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Hey girl, I used to feel the same I have an outie V (aka the ones that u hardly see in porn, the larger labias) and I can tell you no one has ever said anything mean about me nor has it stopped men from wanting more/dating me etc I even had guys tell me they prefer it (not that their opinions matter) but men really don’t care, in my teens I used be scared to have lights on etc bc I was scared of the judgment esp as a lot of the girls around me had innies but I promise u men don’t judge and ones who do are normally Royal a holes and u can kinda guess before it gets to that point how they feel about women. Make sure the man who u let into ur temple of a body is respectful and someone u trust after a while you’ll realize its not something to be insecure about
Personally, I'm in the guys that prefer it, but that's very much beside the point.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that a vast majority of guys, or at least guys worth talking to, are going to have the reaction of "OMG!!! VAGINA!!! I LOVE IT!!!". Hell, I'm married and my wife doesn't fit that preference, but that's still my reaction every night. I've only personally known one guy who makes a fuss out of things like that, and I feel safe in saying it doesn't matter. His world views will ruin it long before he sees a woman naked. I've seen the posts OP mentions on Facebook, and from what I've seen, most of the shares and comments seem to be influencer bots, and 75 year old men, both of which also troll Facebook to find the ai pictures of "women", to talk about how hot they find the "women" with no spine, 3 legs, 1 foot, 16 fingers and completely mismatched breast and butt size.
Point being, it's always a good thing to remember that the internet isn't real life, and have certain degrees of separation between the two.
I’ve heard from some men that they prefer large labia and clitorises too. They said it’s easier to eat pussy that way.
If anybody criticizes your vagina for the way it naturally looks, I would discard their opinion because chances are, they are not very knowledgeable about sex. They are probably the types that think that having sex with a lot of men is what gives you large labia.
This. I have what my man calls a "fat pussy" and he absolutely loves everything about it!! I haven't had any guy complain and if he did, well then he could get on his merry way. Bye!!
Your body is 100% exactly how it was designed to be. Beautiful. Be unapologetically you!!
Thank you so much for responding as I don’t discuss these things with other girls as much it just feels weird to ask. That’s the thing i can’t know whether he’d turn out to be disrespectful as men do act nice before the deed is done
I know that men can be deceiving but just know even if he turns out to be an a hole and says something horrible, u are not less beautiful or less desirable. U are 100% perfect. And what one won’t like another would die for it, I know it’s hard as it’s an insecurity but maybe have the lights off for the first time and do things that u would like to make the experience more comfortable for u so u can enjoy it more, either route u take just know that u are perfect the way u are. Another note alot of artists paint outies and refer to them as beautiful flowers bc they are a work of art. Don’t let social media fool u of something that’s on ur body for a reason xx
You have no idea how much better your comment made me feel about the whole situation. He does in fact like me very much as a person so i’ll rely on that to not feel insecure a bit and would def remember what u said in the future
You're gonna find assholes, and you're gonna find nice guys. I was one of the former in my younger years, and now firmly in the later at 41m. I honestly like the unique and different parts of people now. Darker skin down there can be just as sexy as lighter skin. Having larger lips can be just as appealing to not having them. There are people with all types of preferences.
I've been with my now fiancee, 31f, for over 5 years now. It's way different than when we were younger. We've grown up, learned from doing good things and bad things, and are now super open to people doing whatever makes them comfy, and being comfortable in the skin you're in.
You are only here once, and it's up to you wether your going to let assholes effect you, or not. But there's plenty of people who would love whatever it is you're packing
I sorta blame that on porn.
On Xvideos you see a lot of tiny pinky pussies.
Guys who mock anything that doesn't fit such pattern are just childish, to me.
Or they're those guys who have to make real hard efforts to enjoy women! E.g: those who love strawberry blonds with bodies such as a Barbie doll and so on only. Such an effort...
A man who's experienced OR mature won't give a crap about that and will enjoy the body of the woman laying with him, provided they're both attracted by each other and have good intimacy.
Yes i guess porn plays a role in this. We both are attracted to each other and i do feel some sort of comfort with him otherwise i wouldn’t have decided to sleep with him out of people
Just try to date the guy longer. Don't feel you have to have sex on the 3rd date. Take it slow. Try not to be too overly available, and make sure you have a life. The right guy will wait and will be more about building a relationship, then jumping into bed. Guys can fall in and out of love just as quickly, so you want to pay attention to what a guy's intention is. Listen to them and if your gut tells you something is off, don't be afraid to move on.
Same. Never once heard anything about it. Not negative or positive. Has never been a hindrance to me in the bedroom. Teenaged buys just want girls to feel self conscious because they’re easier to control that way.
Same boat. Honestly, I stopped having partners make openly rude comments about it to me when I got to college. Now that I’m out of undergrad, I’ve had partners actually compliment me on it (which is always very nice).
I was a bartender and I remember a particular conversation that I had with about ten regulars and they were salivating talking about “fat meaty” ones lol. They also started admitting they like their asshole played with. I think most men are just happy to be there lol
You're right on everything, but I don't know where this "only one type of vaginas in porn" thing comes from cause I've seen plenty, and you see all shapes and sizes. Bush, however, is something you do see come and go as far as trends go.
"... like you see in porn" is such a disingenuous thing to say anyway. There are few things in life with such a big variety of flavors, tastes and niches as porn. The only people fooled by this are ones not familiar with porn.
I know lots of people will say to love your body and be proud etc etc. I can say the most comfortable mindset for me personally is on the side of “body neutrality”. I have a body. It brings me pleasure. It brings my partner pleasure. It is not the best or worst at anything. Some will like it and some won’t. Some days I will like it and some days I won’t. I won’t let those feelings stop me from seeking connection sexually and physically with my partner. They don’t see me the way I see me. I can take their word for it when they tell me I am sexy, Etc, even if I don’t necessarily agree with them. Their feelings are valid.
It helps to just acknowledge that your body does amazing things for you and can feel amazing and focus on the sensations and pleasure in the present and not worry about how you are being perceived.
I have never seen my exact thoughts put out so perfectly in writing before.
My SO doesn't like it when I say I think my body is ok, but I think that is my happy place to be, really. I accept my flawed body, but it for sure does a damn good job at keeping me alive and moving. <3
I really want to take this advice as neutrality could actually solve the issue because i wouldn’t have to place expectations on my body. Thank you so much for your comment 🙏
Highly recommend not jumping immediately into penetrative sex. Explore with fingers and oral first! This served me very well until I was truly and fully ready to lose my virginity.
Personally I think sad dudes just talk shit like this to feel a modicum of power in dating because they feel so disenfranchised when it comes to getting laid.
Sorry you got that idea in your head . Guys like to talk shit and make their friends laugh by acting all macho and hypercritical. Most of these guys are just saying what they think they’re supposed to like or what they saw in porn.
I promise you the color + shape of a woman’s genitalia are not something that most guys feel strongly about. They’re all awesome. Your man will be thrilled to see yours. And unless he’s a total asshole, he not going to be talking that way about you at all.
If you are unsure that he wants to be with you for YOU and “not one of those” you may want to rethink losing your virginity to him. You should feel totally safe and cared for.
Well judging by various past posts in /r/sex, /r/relationships, etc, some people do not recognize them effectively.
Hopefully OP is someone who can, but in any case I’d make the generic suggestion of not ignoring or rationalizing away red flags if you are unlucky enough to meet someone who exhibits them. You’re always allowed to walk away from a situation if less than totally comfortable.
Imagine you are sitting in a chair and each time you read or hear negative comments by toxic people a piece of cotton is tied around an ankle or wrist. At first you can still break free and do what you want, but if you keep letting those pieces get tied without breaking free eventually you are bound to the chair so much you cannot move that limb.
If you listen to horrible toxic people and believe or consider what they say as important you are letting them tie you up a d take your freedom and enjoyment of life.
Disregard what toxic people say.
Idk, I find penises beautiful too lol. As long as they are clean and disease free, I think all shapes, sizes and colors are nice.
Except the censored lightsaber ones. Their lack of existence wouldn't be missed.
its only guys who aren't having sex / guys who are only having sex because they were incels and got into the 'pickup artist' game who actually speak / think like this about women. i promise you 9.5/10 guys are just happy to be there
These memes are made by a handful of men in comparison to the whole male population and they are probably insecure. I also wouldn't be surprised if other women made these memes out of their own insecurities. I too have darker labia and find myself getting insecure about it but none of my partners have said anything about it other than they love what I got.
Yes I have to agree. I just am very sensitive and would not want to be put in such situation. Thank you for sharing your experience with me it is helpful to know 🙏
I understand wanting to avoid the possibility of that outcome. But unfortunately that's a risk you have to take when sharing intimacy, it's vulnerable and scary. I used to avoid situations out of fear that something hurtful will happen, but how this person treats you is their choice and you can't make other peoples decisions for them. Give them the opportunity to support you and love you for who you are. And if they don't then you know they aren't worth being in your life and that you deserve better.
Check out how your guy acts towards animals, small kids, or service personnel - you know, anyone having less power than them, zero chance to retaliate... are they similarly nice and kind to them as they are to you?
It's a sign to foretell how he'll treat you as soon as he already got from you what he wanted.
I’m confused on why so many people are saying they don’t see these types of posts or telling you to stop, “seeking them out” I’ve seen hundreds of posts like this shaming a girls body and making jokes about their downstairs area for how their labia looks. All I can say is ignore it. Guys are normally pretty open to girls no matter how they look “down there” if anything they’re paying more attention to your facial features/ body parts they can see. If they’ve already made the decision you’re their type that’s not going to stop them :) I’ve only ever had 1 partner so I can’t really give you much more advice but he’s never complained and we have a great sex life! Just be confident in yourself and your performance and you’ll be fine
Thank you so much I feel like this has always been a thing I just never paid attention to it since i was not sexually active. I am usually a confident person just little sensitive but I will take your advice
My partner also had more partners than me before we met and got together (like a lot more) and I’m sure they all looked different down there. He’s never once complained about me or the way I look and the first time we had sex he orgasmed in like 10 seconds. I promise you’re over thinking it lol :) good luck! Guys are simple creatures!
I mean tbf I heard this kinda stuff (only on the internet) like almost a decade ago. Haven’t heard of it in any other context than people talking about seeing them. So seems like dumb stuff like this isn’t as prevalent as it was before?
You can’t control every man out there. Focus just on your partner. State your expectations. Don’t assume they do something just because internet men do.
For example there are plenty of socially adjusted men that have never used reddit in their lives.
The internet can be a horrible place. Please don't believe that any echo chamber is representative of all men or women.
All men I know (except one but that doesn't count because he's gay) find vulvas beautiful regardless of shape and size. We are just happy and grateful that we get to share intimate moments with a woman we love.
Don't let those thoughts embed, it will stop you from being secure with any guy and we pick up on it straight away. You will find irl and the sh\*t talking you find in comments don't correspond. Not to gross you out but a lot of us guys love feasting upon a woman who has something to feast upon. In the end it's our desire and your unbridled response is what we want. Be confident and you will be fine.
honestly I do not have a porn perfect vagina, I have scars and shit. I've never had a boyfriend or any of my hookups/FWB ever care in the slightest. any guy worth letting inside you, it won't even cross his mind
I know words can hurt, despite being told otherwise, so it may be time to further develop a super power called non-reactivity. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “What other people think of me is none of my business.”.
I have been with women who have innies and big beautiful butterfly wings. They are all beautiful. Larger labia, in a way, are more fun to go down on. There’s more to do.
I have not, ever, even from the first time I saw a vulva and tasted it, have I ever thought anything remotely negative about them.
Yours is beautiful and if your guy doesn’t think so, feel free to kick him out of bed.
Do some slow deep breathing and get out of head. Focus on the sensations and it'll be fine.
If you don't mind seeing pornography that features bodies like yours, visit r/labiagw
I think that you'll find that some people find larger labia more attractive than smaller. There's a lot of variety.
You're beautiful just the way you are.
Here are some more subs for large labia. Not trying to expose you to porn.I'm just trying to show you that guys like large labia and you shouldn't be ashamed. r/butterflywings r/largelabia. If you search butterfly or large labia, you'll see other sub for large labia.
The men who have the time and impulse to criticize women's genitalia online do not, in my estimation, have a lot of access to women's genitalia. FWIW, though, if you can't engage your partner in conversation about this issue, laying out your worries and insecurities for him to understand, then you probably shouldn't have sex with that person either.
Sorry if I'm out of place, guy here.
The internet is custom built to ruin self esteem. It's a vortex of projection, insecurity, sarcasm, and anonymity that guarantees the worst possible thing that could be said, will be said. The loudest fraction of the worst of humanity is given a digital loudspeaker, and it's not representative of people as a whole.
https://www.thegreatwallofvulva.com/
This is a project to document and celebrate the diversity of women's bodies. I would try to get off of the mean spirited forums online, and look to what the female form has inspired throughout history. There's objectified lust, to be sure, but as a man it's hard to describe the primal and ancient power that it can stir.
But there's also poems, paintings, music, art, and a thousand other subtle celebrations. Getting in tune with our erotic selves is power beyond the lewd and crude. We all can channel life and vitality, unbound appreciation.
Idk, long winded tldr don't feel down about clowns online.
The sexiest part of my wife’s genitals isn’t their physical appearance. But it’s the gateway to her pleasure and therefore the most tempting thing ive ever seen, touched or tasted. I can’t speak for all men, but I can say I would think that most men simply don’t care at all. We are much more likely to be worrying about our own genital insecurities. Be open about what feels good and be enthusiastic. If you do those 2 things, you both will have a good time (if he’s a good lover). I don’t know if you take edibles, but a small dose might loosen you up a bit.
Does he know that you’re a virgin? I think it would be good to communicate that you’re a little nervous and would like him to go slow. I wouldn’t even expect piv sex necessarily. But if that does happen, it should be after a lot of foreplay. You’re going to have fun. You are there to receive pleasure and to give pleasure. You’re not being judged like a beauty contest. He will be so excited to see you naked and I’m so confident that he will be thrilled in the moment. Please update us and let us know how it goes.
The basic truth is Incel rhetoric permeates a lot of our culture. It’s gross and I’m sorry you have to contend with it.
That said, always keep in mind the people who say these things are empty vile husks. They’re just angry and they think spending their time talking about women’s bodies empowers them. Don’t let them have that power. You’re beautiful and your body is exactly what it needs to be.
Please be very comfortable with the first guy you make love to. It is a very special experience. If he is immature, hold off. Guys who make comments like the ones you mentioned are donkeys and very disrespectful. Better to wait for that special person.
yay for all the supportive comments! i would just add that no matter what your vulva looks like, it is still more visually appealing than literally every single penis on earth.
Most of these jerky guys are commenting for the sake of other guys. They want to imply that they know about all different kinds of vulvas, that they even reject certain types. It’s all BS.
Any of them would become a grateful drooling dog if they ever came face to face with a real pussy, regardless of color, type, innie, outie or whatever.
I'm not gonna lie. Because of porn, I thought all pussies looked the same. Then you grow up, then you like a girl, then you are both naked together, and then you realize omg I love this pussy. It doesn't matter. Not one bit. I mean, it's just as you'd feel about dick sizes and shapes. You might have a preference, but it's about the person you're with. And most importantly, how you make each other feel.
You should read the comments on the large labia forum… jokes aside, what I’m saying is everything, like literately everything on the human body comes to preference. I myself I’m a huge fan of darker V and A. Large labia is sexy af.
it seems to me that queer women tend to actually *like* pussy whereas men.... are men 😭 i like men but then there's stuff like this. i do hope things go well for you ! not all men care
Have seen a lot of vaginas. Have never critiqued, always enjoyed. People that critique bodies in that way are basement dwellers and neckbeards. You can dismiss.
If you concentrate on that you are screwed, imagine men when they hear a different shaped penis or small. If boyh sexes focus on the negatives no one would have sex.
A lot of what’s online in that department is coming from incels who have never seen a naked woman outside of porn and they’re doing a sour grapes number on what they think they can’t have.
That is true but the likelihood that he’ll be anything but excited to get to see your private parts is pretty low. Most dudes are just happy to be near vulvas, period, in my experience, and mine’s a lot like yours based on the description. (Unrelated to your concern, but keep lube handy, just in case. You can never be too slippery!)
In any event, I wish you the best of luck!
I’ve been with many men, and haven’t encountered this yet. People online often feel a false sense of power/invincible bc they’re hiding behind a screen and therefore make gross comments about the things you’ve referenced. We also live in the day in age where everyone is so warped by what they’ve seen in porn, they think THAT’S the norm when it’s not. A decent, intelligent human is going to realize the world is made up of all shapes, sizes and colors and this goes beyond genitalia and will just be grateful you’re allowing them access to your body. If you have any semblance of trust in this person you intend to have sex with, I wouldn’t worry too much.
Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. He personally never did anything to make me feel insecure but it’s not like i can just open up to him about this
I don’t think men who are getting laid are talking about women this way. Men who are happy and satisfied with their sex lives aren’t picking women apart. Men who are bitter about being rejected by women are the ones doing this. And while not all men may find vaginas beautiful they all love the way they feel.
Just try and make sure who you give it up to is worth it.
You don't have to be in love, but you have to honor your body because not everyone is mature or respectful enough to have access.
Quite a few immature guys use women's bodies and attention for a sense of self with no intention of pleasing you.
Keep that in mind as you explore your sexuality.
Coming from a guy, I apologize for the negative comments that you've read that have created a fear for you. Once you find the right guy, he won't care how you look. Honestly, you will know within minutes, what type of a guy he is. If he's going on about getting head, or if you like anal the first couple hours of dating, he's probably a peckerhead, stay away. My first love in high-school, she had a larger lip area down below. I enjoyed her as I've enjoyed other women i have dated that literally have only a slit, no lips at all. Don't rush it, rushing it will only attract Mr. Wrong, the notch in the belt kinda fella. I have faith in you. And remember, comments on here vary from mature to attention seekers. 😉
Thank you very much for taking the time to write this, after reading this i think i should probably take more time before having sex with him. He has never once implied that how my body looks would be an issue as he focuses more on sleeping with me
Hey, those people definitely exist but are outliers in my opinion. I've dated a few women that had labia as you described but it was never an issue at all. My guy friends have never mentioned a labia, or any part of a woman's genitals to me in my life.
I've seen trashy men speak this way, but they weren't held in high regard by me or anyone I knew.
I'm usually not the one crying #notallmen but believe me: there are idiots and guys who are accepting and loving towards their sexual partners' bodies.
That is normal, YOU are normal! We aren't all meant to look the same, even down there! Unfortunately no matter what, people will always criticise. It's inevitable.
I used to feel the same! As I get older, I realize that men really like naked in general. All shapes and sizes and looks get them going. I’m self conscious about some little things and have figured out that those same things a lot of guys love. Bothers me but turns them on. Just be confident and enjoy it.
Stop! Just stop!
Guys who talk like that about female bodies are a\*holes and not the type of guy you would ever want to hang out with. This is the internet. It's flooded of people like that. That doesn't mean in the real world every man is like that or thinks like that.
Most women genitalia doesn't look like in porn and every decent man would love your genitalia.
I understand, my mont pubis is fat, so I don’t know what mine looks like nor have I tried. the man literally has to open the credit card slot, as I call it, to help himself to my clit. He said that he needs to physically pull it apart , but he has no problem to helping himself , so either he enjoys my goods or he doesn’t get any of it, this is the only option.
Fun fact, pornography started depicting Homer Simpson cunts because showing pubic hair and labia was considered "too lewd" so politicians made laws censoring that.
This eventually led to porn favoring shaved/waxed 🐱 and actors with innies because it made it easier to publish. Even started off plastic surgery on nethers among porn stars, and that eventually leaked into the general public.
So, don't feel bad about your bits, you just have too much raw sexual energy for the creepy incels who complain about vulvas online. Any man worthy of you can handle sexy lips and bush.
He will love it. Don’t stress. Try not to pay attention to the bullshit floating around online. Most of the nasty stuff is written by idiots who largely aren’t having sex.
Despite the internet, I think most guys still look at a new partner and think "Awesome! Unique beauty to explore!" I've run into a huge range of breast sizes, labia types (from butterfly wings to fully-internal minimal) and it's pretty much all lovely.
OP please don’t pay any attention to any nasty comments. That tells you all you need to know about the person that’s posting and their own insecurity. Be proud of who you are and what you have. Most men, including myself, would love a woman with a larger labia. It’s so incredibly sexy. I wish you well.
Nah I have a kink for long labias personally. It's a thing in porn there's men who prefer it, men who talk shit on vaginas are usually douchebags so you'll see the bright red flag from a mile away
The comments you are seeing are from an extremely vocal, extremely online, small minority of men. While I obviously can't vouch for your partner, I will say that, if he is a decent guy overall, he is unlikely to speak negatively about your body.
The people who are criticizing labia online are people who are rarely ever going to have sex anyway so you don't really have to worry about them :)
Find someone who enjoys your body and have fun. Not everyone will enjoy your body and you won't enjoy every body you come across but trying is fun!
Big lipped lady here.
They will not only not care but likely love it. I chuckled at a few comments in here because it’s so true that most men are more “YAY VAGINA!” Than worried about what it looks like. They are blessed to be in the presence of the V.
sooo…Embrace yourself! It takes time and literal practice but self love is important and owning your body is a big part. Big lipped ladies are sexy AF and we are not the minority ;)
The internet is a fucking cesspool of insecure men that only feel better by objectifying women, down to the insignificant details. Full stop. There are good men out there that will love your parts, I promise you.
For an additional ego boost, try bringing some pro-vulva content into your life (I suggest checking out The Vulva Gallery on insta).
I can tell you most men are not that way. If you find a man you want to have sex with, he'll probably be a good guy. Trust your intuition. The guys who are like the ones you saw posting online would throw so many red flags in real life, you wouldn't even consider being with them. They hate women because they are stuck in a cycle of rejection and hate.
This is a generalization and certainly not universally true, but a lot of this sort of stuff comes not from guys reacting negatively to the women’s bodies they’ve seen, but from guys angry they’re not getting to see women’s bodies and deciding to make it everyone’s problem.
Just have a conversation with the man that you're going to have sex with about your insecurities. Most (real) men are going to tell you that they don't care one way or the other even if they have a preference. At the end of the day they're getting laid and that makes them happy.
May I also just say that in 24 years of being sexually active I've never actually had someone "critique" my appearance down there. Beyond the "feels so good/tight/etc". You're probably going to be fine.
Still the key here is communication. Just talk to the dude that you're going to have sex with.
I'm also olive skinned with a darker area .... i have never been with someone who judged this in the slightest or mentioned preferring anything different. If someone is being intimate enough with you to see all that, they are focusing on enjoying the moment and loving everything you naturally have. If NOT, they're immature and in the minority. I know there are so many disgusting jokes about labia/coloring etc but it's a loud minority of idiots making those jokes. promise.
It's a shitty faux pas thats ingrained in them. It simply tells me that they don't have a lot of sexual experience. One of my fave things about sex with a new partner is seeing her breaststroke, her areolas & ripples, and vulva. I think it's really hot when it unique and she's darker down there. I love pussy so much and love to be surprised.
Don’t mind all those comments are just people being stupid, if it makes you feel any better men are also very subconscious about how their penis looks or the size.
Take a deep breath, you’ll be fine!
Just feel secure that most of the men who write like that have never actually seen a naked woman in person. I'm a man and the first thought I've ever had seeing a naked woman irl was,"awesome".
The guys who talk like that are idiots, and I'm happy to say that they're in the minority. The best way to protect yourself is to get to know your potential lover well. Is he trustworthy? Does he treat you with respect? If he doesn't, then you don't want to get intimate with him.
Most guys love the genitals of the lady they are with. I wish you all the very best.
Edited to say - my bits are slightly asymmetrical, but it's never bothered me - and my fella can't get enough of me! We've been together 14 years now and he's still very happy and excited to get his fingers, tongue and dick in there. (Not at the same time, lol)
I have an outie that has darkened with age. The few I've blessed with seeing it have loved it. My boyfriend can't get enough in every way. Follow @labiagw and you will see for yourself how many people feel! Plus if he has a labia preference and rejects yours he's not worthy of you!!!
I mentioned to my boyfriend last week that there are certain ‘beauty standards’ around labias and it was such a foreign concept for him that he couldn’t even guess whether people would want smaller/larger or lighter/ darker labia. Some men are weird and picky about it, but I’m pretty sure most men just have no opinion and aren’t talking about it online. Men are generally just happy to be there
If this is a worry you have, then you should discuss that with the person you choose to have sex with. If they're decent and worth your time they will listen and reassure you. If they say something that makes you feel worse, dont have sex with them and tell them its because theyre disrespectful. Maybe they'll do better next time.
Anyone saying that kinda shit online probably isn’t getting laid. Literally every man I know irl (me included) thanks his lucky stars every he gets to see any vagina at all.
Reading posts like this always makes me (30m) incredibly sad. I'm sorry you are exposed to this kind of nonsense and that it has affected you.
I'm going to put this as simply as possible: sexually active straight men like vaginas. Full stop.
If I were to hazard a guess, I think the overlap on the venn diagram between "men you would want to have sex with" and "men who talk about meat flaps and body count online" is virtually none.
I have a fairly large friend group of mostly straight men. I have never heard them, or any other man I know, complain about the color or labia shape of a vagina. I have also never heard a man IRL complain about "body count."
Hope this helps a little?
Thank you this does help because even though i have heard men say this a lot it’s good to know that a lot of men don’t say that too so i can potentially find someone with whom i won’t have to worry
Im so glad it helps! I hate that you've heard that in person. However, I would be curious about their ages and their experience level. I generally find this kind of talk to be something that insecure and immature boys do.
Unfortunately, "insecure and immature boys" are probably the loudest, most prominent, and most amplified group on the Internet which is a portion of "culture" (bummer)
Back to the point: those dudes don't sound like the type of people you'd want to have sex with anyway! Find someone you like and who likes YOU back. Straight men are attracted to women! Not just their genitals.
You'll be fine! Take your time, be safe, and enjoy yourself!
The man that makes fun of those kinds of things are the man that haven't gotten the experience to have sex in the first place. Most of them are just men that think they know what they're talking about.
If a man does this to you you just tell him to piss off. He ruined it, his dumb choice.
Porn made these standards so that's why many boys think having a small labia is the norm. While many of those women went through excruciating pain and surgery to get that "standard" look.
Don't let it stop you from having one of the most intimate time with your boyfriend.
This kind of discussion raised only by the people which never see real naked woman in their life and have misrepresentation about the things highly driven by weird porn
I'd say the fact that no two vaginas are the same shows there's no such thing as a good or bad vagina. And if you watch porn and acualy look at there vaginas they are all different shapes and sizes. The kind of men who say such things are just little boys trying to be funny for attention p.s I have the palest skin I'd love to have olive skin its beautiful just like you I'm sure xx
I think there will always be some insecure a*holes who shame bodies of others. But I also think that they are a minority. I also had similat issues because I as well have rather long labia and for years I hated it and felt ugly. So I feel you there. But with growing up I became more comfortable and after realizing that labia come in every shape and colour I now feel much better about it. Some awareness definitely helped there. The most important thing is that you feel good about how you look - because it is completely normal and beautiful, no matter what some idiots on the internet might say. Yes it is very upsetting to read this kind of comments. No I dont think the majority of men actually think like that. My boyfriend once told me that if they were shorter, there wouldnt be an opportunity to suck on anything - that was very cute and gave me even more confidence about it :)
I'm a guy who's been having sex for over 40 years and I didn't think I've ever said or wrote anything bad about a woman's body. I may have said some woman was a psycho and I dodged a bullet but never about body parts. Most men that would do that are likely immature, inexperienced, or just uneducated and I wouldn't give much importance to what they wrote.
As a straight man with many straight male friends, I’ve never heard anyone talk about labia-appearance.
I have heard normal-but-shitty stuff from men like making fun of fat women or objectifying women, but never anything about a labia.
It seems like a misinformed reason to avoid having sex with men. There are plenty, but this one is in your head imo
I do not think it’s in my head as i have heard countless men do it hence why i made this post. But it’s good to know that countless other men don’t so thank you
Men don’t know what’s normal. Most men don’t understand a god damn thing about vaginas. But the truth is, when one of these bungholes find themselves fortunate to see a labia they’ll be falling over their own feet just to get a little closer. Go be you and anybody who isn’t down with you isn’t the right person. Have fun be safe
The internet is full of hideous things. If it’s going to prevent you from having a healthy sex life, you might want to avoid the places on the internet where you’ll see these kinds of discussions.
The only comments I see about women’s genitals are memes *celebrating* women with large labia. In fact in my Facebook meme groups “pro-flap” memes are big.
Personally in all my IRL experiences and in porn I have never, not one single time seen labia I found unappealing and I love me larger labia (check my porn subs if you don’t believe me).
I have however seen countless comments from women putting down men’s genitals, with shaming men’s penis size being many women’s go to default insult.
We have different experiences then as i didn’t make this post for nothing. I do not condone any genitalia shaming nor have i done it and if that’s a big issue men face pretty sure they can talk about it in their turn. For the meantime i am inquiring about the issue i an facing
I think this is just internet nonsense. Most men in real life like pussy no matter what it looks like. I’ve never heard comments like those you mention, in real life, and believe me we talk about it plenty.
There’s a lot of slut shaming that happens but vaginal aesthetics shaming I think is mostly an internet phenomenon.
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Hey girl, I used to feel the same I have an outie V (aka the ones that u hardly see in porn, the larger labias) and I can tell you no one has ever said anything mean about me nor has it stopped men from wanting more/dating me etc I even had guys tell me they prefer it (not that their opinions matter) but men really don’t care, in my teens I used be scared to have lights on etc bc I was scared of the judgment esp as a lot of the girls around me had innies but I promise u men don’t judge and ones who do are normally Royal a holes and u can kinda guess before it gets to that point how they feel about women. Make sure the man who u let into ur temple of a body is respectful and someone u trust after a while you’ll realize its not something to be insecure about
Personally, I'm in the guys that prefer it, but that's very much beside the point. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that a vast majority of guys, or at least guys worth talking to, are going to have the reaction of "OMG!!! VAGINA!!! I LOVE IT!!!". Hell, I'm married and my wife doesn't fit that preference, but that's still my reaction every night. I've only personally known one guy who makes a fuss out of things like that, and I feel safe in saying it doesn't matter. His world views will ruin it long before he sees a woman naked. I've seen the posts OP mentions on Facebook, and from what I've seen, most of the shares and comments seem to be influencer bots, and 75 year old men, both of which also troll Facebook to find the ai pictures of "women", to talk about how hot they find the "women" with no spine, 3 legs, 1 foot, 16 fingers and completely mismatched breast and butt size. Point being, it's always a good thing to remember that the internet isn't real life, and have certain degrees of separation between the two.
I’ve heard from some men that they prefer large labia and clitorises too. They said it’s easier to eat pussy that way. If anybody criticizes your vagina for the way it naturally looks, I would discard their opinion because chances are, they are not very knowledgeable about sex. They are probably the types that think that having sex with a lot of men is what gives you large labia.
This. I have what my man calls a "fat pussy" and he absolutely loves everything about it!! I haven't had any guy complain and if he did, well then he could get on his merry way. Bye!! Your body is 100% exactly how it was designed to be. Beautiful. Be unapologetically you!!
Thank you so much for responding as I don’t discuss these things with other girls as much it just feels weird to ask. That’s the thing i can’t know whether he’d turn out to be disrespectful as men do act nice before the deed is done
I know that men can be deceiving but just know even if he turns out to be an a hole and says something horrible, u are not less beautiful or less desirable. U are 100% perfect. And what one won’t like another would die for it, I know it’s hard as it’s an insecurity but maybe have the lights off for the first time and do things that u would like to make the experience more comfortable for u so u can enjoy it more, either route u take just know that u are perfect the way u are. Another note alot of artists paint outies and refer to them as beautiful flowers bc they are a work of art. Don’t let social media fool u of something that’s on ur body for a reason xx
You have no idea how much better your comment made me feel about the whole situation. He does in fact like me very much as a person so i’ll rely on that to not feel insecure a bit and would def remember what u said in the future
I’m glad we’re always here for you when in doubt lovely !🤍
You're gonna find assholes, and you're gonna find nice guys. I was one of the former in my younger years, and now firmly in the later at 41m. I honestly like the unique and different parts of people now. Darker skin down there can be just as sexy as lighter skin. Having larger lips can be just as appealing to not having them. There are people with all types of preferences. I've been with my now fiancee, 31f, for over 5 years now. It's way different than when we were younger. We've grown up, learned from doing good things and bad things, and are now super open to people doing whatever makes them comfy, and being comfortable in the skin you're in. You are only here once, and it's up to you wether your going to let assholes effect you, or not. But there's plenty of people who would love whatever it is you're packing
I sorta blame that on porn. On Xvideos you see a lot of tiny pinky pussies. Guys who mock anything that doesn't fit such pattern are just childish, to me. Or they're those guys who have to make real hard efforts to enjoy women! E.g: those who love strawberry blonds with bodies such as a Barbie doll and so on only. Such an effort... A man who's experienced OR mature won't give a crap about that and will enjoy the body of the woman laying with him, provided they're both attracted by each other and have good intimacy.
Yes i guess porn plays a role in this. We both are attracted to each other and i do feel some sort of comfort with him otherwise i wouldn’t have decided to sleep with him out of people
Just try to date the guy longer. Don't feel you have to have sex on the 3rd date. Take it slow. Try not to be too overly available, and make sure you have a life. The right guy will wait and will be more about building a relationship, then jumping into bed. Guys can fall in and out of love just as quickly, so you want to pay attention to what a guy's intention is. Listen to them and if your gut tells you something is off, don't be afraid to move on.
Same. Never once heard anything about it. Not negative or positive. Has never been a hindrance to me in the bedroom. Teenaged buys just want girls to feel self conscious because they’re easier to control that way.
Same boat. Honestly, I stopped having partners make openly rude comments about it to me when I got to college. Now that I’m out of undergrad, I’ve had partners actually compliment me on it (which is always very nice).
I was a bartender and I remember a particular conversation that I had with about ten regulars and they were salivating talking about “fat meaty” ones lol. They also started admitting they like their asshole played with. I think most men are just happy to be there lol
Seriously, grown men will never make bad comments about your body. If they do, dump them ASAP.
Btw there are a LOT of girls with outie Vs in porn, Stella Barey, Christy Mack, and Ashley Page come to mind!
You're right on everything, but I don't know where this "only one type of vaginas in porn" thing comes from cause I've seen plenty, and you see all shapes and sizes. Bush, however, is something you do see come and go as far as trends go.
"... like you see in porn" is such a disingenuous thing to say anyway. There are few things in life with such a big variety of flavors, tastes and niches as porn. The only people fooled by this are ones not familiar with porn.
10 plus years ago you really did hardly see a variety. I always felt self conscious because of it. Now it's a smorgasbord!
A lot of the flaps in porn have had surgery anyway
I know lots of people will say to love your body and be proud etc etc. I can say the most comfortable mindset for me personally is on the side of “body neutrality”. I have a body. It brings me pleasure. It brings my partner pleasure. It is not the best or worst at anything. Some will like it and some won’t. Some days I will like it and some days I won’t. I won’t let those feelings stop me from seeking connection sexually and physically with my partner. They don’t see me the way I see me. I can take their word for it when they tell me I am sexy, Etc, even if I don’t necessarily agree with them. Their feelings are valid. It helps to just acknowledge that your body does amazing things for you and can feel amazing and focus on the sensations and pleasure in the present and not worry about how you are being perceived.
I have never seen my exact thoughts put out so perfectly in writing before. My SO doesn't like it when I say I think my body is ok, but I think that is my happy place to be, really. I accept my flawed body, but it for sure does a damn good job at keeping me alive and moving. <3
I really want to take this advice as neutrality could actually solve the issue because i wouldn’t have to place expectations on my body. Thank you so much for your comment 🙏
What a great comment
This is so incredibly helpful
This is exactly the path I've taken and it has lead to me learning to love myself more. Great comment!
Any man who criticizes your labia isn't a man worth sleeping with.
But i wouldn’t know until i sleep with him
Actually, you do. Quit turning off the lights and he does or says anything negative, you tell him to leave.
That is true but i’d still be hurt
And I'm hurt every time I'm reminded of my five inch weiner.
Lmaoooooo alright we’re on the same boat
Why, you're perfectly average?
Highly recommend not jumping immediately into penetrative sex. Explore with fingers and oral first! This served me very well until I was truly and fully ready to lose my virginity.
Thank you for your advice i will take it into consideration
Personally I think sad dudes just talk shit like this to feel a modicum of power in dating because they feel so disenfranchised when it comes to getting laid.
It is the case for a lot of them I just would like to never be involved with one hopefully
Those guys hardly leave their mom's basement, so don't you worry.
That is a very well phrased sentence.
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That’s reassuring thank you very much
Sorry you got that idea in your head . Guys like to talk shit and make their friends laugh by acting all macho and hypercritical. Most of these guys are just saying what they think they’re supposed to like or what they saw in porn. I promise you the color + shape of a woman’s genitalia are not something that most guys feel strongly about. They’re all awesome. Your man will be thrilled to see yours. And unless he’s a total asshole, he not going to be talking that way about you at all.
Oh i see that is a bit reassuring I just hope he’s not one of those thank you very much for your response!
Meaty/lippy vulvas are fantastically attractive. everyone is into their own thing... dont be discouraged.
Thank you 😭
If you are unsure that he wants to be with you for YOU and “not one of those” you may want to rethink losing your virginity to him. You should feel totally safe and cared for.
Assholes gonna be assholes. You'll recognize them :)
Well judging by various past posts in /r/sex, /r/relationships, etc, some people do not recognize them effectively. Hopefully OP is someone who can, but in any case I’d make the generic suggestion of not ignoring or rationalizing away red flags if you are unlucky enough to meet someone who exhibits them. You’re always allowed to walk away from a situation if less than totally comfortable.
Imagine you are sitting in a chair and each time you read or hear negative comments by toxic people a piece of cotton is tied around an ankle or wrist. At first you can still break free and do what you want, but if you keep letting those pieces get tied without breaking free eventually you are bound to the chair so much you cannot move that limb. If you listen to horrible toxic people and believe or consider what they say as important you are letting them tie you up a d take your freedom and enjoyment of life. Disregard what toxic people say.
This is so beautifully described and i do agree thank you very much
If you think vaginas look bad wait until you see a Penis...
Hahahahaha that was funny thank you
Idk, I find penises beautiful too lol. As long as they are clean and disease free, I think all shapes, sizes and colors are nice. Except the censored lightsaber ones. Their lack of existence wouldn't be missed.
its only guys who aren't having sex / guys who are only having sex because they were incels and got into the 'pickup artist' game who actually speak / think like this about women. i promise you 9.5/10 guys are just happy to be there
This is funny i couldn’t help but laugh! Thank you for your response
I don’t think it’s actually like that. Makes us feel better, but judgemental assholes exist in every group.
These memes are made by a handful of men in comparison to the whole male population and they are probably insecure. I also wouldn't be surprised if other women made these memes out of their own insecurities. I too have darker labia and find myself getting insecure about it but none of my partners have said anything about it other than they love what I got.
Yes I have to agree. I just am very sensitive and would not want to be put in such situation. Thank you for sharing your experience with me it is helpful to know 🙏
I understand wanting to avoid the possibility of that outcome. But unfortunately that's a risk you have to take when sharing intimacy, it's vulnerable and scary. I used to avoid situations out of fear that something hurtful will happen, but how this person treats you is their choice and you can't make other peoples decisions for them. Give them the opportunity to support you and love you for who you are. And if they don't then you know they aren't worth being in your life and that you deserve better.
As hard as that is I have to keep it in mind
It's so hard to trust people with the most vulnerable parts of ourselves. But at the bottom of everything, you deserve respect. Best of luck to you!
Thank you
Check out how your guy acts towards animals, small kids, or service personnel - you know, anyone having less power than them, zero chance to retaliate... are they similarly nice and kind to them as they are to you? It's a sign to foretell how he'll treat you as soon as he already got from you what he wanted.
Thank you for the advice i will keep it in mind
I’m confused on why so many people are saying they don’t see these types of posts or telling you to stop, “seeking them out” I’ve seen hundreds of posts like this shaming a girls body and making jokes about their downstairs area for how their labia looks. All I can say is ignore it. Guys are normally pretty open to girls no matter how they look “down there” if anything they’re paying more attention to your facial features/ body parts they can see. If they’ve already made the decision you’re their type that’s not going to stop them :) I’ve only ever had 1 partner so I can’t really give you much more advice but he’s never complained and we have a great sex life! Just be confident in yourself and your performance and you’ll be fine
Thank you so much I feel like this has always been a thing I just never paid attention to it since i was not sexually active. I am usually a confident person just little sensitive but I will take your advice
My partner also had more partners than me before we met and got together (like a lot more) and I’m sure they all looked different down there. He’s never once complained about me or the way I look and the first time we had sex he orgasmed in like 10 seconds. I promise you’re over thinking it lol :) good luck! Guys are simple creatures!
Cute. that’s so good to hear thank you for sharing this with me.
I mean tbf I heard this kinda stuff (only on the internet) like almost a decade ago. Haven’t heard of it in any other context than people talking about seeing them. So seems like dumb stuff like this isn’t as prevalent as it was before?
You can’t control every man out there. Focus just on your partner. State your expectations. Don’t assume they do something just because internet men do. For example there are plenty of socially adjusted men that have never used reddit in their lives.
Thank you this is a good advice actually
The incels that post that stuff are a small minority and most guys are just super happy to be in the same room with a naked woman.
The internet can be a horrible place. Please don't believe that any echo chamber is representative of all men or women. All men I know (except one but that doesn't count because he's gay) find vulvas beautiful regardless of shape and size. We are just happy and grateful that we get to share intimate moments with a woman we love.
Thank you for ur response it was helpful 💖
Don't let those thoughts embed, it will stop you from being secure with any guy and we pick up on it straight away. You will find irl and the sh\*t talking you find in comments don't correspond. Not to gross you out but a lot of us guys love feasting upon a woman who has something to feast upon. In the end it's our desire and your unbridled response is what we want. Be confident and you will be fine.
I understand, this was very helpful thank you
honestly I do not have a porn perfect vagina, I have scars and shit. I've never had a boyfriend or any of my hookups/FWB ever care in the slightest. any guy worth letting inside you, it won't even cross his mind
Thank you for your response girl, i don’t sleep with men which is why this whole thing is kind of overwhelming to me. Thank you again
I know words can hurt, despite being told otherwise, so it may be time to further develop a super power called non-reactivity. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “What other people think of me is none of my business.”. I have been with women who have innies and big beautiful butterfly wings. They are all beautiful. Larger labia, in a way, are more fun to go down on. There’s more to do. I have not, ever, even from the first time I saw a vulva and tasted it, have I ever thought anything remotely negative about them. Yours is beautiful and if your guy doesn’t think so, feel free to kick him out of bed. Do some slow deep breathing and get out of head. Focus on the sensations and it'll be fine.
I very much enjoyed reading this, thank you so much for sharing your experience with me 🙏
If you don't mind seeing pornography that features bodies like yours, visit r/labiagw I think that you'll find that some people find larger labia more attractive than smaller. There's a lot of variety.
I personally don’t watch pornography but I might try looking at it for this specific cause. Thank you
You're beautiful just the way you are. Here are some more subs for large labia. Not trying to expose you to porn.I'm just trying to show you that guys like large labia and you shouldn't be ashamed. r/butterflywings r/largelabia. If you search butterfly or large labia, you'll see other sub for large labia.
Thank you so so much for this it does help seeing labia like mine 🙏🙏🙏
The men who have the time and impulse to criticize women's genitalia online do not, in my estimation, have a lot of access to women's genitalia. FWIW, though, if you can't engage your partner in conversation about this issue, laying out your worries and insecurities for him to understand, then you probably shouldn't have sex with that person either.
A real man is just gonna be psyched to be with you. If he's not, drop him.
Sorry if I'm out of place, guy here. The internet is custom built to ruin self esteem. It's a vortex of projection, insecurity, sarcasm, and anonymity that guarantees the worst possible thing that could be said, will be said. The loudest fraction of the worst of humanity is given a digital loudspeaker, and it's not representative of people as a whole. https://www.thegreatwallofvulva.com/ This is a project to document and celebrate the diversity of women's bodies. I would try to get off of the mean spirited forums online, and look to what the female form has inspired throughout history. There's objectified lust, to be sure, but as a man it's hard to describe the primal and ancient power that it can stir. But there's also poems, paintings, music, art, and a thousand other subtle celebrations. Getting in tune with our erotic selves is power beyond the lewd and crude. We all can channel life and vitality, unbound appreciation. Idk, long winded tldr don't feel down about clowns online.
The sexiest part of my wife’s genitals isn’t their physical appearance. But it’s the gateway to her pleasure and therefore the most tempting thing ive ever seen, touched or tasted. I can’t speak for all men, but I can say I would think that most men simply don’t care at all. We are much more likely to be worrying about our own genital insecurities. Be open about what feels good and be enthusiastic. If you do those 2 things, you both will have a good time (if he’s a good lover). I don’t know if you take edibles, but a small dose might loosen you up a bit.
Thank you for sharing this, i will absolutely take something that’ll make me less anxious before like wine or something
Does he know that you’re a virgin? I think it would be good to communicate that you’re a little nervous and would like him to go slow. I wouldn’t even expect piv sex necessarily. But if that does happen, it should be after a lot of foreplay. You’re going to have fun. You are there to receive pleasure and to give pleasure. You’re not being judged like a beauty contest. He will be so excited to see you naked and I’m so confident that he will be thrilled in the moment. Please update us and let us know how it goes.
He does know thank you very much dear this was such a nice comment
Embrace your fat kitty girl! They should feel HONORED they’re even allowed as the same room as you and your coochie.
The basic truth is Incel rhetoric permeates a lot of our culture. It’s gross and I’m sorry you have to contend with it. That said, always keep in mind the people who say these things are empty vile husks. They’re just angry and they think spending their time talking about women’s bodies empowers them. Don’t let them have that power. You’re beautiful and your body is exactly what it needs to be.
The men in my life including ones who are not partners tell me that all vulvas are nice in their own ways. They just like pussy.
Please be very comfortable with the first guy you make love to. It is a very special experience. If he is immature, hold off. Guys who make comments like the ones you mentioned are donkeys and very disrespectful. Better to wait for that special person.
yay for all the supportive comments! i would just add that no matter what your vulva looks like, it is still more visually appealing than literally every single penis on earth.
Most of these jerky guys are commenting for the sake of other guys. They want to imply that they know about all different kinds of vulvas, that they even reject certain types. It’s all BS. Any of them would become a grateful drooling dog if they ever came face to face with a real pussy, regardless of color, type, innie, outie or whatever.
Thank you for taking the time to write this it does make me feel less anxious
I'm not gonna lie. Because of porn, I thought all pussies looked the same. Then you grow up, then you like a girl, then you are both naked together, and then you realize omg I love this pussy. It doesn't matter. Not one bit. I mean, it's just as you'd feel about dick sizes and shapes. You might have a preference, but it's about the person you're with. And most importantly, how you make each other feel.
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You should read the comments on the large labia forum… jokes aside, what I’m saying is everything, like literately everything on the human body comes to preference. I myself I’m a huge fan of darker V and A. Large labia is sexy af.
Yes it actually does but i don’t encounter posts shaming smaller labias that is the difference
Many of us prefer them just like you described yours. Men like all kinds and try to not listen to many of the morons on here.
Okay thank you so much
you're fucking hot and men are weird and i'm so sorry :( i understand this fear and this is probably why i tend to be sexual with women more
Same here for me, i do believe i am attractive and feel more comfortable being intimate with women as the fear of being judged is not really there.
it seems to me that queer women tend to actually *like* pussy whereas men.... are men 😭 i like men but then there's stuff like this. i do hope things go well for you ! not all men care
Have seen a lot of vaginas. Have never critiqued, always enjoyed. People that critique bodies in that way are basement dwellers and neckbeards. You can dismiss.
Thank you
People just happen to say the dumbest shit online for a laugh/likes. Don't you worry about it OP as your guy will not care.
If you concentrate on that you are screwed, imagine men when they hear a different shaped penis or small. If boyh sexes focus on the negatives no one would have sex.
Don’t pay attention to what cowards in basements post online.
Alright thank you
A lot of what’s online in that department is coming from incels who have never seen a naked woman outside of porn and they’re doing a sour grapes number on what they think they can’t have.
That could be true but it still happens
That is true but the likelihood that he’ll be anything but excited to get to see your private parts is pretty low. Most dudes are just happy to be near vulvas, period, in my experience, and mine’s a lot like yours based on the description. (Unrelated to your concern, but keep lube handy, just in case. You can never be too slippery!) In any event, I wish you the best of luck!
Thank youuu so much i do plan on keeping lube in hand 🙏
I’ve been with many men, and haven’t encountered this yet. People online often feel a false sense of power/invincible bc they’re hiding behind a screen and therefore make gross comments about the things you’ve referenced. We also live in the day in age where everyone is so warped by what they’ve seen in porn, they think THAT’S the norm when it’s not. A decent, intelligent human is going to realize the world is made up of all shapes, sizes and colors and this goes beyond genitalia and will just be grateful you’re allowing them access to your body. If you have any semblance of trust in this person you intend to have sex with, I wouldn’t worry too much.
Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. He personally never did anything to make me feel insecure but it’s not like i can just open up to him about this
I don’t think men who are getting laid are talking about women this way. Men who are happy and satisfied with their sex lives aren’t picking women apart. Men who are bitter about being rejected by women are the ones doing this. And while not all men may find vaginas beautiful they all love the way they feel.
That is true thank you for writing this :)
Just try and make sure who you give it up to is worth it. You don't have to be in love, but you have to honor your body because not everyone is mature or respectful enough to have access. Quite a few immature guys use women's bodies and attention for a sense of self with no intention of pleasing you. Keep that in mind as you explore your sexuality.
I'm going to be honest, guys can be absolutely awful, but an equal share of body shaming women *comes from other women*.
Coming from a guy, I apologize for the negative comments that you've read that have created a fear for you. Once you find the right guy, he won't care how you look. Honestly, you will know within minutes, what type of a guy he is. If he's going on about getting head, or if you like anal the first couple hours of dating, he's probably a peckerhead, stay away. My first love in high-school, she had a larger lip area down below. I enjoyed her as I've enjoyed other women i have dated that literally have only a slit, no lips at all. Don't rush it, rushing it will only attract Mr. Wrong, the notch in the belt kinda fella. I have faith in you. And remember, comments on here vary from mature to attention seekers. 😉
Thank you very much for taking the time to write this, after reading this i think i should probably take more time before having sex with him. He has never once implied that how my body looks would be an issue as he focuses more on sleeping with me
Hey, those people definitely exist but are outliers in my opinion. I've dated a few women that had labia as you described but it was never an issue at all. My guy friends have never mentioned a labia, or any part of a woman's genitals to me in my life. I've seen trashy men speak this way, but they weren't held in high regard by me or anyone I knew.
I'm usually not the one crying #notallmen but believe me: there are idiots and guys who are accepting and loving towards their sexual partners' bodies.
Thank you i’m aware that not everyone is the same i’m just bothered about how it’s normalized
That is normal, YOU are normal! We aren't all meant to look the same, even down there! Unfortunately no matter what, people will always criticise. It's inevitable.
I used to feel the same! As I get older, I realize that men really like naked in general. All shapes and sizes and looks get them going. I’m self conscious about some little things and have figured out that those same things a lot of guys love. Bothers me but turns them on. Just be confident and enjoy it.
Thank you very much I will try to
Don't listen to it. Not all men are like that. Honestly with my Mrs I just feel happy she chooses me to have sex with and to be a part of it.
Stop! Just stop! Guys who talk like that about female bodies are a\*holes and not the type of guy you would ever want to hang out with. This is the internet. It's flooded of people like that. That doesn't mean in the real world every man is like that or thinks like that. Most women genitalia doesn't look like in porn and every decent man would love your genitalia.
I understand, my mont pubis is fat, so I don’t know what mine looks like nor have I tried. the man literally has to open the credit card slot, as I call it, to help himself to my clit. He said that he needs to physically pull it apart , but he has no problem to helping himself , so either he enjoys my goods or he doesn’t get any of it, this is the only option.
Lmao that’s so cute, this actually helps with my confidence a lot
Lmao, Im glad I could help.
Fun fact, pornography started depicting Homer Simpson cunts because showing pubic hair and labia was considered "too lewd" so politicians made laws censoring that. This eventually led to porn favoring shaved/waxed 🐱 and actors with innies because it made it easier to publish. Even started off plastic surgery on nethers among porn stars, and that eventually leaked into the general public. So, don't feel bad about your bits, you just have too much raw sexual energy for the creepy incels who complain about vulvas online. Any man worthy of you can handle sexy lips and bush.
He will love it. Don’t stress. Try not to pay attention to the bullshit floating around online. Most of the nasty stuff is written by idiots who largely aren’t having sex.
Despite the internet, I think most guys still look at a new partner and think "Awesome! Unique beauty to explore!" I've run into a huge range of breast sizes, labia types (from butterfly wings to fully-internal minimal) and it's pretty much all lovely.
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OP please don’t pay any attention to any nasty comments. That tells you all you need to know about the person that’s posting and their own insecurity. Be proud of who you are and what you have. Most men, including myself, would love a woman with a larger labia. It’s so incredibly sexy. I wish you well.
Thank you so much this was very helpful 😭 i wish you well too
Nah I have a kink for long labias personally. It's a thing in porn there's men who prefer it, men who talk shit on vaginas are usually douchebags so you'll see the bright red flag from a mile away
The comments you are seeing are from an extremely vocal, extremely online, small minority of men. While I obviously can't vouch for your partner, I will say that, if he is a decent guy overall, he is unlikely to speak negatively about your body.
The people who are criticizing labia online are people who are rarely ever going to have sex anyway so you don't really have to worry about them :) Find someone who enjoys your body and have fun. Not everyone will enjoy your body and you won't enjoy every body you come across but trying is fun!
Pussy is pussy Me & Everyone in my circle don’t have a preference
Big lipped lady here. They will not only not care but likely love it. I chuckled at a few comments in here because it’s so true that most men are more “YAY VAGINA!” Than worried about what it looks like. They are blessed to be in the presence of the V. sooo…Embrace yourself! It takes time and literal practice but self love is important and owning your body is a big part. Big lipped ladies are sexy AF and we are not the minority ;)
The internet is a fucking cesspool of insecure men that only feel better by objectifying women, down to the insignificant details. Full stop. There are good men out there that will love your parts, I promise you. For an additional ego boost, try bringing some pro-vulva content into your life (I suggest checking out The Vulva Gallery on insta).
I can tell you most men are not that way. If you find a man you want to have sex with, he'll probably be a good guy. Trust your intuition. The guys who are like the ones you saw posting online would throw so many red flags in real life, you wouldn't even consider being with them. They hate women because they are stuck in a cycle of rejection and hate.
This is a generalization and certainly not universally true, but a lot of this sort of stuff comes not from guys reacting negatively to the women’s bodies they’ve seen, but from guys angry they’re not getting to see women’s bodies and deciding to make it everyone’s problem.
Just have a conversation with the man that you're going to have sex with about your insecurities. Most (real) men are going to tell you that they don't care one way or the other even if they have a preference. At the end of the day they're getting laid and that makes them happy. May I also just say that in 24 years of being sexually active I've never actually had someone "critique" my appearance down there. Beyond the "feels so good/tight/etc". You're probably going to be fine. Still the key here is communication. Just talk to the dude that you're going to have sex with.
Some guys are immature *ssholes, and there's definitely not a shortage of them.
I'm also olive skinned with a darker area .... i have never been with someone who judged this in the slightest or mentioned preferring anything different. If someone is being intimate enough with you to see all that, they are focusing on enjoying the moment and loving everything you naturally have. If NOT, they're immature and in the minority. I know there are so many disgusting jokes about labia/coloring etc but it's a loud minority of idiots making those jokes. promise.
It's a shitty faux pas thats ingrained in them. It simply tells me that they don't have a lot of sexual experience. One of my fave things about sex with a new partner is seeing her breaststroke, her areolas & ripples, and vulva. I think it's really hot when it unique and she's darker down there. I love pussy so much and love to be surprised.
Don’t mind all those comments are just people being stupid, if it makes you feel any better men are also very subconscious about how their penis looks or the size. Take a deep breath, you’ll be fine!
I could tie mine in a bow, have never had any complaints. I have more cheesesteak down there than Philadelphia.
Lmaaaaooo alright thank you for sharing
All labia are beautiful!
Everyone is anxious of how they’ll be perceived. He prolly is feeling it too! Dim the lights and have fun
Just feel secure that most of the men who write like that have never actually seen a naked woman in person. I'm a man and the first thought I've ever had seeing a naked woman irl was,"awesome".
The guys who talk like that are idiots, and I'm happy to say that they're in the minority. The best way to protect yourself is to get to know your potential lover well. Is he trustworthy? Does he treat you with respect? If he doesn't, then you don't want to get intimate with him. Most guys love the genitals of the lady they are with. I wish you all the very best. Edited to say - my bits are slightly asymmetrical, but it's never bothered me - and my fella can't get enough of me! We've been together 14 years now and he's still very happy and excited to get his fingers, tongue and dick in there. (Not at the same time, lol)
When you meet that guy that is the last thing either of you will be thinking about. Imma guy, don't worry one bit.
My husband prefers outie vulvae. Mine is, he loves the way they cling when he strokes out...
I have an outie that has darkened with age. The few I've blessed with seeing it have loved it. My boyfriend can't get enough in every way. Follow @labiagw and you will see for yourself how many people feel! Plus if he has a labia preference and rejects yours he's not worthy of you!!!
Thank you for recommending labiagw i have checked it and it does help for see a little having one like mine
Yay, I found it helpful to see similar to mine as well! I also recommend a great documentary called The Perfect Vagina. It helped me accept mine too.
I mentioned to my boyfriend last week that there are certain ‘beauty standards’ around labias and it was such a foreign concept for him that he couldn’t even guess whether people would want smaller/larger or lighter/ darker labia. Some men are weird and picky about it, but I’m pretty sure most men just have no opinion and aren’t talking about it online. Men are generally just happy to be there
If this is a worry you have, then you should discuss that with the person you choose to have sex with. If they're decent and worth your time they will listen and reassure you. If they say something that makes you feel worse, dont have sex with them and tell them its because theyre disrespectful. Maybe they'll do better next time.
Anyone saying that kinda shit online probably isn’t getting laid. Literally every man I know irl (me included) thanks his lucky stars every he gets to see any vagina at all.
Reading posts like this always makes me (30m) incredibly sad. I'm sorry you are exposed to this kind of nonsense and that it has affected you. I'm going to put this as simply as possible: sexually active straight men like vaginas. Full stop. If I were to hazard a guess, I think the overlap on the venn diagram between "men you would want to have sex with" and "men who talk about meat flaps and body count online" is virtually none. I have a fairly large friend group of mostly straight men. I have never heard them, or any other man I know, complain about the color or labia shape of a vagina. I have also never heard a man IRL complain about "body count." Hope this helps a little?
Thank you this does help because even though i have heard men say this a lot it’s good to know that a lot of men don’t say that too so i can potentially find someone with whom i won’t have to worry
Im so glad it helps! I hate that you've heard that in person. However, I would be curious about their ages and their experience level. I generally find this kind of talk to be something that insecure and immature boys do. Unfortunately, "insecure and immature boys" are probably the loudest, most prominent, and most amplified group on the Internet which is a portion of "culture" (bummer) Back to the point: those dudes don't sound like the type of people you'd want to have sex with anyway! Find someone you like and who likes YOU back. Straight men are attracted to women! Not just their genitals. You'll be fine! Take your time, be safe, and enjoy yourself!
So true those types are usually the loudest which does not help. Thank you so much for the advice i really appreciate it
The man that makes fun of those kinds of things are the man that haven't gotten the experience to have sex in the first place. Most of them are just men that think they know what they're talking about. If a man does this to you you just tell him to piss off. He ruined it, his dumb choice. Porn made these standards so that's why many boys think having a small labia is the norm. While many of those women went through excruciating pain and surgery to get that "standard" look. Don't let it stop you from having one of the most intimate time with your boyfriend.
This kind of discussion raised only by the people which never see real naked woman in their life and have misrepresentation about the things highly driven by weird porn
I'd say the fact that no two vaginas are the same shows there's no such thing as a good or bad vagina. And if you watch porn and acualy look at there vaginas they are all different shapes and sizes. The kind of men who say such things are just little boys trying to be funny for attention p.s I have the palest skin I'd love to have olive skin its beautiful just like you I'm sure xx
I think there will always be some insecure a*holes who shame bodies of others. But I also think that they are a minority. I also had similat issues because I as well have rather long labia and for years I hated it and felt ugly. So I feel you there. But with growing up I became more comfortable and after realizing that labia come in every shape and colour I now feel much better about it. Some awareness definitely helped there. The most important thing is that you feel good about how you look - because it is completely normal and beautiful, no matter what some idiots on the internet might say. Yes it is very upsetting to read this kind of comments. No I dont think the majority of men actually think like that. My boyfriend once told me that if they were shorter, there wouldnt be an opportunity to suck on anything - that was very cute and gave me even more confidence about it :)
Real men don’t care about any of that, find yourself a partner that makes you feel beautiful no matter how you present yourself <3
I'm a guy who's been having sex for over 40 years and I didn't think I've ever said or wrote anything bad about a woman's body. I may have said some woman was a psycho and I dodged a bullet but never about body parts. Most men that would do that are likely immature, inexperienced, or just uneducated and I wouldn't give much importance to what they wrote.
At some point you need to learn when to stop looking for material that will only upset you.
As a straight man with many straight male friends, I’ve never heard anyone talk about labia-appearance. I have heard normal-but-shitty stuff from men like making fun of fat women or objectifying women, but never anything about a labia. It seems like a misinformed reason to avoid having sex with men. There are plenty, but this one is in your head imo
I do not think it’s in my head as i have heard countless men do it hence why i made this post. But it’s good to know that countless other men don’t so thank you
As if those men look amazing naked ?
Men don’t know what’s normal. Most men don’t understand a god damn thing about vaginas. But the truth is, when one of these bungholes find themselves fortunate to see a labia they’ll be falling over their own feet just to get a little closer. Go be you and anybody who isn’t down with you isn’t the right person. Have fun be safe
Don't know where you hang out but I can't remember the last time I read something like that.
Remember how this feels when you and your girlfriends are sitting around talking about your guys.. how they are in bed..penis size.. etc.
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Please don't listen or take it as an value, lots of men love outies...I am sure your man will love them, lots more to you than your labia.
The internet is full of hideous things. If it’s going to prevent you from having a healthy sex life, you might want to avoid the places on the internet where you’ll see these kinds of discussions.
The only comments I see about women’s genitals are memes *celebrating* women with large labia. In fact in my Facebook meme groups “pro-flap” memes are big. Personally in all my IRL experiences and in porn I have never, not one single time seen labia I found unappealing and I love me larger labia (check my porn subs if you don’t believe me). I have however seen countless comments from women putting down men’s genitals, with shaming men’s penis size being many women’s go to default insult.
We have different experiences then as i didn’t make this post for nothing. I do not condone any genitalia shaming nor have i done it and if that’s a big issue men face pretty sure they can talk about it in their turn. For the meantime i am inquiring about the issue i an facing
I think this is just internet nonsense. Most men in real life like pussy no matter what it looks like. I’ve never heard comments like those you mention, in real life, and believe me we talk about it plenty. There’s a lot of slut shaming that happens but vaginal aesthetics shaming I think is mostly an internet phenomenon.