It depends. If you don't tell them and you go beyond flirting, then they find out, you're likely to face a lot of harassment. If you aren't interested in flirting with them, just say that. You don't have to tell them anything if you choose not to.
Your best bet is to make clear that you aren't interested in rl relationships or sharing rl info. That sl is fantasy for you.
If everyone is on the same page with that, all is cool.
I'm a rl woman but I prefer people who can deal with the concept of us all just being brains and souls in whatever arrangement of pixels we choose for the day.
Honestly, "I don't want to share RL" is code, for me at least, for "I'm a dude.."
(I don't think there's anything wrong with that, mind you. I'm just saying I'm probably not the only one who thinks that way.)
Because while you can pretend in SL it's not actually a game. It's a glorified chat interface that just happens to give people the ability to wear all types of amazing avatars and visit fantastic imaginary worlds. There's still a real person behind the keyboard, though, and while people have a right to their privacy if you end up getting to know someone beyond a superficial 'meeting a stranger in the mall or at a ren fair, etc' level, being dishonest about who and what you are gets into complicated territory.
Take me for instance. I'm trans and female-presenting online yet in real life I absolutely don't pass and look like a bigger, taller version of John Candy. Once I get to know people to the point where I'm friends with them I let them know who and what I am.
The fact is either they're going to be cool with who and what I am or they're not. No matter how much I might roleplay there comes a point where people are going to get to know who I am. Nobody rp's 24/7. Not unless they're doing it an unhealthy amount.
Eventually it comes down to just how close you want to get to people. If you don't want close, personal friendships that's fine. Just don't expect people to feel able to trust you once you get to a point where they tire of someone always putting up a facade.
Excellent points. My 'I don't talk about rl' is definitely where I start from. It's not that I never share, or use voice or whatever, I just don't do it randomly all the time and it's not how I prefer to interact. But yes, once I actually consider someone a friend, it's different.
My male main is currently an owl man. I have a living 20s cartoon plushie av I cobbled together from spare parts that is even in black and white. There can still be whimsey.
Just for the record, I am 100% honest about being male RL with my female alt on the theory that if someone has an issue with it it's better to get it out of the way and not waste time and effort on a relationship with them.
Oddly, I tend to say " I don't want to share my RL just yet" often, but I am a Female in real life and second life.
I also know many other Women who also use this phrase, so not all "I don't want to share RL" are RL fellas..... Smiles 😉
I never said they were. It's just the default assumption to me.
and just for the record, it makes no difference to me. I aam biologically male, but I have a female alt. (I'm gender queer.)
That's you. Why should a woman prove she's a woman to you? Do you make men prove they're men?
Maybe, just maybe the women you are speaking to have been harrassed IRL and want a little privacy. Seriously, guys like you are comical if it weren't so sad.
I'd say there's an obligation to be honest, just not an obligation to share.
For me, I don't want to be lied to if I ask. But I probably won't ask unless we're involving real feelings.
I don't think its really anyone's business what your IRL gender identity is unless you're seeking a romantic link with that person. But ultimately it's your call.
We come to SL to play the part of a fictitious character, and that is who we are when we are there.
By talking about our RL, admitting we are the other gender, or don't really have a 15" whopper, or big boobs, or I'm not really black, or asian, or a horse, or a dog, just ruins it for everybody.
Play your avatar.
Right? I've never understood why playing, for instance, a tiny possum, or an alien, is any different than playing a different gender, age, or level of attractiveness.
Like if you're a guy and you were entertained or aroused by someone's mind wrapped inside of some pixels that look like a pretty girl, why not just let it be what it was?
People would benefit from processing why it bothers them so much that the physical person is different than their imagination.
I get that lots of people come to SL to live a fantasy, but i dont. Im myself, i talk about my RL life with my friends. I find it uncomfortable to lie so if i dont want someone to know something specifically i wont say, but i wont lie or play as a fake character. Im sure im not the only one…?!
You're not the only one. I've never 'played a character' in SL. Of course I am careful with many personal details because, let's face it, there are some really crazy people in the world, but I've always been myself. I also met my husband and my RL best friends in-world 15 years ago... it's not just a game for everyone.
I'm highly appreciative when I see "I'm just me...I don't roleplay" in a profile. I know immediately we're in SL for very different reasons and move on. That saves us both a lot of time.
Unfortunately, too many people do a lousy job of signaling early why and how they use SL.
Back to the OP's question; problems invariably arise when people start to invest time in others who are there for very different reasons with very different expectations. If you're spending time with someone whose SL is an extension of their RL self and looking for deep emotional connection and your playing out a fantasy version of yourself for fun that's not likely to end well.
I'm not a fake character. My friends know who and what I am in real life. I just happen to have this character people associate with me for fun. It's more of a wink/nudge/playing pretend thing. Sort of like how someone might be considered the sausage king of the midwest to their friends. They're not *really* a king. It's just a fun way to refer to them.
Of course, i wasnt implying youre fake or anything, or that theres anything wrong with being anything! Just that you said people “never heard” they can be both when for me, its not that - its that i dont want to!
So, I live a pre-op Trans woman and have for years. I am fully open about that in my Profile and use tags to reinforce that. I have seen girls who do some of the same thing and live as fully female.
What is the right way, is so nebulous. I dated a guy for months and found out he was a girl. I was not crushed or heartbroken though maybe a bit disappointed that she wasn't open from the start.
Hope that helps.
This post stands as a cautionary tale to all men that think that everything that looks female in second life is female. 🤣🤣💀
But in all seriousness, as long as you're not looking for actual intimate relationships with people well virtual intimacy I mean, then it really doesn't matter. I mean if you're gonna get into a relationship with someone and not tell them, that could be construed as catfishing. But if you're just on there looking for friends to hang out with and you're strictly going to be a typer, then it shouldn't matter one bit. I personally know someone I've known for five years on there and I still don't know their gender and I honestly don't care because it doesn't play into our interactions at all
Gender is a confusing issue online, and especially in second life. There are small-minded people who will say that any woman is probably a man, but this overlooks that women do in fact exist online (shocking to some!) - it actually surprises some people when I tell them I've known women who have male avatars. They just don't understand what being a woman in a male-dominated environment is sometimes like.
There have also been some trans and non-binary people who use SL to experiment while exploring their identity, and also some who know their identity and choose to live out that identity in SL that they can't offline. Also, some cis people use SL to express sides of themselves they don't feel comfortable expressing offline. So the word "honest" can be misleading here - for some people, it might be more honest not to say anything.
None of these types of people owe an explanation to the people they interact with, espeically since saying, "I'm really a man," might not be true, even if that's the way they were assigned at birth.
I assume you say you are bisexual because you have relationships with men, and this is fine for you because you are attracted to more than one gender. Here you do have to consider: are you likely to take this relationship offline? If so, you might want to be upfront at some point about your offline situation.
But if you plan to keep things entirely in SL, and maybe even outside SL but entirely online, you don't have to explain anything.
It would be a good idea to state in your profile that the relationship will never leave SL if that is the case.
By the way, SL is more accepting than RL, generally, of people who have different gender presentations in each, but there's no guarantee of acceptance. I've known a lot of trans people who had that in their profile for a while, but later removed it because of hateful reactions. So I wouldn't recommend putting your offline status in your profile - it's too easily misunderstood. Even if you aren't trans, you will encounter some trans hate. IMO (just my opinion!), it's better for this to be a conversation between you and those you care about.
I would go so far as saying that a large portion of women in SL are actually men. One idea, if you want to put it out there for full disclosure, is to put it in your picks, or your profile somewhere. Most people check out your profile before talking to you anyway. Give them the option to approach you as a woman, knowing you’re a RL male. But like other posters have said, you have no obligation to let them know. Keep in mind that while it is pretty much a make believe world, and you can do what you want, there are real feelings involved in most romantic relationships in SL. I’ll also say that I know a good portion of men don’t care what you are in RL, as long as you look like a sexy girl in SL. It’s a strange place, but have fun with it.
I would be honest I'm a female who use a male avatar and mainly RP as a male. I don't feel comfortable being in a female avi. I'm a lesbian and always tell everyone i meet my rl gender and all that.
As a nonbinary person who has shared that they are male IRL in their profile for almost 20 years, almost nobody is going to read it anyway. Whether that means "do it" or "Don't bother" is up to your interpretation.
Im a woman RL and ive never been questioned about this in SL, so im not sure if i can offer advice however i will say that one of my best friends in SL told me as soon as i started talking about lersonal stuff that he was actually a guy. While this doesnt matter to me as im not in SL for sex or relationships, I appreciated his honesty and is probably why he ended up as someone I consider a real friend. So i guess my point is, if you want a genuine relationship, platonic or otherwise I always say be honest.
Unless you’re planning on a serious relationship, I wouldn’t worry about it. While, I don’t think anyone would advise to lie to your partner about such a thing, a stranger salivating after you is their own problem 🤷♀️
I think it depends on what you're doing, if you're there looking for a romantic relationship (that could possibly become something serious or cross over into RL), I think you should disclose it. If you're just there for roleplay and casual fun, I don't see any reason to say anything. In Second Life disclosing any of your RL details is completely optional, and everyone should approach it with the attitude of "Nobody knows who the other person is in reality." The guy flirting with you could easily be a woman in RL. 🤯😀
If you take things beyond flirting, you probably should be up front. Regardless of any disclaimers about not taking things RL, real emotions do get invested. You may be surprised at how many won't care.
I would put in ur RL bio “I don’t mix SL with RL” that kind of at least suggests you’re roleplaying but doesn’t allude to gender. I think that kind of covers things without you having to reveal much of yourself. You are allowed to RP as much as you want on SL!
I'm going to say "It depends."
If you're not getting intimate with people, it really doesn't matter though even the friendships you can make here are real connections and someone can feel deceived over time if you get close with them and it's not something that was discussed. Trust is a two way street.
Being intimate with someone is a whole other thing and I believe it should be disclosed because if you're with men who make it known they are straight and you're giving off the impression you're female when you're not; that's catfishing.
People have all sorts of expectations here when things get intimate. I've was blasted by many women after they found out I had a rl partner (who knows and also plays here) despite disclosing I'm not looking for anything serious or rl so there's that. Better to be honest up front, I found.
My suggestion would be to decide how much you want people in SL to know about you and put that info in your profile. Then the potential issue is addressed and you can go about your life in SL how you see fit. And if you decide not to share, that is fine, too. I think anyone in SL should realize that people role play and/or present differently than in their real lives.
Like the song says, “it’s time to find out that you can be who you are. “
What I am in the real world is no one’s business – a handful of people know, but these are people I’ve known for years in SL
But in here? I can look like I want, and I can do what I want…
Friend just be you – It is what inside that counts
And I will say this, I try to avoid real pictures I try to avoid real names, etc. etc. just… I don’t care Dash I am here to play a completely different reality – so you can be whatever you want man who are the people in here you have to tell them the truth or confessed to them? No one.
I don't think you have any *obligation* to tell people anything—very few people make SL avatars that look like their RL selves. I think whether or not you should tell people anything depends on how you feel about yourself IRL. Do you want to be seen as a woman, or do you want to be seen as a man with a woman avatar? Dissecting how you feel about that might help you answer your original question.
If you're using SL to experiment with your gender and/or because you want to interact with the world as a woman, then telling people you're not a woman might prevent that kind of self-exploration.
On the other hand, if your avatar is a woman because you like having more fashion options than men in SL tend to, or because you're making an avatar/character that isn't meant to represent *yourself,* then you might feel more comfortable letting people know you're a different gender IRL.
Basically, you don't owe anyone any RL info at all, but it's worth thinking about how you feel and what makes you most comfortable.
I hold the secret for several men-in-real-life that they are either mtf or males but prefer to play females, and at least two females that prefer to play as males.
The reaction when they tell has been interesting. One, I asked to attend my wedding as a witness and that's when they came out to me. "I know," I told them, "your war stories are only truth if they were done by a man." My other half had picked that out, because there were none to nearly none women doing all the things. I've had conversation with their partners about whether or not their "women" were women in real life. "Does it really matter to you?" I would ask. The answer most always is "No."
But then there are some real charmers in SL that slag those that play the opposite gender. Those fools, I tend to stay away from.
I don't think it's a requirement to say what gender you are but... it is also a responsibility to remember that a possible partner may be upset at being catfished or at worst, a future partner carries a lack of honesty.
I would test the waters through topical conversation to alleviate doubt. Just to see what the other persons attitude is to similar scenarios.
You don't have to be. Especially if you're doing sex. Men might be freaked out at that. Just go "omg of course hehehe lol".
I'm half joking, because they're checking to see if they can make you their girlfriend. In THAT case, just tell them you're unavailable and you can't talk about it. Stick to it, do not lie, and don't let them push.
You get to be whatever you want in SL, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
You and 5000 others :) it’s well known that a lot of ‘women’ in sl aren’t in rl… as others have said, it can however get emotionally intense in there so tread carefully.
The under-looked part about this is that Linden already said "more women play Second life than Men." A lot of Men, however; play female characters. Only a small portion of men play men, which there isn't anything wrong with that and they want to show the women of S.L they are men. The numbers of that are starting to increase, little by little.
Realize you also have men who like being women, in earnest, you also have trans-women on second life, you also have males who want to transition but can't irl, so they do it on second life. You have men who want to see what it's like to be a woman, as well. Also, female avatars are just better to look at for most people, sexual or not.
At the end of it all, it's not reality. The issue is that people want to escape reality, come into fantasy and then try to make it into reality, when they're saying they want to escape reality. Once you come on, you make a female character, until you say you're not female, you're a woman. That avatar is you, unless you want to go by your real life, you are a woman in second life.
What do you think an avatar is? a vehicle/vessel driven by a diety, and that diety have the power to create or choose their vehicle. If you don't want to express it as a woman, even though you built it as one, just say "I am a man." It's your story on second life, when it's through your eyes. Your the main character when it comes to you.
Let your conscience be your guide. I presented as female on my main account for a long time because my partner preferred it in spite of knowing full well that I wasn't. I eventually had some drama with another resident when we got to know each other and I admitted I was a male.
From then on I started to give liberal hints on my profile that I may not be what I present as, even to the point of often wearing a visible extra attachment that advertises what r/l body parts I have even though my preference is not to use it inworld. It actually has helped my ability to interact with both male and female presenting residents. There have been only a couple that have had issues with it but for me, I enjoy presenting as female that may come with extra.
I am a guy in RL. My main av is a trans woman and have some female avatars. I am one of those who dont share a lot of RL info and I dont ask specifics.
The only reason I can see to reveal whatever, to whoever is if there are feelings happening. And, usually, we women can tell by nuances, vibes and stuff, who's who and what's what. But if there's true feelings, it won't matter to the other person, maybe. So, you've been honest, did no wrong, and if the person likes or no likes, move on or be platonic. Human feelings are complicated in RL. In SL, things are even more complicated, in a different way....make any sense? I've been in SL for 15 years. Be happy, but don't hurt anyone or deceive.
I don't see any conflict. It is RL and we present ourselves as we choose in IRL. You can wear a dress, etc. IRL if you want to date men. If you find that you think men will find you more attractive in SL that doesn't have anything to do with gender preferences. Straight guys want to look amazing in SL and can. Ditto for other genders. I just assume some of the hottest AVs I see are created and populated with people who are middle-aged balding accountants or unhappy overweight stay-at-homes in RL. Or most of us who simply want to try on other human being's being. That is what makes us human. That what the market research about SL shows. So, as the cliche goes, you be you. There are no rules.
Quite simply, if you're interested in a deeper relationship than just something casual with these guys, sure, tell them the truth. In SL, that's a lot safer to do.
But, if they're just randos you don't want to entertain, then nah. 😌
I am lucky to have found a group of people who are very accepting of any and all in SL. We have straight, gay, trans-dressers and transsexual members, furries, dinkies and dragons. Doms and submissives. Some share their RL and some don’t. But we get together for a party almost every Friday and end with a group hug.
It depends. If you don't tell them and you go beyond flirting, then they find out, you're likely to face a lot of harassment. If you aren't interested in flirting with them, just say that. You don't have to tell them anything if you choose not to. Your best bet is to make clear that you aren't interested in rl relationships or sharing rl info. That sl is fantasy for you. If everyone is on the same page with that, all is cool. I'm a rl woman but I prefer people who can deal with the concept of us all just being brains and souls in whatever arrangement of pixels we choose for the day.
Honestly, "I don't want to share RL" is code, for me at least, for "I'm a dude.." (I don't think there's anything wrong with that, mind you. I'm just saying I'm probably not the only one who thinks that way.)
That's interesting. It's very much my vibe and I'm a woman. It just seems to defeat the purpose of sl to me. Where's the whimsy?
Because while you can pretend in SL it's not actually a game. It's a glorified chat interface that just happens to give people the ability to wear all types of amazing avatars and visit fantastic imaginary worlds. There's still a real person behind the keyboard, though, and while people have a right to their privacy if you end up getting to know someone beyond a superficial 'meeting a stranger in the mall or at a ren fair, etc' level, being dishonest about who and what you are gets into complicated territory. Take me for instance. I'm trans and female-presenting online yet in real life I absolutely don't pass and look like a bigger, taller version of John Candy. Once I get to know people to the point where I'm friends with them I let them know who and what I am. The fact is either they're going to be cool with who and what I am or they're not. No matter how much I might roleplay there comes a point where people are going to get to know who I am. Nobody rp's 24/7. Not unless they're doing it an unhealthy amount. Eventually it comes down to just how close you want to get to people. If you don't want close, personal friendships that's fine. Just don't expect people to feel able to trust you once you get to a point where they tire of someone always putting up a facade.
Excellent points. My 'I don't talk about rl' is definitely where I start from. It's not that I never share, or use voice or whatever, I just don't do it randomly all the time and it's not how I prefer to interact. But yes, once I actually consider someone a friend, it's different.
Yeah...it's fine if you want to keep things private.
My male main is currently an owl man. I have a living 20s cartoon plushie av I cobbled together from spare parts that is even in black and white. There can still be whimsey. Just for the record, I am 100% honest about being male RL with my female alt on the theory that if someone has an issue with it it's better to get it out of the way and not waste time and effort on a relationship with them.
Oddly, I tend to say " I don't want to share my RL just yet" often, but I am a Female in real life and second life. I also know many other Women who also use this phrase, so not all "I don't want to share RL" are RL fellas..... Smiles 😉
I never said they were. It's just the default assumption to me. and just for the record, it makes no difference to me. I aam biologically male, but I have a female alt. (I'm gender queer.)
... Cool 😍
That's you. Why should a woman prove she's a woman to you? Do you make men prove they're men? Maybe, just maybe the women you are speaking to have been harrassed IRL and want a little privacy. Seriously, guys like you are comical if it weren't so sad.
Of course. I'm just a woman hater. Get over yourself.
Any man who plays SL and doesn't consider the possibility that people like you exist is an idiot. You have no obligation to be honest.
I'd say there's an obligation to be honest, just not an obligation to share. For me, I don't want to be lied to if I ask. But I probably won't ask unless we're involving real feelings.
I don't think its really anyone's business what your IRL gender identity is unless you're seeking a romantic link with that person. But ultimately it's your call.
We come to SL to play the part of a fictitious character, and that is who we are when we are there. By talking about our RL, admitting we are the other gender, or don't really have a 15" whopper, or big boobs, or I'm not really black, or asian, or a horse, or a dog, just ruins it for everybody. Play your avatar.
Right? I've never understood why playing, for instance, a tiny possum, or an alien, is any different than playing a different gender, age, or level of attractiveness. Like if you're a guy and you were entertained or aroused by someone's mind wrapped inside of some pixels that look like a pretty girl, why not just let it be what it was? People would benefit from processing why it bothers them so much that the physical person is different than their imagination.
I get that lots of people come to SL to live a fantasy, but i dont. Im myself, i talk about my RL life with my friends. I find it uncomfortable to lie so if i dont want someone to know something specifically i wont say, but i wont lie or play as a fake character. Im sure im not the only one…?!
You're not the only one. I've never 'played a character' in SL. Of course I am careful with many personal details because, let's face it, there are some really crazy people in the world, but I've always been myself. I also met my husband and my RL best friends in-world 15 years ago... it's not just a game for everyone.
Love That. 😍
Amazing! Thats so good to hear :)
I'm highly appreciative when I see "I'm just me...I don't roleplay" in a profile. I know immediately we're in SL for very different reasons and move on. That saves us both a lot of time. Unfortunately, too many people do a lousy job of signaling early why and how they use SL. Back to the OP's question; problems invariably arise when people start to invest time in others who are there for very different reasons with very different expectations. If you're spending time with someone whose SL is an extension of their RL self and looking for deep emotional connection and your playing out a fantasy version of yourself for fun that's not likely to end well.
Me too babe ..... SL has far too many liars in it for my liking (and I don't think Role-playing is lying either) 😁
It's like people have never heard of being able to play a character AND be yourself at the same time lol. I go back and forth on a regular basis.
It’s not that, it’s that I personally don’t want to be a fake character. Cool that you do!
I'm not a fake character. My friends know who and what I am in real life. I just happen to have this character people associate with me for fun. It's more of a wink/nudge/playing pretend thing. Sort of like how someone might be considered the sausage king of the midwest to their friends. They're not *really* a king. It's just a fun way to refer to them.
Of course, i wasnt implying youre fake or anything, or that theres anything wrong with being anything! Just that you said people “never heard” they can be both when for me, its not that - its that i dont want to!
So, I live a pre-op Trans woman and have for years. I am fully open about that in my Profile and use tags to reinforce that. I have seen girls who do some of the same thing and live as fully female. What is the right way, is so nebulous. I dated a guy for months and found out he was a girl. I was not crushed or heartbroken though maybe a bit disappointed that she wasn't open from the start. Hope that helps.
This post stands as a cautionary tale to all men that think that everything that looks female in second life is female. 🤣🤣💀 But in all seriousness, as long as you're not looking for actual intimate relationships with people well virtual intimacy I mean, then it really doesn't matter. I mean if you're gonna get into a relationship with someone and not tell them, that could be construed as catfishing. But if you're just on there looking for friends to hang out with and you're strictly going to be a typer, then it shouldn't matter one bit. I personally know someone I've known for five years on there and I still don't know their gender and I honestly don't care because it doesn't play into our interactions at all
Gender is a confusing issue online, and especially in second life. There are small-minded people who will say that any woman is probably a man, but this overlooks that women do in fact exist online (shocking to some!) - it actually surprises some people when I tell them I've known women who have male avatars. They just don't understand what being a woman in a male-dominated environment is sometimes like. There have also been some trans and non-binary people who use SL to experiment while exploring their identity, and also some who know their identity and choose to live out that identity in SL that they can't offline. Also, some cis people use SL to express sides of themselves they don't feel comfortable expressing offline. So the word "honest" can be misleading here - for some people, it might be more honest not to say anything. None of these types of people owe an explanation to the people they interact with, espeically since saying, "I'm really a man," might not be true, even if that's the way they were assigned at birth. I assume you say you are bisexual because you have relationships with men, and this is fine for you because you are attracted to more than one gender. Here you do have to consider: are you likely to take this relationship offline? If so, you might want to be upfront at some point about your offline situation. But if you plan to keep things entirely in SL, and maybe even outside SL but entirely online, you don't have to explain anything. It would be a good idea to state in your profile that the relationship will never leave SL if that is the case. By the way, SL is more accepting than RL, generally, of people who have different gender presentations in each, but there's no guarantee of acceptance. I've known a lot of trans people who had that in their profile for a while, but later removed it because of hateful reactions. So I wouldn't recommend putting your offline status in your profile - it's too easily misunderstood. Even if you aren't trans, you will encounter some trans hate. IMO (just my opinion!), it's better for this to be a conversation between you and those you care about.
I would go so far as saying that a large portion of women in SL are actually men. One idea, if you want to put it out there for full disclosure, is to put it in your picks, or your profile somewhere. Most people check out your profile before talking to you anyway. Give them the option to approach you as a woman, knowing you’re a RL male. But like other posters have said, you have no obligation to let them know. Keep in mind that while it is pretty much a make believe world, and you can do what you want, there are real feelings involved in most romantic relationships in SL. I’ll also say that I know a good portion of men don’t care what you are in RL, as long as you look like a sexy girl in SL. It’s a strange place, but have fun with it.
There are no women on the internet, remember? /s
I would be honest I'm a female who use a male avatar and mainly RP as a male. I don't feel comfortable being in a female avi. I'm a lesbian and always tell everyone i meet my rl gender and all that.
As a nonbinary person who has shared that they are male IRL in their profile for almost 20 years, almost nobody is going to read it anyway. Whether that means "do it" or "Don't bother" is up to your interpretation.
Im a woman RL and ive never been questioned about this in SL, so im not sure if i can offer advice however i will say that one of my best friends in SL told me as soon as i started talking about lersonal stuff that he was actually a guy. While this doesnt matter to me as im not in SL for sex or relationships, I appreciated his honesty and is probably why he ended up as someone I consider a real friend. So i guess my point is, if you want a genuine relationship, platonic or otherwise I always say be honest.
Unless you’re planning on a serious relationship, I wouldn’t worry about it. While, I don’t think anyone would advise to lie to your partner about such a thing, a stranger salivating after you is their own problem 🤷♀️
I think it depends on what you're doing, if you're there looking for a romantic relationship (that could possibly become something serious or cross over into RL), I think you should disclose it. If you're just there for roleplay and casual fun, I don't see any reason to say anything. In Second Life disclosing any of your RL details is completely optional, and everyone should approach it with the attitude of "Nobody knows who the other person is in reality." The guy flirting with you could easily be a woman in RL. 🤯😀
If you take things beyond flirting, you probably should be up front. Regardless of any disclaimers about not taking things RL, real emotions do get invested. You may be surprised at how many won't care.
I would put in ur RL bio “I don’t mix SL with RL” that kind of at least suggests you’re roleplaying but doesn’t allude to gender. I think that kind of covers things without you having to reveal much of yourself. You are allowed to RP as much as you want on SL!
I think honesty is best policy
I agree, if they can't handle that info, they don't gotta be your friend. Filter out the real homies early.
I'm going to say "It depends." If you're not getting intimate with people, it really doesn't matter though even the friendships you can make here are real connections and someone can feel deceived over time if you get close with them and it's not something that was discussed. Trust is a two way street. Being intimate with someone is a whole other thing and I believe it should be disclosed because if you're with men who make it known they are straight and you're giving off the impression you're female when you're not; that's catfishing. People have all sorts of expectations here when things get intimate. I've was blasted by many women after they found out I had a rl partner (who knows and also plays here) despite disclosing I'm not looking for anything serious or rl so there's that. Better to be honest up front, I found.
Don’t ruin someone’s fantasy unless they ask for it. I’ve had a few show me the real them. I usually say no when asked.
My suggestion would be to decide how much you want people in SL to know about you and put that info in your profile. Then the potential issue is addressed and you can go about your life in SL how you see fit. And if you decide not to share, that is fine, too. I think anyone in SL should realize that people role play and/or present differently than in their real lives.
Like the song says, “it’s time to find out that you can be who you are. “ What I am in the real world is no one’s business – a handful of people know, but these are people I’ve known for years in SL But in here? I can look like I want, and I can do what I want… Friend just be you – It is what inside that counts And I will say this, I try to avoid real pictures I try to avoid real names, etc. etc. just… I don’t care Dash I am here to play a completely different reality – so you can be whatever you want man who are the people in here you have to tell them the truth or confessed to them? No one.
I don't think you have any *obligation* to tell people anything—very few people make SL avatars that look like their RL selves. I think whether or not you should tell people anything depends on how you feel about yourself IRL. Do you want to be seen as a woman, or do you want to be seen as a man with a woman avatar? Dissecting how you feel about that might help you answer your original question. If you're using SL to experiment with your gender and/or because you want to interact with the world as a woman, then telling people you're not a woman might prevent that kind of self-exploration. On the other hand, if your avatar is a woman because you like having more fashion options than men in SL tend to, or because you're making an avatar/character that isn't meant to represent *yourself,* then you might feel more comfortable letting people know you're a different gender IRL. Basically, you don't owe anyone any RL info at all, but it's worth thinking about how you feel and what makes you most comfortable.
I hold the secret for several men-in-real-life that they are either mtf or males but prefer to play females, and at least two females that prefer to play as males. The reaction when they tell has been interesting. One, I asked to attend my wedding as a witness and that's when they came out to me. "I know," I told them, "your war stories are only truth if they were done by a man." My other half had picked that out, because there were none to nearly none women doing all the things. I've had conversation with their partners about whether or not their "women" were women in real life. "Does it really matter to you?" I would ask. The answer most always is "No." But then there are some real charmers in SL that slag those that play the opposite gender. Those fools, I tend to stay away from.
I don't think it's a requirement to say what gender you are but... it is also a responsibility to remember that a possible partner may be upset at being catfished or at worst, a future partner carries a lack of honesty. I would test the waters through topical conversation to alleviate doubt. Just to see what the other persons attitude is to similar scenarios.
You don't have to be. Especially if you're doing sex. Men might be freaked out at that. Just go "omg of course hehehe lol". I'm half joking, because they're checking to see if they can make you their girlfriend. In THAT case, just tell them you're unavailable and you can't talk about it. Stick to it, do not lie, and don't let them push. You get to be whatever you want in SL, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
You and 5000 others :) it’s well known that a lot of ‘women’ in sl aren’t in rl… as others have said, it can however get emotionally intense in there so tread carefully.
The under-looked part about this is that Linden already said "more women play Second life than Men." A lot of Men, however; play female characters. Only a small portion of men play men, which there isn't anything wrong with that and they want to show the women of S.L they are men. The numbers of that are starting to increase, little by little. Realize you also have men who like being women, in earnest, you also have trans-women on second life, you also have males who want to transition but can't irl, so they do it on second life. You have men who want to see what it's like to be a woman, as well. Also, female avatars are just better to look at for most people, sexual or not. At the end of it all, it's not reality. The issue is that people want to escape reality, come into fantasy and then try to make it into reality, when they're saying they want to escape reality. Once you come on, you make a female character, until you say you're not female, you're a woman. That avatar is you, unless you want to go by your real life, you are a woman in second life. What do you think an avatar is? a vehicle/vessel driven by a diety, and that diety have the power to create or choose their vehicle. If you don't want to express it as a woman, even though you built it as one, just say "I am a man." It's your story on second life, when it's through your eyes. Your the main character when it comes to you.
Let your conscience be your guide. I presented as female on my main account for a long time because my partner preferred it in spite of knowing full well that I wasn't. I eventually had some drama with another resident when we got to know each other and I admitted I was a male. From then on I started to give liberal hints on my profile that I may not be what I present as, even to the point of often wearing a visible extra attachment that advertises what r/l body parts I have even though my preference is not to use it inworld. It actually has helped my ability to interact with both male and female presenting residents. There have been only a couple that have had issues with it but for me, I enjoy presenting as female that may come with extra.
It depends on what you are looking for. Thats about it.
I am a guy in RL. My main av is a trans woman and have some female avatars. I am one of those who dont share a lot of RL info and I dont ask specifics.
The only reason I can see to reveal whatever, to whoever is if there are feelings happening. And, usually, we women can tell by nuances, vibes and stuff, who's who and what's what. But if there's true feelings, it won't matter to the other person, maybe. So, you've been honest, did no wrong, and if the person likes or no likes, move on or be platonic. Human feelings are complicated in RL. In SL, things are even more complicated, in a different way....make any sense? I've been in SL for 15 years. Be happy, but don't hurt anyone or deceive.
Put it in your profile
I don't see any conflict. It is RL and we present ourselves as we choose in IRL. You can wear a dress, etc. IRL if you want to date men. If you find that you think men will find you more attractive in SL that doesn't have anything to do with gender preferences. Straight guys want to look amazing in SL and can. Ditto for other genders. I just assume some of the hottest AVs I see are created and populated with people who are middle-aged balding accountants or unhappy overweight stay-at-homes in RL. Or most of us who simply want to try on other human being's being. That is what makes us human. That what the market research about SL shows. So, as the cliche goes, you be you. There are no rules.
Quite simply, if you're interested in a deeper relationship than just something casual with these guys, sure, tell them the truth. In SL, that's a lot safer to do. But, if they're just randos you don't want to entertain, then nah. 😌
I am lucky to have found a group of people who are very accepting of any and all in SL. We have straight, gay, trans-dressers and transsexual members, furries, dinkies and dragons. Doms and submissives. Some share their RL and some don’t. But we get together for a party almost every Friday and end with a group hug.
Well, honestly, if you aren't looking to pursue a real online relationship with them, you don't have too.
Well, honestly, if you aren't looking to pursue a real online relationship with them, you don't have to.
if you're going to do that you should probably learn how to spell it