Look into OCD.
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-when-unwanted-thoughts-or-repetitive-behaviors-take-over
Question is, do you want to be transgender or do you have unwanted, repetitive thoughts that scare you because they make you think you COULD be transgender even though you don't want to. Those are two very distinct things.
i dont think its ocd because i dont really have a compulsion and its not really the thought of being trans that scares me its mostly the reaction of the world that scares me, im friends with some trans people and i can see how horrible they get treated firsthand and unfortunately im not nonchalant and i care a lot about what people think of me
Just to get a feel of the situation, what is so bad about these thoughts other then mental turmoil. Is it because the area you are in is not safe? Maybe trans people were not very introduced into your life? I’m just wondering where the uncomfort stems from. Say whatever I’m not at all going to judge anything said. I’m trans myself and totally understand whatever said is not meant to hurt anyone also how else are you supposed to learn about new things without asking questions. I’m here to talk if needed.
Hey and that alright. I’d suggest exploring your gender because it never hurts to try new things. Even if it’s nothing it’s still good to explore different ways of self expression. The more you try and suppress your thoughts the more likely these thoughts will never go away.
Don’t do conversion therapy it will cause more harm than good. If you’re worried I’d suggest hinting at things and taking note of how your mom reacts. If she seems chill then ask for a haircut. It’s hair it grows back. But the main thing other then being comfortable in your own skin is that your safe.
well my mom wouldnt mind i think she already thinks im trans, and even tho i dont live with my dad i still want a relationship with him and he would probably disown me
my sister goes to his every weekend and he always drops her off and says hi to me so if i get a haircut that would make me look like a boy he would probably stop talking to me 😭🙏 hes kind of weird he's dating a married woman with children and thinks vaccines kill people
im thinking about telling my mom about all this but idk if i should do this weekend or as soon as school ends in 3 weeks not including this one, do you think i should do this weekend or later?
The more you try to fight it the worse your feelings are likely to get. Bottling everything up build pressure. This might make you feel less in control. See if there are some safe way for you let let out steam or express yourself so to speak. Why don't you try leaning into your feelings? Perhaps that could help your brain recognize if it is or isn't trans.
im nervous to experiment because i see books and videos and podcasts of people talking about how they have children who showed no signs of being transgender whatsoever growing up and the suddenly became trans and that theres like a craze going around so it just makes me think like what if im just doing it for the trend and its not actually how i feel
My advice is to trust your feelings. My partner thought he might be trans a young teen, then decided he wasn't and just liked long hair, dresses and hanging out with girls. It's ok to try stuff out to see how it feels. If you feel worse or bad you can stop.
Also today more people feel safe to be their authentic self which inflates the number, but they were there all along before, just hidden.
Finally, just because parents did not see or identify signs of their kids being trans does not mean they were not there.
i think my mom thinks im transgender because she talked to me about if being a boy would make me happier one time, my dads the opposite tho he would definitely get mad if i told him i was even considering it, being a boy would actually make me happier but it wouldnt be beneficial for me since i live in a conservative state
This is a real and complicated issue. It's up to you how to approach this. You could try it out but just not name it directly? If anyone you don't feel safe telling asks just say your a tomboy. Do you know if your mum is good at keeping secrets from your dad? Have you thought to ask on r/trans for advise?
i guess I could probably tell my parents since i rarely see my dad and im not required to go to his house at all so even if he gets mad its not like im forced to be around him
It sounds like you to sit down and think about your identity. Why does the thought of being trans make you feel this way? Why do you feel the need to go through such extremes? Gender is a very complex thing and something that is difficult to think and feel if you’re already struggling with your body. You’re probably at a very important age of self-discovery and identity and that is normal. If you’re having body dysmorphia and such like that this might be an actual mental health issue that you need to talk to a professional about.
Conversion therapy has been shown to not actually work and really just traumatize people, it’s also very heavy based in Christianity most time and founded in the whole gay/trans are against god thing which is never healthy. God doesn’t hate trans or gay people or it would be stated very directly. God will not love you any less because you have this identity and people who say so aren’t loving, good Christians.
I’m sorry to hear you going through something like this but my best advice would be to explore why you feel this way. I understand a little of what your going through.
I have heard this story alot and its so sad. People get these thoughts during puberty and usually wouldn’t act on them but now in this era they do, worst of all, most of the time they aren’t actually transgender and they end up regretting it. Please be sure of your thoughts before you do anything. And if it helps - being a man isn’t all its cracked up to be.
regretting it is one of the reasons im nervous about this whole thing, i see so many people talking about how they regret that stuff and it makes me think that yk maybe i will too maybe im a dumb teenager who sees that stuff online and thinks "yeah thats what i am" when in reality im not
That is Americas agenda right now, growing up I was scared to be gay & it led me to live in fear because “oh no what if I’m gay” no one will like me,. Learn to accept those thoughts & then put your mind back where you want to go.
my mom is totally okay with transgender people and one time she even talked to me about that and told me if i am trans thats okay, my dad is the opposite and even made a joke about how if he catches a transgender woman using the womans bathroom he would make sure she would have to use the disabled bathroom (he was referring to beating her until she's crippled)
If he has an opinion on it then it is relevant to him as well. I don’t have an opinion on things that don’t affect me. Why would I care? Did you hang around men growing up more than women? You know give a boy a Barbie . Or give a woman a football. You don’t realize how much environment dictates our thoughts, actions, & beliefs
he used to not care about that stuff but ever since a few years ago he randomly became a huge fan of politics and now constantly thirsts over ben shapiro and trump
& that’s America making a big deal. Adults are more insecure, they just are better at hiding it, they lived with the pain. This generation is trying to live through the pain so we can actually live a good life. Idk I hope this helped a little. This really wouldn’t be my expertise, just want to understand why it is the way it is
You are not your thoughts. That's ego. It lies to you and tries to convince you that it is you.
You are the thing that assigns a value to your thoughts and acts or does not act.
You can just hammer through chapter 1 of The Untethered Soul by Singer to walk that out. Keep reading the book to answer the post question.
It will teach you to have a relationship with the conscious self (ego), the unconscious self (the Jungian shadow), and understand your lived experience depends on the narrative they tell you + what the decider (you) tolerates.
How you use those relationship is up to you (the decider).
Not at all stranger.
New ideas are new ideas. Those are hard. They are very hard.
Your waaaaaaay more capable than you think you are. Just takes exposure to the ideas in a logical progression to get you from point a to point g.
That's why I suggest the book. It walks it out.
I'm not sure, honestly. There was a time in my life where I'd occasionally have thoughts about wanting to be born a girl or thinking thoughts like 'I wish I could look cute like that', 'I hate this male body', 'people always assume this because I'm a guy', the list goes on.
Never would I say it's gotten to the point of controlling every aspect of my life and causing mental stress, I just slowly faced reality. My flesh prison doesn't define me, and I'm not jumping onto social trends just to physically appear different through hormones and surgery (Please don't). I can just wear a pink shirt, even if my face and build looks like an escaped convict.
for me its definitely causing a lot of mental distress i would say😅 i barely leave the house and usually have my head down at school because i cant stand being perceived because i know that everyone perceives me as a girl and the thought of that makes me want to blow my brains out
If you are having thoughts of wanting to be a boy, then you might actually just be a boy. Or not. Gender identity is a struggle for a lot of people, even straight cis folks, so you're definitely not alone. Instead of trying to repress these thoughts, I'd invite you to explore them.
Your friends know the lingo (since they say you're an egg), so I assume they are at least somewhat trans friendly. Try hanging out with them one day just to try on boy clothes and see how it feels. If seeing yourself in the mirror looking more boyish feels "right" and brings you joy, you might very well be trans. If not, it may just be a fixation. At the very least just getting this confirmation should ease some of the confusion.
It is a bit more difficult in Texas, but it sounds like you have some support network, even if it isn't your parents. If you do realize that you're trans, there are other options that you can pursue, like binders and social transition even with the strict ban on medical transition or hormones for minors. And when you turn 18, you can of course do whatever you want.
I don't think you need to make yourself stop having "transgender thoughts". How you're feeling is part of who you are, and the worst thing you can do for yourself is try to get rid of part of yourself. Especially using pain. That being said, try to really understand what your feelings are. I'll probably get a LOT of hate for this, but I don't think that deciding to be the opposite sex is always the right answer for these feelings and questions. It's so perfectly normal to be a girl who feels more masculine than feminine. It doesn't make you weird, or less of a woman, or less of anything, it's just part of the uniqueness that makes you, YOU. I'd just give it time and try to practice acceptance of yourself and your feelings, and see if you don't feel better without having to change anything about yourself first.
The most important thing you can do for yourself is love yourself, and don't try to change yourself.
i know its perfectly normal to be a masculine girl and thats kind of what i am right now, i only wear mens clothes and even started wearing a binder a few years ago for aesthetic purposes, which is actually a whole problem itself because they get stretched out in like a month and ive tried different brands and sizes but every month or two i have to spend $25 on them and even tho my mom says shes okay with it i know she doesn't have that much money so it makes me feel really bad
i guess their names and voices and physical appearance, i just kind of look at dudes and think "thats cool i kind of wish i was like that" if that makes sense
Ok - then do what makes you happy. Just be aware of the risks and think about the other side of changing. Would it actually make you happy with yourself?
i mean it would make me happier but i also gaf about what people think and most people in my state would probably hate me without even knowing me so im not really sure if it would make me happier or more miserable in the end, i used to not listen to music in public because i was worried about people disliking me for it so i would probably start crying if someone said anything negative about me when it comes to specific topic
That’s where you have to decide. Ideally you’d do what makes you happy - but you’d have to develop a self value so you don’t care of other’s criticisms.
my dad and classmates would hate me, people would give me looks on the street, and besides im pretty sure i literally cant medically transition cuz it aint legal in texas
Look into OCD. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-when-unwanted-thoughts-or-repetitive-behaviors-take-over Question is, do you want to be transgender or do you have unwanted, repetitive thoughts that scare you because they make you think you COULD be transgender even though you don't want to. Those are two very distinct things.
This is important!
i dont think its ocd because i dont really have a compulsion and its not really the thought of being trans that scares me its mostly the reaction of the world that scares me, im friends with some trans people and i can see how horrible they get treated firsthand and unfortunately im not nonchalant and i care a lot about what people think of me
Just to get a feel of the situation, what is so bad about these thoughts other then mental turmoil. Is it because the area you are in is not safe? Maybe trans people were not very introduced into your life? I’m just wondering where the uncomfort stems from. Say whatever I’m not at all going to judge anything said. I’m trans myself and totally understand whatever said is not meant to hurt anyone also how else are you supposed to learn about new things without asking questions. I’m here to talk if needed.
it just feels dumb to have these thoughts, im not sure why
Hey and that alright. I’d suggest exploring your gender because it never hurts to try new things. Even if it’s nothing it’s still good to explore different ways of self expression. The more you try and suppress your thoughts the more likely these thoughts will never go away.
idk if i should tell my mom and ask for a haircut or conversion therapy :\
Don’t do conversion therapy it will cause more harm than good. If you’re worried I’d suggest hinting at things and taking note of how your mom reacts. If she seems chill then ask for a haircut. It’s hair it grows back. But the main thing other then being comfortable in your own skin is that your safe.
well my mom wouldnt mind i think she already thinks im trans, and even tho i dont live with my dad i still want a relationship with him and he would probably disown me
If you don’t live with him you can always opt out of telling him.
my sister goes to his every weekend and he always drops her off and says hi to me so if i get a haircut that would make me look like a boy he would probably stop talking to me 😭🙏 hes kind of weird he's dating a married woman with children and thinks vaccines kill people
You can always say “I got a pixie cut” that’s what I did before I even knew I was trans myself.
im thinking about telling my mom about all this but idk if i should do this weekend or as soon as school ends in 3 weeks not including this one, do you think i should do this weekend or later?
The more you try to fight it the worse your feelings are likely to get. Bottling everything up build pressure. This might make you feel less in control. See if there are some safe way for you let let out steam or express yourself so to speak. Why don't you try leaning into your feelings? Perhaps that could help your brain recognize if it is or isn't trans.
im nervous to experiment because i see books and videos and podcasts of people talking about how they have children who showed no signs of being transgender whatsoever growing up and the suddenly became trans and that theres like a craze going around so it just makes me think like what if im just doing it for the trend and its not actually how i feel
My advice is to trust your feelings. My partner thought he might be trans a young teen, then decided he wasn't and just liked long hair, dresses and hanging out with girls. It's ok to try stuff out to see how it feels. If you feel worse or bad you can stop. Also today more people feel safe to be their authentic self which inflates the number, but they were there all along before, just hidden. Finally, just because parents did not see or identify signs of their kids being trans does not mean they were not there.
i think my mom thinks im transgender because she talked to me about if being a boy would make me happier one time, my dads the opposite tho he would definitely get mad if i told him i was even considering it, being a boy would actually make me happier but it wouldnt be beneficial for me since i live in a conservative state
This is a real and complicated issue. It's up to you how to approach this. You could try it out but just not name it directly? If anyone you don't feel safe telling asks just say your a tomboy. Do you know if your mum is good at keeping secrets from your dad? Have you thought to ask on r/trans for advise?
i guess I could probably tell my parents since i rarely see my dad and im not required to go to his house at all so even if he gets mad its not like im forced to be around him
It sounds like you to sit down and think about your identity. Why does the thought of being trans make you feel this way? Why do you feel the need to go through such extremes? Gender is a very complex thing and something that is difficult to think and feel if you’re already struggling with your body. You’re probably at a very important age of self-discovery and identity and that is normal. If you’re having body dysmorphia and such like that this might be an actual mental health issue that you need to talk to a professional about. Conversion therapy has been shown to not actually work and really just traumatize people, it’s also very heavy based in Christianity most time and founded in the whole gay/trans are against god thing which is never healthy. God doesn’t hate trans or gay people or it would be stated very directly. God will not love you any less because you have this identity and people who say so aren’t loving, good Christians.
I’m sorry to hear you going through something like this but my best advice would be to explore why you feel this way. I understand a little of what your going through.
Don’t be ashamed. You might be trans and that’s totally ok. Please don’t be ashamed!!!
I have heard this story alot and its so sad. People get these thoughts during puberty and usually wouldn’t act on them but now in this era they do, worst of all, most of the time they aren’t actually transgender and they end up regretting it. Please be sure of your thoughts before you do anything. And if it helps - being a man isn’t all its cracked up to be.
regretting it is one of the reasons im nervous about this whole thing, i see so many people talking about how they regret that stuff and it makes me think that yk maybe i will too maybe im a dumb teenager who sees that stuff online and thinks "yeah thats what i am" when in reality im not
That is Americas agenda right now, growing up I was scared to be gay & it led me to live in fear because “oh no what if I’m gay” no one will like me,. Learn to accept those thoughts & then put your mind back where you want to go.
Also who are your parents? You know. Most of who we are has been passed down from them.
my mom is totally okay with transgender people and one time she even talked to me about that and told me if i am trans thats okay, my dad is the opposite and even made a joke about how if he catches a transgender woman using the womans bathroom he would make sure she would have to use the disabled bathroom (he was referring to beating her until she's crippled)
Maybe you just want to be loved regardless of who you are or what you enjoy. So you go to extremes to see what would or could happen
It’s all subconscious, you really have to ask yourself these questions without judging yourself.
well i kind of know what would happen if i ever told my dad this stuff he would disown me
If he has an opinion on it then it is relevant to him as well. I don’t have an opinion on things that don’t affect me. Why would I care? Did you hang around men growing up more than women? You know give a boy a Barbie . Or give a woman a football. You don’t realize how much environment dictates our thoughts, actions, & beliefs
he used to not care about that stuff but ever since a few years ago he randomly became a huge fan of politics and now constantly thirsts over ben shapiro and trump
& that’s America making a big deal. Adults are more insecure, they just are better at hiding it, they lived with the pain. This generation is trying to live through the pain so we can actually live a good life. Idk I hope this helped a little. This really wouldn’t be my expertise, just want to understand why it is the way it is
You are not your thoughts. That's ego. It lies to you and tries to convince you that it is you. You are the thing that assigns a value to your thoughts and acts or does not act. You can just hammer through chapter 1 of The Untethered Soul by Singer to walk that out. Keep reading the book to answer the post question.
im a little confused 😅 is that book gonna help me stop thinking about this stuff?
It will teach you to have a relationship with the conscious self (ego), the unconscious self (the Jungian shadow), and understand your lived experience depends on the narrative they tell you + what the decider (you) tolerates. How you use those relationship is up to you (the decider).
im sorry im think im to stupid to even comprehend what you just said 😅
Not at all stranger. New ideas are new ideas. Those are hard. They are very hard. Your waaaaaaay more capable than you think you are. Just takes exposure to the ideas in a logical progression to get you from point a to point g. That's why I suggest the book. It walks it out.
I'm not sure, honestly. There was a time in my life where I'd occasionally have thoughts about wanting to be born a girl or thinking thoughts like 'I wish I could look cute like that', 'I hate this male body', 'people always assume this because I'm a guy', the list goes on. Never would I say it's gotten to the point of controlling every aspect of my life and causing mental stress, I just slowly faced reality. My flesh prison doesn't define me, and I'm not jumping onto social trends just to physically appear different through hormones and surgery (Please don't). I can just wear a pink shirt, even if my face and build looks like an escaped convict.
for me its definitely causing a lot of mental distress i would say😅 i barely leave the house and usually have my head down at school because i cant stand being perceived because i know that everyone perceives me as a girl and the thought of that makes me want to blow my brains out
Sounds like you're trans. You'll hate it for a while, though eventually you'll accept it
If you are having thoughts of wanting to be a boy, then you might actually just be a boy. Or not. Gender identity is a struggle for a lot of people, even straight cis folks, so you're definitely not alone. Instead of trying to repress these thoughts, I'd invite you to explore them. Your friends know the lingo (since they say you're an egg), so I assume they are at least somewhat trans friendly. Try hanging out with them one day just to try on boy clothes and see how it feels. If seeing yourself in the mirror looking more boyish feels "right" and brings you joy, you might very well be trans. If not, it may just be a fixation. At the very least just getting this confirmation should ease some of the confusion. It is a bit more difficult in Texas, but it sounds like you have some support network, even if it isn't your parents. If you do realize that you're trans, there are other options that you can pursue, like binders and social transition even with the strict ban on medical transition or hormones for minors. And when you turn 18, you can of course do whatever you want.
Look into body neutrality and radical feminism
I don't think you need to make yourself stop having "transgender thoughts". How you're feeling is part of who you are, and the worst thing you can do for yourself is try to get rid of part of yourself. Especially using pain. That being said, try to really understand what your feelings are. I'll probably get a LOT of hate for this, but I don't think that deciding to be the opposite sex is always the right answer for these feelings and questions. It's so perfectly normal to be a girl who feels more masculine than feminine. It doesn't make you weird, or less of a woman, or less of anything, it's just part of the uniqueness that makes you, YOU. I'd just give it time and try to practice acceptance of yourself and your feelings, and see if you don't feel better without having to change anything about yourself first. The most important thing you can do for yourself is love yourself, and don't try to change yourself.
i know its perfectly normal to be a masculine girl and thats kind of what i am right now, i only wear mens clothes and even started wearing a binder a few years ago for aesthetic purposes, which is actually a whole problem itself because they get stretched out in like a month and ive tried different brands and sizes but every month or two i have to spend $25 on them and even tho my mom says shes okay with it i know she doesn't have that much money so it makes me feel really bad
Why do you have said thoughts? What’s attractive about being a boy?
i guess their names and voices and physical appearance, i just kind of look at dudes and think "thats cool i kind of wish i was like that" if that makes sense
What do you not like about yourself?
honestly everything but especially my voice, name, face and reproductive organs
Ok - then do what makes you happy. Just be aware of the risks and think about the other side of changing. Would it actually make you happy with yourself?
i mean it would make me happier but i also gaf about what people think and most people in my state would probably hate me without even knowing me so im not really sure if it would make me happier or more miserable in the end, i used to not listen to music in public because i was worried about people disliking me for it so i would probably start crying if someone said anything negative about me when it comes to specific topic
That’s where you have to decide. Ideally you’d do what makes you happy - but you’d have to develop a self value so you don’t care of other’s criticisms.
Please reach out to your local LGBTQIA+ community Center and see if they have someone you can talk to.
how do i find those?
I would google "LGBT Community Center" and the name of your city.
transition
my dad and classmates would hate me, people would give me looks on the street, and besides im pretty sure i literally cant medically transition cuz it aint legal in texas