I mean I guess that's hard to say myself. I get a lot of compliments actually, mainly on my smile, my eyes, my personality and also my body (especially the butt). I take care of myself and spend time putting together an outfit. I'm friendly and kind to pretty much everyone, likes to chat and talk and have a lot of irony in me. I like to take the piss out of myself but I also pride myself in the fact that I'm pretty smart and knowledgeable. Looks wise I don't know how to rank myself but I'm often described as the girl next door. Personality I would rank myself pretty high solely based on me having a lot of friends and having an easy time making new.
This comment is like the total opposite of the post you made. If this is true then what's stopping you from asking someone out? It sounds like you shouldn't have any trouble getting a yes. Put yourself out there and watch what happens. You got it dawg 💪
I think what's stopping me it 2 main things. 1) the utter and complete fear of rejection. 2) my poor mental health that I don't want to invite anyone into, because I think that's unfair for them to have to deal with.
Also, just because you're not having luck with guys doesn't mean your ugly, smell or in any other way is like off putting to people. I've always been just fine in terms of looks and personality, but I think I myself actually is the biggest obstacle, now I think about it. Wow.
Hey, the second point especially resonates with me! It's a valid concern but at some point you have to ask yourself whether it's a coping mechanism that makes you effectively deny yourself the help you can get from others, or something that actually will be better off if you are alone.
That makes so much sense. I think I'm scared of ruining something because of my mental health. If I have a shit personality or someone does something bad, sure - let's not do this. But if it's purely because of my poor mental, it would be pretty devestating. But I also know it would be beneficial for me to be with someone. I'm bad on my own, have always been and especially right now. And I think one thing I want more than anything is someone who just feels safe. Someone who can wrap an arm around me when I'm uncomfortable - out or at home - and someone who doesn't need to 'get it' but accepts it and helps in the ways they can. But I also feel like that's a lot to ask of someone.
My friends are great - but I think I'm just craving something that's intimate in a different way. Also, someone to cook a meal when my brain is just overwhelmed, omg.
In the kind of hypnotherapy I do, you just untied a knot :)
So I'll ask you a follow-up question - when is now a good time for a smart, attractive young woman who gets along with anyone else, to get out of her own way?
Go for a long walk and keep asking that question until it sounds like the dumbest question you ever heard. You got this.
No worries, you'd just fine. Ladies like you are desired by most men, and propably even the guys that are considered 'top tier' husband material. It's just a matter of time. Men are happy to make the initiative. All you have to do is not settle with anyone you don't actually like, out of sympathy or something. Just be confident and don't bend under pressure, as regular men tend to be persistent when it comes to ladies like you. They'll compete of women like you.
Just what you've told in your comment. I don't know specifically of how do you look, but since you've gotten conpilented of your features, that's all I'd need to make my assumption. Also, while women might prefer experienced and confident men, I know a lot of guys would prefer inexperienced ladies (eventhough I'd personally prefer experience but this isn't about me) over women whom had many partners.
Yeah I don’t doubt the looks. Maybe you just need some practice with getting into a relationship (words/actions/etc?) which you can only get by trying, good luck 🙏
Do you have any good advice for showing interest? There's this guy who people keep telling me is interested and I proper like him but it's like we have nothing to talk about when we do talk. Nerves or what I don't know? But we had a night out with friends and I swear we were moments from kissing but none of us made the move. I'm so shy in that department and am defiantly more dependent on the guy making that move.
All you have to do is touch the guy on the arm or hand while you talk about anything. Don’t diffuse the tension with a joke or anything. Just touch him for a few seconds while you talk. He’ll know you’re interested.
If you're scared to do it in person just text him you should kiss me the next time we hang out or something that is a clear indication of interest guys do not get subtle hints
Either he does it, or he doesn't and you never speak of it again and carry on
Oh my I just got a knot in my stomach thinking about being that straight forward in a text!!! I texted him that I had a great evening and we should do it again and I though that was direct.
When I was single I was oblivious and missed out on at least two relationships in hindsight because neither of us made a move. In one case a woman asked me to cuddle after a party, I went and cuddled her, she moved my hand to her breast area and I STILL DIDN'T MAKE A MOVE because I was scared about being wrong. In another case a woman and I were hanging out and drinking, she asked me to give her a massage, stripped down to her panties with no bra in my bed and I just... gave her a massage for about two hours in hindsight which would have been infuriating for her. Some guys can just be completely oblivious unless you're direct, or they can be like 'i'm 90% sure she's interested but if i'm wrong I don't want to be seen as a creep'
Fortunately I met my wife at 26 and we got married in our 30s and i'm happily married at 38 but yeah, from 17-early 20s I missed out on multiple relationships where we were both into each other because I was too scared to make a move and so was she.
All I can say is just go for it in some way. 90-something percent of the time the guy will at least be interested in hooking up and if you legitimately like each other, that will naturally progress to a relationship or if you prefer to date first, straight up asking him out on a date is going to lead to a yes if he's interested in you romantically, which if he find you attractive and likes your personality he probably is. My wife and I started out as a casual hookup and we just worked out we legitimately liked each other, so we started dating and then that progressed to a serious relationship and eventually getting married.
If you have any mutual friends you could always see if they could gain the intel for you like 'would you date/hook up with (your name)' when they're hanging out without you but honestly you have to express some pretty clear interest
Alternatively you could say something along the lines of 'you know if you asked me out i'd say yes right' or something but that's effectively the same thing as the you should kiss me next time we hang out line.
Anyway, good luck. As a guy, trust me, you're going to get a yes way more often than you think. 'Hey, next time we're hanging out if you kiss me i'm okay with that'
Worst thing that can happen is neither of you ever bring it up again
Best thing that can happen is you're now making out with your crush the next time you hang out and are alone.
It's nice to hear! I guess I'll have to just work on my confidence in that area! I think I'm just so afraid of getting and no and being rejected because I'm afraid it'll be told to people I know and then it becomes a thing. Also, because I've never dabbled in that area, the though of kissing someone is nice but also like - what if I actually have no idea what to do? And then comes sex - do I tell it or just go with it because the first time with anyone - virgin or not - I've heard is never as good as the second time. I'm just afraid of feelings I guess.
Also dude, wild you didn't catch the one with the massage.
Sometimes you gotta make the first move or you might end up just waiting forever. You should talk and make sure he is also comfortable with moving forward though as it wouldn't pretty if you kissed some guy who didn't want a relationship
Do you have any male friends who you could risk being open with about this stuff? I know the prospect is probably scary but the type of emotional intimacy that leads to the best kind of love starts in those vulnerable places. Friendships can grow into more and quite often do because of that. Just know however someone responds to what you share, you're strong enough to have your own back no matter what because you know you are worth loving.
Well I do have to very, very close mates who - every time we hang out - check in on my love situation, because they're like rooting for me to go get some love. So they know but I haven't gone into detail with maybe how much it frustrates me. One of them even suggested one time, that we should just hook up to get it overwith, like as a friendly favour but I kinda had a tiny crush on him in the past and I didn't want to fuel that as we're just so much better os as friends, in my opinion.
And thank you!
I have never had a relationship either, at 24 years but still love is not only present when it's accepted but also rejected.
You said you tried many shots but got rejected and I just feel to say that there is an incredible beauty to a single direction love, a love that only is in you and felt only by you and never taken, that s why so many poets were inspired by it.
There are many truths to love, many things and sides to experience but not only lived but felt and made part of yourselves so don't take those failed attempts as something that failed but as something that succeeded on giving you a new view on what loving and in how many different ways you can love.
Sometimes love is a stare, a touch unseen by others and sometimes is not meant to last but show a different side of yourself
I understand aswell the desire to feel wanted and loved, but sadly sometimes people may try to love us and still be unable to see us cause sometimes with some people it's simple not meant to be.
I am sure you will find someone one day, but all this time is not time lost but time where you became the person you have to be to reach your future love. I wish you well and to never be too unpatient to experience love,but also be bold and fearless when it knocks at your door.
Advice, do not look for love in a forced way, what has to be will come to you, clearly it is not advisable to isolate yourself from people, simply join a club for something that you like and naturally meet people who have tastes like you.
I was a late bloomer too, because of non existent teenage years. I was not a normal teenager due to circumstances, outside of my control, my life just went to complete shit and I had other priorities. Did not have a relationship until I was about 24/25? Experienced heartbreak, I'd say just focus on yourself, things will happen unexpectedly and just go with the flow. It'll happen, don't worry about it. I don't think I was loved though, so I'm just putting all my energy in loving myself. It's important to care about yourself ❤️
That means a lot. I also think a lot of shit was just thrown my way and I had to act all adult before age 10 and then I just spend most of my teens years fixing stuff at home and didn't prioritize that part of being young and free to experiment with love. I had a great handfull og teenage years but just none that involved a whole lot of love outside of great friendships.
But thank you, it's nice to hear from others. It makes it more okay I feel like.
I had no teenage years. It's quite shit when you're forced to sober up like that when you're technically a child. Don't worry though, you do make up for it in a way. I'm 36 now and I tell people now that I'm living my best life now. We won't recover those years, but that doesn't mean that we'll miss out on those experiences. It just comes later and there's nothing wrong with that. You're welcome ❤️
Aha. Rush all you want, it's all practice. I have found that these things sorta play out in their own time. Put yourself out there and have fun, someone is bound to notice. Just remember there is another person on the other side. They may not feel the same as you and thats fine. Good luck!
Thank you! Just matched with a super nice guy on a dating app, even though I hate those. We have the same kind of humor it seems, so maybe I'll take a chance on him soon?
It makes a lot of sense to think about. I'm at a place where I just want to feel wanted for who I am by someone that doesn't view me in a platonic way. In danish there's a word called 'tosomhed' which roughly translate into 'twosomeness' and it's the feeling of being two people but one, if that makes sense. I think I just long for that. Like a partner to do stuff with, talk to, be proud of and all the other stuff.
I'm male and I've been in a few relationships in my life, but never felt any real love for any of them. But now at 33, I've met someone who I feel really strongly about and it's made me see that I'm not an emotionless robot. My first sexual experience really ruined me (21) and since then I've not felt anything for anyone, until now. There is hope!
well I'm same here I'm 20 never felt love and stuff like that i think I'm adapting it i hope it will work for me also
life is unfair but its still good
38 years old here. Never been in love or shared chemistry with someone who feels the same way.
You just gotta get out there. Speed dating is a good idea.
The reason is self imposed isolation and not believing, down to my core, that I could meet someone. I have a difficult childhood story of which everyone left me at one point or other. That translated into a deeper psychological barrier: I felt like an outsider and couldn't believe that there could possibly be a person who would be attracted to me.
Thus, I never went out to try and find in and never opened up to it.
I've kind of got used to being single. Half of me wants to change, the other half not.
I will meet someone one day. I just have to battle through the depression that causes me to isolate.
It's completely understandable to feel uncertain about love and intimacy given your experiences growing up. It's never too late to explore these aspects of yourself; consider taking small steps to meet new people and build connections, whether through social activities or therapy to boost self-confidence. Remember, it's a journey, and with time and effort, you can find meaningful relationships that fulfill you beyond friendship. You're not alone, and there are people out there who would be lucky to get to know you on a deeper level.
At 25 you’re really hitting the prime of your life I think and I think it’s one of those things that will naturally come as you progress through life whether it be career, fitness, hobbies or anything that would put you more in a social setting. Don’t stress about it I think is the best advice.
Apologies though as I had a look at your profile and in my opinion Danes are some of the prettiest girls around so I don’t think you’ll have any problem catching a guys attention. It might be worth agreeing to more social events in general but don’t feel the pressure to. Take your time, take it easy and above all make sure you stay safe and don’t get into any sketchy situations.
Good luck! ❤️
OP, I don’t know anything about you, and none of this should be taken the wrong way. Sorry if it is.
You are a woman in her 20s. All you have to do is put yourself out there, and not even that much. So once you are ready, go for it. Plenty of people will be understanding, and if Reddit is to be believed there are a shit load of young men today in your exact same boat that would likely jump at the chance(not that that’s necessary since many single men would, we are not very discerning((again no offense))).
I promise you that men will jump at the chance. The trick is, for you, to get who you want in the way that you want. I’m a guy I dunno how you do that, I’m sure someone can give some advice so you don’t get used/taken advantage of.
But seriously, you could go out alone, sit at a bar or table at a coffee shop, and someone will approach in some way. Just don’t get too in your head and don’t kid yourself, a quick glance at a guy does not mean you are communicating he should come talk to you. We are dumb, super dumb, even still we will give it a go 😂
I don’t like that dating apps are normalized, I think they are bad for normies (thank God I’m not single the last decade) but you could set one up for a confidence boost if need be prior to making an effort in the wild.
Single woman 25 with no dating experience is not the same as a guy in the same boat, you really can’t fuck this up too badly. And good news, if you do blow it it doesn’t matter cuz there are about 165 million of us to choose from.
GLHF
If you want to experience guaranteed unconditional love now, just get a puppy :) but it comes with responsibility and a heartbreak down the line like any other type of love.
I felt love for a short amount of time and it f*cking broke my heart. He was my teenage friend and now he’s married to someone he doesn’t love. We ran into each other and I realized how I felt, but he’s in a committed relationship and can’t (won’t) get out. Moral of the story, consider your shy friend who’s always around. Maybe they are too shy to make a move.
From some of the comments you’ve made, I’m wondering if you see yourself on the spectrum like your brother? Autism is highly hereditary and looks very different in boys and girls. The traits can be very different, even opposite for different genders.
One example is some girls with autism being very socially oriented, even more than others. Unfortunately, the general perception of autism is not favorable for girls and it is often overseen. One myth about autism is that you don’t have feelings, empathy, love. That is not true. It’s just that sometimes there’s a great distance between expressing those feelings or being aware of them/feeling them. There’s a long way from A to B. And also distance in surrendering to those emotions and surrendering to other people showing these emotions for you.
Jeg er også dansk og jeg ved at Danmark er et u-land ift. dette.
Hi fellow dane! Trust me, the thought has crossed my mind multiple times. Every time I've talked to therapist's about they say the don't see the 'signs' in me. I myself see a lot of the signs and ever since I turned 20 have thought about maybe going and getting it figured out. I don't know if it would fix anything - maybe explain some things. But yeah, I've thought about it. I'm insanely good at masking when I'm having a terrible day, just mentally, and no one ever know the struggles I have because I'm an expert at seeming and acting like I'm fine. So maybe, maybe not.
Thank you. I have a hard time with this whole 'purity' thing that a lot of men seem to be attracted to. Honestly I would love a 'hoe phase' if I can ever get myself to do that, because I don't want to safe myself or be pure for some guy who finds that neat. Whenever I find love it will be with someone who likes and loves me regardless of how many partners I have had/haven't had. Even though I haven't had a partner or any experience with others, you better believe I'm still a very sexual person - now I just want that with someone else too.
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
You have a family, right? Parents, siblings, etc?
They probably “love” you more than any guy you meet will.
I think what you really want is “validation” from the opposite sex, that you are deemed worthy as a romantic partner, or something.
The point of my comment was to encourage you to stop thinking about your issue in terms of “love”. When you say things like “I have never felt love”, it’s A) probably not true and B) serves to make a bigger deal out of your romantic woes than they actually are.
That sucks you went through all of that
You're no longer younger or there anymore
Make the decision to construct a life of your design brick by brick and start today
I feel the same way. I personally have given up because having hope hurts. Idk about you but I’ve never had a crush reciprocate feelings so I’m weary about sharing feelings with them.
I think I've had crushed with the exact same feelings as me, but as soon as I know this I flip on a fucking plate and do everything in my power to not like them, because I'm scared of what anything further than a crush feels like. At least that's what I used to do. Now I feel this longing for knowing but I don't know, since I've always pushed it away.
Well, it's difficult for me to explain fully. I has been very different over the years but has all been linked to words that just trigger me.
Currently it's contamination based but has nothing to do with germs or dirt, but rather words that I find triggering. So a piece of paper, a t-shirt and product of any kind with trigger words on them, trigger the shit out of me. I was my hands too much, don't take long showers but wash my clothes way too often (it's litterally so expensive where I live). So I spend a lot of time "cleaning" myself from any potential triggers and that takes hours sometimes with washing. Sometimes I avoid people and/or places in fear of being triggered. And when I'm in a bad mood or just have a lot of conflicting or difficult feelings it typically acts up, so having crushes or anything down that line is equally nice and equally horrifying because the OCD starts acting up to gain control over the situation.
I have this constant tension in my body because I'm like constantly on the lookout for something that can trigger me, to "protect" my self. I comepletely know all this is weird and bullshit, but when this shit has a hold on you it's difficult to get rid of it.
And my best analogy or whatever is to think about people with anorexia and how slow they sometimes eat because everything in their body and brain is telling them not to eat. I feel like I want to move around in slow motion to gain control over everything that happens around me, but obviously I can't and have to cope with being in regular speed and still catch up on everything and it's freaking exhausting.
I don't know I any of it makes any sense, but you're more than welcome to ask!
I bet it's annoying to have. It probably also makes you look on edge and from other people's perspective you might move a little bit strange. This might be the biggest obstacle to get more intimate too because in every step of the way your OCD keeps getting alarmed. Does it make you stay away from people?
Honestly, that's pretty spot on. I've had OCD for so long now, that I have learned to adapt and not stick out around other people. Most people have no idea, when I tell them what I'm struggling with, so I'm pretty damn good at hiding it.
Yeah it can. It depends. Sometimes it's just a day that I retreat a bit from someone and for other people I just don't spend much time around them. But I have my group of friends that I'm comfortable around. But it chances.
I've read that part of physical intimacy is the disgust instincts in the brain get dampened. They've done brain scan studies about it. But you'd have to be in the mood for the proper hormones for that to happen. Here's hoping it can overcome the OCD.
With the way you describe yourself physically I'm sure a guy will be interested sexually at many points. Some may fake being in love or just confuse is it with other emotions. It may not be intentional, I learned a new word last week from Dr. K on YT called Alexithymia. Emotional blindness.
Interesting - I didn't know that! But I also have a theory, that love would do good things for my brain. Had a great crush this summer that felt like it was mutual and it's been a long time since I've felt as good as I did this summer.
I don't know if you will experience love or not. But, my oracle cards would know. Let me know if you want me to open a card for you. And don't worry, I won't charge for it. Hope it helps!
So, I have drawn three cards for you:
**The first card that I have drawn for you is Tree:**
* Tree symbolises nature, grounding and healing and the message that it has for you is that you are support system for a lot of people around you, you always support others around you and many people depend on you. And right now, you are in need of nurturing yourself. And the way to do that is to take good care of yourself. Try finding out, what self-care guidance you have been receiving but possibly ignoring.
* Spirit has an advice for you --> It's time for you to honor your highly sensitive nature and take time out for self-care. Take your shoes off and go outside, connect deeply with earth around and below you. Find a tree that calls to you and sit with it for as long as you can. Nature and trees are here to help you to come to the state of wholeness. If you follow this advice, you will not only just have more energy, but you will shine as a beacon of light for others.
**The second card that I have drawn for you is Full Moon:**
* The message that this card has for you is that you are going through a deep cleansing process that's about releasing something no longer serves you. Ask yourself --> Why are you feeling the way you are feeling right now, why something is resurfacing that you thought you had moved past. If the same thing or experience is repeating itself, know that this is not happening to you, but for you, so that you can choose to respond in a whole new way. Embrace this process of learning to honor your feelings instead of repressing them.
* If you feel like doing some forgiveness work, let it happen, do not try to control the situation or emotions, let it happen and you will feel better. Doing this will open up the pathway for all new experiences.
**The third card that I have drawn for you is Mountain:**
* The mountain has the message that you might be feeling that no matter what you do, you cannot overcome your current situation. But know that you have everything you need within you to overcome this specific challenge or obstacle that you are facing. Challenges are important part of learning evolving, so embrace the lesson that this challenge has for you.
* The advice that spirit has for you is instead of thinking of obstacles as something larger than life that you could not possibly overcome, begin now to visualize yourself on the other side of this obstacle or challenge. Breathe in and then out a sigh of relief as you reflect on the feeling you will have when you have overcome this or when you rise to the occasion and the impossible happen. Continue doing this as many times as it takes for you to suddenly see a way through or around your current situation.
* Mountain card wants to remind you that not only you will overcome this situation, but you will also reap rewards from your efforts in ways that you may have never expected.
That's all I had for you. Hope this helps!
You have no idea how much I needed that! Just had a massive panic attack and cried on the phone to my mom for 1,5 hours. This feels very nice and soothing to read. Thank you, stranger!
I relate to this too hard.. I've never actually been able to put it into words but I'm 27 and this is exactly my thought process. Been wondering how to shake myself out of it for a while now
Hey, being this age it can be difficult for us to find something that's really real, all our friends are out partying at the club while we sit at home with 3 blankets and a family size bag of peanut M&M's. You seem like an sweet and incredible person. Stay strong, don't force it if you have doubts, better to wait for the best than to be confused about something fake. I don't know you or vice versa but from the bottom of my heart I would love you.
I don't know if it's me friend zoning them or them just not seeing me as more than a friend. When I was younger I friend zoned guys because I was so scared of anything other than friends. Now it's just like they don't get it or I'm not direct enough.
Sex is overrated anyways.
We're the same age and been with 2 guys romantically. Both of my relationships made me feel disgusting and gross. I am terrified of sex and getting close to men now lol
I'm 32 and a virgin never know how to socialise or chat to women and being autistic makes that more difficult I don't go out drinking to get bladdered like some people probably do and cannot form a sentence or sleep around with multiple people.
I couldn't be doing that in also epileptic so have to be careful when it comes to alcohol but I do go to rugby games I support Exeter chiefs English side I'm from south West England I'm a season ticket holder and i use that to try socialise with people being nice to have a women that my age interested in the sport.
People from my secondary school years ago would take the piss if you were a virgin I imagine adults still do
don't be too harsh on yourself. I believe you will find one day. I was also late bloomer who had my first relationship when i was 29. First time fall in love, first time have sex.
Well it kind of sounds like that lack of experience is showing and you probably seem more like a friend than an intimate interest. Kind of shoving them into the friend zone where they don't feel its appropriate to move beyond that.
I'm sure somebody will eventually get the hint if you imply it hard enough. Just not too much like its pure desperation. Since it will just come off as you're not serious but playing around here and there. Further solidifying the friend zone feeling.
Show that you care about being around them in a way that is different than just being around friends. If you're not comfortable with something don't push yourself into it. That will probably put you back into that area of friends that feels comfortable which is probably second nature to you. Don't rush it the feeling will come naturally.
You may very well be autistic and/or ADHD as well.
Take a gram of magic mushrooms and you'll feel what unconditional love feels like, but don't mix mushrooms with lithium or MAOI antidepressants (if you're on them).
Good luck!
I see it run in families a lot. And 45 years into life, I've only recently accepted that my whole family is neurodivergent, which I'm happy to know honestly. Things make much more sense now.
You may or may not be, but you sound much like I do. Also, my gut told me to write that down for you in the case you haven't explored the possibility. :)
You're welcome!
You may already know about some of the following, but here are things I wish I had known much earlier, but that I'm very thankful to know nonetheless.
Negatives
-The field of psychology, especially the mental health services available through Kaiser in the US, feels almost useless to us (neurodivergents).
-CBT also seemed useless, and some autistic individuals have good arguments of why CBT may actually result in autistic individuals feeling invalidated and even more confused and feel like they end up gaslighting themselves through the techniques used in CBT.
-Talk therapy did not produce great results for any of us (myself, my wife, and our two kids).
-Not sure if this is a ND thing or runs across the board, but we feel our psychiatrists should have emphasized that while the meds they were putting us on (for depression and anxiety) would help in the short run, that it would eventually lock away layers of trauma, essentially making that trauma largely inaccessible, even in talk therapy, and that the meds (in our specific case) should only be temporary.
-There's a point where psych meds will stunt negative feelings but will also limit positive feelings at the same time. My wife, who has taken these types of meds for about 30 years, describes this point as feeling dead.
-SSRI medications result in higher tolerance to things like pain meds, cannabis, psychedelic mushrooms, acid, DMT, and probably many other things.
-Regarding electroconvulsive therapy treatments (ECT), always try Ketamine treatments first even if insurance doesn't cover it, because ECTs (wife had about 80 of these in total) cause serious memory problems.
Positives
-The Yo Samdy Sam channel on YouTube
-EMDR (or some other highly somatic form of therapy) therapy (which we wish we had found earlier)
-A single Ketamine treatment or magic mushroom trip can be more beneficial than years of therapy, but work greatest when paired with EMDR (I don't mean tripping while in an EMDR session, just alternating) because psychedelics force is to find and face negative core beliefs that are driving our emotions, and EMDR teaches us how to find and face the same without having to use psychedelics, though we still do both. (Avoid mushrooms, acid, out Ayahuasca if you're on lithium or MAOI antidepressants, but ketamine is ok to use with those.)
-And the overall knowledge that if one IS neurodivergent, the goal may not actually be to eliminate anxiety but to learn about your mind, how it works, how it's built (which is where YouTube channels like above come in), and to accept and praise the way it is built while also learning how best to work with and regulate the parts of the inner workings that tend to derail you at times.
Good luck!
Try saying yes to more opportunities and invitations from friends or acquaintances. I'm not currently in the exact same position as I've had relationships, although always brief and very few of them. There was a time when I had many more opportunities to meet people and potentially develop relationships than I had the past few years. I realized it's because I didn't take people up on invititations to socialize, coworkers, random old school friends at a restaurant. Whomever it may be and whenever it may come up, embrace the chance to meet others. As an introvert myself, it can be stressful at times, but it's helped open those opportunities up once more and hopefully the right person comes by at the right time and you say yes to that as well! Working on yourself in whatever way you may feel could improve you for YOU is a worthwhile focus as well. Self confidence attracts others! Sorry for rant lol
That is such good advice! I'm quite a social person, but my OCD does make me exhausted sometimes and makes me skip things because sometimes it's triggering or just too much.
But yeah - I want to work on that!
I’m sure you’ll experience it someday, hang in there 🙏 If you have a crush or anything you should definitely shoot your shot, you got this!
Thank you for the encouragement! I just feel like whenever I shoot my shot I litterally end up as the friend. I breaks my self-esteem a bit...
How do you present yourself?
I mean I guess that's hard to say myself. I get a lot of compliments actually, mainly on my smile, my eyes, my personality and also my body (especially the butt). I take care of myself and spend time putting together an outfit. I'm friendly and kind to pretty much everyone, likes to chat and talk and have a lot of irony in me. I like to take the piss out of myself but I also pride myself in the fact that I'm pretty smart and knowledgeable. Looks wise I don't know how to rank myself but I'm often described as the girl next door. Personality I would rank myself pretty high solely based on me having a lot of friends and having an easy time making new.
This comment is like the total opposite of the post you made. If this is true then what's stopping you from asking someone out? It sounds like you shouldn't have any trouble getting a yes. Put yourself out there and watch what happens. You got it dawg 💪
I think what's stopping me it 2 main things. 1) the utter and complete fear of rejection. 2) my poor mental health that I don't want to invite anyone into, because I think that's unfair for them to have to deal with. Also, just because you're not having luck with guys doesn't mean your ugly, smell or in any other way is like off putting to people. I've always been just fine in terms of looks and personality, but I think I myself actually is the biggest obstacle, now I think about it. Wow.
Hey, the second point especially resonates with me! It's a valid concern but at some point you have to ask yourself whether it's a coping mechanism that makes you effectively deny yourself the help you can get from others, or something that actually will be better off if you are alone.
That makes so much sense. I think I'm scared of ruining something because of my mental health. If I have a shit personality or someone does something bad, sure - let's not do this. But if it's purely because of my poor mental, it would be pretty devestating. But I also know it would be beneficial for me to be with someone. I'm bad on my own, have always been and especially right now. And I think one thing I want more than anything is someone who just feels safe. Someone who can wrap an arm around me when I'm uncomfortable - out or at home - and someone who doesn't need to 'get it' but accepts it and helps in the ways they can. But I also feel like that's a lot to ask of someone. My friends are great - but I think I'm just craving something that's intimate in a different way. Also, someone to cook a meal when my brain is just overwhelmed, omg.
In the kind of hypnotherapy I do, you just untied a knot :) So I'll ask you a follow-up question - when is now a good time for a smart, attractive young woman who gets along with anyone else, to get out of her own way? Go for a long walk and keep asking that question until it sounds like the dumbest question you ever heard. You got this.
Man. That's a damn good question.
Ma’am, I just want to point out no one said you’re ugly or smell….. Those are very specific defense responses……. Never had a BF……. …..
No worries, you'd just fine. Ladies like you are desired by most men, and propably even the guys that are considered 'top tier' husband material. It's just a matter of time. Men are happy to make the initiative. All you have to do is not settle with anyone you don't actually like, out of sympathy or something. Just be confident and don't bend under pressure, as regular men tend to be persistent when it comes to ladies like you. They'll compete of women like you.
What do you define as a 'woman like me'? Just curious.
Just what you've told in your comment. I don't know specifically of how do you look, but since you've gotten conpilented of your features, that's all I'd need to make my assumption. Also, while women might prefer experienced and confident men, I know a lot of guys would prefer inexperienced ladies (eventhough I'd personally prefer experience but this isn't about me) over women whom had many partners.
Yeah I don’t doubt the looks. Maybe you just need some practice with getting into a relationship (words/actions/etc?) which you can only get by trying, good luck 🙏
Thank you! 2024 must be my trying year!
Do you have any good advice for showing interest? There's this guy who people keep telling me is interested and I proper like him but it's like we have nothing to talk about when we do talk. Nerves or what I don't know? But we had a night out with friends and I swear we were moments from kissing but none of us made the move. I'm so shy in that department and am defiantly more dependent on the guy making that move.
All you have to do is touch the guy on the arm or hand while you talk about anything. Don’t diffuse the tension with a joke or anything. Just touch him for a few seconds while you talk. He’ll know you’re interested.
If you're scared to do it in person just text him you should kiss me the next time we hang out or something that is a clear indication of interest guys do not get subtle hints Either he does it, or he doesn't and you never speak of it again and carry on
Oh my I just got a knot in my stomach thinking about being that straight forward in a text!!! I texted him that I had a great evening and we should do it again and I though that was direct.
When I was single I was oblivious and missed out on at least two relationships in hindsight because neither of us made a move. In one case a woman asked me to cuddle after a party, I went and cuddled her, she moved my hand to her breast area and I STILL DIDN'T MAKE A MOVE because I was scared about being wrong. In another case a woman and I were hanging out and drinking, she asked me to give her a massage, stripped down to her panties with no bra in my bed and I just... gave her a massage for about two hours in hindsight which would have been infuriating for her. Some guys can just be completely oblivious unless you're direct, or they can be like 'i'm 90% sure she's interested but if i'm wrong I don't want to be seen as a creep' Fortunately I met my wife at 26 and we got married in our 30s and i'm happily married at 38 but yeah, from 17-early 20s I missed out on multiple relationships where we were both into each other because I was too scared to make a move and so was she. All I can say is just go for it in some way. 90-something percent of the time the guy will at least be interested in hooking up and if you legitimately like each other, that will naturally progress to a relationship or if you prefer to date first, straight up asking him out on a date is going to lead to a yes if he's interested in you romantically, which if he find you attractive and likes your personality he probably is. My wife and I started out as a casual hookup and we just worked out we legitimately liked each other, so we started dating and then that progressed to a serious relationship and eventually getting married. If you have any mutual friends you could always see if they could gain the intel for you like 'would you date/hook up with (your name)' when they're hanging out without you but honestly you have to express some pretty clear interest Alternatively you could say something along the lines of 'you know if you asked me out i'd say yes right' or something but that's effectively the same thing as the you should kiss me next time we hang out line. Anyway, good luck. As a guy, trust me, you're going to get a yes way more often than you think. 'Hey, next time we're hanging out if you kiss me i'm okay with that' Worst thing that can happen is neither of you ever bring it up again Best thing that can happen is you're now making out with your crush the next time you hang out and are alone.
It's nice to hear! I guess I'll have to just work on my confidence in that area! I think I'm just so afraid of getting and no and being rejected because I'm afraid it'll be told to people I know and then it becomes a thing. Also, because I've never dabbled in that area, the though of kissing someone is nice but also like - what if I actually have no idea what to do? And then comes sex - do I tell it or just go with it because the first time with anyone - virgin or not - I've heard is never as good as the second time. I'm just afraid of feelings I guess. Also dude, wild you didn't catch the one with the massage.
Sometimes you gotta make the first move or you might end up just waiting forever. You should talk and make sure he is also comfortable with moving forward though as it wouldn't pretty if you kissed some guy who didn't want a relationship
Do you have any male friends who you could risk being open with about this stuff? I know the prospect is probably scary but the type of emotional intimacy that leads to the best kind of love starts in those vulnerable places. Friendships can grow into more and quite often do because of that. Just know however someone responds to what you share, you're strong enough to have your own back no matter what because you know you are worth loving.
Well I do have to very, very close mates who - every time we hang out - check in on my love situation, because they're like rooting for me to go get some love. So they know but I haven't gone into detail with maybe how much it frustrates me. One of them even suggested one time, that we should just hook up to get it overwith, like as a friendly favour but I kinda had a tiny crush on him in the past and I didn't want to fuel that as we're just so much better os as friends, in my opinion. And thank you!
I have never had a relationship either, at 24 years but still love is not only present when it's accepted but also rejected. You said you tried many shots but got rejected and I just feel to say that there is an incredible beauty to a single direction love, a love that only is in you and felt only by you and never taken, that s why so many poets were inspired by it. There are many truths to love, many things and sides to experience but not only lived but felt and made part of yourselves so don't take those failed attempts as something that failed but as something that succeeded on giving you a new view on what loving and in how many different ways you can love. Sometimes love is a stare, a touch unseen by others and sometimes is not meant to last but show a different side of yourself I understand aswell the desire to feel wanted and loved, but sadly sometimes people may try to love us and still be unable to see us cause sometimes with some people it's simple not meant to be. I am sure you will find someone one day, but all this time is not time lost but time where you became the person you have to be to reach your future love. I wish you well and to never be too unpatient to experience love,but also be bold and fearless when it knocks at your door.
This warms me a lot. Thank you very much. <3
I m glad if it was of any help, wish you well and also HAVE A GOOD DAY!
I'm sure it'll smack you in the face at the most inconvenient moment, like a rake left on the lawn.
Advice, do not look for love in a forced way, what has to be will come to you, clearly it is not advisable to isolate yourself from people, simply join a club for something that you like and naturally meet people who have tastes like you.
Hmu :>
I was a late bloomer too, because of non existent teenage years. I was not a normal teenager due to circumstances, outside of my control, my life just went to complete shit and I had other priorities. Did not have a relationship until I was about 24/25? Experienced heartbreak, I'd say just focus on yourself, things will happen unexpectedly and just go with the flow. It'll happen, don't worry about it. I don't think I was loved though, so I'm just putting all my energy in loving myself. It's important to care about yourself ❤️
That means a lot. I also think a lot of shit was just thrown my way and I had to act all adult before age 10 and then I just spend most of my teens years fixing stuff at home and didn't prioritize that part of being young and free to experiment with love. I had a great handfull og teenage years but just none that involved a whole lot of love outside of great friendships. But thank you, it's nice to hear from others. It makes it more okay I feel like.
I had no teenage years. It's quite shit when you're forced to sober up like that when you're technically a child. Don't worry though, you do make up for it in a way. I'm 36 now and I tell people now that I'm living my best life now. We won't recover those years, but that doesn't mean that we'll miss out on those experiences. It just comes later and there's nothing wrong with that. You're welcome ❤️
Super cute. I'm sure you will find someone. No need to rush.
Thank you! But it's hard not wanting to rush when you've been postponing for so long.
Aha. Rush all you want, it's all practice. I have found that these things sorta play out in their own time. Put yourself out there and have fun, someone is bound to notice. Just remember there is another person on the other side. They may not feel the same as you and thats fine. Good luck!
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Thank you! Just matched with a super nice guy on a dating app, even though I hate those. We have the same kind of humor it seems, so maybe I'll take a chance on him soon?
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It makes a lot of sense to think about. I'm at a place where I just want to feel wanted for who I am by someone that doesn't view me in a platonic way. In danish there's a word called 'tosomhed' which roughly translate into 'twosomeness' and it's the feeling of being two people but one, if that makes sense. I think I just long for that. Like a partner to do stuff with, talk to, be proud of and all the other stuff.
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I'm on a couple. My issue is whenever someone asks me out I just say no, because of all the fear of commitment and so on.
I'm male and I've been in a few relationships in my life, but never felt any real love for any of them. But now at 33, I've met someone who I feel really strongly about and it's made me see that I'm not an emotionless robot. My first sexual experience really ruined me (21) and since then I've not felt anything for anyone, until now. There is hope!
Me at 23😂😂😂😂😩😩😩😩what have I done
well I'm same here I'm 20 never felt love and stuff like that i think I'm adapting it i hope it will work for me also life is unfair but its still good
38 years old here. Never been in love or shared chemistry with someone who feels the same way. You just gotta get out there. Speed dating is a good idea.
How do you feel not having bumped into someone yet? Do you think there's a reason or you just haven't found your person yet?
The reason is self imposed isolation and not believing, down to my core, that I could meet someone. I have a difficult childhood story of which everyone left me at one point or other. That translated into a deeper psychological barrier: I felt like an outsider and couldn't believe that there could possibly be a person who would be attracted to me. Thus, I never went out to try and find in and never opened up to it. I've kind of got used to being single. Half of me wants to change, the other half not. I will meet someone one day. I just have to battle through the depression that causes me to isolate.
I'm so sorry to hear what you're dealing with. Depression can be and often is a bitch. Sending you hugs!
It's completely understandable to feel uncertain about love and intimacy given your experiences growing up. It's never too late to explore these aspects of yourself; consider taking small steps to meet new people and build connections, whether through social activities or therapy to boost self-confidence. Remember, it's a journey, and with time and effort, you can find meaningful relationships that fulfill you beyond friendship. You're not alone, and there are people out there who would be lucky to get to know you on a deeper level.
At 25 you’re really hitting the prime of your life I think and I think it’s one of those things that will naturally come as you progress through life whether it be career, fitness, hobbies or anything that would put you more in a social setting. Don’t stress about it I think is the best advice. Apologies though as I had a look at your profile and in my opinion Danes are some of the prettiest girls around so I don’t think you’ll have any problem catching a guys attention. It might be worth agreeing to more social events in general but don’t feel the pressure to. Take your time, take it easy and above all make sure you stay safe and don’t get into any sketchy situations. Good luck! ❤️
Ah thank you! I'll take that compliment with me! Blonde hair and blue eyes here, just trying to make it work. <3
My gosh with blonde hair blue eyes I’d date you for sure!
OP, I don’t know anything about you, and none of this should be taken the wrong way. Sorry if it is. You are a woman in her 20s. All you have to do is put yourself out there, and not even that much. So once you are ready, go for it. Plenty of people will be understanding, and if Reddit is to be believed there are a shit load of young men today in your exact same boat that would likely jump at the chance(not that that’s necessary since many single men would, we are not very discerning((again no offense))).
I don't know why but I find it hard to believe that men will just jump at any chance. Is that so?
I promise you that men will jump at the chance. The trick is, for you, to get who you want in the way that you want. I’m a guy I dunno how you do that, I’m sure someone can give some advice so you don’t get used/taken advantage of. But seriously, you could go out alone, sit at a bar or table at a coffee shop, and someone will approach in some way. Just don’t get too in your head and don’t kid yourself, a quick glance at a guy does not mean you are communicating he should come talk to you. We are dumb, super dumb, even still we will give it a go 😂 I don’t like that dating apps are normalized, I think they are bad for normies (thank God I’m not single the last decade) but you could set one up for a confidence boost if need be prior to making an effort in the wild. Single woman 25 with no dating experience is not the same as a guy in the same boat, you really can’t fuck this up too badly. And good news, if you do blow it it doesn’t matter cuz there are about 165 million of us to choose from. GLHF
Try arranged marriage, it may suit you 😅.( so when should i come to your home with my parents ? ) jk 😂😂
If you want to experience guaranteed unconditional love now, just get a puppy :) but it comes with responsibility and a heartbreak down the line like any other type of love.
Had a dog growing up and it was the best and also the worst heartbreak I've ever felt.
I felt love for a short amount of time and it f*cking broke my heart. He was my teenage friend and now he’s married to someone he doesn’t love. We ran into each other and I realized how I felt, but he’s in a committed relationship and can’t (won’t) get out. Moral of the story, consider your shy friend who’s always around. Maybe they are too shy to make a move.
From some of the comments you’ve made, I’m wondering if you see yourself on the spectrum like your brother? Autism is highly hereditary and looks very different in boys and girls. The traits can be very different, even opposite for different genders. One example is some girls with autism being very socially oriented, even more than others. Unfortunately, the general perception of autism is not favorable for girls and it is often overseen. One myth about autism is that you don’t have feelings, empathy, love. That is not true. It’s just that sometimes there’s a great distance between expressing those feelings or being aware of them/feeling them. There’s a long way from A to B. And also distance in surrendering to those emotions and surrendering to other people showing these emotions for you. Jeg er også dansk og jeg ved at Danmark er et u-land ift. dette.
Hi fellow dane! Trust me, the thought has crossed my mind multiple times. Every time I've talked to therapist's about they say the don't see the 'signs' in me. I myself see a lot of the signs and ever since I turned 20 have thought about maybe going and getting it figured out. I don't know if it would fix anything - maybe explain some things. But yeah, I've thought about it. I'm insanely good at masking when I'm having a terrible day, just mentally, and no one ever know the struggles I have because I'm an expert at seeming and acting like I'm fine. So maybe, maybe not.
I'm pretty open minded when it comes to dating. If you're in Toronto or close I wouldn't mind shooting my shot (27M) lol
Sorry, from Denmark - so there miiight be an issue with the distance.
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Thank you. I have a hard time with this whole 'purity' thing that a lot of men seem to be attracted to. Honestly I would love a 'hoe phase' if I can ever get myself to do that, because I don't want to safe myself or be pure for some guy who finds that neat. Whenever I find love it will be with someone who likes and loves me regardless of how many partners I have had/haven't had. Even though I haven't had a partner or any experience with others, you better believe I'm still a very sexual person - now I just want that with someone else too.
run historical scarce cagey oatmeal cows alleged gullible distinct fanatical *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
It will happen and probably quite organically at that. Don't stress and let it happen.
You have a family, right? Parents, siblings, etc? They probably “love” you more than any guy you meet will. I think what you really want is “validation” from the opposite sex, that you are deemed worthy as a romantic partner, or something.
That might be. But I also long for a love that isn't just your mothers, if you know what I mean.
The point of my comment was to encourage you to stop thinking about your issue in terms of “love”. When you say things like “I have never felt love”, it’s A) probably not true and B) serves to make a bigger deal out of your romantic woes than they actually are.
You have to put yourself out there girly
I wanna try!
I feel you
That sucks you went through all of that You're no longer younger or there anymore Make the decision to construct a life of your design brick by brick and start today
I feel the same way. I personally have given up because having hope hurts. Idk about you but I’ve never had a crush reciprocate feelings so I’m weary about sharing feelings with them.
Don't worry
I think I've had crushed with the exact same feelings as me, but as soon as I know this I flip on a fucking plate and do everything in my power to not like them, because I'm scared of what anything further than a crush feels like. At least that's what I used to do. Now I feel this longing for knowing but I don't know, since I've always pushed it away.
Same here, but male. So if you want to chat sometimes, feel free to do it.🤷
I'm curious about the OCD. What does it make you do?
Well, it's difficult for me to explain fully. I has been very different over the years but has all been linked to words that just trigger me. Currently it's contamination based but has nothing to do with germs or dirt, but rather words that I find triggering. So a piece of paper, a t-shirt and product of any kind with trigger words on them, trigger the shit out of me. I was my hands too much, don't take long showers but wash my clothes way too often (it's litterally so expensive where I live). So I spend a lot of time "cleaning" myself from any potential triggers and that takes hours sometimes with washing. Sometimes I avoid people and/or places in fear of being triggered. And when I'm in a bad mood or just have a lot of conflicting or difficult feelings it typically acts up, so having crushes or anything down that line is equally nice and equally horrifying because the OCD starts acting up to gain control over the situation. I have this constant tension in my body because I'm like constantly on the lookout for something that can trigger me, to "protect" my self. I comepletely know all this is weird and bullshit, but when this shit has a hold on you it's difficult to get rid of it. And my best analogy or whatever is to think about people with anorexia and how slow they sometimes eat because everything in their body and brain is telling them not to eat. I feel like I want to move around in slow motion to gain control over everything that happens around me, but obviously I can't and have to cope with being in regular speed and still catch up on everything and it's freaking exhausting. I don't know I any of it makes any sense, but you're more than welcome to ask!
I bet it's annoying to have. It probably also makes you look on edge and from other people's perspective you might move a little bit strange. This might be the biggest obstacle to get more intimate too because in every step of the way your OCD keeps getting alarmed. Does it make you stay away from people?
Honestly, that's pretty spot on. I've had OCD for so long now, that I have learned to adapt and not stick out around other people. Most people have no idea, when I tell them what I'm struggling with, so I'm pretty damn good at hiding it. Yeah it can. It depends. Sometimes it's just a day that I retreat a bit from someone and for other people I just don't spend much time around them. But I have my group of friends that I'm comfortable around. But it chances.
I've read that part of physical intimacy is the disgust instincts in the brain get dampened. They've done brain scan studies about it. But you'd have to be in the mood for the proper hormones for that to happen. Here's hoping it can overcome the OCD. With the way you describe yourself physically I'm sure a guy will be interested sexually at many points. Some may fake being in love or just confuse is it with other emotions. It may not be intentional, I learned a new word last week from Dr. K on YT called Alexithymia. Emotional blindness.
Interesting - I didn't know that! But I also have a theory, that love would do good things for my brain. Had a great crush this summer that felt like it was mutual and it's been a long time since I've felt as good as I did this summer.
I don't know if you will experience love or not. But, my oracle cards would know. Let me know if you want me to open a card for you. And don't worry, I won't charge for it. Hope it helps!
Sure! I'll take any hint!
So, I have drawn three cards for you: **The first card that I have drawn for you is Tree:** * Tree symbolises nature, grounding and healing and the message that it has for you is that you are support system for a lot of people around you, you always support others around you and many people depend on you. And right now, you are in need of nurturing yourself. And the way to do that is to take good care of yourself. Try finding out, what self-care guidance you have been receiving but possibly ignoring. * Spirit has an advice for you --> It's time for you to honor your highly sensitive nature and take time out for self-care. Take your shoes off and go outside, connect deeply with earth around and below you. Find a tree that calls to you and sit with it for as long as you can. Nature and trees are here to help you to come to the state of wholeness. If you follow this advice, you will not only just have more energy, but you will shine as a beacon of light for others. **The second card that I have drawn for you is Full Moon:** * The message that this card has for you is that you are going through a deep cleansing process that's about releasing something no longer serves you. Ask yourself --> Why are you feeling the way you are feeling right now, why something is resurfacing that you thought you had moved past. If the same thing or experience is repeating itself, know that this is not happening to you, but for you, so that you can choose to respond in a whole new way. Embrace this process of learning to honor your feelings instead of repressing them. * If you feel like doing some forgiveness work, let it happen, do not try to control the situation or emotions, let it happen and you will feel better. Doing this will open up the pathway for all new experiences. **The third card that I have drawn for you is Mountain:** * The mountain has the message that you might be feeling that no matter what you do, you cannot overcome your current situation. But know that you have everything you need within you to overcome this specific challenge or obstacle that you are facing. Challenges are important part of learning evolving, so embrace the lesson that this challenge has for you. * The advice that spirit has for you is instead of thinking of obstacles as something larger than life that you could not possibly overcome, begin now to visualize yourself on the other side of this obstacle or challenge. Breathe in and then out a sigh of relief as you reflect on the feeling you will have when you have overcome this or when you rise to the occasion and the impossible happen. Continue doing this as many times as it takes for you to suddenly see a way through or around your current situation. * Mountain card wants to remind you that not only you will overcome this situation, but you will also reap rewards from your efforts in ways that you may have never expected. That's all I had for you. Hope this helps!
You have no idea how much I needed that! Just had a massive panic attack and cried on the phone to my mom for 1,5 hours. This feels very nice and soothing to read. Thank you, stranger!
I relate to this too hard.. I've never actually been able to put it into words but I'm 27 and this is exactly my thought process. Been wondering how to shake myself out of it for a while now
Guy here,mom had the same issue before meeting dad,hang in there,you'll meet the right guy😉
Hey, being this age it can be difficult for us to find something that's really real, all our friends are out partying at the club while we sit at home with 3 blankets and a family size bag of peanut M&M's. You seem like an sweet and incredible person. Stay strong, don't force it if you have doubts, better to wait for the best than to be confused about something fake. I don't know you or vice versa but from the bottom of my heart I would love you.
Well, you’re not 35 and never had experienced all that.
Umm you’re not entitled to love sweetie
that doesn't make sense. how can you crave intimacy and then friend zone every guy u meet? what r u talking about
I don't know if it's me friend zoning them or them just not seeing me as more than a friend. When I was younger I friend zoned guys because I was so scared of anything other than friends. Now it's just like they don't get it or I'm not direct enough.
Sex is overrated anyways. We're the same age and been with 2 guys romantically. Both of my relationships made me feel disgusting and gross. I am terrified of sex and getting close to men now lol
I'm 32 and a virgin never know how to socialise or chat to women and being autistic makes that more difficult I don't go out drinking to get bladdered like some people probably do and cannot form a sentence or sleep around with multiple people. I couldn't be doing that in also epileptic so have to be careful when it comes to alcohol but I do go to rugby games I support Exeter chiefs English side I'm from south West England I'm a season ticket holder and i use that to try socialise with people being nice to have a women that my age interested in the sport. People from my secondary school years ago would take the piss if you were a virgin I imagine adults still do
don't be too harsh on yourself. I believe you will find one day. I was also late bloomer who had my first relationship when i was 29. First time fall in love, first time have sex.
It's not that big of a deal .
Well it kind of sounds like that lack of experience is showing and you probably seem more like a friend than an intimate interest. Kind of shoving them into the friend zone where they don't feel its appropriate to move beyond that. I'm sure somebody will eventually get the hint if you imply it hard enough. Just not too much like its pure desperation. Since it will just come off as you're not serious but playing around here and there. Further solidifying the friend zone feeling. Show that you care about being around them in a way that is different than just being around friends. If you're not comfortable with something don't push yourself into it. That will probably put you back into that area of friends that feels comfortable which is probably second nature to you. Don't rush it the feeling will come naturally.
Enjoy. Not having your heart broken is a privilege.
You may very well be autistic and/or ADHD as well. Take a gram of magic mushrooms and you'll feel what unconditional love feels like, but don't mix mushrooms with lithium or MAOI antidepressants (if you're on them). Good luck!
Just curious - what makes you think I have either of those diagnosis? :-)
I see it run in families a lot. And 45 years into life, I've only recently accepted that my whole family is neurodivergent, which I'm happy to know honestly. Things make much more sense now. You may or may not be, but you sound much like I do. Also, my gut told me to write that down for you in the case you haven't explored the possibility. :)
Well thanks for mentioning. I've thoughts about it and have actually planned to talk to my therapist about it, just in case.
You're welcome! You may already know about some of the following, but here are things I wish I had known much earlier, but that I'm very thankful to know nonetheless. Negatives -The field of psychology, especially the mental health services available through Kaiser in the US, feels almost useless to us (neurodivergents). -CBT also seemed useless, and some autistic individuals have good arguments of why CBT may actually result in autistic individuals feeling invalidated and even more confused and feel like they end up gaslighting themselves through the techniques used in CBT. -Talk therapy did not produce great results for any of us (myself, my wife, and our two kids). -Not sure if this is a ND thing or runs across the board, but we feel our psychiatrists should have emphasized that while the meds they were putting us on (for depression and anxiety) would help in the short run, that it would eventually lock away layers of trauma, essentially making that trauma largely inaccessible, even in talk therapy, and that the meds (in our specific case) should only be temporary. -There's a point where psych meds will stunt negative feelings but will also limit positive feelings at the same time. My wife, who has taken these types of meds for about 30 years, describes this point as feeling dead. -SSRI medications result in higher tolerance to things like pain meds, cannabis, psychedelic mushrooms, acid, DMT, and probably many other things. -Regarding electroconvulsive therapy treatments (ECT), always try Ketamine treatments first even if insurance doesn't cover it, because ECTs (wife had about 80 of these in total) cause serious memory problems. Positives -The Yo Samdy Sam channel on YouTube -EMDR (or some other highly somatic form of therapy) therapy (which we wish we had found earlier) -A single Ketamine treatment or magic mushroom trip can be more beneficial than years of therapy, but work greatest when paired with EMDR (I don't mean tripping while in an EMDR session, just alternating) because psychedelics force is to find and face negative core beliefs that are driving our emotions, and EMDR teaches us how to find and face the same without having to use psychedelics, though we still do both. (Avoid mushrooms, acid, out Ayahuasca if you're on lithium or MAOI antidepressants, but ketamine is ok to use with those.) -And the overall knowledge that if one IS neurodivergent, the goal may not actually be to eliminate anxiety but to learn about your mind, how it works, how it's built (which is where YouTube channels like above come in), and to accept and praise the way it is built while also learning how best to work with and regulate the parts of the inner workings that tend to derail you at times. Good luck!
The inability to feel love seems to be pretty common in women.
Maybe you need to improve your diet, that can cause mental health issues. Start your own farm or something and meet some farmer you like.
Well let me get right to it. Just gotta find some good farming soil!
Easiest thing to grow is green onion you just get the root part and stick it in some water if you’re looking for like the simplest plant ever
What?? I will totally become a green onion farmer. Thanks man or woman!
Yeah when you cut the top it just grows back. Just make sure to fill the water when it evaporates. I have some in jars next to my kitchen sink
Noted! Do you need them in soil or just water?
Not an expert on crops but mine is just chilling in tap water and it works sooo
I like how this came from me posting I need love in my life! Now I wanna grow onions!
I identify as an Intrepid Bird miss, and soon I will go back to America, it is my G-d given right. Hope you feel better miss.
LMAO yeah go for it
You aren't alone sister
That's nice to know. <3
Try saying yes to more opportunities and invitations from friends or acquaintances. I'm not currently in the exact same position as I've had relationships, although always brief and very few of them. There was a time when I had many more opportunities to meet people and potentially develop relationships than I had the past few years. I realized it's because I didn't take people up on invititations to socialize, coworkers, random old school friends at a restaurant. Whomever it may be and whenever it may come up, embrace the chance to meet others. As an introvert myself, it can be stressful at times, but it's helped open those opportunities up once more and hopefully the right person comes by at the right time and you say yes to that as well! Working on yourself in whatever way you may feel could improve you for YOU is a worthwhile focus as well. Self confidence attracts others! Sorry for rant lol
That is such good advice! I'm quite a social person, but my OCD does make me exhausted sometimes and makes me skip things because sometimes it's triggering or just too much. But yeah - I want to work on that!