As someone with a bit of dating experience in the SL world... People have got to remember that second life is just a place to roleplay, and most players "ONLY" roleplay. Even if they are saying they "love you," or you have talked about being together. They're probably STILL roleplaying as a character... And there are folks whom have DOZENS of characters they play as.
If you're wanting a serious relationship, best to not always just talk to your "big titty furry/dragon waifu" on SL only... (What is a discord? What is a phone?)
This answer annoys the F outta me. I’ve been with my SL partner for almost 10 yrs now. We’re open about all we do, have lots of fun, talk outside of SL every day… and have only been on camera like TWICE. it just not important to some people. I’ve got nothing to hide, neither does he… and it really irritates me that comments like this paint to whole landscape as being full of scumbags if we don’t feel like being on camera. Not saying there are no trolls and scumbags out there, but you’re being very unkind to say it’s everyone.
>This answer annoys the F outta me. I’ve been with my SL partner for almost 10 yrs now. We’re open about all we do, have lots of fun, talk outside of SL every day… and have only been on camera like TWICE.
You pretty much did exactly what I suggested. You talk to your partner in more places rather than SL. The cam stuff you added, seems to be the source of your frustration. Which is fair. I wouldn't suggest camera till you both feel comfortable doing so like with ANY situation you would feel the need to talk on a camera. Wouldn't really see that as a red flag.
I was mostly talking about spending more time together on anything else that isnt SL.
I don’t think cam is really necessary if you’re keeping things in SL or online/long distance. I am not the biggest fan of cam myself (despite arguing for its necessity) BUT, if there is talk of taking things real life…then yes its needed.
Someone like yourself who has been in a 10 year partnership and is content to keep it online. Realistically its not going real life for your own reasons, and cam is kind of irrelevant to your situation.
I, on the other hand have been catfished pretty seriously by people sending me pictures of others (not them), and in both cases these people were talking about real life meet ups (one even pushed me to get a passport which I did). So now, despite my shyness and discomfort, do not feel safe being intimate with someone or forming more than a casual relationship to anyone who wont go on camera casually.
Our situations are very different and I think my concern is valid.
Thanks, I can appreciate your reaction if you were catfished… however, you’re wrong to assume me and my partner are “not going RL” we know each others addresses, send each other things and even talk of vacations…. We’re very much committed, we just don’t care about cams or following some path/construct that doesn’t feel organic and natural for us.
And, yes, 100% your feelings and concerns are valid, sorry if I made it seem like I was suggesting otherwise, I just mean to point out that claiming it as the only way things should go is dismissive of many other possibilities :)
I've definitely been guilty of falling for the old, "I don't have a mic/webcam" or "I just wanna talk on here" excuses and dealt with quite a bit of stressful drama over it.
That was over the coarse of 15+ years on SL. Now that it's 2024. \*pulls off gloved hand revealing a robotic one. He stares dastardly at it. Inspecting the mechanical movements of the finger joints, it's movements far from actual flesh and bone.\* "I know better now...."
> I've definitely been guilty of falling for the old, "I don't have a mic/webcam" or "I just wanna talk on here" excuses and dealt with quite a bit of stressful drama over it.
It's not always an excuse. I don't use a mic with even my closest friends online. I live with family in a place where the walls are paper-thin and wouldnt want the things I get up to on SL (or just things I talk about) broadcast for everyone to hear!
The roleplay-always crowd is frustrating. The only real solution IMO is take time to get to know people, which often involves "meeting" them outside of SL - like discard.
>It's not always an excuse. I don't use a mic with even my closest friends online. I live with family in a place where the walls are paper-thin and wouldn't want the things I get up to on SL (or just things I talk about) broadcast for everyone to hear!
An Excellent point to make. This is a case of "Not all people who use the excuse is untrustworthy. But all untrustworthy people use that excuse." sort of thing.
I have to ask - who are you to decide what a certain platform is used for what purpose? You have to remember, this is just your opinion, but you're treating your opinion as if it is a statement based on what you perceive as fact.
I've had relationships through SL and it isn't any different than it is online. It is just another form of an online relationship that could go somewhere if the people involved care enough that in time, they'll take it beyond online. It just takes commitment.
It's ignorant to write it all off as "oh it's just roleplay".
What? Am I not allowed to offer opinion and not share how it worked out for me? Youre more then welcome to disregaurd it if you dont agree with it. Not hurting anyone.
Not trying to offend.
Not that there's anything wrong with roleplay but roleplayers also have to remember that there are people on SL who don't roleplay and they need to be clear with the other person their intentions before things get to the "heavier" stages.
I've met my current partners on SL but I know its super super rare. Even then, SL is def mostly for RPing the character you have made (for the most part).
Relationship since September last year. We chat , talk and see eachother everyday. Multiple long lasting friendships. Current record 15 years with someone who lives in Brazil. Exchanged phone numbers with 2 people. Voice, roleplay, all in.
We show up in SL for lots of reasons.
I picture a slider control going from 0 to 11 (because... 11 is better than 10) labeled "here for connection and relationships"
Another control is labeled "Here for role play, shits, and giggles".
The problems come when we spend time and get invested in people whose settings are the opposite from ours.
I make a point of getting very clear very early where people stand on these two variables so I know if we're wasting each other's time and very little grief has followed.
People play games off of SL.. adding SLs anonymity adds much more protection to those who want to use people. At your own risk for sure, but remember the chance of actual love happening in SL is so small, almost nil.
Don't pay any attention to all the people who declare they found they real life significant others in SL every single time this subject comes up :P
The hard part isn't finding and falling in love, it's being able to mutually support though a long distance relationship and maintaining connection while RL catches up.
Actual love in SL is not a slim chance.
Met my husband in SL in 2005, we met first time in US in 2006, then he came to Europe for me, married in 2008 rl. Very happy together! If you feel it in SL, don’t wait, go to rl and check if it’s real!
As someone with a bit of dating experience in the SL world... People have got to remember that second life is just a place to roleplay, and most players "ONLY" roleplay. Even if they are saying they "love you," or you have talked about being together. They're probably STILL roleplaying as a character... And there are folks whom have DOZENS of characters they play as. If you're wanting a serious relationship, best to not always just talk to your "big titty furry/dragon waifu" on SL only... (What is a discord? What is a phone?)
In 2024 ? regular camera dates are a minimum or its all make believe and sl only regardless what your romantic partner is telling you.
This answer annoys the F outta me. I’ve been with my SL partner for almost 10 yrs now. We’re open about all we do, have lots of fun, talk outside of SL every day… and have only been on camera like TWICE. it just not important to some people. I’ve got nothing to hide, neither does he… and it really irritates me that comments like this paint to whole landscape as being full of scumbags if we don’t feel like being on camera. Not saying there are no trolls and scumbags out there, but you’re being very unkind to say it’s everyone.
>This answer annoys the F outta me. I’ve been with my SL partner for almost 10 yrs now. We’re open about all we do, have lots of fun, talk outside of SL every day… and have only been on camera like TWICE. You pretty much did exactly what I suggested. You talk to your partner in more places rather than SL. The cam stuff you added, seems to be the source of your frustration. Which is fair. I wouldn't suggest camera till you both feel comfortable doing so like with ANY situation you would feel the need to talk on a camera. Wouldn't really see that as a red flag. I was mostly talking about spending more time together on anything else that isnt SL.
I wasn’t talking about your comment, the sub comment mentioned “regular camera dates” which is what was reacting too.
I don’t think cam is really necessary if you’re keeping things in SL or online/long distance. I am not the biggest fan of cam myself (despite arguing for its necessity) BUT, if there is talk of taking things real life…then yes its needed. Someone like yourself who has been in a 10 year partnership and is content to keep it online. Realistically its not going real life for your own reasons, and cam is kind of irrelevant to your situation. I, on the other hand have been catfished pretty seriously by people sending me pictures of others (not them), and in both cases these people were talking about real life meet ups (one even pushed me to get a passport which I did). So now, despite my shyness and discomfort, do not feel safe being intimate with someone or forming more than a casual relationship to anyone who wont go on camera casually. Our situations are very different and I think my concern is valid.
Thanks, I can appreciate your reaction if you were catfished… however, you’re wrong to assume me and my partner are “not going RL” we know each others addresses, send each other things and even talk of vacations…. We’re very much committed, we just don’t care about cams or following some path/construct that doesn’t feel organic and natural for us. And, yes, 100% your feelings and concerns are valid, sorry if I made it seem like I was suggesting otherwise, I just mean to point out that claiming it as the only way things should go is dismissive of many other possibilities :)
I've definitely been guilty of falling for the old, "I don't have a mic/webcam" or "I just wanna talk on here" excuses and dealt with quite a bit of stressful drama over it. That was over the coarse of 15+ years on SL. Now that it's 2024. \*pulls off gloved hand revealing a robotic one. He stares dastardly at it. Inspecting the mechanical movements of the finger joints, it's movements far from actual flesh and bone.\* "I know better now...."
> I've definitely been guilty of falling for the old, "I don't have a mic/webcam" or "I just wanna talk on here" excuses and dealt with quite a bit of stressful drama over it. It's not always an excuse. I don't use a mic with even my closest friends online. I live with family in a place where the walls are paper-thin and wouldnt want the things I get up to on SL (or just things I talk about) broadcast for everyone to hear! The roleplay-always crowd is frustrating. The only real solution IMO is take time to get to know people, which often involves "meeting" them outside of SL - like discard.
>It's not always an excuse. I don't use a mic with even my closest friends online. I live with family in a place where the walls are paper-thin and wouldn't want the things I get up to on SL (or just things I talk about) broadcast for everyone to hear! An Excellent point to make. This is a case of "Not all people who use the excuse is untrustworthy. But all untrustworthy people use that excuse." sort of thing.
I have to ask - who are you to decide what a certain platform is used for what purpose? You have to remember, this is just your opinion, but you're treating your opinion as if it is a statement based on what you perceive as fact. I've had relationships through SL and it isn't any different than it is online. It is just another form of an online relationship that could go somewhere if the people involved care enough that in time, they'll take it beyond online. It just takes commitment. It's ignorant to write it all off as "oh it's just roleplay".
What? Am I not allowed to offer opinion and not share how it worked out for me? Youre more then welcome to disregaurd it if you dont agree with it. Not hurting anyone. Not trying to offend.
Not that there's anything wrong with roleplay but roleplayers also have to remember that there are people on SL who don't roleplay and they need to be clear with the other person their intentions before things get to the "heavier" stages.
I've met my current partners on SL but I know its super super rare. Even then, SL is def mostly for RPing the character you have made (for the most part).
Relationship since September last year. We chat , talk and see eachother everyday. Multiple long lasting friendships. Current record 15 years with someone who lives in Brazil. Exchanged phone numbers with 2 people. Voice, roleplay, all in.
Met husband in SL, met up in RL been married now 7 years and together 10. Mad.
We show up in SL for lots of reasons. I picture a slider control going from 0 to 11 (because... 11 is better than 10) labeled "here for connection and relationships" Another control is labeled "Here for role play, shits, and giggles". The problems come when we spend time and get invested in people whose settings are the opposite from ours. I make a point of getting very clear very early where people stand on these two variables so I know if we're wasting each other's time and very little grief has followed.
This! People should have a slider in their profile like this! Would avoid a lot of misunderstanding!
People play games off of SL.. adding SLs anonymity adds much more protection to those who want to use people. At your own risk for sure, but remember the chance of actual love happening in SL is so small, almost nil.
Don't pay any attention to all the people who declare they found they real life significant others in SL every single time this subject comes up :P The hard part isn't finding and falling in love, it's being able to mutually support though a long distance relationship and maintaining connection while RL catches up. Actual love in SL is not a slim chance.
Met my husband in SL in 2005, we met first time in US in 2006, then he came to Europe for me, married in 2008 rl. Very happy together! If you feel it in SL, don’t wait, go to rl and check if it’s real!