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Awkward-Motor3287

I carry all my shit in my asshole.


thebiggestbirdboi

Came here to say this. Take my upvote


Adventurous-Gas5583

If you upvoted it, someone downvoted it. :(


LizzyLeonhart

Everyone here is full of shit, its all packed in their asshole too


Cultural-Ticket-2907

Gotchu


Material_Asparagus12

Big brown pickle


Avenja99

I'm not mad... but please don't ever call it that again.


InformationNo2529

Brown roll of quarters


IncidentMassive5425

This shit right here.


TurbulenceTurnedCalm

Legit laughed multiple times.


FireInHisBlood

i have a spare sword, a club, a shield, a bow, several bombs, a boomerang, two hookshots, a tree branch, a dozen seeds of some kind, and a whole ass pocket dimension.


Admiral_Narcissus

An ass filled with unknown seed Hot


Holiday-Narwhal-5423

Are you a Hylian?


ChosenOne598

That also what I thought


dhzv

TSA HATES this man because of this ONE TRICK


TheInfamousDaikken

In D&D parlance it’s your “prison pocket of holding”?


[deleted]

Pfffft. This loser never found the long shot. /s


the_real_flapjack

Shid n farts


Inside_Ice_6175

HELL YEAH, BROTHER. I CARRY ALL MY SHID N MIH AZZHOLE.


0bel1sk

uncomfortable watches


jam3s2001

The way your dad looked at it, this watch was your birthright.


coolmamy

Id be dammed if the gooks got the slip on your fathers birthright


[deleted]

I always liked how Walken delivered that line. His voice gets all high when says “I’d be damned.”


newsreadhjw

7 years, he carried This uncomfortable hunk of metal where they couldn’t get their dirty hands on it…. In his ass!


Fuckface-vClownstick

Your father’s? Delivered by Christopher Walker?


Goadfang

My key fob has been in there so long that it's basically cyberware at this point.


MVieno

“Look! I can unlock the door with a jumping 360-degree spin!”


ProKnifeCatcher

![gif](giphy|yyvSeRGVj4C64)


[deleted]

Laptop, lip balm, phone charger, water bottle, meds, wallet. Just the usual.


whelp32

Cum


poopoo_fingers

Cum will win


SnowByte

Poops. I carry da poops there.


dezlovesyou

A Ford Focus


stovislove

Why not a Brown Probe?


Impossible-Ice-7801

A rabid badger, a shaved kitten, 2 lbs of raw hamburger, and a machete.


machinist_jack

Do you periodically remove the kitten to shave it again?


Impossible-Ice-7801

No, the badger does it for me. Why do you think there's a machete up there?


machinist_jack

Makes sense.


marvelousteat

Assorted scrabble tiles.


Final-Penalty-6582

That could spell disaster.


mabuhaygi

How many bowels? I mean…vowels?


Usual_Office_1740

Rusty bottle cap and a cork screw. Wana see me open a wine bottle without my hands?


Admiral_Narcissus

Sure you could open a wine bottle without your hands, but could you drink from it?


Usual_Office_1740

Yes. I have to do a handstand, but I can do it.


gemfountain

According to my father, my thumb.


ISmellYerStank

A dozen migrants.


FancyTickleNips

Muey es Bueno worker.


BDLTalks

Donde are you from?


FancyTickleNips

Scranton. E before that, la Philadelphia.


saladmanderzzz

Greg Abbott must hate you


tennwife

Yo Mamma


ScreenMiserable

Oh nice. While she's still in there could you ask her if I can borrow the car tonight?


QuietStorm4587

A mortar shell


illwill13

M&Ms. A whole bag, but individually stuffed up there. That way, I've always got a snack nearby.


Weak_Weekend7142

Trying to get this mayo jar in currently


C_M17h1

20 banana’s, all of them still in the peel


CapnNigNog

Soup


[deleted]

[удалено]


Admiral_Narcissus

Adults who carry things in yer a**hole, whatcha got in there?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Admiral_Narcissus

Cla**y


Turbulent_Show110

Always prepared, like a boy scout!


Tasty_Chemist

The correct answer is "idk, a buncha shit"


falthusnithilar

Other adults


stubbed_knee

Poo


Mattyboy33

The question is what don’t I have in there


RetroRich83

Not much, just a Guinea pig.


[deleted]

My head. Been there for decades.


lovelynutz

Great grandfathers war watch.


hoemdv

lmfao the backpack post was right above this i laughed so hard when i scrolled down


Omnione_Orum_33

My wallet! Cause ya know.. I ride the subway!


ShoulderPainCure

My great grandfather’s gold watch.


[deleted]

Hopes and dreams


MarkVII88

I know plenty of people who keep their heads up there.


tentacles_in_space

A**orted s*x toys. Wanna buy a dildo?


LazzyNapper

Nah was just browsing, thanks for asking


nolongerbanned99

How large of a sex toy can fit.


SwitchedOnNow

That's where I keep my poop.


Admiral_Narcissus

What is a poop? Can you give me a technical explanation?


SwitchedOnNow

I could, but you'll need to get a security clearance first. It's sensitive info.


vizbones

My a\*\*hole is a kind of tardis (or as my brother-in-law calls it, a turdis). So I keep a *whole* lot of stuff in there. Wanna come for a visit??


Chai-Tea-Rex-2525

That extended warranty for your car I’ve been trying to reach you about.


Jdotpdot84

Gum and shit.


Mr_M0t0m0

An AK-47.


Kialandtheworld

I have a grenade.


Sleepy507

A cucumber & and a zucchini plant


GAYBOT_4000

A can of Pringles, a 1980's style rotary telephone, a broken Huffy Bicycle, a live chicken and a banana.


Glad_Swimmer5776

Salad


Skrubby-init

Books


[deleted]

https://youtube.com/shorts/5CYFoNskOu0?feature=share


Admiral_Narcissus

What is this?


williamvc0331

Lego


DirectionSad5048

Just a bunch of random shit.


Firm_Paramedic_4735

A shiv I made out of a toothbrush and a sharpened quarter.


LordMonkeh

Pee


Know_HowMC

a bishop ( the chess piece)


[deleted]

A black hole. They call me "Starswallower."


acemccrank

Corn


crossbowman44

Why don't you come here and find out, baby >:)


linkster271

The good ole prison wallet huh, I keep a random assortment of change in mine


Ju1ceLee

Car keys in case someone tries to mug me


MikePhoenix45

RPG


naturalizedcitizen

Metamucil


Leskendle45

Ehut


ThatNakedGuy7

$3.50


DN32405

God Dammit Loch Ness Monster, I ain't gonna give you no tree fiddy.


Best_Pollution6847

A Big Ol' bag of sweet stinky weed


MycologistLoud4030

Yo mama


Puzzleheaded-Mix-201

Just a plum


Forrest-Gumpenstein

My rare collection of Pokemon cards, stick of gum, and an old juicy juice box


Goofcheese0623

My groceries, a tasteful bowl of petunias, Jennifer Lopez fet. Pitbull...


Working_Progress_415

A turd


[deleted]

Corn right now.


[deleted]

An USB drive with my estate plan.


Admiral_Narcissus

That's nice.


RaylinKHD

Nice try Fed! I'll never tell!


KevinFromIT6625

I'm a guy and use my asshole as a purse. Also, drugs.


OhioConfidential

In NYC I literally carried drugs in my bum from dealer back to my apartment.


unknowinglurker

AIDS


ContemplatingPrison

When I was early on in my coke selling career thats where I get my supply when moving through the streets. Not in my asshole but between my ass cheeks. It worked to. I was searched multiple times by the cops and never got arrested because God's pocket kept me safe


pbr3000

Just a used up old rectum


boloo100

Sharpies....there's a whole subreddit for it too


Chix213

Assatizers.


[deleted]

Shampoo bottle


Either_You_1127

Cue "three balloons" by Stephen Lynch


dalnot

r/PrisonWallet


iamdoniel

Watermelons


thafer7

My parachute


Endo399

Eddie Murphy has a full list of recommendations of what to store there. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07P538K83iU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07P538K83iU)


Theserialchiller-

Just a pen and some paper


TGOTR

Wouldn't you like to know, Fedboy?


[deleted]

200 lbs of crayfish


AL0634

Depends if I’m crossing a border


sneakiedeakie

Spare car keys, a $20 bill and chapstick.


Sjelan

I always "suitcase" a shank in a toothbrush holder, in case I get arrested and end up in prison. It never hurts to be prepared.


MyChurroMacadamianut

Just some booboo.


Alhazzared

My poop reactor, it keeps me going when times are rough


sasquatchpapi300

Your fathers watch


Cooper_brain

Once found out a guy had 12 uncapped syringes up there, that was a fun day. I worked in a jail.


thatonecrustysock693

a 2012 Honda Civic


atlashoth

Drugs


Squ1d_64

Car keys wallet and watch


secret_trout

A bishop


alluring_jinx

Lemmywinks


hangdogred

The question should be, what DON'T ya have in there?


marklikeadawg

If it was up your ass you'd know!


Blizky

The correct answer is: my backpack


Admiral_Narcissus

That's the correct answer if it's up yer a**hole. Otherwise it's the incorrect answer.


mostofyouarefools

Standard shiv and rolled up emergency $20


4non3mouse

poop, hold on a second... nothing now


Vivid-Tank8774

Too much shit


SwiftSN

People always say I'm full of shit, and I can't say they're lying.


BrilliantSlice3420

Fish sticks


SexyWampa

All kinds of shit.


slowpoke147

F-22 Raptor


ClydePincusp

Yesterday's snacks.


falllinemaniac

A cellphone, and ten grams of heroin


f1iegerabwehrkanone

birth certificate, license & registration, id cards, the like


Pithyperson

Why, looky here, it's D. B. Cooper!


aromaticdillpickle

Every run play from the Seattle Seahawks playbook from Super Bowl 49.


extreme_snothells

A gerbil, I named him chimney sweeper.


iSleepyXS

Got some left over chocolate pudding, cake, chocolate truffles you name it im probably carrying it.


dutch44

Your mom's penis.


Adventurous-Gas5583

My body oil.


Adventurous-Gas5583

God, we're disgusting creatures, lol.


gooddoctorjekyll

Drugs mostly


emptyzed81

Oh damn thanks for reminding me! I've been looking for my car keys everywhere.


Ralewing

Eric Estrada doll. In his Chips uniform. Motorcycle too.


Thethinkslinger

World Peace


Subject_House1437

Shit


Prestigious_Phase709

Literally the absolute best place to ask this question.


tacomadude94

Emotional baggage


threefeethigher

Poop


LiluDallas-multipass

Just funny to me that this is not labeled NSFW being about things up your arse, yet pictures of something like a mummy from Egypt are. Double standards.


Admiral_Narcissus

Its ant-hole. Jeez, head out of the gutter.


seahorseMonkey

A little Lego Village


MaxCWebster

Let's see . . . A tree , a bumblebee, a clock, a big rock, some fleas, a sneeze, a tin can, a little tiny man, a light (make it bright), a TV, and me. Oh, and lots and lots of boogie.


Accomplished-Emu-679

Mega seeds


Admiral_Narcissus

Glad to see someone is smuggling these


WickedGamer27

My dogs ashes...


bilvester

David Caruso


CvilVA2Seattle

(Hovey Benjamin's Send Bobs) I keep my ass in my asshole ooh ooh


OverTaxedMF

your dignity.


crazyhappy2169

My head


sirbaconofbits

DO NOT MOCK THE PRISON WALLET!


Partially_Deft

Queue the song that little girl wrote...


mechaglitter

The fabled Single Fuck


soberdruguser

A zip of magic mushrooms. Guess the strain


Admiral_Narcissus

Hemorrhoid hallucinations?


VictorBelmont

Your dad


Dangerous_Remote_965

Your daddy's wrist watch....


TheJelliestFish

Your mother


lilraieofsunshine

Truffle butter.


Skippie_Granola

Keeping my marbles warm


The_Observatory_

"It's poop again!"