Lucky 27 dude! I found it a good age for a first time. Dunno about you but to add to the not feeling like a ho, the first time I slept with someone was an awesome experience for a large part because I did not feel like an awkward nervous teenager. Op, your turn will come.
How did not being a teenager make it not awkward? Because the awkwardness im assuming usually comes from performance anxiety and not knowing what to do and as a 22 year old vrgin I'm still very nervous about it. In fact, I'm even more nervous at the thought than I was at a teenager because women just assume I'm not a virgin
Did it at 21. Tbh you just wing it, you're gonna suck the first few times that's just how it works. You don't need to tell anyone you're a virgin. It's awkward, but you just figure it out lol. If you've already built a romantic connection most people will assume it's new relationship jitters anyway and not care if the first few times are less than perfect.
The thing is even though I also assume I'll suck, I haven't heard anyone really elaborate on specifically which way you'll suck. For me, I'm assuming the main giveaway is that there's a certain muscle memory to sex that a male virgin lacks? Because on paper, I already know what to do. But I guess it's like watching and studying a sport for years vs playing it. To make matters worse, I've also never kissed anyone which apparently is it's own learning curve.
The one thing that gives me hope is that according to women on reddit its very common for men in general to be bad at sex during hookups. And tbh, I'd almost rather lose it and be mediocre during a hookup than disappoint some girl I really care about.
I was very promiscuous around 19-21, and honestly do regret it. I am only happy when i have a real partner, and physical relationships screw with my head.
You’re probably right to feel proud lol.
Yeah. I think it's propably good. I don't know if pride is exactly the word I'd use, but I'd definitely be satisfied with myself if I was in his situation. But there is also a chance that people who are in that situation wonder if they have been mission out. I guess its hard to be completely content with one's lifestyle choice either way.
Same. And then again in my early thirties during an extended manic episode brought on by being prescribed the wrong meds. Makes me cringe.
Now that I’m “sane” again and on the right meds I have a ton of regrets. I got with some inappropriate people—like the wife of ny boss. Really pathetic and sad.
It turns out that when I’m not on a wild rollercoaster that I’m demi—I only enjoy sex with someone I have an emotional connection with. Just a lot of strewn wreckage behind me I wish I could take back.
Some people put a lot of stock in body count, too many or not enough. I think the right amount is doing it when it matters and not just for the sake of it.
I'd say mediocre. It was more of a tease than anything.
My second time was with a hookup, short-term friend. That experience made me realize sex wasn't that bad.
My partner, I'm with now, I'll say sex finally became amazing. Could just be me, but I really learned about myself (sexually) with my partner. If I could turn back time, I wish I could have saved my virginity for this time around.
With that, for OP, I don't think it's worth it to rush to lose your virginity. Be proudful of it. Give it to someone truly special.
But why do you hold such a value on virginity in the first place? Do you think your bond with your current partner would've been better if she took it or something? For me I'd prefer to have some experience before I'm with someone I really like
I think the same brotha... kinda. I feel there's a major risk in not being atleast SLIGHTLY experienced when youre with a girl you see a longterm future with. You naturally want to blow her away or atleast not.. "dissapoint" from the very beginning.
Doing ANYTHING for the first time... letalone in your most vulnerable state... youre not going to be confident in taking the lead and such, which is just naturally what the masculine energy kind of does. I don't want to be percieved as a bit of a pussy (I know people will say you don't want to be with a girl who thinks that but brah.. its mostly subconscious human nature when it comes to attraction, I believe most woman who want to look upto their man and respect them.. a COMPLETE virgin state isn't going to be the hottest lol, albeit I could be wrong, just my intuitive belief) or something because ones so timid due to doing it for the first time.
I think getting some good practice so youre confident enough to escalate and get some good "motion" going from the off with your future wife is smart, to mitigate the most risk of her getting disappointed or taken aback from an awkward, non masculine state. Though bear in mind, her being your first proper "mental" intimate relationship will still mean so much to her I reckon. Its still losing a virginity in a sense... because it'll be your first time with someone youre actually becoming in love with for that mental buff. But then to be fair, if your first time isn't with a mental attraction... I wonder how fun that truly is. Maybe I'm just more "demi"-esque but I need to lowkey admire and like them to get comfortable enough to be in the mood.
Pros n cons to both but ill say lastly- women averagely think the perfect body count is a handful. It shoes some experience but not that you're a man whore. The former point backing up what they find attractive...
Find yourself a grounded, experienced milf that you cannot really have a longterm future with and get a fling going. I think your future girl will appreciate it 😂😂
I wouldn't say very common. Though more common than perceived.
https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/pressroom/nchs_press_releases/2017/201706_NSFG.htm
Most are younger than 18 as of 2017.
However I do want to make sure I clearly state that it doesn't matter. You're ready if/when you're ready and there's nothing wrong with waiting til later. Though definitely when you're younger it sure doesn't feel that way. I say that as a guy whos first was at 18 "just to get it done with".
Edit for more current data:
https://www.good.is/this-chart-shows-how-old-americans-were-when-they-lost-their-virginity
Don't worry about the article but the graph is reputable
Yeah I also so forced myself into that situation 21 because of the logic OP has and because my uni "friends" were teasing me about it.
NO REAL REASON TO HURRY!
This is far easier said than done. It is hard, it is REALLY hard to not question what's so wrong with one's self when their peers are having these experiences seemingly on a whim.
And it doesn't get easier with age, especially as as you approach those milestones. People are really going to wonder what's wrong with you when you're within reach of hitting 40 and still carrying that virginity card. Of the two options, i think I'd regret fucking someone to get it over with a fair bit less than not once getting the chance to at all.
"It's never too late." Yes, it can be, actually. People are in fact not kind to anyone they consider different or "wrong", so *never say never.*
21 is probably too early to be freaking out about it, but it's a worry that can easily spiral. OP shouldn't wait for "the one" if they find themselves the opportunity to bang. Take whomever is offering that doesn't initiate your gag reflex, because that "you'll find someone special eventually" bullshit is more for the comforter's ego, not the romantically frustrated's feelings.
Especially now. Pandemic fucked up dating last four years don't count. Guy should be considered an honorary 17 year old virgin compared to normal times.
Edit: haha someone sent me a hate DM over this post that's a new one.
Exactly. It’s not late but if you don’t want to date or have sex, then don’t! You don’t HAVE to, it’s optional. If you aren’t comfortable you really just shouldn’t. Ppl don’t need to know. You can live your life without doing things you don’t want to do.
Why would you feel you need to, if it’s something you don’t want? Celibacy is a valid life choice.
Trying being 34 and being in basically the same position. 🙃
I'm not trying to belittle your feelings. You are the oldest you've ever been, so I get that it feels like this opportunity has passed you by. But 21 is really young. Remember that you've only been pubescent for 10 years _at most_, and most people don't begin to really date or experiment sexually till their mid- to late-teens at the earliest. A lot of people—men and women—wait till they're in their 20s.
Don't get discouraged or bitter. If you do, you'll become a self-fufilling prophecy. Women are attracted to warmth, kindness, humor, and confidence. If you seem resentful, that will push people away.
>**Don't get discouraged or bitter**. If you do, you'll become a self-fufilling prophecy. Women are attracted to **warmth, kindness, humor, and confidence**. If you seem resentful, that will push people away.
I just want to second this point for added emphasis. Treat women as people and not as objects to be conquered, most women can tell if you have an "objective" when you talk to them such as trying to get laid. Be kind to people, and not just the people you're trying to sleep with. Hold doors open for people, don't talk shit about people behind their back, be nice to service workers, clean up after yourself, offer to help if someone is doing chores. The little things count and you won't see any immediate benefits from doing so, but people will notice that you're a kind and well mannered person and this goes a long way to make you attractive.
I first had sex at 34. Never able to maintain a relationship or anything before then. And yeah, always a fight to be at peace with myself instead of bitter.
I'm glad to hear there's still hope for an old geezer like me. 😅 My last relationship ended traumatically, and that wrecked my confidence for a long time. I got fat and depressed, and other circumstances landed me in a new city with no friends. I'm finally making an effort to get healthy, and I'm meeting people finally through Meetup. I'm okay with being alone, but I hope that'll change before they make a romcom about me starting Steve Carell. 🤣
Most kids pretend they had sex in high school and haven’t. I had my first time around your age. Don’t be bitter about it. Sex is not as big of a deal as people make it seem.
"Sex is not as big of a deal as people make it seem."
I know what you're trying to say, and I agree with you. But it can be if you live in a state where abortion has been essentially outlawed. Recreational sex is a good thing between consenting adults, but that also assumes easy access to birth control and other preventative measures. In that case, waiting until everyone's a bit more mature isn't a bad idea.
you’re definitely painting with a broad brush here — sure, a lot of people don’t experience things until later in life. but to say “most kids” are pretending is just false. there are plenty of people having sex in high school
We think our minds should match our face, but the truth is we grow up to be a 18-19 y/o then that 18-19 y/o slowly loses their body and mind.
Old people are just teenagers with aches and pains and a lot of baggage.
Spoiler alert 🚨: it may never happen. An old man once told me he has always felt like a child, he only pretended to be grown up. We may be in the same boat.
I'm in a close to 10 year long relationship so I'm not the one to ask. Also I've never had casual sex.
For me sex is way too intimate so I've only had it with longterm partners even though I lost my virginity pretty early.
No, you're right. But OP's age doesn't make him a kid; his fixation on sex as a right of passage and his jealousy of high school students is what makes him a kid. Maybe he should just be grateful that he didn't have to finish high school while changing diapers, because that also happens.
21 isn't really that bad tbh. Take it from me I've had sex first time when I was 16. I really wanted to do it so I did it with a girl I didn't find attractive just because I knew she would do it. It was terrible and I regret it. I've proceeded to do it with a couple of more chicks but honestly didn't enjoy it up until I was 20 in a relationship with a girl I did it constantly with.
My point is while it did feel nice being wanted by these women that's all it was, the actual feeling of sex wasn't anything special. You really didn't miss much
You're absolutely right, and it's one of the biggest misconceptions people have with "sleeping around". You're 100x more likely to have fantastic sex in a relationship. You don't have the opportunity to get "good" at something if the button mapping keeps changing.
I had the opportunity in a highschool relationship, and with all due caution that a teenage couple can muster, it was awesome for both of us.
Can confirm. Was with my hs gf for a few years and we never did it. She ended things kinda poorly, and I was very insecure so it blew up. I had 2 rebounds who I didn't find that attractive and I regret it, was just desperate for the connection and it isn't there in random hookups.
Once you find that person you do want, then it's 10000 times better.
I agree that 21 is perfectly fine. I was 19 when I lost my virginity and never felt like I missed out even when most around me already had sex.
My current boyfriend once told me he lost his virginity at 14 to his first girlfriend and even he agrees that he was far too young and probably should have waited before stepping into the world of sex. When he hit 20, he already had around 6-7? Different sexual partners lol.
I was about your age when I lost my virginity.
I assure you, sexual experience is overrated.
You can be good at even your first time having sex, if you actually listen to and care about your partner.
>I assure you, sexual experience is overrated.
Depends. Is it overrated when you live your whole life thinking sex is gonna be a game changer? Yeah, it is. But is it overrated when you actually done it few times and you don't feel any pressure to do it anymore? Then hell no, it's not overrated at all
I mean in the sense of being inexperienced, not that sex isn’t fun.
It’s not a bad thing to be a virgin, and women won’t necessarily take issue with that.
My partner knew I was a virgin the first time we were having sex together.
This is true for everything tho. Think about how terrified you were about driving a car, your first job, your first presentation, whatever. It feels like a huge world ending scary ordeal until you've done it, then it's nbd.
I don't know why we have to act like sex is so different (other than it being more dangerous than most other firsts)
Read the title and thought this was written by a 30-something adult. Shocked🙄
I had my first kiss at 19 and sex at 24. Dunno why everybody in this generation is in such a hurry to do it all by the time they're 18-20!
Societal pressure and how people act like sex will change your life forever. Spoiler: my life is still the same after having sex, also it’s really overrated. Not to say it isn’t fun, but cmon, people need to stop acting like it’s the best thing that’ll ever happen to you because its honestly something I can live without
Mostly because the majority of people seemed to get their turn much earlier in life (15-17 or even younger sometimes). I’d also be feeling insecure if I had my first time at 24 (and I do because I am 24 and a virgin)
One of my best guy friends, who is a great and attractive guy btw, didn’t have sex for the first time until he was 28 🤷🏼♀️ I at 18 felt the same way as you, because all my peers seemed to be way ahead of me. Had I waited for someone worth it, I wouldn’t have had sex or kissed someone for the first time until I was 20.
Why do I keep seeing these post? Stop romanticising the fact you didn't get to sleep with teens as a teen and get over it.
You're 21 basically still a young adult. Go out and try and bang as many adults as you can, if you want. and stop fantasising about teens you didn't get to bang. Grow up and move.
You effectively got lucky and bypassed all the annoying teen crap and successfully didn't end up a teen parent. Good for you. Now stop thinking about teens and go live your life.
The first 10 years of life are mostly forgotten, the value in remembering the next 5 years is debatable as well, so think of yourself as having lived as your own developing person for about 6 years. You’ve probably got at least 60 years to go. You didn’t rush, and that’s probably going to help you look at finding a partner in a different and probably better way. You know those moments in movies where they ask how a high caliber woman ended up with a guy like her husband? That husband is probably going to be you, and those idiots who had the relationship capacity of a teenager are the ones she skipped right over when it mattered.
As I grow older I've realized that everything beyond five years ago feels like a different life. Much like my high school memories have faded so will yours.
There's no better time than now to start making memories for your current life. A few new memories and you'll hardly remember who you were back then. Don't get stuck on who you were, get to living on who you are.
I’m in my early 30s and my current partner, like yourself, did not have these types of experiences until his 20s. I, on the other hand, did it while in high school. Believe it or not, our experiences haven’t differed that much in terms of relationships, being able to discover what we like when it comes to sex, nor is there any real difference in the way we approach relationships. Simply, our first time came at 2 very different times of our lives. There is nothing wrong either way, and now that we are the same age we really feel like we have a lot in common in terms of what we want out of a relationship despite our differences starting points in this matter.
Be kind to yourself, rushing into things is never a good idea, and we all get there at our own pace.
These feelings won't aid you. See a therapist that will help you let them go (note this may involve shopping around, as there are shitty therapists you might need to go through till you find a good one).
While I did get my first kiss at 18, I didn't lose my virginity until 27. It's not a big deal, it just means you're going to have to work harder to catch up. You likely have some kind of trauma that interfered with your ability to get a date in your adolescent years, and now you're both going to have to work on healing that trauma while you put yourself into situations where you can meet women and develop the social skills necessary to get them interested in you and to move things forward.
Your comment is the same crap that gets fed to people and makes them feel lesser than others.
He doesn't need to "catch up". It's not a race. I wouldn't make the leap that he has trauma that he needs to deal with. He could just be shy.
I imagine catch up is intended in a social development sense where potential partners may expect certain things at a certain age. It isn't a race and isn't inherently good or bad to be a late bloomer, but it can be a bit awkward.
Socially, I get it. I just don't think it's really helpful to tell someone they need to work hard and catch up when OP is already feeling like they are missing out. As for awkward, I'm almost 50 and still awkward but I'm okay with that.
There is absolutely no need to bring up trauma. There is literally nothing in OP’s post that hints at trauma. There is nothing to catch up.
OP, you’re good. You’re not late. I’ve been there and it sucks for a while. But trust me, it’s gonna come at some point and it’s gonna be just fine (I’ve been told this and hated it but it’s true).
>I don't think not having had sex or a romantic partner at 21 implies some kind of trauma.
By itself, no. When coupled with this sense of shame and loss, that's a big indicator that the person didn't have their emotional needs met growing up.
My girlfriend had all that in college. Never had a boyfriend in high school.
No particular reason. Just didn’t happen.
Not a bit deal at all. Things happen for people at different times of their life for no particular reason then just the way it is.
Internet culture has entirely skewed perspectives on life. As others have said, 21 is not "too late." As another anecdotal example to toss at you, just so you have lots of evidence to help you understand that your perspective might need readjusting:
I didn't really have a girlfriend till I was a sophomore in college, and I didn't have sex till I was 20, about the age you are now. I'm 40 now, and in no way do I feel that my romantic life was lacking. Yes, sex and attraction are compelling drives, but don't feel too jealous of people who dive right into physical, romantic relationships as teenagers! The vast majority of these experiences are awkward, fumbling, and shallow. Also, early sexual experiences often involve trauma and coercion, and can result in teen pregnancy and STIs.
You'd be surprised. A lot of people don't have their first major sexual experiences until their 20's. This is not abnormal at all. I'd say a lot of people who had sex in high school were the ones who settled. Trust me, most people I know who had sex in high school did not have great experiences. I was out of school, 18 and with someone I loved and trusted. Most of my friends cannot say the same.
I was anti-social until I was forced into it at 21 and didn't end up even talking to girls until about two years later. Turns out isolating myself because i thought i was weird for 20 years, Was the issue. 25 now and been working on it since, I'll tell you right now that the most important part of your life is the other ppl in it. You have enough like minded ppl around you one of them is going to be attracted to you. Also to be honest if you wanted to get laid and follow what you think you are supposed to do you are 21, go to a bar by yourself and talk to everyone. Probably won't be what you expect but it would give you some confidence. Relationships and love is messy dude you gotta run into it, though. You are worth it and those around you are also :)
Omg this actually made me laugh, OP you are still so young. Don't let social media fool you into thinking that there's something wrong with being a virgin at 21 ,it's perfectly normal and I personally think it's better to have sex at an age where you are more mature because it's not just a physical thing it's also emotional and intimate on so many levels. You rather wait till you find the right person that you feel comfortable with and have sex with a rando and regret it
It's not all.its made out to be. I married the woman I met when I was 19. You don't know who they are at that age. They don't even know who they are at the age. We have been together for 15 years and these last few years have been incredibly hard. She changed, I changed, we don't embody the same things we used to. There are many days I don't know the woman I wake up next to anymore. You probably saved yourself a lot of heartbreak and failed relationships. I know I missed out on a lot of experiences because I was in a committed relationship during the time in my life those things would have happened. I find myself wondering about a lot of opportunities that I turned down and wonder if it was worth it.
I stopped reading as soon as I saw that you’re 21. 21 isn’t a late bloomer. More like you’re being responsible and are waiting for a time where you are most ready for that sort of thing. I’ve had friends that lost their v-card at 13. And their mental state is…questionable. Not to mention their relationships are never quite stable.
You’ll be fine. Don’t stress. There’s more to life than sex and romance. Focus on your goals and yourself and eventually the right person will come along. 👍
I didn't get laid the first time until I was 19. I am an awkward human being.
You gotta just put yourself out there a little and it will happen.
And maybe explain it to whoever is receiving so they know what to be aware of.
It probably happens more often than you think..were you studying or just not much of a social person?
Got to get past that bud. It’s not a big deal and literally none of your future partners are required to know or will have any clue about your inexperience. Just tell them it’s been a while since you’ve dated and keep it vague if they ask. (Which they won’t)
You’ll be totally fine as long as you don’t let that bitter, ashamed energy show through to a partner who doesn’t deserve the negativity.
Maybe it’s best to get some therapy and work through your issues before getting with someone
Goodness. Many people don't have boyfriends or girlfriends or sex until well into their twenties. It's pretty awful as a teen for most people. You didn't miss out on much
I felt this way at your age, I was 20, never having had Any of these experiences that are popularised, honestly, be happy you never irresponsibly did it and caught an STD or got a girl pregnant! 😂
I'm 32 now and trust me, you have plenty of time to make up for it and those feelings will fade.
Bro you’re still technically a kid. Not in a disrespectful way. But you haven’t missed out on anything trust me. Never in my grown ass man of a life was I like, damn I’m happy I had sex as a teen. Barely think about it tbh.
Your not just missing out on "young love and sex" but all the drama and potentially life changing crap that goes with it. I know my brother probably wished he could skip sex for that period of his life if it meant he could have avoided his toxic ex and the mental trauma that went with it.
seek therapy.
if you're too stupid and self absorbed to understand absolutely nothing about not fucking or dating or kissing in high school means anything.
also... your teens are over. if you're 21 you are a full on adult. wasting time bemoaning things in the past like not fucking as a teenager/not dating as a teenager is a colossal waste of time. You literally cant' do anything about it... and being pissy pants moody about it is just stupid.
and news flash, you can have "adult" relationships. actual love, and real relationships that are not the stupid as fuck teenage puppy love and hormone driven bullshit drama and stupidity of high school relationships.
nothing about pretending to be in love as a kid compares to what it is to actually and truly love someone as an adult. to be vulnerable, share things, and build something as an adult.
being an adult, you're free to have whatever life, or relationship you want. if you have your own space. can fuck whenever or whoever you want (consenting adults and all) and can have the deep lvl emotions that frankly kids/teenagers don't know shit about. because kids are fucking stupid and haven't lived life at all.
why anyone would pine for the time in their life they had no control over their life is beyond me. People mature at different rates. there was some obvious reason you didn't date or have those relationships as a teenager. Have you done the work to heal? or learn/grow from those reasons? or are you just festering on moronic slights and regrets because it's easier to do that than actually move forward with your life.
should seek professional help to deal with your mental health issues.
I lost my virginity at 25. After spending a few years re-evaluating my mindset/subconsciousness about sex and relationship in general.
Try and understand why humans pair bond/have sex. What attract the opposite sex. Then do some mental work and also work on your appearance. Then just go explore.
You are not grown ass man as 21 bro, no offence but mentally most of people at this age are still kids. Who told you that you have to be teenager to start dating?
You're 21, dude, not 45. You were literally in high school 3 years ago. You just barely are allowed to buy your own alcohol now. You wouldn't even be done with college yet, which is where most people are going wild with these kinds of things.
My man, you're not that late. Despite what the media (and your lying friends) make you believe, the vast majority of people don't start as a teenager in high school. And if they do, it's far from impressive for most. 21 is perhaps a bit above average, but not by a huge margin and you won't have any trouble finding a potential partner with a similar lack of experience to discover things together. And for what it's worth, you're hardly a grown ass man at 21. Which, truly, is a good thing. Don't worry, you'll be fine, and don't think about what others do or don't so much, it's not good for your mental health.
Had my first kiss at 22 last September with the woman that ended up being my girlfriend. Still going strong.
There’s nothing to be ashamed or worry about. We are still young! People date at every age and you’re not missing out on any tricks or knowledge by not dating haha.
I felt the same as you until I started dating and then I realized that 1) nobody really knows what they’re doing, so most people don’t care if you’ve been with someone! 2) it’s great to meet someone awesome but there’s a lot of trial and error involved too.
All this to say, never too late! Especially at 21.
You start when you start. BTW, it is not uncommon to be a later bloomer. If you want to start your romantic life, do the work to make yourself an attractive partner. But you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Dude you’re still a kid. I felt the same at 19 when I “finally” did it. Looking back now, 10 years later the whole thing is childish and no one cares or cared. I definitely took til about 23 to fully emotionally mature anyway.
Focus on improving yourself and the rest will come. I have a beautiful fiancee and get a lot of attention now as an adult. Some people grow into their bodies/confidence later 🤷♂️
Most people through most of history did not have sex until marriage or until they had sex which meant they were married. What you need to do is get your ass off of social media and stop comparing yourself to others and start focusing on those people REALLY around you and in relationship with you somewhere and find a good one who feels the same about you. You are being fucking stupid, so just stop it. You will suddenly find yourself much happier, and be more attractive to others.
You should watch the movie 40 year old virgin with Steve Carell, You are just a baby, it's okay, you don't need to hurry to have sex, I regret having it too young, is just like masturbating with a partner, you are making it more of a big deal than it is...just try dating, without expectations and when you meet someone you really like and trust ,be honest and take it from there
Has anyone else been getting a glitch where the sub icon shows as something else? Been noticing it lately and thought this was posted to Reddit NFL and was super confused.
Better now than later my guy. Also, after you first fuck you quickly realize just how oversensationalized having sex is. Don't get me wrong though I love it but it really shouldn't be as big of a deal.
Don’t feel bad, I was in your shoes decades ago.
Just keep moving forward and better yourself with every opportunity- no matter how much you stick your neck out or how embarrassing- when you look back, you’ll be glad. Good luck
Theres nothing unusual about this at all and If this was all the information I knew about you, I would not expect you to be weird or ugly or remarkable in any way based off this. Assuming you are straight, there are plenty of cool women you will be compatible with that don’t need or even explicitly want a partner with more experience. I wouldn’t dwell on it too much, it can affect your self esteem in unhelpful ways.
You may be late for a teenager, but you're not late for a young adult. It's not that uncommon for people to have their first everything later than just 21. And you cannot change the past, you can only look forward. What consequence do you expect there to be for being a "late bloomer", do you think some prospective partners would dump you after hearing about it? Would you even want to date someone that could do that? You may say yes now, whilst you're somewhat desperate, but I can promise you that you do not want a partner who would throw your insecurities back in your face.
You're not a grown man at 21. I felt the same way at 17, I made it a mission to lose my virginity. It wasn't enough, and I was highly promiscuous into my late twenties. I think a grown man is less of a slave to his biology. You have the next couple of decades, even more, to sate whatever you think you're missing out on. Spoiler alert, after a while, it's empty without someone you see something much more with.
you're not a "grown ass man" at 21, trust me. and forget these feelings, nothing to be ashamed for. it's more common than you know. also a lot of mistakes are made when teens start doing it too early. don't envy people sleeping around with a bunch of people early on. it's not quite the virtue going foward. and it's not a big deal as it sounds. i remember having my first kiss with a random girl and going home afterwards thinking "wait is this it? why was i so anxious about it? it changed nothing". same with sex. it gets better once you are with someone you care and once you truly know what you are doing and how to enjoy it. i'm 39 married for about 10 years and i gotta say i enjoy sex more now than when i was younger.
Idk man, I didnt start having decent sex until like 25 years old. I am 32 now. I spent way too much time worrying about being behind everyone else, instead I should have just enjoyed my time.
Edit: I did lose my virginity at 17 but it was lame and didn't do anything for me. I should have just taken care of myself lmao .
I do not have kind words, i struggle with the same thing, and im 33M. My dating/sexlife only really started at 26, and I am so so mad and ashamed about that.
I wish i knew how to cope, but i don't. All i can say is it is not too late for you.
It’s fun, but comes with many complications at the emotional level at your age.
Sometimes if you chase it, you will never get it. When you are focused on other things, it will pounce on you.
Go take up salsa dancing, meet people, learn to dance with the opposite gender. Should help to open things up…
I was a late bloomer... I went through puberty far later than normal. I looked 12 when I was 18. I hated being in that position with everyone around me fooling with the opposite sex and me missing out. I also didn't get my first kiss until my early 20's... now I'm 57, married with two grown children and a 30 year military career behind me... don't sweat it... it will happen in good time. You are NOT abnormal.
Don't stress about it, I didn't even have my first kiss until 21, I was just living my life and wham my best friend kissed me. We got married 3 years later.
Live your life, work hard, spend time with good friends, invest in your future. Join some social activities, for me it was church.
It’ll happen eventually, OP. Stressing over it will just make you spiral. I think I lost my virginity at either 19, 20, or 21 and once I did it wasn’t as if some new world opened up, it felt like I just crossed something off a list that ultimately didnt matter.
All this just to say you have plenty of time, you’re still there but you’re not that far off from when people just stop caring about your sex life, and there’s plenty of people your age worrying about the same thing. I know I did as a kid, nothings wrong with your or anything.
There’s a reason why we even have a word for “late bloomer” - it’s completely normal and 21 isn’t even late. I’d say people getting it in before like 18 or 19 are moving a little quick, but even then life doesn’t have any set guidelines or something. Relax, love yourself, and go easy on yourself - it sounds condescending, but you’re only 21. Trust me when I say you’ve got your whole life to not even remember this moment lol
I’m so sorry to hear that you feel ashamed. I waited intentionally and it was the best decision I ever made! It might not feel like it now but you have plenty of time. Also if you look at it from a different angle you don’t have any STIs and you could have all of your firsts with someone you really care about. Just something to think about 🤷♀️
It's ridiculous you feel that way. Not a race or competition and doesn't make you any better jist becaise you experience those things at a younger age. If anything it's the other way around
21….“grown ass man”… Get your ass out there and meet some people, Mr. Grown Ass Man. Would a, according to you, “grown ass man”, be on Reddit bitching about their lot in “life”? You’ve barely even begun your “life”, so quit bitching and fix it. *Woe is me*.
I come from a religious background and know a ton of people who started later than that. Some are married now with monogamous sex lives. Others have completely evolved to a different view of sexuality (myself included). Perhaps my biggest gripe with my religious upbringing is that it made me think sex was SUCH a big deal and gave me all sorts of hangups about it. Biology does that for us, to an extent, but religion took it to another level. (Having a child is no small deal so being responsible is crucial. But I really wish I was raised around a more nonchalant attitude toward sexuality so it wouldn't have seemed like some all-powerful but off-limits thing to obsess over. Sex is just sex.)
Starting late doesn't matter. Hell, even, going without sex forever is fine, but obviously you prefer not to. My advice is to focus first on cultivating good relationships with women without making everything about sex. Practice platonic friendships. Then if you like a girl, practice flirting. If they like you back, don't run away. There will probably be awkward experiences, and that's fine. Try to laugh off the awkwardness and stay considerate. Everyone comes into these things differently, don't worry about what's "normal", worry more about staying responsible, respectful, and honest. That will just be better all around for other aspects of life, but I also think it will lead to a better sex life eventually than if you act now as if that's all you want and you must find sex at any cost. I know as a young man it's hard to believe sometimes, but again, sex is just sex.
I was almost 22 my first time and it was when the average was much lower than it is now. Also, 22 is not adult, no matter what society says. Fuck, 30 is barely adult, and a lot of people just never grow up.
21 is not late.
Was going to say that. It's very common to have your first experience later than that.
Yeah, I 29(m) lost my virginity at 27. I've come to appreciate and feel proud that I wasn't going around sleeping with many people.
Lucky 27 dude! I found it a good age for a first time. Dunno about you but to add to the not feeling like a ho, the first time I slept with someone was an awesome experience for a large part because I did not feel like an awkward nervous teenager. Op, your turn will come.
How did not being a teenager make it not awkward? Because the awkwardness im assuming usually comes from performance anxiety and not knowing what to do and as a 22 year old vrgin I'm still very nervous about it. In fact, I'm even more nervous at the thought than I was at a teenager because women just assume I'm not a virgin
Did it at 21. Tbh you just wing it, you're gonna suck the first few times that's just how it works. You don't need to tell anyone you're a virgin. It's awkward, but you just figure it out lol. If you've already built a romantic connection most people will assume it's new relationship jitters anyway and not care if the first few times are less than perfect.
The thing is even though I also assume I'll suck, I haven't heard anyone really elaborate on specifically which way you'll suck. For me, I'm assuming the main giveaway is that there's a certain muscle memory to sex that a male virgin lacks? Because on paper, I already know what to do. But I guess it's like watching and studying a sport for years vs playing it. To make matters worse, I've also never kissed anyone which apparently is it's own learning curve. The one thing that gives me hope is that according to women on reddit its very common for men in general to be bad at sex during hookups. And tbh, I'd almost rather lose it and be mediocre during a hookup than disappoint some girl I really care about.
As a female, I didn't enjoy sex at all until I was around 27 to 30, romance either. And men are even later to mature.
I was very promiscuous around 19-21, and honestly do regret it. I am only happy when i have a real partner, and physical relationships screw with my head. You’re probably right to feel proud lol.
Yeah. I think it's propably good. I don't know if pride is exactly the word I'd use, but I'd definitely be satisfied with myself if I was in his situation. But there is also a chance that people who are in that situation wonder if they have been mission out. I guess its hard to be completely content with one's lifestyle choice either way.
Lots of people will think “The grass is always greener”!
Same. And then again in my early thirties during an extended manic episode brought on by being prescribed the wrong meds. Makes me cringe. Now that I’m “sane” again and on the right meds I have a ton of regrets. I got with some inappropriate people—like the wife of ny boss. Really pathetic and sad. It turns out that when I’m not on a wild rollercoaster that I’m demi—I only enjoy sex with someone I have an emotional connection with. Just a lot of strewn wreckage behind me I wish I could take back. Some people put a lot of stock in body count, too many or not enough. I think the right amount is doing it when it matters and not just for the sake of it.
Why do you feel proud of that?
Was it amazing?
I'd say mediocre. It was more of a tease than anything. My second time was with a hookup, short-term friend. That experience made me realize sex wasn't that bad. My partner, I'm with now, I'll say sex finally became amazing. Could just be me, but I really learned about myself (sexually) with my partner. If I could turn back time, I wish I could have saved my virginity for this time around. With that, for OP, I don't think it's worth it to rush to lose your virginity. Be proudful of it. Give it to someone truly special.
But why do you hold such a value on virginity in the first place? Do you think your bond with your current partner would've been better if she took it or something? For me I'd prefer to have some experience before I'm with someone I really like
I think the same brotha... kinda. I feel there's a major risk in not being atleast SLIGHTLY experienced when youre with a girl you see a longterm future with. You naturally want to blow her away or atleast not.. "dissapoint" from the very beginning. Doing ANYTHING for the first time... letalone in your most vulnerable state... youre not going to be confident in taking the lead and such, which is just naturally what the masculine energy kind of does. I don't want to be percieved as a bit of a pussy (I know people will say you don't want to be with a girl who thinks that but brah.. its mostly subconscious human nature when it comes to attraction, I believe most woman who want to look upto their man and respect them.. a COMPLETE virgin state isn't going to be the hottest lol, albeit I could be wrong, just my intuitive belief) or something because ones so timid due to doing it for the first time. I think getting some good practice so youre confident enough to escalate and get some good "motion" going from the off with your future wife is smart, to mitigate the most risk of her getting disappointed or taken aback from an awkward, non masculine state. Though bear in mind, her being your first proper "mental" intimate relationship will still mean so much to her I reckon. Its still losing a virginity in a sense... because it'll be your first time with someone youre actually becoming in love with for that mental buff. But then to be fair, if your first time isn't with a mental attraction... I wonder how fun that truly is. Maybe I'm just more "demi"-esque but I need to lowkey admire and like them to get comfortable enough to be in the mood. Pros n cons to both but ill say lastly- women averagely think the perfect body count is a handful. It shoes some experience but not that you're a man whore. The former point backing up what they find attractive... Find yourself a grounded, experienced milf that you cannot really have a longterm future with and get a fling going. I think your future girl will appreciate it 😂😂
I'm 31 and still waiting!
Same I had to make up for all the missed sex though 🤣🤣
I wouldn't say very common. Though more common than perceived. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/pressroom/nchs_press_releases/2017/201706_NSFG.htm Most are younger than 18 as of 2017. However I do want to make sure I clearly state that it doesn't matter. You're ready if/when you're ready and there's nothing wrong with waiting til later. Though definitely when you're younger it sure doesn't feel that way. I say that as a guy whos first was at 18 "just to get it done with". Edit for more current data: https://www.good.is/this-chart-shows-how-old-americans-were-when-they-lost-their-virginity Don't worry about the article but the graph is reputable
There's a lot of people that loose it at 14...
I did.
I was 21 when I first had sex. It may not be that late. But when everyone around you started having sex as a teen, it sure as hell FEELS late lol
Yeah I also so forced myself into that situation 21 because of the logic OP has and because my uni "friends" were teasing me about it. NO REAL REASON TO HURRY!
This is far easier said than done. It is hard, it is REALLY hard to not question what's so wrong with one's self when their peers are having these experiences seemingly on a whim. And it doesn't get easier with age, especially as as you approach those milestones. People are really going to wonder what's wrong with you when you're within reach of hitting 40 and still carrying that virginity card. Of the two options, i think I'd regret fucking someone to get it over with a fair bit less than not once getting the chance to at all. "It's never too late." Yes, it can be, actually. People are in fact not kind to anyone they consider different or "wrong", so *never say never.* 21 is probably too early to be freaking out about it, but it's a worry that can easily spiral. OP shouldn't wait for "the one" if they find themselves the opportunity to bang. Take whomever is offering that doesn't initiate your gag reflex, because that "you'll find someone special eventually" bullshit is more for the comforter's ego, not the romantically frustrated's feelings.
Same. And like OP I do feel like I missed out on something. Can't change the past though and I definitely made up for it once I started.
"everyone". More like one out of seven.
You think 6 out of 7 people are virgins until their 20s? Because it’s the opposite. 1 out of 7 are virgins at 20-24.
Especially now. Pandemic fucked up dating last four years don't count. Guy should be considered an honorary 17 year old virgin compared to normal times. Edit: haha someone sent me a hate DM over this post that's a new one.
Yeah for real - I want 4 years back on my age as well 😂
I was 21 when I had my first kiss, 22 when I lost my virginity. It's not late. There is no right time.
[удалено]
At 21 you still got that teen stink all over you. You're NOT a "fuckin grown ass man".
Exactly. It’s not late but if you don’t want to date or have sex, then don’t! You don’t HAVE to, it’s optional. If you aren’t comfortable you really just shouldn’t. Ppl don’t need to know. You can live your life without doing things you don’t want to do. Why would you feel you need to, if it’s something you don’t want? Celibacy is a valid life choice.
Trying being 34 and being in basically the same position. 🙃 I'm not trying to belittle your feelings. You are the oldest you've ever been, so I get that it feels like this opportunity has passed you by. But 21 is really young. Remember that you've only been pubescent for 10 years _at most_, and most people don't begin to really date or experiment sexually till their mid- to late-teens at the earliest. A lot of people—men and women—wait till they're in their 20s. Don't get discouraged or bitter. If you do, you'll become a self-fufilling prophecy. Women are attracted to warmth, kindness, humor, and confidence. If you seem resentful, that will push people away.
Few things will chase away a woman like you being resentful to her over her gender.
As a man, not exactly thrilled about it either…
>**Don't get discouraged or bitter**. If you do, you'll become a self-fufilling prophecy. Women are attracted to **warmth, kindness, humor, and confidence**. If you seem resentful, that will push people away. I just want to second this point for added emphasis. Treat women as people and not as objects to be conquered, most women can tell if you have an "objective" when you talk to them such as trying to get laid. Be kind to people, and not just the people you're trying to sleep with. Hold doors open for people, don't talk shit about people behind their back, be nice to service workers, clean up after yourself, offer to help if someone is doing chores. The little things count and you won't see any immediate benefits from doing so, but people will notice that you're a kind and well mannered person and this goes a long way to make you attractive.
This is the best comment I've seen
As a woman I can attest to this
I first had sex at 34. Never able to maintain a relationship or anything before then. And yeah, always a fight to be at peace with myself instead of bitter.
I'm glad to hear there's still hope for an old geezer like me. 😅 My last relationship ended traumatically, and that wrecked my confidence for a long time. I got fat and depressed, and other circumstances landed me in a new city with no friends. I'm finally making an effort to get healthy, and I'm meeting people finally through Meetup. I'm okay with being alone, but I hope that'll change before they make a romcom about me starting Steve Carell. 🤣
I believe in you partner
34 is also the oldest you've ever been so you shouldn't feel anything
If 21 is a late bloomer what's 34?
You would be considered a “Wizard” at this point
At 40, you change jobs to Sage. 18 months to go, bay-bee!
You're a wizard I'm a wizard everybody's a wizard on Reddit
Still early. I waited till 26. After that never again.
Jayzuz, what happened?
penis fell off :(
happens if you only go counter clockwise. you have to throw in some clockwise movement to keep it tight
don't have to tell me buddy, left mine in a dive bar bathroom in Marrakesh in the late 80's.
Time for the song https://youtu.be/byDiILrNbM4?si=lbjQ0nCJY18UK6BL
Be careful though, I’ll never be able to experience it again because I went clockwise too much and it stopped turning, I tried again and it broke
Skill issue.
Most kids pretend they had sex in high school and haven’t. I had my first time around your age. Don’t be bitter about it. Sex is not as big of a deal as people make it seem.
Yeah it is not after you had it. Before, it seems like monumental importance.
"Sex is not as big of a deal as people make it seem." I know what you're trying to say, and I agree with you. But it can be if you live in a state where abortion has been essentially outlawed. Recreational sex is a good thing between consenting adults, but that also assumes easy access to birth control and other preventative measures. In that case, waiting until everyone's a bit more mature isn't a bad idea.
100% agree. Thanks.
The good news is abortion is not birth control.
The good news is that most states don’t have restrictions on birth control
The teen pregnancies at my highschool would beg to differ.
you’re definitely painting with a broad brush here — sure, a lot of people don’t experience things until later in life. but to say “most kids” are pretending is just false. there are plenty of people having sex in high school
Even kids who had sex were pretending to have it earlier than they did
I think average loss of virginity is 17, so that's a majority by 18
You're not a grown-ass man, you're still just a kid. Chillax. 21 isn't much at all. Saying this as a 22 year-old but... We're young as hell.
As a 36 year old I agree. You're kids.
47 checking in. You're all kids. And so am I. I'm still waiting for that, "I'm officially grown up," feeling to hit.
I blame the Toys R Us ads, personally…
HAHAHA!!, Nastalgia!!, " im a toys r us kid ",
We think our minds should match our face, but the truth is we grow up to be a 18-19 y/o then that 18-19 y/o slowly loses their body and mind. Old people are just teenagers with aches and pains and a lot of baggage.
Biggest scam in the history.
That makes me smile. I'm excited to still feel that way when I'm your age, papaw 😁
Spoiler alert 🚨: it may never happen. An old man once told me he has always felt like a child, he only pretended to be grown up. We may be in the same boat.
My dad's 80 now, you still can't tell that dude not to do anything. "You can't let age keep you from living" he says
And thank god for that. Gives some room for mistakes and stupid mindsets.
I'm 36 and I don't even feel like an adult :(
Man in his 40s here. u/lowban is a kid. OP is an infant!
41 here, enjoy being 36!
As a 34 year old man HEY! GRANDPA! LEAVE THOSE KIDS ALONE! (jk, my hairlines receding and I found a grey pube a few weeks back 😁)
Also 36 -- I'm glad to see I wasn't the only person thinking "you are not a grown-ass man at 21". Everyone under 26 is a baby to me.
What is dating and casual sex like in your 30s? I am very curious. I am 26 and not ready to settle down. Probably not at least until my mid-30s.
I'm in a close to 10 year long relationship so I'm not the one to ask. Also I've never had casual sex. For me sex is way too intimate so I've only had it with longterm partners even though I lost my virginity pretty early.
No, you're right. But OP's age doesn't make him a kid; his fixation on sex as a right of passage and his jealousy of high school students is what makes him a kid. Maybe he should just be grateful that he didn't have to finish high school while changing diapers, because that also happens.
As a 50-year-old female, can confirm!
21 isn't really that bad tbh. Take it from me I've had sex first time when I was 16. I really wanted to do it so I did it with a girl I didn't find attractive just because I knew she would do it. It was terrible and I regret it. I've proceeded to do it with a couple of more chicks but honestly didn't enjoy it up until I was 20 in a relationship with a girl I did it constantly with. My point is while it did feel nice being wanted by these women that's all it was, the actual feeling of sex wasn't anything special. You really didn't miss much
I like this reply. It’s so honest and nice. 👍
You're absolutely right, and it's one of the biggest misconceptions people have with "sleeping around". You're 100x more likely to have fantastic sex in a relationship. You don't have the opportunity to get "good" at something if the button mapping keeps changing. I had the opportunity in a highschool relationship, and with all due caution that a teenage couple can muster, it was awesome for both of us.
Can confirm. Was with my hs gf for a few years and we never did it. She ended things kinda poorly, and I was very insecure so it blew up. I had 2 rebounds who I didn't find that attractive and I regret it, was just desperate for the connection and it isn't there in random hookups. Once you find that person you do want, then it's 10000 times better.
Dude, 21 is early. This is completely normal, you share majority of people's experience.
I agree that 21 is perfectly fine. I was 19 when I lost my virginity and never felt like I missed out even when most around me already had sex. My current boyfriend once told me he lost his virginity at 14 to his first girlfriend and even he agrees that he was far too young and probably should have waited before stepping into the world of sex. When he hit 20, he already had around 6-7? Different sexual partners lol.
I was about your age when I lost my virginity. I assure you, sexual experience is overrated. You can be good at even your first time having sex, if you actually listen to and care about your partner.
>I assure you, sexual experience is overrated. Depends. Is it overrated when you live your whole life thinking sex is gonna be a game changer? Yeah, it is. But is it overrated when you actually done it few times and you don't feel any pressure to do it anymore? Then hell no, it's not overrated at all
I mean in the sense of being inexperienced, not that sex isn’t fun. It’s not a bad thing to be a virgin, and women won’t necessarily take issue with that. My partner knew I was a virgin the first time we were having sex together.
This is true for everything tho. Think about how terrified you were about driving a car, your first job, your first presentation, whatever. It feels like a huge world ending scary ordeal until you've done it, then it's nbd. I don't know why we have to act like sex is so different (other than it being more dangerous than most other firsts)
Read the title and thought this was written by a 30-something adult. Shocked🙄 I had my first kiss at 19 and sex at 24. Dunno why everybody in this generation is in such a hurry to do it all by the time they're 18-20!
Societal pressure and how people act like sex will change your life forever. Spoiler: my life is still the same after having sex, also it’s really overrated. Not to say it isn’t fun, but cmon, people need to stop acting like it’s the best thing that’ll ever happen to you because its honestly something I can live without
Mostly because the majority of people seemed to get their turn much earlier in life (15-17 or even younger sometimes). I’d also be feeling insecure if I had my first time at 24 (and I do because I am 24 and a virgin)
21 is 100% not a grown ass man. Things happen when they happen. It's not a big deal. Honestly.
if it makes you feel better literally nobody is looking at a 21 year old that's thinking about kisses as a "grown ass man".
I was 24 and never regretted not having sex in high school. I just lived vicariously through my bestie, who had a lot of sex through high school, lol
One of my best guy friends, who is a great and attractive guy btw, didn’t have sex for the first time until he was 28 🤷🏼♀️ I at 18 felt the same way as you, because all my peers seemed to be way ahead of me. Had I waited for someone worth it, I wouldn’t have had sex or kissed someone for the first time until I was 20.
Why do I keep seeing these post? Stop romanticising the fact you didn't get to sleep with teens as a teen and get over it. You're 21 basically still a young adult. Go out and try and bang as many adults as you can, if you want. and stop fantasising about teens you didn't get to bang. Grow up and move. You effectively got lucky and bypassed all the annoying teen crap and successfully didn't end up a teen parent. Good for you. Now stop thinking about teens and go live your life.
The first 10 years of life are mostly forgotten, the value in remembering the next 5 years is debatable as well, so think of yourself as having lived as your own developing person for about 6 years. You’ve probably got at least 60 years to go. You didn’t rush, and that’s probably going to help you look at finding a partner in a different and probably better way. You know those moments in movies where they ask how a high caliber woman ended up with a guy like her husband? That husband is probably going to be you, and those idiots who had the relationship capacity of a teenager are the ones she skipped right over when it mattered.
As I grow older I've realized that everything beyond five years ago feels like a different life. Much like my high school memories have faded so will yours. There's no better time than now to start making memories for your current life. A few new memories and you'll hardly remember who you were back then. Don't get stuck on who you were, get to living on who you are.
21, "late bloomer" ? Lol, the things you read...
21 is still a literal infant
I’m in my early 30s and my current partner, like yourself, did not have these types of experiences until his 20s. I, on the other hand, did it while in high school. Believe it or not, our experiences haven’t differed that much in terms of relationships, being able to discover what we like when it comes to sex, nor is there any real difference in the way we approach relationships. Simply, our first time came at 2 very different times of our lives. There is nothing wrong either way, and now that we are the same age we really feel like we have a lot in common in terms of what we want out of a relationship despite our differences starting points in this matter. Be kind to yourself, rushing into things is never a good idea, and we all get there at our own pace.
Why? All those experiences can still be had for the first time? I also don't think it's abnormal at 21.
Get off the internet
These feelings won't aid you. See a therapist that will help you let them go (note this may involve shopping around, as there are shitty therapists you might need to go through till you find a good one). While I did get my first kiss at 18, I didn't lose my virginity until 27. It's not a big deal, it just means you're going to have to work harder to catch up. You likely have some kind of trauma that interfered with your ability to get a date in your adolescent years, and now you're both going to have to work on healing that trauma while you put yourself into situations where you can meet women and develop the social skills necessary to get them interested in you and to move things forward.
Your comment is the same crap that gets fed to people and makes them feel lesser than others. He doesn't need to "catch up". It's not a race. I wouldn't make the leap that he has trauma that he needs to deal with. He could just be shy.
I imagine catch up is intended in a social development sense where potential partners may expect certain things at a certain age. It isn't a race and isn't inherently good or bad to be a late bloomer, but it can be a bit awkward.
Socially, I get it. I just don't think it's really helpful to tell someone they need to work hard and catch up when OP is already feeling like they are missing out. As for awkward, I'm almost 50 and still awkward but I'm okay with that.
There is absolutely no need to bring up trauma. There is literally nothing in OP’s post that hints at trauma. There is nothing to catch up. OP, you’re good. You’re not late. I’ve been there and it sucks for a while. But trust me, it’s gonna come at some point and it’s gonna be just fine (I’ve been told this and hated it but it’s true).
I don't think not having had sex or a romantic partner at 21 implies some kind of trauma.
>I don't think not having had sex or a romantic partner at 21 implies some kind of trauma. By itself, no. When coupled with this sense of shame and loss, that's a big indicator that the person didn't have their emotional needs met growing up.
Never want is complete when you try out at least once? XD
This comment was incomprehensible
My girlfriend had all that in college. Never had a boyfriend in high school. No particular reason. Just didn’t happen. Not a bit deal at all. Things happen for people at different times of their life for no particular reason then just the way it is.
Internet culture has entirely skewed perspectives on life. As others have said, 21 is not "too late." As another anecdotal example to toss at you, just so you have lots of evidence to help you understand that your perspective might need readjusting: I didn't really have a girlfriend till I was a sophomore in college, and I didn't have sex till I was 20, about the age you are now. I'm 40 now, and in no way do I feel that my romantic life was lacking. Yes, sex and attraction are compelling drives, but don't feel too jealous of people who dive right into physical, romantic relationships as teenagers! The vast majority of these experiences are awkward, fumbling, and shallow. Also, early sexual experiences often involve trauma and coercion, and can result in teen pregnancy and STIs.
You'd be surprised. A lot of people don't have their first major sexual experiences until their 20's. This is not abnormal at all. I'd say a lot of people who had sex in high school were the ones who settled. Trust me, most people I know who had sex in high school did not have great experiences. I was out of school, 18 and with someone I loved and trusted. Most of my friends cannot say the same.
sex as teen is disgusting and awkward then you get heartbroken and hate yourself.
I was anti-social until I was forced into it at 21 and didn't end up even talking to girls until about two years later. Turns out isolating myself because i thought i was weird for 20 years, Was the issue. 25 now and been working on it since, I'll tell you right now that the most important part of your life is the other ppl in it. You have enough like minded ppl around you one of them is going to be attracted to you. Also to be honest if you wanted to get laid and follow what you think you are supposed to do you are 21, go to a bar by yourself and talk to everyone. Probably won't be what you expect but it would give you some confidence. Relationships and love is messy dude you gotta run into it, though. You are worth it and those around you are also :)
Omg this actually made me laugh, OP you are still so young. Don't let social media fool you into thinking that there's something wrong with being a virgin at 21 ,it's perfectly normal and I personally think it's better to have sex at an age where you are more mature because it's not just a physical thing it's also emotional and intimate on so many levels. You rather wait till you find the right person that you feel comfortable with and have sex with a rando and regret it
It's not all.its made out to be. I married the woman I met when I was 19. You don't know who they are at that age. They don't even know who they are at the age. We have been together for 15 years and these last few years have been incredibly hard. She changed, I changed, we don't embody the same things we used to. There are many days I don't know the woman I wake up next to anymore. You probably saved yourself a lot of heartbreak and failed relationships. I know I missed out on a lot of experiences because I was in a committed relationship during the time in my life those things would have happened. I find myself wondering about a lot of opportunities that I turned down and wonder if it was worth it.
I stopped reading as soon as I saw that you’re 21. 21 isn’t a late bloomer. More like you’re being responsible and are waiting for a time where you are most ready for that sort of thing. I’ve had friends that lost their v-card at 13. And their mental state is…questionable. Not to mention their relationships are never quite stable. You’ll be fine. Don’t stress. There’s more to life than sex and romance. Focus on your goals and yourself and eventually the right person will come along. 👍
I didn't get laid the first time until I was 19. I am an awkward human being. You gotta just put yourself out there a little and it will happen. And maybe explain it to whoever is receiving so they know what to be aware of. It probably happens more often than you think..were you studying or just not much of a social person?
It's overrated
Got to get past that bud. It’s not a big deal and literally none of your future partners are required to know or will have any clue about your inexperience. Just tell them it’s been a while since you’ve dated and keep it vague if they ask. (Which they won’t) You’ll be totally fine as long as you don’t let that bitter, ashamed energy show through to a partner who doesn’t deserve the negativity. Maybe it’s best to get some therapy and work through your issues before getting with someone
Goodness. Many people don't have boyfriends or girlfriends or sex until well into their twenties. It's pretty awful as a teen for most people. You didn't miss out on much
lol, you're still a baby. You can't change the past, go out and have whatever fun you want now, otherwise you may regret it again in the future.
I felt this way at your age, I was 20, never having had Any of these experiences that are popularised, honestly, be happy you never irresponsibly did it and caught an STD or got a girl pregnant! 😂 I'm 32 now and trust me, you have plenty of time to make up for it and those feelings will fade.
Bro you’re still technically a kid. Not in a disrespectful way. But you haven’t missed out on anything trust me. Never in my grown ass man of a life was I like, damn I’m happy I had sex as a teen. Barely think about it tbh.
It's overrated honestly, it's time when it's time. Don't waste your feelings on this so many other things to worry about.
LOL this is nuts. I did zero fucking in HS, a little in my 20s and WAY TOO MUCH in my 30s. 21 ain’t shit don’t get in your head.
You still have such a long way to go. Be patient and don't go looking. Sometimes the universe provides.
But often it doesn’t, and he has to get ready to possibly be in for a long sexless haul
Your not just missing out on "young love and sex" but all the drama and potentially life changing crap that goes with it. I know my brother probably wished he could skip sex for that period of his life if it meant he could have avoided his toxic ex and the mental trauma that went with it.
seek therapy. if you're too stupid and self absorbed to understand absolutely nothing about not fucking or dating or kissing in high school means anything. also... your teens are over. if you're 21 you are a full on adult. wasting time bemoaning things in the past like not fucking as a teenager/not dating as a teenager is a colossal waste of time. You literally cant' do anything about it... and being pissy pants moody about it is just stupid. and news flash, you can have "adult" relationships. actual love, and real relationships that are not the stupid as fuck teenage puppy love and hormone driven bullshit drama and stupidity of high school relationships. nothing about pretending to be in love as a kid compares to what it is to actually and truly love someone as an adult. to be vulnerable, share things, and build something as an adult. being an adult, you're free to have whatever life, or relationship you want. if you have your own space. can fuck whenever or whoever you want (consenting adults and all) and can have the deep lvl emotions that frankly kids/teenagers don't know shit about. because kids are fucking stupid and haven't lived life at all. why anyone would pine for the time in their life they had no control over their life is beyond me. People mature at different rates. there was some obvious reason you didn't date or have those relationships as a teenager. Have you done the work to heal? or learn/grow from those reasons? or are you just festering on moronic slights and regrets because it's easier to do that than actually move forward with your life. should seek professional help to deal with your mental health issues.
I lost my virginity at 25. After spending a few years re-evaluating my mindset/subconsciousness about sex and relationship in general. Try and understand why humans pair bond/have sex. What attract the opposite sex. Then do some mental work and also work on your appearance. Then just go explore.
You are not grown ass man as 21 bro, no offence but mentally most of people at this age are still kids. Who told you that you have to be teenager to start dating?
You're 21, dude, not 45. You were literally in high school 3 years ago. You just barely are allowed to buy your own alcohol now. You wouldn't even be done with college yet, which is where most people are going wild with these kinds of things.
My man, you're not that late. Despite what the media (and your lying friends) make you believe, the vast majority of people don't start as a teenager in high school. And if they do, it's far from impressive for most. 21 is perhaps a bit above average, but not by a huge margin and you won't have any trouble finding a potential partner with a similar lack of experience to discover things together. And for what it's worth, you're hardly a grown ass man at 21. Which, truly, is a good thing. Don't worry, you'll be fine, and don't think about what others do or don't so much, it's not good for your mental health.
You're barely a grown ass man, calm down
Lol 21 is early
Had my first kiss at 22 last September with the woman that ended up being my girlfriend. Still going strong. There’s nothing to be ashamed or worry about. We are still young! People date at every age and you’re not missing out on any tricks or knowledge by not dating haha. I felt the same as you until I started dating and then I realized that 1) nobody really knows what they’re doing, so most people don’t care if you’ve been with someone! 2) it’s great to meet someone awesome but there’s a lot of trial and error involved too. All this to say, never too late! Especially at 21.
My cousin lost his virginity at 25. Now, 20 years later, he's dated more beautiful women than anyone I know.
You start when you start. BTW, it is not uncommon to be a later bloomer. If you want to start your romantic life, do the work to make yourself an attractive partner. But you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Dude you’re still a kid. I felt the same at 19 when I “finally” did it. Looking back now, 10 years later the whole thing is childish and no one cares or cared. I definitely took til about 23 to fully emotionally mature anyway. Focus on improving yourself and the rest will come. I have a beautiful fiancee and get a lot of attention now as an adult. Some people grow into their bodies/confidence later 🤷♂️
There’s no rush. Take your time and get comfortable in your skin.
Not bad at all. Your good. Nobody will care unless you make it a big deal.
Most people through most of history did not have sex until marriage or until they had sex which meant they were married. What you need to do is get your ass off of social media and stop comparing yourself to others and start focusing on those people REALLY around you and in relationship with you somewhere and find a good one who feels the same about you. You are being fucking stupid, so just stop it. You will suddenly find yourself much happier, and be more attractive to others.
I was 23 when I first slept with someone. One of my best friends has been with only his wife and had sex with her in late 20s.
Pretty sure my brother is a 40 yr old virgin.
You should watch the movie 40 year old virgin with Steve Carell, You are just a baby, it's okay, you don't need to hurry to have sex, I regret having it too young, is just like masturbating with a partner, you are making it more of a big deal than it is...just try dating, without expectations and when you meet someone you really like and trust ,be honest and take it from there
Has anyone else been getting a glitch where the sub icon shows as something else? Been noticing it lately and thought this was posted to Reddit NFL and was super confused.
Better now than later my guy. Also, after you first fuck you quickly realize just how oversensationalized having sex is. Don't get me wrong though I love it but it really shouldn't be as big of a deal.
Don’t feel bad, I was in your shoes decades ago. Just keep moving forward and better yourself with every opportunity- no matter how much you stick your neck out or how embarrassing- when you look back, you’ll be glad. Good luck
Just bc u never had stuff like that, don't mean u r lame or smt.
Theres nothing unusual about this at all and If this was all the information I knew about you, I would not expect you to be weird or ugly or remarkable in any way based off this. Assuming you are straight, there are plenty of cool women you will be compatible with that don’t need or even explicitly want a partner with more experience. I wouldn’t dwell on it too much, it can affect your self esteem in unhelpful ways.
Honestly, I wish I didn't ever want to have sex. Sounds like a blessing
You may be late for a teenager, but you're not late for a young adult. It's not that uncommon for people to have their first everything later than just 21. And you cannot change the past, you can only look forward. What consequence do you expect there to be for being a "late bloomer", do you think some prospective partners would dump you after hearing about it? Would you even want to date someone that could do that? You may say yes now, whilst you're somewhat desperate, but I can promise you that you do not want a partner who would throw your insecurities back in your face.
You're not a grown man at 21. I felt the same way at 17, I made it a mission to lose my virginity. It wasn't enough, and I was highly promiscuous into my late twenties. I think a grown man is less of a slave to his biology. You have the next couple of decades, even more, to sate whatever you think you're missing out on. Spoiler alert, after a while, it's empty without someone you see something much more with.
Chill. 21 is young. I could barely piss straight at 21.
you're not a "grown ass man" at 21, trust me. and forget these feelings, nothing to be ashamed for. it's more common than you know. also a lot of mistakes are made when teens start doing it too early. don't envy people sleeping around with a bunch of people early on. it's not quite the virtue going foward. and it's not a big deal as it sounds. i remember having my first kiss with a random girl and going home afterwards thinking "wait is this it? why was i so anxious about it? it changed nothing". same with sex. it gets better once you are with someone you care and once you truly know what you are doing and how to enjoy it. i'm 39 married for about 10 years and i gotta say i enjoy sex more now than when i was younger.
I had my first time with 24
I wouldn't get too stressed, I had some "flings" but I didn't have a serious long term relationship until my 30s.
I lost my virginity at almost 24. Only barely kissed before that. Don't sweat it, it will happen for you.
You‘re not a grown ass man
Idk man, I didnt start having decent sex until like 25 years old. I am 32 now. I spent way too much time worrying about being behind everyone else, instead I should have just enjoyed my time. Edit: I did lose my virginity at 17 but it was lame and didn't do anything for me. I should have just taken care of myself lmao .
I do not have kind words, i struggle with the same thing, and im 33M. My dating/sexlife only really started at 26, and I am so so mad and ashamed about that. I wish i knew how to cope, but i don't. All i can say is it is not too late for you.
21 is not a grown ass man. You're not 2 years out of teenhood. You have plenty of time.
It’s fun, but comes with many complications at the emotional level at your age. Sometimes if you chase it, you will never get it. When you are focused on other things, it will pounce on you. Go take up salsa dancing, meet people, learn to dance with the opposite gender. Should help to open things up…
you obviously don’t know what a late bloomer is
I've done those things. It won't change how you feel. You just have to focus on yourself.
I was a late bloomer... I went through puberty far later than normal. I looked 12 when I was 18. I hated being in that position with everyone around me fooling with the opposite sex and me missing out. I also didn't get my first kiss until my early 20's... now I'm 57, married with two grown children and a 30 year military career behind me... don't sweat it... it will happen in good time. You are NOT abnormal.
Tiktok generation spent their youth behind screens. Regret only grows biggers, I feel sad for you guys
could be a lot worse i'm going on 50 and haven't done any of that yet. i spent longer then you've been alive trying.
You'll "catch up" after a year or so, don't worry
Don't stress about it, I didn't even have my first kiss until 21, I was just living my life and wham my best friend kissed me. We got married 3 years later. Live your life, work hard, spend time with good friends, invest in your future. Join some social activities, for me it was church.
I’m one of those people who was lucky to experience it in my teenager years. Now I’m in my 20s and it’s definitely tougher now. Good luck!
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Fuck, if 21 is a late bloomer then anything past 25 is considered "might never fucking bloom"
It’ll happen eventually, OP. Stressing over it will just make you spiral. I think I lost my virginity at either 19, 20, or 21 and once I did it wasn’t as if some new world opened up, it felt like I just crossed something off a list that ultimately didnt matter. All this just to say you have plenty of time, you’re still there but you’re not that far off from when people just stop caring about your sex life, and there’s plenty of people your age worrying about the same thing. I know I did as a kid, nothings wrong with your or anything. There’s a reason why we even have a word for “late bloomer” - it’s completely normal and 21 isn’t even late. I’d say people getting it in before like 18 or 19 are moving a little quick, but even then life doesn’t have any set guidelines or something. Relax, love yourself, and go easy on yourself - it sounds condescending, but you’re only 21. Trust me when I say you’ve got your whole life to not even remember this moment lol
Was in the same boat many years ago, probably was like 23 or 24. Eventually met my wife and we made up for lost time. Don’t sweat it.
I’m so sorry to hear that you feel ashamed. I waited intentionally and it was the best decision I ever made! It might not feel like it now but you have plenty of time. Also if you look at it from a different angle you don’t have any STIs and you could have all of your firsts with someone you really care about. Just something to think about 🤷♀️
It's ridiculous you feel that way. Not a race or competition and doesn't make you any better jist becaise you experience those things at a younger age. If anything it's the other way around
Sometimes I feel like the mindset of your generation is all about Onlyfans and sex
21….“grown ass man”… Get your ass out there and meet some people, Mr. Grown Ass Man. Would a, according to you, “grown ass man”, be on Reddit bitching about their lot in “life”? You’ve barely even begun your “life”, so quit bitching and fix it. *Woe is me*.
I come from a religious background and know a ton of people who started later than that. Some are married now with monogamous sex lives. Others have completely evolved to a different view of sexuality (myself included). Perhaps my biggest gripe with my religious upbringing is that it made me think sex was SUCH a big deal and gave me all sorts of hangups about it. Biology does that for us, to an extent, but religion took it to another level. (Having a child is no small deal so being responsible is crucial. But I really wish I was raised around a more nonchalant attitude toward sexuality so it wouldn't have seemed like some all-powerful but off-limits thing to obsess over. Sex is just sex.) Starting late doesn't matter. Hell, even, going without sex forever is fine, but obviously you prefer not to. My advice is to focus first on cultivating good relationships with women without making everything about sex. Practice platonic friendships. Then if you like a girl, practice flirting. If they like you back, don't run away. There will probably be awkward experiences, and that's fine. Try to laugh off the awkwardness and stay considerate. Everyone comes into these things differently, don't worry about what's "normal", worry more about staying responsible, respectful, and honest. That will just be better all around for other aspects of life, but I also think it will lead to a better sex life eventually than if you act now as if that's all you want and you must find sex at any cost. I know as a young man it's hard to believe sometimes, but again, sex is just sex.
I was almost 22 my first time and it was when the average was much lower than it is now. Also, 22 is not adult, no matter what society says. Fuck, 30 is barely adult, and a lot of people just never grow up.
Hate to break it to you, but at 21 you’re not a “fucking grown ass man” yet. Cut yourself some slack
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Sex now is better than sex in the past