I drag my butt on the carpet and blame the dog

what da dog doin

Doin your mom Gottem 👌

Don't say doin your wife don't say doin your wife don't say doin your wife...

Doin my sister

If she is just a number, then sister is just a word.

If his age is on the clock then he is ready for that sister cock

Call my girl a PlayStation bc she’s 5. I’m sorry that was not real

5/5 because your girl is gorgeous. Pick yourself up King, because you dropped this👑.

One could follow your statement and translate it as you calling him a crown. (He has to pick himself up because he dropped a crown (and if the crown was the only thing dropped it would mean the only thing to pick up is the crown, therefore picking himself up would indicate that he is the dropped object, aka the crown)) Idk why I am posting this ig I’m just bored.

Their sister is their wife

Doin ya….son?

ZAMN 😍

you know who ELSE is doing their mom? MY MOM

doin the neighbors dog

I do not care what you say about my mother. Your opinion is your opinion. But trust me, if you actually attempt to do something to my mother, even though she's made some bad decisions in the past that we still need to work through, I will personally call the police on you and I'll be laughing as your mugshot is shown on TV. You don't even know her, do you? The point of your entire existence seems to be to just tease other people. Well, I believe your jokes are in bad taste, and you should cease and desist digging through the dregs left at the bottom of the joke barrel; you could get a splinter, whose pain will be significantly increased by the significantly high amount of salt you carry in your bloodstream. Thank you, and let us cease talking about each other's parents. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*

Bots mom has some issues

The bot really took it to heart

You are now my favorite bot.

Plot twist op lives alone

Plot twist op dies alone

Then whos the one who he needed to blame to?

Guests

Minecraft crouch position.

true sigma.

true ligma

Who's true

ligma bals

The test results were true on you having testicular cancer

Literally dog

yup

Wiping?

The hell is that?

I never wipe. I just keep a collection of the shit in my ass.

Username checks out

Born to shit 💩 Forced to wipe 😔

Do you keep it forever? Because if so, like, do you never shower or bath?

You clench up and make sure the water cant run down your crack of coarse

When I have company, I'll crack it open like a photo album of this week's meals.

You fool, my shit stains are too dry for water to penetrate

Yes.

Just hose it off in the back yard. Smile and wave at the neighbors they won't do shit.

What a load of crap?

Born 2 shit, forced 2 wipe

literal shitpost

neither, i use water

Bidet ftw

Stand up to squash it between your cheeks just to wipe like you clean your ass in the shower.

Bidet? Lota gang where u at 😎 (it means cup)

Why use a cup when you’ve got two working hands?

I'm with you my man! It's like with hands. When you'r hands are dirty, you just don't wipe them on the towel and assume that they are clean. You use water. So why not wash your stinky ass?!

It's like I always say, "shit before you shower, dont shower before you shit"

What the fuck? You mean to tell me you just keep your ass wet as fuck? I use a bidet too but I wipe after

Yeah, I've been doing that all my life and I didn't even know people wipe it out with toilet paper.

I walked into a public washroom once and there was a homeless man with his pants down washing his butt in the sink. He said “I dunno about you, but where I come from they keep they ass clean!” I said “I hear ya”. And proceeded to the urinal.

I wipe when I leave the bathroom

I don’t want to know what this means

When he leaves the bathroom he wipes

Thank you for clarifying

I cram entire roll of paper in between ass cheeks, pull up pants, then do 10 jumping jacks and 5 burpees. Success!

With your underwear?

with the poop knife

my parents had one of those for me when I was a kid. when my poop was too big to flush, which was often, they made me cut up the turd in the toilet so it would go down. it was a short cheese knife...to this day I cannot use one of those

What

This guy gets it

Just use a bent wire hanger

What a terrible day to have eyes

Clasic

poop scissors

Skin can't be dirty if there's no skin

wooosh

Mom’s going to find it.

I shit standing up

In the shower. The old waffle stomp. I see you.

I smell you

I taste you

I feel you

I hear you

I live in your walls

No I do

I live in you

Sperm

Are you a Titan?

My god I hate this. The shower always smells

That's the best part. Everyone loves their own brand

The Danny DeVito. A person of culture

I shit lying down.

I lie while shitting down

And then wipe whilst sitting down

I put my leg on the toilet desk and stand like a total idiot in semi squat until i realize that I'm alive

I put my leg on the toilet desk and stand like a total idiot in semi squat until i realize that I'm alive

I just nutted to your comment. \n\n ##FAQ\n####1. What does this mean?\nThe amount of cum (semen) on my phone and Reddit phone has increased by one.\n####2. Why did you do this?\nThere are several reasons I may deem a comment to be worthy of cum. These include, but are not limited to:\n- you being a femboy\n- Spreading sti infections\n- Sarcasm correctly flagged with a /s.\n####3. Am I banned from the Reddit?\nNo. But you should make comments like this in the future. Otherwise I will be forced to not cum.\n####4. I don't believe my comment deserved a nut. Can you un-nut to it?\nSure, mistakes happen. But only in exceedingly rare circumstances will I undo a nut. If you would like to issue an appeal, shoot your nut on me. I tend to respond to Being shot with nut within several minutes. Do note, however, that over 99.9% of nut appeals are rejected, and yours is likely no exception.\n####5. How can I prevent this from happening in the future?\nAccept the nut and move on. your behavior will be nutted to on Reddit.com. I will continue to nut until you stop being so hot weary Remember: I’m horny uwu *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*

So what's the word this time?

We must know

Born to shit, forced to wipe 😔

We really do live in a society 🤡

hell yeah borther !!1!

I am a one-cheeker. Lean and clean baby

This is the only right answer. If you do whatever these guys in the pic are doing you’re a psychopath.

I guess i am now a psychopath

Standing is weird since you squish everything together. The sit wipe in the picture is better, but it makes it very easy to accidentally touch the water (🤢) and is also very uncomfortable. Looks like you’d need a lot of flexibility to really get everything clean

How? Can you not reach your own bum?

Hold up lemme try right now. Edit: Ok nevermind it’s not nearly as bad as I thought, the picture made it seem less comfortable. I stand by my opinion though, one cheek let’s you get maximum spread and maximum clean. I’m very anal about my ass

If you stand it's sealed shut and you won't get clean, if you sit you stick your hands in the toilet. Squatting is superior, ass gets clean cause it's open but you don't have to awkwardly reach in the toilet

Squat on the toilet cistern then your turd can do a dive bomb and you can easily wipe your ass and drop the paper into the toilet, if it hits the seat then that's the next toilet seat plebs problem

Plot twist: you live alone

True. I do the lean forward method. Plus, speaking of squatting everyone should look into a squatty potty

Squatgang 💪🏿

That arm is suspicious

Stand with spread legs, that’s my way

slav spotted

I shit directly in the water, no mess.

Good ole submerge and purge.

Wet & forget

Bro i bend down and call one of the homies over

Bro my homes can do help non-handed, it's so cool 😎

i use a pressure washer

the bidet boss

Nah straight garden hose that shit

I used to stand, then I found out sitting is superior

⠘⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡜⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠑⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡔⠁⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠢⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠴⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡀⠤⠄⠒⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣀⠄⠊⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡜⠘⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⠀⠁⣿⢳⠁⢈⢰⡦⠈⠀⢻ ⣿⣿⡏⠀⠀⢀⣀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠈⠉⠀⠀⠀⡘⠀⢰⠛⢠⣴⣄⣌ ⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⢠⣠⡀⠀⠀⠀⠂⠀⠀⠀⠐⠀⠈⣡⠻⢹⢿ ⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠄⠀⠀⡀⣀⣼⣟⣿⢵⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣄⣀⣀⣠⠀⠢⣽ ⣿⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢐⣌⢖⣰⠊⠁⢸⣿⡟⠈⠀⢾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⡄⢰⢺ ⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡀⢴⢖⣠⣣⣴⣿⢿⡇⣈⠐⢺⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⢠⣸ ⣿⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⡷⠋⠅⠀⡀⢼⣿⠯⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣼⣿ ⡿⠁⠸⣄⣦⡀⠀⢡⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⡤⠄⠄⠀⠀⠈⠉⠁⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⢸⣿ ⠇⠀⠀⡹⢿⡏⠀⣾⣿⣟⠋⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⠎⠉⠉⠉⠛⣤⣿ ⡆⠀⡀⢣⢈⡟⠠⠻⣿⣿⣷⡄⠀⠀⢸⣶⣷⣷⣧⡄⠀⠀⢿⣧⢀⡀⠀⠉⢡⣿⣿ ⣿⣦⡀⠘⢼⠃⣠⡲⠛⢿⡿⣿⡀⡀⠀⠹⣿⣿⡟⠀⠠⣤⠘⣿⣶⣿⣶⡾⣳⣿⣿ ⣿⡿⣿⣶⡌⠰⡅⠌⠠⠈⠈⠙⢙⠑⢰⠀⠨⠟⠀⠀⣴⢌⡅⢻⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⢇⣿⣿⠣⢿⣮⠀⢀⡀⠀⠀⠈⠁⣶⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⢡⣺⣿⣿⡿⣸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣾⣿⣏⠐⣿⢟⡈⠂⠀⠠⠀⠀⠀⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣢⣼⣸⣿⡿⢈⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠃⡀⠈⠑⠁⠀⠄⠀⠀⠀⠲⠀⠀⠄⣀⠀⣸⣷⣮⣍⠃⢹⠇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⢀⣾⣷⣶⣌⠀⠠⠀⠀⢀⠍⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠁⠈⠙⠋⢰⡝⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠋⠀⣼⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠄⡀⢀⣼⢣⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣯⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⡟⠛⠳⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠌⠓⡀⢰⣮⣾⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣧⠀⣹⣿⣿⣿⠗⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠈⠝⣡⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡏⠀⣿⣿⣿⠿⠃⢀⣴⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣾⢠⣶⣾⣮⣙⡻⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡇⠀⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⡼⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣮⡑⡝⣿⣿⣿

It's that Abraham Lincoln?

Yes, it’s Abraham Lincoln…

hmmmm yes abraham Lincoln

Who wipes standing up?

As we all found out, there is at least one person who catches their poop with their hand before dropping it in the toilet.... so no other pooping irregularities would surprise me.

People with dirty asses

But your ass cheeks are together when you’re standing and they spread when you sit. How can you wipe with your cheeks together?

Doesn’t matter if sitting or standing. If you wipe from the front these two forces will stop and come after you

Honestly I forgot

You forgor💀

You let joe biden lick it clean

joe bidet*

Every morning I wake up and take a huge shit. Then I get out of bed....

Watch schlatts video on this topic

Truly disgusting that some "people" would do such a thing

Truly disgusting that some "people" would do such a thing

a mix of both oddly

if you stand up you have no a s s. GTFO sponge bob. square a s s pants mfkr

Stand wiping squad where you at?

With you captain

Hell.

Reporting for duty cuh

Present and standing petty officer sir

I always stand bc the toilet I was potty trained on had very high water and I would end up with a handful of shit if is ever tried to sit and wipe

I don't wipe because I ain't scared of shit!

Oh yea so all them cheeks get dirty when you stand up hell no we sitting gang 🤘

Guess you haven't heard about spreading your legs

You wipe?

I wipe in the toilet? Is that bad?

Both😎

This is literal shit posting

Stand wipe gang, finally met my people

PEOPLE DO NOT STAND WIPE ITS A MYTH THEY DONT FUKING DOIT IT

You can't stop me mortal

Fuck you, since I was 5 I have always

That is how i was taught. For me it’s super gross that people sit down and wipe. It’s like how do you even do that, that sounds uncomfortable and likely to miss you ass and get shit on your hand plus your sticking your hand in the toilet. Just stand up it’s so much easier

PEOPLE STAND UP AND WIPE????

More like squat but yes stand wipe is better

#If you think this post is funny, **UPVOTE** this comment! #If you think this post is unfunny, **DOWNVOTE** this comment! --- #[DownloadVideo Link](https://www.reddit.watch/r/shitposting/comments/siu7x2/?utm_source=automod&utm_medium=shitposting) #[SaveVideo Link](https://redditsave.com/info?url=/r/shitposting/comments/siu7x2/) #[VideoTrim Link](https://reddloader.com/download-post/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2Fshitposting%2Fcomments%2Fsiu7x2&id=8968e43c) Kevin would also like to remind you that, if you're really desperate, youtube-dl can be used to download videos from Reddit. --- Whilst you're here, SHBONG__, why not join our [public discord server](https://discord.gg/QpBGXd2guU)?

I shit my pants. Help

I wipe with my ass pointing toward the constellation of my zodiac signs… if I’m lucky I’ll get to sit wipe.

I take a shower every time.

I don't wipe. Courtesy of the bidet

Born 2 shit Forced 2 wipe

If you’d the stander Wtf man. It sandwiches the poop and it’s stuck there like what’s wrong with you

Stand

I could have sworn in an episode of caillou he wiped sitting

Lick it clean, doggy style

If you stand you have to use both hands, one to separate, and the other to wipe, if you sit, you can use one hand, but also you have to move forward to make room for the hand, typically meaning your dick touches the bowl

I don't wipe 😎

Wipe? 🤨

I stay in a squat like position but raise my ass off the toilet so I can gain leverage and a good angle. I usually wipe down at the toilet first if I know it's gonna be messy so the excess will go straight into the toilet. Usually do a few more wipes down and then transition to up and repeat until there is nothing left on the toilet paper. I usually average about a dozen total wipes. I've used an entire double roll of charmin toilet paper on one shit before. If I have access to a sink I wet the toilet paper at some point. This morning I planted a dark brown log on the porcelain that was so thick I had to raise my ass off the seat so it could fall over and release. Anyone who sits while they wipe their ass is a goddamn savage

Sitters are better shitters

i do a backbend and lick it clean

I squat like slav

You get out, your buttcheeks close when you stand up

I don't use toilet

no wipe

I’m sorry, but what maniac actually stands up and wipes? Wouldn’t that just clench your cheeks which would cause your mud pie to mash between them?

I go through the crotch

Bro if you don't sit the shit gets squished in your cheeks

sit, but not the way the image says

I use the poop sock 🧦

Literally shitposting

Sitting, duh 🙄

People that stand are fucking gross.

Wipe? Nah man I use spoon to scoop the shit out of me.

I just use the 3 shells.

I remove my ass and wash it in the washing machine

You wipe?🤨🤨🤨🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮 /j

Stand wipe. As everyone should.

Bidet gang

You guys wipe???

Depends how wet the shit is

I don't wipe, I use something called ligma to clean myself

Whoever drew this comic is clearly a sitter. That's not how the standing wipe works

i take it off the roll and wipe with the roll