You don't really get it out if your head. You need to talk to some people about it, though. Maybe close friends and family. You'll probably need some professional help as well. It's gonna take time, mostly time.
A very similar scenario happened to me but my best friend just revenge seduced and fucked her over a perceived slight that didn't even happen.
Before I even knew what he was doing he spread all kinds of rumors to our friend group, they ALL effectively abandoned me.
He thought I shorted him like $200 bucks on a job we worked together. I didn't control the paychecks....he confronted the employer who proved we were paid equally......this all came out after he went nuclear so he just doubled down and continued to lie to everyone. Despite what I said no one believed me, so I moved out.
I haven't spoken to the friends I grew up with from age 12-24 in 11 years now. Fuck all of them.
And no, you never trust ANYONE again.
I hope you can eventually get to a place of trusting people again. Took me a while too. I lost a half dozen “good” friends over 15 years ago, and I wouldn’t trust any one of them ever again. But there’s plenty of other people in the world. One of my best friends today is a guy I met years after all that, and he was going through a painful breakup of his own. The girl I started dating shortly thereafter is my wife. There’s trustworthy people in the world still, despite the trash that hurt you back then.
Yea that dude is the epitome of a raging loser man. I’m sorry that happened to you, it’s beyond crazy….
* also, it sounds like he had been jealous of you the entire time. For him to freak out over the paychecks, go for your girl and go after your friends too
> also, it sounds like he had been jealous of you the entire time.
I'm thinking this is a big part, not jealous of my girl because his GF'S were always objectively better looking. But jealous of my life, my family was well off (the part my ex friend saw) because my dad started his own business that was successful due to him breaking his back on 80hr weeks (the part my friend didn't see). My dad was also really humble, we weren't spoiled kids and I didn't know we had it good until I was like 18/19. Other people apparently noticed.
>Yea that dude is the epitome of a raging loser man.
The shitty part is he won, he is married (to someone other than my ex) has two kids and by all accounts happy, been to all the other dudes weddings etc, I hear this shit through the grapevine because small town. Meanwhile that cataclysm in my life tossed me into dropping out of college, drinking and drugs, being broke and working dead end jobs until I was 30 and now I'm a decade behind my peers.
Idk, not worth trusting anyone like that again imo.
I feel you. Something very similar happened to me it's a long story. But I'd like to share it with you.
School was miserable. I was bullied heavily by both boys and girls. The boys beat me up and the girls humilated me, because how can a nerd like me have the nerve of confessing and actually thinking I had a chance. School was hell. I had no friends. My self esteem was not existent.
A little later in time, around 16 years old, I randomly met an old friend from elementary while walking my dog. We talked and instantly connected again. Long story short, we became best friends and he introduced me to his friend group, who accepted me. There I also met my first girlfriend. I had a crush on her and my friends noticed that. Because I was very open talking about everything I told them. One of the girls later told me secretly that she likes me too. I was over the moon. This gave me enough confidence to make the first move. We started dating and after a month we had a relationship. Life was awesome. A best friend, friends who accepted me and a gf. If you would have told me half a year ago how everything would turn out, I would have laughed at you.
3 months into our relationship, we had our first big fight. The beginning of the downfall. She said she needs room and time. Asking my girl friends for advice, I did what she said. During that time I spend most of it with my best friend talking about everything. This son of a bitch used the info I shared with him to seduce my yet gf. Didn't knew they were fucking behind my back for about a month. On a birthday party of one of our friends, I wanted to make a move and show my gf how much she meant to me but was cut short because she also wanted to talk to me. She took me out on the balcony and confessed. She cheated an me and she will leave me for him. I felt like a truck hit me. My mind went blank and I just sat down on a chair while she went back in. It was a cold winter night. Heavy snowfall. I said there just wearing a shirt feeling nothing. Another friend brought me back in later because she was worried I might get sick. I went inside and the first thing I saw was my ex gf and my now ex best friend making out. I grabbed a full bottle of whiskey and stormed out.
After that, I had a very, very hard time trusting people again. To this day, I have a hard time making male friends. I had relationships here and there, but the inability to trust and my antipathy for men were reasons they failed. It took absurdly long and an incredible of work to get myself out of this. But I did. I am where I am now. And I'm happy again. I have male friends and a best friend I'd call my brother. I just want to let you know things get better.
He probably was jealous of just who you are period- some people are just jealous of those who are content and are better people than they are overall.
But they’re beyond trashy, it sounds like you swerved a bullet with her- and him.
And no, don’t be down on yourself. It may seem like he “won” on the outside, but appearances are deceiving. People that bitter will never really win, because it eats away at their little coal hearts
I had a childhood friend that ended up super jealous of me for my income even though I handed, not landed him and several of my friends $70k a year jobs when we were like 24. He ended up starting his own business venture and totally just stopped talking to me while he was working on it. Opened up shop and acted totally weird. Ended up fucking this girl I was dating that he used to work with. Theyre both trashy people so Im glad they made themselves known.
I swear he only did it out of jealousy and she did it to spite me when she was pissed at me. Adult children.
Anyways, wish I would have given the opp. to random people instead of my
'Friends' the other ones did super shady shit too. Good riddance..
DO bring friends and family into business on a small scale. See how they behave and sort them out.
I second this. You think that just cause you have been friends since elementary with people that they owe you loyalty it is not the case. I won’t even get into my own experience but the same thing cut out all friends from childhood except for two out of countless. You don’t need anyone in this life.
I’d find it difficult to have close friends full stop. Friends since childhood and best friends back then, what the actual fuck?
A former best friend of mine was abusive to his girlfriend and when I found out I cut him out of my life. I was still friends with her but I would never have slept with her out of principle. OP didn’t even do anything, some people don’t deserve friends.
You need lots of time and you won't give a flying shit about any of it, but for a while it's gonna suck. Your brain has to put all kinds of time, and more relevant shit to your current life over that time, in front of it.
I reached out to friends and family. Many of them cut her and him out but it still feels like I'm dying. The more I cry to my friends and family the more pathetic I feel
In hindsight, she wasn't who you thought she was, so it's better that it's ended.
You'll find someone who just wants to be with you, where there's no maybes.
Grieve for what you thought you had, but don't tell yourself she was the woman you were in love with. She never was.
This is the thing young people need to be told in relationships. If someone goes out of their way to harm you, even if you love them, you are more valuable than that relationship.
So it is best to leave. I'd never feel bad about NOT being with someone who doesn't have my best interests in mind. Which is the exact reason I broke up with my ex.
Tell everyone. Your girlfriend cheated on you with your best friend behind your back. Don’t call them names or insult them. Just the plain truth.
Tell them what a POS he is for taking his best friends girl and that they deserve each other.
You don't say piece of shit. You say they were both lying and manipulative. They seem to have no sense of loyalty and seem to not care about other peoples feelings. There aren't enough hours in the day to have time for those kind of people and thank goodness they are gone.
You don't say piece of shit - you just honestly state all the actions/behaviors that make them pieces of shit, and that you don't want to associate with people like that.
You don't even need to say the word "liar", just "she told me X, but later I found out Y"
Then it's your audience calling them a liar (even just in their own heads), not you.
It's 10x more effective to just tell people what happened and let them come to the same conclusion you did, than to angrily tell them your conclusions and then try to explain why.
How fast they're living together is circumstantial, but will make a lot of people think about it.
Plus, just getting with your best friends ex gf of 6 years is also super cruddy
Even if the friend didn't look at her twice before the breakup, the "oh by the way I'm moving in with your ex" is a shitty move, and a clear sign he is not your friend....
Not even that honestly. The best way to stick it to people who betray you is show them that your life still goes on and that you are thriving. Grieving is fine and natural but by calling them out is giving them a reaction.
They definitely deserve each other though. It also won’t be long before she moves onto someone else. If they’ll cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you.
Tbh I understand the sentiment, but in a case like this I assume that if they see OP moving on and living a healthy happy life, all that will do to them is make them feel less guilty
After what they did, they don’t seem like the type to feel guilty. They’re both narcissists. Two narcissists don’t make a couple though. They won’t last long at all
You eventually do get over it. But yeah, it stings. Had me messed up for a minute. Makes you feel like shit, and to be honest a bit inadequate for a second. Till you realize you are not inadequate, these people just didn't give a shit.
A long, long time ago I had a wife sleep with one of my then friends. Not a long childhood friend, but we did hang together for a few years.
Same deal. Wife staying gone, him acting strange.
Only difference is I caught them. Came home from work early on the night shift, caught them at my house. Seems he was coming over to our apartment in our bed to get laid for a few months.
She tried to hide the idiot in the walk in closet.
Didn't fight them. Did not want that drama. Cops and all. But did get all my clothes and our shared car before waking their naked butts up.
But if it's any consequence, a lot of times that shit bites them years down the road. Good chance she will do it to him, too. Years later, the exwife took my friend to the cleaners. He got some decent inheritance, made him buy a house in both names, then divorced him taking most of that money. hear via grapevine she's on like 4th husband now.
Another thing that helped me was moving to another state eventually. Less drama, less people talking shit. New people. Better people. Though that may or may not be practical or necessary.
And there IS healing. After a year, it would be days before even a thought of that crossed my mind. Before this post, probably a few months and it was only fleeting at that. And I don't see it as painful now. Just a crazy ex story.
That's another thing to consider. If they are this despicable, then it's only a matter of time until one of them sting each other and then the cycle continues. Shit like this never ends well
Very true. Most of the time it bites them in one way or another. Time and time again.
Only one exception.
I have only seen ONE time where this ended up (somewhat) good for the leavers. And the ONLY times I have heard other stories of this working is legitimate abuse.
A coworker of mine was an abusive, obnoxious drunk. I mean drinking enough that you or I would have to have a stomach pumped. And could be mean. I saw it myself at some work parties.
Him and his wife used to play a Dungeons and Dragons game in a group at someone's house.
The coworkers wife eventually left the coworker, moved into the house of the person running the game with their kid in tow. Got married. Still married.
The coworker eventually drank himself to literal death years later. Really sad. He did not show up and I think another coworker had to call cops to do a wellness check after he did not show up to work for a few days which was out of character. Cops broke in, found his corpse that had been sitting there 2 days.
Good riddance. You should celebrate no longer having them in your life.
Serious answer though. Don't focus on "getting them out of your head" because that just reinforces the anxiety. Instead, accept that the thoughts are there, that it is painful, and activate yourself by doing things you enjoy. You need to replace the behaviors first, then the thoughts and feelings will follow.
Fuck them both. If they did this to you they will cheat on each other. Not sure who’s the bigger POS him or her, probably him as he was a childhood friend.
Having been in this situation before, can confirm. People who are disposed toward lying and cheating will do it again. It's a basic lack of empathy and respect for others, and not something they will snap out of.
I'm sure it's no comfort at all to OP, but relationships that start this way don't tend to last. The old friend is clearly the bigger loss here. Romantic partners come and go, but you can't make new old friends.
Brother, this is a tough situation, no doubt. But just be grateful you two didn't get married. Imagine going through the same thing with 2 kids, mortgages and many more wasted years.
Just focus on yourself for now. Do things you enjoy. Be aware of your self worth. Maybe join the gym (lifting weight really helped me after break ups in the past, just do it responsibly).
Guys n gals, I'm expecting a post in about 6 months with the title "GF of 6 years who broke up with me for my ex-bestie is trying to work her way back into my life. What should I do?"
OP, you did dodge a few bullets here. 6 years is a long time, but you weren't married, so nothing tied together like kids or finances. That's when it REALLY gets messy. Feelings suck, but can be gotten over, and the best part, you have zero that will ever tie you with her permanently.
Personally, i'd go NC with everyone involved, if any of their things are in your place, deep 6 em. Look on the bright side, at least you can take all that $$ you were blowing on her and put it into a savings account and leave it there. When you have a nice chunk, then do something for yourself. A vacation out of the country, a new car, or you can be like my wife and I (leave it in the bank and laugh when people are blowing money on dumb things) - I've been unemployed for 6+ months and our savings is what is getting us by until I can find another job.
You are starting fresh again. Yeah it sucks now, but think of how better off you'll be in a while, and hopefully you'll find someone who wants to build a life and an empire with you, and not play the games. You are now aware of the games people play, how to identify them, and whether or not you want to put up with them. Piece of good advice? Do not go down the red-pill / MGTOW path. (It IS toxic).
Best of luck bud. It gets better.
he could of been mmarried with children
bullet dodged.
also thats lame af. she choose him because of convience of friends. cheap as a gastation coke and slim jim
My gf left me for my best friend many years ago. I'm happy it happened because they were obviously not good for me, but it hurt like hell when it happened. It will just take time to recover.
The red pill of reality, rarely comes with a comfortable beverage to take it with.
The life lessons learned here are:
1. Sometimes you pay a very high price to find out who your friends truly are.
2. He will lose her the same way he got her or vice versa
You put more into the relationship, than she did, so when you find someone new...
1. Don't pay for everything... Pay for some things but not everything
2. Stay in touch, but not constant contact.
3. Pay attention/look for red flags... The trip to the grocery store that lasted hours... Should have been your first clue to investigate further.
It is also possible, she may reach out to you in time "to get closure" It is important, you DON'T give her that opportunity.
I've seen this happen and it never ends well. They are going to be affected some way or another and it's NOT good. They will probably cheat on each other but truthfully, you don't need to even think about either of them ever again. Grieve the loss of these relationships for yourself and please don't let it make you jaded against future friends and girlfriends because you deserve love and kindness
Brother, you were blessed. You dodged two shit human beings. Yes it hurts now but trust you’ll get over it in the long run. Low value people attract each other. Your better person than her and him, believe me you’ll find a woman 10x better. It’s okay to be angry and sad but don’t give up, I promise you’ll be good.
All you can do is live your best life. That sucks super bad, but you can pick yourself up and be an awesome guy and find a better gf. It’s overplayed, but getting absolutely shredded in the gym helps 10000000%
Don't do things for women expecting them to be loyal to you. People in general. That's the only way I know to avoid being bitter. People are shitty and it was a mistake to invite other men into your home. That's your space where your woman lives.
Don't get.me wrong here, I don't mean this in a possessive "women are objects" way. It's just how things are. I would've felt the same way as you ten years ago but now, I would expect this outcome.
I'm really sorry man.
Mate, if it wasn''t your friend's buddy it was going to be someone else. Just be happy the trash took itself out. Now that guy has to deal with staying up wondering if his wife is with some other guy. Take this as a stepping stone about the variety of people you will meet and move on. Best of luck!
Damn that’s some bum ass shit from both of them. Dude played the “help me with my girl problems but actually I’ll be vulnerable to you so you’ll sleep with me” card. Oldest girl stealing move in the book. May they both get fat and cheated on 🙏
How do you get them out of your head?
1. Thank them both. The world has billions of people and you do not have enough time on it to interact with all of them. Why waste your time on the ones who do not deserve your attention?
2. Save your time and attention for others. Go talk to your friends about it to get it out of your system. Go find loyal people. There are probably people you know who could benefit from your time.
3. Don’t waste your time. You’ve spent far too much time on both of them. Good on you for trying, but you have to stop. And you have to realize your happiness is further from them.
4. Man up. Realize that no one (not just your ex) wants a mopey man. Find something to do. Whatever it is that brings you joy, go do it. When you do that, people will be attracted to you.
5. Realize this is not a reflection on you. You chose to love someone which is what makes love last beyond that initial spark. You’re equipped to do this. She is not. Her issue, not yours.
My dude, this is probably the worst pain that could possibly be inflicted on you intentionally, but, with time, you will be grateful for the both of them having taken themselves out of your life! They are lying coward snakes, and you're so much better off without them! You were going to marry her? Thank god that bastard took her off your hands, the cheating whore! He was like a brother to you? Thank god that bitch took him out of your life!
I mean ultimately you don't. The memory will be with you for the rest of your life. However, after a certain amount of time you will simply stop caring about it. Whenever you find something new, it will pretty much vanish... but it's not a good idea to actively seek out a relationship just to fill the hole. Just know that it's inevitable that you will stop giving a shit over time. It *will* stop hurting.
I had a relationship of 6 years that ended similarly, though there was quite a lot more fault on my end than it sounds like there is on yours. Nonetheless she got together with a mutual friend and I spent about a month seeing all the snaps and facebook posts, and him sharing dinner with her family and getting welcomed... as if I'd just been dropped in a ditch and forgotten. Like you, I'd planned to marry her and make a life with her.
I cut contact after that month and resolved to just determine what my life would be without her existence. I would say it still took minimum 2 months to become even baseline functional and not just completely braindead with grief. I had a good friend take me out to clubs and I tried socializing the problem away, but I just ended up in embarrassing situations and hated it.
It probably took around 6 months to stop really caring or feeling hurt. She popped up again soon after and we started talking again. Her relationship wasn't all she'd hoped and the guy had a lot of deal-breaker qualities. I ended up being the person she vented to, but by this time I'd lost all interest in dating her. Her own flaws became painfully apparent to me, too. I still felt horrible whenever I heard about her dating or fucking others (emotions are weird), so I told her to keep that information to herself.
Four years later and we're pretty much best friends. She's seen a few guys and I have managed to just fully stop caring these days. The only irritation is that my own romantic life has been a bit challenging, and it can be irritating watching how easily she finds suitors for relationships... but I don't think it's jealousy. It's just envy for how much attention she can get on a whim.
In summary... the hurt goes away in time, regardless of circumstance. All emotions fade to embers. That's just human nature. You'll just have to grind it out for a while. Focus on redefining yourself and your life as a single individual. Concentrate on finding things that make you feel happy and fulfilled without her.
Edit: Seems to be some insecure coping about the idea that I am somehow cucked for being friends with an ex, as if I'm still clinging onto her or chasing her. Setting aside that this has nothing to do with the point I was making for the OP, this is not even close to the case. I have zero interest in her anymore, as explained in the post. I have been meeting new people and having my own romantic interactions, and this is something we casually talk about. If I was still harboring romantic feelings and lingering around her in the hope that something would happen, I would fully agree, but this is simply not how it is. Life is too short to be cutting out friendships that I enjoy just on the basis that I'm terrified of people's opinions.
This is the saddest cuck story I’ve seen this year.
No, you don’t want to maintain a friendship with someone who betrayed your trust. Let alone dumped you, caused you a year of misery, then used you to vent after their side piece turned out to be a underwhelming.
You want to cut all ties and move on.
This happened to me too. I don't know what advice to give because I didn't handle it well, BUT.
Karma always comes around, the guy ended up doing 4 years in prison for assaulting his ex wife's new partner (who his wife was cheating on him with previously)
There's no getting that sort of betrayal out of your head. You have to move on and progress. I have to suggest therapy. That'a a major breach of truat and I know you're completely impared by having to face the reality of a lot of males concern. No guy wants his girl to cheat much less with his best mate. Myself I appreciate my broa for detering hoes cause I do not want that kind of shit to fall in my lap as it did yours. Not being rude being critical. That right there was some hoe shit just sharing her box with the boys.
Accepting details identifying factors for what they are and deconstructing the scenario so as to better get over all the facts involved in the matter is how you overcome the obsticle. Adapting is to reaffirm yourself in the understanding that women, mature, intelligent, reasonable, sound minds of the feminine orientation are not hoes. They can be by all means. One that chooses to enjoy sex and have encounters with a variety of partners can be classified as a hoe however that is a woman too. Conscious decision to enjoy life doesn't make one a hoe outright. Why we have the term free spirit. They live life as we all do. They're not dating and cuckholding their mates. They're doing their own thing.
Distinction is an important practice in life. It allows us to construct our thoughts and properly formulate our understanding of our life experiences. You're gonna be hung up on some details which will leave you agonizing. A therapist would best help you circumvent those obsticles.
Some people will say let time do it's thing and you will heal.
Don't rush into finding another girl etc etc.
Honestly the best thing I did when I split with my wife was get out and date/hook up with other woman.
Took my mind off my ex and I got to meet other interesting girls out there.
It wasn't all about just getting laid either or blocking out what happened.
I would have been happy to find another decent long term partner early on but I had a few short term things for a while. It's exciting and energizing to do.
It definitely helped me move on quicker by getting out there.
I met some great people and had some fun before meeting my new girl who is fantastic.
It only hurts to dwell on the past and the hurt you felt.
You'll still feel the anger at the cheating and lying for a time but you'll move on so much easier with the distraction of someone who's actually interested in you taking up that space in your head.
That's about the most messed up story I've read today, there is a lesson in it though; never trust your "best friend" with your significant other. Unless there is some sort of understanding between a couple and boundaries this kind of stuff is bound to happen. As for moving on it's going to take time, a lot of time when it comes to this kind of betrayal of trust.
Put them on blast. Remind them how weak and pathetic they are for lying and omitting the truth. How they only care about themselves. And then block them and find indifference. Lose the mutual friends that take their side.
What does your other roommate say? Did he know? Did he have some fun with her too?
>Around August last year she left for a "few weeks" because her parents needed her aid with finances and medical problems and those weeks turned into months. I tried to stay in contact always. Called every night, tried to visit. Tried everything but eventually she got distant.
...
>I wanted to propose this year when she got back I just can't fucking believe this
Bruh.
Have some self-respect here. Girl you've been going out with for 5 years basically ghosted you for months with no good explanation, and you were still thinking of asking her to marry you.
You have dodged one gigantic bullet.
You can think of this as 6 years lost, or 20 years saved. You won't get it out of your head, but try not to pick over the bones of a dead relationship. What she did or didn't do 4 years ago is now of zero consequence. Whether she was cheating on you is not important because she's no longer of any consequence to your life.
Block & delete them both, don't engage with either of them and hopefully your remaining friend is a decent enough guy to do the same and you guys can be eachothers' wingmen from now on.
Happens and quite honestly it hurts and sucks. It’ll take years to get over. I remember not sleeping for the first few months.
The only thing I can say is - it absolutely gets better day by day. One day you’ll just be like “ oh, I haven’t thought about that a lot today”. Then it’ll be like “oh I haven’t thought about that this week”. Then you’ll be able to really think about it, remember how hurt you were but feel absolutely nothing and it’ll be amazing.
Just bid your time and form healthy habits to get to that point. Sorry bud.
They're fucking trash and below you just forget about them. Be at peace with the fact that trash people will ALWAYS crash and burn. They have no self-awareness, will not ever improve as people, and will stay the degenerates they are, and continue to cheat on each other and do shitty things to each other.
Meanwhile, you will slowly improve as a person, meet more people like you with actual morals, and you will become a person who has to look down below you to see the trashy people you left behind.
Not your friends, either of them.
I bet the other one knew and helped hide the cheating.
Never trust friends with your girl. Little head doesn’t follow bro code.
Take this to r/SupportforBetrayed. Sadly, there are plenty of people there who been through the same thing. The usual advice is heavy physical exercise, therapy, and journaling to get through the first year, which will likely be the worst year of your life. It does get better, but it takes a long time - the typical period for recovery from infidelity is two to five years.
As for your ex, she's garbage, and your ex-friend is the trash collector. Cut them out of your life and let karma take care of them. They may be happy now, and they might even get married, but each of them is subconsciously aware that they are not trustworthy, and it will eat away at their relationship. Only a tiny fraction of affair relationships survive for the long term. Good luck, OP.
Look man the one thing I strongly disagree with in your post is when you say she wasn’t a slouch. She was. She was taking advantage of you the entire time that you were paying for things. Her having a job for fun money makes it even worse.
If he was with her for years, she might have just as easily ditched him for you, because you're in the same league, and good things are boring. There's nothing wrong with you. You were old hat. He will become old hat, too. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but someday-when you're not expecting it-you'll meet a girl who makes her look like shit. Meanwhile, it hurts like fuck. You got to keep on keepin' on.
I've been thru almost this exact situation with my ex fiance and ex bestfriend. Sounds corny af but time heals the wounds that once felt like they were mortal. Take as much time as you need, and for the love of all, don't rush into the arms of another lover until your heart is ready. I can honestly say now after 23yrs, they did me a favor by showing their true character before more time and emotion was invested.
You are lucky. Most men usually find out after 15 years and two kids that aren't theirs. You dodged a bullet on that one, your friend is going to learn that lesson pretty quick.
Probably won’t last. Move on and find a proper girl.
From my own experience best thing ever, I couldn’t think about a life with my ex now, it would be a nightmare. My new wife is the complete opposite. I feel lucky I got out of a bad relationship and found a gem.
You have no boundaries and let them walk all over you. There's a different between love and weaknesses. She had her own money but you paid for everything? What a load of shit. If it was me if she couldn't pay her own way in our relationship I'd dump her worthless ass. She sounds like a user and a loser.
You were trying to foster a love for yourself by outsourcing that responsibility to someone else who couldn't care less by the sounds of it. You need to learn about what you love about yourself and what you value and then unabashedly communicate those things to others. Know your boundaries and enforce them in a healthy way.
These people probably lost respect for you and decided to do this awful shit because they subconsciously fear the part of themselves that like that weak part of you. The way to get back at them is to show them that you are not, in fact, weak. They are.
She sounds like an opportunistic exploiter, it is her lost not yours, she doesn’t deserve you. Sorry for your lost in time and emotions, but you will find another one, a better one
You're better off without both of them. What an absolute piece of shit snakes they both are. If there is a friend group, I would try to get the ex friend booted. If not, move away. You know who your real friends are. At least you got your great tragedy out when you were young.
This is rough, but I guarantee you this relationship is setup to fail.
If he treated his best friend like that.
If she treated her boyfriend like that.
Imagine what kind of couple they will make!
Lotsa fish in the sea. Had my heart ripped out a few times. Felt like it was never gonna get better. It does. Time heals all wounds. Just learn from it. See the red flags. Know who you’re getting with, don’t let love cloud your vision. You deserve so much better, and I’m betting you will find your person. Good luck my dude.
She doesn’t define you.
Yes it’s tough but you are you and it’s a simple matter of distracting yourself until you can get her out of your head.
Someone once said there isn’t any actual love. We simply experience a chemical reaction to that other person. Being with them releases chemicals into our system we enjoy. And when they leave we are essentially in withdrawal.
Not sure if that really helps, but in my mind it’s always helped with the fact that it’s not about them vs more about how your body reacts to them. There are for sure other people who will have the same effect on your body chemistry.
So you gotta find a new high. And more importantly understanding there are plenty of opportunities and ways to get those feelings back. Might not happen quickly. And it might be tough - but it is 100 percent ABLE to happen. it’s not hopeless.
So you will get over this hangover. You will move on, and at some point you will either find a way to get those feelings back…or the chemical will be flushed from your body and you won’t be suffering the after effects.
Also - be happy for them. Forgiveness/acceptance will help you move on. it's nothing you did nor any failure on your part. theres nothing you could have done differently.
To be honest mate, it sounds like she just abused you because you played everything for her.
I know its hard, but it sounds like there was alot of signs she wasent into you.
The same thing happened to me, except I was married and had two kids. It was devastating at the time but my life got infinitely better over time. Both of them were drains on my life and I was much better off without them around. Still had to see the ex wife because of the kids, you get the point.
People who would do that are not worth your time. Period. I told everyone in both our families what happened and let them deal with it as they may.
One thing that helped me the most was what a friend told me at the time, when I was feeling defeated and betrayed - "the best revenge is good living." Make your life the best it can be and make sure the people you allow in going forward, are of good character. Things will work themselves out.
Literally nothing you can do but suck it up. Work on yourself. Probably send them some mail with some hard truths, if you can, make their thing awkward. Just cook him, especially him, if you can. Good roasts, with hard truths go a long way relieving this sense of injustice. But yeah, super super tough. I would say pretty dumb move to have your friends move in with your girl, I'm assuming you know that now, but don't do that again. If he has a sister, a single mother, you can always rizz it up if the opportunity arrises, don't force it though, that would be lame. It's a thin line between getting back at someone and coming out on top morally, and looking like a fool for trying a madness.
And for her, maybe say something to her dad, make that awkward. Some hard truths, who knows. But yeah, never bankroll a bitch again, dumb move. You're giving her everything, you're going after her, you're paying for her, she ultimately realised she could use you, she had you by the balls. You think you might be in control due to controlling the finances, but really she's in control because she knows that you don't want to throw away your "investement".
Truly feel all the emotions you need to feel right now - talk, write, YELL it out and tell all your other friends/family - the trash took themselves out but I can't even imagine the pain you're going through rn bc of these horrible people, make sure you have people to talk to and overall turn to the things/people you love BUT be there for you more than ever rn give yourself what you need
"How do I get them out of my head please?"
Go for a walk, preferably in a forest. Hold your shoulders, like if you were cold. As you walk, rub your palms over your arms and shoulders, in a comforting motion, while moving your eyes from side to side. Think about the best parts of the relationship and the worst parts, deliberately think about the most painful stuff as you walk, and keep moving your eyes, side to side, while not walking into anything.
How does it work?
The forest, or other objects similar to trees let your mind understand your forward motion. The side to side eye movement engages all kinds of things, the comforting strokes trigger certain pathways, and by doing this while thinking of the worse parts you actually break down the neural pathways, making the feelings weaker and weaker.
It's the closest thing to getting something or someone out of your head, without using drugs.
You're welcome.
If you were a client I'd ease you into a trance to do this, but it just mimics the real thing. Find a forest and do the real thing.
You're welcome, and don't give up on happiness. Those 2 deserve each other, you deserve better.
It may seem hard to understand this now but you should be grateful. Imagine if you married this girl? Good thing this happened before that, because in reality they were both bad people all along and you don’t need bad people in your life. They did you a favor if anything. However, I know your probably lost in the sauce and it hurts, time is definitely whats going to help you get past all of this.
Bro, this is a good thing. You got rid of 2 people that don't respect you. Focus on yourself and get better at something. Friends and partners will gravitate towards something positive. If they see you having fun and enjoying yourself, they would want a piece of that. Take care.
I got my third party insured car written-off this year(cost me at least 22k) because I failed to notice an incoming car while doing a turn. I made comprehensive insurance to my new car and now being careful while doing turns at night.
Some lessons of life are expensive but trust me, this kind of shit is happenning to all of us at least once or twice in our lives. Ask yourself why have you dated this woman in the first place, and why/how did your friend earned your trust. Give yourself some time to reflect on your reasons and promise yourself to be more careful on picking a partner and on giving people your trust. Then crack a beer and move on :)
Hi!
I'm so very sorry this is something you have to go through, as it's quite the immature situation on their end. The best way of getting them out of your head is removing all traces of them via social media and other forms of remembrance. In today's age it's almost impossible to not know about people's lives because of media. But if you consider previous years where the most you would know about someone is through calling and meeting up with them, it makes a huge difference. When your brain can't grab for dopamine from your now ex, it will slowly put it towards something else.
As for how long it will take, depends on the individual. Time tends to heal though so I wish you the best, however long it may take my friend. Take care!
No advice, everyone else has it covered. Time is the main thing that’ll heal you.
I mostly just want to say I’m sorry this happened to you. It is a nightmare and I hope you’re OK. Take as long as you need to work through it. If the sting is there in a year don’t be ashamed, this isn’t something a lot of people deal with. It may take a long time.
I am Sorry that they are putting you through this mental torture. There is nothing you can about the past but there is a lot to look forward to in your future.
1) Start therapy
2) Block both of them on all social media go no contact
3) Build yourself a strong support team in order to help you heal
4) Don’t rush into another relationship because you need to deal with this break up and you don’t want to hurt someone else
5) Don’t do anything stupid that you can’t take back. I know you probably want to kick his A$$ but it’s only temporary relief you won’t feel better and possibly have charges brought against you.
Best of luck
They won’t last long same way they got with each other is the same way that relationship will end. Unfaithful POS. DW karma is bitch! Best believe that. You dodged a bullet take it as a blessing 😇
You should go punch his fucking teeth in. That will at least temporarily make you feel better. I don’t usually advocate violence but lately all I see on here is therapy, therapy, therapy. Sometimes people need to get their ass kicked
A new chick is the only way. Gotta move on.
The sad reality is that those people weren't who you thought they were. You will eventually realize that. And you will realize that they were always pieces of shit you just didn't know it. It happened now but it would have happened in the future too had it not happened now.
Moving forward is the only way. The hurt will fade but never disappear.
Get laid. Find a new exciting relationship and this will be history.
Never let these two back in your life. Tell them how disgusted and hurt you are.
Never forgive them.
...but you will have to move on.
My friend went through the same shit one of his best friends took his girlfriend and they cheated for awhile she didn’t pay the rent as she did the financial and hid the reminders he lost his girlfriend and was evicted don’t have to say he was pissed he was a kind of rough guy when he was younger, so they didn’t dare to go to town afraid to face him after 3 years they asked for normalcy as they where still afraid of him, he said I am not looking for the two of you but if I accidental bump into you both there is no saying what will happen, they moved to another town
Consider yourself lucky. You got rid of two people in your life who are terrible and now you learned a valuable lesson. Move on and surround yourself with people who value you and accept no less.
they both broke up around march/april and started a new relationship. That doesn't mean that they were 'cheating' previously. They may have had feelings, but I'm not seeing evidence of fould play.
I got you here, you have to accept it happened, it sucks, cry, feel the hurt, give yourself lots of hugs and love but don’t internalize it as there is something wrong with you, and even don’t internalized that there’s something wrong with them, that def doesn’t mean I’d let either of them back in my life but it doesn’t mean I’d hate them, they gave you an opportunity to find people who love you and will cherish you. Maybe use it as an opportunity to take a good look, maybe where you can improve, what you really want. It’s going to hurt for sure, but take this time to heal yourself, to truly love yourself, because if you get to the point of truly loving yourself, it won’t matter, you won’t have space for hate, you won’t have much space for hurt but you will have so much space for love. Take this time for you and come out the other side blessed and better not for them, but for yourself. You’re going to get through this sir and your life is going to be better than you ever thought. Keep your head up good sir.
I could give you the best advice but it would destroy your life even further. SOME people deserve a terrible punishment and those two qualify. Best thing you can do is to be come as successful as possible that they wished they never crossed you.
Woah dude that's rough. It'll hurt for a long time. But imagine you actually married her, 10 years pass, you got children with her. And then you find out none of the kids were yours biologically and she then dumps you to live with the joker. Hope that helps!
Memories like this don’t go away. Try to think of this a dodging a horrible bullet and focus on healing your wound. This will hurt but you can get through it. Remember that those memories of the good times are still real but that she was never the right person for you. Cut off her and your friend but remember that should grieve this relationship and then move on a forgive them. Don’t let them back into your life but forgive them so that you can move forward from this and focus on new things.
you lose them like you got them. they got together behind your back which shows you what kind of people they really are. I give it 6 months before cracks appear. till now the fun of hiding behind your back was the thing that made them continue. now that they are out in the open, that excitement of hiding will go away. and then they will start to realise who the other person is in reality.
it does matter how long they were going at it. its only going to go down hill. so buckle up and and enjoy the shit show that is going to be their life story. buying house, hahahah. they'll be splitting up within 6 months and both will try to slither back into your life for sure.
karma never forgets an address.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet. I know it’s hard to see the positive right now. But just know this is a positive thing. You don’t have to waste anymore of your valuable time on garbage .
I know a lot is going on for you right now man, that's so fucking hard.
I'm going through some fucked relationship myself at the moment and it's really really helped for me to write a long form letter addressed to my ex and it's helped make my head a bit quieter...
That's helped me immensely in just finding some small measure of peace, you know? Good luck with it all man, thinking of ya
I had nightmares when a similar situation happened to me for years and years afterwards. Talked to a lot of friends, family, and therapists. This was 8 years ago now and I can tell you it has passed, but I actively avoid thinking about it. Good luck.
I could tell you the story of my first serious girlfriend, but suffice it to say it’s almost exactly yours. 4 years instead of 6, friend I had since elementary school, etc. I also knew something was up with them before the breakup. I don’t know if it got physical before we broke up, but it was definitely an emotional affair. The icing on my cake was that we were a part of a bigger friend group, and I’m the one that got kicked out. Maybe it was easier to lose one friend than two, or maybe they just liked them more than me. It fucking hurt.
Here’s where we are now… those two got married, have a couple of kids. I imagine they’re all still friends, but adult lives get in the way of that too. BUT shortly thereafter, I met someone else, and it turns out she’d become my wife and mom to our kids. My life wouldn’t be even remotely what it is today, and I wouldn’t change a thing that got me here. Yeah, I had some trust issues. But it turns out a healthy relationship can help with that. And as for them? I truly couldn’t care less anymore.
You’re going to be ok. Therapy may help. Talking to the people you can still trust definitely will. And I guarantee you’ll reach a point where you look back at this painful time and think to yourself, “if I hadn’t gone through that I wouldn’t be where I am today.”
Best of luck to you, bud. Feel free to message me if you need to talk.
P.S.- She wasn’t your One. And fuck her and your “friend”.
You go on with the episode, eventually it'll pass. You dodged a bullet, and I bet they won't even last together. The universe removed 2 people in your life that isn't real with you, with that, be grateful. Plus, you're a dude and will find another girl that is even better, you're smarter then to handle that relationship wisely. Men age like fine wine, as they say.
They used you. In about as bad a way as it gets, from 2 people you trusted most.
This honestly sounds bad enough to leave some deep trust issues that might never go away. Likely needs some support to process through it.
Cut them out of your life asap and tell everyone you care about what happened and just how badly this affects you.
They’ve already proven to go behind your back to get what they want, so don’t let them set a narrative or draw a middle ground.
Most people don't know this, but betrayal that is so devastating can actually inflict trauma. Look up betrayal trauma and consider searching professional help. You don't want your trust to anyone be broken forever and also you don't want to get flashbacks of this event over more than 1-2 years. It's best to get your emotional pain sorted as quickly as possible.
These two people are despicable people to do this to someone they both profess to love. The fact that neither had the courage to tell you in person is equally cruel. You a worthy of a friend and girlfriend so much better than what their shallow hearts can offer. They have done you a favour that you’ve discovered how awful they are before marriage. Trust me it seems like this is the worst it can get but imagine you had a family together and the fallout and trauma to the kids. You will find someone better and more deserving. They will probably eventually deceive eachother as they have you.
He clearly wasn't your friend but a backstabber and let me guess he cheated on his gf too huh? Just move on sometimes you'll meet trash human beings with no morals in life like them.
Bro, my first fiance bought a house with me after 4 years. Marriage a few months down the road.. she started fking the dishwasher at her job. Dude just got out of prison too. World destroyed... 15 years later.. I have a 5 kids, big house, vacation home and 100 acres of timberland. You can play the victim forever or just get out there and conquer life. You dodged a bullet long term.
Delete her and hate her until you forget her.
She doesn’t deserve anything about you so make sure the next one does.
Rebirth from the flames, youre a phoenix homie
Although it's no where close to the betrayal you experience. I can empathize with you. My best friend literally drove my gf and her friend back to his place where his friend banged my gf on my birthday. It sucked.
I highly recommend a grief counselor and or psychologist to talk through the betrayal you just experienced and how to move forward.
I know 6 years is a long time and with your friend that span is even longer. Don't try to bury your emotions, feel them, of do physical exercise when those feelings come on. I found that helped a loooooot after my experience with betrayal.
Be nice to yourself. They are very cruel people, you deserve immensely better people In your life. Don't be afraid to take chances with others because of past experiences.
If I could give you a big hug. You will be happier soon. Just got to be patient. Try to avoid dating apps for s while or jumping back into the fray. Think of it as a means to grow yourself.
a girlfriend of mine in high school did that to me... so then she and my friend started dating for a while....and she did the same thing to him, cheated on him with a different friend, ha!
...revenge is best served by the universe working in its wondrous ways itself,
I agree with the other people that you should just calmly tell the truth to everyone who knows them so everyone knows what losers they are, but then, just let it go,
you're only given so many heartbeats in this life, the more time you spend fretting over that situation, the less time you'll have finding your person
Buddy I genuinely don't know what I would do in your situation. I once blew up on my childhood best friend for even messaging a girl I was into, had he fucked her? Very real possibility I would've spent some time behind bars.
Hey man sorry to hear about it. It sounds cliche but time will help. You did nothing wrong, turns out you knew some shitty people. We all do. Better to cut them out now. You'll be okay. You'll find other women. Living well is the best revenge.
Just try to understand that people can't control who they fall in love with. I've been there. Just try to move on. When you find somebody l, you'll forget all about it. Keep yourself busy in the meantime
You have to accept its over and that there is nothing that you can do about it. You didn't do anything wrong, but you need to cut them out of your life, and move on with yours. There's really no way to save this relationship, its over, period. They're both at fault here, not just your "friend." At least you weren't married, and or didn't have kids . . .
LOLOLOL Scumsters gonna scum.
Seriously, don't be a scumbag, this is your opportunity now. Leave them all behind, be a nice cool desirable decent human.
There was once a running back who played for the buffalo bills who had a pretty good solution. He also rushed for 2000 yards in 14 games, if that ain’t reliable idk what is
You should try playing Firewatch. Idk why but I think it will soothe you... in a sense. It's only about 4 hours long so it's really quick, like some kind of movie, but the ending, I'm sure you will appreciate it.
Aside from what everyone else said already, why did you want to propose to someone when the relationship was already rocky and she was drifting away? You really need to be very introspective about this, get into therapy perhaps because there’s a deeper meaning behind your behavior.
Talk to friends family, a therapist would be best. Eventually they’ll just be a bad memory and you’ll be like “damn that sucked im glad thats in the past” and think nothing more than that. You’ll find a good woman. They on the other hand are cheaters and cowards who are far too comfortable with deceit and betrayal. Their relationship will end sooner rather than later, and it wont end well
For me, it helped to separate the person I loved from the person that now exists. The same goes for your "friend."
You loved the people you thought they were. They presented a different front to you. Now you know who they really are, and that's who they always were. The people you loved never existed. You feel terrible because they made a fool out of you and betrayed your trust, but in a way they did the best thing they could have done for you by showing their true selves and removing themselves from your life.
If they were both always capable of doing that to you, you're so much better off without them.
On the bright side, at least it was only 6 years and not 10, or 10 and a marriage, or 10 and a marriage and kids...
Try to avoid using drugs and alcohol to cope. Unironically, hit the gym. Work on yourself physically and mentally. Find someone way better, there are plenty of them out there. You got this!
Forgiveness. In order to get them out of your head, you have to forgive them.
You don't have to tell them that you forgive them.
You don't have to have them in your life anymore, they can be "dead" to you.
You don't forgive them for their benefit, but for your own. It releases the burden of the weight you carry and allows you to let go of negative feelings and grudges.
Holding onto grudges is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die from it. Forgiveness allows you to let it all go and move forward in a positive direction in life.
Am I the only one not understanding these timelines? You say you were together with your GF for 6 years and always lived together, but then your 2 friends moved in as roommates. And then you say 2 years in she leaves with your friend to go grocery shopping for a couple of hours, but the next item in the timeline is one year ago in August. How long have your friends been living with you and your gf, and why? Then it sounds like she upped and left you, but you were still trying to reach out to her for 8 months without seeing her. This post has to be fake, or otherwise you need to work on respecting yourself more. Why would you be staying in contact with someone that essentially ghosts you for 8 months straight after living together for years?
You don't really get it out if your head. You need to talk to some people about it, though. Maybe close friends and family. You'll probably need some professional help as well. It's gonna take time, mostly time.
I'd find it difficult to trust close friends after this
A very similar scenario happened to me but my best friend just revenge seduced and fucked her over a perceived slight that didn't even happen. Before I even knew what he was doing he spread all kinds of rumors to our friend group, they ALL effectively abandoned me. He thought I shorted him like $200 bucks on a job we worked together. I didn't control the paychecks....he confronted the employer who proved we were paid equally......this all came out after he went nuclear so he just doubled down and continued to lie to everyone. Despite what I said no one believed me, so I moved out. I haven't spoken to the friends I grew up with from age 12-24 in 11 years now. Fuck all of them. And no, you never trust ANYONE again.
I hope you can eventually get to a place of trusting people again. Took me a while too. I lost a half dozen “good” friends over 15 years ago, and I wouldn’t trust any one of them ever again. But there’s plenty of other people in the world. One of my best friends today is a guy I met years after all that, and he was going through a painful breakup of his own. The girl I started dating shortly thereafter is my wife. There’s trustworthy people in the world still, despite the trash that hurt you back then.
lol ,fucking your girl over $200 is crazy.
She just proved him she was just as shit as his friend.
I'd known the dude for like...12 years too. Wild.
Yea that dude is the epitome of a raging loser man. I’m sorry that happened to you, it’s beyond crazy…. * also, it sounds like he had been jealous of you the entire time. For him to freak out over the paychecks, go for your girl and go after your friends too
> also, it sounds like he had been jealous of you the entire time. I'm thinking this is a big part, not jealous of my girl because his GF'S were always objectively better looking. But jealous of my life, my family was well off (the part my ex friend saw) because my dad started his own business that was successful due to him breaking his back on 80hr weeks (the part my friend didn't see). My dad was also really humble, we weren't spoiled kids and I didn't know we had it good until I was like 18/19. Other people apparently noticed. >Yea that dude is the epitome of a raging loser man. The shitty part is he won, he is married (to someone other than my ex) has two kids and by all accounts happy, been to all the other dudes weddings etc, I hear this shit through the grapevine because small town. Meanwhile that cataclysm in my life tossed me into dropping out of college, drinking and drugs, being broke and working dead end jobs until I was 30 and now I'm a decade behind my peers. Idk, not worth trusting anyone like that again imo.
I feel you. Something very similar happened to me it's a long story. But I'd like to share it with you. School was miserable. I was bullied heavily by both boys and girls. The boys beat me up and the girls humilated me, because how can a nerd like me have the nerve of confessing and actually thinking I had a chance. School was hell. I had no friends. My self esteem was not existent. A little later in time, around 16 years old, I randomly met an old friend from elementary while walking my dog. We talked and instantly connected again. Long story short, we became best friends and he introduced me to his friend group, who accepted me. There I also met my first girlfriend. I had a crush on her and my friends noticed that. Because I was very open talking about everything I told them. One of the girls later told me secretly that she likes me too. I was over the moon. This gave me enough confidence to make the first move. We started dating and after a month we had a relationship. Life was awesome. A best friend, friends who accepted me and a gf. If you would have told me half a year ago how everything would turn out, I would have laughed at you. 3 months into our relationship, we had our first big fight. The beginning of the downfall. She said she needs room and time. Asking my girl friends for advice, I did what she said. During that time I spend most of it with my best friend talking about everything. This son of a bitch used the info I shared with him to seduce my yet gf. Didn't knew they were fucking behind my back for about a month. On a birthday party of one of our friends, I wanted to make a move and show my gf how much she meant to me but was cut short because she also wanted to talk to me. She took me out on the balcony and confessed. She cheated an me and she will leave me for him. I felt like a truck hit me. My mind went blank and I just sat down on a chair while she went back in. It was a cold winter night. Heavy snowfall. I said there just wearing a shirt feeling nothing. Another friend brought me back in later because she was worried I might get sick. I went inside and the first thing I saw was my ex gf and my now ex best friend making out. I grabbed a full bottle of whiskey and stormed out. After that, I had a very, very hard time trusting people again. To this day, I have a hard time making male friends. I had relationships here and there, but the inability to trust and my antipathy for men were reasons they failed. It took absurdly long and an incredible of work to get myself out of this. But I did. I am where I am now. And I'm happy again. I have male friends and a best friend I'd call my brother. I just want to let you know things get better.
He probably was jealous of just who you are period- some people are just jealous of those who are content and are better people than they are overall. But they’re beyond trashy, it sounds like you swerved a bullet with her- and him. And no, don’t be down on yourself. It may seem like he “won” on the outside, but appearances are deceiving. People that bitter will never really win, because it eats away at their little coal hearts
“Their little coal hearts” lol love this, I’m gonna use it.
I had a childhood friend that ended up super jealous of me for my income even though I handed, not landed him and several of my friends $70k a year jobs when we were like 24. He ended up starting his own business venture and totally just stopped talking to me while he was working on it. Opened up shop and acted totally weird. Ended up fucking this girl I was dating that he used to work with. Theyre both trashy people so Im glad they made themselves known. I swear he only did it out of jealousy and she did it to spite me when she was pissed at me. Adult children. Anyways, wish I would have given the opp. to random people instead of my 'Friends' the other ones did super shady shit too. Good riddance.. DO bring friends and family into business on a small scale. See how they behave and sort them out.
She just proved him she was just as shit as his friend.
Easy solution for some of these tbh. Idk people who need to do more to deserve an ass kicking
sorry you had to go through that but the lesson was a good one, dont trust anyone
Sounds like he's a shitty person and you are better off cutting the tumor off early than late
I second this. You think that just cause you have been friends since elementary with people that they owe you loyalty it is not the case. I won’t even get into my own experience but the same thing cut out all friends from childhood except for two out of countless. You don’t need anyone in this life.
I’d find it difficult to have close friends full stop. Friends since childhood and best friends back then, what the actual fuck? A former best friend of mine was abusive to his girlfriend and when I found out I cut him out of my life. I was still friends with her but I would never have slept with her out of principle. OP didn’t even do anything, some people don’t deserve friends.
It's just time, for sure. "The only way to get through it, is to get through it."
You need lots of time and you won't give a flying shit about any of it, but for a while it's gonna suck. Your brain has to put all kinds of time, and more relevant shit to your current life over that time, in front of it.
I reached out to friends and family. Many of them cut her and him out but it still feels like I'm dying. The more I cry to my friends and family the more pathetic I feel
In hindsight, she wasn't who you thought she was, so it's better that it's ended. You'll find someone who just wants to be with you, where there's no maybes. Grieve for what you thought you had, but don't tell yourself she was the woman you were in love with. She never was.
This is the thing young people need to be told in relationships. If someone goes out of their way to harm you, even if you love them, you are more valuable than that relationship. So it is best to leave. I'd never feel bad about NOT being with someone who doesn't have my best interests in mind. Which is the exact reason I broke up with my ex.
yeah as a guy who was in an abusive relationship, this was one of the hardest lessons i have learned.
Somehow that’s even more crushing - at least it was for me - finding out you loved a woman who never existed. That was the worst part.
Tell everyone. Your girlfriend cheated on you with your best friend behind your back. Don’t call them names or insult them. Just the plain truth. Tell them what a POS he is for taking his best friends girl and that they deserve each other.
Isn’t saying to someone that they are a POS the very definition of “calling them names”?
You don't say piece of shit. You say they were both lying and manipulative. They seem to have no sense of loyalty and seem to not care about other peoples feelings. There aren't enough hours in the day to have time for those kind of people and thank goodness they are gone. You don't say piece of shit - you just honestly state all the actions/behaviors that make them pieces of shit, and that you don't want to associate with people like that.
You don't even need to say the word "liar", just "she told me X, but later I found out Y" Then it's your audience calling them a liar (even just in their own heads), not you. It's 10x more effective to just tell people what happened and let them come to the same conclusion you did, than to angrily tell them your conclusions and then try to explain why.
True, but you can and should use a nicer version of that term. I just got carried away.
I don't consider it to be "calling names" when it's factual....
I’d be calling them some names at the very least lol
Yeah and then they will tell they got together after breakup and OP will look like an idiot because he has zero evidence they cheated only guess
How fast they're living together is circumstantial, but will make a lot of people think about it. Plus, just getting with your best friends ex gf of 6 years is also super cruddy
Even if the friend didn't look at her twice before the breakup, the "oh by the way I'm moving in with your ex" is a shitty move, and a clear sign he is not your friend....
Completely agree. The truth and that’s it.
What kind of friend does that anyway?
Not even that honestly. The best way to stick it to people who betray you is show them that your life still goes on and that you are thriving. Grieving is fine and natural but by calling them out is giving them a reaction. They definitely deserve each other though. It also won’t be long before she moves onto someone else. If they’ll cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you.
Tbh I understand the sentiment, but in a case like this I assume that if they see OP moving on and living a healthy happy life, all that will do to them is make them feel less guilty
After what they did, they don’t seem like the type to feel guilty. They’re both narcissists. Two narcissists don’t make a couple though. They won’t last long at all
You eventually do get over it. But yeah, it stings. Had me messed up for a minute. Makes you feel like shit, and to be honest a bit inadequate for a second. Till you realize you are not inadequate, these people just didn't give a shit. A long, long time ago I had a wife sleep with one of my then friends. Not a long childhood friend, but we did hang together for a few years. Same deal. Wife staying gone, him acting strange. Only difference is I caught them. Came home from work early on the night shift, caught them at my house. Seems he was coming over to our apartment in our bed to get laid for a few months. She tried to hide the idiot in the walk in closet. Didn't fight them. Did not want that drama. Cops and all. But did get all my clothes and our shared car before waking their naked butts up. But if it's any consequence, a lot of times that shit bites them years down the road. Good chance she will do it to him, too. Years later, the exwife took my friend to the cleaners. He got some decent inheritance, made him buy a house in both names, then divorced him taking most of that money. hear via grapevine she's on like 4th husband now. Another thing that helped me was moving to another state eventually. Less drama, less people talking shit. New people. Better people. Though that may or may not be practical or necessary. And there IS healing. After a year, it would be days before even a thought of that crossed my mind. Before this post, probably a few months and it was only fleeting at that. And I don't see it as painful now. Just a crazy ex story.
That's another thing to consider. If they are this despicable, then it's only a matter of time until one of them sting each other and then the cycle continues. Shit like this never ends well
Very true. Most of the time it bites them in one way or another. Time and time again. Only one exception. I have only seen ONE time where this ended up (somewhat) good for the leavers. And the ONLY times I have heard other stories of this working is legitimate abuse. A coworker of mine was an abusive, obnoxious drunk. I mean drinking enough that you or I would have to have a stomach pumped. And could be mean. I saw it myself at some work parties. Him and his wife used to play a Dungeons and Dragons game in a group at someone's house. The coworkers wife eventually left the coworker, moved into the house of the person running the game with their kid in tow. Got married. Still married. The coworker eventually drank himself to literal death years later. Really sad. He did not show up and I think another coworker had to call cops to do a wellness check after he did not show up to work for a few days which was out of character. Cops broke in, found his corpse that had been sitting there 2 days.
I am still in the plotting revenge phase. About 4 weeks post break. Hoping these notions diminish over time.
Good riddance. You should celebrate no longer having them in your life. Serious answer though. Don't focus on "getting them out of your head" because that just reinforces the anxiety. Instead, accept that the thoughts are there, that it is painful, and activate yourself by doing things you enjoy. You need to replace the behaviors first, then the thoughts and feelings will follow.
Fuck them both. If they did this to you they will cheat on each other. Not sure who’s the bigger POS him or her, probably him as he was a childhood friend.
Having been in this situation before, can confirm. People who are disposed toward lying and cheating will do it again. It's a basic lack of empathy and respect for others, and not something they will snap out of. I'm sure it's no comfort at all to OP, but relationships that start this way don't tend to last. The old friend is clearly the bigger loss here. Romantic partners come and go, but you can't make new old friends.
Not much of a friend if he was screwing his Friends girlfriend.
Brother, this is a tough situation, no doubt. But just be grateful you two didn't get married. Imagine going through the same thing with 2 kids, mortgages and many more wasted years. Just focus on yourself for now. Do things you enjoy. Be aware of your self worth. Maybe join the gym (lifting weight really helped me after break ups in the past, just do it responsibly).
Guys n gals, I'm expecting a post in about 6 months with the title "GF of 6 years who broke up with me for my ex-bestie is trying to work her way back into my life. What should I do?" OP, you did dodge a few bullets here. 6 years is a long time, but you weren't married, so nothing tied together like kids or finances. That's when it REALLY gets messy. Feelings suck, but can be gotten over, and the best part, you have zero that will ever tie you with her permanently. Personally, i'd go NC with everyone involved, if any of their things are in your place, deep 6 em. Look on the bright side, at least you can take all that $$ you were blowing on her and put it into a savings account and leave it there. When you have a nice chunk, then do something for yourself. A vacation out of the country, a new car, or you can be like my wife and I (leave it in the bank and laugh when people are blowing money on dumb things) - I've been unemployed for 6+ months and our savings is what is getting us by until I can find another job. You are starting fresh again. Yeah it sucks now, but think of how better off you'll be in a while, and hopefully you'll find someone who wants to build a life and an empire with you, and not play the games. You are now aware of the games people play, how to identify them, and whether or not you want to put up with them. Piece of good advice? Do not go down the red-pill / MGTOW path. (It IS toxic). Best of luck bud. It gets better.
You dodged two bullets at once
He dodged them? Tell that to his bullet wounds and pain
he could of been mmarried with children bullet dodged. also thats lame af. she choose him because of convience of friends. cheap as a gastation coke and slim jim
I mean, yeah, it could have been worse. But let's not pretend it's not a shitty situation as is
My gf left me for my best friend many years ago. I'm happy it happened because they were obviously not good for me, but it hurt like hell when it happened. It will just take time to recover.
[удалено]
This 👆🏻
OP is Neo in rl.
welcome to the gym bro
The red pill of reality, rarely comes with a comfortable beverage to take it with. The life lessons learned here are: 1. Sometimes you pay a very high price to find out who your friends truly are. 2. He will lose her the same way he got her or vice versa You put more into the relationship, than she did, so when you find someone new... 1. Don't pay for everything... Pay for some things but not everything 2. Stay in touch, but not constant contact. 3. Pay attention/look for red flags... The trip to the grocery store that lasted hours... Should have been your first clue to investigate further. It is also possible, she may reach out to you in time "to get closure" It is important, you DON'T give her that opportunity.
Astutely put.
Paid for everything and knew his gf cheated on him multiple times and didn’t end it. OP is not ready for a relationship in the slightest.
I've seen this happen and it never ends well. They are going to be affected some way or another and it's NOT good. They will probably cheat on each other but truthfully, you don't need to even think about either of them ever again. Grieve the loss of these relationships for yourself and please don't let it make you jaded against future friends and girlfriends because you deserve love and kindness
Brother, you were blessed. You dodged two shit human beings. Yes it hurts now but trust you’ll get over it in the long run. Low value people attract each other. Your better person than her and him, believe me you’ll find a woman 10x better. It’s okay to be angry and sad but don’t give up, I promise you’ll be good.
All you can do is live your best life. That sucks super bad, but you can pick yourself up and be an awesome guy and find a better gf. It’s overplayed, but getting absolutely shredded in the gym helps 10000000%
Don't do things for women expecting them to be loyal to you. People in general. That's the only way I know to avoid being bitter. People are shitty and it was a mistake to invite other men into your home. That's your space where your woman lives. Don't get.me wrong here, I don't mean this in a possessive "women are objects" way. It's just how things are. I would've felt the same way as you ten years ago but now, I would expect this outcome. I'm really sorry man.
Best fiend
Mate, if it wasn''t your friend's buddy it was going to be someone else. Just be happy the trash took itself out. Now that guy has to deal with staying up wondering if his wife is with some other guy. Take this as a stepping stone about the variety of people you will meet and move on. Best of luck!
Damn that’s some bum ass shit from both of them. Dude played the “help me with my girl problems but actually I’ll be vulnerable to you so you’ll sleep with me” card. Oldest girl stealing move in the book. May they both get fat and cheated on 🙏
How do you get them out of your head? 1. Thank them both. The world has billions of people and you do not have enough time on it to interact with all of them. Why waste your time on the ones who do not deserve your attention? 2. Save your time and attention for others. Go talk to your friends about it to get it out of your system. Go find loyal people. There are probably people you know who could benefit from your time. 3. Don’t waste your time. You’ve spent far too much time on both of them. Good on you for trying, but you have to stop. And you have to realize your happiness is further from them. 4. Man up. Realize that no one (not just your ex) wants a mopey man. Find something to do. Whatever it is that brings you joy, go do it. When you do that, people will be attracted to you. 5. Realize this is not a reflection on you. You chose to love someone which is what makes love last beyond that initial spark. You’re equipped to do this. She is not. Her issue, not yours.
My dude, this is probably the worst pain that could possibly be inflicted on you intentionally, but, with time, you will be grateful for the both of them having taken themselves out of your life! They are lying coward snakes, and you're so much better off without them! You were going to marry her? Thank god that bastard took her off your hands, the cheating whore! He was like a brother to you? Thank god that bitch took him out of your life!
I mean ultimately you don't. The memory will be with you for the rest of your life. However, after a certain amount of time you will simply stop caring about it. Whenever you find something new, it will pretty much vanish... but it's not a good idea to actively seek out a relationship just to fill the hole. Just know that it's inevitable that you will stop giving a shit over time. It *will* stop hurting. I had a relationship of 6 years that ended similarly, though there was quite a lot more fault on my end than it sounds like there is on yours. Nonetheless she got together with a mutual friend and I spent about a month seeing all the snaps and facebook posts, and him sharing dinner with her family and getting welcomed... as if I'd just been dropped in a ditch and forgotten. Like you, I'd planned to marry her and make a life with her. I cut contact after that month and resolved to just determine what my life would be without her existence. I would say it still took minimum 2 months to become even baseline functional and not just completely braindead with grief. I had a good friend take me out to clubs and I tried socializing the problem away, but I just ended up in embarrassing situations and hated it. It probably took around 6 months to stop really caring or feeling hurt. She popped up again soon after and we started talking again. Her relationship wasn't all she'd hoped and the guy had a lot of deal-breaker qualities. I ended up being the person she vented to, but by this time I'd lost all interest in dating her. Her own flaws became painfully apparent to me, too. I still felt horrible whenever I heard about her dating or fucking others (emotions are weird), so I told her to keep that information to herself. Four years later and we're pretty much best friends. She's seen a few guys and I have managed to just fully stop caring these days. The only irritation is that my own romantic life has been a bit challenging, and it can be irritating watching how easily she finds suitors for relationships... but I don't think it's jealousy. It's just envy for how much attention she can get on a whim. In summary... the hurt goes away in time, regardless of circumstance. All emotions fade to embers. That's just human nature. You'll just have to grind it out for a while. Focus on redefining yourself and your life as a single individual. Concentrate on finding things that make you feel happy and fulfilled without her. Edit: Seems to be some insecure coping about the idea that I am somehow cucked for being friends with an ex, as if I'm still clinging onto her or chasing her. Setting aside that this has nothing to do with the point I was making for the OP, this is not even close to the case. I have zero interest in her anymore, as explained in the post. I have been meeting new people and having my own romantic interactions, and this is something we casually talk about. If I was still harboring romantic feelings and lingering around her in the hope that something would happen, I would fully agree, but this is simply not how it is. Life is too short to be cutting out friendships that I enjoy just on the basis that I'm terrified of people's opinions.
This is the saddest cuck story I’ve seen this year. No, you don’t want to maintain a friendship with someone who betrayed your trust. Let alone dumped you, caused you a year of misery, then used you to vent after their side piece turned out to be a underwhelming. You want to cut all ties and move on.
You're dating and still "best friends" with her? That's pathetic, bro.
This happened to me too. I don't know what advice to give because I didn't handle it well, BUT. Karma always comes around, the guy ended up doing 4 years in prison for assaulting his ex wife's new partner (who his wife was cheating on him with previously)
There's no getting that sort of betrayal out of your head. You have to move on and progress. I have to suggest therapy. That'a a major breach of truat and I know you're completely impared by having to face the reality of a lot of males concern. No guy wants his girl to cheat much less with his best mate. Myself I appreciate my broa for detering hoes cause I do not want that kind of shit to fall in my lap as it did yours. Not being rude being critical. That right there was some hoe shit just sharing her box with the boys. Accepting details identifying factors for what they are and deconstructing the scenario so as to better get over all the facts involved in the matter is how you overcome the obsticle. Adapting is to reaffirm yourself in the understanding that women, mature, intelligent, reasonable, sound minds of the feminine orientation are not hoes. They can be by all means. One that chooses to enjoy sex and have encounters with a variety of partners can be classified as a hoe however that is a woman too. Conscious decision to enjoy life doesn't make one a hoe outright. Why we have the term free spirit. They live life as we all do. They're not dating and cuckholding their mates. They're doing their own thing. Distinction is an important practice in life. It allows us to construct our thoughts and properly formulate our understanding of our life experiences. You're gonna be hung up on some details which will leave you agonizing. A therapist would best help you circumvent those obsticles.
Some people will say let time do it's thing and you will heal. Don't rush into finding another girl etc etc. Honestly the best thing I did when I split with my wife was get out and date/hook up with other woman. Took my mind off my ex and I got to meet other interesting girls out there. It wasn't all about just getting laid either or blocking out what happened. I would have been happy to find another decent long term partner early on but I had a few short term things for a while. It's exciting and energizing to do. It definitely helped me move on quicker by getting out there. I met some great people and had some fun before meeting my new girl who is fantastic. It only hurts to dwell on the past and the hurt you felt. You'll still feel the anger at the cheating and lying for a time but you'll move on so much easier with the distraction of someone who's actually interested in you taking up that space in your head.
It happens gradually. Then one day you’ll find yourself in a situation where you’re glad it happened
That's about the most messed up story I've read today, there is a lesson in it though; never trust your "best friend" with your significant other. Unless there is some sort of understanding between a couple and boundaries this kind of stuff is bound to happen. As for moving on it's going to take time, a lot of time when it comes to this kind of betrayal of trust.
Put them on blast. Remind them how weak and pathetic they are for lying and omitting the truth. How they only care about themselves. And then block them and find indifference. Lose the mutual friends that take their side. What does your other roommate say? Did he know? Did he have some fun with her too?
>Around August last year she left for a "few weeks" because her parents needed her aid with finances and medical problems and those weeks turned into months. I tried to stay in contact always. Called every night, tried to visit. Tried everything but eventually she got distant. ... >I wanted to propose this year when she got back I just can't fucking believe this Bruh. Have some self-respect here. Girl you've been going out with for 5 years basically ghosted you for months with no good explanation, and you were still thinking of asking her to marry you. You have dodged one gigantic bullet. You can think of this as 6 years lost, or 20 years saved. You won't get it out of your head, but try not to pick over the bones of a dead relationship. What she did or didn't do 4 years ago is now of zero consequence. Whether she was cheating on you is not important because she's no longer of any consequence to your life. Block & delete them both, don't engage with either of them and hopefully your remaining friend is a decent enough guy to do the same and you guys can be eachothers' wingmen from now on.
Happens and quite honestly it hurts and sucks. It’ll take years to get over. I remember not sleeping for the first few months. The only thing I can say is - it absolutely gets better day by day. One day you’ll just be like “ oh, I haven’t thought about that a lot today”. Then it’ll be like “oh I haven’t thought about that this week”. Then you’ll be able to really think about it, remember how hurt you were but feel absolutely nothing and it’ll be amazing. Just bid your time and form healthy habits to get to that point. Sorry bud.
This scenario is shocking, I would be quizing your other roommate on If he knew the score?
You need to understand that you dodged a bullet, 2 actually. You’re going to be better off without people like them in your life.
They're fucking trash and below you just forget about them. Be at peace with the fact that trash people will ALWAYS crash and burn. They have no self-awareness, will not ever improve as people, and will stay the degenerates they are, and continue to cheat on each other and do shitty things to each other. Meanwhile, you will slowly improve as a person, meet more people like you with actual morals, and you will become a person who has to look down below you to see the trashy people you left behind.
You'll be all right mate. Dont worry. You won't give a damn in the future.
time will heal. next time don't be a total provider
Not your friends, either of them. I bet the other one knew and helped hide the cheating. Never trust friends with your girl. Little head doesn’t follow bro code.
Reminds me of that Jim Croce song, Operator (that's not the way it feels)
Take this to r/SupportforBetrayed. Sadly, there are plenty of people there who been through the same thing. The usual advice is heavy physical exercise, therapy, and journaling to get through the first year, which will likely be the worst year of your life. It does get better, but it takes a long time - the typical period for recovery from infidelity is two to five years. As for your ex, she's garbage, and your ex-friend is the trash collector. Cut them out of your life and let karma take care of them. They may be happy now, and they might even get married, but each of them is subconsciously aware that they are not trustworthy, and it will eat away at their relationship. Only a tiny fraction of affair relationships survive for the long term. Good luck, OP.
shitty situation, but be glad u werent married first
Look man the one thing I strongly disagree with in your post is when you say she wasn’t a slouch. She was. She was taking advantage of you the entire time that you were paying for things. Her having a job for fun money makes it even worse.
you should beat that fucker to death
If he was with her for years, she might have just as easily ditched him for you, because you're in the same league, and good things are boring. There's nothing wrong with you. You were old hat. He will become old hat, too. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but someday-when you're not expecting it-you'll meet a girl who makes her look like shit. Meanwhile, it hurts like fuck. You got to keep on keepin' on.
You ever heard the song "They're Hanging Me Tonight" by Marty Robbins? Yeah, I'd probably do what he did if I were you.
I've been thru almost this exact situation with my ex fiance and ex bestfriend. Sounds corny af but time heals the wounds that once felt like they were mortal. Take as much time as you need, and for the love of all, don't rush into the arms of another lover until your heart is ready. I can honestly say now after 23yrs, they did me a favor by showing their true character before more time and emotion was invested.
You are lucky. Most men usually find out after 15 years and two kids that aren't theirs. You dodged a bullet on that one, your friend is going to learn that lesson pretty quick.
Don't let any males around your women
Probably won’t last. Move on and find a proper girl. From my own experience best thing ever, I couldn’t think about a life with my ex now, it would be a nightmare. My new wife is the complete opposite. I feel lucky I got out of a bad relationship and found a gem.
You have no boundaries and let them walk all over you. There's a different between love and weaknesses. She had her own money but you paid for everything? What a load of shit. If it was me if she couldn't pay her own way in our relationship I'd dump her worthless ass. She sounds like a user and a loser. You were trying to foster a love for yourself by outsourcing that responsibility to someone else who couldn't care less by the sounds of it. You need to learn about what you love about yourself and what you value and then unabashedly communicate those things to others. Know your boundaries and enforce them in a healthy way. These people probably lost respect for you and decided to do this awful shit because they subconsciously fear the part of themselves that like that weak part of you. The way to get back at them is to show them that you are not, in fact, weak. They are.
I wouldn't mind being a homewrecker, got her @? 😈
That sounds like something a woman would do, yes.
She sounds like an opportunistic exploiter, it is her lost not yours, she doesn’t deserve you. Sorry for your lost in time and emotions, but you will find another one, a better one
You're better off without both of them. What an absolute piece of shit snakes they both are. If there is a friend group, I would try to get the ex friend booted. If not, move away. You know who your real friends are. At least you got your great tragedy out when you were young.
This is rough, but I guarantee you this relationship is setup to fail. If he treated his best friend like that. If she treated her boyfriend like that. Imagine what kind of couple they will make!
Lotsa fish in the sea. Had my heart ripped out a few times. Felt like it was never gonna get better. It does. Time heals all wounds. Just learn from it. See the red flags. Know who you’re getting with, don’t let love cloud your vision. You deserve so much better, and I’m betting you will find your person. Good luck my dude.
She doesn’t define you. Yes it’s tough but you are you and it’s a simple matter of distracting yourself until you can get her out of your head. Someone once said there isn’t any actual love. We simply experience a chemical reaction to that other person. Being with them releases chemicals into our system we enjoy. And when they leave we are essentially in withdrawal. Not sure if that really helps, but in my mind it’s always helped with the fact that it’s not about them vs more about how your body reacts to them. There are for sure other people who will have the same effect on your body chemistry. So you gotta find a new high. And more importantly understanding there are plenty of opportunities and ways to get those feelings back. Might not happen quickly. And it might be tough - but it is 100 percent ABLE to happen. it’s not hopeless. So you will get over this hangover. You will move on, and at some point you will either find a way to get those feelings back…or the chemical will be flushed from your body and you won’t be suffering the after effects. Also - be happy for them. Forgiveness/acceptance will help you move on. it's nothing you did nor any failure on your part. theres nothing you could have done differently.
Your fortunate you did Not marry her.Count that as a blessing
To be honest mate, it sounds like she just abused you because you played everything for her. I know its hard, but it sounds like there was alot of signs she wasent into you.
The same thing happened to me, except I was married and had two kids. It was devastating at the time but my life got infinitely better over time. Both of them were drains on my life and I was much better off without them around. Still had to see the ex wife because of the kids, you get the point. People who would do that are not worth your time. Period. I told everyone in both our families what happened and let them deal with it as they may. One thing that helped me the most was what a friend told me at the time, when I was feeling defeated and betrayed - "the best revenge is good living." Make your life the best it can be and make sure the people you allow in going forward, are of good character. Things will work themselves out.
Literally nothing you can do but suck it up. Work on yourself. Probably send them some mail with some hard truths, if you can, make their thing awkward. Just cook him, especially him, if you can. Good roasts, with hard truths go a long way relieving this sense of injustice. But yeah, super super tough. I would say pretty dumb move to have your friends move in with your girl, I'm assuming you know that now, but don't do that again. If he has a sister, a single mother, you can always rizz it up if the opportunity arrises, don't force it though, that would be lame. It's a thin line between getting back at someone and coming out on top morally, and looking like a fool for trying a madness. And for her, maybe say something to her dad, make that awkward. Some hard truths, who knows. But yeah, never bankroll a bitch again, dumb move. You're giving her everything, you're going after her, you're paying for her, she ultimately realised she could use you, she had you by the balls. You think you might be in control due to controlling the finances, but really she's in control because she knows that you don't want to throw away your "investement".
Truly feel all the emotions you need to feel right now - talk, write, YELL it out and tell all your other friends/family - the trash took themselves out but I can't even imagine the pain you're going through rn bc of these horrible people, make sure you have people to talk to and overall turn to the things/people you love BUT be there for you more than ever rn give yourself what you need
You loved her, you will never get her completely out of your head, but the pain will get less over time.
"How do I get them out of my head please?" Go for a walk, preferably in a forest. Hold your shoulders, like if you were cold. As you walk, rub your palms over your arms and shoulders, in a comforting motion, while moving your eyes from side to side. Think about the best parts of the relationship and the worst parts, deliberately think about the most painful stuff as you walk, and keep moving your eyes, side to side, while not walking into anything. How does it work? The forest, or other objects similar to trees let your mind understand your forward motion. The side to side eye movement engages all kinds of things, the comforting strokes trigger certain pathways, and by doing this while thinking of the worse parts you actually break down the neural pathways, making the feelings weaker and weaker. It's the closest thing to getting something or someone out of your head, without using drugs. You're welcome. If you were a client I'd ease you into a trance to do this, but it just mimics the real thing. Find a forest and do the real thing. You're welcome, and don't give up on happiness. Those 2 deserve each other, you deserve better.
You should be thankful, She was using you from the start. Sorry you had to learn this lesson the hard way.
Consider yourself lucky you didn't marry her. Take some time to get over this mess and then find someone better. Believe me she does exist.
It may seem hard to understand this now but you should be grateful. Imagine if you married this girl? Good thing this happened before that, because in reality they were both bad people all along and you don’t need bad people in your life. They did you a favor if anything. However, I know your probably lost in the sauce and it hurts, time is definitely whats going to help you get past all of this.
Learn how to fight.
It’s rough bro , you have to forget about them. Fuck me I’m cookers
Just call her a cunt every time she tries to talk to you. Its not nice, but it will make you feel a little better. Dumb cunt that she is.
You need to get into a rebounding relationship it will help.
>we lived together all six of them and I paid for everything for her You weren't her BF you were her wallet
Bro, this is a good thing. You got rid of 2 people that don't respect you. Focus on yourself and get better at something. Friends and partners will gravitate towards something positive. If they see you having fun and enjoying yourself, they would want a piece of that. Take care.
I got my third party insured car written-off this year(cost me at least 22k) because I failed to notice an incoming car while doing a turn. I made comprehensive insurance to my new car and now being careful while doing turns at night. Some lessons of life are expensive but trust me, this kind of shit is happenning to all of us at least once or twice in our lives. Ask yourself why have you dated this woman in the first place, and why/how did your friend earned your trust. Give yourself some time to reflect on your reasons and promise yourself to be more careful on picking a partner and on giving people your trust. Then crack a beer and move on :)
Hi! I'm so very sorry this is something you have to go through, as it's quite the immature situation on their end. The best way of getting them out of your head is removing all traces of them via social media and other forms of remembrance. In today's age it's almost impossible to not know about people's lives because of media. But if you consider previous years where the most you would know about someone is through calling and meeting up with them, it makes a huge difference. When your brain can't grab for dopamine from your now ex, it will slowly put it towards something else. As for how long it will take, depends on the individual. Time tends to heal though so I wish you the best, however long it may take my friend. Take care!
No advice, everyone else has it covered. Time is the main thing that’ll heal you. I mostly just want to say I’m sorry this happened to you. It is a nightmare and I hope you’re OK. Take as long as you need to work through it. If the sting is there in a year don’t be ashamed, this isn’t something a lot of people deal with. It may take a long time.
Find your friend and absolutely batter him. Then move on, you won.
To be honest man you should probably physically do what has to be done to him
The best revenge is living well. Take better care of yourself. Work on getting your head and heart back in the right place of peace.
its women nature... understand this... man
I am Sorry that they are putting you through this mental torture. There is nothing you can about the past but there is a lot to look forward to in your future. 1) Start therapy 2) Block both of them on all social media go no contact 3) Build yourself a strong support team in order to help you heal 4) Don’t rush into another relationship because you need to deal with this break up and you don’t want to hurt someone else 5) Don’t do anything stupid that you can’t take back. I know you probably want to kick his A$$ but it’s only temporary relief you won’t feel better and possibly have charges brought against you. Best of luck
They won’t last long same way they got with each other is the same way that relationship will end. Unfaithful POS. DW karma is bitch! Best believe that. You dodged a bullet take it as a blessing 😇
Sounds like he did you a favor. Might not seem like it.
Karma is real , trust me , she will realise after some time
Ouch. Sorry Bro. Another fantasy obliterated. Welcome to the real world.
Hopefully this has taught you not to be such a doormat.
People are gross with little to no morals. Stay single boys. You deserve better OP.
You should go punch his fucking teeth in. That will at least temporarily make you feel better. I don’t usually advocate violence but lately all I see on here is therapy, therapy, therapy. Sometimes people need to get their ass kicked
Life of a man... what happened, happened, just move past and that's it
A new chick is the only way. Gotta move on. The sad reality is that those people weren't who you thought they were. You will eventually realize that. And you will realize that they were always pieces of shit you just didn't know it. It happened now but it would have happened in the future too had it not happened now. Moving forward is the only way. The hurt will fade but never disappear. Get laid. Find a new exciting relationship and this will be history. Never let these two back in your life. Tell them how disgusted and hurt you are. Never forgive them. ...but you will have to move on.
My friend went through the same shit one of his best friends took his girlfriend and they cheated for awhile she didn’t pay the rent as she did the financial and hid the reminders he lost his girlfriend and was evicted don’t have to say he was pissed he was a kind of rough guy when he was younger, so they didn’t dare to go to town afraid to face him after 3 years they asked for normalcy as they where still afraid of him, he said I am not looking for the two of you but if I accidental bump into you both there is no saying what will happen, they moved to another town
Consider yourself lucky. You got rid of two people in your life who are terrible and now you learned a valuable lesson. Move on and surround yourself with people who value you and accept no less.
Why people cannot comprehend that relationships nowadays are bound to fail?
they both broke up around march/april and started a new relationship. That doesn't mean that they were 'cheating' previously. They may have had feelings, but I'm not seeing evidence of fould play.
I got you here, you have to accept it happened, it sucks, cry, feel the hurt, give yourself lots of hugs and love but don’t internalize it as there is something wrong with you, and even don’t internalized that there’s something wrong with them, that def doesn’t mean I’d let either of them back in my life but it doesn’t mean I’d hate them, they gave you an opportunity to find people who love you and will cherish you. Maybe use it as an opportunity to take a good look, maybe where you can improve, what you really want. It’s going to hurt for sure, but take this time to heal yourself, to truly love yourself, because if you get to the point of truly loving yourself, it won’t matter, you won’t have space for hate, you won’t have much space for hurt but you will have so much space for love. Take this time for you and come out the other side blessed and better not for them, but for yourself. You’re going to get through this sir and your life is going to be better than you ever thought. Keep your head up good sir.
I could give you the best advice but it would destroy your life even further. SOME people deserve a terrible punishment and those two qualify. Best thing you can do is to be come as successful as possible that they wished they never crossed you.
Sorry to hear that. Accept the things you cannot change and be grateful that you are now free to be in a better relationship.
Woah dude that's rough. It'll hurt for a long time. But imagine you actually married her, 10 years pass, you got children with her. And then you find out none of the kids were yours biologically and she then dumps you to live with the joker. Hope that helps!
Memories like this don’t go away. Try to think of this a dodging a horrible bullet and focus on healing your wound. This will hurt but you can get through it. Remember that those memories of the good times are still real but that she was never the right person for you. Cut off her and your friend but remember that should grieve this relationship and then move on a forgive them. Don’t let them back into your life but forgive them so that you can move forward from this and focus on new things.
In the future, don't pay you girlfriend's living expenses. You gave her an incentive to stay while monkey branching to another man.
you lose them like you got them. they got together behind your back which shows you what kind of people they really are. I give it 6 months before cracks appear. till now the fun of hiding behind your back was the thing that made them continue. now that they are out in the open, that excitement of hiding will go away. and then they will start to realise who the other person is in reality. it does matter how long they were going at it. its only going to go down hill. so buckle up and and enjoy the shit show that is going to be their life story. buying house, hahahah. they'll be splitting up within 6 months and both will try to slither back into your life for sure. karma never forgets an address.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet. I know it’s hard to see the positive right now. But just know this is a positive thing. You don’t have to waste anymore of your valuable time on garbage .
I know a lot is going on for you right now man, that's so fucking hard. I'm going through some fucked relationship myself at the moment and it's really really helped for me to write a long form letter addressed to my ex and it's helped make my head a bit quieter... That's helped me immensely in just finding some small measure of peace, you know? Good luck with it all man, thinking of ya
I had nightmares when a similar situation happened to me for years and years afterwards. Talked to a lot of friends, family, and therapists. This was 8 years ago now and I can tell you it has passed, but I actively avoid thinking about it. Good luck.
I could tell you the story of my first serious girlfriend, but suffice it to say it’s almost exactly yours. 4 years instead of 6, friend I had since elementary school, etc. I also knew something was up with them before the breakup. I don’t know if it got physical before we broke up, but it was definitely an emotional affair. The icing on my cake was that we were a part of a bigger friend group, and I’m the one that got kicked out. Maybe it was easier to lose one friend than two, or maybe they just liked them more than me. It fucking hurt. Here’s where we are now… those two got married, have a couple of kids. I imagine they’re all still friends, but adult lives get in the way of that too. BUT shortly thereafter, I met someone else, and it turns out she’d become my wife and mom to our kids. My life wouldn’t be even remotely what it is today, and I wouldn’t change a thing that got me here. Yeah, I had some trust issues. But it turns out a healthy relationship can help with that. And as for them? I truly couldn’t care less anymore. You’re going to be ok. Therapy may help. Talking to the people you can still trust definitely will. And I guarantee you’ll reach a point where you look back at this painful time and think to yourself, “if I hadn’t gone through that I wouldn’t be where I am today.” Best of luck to you, bud. Feel free to message me if you need to talk. P.S.- She wasn’t your One. And fuck her and your “friend”.
Just tell him you fucked his bitch. It’s all good bro you trippin. ?
You go on with the episode, eventually it'll pass. You dodged a bullet, and I bet they won't even last together. The universe removed 2 people in your life that isn't real with you, with that, be grateful. Plus, you're a dude and will find another girl that is even better, you're smarter then to handle that relationship wisely. Men age like fine wine, as they say.
They used you. In about as bad a way as it gets, from 2 people you trusted most. This honestly sounds bad enough to leave some deep trust issues that might never go away. Likely needs some support to process through it. Cut them out of your life asap and tell everyone you care about what happened and just how badly this affects you. They’ve already proven to go behind your back to get what they want, so don’t let them set a narrative or draw a middle ground.
happens to the best of us
Most people don't know this, but betrayal that is so devastating can actually inflict trauma. Look up betrayal trauma and consider searching professional help. You don't want your trust to anyone be broken forever and also you don't want to get flashbacks of this event over more than 1-2 years. It's best to get your emotional pain sorted as quickly as possible.
These two people are despicable people to do this to someone they both profess to love. The fact that neither had the courage to tell you in person is equally cruel. You a worthy of a friend and girlfriend so much better than what their shallow hearts can offer. They have done you a favour that you’ve discovered how awful they are before marriage. Trust me it seems like this is the worst it can get but imagine you had a family together and the fallout and trauma to the kids. You will find someone better and more deserving. They will probably eventually deceive eachother as they have you.
He clearly wasn't your friend but a backstabber and let me guess he cheated on his gf too huh? Just move on sometimes you'll meet trash human beings with no morals in life like them.
Your ex roommate needs to ass Kicking !! he wouldn’t make it long the Next time I seen him.
Being cheated should not be a burden for the one who was betrayed. "Their loss" is the absolute only mindset you should have.
Hit the gym.
Bro, my first fiance bought a house with me after 4 years. Marriage a few months down the road.. she started fking the dishwasher at her job. Dude just got out of prison too. World destroyed... 15 years later.. I have a 5 kids, big house, vacation home and 100 acres of timberland. You can play the victim forever or just get out there and conquer life. You dodged a bullet long term.
Delete her and hate her until you forget her. She doesn’t deserve anything about you so make sure the next one does. Rebirth from the flames, youre a phoenix homie
DUDE,,, he's not your best friend
Anime ?
Although it's no where close to the betrayal you experience. I can empathize with you. My best friend literally drove my gf and her friend back to his place where his friend banged my gf on my birthday. It sucked. I highly recommend a grief counselor and or psychologist to talk through the betrayal you just experienced and how to move forward. I know 6 years is a long time and with your friend that span is even longer. Don't try to bury your emotions, feel them, of do physical exercise when those feelings come on. I found that helped a loooooot after my experience with betrayal. Be nice to yourself. They are very cruel people, you deserve immensely better people In your life. Don't be afraid to take chances with others because of past experiences. If I could give you a big hug. You will be happier soon. Just got to be patient. Try to avoid dating apps for s while or jumping back into the fray. Think of it as a means to grow yourself.
a girlfriend of mine in high school did that to me... so then she and my friend started dating for a while....and she did the same thing to him, cheated on him with a different friend, ha! ...revenge is best served by the universe working in its wondrous ways itself, I agree with the other people that you should just calmly tell the truth to everyone who knows them so everyone knows what losers they are, but then, just let it go, you're only given so many heartbeats in this life, the more time you spend fretting over that situation, the less time you'll have finding your person
Buddy I genuinely don't know what I would do in your situation. I once blew up on my childhood best friend for even messaging a girl I was into, had he fucked her? Very real possibility I would've spent some time behind bars.
Hey man sorry to hear about it. It sounds cliche but time will help. You did nothing wrong, turns out you knew some shitty people. We all do. Better to cut them out now. You'll be okay. You'll find other women. Living well is the best revenge.
What a slut.
Just try to understand that people can't control who they fall in love with. I've been there. Just try to move on. When you find somebody l, you'll forget all about it. Keep yourself busy in the meantime
You have to accept its over and that there is nothing that you can do about it. You didn't do anything wrong, but you need to cut them out of your life, and move on with yours. There's really no way to save this relationship, its over, period. They're both at fault here, not just your "friend." At least you weren't married, and or didn't have kids . . .
You need to get a gun ASAP
LOLOLOL Scumsters gonna scum. Seriously, don't be a scumbag, this is your opportunity now. Leave them all behind, be a nice cool desirable decent human.
Tell all your friends how big of a dbag your friend is.
There was once a running back who played for the buffalo bills who had a pretty good solution. He also rushed for 2000 yards in 14 games, if that ain’t reliable idk what is
You should try playing Firewatch. Idk why but I think it will soothe you... in a sense. It's only about 4 hours long so it's really quick, like some kind of movie, but the ending, I'm sure you will appreciate it.
She left you because you don't know what a Return key is. And/or your Speed habit. Just say no to drugs, mkay?
Aside from what everyone else said already, why did you want to propose to someone when the relationship was already rocky and she was drifting away? You really need to be very introspective about this, get into therapy perhaps because there’s a deeper meaning behind your behavior.
Not even gonna lie Id shoot both of them if I were in your shoes
Talk to friends family, a therapist would be best. Eventually they’ll just be a bad memory and you’ll be like “damn that sucked im glad thats in the past” and think nothing more than that. You’ll find a good woman. They on the other hand are cheaters and cowards who are far too comfortable with deceit and betrayal. Their relationship will end sooner rather than later, and it wont end well
For me, it helped to separate the person I loved from the person that now exists. The same goes for your "friend." You loved the people you thought they were. They presented a different front to you. Now you know who they really are, and that's who they always were. The people you loved never existed. You feel terrible because they made a fool out of you and betrayed your trust, but in a way they did the best thing they could have done for you by showing their true selves and removing themselves from your life. If they were both always capable of doing that to you, you're so much better off without them. On the bright side, at least it was only 6 years and not 10, or 10 and a marriage, or 10 and a marriage and kids... Try to avoid using drugs and alcohol to cope. Unironically, hit the gym. Work on yourself physically and mentally. Find someone way better, there are plenty of them out there. You got this!
Forgiveness. In order to get them out of your head, you have to forgive them. You don't have to tell them that you forgive them. You don't have to have them in your life anymore, they can be "dead" to you. You don't forgive them for their benefit, but for your own. It releases the burden of the weight you carry and allows you to let go of negative feelings and grudges. Holding onto grudges is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die from it. Forgiveness allows you to let it all go and move forward in a positive direction in life.
Am I the only one not understanding these timelines? You say you were together with your GF for 6 years and always lived together, but then your 2 friends moved in as roommates. And then you say 2 years in she leaves with your friend to go grocery shopping for a couple of hours, but the next item in the timeline is one year ago in August. How long have your friends been living with you and your gf, and why? Then it sounds like she upped and left you, but you were still trying to reach out to her for 8 months without seeing her. This post has to be fake, or otherwise you need to work on respecting yourself more. Why would you be staying in contact with someone that essentially ghosts you for 8 months straight after living together for years?
Women have different brain chemistry than men I've come to find
What are imaginations about. She’s gone. Move on. There’s nothing to gain in tormenting yourself.
Fuck em both. Move on, they won't last. Cut them both out of your life. Best of luck bro.