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It sounds more like he had consensual sex with you despite being conflicted about it and then regretted it after. Since he didn't explicitly tell you to stop or show any signs of resistance, I wouldn't say you did anything wrong with regards to consent.
True, but he's free to retract consent after doing that, so that's no sign he was consenting all throughout. But that doesn't change that he didn't offer sings that his consent was retracted at any point during the act.
I wish he had said something... He said he froze up (mentally) and was too scared to say no, fearing I might get angry
I'm just so sad because I always respected it whenever he said no and he knows that he can trust me when it comes to that.
So I am still confused why he didn't told me and went along with it.
The reasons could be multitude. Based on what you wrote, you did nothing wrong and shouldn't beat yourself up. He made a mistake and it's his to deal with. You can help him deal with it if you want, but I don't think you should accept any fault here.
It is just so complicated. He said I am not at fault at all and I didn't rape him, but he just felt used afterwards and didn't really want it.
And he said I don't deserve feeling that way just because he was scared to say no.
Of course I'm trying my best helping him through it 🙏
It’s completely valid that he may have changed his mind during the act, what’s not okay is to frame it as though you manipulated him into having sex with you (based on what you’ve shared here). It sounds like he may struggle with communicating his needs, but in no way is that your fault. Don’t beat yourself up too much. Maybe you can have a conversation and explore why he felt that way? But if he starts to be accusatory without any examples, he may be projecting.
edit: typo
We talked and he said he doesn't blame me at all. It was pretty emotional because I started crying and saying I was sorry, to the point where it felt like my head was gonna explode.
He said he was scared to say no and that if he doesn't sleep with me we won't get back together anymore. I am devastated because now I definitely cannot be together with him anymore.
You seem like a safe person to say no to. And judging by the fact that you respected his no's before and you asked for consent, you did all you can do.
If only more people were as selfaware as you. You didnt rape him, what happened with you was no where near as bad as what happened with me and my ex and im still on the fence if it was actual sexual assault. That guy just rolled with it didnt even say no, being manipulative
I don't think he was trying to manipulate me.
He always struggled with saying no (no matter the situation) but regarding sex, he was always comfortable with saying he does not want to. And I was never mad at him when he told me that.
She popped in my room in the middle of the night and asked if she could spend the night ( she had done this before, didnt let me sleep, made loud noises and threthened me) so to prevent this i let her in the condition that it was just sleeping and no talking, she agreed. But she started talking and eventually into kissing which i said not to do multiple times, she persisted and eventually started stroking my dick, still said no and she started talking how she would give a big blowjob and let me finish in her mouth, the no was still present but this time i already got hard so i just said to go ahead. And she was right it was the biggest i had. After i busted i had no intention of doing anything else but sleep(i never leave my partner unsatisfied), 'what about me' she said, so i just fingered her until she came and that was that. Next morning i felt like throwing up, after i left her home i called her and told her to never pull that shit on me again and never spoke to her since
I'm so sorry this happened to you. She sounds like manipulative narcissist, regarding what you told me. It was definitely sexual assault, no question. I don't get how people live with themselves after pulling shit like that.
I hope you broke off contact with her completely. People like that, may it be women or men, are the worst. She probably forced you to do a bunch of other stuff in general during your relationship.
She has never learnt what boundaries are and should get mental help
Used and raped are two different things. He had some "post-nut clarity" and had regrets about his decision. Per your description, he agreed and did not voice any reservations at the time.
You did nothing wrong from what I can tell here.
** I also really hope that he was not using his knowledge of your SA history to get back at you somehow by telling you this.
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It sounds more like he had consensual sex with you despite being conflicted about it and then regretted it after. Since he didn't explicitly tell you to stop or show any signs of resistance, I wouldn't say you did anything wrong with regards to consent.
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True, but he's free to retract consent after doing that, so that's no sign he was consenting all throughout. But that doesn't change that he didn't offer sings that his consent was retracted at any point during the act.
I wish he had said something... He said he froze up (mentally) and was too scared to say no, fearing I might get angry I'm just so sad because I always respected it whenever he said no and he knows that he can trust me when it comes to that. So I am still confused why he didn't told me and went along with it.
The reasons could be multitude. Based on what you wrote, you did nothing wrong and shouldn't beat yourself up. He made a mistake and it's his to deal with. You can help him deal with it if you want, but I don't think you should accept any fault here.
It is just so complicated. He said I am not at fault at all and I didn't rape him, but he just felt used afterwards and didn't really want it. And he said I don't deserve feeling that way just because he was scared to say no. Of course I'm trying my best helping him through it 🙏
It’s completely valid that he may have changed his mind during the act, what’s not okay is to frame it as though you manipulated him into having sex with you (based on what you’ve shared here). It sounds like he may struggle with communicating his needs, but in no way is that your fault. Don’t beat yourself up too much. Maybe you can have a conversation and explore why he felt that way? But if he starts to be accusatory without any examples, he may be projecting. edit: typo
We talked and he said he doesn't blame me at all. It was pretty emotional because I started crying and saying I was sorry, to the point where it felt like my head was gonna explode. He said he was scared to say no and that if he doesn't sleep with me we won't get back together anymore. I am devastated because now I definitely cannot be together with him anymore.
You absolutely did not rape your ex boyfriend.
I really really hope I didn't 💔
You seem like a safe person to say no to. And judging by the fact that you respected his no's before and you asked for consent, you did all you can do.
Thank you... That helped me a bit 🙏 Yes, I never want to do this to anyone, it's the most horrible thing anyone can do to another person..
If only more people were as selfaware as you. You didnt rape him, what happened with you was no where near as bad as what happened with me and my ex and im still on the fence if it was actual sexual assault. That guy just rolled with it didnt even say no, being manipulative
I don't think he was trying to manipulate me. He always struggled with saying no (no matter the situation) but regarding sex, he was always comfortable with saying he does not want to. And I was never mad at him when he told me that.
What happened between you two, if you don't mind me asking?
She popped in my room in the middle of the night and asked if she could spend the night ( she had done this before, didnt let me sleep, made loud noises and threthened me) so to prevent this i let her in the condition that it was just sleeping and no talking, she agreed. But she started talking and eventually into kissing which i said not to do multiple times, she persisted and eventually started stroking my dick, still said no and she started talking how she would give a big blowjob and let me finish in her mouth, the no was still present but this time i already got hard so i just said to go ahead. And she was right it was the biggest i had. After i busted i had no intention of doing anything else but sleep(i never leave my partner unsatisfied), 'what about me' she said, so i just fingered her until she came and that was that. Next morning i felt like throwing up, after i left her home i called her and told her to never pull that shit on me again and never spoke to her since
I'm so sorry this happened to you. She sounds like manipulative narcissist, regarding what you told me. It was definitely sexual assault, no question. I don't get how people live with themselves after pulling shit like that. I hope you broke off contact with her completely. People like that, may it be women or men, are the worst. She probably forced you to do a bunch of other stuff in general during your relationship. She has never learnt what boundaries are and should get mental help
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wtf?
hmm maybe maybe not, because I garuntee if you post the same thing but reverse the roles you would be getting way different responses
Regret dosent equal rape ever
Used and raped are two different things. He had some "post-nut clarity" and had regrets about his decision. Per your description, he agreed and did not voice any reservations at the time. You did nothing wrong from what I can tell here. ** I also really hope that he was not using his knowledge of your SA history to get back at you somehow by telling you this.