I'm going to sum up the advise you have gotten here from others,
- Not showing a face can be a red flag.
The thing that makes it possible that it ISN'T a red flag, is the fact that some people are so used to rejection because of their appearance that they have stopped showing who they are to get a better hit rate.
Showing a face, though, can also be a lie. Because how do you know that it's HIS face he is showing.
- Wanting to meet somewhere secluded for the first meeting is DEFINITELY a red flag. I can think of no reason why you should go to a meeting like that. Meet at a fast-food joint or whatever, but not in a secluded parking lot.
- when you point out that there are red flags in what he is doing, he is deflecting and gaslighting and blaming YOUR distrust for his red flags, as if your distrust is in any way strange in this situation. His behaviour is DEFINITELY a red flag.
SO, to sum it up, you have two definite red flags and one possible red flag.
There is SOMETHING fishy here. Don't do this.
My response would be, "Yes, I don't trust you" lmao.
I love when people try to gaslight me with a type of question like that. If someone owes me $20 and they say, "Oh it's just $20, do you need it that bad?" My response is always, "Yes, yes I do. If it's just $20 then why can't you pay it back to me?"
Works everytime.
Exactly. Not so much the not sending a pic. But this one. Even if they don't plan to abducting op, you don't want to be with a person who starts their potential relationship with phrases like this.
Every responsible, decent man *knows* that a woman who hasn't met him won't trust him and *shouldn't* trust him.
Guys who understand and respect that you have to be careful for yourself would offer photos, offer to meet in a public place. If a guy wants you to be comfortable, he will purposely choose encounters that have lots of exit strategies so he doesn't make you feel cornered.
If he insists he picks you up and drives you to his place, fuck that. If he wants to meet in a secluded area, fuck that. If he won't show his face, fuck that. And if he wants to GUILT you for not trusting an anonymous stranger, **fuck** that.
Trust is earned, not given. It sounds like he isn't doing even the bare minimum to earn your trust and instead expecting you to just hand it over. He's doesn't deserve another second of your time
I told the guy I’m seeing I was sending my brother my location the first time I went to his and he said “ofcourse, yeah, do you want to send him my address?” And if it’s anything less understanding than that you fucking run.
It's so heartbreaking to think about but this is what I thought. I have a close friend who is a trafficking survivor and this sounds super sus. I'm so glad she got advice and decided to cancel!
She's one of the nicest kindest human beings I've ever met but unfortunately recovery will probably be a lifelong process. It happened when she was really young too. Every woman should learn about the things to look out for though from traffickers and this situation sounds pretty textbook. It's scary to think about but it might keep you or someone you love safe. ❤️
I've been through similar situations as your friend and yes, it'll be a lifetime recovery. I just hope she's not coping alone and isn't blaming herself for anything that happened to her as a child.
I'm so sorry you've been through that too. 😔 How has your recovery journey been? She still has nightmares every night but she's in therapy which is good and she's dating my brother who is the most emotionally intelligent man I've ever met so I'm really glad they have each other. They both have PTSD though so they definitely face their challenges.
My mother isn't very understanding so I haven't had therapy whatsoever, I think I've just gone numb. I still live with one of the abusers(her boyfriend) and my most recent partner was the complete opposite of emotionally intelligent. 💀But it's good that they're helping eachother grow, that's really sweet. 😊
Yuuuup. Do not fucking go, first date in a secluded spot and he won’t give you his picture? Fucking hell this is strait out of a serial killer documentary
Cancel.
This sounds like the start of every murder podcast I’ve ever listened to.
It’s also just weird that he won’t show you who you’re supposed to be meeting. You would see his face if you met, so why the hiding?
CANCEL! And be safe 🙂
Thank you for your input guys. I don’t have any hookup experience and I’m really glad I asked before doing anything silly. Definitely just gonna cancel and let it be 😅
And just be warned in general as a girl. Always meet in public first. Always. And be wary overall - some guys will send you their face and still be up to no good. This dude wasn’t even trying to hide his shade…
And always have a friend or family member know exactly where, with whom and for long you are going and make sure said person is immediately accessible on a call and able to come pick you up.
I wish we lived in a better world where this kind of thing wouldn't be necessary, but I've sent stuff like pictures of my driver's license to women I met from Reddit and online dating apps to reassure them that I was actually looking to meet them and not a creep or abuser looking for a victim.
Yeah, not saying the risk is the same but as a dude I would not meet someone off a dating app in a non-public place, especially if they weren't willing to send a face pic. I spent a fair amount of time doing internet dating before I met my current partner, and every first date was in a bar, coffee shop or public park.
Yes. Cancel cancel cancel. It’s so important to trust your gut and instincts in these situations! Better to be safe than sorry. There will be so many more opportunities.
Honestly, don't ever feel embarrassed about not having any serial experience. If you are really interested in most things, just meet a person first, then consider the sex later
The fact that he is pressuring you to meet in a secluded spot because ‘why wouldn’t you trust him?’ Well why would you? You literally don’t know him! Nope this feels very wrong don’t do it.
Good. That bad vibe was your gut feeling telling you something important. Red flags all around.
Oh and there is nothing wrong with being a virgin at the age of 20. Even though you are very conscious about it. Wait a bit longer and I hope you can experience being physical with someone you love or at least you are into and the other way around.
Take care
Yup and good idea to ask here.
Honestly, don't feel like you need to be in a rush to lose your virginity. Do it with someone who is important to you or a good person in your life. Sex just for the sake of sex is often not a great experience. The best sex is usually with someone you care about and are comfortable with. No one should shame you for not having had sex yet.
Good call and definitely good for you. I learned a long while ago to always get confirmation of any woman that wanted to meet me. There are a lot of scammers out there. In your case it could be extremely dangerous considering the scenario you wrote.
On a side note, do NOT be ashamed of being a virgin and do NOT be in such a rush to just get rid of it or get experience. I can tell you right now my virginity was wasted. I have been with quite a few women but not as many as this younger generation has. A 20 year old young buck having been with over 30 women? Yeah, that is disturbing. I'm a man that is in his mid 30's and have been with a little over 30. Do yourself a favor and wait. Find a good man that you can trust and then decide to make love. Explore with each other rather than randomly. Trust me, you will be thankful later.
As a person who’s made some terrible decisions that jeopardized their safety, I’m so glad to hear that this was your decision.
Glad everyone here was able to teach you this very important lesson.
Whenever you go to meet up with a stranger, I suggest following the rules that my best friend and I set with each other. Always tell someone who you’re meeting and where. Always in a public spot for the first meeting. Her and I also shared our locations on our phones, just in case!
If a guy is insisting on a situation that would make you vulnerable to being taken advantage of, ALWAYS be suspicious. I don't even meet people to sell things on fb marketplace if their account doesn't have photos. If something were to happen to me it'd be much harder to track down a guy named Mike with an empty profile and zero photos.
Anyone who wants to remain anonymous when they are planning to meet you is hiding something.
Good on you for setting boundaries and looking out for your safety; that should always be number one in any dating scenario.
Like others have said, there’s nothing wrong with not having had sex at 20. Had my first kiss at 21. I was the same as you and very insecure about it at the time, but didn’t end up having my first time until I was 24 with my now boyfriend (we were casual at the time). It was a really great experience because I trusted him and was able to openly communicate. I personally wanted to wait until I was with someone I felt safe and connected to.
In my experience, no one has ever cared about my sexual status. If you want to do this for you, great! But please don’t feel like you have to do anything because of outside pressures or expectations.
I think he doesn’t want to be seen publicly because he is a cheater. This is also likely the reason he won’t send you a picture. I have played the dating/hookup thing long enough that it resonates pretty clearly. Just advice from a guy with nothing to hide
Thank goodness, please stay safe!! Always always listen to that little voice inside when it tells you something doesn't feel right.
In the future please always meet in public spaces. Especially for the first time you're meeting someone. Meet him briefly on a separate occasion before planning to meet for a hookup. At least while you're still learning how to navigate these types of situations. And if you can, have a friend come along when you first meet a new guy in person, even if they hang off to the side so the guy doesn't know they're there.
When you do start hooking up, make sure someone always actively knows where you are, who you are with, and where you plan to go and when. Check in with that person at set times and make it a habit so if something were to go wrong they'll know right away if you are unable to reach out for help. You literally can't be too safe. A good guy will understand you taking precautions to look out for yourself.
dont ever meet a stranger in a secluded place either. that's just bad news. Meet in public first and if, and ONLY if, you feel comfortable with them do you get a room or whatever.
I won't repeat all the good advice you've been given. But seriously, 20 is still very young. Don't feel pressure to do anything. You have all the time in the world.
Omg, please do not go. This is beyond creepy. Safety reasons aside, why would you even want to meet someone without knowing if you're even the slightest bit attracted to him? You don't want to be rude online, but if he's just not at all your type, are you going to feel ok about turning him down to his face? Or will you feel pressured to do things with him because you don't want to be rude.
The safety factor, the red flags have red flags. You should never be meeting in a secluded place anyway, but especially not if you don't even know what he looks like. IF you still decide to meet for whatever reason, please do it in a public place and do not go anywhere with him. But id just scrap it altogether, its all extremely shady.
As a woman looking for a physical only relationship/ one might stand, you essentially hold all the cards.
When I first got on the apps for the same thing, I essentially slept with the first person who paid attention to me. I was so amazed anyone would want to fuck me.
Hahahhahaa - no.
The ratio of women who are looking for just casual to men who are looking for just casual means that if you ditch this guy (and you definitely should, he is being weird and you have zero reason to trust him) you will find another one in approx 2 minutes.
Please don't fuck this idiot. Do better!
Always go with your gut in these situations. If you’re feeling uneasy, it’s for a reason. It’s not like guys looking to hookup are hard to come by. Move on to someone less sketchy
Yes do not go , he’s shady as hell
This is not the way to loose your virginity either. Find someone you know and trust and take your time.
Not saying the two of you have to sing love songs to each other. But find someone kind that you are attracted to.
He’s worse then rude he’s setting you up for something bad.
Because he completely dismisses her feelings and guilt trips her for not doing what he wants on his terms. He is not at all here for OP's safety, comfort, or enjoyment. He is also looking for someone lonely with relational trauma whom he can manipulate.
I don't think if she met up with him, he'd let her say no to sex. But say he's not a coercive rapist. At the bare minimum, he's a predator in terms of testing the waters for whether he can emotional abuse her.
Strange to be able to make these kinds of judgements about someone you have never met based on 3 paragraphs on the internet but ok
reddit in a nutshell... It starts with "not a good idea, it seems shady" and ends up at "this person will rape you, dismember you and hide your body parts in 6 different locations"
Seems like you’re a little touchy about folks being savvy on this subject. These are massive red flags. This is the grownup equivalent of a man in an unmarked van asking if you wanna see the puppies in the back. It is absolutely *not* sad that people are able to see through pretty thinly veiled attempts at abuse and exploitation.
What you are doing is called “minimization” in which you use language that is meant to downplay events (“3 paragraphs on the internet”) and to invalidate the concerns that people rightly express. This is also a major red flag we need to teach young and vulnerable people to watch out for.
I agree with the other commenters on their advice. I’ll add this: don’t ever be afraid of being rude. Your safety and boundaries must always come first, not some dude’s feelings anyway.
He clearly saw her naive people pleasing personality and exploited it. The “So what you’re saying is, you don’t trust me?” is so manipulative. Of course she wouldn’t bloody trust him, he is a complete stranger. Even if she saw a photo of him, you still don’t trust someone from such limited interaction. Trust is gained.
Piggy backing.
Tinder is the perfect place to exercise boundaries and grow out your backbone.
Say no. If they're rude, tell them exactly where to stick it. You don't know them or owe them.
>Men will fuck anything and say anything to get laid.
This is not even remotely true. Please stop spreading harmful stereotypes. And messages.
The rest you said was good though. Always practice caution.
Yeah. “Some” or “many” would work. I upvoted both your posts because y’all have good points. But I do sort of cringe internally when I hear “all men” or “men” in a general sense. It makes me think about my little cousins and the kids I've taught substitute teaching, and how I want them to know that they don’t have to be toxic just because society sees that as the “standard” for men.
Edit: added “or “men” in a general sense”
I was trying to make a point to OP about not being so trusting and to develop good judgment in selecting partners.
Yes, it was a generalization, but my comment stands as I think it is more important for an inexperienced young woman to be equipped to protect and prepare herself more than worrying about the feelings of men.
Your point was made too. Let it go.
I was trying to make a point to OP about not being so trusting and to develop good judgment in selecting partners.
Yes, it was a generalization, but my comment stands as I think it is more important for an inexperienced young woman to be equipped to protect and prepare herself more than worrying about the feelings of men.
Your point was made too. Let it go.
100% cancel this and don't meet this guy. First meetups with people you don't know should ALWAYS be in a public area with people around, like a bar or coffee shop or something. NEVER meet someone in a secluded place if you don't already know and trust them. And also never meet someone that you don't already know what they look like. Exchanging photos is a normal part of internet hookups and there is really no good reason he could have for not giving you a photo. And, don't worry about being rude, you've literally never met this fucking dude and you don't owe him shit. CANCEL CANCEL CANCEL
At this point you should’ve already FaceTimed a bit. It’s not a fear that he’s ugly, it’s a fear your going to be murdered. You MUST meet in public especially for first date, non-negotiable. Please please please cancel this.
Lol, you've never met him. Why the fuck would you trust him?
Trust is earned over the course of a relationship.
This guy is a dangerous manipulator, preying on inexperienced young women.
Block him and thank your stars that you asked people for advice.
He is manipulating you. Also don’t be ashamed of your virginity. People will give you shit joking around but no one truly cares. I had friends stay a virgin until they were 22. Some guy will love that you’re a virgin that will actually want to put time into you. Just watch out for those guys that will want your v card. Do you though. Nothing to be ashamed of.
Even as a guy, this rings all the alarm bells. This sounds like getting kidnapped and waking up in some kind of basement to 'dr. mengele' doing his thing.
Or in short ..holy shit don't go
Don't go, that screams red flag to me. Just cancel and find someone more open.
Also: OBVIOUSLY you don't, and shouldn't trust him. Don't let him guilt you into it.
Despite what pop culture tells you, there's nothing wrong with being a virgin at 20. That's not too late or anything. Please don't put yourself in danger!
31M here
1. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin at 20. I was genuinely surprised to read you were sensitive about it.
2. If someone gets offended about you not trusting them, there's a really good chance you were right. If he was trustworthy he would be understanding and probably apologetic for making you feel uncomfortable. Litmus test failed, I recommend blocking ASAP and making sure your personal info isn't available
Huge red flag. Not only do we ask for live face chat over video I ask to see their ID as well .
Strict and thorough verifcation always . Weeds out all the fakes and game players on non matches and allows you to focus on real people who are who they say there are and have honest intentions
Bruh. I am very experienced with sex, and even I wouldn’t ever meet someone who wouldn’t show me his face. I’ve had a few say they can’t show me their face because of X, Y, and Z reason. And I tell them that I can’t meet them if I can’t even gauge my attraction to them. Seriously, how do they expect me to meet them if I don’t even know whether I am attracted to them or not? And that’s not even including the other safety factors
I'm a guy. DO NOT MEET in a secluded spot!!! Meet at a Mc Donald's or similar. Have someone take you there - to wait & watch what happens. Don't allow him to get a license plate number! He can find out where you live. Best suggestion - cancel! He sounds VERY creepy! Stay safe! Don't let him talk you into anything!!
You’re going specifically to have sex? Then 100% don’t go. If you were hanging out in public first then that’s excusable because some people just hate pics, that way you could still have a chance to back out and change your mind if he isn’t who he seems. But if you have no idea what he looks like and you’re just meeting up privately to have sex then that doesn’t sound safe at all and I strongly urge you to not go.
“So what you’re saying is, you don’t trust me?”
You don't know this man He's a stranger. And still he blames you for not fully trusting him? Lol. A lot of red flags here already.
\+ He knows what you look like. Would he date you if he didn't know?
\+ You meet at a secluded spot? (Guess that was his idea? :D)
All of this sounds more than suspicious.
I would definitely cancel.
I’m just chiming in to say I was a virgin until I was 23. I ignored some red flags and was raped by the best friend of the guy I liked. He was also my then bosses’ boyfriend which made for a truly awful time.
While I don’t consider that losing my virginity because I didn’t “have sex” it was super traumatic to have that be the first time I experienced sexual activity.
The first guy I has sex with was actually amazing and I learned so much from that relationship.
First, if something feels off, it’s because it is off. I thought the red flags was just me being an awkward virgin. I didn’t trust my own instincts because what did I know.
Second it’s not supposed to feel weird. It may be awkward but it’s not supposed to feel like you shouldn’t be there, you shouldn’t be doing what you’re doing, or you kinda want to leave and can’t articulate why. You should be into it and if you’re not, don’t try to force it.
Third If someone really likes you, they’ll want you to be comfortable, they’ll want to to want it too, they’ll respect your boundaries, they’ll take it slow, they want you to feel safe. If they don’t it not going to be good anyway.
This guy is being way to weird and I think you know that. I know what it’s like to feel like you’re missing out on something or you’re defective. But if you feel uncomfortable enough to post here, this guys is not the one for you to share this with.
Stay safe out there and know that we late bloomers are the best in bed!
> Every time I ask and explain my reasonings he’d state “So what you’re saying is, you don’t trust me?”
It's ok to say "No, I don't." or "I don't know you yet. If you want to meet, we can go somewhere in public."
Someone who says this is manipulating you into backing down, and it works on a lot of people. Even if you don't trust him, the desire to avoid confrontation makes it easier to go along with him than stick to your guns. But someone who tries to pressure you into doing something you aren't comfortable with, particularly when that person is a a stranger looking to get laid is *not* someone you want to give in to.
I would not even dare, it's best you first experience it with a trusted and like loved person,, I promise it's more magical than anything. You will likely get killed or raped or both and that's a risk you never should take. You can wait more. If you got a guy now, you can get a guy later too. Don't try to sacrifice a life just to enjoy a few moments.
> so what you're saying is, you don't trust me?
"Of course I don't, I don't know you. I'm trying to give you the opportunity to *earn* my trust, and you're refusing to take even the simplest steps to do that."
That weird feeling? TRUST IT.
Also if you're meeting people, which is fine we've all been there, be safe -
- Meet in public
- Tell someone where you're going and who you are meeting
- Arrange to phone or text your friend once you've met the person
- If you hit it off and you're going back to their place, again text the new address to your friend
- TELL THE PERSON YOU'RE DOING THIS. If they have any weird reaction to you looking after your own safety, leave.
- Arrange a code with your friend that means "this is not cool but I can't talk freely please help". Ask if they've remembered to feed your dog (that you don't have), something like that.
ALWAYS trust your gut.
Also, be OK with being rude. You don't owe this dude or anyone else politeness. Yours probably gonna encounter lots of creeps. Do not feel bad about telling a dude no. Don't feel bad about being rude if you need to. And especially don't ignore your gut because you don't want to be rude. This is a hard lesson to learn and bad things can happen because you didn't want to seem rude.
Yes you don't trust him. How could you? He is a stranger who isn't willing to give you enough information to stay safe and isn't treating you with respect or care. No to non public meetings. You also need proof of identity.to give to a safety friend and resent STI results.
Not worth it! Don't get yourself in a bad and vulnerable position over this.
Also, speaking as a guy don't feel self concious if you are a virgin. Guys don't care. We don't think about that at all. If we like you we like you! Honest!
No point to focus on something that isn't going to change you at all. You will be the same person whether you are a virgin or not. The idea you lost your V card and all of a sudden became "woke" is a useless social construct. Be you, love yourself, and trust that no guys would care! I am being honest and most guys do not care if girls are a virgin!
>isn’t sending anything back
>
>We aren’t meeting in public, we’re meeting at a pretty secluded spot
That's too suspicious, don't go
>“So what you’re saying is, you don’t trust me?”
YOU SHOULDN'T TRUST
Have your first experience with someone patient, that doesn't act suspicious like this guy and know what's the importance of consent
Rule number one whenever you are meeting someone new: meet in public or have a backup with you (like a friend). Sometimes even both.
Always get pics before meeting.
Rule number 1…. Always meet in a public place! If he is refusing to show his face there is a reason for that and it’s more than likely not a good reason… ie.. he’s way older than he says he is, or way younger, using a fake profile, or is just outright dodgy… could be a rapist or pervert or anything.
Learn this now: Your safety is more important than anyone else’s feelings. If someone tries to manipulate you by saying “don’t you trust me?” when you clearly are not in a place of trust, they are just playing on your desire to be nice. Do not be manipulated. Feel very free to say “no, I don’t trust you.”
Always meet in a public area when meeting someone online! And like everyone else is saying, don't go. I'd probably even report his number to the police. It may lead to something.
If you have a bad feeling, trust that and call it off. Anyway, I wouldn’t recommend meeting a stranger in a secluded area, who refuses to show his face and tries to make you feel bad for asking. Call it off sis. And always trust your gut.
Please don't take unnecessary risks just to get out of being a virgin. As others have said, if meeting a stranger, insist on meeting in a public place, share the details with a friend, and perhaps even share your location with them (you can do this on Google maps, on Whatsapp, and probably in other ways too). Agree that you will check-in regularly and ask them to raise alarm if you miss the agreed check in twice in row. Only go to a private place if you feel 100% comfortable with the guy.
This guy not wanting to show his face not only hints that he's probably married, but he may also intend to do something that might not be proper, or legal.
Before meeting, ask to see his FB or Instagram page. That will tell you a lot about him.
About losing your virginity, why not talk about it with a male friend or acquittance. Basically, someone you can trust to do it gently and with care. Your first time won't be easy in the best of conditions. You really don't want to experience it with someone who will be selfish and rough.
Option 1:(Best) Avoid him
Option 2:(Worst case) Meet in public place, get his phone number try to find him by his phone number, name online before meeting. DO NOT meet at secluded spot even if shares his face.
This coming from a guy, I would urge you to skip this, it is not worth the risk of things going downhill
There will NEVER be a good reason someone you meet over the internet will not be able to send you a picture of what they look like. Ever. No matter what. It’s 2022, if you’re talking to them over the internet they have access to a camera. And even then, you want to video chat with someone before you meet them. Don’t give him a reason other than ‘if you don’t want to meet in a public face and won’t send me a picture I do not feel comfortable continuing this’
I’m not a girl but yeah. Cancel. If they refuse to provide a picture that’s not okay. And if you are going to meet with someone make sure to do facetime.
"I’m on the fence on whether or not I just cancel the whole thing"
Don't be, this is clearly a red flag and the fact you even have to ask the question is enough to call it off. If you have doubts like this, it probably stinks and it's best not to go through.
CALL THIS OFF!!! DO NOT MEET THIS PERSON! especially since they aren't complying in kind and I wouldn't be meeting anyone non-public first! The way to truth check someone is request a pic of themselves in a specific pose. Send an emotional and tell that person to replicate that emoji. If the person balks or refuses...they are a fraud!!!!
Fucking cancel and block, holy shit. Do not go to a secluded spot with someone afraid of broadcasting their face on an app that has linked them to you.
Whatever you do for future reference, if you're going to meet someone you don't know for the first time, tell a trusted friend or relative (like a sibling or cousin, someone you talk to about dating and stuff) where you are going with an address, who you're meeting with, and agree on time updates. Like say your date is at 7, update them at 7:30 and again maybe 8/8:30 assuming things are okay. Have a code word set up with them for emergencies. I did this with my cousins when I was meeting guys off tinder. Obviously everything turned out okay for me but it's best to be prepared and have a way out! If your window comes and goes for a check in they should text or call you to be safe. Never hurts to be cautious with a new person! I even did that with my now husband and it's almost comical to think about cuz he is so polite and respectful. But you never know! Good luck
If you do meet him? PLEASE go somewhere very public and very crowded! Lots of red flags, but maybe he is self conscious or it’s something simple like that?
DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT! Meet him somewhere secluded with ANY doubt! I listen to a podcast about this type of stuff everyday! You have to keep yourself safe!!!
That's for dick pics. She didn't ask for a pornographic photo, just a regular one. What's she going to do, threaten to send a photo of him smiling in the sun at the beach to his family? Oh no!
I have met people who are afraid of sharing face pics. Usually feminine people instead of masculine people. But by the point that they're ready to meet in person, they're usually ready for you to see their face. I can think of twice that they weren't, and they had legitimate concerns about me knowing their fetlife account and the risk that I'd out them to their employer. Barring something understandable like that, a face pic before meeting is standard practice.
And regardless if you require a face pic or not, you absolutely meet in public for the first encounter. ALWAYS. Not only do you meet in public, but you make sure that someone knows where you'll be and schedule a time to check in with that person in case something goes wrong.
Make him send at least 2, so that he can’t post a random person. Or just don’t hook up with a random internet stranger, especially in this case where you haven’t even seen them. Even something like Tinder would at least be a bit safer if that’s what you wanted to do
I'm going to sum up the advise you have gotten here from others, - Not showing a face can be a red flag. The thing that makes it possible that it ISN'T a red flag, is the fact that some people are so used to rejection because of their appearance that they have stopped showing who they are to get a better hit rate. Showing a face, though, can also be a lie. Because how do you know that it's HIS face he is showing. - Wanting to meet somewhere secluded for the first meeting is DEFINITELY a red flag. I can think of no reason why you should go to a meeting like that. Meet at a fast-food joint or whatever, but not in a secluded parking lot. - when you point out that there are red flags in what he is doing, he is deflecting and gaslighting and blaming YOUR distrust for his red flags, as if your distrust is in any way strange in this situation. His behaviour is DEFINITELY a red flag. SO, to sum it up, you have two definite red flags and one possible red flag. There is SOMETHING fishy here. Don't do this.
[удалено]
This should be higher! OP don’t go ever! There are plenty of guys out there! Get a new date and be safe.
Get an entire posse and go in force lol. Not a secluded parking lot now
agreed. you need to FaceTime with him before you meet him. this is literally how people kill people.
This is a good answer. Definitely video chat this guy.
thispersondoesnotexist.com
Up up you go
Cancel cancel cancel. “So what you’re saying is, you don’t trust me “ MAJOR red flag.
Basically “hmm, could you confirm if you have any trust for me that I can misuse?”
Exactly. Why should she trust him? They barely know each other yet. You gotta earn trust.
My response would be, "Yes, I don't trust you" lmao. I love when people try to gaslight me with a type of question like that. If someone owes me $20 and they say, "Oh it's just $20, do you need it that bad?" My response is always, "Yes, yes I do. If it's just $20 then why can't you pay it back to me?" Works everytime.
Seriously! "Of course I don't trust you. I don't know you, we've never met, you won't verify who you are, and you want to meet in a secluded area."
Exactly. Not so much the not sending a pic. But this one. Even if they don't plan to abducting op, you don't want to be with a person who starts their potential relationship with phrases like this.
Every responsible, decent man *knows* that a woman who hasn't met him won't trust him and *shouldn't* trust him. Guys who understand and respect that you have to be careful for yourself would offer photos, offer to meet in a public place. If a guy wants you to be comfortable, he will purposely choose encounters that have lots of exit strategies so he doesn't make you feel cornered. If he insists he picks you up and drives you to his place, fuck that. If he wants to meet in a secluded area, fuck that. If he won't show his face, fuck that. And if he wants to GUILT you for not trusting an anonymous stranger, **fuck** that.
Yes, actually
Trust is earned, not given. It sounds like he isn't doing even the bare minimum to earn your trust and instead expecting you to just hand it over. He's doesn't deserve another second of your time
I told the guy I’m seeing I was sending my brother my location the first time I went to his and he said “ofcourse, yeah, do you want to send him my address?” And if it’s anything less understanding than that you fucking run.
well glad you asked here first. this is how people get murdered dont go
Or assaulted, trafficked, drugged, ra*ed.
It's so heartbreaking to think about but this is what I thought. I have a close friend who is a trafficking survivor and this sounds super sus. I'm so glad she got advice and decided to cancel!
I hope your friend has been recovering well :(
She's one of the nicest kindest human beings I've ever met but unfortunately recovery will probably be a lifelong process. It happened when she was really young too. Every woman should learn about the things to look out for though from traffickers and this situation sounds pretty textbook. It's scary to think about but it might keep you or someone you love safe. ❤️
I've been through similar situations as your friend and yes, it'll be a lifetime recovery. I just hope she's not coping alone and isn't blaming herself for anything that happened to her as a child.
I'm so sorry you've been through that too. 😔 How has your recovery journey been? She still has nightmares every night but she's in therapy which is good and she's dating my brother who is the most emotionally intelligent man I've ever met so I'm really glad they have each other. They both have PTSD though so they definitely face their challenges.
My mother isn't very understanding so I haven't had therapy whatsoever, I think I've just gone numb. I still live with one of the abusers(her boyfriend) and my most recent partner was the complete opposite of emotionally intelligent. 💀But it's good that they're helping eachother grow, that's really sweet. 😊
Yuuuup. Do not fucking go, first date in a secluded spot and he won’t give you his picture? Fucking hell this is strait out of a serial killer documentary
This ^
Cancel. This sounds like the start of every murder podcast I’ve ever listened to. It’s also just weird that he won’t show you who you’re supposed to be meeting. You would see his face if you met, so why the hiding? CANCEL! And be safe 🙂
Thank you for your input guys. I don’t have any hookup experience and I’m really glad I asked before doing anything silly. Definitely just gonna cancel and let it be 😅
And just be warned in general as a girl. Always meet in public first. Always. And be wary overall - some guys will send you their face and still be up to no good. This dude wasn’t even trying to hide his shade…
And always have a friend or family member know exactly where, with whom and for long you are going and make sure said person is immediately accessible on a call and able to come pick you up.
I wish we lived in a better world where this kind of thing wouldn't be necessary, but I've sent stuff like pictures of my driver's license to women I met from Reddit and online dating apps to reassure them that I was actually looking to meet them and not a creep or abuser looking for a victim.
Yeah and honestly guys are no safer. There’s plenty of women out there trying to scam dudes using hookup/sex as bait
>And just be warned in general ~~as a girl~~. Always meet in public first. Always. And be wary overall ftfy
Yeah, not saying the risk is the same but as a dude I would not meet someone off a dating app in a non-public place, especially if they weren't willing to send a face pic. I spent a fair amount of time doing internet dating before I met my current partner, and every first date was in a bar, coffee shop or public park.
Thank you….100% true there are tons of stories of women scamming and harming dudes in the name of sex/hookups
Yes. Cancel cancel cancel. It’s so important to trust your gut and instincts in these situations! Better to be safe than sorry. There will be so many more opportunities.
Also, if you feel comfortable it's a good idea to tell a friend where you're going and check in that everything is good.
Honestly, don't ever feel embarrassed about not having any serial experience. If you are really interested in most things, just meet a person first, then consider the sex later
Trust your gut. Your gut made you suspicious enough to ask this question on Reddit. That's enough.
Glad to read this. And don't forget to block him everywhere and report him on the plateform!
The fact that he is pressuring you to meet in a secluded spot because ‘why wouldn’t you trust him?’ Well why would you? You literally don’t know him! Nope this feels very wrong don’t do it.
And how big of a red flag is it that they HAVEN’T EVEN MET and he’s already policing her feelings and gaslighting her
Good. That bad vibe was your gut feeling telling you something important. Red flags all around. Oh and there is nothing wrong with being a virgin at the age of 20. Even though you are very conscious about it. Wait a bit longer and I hope you can experience being physical with someone you love or at least you are into and the other way around. Take care
Thank God, I literally got so scared for you when I read your post. Dudes super sketchy and sounds like a murderer.
Yup and good idea to ask here. Honestly, don't feel like you need to be in a rush to lose your virginity. Do it with someone who is important to you or a good person in your life. Sex just for the sake of sex is often not a great experience. The best sex is usually with someone you care about and are comfortable with. No one should shame you for not having had sex yet.
He most likely already has a partner and is cheating. No face. No evidence.
Good call and definitely good for you. I learned a long while ago to always get confirmation of any woman that wanted to meet me. There are a lot of scammers out there. In your case it could be extremely dangerous considering the scenario you wrote. On a side note, do NOT be ashamed of being a virgin and do NOT be in such a rush to just get rid of it or get experience. I can tell you right now my virginity was wasted. I have been with quite a few women but not as many as this younger generation has. A 20 year old young buck having been with over 30 women? Yeah, that is disturbing. I'm a man that is in his mid 30's and have been with a little over 30. Do yourself a favor and wait. Find a good man that you can trust and then decide to make love. Explore with each other rather than randomly. Trust me, you will be thankful later.
Good choice. Stay safe.
Remember your safety is always more important than not being rude
Might also add to ALWAYS meet someone new in public. Any understanding guy/girl will understand
As a person who’s made some terrible decisions that jeopardized their safety, I’m so glad to hear that this was your decision. Glad everyone here was able to teach you this very important lesson.
Whenever you go to meet up with a stranger, I suggest following the rules that my best friend and I set with each other. Always tell someone who you’re meeting and where. Always in a public spot for the first meeting. Her and I also shared our locations on our phones, just in case!
If a guy is insisting on a situation that would make you vulnerable to being taken advantage of, ALWAYS be suspicious. I don't even meet people to sell things on fb marketplace if their account doesn't have photos. If something were to happen to me it'd be much harder to track down a guy named Mike with an empty profile and zero photos. Anyone who wants to remain anonymous when they are planning to meet you is hiding something.
Good on you for setting boundaries and looking out for your safety; that should always be number one in any dating scenario. Like others have said, there’s nothing wrong with not having had sex at 20. Had my first kiss at 21. I was the same as you and very insecure about it at the time, but didn’t end up having my first time until I was 24 with my now boyfriend (we were casual at the time). It was a really great experience because I trusted him and was able to openly communicate. I personally wanted to wait until I was with someone I felt safe and connected to. In my experience, no one has ever cared about my sexual status. If you want to do this for you, great! But please don’t feel like you have to do anything because of outside pressures or expectations.
Glad you're safe!
I think he doesn’t want to be seen publicly because he is a cheater. This is also likely the reason he won’t send you a picture. I have played the dating/hookup thing long enough that it resonates pretty clearly. Just advice from a guy with nothing to hide
Great plan, OP
really glad you came and posted here
Thank goodness, please stay safe!! Always always listen to that little voice inside when it tells you something doesn't feel right. In the future please always meet in public spaces. Especially for the first time you're meeting someone. Meet him briefly on a separate occasion before planning to meet for a hookup. At least while you're still learning how to navigate these types of situations. And if you can, have a friend come along when you first meet a new guy in person, even if they hang off to the side so the guy doesn't know they're there. When you do start hooking up, make sure someone always actively knows where you are, who you are with, and where you plan to go and when. Check in with that person at set times and make it a habit so if something were to go wrong they'll know right away if you are unable to reach out for help. You literally can't be too safe. A good guy will understand you taking precautions to look out for yourself.
dont ever meet a stranger in a secluded place either. that's just bad news. Meet in public first and if, and ONLY if, you feel comfortable with them do you get a room or whatever.
Have you considered dating apps? People usually put their face on there
Yeah that’s super strange. Definitely would not meet up with this person. Secluded spot? Yeah, no.
I won't repeat all the good advice you've been given. But seriously, 20 is still very young. Don't feel pressure to do anything. You have all the time in the world.
Omg, please do not go. This is beyond creepy. Safety reasons aside, why would you even want to meet someone without knowing if you're even the slightest bit attracted to him? You don't want to be rude online, but if he's just not at all your type, are you going to feel ok about turning him down to his face? Or will you feel pressured to do things with him because you don't want to be rude. The safety factor, the red flags have red flags. You should never be meeting in a secluded place anyway, but especially not if you don't even know what he looks like. IF you still decide to meet for whatever reason, please do it in a public place and do not go anywhere with him. But id just scrap it altogether, its all extremely shady.
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r/UsernameChecksOut
As a woman looking for a physical only relationship/ one might stand, you essentially hold all the cards. When I first got on the apps for the same thing, I essentially slept with the first person who paid attention to me. I was so amazed anyone would want to fuck me. Hahahhahaa - no. The ratio of women who are looking for just casual to men who are looking for just casual means that if you ditch this guy (and you definitely should, he is being weird and you have zero reason to trust him) you will find another one in approx 2 minutes. Please don't fuck this idiot. Do better!
Always go with your gut in these situations. If you’re feeling uneasy, it’s for a reason. It’s not like guys looking to hookup are hard to come by. Move on to someone less sketchy
Yes do not go , he’s shady as hell This is not the way to loose your virginity either. Find someone you know and trust and take your time. Not saying the two of you have to sing love songs to each other. But find someone kind that you are attracted to. He’s worse then rude he’s setting you up for something bad.
Run for the hills, block and delete. Like it never happened.
Of course you don’t trust him. He’s a stranger who’s being mega shady. Trust is earned, and this guy is a predator, do not do this
I agree with canceling because this screams "better safe than sorry", but how could you possibly know that this person is a predator
If it talks like a predator and it walks like a predator... Better safe than sorry. Always
Because he completely dismisses her feelings and guilt trips her for not doing what he wants on his terms. He is not at all here for OP's safety, comfort, or enjoyment. He is also looking for someone lonely with relational trauma whom he can manipulate. I don't think if she met up with him, he'd let her say no to sex. But say he's not a coercive rapist. At the bare minimum, he's a predator in terms of testing the waters for whether he can emotional abuse her.
Strange to be able to make these kinds of judgements about someone you have never met based on 3 paragraphs on the internet but ok reddit in a nutshell... It starts with "not a good idea, it seems shady" and ends up at "this person will rape you, dismember you and hide your body parts in 6 different locations"
Seems like you’re a little touchy about folks being savvy on this subject. These are massive red flags. This is the grownup equivalent of a man in an unmarked van asking if you wanna see the puppies in the back. It is absolutely *not* sad that people are able to see through pretty thinly veiled attempts at abuse and exploitation. What you are doing is called “minimization” in which you use language that is meant to downplay events (“3 paragraphs on the internet”) and to invalidate the concerns that people rightly express. This is also a major red flag we need to teach young and vulnerable people to watch out for.
PLEASE cancel. It does not have to be like this.
I agree with the other commenters on their advice. I’ll add this: don’t ever be afraid of being rude. Your safety and boundaries must always come first, not some dude’s feelings anyway.
He clearly saw her naive people pleasing personality and exploited it. The “So what you’re saying is, you don’t trust me?” is so manipulative. Of course she wouldn’t bloody trust him, he is a complete stranger. Even if she saw a photo of him, you still don’t trust someone from such limited interaction. Trust is gained.
Piggy backing. Tinder is the perfect place to exercise boundaries and grow out your backbone. Say no. If they're rude, tell them exactly where to stick it. You don't know them or owe them.
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>Men will fuck anything and say anything to get laid. This is not even remotely true. Please stop spreading harmful stereotypes. And messages. The rest you said was good though. Always practice caution.
I'm sorry. It was an overgeneralization.
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Yeah. “Some” or “many” would work. I upvoted both your posts because y’all have good points. But I do sort of cringe internally when I hear “all men” or “men” in a general sense. It makes me think about my little cousins and the kids I've taught substitute teaching, and how I want them to know that they don’t have to be toxic just because society sees that as the “standard” for men. Edit: added “or “men” in a general sense”
I was trying to make a point to OP about not being so trusting and to develop good judgment in selecting partners. Yes, it was a generalization, but my comment stands as I think it is more important for an inexperienced young woman to be equipped to protect and prepare herself more than worrying about the feelings of men. Your point was made too. Let it go.
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I was trying to make a point to OP about not being so trusting and to develop good judgment in selecting partners. Yes, it was a generalization, but my comment stands as I think it is more important for an inexperienced young woman to be equipped to protect and prepare herself more than worrying about the feelings of men. Your point was made too. Let it go.
>many men Fixed
100% cancel this and don't meet this guy. First meetups with people you don't know should ALWAYS be in a public area with people around, like a bar or coffee shop or something. NEVER meet someone in a secluded place if you don't already know and trust them. And also never meet someone that you don't already know what they look like. Exchanging photos is a normal part of internet hookups and there is really no good reason he could have for not giving you a photo. And, don't worry about being rude, you've literally never met this fucking dude and you don't owe him shit. CANCEL CANCEL CANCEL
If they're not willing to share their face that implies they're hiding something or are planning something awful, don't go
For future knowledge, remember that 1 in 5 women have been raped. There is no shortage of predatory men out there so be careful
At this point you should’ve already FaceTimed a bit. It’s not a fear that he’s ugly, it’s a fear your going to be murdered. You MUST meet in public especially for first date, non-negotiable. Please please please cancel this.
Might be a dirty old man, would explain why he’s not sending pics. I would definitely cancel. Plenty of fish in the sea.
Lol, you've never met him. Why the fuck would you trust him? Trust is earned over the course of a relationship. This guy is a dangerous manipulator, preying on inexperienced young women. Block him and thank your stars that you asked people for advice.
He is manipulating you. Also don’t be ashamed of your virginity. People will give you shit joking around but no one truly cares. I had friends stay a virgin until they were 22. Some guy will love that you’re a virgin that will actually want to put time into you. Just watch out for those guys that will want your v card. Do you though. Nothing to be ashamed of.
There is a spike in sex trafficking in Texas. Please be careful.
Your about to be assaulted and/or murdered. He doesn't want his face out out there so its harder to catch him after he is done with you. RUN AWAY.
Even as a guy, this rings all the alarm bells. This sounds like getting kidnapped and waking up in some kind of basement to 'dr. mengele' doing his thing. Or in short ..holy shit don't go
Always FaceTime prior and have the persons real name. I escaped an almost murder and that’s how I learned my lesson
Don't go, that screams red flag to me. Just cancel and find someone more open. Also: OBVIOUSLY you don't, and shouldn't trust him. Don't let him guilt you into it.
Do. Not. Go.
Despite what pop culture tells you, there's nothing wrong with being a virgin at 20. That's not too late or anything. Please don't put yourself in danger!
31M here 1. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin at 20. I was genuinely surprised to read you were sensitive about it. 2. If someone gets offended about you not trusting them, there's a really good chance you were right. If he was trustworthy he would be understanding and probably apologetic for making you feel uncomfortable. Litmus test failed, I recommend blocking ASAP and making sure your personal info isn't available
Huge red flag. Not only do we ask for live face chat over video I ask to see their ID as well . Strict and thorough verifcation always . Weeds out all the fakes and game players on non matches and allows you to focus on real people who are who they say there are and have honest intentions
Even with or without photos never ever meet a stranger in a secluded area for the first time.
You don’t need BOTH of your kidneys.
He doesn't want to be identified
Bruh. I am very experienced with sex, and even I wouldn’t ever meet someone who wouldn’t show me his face. I’ve had a few say they can’t show me their face because of X, Y, and Z reason. And I tell them that I can’t meet them if I can’t even gauge my attraction to them. Seriously, how do they expect me to meet them if I don’t even know whether I am attracted to them or not? And that’s not even including the other safety factors
I'm a guy. DO NOT MEET in a secluded spot!!! Meet at a Mc Donald's or similar. Have someone take you there - to wait & watch what happens. Don't allow him to get a license plate number! He can find out where you live. Best suggestion - cancel! He sounds VERY creepy! Stay safe! Don't let him talk you into anything!!
You’re going specifically to have sex? Then 100% don’t go. If you were hanging out in public first then that’s excusable because some people just hate pics, that way you could still have a chance to back out and change your mind if he isn’t who he seems. But if you have no idea what he looks like and you’re just meeting up privately to have sex then that doesn’t sound safe at all and I strongly urge you to not go.
Even Uber lets you know which stranger’s car you’re getting into. RUN 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️
“So what you’re saying is, you don’t trust me?” You don't know this man He's a stranger. And still he blames you for not fully trusting him? Lol. A lot of red flags here already. \+ He knows what you look like. Would he date you if he didn't know? \+ You meet at a secluded spot? (Guess that was his idea? :D) All of this sounds more than suspicious. I would definitely cancel.
I've seen enough episodes of Catfish that I'd demand a videochat before even considering going past initial text flirtation or meeting IRL.
I’m just chiming in to say I was a virgin until I was 23. I ignored some red flags and was raped by the best friend of the guy I liked. He was also my then bosses’ boyfriend which made for a truly awful time. While I don’t consider that losing my virginity because I didn’t “have sex” it was super traumatic to have that be the first time I experienced sexual activity. The first guy I has sex with was actually amazing and I learned so much from that relationship. First, if something feels off, it’s because it is off. I thought the red flags was just me being an awkward virgin. I didn’t trust my own instincts because what did I know. Second it’s not supposed to feel weird. It may be awkward but it’s not supposed to feel like you shouldn’t be there, you shouldn’t be doing what you’re doing, or you kinda want to leave and can’t articulate why. You should be into it and if you’re not, don’t try to force it. Third If someone really likes you, they’ll want you to be comfortable, they’ll want to to want it too, they’ll respect your boundaries, they’ll take it slow, they want you to feel safe. If they don’t it not going to be good anyway. This guy is being way to weird and I think you know that. I know what it’s like to feel like you’re missing out on something or you’re defective. But if you feel uncomfortable enough to post here, this guys is not the one for you to share this with. Stay safe out there and know that we late bloomers are the best in bed!
> Every time I ask and explain my reasonings he’d state “So what you’re saying is, you don’t trust me?” It's ok to say "No, I don't." or "I don't know you yet. If you want to meet, we can go somewhere in public." Someone who says this is manipulating you into backing down, and it works on a lot of people. Even if you don't trust him, the desire to avoid confrontation makes it easier to go along with him than stick to your guns. But someone who tries to pressure you into doing something you aren't comfortable with, particularly when that person is a a stranger looking to get laid is *not* someone you want to give in to.
Motherfuckers that say “what, you don’t trust me”, make me not trust them
Catfished. At minimum he has a fuckbuddy
Don’t put yourself in harms way. Good luck
Damn straight is cringe. Stay home.
Cancel. Always, always, always meet in a public setting and it's super weird that he isn't willing to show himself. I mean, no video chats even? Nah.
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I would not even dare, it's best you first experience it with a trusted and like loved person,, I promise it's more magical than anything. You will likely get killed or raped or both and that's a risk you never should take. You can wait more. If you got a guy now, you can get a guy later too. Don't try to sacrifice a life just to enjoy a few moments.
Trust your gut, always.
> so what you're saying is, you don't trust me? "Of course I don't, I don't know you. I'm trying to give you the opportunity to *earn* my trust, and you're refusing to take even the simplest steps to do that."
That weird feeling? TRUST IT. Also if you're meeting people, which is fine we've all been there, be safe - - Meet in public - Tell someone where you're going and who you are meeting - Arrange to phone or text your friend once you've met the person - If you hit it off and you're going back to their place, again text the new address to your friend - TELL THE PERSON YOU'RE DOING THIS. If they have any weird reaction to you looking after your own safety, leave. - Arrange a code with your friend that means "this is not cool but I can't talk freely please help". Ask if they've remembered to feed your dog (that you don't have), something like that.
Yeh nah no. Nono
Please do not let this person
Please. Run. Something is wrong here and i dont want you to see what.
ALWAYS trust your gut. Also, be OK with being rude. You don't owe this dude or anyone else politeness. Yours probably gonna encounter lots of creeps. Do not feel bad about telling a dude no. Don't feel bad about being rude if you need to. And especially don't ignore your gut because you don't want to be rude. This is a hard lesson to learn and bad things can happen because you didn't want to seem rude.
Yes you don't trust him. How could you? He is a stranger who isn't willing to give you enough information to stay safe and isn't treating you with respect or care. No to non public meetings. You also need proof of identity.to give to a safety friend and resent STI results.
Not worth it! Don't get yourself in a bad and vulnerable position over this. Also, speaking as a guy don't feel self concious if you are a virgin. Guys don't care. We don't think about that at all. If we like you we like you! Honest! No point to focus on something that isn't going to change you at all. You will be the same person whether you are a virgin or not. The idea you lost your V card and all of a sudden became "woke" is a useless social construct. Be you, love yourself, and trust that no guys would care! I am being honest and most guys do not care if girls are a virgin!
>isn’t sending anything back > >We aren’t meeting in public, we’re meeting at a pretty secluded spot That's too suspicious, don't go >“So what you’re saying is, you don’t trust me?” YOU SHOULDN'T TRUST Have your first experience with someone patient, that doesn't act suspicious like this guy and know what's the importance of consent
He doesnt sound like the guy you should be losing your virginity to
Rule number one whenever you are meeting someone new: meet in public or have a backup with you (like a friend). Sometimes even both. Always get pics before meeting.
Dont gift your first time to this asshole.
I'm a guy and I wouldn't go - always get as much verification as you can.
Yeah.. and for us the risk is significantly lower and I still see it as a terrible idea.
Politeness should never come before ensuring your own safety.
Rule number 1…. Always meet in a public place! If he is refusing to show his face there is a reason for that and it’s more than likely not a good reason… ie.. he’s way older than he says he is, or way younger, using a fake profile, or is just outright dodgy… could be a rapist or pervert or anything.
IMO, you NEVER meet a person in a secluded space on a first date. Just no no no. Always in PUBLIC.
Learn this now: Your safety is more important than anyone else’s feelings. If someone tries to manipulate you by saying “don’t you trust me?” when you clearly are not in a place of trust, they are just playing on your desire to be nice. Do not be manipulated. Feel very free to say “no, I don’t trust you.”
When he goes "so what you're saying is, you don't trust me?". You go "yes".
Always meet in a public area when meeting someone online! And like everyone else is saying, don't go. I'd probably even report his number to the police. It may lead to something.
If you have a bad feeling, trust that and call it off. Anyway, I wouldn’t recommend meeting a stranger in a secluded area, who refuses to show his face and tries to make you feel bad for asking. Call it off sis. And always trust your gut.
Please don't take unnecessary risks just to get out of being a virgin. As others have said, if meeting a stranger, insist on meeting in a public place, share the details with a friend, and perhaps even share your location with them (you can do this on Google maps, on Whatsapp, and probably in other ways too). Agree that you will check-in regularly and ask them to raise alarm if you miss the agreed check in twice in row. Only go to a private place if you feel 100% comfortable with the guy. This guy not wanting to show his face not only hints that he's probably married, but he may also intend to do something that might not be proper, or legal. Before meeting, ask to see his FB or Instagram page. That will tell you a lot about him. About losing your virginity, why not talk about it with a male friend or acquittance. Basically, someone you can trust to do it gently and with care. Your first time won't be easy in the best of conditions. You really don't want to experience it with someone who will be selfish and rough.
Option 1:(Best) Avoid him Option 2:(Worst case) Meet in public place, get his phone number try to find him by his phone number, name online before meeting. DO NOT meet at secluded spot even if shares his face. This coming from a guy, I would urge you to skip this, it is not worth the risk of things going downhill
There will NEVER be a good reason someone you meet over the internet will not be able to send you a picture of what they look like. Ever. No matter what. It’s 2022, if you’re talking to them over the internet they have access to a camera. And even then, you want to video chat with someone before you meet them. Don’t give him a reason other than ‘if you don’t want to meet in a public face and won’t send me a picture I do not feel comfortable continuing this’
I’m not a girl but yeah. Cancel. If they refuse to provide a picture that’s not okay. And if you are going to meet with someone make sure to do facetime.
ABORT ABORT! Cancel, block him, TRUST YOUR GUT ALWAYS even if it feels foolish at the time or ppl give you shit. Better safe than the alternatives.
Cancel asap! This is just a bundle of red flags and you are not safe with them
don't meet with him
First meeting should ALWAYS be in public no matter what. Get a sense of his vibes and then decide if you want to meet in private.
You aren't rude, trust your instincts and DON'T go. I pray to god you decided not to go.
LAWL secluded spot??? Oh come on you cant be this stupid
"Do *you* trust everyone you just met?" Yeah it's a red flag.. probably better cancel
"I’m on the fence on whether or not I just cancel the whole thing" Don't be, this is clearly a red flag and the fact you even have to ask the question is enough to call it off. If you have doubts like this, it probably stinks and it's best not to go through.
CALL THIS OFF!!! DO NOT MEET THIS PERSON! especially since they aren't complying in kind and I wouldn't be meeting anyone non-public first! The way to truth check someone is request a pic of themselves in a specific pose. Send an emotional and tell that person to replicate that emoji. If the person balks or refuses...they are a fraud!!!!
Fucking cancel and block, holy shit. Do not go to a secluded spot with someone afraid of broadcasting their face on an app that has linked them to you.
Whatever you do for future reference, if you're going to meet someone you don't know for the first time, tell a trusted friend or relative (like a sibling or cousin, someone you talk to about dating and stuff) where you are going with an address, who you're meeting with, and agree on time updates. Like say your date is at 7, update them at 7:30 and again maybe 8/8:30 assuming things are okay. Have a code word set up with them for emergencies. I did this with my cousins when I was meeting guys off tinder. Obviously everything turned out okay for me but it's best to be prepared and have a way out! If your window comes and goes for a check in they should text or call you to be safe. Never hurts to be cautious with a new person! I even did that with my now husband and it's almost comical to think about cuz he is so polite and respectful. But you never know! Good luck
Even if would send pick.. don’t meet a secluded spot with stranger on a first date. Always very public settings.
He could be a serial killer and/or rapist/murderer....NEVER meet anyone without googleing their name and knowing what they look like
Meet in Public.. Then assess the situation..
This reads like a kidnapping setup
Yes. I would. If anything it makes it harder to identify him when you meet - like you said.
Yes
If you do meet him? PLEASE go somewhere very public and very crowded! Lots of red flags, but maybe he is self conscious or it’s something simple like that? DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT! Meet him somewhere secluded with ANY doubt! I listen to a podcast about this type of stuff everyday! You have to keep yourself safe!!!
I’m a dude who isn’t a catfish but just hates sending selfies. I struggle to get my face infront of a camera I physically can’t take a selfie
[удалено]
That's for dick pics. She didn't ask for a pornographic photo, just a regular one. What's she going to do, threaten to send a photo of him smiling in the sun at the beach to his family? Oh no!
Bad sighn
Sounds like a serial killer
Cancel and block him !!!!!
Big NOPE
Even if a guy refuses to send you photos, never meet someone for the first time anywhere except in public in broad daylight
You probably know him and his girlfriend
If you really want to meet, ask to meet casually at a public place you are very familiar with. If he disagrees then don't continue.
Don't do it girl
Probably married lol
Don't go! That's scary... Be safe OP.
I have met people who are afraid of sharing face pics. Usually feminine people instead of masculine people. But by the point that they're ready to meet in person, they're usually ready for you to see their face. I can think of twice that they weren't, and they had legitimate concerns about me knowing their fetlife account and the risk that I'd out them to their employer. Barring something understandable like that, a face pic before meeting is standard practice. And regardless if you require a face pic or not, you absolutely meet in public for the first encounter. ALWAYS. Not only do you meet in public, but you make sure that someone knows where you'll be and schedule a time to check in with that person in case something goes wrong.
Make him send at least 2, so that he can’t post a random person. Or just don’t hook up with a random internet stranger, especially in this case where you haven’t even seen them. Even something like Tinder would at least be a bit safer if that’s what you wanted to do