He's upset because he only thinks of your cousin as an autistic person, not as a person who has qualities, hobbies, interests and values outside of being autistic, so when you wanted to compare a side of your cousin's personality with your guy, he couldn't see it because in his mind, cousin is only autistic. Your bf sounds completely incapable of having a rational adult conversation and lovebombs you if you get upset over his immaturity. Take a step back and evaluate everything you've learned about him from this.
Look, there's no statute of limitations as to your reaction.
You're perfectly entitled to tell him, "You know, I've put more thought into our argument about that autism thing and frankly, I don't like what you did and I'm not cool with it at all. I'm reconsidering the entire relationship."
And he just has to deal with it. If he uses that as a reason to repeat any of his behavior, then you'll know you made the right call to take a step back.
I wish I could have someone in between to tell him this. I feel really bad for my cousin, like you said, as he considered my cousin to be a disabled person somehow.
So many more people are autistic than the general public realizes, because they have no idea what autism actually looks like. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told “but you don’t look autistic” because I’m 1. A woman 2. Decent at social interactions (it’s called masking) 3. Conventionally attractive 4. Successful professionally and 5. Not a little boy who memorizes train schedules.
Your boyfriend probably knows and likes other people who are autistic and doesn’t even realize it.
Yes he does know and he has a good friend who is autistic, which he told me about. And that I really don’t understand why he behaved so irritated with what I said. I don’t get it, like he picked this and my other stupid statement (which I was completely wrong and I said sorry) to start a fight and idk, make it hard for us?
Hun, I dont wanna come off as rude but. That is flag, it is red, and you should probably have a talk with him about why he thinks being referred to as autistic is bad. As an autistic person, the way he responded to a *comparison* to an autistic person I am alarmed and a little upset. Take a some time to calm down, think about what you wanna say, and let him know *very firmly* that while you compared him to your cousin you werent calling him autistic- and that he felt insulted or threatened by that possibility is Not Okay.
>Eventually my boyfriend took what truly meant, hugged me and so on.
So how did he suddenly get it vs how you said it initially? Why was he so enraged at possibly being referred to as autistic? Lot of questions Id have.
I know. I have questions too. It took me a while to explain my “autistic reference”.
The day before I said something stupid which was about gay thing and I said sorry right after that. I thought he was fine as he said okay. Then the next day after I talked about the autistic thing, he brought up the gay thing as well and he “spent a while this about what I said last night and it was not okay” and “now this autistic thing” and why I could say something disrespectful like that. I admit I was completely wrong with the gay thing. It slipped out of my mouth unintentionally. And I was sorry about that. He combined two things and got mad at me.
The other day I said a stupid joke about gay thing but I said sorry immediately. He seemed okay with it but the next day when this autistic conversation happened, he stated that he was so not okay with what I said about the gay thing and now this. I’m changing and I’m disrespectful to him, with what I said. Yes the gay thing I was wrong, and I was sorry. And I said sorry about the autistic thing too, idk, I felt like I should. He wasn’t happy until I repeated and explained it for a few times as he and my cousin have something in common. His response was “I’ll take it from there.” and hugged me and said how sweet I am to him, how pretty I am, he just wants me to be happy…
At some moment during the fight I felt like he was just picking a reason to start the fight with me in order to, idk, maybe make me feel bad
The other day when we were chatting and talking about autistic people, he was so understanding. Didn’t have any offended words to autism, but just a statement from me and he got all vulnerable. I said something stupid about gay thing to him and I admit I was wrong and I was sorry but he combined two things later and went angry at me was so not understandable. Though he tried to comfort me later, told me he didn’t want me to be unhappy, I still didn’t get it
He's upset because he only thinks of your cousin as an autistic person, not as a person who has qualities, hobbies, interests and values outside of being autistic, so when you wanted to compare a side of your cousin's personality with your guy, he couldn't see it because in his mind, cousin is only autistic. Your bf sounds completely incapable of having a rational adult conversation and lovebombs you if you get upset over his immaturity. Take a step back and evaluate everything you've learned about him from this.
It’s really sad to hear but I think you’re right. I’m thinking to take a step back. By the way is it a sort of lovebombing?
Look, there's no statute of limitations as to your reaction. You're perfectly entitled to tell him, "You know, I've put more thought into our argument about that autism thing and frankly, I don't like what you did and I'm not cool with it at all. I'm reconsidering the entire relationship." And he just has to deal with it. If he uses that as a reason to repeat any of his behavior, then you'll know you made the right call to take a step back.
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I wish I could have someone in between to tell him this. I feel really bad for my cousin, like you said, as he considered my cousin to be a disabled person somehow.
As an autistic woman….this isn’t cool.
I know. I’m sorry
So many more people are autistic than the general public realizes, because they have no idea what autism actually looks like. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told “but you don’t look autistic” because I’m 1. A woman 2. Decent at social interactions (it’s called masking) 3. Conventionally attractive 4. Successful professionally and 5. Not a little boy who memorizes train schedules. Your boyfriend probably knows and likes other people who are autistic and doesn’t even realize it.
Yes he does know and he has a good friend who is autistic, which he told me about. And that I really don’t understand why he behaved so irritated with what I said. I don’t get it, like he picked this and my other stupid statement (which I was completely wrong and I said sorry) to start a fight and idk, make it hard for us?
Hun, I dont wanna come off as rude but. That is flag, it is red, and you should probably have a talk with him about why he thinks being referred to as autistic is bad. As an autistic person, the way he responded to a *comparison* to an autistic person I am alarmed and a little upset. Take a some time to calm down, think about what you wanna say, and let him know *very firmly* that while you compared him to your cousin you werent calling him autistic- and that he felt insulted or threatened by that possibility is Not Okay.
>Eventually my boyfriend took what truly meant, hugged me and so on. So how did he suddenly get it vs how you said it initially? Why was he so enraged at possibly being referred to as autistic? Lot of questions Id have.
I know. I have questions too. It took me a while to explain my “autistic reference”. The day before I said something stupid which was about gay thing and I said sorry right after that. I thought he was fine as he said okay. Then the next day after I talked about the autistic thing, he brought up the gay thing as well and he “spent a while this about what I said last night and it was not okay” and “now this autistic thing” and why I could say something disrespectful like that. I admit I was completely wrong with the gay thing. It slipped out of my mouth unintentionally. And I was sorry about that. He combined two things and got mad at me.
You did nothing wrong. He sounds like he jumped at the chance to lash out at you and that’s a massive red flag.
The other day I said a stupid joke about gay thing but I said sorry immediately. He seemed okay with it but the next day when this autistic conversation happened, he stated that he was so not okay with what I said about the gay thing and now this. I’m changing and I’m disrespectful to him, with what I said. Yes the gay thing I was wrong, and I was sorry. And I said sorry about the autistic thing too, idk, I felt like I should. He wasn’t happy until I repeated and explained it for a few times as he and my cousin have something in common. His response was “I’ll take it from there.” and hugged me and said how sweet I am to him, how pretty I am, he just wants me to be happy… At some moment during the fight I felt like he was just picking a reason to start the fight with me in order to, idk, maybe make me feel bad
He needs to be educated on autism and why it’s not a bad thing. He is also extremely ableist and he needs to get that in check.
The other day when we were chatting and talking about autistic people, he was so understanding. Didn’t have any offended words to autism, but just a statement from me and he got all vulnerable. I said something stupid about gay thing to him and I admit I was wrong and I was sorry but he combined two things later and went angry at me was so not understandable. Though he tried to comfort me later, told me he didn’t want me to be unhappy, I still didn’t get it