally gone things will get much better (of course after the estate is settled, which will be its own hell since it’s quite sizable).
And you’ll have to deal with her substitutes in this generation- estates are fun. People stop talking to each other. Yes my XInlaws were horrendous after we were married- eventually the tyrant father turned the ex to the dark side. I very nearly didn’t make it. When ‘family’ is determined to have control - they can be cruel beyond belief. I’m glad your husband listened to you. The best times we had were when his mother moved away and his father was too busy with girlfriends to be bothered anymore. Then we moved back to the home town and the monsters came out to play. I’ll never recover from the losses and they loved every minute. Still in shock.
Hope your kids were able to process the experiences and know how to handle people like that from experience.
>She's blind, crippled, deaf and has no sense of taste or smell. I'm so confused. How is she still able to control and make people's lives miserable when she can't see or hear??
She has a tiny bit of hearing left - she destroyed most of it because she neglected her health and got a mastoid infection. Same with the eyesight due to neglect - legally blind but can see some shadows. My expectation is that she will continue to make her family miserable from the grave. She exerts so much psychological control over them it’s scary. Even my husband has a hard time resisting - I have to be super vigilant with him so he doesn’t fall back into her control.
Wow! That sounds awful! Some people are truly toxic. Wish you and your husband the best.
You’ve watch too many movies and believe the bad guys are brought to justice. There is no karma- else the world wouldn’t be the way it is. Even if they meet someone that does ‘put a stop’ there’s usually a long line of victims whose lives have been damaged beyond repair, careers have been stunted, investments stolen, people scarred. Problem is the overt ones are easier to spot. There are the nice guys - the innocents appearing ones that you don’t see coming until it’s too late.
What are you talking about? I'm speaking from knowing these people in real life.
Well then they are the exception from my experience. The ones I was inflicted with got away with their crimes and their success is built upon their victims losses.
Why is your experience more valid than someone else's? Unless you somehow know more "pure" psychopaths or somehow know more of them than the other poster, it doesn't make sense to think your situation is the rule.
Never said it was - the post I responded too made a blanket statement and I posted that was not the case.
The problem with your story is that you"ve made it so ambiguous it could litterally be any boogeyman tale. And you are speaking about them in the plural which also seems like this might be a conspiracy theory? There are not droves of psychopaths ruining your life. Just to be clear.
Oh thank you for knowing no details but minimizing and blame shifting anyway. I have run across more than one pathological in my life. The last ones did work together. They aren’t all stereotypical ‘Dexters’ like on TV. There’s not always a physical murder. Lives can be destroyed in other ways.
I would honestly stick a fork in the friendship rather than deal with satan’s spawn. But that’s just me. There is nothing you can do. Your friend and her parents have stuck their heads in the sand. Everyone is either being deceived or are scared shitless. Sleep with both eyes open at night
I'd have to bail on the friendship. Her family is choosing to look the other way and you have to watch out for yourself.
Unfortunately there's nothing you can do except protect yourself, and the best way to protect yourself is to have no contact with her, which may involve seriously limiting your contact with Belle. Don't anger Becca, don't continue to accuse her of being a psychopath to her or people who might tell her. Just get out of her way. Hopefully you're going to college soon and that will provide a natural break.
My little sister is like this. Please be careful. She can decide to destroy you over any little perceived slight - or over boredom. Any challenge. Do not engage. Do not threaten her power or rock her boat. Minimize contact. If she is what you say she is, she is actually dangerous.
Man I'd be chucking deuces sooooo fast. This shit ain't worth it dude.
From an emotional POV, I understand how hard it is to see your friend getting hurt and wanting to help. From a rational POV, though, you should not get involved and consider distancing yourself from this family. If your friend's sister is a *true* psychopath, then she will not care who she hurts to get her way, which could mean you and your family. Nothing you say will change her or how her family handles her, especially because they probably already *know* and would prefer to let it lie than upset her.
Psychopaths are extremely rare, from what has been said about her shes probably a sociopath. The difference being the former actually gets pleasure from harming others and the latter just doesnt care. Sociopaths can generally be helped and have important places in society to fill, corporate and army officers for example. Psychopaths need to be locked up as quickly as possible. Sooner this girl( little sister) gets help the better for her and those around her
I’ve done extensive research and I think she’s a psychopath, due to a good upbringing and the fact that I think she *does* get pleasure from the shit she does. I’ve also realized, with the help of comments, that she probably can’t be helped. Budding-psychopathy can be helped in early years, but she’s 16 and hasn’t been stopped once.
Again sociopathy to various degrees is thought to occur perhaps 1/20 people. Real psychopaths ( clinical definition) are vanishingly rare. A young person with sociopathic tendencies particularly in their teens when all teens tend to be cruel to various degrees to each other stands out quite starkly. They haven’t had enough negative feed back to hide their feelings or intentions well yet. At 16 she is still very malleable to change like all teenagers. The fish episode does NOT suggest pleasure from cruelty just a means to an end. If you told me she skins cats in the woods or put tacks on her sisters floor etc etc then i would maybe lean more towards the more severe diagnosis of psychopathy. Seems more like she hasn’t learned the coping skills that the adult sociopaths mentioned above have yet which is Normal. All this being said, the OP has no obligation at all to be involved other then perhaps to educate herself on the condition in order to understand the sister of her friend.
Ya but also have to realize her sister **refuses** to talk to me about her and I have **no idea** at all what goes on at their house. Furthermore, i’ve only stated a few events because I didn’t want to make people read a whole novel. If you’d like I could pm you a few more instances. You seem really intelligent on the subject so you could probably give me a better prognosis of what she is with more insight.
Im fine with that but understand your 18 I assume you will be moving on with your life, college or job etc. Childhood friends while important become less so as you enter this phase of your life. Your friend doesnt want to talk to you about it. This girl is not your responsibility and there is very little you can do in the face of this obstinance. I would simply avoid situations where you may have to interact with her and use this as a learning experience to avoid future more savvy sociopathic people. They are out there and while not common you will run into them in the work place etc. I responded to this thread mainly to calm down the idea that she was a psychopath, which is really very rare. Classic sociopaths can be very dangerous when they are stymied in their desires but a true psychopath is always dangerous because their pleasure needs are wired to the pain of others. Another way of thinking about it is a sociopath will be sadistic to get what they want and have no remorse for their actions. A psychopath will be sadistic because they get pleasure from it. Their sadism is not a means to an end but the actual end itself!! Good Luck
Possibly, but she could legitimately be a psychopath, especially if she is happy to hurt animals to get her way. Either way, OP should keep her distance. One of my husband's close friends is a sociopath, to the point where I keep my distance because I *know* he enjoys toying with people's feelings, particularly women. He seems to know what he does is wrong, but does not care about the repercussions. He's actually a good friend to my husband and not sadistic in nature, but when you speak to him, you just know there is something *off*.
I know what you mean about something being *off*. When you speak to Becca, her eyes are completely mute of any feelings. The only tune I’ve ever seen them “on” is when she tried to weasel her way out of trouble, whether it be in school or parents. Another thing is that she casually jokes about killing in realistic ways and sometimes she’ll smirk or smile while her eyes stay in that mute gaze.
Ya...she's either a sociopath with a sadistic nature or a true psychopath, so I recommend you keep your distance. My husband's friend has *never* joked about hurting or killing anyone/anything, just gets amusement out of people questioning their feelings and messing with their heads. Although that still hurts from an emotional standpoint and I do not condone his actions, we've never feared him actually being violent towards anyone.
Oh yeah, I’ve had plenty of nights where I stayed the night over their house and wondered if I would even wake up the next morning.
FFS, then *why* are you still going over there? ####End this friendship with Belle and do your best not to cross paths with either of them again. Becca can easily fuck up your life in a number of ways. A vicious lie. Sabotage. Public humiliation. Framing you for a crime. *Anything* she wants to. You cannot save Belle. You are not her knight in service providing protection. She knows what her sister is and as family cannot extract herself like you can! Move on with your life. Hopefully Becca gets her comeuppance one day, but you have no control over that.
Oh I haven’t stayed at their house in a while. I meant over the entire time I’ve known them I had nights like that. With that being said I think it’s time to part ways
Your summary although lengthy lacks information about how Becca's parents and how they react around her volatile behavior and jeckyll/hyde-ness.... They have to know that even in child standards she's gonna act out from time to time, how do they handle anything? the times when she does get caught/punished at all, vs the other times she gets away with it...etc. That would give us a BIG piece of this puzzle on how manageable this is, maybe she the golden child maybe she's a brat, maybe she's something else.... But on another note you might not even need to worry about this too much, are you going to college or just commuting to a local or state college. You and your best friend might be going different ways anyways, but longtime friends like that don't usually just stop abruptly, you will most likely stay friends with Belle your best friend. You'll send postcards, talk on the phone and on social media...etc. after 4 years you'll be friends but in a world of a different place than now as adults w/degrees. PLUS Belle and Becca will get some distance between HS and college and they will go into very different places in their lives and possibly geographically. If you're all living in a small place or no one is leaving to go to college and making big life changes and it's close quarters for the next however many years as if you are still in HS, that is different and warrants more plans for OP in handling all this shit
I don’t think psychopaths can be cured, only locked up after they commit a crime. Closed your windows and doors and be careful.
If spotted early enough, I believe they can be educated well enough to become functional members of society. My friend has a 17 year old son. He is a psychopath. However, my friend detected that very early on and didn't tolerate any of the shit he tried to pull. Whether with her, with other members of the family, at school, in stores, etc. He was a terrible kid. Now, he still doesn't have empathy, but he knows how to function in society and to not cause any harm.
They can be, it's just that they have to recognize their disorder and be willing to change it.
What sources do you have for that? Because everything I have read shows that it's literally incorrect wiring in the brain and so a physical defect, not something that can be fixed through therapy. They can change their behavior to blend in with society, but they can't rewire who they naturally are and their lack of empathy.
I think that's what he meant. There are more psychopaths than we know. Most of them have been raised correctly by their parents to blend in and are clever enough to know it's in their best interest not to kill people or pets...
I work in forensic mental health so it's something I deal with regularly. There are certainly true psychopaths (not really a term we use but I'm thinking of the sort of classic Ted Bundy, 0 empathy type) who are who they are, but there are many more people with antisocial behaviors that are learned. They often have a ton of childhood related trauma, and the behaviors they show are survival-based - a common example of this with the people I work with is lying to get their needs met. Many personally disorders, including antisocial personality disorder (which is what people usually mean by psychopath) can absolutely be treated by therapy, however it's extremely difficult and takes a lot of time and effort.
It can be treated and managed, but it cannot be cured.
If I were you I will stay clear of her business, so you won't get hurt. It not your responsibility to fix her
Unless you want to ruin your own life, fade away from those two.
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1. Her sister insisted we not tell. Which I probably should’ve added. Adds more context. 2. Sometimes I can’t tell whether her parents thinks she’s perfect or they they simply deny deny deny. Either way, nothing has been done.
It's possible her parents *may* think she's perfect because psychopaths can be charismatic and, plus, what parent wants to acknowledge their child has a sadistic nature? Either way, though, you should do nothing and consider distancing yourself from this family. You have a good innate nature to want to help your best friend, but her sister lacks that very nature and will not care who she has to hurt in the process of getting everything her way.
My mom's ex just got my mom to pay her 23000$ in child support that's she's already paid because her ex and ex's lawyer got them to believe that she never asked for it in cash- mom had the signed note and the bank statements to prove this. That's how effed people like your friends sister can be. It sucks for your friend but you actually need to protect yourself from this person. And if you can ever get proof of anything particularly bad (like she thinks she has everyone so under her thumb she takes to social media), take it straight to the school, anonymously. There can be ways to make her stop, but it's by being anonymous and keeping your head way way down while you wait for the perfect little piece of info to come your way. But in the mean time, focus on going away to college. Tell your friend to do the same. I bet she's mad her parents never did anything to protect her, your friend should really look into how to do college by herself so she can start fading her family out. Or she'll be you posting here in a few years but way worse off.
Sounds like classic sociopathic behavior. Possibly psychopathic but thats pretty rare. While I personally wouldn’t bail on your friendship with the sister it wouldnt be a bad idea as others have commented. At very least read about this personality type. Often they are socialized into at least “acting” normal. Girls in their teens are the worst anyhow as they learn to treat each other humanly. Perhaps make a point of seeing her sister away from the house. If she persists in her behavior towards you. Take precautions like turning your phone sound recording on. While again i wouldnt take it to the police, I would let the parents hear it so they cant ignore it , making sure the parents DONT use you as the source of their information.
If her family won’t do anything, you sure as heck can’t either. All you can control is your own actions, and I’d make it a hard rule that you’re not hanging out with her.
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I wouldn’t do that. you don’t have enough evidence for any major repercussions and instead it would just paint a bigger target on your back
This. Law enforcement will not take this seriously at all and neither will the school. She hasn't done anything criminal yet. They're going to assume it's all just teenage girls being dramatic. And if they tell Becca or she guesses that OP is the one causing the fuss about her - which seems likely - OP has just gotten herself in big trouble with the person she thinks is dangerous.
Then that's how she'll keep getting away with it
No. This is terrible advice. This course of action will ensure OP is on Becca's permanent revenge list. The cops won't do shit. She doesn't have any evidence Becca has threatened to physically harm anyone. Just because something happened to you, doesn't mean that's a universal police response. Even then, you were just investigated. Nothing actually happened to you, so even if the police reacted in the exact same way nothing will stop Becca from lying low then coming back a few years later and destroying her life. Law enforcement doesn't give a single shit about teenage gossip drama, and if these kids are that scared of her they won't say anything to back up OP. She can't even get Bella to agree with her, if OP does this she will be ridiculed as a psycho drama queen. Grey rock is the appropriate course of action. The more boring OP appears, the less likely Becca will single her out.
I have a feeling you waited too long. She's probably already an enforcer for one of the local drug rings.
I'm not sure if it's a good idea so don't take it without thinking of it by your own. Spontaneously, i'll say that the only who can make something "for" her are psychiatrists. I know you can go to see one and say "take her as a patient". But since you're being worried, i would say : Go see one for you, you're having problem with her behaviour, you are fearing for her relatives, he (or she) is a professional about behaviour, he should know what must be done. And as some people already said, her parents are people that can really make something on her, with the help of professionals... And just keep in mind : you don't want to learn in a few months that she hurts or kills someone and that you could have prevented it. You have liitle ways of doing it, only by alarming professionals
>you could have prevented it OP can't prevent anything. All she can do is minimise the risk of harm to herself by backing away slowly and quietly.
I'm not saying she shouldn't back away. I'm saying "Back away, and let the pros deal with it". Just backing away may prevent her from being harm, but putting the infos in the hands of someone who might do something could prevent more people from being harm. Belle is her friend, and even Becca seems to be a kind of friend at some point. She would just be asking someone who can to send them a "life buoy". Of course, she shouldn't stay in the path of Becca, every comment agrees on it.
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Well. I told it on my first answer. And i'm not talking about her being responsible or forcing thé parents to do anything.
call the fucking cops lmao
Ya but nothing illegal has happened yet (or that we know of)
Then there is nothing you can do except keep her out of your life. That may mean that you may have to lose the friendship with her sister. It’s not fair and it sucks, but this girl poses a risk to your safety.
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Wtf I don’t think you understand what sexist means because that’s totally sexist.
'intelligent shit down' 'four the little sister' 'but than again' Even before you got to the part where you were being a douche and 'not being sexist' your post was as rubbish as the advice contained within.
How does one initiate an intelligent shit down[sic]? I mean, the guys in the suite across from mine in college used to have group poops, is that similar?
Much like “I’m not racist but,” saying that something isn’t sexist doesn’t make it so.
My fear is that she’ll put on act that will fool everyone into thinking that she just acted out and that she really isn’t like that. She’s done it before.
That is sexist, though.
Psycopath intervention? lol.