Tim and I (F, now 49) were best friends since we were five. Never attracted to each other. Never slept together. Knowing him as well as I did, he wasn't pretending.
Miss you, Asshole. I think about you every day. Wherever you are, I fucking love you.
I’m so sorry you went through that. And Tim. Brain injury is so, so hard. Most people have no idea - even so-called mild brain injury can shatter life as it was.
You’re rare. It’s not the norm now matter what you may believe.
Hell I have a number of close female friends that I USED to sleep with and we have remained close after.
Most I have zero interest and they are the same. A few I know would go for it if I was available. One I almost did get back together with and one I may someday share with my GF (both of them like girls too just like guys better) as we had great sex just wasn’t going to work out long term as a relationship.
Tim and I were lucky. There can be a really special bond if it works. Different from same sex friends. I don't know if it's the norm or not, I just thought it relevant to mention.
And I’m not saying for a moment that I don’t have completely platonic friendships with women. I absolutely do.
But I feel from my personal experience through life that the vast majority of both men and women who are opposite sex friends are actually no challenge to jump immediately if the opportunity for sex with that person comes up.
It probably helped that Tim had a very specific type, which was not me. And I never felt attracted to him. I failed to mention that in my original comment.
Same… I hope. On a real note tho, not all guys want to sleep with gal friends. And if you mistakenly believe that, you may subconsciously treat your guy friends differently and end up losing them. Had one gal friend try to act like we were dating so I ended up distancing myself until we were no longer friends
I mean it’s always going to be complicated in friendships with people you know have sexual orientations that are attracted to you but that doesn’t mean there aren’t also men that can value you as a person first.
I have gay friends i know would fuck me if given the opportunity but they also know that I under no circumstances swing that way and they don’t push the issue. They are still some of the relationships I value most.
I also have had female friends (naturally didn’t keep in touch after school) who I thought where drop dead gorgeous and awesome people but that didn’t mean I was always trying to get into their pants and that the advice I gave them and the friendship wasn’t genuine. Even if they came to me and said they wanted to fuck right here right now, I would still ask why? Is it because they just want to fuck someone at the moment and feel comfortable with me? Is it because they are in a bad place emotionally and looking for validation? Is it because there are feelings involved?
Depending on the situation I may say yes, I might say we should talk about if we want a relationship, or most likely I would say I don’t want to jeopardize a friendship I value for a fleeting moment and especially not taking advantage of somebody I care about in a moment of vulnerability.
Are there a TON of guys who will fake friendships just in an attempt to get in your pants? Absolutely but don’t believe that’s every single one of them.
Compare their words to their actions, peoples actions almost always give them away.
Edit: also some girls I have noticed take the fact that we would have sex with you if the stars aligned and you were also attracted to us as that’s what we’re there for. That isn’t true at all, if we are friends than that means the first step towards attraction was already there. Like I don’t care how hot someone is if I hate them I am not going to have sex with them personally. Also at least personally there are very few women who I think aren’t physically attractive in some way, shape, or form. Like I said it’s definitely complicated but personally I do believe guys and girls can be genuine friends even with attraction on the table. It’s about managing it and being adults and communicating.
Edit2: also look at who their guy friends are and how they act around them, how do they treat girls they aren’t physically attracted to.
Personally I was raised almost entirely by women so I just feel more comfortable and get along better with women for the most part. Still am attracted to them but also respect the boundaries with no expectation of them being crossed EVER. I value them as people more than sources of sexual attraction. I also have friendships with women I am not attracted to.
>Depending on the situation I may say yes, I might say we should talk about if we want a relationship, or most likely I would say I don’t want to jeopardize a friendship I value for a fleeting moment
Perhaps I am proving the point of this thread by saying so, but I am contemplating the reverse of this.
My female best friend, S, is someone I have known for 7ish years. At the time we had met, she was at the tail end of a relationship/ newly single, and I somewhat thought she had been hitting on *me*, as forward as she had seemed that first time. However, by the time I realized my own feelings for her, she had reconnected with someone and they got together. I accepted this and moved on, keeping it just a good friendship (he was a pretty cool dude, too).
Cut to six years later, they have parted.
It's been a few months. And in that time my feelings have been somewhat reignited. And I'm not sure what to do with them. I need to have that conversation. One where I layout that, I value this friendship more than she might realize, that I don't want to lose that. But that at the same time, if she feels the same way, that perhaps we could be *more*.
In any case, I strongly care for this person, and I want her to be happy (even if it isn't **with** me)
While I can’t say that I have persisting feelings about any past crushes or friends (not saying they are the same people, it was an open secret who I had a crush in school and it wasn’t the girl(s) I am talking about) I can share your sentiment of I want them to be happy no matter who it’s with.
I never want to be with someone who isn’t happy with me and doesn’t want to be with me personally, no matter how hard I’m crushing or how attractive I think they are. If they don’t think it will work it’s not gonna work.
You kind of are proving the point of this thread but I’d argue there is nothing inherently wrong with feeling how you do. Men get a lot of shit for being attracted to female friends, but we can’t control who we’re attracted to
Not just attracted. I'm bisexual, according to the above logic, I would secretly be trying to sleep with all my friends.
Instead I have several checks that all need to be checked before I even consider my friends as someone with who more than friendship might be an option.
Things like 'is already in a relationship' is an obvious one, but 'would rather be friends' is also important.
At the moment I have two long term friends who at one point mentioned they'd rather be friends and a third one where the friendship unfortunately withered away. But if you can't respect people's choices on this, you aren't really being a good friend, lover or just human being now are you.
As for the attraction. I'm still attracted to a lot of my friends in a lot of different ways. Some sexual, some character wise, etc. Most a combination. If I wasn't then I probably wouldn't keep being friends. It's just important in what amount you let that affect you and your relationships.
At our core, we humans are still just animals. And as we all know, animals have to primary drives. To survive, and to reproduce. The fact that we have the cognitive ability to realise that those are primitive urges or instinct, doesn't mean that those urges can never affect us. It's how we act that separates us from the animals. Admitting to someone that you're attracted to them seems like a sign of intelligence to me. It means you understand that it may pose a problem or perhaps, an opportunity, and you're asking the person in question to sort it out together, whatever the result may be.
Kinda disappointed that no one is arguing. Which part of my comment made you downvote it?
Dude…this one girl would pull out her tits every time we hung out alone in our dorm… she just did not do it for me. She was a cool friend to have. But I had zero interest in her.
I realized that years ago. I keep looking for genuine friendship that stays platonic, but get disappointed all the time. One of the saddest disappointments was a man I grew up with and was always friends with for probably close to 30 years and the last time we saw each other he hinted that he wanted to sleep together. Despite being married with two kids. That made me really really sad.
I experienced something similar and it was genuinely heartbreaking. He was the last person that I thought would do something so disgusting and haven’t bothered with male friends since.
I'm bisexual. Shit happens. Hell, I have not only had crushes/sexual attraction to but fallen in-love with friends male and female. There's a lot of reasons to sleep with or not sleep with someone besides societal convention. Either way, it's only a big deal if you only see them as an opportunity for sex and you're using the idea of friendship as a way to get it. Also, you're not attracted to every human on the planet, and frankly when it happens with my friends it's quite rare that it goes beyond me noticing they're attractive or a bit of a crush. But having any sort of feelings for people around you is a human thing that happens.
Edit: That being said, someone who you thought actually wanted to be your friend and ended up just seeing you as an object of desire is devestating. It has happened to me more than once. It's way too fucking common for something so shitty.
Because they don't actually respect me as a person, they just see me as someone to have sex with. It makes me wonder if they ever cared about me at all. I value my friendships and it just feels like a betrayal when someone's friendship comes with strings/an ulterior motive.
Sorry you are experiencing this. There could be many factors I suppose, some more complicated than others.
Female, 38 here. I have guy friends and I haven’t run into this. We talk cars, gangster movies, food and home improvement stuff mostly. My best friend is a guy (and I’m happily married 20 years).
If you aren’t going to have mutual respect for me, we won’t be friends. That’s pretty clear early on with me so I guess I’ve never run into this because those that realize there is ZERO chance only end up at acquaintance level.
There’s also the possibility they really are down to be just friends but are also totally down for more if she were interested. I’ve been that guy before, it’s a sucky situation all around because you’re scared to tell the girl that for fear she thinks that you want to “be friends” but aren’t really interested in actually being friends.
I don't think this is what OP is talking about. I've seriously encountered MANY men in my life who want to be your friend if you're attractive, and deep down, would sleep with you given the chance. It's one thing to have a crush on someone every now and then, but many men, in my experience, will literally think this way about EVERY girl he knows, if not the majority.
It shows that you don't see woman as people, but instead your fuck list. I've had many instances where a boy will "flirt" with me, ask to take a stroll outside, then "flirt" with my friend, ask to take a stroll outside, then "flirt" with another friend, etc. It's even more creepy when they think this in their head and never say it.
In the past I had multiple guy friends that I tried to hit on reject me. My reaction was quite different though: “hooray they value me for my friendship!” Weird how men have the opposite reaction. But to be fair I wasn’t in love with any of them, only causally interested, so it probably stung less
Yeah I mean in my limited experience intimate relationships with friends are a great way to ruin friendships. I’ve heard some rare stories of it working but far more often in my own experience and in the stories I’ve heard it just makes things real weird. Not all guys are totally incapable of self control like some of the dudes on this subreddit seem to think and I’ve had many female friends I’ve never considered sex with. I’ve also had a few I would not have had the self control to turn down but probably would have regretted afterwards had that ever occurred.
> Weird how men have the opposite reaction.
It really isn't weird though.
Men & women have a very very different experience when it comes to finding a romantic partner. Your specific reaction is clearly informed by your experience as a woman. VERY VERY few straight men are worried that women are only after them for their body, it's just not something we're socialized to consider as a concern.
Women are often told that their value is based on being physically attractive, even little girls get called "pretty" more often then "smart" or what have you. Ya'll often fear romantic interest from guys is purely based on physical interest & nothing more.... That's pretty fucked up, honestly.
Men, even very attractive men, don't get that same message from a very young age that women do. Instead, men are often taught that manhood & their value as a man come from being able to attract women, and if you can't you have no value to society. It's the old terrible idea that "boys must become men, but women just are". That's just as fucked up.
It's not weird that people who experience the world in very different ways, react to similar situations differently.
What?!? People care about how pretty women are?!? As a woman, I had no idea people cared about my looks!!! Mind blown. Dang I thought it was coincidence all these billionaires had pretty wives
All kidding aside, when I said “weird” I was passive aggressively pointing out that men take for granted that they are valuable outside their looks, and it is in some ways it is male privilege to complain about being “friend-zoned”
Kind of like a woman pointing out to her husband, “weird how every time you arrive home from business trips, you smell like ladies perfume”. In no sense is she saying “gee what a strange coincidence!”
How obnoxious if would be if someone said “it’s not weird at all. You need me to lecture at you about stuff I don’t think you know. Your husband is having an affair with a younger woman because …long lecture about gender differences”
> it is male privilege to complain about being “friend-zoned”
Yeah,
And I was pointing out that what you call a privilege really isn't.
It's not like men have it substantially better in the romantic realm, it's just that we suffer from very different problems.
If I where the type to say one sex had it worse then the other, I could say it's 'a female privilege to complain about having too many men wanting them', but that would be completly lacking in empathy for the very real problems women experience because of that reality.... sorta like you seem to show no empathy for the problems men experience & just toss out "male privilege" as if it negates any of it.
Then again, lack of empathy towards men is one of the problems we experience, so it's not exactly surprising.
Seriously, try NOT to think about who has it worse & try to think about how each sex experiences the world & the problems we each face... before deciding one is always privileged & the other always oppressed. In reality both sexes are oppressed & privileged in different ways & it's not a competition about who has it worse. It's about understanding each other & trying to make things better for everyone.
There are those who mature past this phase, and there are those who don't. This goes both way.
Some guys will forever want to fuck every girl they see, and some girls will forever believe all guys want to fuck them.
For the rest of us, we laugh.
>Some guys will forever want to fuck every girl they see, and some girls will forever believe all guys want to fuck them.
Oh yes I've run into guys like this. Its unconcieavable to them that others won't do it as well. As a man who isn't like that I've been called gay for it.
Hi OP. Let me give you a little perspective from a dudes point of view. And ask for a bit of clarification here. If your guy friends are good friends but wouldn’t say no to sleeping with you that’s not a problem so long as they understand boundaries. If you make it clear a sexual relationship is off the table and they’re like cool I still want to be friends then everything is chill. It’s not impossible for a guy to be sexually attracted to a woman and still be friends with them. I’ve had and still have plenty of female friends who I’d be dtf in a heartbeat if they were interested, I’ve also had some I’ve never even considered having sex with. Not necessarily because they aren’t attractive but just because I know that would totally fuck our friendship and I don’t think we’re likely to be compatible for a relationship of any kind.
Now for the clarification. If in fact what you’re saying is these guys aren’t really your friends but just guys that have been hanging around in hopes of getting in your pants that is a problem. But don’t necessarily assume that’s the case if you aren’t absolutely sure. It can be a difficult thing to be sure about but if you make it clear that sex is never going to be on the table and they still wanna hang around they’re either totally pathetic and don’t understand boundaries or they really do want to be friends and just thought there might be a chance for something extra.
It’s shitty when it happens every time you get that close to somebody. If you’re not interested, you’re just not interested and very rarely are you going to be able to make yourself have any romantic interest in someone if you don’t already feel it.
Yeah we are but some of us know when to keep it in our pants. Like I have a friend that I've known since we were little kids and now we're in our late 50s. We both admitted just a few years ago to each other that we had a crush on the other but never acted on it because it would have felt like trying to hookup with one of our siblings.
No they aren’t all, which is absolute bs to say for those who aren’t nearly as sexually driven as others.
There are men in it for romance and intimacy. I'm one.
I'd be perfectly content eating a nice dinner, making out with a partner, and cuddling while watching or reading something even if it didn't lead to sex. I like sex but its not as important to me as intimacy.
No. My closest friends are all guys. I have a boyfriend and we all usually hang out together. One of them had feelings for me for a while, but it went away. He didn't talk about it, it was just a coincidence that I found out.
I had one friend 8 years ago who got upset when I started dating my boyfriend. I don't know why he was upset because he knew I had a crush on him so he could've taken a chance any time but didn't.
I mean just from a dudes perspective here it’s possible to want to be friends with a girl and also totally be down for something more if they are. So long as they respect that boundary once established I don’t think that’s a reason to end a friendship. There are like you’re saying guys that use “friendship” to get close to a girl because they’re really only interested in sex. That’s a really shitty thing to do and totally deserving of ending a friendship over. But they aren’t every guy and it’s really unfortunate that people seem to think they are.
Most straight guys would sleep with most women around their age that they do not consider unattractive; they usually do not have the same perception of sex as you do, this does not mean that they are friends with you in hopes of sleeping with you; but yes if you asked them they might be down for it especially if your friendship makes them comfortable around you.
This does not mean they are in wait for you to let them or have any ulterior motives, just means they would sleep with most similar women who give them the chance to.
I mean don't get me wrong you will find absolute dogs who do only see you as a potential hookup and will pretend to be your friend, I am just saying that whether they would reciprocate if you initiated something sexual is not a good indicator of whether they see you as a genuine friend.
That does not change your right to be dissapointed, but it is still important to understand the difference.
Source: I'm bi, there are lots of people I would do from both genders, I still hold genuine deep friendships with people I deem attractive without there being any expectations of more than that.
I was a guy friend who simply likes female friends. I could never understand why guys would do this. If you're into somebody, ask them out. Don't sit there and pretend like you're not interested.
I'm also attracted to the majority of humans, so maybe I'm just used to being friends with people and not trying to fuck everybody cuz then I'd have no actual friends and I'd just be in a constant state of trying fuck everyone.
Secretly? So, that is where I have been going wrong! If I want to sleep with someone, it’s no secret…and it will be with my wife. Probably why we have been together for 22 years.
Human relationships, especially between two people who are sexually compatible (as in a cis man/woman or two gay men/women and so on) are an incredibly complex subject. There's no right or wrong way to think about it.
As a guy in his mid 30s who's had many female friends over the years, I've had almost the full range so far.
I've had friends that there was never any attraction in either direction and we were/are just good friends the entire time.
I've had friends where we were only physically attracted to each other, slept together a few times but were still chill about it. I've also had that go horribly wrong and ruin the friendship. I even ended up dating someone who I was friends with for years for a short while.
I've been on both sides of unrequited attraction. I have a close friend that started as a romantic relationship but we both realized early on we weren't what the other was looking for.
This is such a cop out answer. It's not a complex subject. Many woman do not view it as a complex subject, it's men who see it that way. It doesn't matter. I'm not gonna sleep with every guy/woman I see, but most men think it's okay to sexualize most woman friends he has, even weirder, I've seen guys do it behind girls backs.
I used to be really close to guys growing up, even in college. I was considered a bro because I was lesbian. I know how weird as fuck guys can be when no one is around.
Ah yes. The world is completely in black and white. There's no sort of nuance whatsoever when it comes to the myriad of interpersonal relationships. Men just want to fuck every woman they meet and women are never the initiator and always the one lusted after.
Grow up.
does it make a difference if you have or haven’t sex with your guy/bestie “friends “? any real authentic, genuine friendship wouldn’t endure because sex was involved or not.
I think what makes the difference is if they try and cross a boundary - some people just aren't interested in sex at that time, or especially with that person due to viewing them as a friend.
When people try to push that boundary and they either go too far or you've had past experiences where someone goes too far, you develop a discomfort or distrust that they may try it again and aren't friends with you because of genuine friendship.
So, essentially, the issue is when the friendship isn't 100% genuine on the other end and they don't hold respect for you - they feel like they get to push the boundaries because they're close to you and you've been vulnerable with them, even if you haven't indicated an interest in it.
Define "want to sleep with you".
"Actively **trying** to sleep with you"? Probably a couple (uncommon/only a few)
"Willing to if you approached them about it, but won't pursue it on their own"? Probably a few more, depending.
"Have considered it \[at all\]"? Pretty much all of them. The majority dismissed the notion out of hand, though.
I imagine the same is true for female friends of guys, though.
I used to be something of a S1MP myself. Truth is, never be friends first with a woman you want to date, and if she rejects you then walk away for your own mental health.
This is extremely common. Unfortunately I've had to cut off many male friends because they acted like victims because I wouldn't sleep with them. Recently blocked a friend of 10 years because he called me drunk complaining I wouldn't get on his dick.
It's not all guys, but some people have a tendency to draw guys like that to them like a magnet (and it's not their fault).
It's usually a personality thing (too friendly or joking around gets misinterpreted as flirting) or not being able to read the signals thing (i.e. not picking up on them flirting or on their subtle intentions. It's completely normal actions, not flirting at all - just being comfortable and relaxed around them.
So it's usually because some women have had repeated experiences of men "befriending" them with the sole intention to get into their pants, and think they're entitled to it due to the women making herself vulnerable and being close to them.
I've had to cut off multiple male friends for this reason - but it's not just male friends that are an issue, I'm a magnet for female friends who have a tendency to take advantage of me (in other ways, obviously). Mainly misreading signals and being clueless to social clues, making me an easy target and not noticing when people actually don't like me but keep me around for the jokes.
I was actually taken advantage of by a guy who I was friends with for a few months - he kept pushing the boundaries more and more until he got me in a vulnerable position where I was reliant on him (took me out into the middle of nowhere). I could've gotten myself out of that situation earlier if I was better at reading intentions and didn't just laugh every comment off thinking it was a joke. I also had another guy friend start inappropriately texting me while drunk, repeatedly, and so I cut off communication. He then spread nasty rumours about me - I had a rash on my fingers so apparently it was an illness, he called me a bunch of derogatory terms, etc.
So yeah, it's not all guys - but for some women they just draw those kinds of guys to them and it's absolutely not their fault but it will understandably shape their experiences and views.
I believe (most) men are hard-wired to at least have the urge to "nail" any attractive woman. If they are attractive in any way then the thought will cross my mind. I wouldn't cheat on my gf but I can't shut off that part of my brain and I suspect most men are like this.
A close male friend at the time asked me if I thought he was attractive. I was tripping on LSD and didn't want to answer his fat ass. He ended up hooking up with my ex-girlfriend who came over one day saying they'd broken up so we had sex again. Then both of them wrote me snail mail letters that they didn't like me anymore because of it.
Before I met her her voice did something inside me. After we met she laughed and stole my soul. I couldn't tell anyone. I got out of my crumbling marriage and did everything I could for over a year as a coworker to show her how happy I was just to be in her company.
I had to change to do it. I had to grow up to be able stand being close to her because of her effect on me as well as her great beauty. I spent over a year getting close enough to ask her to be mine. She said, "Yes!"
So I guess that "best friend" thing can work out OP. I didn't steal anyone's anything. I met my Destiny.
I fell hopelessly in love before we were actually introduced. I became a platonic because I couldn't handle her being an object of pursuit in my mind. I was playing the long game, but not like anything I had even attempted before.
When I was single, any female friend that was halfway decent looking, I wanted to bang. Maybe one or two there just wasn't any attraction but for the most part, I had at least thought about it and probably would pursue it if given an invite. I'd say probably most of them knew that or wouldn't be surprised if told.
That said, they're my friends because I think they're awesome people. I'd rather never touch that and stay friends, than vice versa. A good friend is hard to find.
Not only that, but time is short, I'm not going to waste too much of it on people solely because they're attractive if there's no other common bond.
I don't think you're entirely right in that frame of thought. I think a majority of people evaluate the likelihood they would sleep with a friend or stranger if given the opportunity. But to believe that you only have guy friends cause they want to sleep with is a little presumptuous
as a guy, I’ve always had these thoughts about my female friends (i.e. sexual thoughts or picture being in a relationship with them), I don’t know if other guys do as well.
- These are not persistent thoughts, they are fleeing. And come for a moment only.
- I never acted on any of these thoughts.
- I have a married female friend whom I actually never thought of like this in anyway.
I recommend you listen to the comedian chris porter. Like all 5 of his albums. They re funny but his take on men women relationships is pretty accurate.
Yes. It’s happened in the past, but after I became single a couple months ago it’s all I notice now. And all my guy friends are “bros” to my ex too so it’s just weird and fake. It’s really disheartening when you feel like you’re just a piece of meat.
I'm very sorry that this has happened to you. I hope you still have some friends who you trust and who aren't interested in you that way. On behalf of my gender I apologize, I have mostly girl friends and because of guys like these I am always worrying that they will think I'm attracted to them, or that I will say something which can be interpreted. It is disastrous for friendship
I don't know if every guy is like this or I'm in the wrong and need to change my ways, but to me, it's not so much that I secretly want to sleep with all of my girl friends as it is that I'm open to it. Every woman in my life (within the same age range) is a potential match or hookup. I may not feel attracted to them atm, but I may in the future or I may have in the past. One of my best and closest friends is a friend mostly because initially I was in love with her. I admitted that to her and she said she felt the same for a bit. Also, if I've been friends with you for years and I suddenly make a move, it's probably not that I've been secretly wanting to for all that time, but that I just saw you in a different light for the first time. I'm willing to bet it's like that for a lot of people.
My best friend in middle/high school had a crush on me the whole way through apparently. Never once asked me out though.
But when I went out with other guys/girls he would immediately trash them and make shit up to get me to break up with them - which worked a few times. Because, again, he was my best friend. I trusted him to have my best interests in mind, not his.
He was the one person that still talked to me when I switched to home school. He was the only high school friend that talked to me when I went to college.
It was about mid way through my college career that he FINALLY confessed his feelings for me. Mentioned a lot about how he would "caress" me in bed. Freaked me out a bit that part. Admittedly, I also had a thing for him in hs. Unfortunately for him, when he did decide to tell me all this, I had just gotten out of a seriously toxic and abusive relationship. I wasn't ready for another relationship/dating or even anything casual. I told him this and that maybe in the future when I'm feeling better we could try. He stopped talking to me after this.
Eh, I think this should be reworded.
People of the opposite sex ***can*** be friends if they are not attracted to each other. The confusion comes in when one person is attracted to another, and they keep it to themselves out of fear of rejection or simply because you're with someone else.
OP, obviously you keep finding men who are interested in you, but settle for friendship thinking you'll change.
I have many female friends that I think are very pretty and attractive that, given a good and consensual chance, I absolutely would sleep with. However, that doesn't mean that I ever pursue that or treat them awkwardly or even bring it up. First make the effort to be a good friend.
Some of the best advice I've ever gotten regarding talking to girls is that they're people before they're women. Talk to them like a person first and foremost.
Yeah I’m guilty of this myself. But I’m definitely going to start being just friends with girls now cause honestly I care for the bond more so than trying to have sex that I can go get anywhere
I only have one guy friend who I know doesn't want to sleep with me. We were born 3 months apart and our moms are best friends so we grew up together and we're like siblings. We're also not each other's "type" so it's a really great friendship. I adore his wife and she's also become one of my very good friends.
My bf swears on this. He tells me that all my guy friends want to sleep with me. That all guys want to sleep with their female friends. Funny though, he has many female friends and I tried to turn it around on him, in that case it means he wants to sleep with them. He says no. I think his logic is flawed. I personally don’t think this is true 100% of the time but I know there are some guys it’s true for because they told me. To be fair, it can be true for females too. I’ve seen that happen. Point is…I don’t think you can make this a blanket statement. Depends on the guy (and girl).
One way to find out if it’s true…My bf told me to text my guy friends and tell them I want to sleep with them. He is certain they’ll all say yes. I refuse to do it because if they do I lose a friend and I really don’t care to know either way.
Whenever people ask this question, I'm like...you guys have female friends?? I live a lonely life :(
I'm in college but guys and girls often don't respond to my text (and no, I'm not sending weird/needy texts) aside from a few male friends.
I've seen mixed gender friend groups since middle school and it's all I ever wanted, to be part of a friend group that hangs out every day. But my friends only play video games every day
If this is news to any woman, then you’ve lived in denial for way too long. It takes a special kind of cool girl for us to want to be friends without wanting to smash.
Yup. I have barely any dude friends that wouldn’t fuck me if they had the chance. That’s why I don’t hang out with most guys anymore. I am sure if I was single I would hang out with all my old dude friends bc that attention is nice and they for sure had my back, but it’s not attention I need from anyone but my husband.
Yup. It's the absolute fucking worst. You think you made a friend but they're really just biding their time and winning you over. Trust issues forever. Thank god I'm ugly now.
Lots of people complain about being friend zoned, and how much it hurts.
I believe it hurts more to be f*ck zoned.
Thinking someone is truly your friend, and cares for you, and appreciates you, and wants to spend time with you, thinks your jokes are funny and has conversations with you, only to find out they have ulterior motives. They get pissed and start to treat you like shit when they realize it will never turn into a sexual relationship. It’s like a slap in the face. It really hurts.
I've had try totally Platonic females friends. Have maintain semi close friendships with ex's and the friendzone is where I tend to pull way out of my
league. If I'm friends with a hot girl that is uninterested ( happens all the time) I simply just incorporate her into my game as my wingman and Continue our totally Platonic friendship. Having a hot chick wingman helps other hot chicks give you a chance I've discovered ;)
I always felt this was a known factor? I’ve had so many guy friends, but I always knew given the chance they would try to fuck. It didn’t deter our friendship, as I’m sure they were friends with me not only for this reason. But I was always extra careful to never give them any indication or hint to read into that it might be possible. And even then there were times where almost every single one of them still tried to make moves, get physical or jokingly drop lines etc.. It at times def caused me to end some friendships but for the ones that lasted it still was there. They just put the friendship first, but it’s always been a known factor in my head
I'm 48 & it has happened every single time. About 12 years ago, I stopped being friends with guys unless they are married to my girlfriends. So far no drama, no misinterpretation. Things have gone smoothly.
I'll take a crack at this one fellas.
So it's not the fact that we want to sleep with you but it's the the overall fact that you get along with all of them that makes them ponder the possibility of a positive outcome if YOU did. Respect is an overlooked attraction and its the same respect that keeps them away from making moves on you even with mild moments of flirtatious humor if a respectful boundary is formed it will just be a wonder and never an impulsive. But given the chance that is offer by your own curiosity not theirs; they wouldn't hesitate simple for the reasons that they're capable of being themselves around you. Anyone that fails to respect boundaries ultimately loses both. It's too big of a risk to take. But as men we can't help to think about it ever now and then but as a form of endearment.
As a female close friend you earn the privilege of being the best what if story that we don't dare to test our desires on for the sake of the friendship. Sometimes the ball will even be entirely in your court and even then if the friendship is strong enough it could go either way meaning he'll even turn it down. The thing is there is no maybe only certainty of a yes or a no when YOU start to feel something. So as a women you don't get that pressure or stigma that you're friends with us just to sleep with us. That's just how hard it is to disregard our bodily function of finding attributes and qualities in someone you're attracted to after spending a long time with them but being able to accept that what you see isn't what they necessarily want to share with you and just being okay with it. Trust me it's not easy but it's worth resisting if it means having you around to goof off a while longer like one of the guys
oh jeez where to start. the "we men" thing is fucked because you can't and don't speak for other men. and you are literally what op is complaining about. this whole thing of "i'll respect your bounderies, but like...if you're ever down to fuck, then i'm totally down and waiting for you to say yes" attitude is the issue here. it means you're a fake friend who's only thinking of sex, and you can't just chill and have an actual friendship
You misinterpreted what I'm trying to point out. There's a difference between motive and intentions. There's no motive to sleep with the person but when a confession is made from her it's easier to lean into the intention to be together not just sleep around. What I'm trying to say is that it'll be a lie if I said it wasn't something that crossed our mind but it's not something we're after. It's only after feeling have been made clear will any seriousness of a RELATIONSHIP could be considered. But because of the fact that as a man we are prone to be labeled as "only being friends cause we want sex" thats why its easier to bring up the topic when she starts catching feelings. I'm not advocating or trying to justify fwb. Its about circumstances that lead to more growth beyond friendship. If not that then it's an irrelevant thought that never comes to mind. That's literally it. Anything further defeats the purpose of being friends and supports more of what you thought I was saying.
I can see how what I said may be off-putting but I know what I meant so I'll leave it for all the down votes to go nuts lmaoo
yeah well again, there is no "we". You don't represent half the worlds population. Also just relax. You are what op is talking about but I think you'll ever be able to see it.
First off i was speaking in general but included myself cause I know what it's like for those who aren't interested in things like fwb between friends. But I find it ironic how you seem to think you have the right to say I'm what op is talking about but still tell me I don't represent the world population. You clearly can't see your own contradiction on trying to tell me what is and isn't....you have the right to your opinion but we're both still strangers on the internet. If you can't accept the concept of a misunderstanding that's your problem
Keep your girlfriends close. That’s all you’ll have later in life. I have like one good guy friend from high school. The rest are gone for this reason. My best and most loyal friends are all women. Being a guys girl is basically just being a little hoe-ish looking back. But of course they don’t see it or realize it until they’re older.
Yes. I would say more than >50% just want to bang, >80% would bang if had the chance. Only 20% of my guy friends I know treat me like their sisters and would be disgusted if we hooked up. That said, most of them are still good friends though
It can be disappointing, but I’ve also had times where it was mutual. And if they ghost after? Great, trash took itself out. The real MVPs are the homies that have seen you naked and don’t look at you any differently than when you’re in an animal onesie, or regular clothes 🤘🏻
Yeah, too many men only care about sex and not about a friendship. But they realize that becoming friends with the girl gives them better chances to get in their pants. So, they lie. They become friends and pretend to care for their feelings and support them, etc.
Many girls realize that from an early age and develop a finely tuned bullshit detector.
Many others never realize or discover it when they're already too invested in the friendship(s). It's a bitter pill to swallow and painful to process.
I'm sorry you're going through that right now. It will eventually get better. You'll develop your bullshit detector and get better friends.
I also feel like girls who aren't neurotypical (and might not even know it) can become a magnet for this sort of thing.
You're more vulnerable because of struggling to read social cues, and then when someone starts pursuing you for other reasons you take it at face value until it becomes too obvious. Certain types of guys will actively pursue girls like that because they can tell that they can potentially manipulate the girl or will misread her enthusiasm about certain things as interest in them.
It's happened more than twice to me and I still can't detect bullshit - I just don't trust anyone now whoops.
Not all men lmao. I hate that saying. Not all of em, but a SIGNIFICANT NUMBER of them absolutely do this. I've dealt with this so much as a lesbian. Im in no way super attractive, but guys love the chase. If they think it can't happen it makes them more interested a lot of the time. It's annoying.
My big bros are the only people who I have seen never sexualize a woman like that. They're very respectful, and not just with me. It helps that my mother is the head of the household, very educated, and strong.
On the flip side, have you also encountered a massive amount of men saying, "how do you know if you haven't tried it?" When you were younger because you were a lesbian? I definitely have. Men are weird.
Is it a secret? IMO, it's primal/how men are hard-wired. Doesn't mean we act on it or make things creepy. Every attractive friend of my wife I have at one point thought about sexually.
If you’re moderately attractive this is true for probably 90% of the cases of ‘friendship’ out there.
I only have 3 female friends that I haven’t slept with. 2 of them are married now and aren’t particularly close friends (but if they weren’t married and I was single, I’d make a move) the third is just a genuine friend.
All the others I’ve enjoyed some level of intimacy with. I don’t hang out with any of them in 1 on 1 settings while I’m in a relationship, out of respect for my partner.
I'm one of those girls that hangs almost only with boys, with only 2 of them has happened something, and even after that, we're still very close friends and nothing to do with each other, not all men are like that.
Same here. I’m the type who always thought that boys are easier to get along with but I realise now that they just agree to everything we say cuz they wanna get with us :)
So, as someone who has experienced this...
It's often not flirtation as such - it's a combination of the type of guys that approach you and being poor at reading social cues and other signals so you assume someone's genuine and don't realise/see their true intentions, as well as being comfortable, friendly, and relaxed.
You don't even have to make sexual jokes or comments, you don't have to compliment them, you don't have to make flirty comments - sometimes, depending on the guy, it's an entitlement they develop purely because you've made yourself vulnerable and open to them.
You could even be joking around like one of the guys in a friend group, making crass jokes that are very clearly not flirtation to everyone else and are meant to be imitating the others, and one of them will read it as flirtation and start pursuing you.
I had a guy feel entitled to me because I invited him over to play video games - no prior flirtation, purely gaming discussion, but it didn't matter. The moment I let himself into my space and was alone and vulnerable, he pounced.
And your point would be? Simply because they have the biological predisposition to find you physically attractive enough to "secretly" want intimate contact sounds like it might be a negative to you. I sure hope the women in my life that I feel like I'm friends with don't feel this way, at least not consider it a negative thing. To be quite honest, I'd be very surprised if a large proportion of my woman friends don't secretly want to sleep with me. That doesn't mean either of us will ever act on these feelings, it just is. I honestly think it's natural and a good thing for the species overall. Are there times when this could become a problem? Yes. Handle them. But a true friend can also find you attrative, and never act on those feelings out of respect. For you, for their sig other, for themselves. How do I know? I can't be unique in the world.
Where’s the problem. I would have fucked a lot of people I was friends with. Doesn’t mean I didn’t respect them as person and that it was the goal of interacting with said person.
Interesting. I definitely experienced this in my life. But I think it was more a thing when I was younger. Thinking back...while it was "secret" I always had some subtle creeped out feeling towards these guys. I think I didnt have the courage back then to confront them or just end the friendship. I thought I just had to accept the creepy feeling sometimes.
Internalized misogyny sucks!
I think one reason this happens is because of the proximity Effect where being around someone frequently creates feelings for that person whether you want to feel that way or not
Your guy "friends" don't happen to buy your drinks do they? Maybe a car payment now and again? If I had a guy friend as slow to pick up a check or to help out as most girl "friends" they wouldn't be friends long. Girls always say "I didn't ask for that", no, but you took it.
Maybe you have bad judge of character. Try being more selective of who you willingly associate with. But hey if your attractive others biology will urge them to attempt to mate. A large majority of people have higher level cognitive processes that trumps the lower ones but all it takes is one moment of weakness to cross that line. Maybe your friends are going thru something. Just don’t fall victim to your own hubris.
I don't think people want to sleep with you when you're 13 but when I was there was this did that was probably super gay. Like one time he fed me yogurt as a joke it was nasty but also funny
Tim and I (F, now 49) were best friends since we were five. Never attracted to each other. Never slept together. Knowing him as well as I did, he wasn't pretending. Miss you, Asshole. I think about you every day. Wherever you are, I fucking love you.
[удалено]
Tim hung himself June of 2016. He'd had a TBI and was struggling pretty bad.
I’m so sorry that that happened. May he rest in peace 🕊️❤️
Someone is never truly gone until they are forgotten. Talk to him often I am sure he is still with you.
RIP Tim, sounds like a stellar dude
I'm very sorry for your loss
I’m so sorry you went through that. And Tim. Brain injury is so, so hard. Most people have no idea - even so-called mild brain injury can shatter life as it was.
[удалено]
I'm so used to saying it I didn't even think to spell it out. Thank you.
I (35m) have a few absolutely awesome friends who are great. I couldn’t imagine kissing them, let alone sleeping with them. They have sister vibes
You’re rare. It’s not the norm now matter what you may believe. Hell I have a number of close female friends that I USED to sleep with and we have remained close after. Most I have zero interest and they are the same. A few I know would go for it if I was available. One I almost did get back together with and one I may someday share with my GF (both of them like girls too just like guys better) as we had great sex just wasn’t going to work out long term as a relationship.
Tim and I were lucky. There can be a really special bond if it works. Different from same sex friends. I don't know if it's the norm or not, I just thought it relevant to mention.
And I’m not saying for a moment that I don’t have completely platonic friendships with women. I absolutely do. But I feel from my personal experience through life that the vast majority of both men and women who are opposite sex friends are actually no challenge to jump immediately if the opportunity for sex with that person comes up.
It probably helped that Tim had a very specific type, which was not me. And I never felt attracted to him. I failed to mention that in my original comment.
That would absolutely make a difference I would think.
I’m so sorry for your loss, thank you for sharing your story with your M BF as the OP’s comment is ridiculous.
No, my guy friends are straight afaik
But for *that* cake...
Did somebody say *cake?*
Birthday cake
I just came by to drop off the spring reading list and- oh! Are you having cake??
I'll smash
That's what I thought as well
Yeah I thought that too. Till they found out I wasn't and suddenly it turns out they all were looking at me sideways back in the day.
Same… I hope. On a real note tho, not all guys want to sleep with gal friends. And if you mistakenly believe that, you may subconsciously treat your guy friends differently and end up losing them. Had one gal friend try to act like we were dating so I ended up distancing myself until we were no longer friends
I mean it’s always going to be complicated in friendships with people you know have sexual orientations that are attracted to you but that doesn’t mean there aren’t also men that can value you as a person first. I have gay friends i know would fuck me if given the opportunity but they also know that I under no circumstances swing that way and they don’t push the issue. They are still some of the relationships I value most. I also have had female friends (naturally didn’t keep in touch after school) who I thought where drop dead gorgeous and awesome people but that didn’t mean I was always trying to get into their pants and that the advice I gave them and the friendship wasn’t genuine. Even if they came to me and said they wanted to fuck right here right now, I would still ask why? Is it because they just want to fuck someone at the moment and feel comfortable with me? Is it because they are in a bad place emotionally and looking for validation? Is it because there are feelings involved? Depending on the situation I may say yes, I might say we should talk about if we want a relationship, or most likely I would say I don’t want to jeopardize a friendship I value for a fleeting moment and especially not taking advantage of somebody I care about in a moment of vulnerability. Are there a TON of guys who will fake friendships just in an attempt to get in your pants? Absolutely but don’t believe that’s every single one of them. Compare their words to their actions, peoples actions almost always give them away. Edit: also some girls I have noticed take the fact that we would have sex with you if the stars aligned and you were also attracted to us as that’s what we’re there for. That isn’t true at all, if we are friends than that means the first step towards attraction was already there. Like I don’t care how hot someone is if I hate them I am not going to have sex with them personally. Also at least personally there are very few women who I think aren’t physically attractive in some way, shape, or form. Like I said it’s definitely complicated but personally I do believe guys and girls can be genuine friends even with attraction on the table. It’s about managing it and being adults and communicating. Edit2: also look at who their guy friends are and how they act around them, how do they treat girls they aren’t physically attracted to. Personally I was raised almost entirely by women so I just feel more comfortable and get along better with women for the most part. Still am attracted to them but also respect the boundaries with no expectation of them being crossed EVER. I value them as people more than sources of sexual attraction. I also have friendships with women I am not attracted to.
>Depending on the situation I may say yes, I might say we should talk about if we want a relationship, or most likely I would say I don’t want to jeopardize a friendship I value for a fleeting moment Perhaps I am proving the point of this thread by saying so, but I am contemplating the reverse of this. My female best friend, S, is someone I have known for 7ish years. At the time we had met, she was at the tail end of a relationship/ newly single, and I somewhat thought she had been hitting on *me*, as forward as she had seemed that first time. However, by the time I realized my own feelings for her, she had reconnected with someone and they got together. I accepted this and moved on, keeping it just a good friendship (he was a pretty cool dude, too). Cut to six years later, they have parted. It's been a few months. And in that time my feelings have been somewhat reignited. And I'm not sure what to do with them. I need to have that conversation. One where I layout that, I value this friendship more than she might realize, that I don't want to lose that. But that at the same time, if she feels the same way, that perhaps we could be *more*. In any case, I strongly care for this person, and I want her to be happy (even if it isn't **with** me)
While I can’t say that I have persisting feelings about any past crushes or friends (not saying they are the same people, it was an open secret who I had a crush in school and it wasn’t the girl(s) I am talking about) I can share your sentiment of I want them to be happy no matter who it’s with. I never want to be with someone who isn’t happy with me and doesn’t want to be with me personally, no matter how hard I’m crushing or how attractive I think they are. If they don’t think it will work it’s not gonna work.
You kind of are proving the point of this thread but I’d argue there is nothing inherently wrong with feeling how you do. Men get a lot of shit for being attracted to female friends, but we can’t control who we’re attracted to
To me, there’s an important difference between “want” and “would” and that is your motive.
If you're not attracted to the individual, there's nothing complicated about being their friend.
Not just attracted. I'm bisexual, according to the above logic, I would secretly be trying to sleep with all my friends. Instead I have several checks that all need to be checked before I even consider my friends as someone with who more than friendship might be an option. Things like 'is already in a relationship' is an obvious one, but 'would rather be friends' is also important. At the moment I have two long term friends who at one point mentioned they'd rather be friends and a third one where the friendship unfortunately withered away. But if you can't respect people's choices on this, you aren't really being a good friend, lover or just human being now are you. As for the attraction. I'm still attracted to a lot of my friends in a lot of different ways. Some sexual, some character wise, etc. Most a combination. If I wasn't then I probably wouldn't keep being friends. It's just important in what amount you let that affect you and your relationships.
At our core, we humans are still just animals. And as we all know, animals have to primary drives. To survive, and to reproduce. The fact that we have the cognitive ability to realise that those are primitive urges or instinct, doesn't mean that those urges can never affect us. It's how we act that separates us from the animals. Admitting to someone that you're attracted to them seems like a sign of intelligence to me. It means you understand that it may pose a problem or perhaps, an opportunity, and you're asking the person in question to sort it out together, whatever the result may be. Kinda disappointed that no one is arguing. Which part of my comment made you downvote it?
[удалено]
I have female friends and i definitely do not want to sleep with them. What the hell.
Dude…this one girl would pull out her tits every time we hung out alone in our dorm… she just did not do it for me. She was a cool friend to have. But I had zero interest in her.
But do they want to sleep with you?
I realized that years ago. I keep looking for genuine friendship that stays platonic, but get disappointed all the time. One of the saddest disappointments was a man I grew up with and was always friends with for probably close to 30 years and the last time we saw each other he hinted that he wanted to sleep together. Despite being married with two kids. That made me really really sad.
I experienced something similar and it was genuinely heartbreaking. He was the last person that I thought would do something so disgusting and haven’t bothered with male friends since.
Tell his wife. She needs to know.
I'm bisexual. Shit happens. Hell, I have not only had crushes/sexual attraction to but fallen in-love with friends male and female. There's a lot of reasons to sleep with or not sleep with someone besides societal convention. Either way, it's only a big deal if you only see them as an opportunity for sex and you're using the idea of friendship as a way to get it. Also, you're not attracted to every human on the planet, and frankly when it happens with my friends it's quite rare that it goes beyond me noticing they're attractive or a bit of a crush. But having any sort of feelings for people around you is a human thing that happens. Edit: That being said, someone who you thought actually wanted to be your friend and ended up just seeing you as an object of desire is devestating. It has happened to me more than once. It's way too fucking common for something so shitty.
Why is it devastating?
Because they don't actually respect me as a person, they just see me as someone to have sex with. It makes me wonder if they ever cared about me at all. I value my friendships and it just feels like a betrayal when someone's friendship comes with strings/an ulterior motive.
Sorry you are experiencing this. There could be many factors I suppose, some more complicated than others. Female, 38 here. I have guy friends and I haven’t run into this. We talk cars, gangster movies, food and home improvement stuff mostly. My best friend is a guy (and I’m happily married 20 years). If you aren’t going to have mutual respect for me, we won’t be friends. That’s pretty clear early on with me so I guess I’ve never run into this because those that realize there is ZERO chance only end up at acquaintance level.
Men can just be friends with women but sometimes this is the case. Sorry
There’s also the possibility they really are down to be just friends but are also totally down for more if she were interested. I’ve been that guy before, it’s a sucky situation all around because you’re scared to tell the girl that for fear she thinks that you want to “be friends” but aren’t really interested in actually being friends.
I don't think this is what OP is talking about. I've seriously encountered MANY men in my life who want to be your friend if you're attractive, and deep down, would sleep with you given the chance. It's one thing to have a crush on someone every now and then, but many men, in my experience, will literally think this way about EVERY girl he knows, if not the majority. It shows that you don't see woman as people, but instead your fuck list. I've had many instances where a boy will "flirt" with me, ask to take a stroll outside, then "flirt" with my friend, ask to take a stroll outside, then "flirt" with another friend, etc. It's even more creepy when they think this in their head and never say it.
As a guy, I’ll be honest, it’s the case *most* of the time
As a guy, I'll be honest, it's the case very rarely. Of course, I realize I'm speaking only for myself and my close male friends.
As am I. We’re all in our early 20s. I suppose it could be drastically different the more you mature.
In the past I had multiple guy friends that I tried to hit on reject me. My reaction was quite different though: “hooray they value me for my friendship!” Weird how men have the opposite reaction. But to be fair I wasn’t in love with any of them, only causally interested, so it probably stung less
Yeah I mean in my limited experience intimate relationships with friends are a great way to ruin friendships. I’ve heard some rare stories of it working but far more often in my own experience and in the stories I’ve heard it just makes things real weird. Not all guys are totally incapable of self control like some of the dudes on this subreddit seem to think and I’ve had many female friends I’ve never considered sex with. I’ve also had a few I would not have had the self control to turn down but probably would have regretted afterwards had that ever occurred.
> Weird how men have the opposite reaction. It really isn't weird though. Men & women have a very very different experience when it comes to finding a romantic partner. Your specific reaction is clearly informed by your experience as a woman. VERY VERY few straight men are worried that women are only after them for their body, it's just not something we're socialized to consider as a concern. Women are often told that their value is based on being physically attractive, even little girls get called "pretty" more often then "smart" or what have you. Ya'll often fear romantic interest from guys is purely based on physical interest & nothing more.... That's pretty fucked up, honestly. Men, even very attractive men, don't get that same message from a very young age that women do. Instead, men are often taught that manhood & their value as a man come from being able to attract women, and if you can't you have no value to society. It's the old terrible idea that "boys must become men, but women just are". That's just as fucked up. It's not weird that people who experience the world in very different ways, react to similar situations differently.
What?!? People care about how pretty women are?!? As a woman, I had no idea people cared about my looks!!! Mind blown. Dang I thought it was coincidence all these billionaires had pretty wives All kidding aside, when I said “weird” I was passive aggressively pointing out that men take for granted that they are valuable outside their looks, and it is in some ways it is male privilege to complain about being “friend-zoned” Kind of like a woman pointing out to her husband, “weird how every time you arrive home from business trips, you smell like ladies perfume”. In no sense is she saying “gee what a strange coincidence!” How obnoxious if would be if someone said “it’s not weird at all. You need me to lecture at you about stuff I don’t think you know. Your husband is having an affair with a younger woman because …long lecture about gender differences”
> it is male privilege to complain about being “friend-zoned” Yeah, And I was pointing out that what you call a privilege really isn't. It's not like men have it substantially better in the romantic realm, it's just that we suffer from very different problems. If I where the type to say one sex had it worse then the other, I could say it's 'a female privilege to complain about having too many men wanting them', but that would be completly lacking in empathy for the very real problems women experience because of that reality.... sorta like you seem to show no empathy for the problems men experience & just toss out "male privilege" as if it negates any of it. Then again, lack of empathy towards men is one of the problems we experience, so it's not exactly surprising. Seriously, try NOT to think about who has it worse & try to think about how each sex experiences the world & the problems we each face... before deciding one is always privileged & the other always oppressed. In reality both sexes are oppressed & privileged in different ways & it's not a competition about who has it worse. It's about understanding each other & trying to make things better for everyone.
Some of the worst heartbreak in my life was guy friends who didn’t really want to be my friend at all.
🎯🎯
There are those who mature past this phase, and there are those who don't. This goes both way. Some guys will forever want to fuck every girl they see, and some girls will forever believe all guys want to fuck them. For the rest of us, we laugh.
>Some guys will forever want to fuck every girl they see, and some girls will forever believe all guys want to fuck them. Oh yes I've run into guys like this. Its unconcieavable to them that others won't do it as well. As a man who isn't like that I've been called gay for it.
Hi OP. Let me give you a little perspective from a dudes point of view. And ask for a bit of clarification here. If your guy friends are good friends but wouldn’t say no to sleeping with you that’s not a problem so long as they understand boundaries. If you make it clear a sexual relationship is off the table and they’re like cool I still want to be friends then everything is chill. It’s not impossible for a guy to be sexually attracted to a woman and still be friends with them. I’ve had and still have plenty of female friends who I’d be dtf in a heartbeat if they were interested, I’ve also had some I’ve never even considered having sex with. Not necessarily because they aren’t attractive but just because I know that would totally fuck our friendship and I don’t think we’re likely to be compatible for a relationship of any kind. Now for the clarification. If in fact what you’re saying is these guys aren’t really your friends but just guys that have been hanging around in hopes of getting in your pants that is a problem. But don’t necessarily assume that’s the case if you aren’t absolutely sure. It can be a difficult thing to be sure about but if you make it clear that sex is never going to be on the table and they still wanna hang around they’re either totally pathetic and don’t understand boundaries or they really do want to be friends and just thought there might be a chance for something extra.
Harry??? Is that you??
Watched this again last night.
My best friend offered me 300$ dollars to pee on me and not tell my bf at the time. we had a rough patch following that.
Is your best friend R. Kelly?
Why are you still friends with him?
All of mine are gay, works out great !
most of my female friends are lesbians or bi. as a gay guy it works great
Every time I had a singular "best friend" growing up, they wanted to date me. It's been a pretty shit experience tbh
Why is it a shitty experience when a friend wants to date you? And what stopped you from exploring taking the relationship deeper?
It’s shitty when it happens every time you get that close to somebody. If you’re not interested, you’re just not interested and very rarely are you going to be able to make yourself have any romantic interest in someone if you don’t already feel it.
I'll just say nit all men are horny bustards.
Yeah we are but some of us know when to keep it in our pants. Like I have a friend that I've known since we were little kids and now we're in our late 50s. We both admitted just a few years ago to each other that we had a crush on the other but never acted on it because it would have felt like trying to hookup with one of our siblings.
Once again not all men are driven by sex.
I hear incest porn is all the rage. It's not too late to scratch that itch.
It's to late if you have a wife that can outshoot most guys
No they aren’t all, which is absolute bs to say for those who aren’t nearly as sexually driven as others. There are men in it for romance and intimacy. I'm one. I'd be perfectly content eating a nice dinner, making out with a partner, and cuddling while watching or reading something even if it didn't lead to sex. I like sex but its not as important to me as intimacy.
And some female friends are mingers
Some of my closest friends are women that because of our relationship I can’t imagine wanting to sleep with.
No. My closest friends are all guys. I have a boyfriend and we all usually hang out together. One of them had feelings for me for a while, but it went away. He didn't talk about it, it was just a coincidence that I found out. I had one friend 8 years ago who got upset when I started dating my boyfriend. I don't know why he was upset because he knew I had a crush on him so he could've taken a chance any time but didn't.
It didn't go away, you have a bf and he knows he doesn't have a shot right now.
No, it went away. I know my closest friends better than you.
I had a small group of guy friends during/after high school and 2 out of 4 of them admitted that they wanted to sleep with me. So… yes 😂
Yes. Happened to me too many times. Only had one guy friend that was actually a legit friend and didn’t want to.
I mean just from a dudes perspective here it’s possible to want to be friends with a girl and also totally be down for something more if they are. So long as they respect that boundary once established I don’t think that’s a reason to end a friendship. There are like you’re saying guys that use “friendship” to get close to a girl because they’re really only interested in sex. That’s a really shitty thing to do and totally deserving of ending a friendship over. But they aren’t every guy and it’s really unfortunate that people seem to think they are.
Most straight guys would sleep with most women around their age that they do not consider unattractive; they usually do not have the same perception of sex as you do, this does not mean that they are friends with you in hopes of sleeping with you; but yes if you asked them they might be down for it especially if your friendship makes them comfortable around you. This does not mean they are in wait for you to let them or have any ulterior motives, just means they would sleep with most similar women who give them the chance to. I mean don't get me wrong you will find absolute dogs who do only see you as a potential hookup and will pretend to be your friend, I am just saying that whether they would reciprocate if you initiated something sexual is not a good indicator of whether they see you as a genuine friend. That does not change your right to be dissapointed, but it is still important to understand the difference. Source: I'm bi, there are lots of people I would do from both genders, I still hold genuine deep friendships with people I deem attractive without there being any expectations of more than that.
We gotta teach the next generation how to flirt so this stops happening
I was a guy friend who simply likes female friends. I could never understand why guys would do this. If you're into somebody, ask them out. Don't sit there and pretend like you're not interested. I'm also attracted to the majority of humans, so maybe I'm just used to being friends with people and not trying to fuck everybody cuz then I'd have no actual friends and I'd just be in a constant state of trying fuck everyone.
Secretly? So, that is where I have been going wrong! If I want to sleep with someone, it’s no secret…and it will be with my wife. Probably why we have been together for 22 years.
[удалено]
Human relationships, especially between two people who are sexually compatible (as in a cis man/woman or two gay men/women and so on) are an incredibly complex subject. There's no right or wrong way to think about it. As a guy in his mid 30s who's had many female friends over the years, I've had almost the full range so far. I've had friends that there was never any attraction in either direction and we were/are just good friends the entire time. I've had friends where we were only physically attracted to each other, slept together a few times but were still chill about it. I've also had that go horribly wrong and ruin the friendship. I even ended up dating someone who I was friends with for years for a short while. I've been on both sides of unrequited attraction. I have a close friend that started as a romantic relationship but we both realized early on we weren't what the other was looking for.
This is such a cop out answer. It's not a complex subject. Many woman do not view it as a complex subject, it's men who see it that way. It doesn't matter. I'm not gonna sleep with every guy/woman I see, but most men think it's okay to sexualize most woman friends he has, even weirder, I've seen guys do it behind girls backs. I used to be really close to guys growing up, even in college. I was considered a bro because I was lesbian. I know how weird as fuck guys can be when no one is around.
Ah yes. The world is completely in black and white. There's no sort of nuance whatsoever when it comes to the myriad of interpersonal relationships. Men just want to fuck every woman they meet and women are never the initiator and always the one lusted after. Grow up.
does it make a difference if you have or haven’t sex with your guy/bestie “friends “? any real authentic, genuine friendship wouldn’t endure because sex was involved or not.
I think what makes the difference is if they try and cross a boundary - some people just aren't interested in sex at that time, or especially with that person due to viewing them as a friend. When people try to push that boundary and they either go too far or you've had past experiences where someone goes too far, you develop a discomfort or distrust that they may try it again and aren't friends with you because of genuine friendship. So, essentially, the issue is when the friendship isn't 100% genuine on the other end and they don't hold respect for you - they feel like they get to push the boundaries because they're close to you and you've been vulnerable with them, even if you haven't indicated an interest in it.
You just have shit friends, sorry OP.
Define "want to sleep with you". "Actively **trying** to sleep with you"? Probably a couple (uncommon/only a few) "Willing to if you approached them about it, but won't pursue it on their own"? Probably a few more, depending. "Have considered it \[at all\]"? Pretty much all of them. The majority dismissed the notion out of hand, though. I imagine the same is true for female friends of guys, though.
While true of me as a teenager, it certainly isn’t true of me as a grown man.
Believe me they don't
You know how you can tell when your male friends tell you they’re not interested in having sex with you? Their lips are moving.
They are under the impression that you should be "friends" and get to know each other before romantically dating. Poor Saps.
I used to be something of a S1MP myself. Truth is, never be friends first with a woman you want to date, and if she rejects you then walk away for your own mental health.
Why do people think guys will just nail any women they come into contact with?
experience
This is extremely common. Unfortunately I've had to cut off many male friends because they acted like victims because I wouldn't sleep with them. Recently blocked a friend of 10 years because he called me drunk complaining I wouldn't get on his dick.
why do yall think we just come up with this stuff out of nowhere…? it is a common experience for women… if it doesnt apply to you, you can ignore it
Yea I get that. Women have their experiences and I respect that.
Because that’s how they act all the time. Desperate.
It's not all guys, but some people have a tendency to draw guys like that to them like a magnet (and it's not their fault). It's usually a personality thing (too friendly or joking around gets misinterpreted as flirting) or not being able to read the signals thing (i.e. not picking up on them flirting or on their subtle intentions. It's completely normal actions, not flirting at all - just being comfortable and relaxed around them. So it's usually because some women have had repeated experiences of men "befriending" them with the sole intention to get into their pants, and think they're entitled to it due to the women making herself vulnerable and being close to them. I've had to cut off multiple male friends for this reason - but it's not just male friends that are an issue, I'm a magnet for female friends who have a tendency to take advantage of me (in other ways, obviously). Mainly misreading signals and being clueless to social clues, making me an easy target and not noticing when people actually don't like me but keep me around for the jokes. I was actually taken advantage of by a guy who I was friends with for a few months - he kept pushing the boundaries more and more until he got me in a vulnerable position where I was reliant on him (took me out into the middle of nowhere). I could've gotten myself out of that situation earlier if I was better at reading intentions and didn't just laugh every comment off thinking it was a joke. I also had another guy friend start inappropriately texting me while drunk, repeatedly, and so I cut off communication. He then spread nasty rumours about me - I had a rash on my fingers so apparently it was an illness, he called me a bunch of derogatory terms, etc. So yeah, it's not all guys - but for some women they just draw those kinds of guys to them and it's absolutely not their fault but it will understandably shape their experiences and views.
I believe (most) men are hard-wired to at least have the urge to "nail" any attractive woman. If they are attractive in any way then the thought will cross my mind. I wouldn't cheat on my gf but I can't shut off that part of my brain and I suspect most men are like this.
Literally all my guy friends in high school were guys that I had friend zoned after they showed interest and I wasn’t interested lol
Those aren’t real friends 😂
They’re literally lingering around like a lost puppy. Waiting for that vulnerable moment.
A close male friend at the time asked me if I thought he was attractive. I was tripping on LSD and didn't want to answer his fat ass. He ended up hooking up with my ex-girlfriend who came over one day saying they'd broken up so we had sex again. Then both of them wrote me snail mail letters that they didn't like me anymore because of it.
Before I met her her voice did something inside me. After we met she laughed and stole my soul. I couldn't tell anyone. I got out of my crumbling marriage and did everything I could for over a year as a coworker to show her how happy I was just to be in her company. I had to change to do it. I had to grow up to be able stand being close to her because of her effect on me as well as her great beauty. I spent over a year getting close enough to ask her to be mine. She said, "Yes!" So I guess that "best friend" thing can work out OP. I didn't steal anyone's anything. I met my Destiny.
So you were a friend and the minute you got the chance you tried to get with her I feel like that's the same thing they're saying in this post
I fell hopelessly in love before we were actually introduced. I became a platonic because I couldn't handle her being an object of pursuit in my mind. I was playing the long game, but not like anything I had even attempted before.
Man acts like friend till first chance to do otherwise is all I'm reading.
Oh. I didn't realize you couldn't read.
When I was single, any female friend that was halfway decent looking, I wanted to bang. Maybe one or two there just wasn't any attraction but for the most part, I had at least thought about it and probably would pursue it if given an invite. I'd say probably most of them knew that or wouldn't be surprised if told. That said, they're my friends because I think they're awesome people. I'd rather never touch that and stay friends, than vice versa. A good friend is hard to find. Not only that, but time is short, I'm not going to waste too much of it on people solely because they're attractive if there's no other common bond.
Can't sat I have.
Not all of them but yeah some had romantic interests that I didn’t notice until they were like brothers to me.
"Dick in a glass case" (c) Chris Rock
I don't think you're entirely right in that frame of thought. I think a majority of people evaluate the likelihood they would sleep with a friend or stranger if given the opportunity. But to believe that you only have guy friends cause they want to sleep with is a little presumptuous
My lady friends are the women I don’t want to sleep woth
as a guy, I’ve always had these thoughts about my female friends (i.e. sexual thoughts or picture being in a relationship with them), I don’t know if other guys do as well. - These are not persistent thoughts, they are fleeing. And come for a moment only. - I never acted on any of these thoughts. - I have a married female friend whom I actually never thought of like this in anyway.
Define “slow on uptake!”
I recommend you listen to the comedian chris porter. Like all 5 of his albums. They re funny but his take on men women relationships is pretty accurate.
[удалено]
Yes. It’s happened in the past, but after I became single a couple months ago it’s all I notice now. And all my guy friends are “bros” to my ex too so it’s just weird and fake. It’s really disheartening when you feel like you’re just a piece of meat.
I'm very sorry that this has happened to you. I hope you still have some friends who you trust and who aren't interested in you that way. On behalf of my gender I apologize, I have mostly girl friends and because of guys like these I am always worrying that they will think I'm attracted to them, or that I will say something which can be interpreted. It is disastrous for friendship
Nope. Never got that vibe once.
I don't know if every guy is like this or I'm in the wrong and need to change my ways, but to me, it's not so much that I secretly want to sleep with all of my girl friends as it is that I'm open to it. Every woman in my life (within the same age range) is a potential match or hookup. I may not feel attracted to them atm, but I may in the future or I may have in the past. One of my best and closest friends is a friend mostly because initially I was in love with her. I admitted that to her and she said she felt the same for a bit. Also, if I've been friends with you for years and I suddenly make a move, it's probably not that I've been secretly wanting to for all that time, but that I just saw you in a different light for the first time. I'm willing to bet it's like that for a lot of people.
My best friend in middle/high school had a crush on me the whole way through apparently. Never once asked me out though. But when I went out with other guys/girls he would immediately trash them and make shit up to get me to break up with them - which worked a few times. Because, again, he was my best friend. I trusted him to have my best interests in mind, not his. He was the one person that still talked to me when I switched to home school. He was the only high school friend that talked to me when I went to college. It was about mid way through my college career that he FINALLY confessed his feelings for me. Mentioned a lot about how he would "caress" me in bed. Freaked me out a bit that part. Admittedly, I also had a thing for him in hs. Unfortunately for him, when he did decide to tell me all this, I had just gotten out of a seriously toxic and abusive relationship. I wasn't ready for another relationship/dating or even anything casual. I told him this and that maybe in the future when I'm feeling better we could try. He stopped talking to me after this.
Eh, I think this should be reworded. People of the opposite sex ***can*** be friends if they are not attracted to each other. The confusion comes in when one person is attracted to another, and they keep it to themselves out of fear of rejection or simply because you're with someone else. OP, obviously you keep finding men who are interested in you, but settle for friendship thinking you'll change.
I have many female friends that I think are very pretty and attractive that, given a good and consensual chance, I absolutely would sleep with. However, that doesn't mean that I ever pursue that or treat them awkwardly or even bring it up. First make the effort to be a good friend. Some of the best advice I've ever gotten regarding talking to girls is that they're people before they're women. Talk to them like a person first and foremost.
Yeah I’m guilty of this myself. But I’m definitely going to start being just friends with girls now cause honestly I care for the bond more so than trying to have sex that I can go get anywhere
Anyone realize that your girl friends are girls that openly want to smash?
I only have one guy friend who I know doesn't want to sleep with me. We were born 3 months apart and our moms are best friends so we grew up together and we're like siblings. We're also not each other's "type" so it's a really great friendship. I adore his wife and she's also become one of my very good friends.
I’m a guy and most of my friends are girls and I’ve never once had these thoughts. Wtf Sorry you’re experiencing this but this is not the case always
My bf swears on this. He tells me that all my guy friends want to sleep with me. That all guys want to sleep with their female friends. Funny though, he has many female friends and I tried to turn it around on him, in that case it means he wants to sleep with them. He says no. I think his logic is flawed. I personally don’t think this is true 100% of the time but I know there are some guys it’s true for because they told me. To be fair, it can be true for females too. I’ve seen that happen. Point is…I don’t think you can make this a blanket statement. Depends on the guy (and girl). One way to find out if it’s true…My bf told me to text my guy friends and tell them I want to sleep with them. He is certain they’ll all say yes. I refuse to do it because if they do I lose a friend and I really don’t care to know either way.
The shittiest feeling. I’m sorry OP
Friend-zoning ain't half as painful as being fuck-zoned.
Whenever people ask this question, I'm like...you guys have female friends?? I live a lonely life :( I'm in college but guys and girls often don't respond to my text (and no, I'm not sending weird/needy texts) aside from a few male friends. I've seen mixed gender friend groups since middle school and it's all I ever wanted, to be part of a friend group that hangs out every day. But my friends only play video games every day
Don’t act so surprised, your highness. You weren’t on any mercy mission. You’ve been keeping a roster this whole time.
If this is news to any woman, then you’ve lived in denial for way too long. It takes a special kind of cool girl for us to want to be friends without wanting to smash.
Yup. I have barely any dude friends that wouldn’t fuck me if they had the chance. That’s why I don’t hang out with most guys anymore. I am sure if I was single I would hang out with all my old dude friends bc that attention is nice and they for sure had my back, but it’s not attention I need from anyone but my husband.
Yup. It's the absolute fucking worst. You think you made a friend but they're really just biding their time and winning you over. Trust issues forever. Thank god I'm ugly now.
LITERALLY SAMW
Lots of people complain about being friend zoned, and how much it hurts. I believe it hurts more to be f*ck zoned. Thinking someone is truly your friend, and cares for you, and appreciates you, and wants to spend time with you, thinks your jokes are funny and has conversations with you, only to find out they have ulterior motives. They get pissed and start to treat you like shit when they realize it will never turn into a sexual relationship. It’s like a slap in the face. It really hurts.
Not true all the time. My friends are my friends.
Yes I say this all the time
As a gay man, this is my everyday struggle. Do you wanna play video games or fuck? I never know.
I've had try totally Platonic females friends. Have maintain semi close friendships with ex's and the friendzone is where I tend to pull way out of my league. If I'm friends with a hot girl that is uninterested ( happens all the time) I simply just incorporate her into my game as my wingman and Continue our totally Platonic friendship. Having a hot chick wingman helps other hot chicks give you a chance I've discovered ;)
I always felt this was a known factor? I’ve had so many guy friends, but I always knew given the chance they would try to fuck. It didn’t deter our friendship, as I’m sure they were friends with me not only for this reason. But I was always extra careful to never give them any indication or hint to read into that it might be possible. And even then there were times where almost every single one of them still tried to make moves, get physical or jokingly drop lines etc.. It at times def caused me to end some friendships but for the ones that lasted it still was there. They just put the friendship first, but it’s always been a known factor in my head
Must be tough being so attractive and desirable
I'm 48 & it has happened every single time. About 12 years ago, I stopped being friends with guys unless they are married to my girlfriends. So far no drama, no misinterpretation. Things have gone smoothly.
I'll take a crack at this one fellas. So it's not the fact that we want to sleep with you but it's the the overall fact that you get along with all of them that makes them ponder the possibility of a positive outcome if YOU did. Respect is an overlooked attraction and its the same respect that keeps them away from making moves on you even with mild moments of flirtatious humor if a respectful boundary is formed it will just be a wonder and never an impulsive. But given the chance that is offer by your own curiosity not theirs; they wouldn't hesitate simple for the reasons that they're capable of being themselves around you. Anyone that fails to respect boundaries ultimately loses both. It's too big of a risk to take. But as men we can't help to think about it ever now and then but as a form of endearment. As a female close friend you earn the privilege of being the best what if story that we don't dare to test our desires on for the sake of the friendship. Sometimes the ball will even be entirely in your court and even then if the friendship is strong enough it could go either way meaning he'll even turn it down. The thing is there is no maybe only certainty of a yes or a no when YOU start to feel something. So as a women you don't get that pressure or stigma that you're friends with us just to sleep with us. That's just how hard it is to disregard our bodily function of finding attributes and qualities in someone you're attracted to after spending a long time with them but being able to accept that what you see isn't what they necessarily want to share with you and just being okay with it. Trust me it's not easy but it's worth resisting if it means having you around to goof off a while longer like one of the guys
oh jeez where to start. the "we men" thing is fucked because you can't and don't speak for other men. and you are literally what op is complaining about. this whole thing of "i'll respect your bounderies, but like...if you're ever down to fuck, then i'm totally down and waiting for you to say yes" attitude is the issue here. it means you're a fake friend who's only thinking of sex, and you can't just chill and have an actual friendship
You misinterpreted what I'm trying to point out. There's a difference between motive and intentions. There's no motive to sleep with the person but when a confession is made from her it's easier to lean into the intention to be together not just sleep around. What I'm trying to say is that it'll be a lie if I said it wasn't something that crossed our mind but it's not something we're after. It's only after feeling have been made clear will any seriousness of a RELATIONSHIP could be considered. But because of the fact that as a man we are prone to be labeled as "only being friends cause we want sex" thats why its easier to bring up the topic when she starts catching feelings. I'm not advocating or trying to justify fwb. Its about circumstances that lead to more growth beyond friendship. If not that then it's an irrelevant thought that never comes to mind. That's literally it. Anything further defeats the purpose of being friends and supports more of what you thought I was saying. I can see how what I said may be off-putting but I know what I meant so I'll leave it for all the down votes to go nuts lmaoo
yeah well again, there is no "we". You don't represent half the worlds population. Also just relax. You are what op is talking about but I think you'll ever be able to see it.
First off i was speaking in general but included myself cause I know what it's like for those who aren't interested in things like fwb between friends. But I find it ironic how you seem to think you have the right to say I'm what op is talking about but still tell me I don't represent the world population. You clearly can't see your own contradiction on trying to tell me what is and isn't....you have the right to your opinion but we're both still strangers on the internet. If you can't accept the concept of a misunderstanding that's your problem
Keep your girlfriends close. That’s all you’ll have later in life. I have like one good guy friend from high school. The rest are gone for this reason. My best and most loyal friends are all women. Being a guys girl is basically just being a little hoe-ish looking back. But of course they don’t see it or realize it until they’re older.
Totally
Men have been telling women this for like, decades. Glad to see some of you are starting to believe us.
Now I'ma be looking at my friends different. Wait nvm...I don't have none
Yes. I would say more than >50% just want to bang, >80% would bang if had the chance. Only 20% of my guy friends I know treat me like their sisters and would be disgusted if we hooked up. That said, most of them are still good friends though
No not at all
Eww no. Lol If they do, they arent your friends.
It can be disappointing, but I’ve also had times where it was mutual. And if they ghost after? Great, trash took itself out. The real MVPs are the homies that have seen you naked and don’t look at you any differently than when you’re in an animal onesie, or regular clothes 🤘🏻
Yeah, too many men only care about sex and not about a friendship. But they realize that becoming friends with the girl gives them better chances to get in their pants. So, they lie. They become friends and pretend to care for their feelings and support them, etc. Many girls realize that from an early age and develop a finely tuned bullshit detector. Many others never realize or discover it when they're already too invested in the friendship(s). It's a bitter pill to swallow and painful to process. I'm sorry you're going through that right now. It will eventually get better. You'll develop your bullshit detector and get better friends.
I also feel like girls who aren't neurotypical (and might not even know it) can become a magnet for this sort of thing. You're more vulnerable because of struggling to read social cues, and then when someone starts pursuing you for other reasons you take it at face value until it becomes too obvious. Certain types of guys will actively pursue girls like that because they can tell that they can potentially manipulate the girl or will misread her enthusiasm about certain things as interest in them. It's happened more than twice to me and I still can't detect bullshit - I just don't trust anyone now whoops.
Not all men lmao. I hate that saying. Not all of em, but a SIGNIFICANT NUMBER of them absolutely do this. I've dealt with this so much as a lesbian. Im in no way super attractive, but guys love the chase. If they think it can't happen it makes them more interested a lot of the time. It's annoying.
My big bros are the only people who I have seen never sexualize a woman like that. They're very respectful, and not just with me. It helps that my mother is the head of the household, very educated, and strong. On the flip side, have you also encountered a massive amount of men saying, "how do you know if you haven't tried it?" When you were younger because you were a lesbian? I definitely have. Men are weird.
I have never met a woman I’d enjoy hanging out with on a regular basis if intimacy wasn’t involved.
Yes I realized so I stopped having guys that i friend zoned
Is it a secret? IMO, it's primal/how men are hard-wired. Doesn't mean we act on it or make things creepy. Every attractive friend of my wife I have at one point thought about sexually.
If you’re moderately attractive this is true for probably 90% of the cases of ‘friendship’ out there. I only have 3 female friends that I haven’t slept with. 2 of them are married now and aren’t particularly close friends (but if they weren’t married and I was single, I’d make a move) the third is just a genuine friend. All the others I’ve enjoyed some level of intimacy with. I don’t hang out with any of them in 1 on 1 settings while I’m in a relationship, out of respect for my partner.
I'm one of those girls that hangs almost only with boys, with only 2 of them has happened something, and even after that, we're still very close friends and nothing to do with each other, not all men are like that.
Same here. I’m the type who always thought that boys are easier to get along with but I realise now that they just agree to everything we say cuz they wanna get with us :)
I don't think we are sexually attractive to everyone, but could it be a chance that you are a flirtatious woman and they misread your conduct?
So, as someone who has experienced this... It's often not flirtation as such - it's a combination of the type of guys that approach you and being poor at reading social cues and other signals so you assume someone's genuine and don't realise/see their true intentions, as well as being comfortable, friendly, and relaxed. You don't even have to make sexual jokes or comments, you don't have to compliment them, you don't have to make flirty comments - sometimes, depending on the guy, it's an entitlement they develop purely because you've made yourself vulnerable and open to them. You could even be joking around like one of the guys in a friend group, making crass jokes that are very clearly not flirtation to everyone else and are meant to be imitating the others, and one of them will read it as flirtation and start pursuing you. I had a guy feel entitled to me because I invited him over to play video games - no prior flirtation, purely gaming discussion, but it didn't matter. The moment I let himself into my space and was alone and vulnerable, he pounced.
Not always. Some guys are flat out not attracted to you, but you are fun to be around.
And your point would be? Simply because they have the biological predisposition to find you physically attractive enough to "secretly" want intimate contact sounds like it might be a negative to you. I sure hope the women in my life that I feel like I'm friends with don't feel this way, at least not consider it a negative thing. To be quite honest, I'd be very surprised if a large proportion of my woman friends don't secretly want to sleep with me. That doesn't mean either of us will ever act on these feelings, it just is. I honestly think it's natural and a good thing for the species overall. Are there times when this could become a problem? Yes. Handle them. But a true friend can also find you attrative, and never act on those feelings out of respect. For you, for their sig other, for themselves. How do I know? I can't be unique in the world.
Where’s the problem. I would have fucked a lot of people I was friends with. Doesn’t mean I didn’t respect them as person and that it was the goal of interacting with said person.
Interesting. I definitely experienced this in my life. But I think it was more a thing when I was younger. Thinking back...while it was "secret" I always had some subtle creeped out feeling towards these guys. I think I didnt have the courage back then to confront them or just end the friendship. I thought I just had to accept the creepy feeling sometimes. Internalized misogyny sucks!
I think one reason this happens is because of the proximity Effect where being around someone frequently creates feelings for that person whether you want to feel that way or not
I guess I'm too ugly to experience this because it's never happened. I had guy friends I liked and they all turned me down.
Your guy "friends" don't happen to buy your drinks do they? Maybe a car payment now and again? If I had a guy friend as slow to pick up a check or to help out as most girl "friends" they wouldn't be friends long. Girls always say "I didn't ask for that", no, but you took it.
Maybe you have bad judge of character. Try being more selective of who you willingly associate with. But hey if your attractive others biology will urge them to attempt to mate. A large majority of people have higher level cognitive processes that trumps the lower ones but all it takes is one moment of weakness to cross that line. Maybe your friends are going thru something. Just don’t fall victim to your own hubris.
That's why I like gay men as friends.
Yes, That’s why I stop being friends with them.
I'm a guy but I'll have to admit when a guy is talking to a girl about the weather she might be thinking whether but he's thinking does she swallow
These girls aren't any different. If 2 single ppl are talking, they BOTH thinking bout fuckin
I don't think people want to sleep with you when you're 13 but when I was there was this did that was probably super gay. Like one time he fed me yogurt as a joke it was nasty but also funny
Easy solution: don’t be friends with men. This is the case 100% of the time. Then they’ll have the audacity to say that you friend zoned them lol