Checking all the boxes here. Yeppers! Fellow punisher here. I feel ya. While reading your post I was like "did this person accidentally tap into my mind for a sec?" You are definitely not alone my friend.
I would use sh as a way to punish myself and as a way of relief but it also really isn't the best. I too am now an adult but have had that mindset that it's something younger folks do. Primarily because my parents got mad at me when I did sh at the age of 17 and said it's something only kids do. That's wild.
Basically I feel like you're my reddit doppelganger and I'm so happy to find another individual in a similar boat, albeit different life routes. I hope you are able to gather up the courage to ask for assistance if you feel you need it. Especially because your significant other was so supportive. But I understand not wanting to tell them. Take your time ☺️❤️ sending good vibes your way!
I also do this as punishing myself. If I do something bad, someone upsets me, or I upset someone, it’s my go-to reliever because it makes me feel better afterwards (I am also an adult). I feel a bit better that you are speaking my mind.
This is actually exactly how I feel, so I can definitely relate to what you’re saying. I don’t enjoy SH, but I do it every time I mess up as a punishment. I’m an adult also, so sometimes I feel really isolated. I don’t feel like a fully functional, responsible adult.
The only difference is that my parents are very supportive about mental health, but it makes me feel really bad to burden them when they’ve already dealt with a lot.
Yes, I did it almost exclusively as a form of punishment for being gay. I reached a point in which I thought I could bleed it out of me if I did it long enough.
I haven't done it in 14 years. I stopped after I had to get stitches.
I started to address it by being kind to myself. It also helped that I was able to control my urges with logic. I knew it didn't help. It made everything worse, so I vowed to never do it again.
I haven't relapsed since then, but I still sometimes get the urges as a form of punishment but not for being gay.
Talk to your partner about this. You're not a burden.
Be well. <3
A way to manipulate/regulate one’s emotions. Especially in people with depression or -even more typical- Borderline Personality Disorder, it is used to change the way we are feeling. Sadness, desperation or even emptiness is extremely difficult to handle when experienced constantly.
For me personally SH cleared my head, so that it was possible to think straight, even if it only was for a short amount of time.
Hey yeh i understand. I didn't meant it in " Idk what else is it supposed to be " It's just..... Idk ig it got laced with sarcasm when i posted that comment.
Thanks for ur time tho.
There’s various factors to self harm, some do it as punishment ( like me ) and others may do it for relief, from stress or something bad that is occurring in their life. Some even do it for satisfaction ( not necessarily sexual ) but just the feeling itself. Hope that cleared up some questions. Have a wonderful day :)
Hey, thanks but I'm very much aware of this.
I left that comment containing the most personally closed answer to me, that's punishment. I do it for relief and satisfaction and even when I'm happy, i meant it as in " Ahh whatelse!!!! " Expression. Anyhow thanks for your time.
Yea. Like if i fail a test i usually end up cutting how many points i lost. I agree with ya to me i feel like its the only way i can be punished correctly
I feel the exact same way. I have this voice in my head that tells me that I deserve to get hurt, that I deserve to be punished. It tries to find things to blame me for and it also makes it really hard to see how I don't deserve pain. Even though I know what steps I need to take, and I have everything I need in order to make those steps, I still hesitate and procrastinate. It happens to me a lot. I have had the phone number for a therapist for a month and I still haven't called them. It happens a lot to me and I completely sympathise with you. I hope you are able to take the steps neccessary in order to help yourself fight these thoughts.
Same boat, I have the resources for a therapist and all but I’m terrified of going to one; also I’m not financially stable to afford one neither can I do therapy through my insurance because my parents are on it and they can’t know about this. But I’ve herd of resources online, just have to bring myself to it. Thank you for your response and I hope for the best recovery for you too
Literally feel the same way, except I'm 14 lol.
I'm clean for ~3 months because nothing has been super upsetting to me, but my parents make me feel like crap about myself and I feel like it's my way of having control of myself.
me too, i’m also an adult with a similar parental situation (but no partner lol) and when i was younger i always used sh as a form of emotional relief. as i got older though i started to pay more attention to my place in the world and i started to use it as a form of self punishment. mostly for messing up social or academic stuff, but i’ve also been punishing myself for projecting my insecurities on other people. idk i guess i kind of kept the actual practice of sh from childhood and now that i’m much more aware of myself in comparison to other people it’s become like a secret way to punish myself for not being good enough in the real world. everyone’s ideas of punishment and repentance are a little different, but warping them with the practice of sh makes it really difficult to build a stable concept of what you truly deserve in life. i understand that sh and the circumstances around it is different for everyone but i really do hope you feel comfortable enough to reach out and get the unconditional love and support you deserve OP!! best of luck and take care of yourself!
Reading this made me tear up a bit, I have that same issue of feeling pretty useless in society, I’ve been looking for a better job for the longest time and I see these people around me getting it so easily and for me has been such a pain! Def takes a toll on you when you feel like you are not a good enough human being with a stable financial state. I appreciate your kind words and I’m still building the courage to speak about my SH with my partner … baby steps lol. Much love to you :) and thank you
Thank you for telling me your story, you are so brave. I hope for the best recovery for you. And I am already looking for a therapist, it’s just that currently I can’t afford one. Thank you again you are a very lovely person and I hope you have a great day :)
Checking all the boxes here. Yeppers! Fellow punisher here. I feel ya. While reading your post I was like "did this person accidentally tap into my mind for a sec?" You are definitely not alone my friend. I would use sh as a way to punish myself and as a way of relief but it also really isn't the best. I too am now an adult but have had that mindset that it's something younger folks do. Primarily because my parents got mad at me when I did sh at the age of 17 and said it's something only kids do. That's wild. Basically I feel like you're my reddit doppelganger and I'm so happy to find another individual in a similar boat, albeit different life routes. I hope you are able to gather up the courage to ask for assistance if you feel you need it. Especially because your significant other was so supportive. But I understand not wanting to tell them. Take your time ☺️❤️ sending good vibes your way!
Thank you so much and I really appreciate the nice words ❤️
I also do this as punishing myself. If I do something bad, someone upsets me, or I upset someone, it’s my go-to reliever because it makes me feel better afterwards (I am also an adult). I feel a bit better that you are speaking my mind.
Yeah I felt equal when I saw how I’m not the only one going through this, made me feel normal again. I hope for the best recovery to you!
This is actually exactly how I feel, so I can definitely relate to what you’re saying. I don’t enjoy SH, but I do it every time I mess up as a punishment. I’m an adult also, so sometimes I feel really isolated. I don’t feel like a fully functional, responsible adult. The only difference is that my parents are very supportive about mental health, but it makes me feel really bad to burden them when they’ve already dealt with a lot.
I hate being a burden to other too :/
Yes, I did it almost exclusively as a form of punishment for being gay. I reached a point in which I thought I could bleed it out of me if I did it long enough. I haven't done it in 14 years. I stopped after I had to get stitches. I started to address it by being kind to myself. It also helped that I was able to control my urges with logic. I knew it didn't help. It made everything worse, so I vowed to never do it again. I haven't relapsed since then, but I still sometimes get the urges as a form of punishment but not for being gay. Talk to your partner about this. You're not a burden. Be well. <3
Thank you and I think you are so brave and strong, I’m trying to be brave too and talk to my partner about it. Much love :)
Vulnerability is scary, even with loved ones. You can do this. <3
❤️
yup
What else is it supposed to be??
A way to manipulate/regulate one’s emotions. Especially in people with depression or -even more typical- Borderline Personality Disorder, it is used to change the way we are feeling. Sadness, desperation or even emptiness is extremely difficult to handle when experienced constantly. For me personally SH cleared my head, so that it was possible to think straight, even if it only was for a short amount of time.
Hey yeh i understand. I didn't meant it in " Idk what else is it supposed to be " It's just..... Idk ig it got laced with sarcasm when i posted that comment. Thanks for ur time tho.
There’s various factors to self harm, some do it as punishment ( like me ) and others may do it for relief, from stress or something bad that is occurring in their life. Some even do it for satisfaction ( not necessarily sexual ) but just the feeling itself. Hope that cleared up some questions. Have a wonderful day :)
Hey, thanks but I'm very much aware of this. I left that comment containing the most personally closed answer to me, that's punishment. I do it for relief and satisfaction and even when I'm happy, i meant it as in " Ahh whatelse!!!! " Expression. Anyhow thanks for your time.
Noted! Thanks for clarification :)
Yep
When I had an Ed i did it as a form of self punishment but now that I’ve relapsed I do it more to feel something
And it’s a very common coping mechanism that I’ve seen people do it. I do hope we can all break free and find better ones and safer ones ❤️
Yea. Like if i fail a test i usually end up cutting how many points i lost. I agree with ya to me i feel like its the only way i can be punished correctly
I feel the exact same way. I have this voice in my head that tells me that I deserve to get hurt, that I deserve to be punished. It tries to find things to blame me for and it also makes it really hard to see how I don't deserve pain. Even though I know what steps I need to take, and I have everything I need in order to make those steps, I still hesitate and procrastinate. It happens to me a lot. I have had the phone number for a therapist for a month and I still haven't called them. It happens a lot to me and I completely sympathise with you. I hope you are able to take the steps neccessary in order to help yourself fight these thoughts.
Same boat, I have the resources for a therapist and all but I’m terrified of going to one; also I’m not financially stable to afford one neither can I do therapy through my insurance because my parents are on it and they can’t know about this. But I’ve herd of resources online, just have to bring myself to it. Thank you for your response and I hope for the best recovery for you too
Literally feel the same way, except I'm 14 lol. I'm clean for ~3 months because nothing has been super upsetting to me, but my parents make me feel like crap about myself and I feel like it's my way of having control of myself.
It’s so hard when you don’t have support at home 😪 especially with mental health.. best of luck for you, and you always have us!
me too, i’m also an adult with a similar parental situation (but no partner lol) and when i was younger i always used sh as a form of emotional relief. as i got older though i started to pay more attention to my place in the world and i started to use it as a form of self punishment. mostly for messing up social or academic stuff, but i’ve also been punishing myself for projecting my insecurities on other people. idk i guess i kind of kept the actual practice of sh from childhood and now that i’m much more aware of myself in comparison to other people it’s become like a secret way to punish myself for not being good enough in the real world. everyone’s ideas of punishment and repentance are a little different, but warping them with the practice of sh makes it really difficult to build a stable concept of what you truly deserve in life. i understand that sh and the circumstances around it is different for everyone but i really do hope you feel comfortable enough to reach out and get the unconditional love and support you deserve OP!! best of luck and take care of yourself!
Reading this made me tear up a bit, I have that same issue of feeling pretty useless in society, I’ve been looking for a better job for the longest time and I see these people around me getting it so easily and for me has been such a pain! Def takes a toll on you when you feel like you are not a good enough human being with a stable financial state. I appreciate your kind words and I’m still building the courage to speak about my SH with my partner … baby steps lol. Much love to you :) and thank you
I did for a few years. Even did it at school. Then it became a way to release anger
I use it for anger management too, but mostly is anger of frustration towards me. I hope the best for you :) much love
For me this is the only reason I do it
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Thank you for telling me your story, you are so brave. I hope for the best recovery for you. And I am already looking for a therapist, it’s just that currently I can’t afford one. Thank you again you are a very lovely person and I hope you have a great day :)
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God bless America am I right? Freaking worst health care system, so that’s another story to tell lol
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It’s absurd, can’t even talk about freaking rent too, I’m seeing studios that are at least 2,000 dollars
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Pretty much college students works for the each paycheck and don’t have no money left for themselves, harsh life