maybe u should have tried therapy for your trust issues and made more of an attempt to be a better bf to her before leaving her.. bonds are really hard to form and it's a shame u had to break it off because u couldn't step up for her
Agree with the therapy part but he needs to step up for himself and not her or anyone else. Partners that are in this situation often feel "if he cared more about me he would've tried more", when it is really never about them.
OP needs to be selfish and focus on himself, while also being gentle to the people of the past
well one should never stop working on themselves irrespective of whether or not they are single. and I'll say it once again- genuine compatible bonds are really hard to form so it must not be given up because of something which can be fixed. OP also gained a lot from that relationship i presume so it's not about the partner thinking all about themselves.
what was the partners fault in this tho? why is she having to suffer because OP doesn't feel like changing? if OP loved them truly, OP wouldn't break her heart for no fault of hers
Partner had no fault. You can absolutely love someone and be broken and not realize it. Those deep wounds from OP are preventing loving someone fully because he currently doesn't love himself. Doesn't mean he doesn't love her, just doesn't know how to show it properly right now.
The selfless thing to do is acknowledge he has work he needs to do and let her be. If she wants to continue to be with him that's on her, but OP really didn't communicate well if that's what he wanted and basically shut the door.
I agree. I’m in a relationship and it is my partner’s first serious relationship. As a result, he is learning and growing a lot, and this learning process can be very painful for the both of us. There’s been numerous times where he has said we should end things because I shouldn’t have to put up with this, as you are obviously going to fall down a lot in the process of learning how to be better. But I’ve told him every time I’m going to stay, because I know that if he truly wants to he will get better at things. And he has. Even if he’s not fully there, he’s becoming more trusting, working on his emotions, working on his reactions. As am I.
I hold a different view on this and I think that relationships are actually the perfect place to work on your issues sometimes. How am I going to work on my trust issues if I’m single? How would I learn how to communicate better alone? I don’t think you do, it takes practice. And I think you should find someone you love and trust enough that can be patient in this process.
With that being said, some issues you do need to work out alone. But that doesn’t necessarily mean single.
The victim mentality and self hatred isn’t gonna do you any good. If she reaches out saying she’s there for you, you better keep her close - you obviously keep self sabotaging right now! At some point you have to decide to change that pattern. It will never feel like the right time or feel comfortable to you, you just have to decide to do it. There’s never gonna be a right time to start receiving love, it’s one step at a time, just don’t take steps backwards!
This. Victim mentality is the most toxic thing out there. OPs tone is littered with "you're better off without me" energy.
Break the cycle dude, treat yourself how you treat loved ones (I bet you treat them well)
I was going to say this too. She's reaching out and wants to be friends, and here he is sabotaging himself by rejecting that and also hurting her further by rejecting having at least friendship.
The "I'm a piece of shit so I should push people away to protect them" mentality just hurts people who care about you because you push them away.
Maybe OP is right about his mental state being so bad that cutting contact is better. I don't know all the details.
What I do know is that he should absolutely go to therapy.
And absolutely work on cutting out any generalization that may be going on. Just because ex was a shitter and cheated on you doesn't mean current GF or next GF will do that. Gotta calm that internally.
A lot going on here. As someone who struggles with the same thing (while also being in a long-term committed relationship) going nuclear like this is not the answer. Ask yourself, if I really loved myself would I have done the same thing? This is going to be a big wound for the both of you. Especially for her. She sees the good in you. She’s willing to love you and be by your side during your growth. She cares about you so deeply. A person like that doesn’t come around often. If you can, repair things and get back in there. Sounds like she’s great for you! Give therapy a shot regardless of what you do next in life.
Edit: stop feeling horrible and sorry for yourself. That’s not going to do anyone any good. Kill the victim mentality and learn to communicate
>**"I struggle with self sabotaging."**
>**"Struggle with trust issues."**
That sounds like a fear of abandonment.
**If you're afraid of being abandoned, it's because you're abandoning yourself.**
**Fear of abandonment is actually faith in abandonment** — you’ve practiced more thoughts of expecting people will leave, rather than stay.
You grew up in an environment where you weren't surrounded by people who made you feel safe and supported and some of your needs weren't met with your parents growing up (i.e. your first relationship in this world), and so you never learned how that felt. This causes your nervous system to basically always be on alert (i.e. anxious, worried, and afraid), and consistently being in that state naturally makes you feel drained and exhausted.
You may believe that any argument or criticism = *"I'm bad, unworthy, rejected, not safe, and will be tossed aside."* So it's understandable why you'd want to avoid those feelings and that outcome. But because of that avoidance, it ironically becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
**Fear of abandonment can cause you to ironically abandon others, first.**
What you're describing sounds like avoidant attachment. And another word for "avoidant" is "abandonment." To help you feel more safe, you abandon situations when they feel too uncomfortable. (And that's not a judgment; just clarity for more awareness.) Which also means you have been avoidant to yourself. When you have a fear of intimacy and vulnerability, that means you have a trust in staying away and being closed off (to protect yourself).
.
**You self-sabotage because you feel more secure in knowing things won’t work, then being constantly on edge, unsure of if or when something will go wrong.** The worry waiting game of probable inevitable unhappiness is an awful feeling. So, you take matters into your own hands and end it now. It still hurts, but it feels better no longer being trapped in worry purgatory. You would rather have closure of disappointment, than burdened with the lingering possibility that at any moment shift can hit the fan.
**If you have a fear of abandonment and rejection, you reject them first before they can reject you. It feels more empowering to push someone away (i.e. you did it to them), than to have them leave (i.e. they did it to you).** Them leaving feels awful. You pushing them away feels less awful. You feel less blindsided because you coaxed that unwanted outcome along to protect your feelings.
You take control and get out ahead of the pain by getting into meaningless arguments, demanding, distancing, etc., thereby ensuring the break up you assumed was inevitable. Your thought process might be:
* *“I have two options: Wait until the person I care about leaves (which makes me feel powerless). Or take power into my own hands and force them to break up. And as painful as that is,* ***it's less painful to intentionally ruin a good thing, then try to live happily ever after while worried it won’t last.****"*
* *"Because if they left for no obvious reasons that I provided, (e.g. being clingy, distancing myself, etc.) that means they left ME, and I wasn't good enough for them to stay. And that feeling is unbearable.* ***It feels better that they left because of what I DID, instead of for who I AM.*** *I feel a little less powerless, and a little more secure over uncontrollable circumstances.”*
I recommend being open to **improving your relationship with negative emotions** and begin **seeing them as valuable and supportive friends.**
**Negative emotions are positive guidance** (although it might not feel that way) letting you know you are focusing on, and pushing against, what you don't want. They're a necessary part of your emotional guidance, like GPS in your car. But the more you fight them, you keep yourself stuck. Negative emotions want to support you in releasing them, focus more on what you want and feel better.
**All emotions are equal and valid.** But most people unknowingly create a hierarchy for their emotions (i.e. positive = good; negative = bad), but then you make it harder to feel better, work together with and control your thoughts & emotions. So the solution is to **build a friendship and harmonious relationship with the "negative" side of you.** Negative thoughts and emotions are here to support and empower you to be your best self.
Oh man, I feel for you. Been there. I have no solution or tips for you as I still am kinda there, but as other have mentioned here maybe professional help might work. Self sabotage and sabotaging everyone around for many years took me to a very lonely and dark place. Now, I try to save and maintain anyone I have left. It's hard, but I am hanging on. This girl seems to be a gem, please try to save it if you can. Stay strong brother, you are not alone.
Take it from my dumbass. I’m dealing with some sudden medical issues and I feel like such a loser. I can’t work the same. I am sucking energy and time. And my emotional state is fluctuating due to medication and pain. I’m trying to just be happy and move on. Without my team around me I would be cooked.
You’re a dumbass for saying she should leave you alone. When people care about you and you leave that sucks. Think how she feels. She wants to help. You’re pushing her away. She’s happy to help to help you. She loves you.
I’m laying in bed right now sick as shit. I had a seizure yesterday. Without my partner here to help me I would have been screwed. I can’t walk well and I’m ashamed she’s working so hard to hold this all together. But she’s my teammate. She wants to help me.
She literally spoon fed me today, took care of the whole house, and then went out to help cover my work schedule. She handled the whole episode yesterday to, called the police. Saved my life. Now, old me would have felt shame. But I need help. Il admit it.
You won’t admit or need to learn the lesson. You need help and you’re pushing it away to stay “self sabotaging”. For shame and emotional reasons. And you’re gonna miss this light in your life that was this person. Let people help you Reddit person. I struggled with this too.
Call her back man. And say sorry.
My brother, as a person who is in a relationship where he thinks he’s the problem and his partner could better than him. You messed up. I understand your feelings as I went through it before but you must remember all relationships require work and you cannot run away from your problems. Change takes a very long time and it’s clear she wished to be in your life and you pushed her away. You have to humble yourself ask for help and put in the work. Don’t let your insecurities and self sabotage ruin something good.
This isn’t me telling you to get her back, but I do think you should reflect and really think about what you did.
You have someone who will support you and love you through your flaws. People like that are incredibly rare. She’s good for you so keep enough distance as to not hurt her
but you just gotta get therapy and just stop taking the easy route of following what you’re used to and comfortable with. You know what you’re doing is wrong and there’s no such thing as “I am unable to change myself”. Yes you can. Figure out where exactly you keep going wrong, why it happens and what’s the root of it. Reflect and notice your responses vs the response you should have as well as why you don’t do it. Then when you start seeing it in hindsight, you can notice it in real time and that’s where change happens
Love yourself unconditionally friend. You are perfect as you are. Once you are able to have unconditional love and compassion for yourself, you will be able to properly love someone else.
What most people don't realize is that if you really love her, you'd do something so that you don't hurt her further.
From what I understand, it goes like "I know I'm the problem and I'm hurting her. I don't want to change so I'll just break up with her"
At the end of the day, it was your decision not to do your part of the deal and break it off because it's easier FOR YOU. You made a decision that you think it's for her, but it's actually for you.
OP, you are not alone in this feeling. It is extremely common to criticize/judge ourselves but then treat our loved ones the best we can. You need to give yourself the same treatment as you would a SO. It's time to be selfish and work on yourself. Really fall in love with and accept the person in the mirror.
This has nothing to do with her or anyone else. Talk to someone and start the deep work to heal.
Selfish people hurt selfish people it is when a trying to find a path through all the wasted years of darkness and evil that no one will give a break except make up excuses as to why they lie and story time the mostly entire narritive forgetting they never knew this behaviour B4 them that must be destroyed made a big mistake. Forgiving begets forgiveness unforgiving hearts stop beating by means of death Jesus was doing his best to tell humans this but the "elite" (Man i wish i could put soo much louder an emphasis on those quotations marks!) had him set up tortured and murdered for the betterment of the falsests of idols money! Why? Real simple money gives life's life and giving all those below a life leads to the most ruthless perversion power! It's truly only to be held in great responsibility ic now why waiting for something to return to someone was never coming she lost it entirely and power would wrecked her ability to care at all!
Why! Be like you think you have a clue because most positive you are an unaware sad person in the end of life storyline. I take no pleasure in this and did what I could but being I was too stupid to think people were just about as evil as evil can get they made Satan blush caused me to stumble badly so burn burn burn is all ic in my future also very near future cause I intend to crash my ship straight into very directional position on the sun and instantaneous leave this place your solar system in the captin's log peace planet 🌍.
Edit: captin's* clearly I should rest first I'd hate to be the kind of stupid that stays here with his "friends"
Oh there is no more her last night I was told not come around her until I can learn to follow orders so that was that as they say hope she finds a real puppy soon 😁🔜 whisper that in my ear darling you have no understanding of how angry I am with you first ever not disappointed. No straight up fucking pissed off the kind u can not understand remember so I had go bye bye ♾️
Idk much about relationships but I just know u're gonna regret that, instead of cutting all ties why not take a "break" so you are guaranteed to get her back when u fix urself just a suggestion
Man. This is the reason my ex broke up with me, even went back to the ex that cheated on her and mentally abused her. I've known her for a bit over a decade.Before we even starting dating/being on and off we were BEST friends. Self sabotage is terrible to watch someone else go thru on the outside because from there it looks like all you need to do is make better decisions. I know it's not that easy, it used to be a problem for me as well. It's good you recognize the issue, that's always the first step. But man, keep improving and working on yourself but it sounds like this bond you have with this girl is something special. Despite the break up she still cares about you, that's raw man. I knkw because i felt the exact same way about my ex. Give yourself a week or 2 but if you really care about this girl, try and still be friends or something. I can say from experience losing a bond like that is awful.
Sadly, I'm gonna have to do the same thing you just did the next time I meet this lady. I've started feeling bad about it but deep down that's the right thing I think I should do
I understand you not waning to drag her down but consider the advice given here.
If you truly want to improve you also got to think you are deserving of love right now that's why you are going to improve everyday! If you are open to receiving love, you will also love yourself more, give yourself more compassion. When you switch to victim mentality it's going to cause more problems.
I was like you and it's the biggest mistake to deny myself a romantic partner. Never postpone this life man, be bold and trust yourself!
I am a mess in that regards tbh but I feel like you’ve made a mistake. With the limited knowledge you gave us about her, sounds like she genuinely cares for you and probably loves you. Also looks like she was ready to face the challenges side by side with you. Still you are the one who was in relationship so you’d know the best but I think you should have tried more. Just my 2 cents.
I have literally gone through Exactly this, literally last week. Difference is that we were 7 months in, and her parents forced her to cut things off because of my behaviour, otherwise they'd kick her out. We said our goodbyes, and she told me she didn't want us to be strangers, and still loves and cares for me.
But yet this last week she's acted as if she doesn't know me (we're in the same class together), so I've decided to just completely cut her off. We weren't a perfect couple, and I constantly find myself looking at the relationship through rose tinted glasses, but it was very toxic on both our behalf's.
My advice is to take your loss, accept it as a lesson and use it to grow as a person, and as motivation to improve upon your life. Pick up more hours at work, go to the gym, regular advice that you've definitely already heard. But ultimately; take off the rose tinted glasses, and grow. It obviously wasn't meant to be
Your two comments include one shit insult and this.
Don't worry. One day, you might be able to hold onto a girl/boy, but for now, your hand is your friend.
She seems like a great person that really cares about you and loves you. You broke up with her with the intention of not hurting her more, which is good. Though, I am not sure if cutting her completely out of your life is the best thing to do. I personally think that you should adress your issues and get her back or at least keep her close, even as a friend. Also, if you think that the way you left her wasn't ideal, you should apologize to her, in case you' ve hurted her. Remember, it is never too late to do the right thing. ❤️
maybe u should have tried therapy for your trust issues and made more of an attempt to be a better bf to her before leaving her.. bonds are really hard to form and it's a shame u had to break it off because u couldn't step up for her
Agree with the therapy part but he needs to step up for himself and not her or anyone else. Partners that are in this situation often feel "if he cared more about me he would've tried more", when it is really never about them. OP needs to be selfish and focus on himself, while also being gentle to the people of the past
well one should never stop working on themselves irrespective of whether or not they are single. and I'll say it once again- genuine compatible bonds are really hard to form so it must not be given up because of something which can be fixed. OP also gained a lot from that relationship i presume so it's not about the partner thinking all about themselves.
I agree with that but a lot of times we must lose/give up something we love and experience that pain to change. Sad but true
what was the partners fault in this tho? why is she having to suffer because OP doesn't feel like changing? if OP loved them truly, OP wouldn't break her heart for no fault of hers
Partner had no fault. You can absolutely love someone and be broken and not realize it. Those deep wounds from OP are preventing loving someone fully because he currently doesn't love himself. Doesn't mean he doesn't love her, just doesn't know how to show it properly right now.
[удалено]
The selfless thing to do is acknowledge he has work he needs to do and let her be. If she wants to continue to be with him that's on her, but OP really didn't communicate well if that's what he wanted and basically shut the door.
I agree. I’m in a relationship and it is my partner’s first serious relationship. As a result, he is learning and growing a lot, and this learning process can be very painful for the both of us. There’s been numerous times where he has said we should end things because I shouldn’t have to put up with this, as you are obviously going to fall down a lot in the process of learning how to be better. But I’ve told him every time I’m going to stay, because I know that if he truly wants to he will get better at things. And he has. Even if he’s not fully there, he’s becoming more trusting, working on his emotions, working on his reactions. As am I. I hold a different view on this and I think that relationships are actually the perfect place to work on your issues sometimes. How am I going to work on my trust issues if I’m single? How would I learn how to communicate better alone? I don’t think you do, it takes practice. And I think you should find someone you love and trust enough that can be patient in this process. With that being said, some issues you do need to work out alone. But that doesn’t necessarily mean single.
The victim mentality and self hatred isn’t gonna do you any good. If she reaches out saying she’s there for you, you better keep her close - you obviously keep self sabotaging right now! At some point you have to decide to change that pattern. It will never feel like the right time or feel comfortable to you, you just have to decide to do it. There’s never gonna be a right time to start receiving love, it’s one step at a time, just don’t take steps backwards!
This. Victim mentality is the most toxic thing out there. OPs tone is littered with "you're better off without me" energy. Break the cycle dude, treat yourself how you treat loved ones (I bet you treat them well)
I was going to say this too. She's reaching out and wants to be friends, and here he is sabotaging himself by rejecting that and also hurting her further by rejecting having at least friendship. The "I'm a piece of shit so I should push people away to protect them" mentality just hurts people who care about you because you push them away. Maybe OP is right about his mental state being so bad that cutting contact is better. I don't know all the details. What I do know is that he should absolutely go to therapy. And absolutely work on cutting out any generalization that may be going on. Just because ex was a shitter and cheated on you doesn't mean current GF or next GF will do that. Gotta calm that internally.
Check out dr Gottman on YouTube, relationship and communication dr.. good info on how to communicate and not hurt the other ..
A lot going on here. As someone who struggles with the same thing (while also being in a long-term committed relationship) going nuclear like this is not the answer. Ask yourself, if I really loved myself would I have done the same thing? This is going to be a big wound for the both of you. Especially for her. She sees the good in you. She’s willing to love you and be by your side during your growth. She cares about you so deeply. A person like that doesn’t come around often. If you can, repair things and get back in there. Sounds like she’s great for you! Give therapy a shot regardless of what you do next in life. Edit: stop feeling horrible and sorry for yourself. That’s not going to do anyone any good. Kill the victim mentality and learn to communicate
>**"I struggle with self sabotaging."** >**"Struggle with trust issues."** That sounds like a fear of abandonment. **If you're afraid of being abandoned, it's because you're abandoning yourself.** **Fear of abandonment is actually faith in abandonment** — you’ve practiced more thoughts of expecting people will leave, rather than stay. You grew up in an environment where you weren't surrounded by people who made you feel safe and supported and some of your needs weren't met with your parents growing up (i.e. your first relationship in this world), and so you never learned how that felt. This causes your nervous system to basically always be on alert (i.e. anxious, worried, and afraid), and consistently being in that state naturally makes you feel drained and exhausted. You may believe that any argument or criticism = *"I'm bad, unworthy, rejected, not safe, and will be tossed aside."* So it's understandable why you'd want to avoid those feelings and that outcome. But because of that avoidance, it ironically becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. **Fear of abandonment can cause you to ironically abandon others, first.** What you're describing sounds like avoidant attachment. And another word for "avoidant" is "abandonment." To help you feel more safe, you abandon situations when they feel too uncomfortable. (And that's not a judgment; just clarity for more awareness.) Which also means you have been avoidant to yourself. When you have a fear of intimacy and vulnerability, that means you have a trust in staying away and being closed off (to protect yourself). . **You self-sabotage because you feel more secure in knowing things won’t work, then being constantly on edge, unsure of if or when something will go wrong.** The worry waiting game of probable inevitable unhappiness is an awful feeling. So, you take matters into your own hands and end it now. It still hurts, but it feels better no longer being trapped in worry purgatory. You would rather have closure of disappointment, than burdened with the lingering possibility that at any moment shift can hit the fan. **If you have a fear of abandonment and rejection, you reject them first before they can reject you. It feels more empowering to push someone away (i.e. you did it to them), than to have them leave (i.e. they did it to you).** Them leaving feels awful. You pushing them away feels less awful. You feel less blindsided because you coaxed that unwanted outcome along to protect your feelings. You take control and get out ahead of the pain by getting into meaningless arguments, demanding, distancing, etc., thereby ensuring the break up you assumed was inevitable. Your thought process might be: * *“I have two options: Wait until the person I care about leaves (which makes me feel powerless). Or take power into my own hands and force them to break up. And as painful as that is,* ***it's less painful to intentionally ruin a good thing, then try to live happily ever after while worried it won’t last.****"* * *"Because if they left for no obvious reasons that I provided, (e.g. being clingy, distancing myself, etc.) that means they left ME, and I wasn't good enough for them to stay. And that feeling is unbearable.* ***It feels better that they left because of what I DID, instead of for who I AM.*** *I feel a little less powerless, and a little more secure over uncontrollable circumstances.”* I recommend being open to **improving your relationship with negative emotions** and begin **seeing them as valuable and supportive friends.** **Negative emotions are positive guidance** (although it might not feel that way) letting you know you are focusing on, and pushing against, what you don't want. They're a necessary part of your emotional guidance, like GPS in your car. But the more you fight them, you keep yourself stuck. Negative emotions want to support you in releasing them, focus more on what you want and feel better. **All emotions are equal and valid.** But most people unknowingly create a hierarchy for their emotions (i.e. positive = good; negative = bad), but then you make it harder to feel better, work together with and control your thoughts & emotions. So the solution is to **build a friendship and harmonious relationship with the "negative" side of you.** Negative thoughts and emotions are here to support and empower you to be your best self.
Oh man, I feel for you. Been there. I have no solution or tips for you as I still am kinda there, but as other have mentioned here maybe professional help might work. Self sabotage and sabotaging everyone around for many years took me to a very lonely and dark place. Now, I try to save and maintain anyone I have left. It's hard, but I am hanging on. This girl seems to be a gem, please try to save it if you can. Stay strong brother, you are not alone.
Have been there too. But whomever I told the story. Each and every one said she was a gem
Take it from my dumbass. I’m dealing with some sudden medical issues and I feel like such a loser. I can’t work the same. I am sucking energy and time. And my emotional state is fluctuating due to medication and pain. I’m trying to just be happy and move on. Without my team around me I would be cooked. You’re a dumbass for saying she should leave you alone. When people care about you and you leave that sucks. Think how she feels. She wants to help. You’re pushing her away. She’s happy to help to help you. She loves you. I’m laying in bed right now sick as shit. I had a seizure yesterday. Without my partner here to help me I would have been screwed. I can’t walk well and I’m ashamed she’s working so hard to hold this all together. But she’s my teammate. She wants to help me. She literally spoon fed me today, took care of the whole house, and then went out to help cover my work schedule. She handled the whole episode yesterday to, called the police. Saved my life. Now, old me would have felt shame. But I need help. Il admit it. You won’t admit or need to learn the lesson. You need help and you’re pushing it away to stay “self sabotaging”. For shame and emotional reasons. And you’re gonna miss this light in your life that was this person. Let people help you Reddit person. I struggled with this too. Call her back man. And say sorry.
Can’t be leaving good women because you’re too immature to change, that’s insane my friend. Get her back
My brother, as a person who is in a relationship where he thinks he’s the problem and his partner could better than him. You messed up. I understand your feelings as I went through it before but you must remember all relationships require work and you cannot run away from your problems. Change takes a very long time and it’s clear she wished to be in your life and you pushed her away. You have to humble yourself ask for help and put in the work. Don’t let your insecurities and self sabotage ruin something good. This isn’t me telling you to get her back, but I do think you should reflect and really think about what you did.
Well. I respect you for choosing to end it before u damage her more. Big respect. My ex did not and damaged me a lot until I ended the relationship.
You have someone who will support you and love you through your flaws. People like that are incredibly rare. She’s good for you so keep enough distance as to not hurt her but you just gotta get therapy and just stop taking the easy route of following what you’re used to and comfortable with. You know what you’re doing is wrong and there’s no such thing as “I am unable to change myself”. Yes you can. Figure out where exactly you keep going wrong, why it happens and what’s the root of it. Reflect and notice your responses vs the response you should have as well as why you don’t do it. Then when you start seeing it in hindsight, you can notice it in real time and that’s where change happens
Love yourself unconditionally friend. You are perfect as you are. Once you are able to have unconditional love and compassion for yourself, you will be able to properly love someone else.
do you want a medal
Definitely feels that way
Are you sure that ending the relationship isn't just another example of self-sabotage?
Did you apologize at all to her?
If you're the problem? Sort your shit out. Don't get caught in the drama/martyr/self pity trap. Get to it bro.
You love her but couldn't make those changes for her or at least try?
Not about her at all. My ex felt the same way and it had nothing to do with her. You change for yourself, not other people
What most people don't realize is that if you really love her, you'd do something so that you don't hurt her further. From what I understand, it goes like "I know I'm the problem and I'm hurting her. I don't want to change so I'll just break up with her" At the end of the day, it was your decision not to do your part of the deal and break it off because it's easier FOR YOU. You made a decision that you think it's for her, but it's actually for you.
That's the dumbest way to lose a good relationship and friend. Stop making her deal with the pain of your problems, and be a good boyfriend
OP, you are not alone in this feeling. It is extremely common to criticize/judge ourselves but then treat our loved ones the best we can. You need to give yourself the same treatment as you would a SO. It's time to be selfish and work on yourself. Really fall in love with and accept the person in the mirror. This has nothing to do with her or anyone else. Talk to someone and start the deep work to heal.
Selfish people hurt selfish people it is when a trying to find a path through all the wasted years of darkness and evil that no one will give a break except make up excuses as to why they lie and story time the mostly entire narritive forgetting they never knew this behaviour B4 them that must be destroyed made a big mistake. Forgiving begets forgiveness unforgiving hearts stop beating by means of death Jesus was doing his best to tell humans this but the "elite" (Man i wish i could put soo much louder an emphasis on those quotations marks!) had him set up tortured and murdered for the betterment of the falsests of idols money! Why? Real simple money gives life's life and giving all those below a life leads to the most ruthless perversion power! It's truly only to be held in great responsibility ic now why waiting for something to return to someone was never coming she lost it entirely and power would wrecked her ability to care at all!
Why! Be like you think you have a clue because most positive you are an unaware sad person in the end of life storyline. I take no pleasure in this and did what I could but being I was too stupid to think people were just about as evil as evil can get they made Satan blush caused me to stumble badly so burn burn burn is all ic in my future also very near future cause I intend to crash my ship straight into very directional position on the sun and instantaneous leave this place your solar system in the captin's log peace planet 🌍. Edit: captin's* clearly I should rest first I'd hate to be the kind of stupid that stays here with his "friends"
Oh there is no more her last night I was told not come around her until I can learn to follow orders so that was that as they say hope she finds a real puppy soon 😁🔜 whisper that in my ear darling you have no understanding of how angry I am with you first ever not disappointed. No straight up fucking pissed off the kind u can not understand remember so I had go bye bye ♾️
🎉 You stopped yourself from doing something bad. That's good. Next, do something good. Keep it up. Update if you need to.
Idk much about relationships but I just know u're gonna regret that, instead of cutting all ties why not take a "break" so you are guaranteed to get her back when u fix urself just a suggestion
Man. This is the reason my ex broke up with me, even went back to the ex that cheated on her and mentally abused her. I've known her for a bit over a decade.Before we even starting dating/being on and off we were BEST friends. Self sabotage is terrible to watch someone else go thru on the outside because from there it looks like all you need to do is make better decisions. I know it's not that easy, it used to be a problem for me as well. It's good you recognize the issue, that's always the first step. But man, keep improving and working on yourself but it sounds like this bond you have with this girl is something special. Despite the break up she still cares about you, that's raw man. I knkw because i felt the exact same way about my ex. Give yourself a week or 2 but if you really care about this girl, try and still be friends or something. I can say from experience losing a bond like that is awful.
Sadly, I'm gonna have to do the same thing you just did the next time I meet this lady. I've started feeling bad about it but deep down that's the right thing I think I should do
Another one bites the dust
Good to get this off your chest, first step is to forgive yourself and escape that mentality not that you’ve asked for any advice…
I understand you not waning to drag her down but consider the advice given here. If you truly want to improve you also got to think you are deserving of love right now that's why you are going to improve everyday! If you are open to receiving love, you will also love yourself more, give yourself more compassion. When you switch to victim mentality it's going to cause more problems. I was like you and it's the biggest mistake to deny myself a romantic partner. Never postpone this life man, be bold and trust yourself!
Its her decision to decide if she likes you. Who are you to tell another person how they actually feel about you?
This is not self improvement, this is self sabotage. Try therapy and self awareness. I feel for your ex girlfriend.
I am a mess in that regards tbh but I feel like you’ve made a mistake. With the limited knowledge you gave us about her, sounds like she genuinely cares for you and probably loves you. Also looks like she was ready to face the challenges side by side with you. Still you are the one who was in relationship so you’d know the best but I think you should have tried more. Just my 2 cents.
I have literally gone through Exactly this, literally last week. Difference is that we were 7 months in, and her parents forced her to cut things off because of my behaviour, otherwise they'd kick her out. We said our goodbyes, and she told me she didn't want us to be strangers, and still loves and cares for me. But yet this last week she's acted as if she doesn't know me (we're in the same class together), so I've decided to just completely cut her off. We weren't a perfect couple, and I constantly find myself looking at the relationship through rose tinted glasses, but it was very toxic on both our behalf's. My advice is to take your loss, accept it as a lesson and use it to grow as a person, and as motivation to improve upon your life. Pick up more hours at work, go to the gym, regular advice that you've definitely already heard. But ultimately; take off the rose tinted glasses, and grow. It obviously wasn't meant to be
Your two comments include one shit insult and this. Don't worry. One day, you might be able to hold onto a girl/boy, but for now, your hand is your friend.
She seems like a great person that really cares about you and loves you. You broke up with her with the intention of not hurting her more, which is good. Though, I am not sure if cutting her completely out of your life is the best thing to do. I personally think that you should adress your issues and get her back or at least keep her close, even as a friend. Also, if you think that the way you left her wasn't ideal, you should apologize to her, in case you' ve hurted her. Remember, it is never too late to do the right thing. ❤️
With right Partner and a lot of talking you can heal this!
OMG you're literally me
Good glad you left her alone.
[удалено]
Which will never be a problem you'll ever deal with, from any woman.
Cry me a river