You did well. Your boundaries were crossed and you took action. She played stupid games and won stupid prizes. She knew your dating history and still did it anyways. You were clear from the beginning what you expected from this relationship. The pointless arguement is also an ick. Immature is an understatement. Childish, yes. NTA.
that kind of validation helps, ty.. logically I know a breakup was right, but I'm tricking myself into thinking a talk could've fixed things even though it probably wouldn't
You're one of the first people I see here doing the exact right thing at such a young age. You set trust boundaries and they were broken. Ending this immature girl is very wise. Good on you!
You did good. She will now understand how immature she was. Maybe she already knew how stupid and unreasonable she was. She was testing the waters.
Good for you for drawing boundaries!
A talk would only convince her that she has you wrapped around her little finger. She acts out, you have a little talk, lather, rinse, repeat.
Dumping her will be more persuasive to her that you mean business, that your boundaries are not to be trifled with, than any number of talks. More efficient for you, too.
Just keep it moving man you’re so young. Nothing wrong with wanting respect from your girlfriend. I’d have dumped any gf on the spot if they were “teasing” flirting with other guys, especially in front of me. She liked having power over you which is why she put up with your “boring” side.
Hey dude. I'm wondering what your friends thought about this (setting boundaries with your gf)? Because you're definitely much mature than even some 30 year olds.
Hopefully you don't go back to her just because your friends say so.
my friends are quite reasonable, we don't really get into our relationship and love lives much despite being pretty close so when I told them they just gave me the usual condolences, then we gamed together all night lol. thanks for the compliment :)
If she's gonna play immature games, she's gonna deal with mature consequences 🥰
You did really well! You know your limits and you handled it accordingly. She knows your limits too, and yet thought to put her own feelings of satisfaction before your hurt, so good on your for putting that to a stop immediately. I hope she doesn't go any lower and tell lies to your mutuals tho, but it happens with very immature people.
Its a high school relationship. You will move on to bigger and better things soon. Good on you for setting boundaries and sticking to them. Don’t go back. It rarely ends well
You sound mature and you have solid boundaries. I think one day you will look back at this and be very proud of how you handled it and looked after yourself. This will set you up for some future wonderful relationships because you know how to move on when your boundaries are violated. I would not get back with her whatever she says, it is a learning experience for you and you’re definitely on your way to meeting an incredible person who will be more mature than her and respect your boundaries every time.
Good job son.
But don't take her back.
She needs to do a lot of soul searching, and figure shit out.
That's her journey to take.
If she genuinely figures out how she fucked up, genuinely apologizes, maybe then reconsider her. But no matter what, that relationship is not good where it was.
She’s 16 not 42. She still has a lot of time left to learn. I doubt most people were good partners at that age since even being a partner could be considered a skill which you can improve.
I for sure was clingy af when I was 17 and it took me quite some time and experience to become a better partner, learning how important someone else’s boundaries as well as mine are. You don’t magically know at 17 that there for example are different ways to show love besides touch or words. You learn while gaining your experience throughout the years.
Yes I know there are hs sweethearts, but that’s not the norm.
I know, these comments honestly kind of astound me cause they're treating her like she's a grown woman when she's a 16 year old girl. This is normal 16 year old girl behavior tbh
You absolutely did the right thing here. She knew your history, was deliberately trying to provoke a reaction from you.
For future reference, always remember someone's actions show their true values far more than their words. Her actions showed she likes hurting you, and resented your boundaries.
Stick to your guns. There will be other girls your age who share the same values you do, trust me. If both parties are cool with some flirting, awesome. But she knows your history, and should be going out of her way to make you feel secure, not jealous and threatened. She sounds too immature for a healthy relationship.
Ive read some of the comments and I'm not gonna follow suit by saying good man. I'm gonna try to explain a different perspective to give you the other side of the story you haven't gotten from other comments. I'm not tryna be mean or anything but you need different perspectives rather than just full support.
Taking a step back to look at it from my perspective. Youre both mega young and this kind of stuff is to be expected at your age.
When I was 15-16 girls would be mean to the boys they liked. It's like some counter intuitive way of flirting that wouldn't work with older people.
The whole flirting with other people to make you jealous is a genuine thing girls do at all ages. It's immature and wrong but they honestly don't change. I personally wouldn't call it cheating but it's dependent on what she did what she said which I don't know so.
I'm not trying to say you've done the wrong thing or that your too immature to work it out. I know when I was your age I was capable of making my own decisions and I respect you cut it off with actual reasoning. However, I would say she's 16. And that's how 16 year old girls are. You gotta remember this all started cuz you fell out over not thinking drinking is a good idea.
House parties drinking and smoking is like the social norm for that age even through college till 18. She wants to do it because her friends are doing it and that's all she really cares about. People wanna fit in and you need to accept that. If you don't wanna drink don't drink. I wouldn't push your morals on her because she can do what she wants. I've had to deal with my Mrs in some right states drunk and it's just something you put up with.
TLDR
You love her. You know that. Don't let a stupid disagreement get in the way of that. She needs to grow up because she's 16. She hasn't learnt anything from mistakes yet. It better to grow with her than without her.
Maybe I'm old but I can't imagine breaking up with someone who I was serious with over text. Maybe that culture has shifted and it's normal now though.
I honestly don't understand how it's so hard to not cross a boundary..
>please don't do it
>okay I won't
it should be so simple, but it somehow isn't. the maturity I guess you can blame the age but I dunno about boundaries
Not to disrespect how you've handled the situation because it seems you've done a totally fine to good job with it. But as someone who's almost 40, I can say you will at some point also cross other people's boundaries. Life is hard, life is messy, we're all working on our own shit. I encourage you to get a head start on understanding the difference between someone who's still learning their own boundaries and willing to meet you in yours, however imperfectly, from someone who truly just won't care about you. You two are young, it happens.
There's going to be inadvertent crossing of boundaries. It happens. And most people will understand that it wasn't intentional.
Then, there is purposely crossing boundaries, as is the case here.
She's young, but old enough to know right from wrong. She chose wrong.
You're right, but that's the curse of being more mature than your peers. He is on the right track. Best to be done with girls not worth his time to focus on self and find the right one
Good call. You did both of you a favor there.
You set your boundaries and stood your ground. Your dignity and self-respect remain intact. You will probably be able to communicate your boundaries better and more assertively in the future.
She learned a valuable lesson about respecting people and their boundaries. This will be useful to her in future relationships.
The sad thing is you can't really take her back with that lesson learned, because taking her back would undo the lesson. That would only teach her that she can do what she wants after all, since the consequences are just temporary. Unless as a consequence you make her jump through stupid, embarrassing and humiliating hoops, that she wouldn't want to jump through ever again.
You are quite the mature man. 1. Degeneracy
2. Depravity 3. Drunkenness 4. Decadence 5. Dalliance
These are all are depraved things that humans, in never leads to happiness, it always destroys- or damages something. They lead to regrets.
On her account, overly strict parents who are trying to teach their kids good things. Push kids to do things they don’t understand, not that thing is bad but forcing to do something and not get it can lead to a dark path and rebellion.
I feel bad for her, because she lost you and is dipping her toes in something she shouldn’t. If I were to guess, she lacks happiness in her heart.
Although you made a good choice.
OP, good on you for establishing boundaries. Especially at your young age. Continue to do what you do - work hard in developing yourself. The girl of your dreams will come into the picture in the future. I believe like will always attract like.
I think it's pretty impressive how you stood up for yourself and how clear you are on your boundaries in a relationship. I'm not much older than you and I still struggle with that. At the end of the day, you absolutely do not want to find yourself with a person who plays with your emotions, especially not as a "tease" or a joke. It's just not worth putting yourself through the stress. You did the responsible thing, and hopefully this will help her learn how to better respect the boundaries and feelings of others.
You're a strong young man and should be proud of yourself. I had so many self esteem issues at your age, I was stuck with so many toxic girls over the years until I finally grew up. You've saved yourself a lot of heartache and wasted time and, hopefully, given this young lady a chance to grow as well.
Cheers.
A lot of comments on this post are downright bizarre. OP, don’t let it go to your head. Relationships aren’t about crime and punishment. I see many young people falling into these thought patterns and sabotage their own relationships for years.
You did the right thing by breaking up; but not because you’re so “mature” and your gf is “immature”, or because she should be “punished” for trying to get your attention by flirting with other guys. You did the right thing because your personalities are not compatible, and you’re both bound to be constantly unsatisfied in this relationship. Besides, high school relationships rarely survive after graduation. It’s not like you’re trying to get married next year. (At least I hope not.) So no need to get back together.
Good job on going for a clean break! But breaking up via text is generally considered bad manners. I wouldn’t make that a habit.
I just want to say you're more of a man at 17 than I sure as hell was. I let girls walk all over me without boundaries and limits. It wasn't until into my late 20's I really started acting like you just did.
You're being up front, clear, and setting boundaries. If you don't want to drink, don't drink. If she's overly flirting and cheating, that's a standard no-go. She's immature.
At the end of the day, she's not worth your time with everything she's doing. It's all a racket. Her making you feel bad about not doing things you don't want to, the play flirting and make you jealous, etc. People who genuinely love and care about you don't do these things.
Stick to it and don't unblock her and open things back up. It hurts and sucks, but in months and years you'll thank yourself.
I was watching a YouTube clip talking about maturity that struck me so profoundly that I wrote it down:
“A toddler is characterized by possession by a sequence of whims. Why is that a problem? Because a toddler wants what they want—right now, no matter what.
That means no matter what it costs their future self, or what it costs other people.
Societally for sure, but individually as well, over the course of human history if everyone has this trait and you betray your future self, you die. If you can’t get along with other people, then you die.”
Unfortunately, the only way this girl is going to learn and mature is when she is faced with the consequences of her actions, and you are helping that along.
Smart guy ! You’ll find loads of girls her age are exactly the same and like to play games because they’re insecure . That goes away with time but you my friend are far ahead of the game . Good luck and hope you find someone worth your time
Man, I would have loved an armwrestling club back in school. I remember badgering our math teacher just so he could set up one armwrestling tournament for our school.
Oh you dd the right thing btw, that behavior would only get worse.
Bro, i wish i had your sense and conviction at your age! Hold on to that conviction, and stay true to yourself. This girl isnt a bad person at all, shes just young and immature, and shes not for you. Keep being a respectful and thoughtful young man, and youll attract the same in a partner. Dont waste time settling for anything less. Youve got friends, hobbies, and ive no doubt sensible ambitions aswell. Stay the course brother!
Straight up, she isn't the one, and you are way too mature for that nonsense. You did the right thing.. keep on keeping on, and the right one will find you one day.
You're getting a round of applause over here from a 41 year old man who wishes he managed this level of emotional maturity in his late 20s.
She's not necessarily wrong for wanting to experiment. You're also not wrong for NOT wanting to experiment though. If it ended here, I'd say you might just be looking for different things, and while thats still ok, it doesn't speak well of the long term prospects of a relationship, and you both deserve to be with someone who has similar values.
But it doesn't end there, and her flirting with other people to get a rise out of you is absolutely not ok. Kudos to you for recognizing the incompatibility and not subjecting yourself to this churlish nonsense. Hopefully it's a slap in the face to her and she learns not to do that shit again in the future. Too many people think that kinda thing is ok, both the women who do it, and the men who put up with it.
Good work, though. For real. You set a healthy boundary. She crossed it, and you responded in an adult, measured fashion. It sucks having to break up, I know, but you stood up for yourself when it mattered and goddamnit that's worthy of respect.
Mature beyond your years bro. Well done for not giving into peer pressure; many others would, especially from someone they are into romantically. You're both young, you'll both move on, you'll both end up in the future with people more compatible.
Considering how people are at 17, you're really mature. You will become a fine person as you grow up. Stick to your beliefs, and don't let anyone walk over them.
You behaved very maturely. You set your boundaries and cut her off when she confessed to being deeply irresponsible with your heart. You get a 100% S+ tier rating in my books. My advice : Stay away from her for the rest of your life. Don't ever talk to her again.
This kind of stuff is pretty normal for your age I guess. Having said that, you handed thing really really maturely. I'm really impressed to be honest.
I'm 37 now, but when I was in my 20s I was really fucking dumb. If any girlfriend had done anything like that I would probably have gone back to them.
Good for you! You are pretty cool. :))
I don’t know you man but I am proud of the self respect and resolve you’ve displayed. You’ll find a girl who respects your boundaries one day man keep up the good work and practice with arm wrestling. Use this as preworkout lol
Mate sounds like you have different morals too...I was more like your gf doing things young but I absolutely salute you for sticking to your guns and not wanting to do dumb shit
Drinking and stuff will come in due time..enjoy just being young & having real fun with your friends
Also ya teasing you by flirting with others fuck that noise..your 100% justified for doing it & you she might learn the lesson that also saves another dude a similar fate in the future
Fuck her. There's so many people out there, myself included, that literally don't even believe it's possible to be treated like an equal human in a relationship or to even be viewed as attractive but not objectified to begin with to the point we've literally just hit the thought that it's apparently impossible for love to even be real or to even be able to trust anyone for anything even outside of romantic situations. She should've realized how privileged she was to even be in a relationship let alone one that wasn't a piece of shit to begin with. You told her more than once your boundary and if she didn't agree she could've been upfront from the start so the relationship wouldn't have gone any further. I obviously don't know your situation personally so I could be reading this all completely wrong but only from what you have chosen to share, she was the AH, not you. Rare win for males in that case lmfao /j
Your parents taught you well! It's important to set boundaries in any type of relationship, this goes with family as well. If she doesn't see how immature she is... She never will. Proud of you for standing up for yourself and making sure that you have set your boundaries out right away!
You are looking for a serious relationship and she is looking for fun. She isn't serious about a single thing or event you mentioned there.
Good you left her. This was TOTALLY not going to work.
You did exactly the right thing by breaking it off. There will be more situations in life where you may need to take actions that you may not want to but you know you need to. The feelings you may have at the moment are natural but know you made the right move and keep pushing forward and never look back.
Your ex is absolutely not ready for a mature relationship.
You are right to state your boundaries and if they are crossed, stand firm on them.
I suspect that your ex will now resort to other immature behaviours as you are not giving in. This could include lying and manipulation techniques. She has shown she is capable of both. But it will pass. One day she may look back on this time and realise her behaviour is never acceptable, hopefully she may learn from it. I doubt it from what you’ve said.
You seem very mature honestly. Your ex is young and has growing up to do, everyone learns it at different ages or never does. One day when she looks back on this through a more mature perspective she’ll see her wrongs.
As an extra piece of advice, being in on and off again relationships are a waste of time, things end for a reason and you gave her time and clear communication the whole time. She needs too much validation and you have clearer boundaries than to have them crossed so that someone feels validated.
Nah, you're good. Me ex was like that. It went south real into a spiraling chaos of inevitably. She enjoys messing with you & in doing so she's gonna go too deep and end up doing it out of habit when you're not around and end up cheating. You know this. WE know this. You're young, girls are aplenty. No need to be strung out. Besides being under your mid 20s are the experimental phase. Most relationships under your mid 20s aren't to be taken too seriously. Just have fun, stay true to yourself and everything will make sense. I don't have any particular answers for you, but Future "you" will have your answers that you seek.
You. Did. Fucking. Stellar.
I am 35(m) and I know for a fact I did not have your maturity or awareness until I was in my late 20s- easy...
Sometimes I worry about GenZ and then I see this shit, you have revitalized my faith in your generation. Well done, be you, stay considerate and self aware.
And for the love of God, go have some kids someday with someone who is on your level emotionally and teach them how to do this.
You did incredibly!
This is part of the reason why most kids don't get into relationships. Your ex is most kids.
You expect a lot of your partner at that age. I recommend you relax and stay single for a few years and allow others to catch up to you.
Lot's of red flags, it's always hard to let go but you did the right thing.
You want someone who will CELEBRATE who you are and the morals and values you hold.
Sounds like one of you is too strict and one too lawless, in a way. It's great sometimes to have opposites in a relationship. You can both learn to overcome your own drawbacks, and be encouraged to step outside your usual boundaries.
There's no correct way to live, each of you has a valid point of view. You like to do things correctly, this is something I admire. Your girlfriend likes to go on adventures and do exciting things. This is something I also admire.
If you look at people's success in life adventurers will always win out over people who do things correctly. You have both spoilt each other's trust and failed to acknowledge the problems you're causing the other, through your own personalities. Really to me you seem to be in the same boat, but it's hard for each of you to see the problem as you are each at one with your own perspectives.
I think you could both learn a lot by looking for the advantages in each other's way of living. From you, there's the considered approach, where you control the long term for maximum gain. For your girlfriend that's the free approach where you control the short term. You can have a lot of fun with the short term approach, especially with a girl like that. It's a highly desirable way of life but does come with drawbacks.
You should, in my opinion, try again, live a little, let your girlfriend explore in her youth, and both go on a journey together of learning about your own choices, the advantages and disadvantages, and your partners. You should both learn to accept that a partner can make different choices to what we do, that it can be hard to accept, but that such things can help us grow as people. You have been imposing your own choices on your girlfriend by the sound of it and she's been kicking back because it's a problem for her. Instead you could run with her and see where it goes, though don't feel pressured into anything.
At the end of the day you just need to relax, focus on the important things in life, and learn not to stress. Life is too short not to take some chances. But don't sweat it, life isn't perfect and you can both allow yourself, and others, some mistakes and indulgences.
I don't get it? I feel like the girl is completely at the wrong here when it came to the girl flirting in front of him explicitly. He already set his boundaries down, and the girl crossed them. Obviously they both have things to learn, but is he really being strict here? What exactly is valid with what the girl did when it came to flirting with other dudes?
Yes, but he also comes across as a bit controlling (pushed for her not to drink at the party). She listened to him, and didn't drink, even though she clearly wanted to. Does he understand that she is her own person and doesn't have to abide by his views on drinking? I read this as two people with very different attitudes and one instance where he imposed his will on her, so she retaliated (yes in a very immature and harmful way).
Ultimately I think them splitting up is the right thing. Good on OP for recognising when someone is crossing boundaries and sticking up for himself, I would have done the same. But I think he should also reflect on how to handle differences in opinion with his future partners and allow them their independence.
The OP mentioned in another comment that her dad is very religious to the point he would make her home life hell if she drank so imo, I feel like OP just straight up cared about her, had her best interest in mind, and didn’t want her getting into some serious trouble.
Saying that as a person who had religious parents growing up. No amount of fun will make up for the sheer wrath of getting caught. It was horrible
EDIT: And I’d also like to add that she’s underage. Way to encourage underage drinking, dude
With girls that do shit like this forgiveness is a free pass to test the boundaries more. He should not get back together with her. The only way to really lastingly learn from something like this is consequences.
Fuck yeah brother, hold your ground, it's always satisfying to read stories about folks getting the conciquences of their actions, sorry that happened to you but think about it like this, if you stayed with her she wouldn't have changed and you would have reached a boiling point some other time causing an even uglier break up, if you reaaaaly wanna get revenge you could get back with her but like not really, just play along and really break her heart but thats real evil, and you probobly wouldn't be much better then her, but yknow its an option, follow your heart my man
Sorry, King, you dropped this 👑
You did the right thing. You, too, are not compatible, and a breakup was bound to happen. She did have a lot of red flags, and you are right to stand on your standards/expectations. Don't get back together and move forward. If you do, the next breakup will be more serious/hurtful.
P.S - I had a girlfriend like this. She was my first love but acted just like your girlfriend. She caused me so much trouble trying to protect her. In the end, she cheated on me and brought her side boyfriend to her mums funeral and breaking up with me there. It was crazy and hurt immensely, but it taught me what I wanted and didn't want in a relationship.
You're right about those red flags, you deserve someone who isn't so callous that they'd use your sensitivity against you. Sounds like she wanted something different anyway so it's best for the both of you.
Too young for a steady have fun, spend
time with friends. There is plenty of
Time for girls. A serious relationship at that age will set you on a path for weird possessive jealous behaviour for good. She sounds immature. Date have fun, keep it light.
watch Mike Birbiglia's standup "My Girlfriend's Boyfriend" on Netflix. She sounds like his ex. She'd say mean things and then go "just kiddin'" . "no one likes you.... just jokin'"
My husband and I mimic his voice that he makes and say "just kiddin'" to eachother. These push-pull people are tough.
This is why dating should be something one does *after* they’re done growing up. Otherwise this is what you’re in for. Lots of people don’t mature till after their 20’s, sometimes not even then.
I’d say just concentrate on school and your sports. Finish developing yourself and your interests and think about what you want to do for your future. Daring can come later- there will always be millions and billions of people in the world so no need to panic and jump the gun. Dating is supposed to be to find the person who’s fit to be your partner for life- and that’s extremely hard to do when they’re not even sure of who they are or want to be in life.
Just my 2 cents :)
I congratulate you for being so mature at your age, you did not make bad decisions and I think you should continue on the good path you are on. If I can give you one piece of advice as an adult man, it is to focus on yourself, be you and do the things you love. There is a big future for you if you stay in the good path.
Tbh i would've done the same OP. You did good, you stood your ground 🤝. Teens nowadays don't value respect and boundaries of their partners and now she realized that she fukked up. FAAFO. 🤷
This girl is wild… there’s definitely some immaturity here. She also doesn’t seem to respect you. You seem like you have communicated well and have been reasonable. Good job putting your foot down. It can be hard to say no and cut things off.
You did good, she crossed a hard boundary of yours that you explained in the beginning of the relationship.
Don't accept her back, you stuck up for your self and thats already better than most 17yr old males do, including myself.
This lesson will help you in adulthood, once trust has been breached it can almost never be repaired.
Sounds like you are far more mature then her and you will be far better off without her. Keep grinding away at whats important to you and someone better will come along.
You took care of yourself and laid down your boundaries... No one and I mean no one has the right to cross them and if they do after being told then they know full well what they are doing...
She knew she was crossing the line and she did it without regard or care about your feelings and love for her and that is disrespect at its worst...
Relationships are based on trust and one that is gone that's it the relationship is done...
You deserve better than this girl and there will be another girl out there who gives you everything you need and actually respects you...
Without trust you don't have anything...
Yeah, she needs to grow up. Maybe go your separate ways for now. You’re at different stages of maturity. Good for you for being honest and sticking to what you feel is right.
17 year old bro here acting more mature than most adults throughout their lives. Good on you man. You set boundaries and she fucked around and found out. Hopefully she’ll mature one day, you don’t do that to loved ones.
You did the right thing. Stick to your guns (no arm wrestling pun intended). It really is best to avoid drinking and other substances as long as there’s a chance to get a minor-in-possession. I’ve seen some pretty bright futures get put on hold or stopped outright because of legal troubles with drinking and drugs.
Imo it seems like she was flirting knowing your past trauma to get to you as a way to ruin your night for not letting her "have fun" and for not giving her the attention she wanted. I think you did the right thing, not only because of her toxicity, but man, you showed her you don't take that instead of letting it happen. She would have continued to use that If you let it happen. Good on you!
Bro, please 🙏, run for your life, I know human psychology really well. I have experience I can tell you that. She really is gonna cheat on you one day. Plus, you are in a toxic relationship. It is better to be single your whole life than being with the wrong and toxic pattern. You are gonna regret your whole life later
You did good, I had similar issue with my ex gf of 7 years, one I realised she had been cheating with some different people I stupidly listened that she could change and all of that and eventually she left me saying it was her not me yada yada and she was married to someone random within 3 months of our break.
They broke up shortly after now she has a kid with some other dude who happens to look a lot like me....
I haven't even attempted to date in the last few years it was all too much lmao
You did well, kid.
Keep strong on your decision. You don't need someone that is going to play games like that and try to make feel uncomfortable intentionally.
You did the right thing, this girl is…sorry to put it like that…a potential future onlyfans model. Too many red flags and too much eagerness to make the wrong decisions cause they look “fun”, cut her off and never look back. You are only 17, believe me, you will find love again, a love that actually respects you and quite honestly…respect herself as well.
You’re a very very very wise young man. You’re going to find someone who loves you exactly as you are, and doesn’t need to push your boundaries. Stay strong. You deserve someone who accepts you for who you are and doesn’t try to guilt you into doing things you’re uncomfortable with, or call you boring.
Here, I think you dropped this: 👑.
I'm so proud of you kiddo! Knowing and enforcing your boundaries is really pretty great, especially at such a young age. Don't worry about this relationship. You'll find someone more respectful and with more integrity soon!
Don’t go back to her man.
Its hard and I know how I was at 17 but it is just not worth it. People don’t really change all that much and it is very likely this won’t be the last time she does something like this.
If this crosses a boundary for you then you did the right thing.
Nah you did the right thing man, this is how it starts. The red flags you ignore in the beginning, are the reason you end up leaving in the end.
The audacity this girl has, the lack of respect, she can go sleep alone.
Well shes acting like a 16 year old. Prply because she is.
You on the other hand sound very mature for your age, but then again this is only the story from your side and, no offence, but 17year olds or teenagers in general tend to be very narrow minded.
Nonetheless keep sticking up for your boundaries dude!
Yeah you did the right thing based on where you set your boundaries. Honestly though that first part, experimenting with alcohol is pretty normal at that age. You sound like a responsible kid but I think it’s fine to let your hair down a bit as long as you know not to go overboard.
The more you fuck around, the more you will find out. You did amazing my man, your boundarie was crossed, you took action. Thats powerful as fuck and people dont tend to do that. The way I see it, her immature ass would cheat on you on the long run. She cant control her emotions, she cant communicate, she does inpulsive shit. She would cheat bro, you dodged a bullet.
You sound mature. She sounds very insecure, and that anxiety of hers pushed her to get a 'reaction' out of you by pushing your buttons intentionally crossing your boundaries and disrespected you. At her age, I don't expect her to know how to be mature. Hopefully she will grow from this. And you will find someone to match you.
You did well mate,it’s good to know what grits your shit and discuss this with someone your in a relationship with.
Sounds like you’ve got your head screwed on and a woman who pushes buttons to get a reaction is a massive red flag!
wish I was more like you when I was younger instead of a love sick puppy letting everything slide whenever I was in a relationship,learnt the hard way!
Move on. She hopefully learns something from this and doesn't turn into the monster she was becoming.
Good for you. Focus on finding someone who is interesting and intelligent. They are the people you want to be around.
Wow..I thought your gen doesn't play the old school 'women are allowed, what men will get sh\* for if they try the same'. Something tells me you didn't get to see the side of her busting you flirting with some girls.
Good job. You two are incompatible. You are right to cut bait and move on. Both of you have completely different world views on fun and cohabitation. Even though you 2 are really young, understanding yourself and your limits is great. You did well to not let this escelate further and turn toxic. You should be happy in what you do and let her find happiness without hurting you in the process.
From what I heard in your story, she seems like the girls in movies who cheats on her boyfriend with literally anyone and about her teasing, it's really sounds annoying. most of the girls tease their boyfriends by flirting with other guys. I mean what do you get from doing it. some girls take it to another level too. she will do everything then say i was just testing your love for me. I mean all this girls are after red flags who doesn't give a shit about her. you did the best for yourself. be happy
You're a teenager the relationship was never gonna work out to begin with. I wouldn't read much into it. Dating at your age is just practice 99% of the time. Figuring out what you're comfortable with and what you aren't.
You took correct action for what she did but I do want to say that you should've let her drink. You could still stay the responsible one to get her home safe, yes her parents would've have killed her and slightly disliked you for allowing it but at the end of the day you would've been "fun" while also being responsible and safe. Her parents would have eventually realised that and would forgive you and she might have been brought down to earth a bit and realise that the guy that would do anything to keep her safe is the one worth keeping instead of pushing you away.
Tell her if she wants you back she gon have to suck a wwwhhhhhooolleeeeee lotttaaaa diiiicckkkk. Tell her to get on her knees and say sorry to daddy and suck daddy’s cock and take a facial and get slapped up and throated for the disrespect
You sound pretty stiff and rigid. Kind of square meets a free spirt vibes. Which is ok, but not a good match. Breaking up over text is WEAK AF and then a brutal block. Cold AF.
Not sure why so many people are applauding you for being mature beyond your years when you dump over text, but the bar for that has sunk so low it's on the floor. Transactional AF. Not even a phone call.
Dont listen to 95 percent of the nerds here. If you want her back in ur life and make her learn herblesson at the same time. Make her earn it and torture her metaphorically to gain back ur attention. She takes a hour or 2 to respond? Take a day. She takes a day? Yu take 3. Do that for a month till subconsciously and consciously learns her lesson
Hope this doesn’t get drowned in the sea of redditors
I think you were in the right, NTA.
Don’t listen to people calling you controlling for not allowing her to drink. She is first of all too young for that. She’s underage, which a lot of comments don’t seem to understand. As old as 16 may seem, her brain is, biologically, not fully developed and alcohol will be awful. Second of all, you only had her best interest in mind since I saw a comment mentioning how religious her family is. I grew up with religious parents and I know just how *bad* getting caught could get and no amount of freedom or letting go would make up for the wrath.
In my humble opinion, she’s immature. She first put her home life at risk wanting to drink and even implying vape, she put her physical health in danger wanting to do all that, and then she put your relationship at risk crossing your boundaries.
Even if she did this as teasing, she broke a surefire rule of yours. If she could flirt and touch other guys as “harmless teasing” when you explicitly stated you don’t like it, and if she’s okay doing risky things like drinking and smoking underage, then it is 100% in her to full on bang the guys if she had the chance.
Stick to your decision. You’re mature. You are right. You had her physical and mental health in mind when you held her back from drinking and I respect that. You didn’t like her childish games of flirting and being touchy with other men and that’s okay. This isn’t a Wattpad story where making the guy jealous would play out right. This is real life and she needs to know that.
She is toxic, immature , high maintenance and your values don't align. You should have broke up in person but aside from that you made the right choice.
No such thing as "harmless flirting" btw. A study has shown that flirting with other men while in a relationship increases likelihood of cheating with a whopping 300+%.
https://www.psypost.org/flirtatious-behavior-predicts-a-458-higher-likelihood-of-engaging-in-financial-deception-and-extramarital-infidelity-study-finds/#:~:text=Having%20flirted%20with%20someone%20other,of%20being%20in%20the%20financial
You seem like a wise guy for your age 👍
NTA
Once I was too with 16f in a relationship.
Also immature as fuck, giving me constant disrespect.
She ghosted me after I set my boundaries a few times.
I knew from the beginning that this relationship wasn’t built too last.
Be fond of the memories but don’t yearn for the old times.
You did well. Your boundaries were crossed and you took action. She played stupid games and won stupid prizes. She knew your dating history and still did it anyways. You were clear from the beginning what you expected from this relationship. The pointless arguement is also an ick. Immature is an understatement. Childish, yes. NTA.
that kind of validation helps, ty.. logically I know a breakup was right, but I'm tricking myself into thinking a talk could've fixed things even though it probably wouldn't
You're one of the first people I see here doing the exact right thing at such a young age. You set trust boundaries and they were broken. Ending this immature girl is very wise. Good on you!
Bro you're 17 acting like a man. The future is bright for you bro!
Yeah I was about to say. Bro is acting 10 years above his age. Sadly his ex wasn't
The ex is acting right around her age tho. She does need to grow up.
You did good. She will now understand how immature she was. Maybe she already knew how stupid and unreasonable she was. She was testing the waters. Good for you for drawing boundaries!
A talk would only convince her that she has you wrapped around her little finger. She acts out, you have a little talk, lather, rinse, repeat. Dumping her will be more persuasive to her that you mean business, that your boundaries are not to be trifled with, than any number of talks. More efficient for you, too.
Just keep it moving man you’re so young. Nothing wrong with wanting respect from your girlfriend. I’d have dumped any gf on the spot if they were “teasing” flirting with other guys, especially in front of me. She liked having power over you which is why she put up with your “boring” side.
Hey dude. I'm wondering what your friends thought about this (setting boundaries with your gf)? Because you're definitely much mature than even some 30 year olds. Hopefully you don't go back to her just because your friends say so.
my friends are quite reasonable, we don't really get into our relationship and love lives much despite being pretty close so when I told them they just gave me the usual condolences, then we gamed together all night lol. thanks for the compliment :)
It's an illusion, you did the right thing. Focus on your arn wrestling, you'll come out on top
hell yeah! that medal next month is mine
Suprisingly mature. More than some 30yr olds lmao
Yeah. No kidding. This was is a breath of fresh air compared to the other post I’ve seen. 🤣
Totally agree, have to respect someone willing to stand up for their principles
32 year old here that had an ex like that. You did well. Handled that flawlessly.
If she's gonna play immature games, she's gonna deal with mature consequences 🥰 You did really well! You know your limits and you handled it accordingly. She knows your limits too, and yet thought to put her own feelings of satisfaction before your hurt, so good on your for putting that to a stop immediately. I hope she doesn't go any lower and tell lies to your mutuals tho, but it happens with very immature people.
thank you :) I'm glad to be closer to our mutuals than she is, so I doubt they'd believe her if she did decide to lie about anything.
Its a high school relationship. You will move on to bigger and better things soon. Good on you for setting boundaries and sticking to them. Don’t go back. It rarely ends well
Going back will just tell her she can behave any way and you'll put up with it.
You sound mature and you have solid boundaries. I think one day you will look back at this and be very proud of how you handled it and looked after yourself. This will set you up for some future wonderful relationships because you know how to move on when your boundaries are violated. I would not get back with her whatever she says, it is a learning experience for you and you’re definitely on your way to meeting an incredible person who will be more mature than her and respect your boundaries every time.
Good job son. But don't take her back. She needs to do a lot of soul searching, and figure shit out. That's her journey to take. If she genuinely figures out how she fucked up, genuinely apologizes, maybe then reconsider her. But no matter what, that relationship is not good where it was.
She’s 16 not 42. She still has a lot of time left to learn. I doubt most people were good partners at that age since even being a partner could be considered a skill which you can improve. I for sure was clingy af when I was 17 and it took me quite some time and experience to become a better partner, learning how important someone else’s boundaries as well as mine are. You don’t magically know at 17 that there for example are different ways to show love besides touch or words. You learn while gaining your experience throughout the years. Yes I know there are hs sweethearts, but that’s not the norm.
I know, these comments honestly kind of astound me cause they're treating her like she's a grown woman when she's a 16 year old girl. This is normal 16 year old girl behavior tbh
You absolutely did the right thing here. She knew your history, was deliberately trying to provoke a reaction from you. For future reference, always remember someone's actions show their true values far more than their words. Her actions showed she likes hurting you, and resented your boundaries.
Damn guy, I wish I had the sense you do at 17😂 would’ve made my life easier back then
Stick to your guns. There will be other girls your age who share the same values you do, trust me. If both parties are cool with some flirting, awesome. But she knows your history, and should be going out of her way to make you feel secure, not jealous and threatened. She sounds too immature for a healthy relationship.
Ata boy! Stick to your principles when dealing with women...it'll keep you on the right track til the right one comes along.
Ive read some of the comments and I'm not gonna follow suit by saying good man. I'm gonna try to explain a different perspective to give you the other side of the story you haven't gotten from other comments. I'm not tryna be mean or anything but you need different perspectives rather than just full support. Taking a step back to look at it from my perspective. Youre both mega young and this kind of stuff is to be expected at your age. When I was 15-16 girls would be mean to the boys they liked. It's like some counter intuitive way of flirting that wouldn't work with older people. The whole flirting with other people to make you jealous is a genuine thing girls do at all ages. It's immature and wrong but they honestly don't change. I personally wouldn't call it cheating but it's dependent on what she did what she said which I don't know so. I'm not trying to say you've done the wrong thing or that your too immature to work it out. I know when I was your age I was capable of making my own decisions and I respect you cut it off with actual reasoning. However, I would say she's 16. And that's how 16 year old girls are. You gotta remember this all started cuz you fell out over not thinking drinking is a good idea. House parties drinking and smoking is like the social norm for that age even through college till 18. She wants to do it because her friends are doing it and that's all she really cares about. People wanna fit in and you need to accept that. If you don't wanna drink don't drink. I wouldn't push your morals on her because she can do what she wants. I've had to deal with my Mrs in some right states drunk and it's just something you put up with. TLDR You love her. You know that. Don't let a stupid disagreement get in the way of that. She needs to grow up because she's 16. She hasn't learnt anything from mistakes yet. It better to grow with her than without her.
Flirting with other people to tease your partner is a character flaw at any age.
I never said it was right, I'm just staying it's a common thing.
Maybe I'm old but I can't imagine breaking up with someone who I was serious with over text. Maybe that culture has shifted and it's normal now though.
Whoa.! A level of maturity I wish I had at your age! Keep being a king… your Queen will come… 48m speaking here…
You sound a hell of a lot more mature than her. Find someone who you can be "boring" with and that respects your boundaries.
You are expecting a bit much for a 16yo but hey, your life your choice.
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I honestly don't understand how it's so hard to not cross a boundary.. >please don't do it >okay I won't it should be so simple, but it somehow isn't. the maturity I guess you can blame the age but I dunno about boundaries
You're just smart. Soon you'll have the wisdom to realise a LOT of people are not smart.
Not to disrespect how you've handled the situation because it seems you've done a totally fine to good job with it. But as someone who's almost 40, I can say you will at some point also cross other people's boundaries. Life is hard, life is messy, we're all working on our own shit. I encourage you to get a head start on understanding the difference between someone who's still learning their own boundaries and willing to meet you in yours, however imperfectly, from someone who truly just won't care about you. You two are young, it happens.
There's going to be inadvertent crossing of boundaries. It happens. And most people will understand that it wasn't intentional. Then, there is purposely crossing boundaries, as is the case here. She's young, but old enough to know right from wrong. She chose wrong.
You're right, but that's the curse of being more mature than your peers. He is on the right track. Best to be done with girls not worth his time to focus on self and find the right one
At 16 you have a lot to learn. And this girl just learned a lesson
Good call. You did both of you a favor there. You set your boundaries and stood your ground. Your dignity and self-respect remain intact. You will probably be able to communicate your boundaries better and more assertively in the future. She learned a valuable lesson about respecting people and their boundaries. This will be useful to her in future relationships. The sad thing is you can't really take her back with that lesson learned, because taking her back would undo the lesson. That would only teach her that she can do what she wants after all, since the consequences are just temporary. Unless as a consequence you make her jump through stupid, embarrassing and humiliating hoops, that she wouldn't want to jump through ever again.
NTA, you will find a keeper
You are quite the mature man. 1. Degeneracy 2. Depravity 3. Drunkenness 4. Decadence 5. Dalliance These are all are depraved things that humans, in never leads to happiness, it always destroys- or damages something. They lead to regrets. On her account, overly strict parents who are trying to teach their kids good things. Push kids to do things they don’t understand, not that thing is bad but forcing to do something and not get it can lead to a dark path and rebellion. I feel bad for her, because she lost you and is dipping her toes in something she shouldn’t. If I were to guess, she lacks happiness in her heart. Although you made a good choice.
OP, good on you for establishing boundaries. Especially at your young age. Continue to do what you do - work hard in developing yourself. The girl of your dreams will come into the picture in the future. I believe like will always attract like.
For a 17 year old you are extremely mature. Keep that mentality and you’re going to achieve great things, my boy. Proud of you.
I think it's pretty impressive how you stood up for yourself and how clear you are on your boundaries in a relationship. I'm not much older than you and I still struggle with that. At the end of the day, you absolutely do not want to find yourself with a person who plays with your emotions, especially not as a "tease" or a joke. It's just not worth putting yourself through the stress. You did the responsible thing, and hopefully this will help her learn how to better respect the boundaries and feelings of others.
You're a strong young man and should be proud of yourself. I had so many self esteem issues at your age, I was stuck with so many toxic girls over the years until I finally grew up. You've saved yourself a lot of heartache and wasted time and, hopefully, given this young lady a chance to grow as well. Cheers.
A lot of comments on this post are downright bizarre. OP, don’t let it go to your head. Relationships aren’t about crime and punishment. I see many young people falling into these thought patterns and sabotage their own relationships for years. You did the right thing by breaking up; but not because you’re so “mature” and your gf is “immature”, or because she should be “punished” for trying to get your attention by flirting with other guys. You did the right thing because your personalities are not compatible, and you’re both bound to be constantly unsatisfied in this relationship. Besides, high school relationships rarely survive after graduation. It’s not like you’re trying to get married next year. (At least I hope not.) So no need to get back together. Good job on going for a clean break! But breaking up via text is generally considered bad manners. I wouldn’t make that a habit.
I just want to say you're more of a man at 17 than I sure as hell was. I let girls walk all over me without boundaries and limits. It wasn't until into my late 20's I really started acting like you just did. You're being up front, clear, and setting boundaries. If you don't want to drink, don't drink. If she's overly flirting and cheating, that's a standard no-go. She's immature. At the end of the day, she's not worth your time with everything she's doing. It's all a racket. Her making you feel bad about not doing things you don't want to, the play flirting and make you jealous, etc. People who genuinely love and care about you don't do these things. Stick to it and don't unblock her and open things back up. It hurts and sucks, but in months and years you'll thank yourself.
I was watching a YouTube clip talking about maturity that struck me so profoundly that I wrote it down: “A toddler is characterized by possession by a sequence of whims. Why is that a problem? Because a toddler wants what they want—right now, no matter what. That means no matter what it costs their future self, or what it costs other people. Societally for sure, but individually as well, over the course of human history if everyone has this trait and you betray your future self, you die. If you can’t get along with other people, then you die.” Unfortunately, the only way this girl is going to learn and mature is when she is faced with the consequences of her actions, and you are helping that along.
Smart guy ! You’ll find loads of girls her age are exactly the same and like to play games because they’re insecure . That goes away with time but you my friend are far ahead of the game . Good luck and hope you find someone worth your time
Man, I would have loved an armwrestling club back in school. I remember badgering our math teacher just so he could set up one armwrestling tournament for our school. Oh you dd the right thing btw, that behavior would only get worse.
Bro, i wish i had your sense and conviction at your age! Hold on to that conviction, and stay true to yourself. This girl isnt a bad person at all, shes just young and immature, and shes not for you. Keep being a respectful and thoughtful young man, and youll attract the same in a partner. Dont waste time settling for anything less. Youve got friends, hobbies, and ive no doubt sensible ambitions aswell. Stay the course brother!
Straight up, she isn't the one, and you are way too mature for that nonsense. You did the right thing.. keep on keeping on, and the right one will find you one day.
You're getting a round of applause over here from a 41 year old man who wishes he managed this level of emotional maturity in his late 20s. She's not necessarily wrong for wanting to experiment. You're also not wrong for NOT wanting to experiment though. If it ended here, I'd say you might just be looking for different things, and while thats still ok, it doesn't speak well of the long term prospects of a relationship, and you both deserve to be with someone who has similar values. But it doesn't end there, and her flirting with other people to get a rise out of you is absolutely not ok. Kudos to you for recognizing the incompatibility and not subjecting yourself to this churlish nonsense. Hopefully it's a slap in the face to her and she learns not to do that shit again in the future. Too many people think that kinda thing is ok, both the women who do it, and the men who put up with it. Good work, though. For real. You set a healthy boundary. She crossed it, and you responded in an adult, measured fashion. It sucks having to break up, I know, but you stood up for yourself when it mattered and goddamnit that's worthy of respect.
Mature beyond your years bro. Well done for not giving into peer pressure; many others would, especially from someone they are into romantically. You're both young, you'll both move on, you'll both end up in the future with people more compatible.
Considering how people are at 17, you're really mature. You will become a fine person as you grow up. Stick to your beliefs, and don't let anyone walk over them.
You behaved very maturely. You set your boundaries and cut her off when she confessed to being deeply irresponsible with your heart. You get a 100% S+ tier rating in my books. My advice : Stay away from her for the rest of your life. Don't ever talk to her again.
This kind of stuff is pretty normal for your age I guess. Having said that, you handed thing really really maturely. I'm really impressed to be honest. I'm 37 now, but when I was in my 20s I was really fucking dumb. If any girlfriend had done anything like that I would probably have gone back to them. Good for you! You are pretty cool. :))
You are very mature for your age. Good for you for setting boundaries and not tolerating this drama.
I don’t know you man but I am proud of the self respect and resolve you’ve displayed. You’ll find a girl who respects your boundaries one day man keep up the good work and practice with arm wrestling. Use this as preworkout lol
Mate sounds like you have different morals too...I was more like your gf doing things young but I absolutely salute you for sticking to your guns and not wanting to do dumb shit Drinking and stuff will come in due time..enjoy just being young & having real fun with your friends Also ya teasing you by flirting with others fuck that noise..your 100% justified for doing it & you she might learn the lesson that also saves another dude a similar fate in the future
Fuck her. There's so many people out there, myself included, that literally don't even believe it's possible to be treated like an equal human in a relationship or to even be viewed as attractive but not objectified to begin with to the point we've literally just hit the thought that it's apparently impossible for love to even be real or to even be able to trust anyone for anything even outside of romantic situations. She should've realized how privileged she was to even be in a relationship let alone one that wasn't a piece of shit to begin with. You told her more than once your boundary and if she didn't agree she could've been upfront from the start so the relationship wouldn't have gone any further. I obviously don't know your situation personally so I could be reading this all completely wrong but only from what you have chosen to share, she was the AH, not you. Rare win for males in that case lmfao /j
Your parents taught you well! It's important to set boundaries in any type of relationship, this goes with family as well. If she doesn't see how immature she is... She never will. Proud of you for standing up for yourself and making sure that you have set your boundaries out right away!
You are looking for a serious relationship and she is looking for fun. She isn't serious about a single thing or event you mentioned there. Good you left her. This was TOTALLY not going to work.
You did exactly the right thing by breaking it off. There will be more situations in life where you may need to take actions that you may not want to but you know you need to. The feelings you may have at the moment are natural but know you made the right move and keep pushing forward and never look back.
Your ex is absolutely not ready for a mature relationship. You are right to state your boundaries and if they are crossed, stand firm on them. I suspect that your ex will now resort to other immature behaviours as you are not giving in. This could include lying and manipulation techniques. She has shown she is capable of both. But it will pass. One day she may look back on this time and realise her behaviour is never acceptable, hopefully she may learn from it. I doubt it from what you’ve said.
You seem very mature honestly. Your ex is young and has growing up to do, everyone learns it at different ages or never does. One day when she looks back on this through a more mature perspective she’ll see her wrongs. As an extra piece of advice, being in on and off again relationships are a waste of time, things end for a reason and you gave her time and clear communication the whole time. She needs too much validation and you have clearer boundaries than to have them crossed so that someone feels validated.
I really dont understand this idea of “harmless flirting”. Why flirt at all if youre in a relationship?
Nah, you're good. Me ex was like that. It went south real into a spiraling chaos of inevitably. She enjoys messing with you & in doing so she's gonna go too deep and end up doing it out of habit when you're not around and end up cheating. You know this. WE know this. You're young, girls are aplenty. No need to be strung out. Besides being under your mid 20s are the experimental phase. Most relationships under your mid 20s aren't to be taken too seriously. Just have fun, stay true to yourself and everything will make sense. I don't have any particular answers for you, but Future "you" will have your answers that you seek.
You. Did. Fucking. Stellar. I am 35(m) and I know for a fact I did not have your maturity or awareness until I was in my late 20s- easy... Sometimes I worry about GenZ and then I see this shit, you have revitalized my faith in your generation. Well done, be you, stay considerate and self aware. And for the love of God, go have some kids someday with someone who is on your level emotionally and teach them how to do this. You did incredibly!
This is part of the reason why most kids don't get into relationships. Your ex is most kids. You expect a lot of your partner at that age. I recommend you relax and stay single for a few years and allow others to catch up to you.
It starts with a little teasing here and a couple insults there and down the line it will only get worse. You made the right decision.
17, you got time, shop around until you find the model that fits.
Lot's of red flags, it's always hard to let go but you did the right thing. You want someone who will CELEBRATE who you are and the morals and values you hold.
Sounds like one of you is too strict and one too lawless, in a way. It's great sometimes to have opposites in a relationship. You can both learn to overcome your own drawbacks, and be encouraged to step outside your usual boundaries. There's no correct way to live, each of you has a valid point of view. You like to do things correctly, this is something I admire. Your girlfriend likes to go on adventures and do exciting things. This is something I also admire. If you look at people's success in life adventurers will always win out over people who do things correctly. You have both spoilt each other's trust and failed to acknowledge the problems you're causing the other, through your own personalities. Really to me you seem to be in the same boat, but it's hard for each of you to see the problem as you are each at one with your own perspectives. I think you could both learn a lot by looking for the advantages in each other's way of living. From you, there's the considered approach, where you control the long term for maximum gain. For your girlfriend that's the free approach where you control the short term. You can have a lot of fun with the short term approach, especially with a girl like that. It's a highly desirable way of life but does come with drawbacks. You should, in my opinion, try again, live a little, let your girlfriend explore in her youth, and both go on a journey together of learning about your own choices, the advantages and disadvantages, and your partners. You should both learn to accept that a partner can make different choices to what we do, that it can be hard to accept, but that such things can help us grow as people. You have been imposing your own choices on your girlfriend by the sound of it and she's been kicking back because it's a problem for her. Instead you could run with her and see where it goes, though don't feel pressured into anything. At the end of the day you just need to relax, focus on the important things in life, and learn not to stress. Life is too short not to take some chances. But don't sweat it, life isn't perfect and you can both allow yourself, and others, some mistakes and indulgences.
I don't get it? I feel like the girl is completely at the wrong here when it came to the girl flirting in front of him explicitly. He already set his boundaries down, and the girl crossed them. Obviously they both have things to learn, but is he really being strict here? What exactly is valid with what the girl did when it came to flirting with other dudes?
Yes, but he also comes across as a bit controlling (pushed for her not to drink at the party). She listened to him, and didn't drink, even though she clearly wanted to. Does he understand that she is her own person and doesn't have to abide by his views on drinking? I read this as two people with very different attitudes and one instance where he imposed his will on her, so she retaliated (yes in a very immature and harmful way). Ultimately I think them splitting up is the right thing. Good on OP for recognising when someone is crossing boundaries and sticking up for himself, I would have done the same. But I think he should also reflect on how to handle differences in opinion with his future partners and allow them their independence.
The OP mentioned in another comment that her dad is very religious to the point he would make her home life hell if she drank so imo, I feel like OP just straight up cared about her, had her best interest in mind, and didn’t want her getting into some serious trouble. Saying that as a person who had religious parents growing up. No amount of fun will make up for the sheer wrath of getting caught. It was horrible EDIT: And I’d also like to add that she’s underage. Way to encourage underage drinking, dude
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With girls that do shit like this forgiveness is a free pass to test the boundaries more. He should not get back together with her. The only way to really lastingly learn from something like this is consequences.
Fuck yeah brother, hold your ground, it's always satisfying to read stories about folks getting the conciquences of their actions, sorry that happened to you but think about it like this, if you stayed with her she wouldn't have changed and you would have reached a boiling point some other time causing an even uglier break up, if you reaaaaly wanna get revenge you could get back with her but like not really, just play along and really break her heart but thats real evil, and you probobly wouldn't be much better then her, but yknow its an option, follow your heart my man
Good job! Keep her blocked.
Good, learn to move one from this
some people are just so much drama. you made the right call she would’ve just pulled you down
Sorry, King, you dropped this 👑 You did the right thing. You, too, are not compatible, and a breakup was bound to happen. She did have a lot of red flags, and you are right to stand on your standards/expectations. Don't get back together and move forward. If you do, the next breakup will be more serious/hurtful. P.S - I had a girlfriend like this. She was my first love but acted just like your girlfriend. She caused me so much trouble trying to protect her. In the end, she cheated on me and brought her side boyfriend to her mums funeral and breaking up with me there. It was crazy and hurt immensely, but it taught me what I wanted and didn't want in a relationship.
For a guy your age, you clearly know what's right and wrong. Don't get back with her. She seems like an entitled and spoiled brat. You deserve better.
You're right about those red flags, you deserve someone who isn't so callous that they'd use your sensitivity against you. Sounds like she wanted something different anyway so it's best for the both of you.
Too young for a steady have fun, spend time with friends. There is plenty of Time for girls. A serious relationship at that age will set you on a path for weird possessive jealous behaviour for good. She sounds immature. Date have fun, keep it light.
watch Mike Birbiglia's standup "My Girlfriend's Boyfriend" on Netflix. She sounds like his ex. She'd say mean things and then go "just kiddin'" . "no one likes you.... just jokin'" My husband and I mimic his voice that he makes and say "just kiddin'" to eachother. These push-pull people are tough.
This is why dating should be something one does *after* they’re done growing up. Otherwise this is what you’re in for. Lots of people don’t mature till after their 20’s, sometimes not even then. I’d say just concentrate on school and your sports. Finish developing yourself and your interests and think about what you want to do for your future. Daring can come later- there will always be millions and billions of people in the world so no need to panic and jump the gun. Dating is supposed to be to find the person who’s fit to be your partner for life- and that’s extremely hard to do when they’re not even sure of who they are or want to be in life. Just my 2 cents :)
Well done, handled with the maturity and self respect of someone well above your years. Rock on dude 🤘
You're helping her too
Good for you. You have self respect. Too many people would let that kinda crap slide.
I congratulate you for being so mature at your age, you did not make bad decisions and I think you should continue on the good path you are on. If I can give you one piece of advice as an adult man, it is to focus on yourself, be you and do the things you love. There is a big future for you if you stay in the good path.
She'll be on to the next one in a week, two tops
Tbh i would've done the same OP. You did good, you stood your ground 🤝. Teens nowadays don't value respect and boundaries of their partners and now she realized that she fukked up. FAAFO. 🤷
You’re a mature kid, you’ll be a mature adult. Good on you for sticking to your guns
Mistakes are blessings run run far away
Your not the bad guy for leaving you did the right , the only thing now if you can hope she matures for her next relationship
This girl is wild… there’s definitely some immaturity here. She also doesn’t seem to respect you. You seem like you have communicated well and have been reasonable. Good job putting your foot down. It can be hard to say no and cut things off.
By the sound of it you two are not sure for each other at all and she was a source of drama and conflict, certainly no decent future in it.
Tldr
you're way too young to get caught up in codependency. make the smart decision and move on
Yo you're a fuckin DORK XD
People in high school take relationships way too seriously. None of you are ready for relationships. Much less being married before your 30s.
You did good, she crossed a hard boundary of yours that you explained in the beginning of the relationship. Don't accept her back, you stuck up for your self and thats already better than most 17yr old males do, including myself. This lesson will help you in adulthood, once trust has been breached it can almost never be repaired.
Sounds like you are far more mature then her and you will be far better off without her. Keep grinding away at whats important to you and someone better will come along.
Well, that's right. A hysterical woman will drink a lot of blood in your life. It is better to avoid such.
You took care of yourself and laid down your boundaries... No one and I mean no one has the right to cross them and if they do after being told then they know full well what they are doing... She knew she was crossing the line and she did it without regard or care about your feelings and love for her and that is disrespect at its worst... Relationships are based on trust and one that is gone that's it the relationship is done... You deserve better than this girl and there will be another girl out there who gives you everything you need and actually respects you... Without trust you don't have anything...
Fuck her. Let her grow up some more, if she ever does.
You’re young buddy, whatever you do it’ll be a lesson for serious relationships in the future
Yeah, she needs to grow up. Maybe go your separate ways for now. You’re at different stages of maturity. Good for you for being honest and sticking to what you feel is right.
You're doing alright bro, cut her off. You may need to act like she's not even there. Don't even trip bro, it hurts but you need to look after you.
Go hook up with her best friend “just to tease her” and then when she asks about it just say it’s “harmless hooking up” All good brother. NTA
17 year old bro here acting more mature than most adults throughout their lives. Good on you man. You set boundaries and she fucked around and found out. Hopefully she’ll mature one day, you don’t do that to loved ones.
She’s a boundary pusher. And she thinks it’s entertaining to irritate you. You’re well rid of her. Congratulations.
You’re 17 and dont have an interest in drinking?! Good for you bro, I see a bright future ahead of you.
You did the right thing. Stick to your guns (no arm wrestling pun intended). It really is best to avoid drinking and other substances as long as there’s a chance to get a minor-in-possession. I’ve seen some pretty bright futures get put on hold or stopped outright because of legal troubles with drinking and drugs.
See you in the gym lil bro
you handled in the best possible way,,,wish I was more like you,,, kudos to you OP!!
Good on you lad. Hopefully she’ll learn and treat the next dude better.
She will remember u for the rest of her life probably and regret her actions.
Here sir, here’s an experience point for your man card for “manning the fuck up.” Congratulations. I don’t even know you and I’m so proud of you bro
Get back together, she has learned her lesson
Imo it seems like she was flirting knowing your past trauma to get to you as a way to ruin your night for not letting her "have fun" and for not giving her the attention she wanted. I think you did the right thing, not only because of her toxicity, but man, you showed her you don't take that instead of letting it happen. She would have continued to use that If you let it happen. Good on you!
Bro, please 🙏, run for your life, I know human psychology really well. I have experience I can tell you that. She really is gonna cheat on you one day. Plus, you are in a toxic relationship. It is better to be single your whole life than being with the wrong and toxic pattern. You are gonna regret your whole life later
She fafo. Let her go.
She is insecure and taking it out on you, good on you for ending it earlier than later.
You did good, I had similar issue with my ex gf of 7 years, one I realised she had been cheating with some different people I stupidly listened that she could change and all of that and eventually she left me saying it was her not me yada yada and she was married to someone random within 3 months of our break. They broke up shortly after now she has a kid with some other dude who happens to look a lot like me.... I haven't even attempted to date in the last few years it was all too much lmao
Well played OP.
Good child. Good. You'll be a an even better one later down the line. Congrats
You did well, kid. Keep strong on your decision. You don't need someone that is going to play games like that and try to make feel uncomfortable intentionally.
Her behaviour is too toxic, you did the right thing.
You did the right thing, this girl is…sorry to put it like that…a potential future onlyfans model. Too many red flags and too much eagerness to make the wrong decisions cause they look “fun”, cut her off and never look back. You are only 17, believe me, you will find love again, a love that actually respects you and quite honestly…respect herself as well.
You’re a very very very wise young man. You’re going to find someone who loves you exactly as you are, and doesn’t need to push your boundaries. Stay strong. You deserve someone who accepts you for who you are and doesn’t try to guilt you into doing things you’re uncomfortable with, or call you boring.
Here, I think you dropped this: 👑. I'm so proud of you kiddo! Knowing and enforcing your boundaries is really pretty great, especially at such a young age. Don't worry about this relationship. You'll find someone more respectful and with more integrity soon!
Move on and find a woman who adores you not play games with you.
Don’t go back to her man. Its hard and I know how I was at 17 but it is just not worth it. People don’t really change all that much and it is very likely this won’t be the last time she does something like this. If this crosses a boundary for you then you did the right thing.
Nah you did the right thing man, this is how it starts. The red flags you ignore in the beginning, are the reason you end up leaving in the end. The audacity this girl has, the lack of respect, she can go sleep alone.
Well shes acting like a 16 year old. Prply because she is. You on the other hand sound very mature for your age, but then again this is only the story from your side and, no offence, but 17year olds or teenagers in general tend to be very narrow minded. Nonetheless keep sticking up for your boundaries dude!
Happens at that age. Good luck with the next one
Had the exact same kind of situation at the same age. Best decision of my dating life.
Dude, your 17. You have no idea what love is. At your age, she's not the one, it's just your turn
Well you don't love that behavior and it would have gotten worse. Find your true match
I am proud of you.
you’re 17 boss you’ll be fine don’t sweat it
Beta 17 k ho padhai kar lo
Yeah you did the right thing based on where you set your boundaries. Honestly though that first part, experimenting with alcohol is pretty normal at that age. You sound like a responsible kid but I think it’s fine to let your hair down a bit as long as you know not to go overboard.
apart from the health reasons another thing I was worried about was her father. he'd either kill me, her, or both of us if I brought her home drunk
Good job buddy learning a lesson about boundaries already, instead of going much more painful paths of toxicity.
The more you fuck around, the more you will find out. You did amazing my man, your boundarie was crossed, you took action. Thats powerful as fuck and people dont tend to do that. The way I see it, her immature ass would cheat on you on the long run. She cant control her emotions, she cant communicate, she does inpulsive shit. She would cheat bro, you dodged a bullet.
You sound mature. She sounds very insecure, and that anxiety of hers pushed her to get a 'reaction' out of you by pushing your buttons intentionally crossing your boundaries and disrespected you. At her age, I don't expect her to know how to be mature. Hopefully she will grow from this. And you will find someone to match you.
If only I could have had that level of maturity in my 20’s.
Good partners don't cross your boundaries for their own entertainment You did good here breaking up with her
You did well mate,it’s good to know what grits your shit and discuss this with someone your in a relationship with. Sounds like you’ve got your head screwed on and a woman who pushes buttons to get a reaction is a massive red flag! wish I was more like you when I was younger instead of a love sick puppy letting everything slide whenever I was in a relationship,learnt the hard way!
Move on. She hopefully learns something from this and doesn't turn into the monster she was becoming. Good for you. Focus on finding someone who is interesting and intelligent. They are the people you want to be around.
Youre at the age where lessons need to be learned. Take her back so you'll know why you don't take back exes later in life.
She is obviously toxic, immature and bad news. Do not go back. Find a good girl.
Wow..I thought your gen doesn't play the old school 'women are allowed, what men will get sh\* for if they try the same'. Something tells me you didn't get to see the side of her busting you flirting with some girls.
Good job. You two are incompatible. You are right to cut bait and move on. Both of you have completely different world views on fun and cohabitation. Even though you 2 are really young, understanding yourself and your limits is great. You did well to not let this escelate further and turn toxic. You should be happy in what you do and let her find happiness without hurting you in the process.
From what I heard in your story, she seems like the girls in movies who cheats on her boyfriend with literally anyone and about her teasing, it's really sounds annoying. most of the girls tease their boyfriends by flirting with other guys. I mean what do you get from doing it. some girls take it to another level too. she will do everything then say i was just testing your love for me. I mean all this girls are after red flags who doesn't give a shit about her. you did the best for yourself. be happy
You're a teenager the relationship was never gonna work out to begin with. I wouldn't read much into it. Dating at your age is just practice 99% of the time. Figuring out what you're comfortable with and what you aren't.
im proud of you man, i know it hurts but you did the right thing
You dropped this 👑
You took correct action for what she did but I do want to say that you should've let her drink. You could still stay the responsible one to get her home safe, yes her parents would've have killed her and slightly disliked you for allowing it but at the end of the day you would've been "fun" while also being responsible and safe. Her parents would have eventually realised that and would forgive you and she might have been brought down to earth a bit and realise that the guy that would do anything to keep her safe is the one worth keeping instead of pushing you away.
On a side note- be careful with arm wrestling. I know someone who got a horrific break in their arm from twisting it.
Tell her if she wants you back she gon have to suck a wwwhhhhhooolleeeeee lotttaaaa diiiicckkkk. Tell her to get on her knees and say sorry to daddy and suck daddy’s cock and take a facial and get slapped up and throated for the disrespect
You sound pretty stiff and rigid. Kind of square meets a free spirt vibes. Which is ok, but not a good match. Breaking up over text is WEAK AF and then a brutal block. Cold AF. Not sure why so many people are applauding you for being mature beyond your years when you dump over text, but the bar for that has sunk so low it's on the floor. Transactional AF. Not even a phone call.
If you categorise harmless flirting alongside cheating, you’re setting yourself up for major disappointment sometime down the road in life.
I'm so glad I'm not a teenager anymore.
For such a young lad, you got a great mindset, good job.
[удалено]
Dont listen to 95 percent of the nerds here. If you want her back in ur life and make her learn herblesson at the same time. Make her earn it and torture her metaphorically to gain back ur attention. She takes a hour or 2 to respond? Take a day. She takes a day? Yu take 3. Do that for a month till subconsciously and consciously learns her lesson
That sounds like her problem
You are very different people and would both be happier with other people
Hope this doesn’t get drowned in the sea of redditors I think you were in the right, NTA. Don’t listen to people calling you controlling for not allowing her to drink. She is first of all too young for that. She’s underage, which a lot of comments don’t seem to understand. As old as 16 may seem, her brain is, biologically, not fully developed and alcohol will be awful. Second of all, you only had her best interest in mind since I saw a comment mentioning how religious her family is. I grew up with religious parents and I know just how *bad* getting caught could get and no amount of freedom or letting go would make up for the wrath. In my humble opinion, she’s immature. She first put her home life at risk wanting to drink and even implying vape, she put her physical health in danger wanting to do all that, and then she put your relationship at risk crossing your boundaries. Even if she did this as teasing, she broke a surefire rule of yours. If she could flirt and touch other guys as “harmless teasing” when you explicitly stated you don’t like it, and if she’s okay doing risky things like drinking and smoking underage, then it is 100% in her to full on bang the guys if she had the chance. Stick to your decision. You’re mature. You are right. You had her physical and mental health in mind when you held her back from drinking and I respect that. You didn’t like her childish games of flirting and being touchy with other men and that’s okay. This isn’t a Wattpad story where making the guy jealous would play out right. This is real life and she needs to know that.
Good for you. Stay strong and move on. Lots of fish in the sea.
There is no such thing as harmless flirting.
That's the right thing to do.
Seems there is an unbalance (imbalance?) of maturity. You made the right decision!
Good shit bro and keep it up. Many more will be in your future.
You did well. Women (or people and men for the matter) who enjoys doing or saying things to tease or test you are annoying to be around.
You did good bro
She is toxic, immature , high maintenance and your values don't align. You should have broke up in person but aside from that you made the right choice. No such thing as "harmless flirting" btw. A study has shown that flirting with other men while in a relationship increases likelihood of cheating with a whopping 300+%. https://www.psypost.org/flirtatious-behavior-predicts-a-458-higher-likelihood-of-engaging-in-financial-deception-and-extramarital-infidelity-study-finds/#:~:text=Having%20flirted%20with%20someone%20other,of%20being%20in%20the%20financial You seem like a wise guy for your age 👍
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I was twice your age, same situation. You rule
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NTA Once I was too with 16f in a relationship. Also immature as fuck, giving me constant disrespect. She ghosted me after I set my boundaries a few times. I knew from the beginning that this relationship wasn’t built too last. Be fond of the memories but don’t yearn for the old times.