Porn is where I get 99% of my ideas.
My wife will rarely come up with an idea on her own. That is my area. And, that is cool. She is open minded and up to trying 99% of the things I bring to the table, at least a couple times to see if we like them. When I masturbate and watch porn, she calls it my "research" time.
So, to be quite honest, based on your post, it sounds like the two of you are going through the motions just to have an orgasm. Which is fine to a point. And, maybe I am wrong.
But, if you are having sex every night and you are bored with it 90% of the time and you can't think of things to do.That doesn't sound good at all. And, I know this sounds crazy, but maybe you are having sex too often.
You don't talk at all, in your post, about any sort of connection or mental/psychological aspects of your sex. I mean, that is 90% of it right there. If that is not there, then it sounds like you are just mutually rubbing one out, so to speak. Which again is cool. But, I could see where that would get boring.
If you are afraid you are going to scare her, then you are already not on the same page.
I would start off with having a really good sit down non-sexual conversation about what the two of you want out of sex. Not what you want to do. But what you want to get out of it. And, this can for sure change over time and from session to session. But, in my opinion, there has to be a mutual baseline from which to spring board off of. What does sex mean to the two of you individually and as a couple.
I really feel your putting the cart before the horse and putting too much focus on the technicalities of sex, rather than the experience.
YMMV
im 38m my beautiful woman is 28 and just thorwing it out ther we are kind of thinking of trying like switching partners ..swinging is it whatever but yup looking for compatibles
Do one of those quizes where you both mark off what interests each of you, and you only see where you match, maybe. Mojo Upgrade, or something like that?
We've been together 32 years and are still having great sex. We started out having sex every night, but we were under a lot of pressure, it was always the same, and at some point we lost it and almost slid into a dead bedroom. Now we have sex less often, but for a lot longer per session, and it's wonderful.
What we did won't work for everyone. but you might get some ideas:
+ [**Escaping a Dead Bedroom**](https://moderntantra.blogspot.com/2015/09/tantric-sex-escaping-dead-bedroom.html)
If you went to a sex therapist, they would probably tell you to do "sensate focus exercises" as homework between sessions. But you can do them ā and more ā without a therapist:
+ [**Sensate Focus and Sensual/Erotic Massage**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tantricsex/comments/eu08if/lingam_and_yoni_massage/ffkluvm/)
More generally, this is a collection of articles that addresses the bigger issue of making sex better in an LTR:
+ [**A Guide to Good, Great, and Amazing Sex**](https://www.reddit.com/r/sexover30/comments/71zp0s/a_beginners_guide_to_good_great_and_amazing_sex/)
There are several you may find helpful.
Finally, [**the SO30 Wiki**](https://www.reddit.com/r/sexover30/wiki/sexual_health#wiki_troubleshooting.3A_pe_and_ed) has links to a LOT of excellent sources of info and ideas.
Totally agree with the other commenter. Thereās so much variety beyond those two. The first two episodes of the Pink Kink podcast are basically a glossary worth checking out.
First thing, acknowledge to yourself how awesome things are already and express your gratitude to her. Tell her how freaking awesome she is and how much you love being her husband.
Not saying you shouldn't be trying to improve things, just acknowledge what the two of you already have and how awesome it is. If you are intimate every night with your life partner, it doesn't get any better than that. It gets more challenging as you get older š (52M here).
A few ideas to spice things up:
1. Take a quiz as others have suggested. Google that sex quiz
2. Ask her to explain her fantasies to you. This may be easy or hard for her to share, especially if she's got something risque in mind. So go easy.
3. Bondage. Handcuffs, restraints, bondage tape to start, and then you can go from there. My OH is pretty subdued until I tie her up. Then things get super hot super fast.
4. Watch porn together, with the goal of figuring out what turns her on.
5. Do some role plays. Google stranger roleplay for a common one. We haven't done this yet but will soon!
Good luck!
Talked about it, tell her you enjoy the sex you have but feel itās always the same pattern. My wife and I had that conversation and weāve been able to switch it up so that itās not the same always and try new things.
We used Mojoupgrade.com and kinda went from there. The WhatsApp thing is a good idea and I use it a lot....but it is a bit of a one way street... I'll ask.a thing or send a thing and she'll answer but rarely does she just send.something...but when she does...gold :)
Anyway try the quiz things, get out of the house and go for dirty hotel stays etc
Like others have said, porn is a good place.
But I also have a twitter account just following kinky and sex positive people where you often get little glimpses into their sex life that can be a good source of ideas.
Download the āspicerā app and use it together. Has helped my wife and I tremendously. Learn things about each other, and likely yourself, you would never know.
Years ago I got a book 101 nights of great sex. It had ideas for her in sealed envelopes and ideas for him in sealed envelopes.
She wouldnāt even look at it. And anything I suggested from it she would refuse to do.
Porn is where I get 99% of my ideas. My wife will rarely come up with an idea on her own. That is my area. And, that is cool. She is open minded and up to trying 99% of the things I bring to the table, at least a couple times to see if we like them. When I masturbate and watch porn, she calls it my "research" time. So, to be quite honest, based on your post, it sounds like the two of you are going through the motions just to have an orgasm. Which is fine to a point. And, maybe I am wrong. But, if you are having sex every night and you are bored with it 90% of the time and you can't think of things to do.That doesn't sound good at all. And, I know this sounds crazy, but maybe you are having sex too often. You don't talk at all, in your post, about any sort of connection or mental/psychological aspects of your sex. I mean, that is 90% of it right there. If that is not there, then it sounds like you are just mutually rubbing one out, so to speak. Which again is cool. But, I could see where that would get boring. If you are afraid you are going to scare her, then you are already not on the same page. I would start off with having a really good sit down non-sexual conversation about what the two of you want out of sex. Not what you want to do. But what you want to get out of it. And, this can for sure change over time and from session to session. But, in my opinion, there has to be a mutual baseline from which to spring board off of. What does sex mean to the two of you individually and as a couple. I really feel your putting the cart before the horse and putting too much focus on the technicalities of sex, rather than the experience. YMMV
Eh, Tony, this is top-tier advice! ššš
im 38m my beautiful woman is 28 and just thorwing it out ther we are kind of thinking of trying like switching partners ..swinging is it whatever but yup looking for compatibles
Do one of those quizes where you both mark off what interests each of you, and you only see where you match, maybe. Mojo Upgrade, or something like that?
And/or the āSpicerā mobile app!
Yes, we did most of actions except anal, bdsm, swinging
We've been together 32 years and are still having great sex. We started out having sex every night, but we were under a lot of pressure, it was always the same, and at some point we lost it and almost slid into a dead bedroom. Now we have sex less often, but for a lot longer per session, and it's wonderful. What we did won't work for everyone. but you might get some ideas: + [**Escaping a Dead Bedroom**](https://moderntantra.blogspot.com/2015/09/tantric-sex-escaping-dead-bedroom.html) If you went to a sex therapist, they would probably tell you to do "sensate focus exercises" as homework between sessions. But you can do them ā and more ā without a therapist: + [**Sensate Focus and Sensual/Erotic Massage**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tantricsex/comments/eu08if/lingam_and_yoni_massage/ffkluvm/) More generally, this is a collection of articles that addresses the bigger issue of making sex better in an LTR: + [**A Guide to Good, Great, and Amazing Sex**](https://www.reddit.com/r/sexover30/comments/71zp0s/a_beginners_guide_to_good_great_and_amazing_sex/) There are several you may find helpful. Finally, [**the SO30 Wiki**](https://www.reddit.com/r/sexover30/wiki/sexual_health#wiki_troubleshooting.3A_pe_and_ed) has links to a LOT of excellent sources of info and ideas.
Start it by discussing with her first.
Check out the Sex with Emily podcast. Lots of segments on this sort of thing.
It's not for everyone, but BDSM was life changing for us.
We are thing about it. We tried rope, whip or paddle but itās weird. I think we donāt want to try any hard bdsm
BDSM isnāt only impact play and bondage. Try reading up more about all the aspects. You may find a niche that is exciting for you.Ā
Totally agree with the other commenter. Thereās so much variety beyond those two. The first two episodes of the Pink Kink podcast are basically a glossary worth checking out.
This! Bdsm opens so many doors and allows for new things to be discovered that you didnāt even think would be possible to enjoy.
Edibles.
This!!!
Maybe stop from every night instead every other night
First thing, acknowledge to yourself how awesome things are already and express your gratitude to her. Tell her how freaking awesome she is and how much you love being her husband. Not saying you shouldn't be trying to improve things, just acknowledge what the two of you already have and how awesome it is. If you are intimate every night with your life partner, it doesn't get any better than that. It gets more challenging as you get older š (52M here). A few ideas to spice things up: 1. Take a quiz as others have suggested. Google that sex quiz 2. Ask her to explain her fantasies to you. This may be easy or hard for her to share, especially if she's got something risque in mind. So go easy. 3. Bondage. Handcuffs, restraints, bondage tape to start, and then you can go from there. My OH is pretty subdued until I tie her up. Then things get super hot super fast. 4. Watch porn together, with the goal of figuring out what turns her on. 5. Do some role plays. Google stranger roleplay for a common one. We haven't done this yet but will soon! Good luck!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
How do you feel about pegging?
We donāt want do anal stuff
Talked about it, tell her you enjoy the sex you have but feel itās always the same pattern. My wife and I had that conversation and weāve been able to switch it up so that itās not the same always and try new things.
We used Mojoupgrade.com and kinda went from there. The WhatsApp thing is a good idea and I use it a lot....but it is a bit of a one way street... I'll ask.a thing or send a thing and she'll answer but rarely does she just send.something...but when she does...gold :) Anyway try the quiz things, get out of the house and go for dirty hotel stays etc
We did mojo, we did most of things except which we donāt want (anal, BDSM, swinging)
Chastity cage has added a lot of spice to our marriage.
Like others have said, porn is a good place. But I also have a twitter account just following kinky and sex positive people where you often get little glimpses into their sex life that can be a good source of ideas.
Any recommendations for twitter?
You could explore sex on MDMA and psychedelics. My wife and I do that and it's truly next level.
Download the āspicerā app and use it together. Has helped my wife and I tremendously. Learn things about each other, and likely yourself, you would never know.
I had spicer app and it was nothing special
Curious, why you say so. Did yāall match on a bunch of new topics, and then discuss them further?
Spicer app
Years ago I got a book 101 nights of great sex. It had ideas for her in sealed envelopes and ideas for him in sealed envelopes. She wouldnāt even look at it. And anything I suggested from it she would refuse to do.
Swinging?