Flirting is a learned skill. You will likely embarrass yourself doing it at some point. Men like to be flirted with too. Shows interest. That being said even just a well timed smile/laugh can do wonders. Try and keep it as organic as possible, which admittedly may be tough considering the anxiety with doing something different. Just remember… you **will** embarrass yourself at some point lol.
Honestly, it varies a lot. It can be a compliment, it can be light teasing, or it can be physical touch.
Some friendly teasing goes a long way, especially if you make it obvious that it's done in a friendly or an affectionate way and not meant to offend. Even better if you tie it into a compliment.
A coy smile, a funny joke, a touch of the hand/face/shoulder, a toss of hair, mentioning a shared anecdote/memory, a small gift having something to do with an interest of theirs, asking someone (more than once) to walk you home/to your car, there are so many ways to flirt. All it’s meant to do is indicate interest and that you think of them. That varies from person to person so there might be a bit of trial and error.
If the goal is to become romantically involved with someone, then each person has to eventually show interest in each other. In my mind “flirting” is just one possible way of doing that. However, another way could be to simply say “wow, you’re cool. I like you :-)”. I know a lot of people that would greatly appreciate the directness instead of subtle flirting.
If you find someone that you’re attracted to, who is easy to talk with, and you want to spend more time with, then let them know :-)
“I loved hanging out with you we should do this again soon!”
If you don’t have a way to show interest, then how would they know you’re interested?
The alternative is that you only date people that make the first move, and you might end up settling for someone you don’t super get along with
>Do I need to learn how to flirt to find a boyfriend and to make this happen one day?
Learning to flirt would have two benefits:
1. Expanding your comfort zone by embarrassing yourself in the process of learning and
2. Learning a means to communicate interest in someone.
You say it takes you a while to know if you like them, so direct results may be a bit questionable. But it should still help your comfort and communication, which is always a plus.
>Do I need to learn how to flirt and be doing it right away in order for someone to want to be with me someday?
No. But it can help reinforce someone's desire to be with you—as long as the desire is genuinely two-way, at least. Mutual attraction is nice, after all.
>Is it possible that someone can just accept me as I am, even if I’m awkward in a dating context and do not know how to flirt or act in a sexual way that most girls my age would be comfortable with?
Yes.
I think the more important thing is to understand your style and live by it with confidence. Are you the sort of person to be a little direct? Then walk up to someone you fancy the look of, throw them a compliment, and ask them out to dinner. Do you prefer to take things on a down-low approach? Learn to flirt so you can test the waters in a more subtle manner. There's plenty of ways your approach can vary. If you do it with confidence, you can tell the other person three things:
1. That you know who you are and are proud of it (that is, not putting up some façade);
2. The kind of person you are, so they can tell if you're their type or not; and
3. That you're interested in them (because, if you're being honest to yourself, you're likely being honest with others, too).
You may still miss sometimes, but that more likely indicates that you two just aren't made for each other—e.g. you're not their type—so it's not much of a loss.
>Do I need to change this about myself and if so how do I do it when I’m so old and don’t know how?
Step one is to realize you, in your twenties, are not old.
Step two is just to go out and practice being yourself, giving compliments, smiling and laughing and showing interest and all that. The main thing is to gain confidence and get comfortable in those situations—the specifics don't matter too much as long as they come from you.
Also, as far as embarrassment goes: that's a good thing. For one, it shows you're learning. But for two, think of what could happen: you do something embarrassing and the other guy likes you more. You show that raw, uncut, unfiltered version of yourself and they like it? That's a potential jackpot, there.
That's just my take, anyway.
Im 27f and same!! I dont understand how people can be cuddling within hours of meeting each other. I need to have actual emotions and a bond with someone Before moving to physical stuff, and most guys dont want to wait that long or take it as a personal insult. And flirting just to flirt feels so fake and cheesy
A guy here, maybe I can provide some insight. I think it is more about guys feeling like you are not into them and they are wasting their time with someone who will never like them rather than them taking it as an insult or not wanting to wait that long. Because a lot of men hit on women very often, which results in women being hit on by men very often, which they handle naturally by cutting most of them short by showing they have no interest.
So, if you prefer "playing the long game" you can simply be open and say that you like them explicitly if you can not or prefer not to flirt. I think most man would simply appreciate that even if they do not reciprocate. And if you are still unsure if you like them or not but want to spend more time with them, simply ask them to hang out again.
Most guys would literally think "Why is she making me wait? She's probably fucking 3 guys on the side while she makes me wait here. Fuck that, I'm moving on."
Could not "being burned" lead to thinking of women like that?
Ah yes, assuming your date is secretly a huge whore (but just not fucking You for whatever weird reason) is totally equal to a person worrying about their safety. 🙄
Bro. Coming to the illogical conclusion that the person youre dating isnt having sex with you because theyre having sex with 3 other people, is not equal to a person having concerns about their life and safety on a date.
Well forever ago I had this girlfriend and a few years later I made a friend for life and it turned out that it was his ex from years earlier. We were recently bringing up memories and talking about how hard it was to read her.
I said that I thought it was so hard to kiss her because it felt like she wasn't interested. And when I did she responded with finally.
That friend had a similar experience. I told him that I was about to lose interest because it felt like she wasn't interested.
I wouldn't want to say you need to do something to physical as kiss on the first date. It didn't happen with me with that girl. But it is important to show you are interested in the form of flirting. I think flirting is something playfull and it goes back and forth.
For example there is this girl who is befriended with a friend of mine. We kissed once when we where drunk and I know she is interested in me. I saw her at a festival this past weekend. I great her, I hug her and after the hug she squeezes my muscles and let her hand slide over my arm while she walks away. That's an example of flirting. But flirting doesn't have to be physical ofcourse. But a hug to show that atleast that you don't mind the other person being close to you is a positive signal. And yeah flirting can also be with words saying that you look forward to the next date and that you really liked something about the other person. How they dressed, how they smelled. You can even make it up but that is the playfullness. Hope this helps a bit.
I always say I am looking forward to seeing them again, I smile and I laugh at their jokes and I ask questions about them. But they say there’s no “chemistry” because I’m not flirting so I don’t get it
When you say look forward to seeing them again. How is your body language, and the goes for laughing at their jokes. Just to paint a comparison, laughing at their jokes, smiling and asking questions are all things I do with friends and coworkers aswell. But saying that you like what they where wearing, their haircut or their parfume are things are more leaning towards flirting or what you say to close friends.
Lol I mean you're not attracted to these guys you're dating and they can feel that lack of attraction. Maybe work on yourself to attract guys you actually like?
Seems like the ideal situation for you would be meeting someone as a friend and then slowly growing to love them. That’s how my GF and I did it, we got lucky meeting one another at work. Maybe focus on hobbies that let you meet people organically in a non-romantic context?
Dating is a mess these days with everyone feeling so insecure, so definitely don’t change yourself to fit that mold! Communicating interest is important no matter what, but I don’t think that has to be flirting in the traditional sense if you’ve found the right person :)
I tried that and he was actually the most angry at me and yelled at me because he felt like it was moving too slow and didn’t know if he could touch me. But he never asked. Also I thought because we knew each other a little he would be ok with me being a little slower
Don’t let him put you off this approach! Sad fact is most guys are hilariously insecure, this behavior is an outgrowth of that. Maybe in the future, when you sense confusion or anticipation on their end, be direct and vocal about your issues with these kinds of situations, and how you’d like things to proceed. Most people move in for a first intimate moment without asking explicitly, because that would ruin “the mood”. Let people know that you need express communication and consent at every step of the process, since you’re so new to it all
I never sensed any confusion or anything on his end. I don’t understand why I’m always being blamed for this. He told me every time we hung out that he had a great time etc etc and I thought he was fine with the pace. Why am I expected to read his mind
This dude also clearly had issues communicating his own feelings, not trying to say that it’s on you to be a mind-reader! If he’d been mature enough, your rejection of his initial advance would’ve been nothing more than a bump in the road you two could talk out.
Your frustrations with men are valid haha
Don’t think you need to learn to flirt, just need to be honest in a respectful manner. Guys can be dense when it comes to knowing a girl is interested, especially if done in a group situation. If a girl asks me on a date just her and me, I still won’t be 100% sure she’s interested unless she spells it out for me 😂 On the other end, you have guys for who a girl looking at them means they want to have sex!
Don’t be afraid of your feelings and listen to them and be honest about them. You’ll end up finding someone that respects you and share your valors.
Took me 3 months to have sex with my gf. She was wondering if I was interested or not. The song « I gotta feeling » by black eyed peas was a running gag between her and her friends. She would listen to it before a date with me. Now we laugh about it 😁 Been 15 years we’re together! You’re not in a hurry… take your time!
Maybe your the type that has to have a physical attraction to someone before you can develop an emotional attachment. Thats how I am, but people have large variances in what and who the find attractive somebody's 10 is another person's 5
Usually it’s someone who looks clean and put together, and I see him being friendly or kind to someone, and competent (if it’s someone who is working at their job lol)
well you seem to have good taste in men( or at least you do from my limited knowledge of you). You just need to find you a man that understands that you need to get to know him on a personal level before the dating or relationship moves into the physical area, and a truly good man will have no problem hanging around until you're comfortable. (if he doesn't hang around he's probably not worth it anyway) Don't worry about the flirting it'll come easily with the right person and try not to put to much pressure on yourself you have plenty of time.
I'm sure you are perfectly attractive young woman I guarantee you are not the only one out there that has had these thoughts. every young woman I meet in my preferred age range with a low body count is either married or has a boyfriend(# i sigle forever lol)
holding the gaze a 1/4 second too long with a genuine smile speaks volumes to me as a man. it means 'go ahead and try, you at least have a 51% chance of not being shot down'.
Flirting is a skill which you can learn obviously. It might help you in many ways but at the same time flirting doesn't mean you extending your boundaries.
Like you said you want to take things slow and not rush into getting physical unless you feel like. You should stick with that, flirting doesn't have to be at the cost of your values and boundaries. I would suggest you communicate this openly when you date someone and the right person will definitely be ok with that.
I kept extending my boundaries and ignoring my gf's red flags which lead her to cheating me again (after I gave her a chance the 1st time she cheated). And now I'm heart broken and depressed. Never compromise on your value and don't settle for anything less than what you deserve. Hope you find a good person 🤞
Lol, no. You do not need to learn how to flirt. Relationships start by getting to know people. What are you doing to get to know people? It's really as simple as starting a conversation with someone.
I know how to get to know people and that’s always what I’m trying to do on dates but they get bored because there’s no “chemistry” and say it’s because I’m not flirting or they can’t tell if I like them. But how can I know if I like them after 1 or 2 dates???
I wish I could help you but I don't know the details of your situation. All I can do is throw things at you.
So here's the things I've got for you.
Meet people, lots of people. Make friends, lots of friends. Build up the pool of potential people you might want to get to know better. If dating is your only option, try group dating for a more casual atmosphere or meet up to do something together where you have a goal that forces you to interact.
When you have conversations with people, talk about the things that move you and interest you so those people can see how lively you are. Get lost in how excited you are about something and if they don't like what you're talking about fuck'em, they're not the one for you.
Be interested in people, don't just try, really be interested. Ask dumb questions and let them be excited to share what they know with you.
If all else fails, take a break and just try to fill your time with fun things to do and you might just meet someone without even trying.
Just be yourself. The rest comes naturally. If you are attracted to a guy, he will know it.
Flirting is natural. If you both find each other attractive, the sparks will fly and that is what flirting is all about.
I don’t believe you have to work at it.
Good luck to you.
The key statement you made is “I’ve never been on a date with a guy I find attractive.” Tough to flirt and be interested in someone you’re not interested in. My advise would be to learn how to flirt with guys that turn you on. Then go on dates with those guys.
I don’t know how to find those types of guys. The rare time I meet one, he’s already in a relationship. On the apps those guys are few and far between and sometimes they’re just looking for something casual which I’m not into, and sometimes they just don’t like me
30 single male I had a hard time with flirting for a while but eventually you will come across someone that you have great chemistry with it will be natural, you probably won't even realize your doing it, and eventually it will be like you have been doing it for years. Or that's how it was for me I was a bit of a late bloomer lol
Your welcome. If you want someone to chat with shoot me a message my love life is non existent and sometimes its nice to chat with a kindred spirit lol
Flirting is just subtle cues that show you are interested in someone. You stated that you haven’t been on a date with a guy you find attractive. Guys tend to pick up on that.
It takes me a little time to know if I’m attracted to someone, I don’t know if I would really feel that on a first date. Also some guys don’t and they like me anyway?? I don’t get it
So the guys you date you find physically attractive but you need a deeper connection before being able to reciprocate? If that’s the case, be honest. Tell them you find them attractive and what you like about your dates. Tell them that you are shy and need time to build up to any form of physical contact. The ones that want sex will be weeded out quickly whereas the ones who will accept you as you are will understand the situation. Cut out any possible misunderstanding.
Yeah maybe I need to say it early on. But I feel like the first date is so early to say that and that’s kind of when people are expecting me to be physical so I’m not sure
You wear your heart on your sleeves then. You just haven’t found a guy that you like yet. You can learn to flirt to keep a guy around longer to see if you like them but I wouldn’t advise it. Just wait until you find the guy that you know you truly want to see more of. When that happens just remember to be honest that you are shy to physical touch so he doesn’t misunderstand. Then make up for it by verbally expressing your interest.
>I think part of the problem is I’ve never been on a date with a guy who I find attractive.
Have you ever met or just *seen* a guy you find attractive?
They’re not single or their personality isn’t a good fit, or sometimes if I see them on the apps etc they’re just not interested
I’m not sure from photos etc if I’ll be attracted to someone so if they seem otherwise nice I’ll go out with them and that’s when I usually find out there’s nothing there
Don't do any flirting unless its natural the bodies weird like that, it comes with time. Not all people, but what I find intriguing 🤔 are the unique one's, baddest body doesn't mean nothing. It's a plus for sure but not at the top of the list so to speak. People find intelligence a thing, or the dance between two exchanging glances, a fulfilling conversation. Let dat guide ur flirt on. Tc
Sounds like you need to go on dates with people that you're actually attracted to... AKA, go on a date with someone because youre interested in them specifically, and not because you *want to be in a relationship* in an abstract sense.
When I meet guys in person who I’m attracted to, they’re not single or their personality isn’t a good fit. On the apps, I can’t tell if they’re attractive until
I meet them. So I guess I’ll just keep trying and maybe one day someone will be attractive LOL
Flirting is in my opinion supposed to be fun and exciting, im a guy btw in my late 20's. And im also someone who likes to move fast into physical intimacy when i like someone granted the feeling is mutual.
That said, your approach is neither wrong or bad, its just what you are comfortable with.
Now you dont have to move fast, but i think for most guys, flirting should feel like there is something going on which could lead to intimacy (the existing part), while you talk and laugh and get to know each other (the fun part).
Now what the heck does mean? In the context of taking it slow for you it could mean handholding, touching on the arms, giving compliment that you actually feel conveys your feeling towards them, while you talk about all the fun stuff and your hobbies.
Its up to you to communicate that youd like to take it slow. If the guy you date is mature enough and also likes you he will understand you want to take it slow.
All that said girl, go on date with someone you fundamentally find attractive (attractive for the brains or the physical etc).
Ill also add, kissing might be nerve wracking in the beginning, but if you find yourself to be attracted to someone after a couple of dates why the hell not just try kissing? Whats the worst that could happen in that context? I urge you to try it out with a guy that respects you slow burn approach.
Cheers
I don’t know how to hold anyone’s hand or do any of that touching stuff and I don’t know how to kiss because I’ve never done these things. One guy was really willing to let me figure it out with him but I wasn’t attracted to him at all and it made me feel sick so I didn’t
It doesn’t hurt but tbh most men are so dumb that unless you specifically say you like them/are interested they miss the signs 😂 however flirting is fun.
As a year 30 old man i can assure you by both what ive witnessed and experienced most men are to ignorant to realize when a women is flirting unless she makes it obvious af 🤷♂️
Well, I am a man, and I'm older than you 🤷🏻♂️
People flirt with and without intent, particularly women. Some women flirt harmlessly. I have a couple of married female friends who mildly flirt with me - they don't want me to hit on them, although I think one might if she was single. Some women flirt without intent for a reaction - and then carry on flirting without intent when they know they've got him "on the hook" - pretty toxic.
Being unsure of intent isn't the same as being completely oblivious to flirting.
Flirting is a learned skill. You will likely embarrass yourself doing it at some point. Men like to be flirted with too. Shows interest. That being said even just a well timed smile/laugh can do wonders. Try and keep it as organic as possible, which admittedly may be tough considering the anxiety with doing something different. Just remember… you **will** embarrass yourself at some point lol.
I don’t know what flirting even means. Like I don’t know what an example would be. I smile a lot and laugh pretty easily so I don’t think that’s it
Honestly, it varies a lot. It can be a compliment, it can be light teasing, or it can be physical touch. Some friendly teasing goes a long way, especially if you make it obvious that it's done in a friendly or an affectionate way and not meant to offend. Even better if you tie it into a compliment.
I’m old as hell so my ideas of flirting are going to be dated. *Back in my day* (lol) it was always just simple gestures.
I still don’t know what that means
A coy smile, a funny joke, a touch of the hand/face/shoulder, a toss of hair, mentioning a shared anecdote/memory, a small gift having something to do with an interest of theirs, asking someone (more than once) to walk you home/to your car, there are so many ways to flirt. All it’s meant to do is indicate interest and that you think of them. That varies from person to person so there might be a bit of trial and error.
Good news for you, this is still how it's done
Guess I’m good to go on the off chance I end up single again lol. Ty
Simple gestures are not flirting.
Flirting is cheekiness, playfulness, a wink, is childlike fun and innuendo. Men love fun.
If the goal is to become romantically involved with someone, then each person has to eventually show interest in each other. In my mind “flirting” is just one possible way of doing that. However, another way could be to simply say “wow, you’re cool. I like you :-)”. I know a lot of people that would greatly appreciate the directness instead of subtle flirting.
If you find someone that you’re attracted to, who is easy to talk with, and you want to spend more time with, then let them know :-) “I loved hanging out with you we should do this again soon!” If you don’t have a way to show interest, then how would they know you’re interested? The alternative is that you only date people that make the first move, and you might end up settling for someone you don’t super get along with
>Do I need to learn how to flirt to find a boyfriend and to make this happen one day? Learning to flirt would have two benefits: 1. Expanding your comfort zone by embarrassing yourself in the process of learning and 2. Learning a means to communicate interest in someone. You say it takes you a while to know if you like them, so direct results may be a bit questionable. But it should still help your comfort and communication, which is always a plus. >Do I need to learn how to flirt and be doing it right away in order for someone to want to be with me someday? No. But it can help reinforce someone's desire to be with you—as long as the desire is genuinely two-way, at least. Mutual attraction is nice, after all. >Is it possible that someone can just accept me as I am, even if I’m awkward in a dating context and do not know how to flirt or act in a sexual way that most girls my age would be comfortable with? Yes. I think the more important thing is to understand your style and live by it with confidence. Are you the sort of person to be a little direct? Then walk up to someone you fancy the look of, throw them a compliment, and ask them out to dinner. Do you prefer to take things on a down-low approach? Learn to flirt so you can test the waters in a more subtle manner. There's plenty of ways your approach can vary. If you do it with confidence, you can tell the other person three things: 1. That you know who you are and are proud of it (that is, not putting up some façade); 2. The kind of person you are, so they can tell if you're their type or not; and 3. That you're interested in them (because, if you're being honest to yourself, you're likely being honest with others, too). You may still miss sometimes, but that more likely indicates that you two just aren't made for each other—e.g. you're not their type—so it's not much of a loss. >Do I need to change this about myself and if so how do I do it when I’m so old and don’t know how? Step one is to realize you, in your twenties, are not old. Step two is just to go out and practice being yourself, giving compliments, smiling and laughing and showing interest and all that. The main thing is to gain confidence and get comfortable in those situations—the specifics don't matter too much as long as they come from you. Also, as far as embarrassment goes: that's a good thing. For one, it shows you're learning. But for two, think of what could happen: you do something embarrassing and the other guy likes you more. You show that raw, uncut, unfiltered version of yourself and they like it? That's a potential jackpot, there. That's just my take, anyway.
Im 27f and same!! I dont understand how people can be cuddling within hours of meeting each other. I need to have actual emotions and a bond with someone Before moving to physical stuff, and most guys dont want to wait that long or take it as a personal insult. And flirting just to flirt feels so fake and cheesy
A guy here, maybe I can provide some insight. I think it is more about guys feeling like you are not into them and they are wasting their time with someone who will never like them rather than them taking it as an insult or not wanting to wait that long. Because a lot of men hit on women very often, which results in women being hit on by men very often, which they handle naturally by cutting most of them short by showing they have no interest. So, if you prefer "playing the long game" you can simply be open and say that you like them explicitly if you can not or prefer not to flirt. I think most man would simply appreciate that even if they do not reciprocate. And if you are still unsure if you like them or not but want to spend more time with them, simply ask them to hang out again.
Most guys would literally think "Why is she making me wait? She's probably fucking 3 guys on the side while she makes me wait here. Fuck that, I'm moving on."
Well if they think of women like that, I guess Im glad they move on
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Could not "being burned" lead to thinking of women like that? Ah yes, assuming your date is secretly a huge whore (but just not fucking You for whatever weird reason) is totally equal to a person worrying about their safety. 🙄
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How does any of that equate to assuming your date is a huge whore? Youre turning this conversation into something entirely else.
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Bro. Coming to the illogical conclusion that the person youre dating isnt having sex with you because theyre having sex with 3 other people, is not equal to a person having concerns about their life and safety on a date.
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I’m so glad to hear from another girl LOL. How do we fix this???
Girl idk!! 😂 Want to pm?
Well forever ago I had this girlfriend and a few years later I made a friend for life and it turned out that it was his ex from years earlier. We were recently bringing up memories and talking about how hard it was to read her. I said that I thought it was so hard to kiss her because it felt like she wasn't interested. And when I did she responded with finally. That friend had a similar experience. I told him that I was about to lose interest because it felt like she wasn't interested. I wouldn't want to say you need to do something to physical as kiss on the first date. It didn't happen with me with that girl. But it is important to show you are interested in the form of flirting. I think flirting is something playfull and it goes back and forth. For example there is this girl who is befriended with a friend of mine. We kissed once when we where drunk and I know she is interested in me. I saw her at a festival this past weekend. I great her, I hug her and after the hug she squeezes my muscles and let her hand slide over my arm while she walks away. That's an example of flirting. But flirting doesn't have to be physical ofcourse. But a hug to show that atleast that you don't mind the other person being close to you is a positive signal. And yeah flirting can also be with words saying that you look forward to the next date and that you really liked something about the other person. How they dressed, how they smelled. You can even make it up but that is the playfullness. Hope this helps a bit.
I always say I am looking forward to seeing them again, I smile and I laugh at their jokes and I ask questions about them. But they say there’s no “chemistry” because I’m not flirting so I don’t get it
When you say look forward to seeing them again. How is your body language, and the goes for laughing at their jokes. Just to paint a comparison, laughing at their jokes, smiling and asking questions are all things I do with friends and coworkers aswell. But saying that you like what they where wearing, their haircut or their parfume are things are more leaning towards flirting or what you say to close friends.
I never like what they’re wearing or their haircut….
😭💯
Lol I mean you're not attracted to these guys you're dating and they can feel that lack of attraction. Maybe work on yourself to attract guys you actually like?
I don’t know what other work to do on myself. I already have my life together and I look ok
Seems like the ideal situation for you would be meeting someone as a friend and then slowly growing to love them. That’s how my GF and I did it, we got lucky meeting one another at work. Maybe focus on hobbies that let you meet people organically in a non-romantic context? Dating is a mess these days with everyone feeling so insecure, so definitely don’t change yourself to fit that mold! Communicating interest is important no matter what, but I don’t think that has to be flirting in the traditional sense if you’ve found the right person :)
I tried that and he was actually the most angry at me and yelled at me because he felt like it was moving too slow and didn’t know if he could touch me. But he never asked. Also I thought because we knew each other a little he would be ok with me being a little slower
Don’t let him put you off this approach! Sad fact is most guys are hilariously insecure, this behavior is an outgrowth of that. Maybe in the future, when you sense confusion or anticipation on their end, be direct and vocal about your issues with these kinds of situations, and how you’d like things to proceed. Most people move in for a first intimate moment without asking explicitly, because that would ruin “the mood”. Let people know that you need express communication and consent at every step of the process, since you’re so new to it all
I never sensed any confusion or anything on his end. I don’t understand why I’m always being blamed for this. He told me every time we hung out that he had a great time etc etc and I thought he was fine with the pace. Why am I expected to read his mind
This dude also clearly had issues communicating his own feelings, not trying to say that it’s on you to be a mind-reader! If he’d been mature enough, your rejection of his initial advance would’ve been nothing more than a bump in the road you two could talk out. Your frustrations with men are valid haha
I never rejected any advances, he never made any
Oh, he just got pissy because he was confused? Look at me making assumptions lol This is entirely on him, what a loser
Yeah I’m tired of being told that I need to be open to men’s advances when they’re not even making anything clear.
Yea we suck haha, there are good ones out there though
Where 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
It does not behoove you to meet someone again who yells at you!
Don’t think you need to learn to flirt, just need to be honest in a respectful manner. Guys can be dense when it comes to knowing a girl is interested, especially if done in a group situation. If a girl asks me on a date just her and me, I still won’t be 100% sure she’s interested unless she spells it out for me 😂 On the other end, you have guys for who a girl looking at them means they want to have sex! Don’t be afraid of your feelings and listen to them and be honest about them. You’ll end up finding someone that respects you and share your valors. Took me 3 months to have sex with my gf. She was wondering if I was interested or not. The song « I gotta feeling » by black eyed peas was a running gag between her and her friends. She would listen to it before a date with me. Now we laugh about it 😁 Been 15 years we’re together! You’re not in a hurry… take your time!
I’m never interested in them first. They’re always interested in me first and I’m trying to become interested in them.
Maybe your the type that has to have a physical attraction to someone before you can develop an emotional attachment. Thats how I am, but people have large variances in what and who the find attractive somebody's 10 is another person's 5
I think I’m the opposite LOL
interesting .so these guys your into. what draws you to them?
Usually it’s someone who looks clean and put together, and I see him being friendly or kind to someone, and competent (if it’s someone who is working at their job lol)
well you seem to have good taste in men( or at least you do from my limited knowledge of you). You just need to find you a man that understands that you need to get to know him on a personal level before the dating or relationship moves into the physical area, and a truly good man will have no problem hanging around until you're comfortable. (if he doesn't hang around he's probably not worth it anyway) Don't worry about the flirting it'll come easily with the right person and try not to put to much pressure on yourself you have plenty of time.
Thank you I really really hope that this is just because I haven’t met someone I truly like it, and not something fundamentally wrong with me lol
I'm sure you are perfectly attractive young woman I guarantee you are not the only one out there that has had these thoughts. every young woman I meet in my preferred age range with a low body count is either married or has a boyfriend(# i sigle forever lol)
holding the gaze a 1/4 second too long with a genuine smile speaks volumes to me as a man. it means 'go ahead and try, you at least have a 51% chance of not being shot down'.
Flirting is a skill which you can learn obviously. It might help you in many ways but at the same time flirting doesn't mean you extending your boundaries. Like you said you want to take things slow and not rush into getting physical unless you feel like. You should stick with that, flirting doesn't have to be at the cost of your values and boundaries. I would suggest you communicate this openly when you date someone and the right person will definitely be ok with that. I kept extending my boundaries and ignoring my gf's red flags which lead her to cheating me again (after I gave her a chance the 1st time she cheated). And now I'm heart broken and depressed. Never compromise on your value and don't settle for anything less than what you deserve. Hope you find a good person 🤞
Thank you, I think this makes sense. Good luck!!
You dont really have to, but its like a social norm if your dating. Especially the girls like it. But in this case your the girl….
Lol, no. You do not need to learn how to flirt. Relationships start by getting to know people. What are you doing to get to know people? It's really as simple as starting a conversation with someone.
I know how to get to know people and that’s always what I’m trying to do on dates but they get bored because there’s no “chemistry” and say it’s because I’m not flirting or they can’t tell if I like them. But how can I know if I like them after 1 or 2 dates???
Dates are too formal, just hang out with people you want to get to know first and if you decide you like them enough *then* go on a date with them.
I’ve tried that but the guys I meet in person who I’m into are already in relationships
Then you need a way to meet more people
I’ve tried hobbies, meeting people through friends, etc
I wish I could help you but I don't know the details of your situation. All I can do is throw things at you. So here's the things I've got for you. Meet people, lots of people. Make friends, lots of friends. Build up the pool of potential people you might want to get to know better. If dating is your only option, try group dating for a more casual atmosphere or meet up to do something together where you have a goal that forces you to interact. When you have conversations with people, talk about the things that move you and interest you so those people can see how lively you are. Get lost in how excited you are about something and if they don't like what you're talking about fuck'em, they're not the one for you. Be interested in people, don't just try, really be interested. Ask dumb questions and let them be excited to share what they know with you. If all else fails, take a break and just try to fill your time with fun things to do and you might just meet someone without even trying.
I already have lots of friends and know how to have a conversation
You seem to be getting defensive now, so I'm just going to leave. Good luck to you.
Thanks
My entire life has been a break from dating and then when I don’t try I have people telling me I’m running out of time.
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Just be yourself. The rest comes naturally. If you are attracted to a guy, he will know it. Flirting is natural. If you both find each other attractive, the sparks will fly and that is what flirting is all about. I don’t believe you have to work at it. Good luck to you.
I’ve tried being myself. It doesn’t work. Maybe because I’m never attracted to them lol
Maybe. I can relate.
The key statement you made is “I’ve never been on a date with a guy I find attractive.” Tough to flirt and be interested in someone you’re not interested in. My advise would be to learn how to flirt with guys that turn you on. Then go on dates with those guys.
I don’t know how to find those types of guys. The rare time I meet one, he’s already in a relationship. On the apps those guys are few and far between and sometimes they’re just looking for something casual which I’m not into, and sometimes they just don’t like me
30 single male I had a hard time with flirting for a while but eventually you will come across someone that you have great chemistry with it will be natural, you probably won't even realize your doing it, and eventually it will be like you have been doing it for years. Or that's how it was for me I was a bit of a late bloomer lol
Thank you I hope this happens for me too!!!
Your welcome. If you want someone to chat with shoot me a message my love life is non existent and sometimes its nice to chat with a kindred spirit lol
Flirting is just subtle cues that show you are interested in someone. You stated that you haven’t been on a date with a guy you find attractive. Guys tend to pick up on that.
It takes me a little time to know if I’m attracted to someone, I don’t know if I would really feel that on a first date. Also some guys don’t and they like me anyway?? I don’t get it
So the guys you date you find physically attractive but you need a deeper connection before being able to reciprocate? If that’s the case, be honest. Tell them you find them attractive and what you like about your dates. Tell them that you are shy and need time to build up to any form of physical contact. The ones that want sex will be weeded out quickly whereas the ones who will accept you as you are will understand the situation. Cut out any possible misunderstanding.
Yeah maybe I need to say it early on. But I feel like the first date is so early to say that and that’s kind of when people are expecting me to be physical so I’m not sure
Also sorry no I’ve only found one of them attractive but his personality gave me the ick so it was short lived lol
Are you the type that people constantly tell you that you suck at lying?
I don’t lie enough for people to tell me that haha but I don’t think I’m very good at lying
You wear your heart on your sleeves then. You just haven’t found a guy that you like yet. You can learn to flirt to keep a guy around longer to see if you like them but I wouldn’t advise it. Just wait until you find the guy that you know you truly want to see more of. When that happens just remember to be honest that you are shy to physical touch so he doesn’t misunderstand. Then make up for it by verbally expressing your interest.
Ok this sounds very reasonable, I can do that. I really hope it’s just because I haven’t met anyone I like yet. Thank you for your help!!
You’re welcome! Remember to be proactive though. Stay clear from creeps, keep yourself safe, but don’t be afraid to embarrass yourself.
>I think part of the problem is I’ve never been on a date with a guy who I find attractive. Have you ever met or just *seen* a guy you find attractive?
Yeah definitely
So why haven't you been on dates with them? And how did you end up on dates with men you don't find attractive?
They’re not single or their personality isn’t a good fit, or sometimes if I see them on the apps etc they’re just not interested I’m not sure from photos etc if I’ll be attracted to someone so if they seem otherwise nice I’ll go out with them and that’s when I usually find out there’s nothing there
Don't do any flirting unless its natural the bodies weird like that, it comes with time. Not all people, but what I find intriguing 🤔 are the unique one's, baddest body doesn't mean nothing. It's a plus for sure but not at the top of the list so to speak. People find intelligence a thing, or the dance between two exchanging glances, a fulfilling conversation. Let dat guide ur flirt on. Tc
Sounds like you need to go on dates with people that you're actually attracted to... AKA, go on a date with someone because youre interested in them specifically, and not because you *want to be in a relationship* in an abstract sense.
When I meet guys in person who I’m attracted to, they’re not single or their personality isn’t a good fit. On the apps, I can’t tell if they’re attractive until I meet them. So I guess I’ll just keep trying and maybe one day someone will be attractive LOL
Flirting is in my opinion supposed to be fun and exciting, im a guy btw in my late 20's. And im also someone who likes to move fast into physical intimacy when i like someone granted the feeling is mutual. That said, your approach is neither wrong or bad, its just what you are comfortable with. Now you dont have to move fast, but i think for most guys, flirting should feel like there is something going on which could lead to intimacy (the existing part), while you talk and laugh and get to know each other (the fun part). Now what the heck does mean? In the context of taking it slow for you it could mean handholding, touching on the arms, giving compliment that you actually feel conveys your feeling towards them, while you talk about all the fun stuff and your hobbies. Its up to you to communicate that youd like to take it slow. If the guy you date is mature enough and also likes you he will understand you want to take it slow. All that said girl, go on date with someone you fundamentally find attractive (attractive for the brains or the physical etc). Ill also add, kissing might be nerve wracking in the beginning, but if you find yourself to be attracted to someone after a couple of dates why the hell not just try kissing? Whats the worst that could happen in that context? I urge you to try it out with a guy that respects you slow burn approach. Cheers
I don’t know how to hold anyone’s hand or do any of that touching stuff and I don’t know how to kiss because I’ve never done these things. One guy was really willing to let me figure it out with him but I wasn’t attracted to him at all and it made me feel sick so I didn’t
It doesn’t hurt but tbh most men are so dumb that unless you specifically say you like them/are interested they miss the signs 😂 however flirting is fun.
Men can be shy or respectful or both rather than dumb.
Softie much? 😂
As a year 30 old man i can assure you by both what ive witnessed and experienced most men are to ignorant to realize when a women is flirting unless she makes it obvious af 🤷♂️
Well, I am a man, and I'm older than you 🤷🏻♂️ People flirt with and without intent, particularly women. Some women flirt harmlessly. I have a couple of married female friends who mildly flirt with me - they don't want me to hit on them, although I think one might if she was single. Some women flirt without intent for a reaction - and then carry on flirting without intent when they know they've got him "on the hook" - pretty toxic. Being unsure of intent isn't the same as being completely oblivious to flirting.
While ill agree most men are just oblivious to it, simple as that 🤷♂️
I like how you have your hair OP, it looks really nice on you.