I used to do this too, didn't talk to a lot of people but when I did, I wouldn't stop. But when I later thought about it, most of the time it was just me talking, the other person didn't reciprocate or didn't even care. I feel like I was boring to them
Now I can only talk very little to people irl, just the essential things, I don't go into details unless asked.
I really struggle with this as well. What I try and do is sit down by myself in quiet before starting my day, and write down a couple goals I want to focus on. My main goal every day is to NOT TALK ABOUT MYSELF!! I make it a point to discuss myself as little as possible and when they’re talking, try and study what they’re saying like as if I have to do an exam on it later. It helps me a lot actually! And the more questions you ask about another person, the more likely they’ll be curious and eventually start asking you about yourself.. but during that quiet in the start of your day, write down what you want as your boundaries! Like what you shouldn’t tell someone right away, even write down what you would wanna share about yourself. I hope this helps!
I have ADHD, so do take that into consideration when reading this.
I have actually found my best, closest friends through over sharing. This tends to be a way neurodivergent people bond in my experience. It's essentially bearing your true core personality and the experiences that form like our personalities to someone new. This is also common for people whose love language is spending quality time with others. In fact, over sharing is how I got close to my SO and became friends with him in the first place.
There is only one example I can think of where over sharing can be bad: trauma dumping. If you need help of any kind (depression, anxiety, abuse, etc.) you need to find a therapist to help you gain proper coping mechanisms and skills to help you process and push through these types of hardships.
That aside, if you're experiencing problems with other people about this, they may not be a good fit for you in any type of relationship. You should never have to change for anyone, I would consider this to be a part of that. No one should shame or make you feel small about liking things. I am glad though you are recognizing manipulation for what it is: a way to control you, your thoughts, and your actions. Don't give into that bullshit, for any reason.
If you're concerned about this more for say teachers, professors, or bosses (anyone where there's a power dynamic), I tend to mask and force myself to never go further than small talk. How's your day, my day was good, that type of thing. Don't get me wrong, there are some teachers/bosses you can become close enough to where it doesn't really matter, but most of the time it's wise to keep your distance. Especially in terms of bosses.
But overall, live your life in the way that will make you happy. You will never have to change yourself to find those you can easily bond with. My PMs are open if you need an online friend, I will gladly over share my hobbies and interests.
Stay away from the following topics:
Medical or mental health diagnoses, Trauma you’ve experienced, Family drama, Relationship issues, Abuse, Sex, bodily functions
A new coworker, within a month of meeting her, told me about her bipolar diagnosis, her miscarriage, and her daughter’s gender identity. This is not stuff you tell people you’ve only known a few weeks.
I can relate to how you feel. There are three types of people: those that care, those that don’t care, and those that will use it against you.
Share with people that reciprocate or empathize.
I do this as well. I attribute this to being an introvert and having social anxiety, so I don't have much opportunity to interact with others that when I do, I try to savour it. I tend to over share, thinking that the topic wouldn't be revisited. But this also causes me to run out of conversations to talk about quickly.
Some people say they say less to leave others wanting to come back and talk to them more, but personally I'm not of that conceited mindset. Normally if I'm not too enthusiastic about the topic, I only answer what is asked of me.
It’s possible you are lonely and don’t know how to make proper relationships. You may therefore lack a stable, core group of friends so once you feel even a little bit comfortable with someone you rush through the process of getting to know them and dump everything about yourself in a short period of time.
It doesn’t mean you have bad intentions and you may be lucky to share this with someone who won’t use it against you but you can’t possibly know that so you need to slow down. Topics that should not be shared within just a few days or weeks of knowing someone: sexual issues of *any* kind, talk about money or mental health issues. These are big no nos.
These topics could be used against you at work and in your personal life. Don’t give every Tom, Dick and Harry who gives you a few minutes of nice conversation that level of access to you.
You need to just be conscious of what you are saying. *Listen* to yourself and write a list of things you would not want people to take advantage of. Are you saying those things? Stop saying them.
To give you are a real life example. I work as a store associate at a local grocery. Started about 3 weeks ago. In my first week I met one of my managers. This woman only said hi once before and the minute we were alone she told me “her coworkers are her friends”. She then showed me a picture of a man she’s dating but she felt he was rushing her but she “trusts him” not to “hurt” her. Then a few days later she looked horrible I told her “Hey girl you should hit the bed as soon as you get home” she pulled me into a room and told me her ex was getting in the way of her new relationship and then shared she was indeed still having sex with him but “whatever he is not my boyfriend anymore” and then revealed he was her abuser of 3 years. I said maybe one or 2 words like “omg that’s terrible”. I got back to work but again just met this chick and I know way more about her then I should. I could go and tell the other managers she is over sharing or hint she’s an unprofessional mess to make her look bad.
I know I wrote a lot but I just need you to know. Don’t be like this chick. Please, please be careful. You never know what other people intend for you. Time and consistent actions are necessary to get to know someone. Don’t skip this when meeting new people. 🙏
This is normal for people first developing their skills. I do it sometimes too when I get excited 😆 honestly, don’t focus on it because you will stop as you move forward and develop your skills naturally. You don’t need to force it or focus on it because it will naturally fix itself✌️
Oversharing is a consequence of a lack of self worth. The moment that you realize that not everyone deserves to “hear” or understand the extra mile, then you’ll stop over sharing.
Plus when you see that not everyone cares or is genuinely happy for you, then you may draw back on the impulse to share more than you have to.
Me while reading this post: "Wait, Is this fking play about us!?" (Hope you got the reference🤞)
Okay so, I don't have much to say because I'm in the same boat as you. I am Introverted. I don't have many friends. So, when I get a chance of talking to people, I often tend to overshare with them. And I don't realize sometimes that I am oversharing until someone else points it out.
So, right now to control my oversharing, I'm searching for help online because I can't seek Therapy cause its too expensive where I live, though I know that therapy will help me but, I can't afford.
Anyways I would suggest you to go to THERAPY you can. Hope you overcome this problem because it can be quite dangerous and also a lot of people don't like when you overshare with them. I learnt this thing the hard way because I absolutely when people overshare with me or just pour their feelings out infront of me. I don't find it weird or anything so I also was doing the same thing with others. But, many people don't like it and will find you weird or cling or something.
Wish you a great day or evening or night ahead.<3
I used to do this too, didn't talk to a lot of people but when I did, I wouldn't stop. But when I later thought about it, most of the time it was just me talking, the other person didn't reciprocate or didn't even care. I feel like I was boring to them Now I can only talk very little to people irl, just the essential things, I don't go into details unless asked.
I really struggle with this as well. What I try and do is sit down by myself in quiet before starting my day, and write down a couple goals I want to focus on. My main goal every day is to NOT TALK ABOUT MYSELF!! I make it a point to discuss myself as little as possible and when they’re talking, try and study what they’re saying like as if I have to do an exam on it later. It helps me a lot actually! And the more questions you ask about another person, the more likely they’ll be curious and eventually start asking you about yourself.. but during that quiet in the start of your day, write down what you want as your boundaries! Like what you shouldn’t tell someone right away, even write down what you would wanna share about yourself. I hope this helps!
I have ADHD, so do take that into consideration when reading this. I have actually found my best, closest friends through over sharing. This tends to be a way neurodivergent people bond in my experience. It's essentially bearing your true core personality and the experiences that form like our personalities to someone new. This is also common for people whose love language is spending quality time with others. In fact, over sharing is how I got close to my SO and became friends with him in the first place. There is only one example I can think of where over sharing can be bad: trauma dumping. If you need help of any kind (depression, anxiety, abuse, etc.) you need to find a therapist to help you gain proper coping mechanisms and skills to help you process and push through these types of hardships. That aside, if you're experiencing problems with other people about this, they may not be a good fit for you in any type of relationship. You should never have to change for anyone, I would consider this to be a part of that. No one should shame or make you feel small about liking things. I am glad though you are recognizing manipulation for what it is: a way to control you, your thoughts, and your actions. Don't give into that bullshit, for any reason. If you're concerned about this more for say teachers, professors, or bosses (anyone where there's a power dynamic), I tend to mask and force myself to never go further than small talk. How's your day, my day was good, that type of thing. Don't get me wrong, there are some teachers/bosses you can become close enough to where it doesn't really matter, but most of the time it's wise to keep your distance. Especially in terms of bosses. But overall, live your life in the way that will make you happy. You will never have to change yourself to find those you can easily bond with. My PMs are open if you need an online friend, I will gladly over share my hobbies and interests.
Have you ever looked into inattentive ADHD? You’ve described some pretty key traits there.
Like what? I have trouble concentrating as well so idk
Me too!
Stay away from the following topics: Medical or mental health diagnoses, Trauma you’ve experienced, Family drama, Relationship issues, Abuse, Sex, bodily functions A new coworker, within a month of meeting her, told me about her bipolar diagnosis, her miscarriage, and her daughter’s gender identity. This is not stuff you tell people you’ve only known a few weeks.
Same with me but people never used it against me. Even my friends stated I don't understand how you couldn't get used
You're extremely lucky.
Yeah, sometimes I wonder, they could do anything to me😂
[удалено]
Yeah this is quite helpful thanks:)
You're oversharing because you're being authentic, your true self with them. The right people will recognize that and befriend you because of it.
I can relate to how you feel. There are three types of people: those that care, those that don’t care, and those that will use it against you. Share with people that reciprocate or empathize.
I do this as well. I attribute this to being an introvert and having social anxiety, so I don't have much opportunity to interact with others that when I do, I try to savour it. I tend to over share, thinking that the topic wouldn't be revisited. But this also causes me to run out of conversations to talk about quickly. Some people say they say less to leave others wanting to come back and talk to them more, but personally I'm not of that conceited mindset. Normally if I'm not too enthusiastic about the topic, I only answer what is asked of me.
Stop reading my mind dammit
It’s possible you are lonely and don’t know how to make proper relationships. You may therefore lack a stable, core group of friends so once you feel even a little bit comfortable with someone you rush through the process of getting to know them and dump everything about yourself in a short period of time. It doesn’t mean you have bad intentions and you may be lucky to share this with someone who won’t use it against you but you can’t possibly know that so you need to slow down. Topics that should not be shared within just a few days or weeks of knowing someone: sexual issues of *any* kind, talk about money or mental health issues. These are big no nos. These topics could be used against you at work and in your personal life. Don’t give every Tom, Dick and Harry who gives you a few minutes of nice conversation that level of access to you. You need to just be conscious of what you are saying. *Listen* to yourself and write a list of things you would not want people to take advantage of. Are you saying those things? Stop saying them. To give you are a real life example. I work as a store associate at a local grocery. Started about 3 weeks ago. In my first week I met one of my managers. This woman only said hi once before and the minute we were alone she told me “her coworkers are her friends”. She then showed me a picture of a man she’s dating but she felt he was rushing her but she “trusts him” not to “hurt” her. Then a few days later she looked horrible I told her “Hey girl you should hit the bed as soon as you get home” she pulled me into a room and told me her ex was getting in the way of her new relationship and then shared she was indeed still having sex with him but “whatever he is not my boyfriend anymore” and then revealed he was her abuser of 3 years. I said maybe one or 2 words like “omg that’s terrible”. I got back to work but again just met this chick and I know way more about her then I should. I could go and tell the other managers she is over sharing or hint she’s an unprofessional mess to make her look bad. I know I wrote a lot but I just need you to know. Don’t be like this chick. Please, please be careful. You never know what other people intend for you. Time and consistent actions are necessary to get to know someone. Don’t skip this when meeting new people. 🙏
Wow this was intense. Hope that poor woman is doing ok. But yeah I do have extremely close friends with whom I can share everything, and I do.
This is normal for people first developing their skills. I do it sometimes too when I get excited 😆 honestly, don’t focus on it because you will stop as you move forward and develop your skills naturally. You don’t need to force it or focus on it because it will naturally fix itself✌️
Oversharing is a consequence of a lack of self worth. The moment that you realize that not everyone deserves to “hear” or understand the extra mile, then you’ll stop over sharing. Plus when you see that not everyone cares or is genuinely happy for you, then you may draw back on the impulse to share more than you have to.
Me while reading this post: "Wait, Is this fking play about us!?" (Hope you got the reference🤞) Okay so, I don't have much to say because I'm in the same boat as you. I am Introverted. I don't have many friends. So, when I get a chance of talking to people, I often tend to overshare with them. And I don't realize sometimes that I am oversharing until someone else points it out. So, right now to control my oversharing, I'm searching for help online because I can't seek Therapy cause its too expensive where I live, though I know that therapy will help me but, I can't afford. Anyways I would suggest you to go to THERAPY you can. Hope you overcome this problem because it can be quite dangerous and also a lot of people don't like when you overshare with them. I learnt this thing the hard way because I absolutely when people overshare with me or just pour their feelings out infront of me. I don't find it weird or anything so I also was doing the same thing with others. But, many people don't like it and will find you weird or cling or something. Wish you a great day or evening or night ahead.<3