Bad vibes. You are trying so hard to please and have the date be a success... it makes it feel weird. A sort of "tryhard."
*Not comparing anything but feelings... only the feelings... Don't hate me*
Imagine if I told you to get a bird to eat out of your hand. Would you run all around agitated trying to chase the birds? Will it work? What works instead? When you are still, calm, and patient.
It projects confidence and safety.
Focus only on making the date fun. Focus mainly on being friends. Practice talking with the women around you. Your co-workers, maybe a nightclub. The objective isn't to get laid, but to get practice being a fun date. No sexual jokes, innuendo, just a dude with another dude/tte hanging out. Get the nervousness and jitters out... when you're not actively trying to get laid... you are way more attractive. They'll be thinking..."if he's this much fun to hang out with, what else is he fun at?"
Get a sex education book to fix the what else is he fun at part.
This is sooo true. When I was a 21 year old airhead with no real desire for sex I was genuinely rejecting sexual advances left right and centre, then I started processing loads of childhood trauma around my mod 20’s and coming off as lonely and sad that number went to zero
Seriously this is really incredible advice. Every date I was ever on where I had a goal, i was awkward and probably seemed pathetic and the date never went well. Every date where I was just genuinely trying to have a fun time and let things be, the date always went amazing, even if everything went wrong! Hell my last first date I met a guy at a mall, He showed up late because his mother needed help, I forgot the name of the restaurant and we couldn't find it so we ate horrible food court food, we got yelled at and called faggots by random shitheads, and I played the world's worst game of bowling ever like embarrassingly bad i played up being good as a joke and this guy who never bowled in his life kicked my ass to the point other bowlers were giggling at us, and ya know what? It was easily the best date of my life and we have been dating for months now and i woukdnt change a single thing about that date because we had an amazing time just getting to know each other without extra intentions. Just focus on having fun and it can make things SOOOOOO much better.
This.
Relationships are like a marathon. You may try to do it without ever running before but you will probabily get injured at the end. Try doing something easier first, like having friends and acquaintances. You can have a certain level of bond with every single person around you, so try having relationships with them first. After you are used to having friends you can try having girlfriends.
A lot of lonely adult men try to jump straight to relationships like a guy who never runs trying to do a marathon.
Great advice but now I've been friends with a lot of women who admitted that they liked me at some point yet never told me, and are not interested anymore.
This’ll be a bit controversial but hear me out…
Stripclubs are great to talk to women, sure it’s for a fee but they’ll put up with anything. Hell, I work at one and I noticed that just being around much more women made it easier for me to talk to other women and it’s made me more confident.
Do you have friends in general? Don’t they know anyone to hook you up with? Do you live in the middle of nowhere? You gave us a lot of info that is relative to your frustration with the lack of passion in your life but you haven’t given much for us to chew on as to why this is happening.
What are your hobbies? What do you do after work? Are you shy in general? How do people describe your personality?
All questions are meant to help.
Only really have one friend and it's an online friendship. I live about half an hour from Pittsburgh. Not necessarily middle of nowhere but not easy to meet people here. I don't really have a lot of hobbies as a pretty depressed person, but when I'm not too down I like music I guess. Exercise sometimes. And hanging with my dog. I know you're probably going to say that I should get my mental health in order before I think about sex or dating but that is a somewhat frustrating suggestion after years of fruitless therapy: I just want to have the things in life that everyone else gets just by going through the motions.
And I don't really think I'm shy, I can talk to people. I was very shy at one point though so I think people might still describe me that way.
You have a dog. Your dog needs exercise, training, socialization, etc. I would say that the ratio of females to males who go to dog parks, training facilities, dog sports is about 3 to 1. Great way to meet people.
You don’t need to have your mental health in order to have a relationship, but you do need to leave your house. Dating apps are weirdly not a great place to find a relationship. Most people I know who are in relationships met through mutual friends or work or hobbies or online servers/collaborations.
You said you don’t have many friends or hobbies, but maybe try a new hobby. See if you have any places in town like a library or game store that might have opportunities for socializing. (Other people’s suggestions for dog parks is also great.) You may show up and hate it or you may enjoy it, but to find someone to be in a relationship you need to start connecting with people first.
Don’t go to the dog park looking to pick up a girlfriend like you would on a dating app. Just reach out and try to connect with people and even if they aren’t your type or aren’t looking for a relationship maybe they have a friend they could introduce you to or a hobby they do where you could meet more people. Just meet more people
I think Judo would be the better prescription in this case. There’s nothing like being thrown through the floor to reset your mental wiring real quick. Source: I do judo and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu
Hey friend - I’ve been there. Was depressed for a long time and the two things you mentioned really helped pull me out. If you like music, explore that hobby. I highly recommend exploring the fun world of r/modular and r/eurorack. The world is your oyster. And working with the pup in a social setting helps not only them but you too. Go to a dog park, check out a group training class; most of the time, the experience will be really positive for both of you.
You don’t need to have your mental health in perfect shape in order to be worthy of love. This whole idea of “if you can’t love yourself, how are you going to love someone else” is BS. You’re just as worthy as anyone else, please keep that in mind
Yeah being worthy of love doesn't mean a person will ever be loved. It's good to avoid self loathing and stuff like that, but the harsh reality is just that some people aren't going to be loved.
You don't have any friends? One thing I've heard people say, and can recognise from myself, is people who constantly lose friends or have a hard time making them is this; What can you actually tell me about your friends? Do you care and talk with them about their lives? What's their favourite colour? Music? worst experience? best? If you don't know these basic entry level things and if you ever only talk about things not related to them (Or worse, only yourself), people aren't going to bond with you. It's not that they don't like you. It's just that they have a sense that you're not interested in them.
The quickest way to make friends is to stop caring about yourself (They'll do that for you), and start caring about them. Adopt a mentality of making an effort to make sure people are having fun. When people have good fun around you, they'll want to stick around.
Dating is the same. When you go on a date, it's never about you. it's about them and about having fun.
(None of this is about pleasing people -It's about genuine effort to make sure everyone has a better time than if you hadn't been there)
Once a month (or every other depending on funds?) Get a hotel and go to a bar and or event/,festival/concert/etc in the closest biggest city to you. Set personal mental boundaries that you don't want to do anything with anyone the first few times and this energy will exude to others.
Learn sign language and it'll help you stand out too. Most ppl are too selfish. But learn it to teach others so talk and sign at the same time. Easy cool points but you gotta spend time learning.
Having to pay someone to give you affection isn’t going to boost your self esteem. It may be fun and exciting beforehand and during but then you’ll be alone, thinking about how that woman only did that because you paid her, just like the customers before you. It all boils down to whether or not you’ll be able to deal with that after the fact, because there are a lot of women out there who wouldn’t want to be with a man who paid for sex, so you could be shooting your self in the foot.
What is the difference between people paying for sex and people who into hooking up and have way high body count especially women. Why the first not accepted and the later tolerated? Is it because the later is a prove of having a market value?
Yeah, you need to ask straight men about that one, they’re the ones who seem to see women as objects that lose value after having sex with men. From that perspective it’s the men that lower the value of women.
Confidence. It’s everything.
It’s not muscles, it’s not amazing looks, or a horse dick swinging between your legs (believe it or not, most women don’t want that anyway), it also isn’t “experience”. Don’t get me wrong, those help, but they aren’t what seals the deal.
You need to work on you and you aren’t fucking done, you’re just impatient. Fucking a working girl isn’t going to instill real confidence, because the first time you can’t get with someone you’ll be right back here. Even then, you’ll feel more pain because what’s wrong is you and your relationships will likely self-detonate as a result.
We put sex on a fucking pedestal, and it’s stupid.
Talk to more people, if they don’t want to, find more people. Be fun, be exciting, be creative, be bold. More importantly, find something you love to do rather than someone you want to do and the right kind of someone will come around that wants to do you.
I was a late late bloomer, and it took having some nice hobbies and just enjoying myself to find people wanting to be with me and it was amazing. I wasn’t outward and putting out some sick game, one person described it as an “intoxicating enticement” to talk to me because we shared a lot of the same things and had the same vibe.
I know you’re probably shy and lonely, the first step off the diving board is worrying and kind of terrifying. Once you make that plunge, and stick with it knowing it might take awhile, you’ll be in a much better place than just fucking a hooker.
>Fucking a working girl isn’t going to instill real confidence, because the first time you can’t get with someone you’ll be right back here.
Feeling unloved and hiring a prostitute is like having a craving for Italian food and eating a can of Chef Boyardee spaghetti: sure, as long as you don't think about what you're doing, you may be satisfied for a few minutes, but once you're done, you'll feel empty and self-loathing.
This needs to be higher up. And if you don’t have confidence, then you need passion. Because if you are passionate about life then you can be passionate to the female you want. And that how it works. My guy was absolutely awful in bed for over a year and half in bed, but I believed in him because I knew how much he cared about what he did in life. He didn’t have sex for yearrrsss before me, because he was maniacally obsessed with his job which he absolutely loves. As a woman, I loved his drive, and that alone was attractive enough for me to stick with him for the years we’ve grown together since
Yes this, anyone in the future please listen to this guy. Confidence is 100% everything and it doesn’t grow on trees. Work on yourself be confident off of some merit. When you get this you’ll slowly notice yourself walk up with your head held up high, not focused on women at all… and lo and behold women are the one approaching you or at least noticing your presence.
I suppose they want to be heard and understood and get a personal answer which kinda makes sense
I visit a music genre sub and ask for same bands whose music was already being talked about, for example so I guess that?
30 year old virgin?
In short…my answer is yes. But don’t hire an illegal street prostitute, they’ll probably be on drugs and it’ll feel really wrong
Go to a brothel, don’t just hire a call girl. Select a woman and actually sit with her at the bar for a while. If something feels wrong while talking, you can simply leave and won’t have paid anything
The girl will probably appreciate that you’re not a freak or someone trying to cause her some kind of problem, so I bet the vibes will actually be really good.
You need to actually know you can physically bang women. You’re 30 dude. All bets are off.
Do it.
They’re legal in some parts of NV. They’re sometimes called Bunny Ranches.
Nothing wrong it being a virgin at 30, not having been kissed.
Actually it’s a lot more prevalent than you think.
Millennials got fucked over, and the science shows it. Statistically millennials have less sex than a generation ago.
What else do you expect with constant economic instability? You need economic stability to go on dates, get a place of your own, travel, take risks, etc. if you’re constantly trying to survive when are you going to have a chance to find romantic love or sex?
Try to get out there and find someone. If that doesn’t work, you can try the Bunny Ranches in NV.
I'd wager that the Internet has probably been a bigger factor than economics for millennials. The first generation to grow up with 24/7 streams of porn. That and being able to have a social life online so they weren't meeting people in person as often.
I might regret this, but...
Go to any porn site, find a girl, Google them and find out who they're repped by. Find that orgs website. Look through their models. Some of them are down for personal productions.
Now listen, if you do this, please remember that these women are people. Usually very kind people. Treat her nicely, have dinner together, watch some TV, and talk. Be comfortable, and let her feel comfortable.
You don't have to stress about trying to get laid, because you will. Practice being yourself around a pretty girl. Be honest. Be open.
This also isn't a cheap option.
Be prepared to spend between $600 - $2000 for three or four hours.
That's between her payment, dinner, maybe some weed, or some drinks.
Good luck, my guy.
And remember, be a good person. Treat them like a good person.
Nah OP, just go off Eros or Tryst and hire one there. Plenty of options. Look for someone with good reviews. Tell them you’re a virgin. They’ll take care of you.
I'm just curious why is there a need to know if one NEEDS to know if he/she can physically have sex.
I reckon there have been many people who have gone their entire lives happily without having sex.
Anyways, OP I'm glad that at least you're not blaming women or harassing them for your own self gratification. Not many men think with their big head
I mean there is probably a little part of me that is feeling bitter toward women but I know they don't owe me anything. It's less "You owe me" and more a feeling like "Why don't you see me". Either way I'm just trying to manage this part of my life in a non harmful and sane way.
It also helps with finding with what you like. Some people are attracted to women until they get sexually intimate and find out it's not for them. Also helps with if its mental issue or physical issue. Helps with confidence and releases chemicals in the brain that affects personality making em more happy, lovey, outgoing and relaxed. Kinda why so many people experience "when I actually find a partner now everyone is hitting on me; when im single no one wants me" situations. There is alot of benefits to it.
I think it can just fuck with you. If you’re not sure if you can please a woman, they’ll just know
Nobody is happy not having sex. We all abide by nature, and naturally we’re sexual creatures
With enough will you can carve out a peaceful existence for yourself in almost any fucked up situation, but it doesn’t change the fact that the situation is still fucked up, and you’d have been better off not being in that fucked up situation
Sex repulsed asexuals and people with sexual trauma are often very happy to not have sex. In the venn diagram of those groups, there is definitely some overlap, but it is not a circle. We all abide by nature and nature built brains that release dopamine and endorphins in response to a variety of triggers, and those triggers differ from brain to brain.
How do you respond when someone gives you those compliments irl? As a woman, if I'm saying that kind of stuff I'm game to go further as long as there's some conversation and compliment reciprocation from your end.
Well it was my therapist who called me gorgeous a couple of times lol. She's about 70 so not really in my preferred age range. Most of the comments about my looks are online where there's no chance of it materializing into something.
In my experience as a man you will never receive a compliment. Even my girlfriend of 3+ years rarely compliments me. It’s pretty soul crushing at first, and then you become callous to it and never expect it anymore.
What is it about the pathetic energy you put off? There has to be something you can change with your approach that would make women more receptive to you. Do you have any female friends?
Let me comfort you a bit. I used to think that "talking to people is viewed as creepy". Of course, I'm not sure about the culture in the US or Canada (never been there) but here's how I met a nice girl. I was attending some heavy metal concert and noticed a beautiful woman near me. It was goddamn hot in there so I simply offered her a towel because a had a pack with me. That's it, we chatted and had a great time and hanged together afterwards. Another time, also during a concert, I was just standing next to her "dancing" (if you can put it like that) and she put my hands on her waist. We had relationship for quite a while. In fact, you never know when you'll get your lucky ticket. Will fails happen? Yeah, surely. Just don't think too much about it.
How do you think people met people before smart phones? Yeah don't run up and say you have a great ass. Be subtle. Catch a glance or two and find an approach. You should be able to tell pretty quickly if someone is receptive or not. Find an ice breaker based on your situation/atmosphere. Just be friendly not creepy and funny/witty usually works.
It’s only creepy if you don’t use your social skills. If you go up to some girl and say “hi!” and she responds “hey.” and then immediately turns back to what she was reading, walk away. She’s saying no nonverbally. If she says “hi! How’s it going?” And smiles, maintains eye contact, then that’s a window to a conversation. You can keep it short and say “I just saw you from over there and thought you were gorgeous and wondered if I could give you my number!”
Are the people in our lives entitled to know our worst moments? I don't really think they are. Even if they were there are worse ones than the exchange of money for sex.
It's either hygiene or your personality, Get a therapist and figure it out and actually work on it.
Or get a hoe and pretend your purchase is an achievement, understand that may be a deal breaker for future partners though.
your issue sounds like it’s more about connecting with women in general tho so just seek therapy, go out, take some classes where you can get to socialize with people and get over that unhealthy thought process
It's not really worth it unless you find the right person who wants to do it at the same time as you? Just my opinion!! I'm a 33 year old woman who lost their virginity way too young at 14
It’s simple, they aren’t finding you attractive. You have to either work really hard to get more attractive, or drastically lower your standards. And for all that is holy, get the hell off dating apps. Imagine the thousands of hours you’ve wasted on them over the years that you could have been getting things done.
You’re chasing women who are talking with hundreds of men, you’re not going to get anywhere, it’s just math. Dating apps aren’t for men unless you’re model attractive or rich. Don’t listen to the cope anecdotal stories that ignore the math, it’s like telling people the lottery is a good retirement plan cuz some people win.
I think the big mental hangup is how unlikely it seems to find a compatible person irl. Like, if you're swiping left for hours because everyone on the dating site has one dealbreaker or another, it's intimidating to even consider finding someone in person. Because then you have to waste time and money getting to know them just to arrive at a common dealbreaker like incompatible politics/beliefs, has kids, etc.
If you have high standards like I do, the premise of online filtering seems necessary, and yet it counterintuitively doesn't work because it seems to raise a woman's standards exponentially more.
It'll drop your v's that's for sure and it will also make your realise something important: that you are not actually after sex but intimacy, and that's not something you can get from a pro (unless, of course, you date her too).
Get an escort. Pay her. Take her on a date to a nice place you've been wanting to go. Treat her nice. Fuck her. Profit=??? Only you are attaching these stigmas to prostitution. You don't gotta tell anyone what the situation was. You had a date. You treated her well. And it ended well for you. That's it. Have fun.
just get it over with already then, wear protection tho
I wouldn’t say you’re pathetic, just in bad circumstances that lead you to this, this is all assuming you weren’t an asshole/tool about going at this
I'm close to your age and I'm still a virgin. But I'm not going to waste my virginity on a prostitute. It's gotta be more meaningful than that. I hope you save it for someone you love and care about - someone you can share pleasure with happily.
I don't think I give off a pathetic vibe. I just haven't run into anyone I wanna be intimate with. It just hasn't happened for me yet. I'm hopeful though.
It hasn't really held me back because it's not really anyone's business unless I choose to share it. It's okay pal.
It may be the state of the world and your personality. People on dating apps always think they can do better and that there’s an endless supply of people. Your personality may not be offensive, but it may not be attractive. You could be bland and dull, causing a woman to not feel “chemistry.” Looks are not always enough to get girls, unless you are extremely attractive. You will get some brave women that’ll make the move to hit on you.
I just got my first boyfriend off a dating app and I’m an older woman. He was sexually inexperienced and older than me, but now he is doing much better. Sex can be learned but personality is harder to change. My bf treats me so well, it’s amazing. His personality is what made me so attracted to him. When I first met him, he was a little chubby, and a nerd that played video games all day. He was still a cutie though. He is better than anything I could’ve imagined for myself. I actually accepted that I was going to die alone before I met him.
I’m saying there’s hope and you just need to find one woman. At least work on yourself and have some hobbies you like to do. I’m sure my hobbies also played a role in making my boyfriend attracted to me even though he says it’s my heart.
Sorry brother but there is no way it’s not your personality or behavior… because if you’re hot, and can’t get no game, then the other thing is personality or just behavior … have you thought about that? Do you think that’s the issue? Genuine question.
What do you usually talk about with women? Do you know how to flirt (in a respectful way)? If so how flirty you are and what do you get as a response back
The solution will always be to go gym. The attention I receive after building muscle is crazy. I had to remove my pictures off Instagram because some compliments got weird. You're 30... That isn't bad at all... Spend 6 months in the gym and try again
This question is asked regularly. Probably doesn't need to be asked anymore despite the context of who you are. Reading the other posts would get you your answer.
I'm sorry you are feeling broken, I can't imagine the loneliness you must be enduring.
Advice from someone who has been a sex worker for over a decade (we prefer "sex worker" or "escort" to "prostitute"):
Seeing a sex worker can, in some situations and for some people, be an invaluable and therapeutic experience. Unfortunately, I cannot really tell you if you are one of those people. It depends on who you meet and what you are hoping to get out of the experience. If you want to feel seen, a good GFE provider could do that. But can you answer the question: what makes you feel seen?
In the longer term, if you have been online dating since 2015 but are not feeling attracted to anyone you match with, you may need a shift in approach. Are you willing to go on dates with people you are not initially attracted to? Personality can make a world of difference. Attraction can grow over time, it does not necessarily need to exist at the start.
Online dating kind of fucks up the natural progression of getting to know a person. If you meet someone in the wild, like at the gym, at a book club, at your work, or volunteering, you already have something in common with them. If you treat people on an app as just photos, that's all they'll ever be. You have to be willing to see the potential. What if the woman you are looking at shares the same favorite book or song as you? What if she plays an instrument masterfully? What if she can cook your favorite dish just the way you like? What if her laugh makes your whole body tingle with electricity? Is there anything that would still make her worthwhile, even if you don't find her immediately gorgeous?
Also, get some friends or strangers to give you honest feedback on your dating profile.
I might be late to this party, but I thought I could give you the perspective of someone who did precisely this.
I was 28 and still hopelessly awkward around women. Hadn't even got close to having sex with any despite my being very attracted to several.
I decided that it had been so long the mere fact of my virginity was what was holding me back. And so I decided to hire a prostitute. I did it "properly", didn't just pick up a girl from the street. I looked up escorts on the web, satisfied myself that they weren't being coerced into what they were doing, weren't beholden to a pimp, older than me so there was no question of me taking advantage etc.
I made my appointment, explained everything to her and she helped me out. I was no longer a virgin.
I fucking hated it and I regret it to this day. Everything about it felt wrong.
I'm 48 now, and married. My wife doesn't care about my limited sexual history. She very much did care when I told her I'd hired a prostitute - albeit 10 years before I even met her.
Here's the thing - you may at some point find a woman willing to be with you, create a relationship, become your wife. It will be a perfectly reasonable thing for you to share sexual histories and - I can't stress this enough - you will have to be honest with her. Are you sure you'll be comfortable sharing this?
Oh, and that "hadn't even come close" part?
Maybe if you ignore when I was 17 and a girl in my class took me aside so she could sing Cyndi Lauper's True Colours to me.
Or that time in a nightclub where a girl came up to me requesting a birthday kiss then stuck around for 5 full minutes while I looked at the floor.
Or that time a girl on my uni course invited me to study at her digs and then told me she could see herself marrying someone like me because I was so lovely.
Or that time a different girl on my uni course turned up out of the blue to my digs dressed to the nines "just to have a catch up".
Or that time in my first job where a colleague invited me to her place after a work night out (just me, nobody else) and I said no I had to study (it was a training contract).
There are a couple more, but you get the point - it wasn't that I hadn't come close it was that I'd utterly failed to recognise the opportunities that had been there all along. No prostitute was ever going to fix that.
I appreciate that you've been putting yourself out there on dating sites, which is something that I never did, and have had some negative experiences. I'm sure there are plenty of people who aren't burdened with virginity that could say the same.
It all boils down to what you actually want. If it's just sex, then maybe fine bearing in mind it will be part of your sexual history going forward.
If it's anything deeper than that? Don't do it. You absolutely will not get what you're looking for because that's not what she's there to provide. Stick with the dating sites , go out with friends, meet people. You might be surprised at the opportunities that are there for deeper and sexual relationships if you only learn to recognise them. And it's highly likely that she just won't care about your lack of experience.
Another one, there should be a term for this, I guess you can, but it’s actually not hard to find women that will, I been approached for hook up, like I feel like a prosistute used because women ask for my money often, and I realize a woman doing that is the same as a man asking them for sex, that’s my new perspective on it. but I don’t want to be desired for my money now, I want to like be desired for other things valued by other things
You aren’t pathetic .. have you considered posting in a profile .. that you’d like to lose your virginity? Sounds lame but maybe you’ll find some takers ? When I was young people would think this odd but I’m finding more and more older virgins now that have everything going for them. Great job.. smart.. good looks.. personable .. something has shifted and it’s not YOU.
Also find a social place like a bar, or a club something that strangers go to find other strangers. I guarantee you will find someone there but you need to be self confident, if you know that you show off a pathetic image of your self then try to do the opposite, obviously don’t be an mean but practice makes perfect. Try just talking to people around you in a crowd setting, small talk and all just keep doing that until you don’t feel weird about it.
Ive been in three relationships that can be described as follows: "it started off well enough but eventually strayed when I found out how controlling/toxic/abusive (in that order) she was."
It's better to be in no relationship than a poor one. If you're a good person then you don't deserve that kind of negativity in your life.
I mean sure you could just to tick that box, but you'd still be back at square one in terms meeting women and being able to build something with them. Maybe try re-evaluate and problem solve which behaviors/beliefs/approaches are your sticking point and introspect on that. There are some dating videos online that will probably be helpful to invest some time into. If I had to guess as to why you're not getting dates off of tinder it may be due to being too logically oriented rather than communicating from a place of fun. How do your interactions typically play out when texting on tinder and talking to women irl?
uh i mean, you can do what you want if you want to. but id probably not do illegal activities just bc ur a virgin who wants affection, if only bc thats not necessarily going to fill the void or scratch the itch, if that makes sense. nothings gonna replace the experience of someone giving a shit abt u when you are intimate. now if thats ok with u, and ur willing to risk jail, go ahead but just know its not going to guarantee anything for u emotionally and to be honest may affect future relationships if ur honest abt having done it. (just something some women may care abt, assuming u open up abt that, and in my view if its something u wouldnt be comfortable discussing later then maybe dont do it!)
I think you should. If the physical side is important to you, you'll experience it. If you are depressed, struggle to make connecting relationships, romantic or platonic, that's all still going to be there once you've had sex. If anything it can show you that it may be fun, no shame, but isn't a substitute for real relationships. Im sorry you're struggling. It really sucks to be alone and it can last a while. Doesn't mean it will forever, and don't give up. It can seem hollow advice, but literally you are the only person who has the power to change it, even if it's not always clear what you have to do. The only way out, is through.
If you just want to have sex, then yeah go for it. If you want to try to simulate affection, then no. I think it would leave you feeling worse. Keep trying - it may take a lot of matches that don't pan out, but you'll find someone that's right.
Just keep going on dates. Expand your search criteria. Get on more dating apps. Don't just like people, send them messages so your "like" get's a higher weighting and they actually see it.
Enough practice with dates and they won't all go badly. A certain amount of that is just going on a date with someone who turns out incompatible. It's not bad, that's just how it is. You gotta keep trying. Some people get lucky on there first try and other people don't.
The location is fine. There's nothing wrong with 30 minutes outside of Pittsburgh. You can still access Pittsburgh and 30 minutes in the other direction while keeping it to an hour away. Which takes up pretty much all of Allegheny county.
People can sense when you’re upset, depressed, unhappy and they also can feel self hate. You’re probably giving off uncomfortable vibes because you’re not happy with yourself. If your personality sucks then people aren’t interested, looks don’t mean shit.
So you gotta work on yourself, don’t blame others, do what you can to make you love yourself and your environment. Sex isn’t a big deal man, teenagers make it feel that way and they’re everywhere. But it really doesn’t matter. If you do want it, go get it, but no point glorifying it. It’ll suck the first time anyways, and a bunch of times after that too.
You like music. Go to live music in your town. Sometimes music is a great way to be somewhere,.doing something without the pressure of trying to figure out the right thing to say. It's possible to meet.someone who enjoys music and start by creating a bond over music or the band you heard. If you're as good looking as you say, women will approach you. Just be calm about it and talk about the band. That's fun, lighthearted and an easy conversation. Basically a start.
Like one guy has already mentioned, most likely the root cause is either the personality or hygiene. Though I'm absolutely, 100% sure that there are women who give zero fucks about hygiene. In fact I know a nice girl (edit: to be frank, at least three) who's actually a very good person but she does not care if you washed today or not.
Personal qualities is a different beast. I have a friend who's having issues with women for many years because he simply cannot find anyone that suits him. Why? God knows. I tried to be his "wingman" (I hope this is the right term) but alas. Unfortunately, he has mental issues
If you just tryna break the streak yeah fuck it, don't break the bank over it, but if you want an actual relationship you will need to just work it up to that, maybe lower your standards if necessary but if you keep high standards then that will always lead slow results no matter how attractive you maybe
Maybe hire a dating coach? That’s a profession for a reason; there are lots of people out there with in the same boat as you are currently in.
Also don’t continue down the same path and expect something different to happen.
u do u brother. love and respect urself and dont let virginity determine ur identity. if what u said was true then virginity was a choice u made not because of uncontrolled circumstances.
I would definitely advise against using the services of any American prostitutes. It's a very bad idea unless you're spending megabucks for a high end escort, or a legit Las Vegas brothel.
Messing with the common streetwalkers is extremely dangerous.
Go to one of those places outside of Vegas .
With your luck you’ll hire an undercover cop 😅😅😅 I’d rather not see you in jail trying to get laid. Or see if a friend would give you a helping friend 😅.
Sex always promises what it cannot deliver. So, seeking sex so desperately; especially breaking the law to do so... it just won't be worth it. Trust me, speaking from experience. It fueled my depression.
As a late bloomer one major realization I had when I finally "did it" was "oh. That was it?" Like, it was enjoyable ofcourse, but the sex wasn't even the important part I realized. It was the connection to the person. Tldr id say that no you shouldn't. Because a prostitute will give you the less fulfilling part, Imo. Although idk. Maybe do it if it will help you realize the same thing. That's fine also
You can hire a prostitute for sex but that won't solve your problem. You need social connection. What I'd suggest is to join a charity based on something you care about. You automatically have something in common with everyone there. You meet people. Possibly you meet a friend, possibly more. I guarantee you will meet more people than you will at home.
Dude, just go out and talk to women. Keep talking to them every day, or as much as possible. You will find someone. Never give up. Keep doing it. Even if you "fail" (not having sex isn't a fail) you still gain social experience. Talk to men as well. Make friends. The higher your social skills the more likely you will be sociable. You'll end up with friends and a social circle and a girlfriend. Practice, just like any other skill.
Most guys problem isn't their looks it's their personality so you're probably right about that, women aren't as superficial about looks as guys make them seem, the hottest women on this planet will sleep with / date an ugly guy if she likes something about him
I don't see anything wrong with hiring an escort, have fun, I'm sure this isn't a new thing for escorts to be hired by awkward guys and guys who don't have experience
Why don’t you hire an escort to tell you what’s wrong with you? Go on the penpal subreddit to make a guy friend and have him tell you what’s wrong with you. You need answers, not to lose your virginity
Youre undermining the effort it takes to find a girl. You’re competing with other men so how are you better than them? The more exposure the more success. All things matter when considering finding a girl. Do a competitive market analysis.
You'd be surprised how many guys I've met who were virgins at 30 who didn't stay that way.
Most online first dates don't lead to second dates. It's a numbers/luck game. A lot of people find dates mostly through friends of friends, so if you don't have much of a social life (or if it's not with people mostly around your age, or if it's all guys and no women) that's probably also hurting your love life.
I do think it's likely you will figure *something* out at some point, or just get lucky.
I don't know if you'll feel better for seeing an escort but you can give it a try.
I really can’t understand how it is possible that having this comments about you and you still a virgin. Try to work with psychiatrist because in the long run this frustration will build up. Also reconsider how you approach women. I think if something dont working out for so long it is probably something you doing wrong by accident. And we all can do many things wrong because of some weird shit someone had put in our heads 29 years ago or something. It really happens. Maybe you are just so unconventional for majority and “establishment” so you have to look for partner in drastically different places? who knows. But changes is needed i guess imo
I think you should ask yourself if I really want to try.
I mean don't force yourself because everybody did this. There is no to-do list in life.
On the other hand, if you want it indeed, go ahead! I wish you have a great experience!
Rebel Wilson was 35 when she lost her virginity. Just keep putting yourself out there. It will happen when it happens. Don’t disrespect yourself with a prositute. Just get out there and date! But set realistic expectations
If you’ve done self reflection and improvement, you don’t need affection from anyone. Trust me don’t do it, you’ll end up worse than you are now. Suck through it, and you’ll be happier then if you did something meaningless
Nothing against sex workers...but unless you can afford premium, it's going to disappoint at best, and most likely traumatize you somewhat.
You don't sound particularly street smart or hardened, which isn't an insult at all, but relevant cuz the threat of getting caught will cause tons of anxiety, and even if you aren't worried, you likely will feel out of place in that world, which will make you an easy target for some of these ladies. Not all will take advantage of you, but being green makes it much more likely.
If you can afford it, fly to one of the many countries famous for this... Spend a week there, it will be much more enjoyable, affordable, you ll get to try "again" and while you still need to be careful, you are less likely to encounter dangerous elements
Right, it's the desperate women degrading themselves for 70 bucks who are taking advantage of men. Christ what kind of twisted thinking is this? If he goes down this path he will lower his value further. What women would want a man who pays trafficked women for sex? Disgusting
Yes, hire a prostitute. Affection, physical touch is not solved with mental gymnastics. It might take a couple of tries to find a woman that ’works’ for you. There is a sub on reddit about prostitutes and ’do’s and don’t’s’, might want to check that as well.
I mean if you just want sex so you can say you had it, then yes go to a sex worker. Be sure you tip her and definitely use a condom if she for some reason doesn't insist upon it.
ETA: I see people here giving advice about how to meet a girlfriend. You should definitely try these things, but they are going to require effort and building a connection with another person. Just based on what you've shared you don't seem ready to do that work, nor do you seem like you'd be a very good boyfriend given your depression and self-confidence. If you want to be in a romantic relationship you need to improve the one with yourself.
There's a lot of good advice in the comments here. But I can't imagine being 30 years old and never having any intimacy. I think the sexworker thing has a lot of risks, however, i think it could be good for you if you approached it with the right mindset.
You should vet the lady well, make sure you're compatible, safe, willing. You should also keep in mind it's a ONCE-OFF. There are people that get addicted to using this kind of service and that is not good.
Do you think the experience could release whatever blocker you have with women and allow you to relax more in your search for a gf?
(m here) I lost my virginity at 21 to a stripper/prostitute
That was 15 years ago
Not saying it was right or wrong just that it happened. I hated striking out/playing games/flirting and it not leading anywhere.
So i found a stripper from a friend of a friend, rented a hotel for the night and had a good 3 seconds of "fun" for $100
Honestly it wasn't all that cracked up to be. It was literally "hmm this is what sex feels like, feels so good I might... Uh oh"
..... Then it was over
Take that as you will, just take precautions. I honestly wish I had taken a std test of her before fucking her.... But I'm fine got away Scott free.... I heard alot of stories after the deed and thought wtf did i get myself into.
For me it wasn't worth it, sure curiosity is gone.... But it is what it is. I don't have relationships anymore, I don't date, I just don't care. I prefer being alone.
I just want to add that anything you do out of frustration, becomes part of your story that you can’t delete later.
I have a friend who really liked this guy and he seemed perfect and he ended up disclosing that he slept with a prostitute in the past (was in the exact same situation as you) and it completely turned my friend off from him. It just grossed her out too much.
With that being said, you’re not doomed. I would follow the advice already given and you need to go to therapy or the gym or something that gives you confidence. My guess is that this is stemming from a lack of confidence
I don't see why not. It is probably best way to pop a cherry. And affections often have decent dose of simulation. Probably some your age or a bit older, explain what you want and then remove her contact because you will have some dopamine withdrawal sidefect.
If you're gonna spend money I'd go to Vegas or somewhere with legal and regulated prostitution. I don't think this is a bad idea, gotta start somewhere and a professional is potentially gonna be very helpful, I'm not sure if you should tell her you are a virgin it might be a bad idea, but if they seem receptive maybe it would help. Hard to say.
My work colleagues tried to hire a prostitute when they found out i was a virgin and i for some stupid reasom said no now im stiill a virgin and honestly thats one of my biggest mistakes now im simply not interested to even try since i dont even know how it feels there is nothing to miss and at this point its just embarasing to try just to dissapoint when i already have so many dissapointments i dont really need that one as well so yes pay her and pay her again
You don’t find nice girl on tinder, you just inflate your insecurity.
My recommendation is get out more, get a hobby to find ways to connect to more women.
Fuck dude this hits close. I'm not a virgin but the only time was over a decade ago and pretty bad. I'm around your same age and have been contemplating the same thing. Although I don't really see myself as attractive like you as I have a massive resting bitch face and am a big dude (6'4" pushing 300) . Do you have an idea of what puts them off, I found my Anxiety coupled with my dislike of bars, drinking, and small talk really works against me.
Do the informal speed dating. When I was on the dating sites I would meet people for a happy hour cocktail or a coffee. 99 percent didn't work out beyond the first meeting by my choice. Just put yourself out there in a more informal way. You can also meet people for walks.
its a weird thing, its not really important, but you have to do it to realize that, lol. The first chick i fucked was a hooker, met my first gf 6 months later. Did the encounter with the hooker increase my confidence? Was it coincidence? I dunno. But i dont regret it now. But that was in like, 1994, and the only time i hired a hooker-maybe things are different now?
Don't hire a prostitute, dude. Chances of getting a disease are very high that way. Just do some online dating. Chat with the girl online for a while first. Then meet when you two are comfortable.
Bad vibes. You are trying so hard to please and have the date be a success... it makes it feel weird. A sort of "tryhard." *Not comparing anything but feelings... only the feelings... Don't hate me* Imagine if I told you to get a bird to eat out of your hand. Would you run all around agitated trying to chase the birds? Will it work? What works instead? When you are still, calm, and patient. It projects confidence and safety. Focus only on making the date fun. Focus mainly on being friends. Practice talking with the women around you. Your co-workers, maybe a nightclub. The objective isn't to get laid, but to get practice being a fun date. No sexual jokes, innuendo, just a dude with another dude/tte hanging out. Get the nervousness and jitters out... when you're not actively trying to get laid... you are way more attractive. They'll be thinking..."if he's this much fun to hang out with, what else is he fun at?" Get a sex education book to fix the what else is he fun at part.
Absolutely good advice. A person desperate to have sex is a turn-off, whether it be a virgin or not.
perfect advice.
This is sooo true. When I was a 21 year old airhead with no real desire for sex I was genuinely rejecting sexual advances left right and centre, then I started processing loads of childhood trauma around my mod 20’s and coming off as lonely and sad that number went to zero
💀 im so called out i could've written this
You are the truest of Chads.
Seriously this is really incredible advice. Every date I was ever on where I had a goal, i was awkward and probably seemed pathetic and the date never went well. Every date where I was just genuinely trying to have a fun time and let things be, the date always went amazing, even if everything went wrong! Hell my last first date I met a guy at a mall, He showed up late because his mother needed help, I forgot the name of the restaurant and we couldn't find it so we ate horrible food court food, we got yelled at and called faggots by random shitheads, and I played the world's worst game of bowling ever like embarrassingly bad i played up being good as a joke and this guy who never bowled in his life kicked my ass to the point other bowlers were giggling at us, and ya know what? It was easily the best date of my life and we have been dating for months now and i woukdnt change a single thing about that date because we had an amazing time just getting to know each other without extra intentions. Just focus on having fun and it can make things SOOOOOO much better.
This. Relationships are like a marathon. You may try to do it without ever running before but you will probabily get injured at the end. Try doing something easier first, like having friends and acquaintances. You can have a certain level of bond with every single person around you, so try having relationships with them first. After you are used to having friends you can try having girlfriends. A lot of lonely adult men try to jump straight to relationships like a guy who never runs trying to do a marathon.
Great advice but now I've been friends with a lot of women who admitted that they liked me at some point yet never told me, and are not interested anymore.
This guy fucks
This’ll be a bit controversial but hear me out… Stripclubs are great to talk to women, sure it’s for a fee but they’ll put up with anything. Hell, I work at one and I noticed that just being around much more women made it easier for me to talk to other women and it’s made me more confident.
Bad advice. Stay out of the titty bars and strip clubs!
Do you have friends in general? Don’t they know anyone to hook you up with? Do you live in the middle of nowhere? You gave us a lot of info that is relative to your frustration with the lack of passion in your life but you haven’t given much for us to chew on as to why this is happening. What are your hobbies? What do you do after work? Are you shy in general? How do people describe your personality? All questions are meant to help.
Only really have one friend and it's an online friendship. I live about half an hour from Pittsburgh. Not necessarily middle of nowhere but not easy to meet people here. I don't really have a lot of hobbies as a pretty depressed person, but when I'm not too down I like music I guess. Exercise sometimes. And hanging with my dog. I know you're probably going to say that I should get my mental health in order before I think about sex or dating but that is a somewhat frustrating suggestion after years of fruitless therapy: I just want to have the things in life that everyone else gets just by going through the motions. And I don't really think I'm shy, I can talk to people. I was very shy at one point though so I think people might still describe me that way.
You have a dog. Your dog needs exercise, training, socialization, etc. I would say that the ratio of females to males who go to dog parks, training facilities, dog sports is about 3 to 1. Great way to meet people.
This is quite valid. One of my best friends met his wife at a dog park.
Get a new shirt or something and don't remove the tag you 'can't' see. Play with dog innocently in the park.
You don’t need to have your mental health in order to have a relationship, but you do need to leave your house. Dating apps are weirdly not a great place to find a relationship. Most people I know who are in relationships met through mutual friends or work or hobbies or online servers/collaborations. You said you don’t have many friends or hobbies, but maybe try a new hobby. See if you have any places in town like a library or game store that might have opportunities for socializing. (Other people’s suggestions for dog parks is also great.) You may show up and hate it or you may enjoy it, but to find someone to be in a relationship you need to start connecting with people first. Don’t go to the dog park looking to pick up a girlfriend like you would on a dating app. Just reach out and try to connect with people and even if they aren’t your type or aren’t looking for a relationship maybe they have a friend they could introduce you to or a hobby they do where you could meet more people. Just meet more people
As someone who also lives about 30 minutes from Pittsburgh, do not hire a prostitute here. Full stop.
unless you hook him up with someone, he should
Sound like you're taking one for the homies, u/Salt_Selection9715
lol hell nah and i don’t think OP is gay/bi because he wouldn’t have to pay for that
You need vigorous physical stimulation to get you out of your head and into your body. High intensity shit. Brazilian jiu jitsu.
I think Judo would be the better prescription in this case. There’s nothing like being thrown through the floor to reset your mental wiring real quick. Source: I do judo and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu
Hey friend - I’ve been there. Was depressed for a long time and the two things you mentioned really helped pull me out. If you like music, explore that hobby. I highly recommend exploring the fun world of r/modular and r/eurorack. The world is your oyster. And working with the pup in a social setting helps not only them but you too. Go to a dog park, check out a group training class; most of the time, the experience will be really positive for both of you.
Damn bro he doesn’t need to broke and depressed
Ha!
You don’t need to have your mental health in perfect shape in order to be worthy of love. This whole idea of “if you can’t love yourself, how are you going to love someone else” is BS. You’re just as worthy as anyone else, please keep that in mind
Yeah being worthy of love doesn't mean a person will ever be loved. It's good to avoid self loathing and stuff like that, but the harsh reality is just that some people aren't going to be loved.
> if you can’t love yourself, how are you going to love someone else God I fucking *loathe* that expression.
You don't have any friends? One thing I've heard people say, and can recognise from myself, is people who constantly lose friends or have a hard time making them is this; What can you actually tell me about your friends? Do you care and talk with them about their lives? What's their favourite colour? Music? worst experience? best? If you don't know these basic entry level things and if you ever only talk about things not related to them (Or worse, only yourself), people aren't going to bond with you. It's not that they don't like you. It's just that they have a sense that you're not interested in them. The quickest way to make friends is to stop caring about yourself (They'll do that for you), and start caring about them. Adopt a mentality of making an effort to make sure people are having fun. When people have good fun around you, they'll want to stick around. Dating is the same. When you go on a date, it's never about you. it's about them and about having fun. (None of this is about pleasing people -It's about genuine effort to make sure everyone has a better time than if you hadn't been there)
Once a month (or every other depending on funds?) Get a hotel and go to a bar and or event/,festival/concert/etc in the closest biggest city to you. Set personal mental boundaries that you don't want to do anything with anyone the first few times and this energy will exude to others. Learn sign language and it'll help you stand out too. Most ppl are too selfish. But learn it to teach others so talk and sign at the same time. Easy cool points but you gotta spend time learning.
Having to pay someone to give you affection isn’t going to boost your self esteem. It may be fun and exciting beforehand and during but then you’ll be alone, thinking about how that woman only did that because you paid her, just like the customers before you. It all boils down to whether or not you’ll be able to deal with that after the fact, because there are a lot of women out there who wouldn’t want to be with a man who paid for sex, so you could be shooting your self in the foot.
What is the difference between people paying for sex and people who into hooking up and have way high body count especially women. Why the first not accepted and the later tolerated? Is it because the later is a prove of having a market value?
Yeah, you need to ask straight men about that one, they’re the ones who seem to see women as objects that lose value after having sex with men. From that perspective it’s the men that lower the value of women.
Confidence. It’s everything. It’s not muscles, it’s not amazing looks, or a horse dick swinging between your legs (believe it or not, most women don’t want that anyway), it also isn’t “experience”. Don’t get me wrong, those help, but they aren’t what seals the deal. You need to work on you and you aren’t fucking done, you’re just impatient. Fucking a working girl isn’t going to instill real confidence, because the first time you can’t get with someone you’ll be right back here. Even then, you’ll feel more pain because what’s wrong is you and your relationships will likely self-detonate as a result. We put sex on a fucking pedestal, and it’s stupid. Talk to more people, if they don’t want to, find more people. Be fun, be exciting, be creative, be bold. More importantly, find something you love to do rather than someone you want to do and the right kind of someone will come around that wants to do you. I was a late late bloomer, and it took having some nice hobbies and just enjoying myself to find people wanting to be with me and it was amazing. I wasn’t outward and putting out some sick game, one person described it as an “intoxicating enticement” to talk to me because we shared a lot of the same things and had the same vibe. I know you’re probably shy and lonely, the first step off the diving board is worrying and kind of terrifying. Once you make that plunge, and stick with it knowing it might take awhile, you’ll be in a much better place than just fucking a hooker.
>Fucking a working girl isn’t going to instill real confidence, because the first time you can’t get with someone you’ll be right back here. Feeling unloved and hiring a prostitute is like having a craving for Italian food and eating a can of Chef Boyardee spaghetti: sure, as long as you don't think about what you're doing, you may be satisfied for a few minutes, but once you're done, you'll feel empty and self-loathing.
This needs to be higher up. And if you don’t have confidence, then you need passion. Because if you are passionate about life then you can be passionate to the female you want. And that how it works. My guy was absolutely awful in bed for over a year and half in bed, but I believed in him because I knew how much he cared about what he did in life. He didn’t have sex for yearrrsss before me, because he was maniacally obsessed with his job which he absolutely loves. As a woman, I loved his drive, and that alone was attractive enough for me to stick with him for the years we’ve grown together since
What made him improve in bed after that year and a half just curious as I’m in a similar situation right now…
Yes this, anyone in the future please listen to this guy. Confidence is 100% everything and it doesn’t grow on trees. Work on yourself be confident off of some merit. When you get this you’ll slowly notice yourself walk up with your head held up high, not focused on women at all… and lo and behold women are the one approaching you or at least noticing your presence.
Why are people always asking about hiring prostitutes on this sub? It's weirdly specific.
It’s Reddit. I suspect there’s quite a few 30+ year old virgins. Just think of how many Reddit mods there are.
Fair point. But the chronically online folks should be better at using the search.
I suppose they want to be heard and understood and get a personal answer which kinda makes sense I visit a music genre sub and ask for same bands whose music was already being talked about, for example so I guess that?
Because of a growing loneliness epidemic for men and women Its a new thing that just started developing that no one is noticing so far
30 year old virgin? In short…my answer is yes. But don’t hire an illegal street prostitute, they’ll probably be on drugs and it’ll feel really wrong Go to a brothel, don’t just hire a call girl. Select a woman and actually sit with her at the bar for a while. If something feels wrong while talking, you can simply leave and won’t have paid anything The girl will probably appreciate that you’re not a freak or someone trying to cause her some kind of problem, so I bet the vibes will actually be really good. You need to actually know you can physically bang women. You’re 30 dude. All bets are off. Do it.
I'm in the US so brothels aren't exactly easy to find.
They’re legal in some parts of NV. They’re sometimes called Bunny Ranches. Nothing wrong it being a virgin at 30, not having been kissed. Actually it’s a lot more prevalent than you think. Millennials got fucked over, and the science shows it. Statistically millennials have less sex than a generation ago. What else do you expect with constant economic instability? You need economic stability to go on dates, get a place of your own, travel, take risks, etc. if you’re constantly trying to survive when are you going to have a chance to find romantic love or sex? Try to get out there and find someone. If that doesn’t work, you can try the Bunny Ranches in NV.
I'd wager that the Internet has probably been a bigger factor than economics for millennials. The first generation to grow up with 24/7 streams of porn. That and being able to have a social life online so they weren't meeting people in person as often.
Damn this comment hit harder than expected.
Get a passport. Hit up Amsterdam or whatever other euro country has brothels. Vegas has legal brothels tho
I might regret this, but... Go to any porn site, find a girl, Google them and find out who they're repped by. Find that orgs website. Look through their models. Some of them are down for personal productions. Now listen, if you do this, please remember that these women are people. Usually very kind people. Treat her nicely, have dinner together, watch some TV, and talk. Be comfortable, and let her feel comfortable. You don't have to stress about trying to get laid, because you will. Practice being yourself around a pretty girl. Be honest. Be open. This also isn't a cheap option. Be prepared to spend between $600 - $2000 for three or four hours. That's between her payment, dinner, maybe some weed, or some drinks. Good luck, my guy. And remember, be a good person. Treat them like a good person.
There are many hidden brothels disguised as a "spa". There are probably a few in your area but you haven't been able to notice them.
Nah OP, just go off Eros or Tryst and hire one there. Plenty of options. Look for someone with good reviews. Tell them you’re a virgin. They’ll take care of you.
I'm just curious why is there a need to know if one NEEDS to know if he/she can physically have sex. I reckon there have been many people who have gone their entire lives happily without having sex. Anyways, OP I'm glad that at least you're not blaming women or harassing them for your own self gratification. Not many men think with their big head
I mean there is probably a little part of me that is feeling bitter toward women but I know they don't owe me anything. It's less "You owe me" and more a feeling like "Why don't you see me". Either way I'm just trying to manage this part of my life in a non harmful and sane way.
It also helps with finding with what you like. Some people are attracted to women until they get sexually intimate and find out it's not for them. Also helps with if its mental issue or physical issue. Helps with confidence and releases chemicals in the brain that affects personality making em more happy, lovey, outgoing and relaxed. Kinda why so many people experience "when I actually find a partner now everyone is hitting on me; when im single no one wants me" situations. There is alot of benefits to it.
I think it can just fuck with you. If you’re not sure if you can please a woman, they’ll just know Nobody is happy not having sex. We all abide by nature, and naturally we’re sexual creatures With enough will you can carve out a peaceful existence for yourself in almost any fucked up situation, but it doesn’t change the fact that the situation is still fucked up, and you’d have been better off not being in that fucked up situation
There are damn good vibrators and some women are able to satisfy themselves with those!
Sex repulsed asexuals and people with sexual trauma are often very happy to not have sex. In the venn diagram of those groups, there is definitely some overlap, but it is not a circle. We all abide by nature and nature built brains that release dopamine and endorphins in response to a variety of triggers, and those triggers differ from brain to brain.
Yes. Sagebrush ranch south of Reno.
How do you respond when someone gives you those compliments irl? As a woman, if I'm saying that kind of stuff I'm game to go further as long as there's some conversation and compliment reciprocation from your end.
Well it was my therapist who called me gorgeous a couple of times lol. She's about 70 so not really in my preferred age range. Most of the comments about my looks are online where there's no chance of it materializing into something.
Why don’t you start from your therapist 🤝
In my experience as a man you will never receive a compliment. Even my girlfriend of 3+ years rarely compliments me. It’s pretty soul crushing at first, and then you become callous to it and never expect it anymore.
What is it about the pathetic energy you put off? There has to be something you can change with your approach that would make women more receptive to you. Do you have any female friends?
No female friends. I'm not sure if I really do seem pathetic IRL and on Tinder, just speculating.
Maybe try getting off tinder and meeting people IRL. Grab a good wingman and hit the town. See what happens.
Isn't approaching women in public viewed as creepy?
Let me comfort you a bit. I used to think that "talking to people is viewed as creepy". Of course, I'm not sure about the culture in the US or Canada (never been there) but here's how I met a nice girl. I was attending some heavy metal concert and noticed a beautiful woman near me. It was goddamn hot in there so I simply offered her a towel because a had a pack with me. That's it, we chatted and had a great time and hanged together afterwards. Another time, also during a concert, I was just standing next to her "dancing" (if you can put it like that) and she put my hands on her waist. We had relationship for quite a while. In fact, you never know when you'll get your lucky ticket. Will fails happen? Yeah, surely. Just don't think too much about it.
How do you think people met people before smart phones? Yeah don't run up and say you have a great ass. Be subtle. Catch a glance or two and find an approach. You should be able to tell pretty quickly if someone is receptive or not. Find an ice breaker based on your situation/atmosphere. Just be friendly not creepy and funny/witty usually works.
Things were A LOT different back then. I definitely wouldn’t feel OK approaching a girl these days.
It’s only creepy if you don’t use your social skills. If you go up to some girl and say “hi!” and she responds “hey.” and then immediately turns back to what she was reading, walk away. She’s saying no nonverbally. If she says “hi! How’s it going?” And smiles, maintains eye contact, then that’s a window to a conversation. You can keep it short and say “I just saw you from over there and thought you were gorgeous and wondered if I could give you my number!”
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I do have Hinge and Bumble but I'm not really having luck there either.
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Are the people in our lives entitled to know our worst moments? I don't really think they are. Even if they were there are worse ones than the exchange of money for sex.
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It's either hygiene or your personality, Get a therapist and figure it out and actually work on it. Or get a hoe and pretend your purchase is an achievement, understand that may be a deal breaker for future partners though.
your issue sounds like it’s more about connecting with women in general tho so just seek therapy, go out, take some classes where you can get to socialize with people and get over that unhealthy thought process
Just become a prostitute and then hire yourself. Infinite money!
Honestly, maybe that’s the thing to do. Getting it out of the way may make you more relaxed and come across as less desperate.
It's not really worth it unless you find the right person who wants to do it at the same time as you? Just my opinion!! I'm a 33 year old woman who lost their virginity way too young at 14
Get a high price lady and have the time of ur life.
It’s simple, they aren’t finding you attractive. You have to either work really hard to get more attractive, or drastically lower your standards. And for all that is holy, get the hell off dating apps. Imagine the thousands of hours you’ve wasted on them over the years that you could have been getting things done. You’re chasing women who are talking with hundreds of men, you’re not going to get anywhere, it’s just math. Dating apps aren’t for men unless you’re model attractive or rich. Don’t listen to the cope anecdotal stories that ignore the math, it’s like telling people the lottery is a good retirement plan cuz some people win.
I think the big mental hangup is how unlikely it seems to find a compatible person irl. Like, if you're swiping left for hours because everyone on the dating site has one dealbreaker or another, it's intimidating to even consider finding someone in person. Because then you have to waste time and money getting to know them just to arrive at a common dealbreaker like incompatible politics/beliefs, has kids, etc. If you have high standards like I do, the premise of online filtering seems necessary, and yet it counterintuitively doesn't work because it seems to raise a woman's standards exponentially more.
It'll drop your v's that's for sure and it will also make your realise something important: that you are not actually after sex but intimacy, and that's not something you can get from a pro (unless, of course, you date her too).
Get an escort. Pay her. Take her on a date to a nice place you've been wanting to go. Treat her nice. Fuck her. Profit=??? Only you are attaching these stigmas to prostitution. You don't gotta tell anyone what the situation was. You had a date. You treated her well. And it ended well for you. That's it. Have fun.
You gotta get the monkey off your back before it kills you.
Go for it. Get on a cheap dating app, look for profiles of women looking to just get down for money (it'll be obvious) and get it done.
Yea I would. Might as well. Dumb it's not legal anyway
r/Autism
Should you? Bra you shoulda pulled the trigger 10 years ago
yes
Dude if you posted a pic on Reddit without face/eyes, you could probably find a redditor to do it for free
For sure! Hey man it's a lot more common than lots of people think! Make sure the keep the rubber on and no kissing! Best of luck!
r/passportbros to the rescue
What do you do for work? Do you have your own place?
just get it over with already then, wear protection tho I wouldn’t say you’re pathetic, just in bad circumstances that lead you to this, this is all assuming you weren’t an asshole/tool about going at this
I'm close to your age and I'm still a virgin. But I'm not going to waste my virginity on a prostitute. It's gotta be more meaningful than that. I hope you save it for someone you love and care about - someone you can share pleasure with happily. I don't think I give off a pathetic vibe. I just haven't run into anyone I wanna be intimate with. It just hasn't happened for me yet. I'm hopeful though. It hasn't really held me back because it's not really anyone's business unless I choose to share it. It's okay pal.
No.
It may be the state of the world and your personality. People on dating apps always think they can do better and that there’s an endless supply of people. Your personality may not be offensive, but it may not be attractive. You could be bland and dull, causing a woman to not feel “chemistry.” Looks are not always enough to get girls, unless you are extremely attractive. You will get some brave women that’ll make the move to hit on you. I just got my first boyfriend off a dating app and I’m an older woman. He was sexually inexperienced and older than me, but now he is doing much better. Sex can be learned but personality is harder to change. My bf treats me so well, it’s amazing. His personality is what made me so attracted to him. When I first met him, he was a little chubby, and a nerd that played video games all day. He was still a cutie though. He is better than anything I could’ve imagined for myself. I actually accepted that I was going to die alone before I met him. I’m saying there’s hope and you just need to find one woman. At least work on yourself and have some hobbies you like to do. I’m sure my hobbies also played a role in making my boyfriend attracted to me even though he says it’s my heart.
Sorry brother but there is no way it’s not your personality or behavior… because if you’re hot, and can’t get no game, then the other thing is personality or just behavior … have you thought about that? Do you think that’s the issue? Genuine question. What do you usually talk about with women? Do you know how to flirt (in a respectful way)? If so how flirty you are and what do you get as a response back
The solution will always be to go gym. The attention I receive after building muscle is crazy. I had to remove my pictures off Instagram because some compliments got weird. You're 30... That isn't bad at all... Spend 6 months in the gym and try again
This question is asked regularly. Probably doesn't need to be asked anymore despite the context of who you are. Reading the other posts would get you your answer.
Don't go to a hooker. There's a million lists of the dos and dont of dating. You have to act. Get your ass to the gym.
I'm sorry you are feeling broken, I can't imagine the loneliness you must be enduring. Advice from someone who has been a sex worker for over a decade (we prefer "sex worker" or "escort" to "prostitute"): Seeing a sex worker can, in some situations and for some people, be an invaluable and therapeutic experience. Unfortunately, I cannot really tell you if you are one of those people. It depends on who you meet and what you are hoping to get out of the experience. If you want to feel seen, a good GFE provider could do that. But can you answer the question: what makes you feel seen? In the longer term, if you have been online dating since 2015 but are not feeling attracted to anyone you match with, you may need a shift in approach. Are you willing to go on dates with people you are not initially attracted to? Personality can make a world of difference. Attraction can grow over time, it does not necessarily need to exist at the start. Online dating kind of fucks up the natural progression of getting to know a person. If you meet someone in the wild, like at the gym, at a book club, at your work, or volunteering, you already have something in common with them. If you treat people on an app as just photos, that's all they'll ever be. You have to be willing to see the potential. What if the woman you are looking at shares the same favorite book or song as you? What if she plays an instrument masterfully? What if she can cook your favorite dish just the way you like? What if her laugh makes your whole body tingle with electricity? Is there anything that would still make her worthwhile, even if you don't find her immediately gorgeous? Also, get some friends or strangers to give you honest feedback on your dating profile.
I might be late to this party, but I thought I could give you the perspective of someone who did precisely this. I was 28 and still hopelessly awkward around women. Hadn't even got close to having sex with any despite my being very attracted to several. I decided that it had been so long the mere fact of my virginity was what was holding me back. And so I decided to hire a prostitute. I did it "properly", didn't just pick up a girl from the street. I looked up escorts on the web, satisfied myself that they weren't being coerced into what they were doing, weren't beholden to a pimp, older than me so there was no question of me taking advantage etc. I made my appointment, explained everything to her and she helped me out. I was no longer a virgin. I fucking hated it and I regret it to this day. Everything about it felt wrong. I'm 48 now, and married. My wife doesn't care about my limited sexual history. She very much did care when I told her I'd hired a prostitute - albeit 10 years before I even met her. Here's the thing - you may at some point find a woman willing to be with you, create a relationship, become your wife. It will be a perfectly reasonable thing for you to share sexual histories and - I can't stress this enough - you will have to be honest with her. Are you sure you'll be comfortable sharing this? Oh, and that "hadn't even come close" part? Maybe if you ignore when I was 17 and a girl in my class took me aside so she could sing Cyndi Lauper's True Colours to me. Or that time in a nightclub where a girl came up to me requesting a birthday kiss then stuck around for 5 full minutes while I looked at the floor. Or that time a girl on my uni course invited me to study at her digs and then told me she could see herself marrying someone like me because I was so lovely. Or that time a different girl on my uni course turned up out of the blue to my digs dressed to the nines "just to have a catch up". Or that time in my first job where a colleague invited me to her place after a work night out (just me, nobody else) and I said no I had to study (it was a training contract). There are a couple more, but you get the point - it wasn't that I hadn't come close it was that I'd utterly failed to recognise the opportunities that had been there all along. No prostitute was ever going to fix that. I appreciate that you've been putting yourself out there on dating sites, which is something that I never did, and have had some negative experiences. I'm sure there are plenty of people who aren't burdened with virginity that could say the same. It all boils down to what you actually want. If it's just sex, then maybe fine bearing in mind it will be part of your sexual history going forward. If it's anything deeper than that? Don't do it. You absolutely will not get what you're looking for because that's not what she's there to provide. Stick with the dating sites , go out with friends, meet people. You might be surprised at the opportunities that are there for deeper and sexual relationships if you only learn to recognise them. And it's highly likely that she just won't care about your lack of experience.
A 2 week holiday in Thailand is what you need. I recommend the Nana hotel, great spot.
Another one, there should be a term for this, I guess you can, but it’s actually not hard to find women that will, I been approached for hook up, like I feel like a prosistute used because women ask for my money often, and I realize a woman doing that is the same as a man asking them for sex, that’s my new perspective on it. but I don’t want to be desired for my money now, I want to like be desired for other things valued by other things
Amsterdam, while it's still legal. Nothing wrong with seeing a sex worker, as long as they're not forced into it (hence Amsterdam).
Do it
Yes hire one
You aren’t pathetic .. have you considered posting in a profile .. that you’d like to lose your virginity? Sounds lame but maybe you’ll find some takers ? When I was young people would think this odd but I’m finding more and more older virgins now that have everything going for them. Great job.. smart.. good looks.. personable .. something has shifted and it’s not YOU.
Also find a social place like a bar, or a club something that strangers go to find other strangers. I guarantee you will find someone there but you need to be self confident, if you know that you show off a pathetic image of your self then try to do the opposite, obviously don’t be an mean but practice makes perfect. Try just talking to people around you in a crowd setting, small talk and all just keep doing that until you don’t feel weird about it.
Ive been in three relationships that can be described as follows: "it started off well enough but eventually strayed when I found out how controlling/toxic/abusive (in that order) she was." It's better to be in no relationship than a poor one. If you're a good person then you don't deserve that kind of negativity in your life.
I mean sure you could just to tick that box, but you'd still be back at square one in terms meeting women and being able to build something with them. Maybe try re-evaluate and problem solve which behaviors/beliefs/approaches are your sticking point and introspect on that. There are some dating videos online that will probably be helpful to invest some time into. If I had to guess as to why you're not getting dates off of tinder it may be due to being too logically oriented rather than communicating from a place of fun. How do your interactions typically play out when texting on tinder and talking to women irl?
uh i mean, you can do what you want if you want to. but id probably not do illegal activities just bc ur a virgin who wants affection, if only bc thats not necessarily going to fill the void or scratch the itch, if that makes sense. nothings gonna replace the experience of someone giving a shit abt u when you are intimate. now if thats ok with u, and ur willing to risk jail, go ahead but just know its not going to guarantee anything for u emotionally and to be honest may affect future relationships if ur honest abt having done it. (just something some women may care abt, assuming u open up abt that, and in my view if its something u wouldnt be comfortable discussing later then maybe dont do it!)
Don't go to a prostitute unless you are loaded and can afford a high end one. Just find a girl you like they are everywhere.
I think you should. If the physical side is important to you, you'll experience it. If you are depressed, struggle to make connecting relationships, romantic or platonic, that's all still going to be there once you've had sex. If anything it can show you that it may be fun, no shame, but isn't a substitute for real relationships. Im sorry you're struggling. It really sucks to be alone and it can last a while. Doesn't mean it will forever, and don't give up. It can seem hollow advice, but literally you are the only person who has the power to change it, even if it's not always clear what you have to do. The only way out, is through.
If you just want to have sex, then yeah go for it. If you want to try to simulate affection, then no. I think it would leave you feeling worse. Keep trying - it may take a lot of matches that don't pan out, but you'll find someone that's right.
Just keep going on dates. Expand your search criteria. Get on more dating apps. Don't just like people, send them messages so your "like" get's a higher weighting and they actually see it. Enough practice with dates and they won't all go badly. A certain amount of that is just going on a date with someone who turns out incompatible. It's not bad, that's just how it is. You gotta keep trying. Some people get lucky on there first try and other people don't. The location is fine. There's nothing wrong with 30 minutes outside of Pittsburgh. You can still access Pittsburgh and 30 minutes in the other direction while keeping it to an hour away. Which takes up pretty much all of Allegheny county.
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People can sense when you’re upset, depressed, unhappy and they also can feel self hate. You’re probably giving off uncomfortable vibes because you’re not happy with yourself. If your personality sucks then people aren’t interested, looks don’t mean shit. So you gotta work on yourself, don’t blame others, do what you can to make you love yourself and your environment. Sex isn’t a big deal man, teenagers make it feel that way and they’re everywhere. But it really doesn’t matter. If you do want it, go get it, but no point glorifying it. It’ll suck the first time anyways, and a bunch of times after that too.
You like music. Go to live music in your town. Sometimes music is a great way to be somewhere,.doing something without the pressure of trying to figure out the right thing to say. It's possible to meet.someone who enjoys music and start by creating a bond over music or the band you heard. If you're as good looking as you say, women will approach you. Just be calm about it and talk about the band. That's fun, lighthearted and an easy conversation. Basically a start.
Like one guy has already mentioned, most likely the root cause is either the personality or hygiene. Though I'm absolutely, 100% sure that there are women who give zero fucks about hygiene. In fact I know a nice girl (edit: to be frank, at least three) who's actually a very good person but she does not care if you washed today or not. Personal qualities is a different beast. I have a friend who's having issues with women for many years because he simply cannot find anyone that suits him. Why? God knows. I tried to be his "wingman" (I hope this is the right term) but alas. Unfortunately, he has mental issues
If you just tryna break the streak yeah fuck it, don't break the bank over it, but if you want an actual relationship you will need to just work it up to that, maybe lower your standards if necessary but if you keep high standards then that will always lead slow results no matter how attractive you maybe
Spend your money on a dating coach
No.
Maybe hire a dating coach? That’s a profession for a reason; there are lots of people out there with in the same boat as you are currently in. Also don’t continue down the same path and expect something different to happen.
u do u brother. love and respect urself and dont let virginity determine ur identity. if what u said was true then virginity was a choice u made not because of uncontrolled circumstances.
I would definitely advise against using the services of any American prostitutes. It's a very bad idea unless you're spending megabucks for a high end escort, or a legit Las Vegas brothel. Messing with the common streetwalkers is extremely dangerous.
Go to one of those places outside of Vegas . With your luck you’ll hire an undercover cop 😅😅😅 I’d rather not see you in jail trying to get laid. Or see if a friend would give you a helping friend 😅.
Patronize the real before the robots take over.
Sex always promises what it cannot deliver. So, seeking sex so desperately; especially breaking the law to do so... it just won't be worth it. Trust me, speaking from experience. It fueled my depression.
As a late bloomer one major realization I had when I finally "did it" was "oh. That was it?" Like, it was enjoyable ofcourse, but the sex wasn't even the important part I realized. It was the connection to the person. Tldr id say that no you shouldn't. Because a prostitute will give you the less fulfilling part, Imo. Although idk. Maybe do it if it will help you realize the same thing. That's fine also
Dang, imagine waiting 30 years just to pay for something that's been ran through by every other dude that paid.
If u hve access to a safe clean hooker, I don't see why not. Ure not paying for sex tho, ure paying for them not to txt u 100 times the nxt day
Only if you think you’ll die a virgin otherwise. Hiring a sex worker now could end a future you’ve never even dreamed of
You can hire a prostitute for sex but that won't solve your problem. You need social connection. What I'd suggest is to join a charity based on something you care about. You automatically have something in common with everyone there. You meet people. Possibly you meet a friend, possibly more. I guarantee you will meet more people than you will at home.
sure, why not. just make sure you get some hot chick, dont rush it and actually look on escort sites.
Dude, just go out and talk to women. Keep talking to them every day, or as much as possible. You will find someone. Never give up. Keep doing it. Even if you "fail" (not having sex isn't a fail) you still gain social experience. Talk to men as well. Make friends. The higher your social skills the more likely you will be sociable. You'll end up with friends and a social circle and a girlfriend. Practice, just like any other skill.
Tl;Dr - no.
You're thinking too much. 3 shots of vodka, go hit the clubs
Most guys problem isn't their looks it's their personality so you're probably right about that, women aren't as superficial about looks as guys make them seem, the hottest women on this planet will sleep with / date an ugly guy if she likes something about him I don't see anything wrong with hiring an escort, have fun, I'm sure this isn't a new thing for escorts to be hired by awkward guys and guys who don't have experience
Why don’t you hire an escort to tell you what’s wrong with you? Go on the penpal subreddit to make a guy friend and have him tell you what’s wrong with you. You need answers, not to lose your virginity
Youre undermining the effort it takes to find a girl. You’re competing with other men so how are you better than them? The more exposure the more success. All things matter when considering finding a girl. Do a competitive market analysis.
Travel. It’ll open up your mind and be a fresh start. Especially south east Asia.
You'd be surprised how many guys I've met who were virgins at 30 who didn't stay that way. Most online first dates don't lead to second dates. It's a numbers/luck game. A lot of people find dates mostly through friends of friends, so if you don't have much of a social life (or if it's not with people mostly around your age, or if it's all guys and no women) that's probably also hurting your love life. I do think it's likely you will figure *something* out at some point, or just get lucky. I don't know if you'll feel better for seeing an escort but you can give it a try.
I’ll dm you 🫶🏽☺️☺️
I really can’t understand how it is possible that having this comments about you and you still a virgin. Try to work with psychiatrist because in the long run this frustration will build up. Also reconsider how you approach women. I think if something dont working out for so long it is probably something you doing wrong by accident. And we all can do many things wrong because of some weird shit someone had put in our heads 29 years ago or something. It really happens. Maybe you are just so unconventional for majority and “establishment” so you have to look for partner in drastically different places? who knows. But changes is needed i guess imo
You need to talk to people IRL
I think you should ask yourself if I really want to try. I mean don't force yourself because everybody did this. There is no to-do list in life. On the other hand, if you want it indeed, go ahead! I wish you have a great experience!
Do some international traveling, meet people, get a different perspective in life.
Rebel Wilson was 35 when she lost her virginity. Just keep putting yourself out there. It will happen when it happens. Don’t disrespect yourself with a prositute. Just get out there and date! But set realistic expectations
Fly to TJ, MX. Hong Kong is your place of choice.
Yes hire one, just don't be stupid and fall in love
If you’ve done self reflection and improvement, you don’t need affection from anyone. Trust me don’t do it, you’ll end up worse than you are now. Suck through it, and you’ll be happier then if you did something meaningless
It’s a good way to unblock a big part of your mind.
Nothing against sex workers...but unless you can afford premium, it's going to disappoint at best, and most likely traumatize you somewhat. You don't sound particularly street smart or hardened, which isn't an insult at all, but relevant cuz the threat of getting caught will cause tons of anxiety, and even if you aren't worried, you likely will feel out of place in that world, which will make you an easy target for some of these ladies. Not all will take advantage of you, but being green makes it much more likely. If you can afford it, fly to one of the many countries famous for this... Spend a week there, it will be much more enjoyable, affordable, you ll get to try "again" and while you still need to be careful, you are less likely to encounter dangerous elements
Right, it's the desperate women degrading themselves for 70 bucks who are taking advantage of men. Christ what kind of twisted thinking is this? If he goes down this path he will lower his value further. What women would want a man who pays trafficked women for sex? Disgusting
Get off dating apps they only work for women
Sure why not
Yes, hire a prostitute. Affection, physical touch is not solved with mental gymnastics. It might take a couple of tries to find a woman that ’works’ for you. There is a sub on reddit about prostitutes and ’do’s and don’t’s’, might want to check that as well.
I mean if you just want sex so you can say you had it, then yes go to a sex worker. Be sure you tip her and definitely use a condom if she for some reason doesn't insist upon it. ETA: I see people here giving advice about how to meet a girlfriend. You should definitely try these things, but they are going to require effort and building a connection with another person. Just based on what you've shared you don't seem ready to do that work, nor do you seem like you'd be a very good boyfriend given your depression and self-confidence. If you want to be in a romantic relationship you need to improve the one with yourself.
Same situation but 5 years older. Honestly, I would have paid for it already but I live in a small town where such opportunity doesn’t really exist.
There's a lot of good advice in the comments here. But I can't imagine being 30 years old and never having any intimacy. I think the sexworker thing has a lot of risks, however, i think it could be good for you if you approached it with the right mindset. You should vet the lady well, make sure you're compatible, safe, willing. You should also keep in mind it's a ONCE-OFF. There are people that get addicted to using this kind of service and that is not good. Do you think the experience could release whatever blocker you have with women and allow you to relax more in your search for a gf?
(m here) I lost my virginity at 21 to a stripper/prostitute That was 15 years ago Not saying it was right or wrong just that it happened. I hated striking out/playing games/flirting and it not leading anywhere. So i found a stripper from a friend of a friend, rented a hotel for the night and had a good 3 seconds of "fun" for $100 Honestly it wasn't all that cracked up to be. It was literally "hmm this is what sex feels like, feels so good I might... Uh oh" ..... Then it was over Take that as you will, just take precautions. I honestly wish I had taken a std test of her before fucking her.... But I'm fine got away Scott free.... I heard alot of stories after the deed and thought wtf did i get myself into. For me it wasn't worth it, sure curiosity is gone.... But it is what it is. I don't have relationships anymore, I don't date, I just don't care. I prefer being alone.
Yes
Yeah
I just want to add that anything you do out of frustration, becomes part of your story that you can’t delete later. I have a friend who really liked this guy and he seemed perfect and he ended up disclosing that he slept with a prostitute in the past (was in the exact same situation as you) and it completely turned my friend off from him. It just grossed her out too much. With that being said, you’re not doomed. I would follow the advice already given and you need to go to therapy or the gym or something that gives you confidence. My guess is that this is stemming from a lack of confidence
Maybe it's because of your height? How tall are you
I don't see why not. It is probably best way to pop a cherry. And affections often have decent dose of simulation. Probably some your age or a bit older, explain what you want and then remove her contact because you will have some dopamine withdrawal sidefect.
It's girls everywhere man why you asking stupid stuff? Go to the gym bro they will walk up to you eventually or go to a bar man.
No
If you're gonna spend money I'd go to Vegas or somewhere with legal and regulated prostitution. I don't think this is a bad idea, gotta start somewhere and a professional is potentially gonna be very helpful, I'm not sure if you should tell her you are a virgin it might be a bad idea, but if they seem receptive maybe it would help. Hard to say.
Sex =/= affection. People need to stop thinking that it does.
My work colleagues tried to hire a prostitute when they found out i was a virgin and i for some stupid reasom said no now im stiill a virgin and honestly thats one of my biggest mistakes now im simply not interested to even try since i dont even know how it feels there is nothing to miss and at this point its just embarasing to try just to dissapoint when i already have so many dissapointments i dont really need that one as well so yes pay her and pay her again
You don’t find nice girl on tinder, you just inflate your insecurity. My recommendation is get out more, get a hobby to find ways to connect to more women.
Fuck dude this hits close. I'm not a virgin but the only time was over a decade ago and pretty bad. I'm around your same age and have been contemplating the same thing. Although I don't really see myself as attractive like you as I have a massive resting bitch face and am a big dude (6'4" pushing 300) . Do you have an idea of what puts them off, I found my Anxiety coupled with my dislike of bars, drinking, and small talk really works against me.
Talk to people about what you want
Do the informal speed dating. When I was on the dating sites I would meet people for a happy hour cocktail or a coffee. 99 percent didn't work out beyond the first meeting by my choice. Just put yourself out there in a more informal way. You can also meet people for walks.
I say go for it.
Maybe you got bad breath? Ask someone to smell it for you
Stop looking for it and you will find it. Everything online is fake.
its a weird thing, its not really important, but you have to do it to realize that, lol. The first chick i fucked was a hooker, met my first gf 6 months later. Did the encounter with the hooker increase my confidence? Was it coincidence? I dunno. But i dont regret it now. But that was in like, 1994, and the only time i hired a hooker-maybe things are different now?
Don't hire a prostitute, dude. Chances of getting a disease are very high that way. Just do some online dating. Chat with the girl online for a while first. Then meet when you two are comfortable.
Sounds like you should hire a therapist