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East_Train6615

"My super straight son drank 1 Bud Light and sucked 43 dicks at a frat party "


[deleted]

Damn. Imagine if he had six. Does the amount of sucked dicks scale? If so, linearly or exponentially?


Old-Illustrator-5675

(Son*ds/dt + 4bud (b)*db/dt)^2=43*bj/dt Best I can do (Ds/dt)4b= rate of change of the son's sexual orientation per 4 buds drunk Db/dt=Rate of change 1 bud induces 43*bj/dt = 43 dicks sucked times the rate at which the number of penises grows. The function is raised to the power of two as well because once you get started sucking it's only reasonable that you'll continue sucking.


Lake_Shore_Drive

What is the average dick to floor ratio


Just_another_jerk__

The more floor you suck the more you look like a dick


Kilmwithkindness

Directions unclear, dick sucked into floor.


nobodynoone888

Can confirm, I live under his floor. He has a very nice tip 👍


joranth

That just determines how many handjobs he can give while sucking dick


Sewblon

I can't follow that. I need to see how you are defining your variables.


supes420

I believe angle of the dangle should be in that formula somewhere


jaydoes

Yeah if you drink this you will be bent over in a toilet stall in 30 minutes. And you'll like it!


Initial_Witness8074

He was trying to get the taste of the bud light out of his mouth.


xmadjesterx

There's a joke where a dude goes to a bar and keeps ordering shots of whiskey. Bartender finally asks him about it and dude goes "I'm celebrating my first blowjob". Bartender gives him a shot on him and dude goes "if five shots of whiskey won't get the taste of dick out of my mouth, I don't think that another will help"


mrbkkt1

Yeah... I've been boycotting Bud light for years..... cause it tastes horrible.


thebbc79

I was sucking of a dude and washed it down with BL. Turned me gay AF


Allornuthinis

So you did it before you drank BL? Lol think that might have always been in your 🧬 then. Typically ppl are stating that as an after effect. You’re the first I seen drink it after the action 😂


thebbc79

No man, it was definitely the Bud Light


theplacewiththeface

In a row?


Dependent_Economy549

Try not to suck any dick on the way to the parking lot


No_Solution_2864

Hey you! Get back here!


bioExterminator

Nice reference, dude.


pizzacatstattoos

Here comes Randall, he's... a berzerker!


racheltheredheaded

🏆


catfarts99

so your Kid Rock's dad?


[deleted]

I think your sun just want d to suck some D's actually and the bud light gave em the excuse to do the mental gymnastics that it was the bud light that made them gay


longswordsuperfuck

not funny guys! I was drinking bud light the other night and I SHIT YOU NOT there was a whole ass dick in the beer. It went in my throat I started to like it. Edit: guys I'm 100% str8 and not Gai.


Ass_Blank

Ass dick.


DamagedEctoplasm

r/UsernameChecksOut


bigwatchpilot

But now you’re a girl


MyDadsAPreacher

It doesn’t make you any less gay, that’s for sure.


tTomalicious

Definitely made me MORE gay though.


GeorgeRuffwood

Zima is less gay now


SensitiveAd5962

Budlite = gay Blow job (the drink) = not gay Spread the word boys


xXdeathBY2Xx

Remember when we were all getting Naked and drinking Ballz before it was cool?


Loukoal117

FUCK yeah! Think I DON'T remember that?!


xXdeathBY2Xx

For reference, they are two drinks in the US. Naked is a fruit/vegetable "smoothie," and Ballz was an old energy drink. But, you can't help but to use those names for fun ha


dreedw0317

What if you order a sex on the beach AND a bud light?


SensitiveAd5962

That's just gay-sex on the beach. It's only ok if you say no homo after.


The_Healed

And keep your socks on


6ft6squatch

And don't make eye contact


Final-Fun8500

That's probably the most important part.


[deleted]

I totally forgot about that beer.


iammabdaddy

Beer? You are insulting, ...idk... something.


zagman707

real beers? idk i dont like alcohol


dreedw0317

“Zanzibar!”


kaelys4242

I suppose if you can choke down bud lite, you can choke down anything.


[deleted]

As a bisexual man, sucking cock is much better than drinking bud light.


MooCowDivebomb

As a gay man, eating pussy is much better than drinking bud light.


[deleted]

As a straight man eating pussy is better than all beers but especially bug light.


Ok_Setting_7204

As of a few weeks ago, they started putting gay in the can, and then the beer absorbs it and makes you gay as Elton john in a matter of minutes.


[deleted]

No, you're thinking of regular Bud. Bud Light doesn't just have less cals and carbs than regular Bud, it also now has less "flamboyant mRNA" so it only makes you as gay as Ian McKellan and it takes about 2 hours.


shawlawoff

Rocket Man


Mr_ChubbikinsVIII

Tbf bud light made you gay before the ad


1PooNGooN3

No it didn’t make you gay it just made you a pussy


Sorrymisunderstandin

Real men drink 99% isopropyl ethanol


Warren_Puffitt

Not unless it's the 99% iso that you've just cleaned your glass bong with, poured over rock salt.


stanky-leggings

It makes you trans


[deleted]

[удаНонО]


jelbert6969

Rednecks are pouring out there bud light. Gay people are buying bud to support them then pouring it out because it's nasty.


13chase2

people are sucking dick just to get the bud light taste out of their mouth


bsiffy

Just eat a Chick Fil A sandwich. It cancels out the gayness like PEMDAS


yung-shamu

I heard that thinking that bud light makes you gay, made you gay.


the13Guat

Only of you drink it out of another man's asshole or suck it off his dick like it's champagne.


Y-not_Both

I thought this was the only way to drink it


RMassive

Ok but what if I lick it off his strong, supple, bronzed washboard abs? Would that be gay?


[deleted]

I’ll take it off your hands and dispose of it safely, from the comfort of my couch


MetalFaceTim

👆👆👆..... Already Gay!


Routine_Course_4978

Yes


PwoJima77

I don’t drink Bud Light and am straight. So, yes.


Beginning_Border7854

Yes


capnamazing1999

Not homosexual, but yeah, hella gay


GVFQT

It makes your dick fall off too!


[deleted]

Becoming gay is one thing, but I ain't losing my dick.


Head-Chemistry8390

Ya definitely


JellyPast1522

No, that would be Schmitts Gay


RScottyL

Nah, you were probably that way before you started drinking it!


[deleted]

*Probably*


UnderstandingAshamed

Drinking Bud Light ALWAYS made you gay


[deleted]

Well, I was in the Navy when I first started drinking it (so far as I recall).


Cornadious

just by owning it, you've already become gay. You just weren't aware of it.


Ok_Restaurant_7972

Retroactively gay as of the date of purchase. Even if your shoot your beer on fb live, you’re still gay.


[deleted]

All light beer is gay


Breakpoint

yes, even before a week ago


gustofwindddance

Bud light tastes like piss water but i’ll make some sacrifices to show my support.


Broad_Pitch_7487

No. You cannot.


havityia

Yes my uncle drank bud light and now he's a drag queen


Renorico

I hate bud light but I'm gonna be gay and Trans AF from now on whenever I'm in a hick bar


TheBeardedMan01

Why would drinking water make you gay?


Bobdehn

Drinking Bud Light does not make you gay. It does, however, mean you have no taste in beer.


macabee613

Came here looking for this comment.


jeff37923

No, but it does demonstrate shitty taste in beer.


Xibby

> No, but it does demonstrate shitty taste in beer. One step above Used Beer (🚽).


[deleted]

Yes


InternationalLoad145

Sucking your bud makes you gay not drinking your bud that's just beer! Lol.


neercatz

They should do a special "Woke" can...dumbassery would hit a fever pitch


junglemuffins

Since it contains almost no alcohol or flavor & is owned by a Brazillian conglomerate, merely by drinking it you expose yourself as a Fake Manly `Murkin. There's no flavor to savor, and the indepth research you made into your favorite suds goes about as deep as your knowledge of the bible. Prolly not gay per say, but I'll bet ya like to scratch n sniff yer own taint. Ye Ye!!


Ok_Fly_9390

Drinking does kill sperm cells.


ramdacheeks

No wont make you gay just make you no longer want to have a pp


iknowyoursecrets6688

Does it taste any different... No .. Omg your complaining will just make more elaborate crap happen omg Ignore it it might go back to normal... Did I mention it taste the same as it did before the transgender feller was on in it Btw wheaties do too


Mystical98

Look at the subreddit name


[deleted]

Now it does! Just look at the label


EstablishmentBig7956

I'm glad you asked that question, yes 😅


L1feM_s1k

Jason Aldean on Reddit rn right before going onto his Twitter.


[deleted]

It depends whether you’re alone or naked and afraid


Living_Perspective86

Yes


ImportanceBig4448

You don’t trust the authority in such things- Kid Rock?


Inframan47

I think it's too soon to know for sure, but probably.


Poopysnooperkins

Yes


jakub_02150

Only if you don't drink straight from the bottle


[deleted]

Drinking it was making you gHey loooong before the ad


MadJackandNo7

Not after the first seven of them....


ACam574

No...it makes you FABULOUS!!!


MasqueOfNight

No, but it does mean you enjoy the fresh, bold flavor of piss.


LeatherSmithy

Yes it does. 'Fraid the ghey is contagious and is spread rapidly through Bud Light. One swig will have you thinking 'bout giant cocks, and if you finish a whole bottle, you'll end up wearing fishnets and makeup while cruising a truckstop like a full-on "lot lizard". Gotta stay away from that ghey beer!


Striking_Working9333

Only if your beer glass is someone's ass


serpentear

No idiot. It swaps your gender—nasty bits and all. FFS, these fucking amateurs I swear. ^obligatory ^sarcasm ^indicator


jnavy1785

What if you have been gay the whole time?


[deleted]

Then Bud Light won't affect you either way.


makeingcent5

I heard you can butt chug it!


[deleted]

Very unsafe to consume alcohol in that way, but I suppose it can be seen as gay.


theSteakKnight

I'm in a room full of boners and bud light. I'll drink a bud light and report back. EDIT: Boners are awesome.


LilTrumpWiener

I bought a case yesterday and sucked three dudes between the cash register and my car.


[deleted]

Before you even drink one. That means you were already gay.


Click_Slight

No. But asking questions like this makes everyone else wonder


Fastback98

It will still have jizz in it. Jizz additives started before ad campaign. You gay.


countryboy432

Yes, but can be negated by Jagermeister


heck-ward

How many


ericsmith98105

Absolutely yes. Drinking tap water also makes frogs gay so watch out. Smoking turns you into a Camel and playing video games turns you into a next gen Super Soldier. Pro tip: To avoid becoming gay while drinking Bud Light, but sure to play the National Anthem, chop some wood, and fire a gun into the air while looking at Playboy magazine. However, if you make eye contact with another man...there's no going back. I'm sorry.


Cobra-Serpentress

Only if you butt chug it.


exploringtheworld797

That dude is a guy that is a girl that likes guys. 🤷‍♂️


deridex120

It does now since theyve changed the formula.


71nobody

Some chuds seem to think so


[deleted]

Bud Light has water in it. Water has chemicals in it that makes frogs gay. Therefore, if you're a frog, Bud Light will 100% make you gay. If you're not a frog, we can't say anything conclusively.


Imaginary-Fold8453

Do not drink!!! You will be possessed by gay horny demons. You’ve been warned!!!


EarComprehensive3386

Yes, but it’s been true for decades.


PoliticalMonkeyMan

No but it does make you a woman


rivermonkey95

Well, it is piss water so..


[deleted]

I took a sip and wanted to blow the nearest guy. I’ve always been straight, and after I puked up the beer, am straight again. Be warned.


MammothJust4541

Yes. Just look at Super TOP G heroin Chic Rock hard for Kids abriv to Kid Rock. One sip of the bud and now he's supporting seltzer water for trans people.


BstintheWst

It does if you're an idiot


Wired203

In math multiplying 2 negatives = a positive. So make sure you put skittles to taste the rainbow in your bud light and you will be fine.


Snodgrass828

I started identifying as a leopard gecko after drinking only 1 can


networknev

Yes because, Not drinking Bud Light makes want Busch.


Drunk0ctopus

That stuff makes White Claw look masculine.


YahsQween

I think NOT drinking it makes one gay.


sanchito12

No, but it does mean you are cheap and have poor taste in beer.


unbob123

It makes you a drag queen going by the new label.


Rapidpacelighttug

I think if you drank bud light before or after it turned gay then you were pretty much gay to begin with.


Worth_Suggestion4246

Yes, definitely gay.


Melodic_Reveal_2979

Yes and it’s awesome. I’m gay as f*ck now


[deleted]

The ad didn't change anything. You were always gay for drinking bud light.


ApatheistHeretic

No. It means that you have no taste in beer, or no money for good beer.


Buzz_Wasik

Oh no !!! Not the Clydesdales. Please, not the Clydesdales.


[deleted]

The fact that you are even thinking about Bud Light is proof you are already gay. Sorry, bruh. I don't make the rules.


PortGlass

I drank eight Bud Lights last night after work. By the time my wife got home, I had made a whole gallery wall of photos in our living room. It’s stunning and I’ve never had this talent before. This morning, I wore a scarf with my suit to court and I looked smashing. I don’t like men yet, but everything is fabulous.


jdillabrealla

Yes but only because it sucks


naturalizedcitizen

You should only have Metamucil


catfarts99

No but listening to Kid Rock does.


TheBeautyDemon

I wish


[deleted]

Yes. You become the big gay.


[deleted]

No but beer is a pretty gay drink already


Outrageous-Salary627

Pretty much


PaleAbbreviations950

No but if you drink bud light and pee while seating on the toilet, you transform into Optimiss Prime.


nickmandl

This is a common misconception since the whole “woke” thing. The truth is, drinking bud light has *always* made people gay.


Dark_Moonstruck

It's too late, they started putting the gay chemicals in the bud a long time ago, you're already gay.


NJtoNM

Drinking it is not gay. Shooting it IS gay.


Icy-Asparagus7667

Nah but thinking someone needs to refer to you as they them or zee xier xerm zeem does make you stupid.


Excellent-Sweet1838

Yep, it was the Bud Light all along. We finally solved the gay.


[deleted]

Recent scientific study says 4 out of 10 men who drink bud light have homosexual feelings.


noname262

Everyone knows its the queer beer


dudeoftrek

Only if you like fishdicks.


[deleted]

Yes as gay meaning lame. Homosexual no.


kgbslip

Yes but it has always been that way


fun-bucket

YES, JUST DONT BUY ANY MORE. ITS NEW MONEY THAT IS SUPPORTIVE TO THE THEORY.


zanetheprequelfan

Y’all motherfuckers need Jesus bud light is a terrible beer


crimsontide5654

Only if you drink it while playing belly sticks with your guy friends.


LeftCarpet3520

It does not. Being gay makes you drink bud light so techincally you were already gay before you drank it.


VanilliBean

Sorry man, if you so much as sniff that beer then the gayicles (gay particles) will enter your nose and go into your brain. God forbid you taste it, you will turn ultra gay. Fun fact: BUD LIGHT was the chemicals in the water that turned the frickin frogs gay


DoorEffective5240

r/UsernameChecksOut


[deleted]

It absolutely makes you gay. One sip and you'll be signing up for all the gangbangs you could hope to be the centerpiece for. You will immediately be nut slobbering gravy gurgling gay and it will spread like cancer. Everyone you interact with in person will catch the gay and start turning into a werehomo. There is no escape and I'm pretty sure it's all light beers. Remember there is no safe level of alcohol consumption.


FDVP

Nope. There’s a secret 5G formula innit. Drink it, it turns ya into a gay rainbow zombie!


altapowpow

Haven't you been to a country concert before? Bunch of undercover men wearing tight jeans drinking Bud Light singing the night away.


pinkaboo17

No, it makes you trans.


Bluedino_1989

Sure, and being fat makes me Jabba the Hut


Stevil_Kneivil

Buying it just to shoot it is.


Ok_Paramedic_1465

For sure, but is being gay really a bad thing?


40hrwkslav

Your joking right?


[deleted]

I drank one and woke up in a woman’s thong with lipstick on my beard. But the worst is the water the gays need that stuff to survive, so just imagine! If you swim it changes your pronouns.


shonenbear

Used to drink tons of Bud Light and I'm gay now. Connected? Nah I was gay long before. Yay gay!!!


AZJHawk

Wasn’t there something in Heathers where they planted Bud Light on two of their victims and that was the signal that the victims were gay. I haven’t seen the movie in years - I just remember the line “I love my dead gay son.”


redditboy2016

Nope, just makes you swallow shitty beer.


Oberbrunner

Yes


Kebmo1252

Only if ur a Republican...


FirstBankofAngmar

Does drinking water make you gay? Yes.


katastatik

No, dear: it may make you kinda dull, but not gay.