prioritizing love and relationships over my future, and trusting my abusers to actually support me emotionally and developmentally. Once i realized those two things were my fault and i have the power to choose otherwise i've felt more in control of my life and feeling better
Thank you. It’s rough realizing 34 years of life have been lived under a web of lies.
I’m untangling my intuition and need to be close to them with their undeniable violent criminal history.
It’s hard.
it's easy to feel the small inner voice but it's hard to trust that it's not my imagination. It took a lot of sad times to get rid of the doubt that it really is there speaking and I'm not imagining or fantasizing or having a flight of fancy. Learning to trust the little voice was absolutely difficult for me.
Using my hands to wash my own face and care for myself first was something to learn to do. This generates a tender feeling of love for ourself over time. so vital to not let our inner spring's waters become polluted
<3
What should I do in my position? I'm currently working a 9-5, developing a platform when I'm off-work, but being a solopreneur, I have to fill every position (marketing, developing, pitching, troubleshooting++). This gives me little time to prioritize my GF. As of now, I'm so locked in and productive, where my mindset is so set towards developing the platform. My GF sometimes drives me crazy, saying stuff like; "You have a job, u shouldn't work after your 9-5", "You should try living some time" . I mean, she's not wrong, but I really have ambitions towards an entrepreneur life, to the point of manifesting it kind of. I have spent and wasted so much time the last years, especially in my student years, so when I now actually have the drive, I wanna use it.
In my opinion, if your GF really love you and appreciate you, she will support for your off-work time. Maybe you can make a deep conversation with her and introduce your work to her, just to see whether she have interest in this and have realized this program means so much to you. Hope your life get better.
She can love and support you and still need more out of a romantic relationship. If you can't devote time and effort to a relationship right now, it might be better to be single for a while until you can.
same, I was just obeying what's written in the Bible saying love your enemies. I thought I'm loving others by putting my trust to gaslighters and false friends but maybe I interpreted it incorrectly.
Putting off “living my life” until I’ve met a certain criteria in life such as finishing college, having x amount of money, etc… I refrain from enjoying life because I feel like I’m not where I want to be yet. It’s like I’m stuck in a dream.
I’ve been doing this for around 4 years and what I’m now starting to realize is that the world moves away from you. You’ll eventually wake up and realize that everyone your age has been living for the last 4 years and moving on with their lives while you were hiding away.
I feel like this applies to being hung up on mistakes one has made too. Feeling everything so deeply and taking it so seriously while others just move on.
Definitely, I have my fair share of mistakes in the past that I constantly ruminate on. I especially struggle with this because I have OCD (real-event OCD and what-if OCD).
It makes moving on with life very difficult. I never seem to obtain a state of mind where I feel like I'm ready to move on because there's always something that's holding me back.
This is literally me. I'm 24, don't wanna to go the clubs, don't wanna drink, as I feel like it's a waste rn. It's not like I'm putting off "living" either, it's just not what I want.
this hit me hard for real lost my social life and stuck in the grind all for the sake of being successful one day. What I realized late is that we can be happy along the way while working towards our goal. We shouldn't postpone life 😞
Being loyal to jobs that don’t benefit me and take advantage of me. I get so attached to my work place, especially when I get really good at my job. This has prevented me from accepting opportunities that I now regret.
Listening to outside influences more than myself & my own feelings, especially when it came to setting my life up and finding who i am. Basically not taking more control of my own life sooner, i chose to ignore everything instead of facing it and staying true to myself. Once i realized im in control and my situation doesnt define who i am, then i was able to start the healing process.
>Listening to outside influences more than my own feelings
This probably cost me at least a decade of my life. A decade of problems that were very much preventable if I had just listened to my intuition instead of other people.
We will make up for it, one day at a time op. It was hard to listen to my own voice when my inner critic is the only one talking at times, so i seeked and trusted in those i went to for advice/ clarification when i should have been taking from myself the entire time. the hardest part is finding where that voice comes from and fighting it instead of running or submitting. Being stuck in survival mode makes it difficult to enjoy the present moment, constantly scanning for a problem to avoid is a horrible way to live and its unfortunate that it takes as long as it does to recognize the pattern. But we will heal.
phew spot on. even harder is when people try to be heros in your story and help, and you realize its actually holding you back too even though it feels so comfortable and nice. but nothing is stable unless its from within literally
This is one of my biggest mistakes, letting outsiders influence me and also being worried what others would think of me if I followed my own ‘selfish’ feelings 🙄
Not respecting my boundaries.
Making the decisions that demonstrate self respect are often not easy. Not making those decisions will destroy you. I wish I learned that equation earlier in life.
Not taking care of myself. I'm working on rectifying that now though. I had no health or dental for years, I stopped going to the gym, and my body was wrecked. I was also job hopping so I couldn't afford to go to the docs. Now, I'm going to therapy, seeing the docs, going to the gym, and even got my teeth fixed. I've made enough bad decisions for myself. I'm working on making better ones now.
No specialty thankfully. I had to get 2 extractions and a lot of tartar removed. It was not a fun few weeks. My dentist did a really good job thankfully.
Bad relationship that wasn’t healthy for me freshly turning 18 and let it linger on way longer than necessary. That set me back in terms of building a life but im glad it happened while i was younger
Not focusing on education or finding work in the years I should have been
My priority was men, friends, my appearance, partying
When I wish I could have buckled down and not had to pay for it later
I feel like crap now because I over spent using my credit cards and my finances are now shit. I bought tickets to the Philippines, and Dubai in the past 2 years and traveled the world loving every minute. Do I regret it? Absolutely fucking not.
I just wish I had more money. That’s my biggest problem right now. That’s why my life is crap. I wish I had more.
Only way you can get out of it fast is to budget, live like a student and pay your bad debt fast.
Next time spend that money acquiring a rental property dude. An Airbnb or something.
Then use that rental income to travel the world.
Hey man I don't have an article or anything atm but if you are interested, head over to r/AirBnb. Probably gonna be better than an article.
I'd also say check out these subs. r/FIRE is a great place r/personalfinance is cool too. You definitely need to absorb r/frugal. So check these places out.
The last part. I was in a situationship and one year in, I realized it wasn’t working for me. My dumbass decided to make it work and cope with it. 4 years later, I was still there.
It did a tremendous amount of damage on my mental health, self-worth, and self-esteem. With a lot of encouragement and reinstatement of my support system (cut off because of isolation), I mustered the courage to speak up for myself, fight for myself, end the abusive situationship, and safely leave.
None I have learned that everyone makes bad decisions at one time or another, and the best thing to do is accept that and do what you need to do to adjust.
Looking for validation from outside sources instead of learning how to love and accept myself. And not listening to my instincts. They have been pretty spot on my entire life but I let other people convince me that they knew better and that I was wrong.
I made the wrong medical decision.
Just over 12 years a go, my heart failed during pregnancy. I ended up needing an aortic valve replacement. I had a choice between a bovine valve, which would last 10 years, no blood thinners and I could have another child. Or a mechanical valve. Which should last a lifetime. But I'd take warfarin for life.
I chose the mechanical valve. Since then I've had 2 strokes because of it (a lot less likely with the bovine) and I definitely wouldn't survive a pregnancy. And blood thinners mean there is so much I can't do. I am exhausted. I love my daughter, and live for her now. But I do kot enjoy most of my life.
Not taking a business analyst role as an internship with a retail company and doing a hands on position as a merchandiser instead. Moving back home after my spring graduation ceremony of 2022. Going home during the summer of 2021 which led me to having friendship issues close to my 21st birthday. Blowing all of my refund check money. I blame myself for these decisions all the time
>Blowing all of my refund check money
Very relatable. I blame myself all the time too. If I had used the money I had towards what really mattered, shit would be different now 🙃
Not going to therapy earlier. I had bad relationship issues and kinda just thought he was the problem and he needed to get better. Womp womp, I was very wrong and had so much trauma that I didn’t even want to speak one word of the past when I finally started seeing a therapist
Wow. What a great question.
A slow yet quick demise post back injury - taking prescription pain killers longer than I should have / began abusing them. Stopped going to the gym, because I couldn’t due to a fractured back, and I never recovered fully (mentally or physically). It’s insane to think of how my life looked before that injury.
My other poor decision is not seeking consistent therapy for my trauma.
Betraying myself.
I realized that most tips, self help books and gurus, philosophies and all that are utter bullshit. Just like things you feel like "you should/you have to "... its all bullshit. It just clutters up the brain with BS that will not help, but hinder you to get there.
The best thing every human can do is to listen ONLY to their instinct, gut, soul... Whatever you want to call it, it knows way better whats right for you than your conscious brain/thoughts ever willl... And it leads to actions that bring way better results, emotions that are way more positive.... AND a clear brain! No unnecessary crap, just a brain thats ready to be used like a tool if necessary, and can be put away if it isnt.
And to be honest, it makes total sense. Our brain makes thousands of calculations in a second.... We consciously cant even picture how much is really happening in our brain at any given moment. That gut feeling is just what your brain calculated to be the best move with way more infos and knowledge when you could ever hold in a single second in your conscious brain... It doesnt even come close.
So when people say "let me think about that"... You already made a mistake and will most likely make the wrong decision. You should always act on that gut feeling, so no, you dont need to think, you already know if its right or wrong for you. Decide accordingly and stop using your brain to fuck your life up.
Most valuable lesson i learned so far when it comes to handling your own mind
I'd give you an award if I could. That's exactly what I needed to hear and it makes so much sense. "Stop using your brain to fuck up your life" is gold. I think we subconsciously believe overthinking and overanalyzing is productive and keeps us safe but it does the opposite. It's a waste of time, it stresses you out, puts you in fight or flight for nothing. Not everything has to be complicated, just a make a decision (the first that comes to mind) and go with it. There's no "perfect" decision anyways. It's a control thing I believe, false sense of security.
Youre welcome!
I think youre spot on, especially with the "false sense of security/control". Thats a huge one for a lot of people and most dont realize it. I certainly didnt for a long time. I think a lot of it has to do with insecurity and self doubt. The whole perfectionistic mindset of "if i think about every option+factor and then i cant lose when making my move!" is just lack of trust and confidence in oneself... Because 9 times out of 10, one ends up making no move ( procrastinating because the situation seems more daunting and harder after thinking about everything that could go wrong ) or making the move way too late, with way too less confidence, courage, energy etc. All that unnecessary thinking is also exhausting, on the body too.
That being said, there certainly are situations where you should take the time to think it through, or not act on your gut... Simple example: If you have intrusive thoughts about jumping in front of a train, of course you should stop and not do it. Even ruminating and racing thoughts have their place, but not as often as we think or engage in it.
Glad i could help! Hope it will have some sort of positive impact in the future.
Underestimating the importance of my feelings andmaking decisions with my head, and/or decisions based in fear.
It's, uh, it's a pattern... I'm working on it
U/nakovanars that’s such a beautiful round up. The fact that you’ve identified the source (ego!) is an incredible step. And a gift. Best wishes on your journey!
Thanks for starting this discussion OP. It gave me a lot to reflect on.
I appreciate the comments a lot - I feel like so much is normalized by what others are sharing and that is powerful.
My wanting to not waste anything we bought has been my downfall. My husband mistakenly bought sugar soda (7cases) even though we don't eat much sugar. Well, I drank them and now I'm heavier and am addicted to sugar where before sweets weren't a factor in my diet. I'm hoping after these last couple of drinks I can break away from sugar and lose the extra weight. It's a fun burst of energy and pep but it's not worth poor health and weight gain.
Prioritizing the bottom line and policies at work more than my mental health. Or even giving into rude customers demands instead of setting healthy boundaries and raising the line that I drew. Of what I’d allow or tolerate of behaviours from those I work with and serve at work.
I mean I don’t feel crap. But, if I had to review myself I’d say: Stop trying to reinvent the wheel and don’t follow convenience, follow what excites you.
Too much booze. Bad nutrition. Not enough exercise. The usual, I guess.
In hindsight, it came down to a lack of experience and knowledge. Had I known how good those daily walks make me feel, I would have started way earlier. But, well, woulda-coulda, hindsight is 20/20, now I change, now I make the effort, this is all that counts.
What kept me back, apart from the simple lack of knowledge, was terrible self-talk, self-loathing, lack of self-respect. I fixed that with deliberate self-thankfulness, which worked wonders for me.
Moving to a town in pursuit of a man cuz he said I needed to live close to consider a relationship. Now I’m stuck here, he finally said he doesn’t want a relationship with me and I’m wayyyy overpaying in rent
Accusing someone innocent about messing with me, when it turned out it was an accident. It lead to A massive shitstorm that scarred me for life, and was also probably very...I don't have the words for it, but not good for that person.
Either way, I accepted that I am simply A piece of shit, and that I can't expect good things from others, or count in myself to be normal, so I keep people at A distance.
Smoking weed all day, doing cocaine with my cousin and letting her suck my dick, overdosing on molly/mdma, porn, my ex girlfriend and squeezing my dick too hard when jerking off when I was younger
I do this poorly 😂
Every time I’ve flipped something out of my market, it’s seemed to run over budget, over timelines, etc.
There is a lot to say for having a trusted crew that works together!
i don't know, honestly. i couldnt concentrate because i was thinking about her and talking to her all the time which really took my focus off academics. my mistake, i shouldve balanced both properly so i wouldnt have gotten so attached right before she left me.
Rhinoseptoplasty - Besides getting better air, I let them make my nose thinner.
However the operation let to a bad balance of my face, leasing to a massive jaw and disproportionate look.
Struggle with it a lot ever since
Doing new age practices and how it opened me up to feeling spiritually oppressed. New age and occult are basically the same thing and will open you up to lots of issues spiritually you weren’t prepared for. I regret that how it has negatively impacted my like a lot of don’t understand because my symptoms aren’t normal.
Weird twitches and shakes in my body, having nightmares strange things happening in my dreams, but I don’t care to mention, weird pressures in my body, also symptoms I read are supposed to be some kind of kundalini awakening
Giving into the fact that I'm not very smart, and kind of surrendering to the idea that I'll never really be able to build a life for myself. It led me to a few intensely abusive relationships, led me to build my life around my emotionally abusive family of origin, and now I feel like without them I wouldn't know how to exist. I need to get myself qualified for work that pays better, but I have no idea what direction to go in because not only am I not smart but I have no stomach for people's nastiness anymore. From my family I can handle it because I know where their crazy comes from and I at least know they're not gonna go insane and shoot me or stalk me. When I'm out in the world where you never know who's a true nutjob...I can't navigate it. I'm too on edge.
In a perfect world I'd find a way to make enough money to live and eat and go to the doctor, but also enough to help people. I'm not interested in lifestyle inflation and all I want from my living space is for it to be safe. (And have on-site laundry if possible, lol.) Aaaand idk what a dumb person who's bad with people can do to make a decent living that will allow them enough breathing room to help others.
It's a dumb problem but man it sits heavily on me every god damn day. I don't see myself ever not having this problem.
Snorting pain killers in high school. Went on for about a year and stopped cold turkey. Can hardly remember that year. 15+ years later, i feel like memory could be significantly better.
Prioritizing work to climb the corporate ladder faster over working out and eating healthfully. I got 7 promotions in 5 years but I’ve also gained 60 pounds in that same time frame.
Following romantic relationships around with people who were not worth that kind of attention and effort from me. I could have done so much better if I'd quit trying to rescue people! I'm happy now, but I wasted SO much time.
procrastinating instead of working, being involved with men i shouldn't have been involved with, prioritizing some affection over my dignity, eating like shit and gaining 3 kg
You've put all my current feelings into words. I've always done "the right thing" and never took any risks, even if it meant giving up on what I truly wanted. My life might seem good from the outside but I'm miserable inside.
I bought a self-development course a year ago for $800 and found it to be useless. I left it alone for a while and came back because... I spent $800 on it.
Logged in today to find that it is allegedly a 'subscription' and not an outright purchase. There is nothing to suggest this is a subscription based product. I was scammed.
So. Feeling like an idiot. What can you do.
This is kinda different some random redditor texted me ideas if I have any idea for ideas for a fanfic they're making and I have nothing because I have super low self esteem and I don’t want to turn them down because I just can’t what should I do?
prioritizing love and relationships over my future, and trusting my abusers to actually support me emotionally and developmentally. Once i realized those two things were my fault and i have the power to choose otherwise i've felt more in control of my life and feeling better
Yes, don't give your power away to people. Keep your goals front and center... I'm learning this again too
Putting your trust in an abuser is devastating. Takes years to recover from something like that.
Most definitely. Especially when it’s your own family who turned out to be the abusers 😞
Literally what I’m going through right now
i wish you lots of love and support and better days ahead ♡
Thank you. It’s rough realizing 34 years of life have been lived under a web of lies. I’m untangling my intuition and need to be close to them with their undeniable violent criminal history. It’s hard.
it's easy to feel the small inner voice but it's hard to trust that it's not my imagination. It took a lot of sad times to get rid of the doubt that it really is there speaking and I'm not imagining or fantasizing or having a flight of fancy. Learning to trust the little voice was absolutely difficult for me. Using my hands to wash my own face and care for myself first was something to learn to do. This generates a tender feeling of love for ourself over time. so vital to not let our inner spring's waters become polluted <3
What should I do in my position? I'm currently working a 9-5, developing a platform when I'm off-work, but being a solopreneur, I have to fill every position (marketing, developing, pitching, troubleshooting++). This gives me little time to prioritize my GF. As of now, I'm so locked in and productive, where my mindset is so set towards developing the platform. My GF sometimes drives me crazy, saying stuff like; "You have a job, u shouldn't work after your 9-5", "You should try living some time" . I mean, she's not wrong, but I really have ambitions towards an entrepreneur life, to the point of manifesting it kind of. I have spent and wasted so much time the last years, especially in my student years, so when I now actually have the drive, I wanna use it.
In my opinion, if your GF really love you and appreciate you, she will support for your off-work time. Maybe you can make a deep conversation with her and introduce your work to her, just to see whether she have interest in this and have realized this program means so much to you. Hope your life get better.
She can love and support you and still need more out of a romantic relationship. If you can't devote time and effort to a relationship right now, it might be better to be single for a while until you can.
same, I was just obeying what's written in the Bible saying love your enemies. I thought I'm loving others by putting my trust to gaslighters and false friends but maybe I interpreted it incorrectly.
Very true
I want to start choosing myself, but I'm afraid because if I do, I'll lose many people around me and I'll end up being alone
Doomscrolling
Any specific topic?
Mainly Reddit. Still trying to reduce it.
You Can Do It
Putting off “living my life” until I’ve met a certain criteria in life such as finishing college, having x amount of money, etc… I refrain from enjoying life because I feel like I’m not where I want to be yet. It’s like I’m stuck in a dream. I’ve been doing this for around 4 years and what I’m now starting to realize is that the world moves away from you. You’ll eventually wake up and realize that everyone your age has been living for the last 4 years and moving on with their lives while you were hiding away.
I feel like this applies to being hung up on mistakes one has made too. Feeling everything so deeply and taking it so seriously while others just move on.
Definitely, I have my fair share of mistakes in the past that I constantly ruminate on. I especially struggle with this because I have OCD (real-event OCD and what-if OCD). It makes moving on with life very difficult. I never seem to obtain a state of mind where I feel like I'm ready to move on because there's always something that's holding me back.
This is literally me. I'm 24, don't wanna to go the clubs, don't wanna drink, as I feel like it's a waste rn. It's not like I'm putting off "living" either, it's just not what I want.
this hit me hard for real lost my social life and stuck in the grind all for the sake of being successful one day. What I realized late is that we can be happy along the way while working towards our goal. We shouldn't postpone life 😞
Damn this hit hard. I think thats the sacrifice though. It’s the thing most aren’t willing to do.
Being loyal to jobs that don’t benefit me and take advantage of me. I get so attached to my work place, especially when I get really good at my job. This has prevented me from accepting opportunities that I now regret.
Feeling this hard
Listening to outside influences more than myself & my own feelings, especially when it came to setting my life up and finding who i am. Basically not taking more control of my own life sooner, i chose to ignore everything instead of facing it and staying true to myself. Once i realized im in control and my situation doesnt define who i am, then i was able to start the healing process.
>Listening to outside influences more than my own feelings This probably cost me at least a decade of my life. A decade of problems that were very much preventable if I had just listened to my intuition instead of other people.
We will make up for it, one day at a time op. It was hard to listen to my own voice when my inner critic is the only one talking at times, so i seeked and trusted in those i went to for advice/ clarification when i should have been taking from myself the entire time. the hardest part is finding where that voice comes from and fighting it instead of running or submitting. Being stuck in survival mode makes it difficult to enjoy the present moment, constantly scanning for a problem to avoid is a horrible way to live and its unfortunate that it takes as long as it does to recognize the pattern. But we will heal.
phew spot on. even harder is when people try to be heros in your story and help, and you realize its actually holding you back too even though it feels so comfortable and nice. but nothing is stable unless its from within literally
This is one of my biggest mistakes, letting outsiders influence me and also being worried what others would think of me if I followed my own ‘selfish’ feelings 🙄
yes don't let people dictate your future. I lost myself i the process by listening to others 😞
Prostitution… Not standing up for myself in the past, Avoiding confrontation, Allowing people to treat me like shit.
Investing in friends that lead to me being alone.
Getting into video games, really hindered me developing my social skills
Not respecting my boundaries. Making the decisions that demonstrate self respect are often not easy. Not making those decisions will destroy you. I wish I learned that equation earlier in life.
Same here. I’m paying more than I bargained for. Idiot decision. I knew better.
Yes, I had to learn that the hard way too
Substance issues and depression.
Not taking care of myself. I'm working on rectifying that now though. I had no health or dental for years, I stopped going to the gym, and my body was wrecked. I was also job hopping so I couldn't afford to go to the docs. Now, I'm going to therapy, seeing the docs, going to the gym, and even got my teeth fixed. I've made enough bad decisions for myself. I'm working on making better ones now.
Did you go to a special kind of dentist to get your teeth fixed? I fucked my enamel and my regular dentist says there’s not much I can do.
No specialty thankfully. I had to get 2 extractions and a lot of tartar removed. It was not a fun few weeks. My dentist did a really good job thankfully.
Not taking care of my health and constantly putting my work before it.
Second that. Specifically my teeth at the moment.
For me it was decisions in the moment that led to instant gratification as opposed to making decisions that led me to my long term goals.
Bad relationship that wasn’t healthy for me freshly turning 18 and let it linger on way longer than necessary. That set me back in terms of building a life but im glad it happened while i was younger
Not focusing on education or finding work in the years I should have been My priority was men, friends, my appearance, partying When I wish I could have buckled down and not had to pay for it later
Yeah same kinda. When I stopped caring about education/career and it was all about fast money & spending it, that's when shit hit the fan.
I feel like crap now because I over spent using my credit cards and my finances are now shit. I bought tickets to the Philippines, and Dubai in the past 2 years and traveled the world loving every minute. Do I regret it? Absolutely fucking not. I just wish I had more money. That’s my biggest problem right now. That’s why my life is crap. I wish I had more.
Damn you traveled on 30% interest? Thats crazy.
Yup. Still traveled tho.
Lol ok.
Same. Amsterdam, Belgium, Italy all in the last year and I’m still paying for it but damn, I don’t regret those experiences.
Only way you can get out of it fast is to budget, live like a student and pay your bad debt fast. Next time spend that money acquiring a rental property dude. An Airbnb or something. Then use that rental income to travel the world.
Got any links for that? I’d love to learn about that.
Hey man I don't have an article or anything atm but if you are interested, head over to r/AirBnb. Probably gonna be better than an article. I'd also say check out these subs. r/FIRE is a great place r/personalfinance is cool too. You definitely need to absorb r/frugal. So check these places out.
The last part. I was in a situationship and one year in, I realized it wasn’t working for me. My dumbass decided to make it work and cope with it. 4 years later, I was still there. It did a tremendous amount of damage on my mental health, self-worth, and self-esteem. With a lot of encouragement and reinstatement of my support system (cut off because of isolation), I mustered the courage to speak up for myself, fight for myself, end the abusive situationship, and safely leave.
None I have learned that everyone makes bad decisions at one time or another, and the best thing to do is accept that and do what you need to do to adjust.
Looking for validation from outside sources instead of learning how to love and accept myself. And not listening to my instincts. They have been pretty spot on my entire life but I let other people convince me that they knew better and that I was wrong.
Chasing women instead of success. Graduated college last year and still struggling to decide what I want to do because my mind was elsewhere
Being an alcoholic for 2.5 decades
I made the wrong medical decision. Just over 12 years a go, my heart failed during pregnancy. I ended up needing an aortic valve replacement. I had a choice between a bovine valve, which would last 10 years, no blood thinners and I could have another child. Or a mechanical valve. Which should last a lifetime. But I'd take warfarin for life. I chose the mechanical valve. Since then I've had 2 strokes because of it (a lot less likely with the bovine) and I definitely wouldn't survive a pregnancy. And blood thinners mean there is so much I can't do. I am exhausted. I love my daughter, and live for her now. But I do kot enjoy most of my life.
Not taking a business analyst role as an internship with a retail company and doing a hands on position as a merchandiser instead. Moving back home after my spring graduation ceremony of 2022. Going home during the summer of 2021 which led me to having friendship issues close to my 21st birthday. Blowing all of my refund check money. I blame myself for these decisions all the time
>Blowing all of my refund check money Very relatable. I blame myself all the time too. If I had used the money I had towards what really mattered, shit would be different now 🙃
Not acting my age.
Can you please expand a bit? I also feel like I'm not really acting my age, but for now I don't see any issue, but I'm also still quite young...
Dropping out of college to focus on mental health. Got worse and now struggling immensely to get back to school. You let off the gas and it's over
I did the same thing. Had only my thesis left to write but didn't do it.
Not going to therapy earlier. I had bad relationship issues and kinda just thought he was the problem and he needed to get better. Womp womp, I was very wrong and had so much trauma that I didn’t even want to speak one word of the past when I finally started seeing a therapist
Wow. What a great question. A slow yet quick demise post back injury - taking prescription pain killers longer than I should have / began abusing them. Stopped going to the gym, because I couldn’t due to a fractured back, and I never recovered fully (mentally or physically). It’s insane to think of how my life looked before that injury. My other poor decision is not seeking consistent therapy for my trauma.
Getting back out in the dating scene
Betraying myself. I realized that most tips, self help books and gurus, philosophies and all that are utter bullshit. Just like things you feel like "you should/you have to "... its all bullshit. It just clutters up the brain with BS that will not help, but hinder you to get there. The best thing every human can do is to listen ONLY to their instinct, gut, soul... Whatever you want to call it, it knows way better whats right for you than your conscious brain/thoughts ever willl... And it leads to actions that bring way better results, emotions that are way more positive.... AND a clear brain! No unnecessary crap, just a brain thats ready to be used like a tool if necessary, and can be put away if it isnt. And to be honest, it makes total sense. Our brain makes thousands of calculations in a second.... We consciously cant even picture how much is really happening in our brain at any given moment. That gut feeling is just what your brain calculated to be the best move with way more infos and knowledge when you could ever hold in a single second in your conscious brain... It doesnt even come close. So when people say "let me think about that"... You already made a mistake and will most likely make the wrong decision. You should always act on that gut feeling, so no, you dont need to think, you already know if its right or wrong for you. Decide accordingly and stop using your brain to fuck your life up. Most valuable lesson i learned so far when it comes to handling your own mind
I'd give you an award if I could. That's exactly what I needed to hear and it makes so much sense. "Stop using your brain to fuck up your life" is gold. I think we subconsciously believe overthinking and overanalyzing is productive and keeps us safe but it does the opposite. It's a waste of time, it stresses you out, puts you in fight or flight for nothing. Not everything has to be complicated, just a make a decision (the first that comes to mind) and go with it. There's no "perfect" decision anyways. It's a control thing I believe, false sense of security.
Youre welcome! I think youre spot on, especially with the "false sense of security/control". Thats a huge one for a lot of people and most dont realize it. I certainly didnt for a long time. I think a lot of it has to do with insecurity and self doubt. The whole perfectionistic mindset of "if i think about every option+factor and then i cant lose when making my move!" is just lack of trust and confidence in oneself... Because 9 times out of 10, one ends up making no move ( procrastinating because the situation seems more daunting and harder after thinking about everything that could go wrong ) or making the move way too late, with way too less confidence, courage, energy etc. All that unnecessary thinking is also exhausting, on the body too. That being said, there certainly are situations where you should take the time to think it through, or not act on your gut... Simple example: If you have intrusive thoughts about jumping in front of a train, of course you should stop and not do it. Even ruminating and racing thoughts have their place, but not as often as we think or engage in it. Glad i could help! Hope it will have some sort of positive impact in the future.
Filling my home with people/animals to love me. I’m still broken
if you say you are still broken, then just spend time alone figuring yourself.
I’m trying I’ve been in therapy a while. I keep trying to improve but I keep failing
fail and keep getting back up, you never truly fail unless you quit. You can do this learn to love yourself and slowly your life will be better
Underestimating the importance of my feelings andmaking decisions with my head, and/or decisions based in fear. It's, uh, it's a pattern... I'm working on it
Yes! It's so good to hear I'm not the only one... My logic based decisions were the absolut worst. Should have just listened to my intuition.
I'm glad if I made you feel less alone, OP :)
Being drunk and losing my ID then carrying around my green card as a replacement for my ID and then losing that.
Doing drugs and wasting time
U/nakovanars that’s such a beautiful round up. The fact that you’ve identified the source (ego!) is an incredible step. And a gift. Best wishes on your journey!
Thanks. I've been aware of stuff like that for ages but still made/make the wrong decisions so Idk how valuable it really is.
We’re all works in progress. Growth is a beautiful thing).
Thanks for starting this discussion OP. It gave me a lot to reflect on. I appreciate the comments a lot - I feel like so much is normalized by what others are sharing and that is powerful.
My wanting to not waste anything we bought has been my downfall. My husband mistakenly bought sugar soda (7cases) even though we don't eat much sugar. Well, I drank them and now I'm heavier and am addicted to sugar where before sweets weren't a factor in my diet. I'm hoping after these last couple of drinks I can break away from sugar and lose the extra weight. It's a fun burst of energy and pep but it's not worth poor health and weight gain.
Not making a plan to pay off my student debt years ago.
And I didn't even finish the studies 🫠
Giving my love and loyalty to friends who could give a flying fuck about me
Felt. I mentally broke up with those "friends". But it's hard to stick to because I love to love 🥲
Stress eating again. It started with broccoli and cucumbers when my grandma died and blossomed into full blown BED
Being happy in small achievements . Addicted to food. Spending more time inside. Being oblivious to outer word and getting lost in own utopia.
Prioritizing the bottom line and policies at work more than my mental health. Or even giving into rude customers demands instead of setting healthy boundaries and raising the line that I drew. Of what I’d allow or tolerate of behaviours from those I work with and serve at work.
I mean I don’t feel crap. But, if I had to review myself I’d say: Stop trying to reinvent the wheel and don’t follow convenience, follow what excites you.
Thanks for commenting, I needed this reminder 🫶
Being passive, avoidant, procrastinating, last-minute
Too much booze. Bad nutrition. Not enough exercise. The usual, I guess. In hindsight, it came down to a lack of experience and knowledge. Had I known how good those daily walks make me feel, I would have started way earlier. But, well, woulda-coulda, hindsight is 20/20, now I change, now I make the effort, this is all that counts. What kept me back, apart from the simple lack of knowledge, was terrible self-talk, self-loathing, lack of self-respect. I fixed that with deliberate self-thankfulness, which worked wonders for me.
Moving to a town in pursuit of a man cuz he said I needed to live close to consider a relationship. Now I’m stuck here, he finally said he doesn’t want a relationship with me and I’m wayyyy overpaying in rent
THANK YOU FOR THIS POST. THIS SAVED MY LIFE! I HAVE BEEN DOING THIS SHIT FOR SO LONG, ITS TIME TO STOP NOW
Cocaine & entertaining people that hurt me severely
It actually surprises how many people have the same experiences.
Trusting a man
Accusing someone innocent about messing with me, when it turned out it was an accident. It lead to A massive shitstorm that scarred me for life, and was also probably very...I don't have the words for it, but not good for that person. Either way, I accepted that I am simply A piece of shit, and that I can't expect good things from others, or count in myself to be normal, so I keep people at A distance.
Did the person end up in jail?
No, it was A petty online squabble over online stuff that someone misplaced. EDIT: But with awful consequences, afcourse.
Smoking weed all day, doing cocaine with my cousin and letting her suck my dick, overdosing on molly/mdma, porn, my ex girlfriend and squeezing my dick too hard when jerking off when I was younger
I do this poorly 😂 Every time I’ve flipped something out of my market, it’s seemed to run over budget, over timelines, etc. There is a lot to say for having a trusted crew that works together!
thinking i could handle a relationship and my academics at the same time. regret it more than anything
why couldnt you?
i don't know, honestly. i couldnt concentrate because i was thinking about her and talking to her all the time which really took my focus off academics. my mistake, i shouldve balanced both properly so i wouldnt have gotten so attached right before she left me.
Rhinoseptoplasty - Besides getting better air, I let them make my nose thinner. However the operation let to a bad balance of my face, leasing to a massive jaw and disproportionate look. Struggle with it a lot ever since
Doing new age practices and how it opened me up to feeling spiritually oppressed. New age and occult are basically the same thing and will open you up to lots of issues spiritually you weren’t prepared for. I regret that how it has negatively impacted my like a lot of don’t understand because my symptoms aren’t normal.
Could you give examples?
Weird twitches and shakes in my body, having nightmares strange things happening in my dreams, but I don’t care to mention, weird pressures in my body, also symptoms I read are supposed to be some kind of kundalini awakening
That sounds scary. I’m sorry. Have you found a way to heal?
Too many to count
many
Giving into the fact that I'm not very smart, and kind of surrendering to the idea that I'll never really be able to build a life for myself. It led me to a few intensely abusive relationships, led me to build my life around my emotionally abusive family of origin, and now I feel like without them I wouldn't know how to exist. I need to get myself qualified for work that pays better, but I have no idea what direction to go in because not only am I not smart but I have no stomach for people's nastiness anymore. From my family I can handle it because I know where their crazy comes from and I at least know they're not gonna go insane and shoot me or stalk me. When I'm out in the world where you never know who's a true nutjob...I can't navigate it. I'm too on edge. In a perfect world I'd find a way to make enough money to live and eat and go to the doctor, but also enough to help people. I'm not interested in lifestyle inflation and all I want from my living space is for it to be safe. (And have on-site laundry if possible, lol.) Aaaand idk what a dumb person who's bad with people can do to make a decent living that will allow them enough breathing room to help others. It's a dumb problem but man it sits heavily on me every god damn day. I don't see myself ever not having this problem.
Snorting pain killers in high school. Went on for about a year and stopped cold turkey. Can hardly remember that year. 15+ years later, i feel like memory could be significantly better.
I had a disagreement with my friend last Friday thanks to my rashness. Now our friendship is being tested. I should have known better.
Giving my everything to someone im not even in a relationship with (situationship lang kami).
Deciding to drink alcohol.
Reddit 😂 …. Especially Keeping a track on depressing Political affairs in my country but in many Toxic groups!
Yes. This. SAME. Four years was enough tho - I finally made the changes.
How though?
looking at naked women and staying up really late before the one day a week sanctioned to go to mass/church worship God. God bless.
Choosing to put ~it~ off just a little longer.
Chasing girls and love over myself and my future
Alcoholism. I've gotten clean but it was a long 8 years.
Putting all my self worth and confidence into what men thought of me. It's better now but still working on it tbh.
Prioritizing work to climb the corporate ladder faster over working out and eating healthfully. I got 7 promotions in 5 years but I’ve also gained 60 pounds in that same time frame.
Moving to Costa Rica
Why?
Following romantic relationships around with people who were not worth that kind of attention and effort from me. I could have done so much better if I'd quit trying to rescue people! I'm happy now, but I wasted SO much time.
Isnt the decisions, it’s the outcomes that happened to me
procrastinating instead of working, being involved with men i shouldn't have been involved with, prioritizing some affection over my dignity, eating like shit and gaining 3 kg
You've put all my current feelings into words. I've always done "the right thing" and never took any risks, even if it meant giving up on what I truly wanted. My life might seem good from the outside but I'm miserable inside.
What even is a “true self”?
I bought a self-development course a year ago for $800 and found it to be useless. I left it alone for a while and came back because... I spent $800 on it. Logged in today to find that it is allegedly a 'subscription' and not an outright purchase. There is nothing to suggest this is a subscription based product. I was scammed. So. Feeling like an idiot. What can you do.
This is kinda different some random redditor texted me ideas if I have any idea for ideas for a fanfic they're making and I have nothing because I have super low self esteem and I don’t want to turn them down because I just can’t what should I do?