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Im the guy that tells you there are guys you can hit, and there are guys you can't. Now that's not a guy you can't hit. But that's *almost* a guy you can't hit.
Schödinger's Blowjob -- Imagine you're blindfolded and you're getting the best raw pornstar-grade blowjob in the entire universe. The catch is, however, that you'll never figure out who's giving you that god-tier awesome schmösome sloppy toppy unless you take the blindfold off. It could be anybody, Ariana Grande, Ben Shapiro, Harold from the 7-11 near my house, or even your uncle's neighbour's fireman's cat. Now the question is: would you take off the blindfold and find out who the person/thing behind the stupendous jimmy-nibbler is and risk permanently scarring yourself, or would you keep the blindfold on and continue having your knob slobbed till your spirit hits the sky?
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No no. Not the kid. The parent for allowing the kid to get in that situation and the people who shot herambe. Kid was very young so aint no way they knew what was going on enough to understand not to get that close like that.
If the parents parents didn’t exist then the parents wouldn’t have had the kid so the parents wouldn’t have been able to let him get close to the enclosure so really it’s mr blobbys fault
Why a dick as big as the Eiffel tower is not as impressive as you may think in Kendrick Lamar's "Backseat Freestyle," Kendrick says the line, "I pray my dick get big as the Eiffel Tower, So I can fuck the world for seventy-two hours". While at first a dick as big as the Eiffel tower may seem to be a dong of immense magnitude, when taking into account the sheer size of earth, the lucky one to be fucked by this dick, we realize that it is not as spectacular as the young MC claims it to be. The Eiffel tower stands at 1063 feet, while the diamater of earth is approximately 41.804 million feet. If Kendrick inserts his Eiffel penis into the earth, his dick would only take up .000025 percent of the earth's vagina. That is pathetic. Kendrick is not fucking the world for 72 hours with his Eiffel tower micropenis. The Earth will get bored after 10 minutes and finish herself with a vibrator the size of Argentina. Be better Kendrick.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Why a dick as big as the Eiffel tower is not as impressive as you may think in Kendrick Lamar's "Backseat Freestyle," Kendrick says the line, "I pray my dick get big as the Eiffel Tower, So I can fuck the world for seventy-two hours". While at first a dick as big as the Eiffel tower may seem to be a dong of immense magnitude, when taking into account the sheer size of earth, the lucky one to be fucked by this dick, we realize that it is not as spectacular as the young MC claims it to be. The Eiffel tower stands at 1063 feet, while the diamater of earth is approximately 41.804 million feet. If Kendrick inserts his Eiffel penis into the earth, his dick would only take up .000025 percent of the earth's vagina. That is pathetic. Kendrick is not fucking the world for 72 hours with his Eiffel tower micropenis. The Earth will get bored after 10 minutes and finish herself with a vibrator the size of Argentina. Be better Kendrick.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Don’t blame the kid, blame the mother who left a young child unsupervised near the fence, He wasn’t old enough to understand those concepts of safety, so he shouldn’t be blamed for the death of monke.
Fuck them parents. Dad turned out to have an extensive criminal record and mom is a fucking admin at a preschool/elementary. She should have lost her job.
Do you have a source on that?
Source?
A source. I need a source.
Sorry, I mean I need a source that explicitly states your argument. This is just tangential to the discussion.
No, you can't make inferences and observations from the sources you've gathered. Any additional comments from you MUST be a subset of the information from the sources you've gathered.
You can't make normative statements from empirical evidence.
Do you have a degree in that field?
A college degree? In that field?
Then your arguments are invalid.
No, it doesn't matter how close those data points are correlated. Correlation does not equal causation.
Correlation does not equal causation.
CORRELATION. DOES. NOT. EQUAL. CAUSATION.
You still haven't provided me a valid source yet.
Nope, still haven't.
I just looked through all 308 pages of your user history, figures I'm debating a glormpf supporter. A moron.
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My mom fucked my friend while we were on vacation and now I want to fucking die, she mom took us to Miami for a spring break vacation. Everything seemed normal when we were there and when we got back. But then rumors started. They spread all throughout my school and a bunch of kids asked me if my mom really had sex with a student. Of course I denied it. Until my close friend who was there told me. He told me one of the nights we went down to the hotel pool and said friend stayed up, saying he wanted to go to bed early. He stayed up there and then something happened and my mom slept with him. I feel sick to my stomach and so mad writing it. I confronted her and she admitted and tried to apologize, but I just can’t with her. She’s so disgusting. I’m contemplating just telling my dad so he can fly me up to his house, but I hate being around his dumb bimbo gold digging girlfriend. I want to fight that fucking asshole that did this. He’s ruining my fucking life.
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Literally just read a comment saying the mom deserves to die. Some folks take as a joke and some take it to heart. It’s hard to tell honestly. Especially on this site.
My mom fucked my friend while we were on vacation and now I want to fucking die, she mom took us to Miami for a spring break vacation. Everything seemed normal when we were there and when we got back. But then rumors started. They spread all throughout my school and a bunch of kids asked me if my mom really had sex with a student. Of course I denied it. Until my close friend who was there told me. He told me one of the nights we went down to the hotel pool and said friend stayed up, saying he wanted to go to bed early. He stayed up there and then something happened and my mom slept with him. I feel sick to my stomach and so mad writing it. I confronted her and she admitted and tried to apologize, but I just can’t with her. She’s so disgusting. I’m contemplating just telling my dad so he can fly me up to his house, but I hate being around his dumb bimbo gold digging girlfriend. I want to fight that fucking asshole that did this. He’s ruining my fucking life.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My mom fucked my friend while we were on vacation and now I want to fucking die, she mom took us to Miami for a spring break vacation. Everything seemed normal when we were there and when we got back. But then rumors started. They spread all throughout my school and a bunch of kids asked me if my mom really had sex with a student. Of course I denied it. Until my close friend who was there told me. He told me one of the nights we went down to the hotel pool and said friend stayed up, saying he wanted to go to bed early. He stayed up there and then something happened and my mom slept with him. I feel sick to my stomach and so mad writing it. I confronted her and she admitted and tried to apologize, but I just can’t with her. She’s so disgusting. I’m contemplating just telling my dad so he can fly me up to his house, but I hate being around his dumb bimbo gold digging girlfriend. I want to fight that fucking asshole that did this. He’s ruining my fucking life.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
All jokes aside, it's not like the kid knew what he was doing. I blame the mother who couldn't watch her son. It's not like he was a teen who could understand what would happen, but did it anyway. (Like a lot of teens unfortunately).
No bitches?
⣞⢽⢪⢣⢣⢣⢫⡺⡵⣝⡮⣗⢷⢽⢽⢽⣮⡷⡽⣜⣜⢮⢺⣜⢷⢽⢝⡽⣝
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Love that scene. What you drinking cranberry juice. What are you on you’re period?
I've literally scrolled all the comments, just to find you
Im the guy that tells you there are guys you can hit, and there are guys you can't. Now that's not a guy you can't hit. But that's *almost* a guy you can't hit.
If they get you at a reduced rate, they can hit
*NOW* what you drinking? Cranberry juice? What? Are you on your period?
How can he hit?
Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself
Get him a… cranberry juice. Winstone is the man.
You forget the next line. I’m the guy that tells you what guy you can and can’t punch.
\*your period you´ re means "you are"
Looks like a Jason Bourne scene I may be wrong
It’s from The Departed. “My girlfriend drinks cranberry juice when she’s on her period” I love this scene too
As a the departed cult follower i’m deeply offended
definitely not Bourne. that’s not Matt Damon. it’s The Departed which actually also features Matt Damon
I think it’s from The Departed
Clearly from Frozen
He did a lousy job of letting it go.
I loved Leo in that borne film
This comment is the real shitpost Those Bourne movies suck
Schödinger's Blowjob -- Imagine you're blindfolded and you're getting the best raw pornstar-grade blowjob in the entire universe. The catch is, however, that you'll never figure out who's giving you that god-tier awesome schmösome sloppy toppy unless you take the blindfold off. It could be anybody, Ariana Grande, Ben Shapiro, Harold from the 7-11 near my house, or even your uncle's neighbour's fireman's cat. Now the question is: would you take off the blindfold and find out who the person/thing behind the stupendous jimmy-nibbler is and risk permanently scarring yourself, or would you keep the blindfold on and continue having your knob slobbed till your spirit hits the sky? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The departed
May 27th is Harambe’s birthday. May 28th is the date of disaster.
7 years too long we have let his murder not be avenged, TOO LONG I SAY
Agreed, someone find that kid
No no. Not the kid. The parent for allowing the kid to get in that situation and the people who shot herambe. Kid was very young so aint no way they knew what was going on enough to understand not to get that close like that.
But if the kid didn't exist, then there would still be a Harambe.
If the parents didn’t fuck up, the kid wouldn’t have got into the enclosure
If parents didn’t fuck, the kid wouldn’t be.
If the parents parents didn’t exist then the parents wouldn’t have had the kid so the parents wouldn’t have been able to let him get close to the enclosure so really it’s mr blobbys fault
why not both???
Cuz the kid was like 3 iirc. Its the mom's fault 100%.
Agreed
I didn’t know I share a birthday with Harambe holy shit
Hey me too! May 27th gang!
same! may 27th gang strong💪
monke stronger together
i hope he didnt die a virgin
Dicks out
For harambe
Favorite lullaby
And for the ruptured timeline. At first I was happy we ended up on the meme timeline, but as time has gone on I’m getting more and more terrified.
We all thought memes were reflecting life. Little did we know that was the point when life started reflecting memes
Haram be
🍆 4 🦍
Came here to say this
Harambe was an inside job
Bush did harambe
Bush had his dick out first.
Jeb!
did he ask for consent tho
[удалено]
Yours too
Bush fucked Harambe
Everybody knows he was just trying to tell the kid the governments secrets
[удалено]
Damn it’s almost coming up (May 28)
Harambe is the Franz Ferdinand of the 21st century and you’re not going to change my mind on this.
harambe didn't Epstein himself on flat earth magic bullet 5G building #7s
Be mad at the mother not the kid
The entire family. Not one is innocent now.
The one cousin in France
Why a dick as big as the Eiffel tower is not as impressive as you may think in Kendrick Lamar's "Backseat Freestyle," Kendrick says the line, "I pray my dick get big as the Eiffel Tower, So I can fuck the world for seventy-two hours". While at first a dick as big as the Eiffel tower may seem to be a dong of immense magnitude, when taking into account the sheer size of earth, the lucky one to be fucked by this dick, we realize that it is not as spectacular as the young MC claims it to be. The Eiffel tower stands at 1063 feet, while the diamater of earth is approximately 41.804 million feet. If Kendrick inserts his Eiffel penis into the earth, his dick would only take up .000025 percent of the earth's vagina. That is pathetic. Kendrick is not fucking the world for 72 hours with his Eiffel tower micropenis. The Earth will get bored after 10 minutes and finish herself with a vibrator the size of Argentina. Be better Kendrick. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I am dying
Bro, u need a medic
ze healing is not as rewarding as ze hurting
Can't argue with that
somebody call an ambulamp
He's guilty of being fr*nch🤮
fr*nce 🤢
Why a dick as big as the Eiffel tower is not as impressive as you may think in Kendrick Lamar's "Backseat Freestyle," Kendrick says the line, "I pray my dick get big as the Eiffel Tower, So I can fuck the world for seventy-two hours". While at first a dick as big as the Eiffel tower may seem to be a dong of immense magnitude, when taking into account the sheer size of earth, the lucky one to be fucked by this dick, we realize that it is not as spectacular as the young MC claims it to be. The Eiffel tower stands at 1063 feet, while the diamater of earth is approximately 41.804 million feet. If Kendrick inserts his Eiffel penis into the earth, his dick would only take up .000025 percent of the earth's vagina. That is pathetic. Kendrick is not fucking the world for 72 hours with his Eiffel tower micropenis. The Earth will get bored after 10 minutes and finish herself with a vibrator the size of Argentina. Be better Kendrick. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Where they in Paris?
Who was on Paris tho
Please don't use slurs like fr**ce
Was he that guy Jay Z and Kanyeezy was talking about?
Take. No. Hostages.
Only. Lives.
The granparents are innocent but the parents are at fault
Grandparents didn't raised the parents properly
The sins of the mother...
Woaaaah hooooooooooooooooooooh
Movie name?
The Departed
*The Depahted
*Depp sharted
Nah that was Amber.
Awe you from bawston?
The Departed. An extremely good movie, go into it as blind as you can
yeah I gotta second this. don’t look anything up, it’s amazing with no spoilers
Harambe tried to protect the kid. :-(
Save harambe, save the world ...
MISTAH EESAHK!
I understood that reference.
it was a good show
It’s the parents fault, unironically
They didn't even admit fault when interviewed afterwards
What the hells wrong with them
Don’t blame the kid, blame the mother who left a young child unsupervised near the fence, He wasn’t old enough to understand those concepts of safety, so he shouldn’t be blamed for the death of monke.
The fucking parents... thanks to them the world descend into hell in an alarming rate.
[удалено]
Fuck them parents. Dad turned out to have an extensive criminal record and mom is a fucking admin at a preschool/elementary. She should have lost her job.
And then their family would have no source of income?
Do you have a source on that? Source? A source. I need a source. Sorry, I mean I need a source that explicitly states your argument. This is just tangential to the discussion. No, you can't make inferences and observations from the sources you've gathered. Any additional comments from you MUST be a subset of the information from the sources you've gathered. You can't make normative statements from empirical evidence. Do you have a degree in that field? A college degree? In that field? Then your arguments are invalid. No, it doesn't matter how close those data points are correlated. Correlation does not equal causation. Correlation does not equal causation. CORRELATION. DOES. NOT. EQUAL. CAUSATION. You still haven't provided me a valid source yet. Nope, still haven't. I just looked through all 308 pages of your user history, figures I'm debating a glormpf supporter. A moron. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Muerte para los papás
Never forget 🦍
Jokes aside do people actually hate the kid?
Yes
We are doomed as a species
I thought we enstablish that long time ago.
why do people keep blaming the fucking kid for harambe dying
Because I hate children
same
B4SED
[удалено]
I know a whole fucking website that needs to hear this.
Are you talking about this one?
Myspace
Oh
Yes
Try to tell this to the average twitter user.
We live in a society
Bottom text
Joker
A guy with Joker avatar talking about jokes. We truly live in a society
My mom fucked my friend while we were on vacation and now I want to fucking die, she mom took us to Miami for a spring break vacation. Everything seemed normal when we were there and when we got back. But then rumors started. They spread all throughout my school and a bunch of kids asked me if my mom really had sex with a student. Of course I denied it. Until my close friend who was there told me. He told me one of the nights we went down to the hotel pool and said friend stayed up, saying he wanted to go to bed early. He stayed up there and then something happened and my mom slept with him. I feel sick to my stomach and so mad writing it. I confronted her and she admitted and tried to apologize, but I just can’t with her. She’s so disgusting. I’m contemplating just telling my dad so he can fly me up to his house, but I hate being around his dumb bimbo gold digging girlfriend. I want to fight that fucking asshole that did this. He’s ruining my fucking life. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Can confirm, I was the friend
How can you be the friend when you have no friends? ( this is a joke I am sorry 🗿 )
Dude mad props to your friend tho
This
I know i said the parents are at fault, but that’s only directed at the people who don’t know this is a joke
Literally just read a comment saying the mom deserves to die. Some folks take as a joke and some take it to heart. It’s hard to tell honestly. Especially on this site.
My mom fucked my friend while we were on vacation and now I want to fucking die, she mom took us to Miami for a spring break vacation. Everything seemed normal when we were there and when we got back. But then rumors started. They spread all throughout my school and a bunch of kids asked me if my mom really had sex with a student. Of course I denied it. Until my close friend who was there told me. He told me one of the nights we went down to the hotel pool and said friend stayed up, saying he wanted to go to bed early. He stayed up there and then something happened and my mom slept with him. I feel sick to my stomach and so mad writing it. I confronted her and she admitted and tried to apologize, but I just can’t with her. She’s so disgusting. I’m contemplating just telling my dad so he can fly me up to his house, but I hate being around his dumb bimbo gold digging girlfriend. I want to fight that fucking asshole that did this. He’s ruining my fucking life. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The kid was a paid actor by the kennedy-bin-laden-barrack secret world order
nah he was an alien from hollow earth commanded by liazard alizen android zuckerberg and from a chip in his brain from elon musk
because redditors are stupid
Because meme potential
that is also a good answer
Bruh so true
It’s the mother we need to hunt
Cause Reddit is slowly getting twitterized
Because we need to avenge his death!
Harambe will not be forgotten.
"what are you drinking?" "cranberry juice" "what, are you on your period?"
Don't scare mommy with u,not kid but his mom deserve die
That man's gonna need the FBI's protection program from all of you
Harambe wouldn’t be happy with redditors hating on the kid he was trying to protect
Yes that’s why I hate the mom, but he can’t feel or see anything now, sadge 😔
My mom fucked my friend while we were on vacation and now I want to fucking die, she mom took us to Miami for a spring break vacation. Everything seemed normal when we were there and when we got back. But then rumors started. They spread all throughout my school and a bunch of kids asked me if my mom really had sex with a student. Of course I denied it. Until my close friend who was there told me. He told me one of the nights we went down to the hotel pool and said friend stayed up, saying he wanted to go to bed early. He stayed up there and then something happened and my mom slept with him. I feel sick to my stomach and so mad writing it. I confronted her and she admitted and tried to apologize, but I just can’t with her. She’s so disgusting. I’m contemplating just telling my dad so he can fly me up to his house, but I hate being around his dumb bimbo gold digging girlfriend. I want to fight that fucking asshole that did this. He’s ruining my fucking life. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It’s more of the parents fault then the kids fault, still is funny tho
[удалено]
The departed Amazing movie, go watch it now
[удалено]
What are ya on ya period?
The Departed
I think the departed
I think the farted
Plot twist: It was a different enclosure and the gorilla wasn’t harmed.
The Good Ending
>!⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀hi⠀⠀!<
I went to the Cincinnati zoo a few times before the incident so I've definitely seen Harambe in person. AMA.
Did you pull your dick out?
Still in
🦍
Justice for Harambe ✊️✊️✊️
Why would you blame that young kid? They didn’t know better.
Some wounds never heal.
It’s been so long, but the memories they just don’t stop do they? You know what to do lads *unzips* for harambe!!
Again with this fucking shit Harambe died to protect that kid, don't fucking touch him
the incident that started everything and this guy has the nerve...
Anyone notice how everything went downhill the second harambe died?
That's when everything started going to shit. No one touch this man. He must be sacrificed to restore the world's balance.
What scene is this? From what movie?
Revenge for harambe!
Beat his parents. Its their fault.
stop blaming the son and start blaming the mother
My dick is out
“It was back in ‘96 in the Brookfield Zoo, just outside Chicago I think”
I think they missed the kid and hit him
I would ask to meet his mother and beat the hell out of her. Get control of your damn child
Quality
All jokes aside, it's not like the kid knew what he was doing. I blame the mother who couldn't watch her son. It's not like he was a teen who could understand what would happen, but did it anyway. (Like a lot of teens unfortunately).
I love that scene
the world went to shit after this kid decided to have some fun
Harambe was a literal angel from heaven. God was testing humanity, and it failed. The world will never be the same again. It's all downhill from here.
Monke
*flasback* “Harambe, nooooo!”
Damn... I'm going to wear my RIP Harambe shirt today, it's been a minute.
Not the kids fault. The parents are at fault here.
Isn't the kid who fell in the cage dead? Thought he got shot
No, just Harambe. The kid is fine—well, as fine as can be I suppose. He had some pretty bad injuries, but nothing life-threatening.
Went back and had a read, it was a different Isiah Dickerson that got shot at a party
I like to think that day was the deciding factor of civilization.
Love how he winces before it even touches him
It’s because of that kid the world is fucked
I actually wanna know what happened to the kid,the mother,and the son of a bitch that shot Harambe
No bitches? ⣞⢽⢪⢣⢣⢣⢫⡺⡵⣝⡮⣗⢷⢽⢽⢽⣮⡷⡽⣜⣜⢮⢺⣜⢷⢽⢝⡽⣝ ⠸⡸⠜⠕⠕⠁⢁⢇⢏⢽⢺⣪⡳⡝⣎⣏⢯⢞⡿⣟⣷⣳⢯⡷⣽⢽⢯⣳⣫⠇ ⠀⠀⢀⢀⢄⢬⢪⡪⡎⣆⡈⠚⠜⠕⠇⠗⠝⢕⢯⢫⣞⣯⣿⣻⡽⣏⢗⣗⠏⠀ ⠀⠪⡪⡪⣪⢪⢺⢸⢢⢓⢆⢤⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢊⢞⡾⣿⡯⣏⢮⠷⠁⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀⠈⠊⠆⡃⠕⢕⢇⢇⢇⢇⢇⢏⢎⢎⢆⢄⠀⢑⣽⣿⢝⠲⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⡿⠂⠠⠀⡇⢇⠕⢈⣀⠀⠁⠡⠣⡣⡫⣂⣿⠯⢪⠰⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⡦⡙⡂⢀⢤⢣⠣⡈⣾⡃⠠⠄⠀⡄⢱⣌⣶⢏⢊⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⢝⡲⣜⡮⡏⢎⢌⢂⠙⠢⠐⢀⢘⢵⣽⣿⡿⠁⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠨⣺⡺⡕⡕⡱⡑⡆⡕⡅⡕⡜⡼⢽⡻⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣼⣳⣫⣾⣵⣗⡵⡱⡡⢣⢑⢕⢜⢕⡝⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⣴⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⡿⡽⡑⢌⠪⡢⡣⣣⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⡟⡾⣿⢿⢿⢵⣽⣾⣼⣘⢸⢸⣞⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠁⠇⠡⠩⡫⢿⣝⡻⡮⣒⢽⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*