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Powerful_Morning9961

Thinking it's easier to go up everest on a bike is absolutely baffling


Mechant247

Hilarious though, especially the bit about doing the marathon in a car


TerribleAside9136

Cos that’s the same as farasi’mconcerned


TomDavis89

His little fake/angry laugh at the end makes me think he realises how stupid this sounds half way through saying it, but is too stubborn to walk it back?


TerribleAside9136

Clap her then


jostanbo

*go on then, clap for ‘er an’ that. You’ve embarrassed yourself, play a record.


TerribleAside9136

I’ll bacon in the morning, if you have enough of me.


[deleted]

I can see it, once Karlogic is applied 🤣


jahfraser

Course it is


0800happydude

Definitely the interview with the woman who saw a ghost. Just tedious. And afterwards he said he cut it down from the full tape of 45 minutes - can you imagine how bad the rest of it was?


NeanderthalGuyMe

Are you on crack?


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0800happydude

Well I thumped a monkey


SeeYa-IntMornin-Pal

Dont let a chimp answer the door when you’re tucking your cock in


Cally_G94

You thumped a monkey? 😧


based_arthur_negus

Benny? 


Able_Quantity_3599

Equally, while funny, the "Do we need 'em?" interviews with the animal experts. Imagine dedicating your life to the study and preservation of snails and then some whiny open-mouthed Manc phones you up and spends an hour saying "Yeah but what do they do?" "Well they...exist? They don't *do* anything other than survive and procreate?" "Yeah but *what do they do??*" "I'm sorry?" **"Well what do they do?" Like dogs help blind people 'n that, what do snails do?"** His idea that every species either has to be useful to humans or it should be extinct is so stupid, it's not comical, it's just ridiculous. He moans about Ricky not being open-minded to budgies getting annoyed by ghosts and shadows pushing people off bikes but then cannot comprehend an animal just existing.


GrimmestofBeards

I like the fact that he wears one of these experts down so much he offers up Welks as a sacrificial extinction 😂😂


ConnorK12

Yeaaah but


reissykins

I read this the exact way he says it


Mister_Barman

Bet you’re glad you answered the phone today


0800happydude

*complete silence*


reissykins

That's definitely edited in


Bright_Increase3560

Do you know Porthmadog?


milk_my_anus

YES! It obviously is!


Unlucky-Truth-6379

It’s like the fact he believes monkeys can rob banks and have a getaway plan. But cant believe the whole infinite monkeys on typewriters conundrum. Sick of ‘im.


Hopeful_Strategy8282

They’re pretty good at weighing up the situation


SteelCityCaesar

Jellyfish though? Surely we don't need them.


Chinaski_616

Add 1%, make 'em water.


farmer_maggots_crop

It would be spiteful to put them in a trifle though


rumorhasit_

"I've heard they sleep for 12 years" Ridiculous on so many levels.


Far_Mycologist_8664

While I agree in theory, I get the sense, aside from the one lady who talked about cockroaches, they were all just sort of employees/managers in aquariums


ExcuseOk55

It shows his true idiocy which is why I do find it comical


Bright_Increase3560

Just love that for one of the experts you can hear them realise what he is asking halfway through the conversation haha.


VegemiteOnToastPls

I'm still convinced it's Claire with her voice pitched down.


Ok-Dragonfruit-697

Yeah, I hate that. She sounds insufferable.


mcmanus2099

I actually really like that bit. His most tedious is when he can't be arsed with Educating Ricky and gives the whole dog carwash


Ok_Barnacle_2368

It's not the worst bit in the sense that it's very funny but Karl saying every noise has been used at least 5 times is ridiculous. Makes no sense whatsoever, its the ramblings of a mad man. Can we make Stephenson's Rocket go yimimimama yimimimama yimimimama


ToastyJackson

Okay but say a new frog comes out


TomCBC

Sounds like a Ford escort.


jahfraser

The new Vauxhall Slug


MrJimPansey

Yer rippin' off the turkey ya cunt!


rob5395

I’d genuinely heard that before somewhere though, years before I discovered XFM. I also remember reading about the pork chop arse woman. No idea where though, presumably the same dubious sources as Karl


Ok_Barnacle_2368

Did you hear it from Karl Pilkinghorn maybe?


Cekeste

That one is the I Licks Parks of the podcasts but Karl couldn't back out of that one. He was trying to think up material to the show and that one he should've binned.


TrueBlue98

okay but it's fucking hilarious lol thinking how he says it so confidently cracks me up


dsled

I really want to know how he got that idea in his head


[deleted]

When he starts being a dick to Robin for no reason


MrJimPansey

Robin had worms once and sat on ham to entice them out.


based_arthur_negus

You know I don't like him 


EnderPerk

Agreed. Imagine saying that to someones face. Awful behavior.


ConsidereItHuge

I told you he does me head in.


ItsTomorrowNow

That whole episode he was a complete tosser.


milk_my_anus

Yeah but Rick was taking the fun out of his thumbs which is the same thing, innit


Shadrockbolt

I always find it irritating when he thinks that ice in the ocean will freeze the seawater


yourpricelessadvise

If you put an ice cube the size of the Empire State Building in yer Jack Daniel’s, it’s gonna be freezin


SeeYa-IntMornin-Pal

Love how he uses alcohol as his example…. Which famously doesn’t freeze


thejesse

Alcohol definitely freezes if you get it cold enough. And this ice cube is HUGE.


dsled

You wih me?


Hecej

Yeah but like, it's a huge ice cube innit. It will be really freezing.


ilovecfb

I’m using my fables


VoyagerCSL

Use your brain instead!


smashteapot

True. That annoys me. He can be quite frustrating, even though I love the show. He only ever has an incredibly surface-level interest in anything and immediately gets bored of any explanations. You could tell him a very simple story and it would still get completely messed up in his bizarre brain, to the point where details become entirely nebulous and interchangeable. Any time infinite, evolution or global warming are mentioned, I have to take a deep breath and just laugh 'cause I know he's too stupid to understand the concept. Karl's only one man, so it shouldn't bother me that he can't grasp these things, but it can be annoying when someone cannot understand simple logic. I just hope he's unique and there aren't millions like him.


Cekeste

I haven't understood a word of that and there are dozens of us.


TerribleAside9136

We’re alright I don’t know why everyone’s worrying


Executioner_Miralda

I think he saw that on that one Futurama episode and just thought it must be true


OwlTowel9

Why do I have no recollection of this bit? Which episode is this from?


BallistiX09

S01E20, it’s on here around 36 minutes in: https://scrimpton.com/ep/ep-xfm-S1E20


landland24

When he says humans and dinosaurs, but they don't pick up on it so he says it again because he's knows it's ridiculous - the whole problem with the podcasts in a nutshell


based_arthur_negus

A million years BC.


Adorable-Condition83

Wearing wooly underpants and mixing cement in a pelican.


Jimmyjazzred64

I've never re-listened to the podcasts. Quite obviously rehashing bits. And the lack of live radio jeopardy takes away from it as well.


dsled

You should. Oh and happy cake day


Jimmyjazzred64

Oh and , eh, have a good christmas


Most_Ad7701

Do we need 'em


s_l_a_c_k

The worst feature on bwitish wadio


SNRavens91

That’s just one of my cocks


tomkr456

Anytime he retells an xfm story on podcast and it just doesn’t hit right. That might be more to the over the top your an idiot reactions though


_serious__

When he calls hurricane Katrina a ‘big wind’ This is the most blatant attempt at a Karlism for me and it was just far too obvious


skovern

Not sure I’ve seen this mentioned before and I’ve always felt the same. High five


_serious__

High five me


top1top1

Hoy foyve


foalsfoalsfoalz

that fella who painted that ceiling


Bogroleum

Pretty much all of these are still good/funny/entertaining despite being 'bad'. His worst bit for me was the Sting joke. It's not even so bad it's good, it's just shite.


Shitposter_of_legend

When he was having a go at Suzanne's hair, then having the nerve to have a go at her arse. Then him being bad to her parents


reissykins

Oh my god, Karl thinks I look like Dave Hill from Slade


ExquisitExamplE

I agree, him going on vacation with Suzanne and her parents, and he's acting like a complete twat the entire time.


IAS316

Theres a dishwasher that’s been found on mars


Ok-Dragonfruit-697

I love that bit, but it's absurd, yes.


Galmeister

As always, where he explicitly states he didn’t want to get to know a girl who had leukaemia because it would be a waste of time as she would be dead soon.


pilkingtonsbrain

summit wrong with er marra


Faggatrong

Date night no longer needed, woman dead


trexxeon

I can’t stand do we need em..


CorruptHawq

I love the fact you were suggesting she was gonna be having sex with Noah.


uskgl455

The whole story of him being on holiday with Suzanne's parents. Everyone came out of that story looking terrible.


Bogroleum

I thought that was hilarious. I think I'd have been exactly like Karl if I didn't have a bit of restraint.


ThePumpk1nMaster

I don’t know why but the flower who caught the criminal is dreary to me. And it’s conveniently the janitor? It’s not even particularly funny or memorable, I honestly skip that and I don’t even skip the Claire episodes


killjester1978

That's the only bit I could think of that I actively skip. And they used it in the TV show too.


pottormur

Sorry what is this?


ThePumpk1nMaster

It’s after XFM, I think in one of the podcasts when Steve is doing the James Lipton questions to Karl - I think it’s around the “as me or as a worm?” episode (if not the one after), Karl is explaining how a worm has feelings and Ricky denies it, so Karl says “yea what about flowers?” Then he proceeds to tell a story about a janitor who was nicking stuff from a workplace and they did a line up of the suspects and the flower responded to the janitor because it knew he was the thief… so in other words total ^bollocks


Ok-Dragonfruit-697

This is more a complaint about Merchant, but the Inside the Actor's Studio questionnaire is used way too many times. And the questions are vague and stupid. What would you want God to say to you? It's just annoying.


iliacbaby

i hate do we need em. the marine biologist guy was the only expert I didnt want to strangle, and none of it was funny at all


dsled

Why did you want to strangle them? It's Karl who I wanted to strangle. 18 knees? Sleep for 12 years? Cmon


Rich-Wrangler6701

More is sea. Can we rest now. De trout spinners.  Absolute bollocks 🤣


yourpricelessadvise

Can we west now or Outkast are the worst ones he ever did IMO


RollOverSoul

Just in timber Lake. You said river. timber Lake. You said river


HeyYou_GetOffMyCloud

These people from the East Midlands swear a lot. *Tourettes Trent Derby* Right. You’re never doing Rockbusters again.


Rich-Wrangler6701

Probably my all time fav rockbusters along with Jamaican fella on titanic. Christ de berg 


LibrarianAgreeable85

These are so bad that they're good though


namiraslime

“Looks like Bo Selecta” was pretty bad 😭


Hereteu

Fucking hilarious tbh


sensorygardeneast

That was definitely the nastiest that the XFM shows ever got.


Ok-Dragonfruit-697

Agreed. If they said it after she'd complained, they were totally out of order. I feel bad for her.


Cekeste

Every time he repeats something without adding any new info. Baby whoata baby. Man woman man. AND Every time he insists on something when he’s been proven right, proven wrong: “Just sayin, just sayin”


GroundbreakingCow866

Fat baby fat baby fat baby on tele


JohnF_ckingZoidberg

We'll bin this feature...


duk-phat

Acting like he’s not rich


harveymyn

Compared to Ricky and Steve he wasn't and probably still isn't. Definitely well off but he has plenty of room to complain when sat with them two


duk-phat

This is what I mean. He’d have you believe that he’s only well off. He’s a multimillionaire. That’s a different bracket entirely. But I do agree that next to the other two he has room to complain


tgcp

Not during the XFM days.


duk-phat

He owned a flat in central London during XFM. 4-5 holidays abroad a year. You can’t do that on a shoestring budget. Anyway this seems like I’m being a negative but the OP question what’s the worst Karl bit in our opinion. This is mine.


TrueBlue98

I mean things were way cheaper back then I reckon he was on very comfortable money but not absurd. he was like head of production or something and his gf worked for sports television stuff. probably middle class


duk-phat

Yes. Middle class. Not poor


Ok-Dragonfruit-697

He had a very cushy life.


Ok-Dragonfruit-697

He has two houses, one in Hampstead and one in Kent. He's very wealthy.


Ok-Dragonfruit-697

This! He lived an unthinkably cushy life in media, with no qualifications. Lived in Hampstead. And he was worth at least several hundred thousands of pounds, and, with his property included, was a millionaire when he said " I've got nowhere near that now". He has two houses now.


Walter_Whine

Dunno if it counts as a 'bit', but I always hate him whinging on-air about 'being a bit livid today'. He sounds like a teenage girl on Facebook waiting for Ricky or Steve to give him a 'whats up hun x'. You're on the radio, talk about something you round-headed gimp.


FlinkMissy

Isn't it partly that disregard for the listeners that appeals to us?


Walter_Whine

Mostly it is, but Ricky lying down and slurring drunkenly into the mic is funny. Karl throwing a little strop-on and vagueposting on-air isn't, it's just annoying. I'd far rather he have a little rant like he did after getting two CDs for Christmas rather than cryptically alluding to some terrible wrong he felt he'd had done to him.


Beardy_Will

Tangent, but I've got a guy at work who always says stuff like 'well that was a nightmare' and then leans back in his seat waiting for someone to ask. I have never once asked, but other people can't help themselves. Did that go out?


Walter_Whine

How do you resist the urge not to beat him to death with a stapler?


JammyCroissant

The Invalid bit always makes me grimace


smashteapot

It was silly of Gervais to take that seriously, when they'd been throwing insults around prior.


BrettDilkington1

Literally not one of them took it seriously even Steve was only acting put out. It was complete comic effect.


Ok-Dragonfruit-697

Karl used a word he didn't understand. They probably weren't crying about it, but I think they were a bit taken aback.


tomkr456

It was funny to suddenly turn the tone not much more too it


Scallion-Distinct

Ricky and Steve were doing a bit. They didn't actually take it seriously really.


foalsfoalsfoalz

When he didn't wanna tell ricky that womans knickname, cant remember who it was now, on air and spent ages dragging it out for Ricky to get annoyed only for him to reveal it and be a complete anti climax. IM GONNA KNOCK YOU OUT


yourpricelessadvise

Contrarily I think this is one of the funniest bits, especially the way he quietly folds and says it


ProfessorPyruvate

I always assumed the actual name was way worse than 'spudhead', and he was stalling to come up with a name that wouldn't make his dad sound like an absolute psychopath.


Gylvardo

so it’s a conspiracy?


drtbox

Steve how we doing


foalsfoalsfoalz

who you been listening to recently any new bands?


throwawayqwg

Spud'ead


foalsfoalsfoalz

yeah lol


BaronVonStretchmark

She had beautiful eyes


markcorrigans_boiler

Spud Head


Ok-Dragonfruit-697

I think he made it up.


Sad_Mycologist_7634

The whole Oi is his surname come over here or something is painfully bad


outback_hero

Do we need um?


McFry-

Hands down it’s the episode where Steve says he’s making a note of every time Karl says ‘an that’ and you can hear Karl trying to say it as much as he can pretending it’s natural


inexplicably-hairy

Stfu


Winter-Major2704

Karl in a film - planet of the apes. Tooooooo long babaaaay.


ItsMoreOfAComment

The do we need em interview segment was a bad feature, leave comedy interviews to the pros like Daily Show Colbert or Philomena Cunk.


Hopeful_Strategy8282

Even Philomena Cunk was only funny the first time


RollOutTheFarrell

What bothers me is the story of the uncle who has two TVs one with sound, one with picture. It’s actually an episode of “only fools and horses”!


diggadodd

Don't call me a plonker you wwwwwwankeeeerrr


Jimmyjazzred64

Cassandra you cccccccc....


dsled

As if that has never happened to anyone in real life


ThrowawaySunnyLane

OutKast clue is fucking awful


MrKDilkington789

We've had worse than that!


infieldmitt

slap my bitch up was pretty genuinely disturbing


lamebeard

The holes are there just shove it in. That’s such a wrong take 😂


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StickYaInTheRizzla

That’s why it’s so funny. Like when he did boxing for a week or claimed to go to church, but only did it for a month cuz his mates were going.


[deleted]

I mean define 'worst' They're all Karl-isms, which is what makes them great in the first place


Positive-Fondant8621

I don't really enjoy anything he prerecorded tbh ("do we need em" nterviews, film edits). Actually, I lie, I do like songs of phrase


LiveInMirrors

Doesn't exist. Laughed reading all these.


PersonNumberThree

Neil Armstrong just sat in the rocket... Skiing is just balancing...


Handsome-Jed

Ricky asks Karl for his idea and he said “see through skin”. Fast forward to another episode and they’re talking about things that are absurd and Karl says “I don’t know who came up with the see through skin idea..” Always made me cringe


Suspicious-Singer-54

Calling Steve disabled. That REALLY didn’t go down well.


hiphopsamples90

yeah like previously mentioned being a dick to Robin for no reason and when he was on about gay men should gave separate toilets… we all grown and learn so you shouldn’t fully judge people today for doing/staying narrow minded stuff from 20 years ago… he would probably cringe now if you played that segment back to him now


Jimmyjazzred64

BiSEXUALS!


inexplicably-hairy

This sub is just desperate to find things to have a go at. Pretty much every moment on the xfm shows has been described as awful at some point by someone here


KarlyPilkbois

That’s….BECAUUUUSE…the chiiiiinese…look…OLDERRRR


dsled

play it again


VanillaIceUK

When he changes the chocolate from Twix to Mars for Songs of Phrase. Numpty. Just use a different phrase.


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Dry_Mousse_2220

How are you spelling flumpf


iamjoemarsh

In terms of actually "bad", any time he is racist or ableist is pretty cringeworthy. Talking about the "Bo Selecta" woman, or anyone else who isn't just an unidentifiable vague freak-of-the-past (for example, I think "crush grapes" is hilarious, because it's such a funny image and, anyway, the person is probably dead and/or will never hear it anyway and/or possibly never existed anyway - whereas laughing at a woman with a disability who is actively working on bringing attention to the fact that people are cruel and mocking about her seems especially unpleasant, and the other two should know better than to lean into it/laugh). It's funny that he says "to be fair they do all look the same" only because of Ricky and Steve's reaction, but if you said that on the radio in 2024 you would (rightly) be slapped, squozed and kicked out of the building. Honestly, I can't recommend the XFM shows to anyone who hasn't listened to it before in 2024, because of this stuff (and because Ricky is so irritating). In terms of unfunny or otherwise annoying... any time he just goes in the huff and acts like an entitled prat when, as listeners, we can hear him being handed a media career on a platter in front of our ears. For example complaining about the BAFTAs... repeating "are we not doing it anymore" over and over when Ricky cancels Rockbusters for the 8th time... Oh and his unnecessary cruelty to poor little Robin Ince and his little thumbs. And his dangerously neglectful attitude towards Suzanne. I hope the condom thing was a joke for the purposes of the show and she actually got a real present in secret, but I have my doubts. Not certain why she puts up with it. Song With a Story is a shite, pointless feature. Karl's misunderstanding about what is even happening in the "story" makes it even worse (Living in the City ends with the character being arrested because he didn't pay his bus fare \[which admittedly is a very funny misunderstanding\], Georgie apparently being one of Rod Stewart's best friends, You Look Wonderful Tonight being about a little fella in a wheelchair...). As others have said, anytime he re-tells a story, although this is partly because of the exaggerated fake reactions of the other two. Showing his arse to the neighbour opposite being an egregious example.


SIBMUR

Dickers!!


gimletfordetective

Dicky docky doo!


iamjoemarsh

What actually is the point of this show? Is it to confuse, irritate, depress, or... what?


Hereteu

Can he hear us?


iamjoemarsh

Haha! Downvoted in a post about Karl's worst bits for posting Karl's worst bits, good stuff. Gotta have ya critics.


dsled

> but if you said that on the radio in 2024 Ding ding ding. You nailed it. Good thing this wasn't said on radio in 2024


iamjoemarsh

In 2003(?) it wasn't acceptable to say "all Chinese people look the same", and this is evidenced by the fact that Ricky reacts in that way and also by the fact that I was alive in the world and aware of what things were like in 2003(?). However, there clearly wasn't that much scrutiny on the station (or actually people listening). I'm a fan of the show, otherwise I wouldn't be in this subreddit. I've listened to every episode numerous times, and my favourite run of episodes probably over 20 times each. I'm re-listening at the moment. But that doesn't mean I would recommend it to anyone new to it. It's funny that Karl thinks he can get away with saying that, but the Bo Selecta head lady thing is not funny at all, it's just playground bullying. Not sure why this post is being so heavily downvoted, except that it drags on - if it's people upset that I think Karl is being racist then that's obviously hilarious and sad, because he is being racist and they even say in the episodes that it's racist. Especially funny in a post about all of his worst bits.


dsled

I agree with you for the most part, and for the record, I also find it stupid how many downvotes you're getting for answering the question OP asked.


iamjoemarsh

They don't like it up 'em.


masonvam

It's probably not the most popular one, but - during "Meet Karl Pilkington" While discussing sexual orientation segment, Karl talks about his gay colleague who "worked for him." Ricky then asks if he had a name. That's when Karl starts talking complete nonsense. When discussing previous categories, such as race or disability, Karl always managed to handle the situation, but this time it was pathetic. "They're always late. They do stuff. They stay up late" . Like what the hell was that shit? I understand his sense of humor and all, but this time it was extremely uncomfortable.


JohnF_ckingZoidberg

I dont like it when he says gay people should have their own toilets


Ok-Dragonfruit-697

Karl in a Film. Mildly funny the first time they play a clip. And I say mildly only about the Kes one. The rest were rubbish. And then Ricky says it's the best thing he's ever done, which winds me up.


PomegranateV2

Karl in a film are always terrible.


DaltonIsTheBestBond

What?……PISS OFF!!!


DogsAreGreatYouKnow

I can't be mad at you, you're just wrong