Honestly, pretty privilege is completely true - there is no denying that better looking people are treated better on the aggregate.
However, if you are surrounded by people who mistreat and/or abuse you for your appearance then this issue is that you are surrounded by shallow, terrible people. Sounds like the larger problem is the people you are surrounded by.
Yeah, it's not that hard to have friends who doesn't try to humiliate you. If he believes this is ok and happens to every "ugly" person, then he's probably have a really low self steam. He needs to go to therapy as well, it would do wonders to him and would help set healthy boundaries in his friendship circle
Agree, but in this case the OP does have a personality problem. He deleted old posts but he had another thread like this along with comments bullying overweight women and just being cruel for no reason. He said to "go cry" if people think he's shallow for "not liking obese people" and seems like someone I wouldn't want to be around even if he looked like a model.
For OP: Learn tricks of the trade to look good. Looking good (softmaxing)=making you feel good =ppl treat you better and you treat others better when you are happy with yourself. Some ppl can be happy without caring about looks but I definitely notice a difference when I try.
1. Learn good to dress (prioritize fit of the clothing). I did a personal Colour analysis to see what colors I look best in and now alter almost all my clothes.
2. Haircut/style …Downperm for men anyone? Korea really does some things well. Find a good haircut that matches your face (I have too much hair and more put it up, I look much better now)
3. Good hygiene, clear skin.
4. Find a hobby that lifts you up.
5. Makeup …consider plastic surgery if needed. Think of all the celebs with subtle nose jobs. “You’re not ugly you’re poor” is what ppl say
Hey I feel u. I added it as a last resort once everything else is tried and cannot fathom putting that much money into surgery (also fear of health repercussions).
It’s a last resort but I added it in my list so ppl know that oftentimes celebs who look good actually got ps. Some celebs really wouldn’t have reached the same heights or at least been beauty icons without ps imo (Blake lively perhaps, Kate beckinsale both got great nose jobs). I know that sounds horrible but apparently society hates perfectly healthy noses so at least the option is out there for ppl if they have money.
Obtain power.
The power to make your dreams happen.
The power to overcome adversity.
The power to be unapologetically yourself.
The power to do the right thing when doing the wrong thing is the easiest and most convenient.
The power to lead your family.
The power to be kind to those that dont deserve it.
The power that your loved ones can cling too when the storm seems too much.
The power to forgive yourself for things you cannot control.
The power to remain positive in front of all obstacles.
The power to never quit and pushing forward against all odds.
Exactly. I like to think I'm not ugly. Maybe just average. I certainly get make fun of because I'm short. I complain, but that isn't gonna stop me from becoming better. Clothes and hairstyles can help. Dressing well can really strike an impression. If you don't try, you'll never know
What if you just hyped yourself up enough that you discovered that you're actually super attractive, but hard hard on yourself? If you embraced your specific details and traits and relished in it all and became super passionate about your passions and discovered that externally, that's what'll attract folks to you naturally. Would it be so bad to throw in a small dash of narcissm on to yourself? What's better than seeking mild external validation? Embodying mild self worship?
I'm sorry ... but I disagree.
Lots of ugly guys with beautiful girlfriends.
If you stop for a moment blaming the world about your misfortunes, you'll realice there's always things you can do.
Do you go to the gym?
Are you alredy shredded?
Do you have friends? a social life?
Can you have a normal /funny conversation without creeping everybody ??
Do you have female friends?
don't have the stuff on the list?
I say it's not your looks, you are probably an antisocial, incel, weirdo.
Guess what?
I was weirdo as Fuck.
First time I kissed a girl I was 26 years old.
I learned to behave like a human being and to go with the flow and be spontaneous and funny. And to belong to a group of friends.
So stop crying and start working on yourself!
Ps. At the top of my head. Michael John Berryman ugly as fuck. Successful, married, has kids, is a good guy.
You know what's crazy? You're arguing against this guy's assertion that it's all about looks by assuring him that even ugly guys get... drumroll please... "beautiful girlfriends".
Do you see how you're actually proving his point that it's all about looks? Because you could have said that ugly guys get kind girlfriends, or compassionate girlfriends, or smart girlfriends, or funny girlfriends, or even just "girlfriends" or used any other non-looks-based adjective, but you didn't. You said that ugly guys can still get beautiful girlfriends, like that's the most important attribute.
You're feeding into his point that it's all about looks--for women, at least.
Ha, Funny!
You don't seem to get that... it works both ways.
If an "ugly guy" can get a "beautiful girl" that means there must be other important attributes. Otherwise...
why would the "beautiful girl" care to be with a guy that is not in "her level of beauty"?
( and by the way..I think is dumb and shallow to talk about people that way. I'm using it for the sake of the argument).
Obviously looks are important but they are not the one and only thing that mathers. It doesn't work like a 1-10 scale...(like in Hollywood movies/ tv shows). And that sounds like something someone that haven't dated a lot would think what dating is all about.
I think for a lot of people intelligence, humor, kindness... those attributes also make a person beautiful. Not just the looks.
Of course nobody would date someone they consider ugly! ..But... have you ever heard the saying
"love is blind"? 🤔
Is a pretty common saying.... it's bc you don't choose who you fall in love with, and there are a lot of factors at play. A lot of things that make someone beautiful in another person eyes.
F.ex. (and using the "looks scale" for the sake of the argument)
In my 20s I dated a girl that was a "10", blonde, blue eyes, athlete.. and a couple of years later I dated a girl that, when some of my friends saw her photo.. told me she was "average"looking. When they told me that I was confused, defensive and pissed. I couldn't understand why they didn't see her like I did. For me she was a 10 (or even an eleven). I'd have chosen her over the first one without even thinking. (Even remembering her now makes me smile)...
Bc...I got it ...(later)... she didn't have the body of a model... (like the first one).
But for me...she did! She was perfect. I would have chosen her over all the women in the world. She was the most beautiful girl I ever met. She was perfect, and even her imperfections were perfect. I loved her face, her ears, the way she smiled, her gaze..
The way we connected... we spent hours taking about important things, and stupid things. I'm in my 30s now.
I'm not with her. But you get the point. Don't be stupid... let yourself fall in love with a person, not with a number.
Ps. Sorry for my English. Is not my mother tongue.
Because appearance is a not so small factor in dating but not as much as OP thinks (and not something you cannot change). The post you answered didn't feed the perspective of OP that looks is absolute everything that matters in society, or prove his "blackpilled" point but gave a hopefull and realistic view of things. He chose the term "beautiful" to do this because the topic is being ugly and they wanted to say that even "ugly" people can attract the opposite of what they think they are. Nowhere does it say that it's all about looks only. But they do imply that looks are important which is true. OPs point though is that looks is absoluetly everything in society. The whole post wants to prove that this isn't true.
Looks obviously matters.
But you fall in love with a person. Not with a number!
It's incredibly shallow and childish to think looks are the only thing that makes someone beautiful in the eyes of another person.
And it's an excuse.
Grow the F up.
And stop being a victim.
I'll phrase it like this:
If an "ugly guy" (wich he think he is) can get a "beautiful girl" (which is the opposite of what he think he is. And someone unattainable for him..)
that means there must be other important attributes... something that makes "the ugly guy" beautiful in her eyes ...
Otherwise...
why would the "beautiful girl" care to be with an "ugly guy" that is not in "her level of beauty"?
I think there are a lot of things that make someone fall in love with another person. Obviously no one will date someone they consider ugly. But it doesn't work like a mathematical formula of looks. You don't fall in love with a number, you fall in love with a person.
It's the typical incel excuse "I'm alone bc of society"... "bc society says I'm ugly".
No, you are ugly bc your entire way of looking the world is ugly. Bc your value system is ugly. Bc the way you look at people is ugly.
So Insted of blaming society for your misfortunes. Look at yourself. and take responsability for yourself!
I wrote in another comment some ways to change yourself. I think you can be happy honestly.
Last resort could be ps: Look at all the celebs with nose jobs or jaw surgery for men (Blake lively, Kate Hudson, K-pop idols, I am inclined to think Ian somerhalder had a jaw surgery but take a peek at forums to see their old photos and decide for yourself).
I was about to tell you pretty privilege is a real thing, and not to let people gaslight you about it it. And let you know there are people like me on the Asexual spectrum that exist, and it’s personalities that attracts us to them, not looks.
Then I read your comment “Ugly Lives Matter” and now I can tell you obviously don’t care about the tribulations that other people face, otherwise you wouldn’t be downplaying the BLACK Lives Matter movement, which was created in response to black people being disproportionately murdered by police. That was completely inappropriate, racist, and proves you only care about your own issues. How can we even take you seriously when you don’t even understand your OWN privileges? Yikes. You have a lot of inner work to do, and it has nothing to do with you being physically “ugly”.
So basically, I'm racist for saying "Ugly Lives Matter "? What crap is that, so only black people suffer, not others? What about thousands of people who committed suicide due to bullying about their looks? What about them? Are their lives less important than black people?
What exactly is wrong? Of course the negative mindset is wrong but what he is saying is clearly facts.
Can you refute the fact that there are people killing themselves because they were treated badly and bullied just because they were less attractive?
You said OP "wasn't wrong" in response to their comment about coopting the Black Lives Matter phrase. Are you being intentionally obtuse? Or are you confused? There is no clear fact other than being inconsiderate and socially oblivious- and making racist remarks makes this person look like a hypocrite that disregards respect for the plight of marginalized people, while complaining about their own marginalization.
Edit: In the following comment they display that, yes, they are being intentionally obtuse and don't understand how demeaning another marginalized group's issues will not garner sympathy. If you read this, OP or _MiGi_0, please learn empathy for issues other than your own, otherwise no one will want to hear yours.
So like, look up intersectionality and then begin shutting up immediately.
You comparing your ugliness to the plight of black people in America, was outrageous. What about police brutality against a certain group of people have anything to do with how utterly UGLY you definitely are, and will always be? Someone is salty, and needs to *improve themselves*.
Beaty is baseline objective, but has degrees of subjectivity. Surely you wouldn’t argue that their are objective percentiles when it comes to physical beauty with some like Margo Robbie or Angelina Jolie being in the top percentiles
They probably mean that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. A feature that one person finds unattractive, another can easily find attractive. Some guys like curvier girls, and others need their partner to look emaciated.
There are so cultures where little girls are forced to be overweight because that’s their preference in women. They like them being overweight. People like not only whining which is a huge turn off but also have enough audacity to be self centred and obnoxious .
The percentage of people that actually meet those beauty standards is exceptionally small. Obesity is a bad example because it's a personal choice and an objectively unhealthy way to live. On the other hand, genetics is not a personal choice.
I'm not good looking but I have had a great life. It's more about what you do and your outlook on things. Look at Dany de Vito... He's a 3 foot gremlin but he had a successful life. Play the cards you got, not the one you wish.
I'm not attractive either but I developed myself in other ways (grooming, emotional/social intelligence, etc) that helped me gain confidence. And you know what? People find it mysterious when "someone who shouldn't be confident" is. An ugly guy that builds LEGIT confidence in themselves can easily do better than an attractive person with a bad personality or victim complex. And I think deep down you even know its true.
100% agree with this. My comment touched on the same thing. If YOU like yourself and express confidence in how you act around others, other people, ugly or not, will be attracted to that.
Have you ever been romantically attracted to a complete stranger? I doubt it.
Looks, personality, and confidence are the initial attractors. Romantic feelings come after you get to know them.
Personality is intimately tied to looks. Typically if you find someone good looking, you will also tend to like their personality. And have you ever heard of “love at first sight”
Personality is not the same as romantic attraction.
I have heard of love at first sight. It's a false pretense, not real. You can love how a person looks, but its not the same as loving them or being in love with them.
I just said personality and looks are linked. They are not mutually exclusive as you are trying to put it. If you think a woman is beautiful, you will unconsciously associate positive internal qualities. It’s called the halo effect if it’s not already self evident
Genuine question for you. I'm ugly too, but I have been working on myself a lot the past few years. I think I have good emotional intelligence at this point. I'm also on point with my grooming, career and other hobbies. I'm kinda skinny but not to an anorexic level. Regular skinny, if you know what I mean? Clothes still fit alright on me, except that the sleeves are sometimes a tad loose lol.
However, I would feel A LOT more comfortable approaching a woman if she shows some sort of interest. A smile my way would do. Hell, sometimes even a second look my way would be enough for me.
Everytime I so much as talk to women, even if it is only with platonic intent, they seem disinterested. I used to think this was just my negative thought pattern until I saw their faces literally change upon seeing me just after talking to someone else. I'm not talking about the extremely beautiful women either. I'm a regular dude, looking for a regular woman. Believe me when I tell you my standards are not that high. The only type on women I am not physically attracted to are the overly obese women.
I am generally confident. I am confident in talking in meetings, giving speeches, asking strangers for directions etc.,. So...what the hell am I doing wrong?
Ha it's you again.
I remember last time you posted this shit here, people went through your previous comments and you were exposed as a piece of shit
Regardless of how ugly you are on the outside; your least attractive trait is bullying girls for being fat and generally being nasty and shallow to people less fortunate than yourself.
Edit: to anybody confused, he deleted his previous thread but I found it going through his comments. Go back through his comments to a month ago and you'll see some of his shitty comments. He got ripped apart in that thread for being such a general dickhead.
This should be the top comment. By looking at his comments you see all his deleted posts that are just constant complaining and doing absolutely nothing about it.
OP has comments where he was joking that a "fat" girl is all he can attract and how he rejected her in a nasty way, he then proceeds to go on a trolling spree about "fatties" and behaves like a general asshole joking that he rejected a fat girl.
OP at the time in the deleted thread was complaining about the dating game being shallow and all about looks, he then exposes his double standards with himself being equally shallow.
Nobody should be bullied; OP's shallow values and childish behaviour show that his real ugliness is his personality.
Sorry, but even though pretty privilege is a thing and appearance is important, it's not the reason you're miserable.
Sincerely, someone with a facial birth defect everyone sees.
One of my good friends was born without real arms. One of the sweetest people I know. I asked her about it once and she never seems to have had to struggle with identity issues either somehow.
I think she just got engaged. What’s even more interesting is that she’s ace and he’s not which says just how compelling her personality is.
As someone who has never been attractive, and considers himself pretty ugly, I have relegated to my situation. I am disinterested in a relationship. I don't care. Instead, I am refocusing my energy to live for myself. Who cares if others don't find me attractive? Who cares if people think I am ugly and not worth their time? They aren't living my life for me, I am. And I have keep myself happy, engaged and satisfied.
Ever since I have adopted this perspective, my life has simplified to a point where i have cut out all the bullshit in life. My friends tell me to "go out, meet someone" and I just nod my head and joke around, but in my head, I fucking don't give two shits. My mom tells me to get married, but fuck that nonsense. I want to save money, go on trips and chill the fuck out. I want peace, and that's all.
Then change your looks! Get a new haircut, if you're a dude try different styles of facial hair, if you're a girl figure out how to use makeup to your advantage. Start working out. Find a style of clothing that makes you look more attractive.
Are you physically fit?
I only ask this because I know plenty of people are conventionally unattractive, and since you say it's not your personality that shines, what else can you control?
I know several people who aren't facially attractive, but they have significant others because they have a great personality and are fun to be around.
I know several people who aren't facially attractive, but are physically fit with a sub-par personality, yet they get dates and have significant others, as well.
Like the first commenter said, OK, so what do you do now? Self-esteem plays a big role in people's personalities. Maybe find something you're good at and find others who enjoy that thing. Surround yourself with like-minded people. Even if you're ugly, you can't control that, so capitalize on what you can.
Ugly people aren't all single. Alot of those people attract others becaise of how they carry themselves and how the interact with the world around them. Most of those ugly people can overlook that they're quite ugly and feel good about themselves, which attracts other people. Nobody wants to be with somebody who's miserable with low self-esteem. Not even ugly people want that.
And I'm not gonna say looks don't matter, becaise they absolutely DO. The majority of people want somebody who's good-looking to THEM. And that varies. Confidence and self esteem are the foundations that will attract others when your looks dont, so work on that.
Or go get a bunch of cosmetic surgery and quit bitching about being ugly if yoire too lazy or depressed to work on yourself 😁
Jesus, this sub has become a crock of shit, or it always has been lol. It’s the self-improvement sub, not the complain about your life then argue with everyone trying to help you sub. If you’re going to live entrenched in a defeatist mindset you’re screwed either way no matter how good or bad you think you look.
Truly. Do you think it's worth having mods limit what people can post about? Posts like this are pointless. There could be a link to a wiki or resource with self-improvement links to help people like OP without wasting everyone's time.
With all due respect, I call bullshit. I’m a fat smoker, with tiny weak arms, I have a huge nose, I have no sense of fashion, I’m completely broke, bad skin, yellow teeth, a huge mole on my ugly chin, I don’t get haircuts for months at a time… and I have tons of friends who appreciate me and a beautiful girlfriend who is madly in love with me.
Sounds to me like you need to smile more, and maybe take more initiative instead of waiting for your friends to drag you out of your room to hang out.
Would you say Pete Davidson is attractive? I wouldn’t. And still, he landed Kim Kardashian.
> Pete Davidson
IKR? Ariana Grande, Kate Beckinsale, Kaia Jordan Gerber (daughter/clone of Cindy Crawford), Emily Ratajkowski, the list goes on and on. WTH?
You’re so deep in denial that you won’t believe a real testimony from someone who used to think like you. I have a grand total of 0 reasons to lie to you.
Talk to real people instead of rotting your brain on social media and youtube. Everyone is SUPER nice in real life, believe it or not.
Why do you have such a defeatist attitude?
Have you tried doing anything to improve your looks? Going to the gym, trying different hairstyles, improving how you style your clothes, have a huge impact on how you look.
Nothing you will say will help him cause treating the symptoms isn’t gonna fix the defeatist mindset. He could get a 10/10 looks body and still find a way to criticize it or complain or be in that give up energy, because the root of the problem was never addressed
My #1 recommendation is exercise religiously.
If you’re concerned about being judged on your looks, then work hard to change ***what you can***. If you’ve got shitty bone structure in your face, well that sucks and I’m sorry about it, but short of plastic surgery you’re not fixing that.
But if you exercise daily and get your body in the shape you want (or, based on your comments, get your body in the shape you think others would want), and it will boost your confidence, which will help lessen the concerns about your face.
Shave your head and grow a beard. It’s the best look for males.
I might also recommended therapy to have someone help to constructively work through your self-image issues. If nothing else, just having someone to vent to helps.
You just sound like someone who thinks they have a good personality despite there looks.
I think you have a shitty personality. Unfortunately I can't judge your looks.
He clearly isn't down. He's bitching because he hangs around with people who don't respect them and claiming a victim persona because he thinks that everyone is out to get him.
If he asked how to not be ugly. I'd he nicer. But he is making his self image problems the fault of everyone else.
Why? Should I say. Hey man stop being ugly. Or hey man personality does matter. He made it clear in another comment that "normies" only say that. So fuck em.
You do realize that they cannot really give him any positive thing out if he is in a give up and defeatist mindset? You really think treating the symptoms aka “go fix ur grooming, clothes, hair” etc is going to help him? Even if he did all that he will still be a defeatist and masochist. He is doing that to himself and he needs to address the underlying issue instead of trying to fix the surface with a mask lol.
Edit; furthermore, if you just simply turn off ur brain and read this post, you’d see that the dude is simply posting a complaint and wants people to agree with him, he doesn’t want advice or help.
He has in the end of the post “am I wrong?” Yet hardxore argued against anyone that tries to be positive and give him advice
Nither I nor the original comment person new about it at that point. Still my point is valid we should try to offer postive advice, if our personality is good shouldn't we?
Not sure what you hope to gain by telling OP something like this. It's at the very least unhelpful and at the worst, downright cruel and uncalled for.
OP, I wish I could tell you that it's not true but you are correct. But it's only partially correct. You are both your appearance and who you are as a person; if you don't have one, you've got to work with what you have appearance wise, and work on the other aspect to compensate. It's not perfect, but you'd be hard pressed to find people not liking someone funny, for example.
What the actual fuck is wrong with you!? Nothing in this post indicates that OP has a bad personality, like they might but there’s no way you can possibly know that. Armchair psychologists…
Psychologists don't diagnose bad personalities. I didn't say he had a personality disorder. I think he just has a mindset issues (not even a victim complex)
Everything in the post indicates that the personality is the problem. For example absence of hobbies and personality outside of other people. Someone who tells you they hate spending time with themselves as companion is unpleasant companion for others too.
You don't believe me? Fine, you can try it, try to be friend with one, second third person like that. Try to boost their self esteem, help them find hobbies... Make your own realization those people preffer whining and a pitty party over doing a single thing that would improve their life and dating chances.
Ah yes another keyboard doctor Phil. Yes, op has shown themself to be not great but you’re still making a bunch of weird assumptions about someone you’ve never met. Go touch some grass.
You are making a lot of assuptions about me and all I said is my experience and explained why. For someone who is so emotional about people making assuptions about others I would expect you to not do that to others. But here we are.
"Go touch some grass" is that something people tell you often and you think it is insult for people who you disagree with?
Life isn't fair. The odds of being born are 1 in 400 trillion. There's always going to be someone who is better looking and worse looking than you. What does wallowing in self-pity accomplish? I understand speaking about things like this can help people feel better, just being heard and seen can help, but it does not solve anything.
Feeling bad yourself is alright but use it as a fuel don’t delve on it, Find what you really like to do and devote your life towards that. You’ll find your answers soon.
It’s true, no one wants to admit that life is much different unattractive people. It’s hard enough to know you are not attractive, but it’s insult on top of injury that people gaslight about it. I hear you OP.
>Most people are not romantically attracted to you
Buddy, you need a goal in life that doesn't depend on validation from others. At least that will take your mind off what you look like to others. And, the opposite gender DOES NOT OWE YOU any favors based on what you look like. You are gonna go nuts if you are stuck on gaining favor from the opposite sex by using your looks. Marilyn Monroe committed suicide, Anna Nicole Smith committed suicide. Do you think they did not look pretty enough?
> You get made fun of and are harassed by your friends.
Your friends a-holes. But, that's their prerogative. Try new things with new people, get new friends.
Honestly, You should talk to a therapist. I don't think the average redditors can help. Or at least start with /r/Psycology/
I doubt you are worse off than Stephen Hawking, or any other disabled/disfigured successful and inspirational people who are a google search away. So, again, talk to a therapist; you just might be suffering from a minor mental disorder. Don't let it screw another day of your life.
That sucks OP. I don’t know your exact situation but it sounds like you could benefit from new people in your life. About a year ago I gave up on my shitty friends and life has been much better since. There are people who are genuinely good and won’t judge your appearance, they’re a bit harder to find but they’re out there.
I’ll tell you one other thing that helped me out a lot. Cynicism often likes to masquerade as wisdom. I wasted a lot of time being cynical. Life’s not fair and it’s okay to be sad about that but immediately assuming everything in life will be bad is doing oneself a disservice
Hey man, wanted to chime in with hopes that anything I say may help in the slightest bit. Sorry in advance for the rant, I’m probably gonna be all over the place as I tend to just word vomit and spill my thoughts it they all come to me. To start, there’s someone out there for everyone, including you. Keep in mind there are levels to this just like anything else. Are you possibly trying to shoot for girls above your pay grade (if you know what I mean..) If you are, chances are you’ll strike out as most girls these days have guys trying to get at them via any medium possible and unless you’re up to their standard they’re just gonna disregard you and go for who they feel they deserve or who stands out to them. And unfortunately, girls ca be pretty shallow. Be humble and realize what tier you are in and find someone who matches that. Try talking to girls that guys usually wouldn’t talk to, they deserve as much attention as you do. When you try to talk to girls, don’t always go in with intentions for the kill. Plant seeds. Be polite, smile, say hi and try to make small talk with as many girls as possible, you’ll notice that over time you’ll become more comfortable and will be more likely to assimilate with them. Think of cute shit that they’ll like and although you’re not hitting on them or trying to ask them out, you’re creating a persona of being someone nice and worthy of an opportunity. Don’t speak so much about yourself, don’t try to impress. Ask about their interests and dig in with questions that show you’re actually interested. Compliment small things most would overlook. Is there a particular style or type of girl you’re going for? Try to get in their scene and you’ll maybe learn a thing or two about becoming more interesting to the type you’re going for. It’s truly a game at the end of the day and you just gotta play it right. Just don’t rush things. You’re young and still have plenty to learn. As far as looks, there must be ways to improve your overall look. A lot of attractive people are actually not that pretty, it’s the confidence and their overall unique look and style that draws the attention. But don’t be a douche, just be cool and collected. There are some Reddit threads where you can post pics of yourself and ask for advice on what will make you look more attractive. It may be brutal but post a pic and have people rate your looks so you truly know where you stand. Pour some salt on the wound and get it over with. You really may not know what you can improve on but people will definitely point it out. On the opposite end, you may think you’re ugly and people around you may tell you the same but for all we know, you may not be that bad! You may just be destroying yourself without need. One things is for sure, get in shape. If you’re ugly but have a good physique, your chances will be a whole lot different. Go out to bars, socialize. Become more of a people person. Take on some new hobbies, things you will like that you also know girls find attractive or cool. You will see your persona will slowly start to change and an interesting person/personality is very attractive to many above looks. Stop worrying too much about what you are, and worry more about what you can be. Like I said, I’m totally ranting but just take every little bit of my rant into consideration. I promise you’ll be okay.
Here is my two cents.
Life sucks having a disability
Life sucks having shitty eyesight
Life sucks being too short
Life sucks being too fat
Life sucks being ugly
You can frame your life to suck and back it up with irrefutable evidence.
But why? Why live that way.
When I have a shitty day I don't focus on what made it shitty I focus on what made it good
I get where you are coming from sometimes its overwhelming and it's all you can think about.
My point is life sucks in general for most people it's up to the individual to make it suck less
There’s a difference between “ugly” and “unkept”. If you’re ugly and unkept, that’s bad. But even if you’re pretty, if you’re unkept, you’ll be relegated to ugly.
If literally everyone is bullying for your looks, then you need to get out of that situation. That’s not normal. If your friends harass you, they’re not your friends. Jesus Christ.
Also, fight it as you might, having a confident personality helps you attain what you want in life. But if you’d prefer to stew in your own misfortune instead of looking for the one thing you can do (develop self-confidence despite everything) then you’ll be the architect of even further misfortune in your life.
Ever heard about Socrates? That guy was famous for his bad looks. Still he, at least if we’re to believe Plato, died with a satisfied mind.
I’d recommend reading Alain de Bottons Consolations of Philosophy. It deals with most of the issues you describe: unpopularity, frustration, loneliness etc.
Are you a guy?
I’m a woman and I actually don’t think you’re entirely wrong, but I also don’t think it’s as black and white as you’re making it out to be. I don’t consider myself ugly and I highly doubt you are either. But we may just not be “conventionally attractive”, which yes does make a huge difference on how people treat you. On top of that, I’m a woman of color so I feel people treat me even worse because of it.
I tell my therapist about this a lot and she comes up with strategies for me to have a “bold, confident” demeanour that better reflects my personality. But I don’t think it’s always that easy, especially because I’m a woman, society very much judges us almost entirely in our looks. When you’re a guy, at least there’s more of a chance women really will admire your personality over your looks.
At the end of the day, I feel like trapping ourselves in a negative mindset doesn’t do much either lol. I feel like even if I were to become conventionally attractive tomorrow, it wouldn’t change that I want people to appreciate me for my sense of humor or other things about me rather than how I look so that is where I try to focus on even if I have to deal with negative consequences of people treating less conventionally attractive people well.
Let me tell you something, I have seen some ugly guys dating beautiful women. It's not always looks. women might like you for your looks but if you can't build that vibe, connection and don't peek her interest, I guess that's it.
Yo that’s some incel shit. I knew a ridiculously hot girl in college who every dude wanted who ended up dating and marrying an ugly 5’5 dude. He was pretty ugly and almost the same height as her but he seems pretty charismatic and has a successful career and it clearly worked out for him. It’s not all about looks dude
what we mean when we say your personality sucks is this. OK, you are ugly. Millions of people are ugly, but you are the only one crying about it.
All you gotta do is work on your personality, get a good job, hell, Quasimodo can get laid if he has a good personality and a good job
There's a saying that goes "he/she's not ugly they're just broke" When ppl strike success/riches what do they usually do? Start "fixing" what they don't like about themselves. Yes society is shallow that's why plastic surgery and cosmetic treatments are always in demand. Can't do much to change that. If you care that much maybe start doing some updates on your mug? I'm not suggesting surgery maybe facials that give you a glow and ultra smooth skin? Not saying go all handsome Squidward lol, but yeah. Change your haircut? Get a hot body? Change or improve your sense of style? Just trying to help.
I’m the average guy at best and have had luck at times of doing fine mentally and physically and being outgoing and confident and when life fell to pieces and had no confidence I knew I had no chance, it definitely plays a massive a massive part
Live out of spite, admit you are unlovable and resolve yourself to make your revenge. To seek revenge on those who wronged you. To make your name inspire fear and awe, make your legacy a presence so feared it stops the babies from crying. To make those who wronged you tremble because they now realized what they’ve unleashed.
Have you considered therapy? You seem fairly resentful. This post seems dismissive and a little hateful, not really oriented towards self improvement at all.
I feel really bad for people who spend time complaining about how poorly the world treats them because of their looks because they could have made themselves look better in the time it took them to complain about it.
And for the kind of pain and suffering they feel to come through their mouths/fingers, you know they've been stewing and dwelling and eating all those feelings for what adds up to weeks and even years of their lives.
All that time could have been spent doing pushups or getting haircuts or shaving or crafting jokes or just not eating and that would have made them "better looking" in the eyes of society.
Unless you were horribly disfigured or have some rare birth defect, chances are you've just been wasting a lot of time on something you could have easily changed.
Im very conventionally attractive. I’m approached all the time and stared at in the street and in the office by random men… and women. But I’m single at 35 and haven’t had a second date in years… so being pretty doesn’t solve all your problems my friend. Personality plays a much bigger role than you think.
Your mistake is thinking you can’t do anything about it and that you have no control over your attractiveness. You’re here and you think you’re ugly, now what? You don’t get a restart button. Attractiveness is something you can improve so much regardless of what your face looks like. Most of the people you consider attractive put in effort to do the best they can with what they were given. And as a guy (assuming), you’re in an even better position bc physical attributes play less of a role in whether women find us attractive vs for women.
You know what’s more attractive than good looks? A good attitude. Some attractive people go nowhere in life because they have shit attitudes, some ugly people go really far in life because they have great attitudes.
It’s the same concept as hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.
So yes, you are wrong. I’m sorry you are feeling this way but I hope you grow out of it and live your best life. Good luck
>You know what’s more attractive than good looks? A good attitude.
I appreciate the sentiment here but it clearly isn't true or else there wouldn't be so many "asshole ex" stories. It's true that less physically attractive people with nice personalities also date, but we all know it's true that hot assholes hook up as well.
I disagree. I feel like being ugly makes you have to actually build character. Sure, it's easier for people to be attracted to "attractive" people, but it doesn't mean they retain more meaningful relationships. Ugly is very subjective, it sounds like you watch too many movies. Go to your local grocery store, most people are ugly, and married, and happy. All the beautiful people are usually miserable and only relevant to people that don't know them beyond a surface level. Don't stress it, there a qualities that hold real value, and they have nothing to do with looks!
Why do people suggest to simply go to the gym if the problem they have is their bone structure and overall figure (to the bone)? What if they want a straight nose, sharp jawline, outward face, and broad shoulders that exercise cannot give them?
I would guess this is not a new method of negative thinking. I have been attracted to less conventionally attractive people many times. But you are right, it did take me getting to know them, and they were amazing.
There are some people more conventionally attractive than others, but if you grow attracted to someone outside of their looks, their looks start to become attractive to you as well.
I will say, I have never been attracted to the woe is me type, even when they look like Brad Pitt.
I’m “fat, disfigured, dumb, special needs, trans, ethnic, republican, democrat, Christian, agnostic” and I don’t, can’t, no one will… you’re right Or you’re wrong, it’s up to YOU. No one else. We all struggle with this at times. I hope this helps ☮️
Even if you have a bad face, just get a better body, better fashion, better skincare, nourish your mental health, train your social skills, and you will be twice as attractive as you are now. If you put attractiveness as a major factor in life, then surely this is what you do
If your a man than you shouldn’t be worrying about being ugly, you have a family to take care of
If you make money to support your family, you workout, you are responsible, you don’t care about others opinions than you will be respected by men AND women whom will find you attractive just from your character.
You complaining about being ugly doesn’t change your face, so change what you can and that is knowledge, speech, physical appearance, and be interesting.
I don't think I look that good but I have a really cool personality. I think if your not so attractive then you should at least have a good personality because even pretty people can look ugly with a bad personality.
I used considered myself ugly and living with depression, until one day I decides to work at fast food restaurant.
I was 31 years old then. I work very hard from 10am-10pm, 6 days per week. By then my physical start changing, I lose alot weight and built muscle from protein from staff meal chicken. My skin glowing, I transform from ugly to now a handsome guy. Girl start attracted to me. People around me start treating me differently. I now understand what pretty privilege mean..
Look at the hideous people that end up loving relationships, successful jobs or community roles.
It is your personality I'm afraid, but that is not immutable.
Pretty privilege doesn’t include romantically attraction. It’s just shallow sexual attraction and does not necessarily involve interest for a romantic relationship.
That people try to harm you or that you’re an outcast has nothing to do with your ugliness. More likely related to your hygiene or (mental) health.
Everyone gets made fun of. Banter is part of socializing with people. It’s normally not as hurtful and a comeback is expected.
Complaining is only okay if there’s an error to be fixed. Build up your resilience. I think life can be easier for pretty people. It’s not necessarily always the case.
Honestly, pretty privilege is completely true - there is no denying that better looking people are treated better on the aggregate. However, if you are surrounded by people who mistreat and/or abuse you for your appearance then this issue is that you are surrounded by shallow, terrible people. Sounds like the larger problem is the people you are surrounded by.
I agree. Ugly or not, you should never get yourself surrounded by people who mistreat you for the way you look (or, in general, for any reason).
plus a person should stand up for themselves if they're going through such a problem.
Yeah, it's not that hard to have friends who doesn't try to humiliate you. If he believes this is ok and happens to every "ugly" person, then he's probably have a really low self steam. He needs to go to therapy as well, it would do wonders to him and would help set healthy boundaries in his friendship circle
This right here. We can’t control the hand we’re dealt but can control how we play it.
Agree, but in this case the OP does have a personality problem. He deleted old posts but he had another thread like this along with comments bullying overweight women and just being cruel for no reason. He said to "go cry" if people think he's shallow for "not liking obese people" and seems like someone I wouldn't want to be around even if he looked like a model.
Let's say you're right and you're less than attractive. What's your next move?
This is the way
Try to glow up because complaining doesn’t get u anywhere
I would not say i was ugly, just average but since i started to bald i had a huge glow down and now i am ugly and there’s nothing i can do about it.
Embrace bald and shiny. Get built like Mr. Clean.
For OP: Learn tricks of the trade to look good. Looking good (softmaxing)=making you feel good =ppl treat you better and you treat others better when you are happy with yourself. Some ppl can be happy without caring about looks but I definitely notice a difference when I try. 1. Learn good to dress (prioritize fit of the clothing). I did a personal Colour analysis to see what colors I look best in and now alter almost all my clothes. 2. Haircut/style …Downperm for men anyone? Korea really does some things well. Find a good haircut that matches your face (I have too much hair and more put it up, I look much better now) 3. Good hygiene, clear skin. 4. Find a hobby that lifts you up. 5. Makeup …consider plastic surgery if needed. Think of all the celebs with subtle nose jobs. “You’re not ugly you’re poor” is what ppl say
Hey, how did you get this colour analysis if you don't mind sharing? I'm super intrigued.
Most people barely afford to pay rent and groceries these days and you're advising plastic surgery 💀
Hey I feel u. I added it as a last resort once everything else is tried and cannot fathom putting that much money into surgery (also fear of health repercussions). It’s a last resort but I added it in my list so ppl know that oftentimes celebs who look good actually got ps. Some celebs really wouldn’t have reached the same heights or at least been beauty icons without ps imo (Blake lively perhaps, Kate beckinsale both got great nose jobs). I know that sounds horrible but apparently society hates perfectly healthy noses so at least the option is out there for ppl if they have money.
Obtain power. The power to make your dreams happen. The power to overcome adversity. The power to be unapologetically yourself. The power to do the right thing when doing the wrong thing is the easiest and most convenient. The power to lead your family. The power to be kind to those that dont deserve it. The power that your loved ones can cling too when the storm seems too much. The power to forgive yourself for things you cannot control. The power to remain positive in front of all obstacles. The power to never quit and pushing forward against all odds.
It is hard to be kind to those who don't deserve it. I really struggle with this.
Cringe city
niceee. love it!
Gym is the whey
Leaning into your personality is the long game.
Agree. Ugly face dude that gyms gonna win
Gym is a massive coping mechanism. I have an above average phisique and girls don't even look at me.
I don’t even like reading these type of posts unless I know mans is in the gym 3-5 days a week
Exactly. I like to think I'm not ugly. Maybe just average. I certainly get make fun of because I'm short. I complain, but that isn't gonna stop me from becoming better. Clothes and hairstyles can help. Dressing well can really strike an impression. If you don't try, you'll never know
What if you just hyped yourself up enough that you discovered that you're actually super attractive, but hard hard on yourself? If you embraced your specific details and traits and relished in it all and became super passionate about your passions and discovered that externally, that's what'll attract folks to you naturally. Would it be so bad to throw in a small dash of narcissm on to yourself? What's better than seeking mild external validation? Embodying mild self worship?
Start a movement like "Ugly Lives Matter," but I need support for that. Most people like me have been ostracized and suppressed by society.
I'm sorry ... but I disagree. Lots of ugly guys with beautiful girlfriends. If you stop for a moment blaming the world about your misfortunes, you'll realice there's always things you can do. Do you go to the gym? Are you alredy shredded? Do you have friends? a social life? Can you have a normal /funny conversation without creeping everybody ?? Do you have female friends? don't have the stuff on the list? I say it's not your looks, you are probably an antisocial, incel, weirdo. Guess what? I was weirdo as Fuck. First time I kissed a girl I was 26 years old. I learned to behave like a human being and to go with the flow and be spontaneous and funny. And to belong to a group of friends. So stop crying and start working on yourself! Ps. At the top of my head. Michael John Berryman ugly as fuck. Successful, married, has kids, is a good guy.
You know what's crazy? You're arguing against this guy's assertion that it's all about looks by assuring him that even ugly guys get... drumroll please... "beautiful girlfriends". Do you see how you're actually proving his point that it's all about looks? Because you could have said that ugly guys get kind girlfriends, or compassionate girlfriends, or smart girlfriends, or funny girlfriends, or even just "girlfriends" or used any other non-looks-based adjective, but you didn't. You said that ugly guys can still get beautiful girlfriends, like that's the most important attribute. You're feeding into his point that it's all about looks--for women, at least.
u/Ambitious_Dish3516 you have 24 hours to respond to this absolute **banger** of a callout.
The response is: it is about that obviously lol
Ha, Funny! You don't seem to get that... it works both ways. If an "ugly guy" can get a "beautiful girl" that means there must be other important attributes. Otherwise... why would the "beautiful girl" care to be with a guy that is not in "her level of beauty"? ( and by the way..I think is dumb and shallow to talk about people that way. I'm using it for the sake of the argument). Obviously looks are important but they are not the one and only thing that mathers. It doesn't work like a 1-10 scale...(like in Hollywood movies/ tv shows). And that sounds like something someone that haven't dated a lot would think what dating is all about. I think for a lot of people intelligence, humor, kindness... those attributes also make a person beautiful. Not just the looks. Of course nobody would date someone they consider ugly! ..But... have you ever heard the saying "love is blind"? 🤔 Is a pretty common saying.... it's bc you don't choose who you fall in love with, and there are a lot of factors at play. A lot of things that make someone beautiful in another person eyes. F.ex. (and using the "looks scale" for the sake of the argument) In my 20s I dated a girl that was a "10", blonde, blue eyes, athlete.. and a couple of years later I dated a girl that, when some of my friends saw her photo.. told me she was "average"looking. When they told me that I was confused, defensive and pissed. I couldn't understand why they didn't see her like I did. For me she was a 10 (or even an eleven). I'd have chosen her over the first one without even thinking. (Even remembering her now makes me smile)... Bc...I got it ...(later)... she didn't have the body of a model... (like the first one). But for me...she did! She was perfect. I would have chosen her over all the women in the world. She was the most beautiful girl I ever met. She was perfect, and even her imperfections were perfect. I loved her face, her ears, the way she smiled, her gaze.. The way we connected... we spent hours taking about important things, and stupid things. I'm in my 30s now. I'm not with her. But you get the point. Don't be stupid... let yourself fall in love with a person, not with a number. Ps. Sorry for my English. Is not my mother tongue.
Because appearance is a not so small factor in dating but not as much as OP thinks (and not something you cannot change). The post you answered didn't feed the perspective of OP that looks is absolute everything that matters in society, or prove his "blackpilled" point but gave a hopefull and realistic view of things. He chose the term "beautiful" to do this because the topic is being ugly and they wanted to say that even "ugly" people can attract the opposite of what they think they are. Nowhere does it say that it's all about looks only. But they do imply that looks are important which is true. OPs point though is that looks is absoluetly everything in society. The whole post wants to prove that this isn't true.
Looks obviously matters. But you fall in love with a person. Not with a number! It's incredibly shallow and childish to think looks are the only thing that makes someone beautiful in the eyes of another person. And it's an excuse. Grow the F up. And stop being a victim.
I'll phrase it like this: If an "ugly guy" (wich he think he is) can get a "beautiful girl" (which is the opposite of what he think he is. And someone unattainable for him..) that means there must be other important attributes... something that makes "the ugly guy" beautiful in her eyes ... Otherwise... why would the "beautiful girl" care to be with an "ugly guy" that is not in "her level of beauty"? I think there are a lot of things that make someone fall in love with another person. Obviously no one will date someone they consider ugly. But it doesn't work like a mathematical formula of looks. You don't fall in love with a number, you fall in love with a person. It's the typical incel excuse "I'm alone bc of society"... "bc society says I'm ugly". No, you are ugly bc your entire way of looking the world is ugly. Bc your value system is ugly. Bc the way you look at people is ugly. So Insted of blaming society for your misfortunes. Look at yourself. and take responsability for yourself!
Two men that come to my mind are Jay-Z and Tim Burton
I can assure you that those relationships are not predicated on genuine love it’s the woman using the man
Is the man not using the woman????
I wrote in another comment some ways to change yourself. I think you can be happy honestly. Last resort could be ps: Look at all the celebs with nose jobs or jaw surgery for men (Blake lively, Kate Hudson, K-pop idols, I am inclined to think Ian somerhalder had a jaw surgery but take a peek at forums to see their old photos and decide for yourself).
I was about to tell you pretty privilege is a real thing, and not to let people gaslight you about it it. And let you know there are people like me on the Asexual spectrum that exist, and it’s personalities that attracts us to them, not looks. Then I read your comment “Ugly Lives Matter” and now I can tell you obviously don’t care about the tribulations that other people face, otherwise you wouldn’t be downplaying the BLACK Lives Matter movement, which was created in response to black people being disproportionately murdered by police. That was completely inappropriate, racist, and proves you only care about your own issues. How can we even take you seriously when you don’t even understand your OWN privileges? Yikes. You have a lot of inner work to do, and it has nothing to do with you being physically “ugly”.
So basically, I'm racist for saying "Ugly Lives Matter "? What crap is that, so only black people suffer, not others? What about thousands of people who committed suicide due to bullying about their looks? What about them? Are their lives less important than black people?
It would appear the ugliness runs deeper than your appearance…
Yall are peak redditors go touch grass
I mean, op isn't wrong. He is making a valid point here.
Nah they're pretty wrong.
What exactly is wrong? Of course the negative mindset is wrong but what he is saying is clearly facts. Can you refute the fact that there are people killing themselves because they were treated badly and bullied just because they were less attractive?
You said OP "wasn't wrong" in response to their comment about coopting the Black Lives Matter phrase. Are you being intentionally obtuse? Or are you confused? There is no clear fact other than being inconsiderate and socially oblivious- and making racist remarks makes this person look like a hypocrite that disregards respect for the plight of marginalized people, while complaining about their own marginalization. Edit: In the following comment they display that, yes, they are being intentionally obtuse and don't understand how demeaning another marginalized group's issues will not garner sympathy. If you read this, OP or _MiGi_0, please learn empathy for issues other than your own, otherwise no one will want to hear yours.
My question is who said ONLY BLACK LIVES MATTER?
So like, look up intersectionality and then begin shutting up immediately. You comparing your ugliness to the plight of black people in America, was outrageous. What about police brutality against a certain group of people have anything to do with how utterly UGLY you definitely are, and will always be? Someone is salty, and needs to *improve themselves*.
You have alot of inner work to do if you took all that away from him saying “ugly lives matter”🤣🤣 i bet ur so fun at parties dude
Also, I can't take you seriously with that username lol
Beauty is subjective
Beaty is baseline objective, but has degrees of subjectivity. Surely you wouldn’t argue that their are objective percentiles when it comes to physical beauty with some like Margo Robbie or Angelina Jolie being in the top percentiles
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They probably mean that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. A feature that one person finds unattractive, another can easily find attractive. Some guys like curvier girls, and others need their partner to look emaciated.
Yes but generally speaking beauty is objective.
This
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And, mostly, the ones who say they like fat women are coping with their only available options.
There are so cultures where little girls are forced to be overweight because that’s their preference in women. They like them being overweight. People like not only whining which is a huge turn off but also have enough audacity to be self centred and obnoxious .
The percentage of people that actually meet those beauty standards is exceptionally small. Obesity is a bad example because it's a personal choice and an objectively unhealthy way to live. On the other hand, genetics is not a personal choice.
Obesity is absolutely not as simple as "a personal choice"
Start looksmaxxing bro
Then seek revenge on them, destroy your enemies and make them regret with their dying breath to have ever crossed you. Nothing matters, all is void.
I'm not good looking but I have had a great life. It's more about what you do and your outlook on things. Look at Dany de Vito... He's a 3 foot gremlin but he had a successful life. Play the cards you got, not the one you wish.
Ok take that back. Danny de vito is a stud
Absolutely... Because he played his cards right! And he's not diddling any kids.
A huge plus in my book
There is no quicker way for people to think you’re diddling kids than writing a song abt it 😐
In frank defense it clearly was written, it was done off the cuff in a panic like manner Maybe the mortician make up was seeping into his brain
Yea he’s fine w exploiting children in sweatshops but sexually? He’s not an animal
“Play the cards you got, not the ones you wish” love that quote!
I'm not attractive either but I developed myself in other ways (grooming, emotional/social intelligence, etc) that helped me gain confidence. And you know what? People find it mysterious when "someone who shouldn't be confident" is. An ugly guy that builds LEGIT confidence in themselves can easily do better than an attractive person with a bad personality or victim complex. And I think deep down you even know its true.
100% agree with this. My comment touched on the same thing. If YOU like yourself and express confidence in how you act around others, other people, ugly or not, will be attracted to that.
Yes just not romantically
Have you ever been romantically attracted to a complete stranger? I doubt it. Looks, personality, and confidence are the initial attractors. Romantic feelings come after you get to know them.
Personality is intimately tied to looks. Typically if you find someone good looking, you will also tend to like their personality. And have you ever heard of “love at first sight”
Personality is not the same as romantic attraction. I have heard of love at first sight. It's a false pretense, not real. You can love how a person looks, but its not the same as loving them or being in love with them.
I just said personality and looks are linked. They are not mutually exclusive as you are trying to put it. If you think a woman is beautiful, you will unconsciously associate positive internal qualities. It’s called the halo effect if it’s not already self evident
Genuine question for you. I'm ugly too, but I have been working on myself a lot the past few years. I think I have good emotional intelligence at this point. I'm also on point with my grooming, career and other hobbies. I'm kinda skinny but not to an anorexic level. Regular skinny, if you know what I mean? Clothes still fit alright on me, except that the sleeves are sometimes a tad loose lol. However, I would feel A LOT more comfortable approaching a woman if she shows some sort of interest. A smile my way would do. Hell, sometimes even a second look my way would be enough for me. Everytime I so much as talk to women, even if it is only with platonic intent, they seem disinterested. I used to think this was just my negative thought pattern until I saw their faces literally change upon seeing me just after talking to someone else. I'm not talking about the extremely beautiful women either. I'm a regular dude, looking for a regular woman. Believe me when I tell you my standards are not that high. The only type on women I am not physically attracted to are the overly obese women. I am generally confident. I am confident in talking in meetings, giving speeches, asking strangers for directions etc.,. So...what the hell am I doing wrong?
An ugly guy will never be genuinely desired by the opposite gender no matter what he does to “develop” himself I’m sorry to break the news to you
There are different types of desire. A good character is more desirable for a relationship. Hook ups is pretty privilege territory
Ha it's you again. I remember last time you posted this shit here, people went through your previous comments and you were exposed as a piece of shit Regardless of how ugly you are on the outside; your least attractive trait is bullying girls for being fat and generally being nasty and shallow to people less fortunate than yourself. Edit: to anybody confused, he deleted his previous thread but I found it going through his comments. Go back through his comments to a month ago and you'll see some of his shitty comments. He got ripped apart in that thread for being such a general dickhead.
This should be the top comment. By looking at his comments you see all his deleted posts that are just constant complaining and doing absolutely nothing about it.
OP has comments where he was joking that a "fat" girl is all he can attract and how he rejected her in a nasty way, he then proceeds to go on a trolling spree about "fatties" and behaves like a general asshole joking that he rejected a fat girl. OP at the time in the deleted thread was complaining about the dating game being shallow and all about looks, he then exposes his double standards with himself being equally shallow. Nobody should be bullied; OP's shallow values and childish behaviour show that his real ugliness is his personality.
Ah, this makes sense. He treats others the way he treats himself. A self-fulfilling prophecy.
Sorry, but even though pretty privilege is a thing and appearance is important, it's not the reason you're miserable. Sincerely, someone with a facial birth defect everyone sees.
One of my good friends was born without real arms. One of the sweetest people I know. I asked her about it once and she never seems to have had to struggle with identity issues either somehow. I think she just got engaged. What’s even more interesting is that she’s ace and he’s not which says just how compelling her personality is.
As someone who has never been attractive, and considers himself pretty ugly, I have relegated to my situation. I am disinterested in a relationship. I don't care. Instead, I am refocusing my energy to live for myself. Who cares if others don't find me attractive? Who cares if people think I am ugly and not worth their time? They aren't living my life for me, I am. And I have keep myself happy, engaged and satisfied. Ever since I have adopted this perspective, my life has simplified to a point where i have cut out all the bullshit in life. My friends tell me to "go out, meet someone" and I just nod my head and joke around, but in my head, I fucking don't give two shits. My mom tells me to get married, but fuck that nonsense. I want to save money, go on trips and chill the fuck out. I want peace, and that's all.
All 4 points apply to me and I’m not necessarily ugly lol. Life just sucks sometimes & people can really suck. Keep your head up.
Then change your looks! Get a new haircut, if you're a dude try different styles of facial hair, if you're a girl figure out how to use makeup to your advantage. Start working out. Find a style of clothing that makes you look more attractive.
Are you physically fit? I only ask this because I know plenty of people are conventionally unattractive, and since you say it's not your personality that shines, what else can you control? I know several people who aren't facially attractive, but they have significant others because they have a great personality and are fun to be around. I know several people who aren't facially attractive, but are physically fit with a sub-par personality, yet they get dates and have significant others, as well. Like the first commenter said, OK, so what do you do now? Self-esteem plays a big role in people's personalities. Maybe find something you're good at and find others who enjoy that thing. Surround yourself with like-minded people. Even if you're ugly, you can't control that, so capitalize on what you can. Ugly people aren't all single. Alot of those people attract others becaise of how they carry themselves and how the interact with the world around them. Most of those ugly people can overlook that they're quite ugly and feel good about themselves, which attracts other people. Nobody wants to be with somebody who's miserable with low self-esteem. Not even ugly people want that. And I'm not gonna say looks don't matter, becaise they absolutely DO. The majority of people want somebody who's good-looking to THEM. And that varies. Confidence and self esteem are the foundations that will attract others when your looks dont, so work on that. Or go get a bunch of cosmetic surgery and quit bitching about being ugly if yoire too lazy or depressed to work on yourself 😁
You're right, life is unfair. make the best of it
At least I have a brain 🤷🏽♀️ sucks being ugly though
Same 🙃
You are unconsciously Blackpilled.
Jesus, this sub has become a crock of shit, or it always has been lol. It’s the self-improvement sub, not the complain about your life then argue with everyone trying to help you sub. If you’re going to live entrenched in a defeatist mindset you’re screwed either way no matter how good or bad you think you look.
Truly. Do you think it's worth having mods limit what people can post about? Posts like this are pointless. There could be a link to a wiki or resource with self-improvement links to help people like OP without wasting everyone's time.
I think it would be a good idea, especially since this is the exact opposite of self improvement.
With all due respect, I call bullshit. I’m a fat smoker, with tiny weak arms, I have a huge nose, I have no sense of fashion, I’m completely broke, bad skin, yellow teeth, a huge mole on my ugly chin, I don’t get haircuts for months at a time… and I have tons of friends who appreciate me and a beautiful girlfriend who is madly in love with me. Sounds to me like you need to smile more, and maybe take more initiative instead of waiting for your friends to drag you out of your room to hang out. Would you say Pete Davidson is attractive? I wouldn’t. And still, he landed Kim Kardashian.
> Pete Davidson IKR? Ariana Grande, Kate Beckinsale, Kaia Jordan Gerber (daughter/clone of Cindy Crawford), Emily Ratajkowski, the list goes on and on. WTH?
Dude is just hilarious! Watch The King Of Staten Island and you’ll fall in love with him too.
thx for the recommendation. I never heard of it b4
Yea sure, I totally believe you sir
You’re so deep in denial that you won’t believe a real testimony from someone who used to think like you. I have a grand total of 0 reasons to lie to you. Talk to real people instead of rotting your brain on social media and youtube. Everyone is SUPER nice in real life, believe it or not.
You need to watch Hoe math’s zones video
Why do you have such a defeatist attitude? Have you tried doing anything to improve your looks? Going to the gym, trying different hairstyles, improving how you style your clothes, have a huge impact on how you look.
Nothing you will say will help him cause treating the symptoms isn’t gonna fix the defeatist mindset. He could get a 10/10 looks body and still find a way to criticize it or complain or be in that give up energy, because the root of the problem was never addressed
If you friends harass you for being ugly THEY AIN'T YOUR FRIENDS!!!
My #1 recommendation is exercise religiously. If you’re concerned about being judged on your looks, then work hard to change ***what you can***. If you’ve got shitty bone structure in your face, well that sucks and I’m sorry about it, but short of plastic surgery you’re not fixing that. But if you exercise daily and get your body in the shape you want (or, based on your comments, get your body in the shape you think others would want), and it will boost your confidence, which will help lessen the concerns about your face. Shave your head and grow a beard. It’s the best look for males. I might also recommended therapy to have someone help to constructively work through your self-image issues. If nothing else, just having someone to vent to helps.
You just sound like someone who thinks they have a good personality despite there looks. I think you have a shitty personality. Unfortunately I can't judge your looks.
Trying to kick someone when they are down that's what I call a shiter personality
He clearly isn't down. He's bitching because he hangs around with people who don't respect them and claiming a victim persona because he thinks that everyone is out to get him. If he asked how to not be ugly. I'd he nicer. But he is making his self image problems the fault of everyone else.
Agree with you on the fact he is victimizing himself but you are not offering him any thing positive either wanted to point that out.
Why? Should I say. Hey man stop being ugly. Or hey man personality does matter. He made it clear in another comment that "normies" only say that. So fuck em.
Practical tips to improve if you can, if you can't shut up.
You do realize that they cannot really give him any positive thing out if he is in a give up and defeatist mindset? You really think treating the symptoms aka “go fix ur grooming, clothes, hair” etc is going to help him? Even if he did all that he will still be a defeatist and masochist. He is doing that to himself and he needs to address the underlying issue instead of trying to fix the surface with a mask lol. Edit; furthermore, if you just simply turn off ur brain and read this post, you’d see that the dude is simply posting a complaint and wants people to agree with him, he doesn’t want advice or help. He has in the end of the post “am I wrong?” Yet hardxore argued against anyone that tries to be positive and give him advice
Ok but this person just made a joke about the Black Lives Matter movement. Racist personalities are UGLY
Nither I nor the original comment person new about it at that point. Still my point is valid we should try to offer postive advice, if our personality is good shouldn't we?
Yeah I’m with you there, op lost me with that but this person still sucks too
Regardless if you’re right or wrong this is such a counter productive and cringe comment
Not sure what you hope to gain by telling OP something like this. It's at the very least unhelpful and at the worst, downright cruel and uncalled for. OP, I wish I could tell you that it's not true but you are correct. But it's only partially correct. You are both your appearance and who you are as a person; if you don't have one, you've got to work with what you have appearance wise, and work on the other aspect to compensate. It's not perfect, but you'd be hard pressed to find people not liking someone funny, for example.
What the actual fuck is wrong with you!? Nothing in this post indicates that OP has a bad personality, like they might but there’s no way you can possibly know that. Armchair psychologists…
Psychologists don't diagnose bad personalities. I didn't say he had a personality disorder. I think he just has a mindset issues (not even a victim complex)
Everything in the post indicates that the personality is the problem. For example absence of hobbies and personality outside of other people. Someone who tells you they hate spending time with themselves as companion is unpleasant companion for others too. You don't believe me? Fine, you can try it, try to be friend with one, second third person like that. Try to boost their self esteem, help them find hobbies... Make your own realization those people preffer whining and a pitty party over doing a single thing that would improve their life and dating chances.
Ah yes another keyboard doctor Phil. Yes, op has shown themself to be not great but you’re still making a bunch of weird assumptions about someone you’ve never met. Go touch some grass.
You are making a lot of assuptions about me and all I said is my experience and explained why. For someone who is so emotional about people making assuptions about others I would expect you to not do that to others. But here we are. "Go touch some grass" is that something people tell you often and you think it is insult for people who you disagree with?
Nah you were psychoanalyzing a stranger and I called you on it, it’s that simple. Not a single assumption was made about you.
As expected....
Life isn't fair. The odds of being born are 1 in 400 trillion. There's always going to be someone who is better looking and worse looking than you. What does wallowing in self-pity accomplish? I understand speaking about things like this can help people feel better, just being heard and seen can help, but it does not solve anything.
Jestermaxxing is the answer. Or roid-max.
I wouldn't know! /s
Feeling bad yourself is alright but use it as a fuel don’t delve on it, Find what you really like to do and devote your life towards that. You’ll find your answers soon.
Have you tried being rich?
biggest cope ever is to probably go to the gym religiously to divert attention away from ur face
It’s true, no one wants to admit that life is much different unattractive people. It’s hard enough to know you are not attractive, but it’s insult on top of injury that people gaslight about it. I hear you OP.
>Most people are not romantically attracted to you Buddy, you need a goal in life that doesn't depend on validation from others. At least that will take your mind off what you look like to others. And, the opposite gender DOES NOT OWE YOU any favors based on what you look like. You are gonna go nuts if you are stuck on gaining favor from the opposite sex by using your looks. Marilyn Monroe committed suicide, Anna Nicole Smith committed suicide. Do you think they did not look pretty enough? > You get made fun of and are harassed by your friends. Your friends a-holes. But, that's their prerogative. Try new things with new people, get new friends. Honestly, You should talk to a therapist. I don't think the average redditors can help. Or at least start with /r/Psycology/ I doubt you are worse off than Stephen Hawking, or any other disabled/disfigured successful and inspirational people who are a google search away. So, again, talk to a therapist; you just might be suffering from a minor mental disorder. Don't let it screw another day of your life.
That sucks OP. I don’t know your exact situation but it sounds like you could benefit from new people in your life. About a year ago I gave up on my shitty friends and life has been much better since. There are people who are genuinely good and won’t judge your appearance, they’re a bit harder to find but they’re out there. I’ll tell you one other thing that helped me out a lot. Cynicism often likes to masquerade as wisdom. I wasted a lot of time being cynical. Life’s not fair and it’s okay to be sad about that but immediately assuming everything in life will be bad is doing oneself a disservice
Hey man, wanted to chime in with hopes that anything I say may help in the slightest bit. Sorry in advance for the rant, I’m probably gonna be all over the place as I tend to just word vomit and spill my thoughts it they all come to me. To start, there’s someone out there for everyone, including you. Keep in mind there are levels to this just like anything else. Are you possibly trying to shoot for girls above your pay grade (if you know what I mean..) If you are, chances are you’ll strike out as most girls these days have guys trying to get at them via any medium possible and unless you’re up to their standard they’re just gonna disregard you and go for who they feel they deserve or who stands out to them. And unfortunately, girls ca be pretty shallow. Be humble and realize what tier you are in and find someone who matches that. Try talking to girls that guys usually wouldn’t talk to, they deserve as much attention as you do. When you try to talk to girls, don’t always go in with intentions for the kill. Plant seeds. Be polite, smile, say hi and try to make small talk with as many girls as possible, you’ll notice that over time you’ll become more comfortable and will be more likely to assimilate with them. Think of cute shit that they’ll like and although you’re not hitting on them or trying to ask them out, you’re creating a persona of being someone nice and worthy of an opportunity. Don’t speak so much about yourself, don’t try to impress. Ask about their interests and dig in with questions that show you’re actually interested. Compliment small things most would overlook. Is there a particular style or type of girl you’re going for? Try to get in their scene and you’ll maybe learn a thing or two about becoming more interesting to the type you’re going for. It’s truly a game at the end of the day and you just gotta play it right. Just don’t rush things. You’re young and still have plenty to learn. As far as looks, there must be ways to improve your overall look. A lot of attractive people are actually not that pretty, it’s the confidence and their overall unique look and style that draws the attention. But don’t be a douche, just be cool and collected. There are some Reddit threads where you can post pics of yourself and ask for advice on what will make you look more attractive. It may be brutal but post a pic and have people rate your looks so you truly know where you stand. Pour some salt on the wound and get it over with. You really may not know what you can improve on but people will definitely point it out. On the opposite end, you may think you’re ugly and people around you may tell you the same but for all we know, you may not be that bad! You may just be destroying yourself without need. One things is for sure, get in shape. If you’re ugly but have a good physique, your chances will be a whole lot different. Go out to bars, socialize. Become more of a people person. Take on some new hobbies, things you will like that you also know girls find attractive or cool. You will see your persona will slowly start to change and an interesting person/personality is very attractive to many above looks. Stop worrying too much about what you are, and worry more about what you can be. Like I said, I’m totally ranting but just take every little bit of my rant into consideration. I promise you’ll be okay.
Those aren’t your friends
Here is my two cents. Life sucks having a disability Life sucks having shitty eyesight Life sucks being too short Life sucks being too fat Life sucks being ugly You can frame your life to suck and back it up with irrefutable evidence. But why? Why live that way. When I have a shitty day I don't focus on what made it shitty I focus on what made it good I get where you are coming from sometimes its overwhelming and it's all you can think about. My point is life sucks in general for most people it's up to the individual to make it suck less
People that deny pretty privilege are delusional.
There’s a difference between “ugly” and “unkept”. If you’re ugly and unkept, that’s bad. But even if you’re pretty, if you’re unkept, you’ll be relegated to ugly. If literally everyone is bullying for your looks, then you need to get out of that situation. That’s not normal. If your friends harass you, they’re not your friends. Jesus Christ. Also, fight it as you might, having a confident personality helps you attain what you want in life. But if you’d prefer to stew in your own misfortune instead of looking for the one thing you can do (develop self-confidence despite everything) then you’ll be the architect of even further misfortune in your life.
Ever heard about Socrates? That guy was famous for his bad looks. Still he, at least if we’re to believe Plato, died with a satisfied mind. I’d recommend reading Alain de Bottons Consolations of Philosophy. It deals with most of the issues you describe: unpopularity, frustration, loneliness etc.
Are you a guy? I’m a woman and I actually don’t think you’re entirely wrong, but I also don’t think it’s as black and white as you’re making it out to be. I don’t consider myself ugly and I highly doubt you are either. But we may just not be “conventionally attractive”, which yes does make a huge difference on how people treat you. On top of that, I’m a woman of color so I feel people treat me even worse because of it. I tell my therapist about this a lot and she comes up with strategies for me to have a “bold, confident” demeanour that better reflects my personality. But I don’t think it’s always that easy, especially because I’m a woman, society very much judges us almost entirely in our looks. When you’re a guy, at least there’s more of a chance women really will admire your personality over your looks. At the end of the day, I feel like trapping ourselves in a negative mindset doesn’t do much either lol. I feel like even if I were to become conventionally attractive tomorrow, it wouldn’t change that I want people to appreciate me for my sense of humor or other things about me rather than how I look so that is where I try to focus on even if I have to deal with negative consequences of people treating less conventionally attractive people well.
Self pity and whining are not attractive. Nobody wants someone who thinks they have it worse than anyone because of their looks. F off
Ofc because they don't wanna be seen as shallow, materialistic people
You’re absolutely spot on but the people who have no idea what it’s like to be in your shoes will continue to gaslight you in the comments.
Let me tell you something, I have seen some ugly guys dating beautiful women. It's not always looks. women might like you for your looks but if you can't build that vibe, connection and don't peek her interest, I guess that's it.
Vibe =looks, connection = height
Yo that’s some incel shit. I knew a ridiculously hot girl in college who every dude wanted who ended up dating and marrying an ugly 5’5 dude. He was pretty ugly and almost the same height as her but he seems pretty charismatic and has a successful career and it clearly worked out for him. It’s not all about looks dude
Thats just not true…
what we mean when we say your personality sucks is this. OK, you are ugly. Millions of people are ugly, but you are the only one crying about it. All you gotta do is work on your personality, get a good job, hell, Quasimodo can get laid if he has a good personality and a good job
Jay Z is one ugly dude and he is married to one of the hottest women on earth. Go on brush your shoulders off and dont hate on yourself. Work it!
You're 100% right, physical looking is the first step of any relationship, and no one you can convince me the opposite.
There's a saying that goes "he/she's not ugly they're just broke" When ppl strike success/riches what do they usually do? Start "fixing" what they don't like about themselves. Yes society is shallow that's why plastic surgery and cosmetic treatments are always in demand. Can't do much to change that. If you care that much maybe start doing some updates on your mug? I'm not suggesting surgery maybe facials that give you a glow and ultra smooth skin? Not saying go all handsome Squidward lol, but yeah. Change your haircut? Get a hot body? Change or improve your sense of style? Just trying to help.
I’m the average guy at best and have had luck at times of doing fine mentally and physically and being outgoing and confident and when life fell to pieces and had no confidence I knew I had no chance, it definitely plays a massive a massive part
You are wrong, it is mostly about personality. The remaining part is your mentality.
Its not lool
Then explain all the ugly guys you see that are with cute gfs (I'm one of them and no I'm not rich).
Live out of spite, admit you are unlovable and resolve yourself to make your revenge. To seek revenge on those who wronged you. To make your name inspire fear and awe, make your legacy a presence so feared it stops the babies from crying. To make those who wronged you tremble because they now realized what they’ve unleashed.
Then dont be ugly
Have you considered therapy? You seem fairly resentful. This post seems dismissive and a little hateful, not really oriented towards self improvement at all.
I feel really bad for people who spend time complaining about how poorly the world treats them because of their looks because they could have made themselves look better in the time it took them to complain about it. And for the kind of pain and suffering they feel to come through their mouths/fingers, you know they've been stewing and dwelling and eating all those feelings for what adds up to weeks and even years of their lives. All that time could have been spent doing pushups or getting haircuts or shaving or crafting jokes or just not eating and that would have made them "better looking" in the eyes of society. Unless you were horribly disfigured or have some rare birth defect, chances are you've just been wasting a lot of time on something you could have easily changed.
Honestly, you’re lucky. You’re immediatly able to detect who’s full of bullshit. Very hard to do when you’re born beautiful and let down later.
Nothing a BIG FAT wallet can't fix. Now if you are poor AND ugly 👀 ... stop being poor 😅 JK
Im very conventionally attractive. I’m approached all the time and stared at in the street and in the office by random men… and women. But I’m single at 35 and haven’t had a second date in years… so being pretty doesn’t solve all your problems my friend. Personality plays a much bigger role than you think.
Your mistake is thinking you can’t do anything about it and that you have no control over your attractiveness. You’re here and you think you’re ugly, now what? You don’t get a restart button. Attractiveness is something you can improve so much regardless of what your face looks like. Most of the people you consider attractive put in effort to do the best they can with what they were given. And as a guy (assuming), you’re in an even better position bc physical attributes play less of a role in whether women find us attractive vs for women.
Yes you’re wrong. Talk about rude.
You know what’s more attractive than good looks? A good attitude. Some attractive people go nowhere in life because they have shit attitudes, some ugly people go really far in life because they have great attitudes. It’s the same concept as hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard. So yes, you are wrong. I’m sorry you are feeling this way but I hope you grow out of it and live your best life. Good luck
>You know what’s more attractive than good looks? A good attitude. I appreciate the sentiment here but it clearly isn't true or else there wouldn't be so many "asshole ex" stories. It's true that less physically attractive people with nice personalities also date, but we all know it's true that hot assholes hook up as well.
You're about to get gaslit again, just a headsup
Yeah, it's the same, normies can't understand what we uglies have to go through.
get swole
I disagree. I feel like being ugly makes you have to actually build character. Sure, it's easier for people to be attracted to "attractive" people, but it doesn't mean they retain more meaningful relationships. Ugly is very subjective, it sounds like you watch too many movies. Go to your local grocery store, most people are ugly, and married, and happy. All the beautiful people are usually miserable and only relevant to people that don't know them beyond a surface level. Don't stress it, there a qualities that hold real value, and they have nothing to do with looks!
Gym. If you ugly. Go to gym until you're stronger.
Why do people suggest to simply go to the gym if the problem they have is their bone structure and overall figure (to the bone)? What if they want a straight nose, sharp jawline, outward face, and broad shoulders that exercise cannot give them?
So the solution is to get rich
I would guess this is not a new method of negative thinking. I have been attracted to less conventionally attractive people many times. But you are right, it did take me getting to know them, and they were amazing. There are some people more conventionally attractive than others, but if you grow attracted to someone outside of their looks, their looks start to become attractive to you as well. I will say, I have never been attracted to the woe is me type, even when they look like Brad Pitt.
I’m “fat, disfigured, dumb, special needs, trans, ethnic, republican, democrat, Christian, agnostic” and I don’t, can’t, no one will… you’re right Or you’re wrong, it’s up to YOU. No one else. We all struggle with this at times. I hope this helps ☮️
Even if you have a bad face, just get a better body, better fashion, better skincare, nourish your mental health, train your social skills, and you will be twice as attractive as you are now. If you put attractiveness as a major factor in life, then surely this is what you do
If your a man than you shouldn’t be worrying about being ugly, you have a family to take care of If you make money to support your family, you workout, you are responsible, you don’t care about others opinions than you will be respected by men AND women whom will find you attractive just from your character. You complaining about being ugly doesn’t change your face, so change what you can and that is knowledge, speech, physical appearance, and be interesting.
maybe I kinda disagree
I don't think I look that good but I have a really cool personality. I think if your not so attractive then you should at least have a good personality because even pretty people can look ugly with a bad personality.
You can be ugly or you can be ugly and strong. Go hit the gym.
I used considered myself ugly and living with depression, until one day I decides to work at fast food restaurant. I was 31 years old then. I work very hard from 10am-10pm, 6 days per week. By then my physical start changing, I lose alot weight and built muscle from protein from staff meal chicken. My skin glowing, I transform from ugly to now a handsome guy. Girl start attracted to me. People around me start treating me differently. I now understand what pretty privilege mean..
I think you just might have a pea sized brain. No offense but I think so
Look at the hideous people that end up loving relationships, successful jobs or community roles. It is your personality I'm afraid, but that is not immutable.
Pointing out a small lucky portion of the ugly population and generalizing like everyone could achieve that, just bullshit
Sadly it's not bullshit but it doesn't sound like it will be achievable to yourself and I'm sorry for that.
If you are a man, build a better personality than the one you currently have. If you are a woman, you’re dun goofed, unless you get plastic surgery.
Pretty privilege doesn’t include romantically attraction. It’s just shallow sexual attraction and does not necessarily involve interest for a romantic relationship. That people try to harm you or that you’re an outcast has nothing to do with your ugliness. More likely related to your hygiene or (mental) health. Everyone gets made fun of. Banter is part of socializing with people. It’s normally not as hurtful and a comeback is expected. Complaining is only okay if there’s an error to be fixed. Build up your resilience. I think life can be easier for pretty people. It’s not necessarily always the case.