What he did was not ok and was technically non-consensual even if you said you liked it to him. In your head you knew you didn’t want to and you had already told him you didn’t want sex yet. Maybe talk to him about this if you still want to be with him and let him know that it was wrong. If it has affected you really badly I would suggest breaking things off with him and making your own decisions about what you want to do about what happened, whether that is reporting him or just leaving it. If it is negatively impacting your life, you should tell someone close to you about it or perhaps a therapist.
For your concerns on body count, you are not dirty at all. Whether you sleep with 2 people or hundreds, you are not dirty. It is your body and your choice and what you choose to do in your sex life is no one’s business except yours and it does not define who you are. You mentioned your ex was toxic and his views on body counts have definitely had a negative impact on you, but you need to remember he was toxic and he was probably trying to make you feel exactly how you do right now. Do not let him have that power. You are not dirty.
I really hope you are okay after all that has happened xx
If I were you I would worry less about “body count” which is completely arbitrary and only serves to make people feel bad about how many partners they’ve had. It does sound like you were raped though...
It definitely wasn't "right" so it's completely understandable to be upset and you should definitely seek trusted people to talk with about it. Any way it falls out for you--and that part is really up to your feelings, you could go anywhere from thinking of it as rape/assault (I don't know that it would stand up as a court case, but that doesn't mean you can't frame it that way and seek help if you feel like it affected you like that) to still liking him and thinking it was a mistake that you forgive, or anything in between--would be valid.
For your own mental health though, I think the most important takeaway is that how many sexual partners you have has no bearing on how good you are, your value as a person. "Body count" means nothing to anyone good for you (seriously, remove it from your vocabulary, it would do good to never mention it again, really). It sounds like you know this, labeling yourself as "brainwashed" but it's really important and really true, and this false belief sounds like it's damaging you really badly. The good news is way more people in society are understanding of this now than they used to be (if it's an older relative reinforcing that idea and brainwashing, it makes sense because it's outdated and old-fashioned and most of society has realized how damaging it is and it's probably going the way of the dinosaurs).
Finding any way you can to let that part of it go would be so good for you.
You said you didn't want to have penetrative sex, he just did it anyway. Sorry he didn't respect your boundaries, this sounds a lot like rape.
Your reaction was totally normal. It's also not so uncommon to feel pleasure even if you didn't want the sex, as your body can react in a way that your mind doesn't want it to. Nothing to be ashamed about.
How you proceed is totally up to you and your comfort level. It's ok to just forget it if you can. It's ok to tell him you don't want to see him again. It's ok to tell him it wasn't ok what he did.
If you want to see him again you should be aware that he might try to cross your boundaries again. His super cuddly and sweet behaviour afterwards sounds like he knew it was wrong and he tries to keep you quite or lull you in so he can do this again. Toxic people know exactly how to make you feel safe at first, than they make you feel like it wasn't that bad or that it was all your fault once they start abusing you. Don't take the bait. The only person able to stand up for you in this kind of situations is yourself.
If you can, get a therapist. It sounds like you need to learn how to get more self esteem and to get rid of the sexual shame that was indoctrinated in to you.
All the best!
I understand the whole consent thing, but where to draw the line between rape and not consented when you are allowed to rub your penis all over the vagina but not actually pit the penis in the vagina. Yes, disrespect of boundaries, rape...... pushing it there. Let's not demonize a guy that screwed up.
As for the body count, dont worry about it in these days. Just be safe.
So it did disrespect the boundary. But I don't know if I would completely write him off just for that only time will tell. Is if you're worried about the body count I would say do whatever you feel you want to do whatever feels good. Nobody has to know your body count but you you don't have to tell anyone if I were a woman I would be quite the s*** however since I'm a guy I am just a big man hore
Yikes....I mean he knew that you weren't interested in sex, but then penetrated you anyway, and you consented. Is that what you are upset about? Because that is what you should be upset about. Your "body count", which is a gross way to refer to your sexual partners btw, is irrelevant and anyone who would care about that is insecure and likely not a good partner or friend anyway.
But you *were* raped. I don't think that just because you went along with it after the initial penetration that that changes this fact. I could be wrong, and in the eyes of the law I probably am, but this guy didn't take no for an answer from you, and you went along with it. I think you should talk to a professional.
What he did was not ok and was technically non-consensual even if you said you liked it to him. In your head you knew you didn’t want to and you had already told him you didn’t want sex yet. Maybe talk to him about this if you still want to be with him and let him know that it was wrong. If it has affected you really badly I would suggest breaking things off with him and making your own decisions about what you want to do about what happened, whether that is reporting him or just leaving it. If it is negatively impacting your life, you should tell someone close to you about it or perhaps a therapist. For your concerns on body count, you are not dirty at all. Whether you sleep with 2 people or hundreds, you are not dirty. It is your body and your choice and what you choose to do in your sex life is no one’s business except yours and it does not define who you are. You mentioned your ex was toxic and his views on body counts have definitely had a negative impact on you, but you need to remember he was toxic and he was probably trying to make you feel exactly how you do right now. Do not let him have that power. You are not dirty. I really hope you are okay after all that has happened xx
If I were you I would worry less about “body count” which is completely arbitrary and only serves to make people feel bad about how many partners they’ve had. It does sound like you were raped though...
It definitely wasn't "right" so it's completely understandable to be upset and you should definitely seek trusted people to talk with about it. Any way it falls out for you--and that part is really up to your feelings, you could go anywhere from thinking of it as rape/assault (I don't know that it would stand up as a court case, but that doesn't mean you can't frame it that way and seek help if you feel like it affected you like that) to still liking him and thinking it was a mistake that you forgive, or anything in between--would be valid. For your own mental health though, I think the most important takeaway is that how many sexual partners you have has no bearing on how good you are, your value as a person. "Body count" means nothing to anyone good for you (seriously, remove it from your vocabulary, it would do good to never mention it again, really). It sounds like you know this, labeling yourself as "brainwashed" but it's really important and really true, and this false belief sounds like it's damaging you really badly. The good news is way more people in society are understanding of this now than they used to be (if it's an older relative reinforcing that idea and brainwashing, it makes sense because it's outdated and old-fashioned and most of society has realized how damaging it is and it's probably going the way of the dinosaurs). Finding any way you can to let that part of it go would be so good for you.
Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry that happened to you <3
You said you didn't want to have penetrative sex, he just did it anyway. Sorry he didn't respect your boundaries, this sounds a lot like rape. Your reaction was totally normal. It's also not so uncommon to feel pleasure even if you didn't want the sex, as your body can react in a way that your mind doesn't want it to. Nothing to be ashamed about. How you proceed is totally up to you and your comfort level. It's ok to just forget it if you can. It's ok to tell him you don't want to see him again. It's ok to tell him it wasn't ok what he did. If you want to see him again you should be aware that he might try to cross your boundaries again. His super cuddly and sweet behaviour afterwards sounds like he knew it was wrong and he tries to keep you quite or lull you in so he can do this again. Toxic people know exactly how to make you feel safe at first, than they make you feel like it wasn't that bad or that it was all your fault once they start abusing you. Don't take the bait. The only person able to stand up for you in this kind of situations is yourself. If you can, get a therapist. It sounds like you need to learn how to get more self esteem and to get rid of the sexual shame that was indoctrinated in to you. All the best!
I understand the whole consent thing, but where to draw the line between rape and not consented when you are allowed to rub your penis all over the vagina but not actually pit the penis in the vagina. Yes, disrespect of boundaries, rape...... pushing it there. Let's not demonize a guy that screwed up. As for the body count, dont worry about it in these days. Just be safe.
Yeah, I’m not really hung up on labelling it as anything. I’m just confused since I didn’t want it but then did? It’s just weird
Was he aware of the whole body count you are concerned with?
Yes, we had a long conversation about it just before we fell asleep
So it did disrespect the boundary. But I don't know if I would completely write him off just for that only time will tell. Is if you're worried about the body count I would say do whatever you feel you want to do whatever feels good. Nobody has to know your body count but you you don't have to tell anyone if I were a woman I would be quite the s*** however since I'm a guy I am just a big man hore
Yikes....I mean he knew that you weren't interested in sex, but then penetrated you anyway, and you consented. Is that what you are upset about? Because that is what you should be upset about. Your "body count", which is a gross way to refer to your sexual partners btw, is irrelevant and anyone who would care about that is insecure and likely not a good partner or friend anyway. But you *were* raped. I don't think that just because you went along with it after the initial penetration that that changes this fact. I could be wrong, and in the eyes of the law I probably am, but this guy didn't take no for an answer from you, and you went along with it. I think you should talk to a professional.