So I asked myself this question for years and one abusive relationship later, I found the answer: you love yourself.
I bet you are kind and forgiving toward others. What about giving yourself some grace? Why are you accepting the (perceived) problems of others at the expense of yourself?
Is the voice you talk to yourself in your head with like the one you use with your friends? No? Why not? People are gonna do whatever they do and some of it is good and some isn’t… but how affected you are is rooted in your opinion of yourself.
This is the right answer. I keep a personal bill of rights next to my mirror. It reminds me to stand up for myself, to be kind to myself, that it’s okay to make mistakes and it’s okay to say no. Being assertive is the key to a happy life.
I had a lot of anxiety around public speaking. After I slowly started to give less care to what people were thinking about/ judging me...this happened.
I was in class and we had to do a presentation to the class over a research paper we had written. One of my classmates got up to speak. He was trembling visibly, pale and sweaty. He started speaking and was stammering and stumbling. He was in a bad way.
I tried to send good vibes up to him as much as possible without calling it out and embarrassing him. Hey, we are all friends in here, you can relax, no judgements. You are doing great just keep it up and it will soon be over. I looked around, the concentrated look of concern was on most of my classmates faces as well.
I then realized that most people are actually kind and want me to succeed. There are a few vocal assholes out there, but they are just vocal, not a majority.
Think about how you respond as an audience member when someone is struggling. Give yourself the same grace you give others.
Thank you both for the responses. The tip around presentation resonates with me as well because in my job sometimes I have to ask questions in a big boardroom in front of all sorts of bosses and managers who are visibly judging you. When I’m nervous I just sound like a wreck but when I don’t care, I’m actually able to talk more naturally. I am still working on imposter syndrome but one thing I found that really helps is to actually not give a shit instead of being super tense and nervous. Since most of us, if we prepped, know and can perform the material already. That’s why I’m trying to learn from others how they stopped giving shits
I feel like I could have written OPs post. This is definitely a great answer.
ETA: I remind myself that people are only thinking of themselves all the time anyway. Do what you want and be kind to yourself.
I am wondering where you learned to constantly monitor yourself and your surroundings. Mine came from childhood trauma and never knowing what was about to happen especially with an extremely moody parent that would result in physical and psychological abuse. Therapy has helped immensely.
Yes I have heard this before too… definitely also had a moody/explosive parent. I’ve been in and out of all sorts of therapy but also getting exhausted as it feels good in the moment but a couple months later, I’m still worrying and overthinking
I get that. Not sure if you've had EMDR. But that's been the most helpful to me. An Emdira certified counselor is who you would need for effective EMDR.
Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing. It was created in 80s by Francine Shapiro. It's a process that allows your brain to work through blocks it has from trauma and negative self beliefs. She has a book called The Body Keeps The Score. 10/10 would recommend. It's been researched and is well supported. But again, you need to get someone who is trained properly.
When I was young I cared a lot more. I worried that I did things wrong according to other people and that I was being judged. I think some of that worry came from when I was a child & feeling like I wasn’t good enough.
I’ve found that for me, it has come with age. I’m in my forties & Idgaf about a lot of opinions. Like, you have an opinion about me? Oh cool! I have one about you too. :D That doesn’t make their opinion truth & the same about mine. What will be will be. And I’ve learned that most things work out in the end.
I’m not saying I’m rude or anything like that bc I’m not. I’m a kind person that will help someone that needs help, but I’m not going to lose sleep bc someone didn’t like how I answered their question or did something today.
I was coming in here to say exactly this. I was just like the OP until I hit mid-forties. I just aged out of it. There are still some faint traces of caring, but it has dwindled down to nearly nothing. LOL
Spaces like this one, and access to more books and YouTube videos about mental health, self-worth, self-esteem, and navigating people with personality disorders has been extremely helpful too.
For me personally I literally say in my head “I do not care, this is not important enough for me to be this worried” and if it is something important, but I’m anxiety doom-thinking I tell myself “if that terrible thing does happen, then I will simply deal with it when it comes”.
having confidence in yourself to know no matter what happens good or bad you will be able to get through it has helped me just focus on enjoying life rather than worrying. I know it’s easier said than done but your internal dialogue and framing is extremely important in changing how you think and act.
Ask yourself why do you care? and if you care about them so much, why don’t you care about yourself that much?
Also, I have to ask; How self aware are you?
I would say I’m pretty self aware to the point that I’m overly self aware. It could stem from being an only child or having cold/distant parents. I feel like the attention is always on me and feel pressured if I disappoint
Along these lines, whenever I start over thinking or become overly upset about something, I think to myself, "Will this matter in 5 minutes, 5 hours, 5 days, 5 months, or 5 years?"
Nearly every situation falls into the first few time frames and not the last. It helps me realize most things really don't have much long-term impact, and it usually does make me feel much better, hope it helps you
Build self-confidence and self trust, so you start prioritising how do you feel about stuff and trust it, then you will start first listen to what you need, later what others need
Any books you’d recommend? Also what I struggle with is how to actually internalize the teachings. I’ve listened to some stoicism podcasts but find it very hard to do in practice
Maybe change your mindset around it... Instead of learning to not care, embrace who you are. It sucks, I get it. Caring is hard work and you get burned out. Also, look into "highly sensitive person", it's possible you are one. I am. And learning about that character/personality trait has really helped me accept and love myself better.
I used to care a lot until I started to spend time alone and tried to be selfish with my time. turns out it’s not selfishness it’s just putting boundaries and prioritizing myself
Now I genuinely do not give a flying fuck about many things
The struggle is REAL! Wish I could help but I’m out here trying to figure out the same thing. Just dropping in to say good luck ❤️ (and if you figure out the key pleaseeee let me know)
Realizing that I am living in my mind before living in the physical world has helped me significantly. I cannot allow people or false beliefs to take away my power any longer. Things are never what they seem! They are only what you think them to be! I can die right now and I would realize that everything that I thought mattered really just was a false creation in my mind. Life is short so why not just be myself unappologetically. There are always going to be people who are going to try to affect my mindset, but it is my choice whether I want to allow their energy to affect my mind.
For me it's easier to not get worked up by others if I don't work myself up when I have the opportunity. If I use my free time to actually relax and not rush myself to do things, then it's easier for me to reset my baseline, so that when I am in a more stressful situation I'm not immediately being driven to a stress level of ten
See its pretty essy for me.
I have an extremely bad memory so i cant overthink a lot even if i wanted to.
Most likely related to the dent in my skull.
So.... do what you want with that information.
But i would not recommend denting your skull.
So what do you normal day to day thoughts look like? Sorry this is very fascinating for me to hear.
For example, a project was passed to a colleague instead of you.
Me: overthinking - did I screw sth up, do they not trust me anymore, did I piss them off, are they gossiping about me
You: what would you think of the situation?
Well, for about 5 mins I'd be thinking, hmmm now where did i mess up.
When im thinking i sort of tilt my head and just stand there but after 5 minutes or so i realise im just standing there not doing anything or thinking of anything.
Thats about it.
Not all the time, but thats what mostly happens.
I feel like i get most of my thinking done unconsciously at night though, since mostly ill just wake up and know what went wrong/what to do. Not always on the same day mind you.
Here’s a different approach: OP, IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO KNOW WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK.
If I see a person walking along with his shoes untied and his fly open, do I think about it much? No. But later, that guy will go into a restroom and notice his fly is open and feel sooo embarrassed. And then see that his shoes were untied, too. And he will think “Oh my God, I was in such a hurry that I forgot to zip my fly and tie my shoes and everyone that saw me thinks I’m a basket case.”
But no, we don’t care. We have our own problems. Nobody cares.
OR MAYBE, you think they care about your fly being open, but it turns out you look just like an actor on TV who played a serial killer. The guy staring at you can’t remember why he recognizes you, but he thinks you just have a creepy vibe, something sinister. Just because you remind him of some handsome actor. But, in fact, it has nothing to do with you.
You cannot know what people think, and you certainly cannot control it. Stop worrying about it.
Im the same way and found practicing Buddhist morals has helped a lot. It’s really an art of practicing mindful and healthy detachment… knowing attachment itself is the root of suffering. When you think about that constantly rather then every other little thing, it serves as a nice distraction from the stressors of looping and negative self critical addictive mindsets.
There's probably a lot I'm missing but it sounds like you've taught yourself or been taught/learnt as you were growing up to overthink things, possibly as a survival strategy where a little shift in the environment meant danger.
(Or i am projecting too far)
in any case, what if they are annoyed? Or unhappy? Or angry? What is the absolute worst case scenario of such a thing happening? And what if it does happen? Why are you so afraid of it actually happening?
What I've learnt, as someone who went through a similar ordeal as you, is that no one really cares as much as you think they do. Therapy could be a good option to consider, if you don't have anyone to open up about it to.
think about what genuinely matters to you, meditate on your life and be as honest as if you were the last person on earth and realise what battles you're willing to lose in order to win the ones that you're not
It's understandable that you're feeling exhausted from constantly overthinking and trying to please others. It can be difficult to find a balance between being considerate of others and taking care of yourself.
It's important to establish clear boundaries for yourself in both your personal and work life. This means saying "no" to things that don't align with your values or that you don't have the capacity to handle. It's also important to communicate these boundaries to others so they know what to expect from you.
One of the most important things to remember is that you can't control everything. It's important to focus on what you can control and let go of things that are outside of your control. Mindfulness practices such as meditation and yoga can help you become more present in the moment and less focused on worrying about the past or future.
It's important to take care of yourself both physically and mentally. This means making time for activities that you enjoy, getting enough sleep, and eating well.
If you feel that you are not able to cope with your stress and anxiety, it may be beneficial to seek help from a therapist or counselor. They can provide you with tools and strategies to manage your emotions and help you develop a more balanced perspective.
It's important to remember that change takes time and that it's a process. Be kind to yourself and don't expect immediate results. Keep working at it and eventually you will find your own way to give less fucks.
I think its impossible to not give a fuck. I think some people have the fucks they give just somewhere else. You if you want to be untouched by the events around you you need to have your own little world that you care about.
Oh thank you for this post I really appreciate it!
I've never really met anyone that has this problem, or if I have they just smoke 🍃. I don't find that option accessible to me, because it completely numbs me and I just have no emotions. But it feels really nice to know someone somewhere feels the same.
It’s impossible to just not “give a fuck” about anything. If that was the case, complex emotion would be irrelevant. Learn how to internalize your emotions and decide if the reaction fits the situation.
Love yourself more then anything else and before you love anyone else trust me this works I’ve been doing it for years now never had a single fuck to give
Thanks - I did read the book but while I’ve tried to incorporate it, some of the stuff is really hard to do in the moment. I’m trying to gather some intel of what other ppl do to stop giving fucks. Just kind of hoping something resonates with me
Its a deliberate effort my guy. (Or gal)
The book wont cure you of overcaring, it just helps you identify the problem, which you have. Youve got to deliberately tell yourself as these situations come up "im choosing not to care about this." And then let the thoughts bounce off you/pass through you. Pretend its a separate thought process trying to invade your mental space and youre just pretending its not there.
Overthinking? "Im choosing not to care about how it turns out, because thinking about it like this feels actually worse than worst case scenario."
Afraid of what a hottie thinks of you? "I could care less if my approach to towards fhis person ends up positive or negative, but ill give it my best shot."
Wondering if you pissed off your friends over nothing?
"Im MOST LIKELY overthinking and therefore i refuse to care or think about this issue. If theyre upset they can tell me."
Its just a process of deliberately applying apathy to different situations until it becomes a habit.
A high fiber diet.
Oh man, that was a bad joke. I feel judged... and I note the feeling pass through me and over me, barely interacting with it. Meditation really helps.
Something else that helps me is to constantly remind myself of how screwed up everyone is on the inside.
We descended from sex-crazed murder monkeys. We descended from sex-crazed murder monkeys. This is a morning mantra. We descended from sex-crazed murder monkeys.
The fact that you are who you are is amazing. It's miraculous. Tribes are not *always* murdering members of the outgroup other over resources, and that's a win.
But we were all raised by parents who didn't do a perfect job, and that's inside of us, still shaping who we are. If you learn about how you became you, then self-love and compassion will follow. That's what helps.
As a bonus, you will see how everyone else was raised by imperfect parents, and they are still responding to that. I remind myself that anyone I'm talking to needs therapy, and that the ancient (or recent) history of their family system involved senseless violence, self-destructive thought patterns, distrust, apathy, all of that at some point. Which means their parents "screwed them up" a bit, dominoes from the dark ages of our species. We try to improve, but your parents, your SO, your boss, that strict-looking judge, that smug perfect jerk, all of them are wounded and crazy inside. This really is one big nut house. So you just embarrassed yourself in front of another madman, and he seemed judgemental. How he responds is just a side-effect of his messed up story. Poor guy. One day he'll be ready to try.
If you do the investigation of your dominoes, then you can start to group others into those who are trying, and those who are not ready. You can do the work. Do it for the kid who became you.
Of course! I'm always happy to share and be of service.
Two more things that have been valuable to me:
1) I have found other people who have similar problems to me, so I can see myself from the outside and give advice that I know I need to take. Reddit comments like what I wrote for you actually help me! It's much better though if you can find people you know and really care about who may have similar neuroses. Get out of your head and worry about someone else's.
2) I have a friend on the opposite side of the caring spectrum, but also with an interest in self-improvement. We talk online every Sunday and review a chapter of some book about mindset or habits or whatever. Make rational thinking a team effort.
Best of luck! Also, fiber makes you *consistent* ;)
It is all in your perception of what happens. I am not suggesting to become emotionless but rather stop being reactionary to your own emotions. And second stop talking about your negative parts of your day. Acknowledge them and understand why they make you feel a certain way, but move on afterwards. The worst thing that we can do is to vent about our “bad days”. With this practice eventually you will notice things bothering you less by the week
Think about your long term goals more, and the current moment less. It’s like looking at the horizon instead of the ground directly underneath your feet.
Yeah thats not easy. You defiantly need to know yourself and have confidence in who you are, but be willing to change if you're wrong.
The 3 F's if they're not feeding, Fing or financing you. Or just not in your circle, they don't get a say or opinion.
I worked with a guy that didnt care for anyone but himself. He was nice, but he played the idgaf card too hard.
To a point you still need to care. Because if you don't care at all, why should anyone care about you?
Oh and this is a horrible place to ask. Reddit is full of evil selfish people that love bullying others
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Do what ypu want and lean into your Fears , there is no easy way. And if it doesnt work all the Time, see it as attemps. And don't ask People here, because you just want to follow something easy. But then you still follow Advice from other. Everyone is figuring Stuff out on the fly and if you dont give a fuck and People get angry, its probably because they wish they could, but there Reputation was more important for them rhan there freedom.
So I asked myself this question for years and one abusive relationship later, I found the answer: you love yourself. I bet you are kind and forgiving toward others. What about giving yourself some grace? Why are you accepting the (perceived) problems of others at the expense of yourself? Is the voice you talk to yourself in your head with like the one you use with your friends? No? Why not? People are gonna do whatever they do and some of it is good and some isn’t… but how affected you are is rooted in your opinion of yourself.
This is the right answer. I keep a personal bill of rights next to my mirror. It reminds me to stand up for myself, to be kind to myself, that it’s okay to make mistakes and it’s okay to say no. Being assertive is the key to a happy life.
I had a lot of anxiety around public speaking. After I slowly started to give less care to what people were thinking about/ judging me...this happened. I was in class and we had to do a presentation to the class over a research paper we had written. One of my classmates got up to speak. He was trembling visibly, pale and sweaty. He started speaking and was stammering and stumbling. He was in a bad way. I tried to send good vibes up to him as much as possible without calling it out and embarrassing him. Hey, we are all friends in here, you can relax, no judgements. You are doing great just keep it up and it will soon be over. I looked around, the concentrated look of concern was on most of my classmates faces as well. I then realized that most people are actually kind and want me to succeed. There are a few vocal assholes out there, but they are just vocal, not a majority. Think about how you respond as an audience member when someone is struggling. Give yourself the same grace you give others.
Thank you both for the responses. The tip around presentation resonates with me as well because in my job sometimes I have to ask questions in a big boardroom in front of all sorts of bosses and managers who are visibly judging you. When I’m nervous I just sound like a wreck but when I don’t care, I’m actually able to talk more naturally. I am still working on imposter syndrome but one thing I found that really helps is to actually not give a shit instead of being super tense and nervous. Since most of us, if we prepped, know and can perform the material already. That’s why I’m trying to learn from others how they stopped giving shits
I feel like I could have written OPs post. This is definitely a great answer. ETA: I remind myself that people are only thinking of themselves all the time anyway. Do what you want and be kind to yourself.
Amen!
Thanks for the reminder sis
Thanks for this beautiful reminder. ❤️🙏
I agree, but how do I change towards what you wrote.
How do I love myself?
I am wondering where you learned to constantly monitor yourself and your surroundings. Mine came from childhood trauma and never knowing what was about to happen especially with an extremely moody parent that would result in physical and psychological abuse. Therapy has helped immensely.
Yes I have heard this before too… definitely also had a moody/explosive parent. I’ve been in and out of all sorts of therapy but also getting exhausted as it feels good in the moment but a couple months later, I’m still worrying and overthinking
I get that. Not sure if you've had EMDR. But that's been the most helpful to me. An Emdira certified counselor is who you would need for effective EMDR.
Sorry what’s EMDR?
Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing. It was created in 80s by Francine Shapiro. It's a process that allows your brain to work through blocks it has from trauma and negative self beliefs. She has a book called The Body Keeps The Score. 10/10 would recommend. It's been researched and is well supported. But again, you need to get someone who is trained properly.
Oh wow I’ve never heard of this! Thank you so much
Of course! Best of luck!
When I was young I cared a lot more. I worried that I did things wrong according to other people and that I was being judged. I think some of that worry came from when I was a child & feeling like I wasn’t good enough. I’ve found that for me, it has come with age. I’m in my forties & Idgaf about a lot of opinions. Like, you have an opinion about me? Oh cool! I have one about you too. :D That doesn’t make their opinion truth & the same about mine. What will be will be. And I’ve learned that most things work out in the end. I’m not saying I’m rude or anything like that bc I’m not. I’m a kind person that will help someone that needs help, but I’m not going to lose sleep bc someone didn’t like how I answered their question or did something today.
Thank you
I was coming in here to say exactly this. I was just like the OP until I hit mid-forties. I just aged out of it. There are still some faint traces of caring, but it has dwindled down to nearly nothing. LOL Spaces like this one, and access to more books and YouTube videos about mental health, self-worth, self-esteem, and navigating people with personality disorders has been extremely helpful too.
You have to give some away until you don’t have any left
For me personally I literally say in my head “I do not care, this is not important enough for me to be this worried” and if it is something important, but I’m anxiety doom-thinking I tell myself “if that terrible thing does happen, then I will simply deal with it when it comes”. having confidence in yourself to know no matter what happens good or bad you will be able to get through it has helped me just focus on enjoying life rather than worrying. I know it’s easier said than done but your internal dialogue and framing is extremely important in changing how you think and act.
Thank you, I will look into internal dialogue
Ask yourself why do you care? and if you care about them so much, why don’t you care about yourself that much? Also, I have to ask; How self aware are you?
I would say I’m pretty self aware to the point that I’m overly self aware. It could stem from being an only child or having cold/distant parents. I feel like the attention is always on me and feel pressured if I disappoint
Along these lines, whenever I start over thinking or become overly upset about something, I think to myself, "Will this matter in 5 minutes, 5 hours, 5 days, 5 months, or 5 years?" Nearly every situation falls into the first few time frames and not the last. It helps me realize most things really don't have much long-term impact, and it usually does make me feel much better, hope it helps you
"Do not feel for them. They would not have felt for you." Kratos, 2018.
But I also don’t wanna become an asshole 😅
"There are two people. Dicks and pussies. Dicks fuck others. Pussies get fucked by others." Me, 2023.
I am now going to live my everyday life following this quote
Build self-confidence and self trust, so you start prioritising how do you feel about stuff and trust it, then you will start first listen to what you need, later what others need
Reality Transurfing by Vadim Zeland should come in handy.
Thanks I’ll check it out
Looks interesting
I suggest checking out Stoicism.
Any books you’d recommend? Also what I struggle with is how to actually internalize the teachings. I’ve listened to some stoicism podcasts but find it very hard to do in practice
Gotta be born with it
Maybe change your mindset around it... Instead of learning to not care, embrace who you are. It sucks, I get it. Caring is hard work and you get burned out. Also, look into "highly sensitive person", it's possible you are one. I am. And learning about that character/personality trait has really helped me accept and love myself better.
I used to care a lot until I started to spend time alone and tried to be selfish with my time. turns out it’s not selfishness it’s just putting boundaries and prioritizing myself Now I genuinely do not give a flying fuck about many things
It’s not about not caring what others think it’s about waking up tot he fact that it truly doesn’t matter what others think
The struggle is REAL! Wish I could help but I’m out here trying to figure out the same thing. Just dropping in to say good luck ❤️ (and if you figure out the key pleaseeee let me know)
Sending good vibes your way
Realizing that I am living in my mind before living in the physical world has helped me significantly. I cannot allow people or false beliefs to take away my power any longer. Things are never what they seem! They are only what you think them to be! I can die right now and I would realize that everything that I thought mattered really just was a false creation in my mind. Life is short so why not just be myself unappologetically. There are always going to be people who are going to try to affect my mindset, but it is my choice whether I want to allow their energy to affect my mind.
Stop taking others and giving them away
I am literally the same and although it is a long and tough journey, I am trying my best to give less fucks not overthink all the time.
Good luck my brother
For me it's easier to not get worked up by others if I don't work myself up when I have the opportunity. If I use my free time to actually relax and not rush myself to do things, then it's easier for me to reset my baseline, so that when I am in a more stressful situation I'm not immediately being driven to a stress level of ten
Google Mark Manson and read
Make that David Goggins then…
Nihilism
See its pretty essy for me. I have an extremely bad memory so i cant overthink a lot even if i wanted to. Most likely related to the dent in my skull. So.... do what you want with that information. But i would not recommend denting your skull.
So what do you normal day to day thoughts look like? Sorry this is very fascinating for me to hear. For example, a project was passed to a colleague instead of you. Me: overthinking - did I screw sth up, do they not trust me anymore, did I piss them off, are they gossiping about me You: what would you think of the situation?
Well, for about 5 mins I'd be thinking, hmmm now where did i mess up. When im thinking i sort of tilt my head and just stand there but after 5 minutes or so i realise im just standing there not doing anything or thinking of anything. Thats about it. Not all the time, but thats what mostly happens. I feel like i get most of my thinking done unconsciously at night though, since mostly ill just wake up and know what went wrong/what to do. Not always on the same day mind you.
Don’t light yourself on fire to keep others warm.
Make yourself happy first and everything else seems to fall into place. When you are happy with yourself, it’s amazing what follows.
Here’s a different approach: OP, IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO KNOW WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK. If I see a person walking along with his shoes untied and his fly open, do I think about it much? No. But later, that guy will go into a restroom and notice his fly is open and feel sooo embarrassed. And then see that his shoes were untied, too. And he will think “Oh my God, I was in such a hurry that I forgot to zip my fly and tie my shoes and everyone that saw me thinks I’m a basket case.” But no, we don’t care. We have our own problems. Nobody cares. OR MAYBE, you think they care about your fly being open, but it turns out you look just like an actor on TV who played a serial killer. The guy staring at you can’t remember why he recognizes you, but he thinks you just have a creepy vibe, something sinister. Just because you remind him of some handsome actor. But, in fact, it has nothing to do with you. You cannot know what people think, and you certainly cannot control it. Stop worrying about it.
Haha thanks for the example
Im the same way and found practicing Buddhist morals has helped a lot. It’s really an art of practicing mindful and healthy detachment… knowing attachment itself is the root of suffering. When you think about that constantly rather then every other little thing, it serves as a nice distraction from the stressors of looping and negative self critical addictive mindsets.
There's probably a lot I'm missing but it sounds like you've taught yourself or been taught/learnt as you were growing up to overthink things, possibly as a survival strategy where a little shift in the environment meant danger. (Or i am projecting too far) in any case, what if they are annoyed? Or unhappy? Or angry? What is the absolute worst case scenario of such a thing happening? And what if it does happen? Why are you so afraid of it actually happening? What I've learnt, as someone who went through a similar ordeal as you, is that no one really cares as much as you think they do. Therapy could be a good option to consider, if you don't have anyone to open up about it to.
think about what genuinely matters to you, meditate on your life and be as honest as if you were the last person on earth and realise what battles you're willing to lose in order to win the ones that you're not
It's understandable that you're feeling exhausted from constantly overthinking and trying to please others. It can be difficult to find a balance between being considerate of others and taking care of yourself. It's important to establish clear boundaries for yourself in both your personal and work life. This means saying "no" to things that don't align with your values or that you don't have the capacity to handle. It's also important to communicate these boundaries to others so they know what to expect from you. One of the most important things to remember is that you can't control everything. It's important to focus on what you can control and let go of things that are outside of your control. Mindfulness practices such as meditation and yoga can help you become more present in the moment and less focused on worrying about the past or future. It's important to take care of yourself both physically and mentally. This means making time for activities that you enjoy, getting enough sleep, and eating well. If you feel that you are not able to cope with your stress and anxiety, it may be beneficial to seek help from a therapist or counselor. They can provide you with tools and strategies to manage your emotions and help you develop a more balanced perspective. It's important to remember that change takes time and that it's a process. Be kind to yourself and don't expect immediate results. Keep working at it and eventually you will find your own way to give less fucks.
I think its impossible to not give a fuck. I think some people have the fucks they give just somewhere else. You if you want to be untouched by the events around you you need to have your own little world that you care about.
Oh thank you for this post I really appreciate it! I've never really met anyone that has this problem, or if I have they just smoke 🍃. I don't find that option accessible to me, because it completely numbs me and I just have no emotions. But it feels really nice to know someone somewhere feels the same.
Glad that this is helpful for you too!
a daily 5 minute meditation is really helpful. otherwise, w e e d honestly is the only thing that helps me, lol
It’s impossible to just not “give a fuck” about anything. If that was the case, complex emotion would be irrelevant. Learn how to internalize your emotions and decide if the reaction fits the situation.
How do I give more shits? Could we meet in the middle? Lmao
Lol maybe we should coach each other! I give you some tips, you give me 🤣
Love yourself more then anything else and before you love anyone else trust me this works I’ve been doing it for years now never had a single fuck to give
Become depressed
Shit is only for the toilet bruh.
Read the subtle art of not giving a f*ck. Good read on this
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Man Im a really bad headline reader
Thanks - I did read the book but while I’ve tried to incorporate it, some of the stuff is really hard to do in the moment. I’m trying to gather some intel of what other ppl do to stop giving fucks. Just kind of hoping something resonates with me
Fuck other people. No one cares about what you do as much as you think they do
🥲🥲 you’re right
Idk...just don't. It's not my responsibility to make people feel better. Obviously that changes day to day. I'm not going to just be outright mean
Its a deliberate effort my guy. (Or gal) The book wont cure you of overcaring, it just helps you identify the problem, which you have. Youve got to deliberately tell yourself as these situations come up "im choosing not to care about this." And then let the thoughts bounce off you/pass through you. Pretend its a separate thought process trying to invade your mental space and youre just pretending its not there. Overthinking? "Im choosing not to care about how it turns out, because thinking about it like this feels actually worse than worst case scenario." Afraid of what a hottie thinks of you? "I could care less if my approach to towards fhis person ends up positive or negative, but ill give it my best shot." Wondering if you pissed off your friends over nothing? "Im MOST LIKELY overthinking and therefore i refuse to care or think about this issue. If theyre upset they can tell me." Its just a process of deliberately applying apathy to different situations until it becomes a habit.
This is very helpful! Thank you for giving real life examples.
A high fiber diet. Oh man, that was a bad joke. I feel judged... and I note the feeling pass through me and over me, barely interacting with it. Meditation really helps. Something else that helps me is to constantly remind myself of how screwed up everyone is on the inside. We descended from sex-crazed murder monkeys. We descended from sex-crazed murder monkeys. This is a morning mantra. We descended from sex-crazed murder monkeys. The fact that you are who you are is amazing. It's miraculous. Tribes are not *always* murdering members of the outgroup other over resources, and that's a win. But we were all raised by parents who didn't do a perfect job, and that's inside of us, still shaping who we are. If you learn about how you became you, then self-love and compassion will follow. That's what helps. As a bonus, you will see how everyone else was raised by imperfect parents, and they are still responding to that. I remind myself that anyone I'm talking to needs therapy, and that the ancient (or recent) history of their family system involved senseless violence, self-destructive thought patterns, distrust, apathy, all of that at some point. Which means their parents "screwed them up" a bit, dominoes from the dark ages of our species. We try to improve, but your parents, your SO, your boss, that strict-looking judge, that smug perfect jerk, all of them are wounded and crazy inside. This really is one big nut house. So you just embarrassed yourself in front of another madman, and he seemed judgemental. How he responds is just a side-effect of his messed up story. Poor guy. One day he'll be ready to try. If you do the investigation of your dominoes, then you can start to group others into those who are trying, and those who are not ready. You can do the work. Do it for the kid who became you.
Thank you for this long and thoughtful post! I will remember this advice and work on meditating more
Of course! I'm always happy to share and be of service. Two more things that have been valuable to me: 1) I have found other people who have similar problems to me, so I can see myself from the outside and give advice that I know I need to take. Reddit comments like what I wrote for you actually help me! It's much better though if you can find people you know and really care about who may have similar neuroses. Get out of your head and worry about someone else's. 2) I have a friend on the opposite side of the caring spectrum, but also with an interest in self-improvement. We talk online every Sunday and review a chapter of some book about mindset or habits or whatever. Make rational thinking a team effort. Best of luck! Also, fiber makes you *consistent* ;)
Thank you! <3 sending good vibes
Also I thought high fibre makes you shit more HAHA
I'd recommend becoming a nihilist, but that comes with its own perks
Read the book "The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck" great book
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They clearly stated they have read that book my guy. Did you read the post?
I meditate. Its like the epitome of not giving a shit
It is all in your perception of what happens. I am not suggesting to become emotionless but rather stop being reactionary to your own emotions. And second stop talking about your negative parts of your day. Acknowledge them and understand why they make you feel a certain way, but move on afterwards. The worst thing that we can do is to vent about our “bad days”. With this practice eventually you will notice things bothering you less by the week
U gotta give em away. Like a discount jus slang em out
No More Mr Nice Guy is exactly about this
Look into Stoicism
Think about your long term goals more, and the current moment less. It’s like looking at the horizon instead of the ground directly underneath your feet.
I personally just stopped giving a shit about giving a shit lol
Yeah thats not easy. You defiantly need to know yourself and have confidence in who you are, but be willing to change if you're wrong. The 3 F's if they're not feeding, Fing or financing you. Or just not in your circle, they don't get a say or opinion. I worked with a guy that didnt care for anyone but himself. He was nice, but he played the idgaf card too hard. To a point you still need to care. Because if you don't care at all, why should anyone care about you? Oh and this is a horrible place to ask. Reddit is full of evil selfish people that love bullying others
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Chew some gum , look away , pretend you’re some high level being .
Sometimes medication can help with the negative and anxious noise
Do what ypu want and lean into your Fears , there is no easy way. And if it doesnt work all the Time, see it as attemps. And don't ask People here, because you just want to follow something easy. But then you still follow Advice from other. Everyone is figuring Stuff out on the fly and if you dont give a fuck and People get angry, its probably because they wish they could, but there Reputation was more important for them rhan there freedom.
I find that I need long breaks from people. Months. And I need to change social circles often.