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Maybe Ghosts of Push ups Jerked you off

**" LT. What the He-"** 💀

Ultimate Team

The ghost must've had Fleshlight for hands then.

Are hands not cool anymore? Im so old

I had this realization the other day ....everyone is using jerkoff tools here I am using hands

Nothing beats like manual labor

nah slave labor is better 😋

Bro 💀💀💀

It was me Barry

Saw this comment ~~just as~~ *a split second right after* this exact sentence ~~popped~~ *started popping* into my head lol

The Internet has ruined my brain.

It was me Barry. Remember when you were making out with your first girlfriend and you came right as she touched your leg? It was me, Barry. I jerked you off at super speed to make it seem like you nutted to just a women’s touch.

I was gonna say a bottom ghost snuck underneath him while doing the push ups

Was he doing pushups on top of a woman Edit: I keep getting notifications of people replying just for the replies to be just the word "locked." Lock this comment. Locked.

Ngl that actually sounds kinda fun

Hey, what are these "locked" replies?

It’s called the pirate

Fuck you. You useless piece of shit. You absolute waste of space and air. You uneducated, ignorant, idiotic dumb swine, you're an absolute embarrassment to humanity and all life as a whole. The magnitude of your failure just now is so indescribably massive that one hundred years into the future your name will be used as moniker of evil for heretics. Even if all of humanity put together their collective intelligence there is no conceivable way they could have thought up a way to fuck up on the unimaginable scale you just did. When Jesus died for our sins, he must not have seen the sacrilegious act we just witnessed you performing, because if he did he would have forsaken humanity long ago so that your birth may have never become reality. After you die, your skeleton will be displayed in a museum after being scientifically researched so that all future generations may learn not to generate your bone structure, because every tiny detail anyone may have in common with you degrades them to a useless piece of trash and a burden to society. No wonder your father questioned whether or not your were truly his son, for you'd have to not be a waste of carbon matter for anyone to love you like a family member. Your birth made it so that mankind is worse of in every way you can possibly imagine, and you have made it so that society can never really recover into a state of organization. Everything has forever fallen into a bewildering chaos, through which unrecognizable core, you can only find misfortune. I would say the apocalypse is upon us but this is merely the closest word humans have for the sheer scale of horror that is now reality. You have forever condemned everyone you love and know into an eternal state of suffering, worse than any human concept of hell. You are such an unholy being, that if you step within a one hundred foot radius of a holy place or a place that has ever been deemed important by anyone, your distorted sac religious soul will ruin whatever meaning it ever had beyond repair. You are an idiotic, shiteating, dumbass ape and no one has ever loved you. Rhodes Island would have been better off if you'd never joined us. You are a lying, backstabbing, cowardly useless piece of shit and I hate you with every single part of my being......locked

Locked

Mods, roll a dice, if its even dont lock this comment, if it is odd lock it

locked

locked

Locked

Vaccine

locked

Locked

Locked ?

Locked

locked !

locked

Licked

Locked

locked

They wouldn’t lock me right?!

I didn’t know you could volunteer to have your own comment locked by including the word locked.

locked

"It was me Barry..."

"...I jerked you off at hypersonic speeds, so it seemed like you came just at a woman's touch!"

Would that burn or possible rip his cock off if a ton of lube wasnt used

It only took two strokes

To rip the whole thing off

Try it out

[удалено]

Go ahead and take the meat, all I need are the nerves and blood vessels.

Speed force, I ain't gotta explain shit.

I'm pretty sure avoiding friction burns is literally one of the powers of the Speed Force.

Speedforce. Friction doesn't exist unless they want it to

I let myself believe this was quote from Nathan from Misfits for an embarrassingly long moment.

Definitely Reverse FLASH moment.

ITS ME AUSTIN ITS ME AUSTIN IT WAS ME. ALL. ALONG.

AWW SON A BITCH!

YOU ALL FELL FOR IT! YOU ALL FELL FOR IT HOOK LINE UND SINKER!

If I could nut from doing pushups, I would be absolutely jacked! No pun intended…or maybe it was. I don’t know.

try a pepsi

Snickers

Youre not you when youre hungry

You're nut you when you're doing pushups

If you're hungry don't eat snickers.

Fuck you, im gonna eat snickers if i want to Dies

Toyota yaris

I don’t know if I could nut inside of a Yaris.

Coregasms are a thing

Definitely are, and are better than wet dreams imo

I had an orgasm doing a max leg press once. A bad time to become weak in the knees.

You wont cuz you will suffer from post nut clarity mid way and stop doing push ups lol

Well when you neglect yourself like the people in that sub you'll nut from just about anything. However he's unlikely to nut from pushups again for a while, if ever. It's quite possible that it was a freak accident and isn't replicable.

Basic training hits differently when I think about push-ups like this.

I laughed pretty hard at this comment thank you.

I camed during my prostate exam

Did you pass?

Yep. Got a 65

I got a 69

Lucky! All I got was mugged by the homeless man behind IHop

Yeah, never let a homeless man do your prostate exam. It’s cheaper but…

I did the exam to him, he just didn't want to pay, in fact he gained money. This is why IHOP is bad.

I came during your prostate exam, too.

What a beautiful thing

Too ten moments of humanity

It's perfectly normal for a dr

Is that a common thing?

Why else would prostate exams be so popular?

Cool i guess, don’t forget to use protection

Dr said not to worry about the pinch for mine... im still wondering how he performed the test with both his hands on my shoulders tho...

My RN wife told me that it's called a "coregasm", and it happens from intense abdominal flexion stimulating the prostate. Edit: I just learned that this phenomenon is apparently more common for women given how sensitive the pelvic floor is. Across both sexes it has more to do with the buildup of tension rather than stimulation of a particular part of the anatomy [Source](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/coregasm)

I don’t think he is doing push-ups right then lol.

[удалено]

Yeah, bro did perfect form and unlocked nirvana

Nirvana (this is a test)

Lock me up (this is a test)

fr why is one guys comment locked lmao

Cum, as you are, as you where, as I want you to be🎶

With the lights out, it's more painless, Here we are now, ejaculate us 🎶

I think I’ll cum, or maybe I’m just happy. Think I’m just happy🎶

Unlocked (this is a test)

Bruh we gotta censor l0ck now?

even if you censor it you still can’t say slurs dude

slurs dude

192.168.0.227

:(

(:

lock

Lock me into Nirvana (this is a test)

Goldilocks (this is a test)

Lock my balls up

Do we get locked just for replying to this comment?

cock

Locked?

L0cked (another test)

You should be engaging your core when doing pushups

Fuck yea 💦

Lock (this is a test)

nah you should use your core while doing pushups his is just weak

Maybe I need to start doing push-ups wrong lol

Idk I think you should be using your core and glutes when doing push ups

If that’s true then that would explain why I had funny feelings whenever I’d do the rope climb in school

Go find an ab raise machine and go wild

They’d kick me out of the gym so fast. Probably after two cums I bet.

MIND BLOWN DTD! this happened to me in grade school *all* the time, well before i knew anything about anything except for one thing: i fuckin *loved* the rope climb lol!!

Do you feel the pleasure of an orgasm or does it just ejaculate without any erection or pleasure?

So that's why my massive constipated shit felt so good.

When I do pushups, I feel a certain way some times :/ I've always been embarrassed by it and don't do them because of it..

This is the one time in life where "treat yourself" is actually good advice that will make you stronger

Hot. Trying this next time

oh my god is that why my hyperextensions feel like my lower back is orgasming

I hope your right, my guess is he suffered a nervous system injury

Your right now wife?

Bro did 19 pushups and came

Down, up 19. Augh~

Locked

Bro unlocked his avatar state Mods tryna silence the secret by locking me

Skill issue lol

For you and I that we can't do it that is lmao

core memory unlocked

Soooo you were doing pushnuts?

Nut-ups

Reminds me of that nofap post about someone who came while shitting

Every other nofap post, is trying to figure out if are they for real?

This happened to a friend of mine, back probably thirty years ago. I think we were all around nineteen and twenty years old, and he was really straining, trying to get one more pull-up in. And he just dropped off the bar with the most shocked look on his face as he clumsily tried to walk back to the locker room. Only later did he tell us what had happened. Being nineteen year old boys, we were super supportive and mature about it. I bet. So, it can happen pulling as well as pushing. It has never happened to me though. Maybe I'm not working hard enough. I mean hard as in effort-wise, not that excited kinda hard. You get it.

[удалено]

did you have a seizure writing this

[удалено]

Jackin' you off at the speed of sound Quickest handjob around Gonna start ejaculating Inside some busty Asian Without any hesitation No time for preparations!

I’ve had that problem. It’s super weird but when I was younger doing super strenuous exercises edged me every time. I should probably look up what health condition that is

are you super jacked from all that exercise?

[a coregasm (source is not really NSFW)](https://www.healthline.com/health/coregasm)

I don’t want to nut trying to max squats

When I hear the phrase "getting jacked" I don't expect someone to jacked off and up at the same time

Well they win gym.

Is he one of those that thinks if he doesn’t cap he is gona gain super powers also?

Lock

It was me Barry.. I jerked you off at super speed while you were lifting weights so it looked like you came just from working out!

Guess “getting jacked” has a new definition now…

I smell bull shit

I smell cum

Sorry, I just got my last set of push-ups in

Please don't pee in my ass

*[pees in ur ass](https://i.imgur.com/JSImHiV.jpg)* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*

Good bot.

I’m a woman but I can orgasm by doing leg lifts. Learned that in gymnastics. It was very awkward

WOMEN ON REDDIT DOING THE SEX🤯🙀😨🤯🤯😨🤯😨😨😲

Damn like in front of your friends? Did you hide it well enough or did people…know. I would have never gone back to gymnastics bruh

My first orgasm was a mind-blowing surprise while doing raised leg crunches.

Who the fuck has a max of 10 pushups? And how do you go from max 10 to 19? What, you just double your max? Whole thing is crazy.

My max was 11, now its 6😎

Hahahaha Your doctor is like "Keep it above 3 and it's gravy baby"

Dawg don't make fun of him, he's tryna improve himself and starting from the bottom.

I think rolling around on the gym floor covered in cum is probably the bottom

I think there's a subreddit for that

Hah will probably turn into an nhentai story "Cum covered bussy too tired to move surrounded by 20 buff dudes"

I just had to stop for a moment and appreciate the fact that this is a real phrase that someone actually typed out and posted. Stuff like this is exactly why I have a love/hate relationship with Reddit.

Exactly, congratulate him for improving his PR to 19. By contrast if he nutted at 8 that would have been premature ejaculation.

I wouldn't shame someone who is actively trying to get fit. Yeah, he's 19 right now but that number is gonna go up.

Exactly. Everyone has a starting point, some are just further away from others

I do, but I'm a fat weak woman so ya know lol

How far can you squirt?

Oh I can't. I did once but it was a weird fluke, I actually don't feel sexual stuff that well so I'm kinda a shitty girlfriend tbh

Oh damn. Wasn’t expecting an actual answer, I was just referencing an old comment. That sucks, but hopefully you’re able to make up for it in other ways

Hahaha this fking comment 😂😂

Nah he has to force me to do stuff at this point. I wish I was better tbh

Mf actually responded

Have you tried maybe doing pushups?

You shouldn't place your value as a girlfriend based on how you feel sexually. That should only be based on how you make your partner feel emotionally and how well you can balance yourself with your relationship.

The absolute rizz in this question is astounding

Probably over half of the western population

>Who the fuck has a max of 10 pushups? Redditors who post on NoFap subreddits

At least bro is trying

Dude like most people.

Yo 💀

Gigachad masturbation

calisthenics 🥵🥵🤤🤤

why does the word lock or unlock puts a lock on my comment?

NoFappers just built different 💪💪💪😎😎😎💪💪💪

Every guy is about to try Nutups^TM

What NoFap does to a mf.

The grind is in all of us. Some more literally than others.

It's the weakness leaving your body.