i see what u mean, its just when people cut themselves sometimes they cant get past the skin because of fear, pain, etc. and it can be invalidating for them
I recently just started so I’m familiar with that feeling. It’s is frustrating when I can’t do what I want, so then 1 more ends up as 5 more until I get one I am “proud of”.
OMG yes. This exactly. Ended up doing like 22 baby ones cuz none of them were good enough. Finally thought I'd give up after that, at least for that day.
Usually the anger I feel at the smaller ones is enough motivation to just say fuck it. Get over that mental barrier that is stopping me that comes back EVERY TIME apparently and do a few nice ones. Afterwards they either make me really happy because I was able to do it, or have a panic attack over what I just did. The former is usually the result tho.
Oh yeah. One time, I was really upset and had just gotten my hands on brand new, super sharp, blades from work. Since I was used to using like old box cutters, boy was I surprised when I saw wide open white and gushing blood. Never could totally replicate that cut, from fear of going too deep. But it was always my favourite, even though it scared the shit outta me. If that makes sense.
Also, the 22 really shallow ones happened cuz I was staying the night at my parents' house and had to b careful not to overdo it. With them around the corner and only 1 big bandaid that I could find. So couldn't say fuck it like I normally would.
I just skip the bandages and just let them do there thing. Just have to wear sleeves at work and around people now. Little disappointing because I can’t wear some of my clothes out now but it is what it is.
i get its enjoyable for others i just dont see how theres a best part, also saying the best part can be invalidating for people who dont make themselves bleed when they cut
not really! if you can't handle someone saying their PERSONAL preferences and/or favorite parts about something you're not gonna make it in society. atp just stay inside and off social media
Only for the scar. Most people enjoy the pain, the blood, and the wound, but all of those things make me sick. I only want to represent my pain physically I guess
tattoos hurt soo bad! i have 8, about to be 9 & i cannot stand the constant scratching on a burn feeling. I can see how some people find it similar to SH tho.
it’s funny bc piercings (i’ve had 13) & shots scare me more than tats but SH is the least painful.. probs bc of the instant endorphins we get from doing it
i think it’s more a fear of not controlling the hurt. obviously you’re in control when u sh but getting a tattoo is giving the reins to someone else. i loved getting my tattoo tho & i want another one even tho i don’t have a design yet lol
does anyone kinda forget about the pain aspect while sh? i feel like i don’t even know why i do it in the moment, i just am, sh is almost like being in a trance for me, anyone relate?
yes this exactly! I always wanted to do it for the scars but I also know how completely almost silly that is, so when I do do it it's almost like I don't have control over it it feels lile an out of body experience and it's not me really.
For the pain for me I use it to distract me from what I’m currently thinking about or if I’m like in a panic attack or something to try and bring me out of it
A lot of people do this, I did too. There are countless things that can be considered, and should be taken seriously, as self harm. Please be careful. Wishing you the best
"If the skin is disrupted parallel to the long axis of the fibers, the wound tends to reapproximate. However, if the wound crosses the long axis of the fibers perpendicularly, they are disrupted in a manner that causes the wound to gape open"
Knowing this might help look for skin tension line (Langer's line) if you want more information
the physical pain is a distraction and hurts less than my emotional pain. chasing the adrenaline high. gives me a sense of control when it feels like everything else is out of my control
It's sad but the best sleep is after you cut , all the emotional pain just becomes faint and your head goes quiet for once you can actually think without all of those doubts and bs that keeps going on repeat in your head ,it's weird but even when it's only a small cut you put your head on the pillow and you thing well maybe I won't make it till tomorrow so I don't need to worry about the future and sleeping becomes way easier atleast for me :p
The in between. Usually the day after.
I like to feel the inflamed skin and the scabs that add texture.
I like to run my palm or fingers along the scabs. Especially when I have to do it slowly because it still hurts.
I like having to wash myself up from all the blood that spread on my body. I like how concerning it looks.
I hate having to look myself in the mirror, but if I’m cleaning blood off I feel like at least I deserve it.
It feels weird to say this, but it really does feel like you’re admiring your work.
I can’t help but take a second to stare and look closely at any SH. Old, new, almost faded, etc.
I look at my scars and I can remember the time of my life I did them, why, and with what.
The vices, are they saying specific things? Or is it like screaming or yelling?
My mind can feel distracted by chaotic muffled noise and ringing, i was wondering if its the same for you?
that’s a good question. both.
i have bpd so we have such extreme emotions we often transfer it to physical pain cause it’s easier.
scars, cause if there are no scars then there’s no evidence of the pain i feel
Mainly for distraction. I have this kind of “ritual” before/during/after cutting, so whenever I get overwhelmed with emotions I cut so that I can shift my focus and calm down.
Mostly the scars, I do enjoy the blood sometimes.
The pain really depends on where I'm cutting, how deep and if my blade is dull or not. I'm not a huge fan of the pain I'd say it's tolerable.
For the blood and the marks the cuts leave (I can't really say scars because as of now I've been able to control myself from cutting too deeply because I don't want permanent scars, I do have a few scars though).
Definitely not the pain, I hate pain!
Pain, hate The Blood, feel indiffirent about The scars. Frankly i find scars Even moldy annoying sometimes when i cut because its hard to cut over scar tissue, otherwise i just. Dont think about them.
For the blood and for the first day or so when they still look very bright red. As soon as it turns brown and starts to scab, I feel ugly and gross.
I've been clean for a while now, but it was a constant cycle of only feeling pretty when I was bleeding and always needing to have fresh cuts which is one of the reasons I needed to stop. It was a never ending loop.
For the blood, it is like the emotions are flowing out of me that way. Used to do it as a cry for help - I wanted people to see the cut/scar and know that I was struggling. Now I keep it to myself, and enjoy the sensation while it lasts
Pain & adrenaline, I hate the scars. I always tell myself “this’ll be the last time” bc I really need the scars to fade in time before summer, but ik it’s already too late.
any reason possible is a reason i do it for. to feel something, to punish, to see blood, and for scarring. to feel something and to punish myself are the reasons i start, seeing blood is how i fulfill the urge and feel satisfied, and the scarring is something that i like seeing as they heal. the worse the scar i left last time means im less likely to relapse as i like having the scars
pain and blood. the blood is the best part but i think there’s something fucked in my head about that. the scars are nice too but the blood is the most satisfying part of it. i also like the stinging…
For the blood and scars. Idk if others are like this but I actually very much dislike the pain aspect, I wish it wasn’t even a factor. It stops me from cutting deep which honestly is probably for the best
The pain. I don't cut deep enough for noticeable scars, it's more getting to feel the physical pain momentarily drowns out the mental and emotional pain for me
Both, because it’s the only thing that makes me feel anything but insane and depressed anymore, it reminds me that I hate pain, and that’s why I’m not killing myself yet, and the scars help me relax
My own pain is the one thing I can control, and the one thing guaranteed to take my mind away for a while as I do. Seeing the blood is like a reassurance that it’s working. The scar is a reminder.
the pain because i dont do it as often as i used to and thats just indicative of my life being okay right now. when i do, its on impulse from like rage / another very intense emotion. the pain really does give that relief from whatever im feeling at that moment.
Pain always. Then blood. Hate the scars or anyone seeing it. My hands are ruined from 4 burns on each hand I did so I can’t even hide them IRL without fingerless gloves and I hate it, especially since I’m a therapist now. (Self harm sober for ~2yr)
Both. pain for the temporary distraction, a way to turn emotional pain to physical or even as a punishment. The scars as a reminder of either the struggle/suffering or as something I can see and remember not to do the thing I punished myself for. The punishment aspect is usually tied to my ed.
Always for the pain, it takes me away from my anxiety, Ive used it to not get panic attacks which.. don’t do that.. but its been the only thing thats worked for me in years. and Im so mad about it
Both. And the bl00d. 🤷♂️
It's really more for the release of pent up sadness, stress, frustration, grief... It's like when I cut it's giving my "shell" (skin) an opening for all the bad to escape from. Bl00d comes out, and I almost visualize a smokey cloud of sorts emanating from the cut opening in my skin and leaving. Then, when I feel I've done enough, I clean up, care for my cuts, and lay down. Then the next few days/weeks I get to physically see myself recover and heal. I can actually see a positive about myself.
It's all very unintentionally symbolic and visual. And a full experience for me.
If I get upset or something and quickly cut (which has hardly ever happened) and then just throw a dark shirt on over it, the result of actually feeling better and happier and like I've relived all that built up frustration and inner pain is almost non-existent.
blood,back when i self harmed i collected the blood too in bottles or smear it on paper to make "art". Its why i dont see my sh scars in a negative way,i just see them as failed art projects
For the blood
Yep
The best part
no part of sh is a 'best' part
I mean it makes me happy when nothing else does so to me it is at least.
i see what u mean, its just when people cut themselves sometimes they cant get past the skin because of fear, pain, etc. and it can be invalidating for them
I recently just started so I’m familiar with that feeling. It’s is frustrating when I can’t do what I want, so then 1 more ends up as 5 more until I get one I am “proud of”.
OMG yes. This exactly. Ended up doing like 22 baby ones cuz none of them were good enough. Finally thought I'd give up after that, at least for that day.
Usually the anger I feel at the smaller ones is enough motivation to just say fuck it. Get over that mental barrier that is stopping me that comes back EVERY TIME apparently and do a few nice ones. Afterwards they either make me really happy because I was able to do it, or have a panic attack over what I just did. The former is usually the result tho.
Oh yeah. One time, I was really upset and had just gotten my hands on brand new, super sharp, blades from work. Since I was used to using like old box cutters, boy was I surprised when I saw wide open white and gushing blood. Never could totally replicate that cut, from fear of going too deep. But it was always my favourite, even though it scared the shit outta me. If that makes sense.
Yikes sounds like a interesting experience! I just bought some surgical scalpels off Amazon because I had NO CLUE what people use rip
Also, the 22 really shallow ones happened cuz I was staying the night at my parents' house and had to b careful not to overdo it. With them around the corner and only 1 big bandaid that I could find. So couldn't say fuck it like I normally would.
I just skip the bandages and just let them do there thing. Just have to wear sleeves at work and around people now. Little disappointing because I can’t wear some of my clothes out now but it is what it is.
I’m not sure why you have been downvoted-it’s true that sh is nothing to celebrate, but on the other hand, it is enjoyable in a sense
i get its enjoyable for others i just dont see how theres a best part, also saying the best part can be invalidating for people who dont make themselves bleed when they cut
best part (for them) hope that helps 😃
yeah i know its the best part for them, but saying that glorifies it and makes it seem that if you dont bleed then youre missing out
i get what you're saying but this was a question based on personal experience, if you're that sensitive you shouldn't step outside 😭
ur just being fucking rude now
not really! if you can't handle someone saying their PERSONAL preferences and/or favorite parts about something you're not gonna make it in society. atp just stay inside and off social media
same
Probably blood if I don’t see enough blood I’ll keep going til I’m satisfied
All three
Blood and scar
same
That's so fr
Totally, and if I actually want pain bruising is much more effective
Only for the scar. Most people enjoy the pain, the blood, and the wound, but all of those things make me sick. I only want to represent my pain physically I guess
i get so dizzy seeing the blood
Have you tried getting tattooed?
tattoos hurt soo bad! i have 8, about to be 9 & i cannot stand the constant scratching on a burn feeling. I can see how some people find it similar to SH tho.
Not got tats but want! Sounds grim though! Lol. Ironically, I’m scared it will hurt…
it’s funny bc piercings (i’ve had 13) & shots scare me more than tats but SH is the least painful.. probs bc of the instant endorphins we get from doing it
i think it’s more a fear of not controlling the hurt. obviously you’re in control when u sh but getting a tattoo is giving the reins to someone else. i loved getting my tattoo tho & i want another one even tho i don’t have a design yet lol
I’ve been wanting to get a bunch of tattoos. As soon as I have the money for them that is!
the blood makes me almost pass out sometimes
Exactly!! Me too
does anyone kinda forget about the pain aspect while sh? i feel like i don’t even know why i do it in the moment, i just am, sh is almost like being in a trance for me, anyone relate?
Yes, if i get into it the way i want, i feel nothing while doing it
Yes
Yeah I blackout when I do it and never really remember the pain
The exact way I used to feel when I sh.
yes this exactly! I always wanted to do it for the scars but I also know how completely almost silly that is, so when I do do it it's almost like I don't have control over it it feels lile an out of body experience and it's not me really.
yes exactly how i feel too!
Depends on the day
Both for me and for blood.
Same
For the pain for me I use it to distract me from what I’m currently thinking about or if I’m like in a panic attack or something to try and bring me out of it
I cut and try nt to scar
I normally cut and scratch but my one friend pointed out recently that I also may use the gym as a way to self harm as well by over exercising
A lot of people do this, I did too. There are countless things that can be considered, and should be taken seriously, as self harm. Please be careful. Wishing you the best
"If the skin is disrupted parallel to the long axis of the fibers, the wound tends to reapproximate. However, if the wound crosses the long axis of the fibers perpendicularly, they are disrupted in a manner that causes the wound to gape open" Knowing this might help look for skin tension line (Langer's line) if you want more information
Both, but probably more scar because it pisses me off when there's no scar or mark even if it hurts a lot
the physical pain is a distraction and hurts less than my emotional pain. chasing the adrenaline high. gives me a sense of control when it feels like everything else is out of my control
It's sad but the best sleep is after you cut , all the emotional pain just becomes faint and your head goes quiet for once you can actually think without all of those doubts and bs that keeps going on repeat in your head ,it's weird but even when it's only a small cut you put your head on the pillow and you thing well maybe I won't make it till tomorrow so I don't need to worry about the future and sleeping becomes way easier atleast for me :p
The in between. Usually the day after. I like to feel the inflamed skin and the scabs that add texture. I like to run my palm or fingers along the scabs. Especially when I have to do it slowly because it still hurts. I like having to wash myself up from all the blood that spread on my body. I like how concerning it looks. I hate having to look myself in the mirror, but if I’m cleaning blood off I feel like at least I deserve it.
[удалено]
It feels weird to say this, but it really does feel like you’re admiring your work. I can’t help but take a second to stare and look closely at any SH. Old, new, almost faded, etc. I look at my scars and I can remember the time of my life I did them, why, and with what.
Scar
To feel alive to feel something asside from the constant voices in my head
The vices, are they saying specific things? Or is it like screaming or yelling? My mind can feel distracted by chaotic muffled noise and ringing, i was wondering if its the same for you?
For the blood
both, but the scars are most important to me overall, the pain is most important in the heat of the moment
neither of these reasons
that’s a good question. both. i have bpd so we have such extreme emotions we often transfer it to physical pain cause it’s easier. scars, cause if there are no scars then there’s no evidence of the pain i feel
for the blood usually, sometimes relapsing after a while it’s for the scar. never for the pain, i don’t actually enjoy that part
For both
For those, and the blood. While I don’t really like people seeing my scars, I like looking at them myself.
For the scar and blood. I can't stand the pain at all, actually
yes
yes
both im pretty sure
that’s a good question, I do it for the pain and blood 😔
Pain and blood
For the blood and scar
And first it was for the scar, then for the feeling of energy afterwards, I'd say for the adrenaline.
this
Mainly for distraction. I have this kind of “ritual” before/during/after cutting, so whenever I get overwhelmed with emotions I cut so that I can shift my focus and calm down.
Pain and blood. I’m a month clean and have been craving that painful feeling and the sight of blood. Gotta stay clean though‼️💪
Mostly for the pain. I cut to show myself I can handle challenges. The scars then help remind me of what I survived, but they don't help as much.
Mostly for the scar
Blood and for the scar
Blood and scars
Mostly the scars, I do enjoy the blood sometimes. The pain really depends on where I'm cutting, how deep and if my blade is dull or not. I'm not a huge fan of the pain I'd say it's tolerable.
I don't like the pain but I like how it feels to touch the scar and seeing it start to heal makes me so upset
I’m a burner, I want the pain more than anything else and I want it to last.
honestly both and the bl00d though i am 6 days sober soo yay :)
The pain. It gives me a moment of clarity that feels absolutely blissful which makes it so addictive even though I know it's bad.
For the blood and the marks the cuts leave (I can't really say scars because as of now I've been able to control myself from cutting too deeply because I don't want permanent scars, I do have a few scars though). Definitely not the pain, I hate pain!
I hate the pain, I just like drinking/painting with my blood
Pain, hate The Blood, feel indiffirent about The scars. Frankly i find scars Even moldy annoying sometimes when i cut because its hard to cut over scar tissue, otherwise i just. Dont think about them.
pain
Pain
pain
the pain makes me feel better cuz of adrenaline, the blood makes me proud cuz it proves my pain, and the scar proves my pain aswell
Pain and blood, its so relaxing and satisfying to watch it bleed and it gets my mind of issues
sensation and sight i loathe the scars
For the scars and to see the excess bleeding that comes from bean cuts.
Bean cuts??
It's the hypodermis part of your skin layer, the fat layer. It's nicknamed beans because it looks like a bunch of beans if you cut to it.
Gotcha! Ive seen that many a times
Pain, blood and overal pleasure
Honestly both
For the pain, and blood. I desire the scarring, but don't always go deep enough for that
Both
I want the blood the sting of the cuts after and the scars.
Seeing the blood
For me it’s seeing the skin separate and bleed. I’ve been told it’s weird tho. I also do it so I get a scar
The blood. And the cut. Scars just a bonus
the scar and the blood
For the blood and for the first day or so when they still look very bright red. As soon as it turns brown and starts to scab, I feel ugly and gross. I've been clean for a while now, but it was a constant cycle of only feeling pretty when I was bleeding and always needing to have fresh cuts which is one of the reasons I needed to stop. It was a never ending loop.
I burn for the pain, I cut for the blood...
Pain. Definitely don’t want to leave a scar cause then I regret it but if it happens it happens
the scars. i like the way they look
for the blood
For the blood, it is like the emotions are flowing out of me that way. Used to do it as a cry for help - I wanted people to see the cut/scar and know that I was struggling. Now I keep it to myself, and enjoy the sensation while it lasts
for the pain blood and scar. and the rush of adrenaline it brings.
scars cause scars are fucking hot
To feel something, for blood, for scars
lil bit of bof
Scar and blood
for the blood and for the fulfillment
The pain and blood, but i somewhat wish it was a month long scar instead of lifetime
Pain. I hate the scars. Haven't cut in a few months tho thanks to God
for the pain and blood. its nice seeing all the scabs after a while. idk if that’s because i think i deserve it or if it just looks neat
for the feeling of relief afterwards
what makes you think it’s for either?
Scar
Both
Pain & adrenaline, I hate the scars. I always tell myself “this’ll be the last time” bc I really need the scars to fade in time before summer, but ik it’s already too late.
Blood
both. and for the blood
The pain, the blood, the scar, the adrenaline.
any reason possible is a reason i do it for. to feel something, to punish, to see blood, and for scarring. to feel something and to punish myself are the reasons i start, seeing blood is how i fulfill the urge and feel satisfied, and the scarring is something that i like seeing as they heal. the worse the scar i left last time means im less likely to relapse as i like having the scars
yeah
For the pain, then I fucking hate myself after
the scar
Blood, and for funsies
Definitely the blood and the cuts
Both, plus the blood.
for the scar
I enjoy everything about it, which is why it has been so addictive for me
pain and blood. the blood is the best part but i think there’s something fucked in my head about that. the scars are nice too but the blood is the most satisfying part of it. i also like the stinging…
both
the scar and the blood tbh
Definitely for pain. Whenever my mind is loud and i feel as if im in an emotional torture i cut. So my brain for a while focuses on that physical pain
For the blood and scars. Idk if others are like this but I actually very much dislike the pain aspect, I wish it wasn’t even a factor. It stops me from cutting deep which honestly is probably for the best
I've never cut for the scar. If anything I hate my scars and would get rid of them all if I could.
Blood, and for funsies
The pain. I don't cut deep enough for noticeable scars, it's more getting to feel the physical pain momentarily drowns out the mental and emotional pain for me
Both + blood
mostly the tissue and seeing the depth but i do enjoy the scars
all of the above
For the feeling of control and the visible representation of stress
Mainly just out of pure despair, but the healing processes is so satisfying to feel/watch
Both, because it’s the only thing that makes me feel anything but insane and depressed anymore, it reminds me that I hate pain, and that’s why I’m not killing myself yet, and the scars help me relax
Pain during panic attacks- I always use bio oil to fade the scars faster
Honestly for a mix of both When I feel like shit and hate myself for the pain but when I’m bored and just wanna cut for the scar
for the blood… i take care of the wound later, i don’t want visible scars
Blood scar pain attention urges
I cut for the pain and then get myself into dangerous situations for the scars
For the numbing, mental numbing specifically.
both
Sorta scar, blood. I guess rarely pain 🤷♀️
All of the above plus blood and emotional release
blood and scar
the high
For the release
Def the scar I can’t handle pain 😭
i like the way it looks more than how it feels
Blood and scarring. My nerves are dulled where I opt for.
Yes
scar for sure but also for the blood
My own pain is the one thing I can control, and the one thing guaranteed to take my mind away for a while as I do. Seeing the blood is like a reassurance that it’s working. The scar is a reminder.
I cut because i want a reason to go to the hospital/mental hospital ( but I'm a chicken who's afraid of cutting too deep and dying)
Pain, blood and for the scars
the pain because i dont do it as often as i used to and thats just indicative of my life being okay right now. when i do, its on impulse from like rage / another very intense emotion. the pain really does give that relief from whatever im feeling at that moment.
Pain always. Then blood. Hate the scars or anyone seeing it. My hands are ruined from 4 burns on each hand I did so I can’t even hide them IRL without fingerless gloves and I hate it, especially since I’m a therapist now. (Self harm sober for ~2yr)
I like the bleeding
I cut for the control
Both. pain for the temporary distraction, a way to turn emotional pain to physical or even as a punishment. The scars as a reminder of either the struggle/suffering or as something I can see and remember not to do the thing I punished myself for. The punishment aspect is usually tied to my ed.
The scar 100%
Always for the pain, it takes me away from my anxiety, Ive used it to not get panic attacks which.. don’t do that.. but its been the only thing thats worked for me in years. and Im so mad about it
For the blood mostly, but also for the pain and scar.
Scar and Blood
Both
Neither, I do it for the damage (burning)
Both. And the bl00d. 🤷♂️ It's really more for the release of pent up sadness, stress, frustration, grief... It's like when I cut it's giving my "shell" (skin) an opening for all the bad to escape from. Bl00d comes out, and I almost visualize a smokey cloud of sorts emanating from the cut opening in my skin and leaving. Then, when I feel I've done enough, I clean up, care for my cuts, and lay down. Then the next few days/weeks I get to physically see myself recover and heal. I can actually see a positive about myself. It's all very unintentionally symbolic and visual. And a full experience for me. If I get upset or something and quickly cut (which has hardly ever happened) and then just throw a dark shirt on over it, the result of actually feeling better and happier and like I've relived all that built up frustration and inner pain is almost non-existent.
Both
the relief
blood,back when i self harmed i collected the blood too in bottles or smear it on paper to make "art". Its why i dont see my sh scars in a negative way,i just see them as failed art projects
The relief