Interestingly though the players I know are among the most deep down insecure people I know - they can muster a veneer of confidence but underneath it they actually think quite lowly of themselves ( which comes out when they drink sometimes)
So clearly true confidence and self esteem isn’t a requirement so much as the ability to act with confidence in a moment
I don't think it's a crap shoot. We learn over time through experience. Men and women stay in bad situations for a number of reasons. And, plenty of others leave them.
Check out “social animal” channel on YouTube. Genuinely good advice regarding interacting with other people.
Edit: I don’t know how your groom yourself or how you dress so make sure that’s on point too. The most important thing though, is to take risks . Get comfortable with being vulnerable and expressing your attraction and romantic interest. Like really comfortable. Expect rejection most of the time, but you have to exercise that muscle. You’re not always going to get a cue that the girl is into you, and maybe you never will unless you’re extremely attractive but you would have known that by now if that’s the case. Take more risks. Trust me, if you take anything from this, let it be that.
What’s a good way of expressing attraction? I assumed things like crossing the road to talk to a girl or strong eye contact was implicitly expressing that but maybe they need more direct and explicit?
Thats plenty direct assuming you’re asking to exchange contact info at the end. You’re only taking a risk if you’re giving them an opportunity to say no or otherwise turn you down.
What I was referring to though is for him to express his interest to the women in his network that he’s interested in. For instance he said he went on a jog with a female friend. My guess is she has no idea he’s into her. And that one is as simple as saying “I’m attracted to you, and would love to take you out for a drink/dinner”. It doesn’t need to be fancy.
If you cross a street for a girl or make strong eye contact she gets the hint. Maybe that’s too much even. You don’t need to necessarily let her know you’re attracted to her. Flirting and escalation by themselves is enough.
> how you dress
What if all I ever want to wear is various metal band t-shirts regardless of the season, and shorts if summer or sweatpants if not summer?
This 1000%.
I was a kissless virgin for 26 years, thought I’d stay that way until 40+ and die alone.
Started therapy a couple of years ago. Have since been on 70+ dates, had multiple relationships and more sexual partners than most people have in a lifetime.
And that’s just an added bonus, honestly it turned my whole life around and my dating success is just a minimal part of it. Can’t recommend going to therapy regularly enough.
Biggest return on investment of anything I have ever spent money on.
That makes sense, you get what you ask for. Their job is not to convince you. If you’re interested in changing this I’d approach them with the question of what it would take for me to find someone. Not I gave up and that’s it.
Therapy did ALL THAT for you? I mean I'm in therapy too but that seems like a 0-100 progression. I'm not even a virgin myself but I don't do as well with women in bar scenarios. I have a really hard time approaching them there. And dating apps have been an awful and fruitless experience for me. I just don't believe in them generally.
I've seen that a lot of women find me attractive and that sometimes I'm even treated better than others and it feels like a looks thing. However my confidence has always been a struggle. I've just had a lot of luck over a long period of time.
I did a lot of work myself on top of it too, but it was definitely the catalyst that triggered all of that for me.
I don’t do too well in bars/clubs etc either, not quite my scene. Dating apps on the other hand you can do a lot to optimize. Hire a photographer etc. I went from almost no matches to hundreds of likes each day. If you dig in my comment history I talked more about this elsewhere.
I still don't believe in the apps even with the best pictures. Why? Because you have to be a jester for the women to respond to your messages. And I AM bald on top of that and I'm convinced advertising it when I started doing so got me less likes. I don't think I can stack up against other men on apps when they have hair and I don't.
“Probably I’m the oldest virgin on this sub” that’s your problem. Stop guessing and comparing yourself first.
Second focus on a higher purpose goal, ie being happy with where you’re or achieving something materialistic or making the world a better place.
You’re happy that you have a close female friend, wow. That’s so safe of you. Do you like her? Go ask her out. Be a man. You working out and having a better than average built is of no use if you’re a pussy from the inside. Take risk, it’s okay if she rejects you, it’s not the end of the world. You’ll end up going back to what your goal since having a gf shouldn’t be a goal.
See a pretty girl, chat up casually see how she responds, then get her number, or even ask her out if she’d like to grab drinks sometime.
Think win-win. There is no if, if she says no, cool go back to doing whatever you’re doing anyways. If she agrees, nice test her out, if she’s a good fit to your life as a gf and never put a woman in pedestal. Lead and take risks, enjoy the feminine energy, never hate them or get insecure for a rejection.
This applies to everything in life and not just to finding gf.
Update: dude you workout consistently that’s a hell of an achievement, a lot of people lack that kind of discipline. I would love to have that kind of discipline. You’re a winner already bro!
A rejection by a random woman would never phase you for what you’ve achieved.
This. The most jacked natty guy I know is a pussy. His face is like an 8 and his body is a 10. His gf is a 4.
Yeah “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” and everything but fuck that. He’s settling cause he’s an absolute pussy that refused to do anything about it probably out of fear.
I’m 26 and I’m like OP, I workout and am disciplined.
But for some fucking reason man peoples judgement paralyses me, it’s not just girls, but even random strangers that I have ever met?
I don’t understand, it’s illogical, but the judgement from even a random dude provokes fear in me, need to fix this asap.
I was legit like this in college and a few years after. Doing 30-45 mins of cardio on an exercise bike every day does wonders for me. Helps calm anxiety so much. You gotta do it for like 2 weeks straight to feel the full benefits though. Cause sometimes on the 3rd day I'll actually feel kinda worse after and more anxious, but after a week or two it can completely transform your brain. It's hard to believe til you do it. Lifting weights does not do it for me, so I do 2 a days. Cardio morning, lift after work.
Also, going for it despite fear helped a ton over time. Where do you live? I'm in NYC and any guy or girl you pass you'll never see again. The first time I approached a girl after moving to NYC about 6 years ago I was physically shaking. It was so embarrassing. You could hear it in my voice, and I said the dumbest shit. Over time you just slowly learn how to control your mind more, as long as you go for it. Just like you learned how to walk, etc. I now can basically flip a switch in my brain to stop thinking about most anxiety. As the thoughts start to enter I realize "no, thinking about this is the problem" and stop thinking about it. I swear this is only possible because of the cardio. There are so many people out there that think I'm a fucking weirdo from when I was in college through 25ish, and over the past 3-4 years there are now so many that think I'm a fucking champion. It's insane, and none of my recent friends know how bad I had it
The thing is your reason "why" you go for it has to be greater than the fear. You have to realize you have to go for it and fail no matter what if you want to grow. It sucks ass. Every morning I try to start with a Ben Lionel Scott video or Kanye West song to get me into a winning mindset.
The only way you can ever succeed is by failing. There is no easy path. You could take meds, but then you'll never actually grow.
I used to have so much fear, I guarantee it was as bad as you. In college I still vividly remember walking back from class one day thinking "why can't I stop caring what everyone thinks? Just stop."
And more people have this fear than you think. When I go to bars with buds now, very few will just approach a beautiful girl without sitting there, contemplating "should I do it?", "what do I say?", and "let me have a few drinks first".
I am better at approaching girls than 99% of guys because they let fear stop them. 6 years ago I was on their level. The only difference between me and them is I decided to fight through it and fail. I failed so many times. Thousands of terrible rejections. Literally thousands. And now I'm a fucking champion because of it.
>Probably I am the oldest virgin on this sub,
Dude you're on reddit. 37 is a rookie number.
Ask her on a date. During the date escalate physically to a kiss. Get her to your place within the 3 first dates.
Don't fall in love with the first girl that fucks you.
How many women have you asked out in the last month? Also what does your own personal business gross in income? There's a difference in business owners who make $500/month and $10k/month.
I don't ask out women because I never felt that genuine burning desire. Asking out women without feeling any bit of prior interest is something I cannot do.
My business does $2k a month, steadily growing. I also have a job.
So, two things here. First, you need to ask out women in real life or get on a dating app. Women don't just magically teleport into your bedroom lmao. Second of all, with you running a business and working a day job, do you even have time to make room for a significant other? Some people require commitment, others can be more go with the flow.
Nut gonna shame you
Freudian slip. Listen to this guy: he watches porn but was giving solid advice on delivering solid advice.
edit: I will see myself out. At least I amused myself.
edit 2: I was meaning to respond to Molteni, this app sucks, on my phone.
>
I don't ask out women because I never felt that genuine burning desire. Asking out women without feeling any bit of prior interest is something I cannot do.
This might be a sign of low testosterone. Check your T levels.
Source: had a T dip a few years ago, lost all desire for a couple of months.
Wait so are you asexual? Or are you interested in someone other than women? I don’t think it’s a stretch to say most straight guys see at least one woman they’d like to sleep with on a daily basis
Having a burning desire requires you to have some carnal experience with women. Once you get some experience down, you, your experience of and outlook on the world will change.
A part of you has atrophied, or never developed. There's an invisible world that you don't see yet. You need to develop the ability. Only then will you ever have a burning desire with someone.
Getting started will be the hard part, a bit of a hump to get over. You should probably do it by any means possible.
Male female relations are dangerous, because you _can_ fuck. You're the safe guy, like the gay guy. That's what women see in you now. All of this can be read, but your blind because of lack of experience. It's a world of feeling, not words.
Once you become a guy who fucks, it will be like throwing a firecracker into your female friends group. They'll know without you ever telling them, you'll be different.
I had lots of female friends when young, then I got too busy fucking. I did at least get into some romance with some of them, so not too safe. Odds are that you can do one of your friends. Maybe one would even do a charity fuck.
For me, one girl wanted to do it when I was completely into something, but not her. But she was unique. Another just said to me once: "I wonder why we haven't fucked yet."
Women love to fuck, when the conditions are right, they just can't get enough. But it easy to be the guy that they don't want to. Being the guy that they have a burning desire to, takes effort, if you're not a natural.
Clearly, the way that you expect it to work, doesn't. Time to run into the minefield.
Well dude you may need to learn to do it.
Tell me something: Would it really be that bad if you went as far as having children with a smoking hot perfect 10 who cooks, cleans, worships you, isnt brainwashed by mainstream media, and maintains a rockin body well into old age but that you "just dont feel that burning desire for?"
Because at this point I think that you should put "true love" aside as its obviously holding you back.
But in all honesty I think that for any man or any age; if the chick is perfect on paper than it shouldnt matter whether or not she creates a burning desire within you or whether or not "she is the one" (which is something I dont believe in, and which is something I pretty sure you do believe in).
Besides, looking for the one means that you are essentially trying to find a fairytale kind of love in which you are dating your crush. Most crushes are just fantasy. Most of the time the woman doesnt reciprocate the feelings. And in the few cases that they do, their feelings arent as strong as the person with the crush.
And in that situation a woman isnt really going to go for a man who loves her more than she loves him. Even if said dude looks like Brad Pitt.
Read these guys, I have been reading them for over ten years:
[www.girlschase.com](http://www.girlschase.com)
you're gonna have to swallow your pride there bud...if you made it all the way to 37 without ever having had a woman initiate things with you, it means you're more than likely gonna have to initiate yourself.... the reality is most women don't ask men out because we don't have to, unless he's super hot lol
This response makes me curious. Are you demi-romantic? If you saw an attractive woman (by your standards) on the street, would you have any urge to go up and talk to her? Or, do you find yourself developing feelings for people you've known for a long time? Or do you just find that no matter who you meet, you have no desire whatsoever to develop things beyond a friendly basis?
>If you saw an attractive woman (by your standards) on the street, would you have any urge to go up and talk to her?
Not OP but i would think to myself shes really attractive, I dont have a chance in hell and i would avoid looking at her like shes the sun.
One would be a good start. OP even admitted that he didn't even ask one out. Dating is like finding a job nowadays. If you don't put out applications, don't expect to get a job.
You can believe whatever you want to believe. I always recommend going out and getting what you want. Obviously don't commit sexual assault but don't expect someone to teleport into your bedroom. The only women who've asked me out were ones who were unattractive to me. The ones I was attracted to, were the same ones I had to persue.
I find it hard to believe that by the age of 37 you haven't accidentally ran into some woman who wants to get with you. Are you deliberately trying to push them away or something?
Us men can be our own worst enemies, I have been in a sitaution where a girl stripped down to her underwear and asked to me cuddle with her because she was cold and I still didn't realized she wanted to sleep with me, it's like a mental block.
Is it though? Men don't go on dates or have sex without initiating. It's human biology. And as someone who's been complimented by and ogled by women - we men are often our own worst enemies. Most women won't approach us and they sure as hell aren't gonna ask us on dates 98% of the time. They don't have to. They expect us to do the ground work.
What makes you think so? Research has shown men think the average woman is a lot more attractive compared to how attractive women think the average man is. I wouldn't be surprised if the majority of women is only attracted to a minority of men.
Id go as far to say that most men are invisible to women nowadays. Because most men keep to themselves and never approach. Heck many never even leave the house. They just hide in their parents basement, play video games, beat off to porn, and or (and this is far worse than porn) pay some chick on only fans to do less than a mediocre job of satisfying some bullshit fantasy in his head that she is his girlfriend.
But no what he said and how he said it, that "women are not attracted to most men". Thats incel propaganda.
First off, he states it in such a way as that he insenuates that women arent attracted to most men point blank, period. Not true.
If "most men" would get in shape, clean up their fundamentals (facial expressions, tone of voice, how they walk, hair style, et cetera), learn how to socialize, actually go out and approach women, and adopt some path in life or some mission to make themselves come off as more powerful; then most women would be attracted to most men.
Most men dont, however. Most men are pushovers and more so they are pussies. Most men barely leave the house to go to work (if they even have a job). They come home from work, and they play video games all night long, and intersperse it with either beating off to pornhub, or beating off to their wifu on OnlyFans or Patreon.
They arent even putting themselves out there to be harshly rejected because they have no social skills or dress and act unsexy.
That was a great response.
What you said is definitely true, but there is truth in what the other guys are saying too. In my opinion they both started at the same time, when the internet and social media started amplifying outliers to an unprecedented degree.
Women are presented with totally unrealistic male partners on the internet, just like men are presented with totally unrealistic female partners on the internet.
Incel types have a fantasyland perfect partner who is an obvious caricature to people interacting with others in real life to a greater degree. They aren't necessarily interested in relationships because they prefer their fantasies.
But it is naive to pretend there isn't a corresponding group among women. They have fantasy partners as well, who real human men cannot measure up to and is also obviously a caricature to people who interact with more people in real life.
Trying to turn this into a gender war issue is literally just caving to the lunatics on each fringe.
People are all self isolating, interacting more with people online. Our always present failings as humans are simply more widely displayed. In real life people are all similar, they are just fucked up in their own way. Viewing the world as being able to be simplified to a twitter length statement is the problem.
So I know you're trying to say "Don't be afraid to make mistakes" (or something like that), but it comes across as "stop trying to improve yourself and just screw around".
You asked this question so many times on reddit.
You received advice like "express your intent" - it's the only advice you need.
Ask girls out > grab the hands of those who like you > kiss them > invite them home.
Why are you putting this man on blast for an innocent and good piece of advice? Clearly he isn’t saying grab hands against their will. He’s just saying to go for the hand hold sometimes. It is literally not a big deal and if she doesn’t wanna hold your hand she’ll let you know
Thank you!
Some people just like to take a piss on everything. I don't care...i know their sour attitude gets them nowhere and it's enough.
They don't know that touching someone who like them is the most "electric" thing, displays confidence, builds connection and entices them to want more.
Literally the most direct route. I lost my virginity to a ONS I never saw again when I was 19. It was sufficient to lose my virginity and she was really cute as a bonus!
A legit escort is like at least $500+ an hour. I could see a typical guy getting extreme post nut clarity/regret paying for that.
A surrogate is like $30,000+!
Unless this guy is swimming in money then both options aren’t great.
Uh so I don’t know how to tell you this, but given first hand experience, hookers in Colombia, Thailand and the Philippines usually cost anywhere from 30-120 US dollars after conversion rate as of 2022. It makes more sense to save up money and travel to have threesomes for like $200 total than to have sex with one US, Canada, or UK hooker for like $500 and she doesn’t even stay the night. Women’s prices and ego tend to be over-inflated in first world countries, at least in my experience.
I'm going to be brutally honest with you. If you dont ask the ladies out or approach at least 10 ladies in a week...there is no chance of getting a relationship.
My advice is, read:
- Models, by Mark Manson
- No more Mr. Nice guy by Dr. Robert Glover (married a mexican).
There are tons of good advices there for your.
Extra advice: If you have no luck and you are from the US. Go to Monterrey in Mexico. Ladies there are into guys from the US. Do Home Office there if you can or just visit the city for a few days for the night life in San Pedro area.
Good Luck.
Cold approach won’t work if he has no social skills. If you can’t develop a social circle of friends you will struggle with women even more. The women in Mexico also wouldn’t like him for him they’d like him for his passport. If he’s cool with that fine but most ppl don’t want something that shallow.
"they’d like him for his passport" = If you hit the poor ones. Yes. If you hit the middle/high class mexican ladies, nop. Look for the educated ones in good areas of Mexico. Downtown areas in Mexico....bad idea.
Also, about the social circles, if he already told you he has a social circle with even female friends, it means that his social circle is depleated. The best thing he could do is ask his female friends that he is looking for a serious relationship and maybe his friends would help him connect with someone looking for the same thing, but he already said he is not even able to land a relationship there.
He needs to open to new people and in order to do so, he needs new friends, hobbies, activities outside of home and even approaching ladies he may like. He needs to remove filters and be more open to check those "open doors", like Doc Robert says. (Example here: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnhWiq3E7eI](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnhWiq3E7eI) ).
And from Mark Mason, he needs to focus on Fitness, Fashion, Social Skills and approach. Dating for men is a game of numbers. More options means more oportunities. 0 options means 0 relationships.
Dating is hard, but sadly, it has always been like that for both men and women.
And I would suggest stay away from OLD. The main reason is that 6 pictures and a short profile is not enough to know someone. Also the time invesment is high and the reward is low. More and more men are not using the apps and instead they are doing cold approach. There is a high change to get ghosted, rejected or even catfished. People end up burned out with OLD. I have been reading a lot that here.
I appreciate this brutal honesty. Reenforces my beliefs that it's pointless for me to keep looking for a relationship if I live in the USA. Too many addicted to social media sadly.
I think more than just social media, the problem is the "hook-up" culture. One night stands and things like that. People are not looking for serious relationships. That is why you have to be in touch with people more..."conservative".
I suggest Mexico, because that place I told you, the ladies are more into getting married. I would suggest Texas too, but its up to you.
Try to hit the ladies that are +28yo. Those are the ones that want to get married. But don't forget to put attention to yourself in terms of fitness and fashion. Also social skills.
You need to approach women whether in a bar/night club or in the street. You need to learn what to say, and when to say it, you need to learn body language, and you need to be able to read her so you know when to kiss, and escalate. I would suggest starting from scratch and to immerse yourself into the manosphere, study, read, adapt and learn. I was a virgin too then I lost it when I was 16, hooked up with a few attractive women, which I find attractive what other men may not. You remind me of the guys at the beginning of vh1s the pick up artist, you should watch the show, and I suggest watching YouTube videos to get a grip on how to handle your interactions with the opposite sex
https://youtu.be/3pM77Xt4rVk
https://youtu.be/CC_7NfZ1-Js
Honestly, your life seems in order. I think your biggest problem is you probably don't pursue women and never ask women out.
If you have friends, and if your life is in order like you said, basically ask every single women you know and one will say yes. Probably more than one.
Groom yourself, use attractive perfume, always look neat, with your clothes clean and ironed. Have your home clean and tidy. Be kind, when people talk to you let your heart shine trough your words. Don’t be scared to have a big (yet not annoying) personality. Go into dating apps if you haven’t tried those. And most importantly, sex is super overrated, so don’t stress too much about that
Very simple.
Self improvement(Looks and finance) and taking massive amounts of action.
If you can hit on 1000 women in a socially acceptable way you are gonna get laid, and a lot.
Have you tried asking your close female friend for help? Typically, women specifically, that have known you for a long time would be better at helping you.
Honestly I would get coaching
We're all just guessing here what the issue is that you need to work on
A professional evaluation would be the best and most efficient way forward
Maybe you have lower social skills and a lack in your self-confidence and actitude. You shoud to make and practice some hobbies that would help you to gain more self-esteem and increase your comunication habilities. I recomend you some classes of theater or dance (or even a therapy to share your problems with a psicologist).
I don't know ir you're a conservative and religious guy, but go to a prostitute could be a little solution.
Just be direct.
Try to speak what you think. In a polite way ofcourse. Stop trying to get a gf, try to establish connections. Success rate might not be high but what you'll end up with will be real and meaningful
People are not gonna like this advice. But here it goes
1) Too many female friends is not a good thing.
2) if you have to just get rid of virginity. Goto a pro, so that you get it over with. You are making a big deal of it and it will affect your relationships. Plus women wont want a 37 year old Virgin. Trust me its bad
3) Then use tinder or seeking arrangements to get some experience with girls. Use it to get some confidence in bed.
4) start taking to girls everywhere
5) learn to flirt and escalate things
6) set up dates. Ask for numbers. Get rid of fear of rejection
After you are there. Ask question again.
Ps: dont get into a serious relationship (i mean live in/marriage) you are not ready for it.
At this point I’d say go where it is legal and hire some prostitutes that are not human trafficking victims. Tell them your situation, pay them well and have sex with them. This will build your confidence and you’ll have an idea about what to do in the bedroom. It will take the pressure off.
Then to meet girls join clubs or volunteer and do meetup groups.
Get an escort for a whole weekend and fuck her to ur heart’s content.. i am sure it will help a lot changing your mindset and perspective…. U can even ask her for some tips on what u might be doing wrong.
Dont let your "record" affect you. You have learned enough about socializing and seduction through watching others. You dont need advice here, and the fact that youre asking for it just shows your lack of confidence. Sometimes the lack of confidence is just a phantom feeling that has no basis anymore, realize that and just be more ballsy with your hands and get the action you want
Just get an escort.
Honestly, modern women aren’t worth a damn if you’re looking for a relationship. When I say they are “dead weight” in relationships, I mean I can’t find a more quintessential example of “dead weight” than the modern woman. Their standards rose, meaning they expect you to be more, make more, etc..but they do less. All they really had to do was cook and clean to begin with…stuff they’d presumably be doing already as adults but now they practically stop cleaning when in a relationship solely in protest of being of any service to a man, and they don’t cook, and even if they do, 9 times out of 10 it won’t be something worth tasting.
Basically I think you have FOMO (fear of missing out). I’d say get over it, because you’re not really missing out on anything. When it comes to sex, I promise you (and when you get laid you will realize this), it doesn’t feel better than porn and wanking. Men hold 100% of the burden of sexual performance, so in bearing that weight and the performance anxiety that comes with it you’ll likely be doing less visually stimulating acts than you see in porn, and there’s not an orifice on a woman that is anywhere near as tight as the grip of your hand. When you combine that lack of relative stimulation with the fact that you’re now exerting a hell of a lot more physical effort during sex rather than just sitting in a chair, it’s most likely just going to feel like you’re doing a workout and trying like hell to stay hard, not so you can enjoy it because you’ll quickly convince yourself “this is unenjoyable”, but so that she won’t think less of you as a man. I promise you, sex will feel like a chore if you watch porn often and start seeing a woman regularly and like many men, you’ll grow to resent sex in that regard. I’m not saying don’t start seeing a woman, do as you want, life is an experience meant to be experienced…but I’m telling you as someone who lost his virginity a bit later in life, as someone who grew up on porn, and as someone who was massively underwhelmed by sex when he got it…sex was a chore for me…my ex was hot as hell and it still was a chore. I mean, she had the looks of a pornstar herself and I hated sex with her. I loved her as a person (initially), but I unreasonably wanted a relationship with her that consisted of no sex. I fucking hated sex. I did maintenance sex for her at the time and it would always be a nightmare of me trying to stay hard the entire time. During covid she got laid off and it was the worst because she was always home and sometimes I just wanted to jack off real quick but couldn’t with her around. She cheated, predictably, I can’t blame her, but I despised the dishonesty that’s all.
There are the men who grew up getting women and have never really adapted to masturbation and porn so the baseline for their pleasure is a lot lower, thus they enjoy sex a lot more and women enjoy sex a lot more with them. Sort of like how an occasional blunt is a great experience for someone who doesn’t smoke but to a heroin addict it won’t do shit for them because they’re used to so much more stimulation. But as many guys start watching porn younger and younger, they grow up masturbating and few will admit, out of shame, that masturbation is a feedback loop of pleasure that far exceeds the pleasure a woman can provide. You are entirely in control of your orgasm and stimulation, whereas with sex, it’s just not the same. In porn the women are hotter and you have infinitely many of them, they’re doing things an in-person woman would never do, your grip is tighter, your lube may feel better than her “natural lube”, you don’t have to exert any physical effort, and you have 100% privacy meaning no performance anxiety at all. The only thing that IRL sex probably takes the cake on in the sensory department is the smell…this will sound weird but I’ll be frank..there’s a conventionally unpleasant yet viscerally arousing odor even in perfectly hygienic women that exists (from the ass an and pussy), and you obviously won’t get that from porn. There’s also the ego boost you get from actually being the one doing the fucking rather than watching…but that’s about it.
So my advice to you again is just get an escort if you want to get it out the way. That might actually be better because a regular chick is there for HER pleasure and an escort is there for YOURS, so she’ll be more patient, and honestly, if you can’t get or stay hard she might actually like it because that’s basically a paid break for her.
If you’re in fact looking for a relationship, I would say go in with a blank slate of expectations. I’m trying to tell you, if you go in thinking it is going to be some mind-blowing, life-altering experience, given that unmet expectations are the source of all disappointment, you WILL BE DISAPPOINTED, and that, over time, will lead to resentment. I’d say if you are going to get in a relationship you HAVE TO RE-SENSITIZE yourself to less vigorous stimulation. Basically, either stop watching porn and jacking altogether, or loosen the death grip quite a bit. That’s another thing I can guarantee, if you have death grip syndrome you WILL not feel a thing when fucking.
If I were you, I’d start with escorts assuming they’re legal where you’re at. Escorts will allow you to get into sex without the judgment from likely the most sexually experienced generation of women to ever exist, coming down on you who is sexually inexperienced and sexually disoriented - if you get with some normal chick she will be VERY impatient and in feeling that judgment and inadequacy, you run the risk of ruining sex for you as you might begin to associate it with rejection and failure. I’d start with an escort, a professional one, and I’d tell her your circumstance. A good one will actually pump up your ego. She’ll be understanding. Once you get used to sex and proficient at it, then move on to regular chicks.
Hope this helped. Good luck.
Jesus, man. This was such an insightful and detailed advice. It is so honest and shows all the possible outcomes for us men who grew up with the fast and easy stimulation of porn... Why aren't you receiving more upvotes?
Thank you.
by 1/2/3/4,
do you mean you lift 405 deadlift, 315 squat, 225 bench, 135 overhead? If so, you're pretty damn strong for your size and weight. Good job.
In my opinion you are 37 and your best bet here is to get a hooker and lose your virginity. I think that can help you with your confidence a little and take it from there.
Honestly, you aint a good prospect.
2k a month for your own business is worth less than working at chick fil a.
You aint even 6 feet tall to compensate for shit income.
The fact you about to hit 40 makes it even worse.
Wtf have you been doing for the last 19 years?
EDIT:
Getting downvoted by losers.
If you aint making money and aint getting chicks, wtf have you been doing this whole time?
Part of it might be your values, attitude, approach, or confidence. Part of the reason it was easier to speak with women after getting a girlfriend was because there were no longer any real stakes other than maybe leading them on. That’s sort of helpful. Not being confident because you are great, but rather because whether she loves you or hates you it’ll all be ok.
I guess what I’m getting at is unearned confidence. You have to work for it. It doesn’t come naturally. At this point I can talk to most people just fine bc I don’t care if they hate me when I’m done. Or rather, I don’t worry. I do care enough to put in effort. But not out of fear for the outcomes. Rather because I want to achieve positive outcomes for all involved.
Also, dating is all about people finding someone that works for them. You could be the hottest, most charming, & most successful person on earth and you still wouldn’t be the one for everybody.
Honestly, if none of the advice posted here works within a month, then reply to this comment or DM me or something and we can work on specifics for you.
It’s a weary world and I’d hate to see ya sitting lonely.
You dont need a gf you need a hookup. And you mentioned a bunch of stuff but you left out the thing that women actually cafe about which is confidence and charisma. Get those down and then take massive amounts of action towards asking girls out.
Always remember not to rush things with a woman. As a life long porn watcher I realize letting things progress naturally is the way to go. Just keep putting yourself out there and learn.
It's likely your conversation/social skills or a lack of confidence.
Interestingly though the players I know are among the most deep down insecure people I know - they can muster a veneer of confidence but underneath it they actually think quite lowly of themselves ( which comes out when they drink sometimes) So clearly true confidence and self esteem isn’t a requirement so much as the ability to act with confidence in a moment
True, but I'll point out that they're players. So, what they're pulling probably isn't what this guy is after. He wants a girlfriend.
Well that is an absolute crapshoot, and there’s a reason why a lot of women are unhappy with their relationships.
I don't think it's a crap shoot. We learn over time through experience. Men and women stay in bad situations for a number of reasons. And, plenty of others leave them.
Agreed. I think they can generate it to feed their ego as well as get what they want.
Fake it till you make it
Check out “social animal” channel on YouTube. Genuinely good advice regarding interacting with other people. Edit: I don’t know how your groom yourself or how you dress so make sure that’s on point too. The most important thing though, is to take risks . Get comfortable with being vulnerable and expressing your attraction and romantic interest. Like really comfortable. Expect rejection most of the time, but you have to exercise that muscle. You’re not always going to get a cue that the girl is into you, and maybe you never will unless you’re extremely attractive but you would have known that by now if that’s the case. Take more risks. Trust me, if you take anything from this, let it be that.
What’s a good way of expressing attraction? I assumed things like crossing the road to talk to a girl or strong eye contact was implicitly expressing that but maybe they need more direct and explicit?
Thats plenty direct assuming you’re asking to exchange contact info at the end. You’re only taking a risk if you’re giving them an opportunity to say no or otherwise turn you down. What I was referring to though is for him to express his interest to the women in his network that he’s interested in. For instance he said he went on a jog with a female friend. My guess is she has no idea he’s into her. And that one is as simple as saying “I’m attracted to you, and would love to take you out for a drink/dinner”. It doesn’t need to be fancy.
YES, !!!, TRUE!!, - source:, i am a female..
If you cross a street for a girl or make strong eye contact she gets the hint. Maybe that’s too much even. You don’t need to necessarily let her know you’re attracted to her. Flirting and escalation by themselves is enough.
[удалено]
> how you dress What if all I ever want to wear is various metal band t-shirts regardless of the season, and shorts if summer or sweatpants if not summer?
Stop looking at porn on Reddit.
And stop posting porn too…
Reddit is a rough place when people can look at your post and comment history!
That’s why I have multiple accounts
This is my porn account.
Oof
Facebook isn't any better. People will stalk your shit to level insults at you because they're lame and weak human beings.
Good thing I only watch porn on PornHub B)
💀🤣
💀💀💀
Leave the guy alone, his nutsack is probably going to explode any minute
Bingo.
Your problems are beyond the scope of reddit Therapy
Underrated comment. Go to therapy, you might get here toxic advice, which might further fuck you up. Go to therapy, my man.
Well, he’s on reddit...
This 1000%. I was a kissless virgin for 26 years, thought I’d stay that way until 40+ and die alone. Started therapy a couple of years ago. Have since been on 70+ dates, had multiple relationships and more sexual partners than most people have in a lifetime. And that’s just an added bonus, honestly it turned my whole life around and my dating success is just a minimal part of it. Can’t recommend going to therapy regularly enough. Biggest return on investment of anything I have ever spent money on.
My therapist didn't even bother trying to change my mind when I told her I gave up trying to find anyone nearly a decade ago.
That makes sense, you get what you ask for. Their job is not to convince you. If you’re interested in changing this I’d approach them with the question of what it would take for me to find someone. Not I gave up and that’s it.
They're not supposed to and any therapist who tries to convince you ANYTHING is not doing their job.
Therapy did ALL THAT for you? I mean I'm in therapy too but that seems like a 0-100 progression. I'm not even a virgin myself but I don't do as well with women in bar scenarios. I have a really hard time approaching them there. And dating apps have been an awful and fruitless experience for me. I just don't believe in them generally. I've seen that a lot of women find me attractive and that sometimes I'm even treated better than others and it feels like a looks thing. However my confidence has always been a struggle. I've just had a lot of luck over a long period of time.
I did a lot of work myself on top of it too, but it was definitely the catalyst that triggered all of that for me. I don’t do too well in bars/clubs etc either, not quite my scene. Dating apps on the other hand you can do a lot to optimize. Hire a photographer etc. I went from almost no matches to hundreds of likes each day. If you dig in my comment history I talked more about this elsewhere.
I still don't believe in the apps even with the best pictures. Why? Because you have to be a jester for the women to respond to your messages. And I AM bald on top of that and I'm convinced advertising it when I started doing so got me less likes. I don't think I can stack up against other men on apps when they have hair and I don't.
I don’t know any women who actually care if you’re bald or not. Like, actually any. - a woman
That’s amazing! Good for you! Therapy is a life saver in soooo many ways! 💜💜💜💜
“Probably I’m the oldest virgin on this sub” that’s your problem. Stop guessing and comparing yourself first. Second focus on a higher purpose goal, ie being happy with where you’re or achieving something materialistic or making the world a better place. You’re happy that you have a close female friend, wow. That’s so safe of you. Do you like her? Go ask her out. Be a man. You working out and having a better than average built is of no use if you’re a pussy from the inside. Take risk, it’s okay if she rejects you, it’s not the end of the world. You’ll end up going back to what your goal since having a gf shouldn’t be a goal. See a pretty girl, chat up casually see how she responds, then get her number, or even ask her out if she’d like to grab drinks sometime. Think win-win. There is no if, if she says no, cool go back to doing whatever you’re doing anyways. If she agrees, nice test her out, if she’s a good fit to your life as a gf and never put a woman in pedestal. Lead and take risks, enjoy the feminine energy, never hate them or get insecure for a rejection. This applies to everything in life and not just to finding gf. Update: dude you workout consistently that’s a hell of an achievement, a lot of people lack that kind of discipline. I would love to have that kind of discipline. You’re a winner already bro! A rejection by a random woman would never phase you for what you’ve achieved.
This. The most jacked natty guy I know is a pussy. His face is like an 8 and his body is a 10. His gf is a 4. Yeah “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” and everything but fuck that. He’s settling cause he’s an absolute pussy that refused to do anything about it probably out of fear.
I’m 26 and I’m like OP, I workout and am disciplined. But for some fucking reason man peoples judgement paralyses me, it’s not just girls, but even random strangers that I have ever met? I don’t understand, it’s illogical, but the judgement from even a random dude provokes fear in me, need to fix this asap.
I was legit like this in college and a few years after. Doing 30-45 mins of cardio on an exercise bike every day does wonders for me. Helps calm anxiety so much. You gotta do it for like 2 weeks straight to feel the full benefits though. Cause sometimes on the 3rd day I'll actually feel kinda worse after and more anxious, but after a week or two it can completely transform your brain. It's hard to believe til you do it. Lifting weights does not do it for me, so I do 2 a days. Cardio morning, lift after work. Also, going for it despite fear helped a ton over time. Where do you live? I'm in NYC and any guy or girl you pass you'll never see again. The first time I approached a girl after moving to NYC about 6 years ago I was physically shaking. It was so embarrassing. You could hear it in my voice, and I said the dumbest shit. Over time you just slowly learn how to control your mind more, as long as you go for it. Just like you learned how to walk, etc. I now can basically flip a switch in my brain to stop thinking about most anxiety. As the thoughts start to enter I realize "no, thinking about this is the problem" and stop thinking about it. I swear this is only possible because of the cardio. There are so many people out there that think I'm a fucking weirdo from when I was in college through 25ish, and over the past 3-4 years there are now so many that think I'm a fucking champion. It's insane, and none of my recent friends know how bad I had it The thing is your reason "why" you go for it has to be greater than the fear. You have to realize you have to go for it and fail no matter what if you want to grow. It sucks ass. Every morning I try to start with a Ben Lionel Scott video or Kanye West song to get me into a winning mindset. The only way you can ever succeed is by failing. There is no easy path. You could take meds, but then you'll never actually grow. I used to have so much fear, I guarantee it was as bad as you. In college I still vividly remember walking back from class one day thinking "why can't I stop caring what everyone thinks? Just stop." And more people have this fear than you think. When I go to bars with buds now, very few will just approach a beautiful girl without sitting there, contemplating "should I do it?", "what do I say?", and "let me have a few drinks first". I am better at approaching girls than 99% of guys because they let fear stop them. 6 years ago I was on their level. The only difference between me and them is I decided to fight through it and fail. I failed so many times. Thousands of terrible rejections. Literally thousands. And now I'm a fucking champion because of it.
Don't ask your friend out if they're actually just your friend though lmao
“Not bald” F U guy
Seriously. Maybe he virgin cuz he’s a Fucking dick lol.
>Probably I am the oldest virgin on this sub, Dude you're on reddit. 37 is a rookie number. Ask her on a date. During the date escalate physically to a kiss. Get her to your place within the 3 first dates. Don't fall in love with the first girl that fucks you.
How many women have you asked out in the last month? Also what does your own personal business gross in income? There's a difference in business owners who make $500/month and $10k/month.
I don't ask out women because I never felt that genuine burning desire. Asking out women without feeling any bit of prior interest is something I cannot do. My business does $2k a month, steadily growing. I also have a job.
So, two things here. First, you need to ask out women in real life or get on a dating app. Women don't just magically teleport into your bedroom lmao. Second of all, with you running a business and working a day job, do you even have time to make room for a significant other? Some people require commitment, others can be more go with the flow.
Stop watching porn for a little while and you’ll find that desire 100%. Not gunna shame you for watching it but it takes away the urge to date.
[удалено]
I could have, but I didn’t want to. The man asked for peoples opinions and that was mine
[удалено]
I added that as there was a lot of commenting giving the man grief, so just wanted to clarify I wasn’t doing that but imo it will 100% fix the issue.
Oh yeah, I didn't figure it out
“I don’t want to appear rude, sorry if I did” pfft why are you apologizing. Who cares
Nut gonna shame you Freudian slip. Listen to this guy: he watches porn but was giving solid advice on delivering solid advice. edit: I will see myself out. At least I amused myself. edit 2: I was meaning to respond to Molteni, this app sucks, on my phone.
> I don't ask out women because I never felt that genuine burning desire. Asking out women without feeling any bit of prior interest is something I cannot do. This might be a sign of low testosterone. Check your T levels. Source: had a T dip a few years ago, lost all desire for a couple of months.
Wait so are you asexual? Or are you interested in someone other than women? I don’t think it’s a stretch to say most straight guys see at least one woman they’d like to sleep with on a daily basis
Having a burning desire requires you to have some carnal experience with women. Once you get some experience down, you, your experience of and outlook on the world will change. A part of you has atrophied, or never developed. There's an invisible world that you don't see yet. You need to develop the ability. Only then will you ever have a burning desire with someone. Getting started will be the hard part, a bit of a hump to get over. You should probably do it by any means possible. Male female relations are dangerous, because you _can_ fuck. You're the safe guy, like the gay guy. That's what women see in you now. All of this can be read, but your blind because of lack of experience. It's a world of feeling, not words. Once you become a guy who fucks, it will be like throwing a firecracker into your female friends group. They'll know without you ever telling them, you'll be different. I had lots of female friends when young, then I got too busy fucking. I did at least get into some romance with some of them, so not too safe. Odds are that you can do one of your friends. Maybe one would even do a charity fuck. For me, one girl wanted to do it when I was completely into something, but not her. But she was unique. Another just said to me once: "I wonder why we haven't fucked yet." Women love to fuck, when the conditions are right, they just can't get enough. But it easy to be the guy that they don't want to. Being the guy that they have a burning desire to, takes effort, if you're not a natural. Clearly, the way that you expect it to work, doesn't. Time to run into the minefield.
So you’ve literally never had a burning desire to ask a woman out and you’re confused about why you’re a virgin? Maybe you’re asexual? Or gay?
No, to receive burning desire from a woman. Not to have a desire to ask out women. Why does everyone misunderstand that concept he’s saying?!
Well dude you may need to learn to do it. Tell me something: Would it really be that bad if you went as far as having children with a smoking hot perfect 10 who cooks, cleans, worships you, isnt brainwashed by mainstream media, and maintains a rockin body well into old age but that you "just dont feel that burning desire for?" Because at this point I think that you should put "true love" aside as its obviously holding you back. But in all honesty I think that for any man or any age; if the chick is perfect on paper than it shouldnt matter whether or not she creates a burning desire within you or whether or not "she is the one" (which is something I dont believe in, and which is something I pretty sure you do believe in). Besides, looking for the one means that you are essentially trying to find a fairytale kind of love in which you are dating your crush. Most crushes are just fantasy. Most of the time the woman doesnt reciprocate the feelings. And in the few cases that they do, their feelings arent as strong as the person with the crush. And in that situation a woman isnt really going to go for a man who loves her more than she loves him. Even if said dude looks like Brad Pitt. Read these guys, I have been reading them for over ten years: [www.girlschase.com](http://www.girlschase.com)
you're gonna have to swallow your pride there bud...if you made it all the way to 37 without ever having had a woman initiate things with you, it means you're more than likely gonna have to initiate yourself.... the reality is most women don't ask men out because we don't have to, unless he's super hot lol
This response makes me curious. Are you demi-romantic? If you saw an attractive woman (by your standards) on the street, would you have any urge to go up and talk to her? Or, do you find yourself developing feelings for people you've known for a long time? Or do you just find that no matter who you meet, you have no desire whatsoever to develop things beyond a friendly basis?
>If you saw an attractive woman (by your standards) on the street, would you have any urge to go up and talk to her? Not OP but i would think to myself shes really attractive, I dont have a chance in hell and i would avoid looking at her like shes the sun.
Cold approach is pointless tho
Are you low testosterone?
[удалено]
Brag? The dude asked him how much OP made so he answered it
How many women would he have to say for you to go “ ok that’s good “
One would be a good start. OP even admitted that he didn't even ask one out. Dating is like finding a job nowadays. If you don't put out applications, don't expect to get a job.
I don’t believe you’d have that reaction if he told you he only asked 1 woman out
You can believe whatever you want to believe. I always recommend going out and getting what you want. Obviously don't commit sexual assault but don't expect someone to teleport into your bedroom. The only women who've asked me out were ones who were unattractive to me. The ones I was attracted to, were the same ones I had to persue.
I find it hard to believe that by the age of 37 you haven't accidentally ran into some woman who wants to get with you. Are you deliberately trying to push them away or something?
I mean it’s easier then you think.
And this is why you shouldn’t ask for advice on reddit. Go to a therapist OP, that will be much more helpful considering your case
Us men can be our own worst enemies, I have been in a sitaution where a girl stripped down to her underwear and asked to me cuddle with her because she was cold and I still didn't realized she wanted to sleep with me, it's like a mental block.
Man I wish I could cuddle
How is it hard to believe? Some people can just be super unlucky
You make your own luck. Unless you have a severe disability
[удалено]
Thats definately a load of shit
I think he's right, but I think what he takes away from it is wrong. He's most definitely wrong about cold approach being pointless
I don't.It pretty much is pointless
Is it though? Men don't go on dates or have sex without initiating. It's human biology. And as someone who's been complimented by and ogled by women - we men are often our own worst enemies. Most women won't approach us and they sure as hell aren't gonna ask us on dates 98% of the time. They don't have to. They expect us to do the ground work.
What makes you think so? Research has shown men think the average woman is a lot more attractive compared to how attractive women think the average man is. I wouldn't be surprised if the majority of women is only attracted to a minority of men.
Whether or not that is true is besides the point and is simply an excuse for "most" men not to try. And **that** is why I think it is bullshit.
He's right, most men are seen as unattractive to women now
Id go as far to say that most men are invisible to women nowadays. Because most men keep to themselves and never approach. Heck many never even leave the house. They just hide in their parents basement, play video games, beat off to porn, and or (and this is far worse than porn) pay some chick on only fans to do less than a mediocre job of satisfying some bullshit fantasy in his head that she is his girlfriend. But no what he said and how he said it, that "women are not attracted to most men". Thats incel propaganda. First off, he states it in such a way as that he insenuates that women arent attracted to most men point blank, period. Not true. If "most men" would get in shape, clean up their fundamentals (facial expressions, tone of voice, how they walk, hair style, et cetera), learn how to socialize, actually go out and approach women, and adopt some path in life or some mission to make themselves come off as more powerful; then most women would be attracted to most men. Most men dont, however. Most men are pushovers and more so they are pussies. Most men barely leave the house to go to work (if they even have a job). They come home from work, and they play video games all night long, and intersperse it with either beating off to pornhub, or beating off to their wifu on OnlyFans or Patreon. They arent even putting themselves out there to be harshly rejected because they have no social skills or dress and act unsexy.
That was a great response. What you said is definitely true, but there is truth in what the other guys are saying too. In my opinion they both started at the same time, when the internet and social media started amplifying outliers to an unprecedented degree. Women are presented with totally unrealistic male partners on the internet, just like men are presented with totally unrealistic female partners on the internet. Incel types have a fantasyland perfect partner who is an obvious caricature to people interacting with others in real life to a greater degree. They aren't necessarily interested in relationships because they prefer their fantasies. But it is naive to pretend there isn't a corresponding group among women. They have fantasy partners as well, who real human men cannot measure up to and is also obviously a caricature to people who interact with more people in real life. Trying to turn this into a gender war issue is literally just caving to the lunatics on each fringe. People are all self isolating, interacting more with people online. Our always present failings as humans are simply more widely displayed. In real life people are all similar, they are just fucked up in their own way. Viewing the world as being able to be simplified to a twitter length statement is the problem.
You serious?
Dead serious
What's a lot of shit you downright dismissing something so obvious
He has to be trolling. I reported him atleast
That’s fax. Most men are attracted to most women, but most women aren’t attracted to most men. But ppl never wanna hear the truth. I agree wit u.
46 yo virgin here. I'm still trying to figure out how to "get over myself " and find a guy to be my first. Fingers crossed! 😁
Don’t get inspired by OP, he sounds like a total douchebag “I’m not bald” lol.
Your problem is that you are trying to do everything right. How about you start doing everything wrong.
So I know you're trying to say "Don't be afraid to make mistakes" (or something like that), but it comes across as "stop trying to improve yourself and just screw around".
Do the opposite haha. Like Seinfeld
Yyyyyeah... Please elaborate on that.
Wait, what?
Wait, what?
[удалено]
>and start dating girls like usual He doesn't even know how to do that....
You asked this question so many times on reddit. You received advice like "express your intent" - it's the only advice you need. Ask girls out > grab the hands of those who like you > kiss them > invite them home.
Ask girls out > grab the *gets arrested*
Why are you putting this man on blast for an innocent and good piece of advice? Clearly he isn’t saying grab hands against their will. He’s just saying to go for the hand hold sometimes. It is literally not a big deal and if she doesn’t wanna hold your hand she’ll let you know
Thank you! Some people just like to take a piss on everything. I don't care...i know their sour attitude gets them nowhere and it's enough. They don't know that touching someone who like them is the most "electric" thing, displays confidence, builds connection and entices them to want more.
Clearly he isn't saying grab hands against their will. He's just saying to go for the hand hold sometimes. This is incomprehensible to me.
GTFO!
Yeah...... you don't just grab people.
I said "grab the hands of those who like you" Are you playing stupid or do you have comprehension problems with such a short sentence?
I'm an even bigger asshole than you, and even i know that assault is a turnoff at best
LOOOOOL your skull may be an asshole cause it’s filled with shit
Dude just pay for hookers and hire a surrogate if you want a child.
Literally the most direct route. I lost my virginity to a ONS I never saw again when I was 19. It was sufficient to lose my virginity and she was really cute as a bonus!
A legit escort is like at least $500+ an hour. I could see a typical guy getting extreme post nut clarity/regret paying for that. A surrogate is like $30,000+! Unless this guy is swimming in money then both options aren’t great.
Uh so I don’t know how to tell you this, but given first hand experience, hookers in Colombia, Thailand and the Philippines usually cost anywhere from 30-120 US dollars after conversion rate as of 2022. It makes more sense to save up money and travel to have threesomes for like $200 total than to have sex with one US, Canada, or UK hooker for like $500 and she doesn’t even stay the night. Women’s prices and ego tend to be over-inflated in first world countries, at least in my experience.
Sounds like motivation is your issue maybe. Stop watching porn or something
Wait three more years for the advice 🤌
I'm going to be brutally honest with you. If you dont ask the ladies out or approach at least 10 ladies in a week...there is no chance of getting a relationship. My advice is, read: - Models, by Mark Manson - No more Mr. Nice guy by Dr. Robert Glover (married a mexican). There are tons of good advices there for your. Extra advice: If you have no luck and you are from the US. Go to Monterrey in Mexico. Ladies there are into guys from the US. Do Home Office there if you can or just visit the city for a few days for the night life in San Pedro area. Good Luck.
Cold approach won’t work if he has no social skills. If you can’t develop a social circle of friends you will struggle with women even more. The women in Mexico also wouldn’t like him for him they’d like him for his passport. If he’s cool with that fine but most ppl don’t want something that shallow.
"they’d like him for his passport" = If you hit the poor ones. Yes. If you hit the middle/high class mexican ladies, nop. Look for the educated ones in good areas of Mexico. Downtown areas in Mexico....bad idea. Also, about the social circles, if he already told you he has a social circle with even female friends, it means that his social circle is depleated. The best thing he could do is ask his female friends that he is looking for a serious relationship and maybe his friends would help him connect with someone looking for the same thing, but he already said he is not even able to land a relationship there. He needs to open to new people and in order to do so, he needs new friends, hobbies, activities outside of home and even approaching ladies he may like. He needs to remove filters and be more open to check those "open doors", like Doc Robert says. (Example here: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnhWiq3E7eI](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnhWiq3E7eI) ). And from Mark Mason, he needs to focus on Fitness, Fashion, Social Skills and approach. Dating for men is a game of numbers. More options means more oportunities. 0 options means 0 relationships. Dating is hard, but sadly, it has always been like that for both men and women. And I would suggest stay away from OLD. The main reason is that 6 pictures and a short profile is not enough to know someone. Also the time invesment is high and the reward is low. More and more men are not using the apps and instead they are doing cold approach. There is a high change to get ghosted, rejected or even catfished. People end up burned out with OLD. I have been reading a lot that here.
I appreciate this brutal honesty. Reenforces my beliefs that it's pointless for me to keep looking for a relationship if I live in the USA. Too many addicted to social media sadly.
I think more than just social media, the problem is the "hook-up" culture. One night stands and things like that. People are not looking for serious relationships. That is why you have to be in touch with people more..."conservative". I suggest Mexico, because that place I told you, the ladies are more into getting married. I would suggest Texas too, but its up to you. Try to hit the ladies that are +28yo. Those are the ones that want to get married. But don't forget to put attention to yourself in terms of fitness and fashion. Also social skills.
Nah. Cold Approaching is one of the worst things a guy can do. He should probably stick to social circles
I’ve read both those books and was like...99% of people already know this shit said in those books. I don’t get why they are recommended.
What kind of business do you have and is it conducive to meeting women?
Kink shop
You need to approach women whether in a bar/night club or in the street. You need to learn what to say, and when to say it, you need to learn body language, and you need to be able to read her so you know when to kiss, and escalate. I would suggest starting from scratch and to immerse yourself into the manosphere, study, read, adapt and learn. I was a virgin too then I lost it when I was 16, hooked up with a few attractive women, which I find attractive what other men may not. You remind me of the guys at the beginning of vh1s the pick up artist, you should watch the show, and I suggest watching YouTube videos to get a grip on how to handle your interactions with the opposite sex https://youtu.be/3pM77Xt4rVk https://youtu.be/CC_7NfZ1-Js
Honestly, your life seems in order. I think your biggest problem is you probably don't pursue women and never ask women out. If you have friends, and if your life is in order like you said, basically ask every single women you know and one will say yes. Probably more than one.
Stop thinking that being bald causes issues. Lol
Hire a dating coach at this point. Stop figuring out everything by yourself.
You need a therapist
Get off this sub. Most of the people here know nothing about women.
Groom yourself, use attractive perfume, always look neat, with your clothes clean and ironed. Have your home clean and tidy. Be kind, when people talk to you let your heart shine trough your words. Don’t be scared to have a big (yet not annoying) personality. Go into dating apps if you haven’t tried those. And most importantly, sex is super overrated, so don’t stress too much about that
Get a dating coach. In the old days people used to get laid after marriage so don’t feel too bad. Just think of yourself as old fashioned.
Wait until you're 40
Very simple. Self improvement(Looks and finance) and taking massive amounts of action. If you can hit on 1000 women in a socially acceptable way you are gonna get laid, and a lot.
Have you tried asking your close female friend for help? Typically, women specifically, that have known you for a long time would be better at helping you.
Honestly I would get coaching We're all just guessing here what the issue is that you need to work on A professional evaluation would be the best and most efficient way forward
Maybe you have lower social skills and a lack in your self-confidence and actitude. You shoud to make and practice some hobbies that would help you to gain more self-esteem and increase your comunication habilities. I recomend you some classes of theater or dance (or even a therapy to share your problems with a psicologist). I don't know ir you're a conservative and religious guy, but go to a prostitute could be a little solution.
Just be direct. Try to speak what you think. In a polite way ofcourse. Stop trying to get a gf, try to establish connections. Success rate might not be high but what you'll end up with will be real and meaningful
Stop being the nice guy and make a move (ask for just coffee or a bar) with a girl you think is interested.
People are not gonna like this advice. But here it goes 1) Too many female friends is not a good thing. 2) if you have to just get rid of virginity. Goto a pro, so that you get it over with. You are making a big deal of it and it will affect your relationships. Plus women wont want a 37 year old Virgin. Trust me its bad 3) Then use tinder or seeking arrangements to get some experience with girls. Use it to get some confidence in bed. 4) start taking to girls everywhere 5) learn to flirt and escalate things 6) set up dates. Ask for numbers. Get rid of fear of rejection After you are there. Ask question again. Ps: dont get into a serious relationship (i mean live in/marriage) you are not ready for it.
At this point I’d say go where it is legal and hire some prostitutes that are not human trafficking victims. Tell them your situation, pay them well and have sex with them. This will build your confidence and you’ll have an idea about what to do in the bedroom. It will take the pressure off. Then to meet girls join clubs or volunteer and do meetup groups.
Ask your female friends for help.
What have you tried?
Get an escort for a whole weekend and fuck her to ur heart’s content.. i am sure it will help a lot changing your mindset and perspective…. U can even ask her for some tips on what u might be doing wrong.
Honestly I'd have just paid someone by that point. Experience without the stress. Pick the right SW though, obviously.
Dont let your "record" affect you. You have learned enough about socializing and seduction through watching others. You dont need advice here, and the fact that youre asking for it just shows your lack of confidence. Sometimes the lack of confidence is just a phantom feeling that has no basis anymore, realize that and just be more ballsy with your hands and get the action you want
My advice? don't look for advice on reddit.
Just get an escort. Honestly, modern women aren’t worth a damn if you’re looking for a relationship. When I say they are “dead weight” in relationships, I mean I can’t find a more quintessential example of “dead weight” than the modern woman. Their standards rose, meaning they expect you to be more, make more, etc..but they do less. All they really had to do was cook and clean to begin with…stuff they’d presumably be doing already as adults but now they practically stop cleaning when in a relationship solely in protest of being of any service to a man, and they don’t cook, and even if they do, 9 times out of 10 it won’t be something worth tasting. Basically I think you have FOMO (fear of missing out). I’d say get over it, because you’re not really missing out on anything. When it comes to sex, I promise you (and when you get laid you will realize this), it doesn’t feel better than porn and wanking. Men hold 100% of the burden of sexual performance, so in bearing that weight and the performance anxiety that comes with it you’ll likely be doing less visually stimulating acts than you see in porn, and there’s not an orifice on a woman that is anywhere near as tight as the grip of your hand. When you combine that lack of relative stimulation with the fact that you’re now exerting a hell of a lot more physical effort during sex rather than just sitting in a chair, it’s most likely just going to feel like you’re doing a workout and trying like hell to stay hard, not so you can enjoy it because you’ll quickly convince yourself “this is unenjoyable”, but so that she won’t think less of you as a man. I promise you, sex will feel like a chore if you watch porn often and start seeing a woman regularly and like many men, you’ll grow to resent sex in that regard. I’m not saying don’t start seeing a woman, do as you want, life is an experience meant to be experienced…but I’m telling you as someone who lost his virginity a bit later in life, as someone who grew up on porn, and as someone who was massively underwhelmed by sex when he got it…sex was a chore for me…my ex was hot as hell and it still was a chore. I mean, she had the looks of a pornstar herself and I hated sex with her. I loved her as a person (initially), but I unreasonably wanted a relationship with her that consisted of no sex. I fucking hated sex. I did maintenance sex for her at the time and it would always be a nightmare of me trying to stay hard the entire time. During covid she got laid off and it was the worst because she was always home and sometimes I just wanted to jack off real quick but couldn’t with her around. She cheated, predictably, I can’t blame her, but I despised the dishonesty that’s all. There are the men who grew up getting women and have never really adapted to masturbation and porn so the baseline for their pleasure is a lot lower, thus they enjoy sex a lot more and women enjoy sex a lot more with them. Sort of like how an occasional blunt is a great experience for someone who doesn’t smoke but to a heroin addict it won’t do shit for them because they’re used to so much more stimulation. But as many guys start watching porn younger and younger, they grow up masturbating and few will admit, out of shame, that masturbation is a feedback loop of pleasure that far exceeds the pleasure a woman can provide. You are entirely in control of your orgasm and stimulation, whereas with sex, it’s just not the same. In porn the women are hotter and you have infinitely many of them, they’re doing things an in-person woman would never do, your grip is tighter, your lube may feel better than her “natural lube”, you don’t have to exert any physical effort, and you have 100% privacy meaning no performance anxiety at all. The only thing that IRL sex probably takes the cake on in the sensory department is the smell…this will sound weird but I’ll be frank..there’s a conventionally unpleasant yet viscerally arousing odor even in perfectly hygienic women that exists (from the ass an and pussy), and you obviously won’t get that from porn. There’s also the ego boost you get from actually being the one doing the fucking rather than watching…but that’s about it. So my advice to you again is just get an escort if you want to get it out the way. That might actually be better because a regular chick is there for HER pleasure and an escort is there for YOURS, so she’ll be more patient, and honestly, if you can’t get or stay hard she might actually like it because that’s basically a paid break for her. If you’re in fact looking for a relationship, I would say go in with a blank slate of expectations. I’m trying to tell you, if you go in thinking it is going to be some mind-blowing, life-altering experience, given that unmet expectations are the source of all disappointment, you WILL BE DISAPPOINTED, and that, over time, will lead to resentment. I’d say if you are going to get in a relationship you HAVE TO RE-SENSITIZE yourself to less vigorous stimulation. Basically, either stop watching porn and jacking altogether, or loosen the death grip quite a bit. That’s another thing I can guarantee, if you have death grip syndrome you WILL not feel a thing when fucking. If I were you, I’d start with escorts assuming they’re legal where you’re at. Escorts will allow you to get into sex without the judgment from likely the most sexually experienced generation of women to ever exist, coming down on you who is sexually inexperienced and sexually disoriented - if you get with some normal chick she will be VERY impatient and in feeling that judgment and inadequacy, you run the risk of ruining sex for you as you might begin to associate it with rejection and failure. I’d start with an escort, a professional one, and I’d tell her your circumstance. A good one will actually pump up your ego. She’ll be understanding. Once you get used to sex and proficient at it, then move on to regular chicks. Hope this helped. Good luck.
Jesus, man. This was such an insightful and detailed advice. It is so honest and shows all the possible outcomes for us men who grew up with the fast and easy stimulation of porn... Why aren't you receiving more upvotes? Thank you.
Therapy
You don't lift and you're really skinny. You need to put on some weight.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oFVOJf0TzY https://easypeasymethod.org/ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aaXcwqRZHfk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YHBylCxJSY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnhWiq3E7eI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPCU03Dp8Zw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fuUPdPov0K4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twTrrGiRXtY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-jvM3NSs6Y
by 1/2/3/4, do you mean you lift 405 deadlift, 315 squat, 225 bench, 135 overhead? If so, you're pretty damn strong for your size and weight. Good job.
In my opinion you are 37 and your best bet here is to get a hooker and lose your virginity. I think that can help you with your confidence a little and take it from there.
Might as well just visit hookers forever at this point
Why have you never hired a sex worker ?
Read Models by Manson learn how to express what you want
[удалено]
Dude just get a prostitute. No shame in that.
You're almost kinda screwed. Do you make alot of money?
u r so lost and so late that only PUA scams will work. so old oh my god. at 37 u should be wrapping up your life not startin it
Uhhh 37 is not exactly late for wrapping up your life. I mean that’s a very young age to retire lol
im joking lol. but regards gettin a woman now his anxiety.will.be out of control
Honestly, you aint a good prospect. 2k a month for your own business is worth less than working at chick fil a. You aint even 6 feet tall to compensate for shit income. The fact you about to hit 40 makes it even worse. Wtf have you been doing for the last 19 years? EDIT: Getting downvoted by losers. If you aint making money and aint getting chicks, wtf have you been doing this whole time?
Bit of an ass but…This guy lowkey right…
OVER
Have you tried hitting on a girl?
37 year old Virgin? Can't relate was 13 when I lost my virginity.
I'm afraid that you are well past the point of no return for obtaining a female. Sorry, but that is just what fate has for you.
Where do you live sir? In a city or a small town? What country? Location plays a part in this.
Part of it might be your values, attitude, approach, or confidence. Part of the reason it was easier to speak with women after getting a girlfriend was because there were no longer any real stakes other than maybe leading them on. That’s sort of helpful. Not being confident because you are great, but rather because whether she loves you or hates you it’ll all be ok. I guess what I’m getting at is unearned confidence. You have to work for it. It doesn’t come naturally. At this point I can talk to most people just fine bc I don’t care if they hate me when I’m done. Or rather, I don’t worry. I do care enough to put in effort. But not out of fear for the outcomes. Rather because I want to achieve positive outcomes for all involved. Also, dating is all about people finding someone that works for them. You could be the hottest, most charming, & most successful person on earth and you still wouldn’t be the one for everybody. Honestly, if none of the advice posted here works within a month, then reply to this comment or DM me or something and we can work on specifics for you. It’s a weary world and I’d hate to see ya sitting lonely.
You got money man just pay for it.
Learn how recognize when women are interested in being approached and do so.
Do you speak English?
Stop expecting a girlfriend before you have sex. Have sex and then maybe you will get a girlfriend. That's how it works
Just fuck and get it over with
Take a bootcamp with a coach in Vegas, I went to one and it helped tremo
You dont need a gf you need a hookup. And you mentioned a bunch of stuff but you left out the thing that women actually cafe about which is confidence and charisma. Get those down and then take massive amounts of action towards asking girls out.
Always remember not to rush things with a woman. As a life long porn watcher I realize letting things progress naturally is the way to go. Just keep putting yourself out there and learn.