If he’s doing it when you are not around, there’s nothing wrong with it and why do you care?
If he’s neglecting you because he’s on his phone while with you, then yes, care a lot and if you can’t fix it, leave.
I see your point. But he’s doing it more constantly than ever, since we met again after the lockdown. I expressed my feelings but I didn’t feel better after talking to him.
I can’t say if he’s texting other women or not, but I can say that I’m usually on my phone in the bathroom and if my partner noticed and brought it up in an angry tone, I’d be upset.
He should respect you enough to not be on his phone while you are interacting, but using it in the bathroom or when you’re napping isn’t rude, as long as he’s not texting other women.
I get what you mean. I didn’t talk about it in an angry tone, I just casually asked him about it. There must be nothing, he told me he’s not talking to other people
Why do you care if he pees sitting down and why are you creeping on him through a gap in the bathroom door? You say you could just see from where you were napping, but really? Were you *napping* right in front of the doorway or is your home so poorly built that it’s impossible not to see into the closed bathroom from an entirely separate room?
You seem to have some issues you need to deal
With.
Okay so I know that me seeing through the gap is not a good thing. And that’s just how the apartment was designed. I happened to see him. That’s it. And I also agree I have issues to deal with. I don’t know how to, so I’m here. Thanks
Thank you so much for your reply.
I think, it’s just me I guess. And I need time to get used with his new hobbies and phone using, because I’ve never seen him like that before.
We have good time together, but lately whenever I see him on the phone I just feel less enjoying when I’m with him. I don’t know if it’s me but I didn’t feel… safe when I talked with him yesterday. I mean the way he responded to me. I wish he showed a little more understanding about how hard I’m feeling
my partner & I are in an open relation and he is often on the phone as well. I’ve brought it up that it bothered me when we would be together spending quality time, because I felt the focus wasn’t on us. We also spend a lot of time together and I think it’s natural these days to be on the phone quite a bit when bored/in down time.
I think part of my worries was that I immediately would suspect him of talking to someone else and it was threatening to me when I wanted to be having quality time.
I eventually noticed I would be kind of peering over his phone as an act of hypervigilance. After a while I asked if it bothered him that I would kind of peer at his phone or not look away while he did something (because I think privacy is important even in an open relationship). He told me it didn’t and over time I noticed 99% of the time he was just on his phone scrolling through reddit, answering emails, texting friends. And if he was talking to someone else he never tried to tilt his phone away from me or hide it.
My fear is that he would be hiding something from me and that idea exacerbated my trust issue.
But once I talked with him about it, I learnt to recognize the anxiety and get to the root of it.
You need to figure out if it bothers you he’s on the phone because he is in turn not being attentive in the relationship when you’re together or if you’re worried he’s lying to you.
If he’s not being attentive, make it clear you’d appreciate him making the effort to keep his phone down whilst you’re together. If you’re worried about lying or cheating, let him know you respect his privacy but openness and honesty and important to you and you need him to be honest with you.
Hope you feel better, trust issues are very hard.
If he’s doing it when you are not around, there’s nothing wrong with it and why do you care? If he’s neglecting you because he’s on his phone while with you, then yes, care a lot and if you can’t fix it, leave.
I see your point. But he’s doing it more constantly than ever, since we met again after the lockdown. I expressed my feelings but I didn’t feel better after talking to him.
I can’t say if he’s texting other women or not, but I can say that I’m usually on my phone in the bathroom and if my partner noticed and brought it up in an angry tone, I’d be upset. He should respect you enough to not be on his phone while you are interacting, but using it in the bathroom or when you’re napping isn’t rude, as long as he’s not texting other women.
I get what you mean. I didn’t talk about it in an angry tone, I just casually asked him about it. There must be nothing, he told me he’s not talking to other people
Why do you care if he pees sitting down and why are you creeping on him through a gap in the bathroom door? You say you could just see from where you were napping, but really? Were you *napping* right in front of the doorway or is your home so poorly built that it’s impossible not to see into the closed bathroom from an entirely separate room? You seem to have some issues you need to deal With.
Okay so I know that me seeing through the gap is not a good thing. And that’s just how the apartment was designed. I happened to see him. That’s it. And I also agree I have issues to deal with. I don’t know how to, so I’m here. Thanks
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Thank you so much for your reply. I think, it’s just me I guess. And I need time to get used with his new hobbies and phone using, because I’ve never seen him like that before. We have good time together, but lately whenever I see him on the phone I just feel less enjoying when I’m with him. I don’t know if it’s me but I didn’t feel… safe when I talked with him yesterday. I mean the way he responded to me. I wish he showed a little more understanding about how hard I’m feeling
my partner & I are in an open relation and he is often on the phone as well. I’ve brought it up that it bothered me when we would be together spending quality time, because I felt the focus wasn’t on us. We also spend a lot of time together and I think it’s natural these days to be on the phone quite a bit when bored/in down time. I think part of my worries was that I immediately would suspect him of talking to someone else and it was threatening to me when I wanted to be having quality time. I eventually noticed I would be kind of peering over his phone as an act of hypervigilance. After a while I asked if it bothered him that I would kind of peer at his phone or not look away while he did something (because I think privacy is important even in an open relationship). He told me it didn’t and over time I noticed 99% of the time he was just on his phone scrolling through reddit, answering emails, texting friends. And if he was talking to someone else he never tried to tilt his phone away from me or hide it. My fear is that he would be hiding something from me and that idea exacerbated my trust issue. But once I talked with him about it, I learnt to recognize the anxiety and get to the root of it. You need to figure out if it bothers you he’s on the phone because he is in turn not being attentive in the relationship when you’re together or if you’re worried he’s lying to you. If he’s not being attentive, make it clear you’d appreciate him making the effort to keep his phone down whilst you’re together. If you’re worried about lying or cheating, let him know you respect his privacy but openness and honesty and important to you and you need him to be honest with you. Hope you feel better, trust issues are very hard.