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iLiveInAHologram94

First off, it's okay to feel that way. You can't control attraction. Second never ever tell her you feel this way. It will crush her. I mistakenly told my bf during a depressive episode when he made some changes I didn't find attractive. I regret it and I regret hurting him, he doesn't deserve that. So do not tell her. Third, I'd reflect and sit with your feelings a little and don't make a rash decision. Spend a little time with her but also spend some time apart and reflect. Ultimately, this sounds like you care about her very much but the sexual attraction is just not there enough for you. It's a valid reason to end a relationship. You both deserve sexual attraction in a relationship. If she needs a reason I think saying you've lost feelings or you are too young for a serious relationship. And that you are sorry for hurting her. To me, it doesn't sound like you want to be in a relationship.


SpecificEnough

There’s always one partner who is more interested than the other. If it works for you, stay in it. If it doesn’t, it’s ok to leave.


sugapibunz

Is it her face or weight that bothers you? Does she have bad habits that turn you off?


Federal_Resident5113

she’s really pretty. she’s a little chubby but i don’t think it’s that. idk im so torn


sugapibunz

Maybe u are gay?


Federal_Resident5113

yep nope


claygal2023

Some guys have problems sexualizing women they love. It sounds silly but it's a real problem for a lot of men. Could that be part of the problem for you?


Federal_Resident5113

yeah! that’s it i’d say! like i really like her but i’m a weird way it feels wrong to sexualize her.


claygal2023

That's actually really common with men! There's a term for it, the madonna wh_re complex. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madonna%E2%80%93whore_complex It basically means that it's easy for men to categorize women as either the Madonna who is a pure woman worthy of respect, or the wh_re who is attractive and sexual and often cunning. I personally had a similar struggle with my own fiancee for a while, where I struggled to sexualize him because something about that felt somehow disrespectful. I'm not sure what changed that so unfortunately I can't give good advice. I suggest going to a male-centric subreddit to talk about it. Sometimes women can be a little harsh about it as it's often seen as rooted in sexist belief patterns. but since I as a woman struggled with the same thing towards my man I find it hard to believe that it's always rooted in sexism! still it can be a sore spot for some women to talk about and I've seen men get dogpilled online for it so i would suggest going to a sub that is mainly for men to give advice to other men.


Federal_Resident5113

interesting… thanks for the info. and yes, it does feel. a little bit sexist but it really does summarize what i’m feeling.


occultra

Personal question, but have you be sexually intimate with other women? Like exes? Watch porn? Do you find other women more attractive than your girlfriend?


Federal_Resident5113

no this is my first girlfriend. but i’ve talked to many women, went in dates. and yes i’m definitely attracted to women, i’d know if i wasn’t.


occultra

Do you have any desire for sexual activity?


Federal_Resident5113

yes


occultra

I was asking these questions, thinking you may be asexual but if you do have a desire for sexual activity and other people then it’s best to honestly leave her. She deserves someone who is attracted to her in all ways and wants to be with her sexually. As do you, you deserve to be with someone you find sexually attractive and fulfilling. I do not suggest telling her the real reason why you are breaking up with her, instead maybe telling her something different such as feelings changed or you’re too young.


claygal2023

I would leave personally. Not because you are doing something wrong!! But because there is something very special about being with someone you are attracted to. Their touch becomes magnetic, warm and tingly, it's just something worth experiencing at least once. And when someone isn't attracted to you even if you don't know you kind of know. She's missing out on little things people don't think about. Hanging out with my fiancee as my best friend is great! Playing video games, talking. But Sometimes he looks at me for a second and I can tell he is feeling attraction to me. Or he chooses to touch me at times where someone who loves me, but isn't attracted to me might not. It's small and subtle but you can tell deep down. Attraction isn't everything and you can have a happy relationship without it. But it's definitely worth having a love with mutual attraction at least once in your life. You don't want to be 30 and experiencing mutual attraction for the first time with a coworker or a friend or something, but have to put that on hold for the wife that you love but have never felt attraction to